The Mouse of Konoha
by obsidian dreamer
Summary: Never underestimate the power of good advice. A few wise words into a pair of young ears leads a young would-be ninja to a decision; the Leaf will recognise him, but not as the fox... now separate from Win Some, Lose Some!
1. Chapter 1 The Mouse is Born

The Mouse of Konoha

A/N: Okay, going by the success of the faux-Chunin exam arc a few chapters back, I've decided on going for a few loosely-linked chapters to tell a story – therefore, every chapter in the drop-down list with the moniker 'TMOK' (The Mouse of Konoha), will be the next chapter in this story; they'll crop up periodically in this collection of one-shots, so let me know if you enjoy my take on Naruto as he learns one of the most important lessons in life early and, as a result, his entire life focus changes. So, sit back, grab a drink and get comfortable; welcome one and all to the Naruto show!

Throughout his life as a ninja Naruto Uzumaki would be the first to admit he was blessed with a plethora of great ninjas that served as teachers, confidants, friends and, in some cases, the family the orphan jinchuuriki had never known. From these ninja he learnt many varied and different lessons in all topics from love to fighting and everything in between; however, if one was to ask Naruto what his most important lesson was, the answer would probably have surprised everyone who knew the blonde maelstrom. The lesson Naruto judged as being the most important thing he'd ever heard came, not from legendary ninja such as Kakashi Hatake, or words of wisdom from the late, great Jiraiya the Toad Sage; instead, the would-be Rokudaime Hokage would pin-point the day, even the minute, of learning his most important life-lesson as the time when an old ramen vendor leant over his Bart and swiped his empty bowl from the under his four and a half-year old customers' nose,

"Hey", the child tried to snatch the bowl back but, as he overbalanced, was forced to focus his attention on suddenly not tipping over the stool he was sat on, "what gives jiji, there was still broth in there".

"There were a few drops, nothing more", Teuchi smiled, immune to Naruto's annoyed pout by dint of long exposure and ruffling the mop of blonde hair as the boy tried to glare up at him, "anyway, you'd better be off now Naruto-chan – the Hokage might get worried if you're not on time".

"Ah, jiji knows where I am", his diminutive client shrugged before tapping his chopsticks on the table, "I got enough time for 'nother bowl". To his amazement and dismay, however, his second-favourite jiji in all Konoha after the Hokage himself merely shook his head,

"Sorry Naru-chan, no more"; _no ramen_; it was the end of the world as far as the four and a half year old could see,

"Wha'? Why not?" The ramen vendor shrugged,

"Nothing's free Naru-chan – much as I'd like to, I can't afford to fill that little pit of yours up every time you come in here", the child giggled as the man leant over and prodded his belly, making him cover his stomach as Teuchi explained further, "what do you think would happen if I fed you to the brim every time I saw you for free?"

It was a question that immediately had delight fire up in Narutos' eyes – free ramen, whenever he wanted; it would be an earthly paradise he'd never want to leave – hell he'd sleep on the floor of Ichiraku Ramen to make sure it never ended! However, his childish dreams, perfectly valid as he was still a child after all, were brought back to earth with a bump as Teuchi explained things as simply as he could,

"Well, what would happen would be that I'd be able to for a little while, but what do you think would happen after that? If I was feeding you for free, I wouldn't make any money and then what would happen?" Naruto thought hard for a minute, so hard he had to screw his eyes up in concentration; for a minute Teuchi thought he'd have to explain things all the way but even as he drew in the breath to speak his customers' eyes suddenly snapped open and the blood drained from his face,

"No money, tha'd mean, you wouldn't...the stand would...", it was the apocalypse, paradise had become a hell on earth, trapping Naruto in an illusion so strong it would have made an Uchiha weep with envy, "...no, I'll pay, I'll settle my tab, here's Gama-chan, jus' don't go outta work!"

"Calm down Naru-chan", as the boy suddenly dove into his pockets, searching frantically for his little frog wallet in order to stop the risk of his beloved ramen font drying up forever, Teuchi spoke up enough to break through his blind panic, "I've got enough money to keep this shack open until Ayame-chan can take over. But, just remember that nothing's ever free – if you want something from someone, you have to offer them something in return or they'll just say no; it's the way I've lived my life and I'm first to admit I'm not a rich man, but I'm comfortably off and I'm happy with my stand, my daughter and my favourite customer as well", hands slowly retreating back out of his pockets, Naruto listened attentively as Teuchi pointed to his menu on the side of the bar, smiling broadly as his jiji complimented him at the same time he soaked in the wise words like a sponge, "for me it's simple; people give me money and I give them ramen, but I can imagine for a future Hokage it'll be a lot more difficult, all that politics and working things out to run the village, but as long as you remember that life's a game of give and take, I don't think our future Hokage will go far wrong". Hearing those stirring words and his already-prodigious self-belief fortified by the mere fact that someone believed in his dream, Naruto leapt up onto his seat with one hand thrust defiantly into the air, challenging the world that seemed to have set itself against him to try and pull him down,

"You bet jiji, I'm gonna be Hokage an' look after ever'one; you, Ayame-neechan, jiji-san an' ever'one else inna village". Teuchi chuckled slightly at the youngster's antics before making a shooing motion with his hand,

"I know you will Naruto, but before you do that you'd best be off or Hokage-sama might get worried about you". For a minute the child looked confused before his eyes fell on the battered old clock hanging on the back wall of the ramen stand and he jumped off his stool like a scalded cat,

"Oh no, I'm gonna be late – bye jiji!" With that last shouted benediction Naruto was off, racing out of the stand and into the street as Teuchi watched him go, wiping down the bar before him and chuckling at the antics of the youngster he considered a young son, or at least a nephew, never even considering the thought of just how much his words had changed the future of Uzumaki Naruto, Konoha and even the five elemental nations as a whole.

XXX

Despite his speed, which even now was quite remarkable for someone his age though Naruto of course didn't realise it, unaware as he was of the tenant in his belly that had inadvertently sped up the development of his body to ensure he could handle its venomous chakra without poisoning himself, the blonde boy was distracted as he ran towards the Hokage's tower. For some reason he couldn't get Teuchi-jiji's words out of his mind, considering them over and over in his head as he sprinted along the pavement, moving too quickly for the glares and sneers of nearby villages to nip at his heels like usual. _Nothing's free_; those two words most of all stuck out to him; _but does that mean jiji won't make me Hokage unless I do something for him? But what could I do to make him give me the cool hat and fancy robes?_

It was a question that was still in the forefront of his four and a few months old mind as he bounded up the steps of the Hokage tower, chin in one hand as he casually avoided ninja travelling the corridors, moving towards his goal of jiji's desk as unerring as a thrown kunai. It was a route he'd travelled so often he didn't need to think to get there, though he remembered his manners enough to give a smile to the Hokage's secretary as he moved past her desk (she didn't smile back though he didn't notice, but that might have been due to the fact that he didn't so much walk past her eye line as under it – in fact the only warning she had that he was even there was when the door to the Hokage's office swung shut with a bang). Not hearing her muffled shriek of alarm, the jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi no Kitsure looked up at the old man who ran the village hidden in the Leaf and raised a hand,

"Hey jiji"; _now Teuchi-jiji said if I do something for jiji, jiji should do something for me_; though a relatively simple though process by necessity as it was meant for a four-year old to understand, it was still an effective one as the Hokage looked up and was promptly struck dumb at Naruto's next question, "can I do anything f'you?"

_Where on earth...?_; that had been a thunderbolt from a clear sky and no mistake – Sarutobi had been expecting the boy to be bouncing around his office declaring he was going to be in the Hokage's seat soon enough and asking for ramen, so the relatively respectful (if a tad loud – he wasn't that deaf yet) request for help was something entirely unexpected.

"Ne, Naruto", the boy looked up smiling as the Hokage played for time by refilling his pipe, trying to think how to phrase his next question, "I'm grateful for the offer, but what do you mean?"

"I was talkin' to Teuchi-jiji"; _ah, the ramen vendor_; Sarutobi had met the man a few times while treating his little charge and considered him a passing acquaintance, more so as he was the only man in the village other than himself whom Naruto had gifted with the nickname of jiji, high praise indeed from the jinchuuriki, "an' he said 'bout nothing being free, so if I do som'thing for you, can you help me become Hokage?"

_Not quite what I was expecting_; though caught slightly by surprise by this revelation Sarutobi took it in his stride, lighting his pipe as he leant back in his seat; _though quite an interesting introduction into the world of village politics it must be said_; masking his thoughts, the Sandaime smiled at his young charge and steepled his fingers in front of his chin,

"Well Teuchi-jiji is a very wise man to tell you that little lesson so soon"; _very true, I don't think I learnt it until I left the Academy – hell some of the council still haven't figured it out_; shaking such morbid thoughts out of his head, the Sandaime reminded himself that there was no council meeting until the end of the week and, as the standard pile of paperwork on his desk caught his eye, an idea to keep Naruto out of mischief for an hour or so popped up in his head, "and since you asked, I do have a job you could help me with. These", he waved a hand towards one of the numerous in-trays on his desk, "are the standards missions to be assigned for the day..."

"Wow", Naruto interrupted without meaning to as he took in the towering stack, "tha's a lotta paper".

"...Indeed", the Sandaime agreed before getting back on track, "but before I can stamp them, I have to assign them a rank; the ranks go from D-rank, which are little more than chores to teach fresh genin skills like teamwork and stealth, through C, B, A and eventually up to S-rank, which are exceptionally dangerous missions that usually need jounin or ANBU to complete. What I want you to do is, come over here", Naruto obediently pulled up his standard chair so he was on the opposite side of the desk as his jiji, watching on attentively as the Hokage lifted the top quarter off the stack of paper and placed it in front of him before handing him a pencil, "right, just read through these missions and mark with the pencil what rank you think the mission is. Write the rank up here", he tapped the top left of the sheaf of paper he placed in front of the boy, Naruto pointing at the spot with the tip of his pencil and nodding as he memorised the spot, "and put the missions in separate piles, one pile for each rank but if you see something you think is S-rank, tell me immediately; I have to go through them with a fine tooth-comb before I stamp them and there's usually a time limit on missions that important. Think you can handle that?" Naruto gave a smile and a jaunty salute before leaning over the first mission, scrutinising the paper with his pencil at the ready,

"No problem jiji, I'll get this done in no time".

That was a slight exaggeration of course, and the morning was broken by Naruto's questions about certain details of the mission, or if walking dogs or catching a cat really counted as a ninja mission, or when he didn't understand what a particular word meant (though Sarutobi providing a dictionary and explaining how to use it quickly stopped those queries and improved Naruto's vocabulary into the bargain), but apart from that it went quite well. Freed from the standard time-draining mission assignments the Sandaime was able to make a sizable dent in the other paperwork infesting his desk, though he did remember that he'd have to quickly read through the small piles of paper Naruto had made to make sure the boy was right as he wasn't quite trusting enough in Naruto's abilities to put the lives of his ninja in the hands of someone a fraction of his age. _Though actually_; a little devil of mischief popped into existence on the Hokage's shoulder and started to whisper seditions into his mind, making the venerable God of Shinobi smile; _wouldn't that be just the thing to make the council sit up – 'oh yes, and the missions department is now being looked after by Uzumaki Naruto, yes the jinchuuriki, and he's doing a very good job for a five-year-old'. With any luck it might get Danzo out of my hair via an unfortunate heart attack_; in truth though the Sandaime knew he just wasn't that lucky and the grizzled old war hawk was going to be a thorn in his side for the rest of his days in office. Still, as it rolled around to lunch time the Sandaime couldn't help but be impressed by Naruto's new-found determination to be a help in his village as the piles he'd been making were growing in height and he'd gone through at least half of the days' missions, his slow pace due to him having to consult the dictionary continually to learn the new words needed to understand the requests for Konoha's ninja. With that in mind, he stood up and reached for his official hat, his blonde charge looking up as he donned it,

"That's enough for now Naruto-kun, I think you've more than earned some lunch and yes", raising a hand to forestall protest the old Kage held in a smile, "we'll get ramen".

"Yay, ramen", that was all the motivation Naruto needed to shoot up from his seat and chuck his pencil on the desk, his last mission assigned as a C-rank as he skipped around the Hokage's feet, "have to see Teuchi-jiji again, maybe he'll give me more ramen if I can help at his stand".

"I can't see why not, but I'll treat you to a few bowls myself Naruto-kun, you certainly worked hard for them".

The Hokage was expecting an outburst of cheering at this announcement as ramen was by far and away the most effective motivating factor Naruto had; to his consternation however, the boy appeared to calm down at the pronouncement, seeming to think hard for a minute before he looked up at his jiji again, bright blue eyes clouded with thought as he asked his question,

"Thanks for the offer jiji, bu' I was gonna ask Teuchi-jiji if he needed help for ramen".

"Well, that's a good thing to do Naruto", the Sandaime answered carefully, a little put out that his idea had been shut down by his unofficial grandson, "but in that case what can I do to say thanks for the help, and no, I can't make you Hokage"; _yet_.

"Uuuuh, I..."

"Think about it over lunch", the Hokage suggested, leading the jinchuuriki out of his office and politely informing the secretary that he wouldn't be available until the afternoon in the same motion, "but until then, I'm looking forwards to some fresh air and a nice bite to eat".

XXX

Despite the fact that he knew he was taking a serious gamble for his business, and possibly his life, when he accepted Naruto into his stand without gouging him for his money, in Ichiraku Teuchi's eyes it had been a gamble well worth taking. Not only had Naruto himself wormed himself right into the heart of the Ichiraku family to the point where Ayame, at the tender age of nine and three quarters, would instantly blush like a lit firework if her father tried to innocuously suggest how cute a couple she and little Naru-chan would make, but the Hokage had become a regular customer at his stand and, as if by magic, the number of customers his stand catered for had increased considerably and consisted mostly of ninja, not ashamed or disgusted by the presence of the 'demon child' frequenting the stand as, in their eyes, the Hokage being there was the highest seal of approval any establishment could hope for. Right now he was at the tail end of the lunchtime rush and clearing up the stand, idly hoping that Ayame would have her school homework done in time to help with the evening rush, when he noticed the pointed hat that had entered his store and immediately bowed down low,

"Hokage-sama, an honour to see you..." He broke off as the older man wafted a hand dismissively, a smile on his wrinkled visage,

"Ah, no need for that Teuchi-san; have enough of that with the council, sometimes I think Naruto-chan is the only thing that keeps me truly sane". As if by magic, the boy appeared from behind his would-be grandfather, beaming broadly as he rubbed his hands together,

"Hey Teuchi-jiji, can I get a bowl of beef ramen?"

"Of course, and yourself Hokage-sam...Hokage-san", the ramen chef corrected himself, grateful to see the village leader nod in gratitude as he sat himself at the bar, Naruto bounding into the seat next to him as he made his order,

"One of shrimp please, though I think Naruto has a proposition for you"; _really?_; that surprised the chef and he turned from his steaming pots and pans in time to see Naruto, after a slight nudge from the Hokage, remember what he was going to ask in time to meet the chef's curious gaze,

"Yeah, thanks jiji I forgot; Teuchi-jiji, can I get some more ramen if I help in the stand at all?"

Much like the Hokage before him, the question threw the ramen vendor for a loop before he could collect himself, wondering what Naruto was up to this time; however, seeing the face of his surrogate son bent into a pleading expression Teuchi felt his heart sublime to pulp and he couldn't help but nod, thinking of the pile of dirty dishes waiting for him at the back of the store when he had a quiet moment or, if that didn't occur, awaiting Ayame's skilled hands when she got back from school,

"I, ah, I can't see why not", he said carefully, grateful as Naruto's face seemed to cheer up like a sunrise as he went on, ladling his latest potion of noodles into twin bowls, "lots of washing up though, it'll be boring Naru-chan, sure you want to do it?"

"For ramen", the boy broke his chopsticks in half as he devoured the bowl in front of him with his eyes, "anything!"

XXX

Blowing softly over his meal, the Hokage watched as Teuchi refilled his favourite customer's dish and wondered what was going on with Naruto today – he'd obviously taken Teuchi's words deeply to heart and his attitude was...refreshing to say the least. _Certainly less annoying than bouncing around like a rubber ball shouting he'll be Hokage some day, though I can't blame him for being the way he is – he is ignored and stepped upon by most of the villagers and even some of the shinobi, all for a sacrifice he never asked to make_; the melancholy thought almost made the Sandaime sigh, though he caught himself in time to avoid triggering Naruto's suspicions. Trying to work out a happier topic, the Sandaime brightened himself and looked over to the young jinchuuriki, now halfway through his second serving,

"Naruto-kun", he looked up at his name, hastily swallowing his latest mouthful to look at least half-presentable as he listened to the forthcoming question, "we must discuss the matter of your payment", when the boy looked confused the old man elaborated, "for the work you did this morning". Recognition dawned in those blue eyes before, to the Sandaime's surprise, Naruto seemed to slump a little, thinking hard,

"Hai jiji, I forgot for a minute, but I don' know wha' to ask for, or I know, but dunno how to"; _sounds like he's got something on his mind_; "I wanna be a ninja jiji, I know you can't teach me, you're the Kage an' too busy – I been there now, I know dat", both shared a chuckle at that before Naruto got serious again, "but I wanna learn, an' I know I can't just ask ninja t'teach me, gotta do somethin' for them first but I dunno what I can do for them".

It was a question that did, Sarutobi was forced to admit, stump even the Professor himself for a moment; Naruto did want to become a ninja that was true, but at the same time he was at a disadvantage to most of his age group, who were either clan children at best or wouldn't be hated and shunned like he would be at worst, so it was unlikely he could get external training without, as the boy so succinctly put it, doing something for his teacher in kind. The main issue of course was that Naruto was just a boy, a very young one, so what he could do effectively was very limited and most ninja could handle their own washing and other errands, in fact most of them did to maintain a semblance of normality in their otherwise brutal lives. So it was a neat little conundrum Naruto was in now, and it was one Sarutobi could only answer slowly as he turned it over in his mind to try and see a solution,

"Well, most ninja need training and basic supplies such as food, or food substitutes such as food pills and blood pills"; _though you're far too young to learn how to make either of them Naruto_; that was one avenue shut off but not a major loss as the Hokage went off, "they need clothing, explosive notes and no, I can't show you how to make them yet as they are very dangerous to get wrong, but apart from that most of them need weapons, usually shuriken and kunai, though some use senbon and maybe a blade such as a ninjato or katana". By the end of that little list, Naruto's eyes were as wide as his dinner dish and he whistled lowly,

"Tha'sa long list, but where did they get their weapons from?"

There it was, with the words of a child was the magic sequence completed and thought process run to conclusion; Sarutobi knew it was an ongoing D-rank mission he was potentially compromising with his idea but, at the same time, if a team of genin were under threat from one pre-Academy student then why the hell were they genin in the first place? Realising Naruto was waiting for an answer, the Hokage composed himself and gave his carefully-measured answers,

"Well, most nin buy them from the blacksmiths and outfitters in the village, though they can be expensive and get lost easily during team training sessions and aren't always picked up by their owners", seeing this had piqued the youngster's interest Sarutobi moved on to the next phase of his plan, "in fact, that could be the answer to your problem Naruto-chan".

"How?" It was almost, but not quite a desperate plea as Naruto stared hard at his jiji with the cutest pair of puppy eyes he could muster, "What do you mean jiji, how does it help?"

"Well, some nin don't tidy up after themselves, but if you did, and picked up the used kunai and shuriken and whatnot, then you could trade them to the nin for some training", by this point Naruto's eyes were shining so brightly it was a miracle there weren't ANBU investigating an unexplained chakra outburst in the ramen store, "the broken bits you find, most blacksmiths would pay for that, which should put some pocket money in your bank".

"All right", the jinchuuriki was in ecstasy by this point, slurping down the rest of his ramen and vaulting off his stool, "I'll get going right..."

"...After you finish the washing up", Teuchi cut in smoothly, one dishcloth-holding hand pointing towards the back of his store, "you said you'd help me Naru-chan – don't bite off more than you can chew when you want to help people or it'll come back and bite you, don't forget that". Suitably chastised, Naruto ducked his head before mumbling his apology,

"Sorry Teuchi-jiji, I forgot; jiji, I'll have to start tomorrow".

"Good, you'll have to have a few things before I let you loose on the innocent training ground of Konoha", Sarutobi mentioned, surprising the blonde child who'd expected him to be disappointed that he couldn't take up his great idea right away, "come back to the office once you've finished with Teuchi-san and we'll finish the paperwork; after that, I'll pay my dues and make sure you're fully kitted out for your job tomorrow". Naruto saluted again with a smile before turning to the stand owner,

"Hai jiji, I'll see you later; okay Teuchi-jiji", he thrust a dramatic finger forwards, "to the washing up!"

XXX

Later that night, once the paperwork was finished and the Hokage had quickly pointed out to Naruto where in his mission classification he'd gone wrong, though overall he was quite pleased as the boy seemed to understand the different mission levels and had done a reasonable job for his first try, both Hokage and jinchuuriki were walking around the town to one of the weapon outfitters Sarutobi knew and trusted implicitly. As usual, Naruto was skipping around the older man and talking about nothing of importance while the Hokage was trying to keep up with his effervescent charge and keep him on the straight and narrow as they moved towards the store. As he saw the sign swaying gently in the wind before him, the Hokage deftly reached down and caught the child by the back of his T-shirt, halting his prancing with a minimum of fuss as he spoke,

"Naruto, we're almost here now; this is Hasuwada's, an excellent shinobi outfitter who will do two things for your plan. Can you guess what they are?"

"Uhhh", Naruto thought for a moment, "he'll buy the broken weapons I find", as Sarutobi nodded he went on, "and...he'll know nin I can trade with".

"Almost; he may very well know nin who'll want the weapons you can find but I was thinking more that he'll be the one to supply what you need to comb the training grounds – you'll need something to carry your haul with after all". That was a point Naruto couldn't argue with so, without complaint and confident that with his jiji around nothing was going to go wrong for him, the two of them entered the store together, a little bell tinkling overhead to alert the proprietor to his new customers.

XXX

Muruda Hasuwada was a man who, like many in the Hidden Leaf, had had his future plans drastically altered by the advent of the Kyuubi; during the desperate rearguard action to hold off the monster Muruda, then a chunin shooting for jounin, had been caught with a edge of one of the monsters' attacks and knocked immediately out of action, his coma plagued by terrible nightmares that hadn't completely vanished years after the event. That single act had shattered his nerves completely and forced him to retire from active service in his village, though he was still on the reserve list at genin rank and determined to do his part for Konoha. To that end he had trained as a blacksmith and set himself up as a merchant for his shinobi friends, many of them still in action to this day, and settled down to raise a family so the next generation of Hasuwadas could take their place as defenders of Konoha.

Unfortunately the Kyuubi, damn its infernal soul to the blackest pits of hell for all eternity, seemed discontent with just ruining his career and had thrown even his back-up plan into jeopardy – for all that his dear Kishi-koi told him it made him no less of a man, Muruda would forever be damning his bad karma that he couldn't have children of his own to inherit his legacy. However, after mulling over his choice for a few days and helped out by his wife's firm demeanour (and his mother-in-law's even firmer hand to the ear-hole), he decided that if he couldn't have children of his own, he could still ensure that another child would be looked after properly. There were many orphans following the Kyuubi's assault but, after his attention, one of them was an orphan no longer; in fact he was promising to help her with a little school homework when his shop bell rang. Idly wondering who it was that would be calling at this time, he stepped behind the counter of his shop only to catch a glimpse of the customer and bow low,

"Hokage-sama, how may I be of service?" The old Hokage chuckled, motioning for him to stand,

"Muruda-kun, stand up; the Sarutobi's have been coming here since almost the founding of the Leaf itself – I think you're allowed a little leeway in the grace and favours department". Muruda chuckled at that, remembering the Sandaime before he had inherited his robes the first time around, albeit barely as he'd helped his father as much as a boy of eight could do so, trying to tidy up and not get underfoot in the process, but still, he had a daughter now and it was his job as a proud parent to keep her on the straight and narrow,

"Maybe so Hokage-sama, but I must instruct the younger generation in proper manners", seeing Sarutobi quirk an eyebrow, the man leant back through the door he'd entered the shop from and shouted back, "Tenten-chan, come and see who's here".

"Tenten-chan?" The sudden questioning shout that arose from behind the Hokage's robes grabbed Muruda's attention enough that when the hated beast emerged from behind the robes like something poisonous and slimy oozing from some crevice in the earth, he was too far gone in his shock to realise that his well-laid plan had well and truly gone up in smoke as his five-year-old little girl, the new light of his life, had toddled around the corner of the customer's bar she was too short to see over it and promptly laid eyes on the voice she recognised,

"Whiskers!"

Muruda could only watch aghast as little Tenten made a stumbling run towards the monster; _no, not a monster, it's container_; as he fought to get a grip on his irrational hatred, he could only watch as the boy she'd referred to as Whiskers strode out to meet had and wrapped his arms as far around her middle as he was able to – despite being only a year older than him, Tenten had always been taller throughout all the time they'd ever been in the orphanage together.

"Hey Ten-chan", Naruto greeted, beaming as the girl wrapped her arms around his shoulders before stepping back, a matching grin on her face, "knew you'd been 'dopted, didn't know you were here though".

"I wanted to tell you but there wasn't time", she replied apologetically, not looking at him directly as she remembered the inexplicable run the matrons of the orphanage had flown into when she'd asked to speak to Naruto and let him know she was finally leaving with her new family, "how are you now Whiskers? The others leaving you alone?"

"Mostly", his reply was nonchalant because he didn't want to worry her and anyway, the few bruises he did get faded quickly, "bu' wha' 'bout you? You look...", he stepped back and examined her up and down, taking in the new look a world away from the identical uniforms the orphanage made its patrons wear; for her part Tenten merely smiled shyly, waiting for him to overcome his surprise at her nice pink shirt and dark trousers, and the way her mum (she couldn't get enough of that word – mum, she actually had a mum now!) had styled her hair into the cute twin buns on her head, it was a fantastic look that had made her teacher compliment her and the other girls in her class all...

"...you look like a panda".

All those beautiful dreams came crashing down like a broken stained glass window, the shards ground further into dust by her father's sudden and unstoppable snort of laughter; heck even the wrinkly old man behind Naruto looked like he was sniggering, though Tenten didn't notice this as her face darkened and she stamped her foot in a temper,

"I _don't_ look like a panda; I'm a pretty princess".

"You do so look like a panda", Naruto told her in no uncertain terms, smirking slightly as he folded his arms truculently, "tha' means you're the panda princess now Ten-chan", she opened her mouth to argue the point before the idea took root in her mind; _panda princess – that's not actually so bad_; and she smiled back at her childhood friend, anger drained away to nothingness and allowing her to see the bigger picture for the first time, like the robes the old man was wearing, and the Hokage's hat that sat low on his brow; _wait, Hokage's hat – oh Kami..._;

"Ho, Hokage-san", previously red face suddenly white, Tenten didn't even realise she'd used the wrong suffix as she bowed low to the most powerful man in the village, "gomen I, I didn't see you..."

"No need to worry Panda-hime", the name made her peek upwards and, seeing the old warrior's benevolent smile, she allowed herself to relax as the Hokage gently pushed Naruto forwards, "why don't you go and play with Whiskers here; I need to talk to your father". At that declaration Tenten gave a small squeal of delight and grabbed Naruto by the hand, dragging him around the counter as her father, still not quite recovered from his laughing fit as a result of Naruto's blunt assessment of his daughters wardrobe, watched on amused,

"It's great here 'Ruto", the girl spoke quickly, Naruto just left to nod as she half-led, half-dragged him into the living areas at the back of the shop, "daddy was a great ninja an' he's teaching me how to use weapons; I got my own starter set for kunai an' shurikens, an' I'll be using ninja wire soon too!"

"Cool", Sarutobi heard Naruto's voice float from behind the counter and fade away as he was lost to the old man's' view, "I'm gonna get kunai an' shurikens too, but I need jiji to help me to..." Sarutobi just about heard Tenten begin to admonish the younger boy for calling the Hokage old before he moved over to the store owner and said neutrally,

"You know the difference between the kunai and the scroll?"

It was a loaded question if ever there was one and, fortunately for his future, Muruda nodded, a little shamefaced as he couldn't meet the older man's eyes,

"Hai Hokage-sama, I know; he just caught me by surprise and...well, the old nightmares don't rest easily". At this explanation the Hokage nodded, looking a little mollified before resting his elbows on the bench and getting down to business,

"I know, but your daughter seems to have taken a shine to him; I remember Naru-chan telling me about a girl that wanted to be a ninja just like him in the orphanage; well she ended up in the right household for that", Muruda just about stopped himself looking too smug at the praise before turning serious, understanding that they were getting to the meat of the issue, "but apart from that, Naruto also wants to be a shinobi and has a...unique idea of how to become one. To do that though, he'll need a few things from you". Professionalism taking over, the ninja outfitter looked his village leader in the face and nodded,

"What does he need Hokage-sama; I live to serve the Great Tree".

XXX

"Uhhh", seeing the last thing jiji had picked out for him, Naruto suddenly found himself less than completely confident that the old man was completely coherent mentally, "isn't it a bit...bright?"

"That's the whole idea Naruto-san", the shop owner seemed to take over and make his pitch, a professional eye on the display piece before him as he held up a single arm of the jumpsuit before him, "Hokage-sama told me your plans to go combing the training grounds for weapons to trade and sell but he was worried that you might accidentally get caught in a training exercise. This jumpsuit, while not suitable for ninja to wear, will stick out and make sure any ninja around will see you a mile off and know not to attack you while you're working".

"Okay that makes sense", Naruto answered after a moment of thinking, though he didn't look entirely convinced as he turned curious eyes towards Muruda, "but if ninja can't wear them, why do you have them?" At this, the older man had the good grace to look embarrassed,

"They were meant to be white, for ANBU visiting cold places like Snow country, but the supplier got the colour wrong and I haven't been able to shift them yet". At this Naruto laughed, not unkindly, before pulling the jumpsuit off the hanger and shucking it over his shoulders; there was a bit of a struggle to try and fit into the one-piece of clothing and, by the time he'd managed it, Muruda was looking embarrassed at his misjudgement, the Hokage was amused and Tenten was all but rolling around on the floor in laughter,

"You, you look", she hugged herself, gasping for air at the sight of Naruto's face framed by the collar and back of the jumpsuit that was at least two sizes too big for him, making him look like a small Akimichi, "you look like a mouse trying to hide in a hole, yeah that's it", she stood up tall, making her declaration, "if I'm a panda, that must make you a mouse, a cute little mouse tryin' to hide from the big bad panda".

"Mouse?" Naruto repeated the word as he tried to extricate himself from the jumpsuit which, having swallowed him up, seemed reluctant to spitting him back out again, so much so that Muruda himself had to step him and help wrestle him free, "Yeah, a mouse, I can live with that – I already got th' whiskas". He pointed to his cheeks, making Tenten chuckle again as her father rang up the till for his customer, not caring about the lateness of the hour,

"Well, one suit, one large rucksack with tear-proof interior, one set of shinobi gloves and two tear-resistant storage sacks", Muruda recanted, inwardly pleased of his own suggestion that carrying two bags would allow the boy to split anything he found into trade and sell piles on the spot rather than root through it later, "that would come to..." he was cut off by the Hokage,

"Bill it to my tab Muruda-san, I owe Naruto-chan for the help he gave me earlier", he explained to both children, Naruto in particular ecstatic with such a revelation and hugging his leg as the Hokage spoke to him, "come by the office tomorrow morning Naruto-kun, I'll have a map ready that will show you the training grounds you can enter and on what days they're not in use".

"Thanks jiji, I won't go in any grounds where anyone's trainin'", Naruto promised, aware that the Sandaime didn't want him accidentally injured by flying kunai while searching too close to where ninja were training, "so, thanks for everything Muruda-san". The storekeeper smiled and returned the young boy's bow,

"My pleasure Naruto-kun; I look forwards to doing business with you"; _that much is true – a bright idea of his to trade damaged good for fresh supplies he can barter for ninja training_; the idea that Naruto, despite being young, had quite a head for business on his shoulders wasn't lost on the ninja outfitter, though it was lost when he heard his latest customer try to say goodnight to his daughter only to find himself viciously accosted; apparently Tenten-chan still wasn't completely enamoured with the impromptu nickname Naruto had bestowed on her,

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry", Naruto giggled, slapping away her tickling hands as the bun-haired girl stepped back triumphant, "good night Ten-chan". She giggled in triumph and folded her arms victoriously,

"Night mouse".

"Hey", of course, the nickname got Naruto fired up at once, "how come I'm mouse but you're not panda?"

"Cause I'm bigger than you"; beaten by the face of such logic, Naruto could only curse as she grinned again,

"Won't be fo'ever", he promised her threateningly, though she just sniggered again as he bowed a final time to her father and left the store with the Hokage. Muruda watched them go and began closing up for the night, only for his daughters' voice to bring him to a halt,

"Daddy?" He looked down to see her twisting one of her fingers in her hair, a sure sign she was apprehensive about something,

"Yes dear?"

"Will, uh, will Naruto-kun be back here?" The relief that flitted across his daughter's face once and for all confirmed logically to Muruda that Naruto wasn't a demon – how could a monster make an angel like his little girl care for it; _now if only I could agree with that sentiment emotionally..._;

"Of course panda-chan", she pouted at the nickname but, unfortunately, it had stuck in the man's mind, "he'll be about to trade his wares; if you're in I'll let you play with him". As Tenten squealed in happiness and embraced him in a hug, Muruda hugged his daughter back and let his thoughts turn towards piece again; _...then maybe I can let this old nightmares fall silent again_.

The next morning, with his new suit on, a map in his hand and the permission of the gate guards, Uzumaki Naruto squared his shoulders, took a deep breath and made the first of many, many steps towards his goal of becoming Hokage of Konoha; _look out world, here comes the Mouse!_

A/N: Hope you enjoy it, and let's face it; it is an important lesson to learn early. Oh and as for the grammar in the speech, remember the two kids are four/five years old so haven't quite got the gist of speaking properly yet. Hope you enjoy it and, if you want the next chapter, let me know. Until then, ja ne!


	2. Chapter 2 Mouse Tales

Mouse Tales

A/N: Not so much a filler as an introduction into Naruto's beginning as a ninja in this little sequence; some of the early memories the Mouse has from his trading. Naruto starts this snippet at four and a half and finishes it at about five and a quarter years old, so nothing too strenuous yet – that comes later. Hope you enjoy it and look forwards to the next instalment.

Okay, show's rolling...

_Okay, I can do this_; leaning against a tree next to him Naruto shifted the rucksack on his back and gained a measure of reassurance from the clinking of metal within. In a way it was ironic as he should have done the hard bit already over the past couple of days – though he hadn't expected the training grounds to be paved with abandoned weapons, they had been a little more barren than he'd been hoping. Still, he'd picked up a good amount of scrap metal, mostly shuriken with teeth missing but the occasional kunai without a tip was also present, but earlier in the morning he'd really lucked out and come across a brace of kunai, old but still perfectly serviceable, obviously thrown in a spread into the training ground that the owner hadn't retrieved. So he had the gear to trade with but, sneaking a glance at the pair of ninja he could see actually occupying the training field he'd carefully picked to try and trade his goods on, he found himself unusually shy and hesitant at taking the first step in his ninja training. _But, I shouldn't be nervous_; once more he tried to get over the jitters, clenching his fists until the knuckles went white; _I'm just getting some training and supplying them with..._

"Hey, gaki", the sudden shout broke his train of thought and made him jump a foot in the air, "come out, you're not hiding from anyone in that get-up. Why are you on our training field – this place is off-limit to civilians; well, civilians that want a long life-expectancy at least".

Hearing his team mate shout, Gai found himself looking over his shoulder in time to see a bright orange something step out from behind the tree it had tried to hide behind and, after a minute of indecision, trek slowly towards where the two ninja were taking their repose after a hard training session. Summing up what he was seeing in an instant, the taijutsu expert found himself agreeing with his louder partner; whoever this person was it was obvious they were a child, and dressed in a way even he might have considered slightly out of the ordinary. He kept his peace, however, trusting the older nin to handle the situation as it resolved itself; as the child approached Gai felt a vague sense of recognition as he saw the blue eyes and bright blonde hair but where from exactly eluded him as the child finally made to where the two nin were taking a break, swinging off the rucksack that was around his shoulders just as Gai's superior eyed him up suspiciously and asked,

"Well, what are you doing here?"

"Here to trade"; _huh?_; luckily it wasn't only Gai's thick brows that were suddenly drawn together in consternation as it appeared his partner; _wonder why she didn't give me her name when she asked me to train with her?_; was as nonplussed as him as the so-called trader opened the top flap of his backpack and pulled out a sack, "got kunai an' shur'ken to trade".

With that and a clatter, he upended the bag and let a motley collection of weapons fall onto the grass; some were in better condition than others and all had seen better days, but they were functional, practical and, most importantly with a little sharpening and polish, they would get the job done. Seeing his partner taken slightly more aback than he was, Gai took the initiative and proclaimed in his usual voice his thanks,

"Yosh, the flames of your youth are a conflagration", the fact that the boy had bounded back five feet at the sound of his booming tone seemed to escape the chunin as he carried on, "what is your name trader-kun?"

"N-naruto", he was answered a minute later, the boy taking in his appearance again with all the care and caution of a seal expert examining a faulty explosive tag, "I'm Naruto".

"Well then Naruto", both men looked at the kunoichi as she casually flipped a kunai out of the pile and examined it before dropping it again with a snort, "word to the wise – if you want to earn bread as a trader at least keep your wares in good nick or you won't make a ryo". The boy folded his arms as though she'd accused him of something,

"Dunno how; I jus' pick them offa trainin' grounds – those are justa ones I think you can use, the broken ones are still in th' bag". That got the attention of both chunin,

"You've been around the training grounds?" Gai said carefully, looking uncharacteristically serious as he considered the risk to the child's health as watching ninja in training was generally not considered to be safe as a spectator sport. However, the child merely smiled again and nodded,

"Yep, jiji showed me wha' ones I can go on every day; I jus' look fo'weapons to trade".

"I...see", the kunoichi said colourlessly, seeing like all seasoned shinobi a potential threat to village secrets and already moving to counter such threats, "and who is your, ah, jiji, who tells you where's safe to go?"

"Oh tha's Hokage-jiji", the boy answered without a care in the world, causing Gai to goggle at his lack of manners as his partner simply snorted in laughter at the name; _oh priceless – I'd give my right arm to be in the same room as the guy who called the Sandaime 'jiji' to his face, and my left to be in the T&I department when they got hold of him afterwards_. Still, there was still business to be done here before they could let the child carry on with what appeared to be a self-imposed task; though he appeared to be little threat to anyone, it was impossible to be too careful,

"Oh, and did the Hokage give you a permission slip for this, ah, activity?" The boy nodded, hand diving towards one of the side pockets of his rucksack,

"Yep", after fishing for a second or two, his hand emerged from the pocket with a small piece of paper clenched between dirty fingers, "here y'go". Taking and unfolding it, Gai craning his neck to look over her shoulder, the kunoichi seemed satisfied and handed it back to him,

"Okay kid, you're clean and I'm down a couple of shuriken", she stated, scooping a couple of the best-looking ninja stars from the small pile, running them against the flesh of her palms to see their sharpness; _need a run over with a file but there's no lumps missing out of them, they should fly well enough_; "so, how much do I owe?"

"Train me".

The response brought both her and her partner, who had been examining one of the boys' kunai, up short; for a second she was sure he was just joking but the blinding grin, coupled with the folded arms and triumphant expression, told her otherwise. Not sure exactly where he was going with this, she was suddenly grateful for the presence of her partner asking the question rattling around in her head,

"What do you mean by training Naruto-kun; though your flames of youth shine like a beacon, you're too young to be a genin". Deducing that this meant he wasn't believed, Naruto gave as much as of an explanation as he'd been able to come up with to himself,

"I wanna be a ninja bu' I can't go to the 'Cademy yet", he said slowly, making sure the others could follow both his words and his reasoning; for some reason only jiji and Teuchi-jiji seemed to completely understand what he was saying, apart from Tenten-chan of course, "an' I got no-one t'teach me. So I'm trading weapons fo' lessons on how t'be a nin".

_Okay so he's not a clan child, probably an orphan as he said he had no-one_; reasoning it all through in her mind as Gai made a convenient distraction by immediately going on a rant of youthfulness that fully occupied the boy's attention, the kunoichi fitted the pieces together neatly; _and there's only one boy I know who could get away with calling Sandaime-sama an old man. Yep, gotta be the Kyuubi brat_; like most nin this knowledge didn't really phase her at all as, though she'd been too young to serve under the Yondaime for long, that didn't mean she hadn't heard stories of his sealing talent and therefore trusted that the monster would never be free again; _interesting that he wants to be a nin though, and not a bad way of going about it. Not like some of these clan brats wanting it all on a silver plate_; bitter memories of her own Academy days washed over her but she forced them out as unimportant, especially considering what was going to be happening over the next few days, and instead focussed on what she could possibly teach the kid in the next few minutes.

"Okay kid; Gai, stop traumatising the little guy and if you fire up that ridiculous genjutsu again I will use every weapon he's picked up to make holes in your spandex", in the face of such a threat to the precious training suit even Konoha's Noble Green Beast was forced to back down, much to Naruto's relief as it had looked like the strange man with the stupid hair and caterpillar eyebrows had been about to hug him, "I'll keep these two shuriken. So then, first lesson", in an instant Naruto was attentive and hanging on her very word, making her hide a thin smile as once more an old voice whispered in her ear that she might have made a good Academy teacher some day, "most important thing about being a shinobi – tip out the other weapons you picked up", obediently Naruto upended the other bag his rucksack held, making sure not to mix up the useable weapons with the junk as he did so. Looking through the pile the kunoichi immediately picked out something that would illustrate her point perfectly – Naruto looked up as she picked up an old shuriken, spotted with rust and with one of the teeth snapped clean off, and brought it forwards towards him,

"Look at that then? Old, rusted and no use to man nor beast right?"

"Uh...yep".

"Wrong", her forceful denouncement of his agreement made Naruto jump again, though he was still watching as she flipped the shuriken between her knuckles and swiped the air with it, "just because you can't throw it doesn't mean it can't kill. First lesson about being a shinobi kid, one they don't teach at the Academy for some Kami-unknown reason; _everything_ is a weapon! You've heard stories about ninja killing men with chopsticks right", she waited for Naruto to nod before carrying on, a mirthless chuckle in her voice, "they're not stories kid – it's happened, I've seen it done and done it myself", that wasn't strictly true as she'd only blinded the man that had attempted to grab her at a restaurant but she figured a little white lie never hurt anyone as she pressed on, "first thing that should be on your mind when you go anywhere as a ninja is; what can I use as a weapon in here? You go into a bar for instance – your thoughts should be along the lines of 'could I get behind the bar for cover? If I smashed that sake jug, would I get a sharp weapon I could use out of it? Is that napkin strong enough to garrotte someone with?' Available weapons kid", she nodded at where Naruto was now staring at her wide-eyed, "in the hands of a shinobi, anything can kill you; as a shinobi, you should be able to kill nearly anyone with anything".

As she'd expected the kid was quiet as he digested that lesson, Gai too was mercifully silent as her words echoed in his mind and try as he might he couldn't refute them; _despite their unyouthfulness, working with tools such as those has saved the lives of myself and my team on more than one occasion_. Seeing as she'd made her point the kunoichi, knowing she'd done as much training as would be any good for her forthcoming mission, made to leave the training ground after inclining her head respectfully towards Gai before, surprisingly, a small voice made her pause,

"Bu' if you're always thinking 'bout what to kill people with", his four and some month old mind having processed her idea as much as it was able to, Naruto now looked for someone else to fill in the numerous blanks, "how do you know who you should kill?"

"Good question"; _very good question_; the kunoichi realised this kid was a little sharper than average when he'd outlined his plan to get training in the first place but this question more than confirmed his intelligence, "okay, that'll be shuriken number two to answer that", Naruto nodded rapidly, considering that more than a fair price, "right, you know about shinobi missions?"

"Yep", Naruto said with a hint of pride as he spoke again, "I help jiji ra...uh, rack them up when he's read them sometimes"; _that was close_; Naruto realised he'd have to keep his attention a little more focussed if he wanted to stay in the Hokage's good books – jiji had asked that he not tell anyone he occasionally read through and preliminarily marked the missions prior to the Sandaime reading through them and applying his seal on the grounds it might scare some of the nin off taking missions. Luckily the kunoichi didn't appear to have noticed his slip and carried on speaking as though he hadn't stuttered,

"Fine, well these missions should tell you who to kill; with any luck while you're a genin you won't have to kill anyone".

"Tha's good", though even Naruto was smart enough to know that killing was all in the line of duty for shinobi, but that didn't mean he looked forwards to it. From the look the man with the strange haircut was giving him he thought he'd been right to say that; even the kunoichi nodded in agreement, though there was a hint of warning in her tone as she carried on,

"Right but remember the mission only ever tells half the story; it tells you who to _kill_, not who to _trust_", seeing the confusion writ large on the gaki's scared face, she elaborated, "you know Konoha teams are usually in threes right, in your case two other genins and your jounin-sensei; well on a mission, they're the only people you trust – everyone else is suspicious at best and an enemy at worst". Naruto's eyes grew wide,

"Ever'one?" She gave a serious nod

"Everyone", she began ticking off on her fingers, "villagers can be bribed or just be stupid enough to try and pour poison in your food, or try and cut you up while you're asleep, and people in charge of villages and towns like governors usually _are_ stupid, corrupt or both and they can try and make sure your team has an accident when you're working. Hell even clients can lie about missions, it's happened before and one of my friends was forced to quit being a shinobi because of some dumb bastard asking for chunin on an A-rank where he needed ANBU – she survived while two other members of her team were killed and it shattered her nerves completely, but that's what can happen out there kid. And that's before you take into account enemy nin or anyone else who actually _wants_ to try and kill you – it's a bastard of a job being a shinobi, you have to learn to actively seek the truth behind everything that you read or are told, look underneath the underneath as some people call it. Basically kid, don't trust anyone who's not part of your team – listen to them, take advice from them sure, but never trust them because you can guarantee that the one time you do karma will be there ready to rip you a new one".

It wasn't quite what Naruto had envisioned when he'd come up with this idea about getting training as a ninja; he'd been anticipating learning cool ninja tricks or unbeatable combat moves, but these cold, forbidding truths were enough to chill even his normally burning personality. _So much could go wrong – are all shinobi like this?_; he didn't want to think so but the man in green appeared to be listening to the woman as well and he wasn't correcting her, so that meant he at least agreed with some of what she said. He wasn't sure if he liked the sound of that at all but a sudden tinkling noise made him look up from his train of thought in time to see the woman use the toe of her sandal to flip a third shuriken from his pile into her hand. Stowing it away in her equipment pouch, she faced him again with the glimmer of a smile on her lips,

"Tell you what, make it three for luck kid", she bargained with a smirk, though inside she was just grateful to snap him out of his little depressed funk, "don't get down about it – it's just the way this world is at the minute and it sucks but we can't do anything about that save try to go along with it. A lot of people, a lot of nin have bled or even died to learn what I just told you – but because you were smart and came up with a way to trade for this information, you know now what could save your life later without having to learn the hard way. Anyway, enough of this; one last lesson for my last star, a way a ninja can even the olds when the shiiaaaa..." one look as Gai's eyes hardening to chips of coloured glass made her choke off the curse halfway through, replacing it with a weak-looking smile and contrite explanation, "...I mean, when it all goes down the drain. The lesson is this kid", she waited for Naruto to lean forwards, desperate to hear the latest words from the new oracle he had found, before speaking two simple words that would, though she didn't know it, end up shaking the ninja world to its foundations,

"Fight filthy".

_Huh?_; obviously Naruto's confusion must have shown on his face as the woman stepped back, motioning to her former sparring partner,

"Tell you what, give you an example; Gai stop looking ornamental and come over here", hearing the command, the younger chunin leapt over to where the woman was standing; _wow, that was fast – I never even saw him move!_ Naruto was so caught up with the chunin's display of raw speed that he didn't register his name being called until one of the blunted stars the woman had picked up bounced off his head,

"Ow!"

"Pay attention! If I'd been your enemy you'd now be dead, and don't worry, it'll stop bleeding in a minute, it's not a deep cut. Just press hard and it'll go away", seeing a thin smudge of blood on the hand that he'd reflexively shot to his abused forehead Naruto grumbled but complied, knowing the scratch would heal quickly anyway as the woman had Gai stand shoulder to shoulder with her and began the lesson, "apart from that gaki, this here is Maito Gai, one of the best taijutsu, or fighting if you like, ninja in Konoha. In a straight fight he completely blows me out the water", she began pointing at different parts of the spandex-wearing man's body, the newly-dubbed Maito Guy obediently holding out body parts for comparison as she did so, "he's stronger than me, got more reach than me and completely skins me for pace; because taijutsu is his focus he's also better trained than me and can probably figure out my taijutsu style in an instant as he knows several. Means I'm going to get creamed by him in a fight doesn't it? Now say he's my enemy, I've got to get past him to do a mission; how can I beat him, how do I win Naruto?"

"Uhhh", the boy thought hard for a second, "don't fight with tie-jutsu?"

"Perfect", she clapped at his assessment, Gai in turn nodding and doing some uncomfortable pose while giving a smile that made Naruto have to blink stars out of his eyes, "ideally I wouldn't fight him hand to hand, I'd use ninjustu or a weapon to take him out. There's an old shinobi saying – always take a kunai and a jutsu to a fist-fight – and this is precisely why you'd do that; if Gai can't get close to me, he can't hit me and I can complete my mission. However", Naruto, who had been feeling rather pleased with himself at his answer immediately looked attentive again as her tone lowered and she asked a second question, "say I don't have that luxury; he's got the drop on me and I've got to fight him to get through. How can I beat him?"

"Ask nicely?"

The answer made both shinobi snort with laughter, though it had been the only thing Naruto could come up with on the fly; after settling down and with a huge smirk still on her dainty lips, the kunoichi looked at the boy as Gai recomposed himself, though the occasional snicker still escaped his stock-still posture every now and then,

"Not, ah, not quite what I was after but it might work – I wouldn't recommend trying it but it might work", she smiled again before wrestling down her feelings and continuing, "but remember what I said earlier; fight filthy? That's what I was after".

"Bu'", Naruto looked between the chunin, still not quite understanding what she was driving at, "bu' wha' is fighting filly?"

"Filthy, and it means don't fight fair", she corrected and explained in the same sentence, "basically I'm not going to beat Gai in a fair fight, so why the hell would I fight fair? I'm not, if I had to I'd cheat and use every dirty trick in the book to win, there are hundreds of them. Throw mud in his eyes, kick him in the...soft bits, bite, pull hair, use insults to make him lose his cool and attack recklessly, use anything around you..."

"...Avail'ble weapons?"

"Good lad, you're learning", she complimented his blurted out observation, "but yeah, if it's there use it. When you're thinking like a nin the only thing that ought to be on your mind is carrying out your orders and looking out for your team; fighting fair is just a pretty idea that samurai use, which is why nine times out of ten a nin will kill a samurai in the field because no nin worth his salt _ever_ fights fair. If your mission is to deliver say a scroll somewhere, then you had better make damn sure that scroll gets where it's supposed to go and hang anything else. You don't go picking fights with rogue nins, you don't get side-tracked; you pull out all the stops to get the mission done and make sure everyone on your team gets home safe, okay? If you have to whip your shirt or pants off as a distraction, and a lot of kunoichi have done that in the past, me included, you do it because you can regain your dignity, but once your life is over that's in, no coming back. Understand what I'm saying?" Seeing Naruto nod, Gai decided to add a couple of ryo of his own to the mix,

"It's true Naruto-kun; on one of my missions while I was a genin I was forced to fight a missing-nin who used doton, earth techniques, including stone armour that my flames of youth were not strong enough to overcome. But by saying unyouthful things about his mother I was able to enrage him, and using this I tricked him into jumping after me while I was stood upon a frozen lake; he didn't realise this until it gave way under his weight. His armour was too heavy and he drowned in the cold water while I, though injured, was able to rejoin my team".

Hearing about these ideas being used in a mission seemed to do the trick as Naruto looked up with more understanding in his blue eyes than had been there before. Seizing the initiative while she had the chance, the kunoichi clapped her hand to gain the boy's attention,

"Okay, that's my three; now, homework Naruto-san", though too young to go to school it seemed all children had an instinctive understanding and loathing of that word if the flinch that ran through him was anything to go by, "don't worry, nothing too taxing, and it's not really homework if you think about it; it's an essential life skill all ninja should have and hone at every opportunity. What I want you to do is every time you go into a room, or a public place, or anywhere really, look around and see how many different weapons you can see and how you'd use them. If someone comes in after you, imagine he's going to attack and try to work out the best way to defend against him; needless to say", seeing a fire of anticipation starting to smoulder behind those brilliant blue peepers, the kunoichi decided to quickly bank such a fire before it raged out of control, "just do this in your head, we don't want you to get in trouble for attempting to stab innocent civilians to death with paperclips".

That was the right thing to say as it made Naruto giggle; even the kunoichi herself looked amused as she readjusted her equipment pouch and looked back to where Konoha sat awaiting her; _best to go now – I want a night to get everything settled before my next mission_;

"Gai, I'm leaving him in your hands; sorry squirt but I've got places to be", she defended herself against his reflexive puppy-dog eyes as she moved off, hearing Gai earn his salt by picking something off the pile of equipment, his loud voice dogging her heels all the way back to Konoha,

"Ah Naruto-kun, this kunai looks fine for me, I lost some during my most recent competition with my eternal rival. Now for payment, you know you cannot be a ninja if the flames of your youth burn in an unhealthy body; you are a little too young to learn an effective taijutsu style – no, don't let your fires dim, it is just a fact of life that your bones and muscles aren't yet strong enough to support hard taijutsu training. Instead rejoice, for you are young and your body is still growing, making it very flexible and receptive to learning good habits that will serve as the basics for taijutsu training in the future; as Konoha's Noble Green Beast I swear I will draft up a training regime for you to follow every day in exchange for your kunai wares. This regime will consist mostly of stretches to increase your flexibility, but I think a few exercises for strength as well; still, we should not tarry when the sun shines so brightly or we risk wasting our youth. Before I can tailor my ideas to your needs, we must see where you stand – follow me and we'll take a leisurely jog around the training grounds...flames of youth, explode!"

_Poor kid_; truth be told she did feel a little guilty for leaving one so young so exposed to concentrated youthfulness but at the same time she couldn't quite stop a smile creeping onto her lips; _still, if anyone can help the kid it'll be Gai, though knowing my luck he'll be in spandex with a bowl-cut before he hits six. The Hokage would have my guts for garters for that one but_; as she turned her attention back towards the gates of her home village the smile faded to a thin, grim line as she thought about what was to come; _he's not going to get the chance_.

Though Naruto would keep a weather eye out for that kunoichi, intent on offering discounted rates as she'd been so nice, on his travels of the training grounds, he would never find her again; when he next bumped into the man he came to know affectionately as Fuzzy-brows-sensei some months later, Gai would tell him that the woman was not able to train as a shinobi any more; the taijutsu master had wanted to leave it at that but the boy would not be dissuaded and, eventually, the chunin was forced to reveal the truth behind their impromptu meeting and her subsequent disappearance.

The kunoichi, who's name even Gai hadn't been told, had recently retired from the ANBU following the death of her entire squad and requested a mission of exemplary suicide to end her shinobi life and join her comrades in the afterlife, dying in combat for the good of Konoha not three days after bidding farewell to Naruto and Gai as the relief team mopped up the few remaining missing-nin of the people-smuggling ring she'd blown wide open and mostly wiped out. She had only been on the training field to polish up her taijutsu skills against one of the young up-and-coming chunin and understand how younger nin fought when Naruto had met her, but through her he learnt some of the most important lessons any shinobi could know. Once he dried his tears on Gai's chunin vest and talked to the man to understand how closely death stalked in the lives and shadows of shinobi, Naruto had cut his day short and gone home to light a small stick of incense he asked his jiji to buy him in honour of the nameless woman who had taught him so much. He chose the incense because it was the closest smell he could remember to her own; a smell of sweat, earth and battle, the honest scent of the shinobi way of life and, as it burned, he closed his eyes, pictured her again and recalled her lessons from his head; _available weapons, trust your team, never fight fair and..._; he dried his eyes again, seeing the kunoichi in his minds' eye once more, her voice seeing to echo back to him from across the veil; _live every day like it's your last, because one day it will be_.

To ensure he remembered these lessons, he would light a stick of incense on the day of her death every year for the rest of his life.

XXX

It was _beautiful_.

Six teeth, perfect balance and not a hint of rust on it; hell the damn thing was so new he could even smell the oil its previous owner had used to stop rust forming on the metal of the shuriken his keen little eyes had spotted. The weapon was one of the newer design, one that had only been on Hasawada-sans' shelf for a few weeks but apparently they were selling like hot-cakes and, therefore, were in high demand in Naruto's line of business. The Uzumaki knew the second he'd seen the shiny shuriken that this little ninja star pretty much had the words 'free ninja lesson' printed on it; by that logic, it simply had to be his.

The very large tree said ninja star was embedded in, however, didn't seem to have gotten that message, hence why the newly-christened Mouse of Konoha was currently engaged in a one-boy tug of war with a giant redwood and, unsurprisingly, coming off second-best in this endeavour.

_Whoever threw this thing_; Naruto paused from his frantic tugging to wipe the sweat from his forehead before finishing his thought, punctuating each mental word of his rant with a venomous tug; _really...meant...business! Damn, if I could get a proper grip on it I could probably shift it no problem but it's too high up the tree for that_; not for the first time Naruto cursed his lack of height – more than once he'd been forced to turn his nose up at a potentially-tradable weapon simply because he couldn't reach it, but that wasn't an option now, even if he could only just reach the lowest tooth of the weapon with two fingers when he stood on tip-toe. Stepping back and kicking the tree petulantly, the blonde child folded his arms as he glared up at the prize his shortness was denying him; in his mind the problem was simple – he couldn't reach the eyelet of the shuriken to get a firm grip on it, and he wasn't going to risk jumping for it again, not after that kunai nearly two and half weeks ago had nearly severed a couple of fingers as he'd mistimed his jump and grabbed the sharp bit rather than the handle.

That incident was the reason he'd started carrying a small first aid it around in one of the side pockets of his rucksack, not that he'd ever let anyone find out about it due to the embarrassment factor.

_I need..._; whispers of available weapons arose in his mind and he heeded them, realising that he needed not a weapon but a tool this time. Looking around for something that could suit his purpose, his eyes lit up as he noticed a small branch, seemingly newly fallen, on the forest floor some fifteen feet away. Swiftly seizing it, Naruto jabbed the impromptu branch up towards the pinned shuriken, only to curse softly when he realised even the thin end of the branch was too wide to fit through the shuriken eyelet. He'd have to trim it to size to make sure he could recover his prize in optimum condition; he could have simply tried to bash the star out of its prison but that ran the risk of blunting or, worse, destroying it completely by snapping off a tooth – no, Naruto reasoned as he slid his pack off and rooted through the broken weapons for something with a sharp edge, this would take time, tact and delicacy to pull off. Only a patient mouse would get the cheese this time, so with the longest edge of a jagged, broken kunai, Naruto began casually stripping wood off the thinnest end of his newest find, bringing it up to eye-level to inspect his progress on occasion before, some fifteen minutes and a nicked finger later, he placed the kunai by his feet and hefted the stick in both hands, tongue poked out the corner of his mouth as he tried to aim the sharpened end towards the shuriken's eye.

Luckily Fuzzy-brow-sensei's talk about hand-eye co-ordination must have counted for something as he managed to hit the target on the third attempt, not even trying to suppress a hiss of triumph as he rammed the weapon into his target, making sure the wood was wedged in place before he started to slowly wiggle the shuriken free. He pushed forwards, backwards and from side to side, seeing that the disk of metal was gradually coming free before, with a sudden pop, the whole contraption gave way unexpectedly and almost pitched Naruto onto his face. The jinchuuriki swayed on his very tip-toes, flailing for balance before, with a grateful sigh of relief, he sank back onto his feet and, with an excited yelp, dropped the stick in his hands lower, greedy for his prize. Carefully levering the shuriken off the branch that now impaled it, the boy gave it a last-minute casual inspection, ran his thumb over the middle to wipe of a few residues of sap from the branch and placed it carefully in his trading bag. Satisfied he'd got what he came for, Naruto stood up and made to leave only to pause, seeing the branch he'd used by his feet and not at all sure what he should do with it now.

_It was useful, but it's too heavy to carry that far_; that much was certainly true – despite the training he'd been doing Naruto's arms were still shaking from the exertion of manipulating such a heavy chunk of wood even for such a short time; _nah, I have to leave it here, but it was a decent bit of kit to have_. With those thoughts in his mind the youngster carefully dragged the branch towards where he'd found it, giving it the best possible burial he could manage in the circumstances, and kept the idea of the branch in his mind as he left to try and find ninja to trade with.

The reminder of the branch was rooted so deeply in his mind that when he came to his last stop of the night inspiration didn't so much as strike as check the sun and demand why it had taken him so long to figure this much out. Hearing the bell over his head tinkle, Naruto slipped off his pack just as Muruda, who had been busy restocking shelves in his display aisles, looked up and smiled,

"Ah, Naruto-kun", hearing the jingling as the boy slipped off his pack the weapon smith flicked a glance towards where the packs of kunai, ninja wire and shuriken were stored; _he must have had a big haul, though most nin usually train more in summer_; "I was expecting you tomorrow – had a good day?"

"You bet, got load'sa scrap f'you Muruda-san", as if to emphasise his point there was a tinkling crash as Naruto swung his scrap bag to the floor, the sound bringing a squeak from Tenten, who'd just come down the stairs from the living quarters in the back of the shop, "word on the trainin' grounds are those shur'ken you got last time are doin' th' business".

"Glad to hear it 'Ruto; now", running a practised eye over what he could see of the haul Muruda looked his customer in the face, "what would you like for this little lot? Got a few spare bundles of ninja wire going cheap, they're always running out of that out on the field". To his surprise, however, the jinchuuriki shook his head,

"Nah, no' this time; was out there earlier an' foun' sumthin' useful, bu' it was too heavy t'carry, so I need your help to get sumthin' sim'lar". Not quite sure what the boy had planned but willing to play along, the blacksmith tapped his fingers together and nodded carefully,

"All right, what were you after?"

"Sumthin' lik..."

"Hah, gotcha!" Hearing her daughter shriek and try to defend herself from the smaller child that had pounced on her back Kishi Muruda ducked her head back into the small kitchen and stopped even trying to hide her smile. She had been originally wary of letting the Kyuubi brat into her shop never mind her house and it had taken not only Tenten's pleading but her husbands' very firm explanation, the same one that Muruda-kun had been given by the Sandaime himself, that the boy could not be pilloried for the crimes of the beast he contained, to get her to relent. Even then for the first couple of visits she'd been present at all times Naruto had been around her dear daughter, though it was with a jolt of surprise that she discovered that Naruto had known little Tenten even longer than she and her husband had as the two had grown up in the village orphanage for a while.

Now though, as she heard the two children wrestling and playing together on the living room floor, now she thought of herself as foolish for believing that the little boy with the laughing eyes and golden hair was a devil in disguise. Naruto had a truly dynamic personality that, if given a chance, forcibly dragged people in and refused to let them escape unchanged by their exposure. Everything he did, even if he did it wrong, like when he'd made Muruda half-drown himself after accidentally passing the older man the hot wasabi sauce rather than the chutney she'd made the second time he'd eaten with the family, he did with the best of intentions and the best of his efforts. _That boy would walk into hell for the people he loves_; she knew that now, wondered how she hadn't seen it in the first place as she drew the parallels between Naruto and Tenten just after the little panda-hime had become part of their family; she'd been so nervous, so desperate to make a good impression that she'd thrown herself body and soul into every task she'd been set, worried that if she displeased someone she'd lose her place in the family and be sent back to the matrons' care.

It had taken her and Muruda weeks and months of love and casual affection to break her out of that habit and Naruto, though not to the same degree as the young girl Kishi could see rolled up against him on the lounge floor as they seemed to be reading a book together, trying to improve their reading and speech skills as they mangled the words of the picture book, seemed to have been bitten a little by the same bug, especially when he was here with her family as a guest rather than doing business with her husband. _Though speak of the devil..._; ears long-trained to listen for a heavy tread picked up Muruda enter their living space seconds before Tenten gave an excited squeal and flung herself at her daddy, Naruto picking himself up off the floor and carefully putting the book back where he'd found it as Kishi joined the scene, smiling fondly at her husband as he swept Tenten off the floor and perched her on his shoulder, the girl talking non-stop the whole time,

"...an' we were fightin', an' 'Ruto snuck up on me an' jumped on my back an' pinned me to th' floor; it was ho'bble daddy", the little girl whined before looking down at where Naruto stood shivering with laughter and giving her best imperious glare, "I'm gunna get'choo fer dat!"

"Okay Panda-chan", Tenten's glare only hardened at the name though in her heart of hearts she was beginning to develop a bit of a soft spot for it, though she'd rather have laid her head on daddy's anvil and let him start beating it before she admitted such a thing, "bu' we're ninja so we gotta sneak about an' try ambuses an' stuff – gotta be sneaky an' never fight fair to win". At this point Kishi realised it was time to step in before dinner went cold while an argument brewed,

"Well sneaky or not, in this house all ninja have to wash their hands before dinner or they'll get nothing to eat", at the threat of no food and knowing for a fact that Tenten's mother was an exquisite cook of food other than ramen (she _didn't_ like ramen – blasphemy!) Naruto took off for the small bathroom, his friend from the orphanage hot on his heels after she clambered down from her father's shoulders; when the two were gone she embraced her husband, "that goes for ex-ninja too dear".

"I know koi, I know", the blacksmith smiled as he hugged his wife before planting a kiss on her lips, "I'll just wait for the children to finish before I wash up".

"Get done what you needed – what was Naruto after this time?" To her surprise the bigger man chuckled slightly at this before gesturing her into the kitchen,

"I'll show you all after dinner; a good idea of his this one, better than having to look for or cart around tree branches in the future".

"Tree branches? In fact forget it – tell me later", realising this was a story that couldn't be told in the short time it took two children to wash their hands, Kishi shrugged and put the issue to the back of her mind, "right now, wash up and then sit down, and if you're feeling energetic set the table while you're at it".

"Yes dear..."

About an hour later as the last of the dishes were packed away, Naruto having done the washing up as, he explained, he was used to having his hands in very hot water due to the work he occasionally did at the Ichirakus' ramen stand and had developed a tolerance to the temperature, Muruda called the boy over and reached behind his back,

"Well 'Ruto, as we agreed", the boy looked up excited as the blacksmith brought something forwards and handed out to him, "this is a jo staff, shorter than a bo by about two feet. I've slimmed down one end and capped both tips with a thin sheen of steel to stop wear; that should be good for a long time as a walking stick and to drag weapons out of trees you're not tall enough to reach..."

"Don' worry mouse", Tenten chimed in at this point, smirking as she got her own back for Naruto's trick attack earlier, "one day you'll be big enough to reach the sink wi'out needing a chair". The boy stuck his tongue out at his tormentor only to receive an identical response before Muruda, not wanting to get too side-tracked, tapped Naruto on the shoulder with one end of the weapon,

"So, take good care of this and it'll take good care of you, and don't wave it around in here", the blacksmith cautioned as Naruto seized his prize, eyes hungry as he looked the former weapon up and down, "Kishi-koi might get upset if you knock over that vase her mother gave her", he dropped his voice to a stage-whisper as he leant over, "though I'd be grateful; I've been trying to get rid of it for years". Both children giggled at this admission as Kishi shook her head before pointing to the stairs, an evil glint in her eyes,

"Is that so? Well then, Ten-chan would you mind seeing Naruto-kun out, I need to have a little talk with your daddy". Tenten giggled again before taking hold of Naruto's hand and walking towards the lounge door, trying to ignore her daddy as he fell to his knees and groped blindly behind them,

"No, don't leave me here with her!"

"Sorry Muruda-san, you brough' dis on yoursel'", Naruto tried and failed to say with a straight face, only just keeping himself together long enough for the door to swing shut before both he and Tenten broke down into laughing at the expression on the blacksmith's face. Giggling, the girl led him down the stairs towards the main door of the shop, snagging his backpack off the peg by the front door as he zipped up his jumpsuit and handing it to him,

"Bye Whiskers, see you sometime next week?"

"Depends on wha's out there Ten-chan", it had taken some time and a lot of slaps and tickles, but eventually Naruto had learnt not to called his friend Panda unless her parents were around, "if I get a good haul could be back tomor'ow". Hearing that made the girl clap her hands in delight,

"Hope so 'Ruto, good t'see you 'gain", suddenly shy, Tenten found herself twiddling her fingers together as she looked up at the boy, "mum an' dad like it when you drop in; I was, ah, I was list'nin in earlier an', an' wond'rin', if I asked, if they'd be wantin' you here...all th' time. Want me to ask?"

At this news Naruto went very still, rucksack half-on and slipping from his shoulder as he looked at where Tenten was now staring at the floor, face red after her confession and offer. The jinchuuriki found himself hoarse, throat blocked by an uncomfortable swelling he couldn't swallow down as he realised what Tenten had just asked him and how much it must have cost her to make the offer. A part of him was screaming at him to seize the moment – Tenten was offering him a family and a stable roof over his head; no more sleeping in the orphanage, no more cold baths and early mornings, just the four of them together and living as a single family. The temptation as so great that he almost confirmed it there and then, snapping his friends' arm off to say yes but, even as the word formed in the back of his throat something bumped his elbow and he found himself looking at the small staff Muruda had made for him earlier. The shock of the contact broke his earlier line of thinking and he looked around the store he was stood in, seeing how compact and neatly ordered everything was and remembering how cosy the upstairs of the store felt. Seeing this brought a pang to his heart as he realised that, no matter how well-meaning the Hasawada's were to him, Tenten most of all, the presence of another child in such an environment might destabilise it all. Trying hard to blink fast so Tenten wouldn't see tears in his eyes, Naruto heard a lesson come back to him, one he'd learnt recently from a jounin, newly promoted, with red marks down the side of his face and a fierce-looking wolf by the side of him as he danced the shuriken he'd traded along his fingers as he casually critiqued Naruto's running stance; _protect the pack kid, no matter how much it hurts. If everyone else in the pack is safe, you can carry on or die knowing you've done your duty_.

She hadn't been able to bring herself to look up after making her offer to Naruto, feeling awful at the irrational fear that gripped her even as she spoke that, if Naruto was adopted like she had been that would be it for her and she'd be left alone, abandoned by her parents in favour of the newcomer. _But Ruto's my friend_; even as she told herself that it didn't make the chills recede; _I have to try for him, no matter what it me-eeek!_ A sudden contact at her front made her squeak in shock as she reflexively clutched at what embraced her, a lightning shot of adrenaline earthing as she realised it was just Naruto who was hugging her,

"Thanks Tenten", relief and bile in equal measure rose up in her throat, "bu' Kishi-san an' Muruda-san are your family now. They couldn't have me too, dere's no' enough room up dere. Thanks for the offer, bu' I can't say yes". Icy relief pumped all through the young girls' system as she held her friend, trying hard not to sniffle as she realised that he'd turned down the offer both for her and for her parents; the two embraced for a long moment until, with a twitch, Naruto moved away from the youngest Hasawada, rubbing his eyes and groping for his bag again,

"So, thanks fo' ever'thing Panda-hime", luckily Tenten was too pre-occupied with forcing herself not to cry to recognise the nickname, "bu' not now – I'll have to find someone else. Bu' you an' ever'one here", he gestured with his arms, taking in the whole store with a weak smile, "ever'one here, they're people I trust an' I'll look out for anyone I trust".

"Me too", revitalised by his words Tenten stepped forwards, "I'll look out for ever'one I trust; I'll become a great ninja an' look after ever'one".

"Jus' like me", Naruto took up her vow, banishing the earlier gloom as he spoke up, "we'll be great ninja Ten-chan". She stuck a hand forwards, brown eyes challenging,

"Shake on it". Naruto did so, all but tearing her hand off in his enthusiasm,

"You bet, an' I'm gonna get started tonight. Make sure your daddy teaches you well Ten-chan, 'cause you're going to have to teach me to throw weapons". The girl nodded, opening the front door as she did so and putting a hand on Naruto's shoulder as she did,

"I will, and Ruto", she rested her chin on his shoulder as he stepped past, rolling her temple into his hand as he patted one of her hair buns, "thanks f'ever'thing".

Naruto nodded and looked over his shoulder at her, blue eyes soft with understanding; next second Tenten was forced to recoil backwards giggling; Naruto had tickled her under the chin and darted away, sticking his tongue out as he ran into the night,

"Gotcha Panda-chan, see you later". Fuming on her doorstep, the girl stamped her feet and pointed a finger threateningly,

"I'll get you Whiskers; I'll yank them out one by one an' make you eat them!"

"I wuv you too Panda-chan!"

"Naruto! Ohhhhh", she slammed the door shut and folded her arms thunderously, not seeing the two figures behind her who'd come down to see what was stalling their daughter and seen the tail end of the conversation all but leaning against each other in restrained laughter as she made her last pronouncement, "he makes me so mad sometimes; I'm going to get him for dat!"

XXX

_So then_; as he placed the lid back on the steaming pot Teuchi girded his loins and braced himself for arguably the most suicidal thing he'd ever done; _clear away the witnesses and then cut to the meat of the issue_. Looking over his shoulder and realising that, as usual, Naruto was finished way before the Hokage, the ramen vendor realised he'd never have a better chance than now,

"Naruto, would you mind starting on the washing, we had a big rush just before you and Hokage-sama arrived". Glancing up from his bowl the child nodded and hastily swallowed down his last mouthful,

"'Kay jiji", he drained the last of the broth and hefted it in both hands, "be in the back 'til the afternoon, I'll see you after lunch jiji, then back to the fields". Sarutobi nodded as the shock of blonde hair bobbled around the back of the ramen bar and left him to finish his ramen in peace,

"Ne, Hokage-sama"; _then again_...; peace, it seemed, was an impossible dream for a kage to enjoy the old man mused as he looked up to see Teuchi looking over the counter at him, face troubled, "not meaning to sound, ah...nosey, but I've heard a few...rumours, from Naruto himself. Would you mind setting this old pot-basher's mind at rest?"

"Perhaps", Sarutobi replied carefully, placing his chopsticks in the bowl as he leant forwards on his elbows, a childish habit he'd never quite been able to ditch after he realised how much it wound his former grandfather up at the dinner table, "what's Naruto-kun been saying Teuchi-san?"

"Well, a few things really", the man began, toying with his apron as he couldn't quite bring himself to meet the village leaders' eye, "first of all, he's no longer in the orphanage?"

"That one is true; I took him out of there when he turned five", the Hokage informed him, face grim as he recalled once more seeing the bruises on the arms and legs of his favourite soon-to-be ninja, "he lives in a former ninja apartment block downtown and draws a monthly stipend from village funds, much like the older orphans do; if you ask I'm sure he'd show it to you".

That, at least, seemed to be the answer the chef had been looking for; Teuchi let out a big breath and relaxed against his counter, looking at the kage with grateful eyes,

"Thank Kami for that; I hated the idea of Naruto-chan in that place. If only this place was a bit bigger, or I had a little more income I'd have taken him in myself".

"You aren't alone in that Teuchi-san", that brought the ramen vendor up short, Teuchi all but gasping for air at that declaration by the Hokage, "Naruto has made a impact in several lives since he started his, business; I would hazard a guess that more than a couple of families would be willing to put a roof over his head for the rest of his life now they've had a chance to really get to know the boy. However I doubt Naruto would want a family in that way, in fact I could almost guarantee he feels he already has one; both yourself and the Hasawada's if you've ever heard of them?" Teuchi thought for a moment but the name was alien to him,

"No, can't say I can remember stirring my pot for them"; the Hokage nodded and carried on,

"They run a shinobi supply and outfitters on the other side of Konoha – my family have been going there for many years now and Naruto does as well now. He trades the scrap metal he gathers from the training ground to them for supplies he can trade to ninja and he knew their daughter, Tenten, from when they were in the orphanage together. With them, you and myself, Naruto probably has as good a grounding as many shinobi, and a good deal better than some".

"Well you'd be the better judge of that than me Hokage-sama", Teuchi admitted without a shred of hesitation before, having resolved a single issue, stepped in to clear another out of the way, "but apart from that, is it true about his...unusual schooling schedule?"

At this the older man sat back in his seat, face a little annoyed and it took all the courage Teuchi had in his body not to tremble at the thought of getting the most powerful ninja at Konoha's disposal angry with him. Luckily however, Sarutobi seemed to let the irritation flow out of him in an irate sigh before looking at the ramen vendor again,

"I had asked him not to mention that..." In the interest of fairness Teuchi felt he had to make a point here,

"Well in all honesty Hokage-sama, I did put Ayame-chan on the case after I realised he was looking a little happier than normal", despite himself Teuchi smiled; his little girl really had inherited his wife's ability to ferret a secret out of even the most stubbornly locked pair of lips, "he never really stood a chance". The old man chuckled,

"I have no doubt; Muruda confided in me that he does the same thing with Tenten-chan when he thinks Naruto's holding out on him. Still, that aside I'm afraid it is true, Naruto will be exempt from the usual Konoha school system – I made this decision partly for the sake of getting the council off my damn back; for some reason they're dead-set against him becoming a ninja", for a moment the old aura rekindled itself, the avatar of war that the God of Shinobi had used to be casting off the shackles of age and ready for one last battle with the council that sought to impose itself on his will, "but he will become one, come hell or high water Naruto will become a ninja and more than that, he will be set himself on that seat and that mountain or I'll come back from wherever the Shinigami holds me to set the damn record straight and break some bones. Apart from that though, I believe this decision will be the best for Naruto as well in the long run".

"You think the teachers would...you know", Teuchi tried to be tactful at the same time as get his point across, "turn a blind eye to his troubles? They'd only do it once", the chef's eyes hardened and he tapped his heavy ladle against the counter, "me and this old equaliser would be enough to change their minds I'm sure".

"You'd have to stand in line behind me Teuchi-san; if I was feeling generous I might leave one or two of them semi-conscious for you to deal with", the Hokage assured him half-jokingly before looking more serious, "but yes, that was one of my concerns though a minor one compared to...", the old man broke off for a minute as though considering something. After a moment Sarutobi blinked back into himself and shot a surreptitious glace around the ramen stand; Teuchi notice his most venerable customer's hands shift under the table and realised he must have been casting a jutsu of some kind, though before he could question exactly what the Hokage had done he was faced with a question by the village leader,

"...do you know what chakra is Teuchi-san?"

The query caught the chef slightly flat-footed but, since his business had started taking on a larger contingent of ninja as a result of the Hokage extending his patronage to the small stall, he'd become slightly more knowledgeable about the martial aspect of a ninja village. As a result he had some idea as to the answer but, as he easily acknowledged, he was by far the novice in this field to the Professor,

"I know it's what you ninja use to power those jutsu-things you use and everyone has their own source of chakra, but apart from that no idea".

"You know more than most civilians", the Hokage mentioned mildly before moving into a more lecturing mode, the fabled mind of the great Professor explaining this new conundrum to the novice, "chakra is a mixture of spiritual, or mental if you like, and physical energy; as everyone has a mind and body everyone, as you rightly said, generates their own chakra. Most people's chakra reserves increase naturally as they age and mature, simply because their bodies and minds grow up and give them access to greater reserves of the relevant energies needed to create chakra". Seeing where this was going, Teuchi smiled as the memory of his favourite customer skipped through his mind,

"But as we know, little Naruto-chan isn't most people".

"Very true; as a jinchuuriki, a person containing a bijuu, Naruto contains a massive source of chakra separate from his own. As the Kyuubi is a being made solely of chakra its presence within Naruto's body forced his chakra coils to expand prematurely to contain it and stop it bursting free of his body. Because of that expansion Naruto has and generates far more chakra than a child his age should naturally; what this means, in real terms, is that I believe Naruto would never be able to settle in a traditional school environment".

"He's got too much energy, or chakra in his case, to burn?" At the Hokage's nod Teuchi had to stop himself from smirking, "Ha, I knew there had to be a reason he couldn't sit still for a second when he was younger. But, Hokage-sama", thinking things through, the ramen chef felt something jar in his mind about the nature of Naruto's excess power, "if chakra is supposed to be made up of those two kinds of energy and Naruto's got so much of it, doesn't that mean he should excel at school, assuming he tries at it?"

The question seemed to pique the old man's interest for a minute and Teuchi was afraid that he wouldn't get an answer as Sarutobi fell silent, seeming to consider the problem. Luckily though, the Hokage perked himself back up and spoke back in a considered, measured tone,

"Hmm, that's not an easy question to answer; firstly you pinned the shuriken to the wall earlier – Naruto would be a great student _if he put his mind to it_. The problem is he has too much chakra to stay still and focus – not his fault but it would be enough to drive any of the teaching staff to distraction and destroy his confidence in the school system. As to his intelligence, well this is the difference between chakra reserves and charka capacity – Naruto has a massive reserve of chakra but his capacity, the amount of chakra he can access and use for things like jutsu, is comparatively tiny to that reserve. As he grows the difference between the two will fall but there will always be a gap, a very large one; while this is a good thing as it means Naruto-kun will very rarely if ever succumb to chakra exhaustion, the downside is that until that gap is forded somewhat Naruto will have very poor chakra control and, more importantly in the immediate future, Naruto won't be able to use the potential intelligence he has to best effect".

"Because he can't access all his chakra yet?"

"Exactly", the Hokage nodded, pleased that Teuchi was understanding the issue at hand, "so I doubt Naruto will ever be what you might call book-smart – unless it's something he wants to read up on, probably jutsu knowing him, it just won't interest him so he either won't read it or will do the bare minimum to scrape by. On the other hand for things he does like or want to do he may well have flashes of brilliance, almost instinctive creativity to try and figure out problems as he unconsciously diverts more chakra to the problem to see a way around it. I think we've already seen some of these moments of inspiration; his idea from trading supplies for training is the first one I can think of, as is that little stick he had Muruda-san make..."

"Slim?" The Hokage blinked,

"I beg your pardon?" Teuchi blushed as he realised he'd been speaking out loud,

"Slim, the stick you mentioned – he calls it Slim because it's got slimmed-down edges. Well, that's what he said to Ayame-chan and I when we asked about it". The older man chuckled, seeing his surrogate grandson once more with his new favourite toy-stroke-weapon-stroke-ninja tool just before Naruto strode off to the training grounds again,

"Slim eh? Well I've heard worse names for a ninja's equipment, but yes, as you can see Naruto wouldn't fit well into Konoha's traditional school. So what I've proposed and had ratified by the council is this; Naruto won't enter the pre-selection school at all but will sit the selection test to see if he is suited for the ninja Academy – I oversee the selection personally so I'll be on hand to root out any cheating", Teuchi had to hold in a smile at his leaders' choice of words before the Hokage pressed on, "and from there he can get into training. Book-learning's not as important as physical tests in ninja selection so he should get in no problem, and even then I've, ah, put the word about that mice have been seen on the training grounds and may bring good luck to those ninja who treat them right".

"Ah, I've heard that old belief as well Hokage-sama; in fact I've been wondering if I could find a home for Ayame-chans' old pre-selection school books", Teuchi commented mildly, the sly smile on his lips echoed by the Hokage as he could read between the lines at least as well as the ramen vendor could, "such a shame she has to take over this place from me; she could have been a ninja herself, she tested out high enough. Still though, the civilian side of the Academy is giving her a good run for her money; I wonder if I could find someone to help her out with her homework occasionally?" Enjoying the game he was playing for the moment Sarutobi saw no harm in carrying it on; _ah, the Will of Fire never burns brighter than when it is guided by the minds of grizzled on men such as me_;

"Indeed; well good luck on your hunt Teuchi-san, though I hear Muruda-san's also looking for a little help to keep an eye on his inventories and money for when Tenten-chan goes to school, may be if you find someone you could point him in the right direction?" The ramen chef didn't even bother to hide his smirking smile as he bowed low,

"Of course Hokage-sama, I live to better the lives of others resting beneath the Great Tree, although", Sarutobi paused in reaching for his Hokage hat, looking around with a raised eyebrow as the other man appeared to argue with himself silently for a moment before coming to a decision, "one other thing Ayame-chan managed to root out from her little brother, and rest assured we haven't told a soul; I hear congratulations are in order for the Sarutobi clan now".

At the veiled benediction the Hokage smiled, though it was an expression tinged with slight sadness as he recalled that night scarcely two weeks ago when his beloved little girl had approached him in his study, gotten down on one knee and told him that she was now with child, a permanent reminder of her last completed mission. She'd been deep-cover in Kiri, keeping an eye on the course of the civil war and masquerading as a civilian, falling in love with a Kiri butcher before arranging to be caught on the outskirts of one of the periodic blood-purges the Yondaime Mizukage seemed so fond of, disappearing in the confusion and leaving the authorities to mark her down as an unseen, unknown casualty, her death unknowingly faked and struck from Kiri's records. However, though successful her mission had come at a price; a little more than seven months from now she would become a mother and give the Hokage his first grandchild, a date that was already making Sarutobi feel older than usual, especially since in the absence of the childs' real father, he would have to name and, at least on paper, care for the newest addition to the Sarutobi clan. All these thoughts flashed through his mind in an instant before he inclined his head to the well-wisher, smiling benevolently,

"My thanks Teuchi-san, for both your congratulations and your silence – I'll have to get around to a quiet announcement sometime soon but until then..."

"Silence is golden", Teuchi finished for him, nodding again before busying himself behind the counter; quietly lifting the secrecy jutsu he'd had over the ramen stand since he'd begun discussing Naruto's future in-depth, the old man called out to the back of the store where the aforementioned jinchuuriki was blithely beavering away at a pile of washing up about as large as he was, cheerfully ignorant as to what his two jijis had collectively worked out for him and his future,

"Goodbye Naruto-kun; come by the office before you head out again". A disembodied,

"Bye jiji", floated back to the old ninja, making the Hokage chuckle as he stepped into the street and made his way back to the Hokage tower at a steady, sedate pace.

XXX

He was a predator, he was the alpha and he was the best. He'd been given a job only he could do and he was going to make sure it got done – no matter how many times he was almost kicked or trodden on, or how many times he was tempted by the delicious aromas of cooked and raw food that had wafted to him through Konoha and the surrounding lands, he had stuck to his tasks and, as he saw the source of the scent he'd been tracking came into his view, he was now to be rewarded. Creeping on the unsuspecting prey the hunter wormed forwards inches at a time, picking the target and finally making a last lunge, a final thought echoing through his mind as he pounced through the air...

...if he made this attack, his partner and brothers would be so proud...

"_YYYYEeeeeeeooooWWWWW!"_

The serene atmosphere of the disused training area was suddenly broken by a piping scream of pain; Naruto flailed around desperately, Slim waving around his hand as he danced manically, trying to shake lose the ungodly pain that had sunk into the seat of his pants. Swearing at the top of his lungs he threw both hands backwards and hit out, feeling his knuckles brush through something furry before it dropped away and the pain subsided to a dull, angry throb in his posterior. Seizing Slim in his free hand Naruto whirled around to face his aggressor, temper foul and expression murderous, only to halt his strike in mid-descent as the small grey puppy in front of him barked, a few wisps of orange material still sticking between its teeth,

"And you", the whiskered shinobi snapped at it, gingerly rubbing his violated bottom as he glared at the young dog, "I've eaten bigger things than you mutt; scram!" Oddly enough the puppy didn't bolt from the threat or the raised staff, instead it stood up and retreated a few steps and sat back down; _okay, this is odd – reminds me of something_. Curiosity aroused Naruto took another couple of steps forwards and likewise the puppy retreated, cocking its head as Naruto rested his chin on the tip of Slim as he gazed at the thing that had bitten him,

"Okay I get you want to me to follow you", he paused for a reaction but was slightly disappointed as he doubted a tongue being lolled out counted as a reasonable response, "so I guess you're not a standard puppy. Oh what's the name, that clan that work with them all...In, the dog clan Inuz, ah that's it, you're an Inuzuka dog".

The puppy barked which Naruto took as a yes, standing up as the boy began to move again, realising that this puppy had been sent to find him for a reason and, as it was a ninja dog, albeit a small and rather yappy one, it was probably an important one. Following in the dogs' wake, the ninja in training found himself leaving training ground nine and heading back towards Konoha, following the slate-grey back of the little canine as he found himself heading back towards the village, only to suddenly turn off towards one of the other training grounds, one, if he remembered rightly, that was used by the Academy.

A few minutes later, as he found himself clearing a tree line and blinking as a couple of stray leaves brushed his eye line, Naruto watched on as his impromptu travelling companion barked and ran off into the middle of the training ground; to his amazement it was then mobbed by another couple of puppies, bundling the little dog over as another voice, this one female and crisp, cut out over the squabbling dogs,

"Hoi you two, what's got you...oh you're back, and you found him. Good boy!" As his vision cleared Naruto found himself being scrutinised by a girl several years older than him; he recognised as an Inuzuka from the marks on her cheeks as he'd traded with other members of her clan over the four or five months he'd been combing the trading area for wares to swap. She appeared to be holding a bag similar to the one he used as she crouched to fuss her returning dog, though having seen this Naruto decided he had to square his shoulders and find out what was going on,

"Okay I assume that fluff-ball is yours", the girl looked up as Naruto pointed with Slim, slamming the butt of the weapon into the ground as she nodded, "right, in that case please tell me why I've got fang marks in my butt!"

"Oho", a deeper voice, slightly mirthful, cut in as a boy materialised from a patch of shrubs, holding another bag as he pointed to the whirling patch of fur around the girls' feet, "she got you with that as well did she? Welcome to the club man; those savaged by Hana-baka's hell-hounds please step forwards".

"That was your fault", from what little the jinchuuriki knew of the clan, most Inuzuka appeared to be quick-tempered and this Hana appeared no different, "you were playing with the other two and ignoring him; you can't just ignore a nin-ken, they get jealous". The boy huffed and folded his arms, Naruto raising his eyebrows as another boy appeared from the trees to the left of the squabbling duo and seemed to sigh at the argument,

"Jealous? I was throwing a stick, they could have all chased it, I fact I meant for them all to go for it! I just thought he was asleep, turned my back on him and chomp – if I can't sit down tonight I'm blaming you!"

"Oh yeah, blame me for your mistake Izumo-baka", Hana snorted, still fussing her three ninken and completely ignoring the person she'd had her puppy track down, "you tried to kick him..."

"He was hanging on my ass with his teeth! What did you expect me to do, tickle his paws until he let go?"

"I didn't expect you to try and boot him around the field; just be grateful my mum never saw that, Kuromaru-san would have taken more than a chunk out of you for threatening one of the pack".

"Well tell Kuromaru-san to raise his kids right", the boy shot back, rubbing his sore spot with one hand as Naruto was torn between sighing in exasperation and chuckling at the duo in front of him, "bad-mannered, foul-mouthed and downright bitchy at times – at least the dogs of your clan could be raised right". Hana seemed to stiffen at the insult and her face reddened, though before she could blow up the last boy on the field finally spoke up,

"Hey love-birds, stop traumatising the little mouse over there", girl and boy both glared at their friend but, aside from shivering a little at the combined death-glare he soldiered on relentlessly, "this was your idea Hana-san so fill the little guy in".

"Huh? Oh yeah", whisking a strand of hair away from the front of her face the Inuzuka rounded on Naruto, the mouse a little perturbed by her sudden shift in mood as she smiled at him, "sorry about that; you must be Uzumaki Naruto right?"

"Yeah, that's me", the jinchuuriki said slowly, trying to sum up why these three were here and what he had to do with it, his hand still gripped around the middle of Slim, "so who are you three, what are you doing here and why did your damn dog take a chunk out of my jumpsuit?"

For the first time since he'd seen her the girl appeared to shrink in on herself a little, abashed as she looked down at him and gave an embarrassed sort of smile,

"Oh yeah, sorry about that; I've not had them long and just getting used to working with them", she explained before pointing at herself, "anyway, I'm Inuzuka Hana, he", he pointed at the boy who'd broken up the argument and he inclined his head, looking rather bored, "is Kotetsu..."

"Call me Ko", the boy cut her off , raising a hand, "I'm only Kotetsu when I'm in trouble; sorry Hana, carry on". The Inuzuka huffed before pointing again, a look of distaste on her face as she jerked a thumb at the last boy,

"...and that baka over there is Izumo and he's the reason we're here now". Izumo's face darkened at this but, as before, Kotetsu spoke before the argument could be rekindled, looking over at Naruto with a half-annoyed, half-amused expression,

"Stop, both of you, I want to get out of here some time tonight and neither of you are helping. Right, Naruto, mind if I call you that?" He shook his head and the older boy carried on, "Here's the deal; we're in the ninja Academy, second year and we're, or actually those two are in detention – I'm just here because I live with Izumo's parents and I can't go home until he does. Basically what we've got to do is pick up all the Academy weapons we used for training today". At that snippet of information Naruto's blue eyes began to glow,

"So you want me to help you out finding this stuff?" Seeing three heads nod Naruto smirked and clapped his hands, "Sounds right up my alley that, but how did you find me?" At this Hana chuckled, pointing to one of her three puppies, though to the Uzumaki they all looked identical,

"One of the triplets did; they found something orange earlier on the way here and Ko realised it must have been yours; I've heard of you from some of the others in the clan – you're the Mouse and you can find anything", despite himself Naruto couldn't help himself looking a little smug at these words as the young Inuzuka went on, "so I got the triplets on the case and they hunted you down".

"Yeah, literally", Naruto groused, feeling another pang of sympathy pain from his right buttock, "so you want a hand finding this kit then – okay, not a problem but"; _nothing's free here guys, and jiji never said I couldn't ask to learn jutsu_; making a mental note to make sure his next trades revolved around finally accessing his chakra, especially from that ninja cell who seemed to have at least two future teachers in its ranks, Naruto made his offer, "payment for me first".

"Uhh, actually", Izumo scratched the side of his head self-consciously as he pointed at his bag, "not trying to stiff you Mouse, but me and my brother have to try and get home early tonight – can we get this stuff out the way first?" Naruto considered this for a minute before nodding, pointing at the taller boy with Slim,

"Fine but it's your word I'm holding you all to. Any of you bunk off I know your names now". Hana nodded and hefted her sack, a desultory clink showing she'd had little success in her find so far,

"Okay, let's just get this done".

Despite Naruto's assistance however, it still took the four of them over an hour to pick up everything that was on the list of the instructors had drafted for the miscreants to check their haul against. Finally hauling his last bag down Izumo rubbed the sweat off his forehead and gaze his female classmate a heated glare,

"Right we're all done, no thanks to you and your mutts".

"Hey, they're puppies", Hana spat back, the dogs around her feet picking up on their masters' anger and growling at the boy, "they're not trained yet – what, could you throw a kunai when you were five?"

"No but I could at least pick the damn thing up", he countered, Naruto on the sideline tapping Ko on the arm and asking as the older boy removed his fingertips from his temples and looked down,

"Are they always like this?"

"Pretty much, they'll be sending out engagement notices any day now", he replied low enough to avoid even Hana's canine hearing as she continued to bicker with the other boy, "anyway, you want paying right?"

"Yes, and as you're in the Academy, you three have got just the things I'm after between you. Bushin", Ko raised an eyebrow as Naruto pointed at him, the other two looking over at the sudden exclamation, each looking on as Naruto picked them out in turn, "Henge. Kamiwari. One jutsu from each of you when you've learnt them and that'll be that".

Each of the students looked at each other a little bemused as the short orange-clad figure before them made his demands; eventually Izumo, seemingly electing himself statesman of the group, spoke up,

"Uh, why are you after the Academy three, you'll learn them when you join up?"

"That's what I trade for, lessons on being a ninja", Naruto explained as he dusted himself off, "and anyway, I might learn them later but why run the risk when I can definitely learn them now?"

"Now? But it's getting late...?"

"I didn't mean right now", the jinchuuriki calmed Kotetsu's sudden panic, "I can't access my chakra yet but I'm close so it's pointless trying and yes, before you ask, I've pretty much got the hand-seals down pat", all three Academy students looked at each other, wondering how a boy at least four years younger than them had managed a feat like that but jarred from their musing by his voice, "but still, once I'm ready I'll find you to start learning those three; if nothing else I'll remember these guys". He squatted down and extended a hand, seeing the puppy he assumed was the same one that had bitten him earlier trot over and sniff his hand before allowing him to scratch its ears, its brothers following suit over time as he looked up at their owner,

"What're their names?"

"Snappy, Chompy and Fang".

"No they are not", Izumo was forced to duck his companions' slap as Hana took offence to his jokey names for her partners, "they're just the Haimaru triplets, and they're identical".

"So I noticed", Naruto quipped as he stood up and nodded at the other three, "still, I'm out of here for the night but remember", he smirked at each of them in turn, a challenge in his voice and manner as he spoke again, "you'd better learn those jutsus properly – if I don't get them right I know who to blame".

There was a brief silence before Izumo suddenly chuckled, stepping forwards and rubbing his hand through Naruto's hair, the jinchuuriki just about avoiding his normal response of tapping the unfamiliar hand away with the business end of Slim,

"I like you Chibi, you've got guts. Fair point though, I'm a man of my word and I'll get at least one of those three for you. Good luck learning them at your age though".

"Yeah well that's my problem; so, I'm out of here".

"Us too, come on Ko; later she-wolf", with that Izumo turned tail and sprinted for his life as Hana was shocked into life by the comment and tore after him in a rage, face so red it was almost impossible to tell where tattoo ended and cheek began,

"You baka! I'll teach you to call me a wolf – get him boys, I want so many holes in his trousers the Uchiha'll be picking him up for indecent exposure". As the two disappeared over the horizon Naruto, having to fight hard to hold in a snigger, looked up to see Ko with his head in his hands,

"You put up with this?"

"Every day", he agreed with a sigh before making ready to chase after his errant brother and their sometime-mutual friend, "later Mouse". Naruto said nothing but waved as the taller boy took off; only when Kotetsu's form had faded into the distance and he was sure he was alone did the jinchuuriki plant Slim in the ground, lean on it as much as he could and break down into helpless laughter.

A/N: Just some stories about what happened over the first nine months/year of Naruto's training – hopefully you enjoyed these little snippets of his life and seeing some familiar faces younger than you remember them. Oh, one explanatory note – my view on Konoha's schools; from five to nine years old all children are in pre-selection school, they are then tested to see if they can be shinobi. Those that pass may, if they and their family wish, be place in the ninja Academy, those that don't make it finish civilian education or become apprentices in trades such as building etc. In this story, graduation from the Academy is at twelve and Naruto if now five and a half; hence as he's grown his vocabulary has improved and he's able to hold a decent conversation with the Academy students.


	3. Chapter 3 More Mouse Tales

More Mouse Tales

A/N: Yeah, had this idea in my mind for a while now but just had to phrase it right – sorry it took so long but had a few medical niggles recently – nothing serious though and well on the way to recovery. Hope the continuing adventures of Konoha's Mouse entertain you all and, as always, feel free to take a spin-off of this story if the fancy takes you.

The show goes ever on and on...

_I'm going to get my chakra today, I'm going to get my chakra today_; even for a naturally cheerful person Naruto's mind was a real blur of joy and excitement as, fresh from his daily labours, he rushed towards training ground twenty-nine, the pre-arranged meeting point to what he'd unofficially nicknamed the 'teacher team'. The threesome that awaited him were a three-man team that, while originally thrown together following a compilation of injury and promotion from other teams, had proved to be so successful that it had stuck together for the past six months. _Lucky for me they did really_; amongst all the occupants of Konoha Uzumaki Naruto was amongst the first to acknowledge the Kami when it smiled upon him, possibly because it did so infrequently and he was always quick to count his blessings; _I've learnt a lot from them all, even if I'm sure that Ebisu still doesn't like me much_. In the end though it didn't really matter; at the end of the day he was a businessmen and, as he raised a hand in greeting towards the three older and taller forms already in the clearing, as long as the other party held up their end of the deal, he'd walk away happy.

"Af'noon team", he greeting cheerfully, waving a jaunty salute towards the three chunin as he paced into the training ground, his jumpsuit as always making him look like a lit signal flare, "first things first; anyone short any'hing?"

"Apart from a three week break and a large pay rise", the lone kunoichi of the squad complained, running a slim hand through her long mane of raven hair, "no, I think I've got everything I need".

"Same here", the scar-faced chunin told him, rubbing the legacy that had been left by a B-ranked missing nin of Suna before the rest of his squad and their jounin sensei had put the rabid bastard down, though not before Larata had been crippled for life by that drug-crazed opponent, "we mostly had a tactical day, didn't use too much".

"I could use a couple of kunai and your finest shuriken, if you please Uzumaki-san", Naruto just about managed to duck his head towards his rucksack in time to disguise the rolling of his eyes; out of all his customers only the sunglasses-wearing chunin with the supercilious manner didn't address him by his first name, "I have yet to visit the outfitters this week".

"Ah, why go to all the trouble an' waste your hard-earned ryo at a suppliers, save Muruda-sans of course, on'y top-notch equipment on offer dere, when you can just wait for the friend'y Uzumaki rodent to come along?" Naruto enquired as he tipped out his recent haul, his most recent customer delicately sifting through the pile and picking out a few wares, examining each keenly and taking what he wanted, discarding the rest with a slightly disdainful sniff before fixing the smaller form with a piercing glare,

"Recite and demonstrate the common shinobi hand-signs; name each one as you go".

Half-expecting this and already used to the half-mechanical tone of voice Ebisu-san always used when teaching, Naruto stowed Slim back onto the side panel of his rucksack and, remembering the little ditty he'd come up with when pacing the training grounds on the hunt for his precious scrap, the young jinchuuriki cracked his fingers and swiftly manipulated them into the correct forms, chanting as he did so,

"Tiger, snake, ox, boar, bird an' monkey; horse, rat, dragon, dog, hare an' donkey, which is act'ally sheep but we call it donkey 'cause if we didn't it wouldn't rhyme", he explained quickly, thinly amused by the sight of the sunglasses slipping slightly down Ebisu's nose,

"That, uh", coming to her feet the kunoichi of the squad, a recent promotion who had left her former team mates behind due to her superior genjutsu skills, Yuuhi Kurenai appraised the short form before her with a calculating crimson eye, "that was a neat way to remember the signs Naruto-san; I'll have to remember that for the future".

"I hope by the time you get hold of the fu'ure ninja of the Leaf dey'd already know th' hand-signs", he quipped back, the kunoichi chuckling in kind as she swatted the last member of her squad on the shoulder,

"I should hope so though I'll leave that to you Iruka-sempai", the scar-nosed chunin nodded, having never made any secret of his desire to become an Academy teacher, unlike Kurenai who had always wanted to be a jounin and take on the role of a jounin-sensei when she had the prerequisite rank and experience, "still, as you two boys want to teach the younger generation I'll sit this one out; I remember this lesson from my Academy days".

"And of course your Academy days were a good deal more recent than those of some present", Ebisu pointed out dryly, folding his arms, "though I am in agreement with you Yuuhi-san; Umino-san, I leave this lesson to you". _Must be a thing with him – wonder if it's possible for a clan to enhance a sense of propriety that much_; despite his thinking Naruto kept his musings internal, instead choosing to ask a question as he did so,

"Didn't you want to be a teacher too Ebisu-san", as the spectacles turned in his direction he sought to explain himself, "wouldn't you have to be in the 'Cademy as well t'do dat?" A small, slightly proud smile flitted across the usually taciturn mans' face,

"Usually yes, that would be the case; however both my grandfather and my own father dedicated their lives to the art of teaching. The results of their hard work is that our family, both my elder sisters and hopefully myself when I am trained enough, are considered the first port of call for specialised training – if it exists, we can find a way to bring out the potential in people. My father currently trains...very advanced ninja skills and my eldest sister instructs the new medical ninja at the hospital – in a way I suppose you could call teaching my family's calling".

"Wow"; _guess jiji was right, you can hide a lot of potential in an unpreposing exterior – mind you, I think he might have been referring to me when he said it_; once more grateful that jiji always kept a dictionary close at hand when he was in the office, the jinchuuriki looked up at the tall, thin man, "sounds like you got all'a skills. I'm a bit surp'ised your family aren't really famous ninja if de're dat good at learning; you could be ninjutsu 'pecilisms like that Sha-ring-han Kakashi I read about".

"Ah", while flattered to be compared to such a formidable and infamous Leaf jounin, Ebisu knew perhaps better than most how it was good to quash rumours before they could gather too much impetuous, "regrettably that is not the case; an unfortunate quirk of my family, very low chakra reserves. Forgive me if I sound patronising Yuuhi-san", he waited until the kunoichi nodded before continuing, "but it is likely that your chakra reserves will eclipse my own in the near future. For that reason Uzumaki-san while I would be very efficient at learning ninjutsu techniques, I would be a very poor front-line ninjutsu fighter as I lack the stamina for a protracted battle. I therefore serve the Leaf better as a teacher and stratagiser than a warrior, though you will not be my first student; I leave that, honour", he seemed to falter over the word, as though he'd only managed to correct himself at the last minute, "to Umino-san".

Naruto had no time to ponder this unusual hiccup as the scar-faced chunin stepped forwards, unfolding his arms as he looked his so-called pupil up and down severely,

"Very well then Naruto-san; my team and I did have a deal with you and it's our turn to hold our side of the bargain; to access your chakra, you need to hold this hand-seal", beholding the form the chunin twisted his hands into Naruto cocked his head, the movement almost making Kurenai lose her legendary cool and hug the little would-be ninja, "this is called the ram symbol; it's no use for crafting jutsu but especially good at gathering chakra; see how it looks a bit like sheep?"

"Yeah, guess so".

"Very well, hold that seal, focus inwards and try to search for the feel of your inner strength. I'm afraid I can't tell you what this will feel like, it's different for everyone but, when you think you've got it, try to pull it out like drawing a big bucket of water up a well. Think you can manage that?"

"I'll give it a go", Naruto shrugged agreeably, hands already in position as he looked up towards the future teacher, "right, le'see wha' happens". With that, he screwed up his face into a look of intense concentration and sank back onto his heels, focussing on seeking out the mysterious chakra that he contained within him.

Despite her knowledge of what the boy contained within him, the death of her father, both of Iruka's parents and several other famous and powerful shinobi of the Leaf, Kurenai was intrigued by what would happen next; though she would be unable to deny a thrill of horror ran through her that she might have been helping the Kyuubi vessel attain greater strength, the majority was intrigued to see if a child as young as Naruto would have a chakra pool large enough to be accessed. For a long moment she observed the scene, Ebisu by her side likewise enraptured but, as the seconds snailed by and nothing seemed to happen, her was the first patience to run its course,

"Never mind Naruto", his expression never changed even as he looked up at her voice, "I never managed it on my first time and I've now got the best chakra control of my class, save maybe Ebisu-san". The other chunin looked away but flushed, ever so slightly,

"You flatter me Yuuhi-san; my control, while sufficient to extend my paltry reserves a little longer in a fight, would never stand up to the requirement of one of your genjutsus – oh my!"

That sudden exclamation, at least by Ebisu's standards as neither of his team mates had ever heard him swear even at the worst of times, brought all attention back to Naruto; though beads of perspiration were now on his brow, the first time any of the chunins had ever seen him work up anything like a sweat, there was also chakra, a lot of chakra there too. Plumes of dust were dancing upwards from the floor as though they were iron-filings in the presence of a powerful magnet; as this dust rose and Naruto continued to focus, his cheeks flushing with the effort, the motes of mud were suddenly joined by faint blue flickers as a few of wisps of blue chakra swirling around his body; _and it doesn't look like he's slowing down – visible chakra at what, only just six? Even with the demon within him...?_; Ebisu's inferiority complex, never all that far away at the best of times, seemed to redouble as he saw the boy in front of him at least equal and more than likely surpass his entire chakra reserve at an age when most children were still looking up what chakra meant. With a sudden gasp Naruto broke his concentration, the chakra dissipating as squatted down, hands on his knees as he felt the exertion at last, looking up as he wiped his brow with the sleeve of his jumpsuit,

"So", he managed to pant, still not able to stand upright yet, "was dat, chak'a?"

"Yes, and a lot of it at that Naruto-san", Iruka said quietly, sizing him up anew, "it seems that you are quite fortunate indeed; your chakra reserves are much larger than normal – most children your age would have a much smaller chakra pool than that, perhaps not even enough to access it at all".

"Really?" The fact seemed to perplex the Uzumaki entirely, his eyes widening, "Wow, I got that much chakra, will dat make me an awesome ninja?" At this point Kurenai decided to make her point clear,

"Possibly Naruto", she waited just until his eyes started to sparkle before putting the second part to the Faustian pact of chakra and its necessary complimentary aspect, "but only if you learn to control it properly. Before you ask", having pre-empted his next question the kunoichi spoke to answer it, "if your control is lacking you'll waste and quickly exhaust your chakra; this is one of the issues kunoichi face more than men as our chakra pools are naturally smaller. Having proper chakra control helps you conserve this resource, if you like, and you'll last longer in a fight; you'll also have a much easier time with genjutsu".

"Like you do Kurenai-san?"

"Possibly, though you too have a delicate touch on the art Ebisu-san", the team mate who had spoken coughed and looked away, muttering something under his breath as his ears reddened and she turned back to her newest pupil, "so, with your permission Iruka-san?" The aforementioned man raised a hand and took a step back, giving his female team mate the floor as Naruto finally managed to push himself to attention,

"Okay Kurenai-san, what do I need to do; oh, how is dis going t'work – can we leave it there until nex' time I get some decent weapons in?" Black hair shimmering in the sunlight Kurenai shook her head as she picked something up of the floor,

"I don't think in all good conscience any of us could let you leave this training ground without making sure you have at least an idea of how to control your chakra reserves, at least if we want to still consider ourselves teachers at any rate, so you can consider this a freebee. This is the first and most rudimentary chakra-control exercise, the Sticking Leaf; all you do", she slapped her hand to her forehead and Naruto's jaw dropped as he saw the slightly-browning oak leaf stuck where her hand had been, "is channel the chakra to a part of your body to get the leaf to stick; it's easiest at your forehead and hardest at your feet. When you get better at it", she handed the leaf over to him, faintly amused as she saw him regard the ordinary leaf with something akin to awe;_ was I really that wide-eyed and wondering when I saw that trick first time?_; "try two or more leaves, or using your chakra to get a single leaf to curl into a roll, though that is a tricky one; when you master it to Ebisu's standards, come back to us with some more gear and we'll fix you up with the next exercise".

For a long moment during which the leaf was turned over and examined several times it seemed he hadn't heard her but, as he looked up at the kunoichi and her two squad mates, that infamous grin reappeared on his face and he hefted the leaf upwards,

"Hai sensei, I unnerstand; I'll get this down no time". With that he screwed up his face, flipped the leaf into the palm of his hand and slapped it onto his forehead just as Kurenai had, immediately afterwards screwing his face up with his hands in the ram seal.

Ebisu was the one who saw what was going to happen first when the edges of the leaf started to curl upwards but before he could do anything to stop the situation from spiralling out of hand the leaf on Naruto's forehead burst into flames. The sight of the just-about six year old suddenly sprinting around the training ground and yelling like a madman while repeatedly slamming his forehead against the palms of his hands was enough to make all three chunins in the clearing snicker and laugh out loud, even more so when his soot-stained face attempted to glower at them prior to picking up another leaf from the ground.

After all, even a teacher was allowed to laugh occasionally.

XXX

"Hey, Chibi", the sudden shout jerked Naruto out of the light doze he'd been in, letting him blink up at the sight of the older girl who stood scowling down at him, "what are you doing here, these are Academy grounds".

"Hmm, oh I was jus' waitin' for someone", he explained, looking past the black-haired young lady in the blue and black uniform who looked like she was in the graduating year or the year below that, older than either of the threesome he had come to see, "you know when Izumo and Kotetsu usual'y show up, or Inzuka Hana?"

"You mean Inuzuka Hana?" _Damn, forgot the U_; closing his eyes at his mistake the youngster nodded quickly, the girl's expression softening slightly as she stood up, thinking, "I don't know the first two but Hana-san usually arrives with her mother and a little kid about your age; you can always tell when the Inuzuka's show up, their dogs bark enough to raise the dead. Anyway", she pointed a suddenly-stern finger towards the gate Naruto had squeezed himself through about ten minutes earlier, "if you're going to wait you'd better do it outside; the teachers might get mad if they catch you in here, you're way too young to be enrolled. In fact", she seemed to suddenly realise something for the first time, dark grey eyes narrowing slightly as she looked down at Naruto again, "how _did_ you get in here in the first place?"

"Oh, jus' went through the gate", he replied blandly, inwardly quite grateful that the green-shouty man he'd traded with occasionally had recently, and loudly, declared his knowledge of the basic stretches and other exercises sufficient and moved onto slightly more advanced techniques, one or two of which he'd used to wriggle his way into the Academy itself, "bu' how did you get in?"

His forthrightness seemed to stun her somewhat and she fell back half a pace, suddenly defensive as she raised her arms as though warding his question off,

"Oh, Raido-sensei knows I like to come in early to study; I have a problem reading for some reason, something not quite right with my eyes, I see all the words backwards on the page and it takes me a while to unscramble them. I kept trying to sneak in early to get extra time to read the scrolls for practice; in the end he must have got fed up with seeing me waiting for him on the step and just gave me my own key, said I could keep it as long as I didn't cause any trouble. I don't really, just set up a few little pranks now and then", she leant forwards conspiratorially, some instinct Naruto couldn't quite name making him do likewise as a small smile graced her lips, "but don't tell sensei, or the clan for that matter".

"Clan?" Despite never having a family Naruto knew the basic idea of a clan was that it was essentially a large family that had something, usually a particular ninja skill, in common. Due to his trading he was aware of some of the clans in Konoha, the Hyuuga and the Inuzuka most of all as their unusual faces and, in the Hyuuga's case, standards of dress made them easy to spot, but the clan this girl must have belonged to was unknown to him, "Sorry f'soundin' dumb, bu' which clan are you from?" She regarded him almost suspiciously for a moment before, apparently satisfied by the innocent curiosity on his face, she gave an answer

"Uchiha, I'm Uchiha Mila", she half-turned around, letting him see the clan symbol on the back of her dark navy shirt, "and you are?"

"Uzumaki Naruto, and I'm gonna be th' Hokage someday", springing to his feet the little jinchuuriki thrust one fist in the air, looking so determined that Mila couldn't quite bring herself to laugh at his pose, though there was no stopping the broad smile that blossomed on a face that should, by clan diktat, have been serious and severe at all times,

"So I see; well you're in the right place for that Naruto-san but you're a little too young to enlist properly; shoo", she wafted him off with her hand, pointing towards the gate, "the first of the senseis will be here in about ten or so minutes". Naruto bobbed his head obediently and headed back towards the plain iron gate of the Academy before a sudden thought occurred to him and he paused,

"Sorry Mila-chan", halfway through picking up the school bag she'd set down prior to accosting the trespasser dozing on the Academy swing, the Uchiha looked over her shoulder to see Naruto tapping his thumbs together, not quite able to meet her eye, "was'a prank?"

_What's a...okay_; though at first glance a typical Uchiha from her serious and studious attitude Mila was not so hard-hearted that she would automatically dismiss someone without the Sharingan as inherently worthless; she'd done that once before and had her nose broken for it, Akimichi Gouji never one to put up with any slur against his clans' good name or honoured history. For this reason as much as any other the Academy student paused, bag halfway to her shoulder, before a slow smirk crept over her lips and she replaced it back on the floor; _time for a little lesson young Uzumaki_;

"A prank, well it's a bit like a joke – tell you what, best learn through doing; you know your friend Hana-san?"

"Hai".

"Well"; _perfect, a way to strike back against the Inuzuka for that nin-ken peeing up our clan wall, and no-one will be any the wiser. If nothing else it'll also teach Naruto-san how to run away really, really fast_; with that justification in her mind the grey-eyed Uchiha beckoned the young jinchuuriki to dip his head forwards, "to pull a little prank on her, this is one thing you could do...?"

Though she didn't realise it, would never be credited for it by the wider population and would sadly never live to see the crowning glory of her words, in that moment Uchiha Mila created her own legacy; as she spoke, her message became an inspiration to the one future ninja of the Leaf who would grow up to be, amongst numerous other things, the greatest prankster the Elemental nations had ever known.

XXX

Attuned to the sense of her partner on a level unsurpassed by any Inuzuka in living memory, Tsume had turned her head almost before Kuromaru's growl had reached her ears; holding up a hand respectfully from two-thirds of the Ino-Shika-Chou team, the current head of the House of Dogs glanced down towards where the wolf-like dog was poised, rigid as a statue with his one ear laid flat against his head,

"What is it?"

"Hana", the pack-leader snarled back, the mention of her only daughter bringing Tsumes' head around so fast she almost cricked her neck; observing the scene however, she could just see her eldest child speaking happily with a couple of her friends, "the fox, it hunts her".

"Fox? Have you got dust in your eye or something Kuro-kun, there's no...oh", finally following the canines' eye line she felt her lip curl in tandem with his own, baring pointed fangs as she saw the creature that had killed her husband and many others in her clan, obviously not satisfied with that offering of blood, had returned to stalk her daughter; _just as well Kiba's at home for the day mucking out the kennels – that'll teach him to try and sneak extra food out the kitchen_; "I see. S'cuse me a moment guys, I just need to dissuade little gakis from sniffing around my girl". Before she could take more than a pace however, her progress was arrested by a large hand gripping her upper arm, Chouza seeing what she had over her shoulder and stopping her before she did anything rash,

"Peace Tsume-chan", it was a mark of how long she'd known the large man that she didn't take offence at his term of familiarity despite the fact she knew the Akimichi patriarchs' wife personally, "that's just Uzumaki Naruto, not...anyone else".

"But what's he doing here", she asked snappishly, shrugging off his restraining grip, "unless he's planning to enrol but even then..."

"Hokage-sama would never approve; he's far too young", Inoichi finished for her, having waved off his younger relative Fuu for the day in lieu of his bedridden cousin twice removed, "besides, from what I've heard from my clansmen still training out in the grounds he's no bother, just hunts around for scrap and trades weapons with the nin he finds there. Still, I agree with you Tsume-chan; why is he here and, more to that", he fingered his chin as he saw the short, orange-clad form slowly approached the Inuzuka heir and, having caught the attention of her gambolling puppies, he seemed to strike up a conversation with her, "what does your daughter have to do with it?"

The bark of one of the Haimaru triplets alerted her to the presence behind her; as she span around she saw nothing until a blur a blonde from below her eye line made her look down

"Naruto", the boy looked up, one hand still on the slate-grey back of one of the puppies as he smiled up at her, "what are you doing here?"

"Waiting f'you, or Izumo or Ko, w'ichever of you came first", he replied, standing up and apparently not noticing as some of the other students immediately vacated the area as though he were the carrier of some virulent pox, "I got my chak'a a few weeks ago an' been working on my control. Now I'm ready to get my first jutsu". Hana blinked at this,

"Really, uh"; _man that was fast, way too fast_; as she, along with the ever-present twin thorns in her side Izumo-baka and his all-but brother, had only been in the third year of the Academy a little more than two months they'd only just begun to learn the Academy three, though she reckoned she had a better grasp than most of her peers of the first jutsu they had learnt; _so, better this than nothing else I guess_; "well, nice one Chibi; so, first jutsu, we only just got onto learning it ourselves believe it or not, finally got through the damned history lectures. This one's called kamiwari no jutsu, the body-switch; all it does is replace you with a nearby inanimate object to get you out the way on an incoming attack; the way Raido-sensei described it to us was to imagine a very thin string connecting you and the thing you want to switch with, make the seals bird, for movement, and sheep, to gather chakra, and then 'pull' the string while saying the name of the jutsu. If you get it right you should swap places with the object; that's all the help I can give you Chibi, I don't know any more myself. Got it?"

"Yeah, I think so", Naruto replied after a moment of head-scratching before his face brightened and he waved, "hey Izumo, Ko".

Forewarned by his greeting the Inuzuka scion span on her heel to direct her hardest glare at the boy who made her life a living hell only to realise a little too late, as a small hand gripped the belt of her trousers and gave a very hard yank upwards, she'd been had.

"Pranked", Naruto taunted in a sing-song voice, though as the Inuzuka turned very slowly back towards the miniature joker, pulling her violated clothing back down to its normal position with one hand while making a hard fist with the others, the formerly friendly puppies around her feet suddenly slinking forwards with hackles raised as they picked up on their mistress's aggravation, the smirk dropped away from his face, "uhh, Hana-chan, it was just a prank, you know for fuuuuhh-ohhh – kamiwari no jutsu!"

As they watched the Uzumaki, blue eyes wide and terrified as he realise his jutsu had failed, turn on his heels and run away screaming from the trio of nipping nin-ken and their wrathfully-roaring owner Inoichi, having seen the whole thing and struggling to hide his shaking shoulders in case Tsume turned around suddenly, felt obliged to make a comment,

"He's fearless I'll give him that, he's absolutely fearless".

"And he's got good taste", Chouza added, in a similar state to his former team mate as he watched the youngster twist, duck and dive amongst the crowd to try and avoid the rushes of the embarrassed Inuzuka girl,

"Wonder what they were saying?" The Akimichi mused, tipping the wink to his partner-in-crime as he did so – in their heyday Ino-Shika-Chou were as infamous for their pranks in Konoha as they were for their battle prowess out of it, "You catch it Tsume-chan?" She didn't answer verbally, instead shaking her head slowly from side to side as she watched her daughter grab the Kyuubi container by the neck and rub hard knuckles through his scalp, his yelps of pain audible even over the rest of the milling Academy crowd as the bell rang for the five-minute warning for lessons,

"No, missed it", she admitted, turning back to face them with an almost rueful expression on her face, Kuromaru likewise a little perturbed as he watched some of the youngest members of his pack savaging the jinchuuriki's sandals, "must have been something fruity to rile Hana-chan up though; last thing I need now is my little flower growing up too fast and picking up gakis like him". Inoichi nodded sagely,

"I know that feeling; I've already got the calming tablets on order for when Ino-chan grows up and starts the Academy; oh", he perked up with a respectful nod, "Haishi-san, good to see you again".

Like her daughter before her Tsume turned around; unlike Hana however, she was old and experienced enough to whip both hands around and just behind her; because of that she was able to intercept the two pairs of pinching fingers that extended towards her exposed target, holding them tight and smirking broadly as she spoke over her shoulder to the two trapped shinobi,

"Now then you two"; _thanks Kuro-kun_; to his credit the dog didn't react to his partners wink as he watched Inoichi and Chouza trying desperately to extract their sticky fingers as the Inuzuka spoke with the friendly, threatening tone that had developed over long years of partnering and going on missions with the shinobi of her generation, "what's it work I don't tell your wives about your attempts to get fresh with me?"

"Ah", caught with his fingers quite literally in the danger area, the Yamanaka clan head turned to his similarly-collared partner in crime, "we didn't think that through very well did we?"

"Not really", Chouza agreed, thinking up various scenarios of what his dear Chime-hime would do to him if Tsume followed through on her promise to tattle and shuddering, "okay Tsume-chan, what would you want for your silence?"

"Let's just say", she gave the trapped fingers a final twist before letting go in time to wave Hana into school for the day, the scolded Uzumaki slinking out the way of further reprisals as she looked over her shoulders to beam at them malevolently, "bring your chequebooks".

XXX

Finally heaving a huff of frustration Naruto put aside the leaf on his head with a weary sigh; for some reason no matter how hard he tried it never seemed to get any easier to get the stupid thing to stick to even his forehead, never mind anywhere else on his body. Still, he could do it now and that was a great improvement on the first time he'd tried it; at least he wasn't burning himself any more. Still, Kurenai-sensei had impressed upon him the importance of good chakra control and just because he had a lot of it, that didn't mean he was going to scrimp on what could one day be very important; _especially since I think Iruka-san said he might try to make it a requirement to pass his classes when he gets into the Academy – if he'd done that before I got to know him I'd be well and truly screwed. Still, for the time being_; like most kids being presented with a new treat or toy Naruto felt his pulse start to quicken as he stood up from his cross-legged sitting position and casually threw the cushion he'd been sat on onto the nearest chair, wanting a soft landing in case he got this jutsu down fast; _and I will, because I'm the future Hokage, believe it!_

With that thought in his mind the jinchuuriki determinedly set his sights on the cushion, flipped through the hand-signs Hana had told him, imagined throwing a thin twine around the cushion and shouted the jutsu around,

"Kamiwari no jutsu!"

That had been a week ago and he was still frustratingly stuck on the replacement jutsu; though he was getting closer the progress, much like his chakra control, was painfully slow. Still, as he knew from repeated lessons from both his jiji's, whether it be on moaning at the washing up or being unable to spell a specific word enough to annotate a report with it, shouting and screaming to the heavens wouldn't do anything but make him feel better so, facing the cushion again, he cleared his mind and tried again. _Cast chakra forwards like a wire, bird seal, sheep seal and call..._;

"Kamiwari no jutsu!"

_Okay, I felt it again_; it was something but not much of something Naruto internally complained as he watched the slightly-disturbed cushion flop to the floor; _it's moving and I move the same amount_; once more he was grateful he'd taken to sitting on a second cushion – the carpet-burns had been a killer first time it had happened; _but it's not enough. Why is that?_; folding his hands and placing one fist just under his chin, willing the gears in his mind to turn correctly; _am I not using enough chakra or something, but this is supposed to be an E-rank jutsu! How can I be Hokage if I can't even mange something this simple – no, no don't get distracted_; with a conscious effort he willed himself to concentrate and determine what was wrong by logical thought and deduction rather than give in to his childish instincts of throwing things around and demand someone tell him the answer.

It took a little time as he reminded himself of what Hana had told him about the jutsu, what it was meant to do and how it was supposed to accomplish it; _in theory the string should snap forwards and you and the object should switch places – you pull the object towards where you were and by the law of chakra conservation and motion_; Naruto made a mental note to thank the Sandaime for explaining this theory to him, though he had been careful not to give the old man any indication that he was actively learning the Academy three just yet; _as chakra can't be used to fill a vacuum, as the movement of the object switched with creates, the chakra string instantly flexes and drags you into the space where the object was before dissipating in smoke. Because of this you can make kamiwari smokeless by using exactly the right amount of chakra to pull the switch and it's harder to replace yourself with a living object or person as they have their own chakra, so it's harder to force it to come with you – you have to overpower their chakra's inertia with the force of your chakra pulling them along. _

_Still_; he frowned despite himself; _knowing the theory is one thing but actually being able to do it is something else – chakra control shouldn't be too much of an issue, so what am I doing wrong? Well, I know that one_; the fact he was moving a little was enough of an answer for that question – he wasn't moulding enough chakra to complete the technique fully, his chakra string was sluggish to form and, because of that, he couldn't pull it fast enough to actually swap with the pillow; _so how can I get more chakra faster? Should I add another sheep seal, that might do it, but then_; this was actually an old argument and, having tried it, it hadn't worked at all well, even if it had allowed him to switch once before; _this jutsu's supposed to get you out the way in an instant, hell a lot of ninja can do it smokelessly without seals or saying the name aloud – I'd look a real lemon if I was there fiddling with five or six sheep seals to move, I'd be dead before I got anywhere. So extra sheep are out, what..._

At that moment, thinking about sheep seals and working out what other potential seals could be used to gather chakra, another voice seemed to echo back to him and Naruto's eyes snapped open; looking down at his hands with a sudden excitement pounding through him, the newly-minted six-year old formed the new seal and, after considering the advice that it was supposed to be useless in actually performing ninjutsu, shrugged, smiled shyly and decided he had nothing to lose so would give it a go anyway. Squaring up to the pillow across from him earlier Naruto told himself mentally that this time he'd do it, he fixed his gaze on the pillow and recited in his mind; _okay, thin ribbon of chakra, bird seal, ram seal and..._

"Kami..."

There was a sudden loud 'bamf' noise in his ears and he felt himself crashing into something; dizzy and disorientated, the jinchuuriki had only a second to recover before a slow vertigo assailed his senses and he found himself shrieking as he tucked himself into a tight ball, awaiting the end with a terrified kind of acceptance. He seemed to hang in the air for an eternity before, with a bone-jarring thud, he felt his new ride hit the floor and he tumbled off the back of the chair onto the floor, panting with adrenaline and shock as, after checking all his limbs were still present and functioning correctly, he slowly rolled onto his front and began to pick himself up, seeing what had happened. For a moment he was unsure as to why the chair had fallen over in the first place, scratching his head until he looked beyond it and felt his jaw drop.

Sitting directly in front of him on top of the pillow he'd been half-crouched on was the pillow he'd aimed to switch with, one corner drooping onto the floor as it wobbled in its place.

_I did it_; the thought was so alien and weird that for a moment he didn't believe the evidence of his own eyes; in fact only when he paced slowly over to the pillow and poked it tentatively did he actually leap into the air with an exclamation of delight; _I actually really did it – I can do the Kamiwari! Forget sheep, ram's where it's at for this one_; even as he re-wrote his own mental notes, however, the question of why rose up to greet him and he pondered for a minute; _the teacher-team said I had a lot of chakra, could that be it? Ah, who cares, what matters is I can do it – now all I need to do is practise lots, then I can work on what that Hyuuga said_; memories of the white-eyed man regarding him dispassionately almost made the youngster shiver – of all the clans except maybe those guys with sunglasses and high collars the Hyuuga clan always gave him the creeps as he could never tell what they were thinking, though in that instance he'd gotten some good information for his spool of ninja wire.

_Okay, this time_; he told himself as he straightened the chair and, after a second's deliberation, chucked the practice pillow towards the settee this time, not wanting to risk damaging the more rickety of the two pieces of furniture he owned; _feel the flow of the chakra, how it moves when you make those seals. After that, because I never really said its name anyway_; a slight tinge of pride flavoured his thoughts at that moment but, excited by what might await him in the future, he decided against paying it too much heed; _try to move the chakra without even using all the seals – hmm, this will take work_; he knew next to nothing about the Hyuuga clan but what he did know was that you didn't try to fight them hand to hand unless you were the best and their chakra control was legendarily good, something to do with their scary white eyes; _but a future Hokage never backs down, believe it!_

Having set his mind on this new goal Naruto, having targeted the pillow, closed his eyes, moulded his hands slowly through the seals he needed, trying to trace the movement of his energy as he did so and, without speaking, gave his chakra a hard _yank..._

A second later there was a sudden crunch and a groan of pain as, rather than the pillow, he swapped with settee itself and as a result slammed himself into the wall it had rested against; _right, mental note_; he grimaced as he picked himself back up and shook his woozy head; _little less chakra next time_.

XXX

Dashing through the snow littering the training ground Naruto once again simultaneously cursed the fact he was running late and blessed the Hasuwadas for getting some gloves in his size in just before the cold teeth of winter had properly bitten around Konoha. The training grounds were covered in snow and ice, a boon and a bane for Naruto as on the one hand most ninja were less likely to look for their lost gear due to the cold but on the other trying to find shuriken and kunai alone was difficult under a blanket of snow and ninja wire, forget it in this weather. Blowing into his pair of white mittens, the Mouse of Konoha pulled up his collar and ducked under another low tree branch, careful not to disturb its current cargo of snow and have the whole lot drop down the back of his collar; once bitten twice shy in that regard.

The winter had been unusually cold but luckily jiji had been around to check his apartments' heating system just before the first snow started to fall so that had been a bonus; he'd had frost-nip once before and it had taken him ages to get the feeling back into his fingertips. The mittens he had now were protecting him from the cold in the training ground and the thick socks he'd traded for were proving to be a good investment by keeping his feet warm, but regardless of that he was still running late for his last meeting of the day if he wanted to get back to Konoha before nightfall – jiji didn't like it if he wasn't back in the village before dark. The chunin Maito Guy had kept him longer than expected and, accidentally adding injury to injury, one of the new stretches he'd had Naruto try out as the penultimate step for to the full lateral splits had all but ripped both his jumpsuit and his groin; it had taken him fifteen minutes to even hobble in a straight line after that, never mind run.

Still, overall it would be worth it; though the green-shouty man was loud and at times as literally overpowering as he was a powerhouse in a fight, Naruto already felt a little stronger and a lot more flexible than he had been a year ago, though he was a little disappointed that the chunin had been resolute in his decree that he wouldn't teach the orange-clad pre-genin any taijutsu until he was at least eight, a year before he joined the Academy. As he recognised the signs that he was getting close to the teacher-team training area he banished such thoughts and reached for the strap of his rucksack, ready with his present as he slowly stepped into the clearing and looked around; _damn_; he inwardly cursed as his face fell, realising his tardiness had cost him; _too late they've all gone home. Not that I blame them_; he shivered and hugged himself up in his jumpsuit; _it's getting chilly out here again. Let's see_; realising he'd missed an opportunity with friends, Naruto turned to the clearing again with a professional eye;_ did they drop anything?_

With his scavenging instincts honed and refined over a period of several months Konoha's mouse immediately went on the hunt, though he was doubtful he'd find anything as out of all the teams save for maybe those containing one or more Hyuuga with their all-seeing eyes, an unfair advantage in the world of finding things other people had dropped Naruto always groused in private as it was a rare day he'd ever find anything that had once belonged to a Hyuuga on the training ground, his teacher-team was orderly, neat and tidy. _Still, the cold might have made them forget, especially Kurenai-san – I think she wears that outfit for distraction to fight filthy but I doubt it keeps the chill out much_; Naruto reasoned mentally, peering under a thick bush before shaking his head and straightening up; _nope, nothing under there save leaves and bugs. Apart from that though, nothing ventured nothing gained – hey, what's...Ebisu-san?_

Ducking back behind the bush he'd just examined Naruto peeked up again and realised that yes, he was indeed looking at the eldest member of the trio; the lanky chunin was reclining against a thick tree, something that looked like a garishly-covered book at eye-level with his sunglasses. It must have been a good read because he hadn't even noticed the equally-orange boy scrutinising him and he was usually very observant; Naruto took a second of screwing up his eyes before realising he couldn't see the words on the front cover and decided he might as well introduce himself,

"Hey Ebisu-san, what'cha readin'?"

The reaction to his jauntily-shouted greeting was both explosive and amusing; the chunin all but shot into the low branches of the tree he was stood under, book flailing and flapping around as he looked around wildly in every direction save the right one as he sought to track down the sudden shouts' source. He must have blinked at some point as the tall man moved as one second the book was there and the second after it wasn't, hidden in some part of the chunin's ninja equipment as, face slightly reddened, he folded his arms and looked at the child,

"Ah, Uzumaki-san", he paused to clear his throat, looking at Naruto through his ever-present glasses; _I wonder if he's related to those bug-guys at all – they always wear sunglasses, but he doesn't have a high collar_; "what, ah, what are you doing here?"

"Was hopin' to run into your team", he replied, shucking his rucksack to the floor and opening it up, "jus' wanted to say thanks for teachin' me that Sticky Leaf thing". An eyebrow rose,

"You have that exercise mastered?" Naruto shook his head,

"Nah not yet, but at least I can get the thing to stick wi'out burnin' my eyebrows off", the jinchuuriki admitted before opening the top of his travelling pack, "so, anythin' you need?" Ebisu shook his head, still looking a little flustered with cheeks that appeared red enough to melt any snowflake that dared fall within ten feet of them,

"Ah, no not at present Uzumaki-san", he seemed to be more on edge that even Naruto had suspected, looking around as though desperate for a way back to Konoha at short notice, "I believe it would be best if you, in fact if we returned to the village now, it is getting rather late". At this Naruto nodded, feeling it would be nice to have some company on the journey back rather than coming in solo as he usually did; hefting Slim and pulling his rucksack back on, he looked up to beam at the chunin,

"Okay, sounds like a plan Ebisu-sensei", with a tilt of his wrist the top of Muruda-san's gift pointed towards the distant village gates, "le's go".

The trip back was surprisingly quiet between the two of them, though this might have been due to Ebisu setting a quicker pace than Naruto was used to on the trip back; however it didn't take Naruto long to adjust to this due to his continuing traipses around the training ground and, because of this, it wasn't long before the question Ebisu had dreaded was asked,

"So, what were you reading?"

"That was a", though lying was anathema to someone who wished to spend his life as a teacher, Ebisu was well aware that some things were just not to be admitted to save by highly-renowned jounin who were strong enough to take stick from no-one so was, just this once, content to bend the truth just a little, "a book about ladies and how to interact with them". This made Naruto look cross-eyed for a minute before he gave a slow, thoughtful nod,

"Okay, bu' if you wanted to know about ladies why don't you ask Kurenai-san?" The unexpected query almost made Ebisu miss his step, choking as he looked around at the smaller form by the side of him,

"Uzumaki-san", he sounded horrified and Naruto immediately back-pedalled; _what, what did I say wrong?_; "there are some questions no man should ever ask a lady, especially not a kunoichi"; _at least, not if he wants to keep all his extremities attached to his body_;

"What kind of questions?" Luckily if there was one thing Ebisu was good at, it was deflecting attention and interest from himself and putting the onus back on others,

"Hmm, I'll let you answer your own question here Uzumaki-san", the chunin informed him, the ghost of a smile on his lips as his shielded eyes glanced sideways and down once more, "what do you know about the fairer sex?"

It was a question that rather foxed Naruto, though once he realised the chunin meant the fairer sex as in ladies rather than...the other kind, he thought back to the girls he did actually know,

"Umm, they're okay, some of them; I mean Tenten-chan's really cool, she wants to be a ninja an' her daddy's showing her how to use all the ninja weapons, and Ayame-chan's a real good cook an' she's really smart too".

"You like these young ladies then?"

"Er, yeah, kinda", Naruto scratched the back of his head, not quite sure where the ninja was going with this, "they're friends if that's what you mean".

"Ah, friends", as though this was the answer he'd been waiting for Ebisu slowed down, pushing his glasses up his nose, "well that is a good sign Uzumaki-san, having friends who are girls your own age is a very good trait to have. However, when you grow older there is a chance you might start to see these girls, or, at least, one of these girls as, something a little, closer than a friend, if you see what I mean".

"Closer than friends?" Racking his brain the jinchuuriki thought as much as he was able to – for some reason he thought a lot of Izumo and Ko, having seen the deadly duo on more than one occasion as they finished their practical training sessions at the Academy training grounds and one of the words they used to tease each other regarding the girls in their class,

"You mean like a girlfriend?" _That_ Ebisu hadn't been expecting,

"How do you know what a girlfriend is?"

"Heard it off some people I know in the 'Cademy", Naruto spoke dismissively before, as he thought about the problem, he saw a thread between Ebisu's questions and what he'd said earlier about the other member of his squad and, once he'd seen the beginnings of such a path, he could do nothing more than follow it, "oh, is that why you were reading that book – you wanted to ask Kurenai-san to be your gi..."

He was cut off by a sudden hand slapping over his mouth, Ebisu looking around as though he was expecting to see missing nin come crawling out the trees all around them before releasing his prisoner belatedly, Naruto heaving down a deep breath after his unexpected suffocation,

"Naruto", it was a sign of how desperate the man must have been that he actually used the jinchuuriki's first name as he stood back up tall and glared, "you are _never_ to repeat that I was reading that book or mentioned Kurenai around it to another living soul! Especially not Kurenai-ch,san".

"Why not? I think it's quite, uhh, what's the word", he scrunched his face up, clicking his fingers as he tried to recall the elusive syllables, "en-dear-ring, if that's it, reading that 'cause you didn't know how to ask her yourself. So, you going to ask her?"

"No, of course I'm not". Naruto's face fell,

"Why not? You're both chunin, you're in the same squad and you must like her if you were reading a book on how to ask her, what's the problem?"

"Because"; _how did it come to this – I never asked to be giving the talk to an inquisitive six-year old_; "because Kurenai-san and I would never work as a couple".

"Why not? What's wrong with her; is she sick or something?"

"Nothing is wrong with Kurenai-san, she's in perfect health; the problem, I fear, lies with me", Ebisu was already well aware of his faults, especially in comparison to the kunoichi who had already surpassed him, "compared to her I've very little to offer; she's a lot more competent as a ninja, her genjutsus are all but flawless and compared to my own ambitions her are much more advanced and, unlike me, she has the skill and drive to achieve them, and she is two and half years younger than I am. I would do nothing but hold her back".

It was a little harsh but overall it seemed fair; Ebisu knew, or at least had a vague idea of his probable future and in no way could he see the raven-haired kunoichi playing more of a part in it than as a short-term team mate. To his relief Naruto seemed to accept this as well, though he looked a little put out by his admissions; before he could enquire why however, the jinchuuriki spoke,

"That was mean; I didn't think Kurenai-san would say things like that to people, least of all her own team. I think you're an okay, or better than okay, teacher an' you know more than she does about being a ninja, an' you've got loads more experience than her; if she said that to you she's not much of a friend an' I sure wouldn't want her as a girlfriend". _What, Kurenai-chan would never say those – oh I see_; now he was able to see Naruto's error he was able to correct it,

"Well you were right in one regard", almost despite himself a slight smile slid over his face as Naruto looked up beaming at being told he'd done something right, "Kurenai-san would never say such things about people. One of the most important things a ninja can know is his own limitations; minimising the risks of these limitations to others is one of the principle reasons Konoha's nins use the team system. My low chakra reserves, for instance, are overcome by Umino-san, while I can quickly analyse a situation and think my way out of many situations that may flummox him. However because of the differences between us I couldn't ask Kurenai-san to be my... very close friend – she deserves someone who is better suited to her skills and abilities".

"Does she think that?"

The question, coming as it did after a moment of silence following his explanation ending, brought Ebisu up short, blinking as he looked down at the diminutive figure by the side of him,

"I beg your pardon?"

"Is that what Kurenai-san thinks; I mean", Naruto sought to explain himself as Ebisu fixed him with a stern but not evil eye, "everything you said, is that what Kurenai said, or thinks? I don't know, I don't know her enough so I guess you'd have a better idea'n me, but if she hasn't said those things to you why do you think that? She could say you're being silly, or overthinkin' things – she said you were good at genjutsu last time I saw you guys so she must think you're fairly good – I know she's the 'Llusion Queen of Konoha so if she says you're good you must be. I dunno but shouldn't you ask before saying you couldn't work – tha's like me saying I couldn't do a technique without trying it; at least I'd give it a go first, I might be shock myself. If it didn't work then never mind, at least I tried".

_At least I tried_; the words rattled around Ebisu's head as he kept step with the youngster, slowing down to Naruto's pace as the duo made it onto the main road back into Konoha; to cover his tracks and mask his thinking, however, the would-be teacher flicked his eyes sideways and spoke in his most elite tutoring voice,

"It's possible you're right Naruto; however for now explain the purpose of an ending seal and give examples of the common ones".

"An ending seal", Naruto spoke after a moment, screwing his face up as he tried to remember the explanations he'd read from the scrolls in jiji's office, "is the last seal used in a technique and is commonly to convert the chakra used in the technique to a specific element. The common ending seals are tiger for fire jutsus, dragon for lightning, ox for earth and bird for wind; water jutsus doesn't have a common ending seal..."

"And why is this?"

"Umm, because according to legend the twelve animals of the hand-seals all swam across a river, therefore no aquatic animals could compete".

"Good, now what is chakra and how can a ninja increase his reserves?" _I wonder_; even as he asked Ebisu felt the weight of the book in his back equipment pouch and its mirror in the pit of his stomach; even as he did though he heard Naruto speak again with the innocence of his youth and the ball of dread solidified; _at least I can try – I wonder if the Yamanakas are open still, and if I remember rightly Kurenai was planning to throw a celebration in a few months time when her friend gets back – if I offered some help there..._;

"Chakra is..."

XXX

"Surprise!"

She was so deep in her thoughtful trance that she didn't even notice how dark the interior of the dango store she'd arranged to meet Kurenai-chan at had been; because of that when the lights went on and everyone jumped out from where they'd been hiding quite a few of them were forced to jump back in again to avoid been kebabbed by rapid-fire kunai.

"Enough, enough", once more Genma managed to keep his ever-present senbon in his mouth even as he shouted at the top of his lungs, "we surrender; please accept our offering of dango and sake as a token of our submission". Still not dropping her recent kunai and with a jutsu on the tip of her tongue the recently-returned kunoichi glared around at everyone before, to a chorus of relieved exhalations, she dropped the item back into her weapon pouch, grabbed a skewer of dango from the closest table and let a massive grin slip over her face,

"You got that right; crawl maggots, crawl", Anko demanded, stepping forwards to accept a saucer of sake from the senbon-chewing chunin, "cheers Genma-kun, I take it you had a lot to do with this?" Typically of his affable nature, he shrugged and wafted a hand around,

"Mostly Kurenai-chan actually but we all did our bit", he admitted, the other chunin and occasional career genin, now they realised the threat was over, shuffled back out from where they'd dived for cover and slowly began to strike up conversations, "so, glad to be back?"

"Sort of", Anko seemed to mimic her slightly older friend by talking around her dango skewer; though Genma had graduated in the year above her at the Academy, he was so laid-back that even following her reappearance after the Oroichimaru incident he bore her no ill-will and because of that made it onto the very short list of people the Snake Mistress called more than a casual acquaintance, "the last mission was important but it was _sooooo _long; I had to act the part of a good little courtesan for over six months and the diamyo of Mist is a real stick-in-the-mud – totally faithful to his wife and wouldn't even think of goosing one of his courtesans, never mind having some fun with one".

"From what I've heard of that diamyo's wife I can't blame him; she's supposed to be able to put Tora to shame", Genma chuckled, helping himself to a bite of dango as Anko moved slightly around him, looking for her oldest friend, "still, you got the mission done with extra from what I hear; managed to isolate a couple of spies in our own court". Anko smirked nastily,

"Yeah, and Ibiki better save me some when he gets his grubby little mitts on them". Genma shook his head, finally removing his senbon and tucking it behind his ear as he made to move away from the returning kunoichi, her previous mission finally over,

"I'm sure he won't forget; anyway from what I hear you're going to be needed more than ever Anko-chan - you hear what happened to the Sandaime's little girl?"

"Yeah, occupational hazard in our line of work", the seductive infiltrator admitted; though she'd not seen the youngest Sarutobi since she'd been re-instated as a chunin of the Leaf Anko acknowledged the other woman as a rival of sorts as both kunoichi were infiltration specialist; however as the Sarutobi was a direct relation to the Sandaime and therefore a major prize for the enemy should she be captured she officially didn't exist and no-one outside her immediate family had ever conclusively seen her on a mission or reporting to her father, "still good luck to her; while she's out of commission with her brat that leaves me as the number one seductress of Konoha".

Anko flashed a victory sign and grinned as Genma just shook his head, knowing from long experience that when she was in this kind of mood it would be an exercise in futility in trying to talk to her like a grown-up; _not like she hasn't earnt the right to act like a kid though – I couldn't do the job she does_.

"And you're proud of that?"

"Yep", Anko assured him with a happy nod before draping an arm over his shoulder, sultriness in her smile and mischief in her lavender eyes, "now what say you and I ditch this place, head to mine and I show you just how I got my number one spot?"

"I say I'm not that suicidal, even if it would be a hell of a way to go", Genma countered, ignoring the slightly taller woman's hurt pout and protruding lower lip as she stuck her nose in the air as his gentle rebuttal, "from what I've heard the last guy you dragged into your room didn't escape for five days and by the time he did not even Inoichi could help him get his head screwed back on straight".

"Yeah but what after getting a good look at his memories even Inoichi needed a cigarette afterwards; besides", Anko's professionalism was such that she could even make a smirk look salacious, "Mr Yamanaka-clan-head should have known to come to me if he needed help with scre..."

"Enough", Genma's answer was half-groan, half-giggle as he ruffled the younger womans' hair, Anko yelping and ducking away from him as she hated that gesture of affection, " anyway this is your party, go tease someone else for a while, oh but don't go for Hayate like you used to".

"That cough of his getting worse is it?"

"Yeah, that and the fact a sword to the kneecaps often hurts like you wouldn't believe", Genma grimaced, one or two memories of sparring with one of Konoha's finest swordsmen standing out in his memory again. Anko appeared a little confused by this for a second before the other ninja nodded and a head of purple hair caught her eye,

"Ah, so they finally stopped dancing around each other; about time", Anko put her hands on her hips as she watched Yugao hand something that looked like a napkin to her sickly-looking partner, the swordsman nodding as his took it before immediately pressing it over his mouth as a fit of coughing racked him, "I was beginning to think the only thing that'd get her to stake a claim would be someone, the incredibly sexy me for example, trying to ravish him on the chunin lounge floor".

Genma almost snorted sake through his nose at that one, grin still a mile wide as he bade a passing goodbye and moved into the crowd, leaving Anko to wonder what else had happened in Konoha in her six-month absence.

Kurenai had sensed her coming but, just this once, didn't move to block the rush and instead let a pair of arms encircle her slim waist as she felt a pressure on her shoulder, the scent in her nose immediately telling her who it was even before Anko started talking excitedly into her ear,

"You. Ebisu. When, how, why and what base?"

"Umm, about two months ago; he's currently my team mate, a virtually perfect gentleman and believe it or not quite a romantic", the idea of the sunglasses-wearing chunin who was all legs and ears trying anything romantic made the Snake Mistress snort with laughter, almost enough to miss the tail end of her conversation, "he very politely asked after buying my favourite flowers and taking me out for to see one of the most recent pictures I wanted to see and I said yes, and as for the last part", Kurenai twisted her head enough to see her friends face out the corner of her eye before flicking the side of the other chunin's nose, Anko pouting cutely from the impact, "never you mind".

"Aww, Nai-chan", Anko buried her chin in the other chunin's shoulder, whining at the same time as setting her fingertips dancing over the bandages covering Kurenai's stomach, not bothering to hide her smirk as she felt the skin twitch and writhe under her fingers, the taller woman having to fight hard not to double over, "come on, you know you wanna tell me".

"No", the other chunin growled back, fighting hard not to give Anko the satisfaction of hearing her laugh at the same time as try to squirm her way out of her friend's restrictive grip; _damn it six months was too long away from her – I forgot Anko never fights fair_; "it's private". Taking this as a challenge the snake summoner redoubled her attack, Kurenai unable to stop a cheep of laugher escaping as she grabbed the back of Anko's hands, trying to wrench them away from her,

"Come on Nai-chan", she coaxed evilly, feeling as well as seeing the black-haired woman going red in the face from holding her breath, "no secrets between friends right? Come on, let it all out". Her friend was weakening, Anko was sure she was about to be victorious before a sudden hand clapped her on the shoulder and a rather high, in Anko's opinion nasally voice broke into her game,

"Not wanting to interrupt Mitarashi-san but would you mind not traumatising my partner for the evening", Ebisu enquired politely, plate of sweet bean soup in one hand and a tray a sake dishes in the other as he faced down Anko's sudden sheepish grin, "I know you're excited about being home but please, if you need to indulge your torturing fantasies I'm sure the missing-nin in Morino-san's cells will be sufficient". Releasing the taller chunin in her grip Anko grinned as she snagged the sake and soup from Ebisu's grasp,

"I wasn't torturing her, no really I wasn't", she defended herself, not helped by the look of disbelief on both Ebisu and Kurenai's faces until, eventually, she threw her hands up and admitted her guilt, "well maybe I was just a little bit, but Nai-chan's so much more fun to tease than a stinky ol' missing-nin. They're ten a ryo at times while she's one of a kind", despite her withering look at the returned chunin Kurenai couldn't help but feel a twinge of pride at these words as she tugged her bandages back into position over her belly, "anyway, I think we're going to need more than these appetisers Ebisu-chan; off you go, this is girl-talk". Ears reddening again both from the unseemingly affectionate suffix to his name and the casual dismissal, Ebisu nevertheless caught Kurenai's eye and, reading her as well as he did when they were sparring together, realised she agreed and tilted his head forwards when he read the message in them, turning to find something to replace the goodies Anko had snaffled as the Snake Mistress turned back towards her friend,

"So, Ebisu huh?" Kurenai nodded slowly, raising one of the pro-offered saucers to her lips as Anko dunked a dango skewer in the soup the older chunin had brought, "Have to say I never thought it'd be him that melted the Ice Queen of Konoha", Kurenai scowled at the old nickname; _we were in the Academy and boys were falling over each other to ask me out, even when I was a genin it didn't matter how many times In said no – I used one measly genjutsu to get them to back off and I got labelled with that title_; "reckon he's the one Nai-chan?"

"I don't know", the other woman replied honestly after a moment's thought, a small smile gracing her face as she caught site of her partner over by one of the food tables, loading up a new plate, "he's not exactly what you'd call a red-blooded male but Ebisu-kun's very sweet in his own way, good with kids too. We're just taking it one day at a time", she soldiered on, fastidiously ignoring Anko as the lavender haired kunoichi pretended to retch into her sake saucer, "he's not put a foot wrong the past couple of months so, I don't know". She repeated herself before flicking Anko's ear, making the other woman hiss in pain as she recoiled from the unseen sneak attack; recollecting herself and sticking her tongue out, the reason behind the evening's celebration leant against the nearest wall with one shoulder as she eyed up some of the other chunin and genin who'd attended the party,

"Meanie, striking when my guard was down..."

"I'm a kunoichi Anko-chan, it comes with the job". The snake mistress sniffed again, casually looking around and raising an eyebrow at the talent on show; _oh, Aoba-kun got ripped compared to last time I saw him_;

"...and as if that's not bad enough you and the other kunoichi are nicking all the talent", she mock-wailed, Kurenai shaking her head and trying to disguise the shake in her shoulders at Anko's mock distress, "at this rate I'm going to have to go cradle-robbing the latest boy-wonder to get some man-time".

_Cradle-robbing?_; luckily someone uprooted the question that had been planted in the red-eyed jounins' furrowed forehead, Aoba pricking his ears as he arrived at the bar for a refill,

"Boy-wonder – Kakashi-senpai you mean?"

"Oh no, no eeewww", Anko gagged at the thought, "knowing him he wouldn't even take his mask off for that, it'd be like trying to kiss a silkworm", she complained before shrugging her shoulders, "bumped into someone halfway up a tree on the way in, little gaki on the training fields, must have been colour-blind if he thought that orange monstrosity was anything like in vogue".

"Ah you met the Mouse", Aoba put the pieces together fractionally faster than Kurenai, leaning on the bar and explaining as Anko quirked her eyebrow, "little kid about yay high, bright blonde hair and three marks on each cheek? Yeah that's Naruto; we call him the Mouse, or the Pack-Rat at times; he just hangs around the training grounds and picks up old weapons people lose, trades 'em for ninja lessons off us when he sees us".

"I thought he was a bit small to be a genin; I swear they get titchier every year", Anko looked a little mollified by the explanation, stirring a dumpling in the sweet-bean soup Ebisu had provided, "well, explains what he was on about with trading and all that; I thought he'd bumped his head falling off the back of a merchant caravan". The genin by the side of her chortled, having missed the previous Chunin exam by dint of there not being an available spot on any of the competing teams,

"He bumped his head somewhere along the line I reckon, probably just after birth", Aoba commented, though in truth he had nothing against the young Uzumaki; in fact like most ninja he found him to be a welcome break from the monotony of training and doing low-rank missions whenever he reared his blonde-haired head, "still when'd you cross paths with him; I thought you'd have just come back here soon as you were able for the dango if nothing else".

"I would have done, if he hadn't been halfway up a tree and caught my eye; I nearly went face-first into a larch because of his jumpsuit and, after dazzling me like that", she sighed and shrugged her shoulders, her chainmail shirt rippling in a way that made Aoba look away and Ebisu, now returned with more nibbles, all but shoot steam out his ears, "well I just had to introduce myself". A sudden tremor of unease rippled over Kurenai's slim back,

"Anko", the snake summoner looked around as her friend tried to sound casual despite her trepidation, "that kid's only six - what did you do exactly?" There was a teasing lilt in those purple eyes, one that made Kurenai fear the worst as Anko's words only made a bad situation worse,

"Oh nothing too unfriendly", apparently unaware of the sudden attention she was getting Anko knocked back her latest saucer and smirked, "just a little joke".

XXX

_Well you see something new every day_; the thought echoed around Anko's mind as she watched the painfully-bright body beneath her continue its slow ascent up the tree inch by torturous inch. Her recently flared temper cooled and she sat on the branch she'd landed on, watching the thing that distracted her as her keen hearing picked out the odd grunt, pant and swearword from the climbing figure; _and who's this then – gotta be a recent graduate but if that's the case where's his sensei, or his team for that matter?_ Something was a little fishy here and, having nothing better to do with her day save report in, collect her pay check, hit the hot springs and then the nearest bar, Anko stood back up and approached the situation with all her usual tact and diplomatic skills rising to the fore,

"Hoi, gaki!"

The response to this was unexpected and, in Anko's mind, unintentionally hilarious; concentration broken by the sudden shout the kid began flailing around on the trunk of the tree, scrabbling for purchase on the rough bark before, in desperation, he flung his arms as far around the tree as possible, hoping to cling on like a sloth. Overall it didn't help much but at least it made the bump softer as, overpowered by gravity, he slid down the tree trunk rather than fell straight to earth. Anko was there to greet him, hands on thighs from laughing as hard as she'd watched his doomed attempts to stay tree-born, an image of a sleeping Tora disturbed by a blundering genin springing to mind and only redoubling her mirth. It was only at a sudden disgruntled shout that she managed to push herself upright and observe the irate figure in tear-blurred vision, what looked like a short stick now balanced in his hands,

"Wha'choo do dat for?" Naruto complained, trying in vain to brush some of the green tree-stuff off the front of his jumpsuit; _nope, no good – it'll need washing tonight_; "I coulda fallen, why'd you shout at me?"

"S'sorry gaki", despite boasts to the contrary Anko did apologise on occasion, "I thought you'd have better control than that though. Your sensei not teach you tree-walking yet or you just no good at it?" To her consternation the blonde boy merely scrunched his face up, looking confused,

"Tree-walking, how'd you walk up a tree? An' wha' you mean sensei, I'm no'a ninja yet". Belatedly noticing the lack of headwear Anko narrowed her eyes,

"Is that so?" She said dangerously, though the kid didn't fall back even if he did raise his little staff slightly more, "In that case what are you doing here, and what were you trying to do to that poor tree?" At these questions the brat seemed only to look slightly more confused,

"You not been around much lady; I work onna trainin' grounds, look for weapons t'trade with the ninja. There's on up dere", he pointed above him, Anko craning her neck to see what looked like a kunai dangling from one of the lower tree branches, held in place with ninja wire and obviously the remnant of a sprung trap, "bu'I couldn't climb that high, and I couldn't knock it down with Slim so I was tryin' to use my chakra to get it".

"Slim? Oh", as he waved his stick around like a baton she understood, "okay, got that; what were you trying to do though?" At this his face brightened,

"Some of the ninja showed me the Sticky Leaf exercise just before th' winter an' I thought I could use my chakra like dat to stick to the tree. I was climbing it until you shouted", he added petulantly, scowling across at the kunoichi as Anko took in what he'd said and, despite herself, felt a trickle of admiration enter her mind; _pretty smart actually, using chakra like that to stick. Alright he looked like a snake trying to wriggle up a drainpipe doing it but hey, it was working, and he came up with it on his own. Not too shabby for someone with no sensei_.

XXX

"Uzumaki-san was doing _what?_"

The question broke in on her thoughts and derailed her recollections, making her shoot Ebisu a nasty look. The named chunin, however, either didn't notice or didn't care, instead looking shock as did, she belatedly noticed, most of the others who'd been listening in on her meeting the Mouse,

"Like I said, he figured out how to basically get up a tree with chakra; not bad for a gaki who wears orange as a ninja. He said he'd try again when I left after he tried to sell me the stuff in his backpack", she snorted as she lounged across the bar, gesturing for a top-up from the barman, "credit where it's due, first guy I've ever met who didn't try to buy my body". Aoba spluttered into his drink at that, looking her up and down as he wiped the sake off his lips,

"And even if he did he wouldn't have a clue what to do with it..."

"Yeah, lessons would have cost extra".

"Pervert", he accused; _ah Aoba-chan_; Anko smirked in her mind even as she quirked an eyebrow at his damnation; _this is why you never win an argument against me – you denigrate what I'm proud to admit_;

"Guilty as charged", she replied coolly, Kurenai by the side of her merely rolling her eyes as she was reminded of her friend's attitude and antics, "apart from that though because of him I was running late to meet the Hokage, so I said I'd peruse his wares later if he brought them along to a meeting place I mentioned to him", her eyes flashed across the bar and an evil grin split her lips, "that was about twenty five minutes ago".

There was silence in the bar before, with a cough, Hayate felt obliged to make a comment,

"You stood up a little kid?"

"Yep", Anko nodded happily as groans of exasperation filled the air, "that'll teach him to nearly make me break my pretty little nose on a rotten old tree. He should've gotten the message by now and even then it'll teach him that ninja lie sometimes; harsh but true".

"Very true, now go and get him", Kurenai demanded, hardening her heart against her friends' disbelieving look and wobbling lips, "it's not fair to pick on the Mouse like that Anko-chan – go and pick him up and make sure he gets home safe. I don't know him all that well but Naruto's nothing if hard-headed; he'll stay there all night unless someone calls him off".

"Aww but Nai-chan, its cold out there", Anko complained, trying to wheedle her way out of being forced to go back outside when she was comfortable with her friends and an overabundance of sake and dango, "don't make me go out, it might rain and I'll get wet on the grounds".

"Grounds?" The word jarred in Aoba's mind, prompting his question, "What do you mean by the grounds?"

"Where do you think I told him to meet me; it's my home from home after all; oh come on", she chuckled at the suddenly horror-struck faces before her, many of the assembled chunin and Aoba going white, "it's not like he'd actually go in there right? Right?"

Suddenly faced with her peers rapidly looking at each other and almost simultaneously downing drinks and snacks before making a concerted rush for the door, Anko could only curse before taking a last bite of dango, a last swallow of sake and haring out after them.

XXX

_Right, that's it – I'm going in_; patience finally snapping like rusty ninja wire Naruto threw himself to his feet and, seizing Slim, he strode towards the fence in front of him, unaware of the danger signs as it was too dark to see them, and grabbed a fistful of chain link, heaving himself up with his rucksack on his back. The jinchuuriki pulled himself upwards until he was able to throw his leg over the fence and repeat the motions in reverse to hit the floor as well, looking around in the darkness to try and see where he was. There was no sign of the kunoichi who said she'd be here _thirty minutes ago_, so he guessed it was up to him to track her down; _training of a sort I guess. Okay, first thing's first_;

"Anko, Anko-san", his shout split the night like a thunderbolt, though there appeared to be no answer save the rustling of the leaves in the night breeze, "you in here? Anko-san this isn't funny, if you're hiding get out here now – ah, about time", hearing someone approach the young would-be ninja slammed the business end of Slim into the ground and began to take off his rucksack, "if that was meant to be a joke it wasn't a funny one, I've been freezing my butt off for ages waiting for you. Still, got a few..."

It was at that point that he heard the sudden growl and the hairs on the back of his neck rose; no matter how unhinged Anko had appeared to be earlier (and even from their very brief conversation it appeared to Naruto that the purple-haired lady wasn't playing with a full deck), he doubted she was the kind to snarl like that before moving in for the kill. The footsteps seemed to get heavier as he swallowed and voiced a silent plea to Kami through his parched throat before mustering the tiny reserves of his courage left and turned towards the noise. The sight before him almost made him pass out as the bear reared onto its two hind legs, blotting out the meagre moonlight as it threw the human into shadow, glaring down at the interloper as though he were little more than a light snack to be consumed at leisure.

Heart palpitating wildly Naruto knew for certain that he could not fight this monster, nor could he run from it; though it was huge and looked ungainly he was aware that bears were actually fast over short distances. Apart from Slim he had no weapons immediately to hand and even if he had they were likely to do nothing but anger the mighty beast; still, slim was all he had and so he clung to Slim, the little twig shivering his trembling grasp. It seemed an eternity as bear and boy regarded each other; even in the darkness he could see its piggy little eyes shadowed by the fur on its well-muscled face, its nose flapping in the still air as it sampled his terror. The earth shook and Naruto almost fainted as it threw itself to all fours and paced forwards; _if I run it'll chase and catch me – what can I do, what can I do?_

His brain had no idea how to react to this but his body did; as the monster thundered forwards he dived to the left, out the way of its charge, coming to his feet in a quick forwards roll even before the bear had stopped moving, breathing quick and light and Slim still in his hands. As it pushed itself upright again and turned ponderously around again Naruto felt something else flow though his blood instead; though his fear was still there he was beginning to be consciously aware of the fact that he was still alive, the bear hadn't caught him with its first attack – he had dodged it, just like he had when some of his customers had training with him, showing him how to fall, roll and dodge properly. In fact, if he looked again, the bear wasn't actually all that scary; yes it was massive and even a mere buffet from any one of its paws would probably kill him outright, but it wasn't as dangerous as most of the nin he'd ever met save the genin. _No kunai, no shuriken, hell not even any chakra it can use_; though his nerves were still shredded and on tenterhooks Naruto felt his breathing even out, the panic drain away from him – this bear, well wasn't it just a bigger version on the green shouty man, and not even as quick as he was? In fact if he thought about it didn't those roars sound a lot like a cry of 'yooouuuuutttttthhhhh?'

"I, am Uzumaki Naruto", he said to himself softly, his voice rising as he looked at the bear again, ready to duck and dive at the slightest provocation, "I am a future Hokage of this village and no flea-bitten teddy bear wannabe is going to stop me! Come on Bear-san", he rapped the floor with Slim before leaping backwards from a claw swipe that might have eviscerated him had he stayed still, "you'll have to try harder than that if you wanna make me your lunch!"

His world had shrunk to just him and the bear; it was his focus, his entire reason for living as he dodged it again and again, its temper rising and rising as he continually evaded it, though it had trashed his rucksack earlier, attracted by the scent of his former snacks from the side pocket. He had been forced to watch as it had casually ruined his livelihood looking for food, his knuckles going white as he gripped Slim and shot a glance towards the nearest tree before shaking his head; _I'd never make it in time and, even if I did and I could stick to the bark like earlier, that thing's probably got a twelve-foot reach if not more, it'd hook me down like picking a grape. And that's assuming the damn thing can't climb after me_; luckily throughout his introspection he'd kept a weather eye on his opponent and therefore was able to duck away towards the fence again; he'd learnt that the bear couldn't see all that well in the dark and would, if prodded, crash into the wire if he was quick enough to lure it there. Just as the bear rose its head again Naruto breathed in again, the sweat frozen to his back in the cold air as he watched the bear lumber around to face him again, his faithful rucksack lying shredded and beaten at its feet,

"Oh yeah", he challenged, quickly checking the ground around him to make sure nothing was going to snag him, vaguely aware of a sudden gust of wind behind him rustling the leaves, "well I'm not goin' t'lie there an' wait for your fil'hy chompers; you wanna eat me, you gotta earn it".

"And you won't be doing that tonight!"

The voice that broke his focus was followed swiftly by a kunai, Naruto breaking his own golden rule in shock and taking his eyes off his opponent to see another form behind him hurl another weapon at the bear, and he wasn't alone either. All around the fence line ninja were appearing, their shunshins scattering leaves as they took in the situation in an instant, weapons in their hands as their voices pierced the night, confusing the bear which roared in pain and confusion as the weapons drew blood.

"Naruto!" The sudden shout broke his paralysis and he looked around wildly before sprinting towards the figure that knelt nearby with arms outstretched, "Over here!" He didn't need telling twice; he crashed into the figure at such speed it nearly bowled them both over but the ninja kept his balance, there was a brief distortion around him, wind in his ears as he screwed his eyes shut and waited to get away from that monster.

He felt numb, like there was a barrier between him the rest of reality; the full weight of what had nearly happened to him, how close he had come to death seemed to crash down on him mid-flight and when the ninja let him go he flopped to the floor as though he were boneless, blue eyes wide and staring as he watched vague shapes in the place around him, heard snippets of unimportant conversation,

"Shock, he's going..."

"...back to the village..."

"...got anything for this..."

"...Use this, sit him up", Naruto felt himself pulled into a sitting position, a thigh behind his back bracing him upright as something was forced into his mouth; before he could protest his tongue was flooded with something incredibly hot, sour and pungent. Coughing and choking as he swallowed some of the liquid, he forced the bottle away from him, the world swimming back into focus as he saw the whitened face of someone peering down at him,

"Naruto", the voice was less disjointed than before and he was able to recognise it,

"Ir, Iruka-san?" There was sudden warmth at his front as the chunin embraced him hard, breathing harshly into his ear,

"Thank Kami, you are such a lucky boy; why on earth did you go in there? It's dangerous, most _jounin_ don't go in the Forest of Death alone!"

"I was"; _why was I there, it was important_; "I was, looking for someone, they said they'd meet me here". Trying to push himself to his feet Naruto found himself held down gently, Iruka speaking gently even as he seethed on the inside; _damn it Anko, you could have killed someone_;

"No, don't stand up Naruto, you've had a nasty shock tonight. Listen, hold onto me, think you can do that?" He felt two little fists grip his vest and phrased a silent prayer to the Kami in his mind; at least Naruto's mind hadn't gone from the shock; when he was sure he had the boy in his arms, the chunin stood up talking all the while,

"Okay kid, we're heading back to Konoha, I'm going to be using shunshin no jutsu a lot so don't worry; there's a bed with your name on it tonight, not many six-year olds could face down a bear like you did so you deserve a good rest".

With a scattering of leaves Iruka, still talking all the time to his silent passenger, departed and the killing intent started to rise and focus on the cause of all the trouble Mitarashi Anko could only grin, inwardly pray for the earth to swallow her up and think of something really, really clever to say to placate her hacked-off peers.

"Uh...oops?"

A/N: Oh dear oh dear oh dear, what will become of our intrepid little rodent? What will the Sandaime say when he realises what happened to his beloved little grandson, and can Anko run fast enough to get away from all her angry chunin friends? Until the next time and the answers, ja ne!


	4. Chapter 4 Of Monkey and Mitarashi

Machinations of Monkey and Mitarashi

A/N: Well after the responses I decided it would be cruel to leave TMOK on such a cliff-hanger, so here's the next chapter; the aftermath of the prank that went wrong. Hope you enjoy it all and continue to read my little series of ficlets; as a teaser for the next one, I'm thinking big!

It was unusual but it felt that he was more tired when he woke up than when he nodded off.

_Urgh, what...?_; not the ideal thought in the morning for a would-be defender of Konoha admittedly but Naruto could not do any more than peer around the place blearily, wondering why it didn't look like his apartment and what that funny smell was. It was very white, that was his first impression, very white and looked very clean, but why was he here and, more to the point, where _was_ here? Looking up at the blank ceiling the boy was tried to figure out what had happened and it was at that point the memories came back and he gasped;

_Climbing up the fence, determined to find the woman who promised him the best ninja lesson ever if he managed to impress her with his wares..._

_...dropping his rucksack to the floor as he heard the footsteps before realising they were too heavy and deep to be human footsteps..._

_...it blocked out the moon, cast him into shadow; it was huge, unstoppable, unkillable and out for his blood..._

_...he danced around it knowing a single mis-step would be his end. It called the tune and he had no choice but to listen..._

_...he was never going to be Hokage, he was not going to be a ninja – hell he wasn't even going to get the Academy..._

_...he was going to die..._

A sudden hand on his forehead almost made him scream; the only reason he didn't was due to the terror lodging in his throat, stifling his breath; he thrashed around on the bed before a sudden tap from the hand made him stop through a small burst of pain. Before he had time to register his displeasure from the pain the visitor by the side of him in the chair he hadn't even noticed sat back down, twiddling his senbon around his lips as he spoke,

"Relax kid, you're safer in here than a Hyuuga's chastity", Genma told him without thinking, cursing immediately afterwards as he realised the youngster wouldn't get the joke; looking to cover his misdemeanour before Naruto could ask any awkward questions, the chunin moved on, "don't worry, you're only in the hospital for observation after the shock you had last night".

"Shock?" The kid parroted numbly, watching as Genma nodded, the twig of metal clicking between his teeth like a metronome,

"Yeah, kind of happens to six-year olds when they come face-to-face with a full-grown Konoha honey bear; Yugao-chan just got back from Training Ground 44 at first light, said from the ground there you must have been dodging that thing for at least four, more likely six minutes. We were all impressed by that, nice to see your training pay off". Naruto stared at him for a moment, trying to believe that he, the little orange-wearing gaki of the Leaf, had faced down one of the alpha predators of Fire Country before to Genma's well-hidden relief, a smile broke over his face,

"Yeah, training, dat was all'at kept my head on my shoul'ers when th'bear-teme wen' f'my head".

"No wonder it couldn't catch you then", Genma grinned, rolling his senbon up in his lips, "anyone aiming at head-height would miss you by about three feet". _Good, anger is better than just being quiet and dwelling on what happened and going reclusive_; the chunin knew he was trying a delicate balancing act at the minute as he had to keep Naruto's mind off the near-death experience at the same time as make sure he didn't develop too much of a big head for surviving,

"Hey, I am _not_ that short!" Naruto exploded, his normal touchiness about his height exacerbated by the recent growth spurt Tenten-chan had undergone, leading to her towering over him by at least half a foot even without the twin buns on her head. Seeing his folded arms and determined expression Genma couldn't help himself; leaning forwards and ruffling his sunburst-bright hair with a shake of his head as the jinchuuriki tried to carry on pouting but eventually couldn't hold it, sniggering a little before a sudden thought occurred to him,

"Oh no, that stupid fluff-butted thing, it wrecked my rucksack!"

"'Fraid so Naruto", Genma told him sadly before brightening and clapping him on the shoulder, "still, look on the bright side, you can always get a new bag; rather your backpack than your back". The words seemed to mollify the jinchuuriki somewhat and sat up in bed, looking around the room,

"I guess so; still, I had some good kit in dere as well, an' I still owed Muruda-san f'the gloves he got me, and Kishi-chan for scarf she's knitting", he thought darkly before turning to the chunin with a half-weary, half-determined expression, "oh well, back t'work for me den. I'll have to pick up some of the stuff I missed first time 'round and get back what I lost; damn though, dere was a good brace of shur'ken in the top flap, I hope they got stuck up Bear-teme's nose". The sudden splutter of laughter that afflicted him from that dire curse almost made Genma spit out his senbon,

"I don't know about the shuriken but you certainly managed it yesterday; those things only rear up if something really ticks them off or they think you're a threat. Uzumaki Naruto, scariest Mouse in the Elemental Nations", he looked up for a minute before nodding, Naruto in his hospital pyjamas likewise enraptured by his sudden idea for a title, "I like it; should suit you until you hit your growth-spurt". Once more the child folded his arms and tried to look thunderous and once more he failed as Genma stood up, nodding slightly towards the bed-bound patient,

"Well you seem to be in fine enough fettle kid, if nothing else you tend to bounce back from anything like a rubber ball. Anyway", he cut his eyes towards the door, "gotta get going but there's some visitors for you, including someone who has something she needs to say to you personally".

The next couple of hours were marked by people coming in and out, including a few surprises such as the green-shouty man, who immediately woke half the hospital with his ululations regarding Naruto's flames of youth; _but I'm not on fire?_ In fact it was only when there was a sudden knock at the door and the chunin he was currently speaking to, an Akimichi woman by the name of Shuri, excused herself to answer the door that the most interesting meeting of the morning occurred. A blonde eyebrow rose at this but before he could ask who was there Shuri had given a lazy wave and walked towards the door, opening it and speaking in low tones to a few people Naruto couldn't see, try as he might to peer around the thick-set chunin. Only when she moved away and a new trio of forms entered the room did he recognise one of them apart from all others and immediately saw red, spearing forwards with an accusing finger,

"You! You lef' me out dere all night; I almost got eaten by a bear because of you!"

XXX

Had she really thought last night had been bad? Somehow compared to the disgusted and in a couple of cases borderline murderous glares and sneers she'd been greeted with last night, those words of condemnation hurt Anko even more than the potential isolation. The pain wasn't just due to the fact that one of her pranks had gone wrong and because of that someone could have been hurt (if she had a dango skewer every time that had happened over the years no ninja in Konoha would have ever been short of senbon at short notice), it was more to do with the fact that, having looked at herself in the mirror of the hospital room where Iruka had deposited the unintended consequence of her little joke, she had seen a different face staring back at her. An older face, a crueller face that loved to toy with the strings of puppets who knew no better, making them dance and gyrate to his whims until, when he was bored of them, he cut their strings without remorse or feeling.

She had gotten little sleep the last night, a time that was meant to be celebration instead marred by internal warring, fighting down urges of the parasite on her neck as it sensed her unease and tried to infiltrate her mind once more; _no, I am not my sensei, I am not! But I manipulated him_; it was a horrible admission to make, an awful thing to have to face up to as her own haggard face stared back at her from the mirror in her bedroom, her own weakness reflected back at her in the harsh light of morning; _I took someone, a six-year old child, who had no idea of who I am or what I do and used him for my own amusement. Because of that he could have been killed, the rest of the crowd who are fond of him now pretty much hate my guts and..._; though she knew what was coming and had no chance to avoid it unless she wanted to be ostracised again, this time for a reason that was entirely her conscious fault rather than a crime that could be blamed on an childish infatuation with a charismatic, utterly evil sensei; _...and now I have to face him and apologise for it_;

"Heh, hey gaki", well aware of the sword-wielding duo flanking her like an honour guard and drilling into a temple each with a pair of steely glares, the Snake Mistress raise a hand half-heartedly in greeting, "you been keeping well?"

"Oh, sure", six he might have been but as she felt her ego lashed by the acidic whip of his tongue, she had to admit through gritted teeth he at least had the sarcasm down, "apart from freezin' my butt off waiting f'someone who never showed and den havin' to dance around an' watch my rucksack an'all my old weapons and pretty much the rest of my _job_ inside it disappear down the gullet of a hungry an' hacked-off bear. Add to dat th'guys who rescued me half-drowning me with something I still can't lose the taste of and yeah, I'm absolu'ly fine. How 'bout you, how was your night – get caught up in your party an' forget about me, or was dat part of th'joke I missed?"

By the end of his speech she was cringing, having to force her suddenly-stiff body to bow jerkily from the waist, a position of apology and regret as she spoke in a voice she barely recognised as her own, much too soft and submissive to have usually come from her,

"I know, and I'm sorry ga-uhh, I mean, I'm sorry Naruto-san", she lowered her bow, for once not even tempted to wiggle her shapely behind at Hayate to see if she could get him to blush, and not just because her hindquarters were well within range of Yugao's blade; there was nothing fun about this morning, "I didn't know, in fact I didn't think..."

"Yeah, I guessed dat!" _Damn it_; she growled under her breath as she saw from the corner of her eye at least one of her escorts shoulder's shake as Naruto cut her off; _this is hard enough as it is brat, don't keep opening your big mouth to make it worse!_;

"...I didn't think you knew where Training Area 44 even was or that you would enter it. Obviously I don't know you very well", she stood up and looked his square in the face, a little more relieved that at least his arms weren't folded any more, "the others were more than happy to correct me on that count I can tell you. Apparently you're the little gaki who knows the training grounds like the back of your hand and can sniff out a missing senbon at twenty paces; you're the Mouse of Konoha who never backs down and always keeps his word no matter what – I just thought you were some run-of-the-mill runt who'd have forgotten what I even looked like by the time he got home that night".

It was the best she could have managed given the circumstances and when she, _she_, Mitarashi Anko who considered the words 'shame' and 'bashfulness' nothing more than words in a dictionary at best and dire curses at worst, finally plucked up the courage to glance up at his bed again she couldn't hold back the relieved sigh that whistled through her teeth as she saw his belligerent attitude soften in benevolence before he spoke again,

"Okay, I'm still mad a'choo but I talked to some of de other chunin an' dey told me 'bout you".

"It was all good I hope?" Anko enquired, sharpening a pencil for her mental black-list as she saw Naruto stumped by the question, finger on his chin as he tried to recall exactly what they'd said, especially Genma and the man who'd brought him here last night, Iruka,

"Umm, yeah, I think so", he told her diplomatically, making a note to look up what a 'flirt' was when he was next back in jiji's office, "they said you like playing jokes an' you just got back from a really long mission outside the village – I guess you played a prank on me 'cause I was dere". Anko opened her mouth to answer but a different voice, a masculine one this time, beat her to it,

"It was but this time no-one's laughing Naruto-kun; Anko was very stupid to do what she did and you nearly paid the price", Hayate said in one breath, just about evading the chronic sickness that had dogged him since before he'd become a ninja some three and half years previously, "however, as things stand we, or actually she, has something to ask you".

Naruto's eyebrows rose and he looked back to the snake summoner; for her part Anko merely rubbed the back of her neck in embarrassment and, with a light blush on her face, she finally managed to look him in the eye again,

"Yeah, er, the thing is gaki... I need a favour".

The words left her in a rush and seemed to stun Naruto completely; his jaw flopped open even as redness started creeping up his face, making his cheeks blotchy and mottling his whisker marks. _She wants me to help her, after last night_; his face screwed up immediately and he was about to tell her where to go in as firm a tone and message a six-year old could manage before a hand settled on his shoulder and he almost jumped; _wow, that's a real ninja, I never even saw or heard her move. I gotta learn how to do that!_;

"I know you're angry with Anko Naruto-kun", Yugao explained with a small smile before flashing harder eyes towards her fellow chunin, "and you have every right to be considering how much of a prat she was last night. However this is a life lesson you'll have to learn sometime and not just a ninja lesson either – in life you'll meet people who mess you around and make you mad. However, you have to realise the greater significance of her actions and what they could mean for her if some people hear of them".

"Some people?" Naruto repeated, looking thoughtful before a sudden light filled his eyes, "you mean like jiji? I bet he'd be mad if he found out an' he's scary when he's mad". Hayate hid his chuckle with a coughing fit as Anko, while looking superbly uninterested as she filed her nails with a kunai, was nevertheless perturbed by his apparent family connections; _damn, bet his grandpa has a seat on the council or something. Oh wouldn't that just go down like a lead balloon on my charge sheet – attempted assassination of a council members' family_;

"Yes, well actually your jiji is the reason Anko needs the favour", Yugao explained, rigidly keeping her face straight – she'd have time to laugh later at the other chunin's expense, "due to some history I'm not going into now she's got a bit of a bad reputation with the council; yes I know", she just couldn't resist the little dig that the blonde jinchuuriki's sudden snigger paved the way for, "hard to believe isn't it? But seriously though, if people like your jiji find out what really happened last night Anko could be in a shed-load of trouble less than twenty-four hours after getting home – sounds bad doesn't it?"

"Yeah, even I don't get in trouble dat fast". Anko just about held in a giggle as she heard Hayate mutter something along the lines of him being able to if he put his mind to it, settling herself down to hear the next part of Yugao's explanation,

"So, though I know you're angry with Anko, if you tell the truth to your jiji he'll get really angry with Anko and that could put a real downer on her last mission. Because of that, well it's up to you; do you really want to get her in trouble that much?"

Taking her cue Anko put on her best puppy-dog pout, trying to force a tear out of her eye as the boy in the bed looked over at her levelly; _come on you little gaki, the last person who forced me to do this was the Yondaime and that was when I was asking for my first A-ranked mission_; and to her relief he eventually nodded, seemed to fold in on himself slightly as the fight drained out of him,

"Okay Yugao-san, I wouldn't want anyt'ing that bad t'happen to Anko-san, but wha' do I say to jiji if he asks what happened?"

"And that is the lesson Naruto, one of two if you like", Hayate spoke this time having washed his hand after his most recent coughing fit, "first one, as you demonstrated, is that sometimes you have to grit your teeth and pull people you don't like out the fire; in the ninja corps we call that leaving no man behind. When you're on a mission it doesn't matter if you hate your team-mates' guts, you leave that at the Hokages' door for as long as the mission goes on. If he or she gets in trouble you do your damndest to get them out of it", he coughed again, this time into a paper towel supplied by Anko, "just like you're doing with Anko now. She's impaled herself on her own katana and you, being the bigger person, are doing your best to pull her off it and protect her from what your jiji would do if he found out what she did to you".

"But she's bigger dan me".

"Not literally, I know she's bigger but...forget it", Hayate let that one drop as he realised he didn't have all that much time to explain before her briefed Naruto on the plan they'd all come up with to sweep this one under the carpet, "I meant bigger in that you're helping her even though she ticked you off".

"Oh, okay", the little jinchuuriki seemed to think this over for a minute before nodding his ascent, "so, what I have t'do?" At a sudden pressure to the side of him he blushed a little as he saw Yugao sat on his bed, a little bottle in her hand and a half-amused, half-regretful smile on her face as she explained their idea,

"Well Naruto, your jiji should be on his way fairly soon, Kurenai went to get him; we had to let him know", she explained gently, seeing the boy's eyes widen with shock, "better we tell him than we try to cover it up because he'd find out anyway. Apart from that though, time for your second lesson – how to tell a convincing lie using a half-truth".

"Half-truth? Was's half truth, an' you want me to lie to jiji?"

"No, we'd like you to tell part of the truth, a half-truth; much more effective than an outright lie and easier to tell as well", she explained, smile widening a little as she tipped a few drops of liquid from her flask onto a paper towel, Naruto wrinkling his nose at the pungent aroma, "right, Anko go and wait for his jiji in the lobby while I explain what's going on to 'Ruto-chan".

"No problem Yugao-chan; thanks gaki", with a teasing wink Anko turned on her heel and headed for the door, Hayate jumping as she pinched his rear end as she moved past, "I owe you one".

_Hands off my man Anko_;Yugao growled in her mind as the door swung shut and the sickly swordsman tried to regather his composure. Luckily for the Snake Mistress's wayward fingers however, Yugao was able to keep her temper in check by reminding herself of what was to come and the part Naruto had to play in it; because of that she could thrust all concerns to one side as she began to explain to the jinchuuriki, much earlier in his life than the Sandaime would have liked she was sure, the after-effects of what awaited those who overindulged in one of the cardinal ninja vices.

XXX

"Yugao-chan", after making sure Naruto knew the plan and going through a quick rehearsal with himself playing the central part, a sudden question occurred to Hayate, "just out of curiosity, did anyone tell Anko who Naruto's jiji actually is?" The purple-haired chunin snapped her fingers theatrically, pulling an exaggerated pout as she did so,

"Aww damn it, I knew we forgot something". Hayate chuckled, a hand over his mouth as his did so just in case his coughing fit started up again,

"You're a cruel woman sometimes". She regarded him with a raised eyebrow and a sultry smile,

"Isn't that why you fell for me?"

"Well, that and the fact you had your katana to my neck at the time; you'd be amazed what ninja can do to talk themselves out of trouble at times". Scowling, the kunoichi punched his shoulder,

"Git, you threw that fight just so you could ask me; if I hadn't been able to pull back when you dropped your sword I'd have taken way too much off the top".

"Ah well", the slightly taller man shrugged affably, "I'd have died by the hands of a beautiful woman who loves me – not many happier ways to go than that". Blushing, Yugao threw her arm around his shoulder and kissed his closest cheek before retaking her former post flanking one side of Naruto's door; it wouldn't be long before the Hokage arrived after all.

"You are such a sweet-talker – no wonder Anko was after you all the time".

"Well sadly she can't have me; I'm all yours Yugao-chan"; _I know_; a thrill shot through her at those words and she only restrained herself from glomping him like a newly-minted Academy entree seeing that years' wonderkid for the first time; _and no-one, and I mean no-one, is taking you off of me!_

XXX

As anyone who knew her as more than just a name in a ledger would tell you, the only thing keeping hospitals off the top spot to Mitarashi Anko's top-ten lists of things she hated was her treacherous former sensei. She hate the white walls, she hated the smell, she hated the arrogance of the medics who all tut-tutted over the silly ninja who managed to injure themselves and, above all else, she hated the waiting; being forced to sit still on an uncomfortable chair reading magazines that were month out of date almost made one of Ibiki-kun's workshops seem like a paradise in comparison. Still she was waiting for someone and, walking on eggshells like she was following the previous evening, she forced herself to sit there and take it, almost pathetically grateful for the sudden excuse to spring to her feet and snap to attention that arrived a moment later,

"Hokage-sama", she bowed deferentially as the village leader, the venerable kage turning to look at her, "nothing ails you I hope – we all know Konoha would be a hole in the ground in a week if anything were to happen to you". The old man chuckled, shaking his head underneath his ornate hat,

"You jest Anko-chan", much like he did with every ninja in Konoha currently serving, the Hokage used the affectionate suffix, "there are many who could take the reins if anything were to happen to me"; _though what they'd actually do with them is a different matter entirely_; shaking off that thought before it could drift down darker paths the Hokage suddenly narrowed his eyes at the Snake-Mistress, "besides that though you should know why I'm here. Much as I understand you need to blow a little steam with your friends after a mission for that long, I cannot in all good conscience have you inviting guests quite that young to a chunin party regardless of how much ninja training they might have picked up off the records. Now", luckily he turned around to look up towards the hospital corridors just before Anko put the pieces together and therefore missed the colour draining from her face as he made moves to track down his errant surrogate grandson, "which room has the little Mouse-chan holed himself up in?"

XXX

Try as he might to suppress an inner sense of mischief that never quite succumbed to his old age, at the sight of the shivering little ball of misery sprawled under the covers in the darkened room Sarutobi found he couldn't help himself,

"Ne, Naruto-chan", the top of the bed twitched violently, a low groan arising from the bedridden patient at the slightly-too-loud voice, "what's this I hear about a party last night?"

"The world hurts jiji", the voice was weak and pale even before it hit the pillow Naruto had clamped over his face to try and block out the harsh sunlight filtering through the curtains, "an' things are spinning like I've gone head-over-heels too many times". Chuckling, the old man made himself comfortable on the edge of the bed and patted the shapeless lump near him that he guessed was the jinchuuriki's knee,

"I know Naruto-chan; don't worry it'll pass in time, though I have to say I'd hoped you'd be a little older than this before your first meeting with the demon drink". The reminder obviously pricked Naruto's conscience as, with a soft thump, the blonde-haired boy threw the pillow onto the floor and glared up at his ji-san with puffy, bloodshot eyes,

"Never again jiji", the solemn declaration made the Sandaime sputter with badly-stifled laughter; _now that's irony – I lost count of the number of times those same words have passed my lips and I failed to stick to them_; "I thought it was jus' funny-tastin' pop, gone a bit sour, at least tha's what the kunoichi who told me to come to dat place said; I thought she jus' wanted t'see me for my bus'ness".

"Well Naruto, it's a sad but true that all ninja lie and the kunoichi you met on the training field yesterday is an undisputed master of that little skill", Sarutobi tried to explain gently, once more checking his mental diary to make sure he had a space free to give Anko the slap on the wrist she deserved after catching Naruto up in her latest party; _still, it could have been worse from what Kurenai-chan told me. At least Iruka-kun noticed Naruto was under the influence early and got him out of there before anyone went table-dancing and clothes started to come off_;

"Yeah I know; never trustin' her again", Naruto assured him, making to sit up before obviously deciding it wasn't worth the bother, "an' I'm never drinking that sai-kee again in my life, yuck, awful stuff and all you get in the morning's a bad headache. You know any medic's jutsu jiji?" Hearing a note of pleading in the child's voice the Sandaime nevertheless hardened his heart slightly this time; if nothing else the pain at this age would make sure Naruto didn't forget this lesson in a hurry,

"Sorry Naru-chan, it's best if you let hangovers wear off naturally, and the drink is sake and should only be drunk by civilian adults or ninja and only then in moderation".

"Wha's mode-er-a-shun?"

"Only a little bit at any one time", the old man explained quickly before standing up, grateful that there was no pain at the movement this time; he wasn't that old just yet, "anyway, I'm glad to see you're feeling better 'Ruto-chan but I must be getting back to the tower before the paperwork starts breeding again", the boy giggled at this; it was a sort of joke between the two of them that unless you kept an eye on it the paperwork piles on the Hokage desk had a tendency to multiply exponentially, "call in later when they discharge you. In the meantime, I have a certain Hebi-charmer who needs a quick reminder of what is and is not acceptable an celebration involving children"; _least of all children of Naruto-chans' ilk – I'm certain if he knew the boy would fight to the last breath to stop the monster getting loose but, under the influence, would he able to fight that well? I'd rather not test the theory_; with that in mind the old kage excused himself, nodded deferentially to the two chunin who seemed to have appointed themselves as honour-guards to his adopted grandson's hospital room and, quite fortunately, failed to notice a still very pale Mitarashi Anko sat slumped in the lobby of the hospital as she tried to get her head around just how badly she'd screwed up this time.

_Of all the gakis on all the training fields in Konoha, I have to prank the one who's on first-name terms with my boss_; with a sense of nausea seeping through her that had nothing at all to do with the moderate about of sake she'd packed away the previous night, the lavender-haired kunoichi felt her face fall into her hands as the very thought of what would have happened had Naruto or any of the others told the truth of what she'd accidentally done. Sarutobi, despite his age, was still an S-ranked shinobi and the thought of going into his office with the news that Konoha's resident jinchuuriki, who was also co-incidentally his favourite orphan, was now located in the small intestines of one of the denizens of the Forest of Death... she'd have been amazed if the God of Shinobi would have left her mortal remains as anything more than dust and a bad smell.

Dread had solidified into a solid dead weight in her belly that rolled around in her stomach like a cannon ball as she lurched to her feet, starting to walk back along the path the Hokage had taken like a condemned woman to the gallows; _I just know I'm going to regret this but I owe the little gaki. Better see what the little bugger wants out of me and for his silence pretty much anything short of the snake-summoning contract is a given, assuming Sarutobi-sama leaves me alive long enough to give it to him that is_.

XXX

"It's not funny!"

Obviously, the two forms that had bundled themselves into his room a moment after jiji had left and were currently hanging off each other as shudders of laughter raced through them didn't agree, forced as they were to bite down on their lips to avoid the sniggers escaping too badly.

"The world hurts jiji", Yugao mimed, wiping her eyes as Hayate's laughing fit degenerated into a rasping cough, "oh I am so remembering that one next time I get one over the eight. Now then, I'm certain there's someone..." she was cut off by the sound of the door banging open of the wall and as Anko stumbled in, face white and expression rigid as she clutched at her chest,

"Gaki", she breathed out harshly through gritted teeth, "why do you call the Hokage jiji?"

"Well, he is old", Yugao made a noise that might have been anything between a sneeze and a belly-laugh at that explanation, just about managing to straighten herself up as Naruto carried on, "now, I've done you a favour, your turn".

"My turn", Anko was indignant, "my turn for what?"

"I need a favour; I wan' training off you". Anko goggled for a minute before, to the youngsters' disgruntlement, she broke down giggling,

"Training?" She managed to blurt out over her mirth, "Brat the only training you could get off of me would be how to die in two easy steps; I throw a kunai and you fail to dodge. I don't play around; come back in about twenty years and then maybe but now, "she shook her head, "no chance". To her amazement however the boy didn't back down, instead folding his arms and inserting a tearful quaver into his voice,

"Wahhhhh, jiji, the scary snake-lady tricked me an' I almost got ate up by a bear". Anko felt a chill run up her spine at those words; _if only because I've got to avoid this happening later today_;

"Okay, okay no need to play dirty", she groused, putting a finger to her chin as though in thought, "right, well I do owe you one but there's a good chance I might be needed for a mission soon; I'll see if I can squeeze you in for a couple of days over..."

"_Mitarashi Anko!_"

The sudden shout made everyone jump; heck even Hayate was halfway up the wall before he recognised his girlfriends' voice and tried belatedly to regain his composure as Yugao stormed up to her fellow lilac-haired kunoichi and immediately grabbed her attention by dint of grabbing her ear,

"You will do no such thing", along with Kurenai to a lesser extent, Yugao was considered something like the mother-figure of her age group despite the fact she was actually younger than Ebisu, "I know for a fact you have a mandatory two month rest period after any mission lasting over a year, and you're owed a lot of leave on top of that. So what you _will_ do is go to the mission room and request every day off you are owed; you with then spend at least half of that time helping Naruto out in being a ninja. That is after you replace everything of his that overgrown fur-rug ate yesterday night and assuming the Hokage doesn't slap you with anything else – you will do this with perfect grace and a smile or as Kami is my witness I will take you over my knee and tan your hide here and now, do I make myself clear?" As much as she was able to Anko nodded frantically,

"Clear a diamond, clear as glass; just let go of my ear!" After a final tug Yugao complied and moved back, giving her friend the evil eye as though daring her to contradict the terms she'd dictated. Despite looking hurt Anko wasn't that suicidal, instead rubbing the side of her head as she sniffled theatrically,

"No love, I get no love and even less respect", she complained, playing for sympathy and not finding any from Hayate, the swordsman as always siding with his girlfriend, though Naruto looked a little more sympathetic to her cause, "right, okay I know when I'm beat. How long are you in here for gaki?"

"Uummmm", the blonde scratched the side of his head before looking away in embarrassment, "I'm no'sure exactly".

"Shouldn't be too long", Hayate commented, folding his arms as Yugao rested her head on his shoulder for a minute, "you were only in for observation for shock". The boy snorted, this time fixing Yugao herself with a venomous glare,

"Yeah bu' that was before you squ'rted tha' stuff in my eye", he complained, pointing at his bloodshot oculars, "wha' was it?"

"Just lemon juice, needed to make your eyes water and puff up a bit", Yugao explained, "that way it looked like you'd had a couple of saucers of sake rather than just the mouthful Genma washed down your neck. Important part of telling a half-truth is that you look the part while you say it – that's why we drew the blinds to the windows as well, made it look like you had a headache". Looking a little more mollified at her explanation Naruto nodded,

"Okay I get it, but why'd Genma do dat inna first place – it was horr'ble".

"It's a short-term cure for shock gaki", Anko explained distractedly, already screwing up her courage for what was to come next, "alcohol can help that like if administered quickly. Anyway I'll catch you up later; I've got to speak to your jiji before I do anything else".

That admission brought all the attention back to her; the other two chunins in the room having an inkling about what the Snake Mistress was on about, though sadly Naruto was left clueless,

"Why? Yugao-san just said..."

"I know what she said", Anko cut him off quickly before softening her tone, "but thing is he's the Hokage and he's got ears all over this village. He'll find out what went on and when he does he's going to go hunting my cute little ass; the only way I can stop that happening is by stepping up to the gallows and shoving my head through the noose – maybe that way he won't be as tempted to see me dance the swinging jig. If I survive I'll come find you gaki, he'll tell me where you live; until then", it was crunch time and she screwed up her courage, staring at the door in front of her, "if you haven't seen me in three days assume I didn't make it". With that and before another word could be spoken, the youngest chunin departed; as he watched the door swing shut behind her Naruto turned to the other two adults still in the room and scratched his head,

"Wha's she so worried for, she won't get in too much trouble will she? I mean, it's just jiji – he's nice an' he'll unnerstand it was jus' meant to be a joke". After sharing a look Yugao gave her boyfriend the nod and stepped back slightly, allowing Hayate the floor,

"True Naruto, the Hokage is a nice man most of the time", he explained before pausing, face scrunched up in that pained expression that Naruto knew meant he was trying to hold back another coughing fit; after a few seconds though it seemed he was successful as he continued, "but Anko put you, a civilian, in danger – this is not tolerated in Konoha in case the ninja start to try, for want of a better word, lording it over the villagers, who are the people of the Fire daimyo. Because of that and the nature of the crime the Hokage is well within his rights to execute Anko where she stands to make an example out of her". The thought of the woman dying seemed to make Naruto's blood run cold,

"He", for some reason the idea of the Hokage, his jiji, casually reaching out and killing someone like Anko didn't make sense; every time he tried to picture Sarutobi with an executioners axe the picture was like something out of a comedy, the Hokage toppling over or his back going out as he tried to swing it, "he wouldn't..."

"No Naruto-chan, he probably wouldn't", Yugao assured him, smiling kindly as she too knew the Hokage quite well having been an orphan herself along with Hayate; the visits of the God of Shinobi to the orphanage had been the tipping point that had driven them to become shinobi, in spite of chronic illness in Hayate's case, "Konoha hasn't done as well as it has in the past by putting its ninja on the chopping block every time they do something stupid or break a rule accidentally; because she's confessed to the crime Anko will probably still get punished above and beyond what she's agreed with you, but it's unlikely she'll die for a prank that didn't follow the script".

"Good", Naruto blew out a sigh of relief, "jiji better not do away with her no matter wha' she did wrong; I need her alive t'get my training right!"

XXX

It was a mark of how nervous she was that when a hand fell on her shoulder, her first reaction was to jump a foot in the air and half-scream rather than stick a kunai into the person that hand belong to,

"Iruka!"

"Anko", the other chunin nodded before backing up promptly, not willing to provoke a temper only secondary to Senju Tsunades' in its infamy, "you seem to be up earlier than usual; out for a stroll?"

"Yeah, just catching some fresh air before the gaki's jiji chucks me into a lightless cell for the next, I don't know, ten-thousand years", she replied sarcastically, though she couldn't quite meet his eye as he tried and failed to look sympathetic, "how do I do it Iruka-kun, is it something about me? I must have the worst luck in the world – only I could be that unlucky that when I try to stop off for a bit of fun it turns around and bites me in the ass that badly".

"You might call it bad luck, others might call it karma; oh come on", Iruka defended himself against his fellow chunin's outraged glare, "we've all been on the receiving end of a Mitarashi special before – you can't say you've not got a cruel sense of humour". Try as she might to deny it Anko couldn't quite do it and therefore she shrugged nonchalantly,

"Maybe, maybe not; I learnt that if nothing else from the best", she muttered the last part quietly, the white face in the mirror smirking at her again before she shivered and banished the apparition with a concerted mental effort. Iruka for his part merely shrugged before falling into step alongside her; he'd not really had that much to do with Anko in the past but, from what he'd heard, it seemed like she'd been dealt a rough hand in life and of all the lessons he'd ever taken to heart in his life, the one he lived up to as his nindo was that Konoha looked out for its own,

"It can't be that bad Anko-san – if Hokage-sama was really upset with what happened you really think you'd be able to take a little walk like this without carving a line through the leaf?" The gallows humour made Anko smile; it was something at least, quite a feat considering the abhorrence the loyal snake summoner held missing-nins in,

"True but then again Hokage-sama's not aware of the truth; he only knows the damage control exercise me, Hayate and Yugao-chan managed to convince the gaki to go along with", the idea of lying, or at least misleading the Hokage brought Iruka up short with a cold sweat trickling down his back as he whipped his head around, gazing at Anko with appalled eyes,

"W, what?"

"Brat needed a lesson in how to lie right and, let's be honest, what boy doesn't tell the odd porky to his grandfather?", she shrugged, Iruka for once unaware of the ripples this motion caused in her shirt and the twin hillocks such chainmail was straining to keep from overspilling as she faced him with a wry grin, "As far as the Hokage knows I invited-stroke-dragged Naruto along to my party last night and he got supplied with more sake than was good for him; he spent the night in hospital with mild alcohol poisoning and most of the morning sleeping off a nasty hangover".

Iruka goggled for a moment then, to Anko's amazement, almost doubled up laughing as badly as she had the time she'd seen Kurenai-chans' face immediately after asking the red-eyed kunoichi to dive-bomb the male side of the onsen for a dare,

"You know", he managed to stutter after a moment, looking up to face her with his face reddening from mirth, "the best lies contain a grain of truth; that sounds so much like something you'd do I'm not surprised he never challenged it. Still though", having heard the discrepancy between what the Hokage knew and what had actually happened, the analytically-minded chunin could see the looming problem and therefore extrapolated the situation to understand exactly what Anko was planning to do, "you going to tell the truth?" Swallowing her heart from where it had leapt up into her throat as though trying to escape the doomed vessel it was currently working to keep afloat, Anko just about brought herself to nod,

"Yep", she said thickly before regaining control over herself, "he'll find out eventually anyway; maybe if he hears it from me and that I've already apologised and made reparations to the injured party he won't kill me; maybe make my legs bend the wrong way a few times but kill me...", she shook her head, "...not Sarutobi's style"; _I hope_.

"No, no I guess you're right there", Iruka managed to regain control of himself and straighten up, rubbing his eyes for a minute before smiling across at her, "so, mind if I walk with you; gotta pay a visit to the mission room anyway".

Despite herself the Snake-Mistress felt a little touched by his offer; however to live up to her reputation she immediately stepped in half a pace and fluttered her eyelashes, inwardly smirking as the other chunin scrambled back half-a-dozen steps,

"Aww Ruka-kun", she crooned seductively, "I never knew you cared. If you wanted to play games with me all you had to do was ask; you're not that bad looking you know". Coughing in embarrassment, the other chunin looked around distractedly at anything other than the kunoichi in front of him, speaking out the corner of his mouth,

"Ah, nothing like that Anko..." She bit her lip poutingly, hands on her hips,

"I love it when they play hard to get", she stepped in again, running the tip of a finger over the scar that ran across the bridge of his nose, "it makes the end so much...satisfying".

_Why exactly did I offer to do this again? Oh yeah_; not for the first time when dealing with one of the wild-children of Konoha Iruka found himself asking that question as he gently stopped Anko's finger moving by dint of trapping it with two of his own;_ because I'm a sucker for punishment_;

"Enough", he said firmly, a hint of steel in his voice that cut through the woman's flirtatiousness, "I just realised what you were letting yourself in for and remembered the old Konoha maxim for teamwork; remember it?"

"Two meat-shields are better than one?"

"Not quite the one I was looking for", Iruka admitted, rubbing the back of his neck, "still it's better than nothing, just don't dive behind me if the Hokage starts slinging shuriken around".

"Would I?" Butter wouldn't have melted in Anko's mouth as she posed like an angel for the other chunin just before she slipped a hand through her new escorts arm, "Well thanks for caring Iruka-kun, at least if I throw you to the raging monkey I might be able to dive through the window before he gets hold of me". As he was half-dragged along by Anko's new lease of life the Dolphin ninja (as he was sometimes called by his former classmates, much to his annoyance), snorted as he dug his heels in, forcing the slighter figure latched to the side of him to slow down a little,

"Your concern for me is touching Anko-san", he quoted sardonically before a smirk found its way to his face, "to think I'm doing all this for your little shotta boyfriend". Anko stopped so suddenly he almost bowled her over, not bothering to hide his grin as she glared up at him with crimson cheeks,

"What are you insinuating Iruka?"

"Nothing to be ashamed of Anko-san, from what I understand a lot of kunoichi find the younger men attractive, though I have to wonder if plying a six-year old with sake would class as grooming..."

"Unless you want my very hungry garter snake to have an intimate encounter with your trouser snake, don't finish that sentence".

Iruka wisely fell silent at that point, not saying another word as, after a taking a second to make sure he'd say nothing else Anko resumed her dragging him along towards the outline of the Hokage tower. _Probably be better to say nothing at the minute_; he reasoned, not putting up any resistance to her pulling him along; _if I told her that double-entendre turned me on a bit I don't think she'd take it very well_.

XXX

Despite herself Anko had to work harder than ever to keep her face neutral as she pushed open the doorway to the Hokage's office open and stand to attention in front of the village leader's desk.

"Ah, Anko-chan", the Hokage looked up at reporting chunin, reminding himself of the first time he'd seen the purple-haired woman looking this nervous; _and she did look so small then, a young girl starting the Academy for the very first time, as lost and tiny as the rest of the newest class. What I wouldn't give to see here look that way again, before my traitorous student took her under his wing_; "I was just about to request for you t show up".

"Well what can I say Hokage-sama?" She said almost skittishly, the words nearly sticking in her throat as she went on, "I know what a man wants and when he wants it". The Hokage sniffed deeply at this though before she could see if there was any redness around his nose he'd looked directly up at here,

"And much as I know next to nothing about the youth of our nation these days I do know that an invite to a chunin celebration and an overdose of sake is not something any child needs, no matter how much they want to be a ninja in the future", Sarutobi told her firmly but not unkindly, his leathery-looking left hand reaching for his seal as he stamped a new piece of paper with his official seal, "I stand by what I said in the hospital; all ninja need time to cool off, but I was hoping for better Anko. Luckily for you I know not much keeps Naruto down for very long – with any luck he'll be back to running around the training ground and bugging you for lessons on how to be sneaky in no time". Anko somehow matched the Sandaime's smile with her own though it felt sickly and cold, the words she spoke next also falling from lips that fell numb,

"Actually speaking of training", Sarutobi looked up as she prepared herself and mental recited her own death poem just in case it all went wrong, "he already got to me on that one, I said I'd give him a few lessons. Because of that though I, I need a few days off".

"No need to worry Anko-chan"; _really, that was..._; "I took the liberty of signing your leave orders off last night – you have two months recuperation though you will be subject to random physical assessments in that time to make sure you're keeping yourself in trim. So not too many sake and dango binges or I'll have you running laps with Maito Guy until the cows come home", he threatened with a chuckle in his voice, fully expecting the chunin to either laugh along with him or prostrate herself on the floor and beg forgiveness. What he did not expect was for Anko to bow very low and speak again, her voice as submissive and docile as the Hokage had ever heard,

"No, I need more than that Hokage-sama; to honour my debt to Naruto-san I need every day off I'm owed added to my leave"; _what, every day?_; before he could ask the question on his mind, however, the Snake-Mistress had looked up at him and explained, "when you spoke to him earlier Hokage-sama the kid took a kunai for me, so I owe him one".

There was a long, very pregnant pause at this, broken at last by the sound of Sarutobi putting his elbows on the desk and looking at the suddenly-squirming chunin in front of him with narrowed eyes that made Anko gulp; _those eyes, the reason he was re-instated as a kage of Konoha – he may be old but even old gods can be deadly_;

"I don't like this talk of kunai Anko-san", the change of suffix made her shiver, though not as much as his next command, "perhaps it would be best if you told me what Naruto-kun omitted on your behalf". It wasn't a request and Anko knew it, so crossing her fingers and praying to the Kami for luck, Anko took a deep breath and began explaining the truth of what had happened the previous night.

XXX

_Well this is it, either I'm going to die or I'm going to be reprieved and wish I was dead_; to have her future compressed into two such bald statements was actually quite liberating in a way, though as she dared to peek upwards and saw the Hokage all but biting through the stem of the pipe he'd lit at some time during her recital she had a very sinking feeling that he was about to choose the former of those two options.

"A honey bear, you say?"

"Hai", she squeaked in response to the low, measured voice, "full-grown from what Yugao-san could tell". She counted down in her head, living from one second to the next, certain she was about to die until, at last, she began to believe that she was actually going to live through this mistake and, slightly emboldened, dared to look upwards.

The sight was not a pretty one; Sarutobi wasn't outwardly furious, he wasn't that sort of man, but there was a kind of brooding malevolence lurking in his eyes that was all at once far more potent and, to Anko's mind, a lot more devastating than simple brute fury. The Sandaime inhaled deeply from his pipe, nostrils flaring as he held the aromatic smoke for a moment before letting it free in a wisp of blue-grey smog and spoke again,

"So Anko-san, as I understand it the situation is this; you knowingly and willingly enticed and entrapped a civilian of the Leaf; no, don't interrupt", he held up a hand to forestall the words he could plainly see were writ large on Anko's face, a desperate need to explain herself and her decisions; _but not one I'm going to grant Anko – much as you are a great kunoichi this is a lesson you're long overdue in learning. You can sweat a bit before I decide what to do with you_; with that in mind he paused for a few second before continuing, "as a result of this entrapment a child, who also happens to contain the most powerful tailed beast known to the Elemental Nations that almost _levelled_ this village six years ago, was placed in a life-threatening situation and, once that was resolved, forced to imbibe a small quantity of sake as a counter to shock. Am I about right so far?"

"Hai Hokage-sama"; Anko barely had time for the words to leave her lips before she leapt up in fright for the second time in the day, Sarutobi's fists making a terrible noise as they crashed into the top of his desk scattering paperwork like a stack of startled, if slightly dopey, pigeons,

"Damn you Mitarashi, do you have _any_ idea how serious this is?" Before he could get too deep into his rant the older man had the presence of mind to activate the silencing seals around the office; it wouldn't do for the Hokage to possible violate his own law regarding Naruto's prisoner while giving one of his chunin a thoroughly-deserved blast of scalding air.

"You put a jinchuuriki who has no idea of the burden he bears a hairs-breadth from death; if it wasn't for the fact Minato-dono was a fuuinjutsu genius and the bijuu is most likely dormant due to the trauma of the sealing you might well have brought the Kyuubi down on our heads due to its vessel's mind breaking from the shock! As if that wasn't bad enough the boy, someone who would have willingly _died_ for a village that has done next to nothing to warrant such loyalty, was then moderately intoxicated, something else that may have channelled the beast's power. As things stand about the only reason you're currently still in my office rather than the interrogation cells is the fact I saw Naruto-kun this morning and he appeared to be well enough on the road to recovery to successfully deceive me with the aid of two chunins. Well", he said brusquely, looking up at the kunoichi who seemed to be on the edge of tears, "what do you have to say for yourself; is anything I've said wrong so far?"

Anko felt wretched, complete and abject misery roiling around in her guts like corroding vomit; the Sandaime had already taken her back in following her defection clutching Oroichimaru's coat tails, had she squandered that second chance now? She felt tears she'd almost forgotten how to cry at the edges of her vision as she forced herself to stand upright and take what was coming without bowing down; she was not weak, she had this coming and would take her punishment on the chin, not on her knees,

"No", her voice was a whisper; she paused, shook herself by the scruff of the neck and tried again, a little clearer this time, "no, Hokage-sama". The Sandaime glowered for a moment before sitting back in his chair a little, though his burning eyes never left her trembling form as he spoke again, a leader in command disappointed in a disobedient subordinate,

"You mentioned training earlier, that Naruto-kun had requested training as a form of compensation; what else did the two of you discuss?" Knowing what the aged village leader was driving at, the snake summoner answered as succinctly as she was able to,

"With the help of Yugao-san, it was agreed that I would request all leave owed to me be added to the mandatory recuperation period following my last mission. I would then spend a minimum of half this time training the ga... training Uzumaki Naruto in the ninja arts", she corrected herself at the last minute, not wanting to give the Hokage any more ammunition to use against her when his equipment pouch was already full, "and in addition I was to re-imbrues him for any losses suffered as a result of, the night's activities, Hokage-sama".

She forced herself to look straight up and forwards as the seated kage looked at her as though the scales of judgement were balanced on one of his fingers; as the idea coalesced in her mind Anko almost fancied she could see a pair of phantom weights dangling on the desk, the punishment against the crime. Before she could see which way the scales in her idea tipped however, she head Sarutobi speak again and decide for her,

"I see; though I am within my rights to strip you of your ninja duties indefinitely or even demand your life, if I were to do either I would deny someone who will one day sit upon this vaunted seat some training under the eyes of one of our finest chunin. As well as that the fact that so many people came to help and visit him may make Naruto-kun feel a little more welcome in his home village". As her mind translated the meaning hidden in those words Anko almost punched the air in celebration; the ominous tingling in the air, however, told her that would most likely be a bad idea;_ I sense a 'but' coming here_;

"However"; _well, I was close_; "this is not the first time I have received complaints regarding your disregard for the rules Anko; because of that and the magnitude of this misdemeanour I am placing two other conditions on your leave period". _It doesn't matter what he says, I'm alive_; repeating that mantra over in her head Anko tuned in to heed the Hokage's next words, dreading but at the same time curious as to what the last part of her punishment would entail,

"I am fining you one-quarter of your last mission pay", she winced, almost feeling the hole that was going to blow in her budget with at least two months leave where she wasn't going to be earning much income, "to be granted to Uzumaki Naruto for his distress last night. Also, while you are training him you will simultaneously be performing an unpaid surveillance mission for me".

_Surveillance mission?_; the words made her tingle in a good way – for ninja that were trained as she had been surveillance was the bread and butter of their jobs; _but an unpaid missions when I'm supposed to be recovering?_ Dismissing the doubt from her face Anko nodded, accepting the mission without hesitation as she realised that, compared to what he could have done she was getting away relatively lightly,

"I accept Hokage-sama. What will the mission entail?"

As though the words had been a banishing jutsu the wrath seemed to desert the Hokage, deflating him to leave a weary old man in the throne that had once held a mortal god; looking at the figure before her Anko felt a fleeting sympathy for her boss as she saw the lines of age and worry creasing his once-handsome face. Running a village, especially a village full of ninja, was not an easy job by any stretch of the imagination and despite his earlier experience in the role Sarutobi was far past his prime – there was just no-one else to take the reins of leadership at the moment, the younger generation had yet to step up; _and me acting like a prat has probably not helped his estimation of us_. Once more cursing her own stupidity Anko listened in attentively as he massaged his head with one hand,

"As you probably know Naruto-kun looks upon me as something like a grandfather; Kami alone knows why, I've done little enough to deserve such praise with the council trying to bind my hands with red tape every chance they have regarding him. I do not see the boy nearly often enough to have an accurate picture of his life; even now with him running free in the training fields and learning to be a ninja, an idea he came up with himself, I have no time to see him grow into the man who will one day be Hokage. Your mission, Anko, will be to be my eyes; while you're training him, observe his everyday activities and report back to me".

Trying to wrap her head around this, the snake summoner was slightly relieved when she heard the kage explain in more detail,

"What is his life like? How does he run his business? How do people treat him, both in Konoha and in the wild? Does he have friends, people that treat him well? Is there anything more I can do to help him...?" Sarutobi could go on no longer and Anko for her part could bear to hear no more; bowing once more, the chunin stood tall and accepted her call of duty,

"Hai Hokage-sama, I understand and accept the mission". The old man, protector of his village, smiled sadly,

"I am grateful for your acceptance Anko-chan, but I doubt you truly understand what I'm asking of you; I doubt you will until the mission begins. Naruto-kun is unique; in all my years of life I have never seen and will never see another boy, or another ninja like him. He knows that for some reasons there have been stones flung in his path but on his own he has seen ways around them as a river can flow around mountains, as a maelstrom always finds its own way", he sat back in his chair, sighing deeply as the old regrets sprang up in his mind once more, the ghost of the Hokage who had surpassed him merely shaking his head at his own failings from within the Shinigami's stomach, "but he needs hands to guide him on the path Anko-chan and my own hands are tied. It is through you and the others that help him now that I believe Naruto will either save or damn the Leaf village", a tired smile crept across the man's face as he smoothed out his beard with a free hand, glancing up at the chunin with a slight laugh, "so no more jaunts into Training Ground 44 ne?"

Sensing the verbal beating was over for the moment Anko echoed the smile with one of her own, though a couple of questions rose into her mind as she did so,

"Hai Hokage-sama, looks like I'll be relocating to the village again for the time being; any limits on what I should teach?" Sarutobi considered this for a moment before speaking again, his tone measured and careful,

"I'd prefer no jutsu just yet, though I know he has accessed his chakra over the past four or so months; certainly nothing forbidden", he said sternly, Anko ducking her head and nodding to show she understood, "apart from that I'll leave it up to you but do not push him Anko – I have already altered the Academy curriculum for this very reason, to allow any so-called prodigies to have a reasonable childhood rather than being rushed to the front lines".

"Hai Hokage-sama, I understand", the chunin responded before asking the second question in her mind, "err, just out of interest where does the little gaki live anyway", she hastily explained herself as the Hokage looked up her with a quirked eyebrow, "hey, a tutor should know where her soon-to-be student lives right?" Reaching for a blank piece of parchment, the village leader began scribbling something down before looking up at her again,

"A teacher-student issue; and there as me thinking you were just interested in seeing your latest boyfriend again Anko-chan", as the woman froze, hand halfway towards the paper he was holding out towards her, Sarutobi couldn't resist getting in one last dig, "and there was me thinking it would be some rugged jounin who'd trap your wild heart Mitarashi; I never took you to be the maternal type".

"Hentai!" Snatching the paper Anko, by now crimson in the face, sprang away from his desk and bowed curtly one last time, "By your leave Hokage-sama, I have my affects to pick up from the mission desk". Not quite trusting his voice yet the wrinkled man merely nodded and dismissed her with his hand, the chunin whirling on her heel and storming away leaving nothing in her wake save the crash of his office door.

XXX

The morning of her day had found her first at the hospital, then in the Hokage's office; the afternoon saw Mitarashi Anko propping up the end of a low-key bar somewhere in the south side of Konoha, a small plate of dango her only companion as she mulled over the events so far. _Well_; she tipped back another measure of her fruit juice, not wanting to run the risk of an alcoholic bender burning a hole in both the reduced mission payment she'd picked up from the shinobi office and her newly-restored common sense; _considering I started out the day looking down the barrel of a death sentence, I'd say it went fairly well as a whole_. Of course it was at this point that the steel-shod heel of Karma once more descended to crush her hopes of a quiet time to lick her wounds; as a couple of chakra signatures hove into view at the edges of her range, it was all Anko could do to suppress the urge to groan, though she did bury her face in her arms as the bar door open,

"There she is, over there with her face down on the bar".

"Kami, already", though she could tell the muffled voices were only doing this to wind her up the sad thing was that it was working; her nails were already all but gouging groove in the lacquered surface of the serving bar, "that has got to be a new record; not even three and she'd already palmed out her Great Tree".

"Nah, the record was when she went hair of the dog and tried to do a D-rank under the influence; it worked, in a way; that Inuzuka kennel was never cleaner, though that might have been because she kept taking all the tools and cleaning stuff into the same one over and over".

"Ouch, double vision or..." The voices suddenly shut up as Anko's temper, already sorely strained, finally snapped and a pair of shuriken were launched at the pair of teasers, Anko's face not even rising off the bar as it did so,

"Leave me alone to fester in peace", Anko demanded, her voice muffled through her arms though she already knew she wasn't going to be that lucky; sure enough she almost found herself launched off her bar stool as a sudden pain jabbed into her left buttock. Whipping around with a snarl on her face she found herself confronted by the smirking face of Genma, already flipping another senbon from his equipment pouch into his mouth,

"Give me one good reason I shouldn't stick that senbon right up your...?"

"Because seeing the Hokage twice in a day would be a record even for you", right on cue Genma's ever-present shadow and former genin team mate Raido flopped into the seat beside her, casually sipping a measure of her drink while Anko was mentally reciting reasons not to violently do away with the pair of them just to keep her temper at plain boiling point, "so, how did it go? What'd the big boss say at the end of it all?"

"Something along the lines of 'you stupid kunoichi, don't do it again'".

"That all", Genma tapped his senbon against his teeth for a minute while Raido made their order, "man did you ever get off light". Anko rolled her neck enough to see the other chunin from her corner of her eye, lips twisted into a wry, sardonic smile,

"I've edited the swearing out of a fifteen minute ass-chewing". Both Raido and Genma winced,

"Ouch – well every Sarutobi's always had a decent pair of lungs on them if you rile them up enough; decent pair of fists too now I think about it, I reckon I've still got the bruises from when I called Asuma-san monkey-boy once too often", Raido commented breezily, glugging down half his beverage the second it landed on the bar, "so, what else happened?" Idly tracing her finger to make patterns in the condensation on the bar Anko tried and failed to hide the worried look on her face,

"Well I got a real tongue-lashing by the Hokage, slapped with training the aggrieved party for a few weeks throughout my recuperation period and very large hole blown in my budget until I can go on missions again", she sighed, the despair that had threatened to consume her earlier rising up once more, "so for the next few weeks I'm going to be living off scraps and charity. Any chance I could...?"

"No!" Both chunin answered together, vehemently denying her unspoken request in a manner that made sure no amount of threats, pouting, violence or promised sexual favours was going to make them change their minds, "We've seen what happens when you move into a place Anko-chan; no offence but I like being able to see the floor occasionally and all the condiments where they are rather than chopped up for kindling". With a huff she turned back to her drink, draining the last of her glass,

"So", she banged the empty on the bar again, "what do you say I should do then geniuses? My apartment lease ran out while I was away, I've not got a place to crash and with Sarutobi taking a quarter of everything I've ever owned because I made a screw-up yesterday I've got a toss-up between the Nara deer enclosure and a spare Inuzuka kennel unless I can get someone to put me up for at least some of the time I'm off missions".

A very quiet atmosphere settled on the bar for a moment though, by either feminine intuition or just having known the other two chunin for as long as she had, Anko knew what was coming and made preparations for it,

"You know, you could always move in wi..." Whatever Genma had been about to say, and Anko would have laid better than even odds that she knew exactly what was on his mind, went unsaid as the chunin froze from the kiss of cold steel laying against his neck, Anko drawing and placing the weapon in less time than it took the average village to blink,

"Point of order", the Snake Mistress declared, twisting the knife figuratively as well as literally and making Raido cringe almost as much as Genma was, "from now on if the word shotta or any variant thereof leaves your lips in the foreseeable future, they will be quickly driven back in by my fists, are we clear?" Not trusting himself to speak Genma simply nodded while his friend put his hands up in mock-surrender, luckily the measure enough to defuse the bunny-boilers' temper as she slowly removed the kunai after pricking through the first layer of skin and no more,

"Okay we got it you crazy-snake-lady", he assured her, inwardly grateful that she did nothing more than reholster her kunai and smirk, "geeze, you come up with one idea and you just get your butt busted for it".

"Be grateful Genma-kun, it could have been your balls", Raido supplied helpfully before a sudden thought struck him and he seemed to chuckle, "now I'm really jealous of Uzumaki; not only does he have a super-hot sensei, he also doesn't have any balls worth her busting yet".

"Right, that's it", Anko threw herself to her feet and cracked her knuckles as both other chunin dived for cover, "I don't care what Sarutobi-sama said, you two are both dead men the second I get m..."

To the cowering forms of Anko's former aggressors it was as thought a ray of sunlight slowly began illuminating her face, the rage dissipating to be replaced with wonder as she slowly began to smile and her eyes took on a faraway look,

"Wait", she breathed, lowering her fist as she continued to talk to herself, "wait, wait, wait; yes, I can do that; I'm a sensei now and it's my job, no more than that, my duty to make sure my student is properly kitted out and provisioned. Oh yes", she broke off her monologue to suddenly laugh and leap into the air, "problem solved; free rent and a pit to crash in for the night – this is just too perfect. Wait for me gaki", as though someone had ignited a fuse underneath her Anko shot off towards the exit of the bar, the doors swinging shut behind her as she rocketed through them and into the street, still cackling and spouting half-form gibberish that no doubt convinced anyone close enough to listen that the purple-haired kunoichi really was insane. As silence settled over the bar like a funeral shroud Raido and Genma both picked themselves up and looked at each other, a kind of detached unease filling their minds as they immediately began bouncing non-verbal ideas off each other before voicing their conclusions,

"I think the Leaf village now knows Mitarashi Anko's back in town".

"I think we've created a monster".

"I think that if the Sandaime's appointing Anko to teach people, I want some of what's in his pipe".

"I think Uzumaki Naruto's going to wish that bear had eaten him once the snake hits his pad".

"I think we need to drink more".

"I agree".

XXX

Slowly, slowly but it was coming; the idea he'd had the previous day was actually working, though it seemed to be harder on stone than wood for some reason; having been discharged in the early afternoon with a warning not to get up to anything too strenuous, Naruto had returned home, brushed the taste of the awful hospital food out of him mouth with the aid of copious amounts of toothpaste and boiled up half a dozen cups of instant ramen to celebrate his 'victory' the previous night and the fact he had his first real sensei. After eating though he'd been suddenly afflicted by that bane of all young children, boredom; he wasn't sure if running across town to the Hasuwadas would class as exercise so thought he'd better not risk it, instead deciding he'd go tomorrow and spend the rest of the day in his apartment working on his chakra control and his kamiwari. He'd already done well without having to say the name of the jutsu, now all he had to do was lose the seals from his technique to get it flawless; smokeless he'd work on later as in the field the smoke could be a big help to distract an enemy ninja. _Still, I'll work on that later_; blinking sweat out of his eyes he flexed his cramping fingers up another inch or two of the smooth wall, edging ever nearer to the ceiling just as he had the tree branch he'd made it to yesterday; _right now I've got about another foot to go_.

Unfortunately for his endeavours his concentration was jarred by a sudden knock at the door and, distracted just as he had been the last time he'd tried, the jinchuuriki slid down the wall ungracefully to land on his feet with a huff of disappointment, glaring up at his ceiling; _damn, I was that close as well_. Still, he had a guest and it was more likely than not jiji so, not wanting to keep the old man waiting, he wiped the sweat off his face with the sleeve of his jumpsuit and headed for the front door, calling out as he heard the knock come again,

"Okay jiji keep your shirt on", reaching up to unlock the door the blonde pulled on the handle, still talking, "sorry I haven't been to..." It was at that point he looked up to see his visitor and in a split-second took in the large number of scrolls she seemed to have tucked under her arms,

"Hello again gaki", Anko's voice was like toxic honey as she came to attention as much as she was able to with all her worldly possessions sealed into the scrolls she was carrying, "sensei Anko reporting for duty. Uhh, any chance of a bed for the night?" It was at this point that the Naruto operating system finally managed to reconnect the motion sensors to the motor functions and he was able to react as most people would when presented with the Snake-Mistress offering herself as a would-be house guest – with a scream of fright Naruto slammed the door shut and threw himself against it, trying desperately to keep the terror from advancing further than the doorstep; _it's only a dream, just a bad dream – I'm going to wake up back in the hospital any second..._;

"Aww, come on gaki"; _it's not a dream – it's a nightmare_; as more sweat started to trickle down the boy's brow he forced himself to stand resolute against the voice now filtering through the wood of the door, "I know we got off on the wrong foot but I'm not all bad once you get to know me".

"No, no you are not stayin' here", Naruto assured her loudly, planting his feet so deeply on the floor they made grooves in the carpet, "I'm grateful f'the teachin' an' all but dere's only one bed in here".

"Oh that's okay", as an unfortunately familiar purple-haired head poked around the lounge door Naruto felt his mind boggle, Anko looking on unperturbed as she walked into the hallway and looked around appraisingly, "not a bad little bachelor pad you got here gaki, and you keep it in good nick. We'll go one week on the bed, one week on the couch, how's that sound?"

Naruto's response to this offer was to blink, then blink again before finally stepping back and with a trembling hand open the door again; immediately after this he looked from the Anko in the hallway to the Anko on his doorstep and back again, eyes wide, blank and immediately looking for an explanation that only arrived when the Anko closest to him suddenly stuck out her tongue, winked, gave a victory sign and then exploded into a cloud of smoke.

"Bu'..." Seeing this left Naruto flabbergasted as he incoherently gabbled for an explanation, "...how...?"

"Kage bushin gaki; kinjutsu that makes solid clones of the user but drinks chakra like I drink sake", the chunin explained, leaning against the hallway and smiling, "useful little trick to have though, great for spying and causing distractions so you can sneak in unnoticed".

"You came in through da window", Naruto said a second later, Anko raising her eyebrows; _smart little begger_; "bu' you can't stay here, it's..." With a sigh Anko held up a hand to cut off the explanation before the kid could get any real steam behind it,

"I know what it is and it isn't brat; believe me I've been doing things like this since before you were born. Fact is I just had a very loud and mostly one-way conversation with your jiji and because of that", she drew something out of one of the pockets of her trench coat, tossing the envelope over to Naruto who caught it with a free hand, "this belongs to you". Putting the bulging envelope open, the Uzumaki's eyes widened at the sight of so much currency,

"Wha's dis?"

"One quarter of my last mission pay", Anko explained breezily, trying to put a brave face on handing over so much cash to someone she considered an infant, "got fined for basically being an idiot so it's yours now. Unfortunately because of that I don't have all that much loose currency at the minute so I kind of need a low-rent place to crash for a few weeks; then it came to me that hey", she shrugged, a wry smile on her lips as she looked at the would-be ninja again, "I'm gonna be your sensei for a month or so – surely my cute little student wouldn't want his teacher living out there on the cold streets right?" She was laying it on thick, she knew that, but damn it this really was her last shot and it wasn't like she was taking advantage of him at all; she just didn't have that many options left,

"Uhh... I dunno, jiji might not be..." he was weakening and if there was one thing a snake loved it was a weakness; without further thought Anko fell to her knees and clasped her hands in front of her, eyes huge and watery as she moved in for the kill,

"Awww, pwease", the pout was the straw that broke the camel's back, "I'll help cook and clean and with all the chores, just don't make me go out there again – I'm scared of the dark!" There was a snort of disbelieving laughter from the Mouse before, to her delight, he threw up his hands and relented,

"Okay, okay you can stay".

"Yay!" Anko jumped to her feet and before Naruto knew where he was she'd picked him up like he weighed nothing and was attempting to squeeze him to death, "Oh this is going to be so much fun roomie! We can stay up late, have massive parties and get up when we feel like it". There was a muffled squeak for her shoulder that might have been a despairing 'no parties' but she chose to ignore it, instead setting Naruto back on his feet, the boy a little dizzy from being hugged so hard as Anko looked around,

"So", her nose had already located the kitchen but just out of politeness she asked the question anyway, "where's the food in this place?"

"Down dere, onna left", Naruto explained without thinking, "bathroom's on the right". Anko smiled and licked her lips,

"Sounds like a plan to me; I'm starving, haven't had anything to eat since breakfast".

"An' I haven't been shopping yet", Naruto called out, deadening her progress before it really got going, explaining awkwardly as she looked over her shoulder at him, "I usually go today bu' 'cause o'the hospital sayin' take it easy I didn't go 'til later"".

"You mean you won't go until later", Anko corrected, Naruto furrowing his brow before nodding as he realised she was right, "okay, fine, I need to sort out a few things as well so if you go shopping I'll deal with a few admin issues before I meet you in town. Sound like a plan?" Naruto looked her up and down for a moment before, eventually, nodding his agreement,

"Okay den, sounds okay to me; you know where th'Ichiraku ramen stand is?"

"I can find it", Anko assured him before heading back towards the living room window again, "okay gaki, I'm out of here..."

"My name is Naruto".

"And when I think you're worth me calling you by your name I'll use it", Anko assured him in a tone that made it sound like she was doing him a favour, "anyway, I'm out of here, I'll see you at that ramen place in a few hours".

"Okay", Naruto waited until he heard the window open and shut, knowing Anko like most ninja would be able to walk on walls just as he was learning to do before retreating to his room and hiding the money he'd been given as he usually did, then looked around his room before folding up a few notes into his jumpsuit pocket and heading outside.

XXX

The second she heard the front door slam she didn't hesitate; the lounge window she'd first come in through had no latch and therefore it was child's play to open the window and climb through it, starting her mission. _Well it's not much_; the chunin looked around the sitting room casually, a single glance telling her everything she needed to know; _but it's his home, and he looks after it better than most kids his age would_. Moving through the small apartment quickly but carefully Anko checked around the kitchen, seeing what food her latest surveillance mark had access to. The cupboards were relatively bare but she tallied that to the idea that he was going shopping, and there looked to be at least enough for a few more days in any case; the bathroom was well-maintained but old just like the rest of the apartment and overall, she decided, Naruto lived in a sound but far from perfect apartment for a child his age. _He survived though_; something like admiration lit the corner of her mind as she opened the door to his bedroom, glancing around the darkened room quickly as she immediately homed on where he'd been, prying up a loose floorboard under the bed and dipping her hand inside.

_Come to momma_; truth be told it wasn't a bad attempt for a kid at hiding things but it was never going to fool even a rookie genin. Looking around at her discoveries after memorising where they all were by touch, the Snake-Mistress idly flipped through what she'd found; _okay, my envelope with about what, a quarter of what should be in it_; Anko had seen the gaki only take about five hundred ryo with him and could do the maths from there; _so I assume he's got other little hidey-holes in this place, smart kid. Apart from that a few old photos – heh, he does look kinda cute with that Hokage hat on_; just for a minute she allowed herself a softer smile than anyone ever saw, the expression tempted out of her by the sight of a younger Naruto with the Hokage's hat on his head, standing in front of the Sandaime's desk and trying to keep the ornate headpiece from flopping down over his eyes;_ and a frog purse with...holy Kami_; seeing the inside of the bulgingly round amphibian wallet made Anko's jaw drop; _there's gotta be ten, maybe even fifteen thousand ryo here! He's spent hardly anything_; having grown up on a stipend herself as a youngster Anko was well aware that the amount of money handed out by the state was very low – only by living hand-to-mouth could Naruto have saved so much money. The idea made Anko think a little more deeply and, acting on a sudden hunch, she swiftly clipped the wallet shut, replaced everything as she'd found it and left the apartment the same way she'd entered, making sure to shut the window behind her.

XXX

The only thing that kept many of the villagers of the Hidden Leaf village alive that day was the fact that she was already skating on thin ice with the Hokage. And even that, on one or two occasions, was only just enough.

_Bastards, bastards, bastards!_; silently seething as she watched the little orange speck beneath her try to sneak through the main streets, and not doing all that bad a job of it truth be told, Anko had put the pieces together some few minutes later, why Naruto was moving the way he did and seemed to be having such success. He was actually quite sneaky and used the shadows well; even she would give the little devil his due after all, but surely someone should have spotted him and the hideous orange thing he wore by now. By ironic chance it was only when he actually made a mistake and almost tripped someone over that she realised what was going wrong, feeling rage erupt in her chest as she watched the man and woman the jinchuuriki had collided with just walk away, not even looking down, Naruto's words left behind unheeded in their wake.

No-one was spotting Naruto because _no-one wanted to see him!_

He was being ignored, completely and utterly cut adrift from the society he was inadvertently protecting; the Sandaime's decree was binding peoples' hands and tongues but it couldn't bind their minds. They hated the reminder of the Kyuubi so they chose to believe it didn't exist, purposefully not seeing it save to sneer, mutter an unheard curse or spit in the jinchuuriki's shadow. Anko's knuckles were white on the handle of a pair of kunai, about ready to pick up where the Kyuubi had left off as she watched Naruto dart to the side to avoid a suddenly accelerating merchant's cart; _how the hell is he still sane? I got some of this, hell I still do to a lesser extent but this, this is...wrong – how can anyone ignore a six-year old child to this extent?_ The question swirled in her mind as she saw a darker side to her home village; the place that was held up as jewel of Fire Country starting to show a crack in its flawlessness. Ducking behind a high roof to calm her breathing the snake summoner tried to remain calm and focussed on the mission objective – she could not, much as she would like to, educate these idiots as long as they breached no laws and despite being bigoted and condescendingly arrogant, not many citizens of a ninja village were stupid. Despite herself Anko could feel herself starting to lose her cool; too much more of this and she was going to snap like a dry rice-cracker – unless things started to pick up dramatically, Anko decided, there would be blood on the streets of Konoha by sundown.

XXX

Fortunately for Anko's peace of mind it seemed Naruto did have some friends where it counted; though she wasn't able to observe him too closely without giving the game away from what she could see it seemed the stores he frequented were giving him a fair deal. Swiftly creating a shadow clone to keep an eye on her charge Anko henged into a civilian woman and entered the store he'd just come out of with a few shopping bags now in tow and looked around, seeing with a curl to her lips that several of the civilians who'd been shopping at the same time now studiously avoiding where Naruto had been as though fearing contamination. _Well the customers don't like him but they can all rot for all I care, why don't_; that question was answered by the sudden appearance of the cashiers drawing her attention to the declaration above the staff area of the shop; _so, owned by the Akimichi – yeah that explains a lot_. Though the large-boned clan historically produced relatively few serving ninja they made up for this in their contributions to Konoha's economy, owning and renting out a large number of premises to shopkeepers and stallholders, some of whom appeared to have been briefed by someone in the clan about a fair-service policy for the resident jinchuuriki. Making a note to report this to the Sandaime and hopefully get the Akimichi to back Naruto up a little more, Anko decided to make an appearance before he ventured into a nearby weapon shop,

"Hey gaki", as the woman dropped soundlessly beside him the child shot into the air like a scalded cat,

"Don't do dat!" Naruto commanded, folding his arms as Anko stood up and smirked; _ahh, kids these days – so cute when they're angry_; "You coulda gi'en me a heart-attack or sumthing".

"Nah, if I'd wanted to do that you'd already be pole-axed on your back with froth bubbling out your mouth", Anko assured him, ruffling his hair and looking into the store, "anyway, I owe you for the gear that got broke yesterday so let's get in here and go nuts".

"You mean it?" The doubt in his voice made Anko curse the dumb sheep of her village who believed this biting puppy was the lethal fox who had nearly hunted them all down some six years ago, but for Naruto's sake she slapped on her breeziest grin and pointed towards the store door,

"Yeah I mean it, wouldn't be here if I didn't; so, let's go and then get something to eat; I'd kill for a skewer or three of dango".

"Nah", Naruto waved a hand dismissively, Anko all but choking in disbelief at such a casual dismissal of her favourite comfort-food, "ramen's way better'n dango". Forcing down a very deep breath Anko reminded herself of the facts; _forgive him dango-kun, he knows not what he says_;

"Gaki, ramen is a soup of pasta stings and whatever else the chef spat into it that day; there is no way you can compare it to the miracle that is dango". To her surprise Naruto stood up and glared, actually _glared_ up at her directly,

"Dango is just dumplings smothered in sticky bean paste; Kurenai-san always says it's really fattenin' an' you shouldn't eat too much".

"Fattening?" Such slander was almost heresy and immediately Anko made to defend what was sacrosanct to her, "You listen to me gaki, if a food's fattening it's a reminder to work out harder – all ramen ever does is make you desperate for a piss every ten minutes".

"Don't diss the ramen", Naruto threatened, not backing down an inch as Anko bent her nearly crimson face to his upturned one, "it's th'Kami of foods, not like dango which is jus' sticky, bland an'tasteless". Anko went puce and her fist trembled; _he's my mark, he's my mark, he's my mark – I can't kill the mark or the Sandaime will kill me_;

"Why you little..."

"Ahem".

The sound of a throat being cleared brought both heads turning, the sight of a squat but thick-set man in the doorway of the shop bringing them both up short as Muruda looked down at one of his favourite customers,

"Not that I have any say in this lovers' tiff but could you not have a dust-up in my shop doorway, and I have to say Anko-san", the chunin's face heated up slightly as the man she vaguely remembered as being a ninja once shot her a saucy smile, "isn't Naruto-kun a little young for you?"

"One more joke, just one more and I won't be held responsible for the consequences", she threatened to the world in general before standing tall and facing the man head-on, "anyway, we're here 'cause of an accident on the training grounds yesterday and the gaki lost his rucksack and assorted gear". Muruda's face fell and, surprisingly to Anko, immediately looked down to where Naruto was now shuffling his feet and scrutinising the floor,

"Ruto-kun are you alright – what happened?"

"My fault", Anko admitted shame-facedly; _good, glad to see the kid has at least a few friends in this swill-hole_; "we were doing some dodging practice and I spat a fireball at him; he got out the way but I didn't realise he was standing right in front of his rucksack; by the time I had a suiton ready it was a bit too late to save. So, here we are on a mission to replace what was lost; gaki", she clapped him on the back, making Naruto stumbled forwards a pace, "go nuts".

He didn't need telling twice; darting into the shop as Muruda stepped aside for him his jumpsuit was soon lost within the aisles; Anko letting him go as she stepped into the place after him, looking around and seeing the wares on offer; _not bad, not too bad at all_;

"Okay 'Ruto-kun, got a few new backpacks you could use and the tear-proof sacks never go out of fashion, got hundreds of them", Muruda explained, looking under the counter, "sorry but Panda-chan's away with her mother for the day over at an aunts; don't worry though, you'll see her on Wednesday".

"Thank you", the disembodied voice floated back from somewhere amongst the aisles, "jus' need a few things t'trade with".

"I'll handle that", Anko shouted back, turning to the store owner and pointing to a few items on the shelves, "just give two of each of the beginner sets and one of the intermediates for all the basic kit; hell because he's done me a favour give him one top-class set for shuriken and kunai, that should be enough to start him off". Muruda let out a low whistle as he began reaching onto the shelves,

"Must have been a hell of a favour".

"You have no idea", Anko assured him before looking around; _good, no-one around_; "so, how did the little brat get to dip his toe in the tranquil stream of your life?"

The response to this question was an ear-splitting crash; seemingly incensed, Muruda had slammed her requested items onto the counter and was now glaring at her directly,

"I've been retired a few years now girl but don't test me", he growled in a low voice, "if I had my way and more money and space there would be no Uzumakis in Konoha, that boy would be a Hasuwada and a little brother to my Tenten-chan. And I'll send anyone who disagrees or calls me a fool, or worse than that insults Naruto-kun when I can hear them, to make their excuses to Kami personally". Anko's eyes flickered from the weapon smith, to the discarded weapons and back to his face again before, to his consternation, she sighed with relief,

"Finally", she breathed before tucking a stand of hair back into place, "ten minutes I've been following him and you're the first one who's had a good word, in fact even any word, to say about him".

"More fool them", he assured her, pointing at were Naruto now had his back to them as he held up a pair of sacks, examining them each in turn before shaking his head and putting the larger of the two back where he'd found it, "I'll admit I was scared first time Sandaime-sama introduced us but since then hah, he's been as much of our family as I am. He knew Tenten-chan, Panda-hime as he calls her", Anko smirked at the nickname before listening attentatively again, "from the orphanage and they got on well there – when he realised she lived her I don't think a herd of Nara deer would be able to drag him away".

"Aww; kiddy love is so cute", Anko exclaimed with her hands clasped together by the side of her head and hearts in her eyes; Muruda, however, didn't seem inclined to agree with her mirth,

"Maybe but it's not love, it's just who 'Ruto-chan is; Kishi-koi said it right – that boy would walk into hell for the people he cares about; if you're smart you'll do yourself a favour and get added onto that list. I'm just grateful he thinks we, and the Ichiraku's come to that, are worth the effort; what he lacks in tact and delicacy he makes up for by putting the effort in every time; I've had more scrap off him than the genin Konoha employs to scour the training grounds".

"No kidding"; _and the plot thickens then_; Anko mentally quoted from a book Ibiki was fond of, detective thrillers always been a big part of his library; _well I picked an interesting one this time and no doubt about it, and I know where to go next as well_; "well, that's all well and good but as of now he's a pain in my neck and I'm in a rush to get back to doing other things and other people; gaki", Naruto's head jerked up at her shout, making him look more like his nickname than ever before, "if we're not out of here in the next five minutes that trip to your ramen shack is well and truly off the cards!"

XXX

"Okay I'll admit it", looking at the stack of empties occupying Naruto's left side Anko had to give the little devil his due, "you _really_ love your ramen".

"Wha's not to love?" Naruto quipped back after swallowing his latest mouthful before tipping the bowl back to drain the last of the broth from it, "Teuchi-jiji's th-best cook inna world an' Ayame-chan's the best waitress". The girl over the other side of the counter flushed a light rose but, unusually, Anko declined to make a comment, instead looking over at Naruto with a calculating eye, half of her forthcoming plan already made up in her mind but still not quite having enough to go on. Recognising her scrutiny, Naruto looked up just as she began to speak, avoiding the bowl that had once held her moderate order as she put her elbow on the table,

"Right; be that as it may gaki I've been thinking; on pain of an ass-kicking from Yugao-chan and your jiji, I'm training you for a month or so. Now I've got an idea of what to teach you but", she held up a hand as Naruto looked set to go ballistic with happiness from the news, "I'm still not sure exactly what you already know. So here's the deal", she overrode him before he could start listing his skills, a process she was sure would be long and tedious as well as wildly inaccurate, "for the next week while I'm at your place all I'll be doing is following you around while you do your work. Just pretend I'm not there while I shadow you; in fact use it as a learning experience – I'll try hiding as the week goes on to see if I can improve your detection skills. Sound okay?"

Naruto appeared to mull this over for a minute before nodding in agreement,

"Okay, soun's fair enough", he commented before looking across the bar, "finished Ayame-chan; here", as she watched her hard-earned cash disappear into the front pocket of the waitress's apron it was all Anko could do to keep from burying her head in her arms and bawling her eyes out on the top of the counter; _my baby, my beautiful, precious sake fund – gone to feed some brat's bottomless pit_; "keep th' change, you an' jiji can pay off my tab wi'it". The girl smiled and patted the smaller boy on the cheek, apparently not noticing the chunin by the side of him undergoing a small mental breakdown,

"You know Naruto-chan, if everyone was as honest as you were the future of this place would never be in doubt", she told him, making the boy's cheeks glow with pride before he suddenly glanced up, concerned at the note of worry in her voice, "umm, are you sure your friend's okay Naruto-chan?" Looking behind him and seeing Anko hunched into a ball of misery on her seat, a blonde eyebrow quirked up before its owner dismissed it as some kind of kunoichi thing,

"She'll be fine, jus' had a long day", he assured her before raising his voice, "need a hand in the back jiji?" There was a pause before Teuchi's answer floated back over the sound of sizzling pans and frying ramen ingredients,

"No 'Ruto-kun, got a good handle on it today; how are the maths problems going?"

"Not too bad, had to get jiji to help me with a few of them"; _jiji – oh, he must call both Sandaime-sama and the owner of this shack that_; mystery solved Anko settled herself down to listen in, "he didn't mind, said it made a break from the paperwork. Well", he slid off his seat and stood up, Anko mirroring the action as she sought to get away from this place that had snaffled her priceless money from right under her helpless nose, "gotta go fo'the day; be back next week Ayame-chan". The ramen girl smiled, wiping down the bar where he'd been sat with one hand and picking up his stack of empty bowls with the other,

"Take care 'Ruto-chan, and if anyone's giving you a hard time out there just let me know", she waved the dishcloth threateningly, a would-be scary look on her face as she made the damp rag crack like a whip, "nothing beats ramen-fu and I am a master, surpassed only by grandmaster Teuchi-jiji himself".

Giggling as he made his last farewells, Naruto bowed in thanks before he left the place, Anko on his heels as she responded with a short jerk of the head as she followed him onto the road, stretching up as she did so; _man I could use an early night, and by the looks of things_; movement to the side of her allowed her to catch her new charge stifling a yawn with his hand; _so could he_;

"Don't know about you but I'm beat brat", the Snake-Mistress admitted, looking back towards her temporary accommodation for the moment, "right now all I need is a shower, a night-cap and a decent set of chiselled abs to lay my head upon for the night".

"Night-cap?" Luckily Naruto hadn't heard the latter part of the sentence as he dodged out the way of someone who looked to be in a sudden hurry to be somewhere else, "You can borrow mine if you want to?" _Praise Kami for the innocence of children_;

"Wrong kind of night-cap kid", Anko assured him before looking around, "anyway, shall we head back?"

"Yeah, got what I need", Naruto assured her, patting his new rucksack and the foodstuffs it now contained as he'd put all his shopping into it as soon as he was able to, "able to go back t'work tomorrow". Anko chuckled softly at that, a small part of her mind vindictively pleased by the sudden glances the two of them were getting from the population as they walked in tandem; _yeah, the demon brat and the snake bitch – bet you're not ignoring either of us now_;

"I eagerly await the day you start earning your own money", she told the short form beside her, a slightly sour smile on her lips as she once again saw her pay check vanish into a place that, heresy of heresies, didn't sell dango, "than you can pay for your own damn ramen".

To her surprise Naruto didn't shoot back a comment of some kind – from what little she'd seen of him so far the kid appeared quick-witted and relatively sharp, a big plus in her book as no ninja she knew of, except perhaps Ebisu but he was just a freak of nature anyway; _a freak of nature that got Kurenai-chan to go out with him though_; ever went through service without greasing the wheels of their desperate, monotonous lives with smatters of ribald banter and the blood of their enemies. Instead he tapped the tips of his fingers together for a few seconds before looking up to regard her with a calculating glance,

"Yeah 'bout that", he began, Anko for once paying him her complete attention as it was her cash on the line, "I was thinkin' – I'm never gonna use all the cash you gave me, so here's da plan; for dis month we'll live offa dat money, then at the end of the that you can have back wha' we haven't spent. Jiji won't get mad that way; you did pay me what I needed fo'the month after all".

It took quite a lot to stun Mitarashi Anko, even for a few seconds, but Naruto's offer managed it as her lilac eyes widened, the words tumbling over each other in her mind; _my money, giving my money back to me_;

"Kid", her tone was almost awed; for a split-second she had to wrestle down a sudden insane desire to glomp the kid and squeeze him half to death but instead she settled for wrapping one arm around his neck while rubbing the knuckles of her free hand through his thick hair, the Mouse's yells of discomfort music to her ears as she finished, a wicked humour in her lilting tone,

"This sounds like the start of a beautiful friendship!"

A/N: Poor Naruto, he knows not what he's done. Still, a month with Anko – will the Mouse survive or will he end his days as snake-chow? Find out in the next TMOK update – until then, ja ne!


	5. Chapter 5 A Mile with the Mouse

Chapter 5 – A Mile with the Mouse

A/N: Wow, guess moving this story to its own pad was a good idea; I honestly didn't think it'd get anything like the attention it has. Still, I'm grateful people took the time to read and review my work and hope you enjoy this latest chapter of mine.

XXX

Like all ninja, especially a kunoichi who specialised in infiltration of enemy countries and, if necessary, seduction of important people within the country's power structure, Mitarashi Anko could and in the past had woken at the sound of a piece of rice-paper falling to the floor – more than one potential assassin had come fatally unstuck by failing to notice that little security measure she always made sure was set up before she slept on a mission, alone or otherwise. A sudden clatter from somewhere close by, even at a time when not even the streetlamps were lit due to the lateness of the hour, was therefore enough to have her on her feet, kunai in hand and looking around for the threat even before the echo died away.

_Where am I again?_; though the business part of her mind had already ensured there was no threat, the more rational part was taking its time to catch up; _I don't recognise this place – must have been a really strong bottle, or a bad batch of dango...oh, wait a minute_. Without the aid of her typical morning jolt of a caffeine-rich beverage of some description it took her longer than normal to recognise the old, slightly battered sofa she'd been curled up on and remember where she'd crashed for the night and why; _well I doubt I'm in any danger with a roommate not even in double-digits age-wise – pity_; a wicked smile split her lips as she flopped back onto her makeshift bed and pulled the her standard-issue sleeping bag over her like a blanket; _train 'em young and they'll spend the rest of their life eating out your hands, and other bits of you_. With that dirty thought in her mind Anko let her eyes close and mind drift back to her dreams involving sweet-bean soup, lots of dango and at least a dozen shinobi she knew wearing enough clothing to decently cover about two of them between them; _oooohhh Kakashi-kun, two things to hide and only one mask – what'll it beeeaarrgh!_

It was at that point, just before the mysterious jounin could slip the bindings hiding his supposedly-gorgeous face from the world, that the pleasant images and the darkness that let her dream them up was broken forever and the world was filled with cruel, blinding light.

XXX

As he reached out, stifled his alarm clock and yawned simultaneously with a well-practised motion a sudden thought make itself heard in the back of his mind that there was something different about today; what that might have been though he just couldn't put his finger on. Sitting up in his bed and stretching off with another huge yawn, Naruto scratched the back of his head for a minute before snagging his clean morning-training gear off the end of his bed, pulling the loose shorts on in a single motion while still considering the persistent niggle in the back of his mind that assured him there was something amiss, a wrinkle in his otherwise perfectly smooth daily routine. Thinking hard for a minute while his body operated on autopilot to pull the duvet back over his bed the young jinchuuriki was eventually forced to shake his head; _nah, still not sure – was it anything to do with jiji? I haven't seen him for a while – maybe he was marking some of those puzzles I did from the books Ayame-chan gave me?_

The idea seemed perfectly rational as he didn't have anything else to go on and at this time in the morning it was way too early to direct any of his precious brainpower to abstract thoughts and contemplations, not when there was the morning warm-up to be done. Slipping on his indoor sandals as he headed for the door Naruto was under no illusion that he'd remember anything important he had to do today after some stretches, a shower and good bite of breakfast – with that in mind he threw open his bedroom door and felt around for the living room light switch.

A split second after he located and operated it, a profusion of sudden swearing and the sight of a woman wearing nightclothes that practically redefined the word 'skimpy' jumping to her feet and drunkenly waving a kunai around was enough to cause him to blush furiously, avert his eyes and mentally kick his own butt that he'd forgotten all about his guest despite the best efforts of his memory banks, slow as they were to boot up in the morning,

"Sorry!"

XXX

Only the high pitch of the sudden voice stopped Anko launching her weapon towards it; internally reminding herself that the mark was a child and didn't know any better she turned towards him, hands on her hips and apparently unconcerned of the scars her prodigious womanly charms could have caused in the young boy's mind had he not had a hand pressed firmly over his eyes as she started the scolding,

"Wha'n Kami's name are you doing up gaki – it's still dark out".

"Umm, yeah", he risked a peek upwards and immediately looked down again, blushing even more fiercely as the even the blurry sight of a nearly nude young lady was too much for him at such a tender age, "could you, err, could you put sumthin' on?"

"Hmm?" For the first time in the conversation Anko blinked enough sleep out of her eyes to see her new housemate scrutinising the carpet at his feet; _did he stub his toe or something, what's wrong with him? Brr_; she suddenly shivered, rubbing her arms as the chill of winter nipped at her, rubbing her shoulders to try and keep warm for a minute; _Kami's it's drafty in here, no central heating or some...ah_; belatedly realising the exact reason why she and Naruto weren't seeing eye-to-eye, or anywhere else on her anatomy for that matter, at the minute the kunoichi hastily ducked behind the settee, snatching up her sleeping bag and wrapping it around herself as a makeshift towel before speaking again,

"Heh, sorry gaki; most of my kit's still in long-term storage and I couldn't pick it up yesterday; all I've got until then are what's in my tool kit and the clothes on my back – it's okay to look now, I'm covered", she coaxed gently, though there was no denying the slight tease in her smile as, still blushing profusely, her new student for the next week lowered his hand by degrees and eventually risked sending a glance her way; _right now he's a skinny little runt but give it a few more years, burn the fat off his cheeks and I'd put better than average odds on him being a bit of an Academy sweetheart. If nothing else the whiskers make him look exotic_; quickly finishing her mental appraisal of the youngster, she remained silent as he began his gabbled explanations about waking her up, occasionally hopping from foot to foot as the carpet was like ice under her bare toes,

"Sorry, I forgot you were in here an'..."

"Don't worry about it", Anko yawned, not able to move her hand without dropping the sleeping bag and potentially adding a six-year old child to the already long list of perverts already infesting Konoha from the sight of her marvellous body, "jus' do what you gotta do and then go back to bed". With that Anko flopped back to the couch, preparing to fall back to sleep and carry on where she'd left off with Kakashi only for a sudden voice to make her eyes snap open and pray to the Kami that she was still asleep, that this was just a bad dream,

"Uh sorry bu' I kinda need the couch", the disembodied voice of her new student reached her ears like an oni's hex, "time fo'my exercises".

"Gaki", Anko's reply came a few minutes later, after she'd fumbled around and located her watch to confirm that yes, it actually was that early, "exercise is all well and good but not at half-past four in the bloody morning!" She heard him approach her pit, pacing around the settee to stand just about in front of her; for a second she was tempted to flash the sleeping bag up and send him running for a few minutes' peace but decided against it – that would mean she'd have to get up and walk all that way to turn off the light before she could drop back into blissful slumber,

"Well you said you wanted to follow me 'round", his tone was mildly reproachful and, much against her better judgement, she rolled over and cracked one sleepy eye open towards him, listening to his explanation, "dis is when I get up".

_Seriously_; much as she wanted to she couldn't see a lie in his face and grimaced; _just when I thought life couldn't get any worse that wet-nursing a baby brat for the next four or so weeks, Kami has to dump all over me by making him not so much an early-bird as a night-owl! What did I do to deserve this?_; not allowing the memory of an irked and hungry honey bear to dissuade her from a decent mental pity-party, the Snake Mistress instead sniffed deeply and regarded her new charge with a disbelieving eye,

"Really – you get up at half-four?" At his energetic nod, even that motion making her feel drained so early, she moved on to pump information out of her target, "And just what the hell possessed you to think it was a good idea to wake up before Maito Guy has had a chance to say his first 'youth' of the day?"

"Hey, don't say anything bad 'bout Guy-san; he showed me a lotta good exercises an' didn't mind when I acc'dently called him da green-shouty man once", even against someone a lot more lethal than he was Naruto would defend one of his sensei's, though he didn't stop Anko's sudden bout of sniggering; not even he was that brave; _green-shouty man – heh, that's that running green-bean pretty much summed up in three words_; "anyway jiji always says early to bed an' early to rise will make a nin healthy, wealthy an' wise, and I need to be all o'those to become Hokage. So", he put his hands on his hips and tried to stare her down, a lost endeavour to someone who locked eyes with cobras as a hobby but a spirited try nevertheless, "please move or I'm gonna be late". To his irritation, however, the older ninja didn't seem to want to play that game, instead regarding him with an expression that hovered somewhere between exasperation and amusement,

"Early to bed and early to rise eh?" _Yeah, does sound like something the Sandaime would say – shame I've never been much for following good advice_; "Well I'll tell you that early to rise just makes this kunoichi irritable; shoo mouse, come back when the sun's up at the earliest and not a second before that".

With that she rolled herself up in her sleeping bag and rolled over, partly to see how he'd react to the disappointment and if he'd come up with a plan to tip her out of bed but mostly just to hack him off, divine justice for the unexpected wake-up call,

"Hey, dis is my 'partment", there was a sudden pressure on her leg and she felt him try to shake her; just as well because if his hands had landed too much higher she would have got out of bed only to put Naruto back in the hospital, "you gotta do what I say and I say we gotta get going".

"I don't get going 'til about midday gaki", she growled back, giving her body a sudden flex to throw off his shaking hand; _okay then, let's see what you do with this_; "I mean it; beat it or I'll beat you". As she heard the distinct sound of several footsteps retreating away from the settee she was all at once happy and slightly disappointed – if all it took to get the brat to back off was a simple threat she couldn't back up, not unless she wanted the Sandaime jumping down her throat at any rate, she didn't much fancy her chances of this month getting any easier.

"Las' chance Anko-san; get up or I'll tip you off my sofa", the sudden declaration almost made her roll over in surprise but she quickly quashed the urge, resolutely remaining where she was and not giving away any hints that she'd even heard him, "okay den, you asked for it"; _bird seal...ram seal..._;

Anko had suspected a couple of things that were most likely to happen following her refusal to comply with his rules, the mostly likely being that he'd either retreat to fall into a childish sulk or continue to jabber away ineffectively while she ignored him and went back to sleep. It was safe to say, however, she had not expected a sudden jerking sensation over her entire body followed almost immediately afterwards by a nasty kiss of shock and cold as she landed on a freezing-cold hard surface. Luckily her sleeping bag had been dragged along for the ride and fell over her as she half-sprang to her feet and tried to work out what the hell just happened. Scrambling up in a jumble of limbs and cotton, the chunin looked over at the couch she had recently occupied and, seeing the short-clad boy now sat proudly where she had recently been taking her repose, realised the only logical explanation about what had happened and goggled; _no way_;

"Gaki", she breathed, tone a mixture of annoyance and, though she'd never admit it, surprised glee that he wasn't perhaps as new to the ninja life as she'd feared, "did you just use kawirimi no jutsu?" Looking over his shoulder before hastily looking back, Anko obviously not realising the sleeping bag was slipping due to her surprise, Naruto fingered his chin for a minute, looking confused,

"You mean kamiwari?"

"No, I mean kawirimi, the replacement technique", she assured him; _actually, now I think about it I didn't hear him say the jutsu – hmm, maybe he does have something special in his box of tricks. Sorry Hokage-sama_; immediately seeing this for the golden opportunity it was Anko couldn't help but smirk as she realised this was something not even Sarutobi knew; _but that no-jutsu rule's just gone right out the window!_; "I know the Academy three gaki, I'm not that old to have forgotten going to school".

"Oh", the boy seemed to deflate slightly, a hole in his education becoming apparent, "Hana-san said it was kamiwari, bu' she'd only jus' learnt the jutsu herself, musta got th' name wrong".

"Hana-san?" _Gossip senses – tingling_; the idea of discovering a childhood crush banishing her tiredness, Anko did her level best to sound only casually curious as she started to pry, "who's she?"

"She's an Inzuka", he explained, still examining the settee cushions until the older ninja remembered her sense of propriety and covered up, "jus' started her third year at the 'Cademy". Anko looked confused for a moment before putting a face to the name,

"Hana, Hana – oh, Tsume's kid"; _an Inuzuka, and the clan heir at that_; once more, as he'd been doing a lot over the past few days, Naruto surprised her with the target of his harmless affections; _he's got guts I'll give him that much – there's more than one reason Inuzukas get called man-eaters_; "wow, you can't half pick them gaki; you do know that if you put a toe out of line around Hana her mother will bite it off and spit it back at you? I've worked with Tsume a couple of times and she's not the head of House of Dogs for her good looks alone I'll tell you that much". As he leant over, limbering up his arms in preparation for the stretches to come, the question made Naruto look over his shoulder,

"Huh, Hana's mum's the clan head of the Inzuka", he digested this bit of information, ruminated on it for a couple of seconds and then casually dismissed it; after all Hana had taught him the jutsu she said she would so it was all square between them as far as he could see, "she never said dat. Anyway 'cause of her I can do the kamiwari, or whatever it's supposed to be called, is it kawarami? Kamariri? Ka...?"

"Kawirimi", Anko supplied helpfully, now even more intrigued at the same time as a little disappointed she'd lost an opportunity to tease the small blonde; _so if it's not a crush how does he know Hana? It's not like she's old enough to go to the training grounds yet – okay so technically he's not either but she's in the Academy anyway_; "So, how'd you hook up with a girl like her – isn't she like seven years older than you?"

"Six, an' even then only just", Naruto corrected her, a little defensively as he knew from Izumo that Hana had been born in September, not even a month before him, "an' I did her an a couple of friends of hers from th' 'Cademy a favour after one of her puppies bit me in the bum".

There was a minute's silence after this declaration before, in a stuttering tone that belied how hard she was having to fight a laugh down, the kunoichi's voice floated over to him,

"So, ah", she began before breaking off, biting down on her lips as she imaging the orange-wearing mouse sprinting through the training grounds, shrieking his head off with a fluffy puppy being towed along for the ride, refusing to relinquish its grip on the prey's tender area, "not that I'd blame her for doing it but why'd she sic her nin-ken on you?" Risking a glance Naruto let out a slight breath of relief as he saw Anko standing and regarding him, sleeping bag held in both hands like a screen between them; a little more confident that he wasn't going to run the risk of seeing something he shouldn't due to her wild ways he half-turned to answer, ready to avert his eyes at the slightest provocation,

"She wanted them t'track me; her an' two friends, you'll meet them all later, maybe on Thursday 'cause dat's when the 'Cademy has its day on the field, bu' anyway dey did sumthin' stupid and' got put in detention. They had to clear the training ground, pick everything up; she sent da Haimaru triplets t'find me an' I was close by enough to help – after we got done I said they had t'teach me the 'Cademy three for pay, one off each of them. Can't get somethin' f'nothing after all".

After taking a minute to reason all this through Anko was forced to come to a sudden, rather startling conclusion; Uzumaki Naruto was by no means a genius but he was obviously blessed with something most talented nin developed and many less-talented ones would give their right eye for. She wasn't sure what the correct name for it was but she called it gutter-smarts; a kind of low, instinctive cunning that picked out opportunities and exploited them without mercy; it was an eye for the deal, a nose for a bargain and, most usefully for a ninja, an uncanny knack for being able to stick a blade in right when the enemy was looking the other way.

"Cute", it was amazing how much thinking a professional ninja could hide in a single word, "so, you got replacement down, what else?"

"Nothing yet", Naruto replied, extending his legs to let his heels rest on one of the arm-rests of his settee, ready to 'stimulate his youthful core' as Guy-sensei would say; _whatever that means – all I know is that it makes my tummy tingle and hurt if I do it too often_; "gotta talk to the two baka-brothers dis week; dat's what Hana-san calls them anyway bu' I think she likes them really".

"Yeah, the pet name gives it away a bit", Anko agreed before another cavernous yawn threatened to swallow her head whole, "urgh, it is way too early in the morning – I need a shower and an IV full of coffee". Pausing in his exercise Naruto glanced over, eyes slightly crossed at the unfamiliar words,

"Umm, well the shower's free, jus' don't take too long or it'll go cold; oh, an' you better move b'fore old Gozura-san over the road wakes up, he's got a weak heart". _Eh?_;

"So?" Anko looked over her shoulder, not bothering to hide a grimace as she realised yes, those really were stars she could see; _this is so unfair – it's supposed to be a month off_; "What's that got to do wi..."

It was at that point the pieces fell into place and she gave a hasty squeak, shimmying to the side as she realised the exactly what the lounge window was missing and, due to the lack of curtains and the fact she was holding the sleeping bag only so Naruto couldn't see her front, she'd been inadvertently mooning Konoha in general for the better part of five minutes, very little of her perfectly-peachy buttocks being covered by her preferred underwear. _If there is a Kami up there anywhere_; she mentally pleaded in a wheedling prayer even as her face went red; _please let him say that no ANBU were patrolling this area just then – I'm already catching hell off the chunins for getting roped into this but if anyone in T&I catches wind of me being seen here in my skinnies..._; she cut that thought off quickly, the merest inkling of the castigation Ibiki would put her pride and ego through making her shudder. Without another word she scampered across the room, grabbed her discarded clothing haphazardly and bolted for the bathroom, not dropping her guard or sleeping bag until she was inside and the door very firmly shut behind her. Resting her forehead against it, she could only breathe out a long, slow breath as her sleepy eyes threatened to drift shut, a single question ricocheting around in her mind:

_What have I gotten myself into this time?_

XXX

The shower helped she couldn't deny it; however when she walked back into the lounge still towelling down her hair it suddenly became an effort to keep her arms in the air at the sight of the small ball of energy in front of her doing some kind of exercise on the floor – just looking at Naruto was enough to make her feel lethargic.

"What are you doing?" Not even breaking stride as he squatted down and tapped his ankles, Naruto answered as he walked his hands forwards over the carpet,

"Guy-san calls dem crawl-aways", he broke off to perform a press-up prior to repeating the motion, pulling his hands back to his ankles before standing up straight; _that's five_; "an' I like 'em, though it's hard to do too many; best I ever done was nineteen".

"I'll bet", she replied disinterestedly, watching the motion again as he did another repartition; _typical Guy, if a bit toned down by his standards – it works a lot of muscles there, mostly the legs, core and shoulders but it's not too intensive that he should rip anything unless he really goes overboard with it_; "so, how long's this going to take?"

"Not long", he chirped back, voice far too cheerful to be pleasant to her gloomy mood, "do most of the strength stuff at night, mostly work onna stretches in the morning".

"Oh goody", she muttered back, too low for him to hear as he kicked one leg onto the back of his settee and began gently squatting down, the motion extending his hamstring, "you learn this off that walking, talking string-bean as well?"

"Yep", he turned to see her on the ball of his standing foot, the motion switching the stretch to his groin, "he said if I can get this all the way, he'll show me how to do a full split; I really wanna learn dat!"

There were many things Mitarashi Anko would not turn down; this list included but was not limited to dango of any kind, embarrassing any of her friends and fellow chunins (though, contrary to a lot of popular belief, she did know where to draw the line and wouldn't have spent the night with most of them; well, not unless they _really_ spoilt her before asking anyway) and a decent vintage of sake. However if there was one thing that topped the list of things she never missed other than an exposed enemy neck, it would have been what Naruto had just present to her on a silver platter – the chance to show off,

"Really", she smirked, her legs sliding out underneath her almost of their own volition as she sank to the carpet and grinning smugly as Naruto's eyes threatened to fall out their socket, "like that you mean?"

"Wow", he seemed caught between staying still and trying to hop towards her, only a hasty windmilling of his arms preventing such indecision pitching him onto his face, "how'd you get dat flexible?"

"Depends who you ask", she replied delicately a second or two later as she hoisted herself back to her feet; _and for the sake of your innocence and my ears once Sarutobi found out about it and got hold of me, don't ask Genma or Raido for their theories– I've nothing against the Akimichi but there's no way I'd ever volunteer to see if they can expand all their body parts_; "just put the effort in and you'll get there".

"Right sensei". _Oh Kami_; the word just hammered home how horrible this situation really was and she felt a little piece of her withered soul screaming in denial, begging for a release from this torment she couldn't grant without following her former tutor into dishonourable exile; _me as a sensei – that just sounded so wrong!_

It was true though, however much she tried to deny it; in fact if anything her words seemed to just encourage her temporary student, forcing her to suppress a groan as he immediately threw himself back into his training. Even the effort of watching him was too much for her sleep-deprived form and, when she collapsed into the chair and started snoring not seconds later, she was exceptionally grateful that he didn't wake her up until he'd had a shower, made them both breakfast and had a cup of something that might have been tea in his hand when he started shaking her shoulder.

Because of all those factors and the thought that had gone into them Anko decided the little gaki had earned the right to live another day.

XXX

After breakfast, which was light but still pleasantly filling as Naruto assured her he always packed ration bars for when he went to the training fields, the two of them departed his apartment. It was at that point she Snake Mistress was beginning to form the first inklings of what made the boy so Kami-damned irrepressible; his stamina was ridiculous for a child his age and his recovery time virtually non-existent. He was darting down the streets trying to move like a ninja would, eyes alert and face shifting all over the place as though spotting for hidden enemies while her sleep-addled mind was being unfairly overtaxed just by making sure the half-zombified body it was currently directing didn't walk into things or trip over the curb.

There was still a light dusting of snow around though none had fallen overnight, a fact Anko was very grateful for even as the cold helped wake her up; to her slight surprise the gate guards simply waved Naruto through, letting him pass without even asking for his permit; _bit of bad practice that – he can't have been doing this job this long surely? Though in that orange...?_; maybe it was understandable the two other ninja realised the little jinchuuriki wasn't a potential spy trying to wriggle his way out the village – there was only one Uzumaki Naruto in Konoha and pretty much all the serving ninja knew who he was. _Which of course_; though neither of the two chunin on the gate said anything to as she followed in the Mouse's footsteps, she could all but feel their gazes boring into the back of her trench coat;_ explain a great deal about why my name is currently mud_.

"Okay den", he spoke more to himself than her, though she tuned in as much as she was able to, "training ground three should be empty today so dat's the first mark; after dat' we'll see if anyone's around fo' tradin'". Looking up at the still-black sky, Anko felt obliged to ask a pertinent question,

"And assuming there is anything on the training ground, how in the name of the Sandiame's wrinkled ass are we going to see it?" Scowling at the language used to describe his jiji, Naruto swung his rucksack off his shoulder and unzipped the back of the top flap; after digging around in the recess for a moment, he gave an excited hiss as he snatched his hand back, something dangling in his hand that he hastily strapped around his forehead like a protector. Trying to see what it was, only a fortunate blink saved Anko's developed night-sight from total destruction as a bright light burst from the head torch; not noticing the fact that he'd almost blinded his impromptu partner, Naruto gave a thumbs-off before looking back towards the training ground,

"Dis aughtta do it – Muruda-san got me one after Panda-chan said how dark it was – so den", he toddled off determinedly, never knowing how close his life had come to ending in that moment as Anko's already strained patience gave way with an almost audible snap – only the fact she was feeling too drained to even throw a kunai straight stopped her giving his brain a little air via a shiny new hole in the back of his skull,

"Le's go an' hunt some scrap!"

XXX

Almost a week later, as she lay awake in the camp bed she'd brought and pitched up on the living room floor, counting her blessings that though Naruto had his flaws snoring wasn't among them, she gazed at the ceiling as though hoping the answers would be written there for her; _I have to report to the big man tomorrow, tell him how this week's gone and what I intend to do with his little gaki over the next three weeks. I know, or at least I've got a vague idea what I want to say but how to say it..._; she tried to roll over, knowing it as futile when her mind was spinning like an out-of-control washing machine but attempting it anyway, forcing her mind to work overtime to dig herself out of another potential pitfall.

_This is getting me nowhere_; after a few more minutes tossing and turning Anko finally gave up and threw the covers off, standing up noiselessly and pacing through to the kitchen for a drink, trying to ease her building headache. Scooping down a glass and running cold water into it she took a sip and perched herself onto the counter top, cooling her mind, centring herself as she tried to recall exactly what she knew so far. _Start at the start_; it was the only logical place to begin, without knowing where she'd come from she had no hope of realising where she needed to end up so, after taking another deep breath and sip of her drink, all the time wishing her latest mark was old enough to own a drinks cabinet she could raid, Anko closed her eyes and remembered what she'd learnt about Uzumaki Naruto so far.

The obvious place to begin was his routine and, though eccentric for a child, it was basically simple enough; over the course of the past few days Mitarashi Anko had slowly, _very_ slowly in the case of Monday morning, begun to get an idea of what and who made her new student tick and though she wouldn't admit on pain of death or dango deprivation, the more she saw the more she found she started to like what she saw. The strange thing was that most of the time the morning routine didn't change all that much regardless of what day it was – he got up stupidly early, she did her best not to kill him and play along, he hunted around the training areas for scrap, split up what he found into things he could trade and things he couldn't and then went in search of ninja to trade with.

The afternoons of the week seemed to alter somewhat compared to the relatively rigid layout of the mornings; after about half-three to four o'clock every day Naruto would leave the training grounds and head back to the village. His actions there varied from day to day but on most days he could either be found in the Hokage's office helping to file paperwork, the Hasuwada weapons shop or the Ichiraku ramen bar, eating or washing up; _though at least he doesn't eat there all the time_. Even there however, though he was doubtless happy to be around people who didn't just pretend he wasn't there, Anko nursed a slight doubt and grievance that he was still working; even in the evening all he did when he went back to his apartment was work on his chakra control, practice his single jutsu, read his way through the books she later found out had been donated to him by the girl at the ramen stand to try and get him something even close to a normal education and, just before he turned in at the early hour of seven o'clock, a final strength-orientated workout that, for him, was enough to ensure he crashed out and slept soundly through the night almost as soon as his freshly-showered head hit the pillow.

However even those simple-sounding actions, to a ninja who was trained as Anko had been opened up a whole world for her to dive into. From such exploration she was all but certain of a plethora of skills Naruto had and was still developing even if, as she suspected, he was completely unaware of their existence.

Firstly his observational skills were keener than most Academy students and one or two genin she'd seen; how Kakashi's last would-be team had been expected to pass when the dead-last of the threesome needed someone to pick his nose for him when he didn't have his glasses on was completely beyond her. In some ways he really was a mouse, or a squirrel was perhaps more accurate, scurrying around looking for tasty acorns to store and bury. _No wonder Muruda-san says he gets a lot of scrap out of him_; watching him hold another battered weapon, this one a length of snapped chain that looked like it had come from a misfiring trap mechanism, to the morning light to examine it, the Snake Mistress had grudgingly accepted that the weaponsmith had been right in one regard; _by the time he's gone over the training grounds the genin can't find anything – like a field of corn after the locusts have gone through_.

Apart for observation and as she'd suspected from very-early morning and late-night workouts, his stamina was impressive though his actual strength and speed, when not over very short distances at least, weren't quite at genin level, though give him time and he would get there, he was only six. His flexibility though, now that was something she had an interest in; though she might have to do some fancy verbal fencing to sweet-talk Sarutobi around, she inwardly swore to herself that by the end of the month Naruto would be able to dislocate at least one of his joints and have the basics of escapology down pat. Aside from his body though, what she saw of his mind confused her slightly; when at work and even when getting some training with the nin he met on the field, some of whom she knew and some of whom were strangers to her, he seemed pretty much like a regular kid talking to an adult; he was attentive, asked a lot of questions and was occasionally happy-go-lucky and a little hyper, especially if he managed to do something right.

Occasionally though, very occasionally, she sensed hidden depths to this veneer of normality; a kind of genius that terrified her almost as much as it caught her intrigue; she'd seen it already in his figuring out a way to climb trees and, having been regaled with the tale of how Slim had come into being when she finally caught note of the stick strapped to the side of his rucksack, the chunin realised such flashes of inspiration weren't isolated events. _But what brings them out in him?_; it was part of the puzzle she hadn't slotted into place yet – what made him think of such off-the-wall solutions to problems that should, much like some of the weapon she'd watched him wriggle up a tree to get, have been beyond him? She didn't know but the ability was there – all she had to do was find a way to bring it out in him more often.

Those were all the good points and she would admit that there was plenty there to work with, but they were all counterbalanced by one very glaring, very obvious flaw she could see looming up in the distance like a thunderhead. No matter where he was, whether it was in the village or outside, Naruto seemed unable to not be busy doing something; though this was a good thing in a lot of ways, Anko was a little concerned that all he seemed to do was work in one way or another and, speaking from experience, she knew that wasn't a beneficial in the long run. Sooner or later, no matter how strong his will was, Naruto would burn out and vindicate the people who sneered when they saw him, prove their disbelief in him right and justified when their indifference combined with his intensity culminated in driving him to and then past the brink.

What he needed more than anything, she decided, was a hobby; something apart from training and scavenging for materials to occupy his mind and though she hadn't finalised it yet, she was certain there was something there, something she'd missed in distraction from the cold glares she'd felt scouring through him if only by proxy. _And anyway_; she took a swing of her drink again, a crooked smile on her face in the twilight as she regarded her own reflection, seeing the lines that worry and age had put in it prematurely, the price a kunoichi paid for being at the top of her game; _I'm the last person in Konoha people should be asking for advice about hobbies, apart from maybe Kakashi. He's just a normal kid, well, sort of normal – when he's on the field it kinda depends who he's with as to..._;

She stopped dead, the eyes in the small glass in front of her flaring to hugeness as she ran her last words through her head again, then a third time before finally she screwed the both shut and cursed herself under her breath for being a complete and utter moron. It was right there, right in front of her the whole damn time and she'd almost missed it; even when he and by extension she had shared a cooked rabbit with a practicing hunter-nin team in exchange for a few wares of his and Naruto had almost simultaneously wrestled with a full-grown nin-ken and talked seriously with an Abraume about insect life and growth stages right in front of her it had passed her by unnoticed. Though her inattention might have been due to the laughter factor; no matter how many times she saw it happen there was always something deliciously ironic and hilarious in seeing an overconfident brat pinned to the deck and subjected to the horror of a nin-ken face-wash before the laughing Inuzuka owner managed to get control of his mirth and call the dog off.

Now she'd seen the point she couldn't, wouldn't want to unsee it because it was the answer to her problems, possibly the one area in Konoha where she was an, if not _the_ expert. The fact of the matter was that Naruto _was_ a regular kid, but he understood that the term regular was variable depending on who was using it; for example when talking to a Hyuuga or to a lesser extent an Abraume he was much more polite and proper, using suffixes such as –dono and asking fewer but more pertinent questions, than if he was involved in a quick shougi game with a Nara, learning to play and the importance of tactics before looking at clouds with the laid-back ninja. With a jolt that made her inside clench with fury again Anko remembered the cold eyes and curt manners that had blanked him around Konoha and, her way of spitting in the faces of those bigoted, self-centred idiots, she knew exactly what skills of the ninja she could teach Uzumaki Naruto.

She couldn't make people like the brat any more than the Hokage could but by Kami she could make them notice a part of him.

The decision was made and all things decided; swilling the glass with water she quickly made her way back to her sleeping quarters, excitement rather than nerves tingling through her as she realised the outlook for tomorrow was a whole lot rosier than it had been minute ago. She could get the Hokage to see where she was coming from she just knew it; if nothing else, she thought with an evil little smile just before she closed her eyes, he'd be willing to make concessions for the knowledge that Naruto did have a little time every week where he did act his age, at least for an hour or so.

XXX

"Why do you always do that?"

"Huh?" Looking over his shoulder, Naruto glanced up to see his soon-to-be sensei regarding him with an expression somewhere between calculation and consternation, "Do what?"

"You paused when you opened the door", she commented, stepping into the weapon store after him and tapping the bottom of his jingling bag with his foot, grinning as she normally did, "I know you're supposed to use your body as a weapon but tripping people up's a little low, even for you". His face flushed at the dig against his height, whisker marks standing out even brighter against his reddened cheeks as he turned away, muttering lowly over his shoulder,

"Sumthin' the first kunoichi I traded with ever told me t'do when I went in anywhere; look fo' 'vailable weapons".

"Well you're looking in the right place", she commented dryly, seeing the shelves of packed weapons even as she digested this new information; _available weapons already – no wonder his observation's gotten sharp_; "you'd never imagine you could find anything to use in a shinobi supplier store".

"Oh shut up", he groused back, already irked by a lack of success all day, only three broken shruiken to show for a full day's work, "I jus' pretend that stuff's no' there, pretend everythin's bare so I'cun look fo' sumthing t'use".

"Fair enough – seen anything so far?"

"Well I could grab dose hangers and rip the top bit into someone, or throw them if I had to", he started, the bottom end of Slim pointing out the clothing hanging on racks as Anko nodded in agreement, "I could ram someone onto the shelves or if I could get dat far onto those spiky bits on the walls, I know the shelves jus' slot together so I could rip one of the ends off if I had to an', Muruda-san mentioned dis one, bu' if I could jump high enough I could pull down one of the lights and use the 'lectricity cable to strangle someone". _Yep, checks out pretty much_; whistling lowly in approval, Anko tapped the top of his head as they moved through the store towards the counter,

"Pretty nice there gaki; who told you that nugget of information?"

"I don't know".

"What do you mean?" _Something big_; though she wasn't a Hyuuga Anko could read body language well enough and the slumping of Naruto's shoulders, to say nothing of his slowed pace and the softer, almost regretful tone of his voice told her enough, his answer just confirming it,

"She neva said her name an' I only saw her once, first time I met Guy-san as well. She died, not long after, 'xemplary su'cide – all her friends an' squad were gone so she wanted to join them after taking down a lotta bad people. I got some incense I burn, every day on the day she passed away; say thanks fo'teachin' me da three lessons she did".

"Three lessons"; _must have been important to warrant remembering her every year – though I guess she was his first customer_; "what were they?" With a humourless chuckle, the memory of the woman who smelt of sweat and rich loam painful and bitter to him even now over a year after the event, Naruto kept his eyes forwards as he spoke the words etched into his memory for all times,

"Trust your team, use avail'ble weapons an' never fight fair".

"Lessons all good shinobi should learn by rote", the sudden voice made the child jump, Anko startled as well by the shop-owner's sudden appearance from the rear of his store though she was able to hide it better, "now, good to see you Mouse-chan; anything special for me today?"

"Nah, been a skinny week", the trader replied, all sadness in his tone scrubbed away and replaced with the merest hint of regret, such a seamless transition adding more fuel to a fire that had not yet been properly lit in Anko's mind, "no' got much bu' got a few good lessons out of it".

A few minutes later after sifting through the metal wreckage Naruto had depositing on his counter top, Muruda settled his weight back on his rear leg and, coming to a decision, nodded,

"Okay 'Ruto-kun, I see your point about the grounds being barren; still, enough here for...", his eyes perused his wares for a minute before finding what they sought, "...ah, here we are; three spoors of wire, three-brace of shuriken fresh off the forge and a lesson with the little Panda-hime; she's out the back waiting".

"Yippee!" With a quick skip of celebration Naruto quickly dumped his rucksack and Slim, Muruda shoving them under his counter as the orange figure high-tailed it around the bar and was lost to the small space out the back of his store. As soon as he was lost to sight Anko found herself almost shivering as the temperature dropped a few degrees and the one-time chunin of the Leaf, still in practice despite his psychological trauma at the claws of the beast Naruto kept at bay, turned piercing eyes on the ninja still in service and spoke in a low, gravelly tone stripped of all its former kindness,

"I heard about what happened".

_Yeah, I thought you might have_; one of the unfortunate things about living in a village run and policed by people specifically trained in hunting down and retrieving information; it was very hard to keep a secret for long. Suddenly uncomfortable and not able to face the suddenly-stony face of the Hasuwada patriarch, Anko rubbed the back of her neck and gave a sheepish grin,

"Ah, well; not my finest hour it must be said".

"Very true", he drawled back before leaning forwards, pointing towards the door Naruto had disappeared through, "and if I catch wind of anything like it happening again Ten-chan and 'Ruto-kun will be getting a live testing-dummy for their thrown weapons practices, understand?" Anko raised a hand wearily,

"Hai, hai; I already got reamed by the Hokage and a large majority of the ninja corps now hates my guts", she replied off-handedly before casting a glance over her shoulder and turning back with a scowl, "though I get the impression most of the rabble out there would be disappointed he didn't end up as bear-chow, stupid bastards".

"My sentiments exactly", Muruda agreed with a gruff snort before jerking a thumb over his shoulder, "the others weren't too forthcoming with the details but I know you're following him around for a bit. You might as well go upstairs for a bit, Kishi-koi will look after you; Mouse and Panda will be busy for about...", his eyes rolled around to the battered but still faithful clock hanging above the door that led to his house, "...forty-five minutes or so".

"Really? Doing what – nothing I wouldn't do I hope?"

"I should hope not; from what I've been told that's not a long list", the weaponsmith quipped back, Anko merely grinning and giving a mocking bow as he continued, "nah, they'll be working on throwing weapons; I teach Ten-chan of a night and she teaches Naruto-kun, regular as clockwork every Wednesday. They'll be out there until tea; in summer he'd be back after that as well but it's too dark and they're too young for me to teach blind-throwing yet".

"Moving or static targets?"

"Static mostly but Ten-chan's just moved on to some of the more basic moving ones", Muruda stated, his tone tinged with fatherly pride as his little girl was turning out to have quite the marksman's' eye; _and I can only hope that one day she eclipses my own meagre fame_; "I see 'Ruto when I can and he's not half bad, gets a sticking hit in the target more than half the time, better than I did at his age".

"Better than a lot of people do at his age", Anko admitted, a more business-like tone in her voice as she mentally chalked another mark up on her list of things to do over the next three weeks or so, "that said I've not seen him use these things, just pick them up. I'll say it now that you were right - he is a hard-working little rodent and his eye's not bad at picking stuff out". The older man snorted gruffly at that, stepping aside to let the woman past as he returned to the counter, looking over his little business with a fond eye that, even as it roved, immediately picked up what needed replenishing and what could be replaced,

"A fact for which I'm very grateful and I imagine several of the nin are too; tell Kishi-chan I'll be up with the little'uns as soon as I've locked up".

With a nod and a last wave Anko let herself in through the door he indicated and walked up the stairs, chakra in her ears picking up the soft, rhythmic thumps of weapons striking home into wood from close by, the accompanying excited squeaks and exclamations of disappointment from a pair of children bringing a small but genuine smirk to her lips; _ah well, at least he's got one friend in this place. The fact she's got a father who might just skin him alive if he looks at her wrong when she gets older on the other hand_; seeing the muscles in Muruda's arms and the killing glint in his eyes of steel made Anko simultaneously shiver and snicker with excitement; _bagsie a front-row seat for the day the little gaki asks Hasuwada Tenten out on a date!_

Tea wasn't Mitarashi Anko's first choice of drink but, scenting the aromatic steam that coiled up from the cup before her, she wasn't shy about scooping it up and taking down a generous measure before nodding to the woman before her in gratitude,

"My thanks Hasuwada-san, excellent tea and your husband will be with you as soon as he's shut up the store".

"You're welcome Mitarashi-san; please call me Kishi".

"Anko", the purple-haired woman replied in kind, taking another sip from the saucer as Kishi sat down, still hearing the sounds of her children, for she did consider Naruto as much her child as she did her priceless Tenten-hime, audible even through the closed windows,

"Hai; just to get business out the way", glancing over the snake summoner felt a now-familiar sinking feeling in her gut as she saw the older woman glare over the table at her, "regardless of what my husband doubtless threatened you with, if you are ever so stupid as to pull a trick like that with _any_ child but especially with Naruto, I will hunt you down and make you endure things even the most fiendish minds in the Torture and Interrogation department haven't thought up yet!"

"Considering the fact I know and am thought of as being one of the most fiendish minds in T&I consider them safe, though if I ever get that stupid again I deserve them", Anko agreed smoothly, throwing the other woman off slightly as she'd been expecting a fight, "I'll tell you what I told Sarutobi-sama; I thought he was just some run-of-the-mill brat who'd forget me as soon as he got home and a hot meal inside him. Just my luck to run into the one gaki in Konoha who not only breaks that mould but thinks my boss is his grandfather into the bargain; take it from me Kishi-san, being stood in the same room as a seriously pissed-off kage is not good for your health or your heart-rate".

"I'll take your words for it, and don't use language like that where the children might hear you", the tone was so maternal and scolding that Anko looked down by reflex, still fearful of motherly wrath despite her own childhood being lost forever under the manipulations of another, much more sinister mind, "Ten-chan's already training like a ninja, Naruto-kun too come to think of it – the last thing I want now is them picking up the language that goes with it".

"I can understand that", the kunoichi agreed after a minute of contemplation and, more importantly, making sure she wasn't going to smile at hearing such a civilian concern; _believe me if the Academy's anything like I remember it when Tenten starts there language will be the least of your worries – they'll be hiding smoke-bombs in her backpack every other day and black eyes and bruises become part of a way of life, the ninja way_; "I'll tone it down". Kishi turned a stern eye her way, scrutinising her for a minute before, eventually, it softened and she relented,

"Good, I'd hate to have to get Muruda-kun to cut your tongue out", the blasé tone made Anko splutter into her cup, face dripping with lukewarm tea as she fought to stifle her laughter even as Kishi's smirk told her it really was meant as a joke, "still, what are your plans for Naruto-kun this month or so?"

_Okay_; perhaps for the first time Anko had an idea of just how well-known the Mouse actually was to everyone even related to ninja in Konoha;_ is there anyone in this village who doesn't know how much crap I'm currently in?_;

"Nothing concrete yet", she managed to reply in a semi-level tone, "got a few ideas but this week I'm hanging back, seeing what he already know before I make any decisions".

"Good, just as long as he gets the training he deserves; he's going to be Hokage after all", Kishi smiled before standing up and moving to the kitchen; Anko was about to ask why by a sudden thunder from the stairway answered the question for her. Looking over just as the door burst open to spill Naruto and another girl she assumed was Tenten into the Hasuwada living quarters, Anko watched the two children rush towards the little television she could see sat on a small table in the living room, the rush of the girl checked suddenly by her question,

"Hey", looking over, the youngest Hasuwada saw the woman Naruto had told her was his sort-of sensei for a while and sketched a quick bow, conscious of the time as Naruto made it to the TV, "I take it you're the Panda-chan the gaki mentioned?" _Aww_; seeing the girls' face redden at the name Anko had to suppress a smirk; _so cute when their angry, and the fact she might beat the gaki up for me's a definite plus_;

"I don't look like a panda!"

"Sure you do", before she could blink the taller woman was behind her, running her hands over the top of her characteristic twin buns in a way that made the seven-year old giggle a little, "these are your ears , all big, black and fluffy; you've got a little button nose", a finger snaked around and lightly pressed the aforementioned organ, making Tenten laugh and blush even more as the kunoichi went on, having too much fun teasing to stop now, "so all your missing is a cute pair of black e..."

"Anko-san, leave Ten-chan alone", the call made her look up and allowed Tenten to wriggle free, jumping into the seat next to Naruto just in time, the opening credits were starting to show and that was one of the best bits, "we gotta watch dis, it's a two-parter". Intrigued by the picture she could see, even if it was in black-and-white and there was a line of static going across the top of the screen, the Snake Mistress sashayed closer and tried to sound dismissive rather than curious as she looked over at her student,

"Okay, I'll probably regret asking but what's this supposed to be?"

"_Kaminari-Nekos_", he answered, as though it were obvious, "it's awesome, always on Wednesday an' Kishi-san doesn't mind me watchin' it here".

"Yeah, it's really cool", Tenten took up the explanation as the episode name flashed up; _yes, haven't seen this one before_; "see, these are the goodies, their home got blowed up and..."

Listening with half an ear as the explanation was prattled into her ears and nodding in what she hoped were the right places, Anko felt less pleased by the sight of the grey blobs on the screen running and chasing after each other than she did the knowledge that regardless of how the citizens of her village had forced him into virtual exile on the training grounds just to get a semblance of a normal childhood, there was one family, one place in the world where on a Wednesday afternoon, Naruto acted and was allowed to act like a normal six-year old child.

Though he had no way of knowing it, Anko knew that in time he would come to realise that such a thing was a peace of mind that no amount of scrap would be able to buy him.

XXX

After kicking her heels at the apartment for several hours as she was certain not even the Sandiame got up as early as his surrogate grandson, Anko hopped over the roofs of Konoha for the first time in days, Naruto already aware that she had prior business for the rest of the day and wouldn't be dogging his heels on a Saturday. The gaki lived in the south area of Konoha, closer to the wall than the mountains but, as always, the tall, thin pinnacle of the Hokage building was her guide and she hopped towards it with no fuss, not even having to look to know when to stop of accelerate to avoid mid-air collisions with other ninja heading in the same or opposite direction to her. She'd picked her timing well and, unusually for her over this past week or so, had seemed to have gotten lucky; she had no more than a ten-minute wait for the weekly council session to come to an end and, after giving the Sandaime a further five minutes to cool down from whatever trivial matters the civilian council had heaped on him, she nodded calmly to the secretary before letting herself into his office, the old man glancing up as she stepped inside,

"Hello Hokage-sama; sensei extraordinaire Mitarashi Anko reporting in".

"So, ah, so I see", taken a little aback by the entrance and, as he looked closer, appearance of the his former student's abandoned protégé, Sarutobi nevertheless found himself smirking as he appraised the slight lankness in her usually vibrant hair and the deep bags under her eyes, "though I must say, pardon my rudeness, you don't seem to look all that extraordinary at the moment Anko-chan". _Should I? Hasn't she suffered enough...nah_; once more that little impish demon of mischief seized the reins and cracked the whip on the Hokage's tongue,

"Keeping you up all night is he?"

She cringed, for the first time in what felt like years she cringed at the insinuations of another, the embarrassment made worse by the knowledge that trying to throttle the Hokage would result in pain at best and messy discombobulation at worst – against the God of Shinobi, not even the flames of feminine fury could prevail,

"Ero-kage; now I see where Jiraiya-sama gets it from", she complained waspishly, folding her arms as the Sandaime tried not to look too pleased with himself, "and for you information no, going to bed's not the problem; it's the fact he keeps getting me up in the morning that's doing the damage".

"Oh", a white-flecked eyebrow rose and with a sinking feeling Anko just knew what was coming next, "bit of an early-riser is he? I hope that's not true in a literal sense, though with an attractive kunoichi like you I suppose I should have foreseen some potential for early developments of this nature..."

"With respect Hokage-sama, shut up", she seethed, face mottling red and white as her ego took yet another fearsome battering, "or I'll walk my cute backside out of here and you won't hear my report".

"Until I got out of this chair, hunted your cute backside down and beat it out of you", Sarutobi countered smoothly before holding up a wrinkled hand, a different kind of smile in his eyes this time as Anko relented a touch, knowing in her heart of hearts that, if pushed, the Sandaime could put his money where his mouth was on this one, "still I apologise Anko-chan; forgive an old man his little joke".

"Only because if I did anything to hurt you Konoha would be little more than a pile of sticks a few days afterwards, and the gaki's fond of you", she assured him, both of them knowing she was far removed from serious as she finally stepped to attention before speaking again, "regardless, the mission you assigned me, though not complete, has given several eventful insights into Uzumaki Naruto's habits, idiosyncrasies and personal life".

"Go on, and no need to be so formal Anko-chan"; _thank Kami for that_; immediately relaxing both posture and tone, the Snake Mistress delivered her findings in a quick but somehow insouciant tone,

"I laughed when you said he'd one day be Hokage, hell I laughed when you said he'd be a ninja period, but I'm not laughing as much anymore. Kid's got the drive for it if nothing else, though why escapes me; from what I've seen the only achievement of his most civilians in this shit-tip would celebrate would be a glorious death in combat". At those words the old man appeared contrite, not quite able to face her as he looked out of the window of his office, towards where the sun continued to climb higher in the sky,

"Hai, one of the things I was afraid of Anko-chan, also the reason I'm glad he took the advice of Ichiraku Teuchi some two years ago and started combing the training grounds as he does now. It is a terrible thing to say but I feel Naruto-chan is much safer out there, among Konohas' ninja, than he would be amongst her civilians".

"And I would agree", Anko sided with her leader though she did feel a sudden surge of pity for him as she said those words; in this case, as he had before in the past, the Hokage must have had an almost-impossible set of scales to balance; the freedom of thought of his villagers against the safety and sanity of his jinchuuriki, the resultant compromise of his decree concerning Naruto's status unable to keep the poisoned chalices completely level, "I doubt they'd try anything but...anyway, this is beside the point. Apart from that, like you said Hokage-sama, the gaki's not stupid – he knows which side his bread's buttered and he's taken steps on his own to keep it that way up. Because of that and the training he's done I would stake what's left of my last mission pay that he could outrun, outstretch and outmuscle any other six-year old in this village. Not only that but he's well-aware of several truths about ninja life that some chunin haven't caught on to yet and tries, where he can, to abide by them..."

"And these are?"

"Don't fight fair, trust no-one but those that share your symbol and everything around you can be used as a weapon", she outlined quickly, the words making the old man's eyes flare up; _yep, shocked me as well when I heard him say them_; "pretty sharp lessons for anyone to know, and he's good with them – points out weapons to me when he gets the chance. Okay he's not perfect but for six, he's not too shabby".

"I see", digesting this information, the Sandiame ruminated for a moment before looking up at the kunoichi again, "so, anything else I may have missed from my time with the Mouse?" Anko gave a nod,

"Hate to say it but plenty Hokage-sama; for a start he's got his chakra and figured out how to use it – I guess you've heard his little trick for getting up trees", seeing him nod the snake summoner took a metaphorical deep breath and plunged onwards, "well here's one he's been keeping quiet about – day I first crashed over at his and disagreed with him about the correct etiquette for getting up in the morning he ended up replacing me off the couch with a kawirimi jutsu, and without having to say its name either".

To his credit only a slight widening of his eyes and a soft swallow gave away the fact that such news had even touched the Hokage in any way; he was silent for a moment before leaning forwards on his desk, calculating eyes on the woman before him as he spoke calmly,

"And did he tell you who taught him this jutsu; I did ask for him not to be given access to jutsu just yet, chakra and chakra-based exercises yes, jutsu no". Anko snickered a little at this, assuming he wanted to dish out a slap on the wrist to some poor schmuck and a little dismayed that she had to be the one to disappoint him,

"Heh, well sorry to burst your bubble Hokage-sama but you can't go breaking heads this time; the culprit was Inuzuka Hana, Academy third year", this time not even Sarutobi could conceal his shock at the news though to his credit he had recollected himself by the time she'd finished her explanations, "he said he helped her and a few friends out once, busted them out of detention or something and to say thanks he asked them to teach him the Academy three. He picked it up off her; well, actually he picked up the kamiwari jutsu but since they do the same thing I assume she got the name slightly wrong; and practiced until he got it pretty much flawless". Reaching for his pipe once more, the Hokage tamped down his tobacco before, albeit begrudgingly, he smiled at the news,

"And once more Naruto-kun surprises me; still though", even as a small katon jutsu lit the crumbled leaves and he inhaled the aromatic steam Sarutobi was gazing at her once again, his eyes slightly hardened as he was certain this was leading somewhere he wasn't all that happy he wanted to go, "I take it not all is rosy in the garden of Naruto-kun's life?"

At this loaded question Anko sighed as she had no choice but to put the loaded barrel to her head and squeeze the trigger, almost hearing the gunshot as it echoed around the office,

"Much as I wish it were otherwise I'm afraid you're right Sandiame-sama; my main concern, odd as this might sound, is that the gaki's working too hard – in all the time I was with him I counted maybe three hours, if you exclude sleeping and eating, where he wasn't doing work of some kind. He mixes it up alright; on the training field, throwing kunai at targets at the back of the Hasuwadas, helping the Ichirakus clean their ramen pots or in here acting as a living filing system for you, but either way he never stops, not entirely. My main concern for that would be burn-out; regardless of how much energy and stamina he's got", she raised a hand, forestalling the older ninja just enough to get the rest of her point across at the same time as let him know she was aware of the benefits of his prisoner in extending the abilities of both his chakra and his physical body, "I'm worried that his work-rate, combined with the vast majority of the population caring more about the well-being of sewer rats than him, might push him to snap. Added to that fact any training he's received has by its nature been somewhat scatter-gun in both how it was taught and its applications; he's never had a proper tutor, if you like. As you said earlier Hokage-sama", truly inspiration could strike at the most opportune times, Anko suddenly recalling what the older man had told her earlier that very week, "he needs hands to guide him on his path but, just this once, he could use someone to drag him along and find out properly what he knows and what he needs to know to make his life his life a little easier".

"And", after a long, long minute of regarding the face of the woman in front of him to the point where even Anko was starting to sweat under her chainmail, the Hokage spoke, "I assume you have an idea of what he needs to know?"

At these words Anko smiled, a little darkly perhaps, but as she took a seat and began her explanations Sarutobi, though he had to correct one or two more extreme measures of her training, suddenly felt a lot more confident about Naruto's chances in Konoha over the next coming weeks.

XXX

"Hey gaki", looking over from where he lay prone on the lounge floor Naruto shook his head and sighed in despair as he watched his house-guest twist her body through the newly-opened window,

"Can't you use the door?"

"Nah, coming in through the window makes me feel like an intruder; intruder window, get it – ah, never mind", obviously concepts such as humour were a bit beyond him at the minute but, regardless of that, Anko had some news to give him and nothing was going to stop her, "okay gaki, I'll give it to you straight; I've seen you around this week and decided what I'm going to be teaching you; hear me out", having seen the book snap shut and Naruto spring to his feet Anko held up a hand to forestall the coming explosion before it could gather too much momentum, "you start jumping around like a frog on a hot plate and I will jump out that window and you won't see me again, got it?" With a visible effort Naruto managed to get a handle on his excitement and, after screwing his face up for a second, managed to glance up and nod, not trusting his voice at the minute,

"Excellent", after a minute of ensuring his silence Anko carried on, "right well first things first I'm off out tonight with friends of mine so that means two things; one you are not getting up stupidly early in the morning unless you want to one of my snakes to finish what that bear started and second, I will be paying for breakfast in the morning; I'll tell you the plan over some nice warm dango, sound about fair?"

Naruto seemed to consider this, holding his chin with a hand and tapping his finger on his cheek before, to Anko's relief, he nodded in acceptance of ehr plan,

"Uhh, yeah, soun's about fair t'me; jus' one thing about tonight"; _if he asks me not to drink forget it_; though she knew he had no reason to think fondly of sake Anko felt she'd denied herself far too long due to her new duties; _since last Saturday was a complete damp squib I've overdue a real big blow-out_;

"Can I come?"

The question, asked with all the innocuous innocence of a six-year old child, was enough to tear Anko right down the middle, not sure if she wanted to break down laughing or gape in astonishment; her shock was so great that she failed to answer and, taking her silence as consideration, Naruto set about explaining his reasons for wanting to go,

"I know I'm not old enough t'drink, an' after las' weekend I never wan' to again, bu' I wanna see what other ninja do when they're not on missions. I won't be any trouble an' I don' go out much anyway"; _not the puppy-eyes, not the puppy-eyes...ah!_; seeing the pleading expression she used so well was a bitter taste of her own medicine;_ must resist, must resist – dammit, chibi overdose!_; "bu' if I gotta nin like you lookin' out fo'me no-one's gonna throw me out. 'Sides, I owe whoever threw dat sake down my neck a replacement an' 'cause o'your cash I can afford t'buy 'em a drink".

"Gaki, now I have to say those are all good points", Anko managed to stutter out, reeling from the succession of crushing logical punches, "but I can't take you to a chunin bar, for a start you're not even a ninja yet", trying to steel herself she forged on in the teeth of Naruto's folded arms and the suddenly stubborn set of his face, "and yes, I know you know a lot of chunin but, no, it just wouldn't work. Don't look at me like that", she warned him, taking a step back as Naruto's bottom lip started to quiver a touch, his blue eyes widening even further than humanly possible, she was sure; _must be due to the Kyuubi, an inhuman chibi defence while he's still a cub_; "I just can't, not in all good conscience...gaki you are not coming out on the town with me tonight!"

XXX

"Don't say a word", as Naruto scrambled onto the nearest stool and looked along the bar proudly Anko growled the threat under her breath as she slumped against the wall and started massaging her forehead, forcing some of her so-called friends to duck under a table to hide smirks that had blossomed at the sight of the Snake Mistress being half-dragged into the smoky atmosphere by the excited form of her pint-sized temporary student, "do not say a bloody word!"

It was a lost cause from the outset but at least they managed to make it past five minutes before, as she knew they would, someone opened their big, fat mouth and forced her to slam her fist straight down it,

"So", with a quaver in his voice Aoba was the first to snap, already looking apologetic even as he was forced to vent the comment that was burning up his insides, desperate to be said despite the pain he was sure to receive in payment, "what's a classy date like you doing in a place like th...?"

He was just quick enough to duck the sake cup before it shattered on his forehead, Genma just behind him catching the saucer before it smashed on the back wall as Anko, all but breathing fire by this point, slammed her hands onto the table and leant over at the other ninja, glaring,

"That was your one and only warning; the next one of your jokers who mentions anything to do with shottas, boyfriends or anything even remotely close to me and the gaki having anything other than a sensei-student relationship will die a quick but horribly painful death", as the others leant back she palmed a kunai, smirking evilly with a dread promise that everyone present was almost certain she'd back up,

"The one after that I take my time over".

At that declaration and killing intent that rolled over and started to smother the entire bar, it was no real surprise that there was little argument to the kunoichi's point being made; silence shuffled forwards with its hands up in the air until, with a shattering sound, it was broken by arguably the person who had the least to fear from the enraged ninja,

"Ah, Anko-sensei", she whipped around and almost flayed him alive with her eyes as his quivered before pointing to the barman with a trembling finger, the man blanching as he went on, "please c,could you tell this man to let me buy a juice; he says he can't lemme buy anythin' wi'out an adult..."

"He's with me, unfortunately", she called over irritably, turning her back on the younger boy with a sigh even as the other ninja present were replacing their fear with disgruntlement at her casual dismissal of her student. Before any of them could register their displeasure however, a lanky shadow detached itself from the rear wall of the bar and strode one, a book already in his hand as he glanced lazily over the top of it, Naruto cocking his head as he tried to read the title over the top of his glass; _was that the book Ebisu-san was reading?_;

"Ah Anko-chan", though the ninja's face was covered by a mask Naruto thought he could tell the man was smiling by how his eye crinkled up, "you know you don't mean that; teaching is good for the soul after all".

"Just as well you don't have one then isn't it Cyclops?" Anko muttered back, apparently unaware of their under-aged audience as she grabbed the bottle Aoba and Genma had been sharing and poured herself a generous measure, "What is it now, four genin teams in a row you've failed?"

"Three", he corrected her before looking over at Naruto and giving that weird eye-smile thing again; Naruto wasn't sure he liked that look but before he could dwell on it too long the man had carried on, "but then again none of those potential cute students had the, ah, the get-up-and-go shall we say of your own charge. Though judging by your face I'd hazard a guess that your get-up-and-go has got up and gone?" Ignoring the spluttering from the two other ninja trying hard to stifle their laughter Anko glowered up at the jounin with a murderous expression,

"And unless you lay off the wisecracks your ass will also be leaving at a rapid rate of knots courtesy of my left shoe", she promised evilly, taking down another long draft of the bitter drink, "though I have to say you've got the right idea; how could 'Nai-chan want to sign up for that sensei crap? The gaki over there", Naruto gave a weak smile as his teacher flung a hand over her shoulder and the masked man she was talking to looked over at him again, "is bad enough; over this past week I've been turfed out of bed at an hour I wasn't sure existed, traipsed over every inch of the training grounds at least twice, been forced to sit though a crummy cartoon show that Ibiki-kun could have used to crack S-ranked missing-nins and now I'm here on watch-dog duties making sure the Mouse doesn't end up with his second hangover in a week".

"Hey!" Indignant at his good name being slandered, Naruto felt compelled to pipe up, "dat was your idea, I was..." Ignoring him, Anko had carried on conclusively,

"I've had no time to myself, no chance for any of the pampering I deserve and to top it all off it's been freezing out there when it's still dark. Help me Kakashi", anger bleeding away, Anko instead turned a pathetic expression up towards the Copy-nin, hoping to grind him down this way as she knew from experience Kakashi Hatake was a man it was almost impossible to intimidate, "show me some of the love I deserve, no-one else will".

The ninja eye-smiled again even as he was careful not to advance into arm range of the Snake Mistress in case she made a grab for him; already knowing exactly how far it was to the door and how quickly he could get there, the jounin spoke in conciliatory tones,

"Ah, gomen Anko-chan but I have some, pressing business to attend to".

"But 'Kashi-kun", she crooned, somehow managing to half-roll over on the table and peer upwards at the taller figure, smirking kittenishly as she sought to twist the man around her finger, "that book of yours is so boring; compared to some of the things I know Jiraiya's just a rank amateur". Dodging her outstretched hands the jounin stepped back, a little closer towards the door though Anko didn't seem to notice,

"Of that I have no doubt but I speak out of respect for your student; how could I deny him the pleasure of your sole and undivided attention? Though I admit he might not be quite what you're looking for when it comes to pleasurable company the solution's obvious; next time you go into the training just make sure he's not walking around in that thick jumpsuit of his", he eye-smiled on last time and double-checked the door was clear, just in case as he saw Anko tense, her instinctive danger senses telling her something was up and she wasn't disappointed,

"Frozen stiff is still stiff after all".

At that point there was no hope at holding it in; Aoba and his chunin friend inadvertently collapsed under their table, howling with laughter and holding their juddering guts as Kakashi exploded in a cloud of smoke just in time to avoid Anko's enraged pounce, her lavender eyes almost flashing scarlet as she snatched a kunai out of her trench coat pocket and sprinted for the door,

"You can't run forever copy-cat", she screamed, former charming mood forgotten as she wrenched the bar door open, threw it almost off its hinges and bolted outside, "I'm going to hunt you down, rip that mask off, bite your lips off and stuff that face-rag down your neck for you to choke on! Then I'll tear your..."

Her voice receded away into the distance, still shrieking threats to the ninja that had embarrassed her as, one shaking arm at a time, Genma was able to heft himself back upright and, after taking a minute to steady himself, reached down to pull Aoba back upright again, both friends still shaking with mirth from the joke,

"Ah, Kami bless Kakashi-senpai", such was the risk of losing his favourite senbon forever Genma had taken it out, speaking as Aoba managed to raise a saucer of sake in a shaky toast in time to his friends' benediction, "never did one man take such risks for a laugh".

"I ah, I think he misses the ANBU still", the genin of the two managed to chortle for a minute before sipping his drink, "he has to get a buzz somehow and if nothing else winding up Anko-chan is an adrenaline rush".

"Followed swiftly by a rush to the nearest door", Genma agreed before noticing someone who'd been rather left behind by the sudden change in circumstances, his whitened face now framed by the orange of his jumpsuit, making him look like a snowball thrown on top of a streetlight, "hey Mouse, over here kid; let me guess", the chunin grinned as Naruto approached slowly, doubtless a little shaken up by his exposure to the wild side of a ninja's playtime, "Anko dragged you out here to make up for the party you were supposed to have gone to last week?"

"Ah, no, no' quite Genma-san – she said she was going out and I asked to come". Aoba gave a low whistle, eyebrows raised,

"You're brave, not many would try to mix it up with Anko two weekends in a row, though a tip for the future; for the love of Kami never challenge her to a limbo contest, it'll only end in tears and most of them'll be yours". Naruto chucked for a minute before looking a little more pensive, the expression not missed by either of the two ninja as Genma discreetly signalled to the bar for a refill,

"Yeah I know Anko-sensei's dead flex'ble, she did da splits wi'out any warm-up on Monday – hope she teaches me how", he stated wistfully, not noticing how Aoba was forced to duck under the table again at the mention of the Snake jounin's contortionist activities, "but 'part from that I asked to come t'see what it was like fo'nin not onna mission; what do ninja do to relax but I didn't understand most o'it. Like wha's a shotta an' why was Anko-sensei so mad when she thought people migh' think I was her boyfriend? An' was dat really Sha-ing-han Kakashi jus' den?"

"Sharinghan Kakashi, and yes he was", Aoba assured him, standing up smoothly as he recognised the confusion as something all civilians went through and, equally as important, remembered something his father had given him that had gone a long way in helping to clear up that confusion following his own graduation into the Academy, "tell you what, I've got something at home that might answer a few of your questions. Gen, watch him for a bit and I'll be back soon, hopefully before Anko finishes her Copy-cat hunt".

With that the genin by rank if not ability turned, had a quick word with the barman ensuring him he'd return to settle his tab and then left, Genma seamlessly picking up the slack in his absence,

"Thing is Naruto, you know sometimes no matter how much training we do or how skilled or lucky we are, sometimes it just doesn't matter and some of us don't come back", hearing words whispered from the back of his mind once more by a woman who had now been passed away for over a year, the jinchuuriki swallowed softly and nodded, trying hard not to cry at the memory of his first encounter with the loss of a friendly face in his life, "because of that we tend to play as hard as we fight. A lot of civilians don't get ninja humour; like Kakashi and Anko earlier, you looked at that and though Anko was trying to kill the Copy-nin for being cheeky but we, Aoba and I that is, know the worst he'll walk away with is probably a new scar or two if he's unlucky. We insult each other, we sling around banter and pull each other's legs because if we didn't we'd probably go mad from the stress; as much as battle and training, being able to share a drink and a laugh with your colleagues is essential to a ninja".

"So, so Anko-sensei wasn't trying to kill Kakashi-san then?" Taking his nod as answer, Naruto went on emboldened, "So, Aoba-san said that shotta-thing about me, that was a joke too? What did it mean?" _Trying to explain ninja humour to a six-year old_; though his senbon never twitched and his face gave nothing away Genma nevertheless felt his stomach lurch slightly at the thought of this lesson; _I so did not sign up for this job_;

"Well Mouse, I have to say you were just a little unlucky to get caught in the crossfire somewhat; the fact Anko has you as a student is surprising, in fact it's downright jaw-dropping for most of us – she's not exactly what you'd call sensei material"; _for reasons I'm not going into_; he added privately before carrying on, "she's also, as you noticed when she was talking to Kakashi, a bit of a tease; likes to use her body to fluster and confuse men then laugh about it. It's her way of playing and letting off steam; she knew or at least suspected nothing was going to happen, he knew the same thing but played along anyway until he could make a joke of his own. Where you entered into it was as a shotta, or shotacon; this is a young boy who an older woman finds cute and wants to make her boyfriend; by Kakashi saying what he said, he made the joke that Anko wanted you as a boyfriend". Naruto thought about this for a minute, silent for quite a while as his brain digested what he was being told until with a virtually audible ping, he made the connection and snapped his fingers,

"Oh, and dat got her really wound up", he blurted out, so wrapped up in his excitement that he failed to hear the door open behind him, "so 'cause of dat joke she got real mad an' chased him, so Kakashi-san won th' joke". _That's enough to be getting on with for now_; relieved that he'd come through that explanation relatively unscathed by awkward questions the chunin glanced up an tipped his senbon to his friend, Aoba having just settled his tab before heading over to the table,

"That's one way of looking at it 'Ruto; unfortunately the rest of this lesson", the youngster jumped up as a weighty book landed in front of him, tossed over his head by Aoba as the genin retook his seat, "you'll have to learn youself". Glancing across and emboldened by the taller man's nod, Naruto picked the book up carefully with both hands and read the title, stumbling over some of the words,

"_Wicked Wit an' Saucy Con-temp-lay-shuns_ – wha's dis all about?"

"Something my father brought for me after I passed out of the Academy and something I now bequeath to you; that means it's yours Naruto", Aoba explained as he topped up his and Genma's saucers with the latest bottle he'd brought, deflecting his sudden look of amazement with a raised a hand, "I've pretty much memorised most of the jokes in there but the best are those you make yourself. Still it'll do you okay for a starting point; if you wanted to learn more about shotta though, I recommend pages a-hundred and fourteen to hundred and seventeen".

After looking between the two of them for a moment trying to work out if them were making fun of him or not, the child quickly thumbed through the book until he recognised the number of the page Aoba had suggested to him and, after blushing at some of the language involved, recalled what Genma had told him about playing as hard as he fought and started to read.

XXX

As the bar door banged open again Naruto had just enough time to clear the evidence off the table and onto his lap before Anko stalked in, face as black as thunder as she snatched up the sake bottle from the table and took a generous measure without using a saucer. Neither of the other two ninja present complained, a very wise move on their part as it turned out as both knew from previous, painful experience that an Anko frustrated in a chase was a vindictive, vengeful Anko who wasn't too picky when it came to looking for a target for stress-relief. Only when she replaced their flagon of drink on the table with a hefty thunk did Genma dared to take his life in his hands and ask,

"So", he quailed as she whipped a burning gaze towards him but persevered anyway, "any luck?" She gave a gruff, humourless snort of laughter, pulling out a chair for herself and flumping down into it,

"What do you think? Man might be a lazy slacker with all the social morals of Jiraiya the Gama Sannin but he's got the skills to get away with it".

"You, ah, you didn't catch him then Anko-sensei?" Looking across at her would-be student lackadaisically, the Snake Mistress snorted before shaking her head,

"No gaki, I did not get him; he got away before I could get a few of my friends to play with him".

"Oh, I see, friends of yours"; _okay, this sounds like a line I might be able to use – just don't let her know what your plan is_; to this end Naruto did his level best to sound casual as he continued, "these friends of yours would be more, inte'ested in Kakashi-san dan you?" Shaking her head somewhat at the odd question, a pair of lavender eyes glanced over at him, narrowed in confusion,

"What? Are you sure these two bozos didn't slip you some of the strong stuff this time – I've got better things to do with my morning than wet-nurse you through your first real hangover brat; I've got a mountain of dango to eat". _Right, I can work with this_; crossing his fingers for luck on top of his new book, Naruto gave his widest grin and delivered what he hoped was a killing line,

"Aww, but I though' nurses were your thing Anko-chan", those purple irises widened comically, suspicion replaced with numb disbelief at the words that had just come out of his mouth, her mouth following suit a second afterwards as he delivered the second punch in his combo, "besides if you didn' like takin' care of people why'd you wanna be the uke of a shotacon?"

_Do not laugh_; it was pure survival instinct that told Genma that much as Anko continued to goggle at her student, Aoba to the side of him equally as dumbstruck by Naruto's outbreak of sheer nerve and outright gall to come out with a peach like that to an already-irked snake summoner; _laugh and she will find somewhere to hide the body_. Luckily for him at least, all her attention seemed to be on the small orange figure across from her, face pale but grin still in place as the kunoichi glared at him with an expression that would have made the Shinigami himself back down,

"_What_ did you say?"

"Uhhh", something had obviously gone wrong along the line somewhere; still filled with the belief that honesty was the best policy Naruto answered as simply as possible, "it was meant t'be a joke, maybe I didn' say it right..."

"Oh you said it right all right", Anko stood up, something in her expression that made the kid suddenly very nervous, "I might not look like it but inside I'm dying; still, it's getting past your bedtime little gaki", suddenly the whisper was replaced by a tone of pure light that nevertheless conveyed depths of utter venom, though Naruto couldn't get clear fast enough as she reached out and grabbed the shoulder of his jumpsuit, suddenly clinging onto his new book for dear life, "come on little koi of my heart, time to go home now".

"Hey wait, wahh", the room tilted dizzyingly as, showing a strength that most would have believed beyond her, Anko smoothly lifted the child from the chair to her shoulder as though he weighed no more than a pillow, "help, put me down; abuse, dis is abuse". There was a sudden sharp slap and a yelp of pain silenced his cry, buttocks suddenly stinging worse than when one of the Haimaru had sunk their teeth into them as Anko turning to the door with her student still slung over one shoulder, tone still that same airy voice that whistled through the ears like the wind just before the painful impact,

"Don't tempt me gaki, and anyway it's not abuse yet – unless you like to play rough that is? Hmm, guess we'll just have to experiment". At this pronunciation Naruto redoubled his fruitless wriggling, panicked expression locking on to his only source of possible hope in this dire situation,

"No, don' do dis – help, guys help, she's crazy..."

"We know", Genma assured him, swallowing harshly as he watched his fellow chunin kick the bar door open and stride determinedly outside, the Mouse still slung over her shoulders and shrieking his head off for mercy and demands to be put down, "sorry kid but you dug your grave yourself this time – it was a killer line but not worth dying for". Spell of paralysis seemingly broken by the slam of the door cutting off his panicked yells, Aoba grabbed the sake jug mechanically and poured out a long measure with shaking hands,

"Gen", the chunin looked up, still chewing the end of his senbon nervously, "am I wrong, or did we indirectly encourage Uzumaki Naruto to read up on adult jokes?"

"You're not wrong; I can't quite believe, though, that neither of us lifted a finger to help him when he cracked a joke at Anko's expense. You know she'll brutalise the little guy for that right?"

"Yeah", the genin looked over mournfully at his slightly older friend, voice the epitome of wretched misery as he lamented the awful truth, "by Kami we must be the worst human beings in the world". Much as he'd have liked to deny it, Genma was forced to agree with this damning assessment,

"Yeah, we must".

By unspoken consent they fell into a silence of dark reflection until, unstoppably, the inevitable happened and the pair of them dissolved helplessly into outright hysteria, the memory of Naruto's first joke and the face Anko had pulled after hearing it enough to banish all thoughts of potential wrong-doing from their heads as Aoba, hand shivering from laughing so much, just about managed to fill his friend's cup with the dregs of the bottle. As they clashed cups and downed their drink, both nin knew they'd seen something truly special happen tonight; after all, it wasn't very often that Mitarashi Anko had her leg pulled twice in one night.

Of course they also knew that they could never tell another living soul what had happened in this bar tonight on pain of Anko finding out whose lips had loosened and finding a way of ensuring the owner of those lips never had a repeat of that problem again, but both of them considered it to be a fair enough trade for the laugh Kakashi and Naruto combined had given them.

XXX

As soon as he felt his feet touch the floor of his apartment he made to bolt for it,

"Stay where you are", only for the sudden command to fix his feet to the floor as surely as though someone had nailed them there. Slowly as sweat streamed down his back like a miniature river, the jinchuuriki twisted his head to look over his shoulder just as Anko pulled the door shut behind her and gazed down predatorily,

"So, the little shotta thinks he can mix it up with the big girls then does he?" Naruto wanted to deny it, brush it off as a joke, do _something_ to save himself from this nightmare but his throat was drier than the deserts and Suna and he couldn't choke any words out before she carried on, bending down towards him as he finally managed to move, squeezing his eyes shut so he wouldn't see his end coming, "well, there's only on thing to do with such a cheeky little mouse isn't there?"

The fact he was expecting the pain made it so much worse when it arrived, twin spots of agony flaring up in his forehead and sending him to the floor,

"Ow!" Rubbing the sore spot he glared up at the purple-haired chunin before hastily looking away; before he'd seen it from this angle he'd never quite realised just how short her skirt was,

"Nice one gaki", she smirked before reaching down and tugging Aoba's book out the pocket he'd hidden it in, reading the title before flipping it open to a random page, "haha, some good ones in here, a little dated perhaps but it's better than nothing. I was worried you were going to turn into one of those ninja who did nothing but eat, sleep and kill but I admit it, you got me good in that bar – guess you must have a sense of humour in there somewhere. One of the other two clue you in what a shotta is?" Absolutely stunned by this turn of events Naruto stopped rubbing the spots where she'd flicked him on the forehead and, realising she wasn't actually mad at him, dared to answer her question as he stood up,

"Yeah, Genma-san told me; a boy older women wanna have as a boyfriend".

"Close enough", that was one conversation with details even she wasn't going to touch with a ten-foot pole, "so, something else I've gotta add to that list of what to give you a grounding in; how to joke around like a ninja".

"You're really not mad?" His naivety made her chuckle; she wasn't _that_ scary surely?

"Hell no", she assured him, going to far as to flick his forehead again, though this time a lot more softly, "you made up a good line, I'm only glad it was just two of the awesome foursome in that bar tonight and they're all too scared of me to tell anyone; if Kakashi had heard it I could guarantee it'd be all over the village by tomorrow and we wouldn't be having this conversation".

"Who're the awesome foursome, and why not?"

"Genma, Raido, Hayate and Aoba; the awesome foursome who all passed out the Academy in the same year, though Aoba's unlucky in that he hasn't had the chance to get chunin yet. And this conversation wouldn't be happening because you'd be dangling upside down from the Nidaime's nose wearing a nappy with a sign saying 'Shotta for Hire' around your neck". The vision, as well as the knowledge that Anko was the kind of person who could and would do exactly that if he pushed her hard enough, was enough to make him shudder,

"Ah, okay, won't do dat again". Smirking again, Anko walked past him shaking her head,

"Yeah ya will; it's as much of a battle skill as a way to unwind. If you can get your enemy so pissed at you he loses his head you've already won that battle". A sudden vision of Gai-san saying how he'd once beaten a missing-nin using unyouthful words made a sudden reminder in his brain and, enlightened, Naruto spoke,

"Fighting filthy; its'a way of fightin' filthy".

"You got it gaki; just remember though", Anko paused and looked over her shoulder, the dark fire of vengeance mixed with wicked humour smouldering just below the surface of her placidity enough to make his knees knock and his face lose its colour as she finished,

"He who tells jokes and plays pranks on other ninja should expect to reap a hundred times what he sows".

As she set off for the shower, whistling an idle tune without a care in the world, Naruto stared after her for a minute before swallowing hard, realising with a horrid lurch of shock that he was stuck with a now-vengeful Snake Mistress for the next three weeks to a month and wondered if it would be possible for him to sneak back to the Forest of Death before anyone realised he was missing.

XXX

_That's it – in a moment your allegiance will shift_; she saw him overcome his reluctance at tasting the unusual food and the desire to assuage his curiosity, the skewer already halfway to his mouth as she waited for the second of enlightenment to dawn on him; _you will see the error of your ways and step off the false path of ramen-worship. You will see there is and will only ever be dango_; the anticipation was so great she was licking her lips almost as much as he was and, as Naruto cautiously finished sniffed the dango she'd brought and took a tentative bite, she tensed in anticipation,

"O...kay", he said carefully, "it's interestin' an' not as sweet as I was afraid of but it's a bit dry; I still prefer ramen but dis dango's not so bad. Overall I'd say a bit better than cheap cup ramen but no' in the same league as Ichiraku's". _Well, he is young_; the fact he hadn't directly insulted the most sacred of all comfort foods was enough to belay his execution; _he will grow to appreciate your magnificence in time dango-kun_;

"Well get used to it", the Snake Mistress commanded, ripping a dumpling off her own skewer and chewing it with relish, "if I'm your sensei we'll be coming here at least as often as I'm forced to sully my tongue that pitiful ramen shack of yours". Naruto immediately glanced across at her glaring before, with a steady breath, he looked across at her and spoke as menacingly as a six-year old could to a kunoichi with years of experience under her belt,

"Do not dare to insult the Ichirakus where I'cun hear you; I don' care how strong you are bu' if you say anything bad about dem I'll kick your butt", he looked up for a second, obviously considering something but before Anko could ask he seemed to come to a decision and nod, glancing over at her cunningly, "know your place uke". _He's brave_; Anko respected guts where she saw it; _incredibly dumb but brave with it_;

"Wahhh, the big bad seme is scaring me", in the face of her mock-crying Naruto's composure deserted him and he all but fell off his seat trying to comfort her, the chilly worm of self-disgust and loathing rearing up and lashing around in his belly as she sniffled and looked up as though petrified of him, "would you really hit a lady you bwute?"

"No, no Anko-san, I'd never..."

"Sucker", as though it had never existed Anko's terror and sobs were gone, usurped by a superior smile as Naruto was left gaping at the speed of the personality switch, "told you last night gaki what goes around comes around. And anyway, if you want to be a ninja you'd better get used to the idea of not just hitting, but killing and-stroke-or sleeping with women to get your missions done, though with any luck that'll come a lot later into your career. Still, forget all that", she commanded, realising she might have laid it on a bit thick and wanting to keep his mind off those potential pitfalls; _and, just as luck would have it, I know just how to do that_;

"We're here to discuss your training over the rest of the time I'm lumbered with you".

That got his attention as she'd known it would; dango forgotten the jinchuuriki looked up, face a picture of eagerness as Anko, drawing out the tension to tease him a little just as he had her, took a slow sip of her tea and spoke leisurely,

"So, overall in the time I was forced to follow you; well I've seen worse, not many worse admittedly but some", the look of eagerness soured slightly into discontent but at least he kept his mouth shut, "so, first thing on the list is for the next few weeks you're going to have to can your little Mouse act – everyone knows", she held up a hand to forestall the forthcoming explosion, "I spoke to Hasuwada while you were chucking knives around with his daughter. Ninja training's serious business gaki, you either put your all into it or you don't show up". Though he wasn't happy to hear this, Naruto was able to reason that he was getting serious training at last; surely it wouldn't be too hard to leave the training grounds for a little while

right?

"Fine sensei, no scrap-collectin' 'til we're done". Taking another drink, the Snake Mistress nodded,

"Good; so first thing on the list is taijutsu; I know Gai said he wouldn't train you until you hit eight but that's because his taijutsu, Iron Fist, is very direct and hard on the body. Hurts like an SOB if it connects and effective as hell in the hands of a master but he was right; teaching it to someone your age would be stupid and dangerous – can't form hand-seals with broken fingers after all. My style though", she smirked and jerked a thumb at herself, glad for the chance to talk about herself for a bit, "is a lot different and it should be safe for you to learn provided you're not completely inept; some hope I know but better than nothing. It should help with your flexibility too – impress me with that, fat chance, and I'll show you the ropes of escapology", at that idea her smiled deepened darkly and she leant slightly over the table, reaching over to pinch one of his whiskered cheeks, "guess the tide will have turned then gaki – we'll see how much of a seme you are tied up like a hog-roast". Shivering slightly at the thought Naruto tried to change the subject – for some reason the image of Anko in a chef's apron sprinkling his trussed-up form with pepper with an oven flamed up in the background refusing to leave him and making his skin prickle,

"Right, lookin' forwards to dat", he managed to say with a half-convincing smile before trying to change the subject, "soun's like a lot".

"That's not even the start gaki, I refuse to do things by half – I'll be drilling you on dodging, weapon training, the three ninja T's; tracking, trap-detection and trap-setting, and believe me you'd better get that right; I don't want to be up in front of your jiji again explaining why the med-nins are currently removing shuriken from his favourite orphan", but this point Naruto was starting to look very nervous indeed, shaking in his seat as Anko spoke again, this time looking directly at him with a curiously-penetrating gaze,

"There's one other thing I can teach you, arguably the most important thing you could pick up from me other than a unrequited love of dango, but I'm not decided if I want to yet; I was weighing it up and came to this decision – whether I teach you or not depends on how you answer my next question. I want you to answer it truthfully Naruto", he'd never seen her look so serious, the fact he'd used his name only impressing the seriousness of the situation on him and he steeled himself, "don't try to lie or blag to me, I'll know. Understand?" _I can't back down now_; mind whirling as he tried to second-guess what she could ask him, probably something embarrassing knowing Anko; _it doesn't matter what she wants to know, I'm going to be Hokage and I can't let some question throw me off_;

"Yes sensei, I understand", he gave the bravest smile he could muster under the circumstance, "do your worst Anko-sensei". Strangely she didn't smile, only continued to stare him down with that same penetrating stare as her lips moved again, forming the dreaded question,

"Why do you start your work so early; I can understand an early start but half-four in the morning is just plain odd, even for a would-be ninja. You could lie in if you wanted to, no-one would know or care, so why do you force yourself up and out before the crack of dawn? The truth Naruto", he reminded him, seeing almost without meaning to the sudden feverish plotting from his startled, disorganised brain occurring behind his eyes, "I'll know if you're trying to lie".

He was quiet, quieter than she had ever remembered him being in the week she'd known him as something other than a short, blonde-haired face in the crowd; the pregnant pause stretched on so long she was half-worried he wasn't going to answer at all before, with a sigh, he glanced up and forced his lips to move,

"I know they don't like me", he couldn't quite bring himself to look across the table at her, instead his eyes diverted towards the side of the dango shack about a foot or two to the side of her face, "I dunno why bu' most people here don' like me. So I figured out if I'm not here, get out th'village early, they can't shout at me or stare wi'those fish-eyes, jus' tryin' t'wish I wasn't dere. I dunno if it's runnin' away but I dunno wha' else t'try an' do", he gave a bit of a shrug, smile still in place but pain still visible, easily visible to even a civilian who'd dared meet the eyes of Konoha's monster for more than a second, "bu' when I'm Hokage dey'll have t'acknowlege me 'cause I'll be da best nin in th'village, believe it!"

It was harder than she'd anticipated, a magnitude harder, to stop herself giving anything away; despite his brave face it was obvious that Naruto wasn't stupid; he could see the see the disgust of others, he could feel the frost of their stares and it was hurting him – he did a lot to hide it and she could understand how he could fool the eyes of the Professor, a man burdened with carrying the whole of Konoha on his shoulders, but that didn't lessen the pain. The demon caged in his gut didn't stop him feeling hurt or isolation, could make him less than human; Anko was very tempted, almost to the point she virtually had to snatch her hand back to stop herself reaching over the table to place a hand on his shoulder, rub his bright blonde hair, especially as she knew almost exactly what he'd gone through. _But at least I was old and ugly enough to look after myself, and I did have a few friends left_; all doubt scrubbed from her mind, her determination crystallised in her mind – come hell or high water she knew she'd teach Naruto her final skill, if only to spit in the face of the same people who'd done their best to break her during her rehabilitation; _what he's going through isn't human – hell even sensei wasn't as cruel as to ignore a person completely. He'd probably kill them slowly and make them wish they were dead every second of it, but to ignore and forget about them completely was never his style_;

"Meh, not quite what I was expecting but it'll do", once more she buried concern behind dismissive casualness, "right, in that case give me about an hour, go wait at home; I'll catch you up there. Leave me", she commanded, already devouring his leftover dango with her eyes, "I have an old relationship to consummate".

"You're nuts", Naruto complained, hopping off his chair with all previous emotions washed clear from his face; seeing this made Anko feel a little better even as she answered back cuttingly,

"I'm a ninja gaki, what were you expecting? All of us are a little nuts; take it from me compared to some of them a love of dango is absolutely nothing".

"I'll take your word fo'it sensei", Naruto assured her, watching his former breakfast vanish down her throat as fast if not faster than he could empty a bowl of Ichiraku's finest, "see you back at the 'partment".

XXX

Though he didn't enjoy maths, as he found himself staring down the blade of a what looked like a very sharp sword of some description wielded by a scruffy-looking man who was clearly off his rocker, crazy eyes seemingly unable to focus on him as he swung his weapon around wildly screaming insults at the top of his lungs, Naruto found he had a sudden longing for the sanctity of the dry, boring world of algebra.

He'd have felt, probably not much but at least a little better if he'd known why some tramp off the street was trying to kill him; the sound of wood splintering had sent him jumping to his feet from where he'd been laying on the lounge floor, trying to understand the concepts of what, according to Ayame-chan, she'd been learning at school when she'd been his age. Somehow the situation had tilted from that normality to, having almost had a haircut that had taken far too much off the top for him to be comfortable with as he'd poked his head around the door and screamed at seeing a madman rushing down the hall over the splintered remains of his front door, now dodging frantically around his living room to stay inches ahead of the razor tip of the sword, just as he had the claws of the bear a week ago.

"Die monster!" The shriek, coupled with the whistling steel coming from ahead of him forced him to dive aside again, out the reach of the deadly blade despite the ineptitude of its wielder as he finished his hand-seals and vanished, a small plume of smoke all that masked his passing as he sacrificed his chair to the escape attempt, wincing as the sword bit a large chunk out the back of his seat,

"Hey", the half-destruction of his furniture spurred on a sudden rage, the anger winning out over caution as he realised the drunk had trapped his sword in the thick wood, "who d'you think you are busting in here and wreckin' my stuff?" Giving his weapon another ferocious tug those mad eyes turned towards him again, the maniac howling aloud as abandoned the sword to swing towards the boy with his bare fist,

"I told you", his screams were torture to the boy's ears as much as the halitosis plagued his nose, "I warned but you failed to heed me", finally stopping to catch his breath the troubled man finally stood up and his eyes, both of them this time, turned towards the jinchuuriki,

"Those who prank ninja should expect to reap what they sow".

He heard the voice, saw the smile and still didn't believe it; only when the figure reached up and did something to his eyes that revealed purple where there had once only been bloodshot sclera could Naruto reconnect his numb brain to his lips again,

"A, Anko-sensei?"

"Yep, the sexiest and most sophisticated sensei in the Hidden Leaf", the woman disguised as a man answered, looking at where she'd embedded her sword with a wince, "ah, sorry about that gaki. Good kawirimi though, guess teaching you to dodge won't be as much of a pain in the ass as I'd feared". Blinking at the shock of almost being killed again, this time directly by the woman who'd indirectly sent him on a bear hunt he was ill-equipped for, Naruto instead looked at the rest of her ensemble and formed an immediate conclusion,

"Is that a henge?" Her smile only widened as she reached up and, gingerly as the glue she used was quite hard, pulled the fake beard off slowly,

"Henge is cheating gaki – if you're going to learn from me you're going to learn right; most ninja get taught that technique, get lazy and get knifed in the back because they couldn't see a proper disguise. I've stuck the knife in before myself, pretty much the reason I'm one of the best infiltrators Konoha's got; all the skills in the world isn't worth squat if you make sure they can't see it coming. Unless you're up against a Hyuuga", she mused, recalling more than one incident where the All-Seeing Eye had caused her to come unstuck, "hard as hell to take one of them by surprise". Looking over the clothes she was wearing, how she'd stood and attacked him he realised he'd been really well had, but for some reason he wasn't upset about it; instead he found himself excited, this was something he could really get his teeth into and wanted to learn,

"This looks really cool sensei", he reached up, stroking the beard she held in one hand as she rubbed the remainder of the glue off her face; _damn, not dry yet – I'll have to wash it off before it starts peeling my skin off_; "bets it's fun too, jumping out and scaring people like that".

He'd been expecting a jibe or comment of some kind for that but, to his surprise, Anko did neither of those things. Instead her face softened and she went to one knee, meeting him at his eye-level as she smiled softly,

"True gaki, it is fun but there's more to it that just that", she explained, remembering his words that, though he'd said them an hour ago and she'd had dango since then, still echoed clearly in her mind now, "I've seen how people look at you kid and believe it or not I've had the same, not to the same extent but there was a time when most people wouldn't give me the time of day. Don't ask why", she cut off the curiosity before it could be aroused too much, as always aware of the cancer on her shoulder that was an everlasting reminder of the pollution of her soul, "that is private and I won't go into it. Anyway, we're focussing on you now, I can look after myself; much as I'd love the chance to have a go at it, I can't teach people to like Uzumaki Naruto", once more her eyes were on his own but they were different; there were eyes that had for a second opened themselves fully to the boy and allowed him to see her hidden anguish, the one thing she kept hidden from the world behind a veneer of whimsy, of flirtation and, if all else failed, a haze of sake-induced oblivion. Naruto saw and unlike most other children he understood, saying nothing but nodding as she stood up, not quite looking at him just as he had been unable to allow anyone to see the secret heartache for more than a heartbeat as she spoke again, something akin to the love-child of a vow and a promise escaping her lips this time,

"But what I can do, is teach Uzumaki Naruto how to be somebody else".

A/N: So, she knows the truth and understands it; next chapter, the education begins.


	6. Chapter 6 Masks of the Mouse

Chapter 6 – Masks of the Mouse

A/N: Once more I express my thanks to the many people who took the time to review this fiction and enjoy my work. One thing to point out though; I don't have a television at all and therefore haven't watched any of the 'side-episodes' of Naruto such as the land of Snow etc., so if I ever write them what I write will be based entirely off what I've read in fanfics. In addition, Naruto won't be getting to the Academy any time soon; he's going to be having too much fun learning from the others before he gets there, least of all one Mitarashi Anko. Will he learn anything useful; even beyond that will he just survive the Snake Mistress's training?

Let's find out...

The next morning Naruto awoke to a distinctly pleasant tingle in his belly, the thought of getting some real training from a serving ninja, albeit one who he was sure had knocked some pretty important screws loose somewhere along the line, enough to have him leaping out of bed almost before his clock started ringing. Quickly donning his typical morning gear, the would-be ninja headed for the bedroom door only for something unusual to give him pause; was it just him or was there something small and white hanging there; _nope, not just me. Wonder what sensei wants?_; too excited to put too much thought into a guess, he instead ripped the note off the back of his door and held it close to his face, trying to decipher the small but surprisingly neat hand-writing in the gloom of his bedroom:

_Gaki,_

_Since I know you won't be able to stay in bed and I need my beauty sleep, I've got a job for you. _

_First part of assuming a decent disguise is to have a decent back-story; this is the 'past' of the person you're trying to be – it's usually easier if you're trying to pretend to be a real person, but then again easy is boring. So, your task until I can be bothered to wake up is to sit down, shut up and try to think (difficult as that might be for you) of someone you'd like to be and come up with a decent back-story for him. Think about things like where he was born, who his parents are, job, dreams etc. Write it all down, I've left paper on the kitchen table, and I'll read it when I get up. Don't be surprised if the first thing I do is rip it up – I'm expecting you to make a hash of it but I just want to see how creative you are._

_Well, that's your lot; I'm not holding your hand on this. Get cracking maggot, and if you wake me up in any way before at least nine we'll start dodging practice early._

'_Sensei' Anko_

After he finished shuddering at the last sentence, the sight at the bottom of the note of a drawn chibi Anko giving a massive smile and a peace sign with one hand while a little across from her a cartoon mouse with crossed eyes lay on its back with several kunai in its chest only underlining his unease, he started to think hard. Who did he want to be; well the obvious answer to that was jiji, he wanted to be Hokage but that was thinking way too far into the future; he should lower his sight a little to get the best out of this. Gently nosing open the door and hearing the slow, rhythmic breathing of who he assumed was his sleeping sensei, the ninja in training decided discretion was the better part of valour in this case and, as though he was walking on eggshells, tip-toed his way towards the kitchen.

So focussed was he on walking quietly and so dark the room he was sneaking through, he never had a chance to notice, for a moment, the small smile that slipped over Anko's face as she realised her first lesson was going well. _So it's true, fear is a great motivator and teacher_; hearing the, to her, heavy footsteps recede into the distance, the tone of Naruto's tread changing as he moved from the carpeted lounge to the lino of the kitchen, she rolled over slightly and smiled again; _not quite as good as pain of course, but that can come later_.

XXX

Naruto, deciding he'd wait until his sensei was up and about before getting breakfast, decided that he'd get an early start on the little problem Anko had left him; true to her word there was paper, a lot of paper, and a pen on the little table so he eased himself into the seat and snatched it up, ready to attack this task with the same will he went about hunting down scrap over the training grounds. _Right then_; he clicked the pen open and looked at the blank sheet in front of him, an untouched canvas for him to work on; _make up a background, like a character in a story – so, if I wasn't me I'd be...?_

_...uh..._

_...ummm..._

It was at that point he ran straight into his first brick wall; for a long time the page stayed blank as he tussled with his thoughts and ran the same ideas over and over in his head, for the first time realising the scale of the actual task – it sounded simple but, when he thought about it, he had to make up a completely new person, separate from himself. It was lucky he'd brought Anko's note with him as, brief as it was, it still had a few pointers to get him going; taking a deep breath and putting the pen down for a minute, Naruto decided to try and look at one piece of the puzzle at a time. Just as he was trying to think how to do this effectively, a flash of inspiration struck and he remembered how some of Ayame-chan's old text books broke down a character a piece at a time. Though his recall was far from perfect as he'd always preferred to read a story than pay too much attention to the individual characters, some of it was really obvious; with that in mind, he picked his pen back up and tried with all his might to remember the exact order the information had been given in the text. Luckily, the first part was easy to remember

_Name_:

His first instinct was to mix and match the names of some of the ninja he used but, though tempting, he decided against it; after all he didn't know how many enemies they had or how well-known they were. Though young, Naruto had heard enough about other countries, specifically that incident a few years ago with the Hyuuga, something about Cloud wanting to target the clan head by kidnapping his daughter, to know that a lot of them weren't above hurting a powerful ninja by targeting his family. Taking the name of clan or ninja of great repute, therefore, would be the equivalent of sticking a target worse than his orange jumpsuit on his back; it would probably be better to come up with an original. _So, from Uzumaki Naruto_; he scribbled his own name down at the bottom of the page, reciting it over and over in his head, not willing to run the risk of waking Anko up by speaking out loud; _Zumaki I like the sound of but it's too obvious, Maki makes it sound like I came out of hell, but if I drop the M, and the U as well_; his pen scratched through the two letters, a rising excitement pounding through him as he gave a triumphant grin; _yeah, I like that, and since I already get called Mouse a lot..._

It was decided and with a flourish, he completed the first of many steps in creating his new person:

_Name: Zaki Maumaru_

_Age_: This one was actually fairly easy, he'd always wanted to be a bit, but not much older, specifically so he could learn taijutsu from Gai-san – because of that, he wrote down that he was eight years old.

_Hair colour_: Much as he liked his own bright blonde locks he knew they were too distinctive, way too much of a giveaway. Though he couldn't think how he was going to change his hair colour, he decided his hair was going to be brown.

_Eye colour_: Much the same as his hair, his deep blue eyes were unusual for Fire Country; they would need to change as well. _Hope Anko-sensei teaches me how to change my eye-colour, and I hope it doesn't hurt_; the thought popped up in his mind as he wrote down pale green.

It was actually simple once he got on a roll; though he had no way of realising it Naruto was no longer thinking about Uzumaki Naruto becoming Zaki Maumaru, instead he was thinking of who Zaki Maumaru really was. How much overlap should there be; despite his best efforts Naruto doubted he'd ever be able to overcome his love of ramen; anyone he wanted to be would have to partake of that addiction at least occasionally. Would it be okay for Zaki to love hiking when he, Naruto himself, just saw it as a means to an end? Annotating the words he wrote with questions for his sensei, the jinchuuriki didn't even notice the time slip by as, after thinking about what he was good at and the skills he had, he gave a small chuckle and filled in the job he thought Zaki Maumaru would be best at.

XXX

It was a sign of how absorbed he'd gotten into his task that it was only when the shower started going that he realised with a jolt that his sensei was actually awake; realising her arrival was imminent he took a brief second to skim through what he'd written so far, nodded as he thought that was about as good as he could make it in the time he had left and instead went to flick on the old kettle the Hokage had brought for him; though he didn't like hot drinks jiji was fond of the odd cup of tea. Anko was too he'd noticed, though she much preferred sake for some Kami-unknown reason – even now he could still taste that foul swill on his tongue like a mouthful of wood-smoke and gagged. Hearing things out with his ears he timed it as best he could to pour out a generous measure into his best mug and have it on the table for when Anko walked in; unfortunately he mistimed it slightly, resulting in him being sat at the table with only a steaming mug of liquid for company before the Snake Mistress made her belated appearance, still wringing out her damp hair with a towel,

"So", she drawled, looking down at the sheaf of parchment in front of him, "you got my message then?"

"Yep, an' you gave me more than enough time t'do it", he replied, tone caught somewhere roughly between pride and exasperation at her tardiness, though as he recalled one of the lines from the joke book he'd carried on reading before he went to be he found himself smirking, "have a care Anko-sensei; Con-fus-chius say 'woman who rest long on bedspring soon get offspring'".

Despite herself Anko snorted at the line, making the grin on Naruto's face widen as she scooped up the cup he'd left for her and gulping down a generous measure, smacking her lips as the hot liquid washed over her mouth and banished the lingering ghost of her tiredness,

"You can dream gaki; the only chance of me getting 'offspring' in this place is you switching me off the couch again, no matter how cute a shota you are", she grinned as she whipped her fingers forwards, Naruto yelping as she pinched his cheek hard, "and it's pronounced Confucius ya brat; he was a famous philosopher and a font of wisdom – at least honour his name while you're mocking up his teachings". Rubbing the stinging side of his face, Naruto gave his best glare as only the reminder of a very dead cartoon mouse prevented him sticking out his tongue; though tempted, he wouldn't have been able to say hand on heart that it'd come back in,

"How'm I supposed t'know dat; I was jus'..."

"Stop!" Her forceful declaration and raised hand brought him stuttering to a halt, looking up as Anko closed her eyes for a second before centring herself and carrying on, her explanation to the point as she pointed out the first of many, many flaws to her student,

"Right, first thing we're going to change about you gaki; I know you're six and don't have a lot of people to talk to but as far as I'm concerned that's no excuse. Proper pronunciation; it's 'that' not 'dat', it just sounds lazy and too much of a kid-thing to say, and if you're on a mission little things like that are too easy for the enemy to pick up and remember. Besides you didn't hear Tenten saying things like did you?"

"Uhhh..." Before he could think too much on it she'd carried on relentlessly, intent on hammering hold her point even if she wasn't sure herself how the girl talked,

"No she doesn't, not to the same extent at least; I was listening while you two were stuck in the genjutsu cast by the Hasuwada television. Her grammar skills are far in advance of yours and I'm not standing for it – I'll be listening to you very closely from now on gaki, every time you slip up I'll be waiting".

The flash of predatory explanation that rippled across her eyes and seemed to seep into her smile was enough to make him shudder, the sight of the skewered cartoon mouse from the corner of his eye only enhancing his sudden wariness as he looked up at his sensei and nodded meekly. Satisfied she'd won that particular argument Anko sat down on her seat, Naruto looking the other way as she crossed her legs casually and snatched up his paper,

"Okay then, let's see what you came up with – Zaki Maumaru?" Naruto did his best to try and look accepting as the chunin looked over at him with a calculating eye; it was a real struggle not to sigh too loudly when her stern visage broke and she chuckled a little, "Yeah, I can see that in you, it'd work. Eight should be workable; okay you'd be even more of a runt than you are now but you might be late in hitting your growth spurt. Hmm, hmm-hmm, hmm... circus performer!"

Her exclamation made Naruto snigger a little, the older ninja present looking between the paper and himself, trying to figure out if he was somehow making another joke; _I was expecting something like ramen-taster or ramen chef or, dear Kami in heaven above help us, Hokage – this is a little off the wall even for him_;

"Okay gaki, I'll bite", she flashed her white teeth for emphasis, the gesture making Naruto break off his chuckling and pay close attention to her next words, "apart from the fact you'd obviously be very good at getting a lot of laughs, why'd you want to be a clown?"

"No'a – ouch! Wha'd'ya – yeow!"

"It's 'not a' and 'what did you'", she corrected her student, the six-year old wincing from the pair of cuffs she'd delivered to his ears, "now try again". Glaring for a second, Naruto eventually took his hand off his ringing skull and spoke, this time taking care to carefully pronounce each individual syllable correctly for fear of further pain,

"Not a clown, a circus per-form-er, y'kno – er, you know", her raised hand was enough to break the bad habit, at least temporarily, "like an ac-ro-bat. I do lots of exercises an' I'm light on my feet, an' I can juggle too".

"No way", that was a bridge too far for her beliefs to be suspended from despite the fact he looked serious, "all right then", seeing he really was digging his feet in, Anko decided to throw the exploding note back to him, wondering just how badly it was going to blow up in his face, "prove it. Got some fruit or something to use as balls?" Naruto shook his head before retreating across the kitchen and hopping up onto the counter, still not quite tall enough to reach the top shelves yet,

"Nah, I use d,these", he caught himself at the last minute, twisting his tongue around the unfamiliar pronunciation and hoping Anko didn't notice his slip as he hastily scooped up three cups of instant ramen. As the cupboard swung shut behind him and he made it back to the floor, he took a second to relax himself before starting to play his once-favourite game.

It was rough, he was throwing them far too high to be even considered remotely close to competent and the dry contents of the cups was making a rattling sound worse than an earthquake hitting a shinobi outfitters, but there was no denying it, he could do exactly what he'd said he could. Watching for a moment as she sipped her cooling tea, Anko noticed that, aside from the odd glance, most of the time he wasn't even looking where his hands were; _interesting, maybe I can teach him to pluck out his eyes faster than I was hoping_;

"Fine, so you can juggle", she half-shouted over the rattling ramen cups, "now put them down, you're giving me a headache". Catching the last pots of his airborne breakfast, the jinchuuriki put them back on the side before smiling broadly at his sensei,

"So, still think I can't be a circus per-form-er?" Anko regarded him coolly, a sly smirk twisting her lips; well, it simply wouldn't do for her student to get a big head now would it?

"Well I still think you'd do better as a freak-show exhibit – roll up, roll up to see the World's Stuntiest Runt – you'd make a mint. Still", she cut her teasing short as Naruto went red, though she hoped that was more to do with the jibe about his height rather than her insinuation about how unusually he was treated around the village, "you were right, you can juggle? How'd you learn – who taught you?"

"No-one", the reply was grunted in a strange tone, a cross between grudging acceptance of a fact and surly pride that he'd managed something, "other kids in th'orphanage never wanted t'play catch with me, so I played on my own. Got bored with one ball so started to use more; didn't know it was called jugglin' until I was in here".

Once more she found it harder to bite down on the sudden upwelling of pity than she'd expected; bad enough that Naruto was scorned by the adults of his village but the children, those who should have been protected from the awful knowledge by the decree of the Hokage, had been afflicted by such loathing as well. Closing her eyes for a minute the chunin took a breath before scanning the rest of his paper with a cursory glance, seeing pretty much what she'd expected though perhaps in slightly more detail than she'd expected it as she decided to get this bit out the way and set up the rest of her surprises while the gaki was in the shower,

"Okay then 'Zaki'", putting his ramen away, Naruto looked around after visible starting as he realised she meant him, "you're a would-be circus performer; which circus do you work for? What are you doing in Kumo, or Kiri? Why'd you leave the circus? What's your plan now?" Visibly battered by such a concerted barrage of questions, the jinchuuriki could only stutter and flounder for answers,

"Uhhh...?" With a chuckle, Anko shook her head and casually tore the paper in half lengthways, her student luckily too out of it to protest too much,

"Don't worry about it too much gaki; I was expecting something like this. You've got a good imagination if nothing else but you need to remember everything as though you were on a mission; believe me when you're in deep in a different country and the local kage's getting suspicious of an information leak, not being able to remember basic information in a heartbeat can be a very serious and often fatal mistake".

"So", after digesting this Naruto cast a longing look at the bifurcated remains of his past hour's work, "why'd – sorry – why did you rip it up like that?"

"Two reasons, and before you say anything it's not because I'm a cold-hearted bitch who likes to watch others suffer", she waited for him to scoff at this but it didn't happen; instead he seemed to be hanging on her every word, much to her amusement, "first reason is to get you used to the idea of each persona, each disguise being a one-shot thing – once you've been a certain person that's it, no going back. It's harder than you might think to do gaki, especially if you've been masked up for a long time like I have in the past; more than one ninja's been caught because he or she got too attached to their mask and tried to stay in it for too long after the enemy recognised it".

"Masks – y'mean yooowww!" As her student rubbed his sore head again Anko sighed; _getting him to a standard level of speech might take longer than I thought_;

"No, not a mask as in a mask you'd wear on a carnival night; it's kinda hard to explain so bear with me. When a shinobi masks up, it means he or she completely changes who they are into someone new; for instance once you've gotten a back story I'm happy with, good luck with that though gaki, I will let you mask up into Zaki Maumaru. It's a lot more complicated than just slapping on some make-up and changing your voice; you have to completely forget Uzumaki Naruto and _become_, not just act as, your circus-performing alter-ego. It takes practice gaki, a lot of practice, to come up with a deep-cover mask and you took the first step towards that earlier; we'll be doing this every morning, you write down about your Zaki Maumaru and I'll read over it and rip it up until I'm happy with it. That way you'll learn what you need to put into a mask and, because you'll be re-writing it every day, the information should sink in to your tiny brain and stay there, ready to be used when you need it".

"Right", after thinking about her words for a few minutes Naruto eventually puzzled out what the kunoichi was saying and snapped upright, the sight of his broad, eager smile almost making Anko wince for a minute; _dear Kami, was I ever this young, stupid and eager? Yes_; the answer came back to her a second later, a dull, stabbing pain from her shoulder forcing her to bite down on a wince; _yes I was, if anything I was worse_; "...sensei? Sensei?"

"Huh?" Her introspection had made her take her eye off the kunai, "Sorry gaki, lost in thought". Eyeing her up suspiciously for a minute, the blonde jinchuuriki shrugged it off and repeated his question,

"So are all masks this hard to make sensei; soun's like a really hard job to-make all these fake people".

"Hard but that comes with the symbol", Anko told him in no uncertain terms, tapping the scuffed metal of her forehead protector, "if being a ninja were easy I'd be out of a job; I am one of the best at what I do and it cost me blood, sweat and tears to get there. Apart from that though, the answer to your question is no", she didn't miss the look of relief that flashed over Naruto's face, "what you're doing is making up the harder kind of mask; this Zaki Maumaru you've come up with is what we'd call a deep-cover mask – you'd stay in this mask for anything up to years at a time, getting into an enemy country and staying put to filter information back to the Leaf, or waiting until you've got a chance to hit that country's bigwigs right where it hurts, before you get back and bury that mask".

"Bury it? Oh, you mean like that one-use-only thing?" Anko nodded,

"Exactly; say you've used a deep-cover mask for over a year, it's going to be very recognisable to people from the country you infiltrated isn't it? So you can't use it again, it'd be foolish and you might well get caught – even if you go to a country the other end of the Elemental Nations, karma's probably going to stick her oar in and you'll get spotted by someone who knows your mask just visiting their sick aunt or something. Nah, best not to run the risk; hold a small funeral if you have to, but make sure that when you're done with a mask that's it, it's never used again. Luckily for you though, the mask I've got you working on is the most difficult one of all to make and with any luck you'll never have to make one; compared to that we'll be coming up with after you've had a shower is an absolute breeze".

It took Naruto a second to realise what his sensei had just said and gave a wild whoop of glee; his excitement was so obvious that even Anko couldn't find it within her jaded heart to dampen it with a well-timed cutting remark or flick to the ear or forehead. _Well he's got a better head on his shoulders than I gave him credit for_; looking down at the torn parchment again Anko sniffed before scooping it up, scrunching it into a small ball and tossing it with unerring accuracy into the kitchen bin; _it'd be a shame if I knocked it off them too soon_.

XXX

Naruto had always been quick in the showers, mostly through necessity as the hot water to his apartment had a nasty tendency to vindictively cut out just as he was starting to enjoy a warm shower. However with the excitement of Anko's lesson being dangled in front of him like a worm on a fishing hook it was a quick shower even by his usual standards. He barely slowed down long enough to dry himself thoroughly before he had his training gear back on and rocketed back towards the lounge of his apartment, just about catching his breath just before he rounded the corner and, after grinning at his sensei, he found himself bamboozled by the strange things laid out on the floor in front of him,

"Err, what's all this Anko-sensei?"

"These gaki, are the secrets of a disguise", she explained slowly, beckoning him to come over and kneel beside her as she finished sorting out the items she'd unsealed from the scrolls she'd brought with her, "if you can use all these properly you'll be able to pretty much walk into any village anywhere in the Elemental Nations. Most ninja never bother to learn this as I said; they pick up henge, maybe a few other techniques as well, but that's as far as they go – in my book that makes them stupid. You're not stupid are you gaki?" The sudden question caught him slightly on the hop and he shook his head quickly, inwardly giving a relieved sigh at the sight of Anko's pleased smirk,

"Good, I hate teaching stupid ninja; they tend to end up dead before they can put the lessons into practice", she stated nonchalantly, reminiscing for a minute before shrugging and carrying on as though nothing had happened, "now, as I was saying, these are the basic tools of disguise. Anyone who can use these, even a civilian, has a chance of infiltrating an enemy installation or village; using these makes what's called a minute-mask because, as the name suggests, you should be able to put it on in a minute, hopefully less. Using these props usually isn't suitable for maintaining a deep-cover mask, though they can be used to give it a few extra features that can make it harder to see through, but you can...well", she broke off teasingly, Naruto having to virtually steal himself away from falling into the obvious trap and opening his mouth, "act well and you'll see what they can do later. Now", ready to get into the meat of the lesson the Snake-Mistress pointed out some of the more basic equipment she'd brought with her, "you might think that the only people who wear wigs are demented old women who sit at home with about fifty cats; make one smart comment about that and me and you'll wish you'd never been born gaki; but the truth is they're actually very useful and, if you put them on right, quite comfortable..."

XXX

The wigs he understood, the hair dye he was actually looking forwards to having a go at as long as he didn't get it in his eye and he was virtually rhapsodic when Anko pointed out there were props he could use that would actually make him look taller, though she did explain these took some getting used to as they fitted over the legs and feet and were uncomfortable unless specially tailored for a specific person. However when confronted with these latest articles, peering up at him from their container in a way that almost made feel ill, he had to raise a protest,

"So", the idea made his skin crawl, "you actually put those _in_ your eyes?"

"Yep, useful trick but when you're using them don't try to look someone in the eye for too long", Anko cautioned, recalling with painful clarity the moment she'd been impaled on that particular spike; _and I would have gotten away with it if that damned Hyuuga hadn't flashed those white eyes of his to find his towel just as my contacts started to steam up. I didn't see a thing and it was a chance to get Kakashi without his mask on_; "because they're not your real eyes they can't contract or expand around the pupils, a real giveaway to someone who knows what to look for".

"Yeah but", even hearing the explanation Naruto was still looking uncomfortable, "in your eyes. Doesn't that, hurt?" At this Anko did laugh,

"Hurt? Nah, feels a bit weird at first but overall", she whipped her fingers up to her lavender eyes, keeping them open by force of will as she removed the lenses she'd been wearing since her last mission ended, having become rather attached to the colour even if she'd ditched the rest of her mask, "you get used to it".

Fighting down his rising gorge at the sight of what appeared to be a grown woman poking her own eyes out, Naruto steeled his courage to look up at the face of his teacher again and narrowed his eyes at what he saw,

"Your eyes are brown?"

"They might be, or I could be wearing two pairs of contacts", she commented, declining to mention that, while not impossible, wearing two pairs of contact lenses one on top of the other was very difficult to pull off and could be uncomfortable if not done right, "a mask within a mask, wearing a disguise on top of a disguise; if it gets to the point where you're having trouble remembering what you look like you can guarantee the enemy won't be able to figure it out. Still", placing the contacts she'd been using on a tissue waiting to throw them away, the chunin decided she'd given him enough of an introduction, "I'm a big fan of learning on the job, so here's what we're going to do for the rest of the morning..."

XXX

The store was relatively quiet and could use a customer or two but, after hearing the bell of the shop tinkle and seeing the short form that strode in confidently, the assistant was immediately suspicious; it wouldn't be the first time a child had tried to bunk off school and, if that was the case, she'd make sure it would be far from the first time she'd returned the truant to said school by dint of a very firm grip to the ear-hole and a smart slap to the bottom to remind him of the importance of a good education. Still, she held her peace for a moment as the youngster looked over the stores of her small family shop, picking up a few items here and there as he looked over at a small list in his hand. After about five minutes or so, he gave the shopping list one last look and, seemingly satisfied, he moved towards the counter where the assistant was sat, needing to use both hands to hoist his basket onto the counter,

"So", as she began scanning the prices of the items and totalling the bill up in her head, the storekeeper cast a beady eye over the boy in front of her, "why aren't you in school today?"

"Oh, my ji-chan needed me to do some shopping; she can't carry anything too heavy any more", the boy pointed out the window, wild dark brown hair reminding her somewhat of the Inuzuka who sometimes shopped in her stores, though the lack of redness on his cheeks was a giveaway that he wasn't a member of that clan, "the sensei knows she needs me sometimes, I catch up on anything I missed at lunch".

"I see", the sight of an obviously very old woman standing outside, almost bent double as she leant heavily on a walking stick, was almost enough to convince her but still some doubt remained, "but why can't your parents do it?"

"Dada's out of the village a lot, he's a ninja", the boy said with obvious pride, grin a mile wide before it suddenly faded and he looked around, "bu' don't tell anyone, he doesn't like people knowing about it. But, we don't have mum anymore; she...died", as he looked down the older woman felt her heart reach out to the smaller figure; she knew, or at least she was almost sure she knew, the beast that had taken away this childs' mother was the same lurking evil that haunted Konoha still, the terrible monster than had stolen the face of the man who had defeated it and now awaited it's time to rise again; _but not if my friends and I have a say in it. The Sandaime may have faith that the Fourth may have changed its ways, but lethal snakes never lose their fangs and that beast could be the most toxic of them all_;

"So I live with ji-chan", the child prattled on, immune as most children were to prolonged sadness, "but she had a tumble recently, so I have to help her when I can. Sensei doesn't mind as long as I catch up on schoolwork I missed". Nodding silently, the store assistant quickly wrapped up the purchases the boy had made and, after looking around exaggeratedly, quickly snatched something up off the top of the counter, stuffing it into the bag as the customer looked on amazed, his pale green eyes wide with shock,

"Shhh", she cautioned, flashing him a secretive wink as she handed over his goods, "ask no secrets and you'll be told no lies. Now, that comes to a hundred and twenty-seven ryo". Hastily digging out and handing over the required money, the boy gave a very low bow and then scooted out of the shop; the bell left to clatter in his wake as he departed with the store assistant chuckled and shook her head at the little youth scampering away before turning her attention back to her counter top.

Had she looked out of the window, however, she might have had her suspicious aroused by the sight of the youngster and his grandmother departing the scene at the speed that most would have considered suspiciously quick for a supposed geriatric.

XXX

"Did you see her face?" Splashing cold water onto his cheeks again Naruto hastily washed off the skin colour that had disguised his whisker marks, leaving long streaks of skin tan staining the sink, "She never thought it was me, she treated me like I was a real customer; it was awesome". Standing across for the bath, Anko waiting until his face was buried in the towel before quickly pulling her chainmail down and pulling out the depressors that had held her firm assets down so she could adopt the guise of an old woman; _thank Kami for that, those things always press hard - they just didn't take this fine figure of a kunoichi into consideration when they made them_;

"Yes I saw her face", she assured him, Naruto's eyes peeking over the top of the towel as he looked over at his teacher, the top of her battle armour now thankfully back in its proper place before he copped an unwitting eyeful, "now fill that sink full of hot water and I'll show you how to get the dye out of your hair; you'll need special gel to get rid of it, it's designed to be water-tight to stop it washing away if you trip into a river. Pay attention when I do it though gaki", despite the contacts he still had in she could still see the fear the blossomed in his eyes as he saw her dark smirk, "this is what we're going to be doing for the rest of the day, and most of the rest of the week as well probably. By the end of this you'll be able to throw together a minute-mask that could fool a civilian and hopefully start to have a deep-cover mask ready in back-up should you need it. Of course", the sinking feeling only became ever more powerful as Naruto realised she was smiling again and that was usually not a good thing for him, "this'll take a lot of work and you'll definitely run out of warm water before I'm happy but I'm a firm believer that cold showers build character".

"You're a cruel sensei". Once more her smile widened and his stomach continued its downward plummet,

"What was your first clue gaki; you said you wanted me for a month, you got me for a month".

"Is it too late t'change", the air whistled over the top of his now-brown hair as he just dodged Anko's reflective slap, "sorry, to change my mind?"

"Oh yeah", she nodded in assurance, inwardly relishing this chance to get even on the brat who'd ruined her chance to truly enjoy her time off by depriving her of the ability to drink without setting a bad example; _or at least_; she corrected herself, pride and shame warring within her like warring adders; _a worse example than usual_; "way too late". Looking around the bathroom again and catching sight of the stained sink and equally messed up bath; _that's going to take some elbow-grease to shift_; the pre-genin sighed,

"I was afraid you'd say that..."

XXX

Ducking under the heavy beam that led to his shop forge Muruda glanced around to see one of his regular customers and let a broad grin break over his rugged (not even Kishi-koi would got so far as to call her husband classically handsome) features,

"Ibiki-san, here for your order?"

"Hai", the special jounin, recently promoted to the Torture and Interrogation department from what Muruda had heard on the grapevine, nodded once slowly, his mouth its usual grim line as Muruda was almost sure the burly man hadn't smiled since he'd been hit by the dual loss of his younger brother and his personal experiences at the hands of Konoha's enemies, "I'll handle any modifications that must be made to these senbon prior to their use. You have my thanks Hasuwada-san". As the scarred veteran, old before his time, pulled the required money from one of the pockets of his black trench coat the weaponsmith quickly rang up the cost and supplied his customer with the change, bowing briefly as the bandanna-clad special jounin turned to leave,

"My thanks for your patronage Ibiki-san".

"No need Hasuwada-san, any store with the Hokage's approval will do for me; thanks", he grunted at the figure of the small girl at the other side of the door who, having seen him coming, quickly moved to the side and pulled the door open, allowing the ninja through unimpeded. Muruda watched him go, thoughts of pity for the man held safely within his head as he knew Ibiki would never accept such feelings before suddenly realising the door had taken longer than he'd expected. _Huh, who's this?_;

"Ah, gomen", the sudden shout made the girl who'd slipped inside the shop following Ibiki's departure look up as though startled, "didn't see you there; have you come to pick an order for someone? If not I'll have to ask you to leave little one; you can't be in this store without a parent", a sudden fear made concern rise up in the new father like a ocean wave and he hastily tacked another question on to his previous words,

"You're not lost are you?"

"No", her voice was strained; _she's not holding back tears is she?_; the suspicion made Muruda step out from behind his bar and head towards the small child, his conscious stung by the thought of how he'd feel if Tenten ever wandered away from the shop and ended up missing – despite her repeated boasts that she was a big girl now she'd started her third year at school, Muruda doubted either he or Kishi would ever be able to see her as anything other than their little Panda-hime. Before he could get to the smaller figure however, the girl looked up and gave a slight smile,

"I'm not lost", she repeated a little more confidently, though she sounded like she had a sore throat before, as the weaponsmith came close enough, she suddenly narrowed her eyes and hissed under her breath, "Muruda-san it's me, Naruto".

Short of the girl before him pulling a wet haddock from under her kimono and slapping him around the face with it, Muruda doubted he could have possibly looked more surprised than at that moment; for a very long second his brain was simply unable to compute the difference between the voice in his ears and the sight before his eyes. Naruto, or at least the Naruto that Muruda knew, was shorter than this girl before him and a little broader as well, though how much of that was jumpsuit the shinobi supplier couldn't have said; even above all of that however, the face, eyes and hair were completely different to the little boy the Sandaime had introduced to his what felt like a lifetime ago.

Where Naruto was unmistakeably blonde with periwinkle blue eyes that, he was almost sure, some girl would someday be lucky enough to drown in; _and as long as it isn't little Tenten-chan good luck to him – friend of the family or not nobody goes after my daughter_; this little creature had a long ponytail of strawberry blonde hair cascading down her back, the knot of the hairstyle stopping in the small of her back. Her eyes weren't blue as he'd first thought, thereby disrupting his first guess that she'd been a relation of the Yamanaka clan, but rather a light grey colour while her face, while still chubby with the roundness of youth, was completely bereft of the whisker marks that adorned Naruto's cheeks like the slashes of some wild animal. It was only when the child tilted her head up to look at him and her eyes suddenly flashed from the light overhead that he understood what he was seeing and fell back a step, grunting in amazement as his long-time customer stepped forwards,

"Yes it's me; shock t'the system I'm sure but can I please get upstairs?" There was a plaintive tone in his voice, no longer disguised as he breathed in sharply, changed face letting an expression of severe discomfort flow over it as he tugged at part of the basic kimono Anko had allowed him to borrow for this exercise, "How do girls do this every day - these bindings are murder".

It was at that point that Muruda well and truly lost it; trumpeting with sudden laughter the retired ninja staggered back to his counter, half-collapsing against it as he waved Naruto through, unable to keep the sniggering contained as the boy dressed as a girl shot him a dirty scowl. There was a slam as the door to the upstairs compartment of the store closed behind him, leaving the storekeeper alone to his laughter as he thought about what had just happened and, as he realised who had walked past the disguised child without a second glance, promptly redoubled his mirth. _Anko-san, if you're teaching Naruto skills that can get past Morino Ibiki, even when he's not really paying attention and got other things on his mind_; the thought of what the scarred special jounin would do or say if he thought the Snake-Mistress's pupil had put something like that past him were enough to make him grin and shudder at the same time; _all is forgiven_.

XXX

As she heard the slam from downstairs but couldn't tell her father's footsteps on the stairs Tenten smiled as she knew who was arriving, though the expression curdled as she realised she was going to have to postpone the usual Wednesday ritual as the senseis were really starting to pile the homework on; all exams from the third year onwards counted towards whether the students could become shinobi or not and, much as she loved training with her father and her friend, she knew she needed to score well to make sure she could pass into the shinobi Academy. Though her head jerked up at the sound and she was now counting down the minutes until she could sit with Naruto on the family settee and watch their favourite show, the answer to the latest maths problem had just floated up the forefront of her brain and she couldn't leave it now. Instead she scribbled hastily, showing her working-out of the sum in scrappy handwriting before, deciding emphatically that she'd done enough until after dinner, she turned around just as her mother's voice reached her,

"Ne, Ten-chan, were you expecting another guest other than Naruto-kun?"

_Eh?_; the voice her mother used confused her just as much as the question itself; it was only when she poked her head around the kitchen door that her eyes fell on the stranger just over the threshold of the door and she gasped, though before she could put her denials of knowing this person into words the other child spoke in a voice she definitely recognised,

"Before you say anythin' Ten-chan, I am not a stranger, I am Uzumaki Naruto in disguise; now that's out the way...ahhh!" A look of serene contentment floated over his face as he seemed to deflate somewhat, having pulled at part of his kimono, "Praise the Kami".

"Ah, Naruto", eventually having caught up with what was going on Kishi tried to make sense of this new insanity, "ah, this might be an awkward question but, umm, why are you dressed like a girl?" The six year old turned a basilisk glare up at her, drawing in a deep breath as he reminded himself of Anko's gleeful face as she started to tighten up parts of his anatomy with bandages, gauze and an almost indecent amount of enthusiasm,

"Because my sensei is th'most evil thing in forever to rise up from the depths of Makai; all I been doing for this week is jumping from one disguise into another! Okay, it's fun and I'm gettin' good at it but tryin' t'remember it's making my brain fry – I've been a pale, freckled kid an' then ten minutes later she's been havin' me wash it all off and turn into a geisha, and dat, er, that's really hard, you might as well slap the white foundation on with a paintbrush. I swear, if I have t'have one more shower this week never mind the make-up, _I'm_ gonna get washed down the plug-hole!"

His tone, to say nothing of the fact that this was Naruto dressed up in a kimono belatedly catching up and beating on her sense of humour repeatedly with a very large hammer, was enough to break Tenten down just like it had her father; only the kitchen wall stopped her sinking to her knees and his sudden imperious glare wasn't helping at all. Her mother, while forced to cover her lips with a dainty hand, was at least able to speak in a relatively level tone as she asked a couple of questions,

"So Naruto", she almost lost it for a second before regaining control, just as well as she imagined Naruto was on his last nerve as she could faintly hear her husband downstairs still laughing in the quiet area of his forge, "what, did you just do?" At that question he at last managed to give a gruff snort of laughter, loosening his kimono a touch and allowing both ladies to see a peek of white bandage wrapped tightly around his midriff,

"I jus' got myself a bit of breathing room; according to Anko-sensei-from-Makai little girls don't have pot-bellies. I think she nearly cracked a rib wrapping me up!"

"I, I think I almohohoho-almost cracked a rib just now", Tenten finally managed to heave herself upright, tears of laughter in her eyes as her younger friend folded his arms thunderously, fuming at her betrayal, "it's not fair, you almost look like as much of a princess as me! How'd you do it?"

"Wig for the hair; dye might have worked bu' it's too short to style into a girl's hair", he explained, ticking of the points on his fingers as he remembered one of Anko's lessons; _start from the head down, you won't miss anything that way_; "contacts in the eyes to dull the tone of the blue, watered-down white and beige mixed complexion on the face to hide th'whiskers and 'bout a mile of wrap with a loose-fitting kimono over the top. How do you move in these things; it took me ages to work out how to stop going flat on my face every time".

"It's something you pick up over time Naruto-chan; heh, guess I really can call you a –chan now", Kishi chuckled as Naruto just shook his head; _not like I wasn't expecting this – damn sensei, she planned this I'm sure of it. Either I went out in this get-up or I ran the risk of missing our show while I took it off and got changed_; "still, it looks very well done, how long did it take you to put all that on?"

"'Bout nine minutes in total, would have been less bu' I was runnin' out of beige concealer, had to use a darker shade and that took longer to mix with the white to get the right skin-tone. An' I don't think I used enough gauze with the wig", as if to emphasise his point two fingers suddenly disappeared under the hair piece to smother a resurgent discomfort, "keeps rubbing and itching like mad".

"Well I think it looks very good on you Naruto", Kishi said soothingly, Tenten nodding in the background even if her eyes were still alight with mirth at his expense – somehow Naruto just knew that, probably not tomorrow, maybe not even the day after that but sometime in the future, this was just going to turn around and chew on his bum worse than a Haimaru triplet on the hunt, "You've done a very good job hiding those birthmarks of yours I must say, but uh", a sudden problem that had plagued her in the past suddenly suggested itself to the woman and provoked her curiosity enough to ask, "won't it run if you sweat too much, or it gets too hot?" Naruto shook his head and immediately regretted it, his wig only itching worse than before until he could knead away most of the irritation with his knuckles,

"Nah, the stuff Anko-sensei got me was designed for ninja", he assured her with a hint of his smile, "it dries quickly an' it's completely water-resistant; you need a special gel to take it off, the hair dye too now I 'member it. Mix the gel with water and it'll clean the stuff off, so that'll be another cold shower for me when I get back".

"Heating system still on the blink?"

"Its no' – it's not perfect", Naruto repeated himself as a phantom pain ghosted over his head; _great, my insane sensei's haunting me even when she's not around_; "but it works sometimes. Anyway, there's five ways to use that gel according to Anko-sensei; hot water, cold water, freezing-cold water, river water and spit, an' so far I've used the first three. I'm jus' hoping she doesn't get too many more ideas". Despite herself and realising time was pressing, Tenten realised she just had to ask despite her previous jealousy that Naruto was getting tuition with a real kunoichi; after all, it wasn't like he was learning loads of killer ninja skills, all he was doing was playing dress-up. Wasn't it?

"Too many ideas for what Mouse?" With a shudder as he realised how callously old father time had turned on him, Naruto held the gaze of his oldest friend and gave a wobbling smile,

"The next three weeks!"

At that half-shrieked complaint there was no hope of Tenten holding it in; she slumped to her knees and burst into helpless laughter again, sinking so deeply into the giggles that she almost missed Naruto, by now so red in the face under the make-up it was a miracle the stuff hadn't hardened and cracked like thin cement, stomping over towards the TV and turning it on. She made it just in time, vaulting onto the end of the settee just as the title flashed up and she was able to catch a glimpse of the episode name, though every time she turned towards the other girl sitting next to her she couldn't help but look away with a broad grin splitting her face in half. For his part Naruto merely suffered in silence, watching the show without comment and plotting all sorts of fiendish ways to get back at his evil sensei for putting him in this predicament as well as outright denouncing his favourite cartoon; _she'd rather be caught and tortured by Iwa ninja than forced to sit through another episode of 'some lame cartoon that a five-year old probably drew and animated' would she? Well_; unseen by any of the Hasuwada's, Muruda having stumped upstairs having locked up his store, one hand immediately flying over his mouth as he again saw Naruto's new wardrobe, a devious little smirk hovered into view over the jinchuuriki's lips; _don't know about the Iwa ninja bit, but I'm sure I can arrange something..._

XXX

As he'd been expecting from the experiences of the past few days Anko woke up around about nine and he boiled the kettle; as he did so however, unusual thumps and squeaks from the lounge made him prick his ears in curiosity, just before he shuddered in sudden worry – Anko-sensei was planning something, this generally didn't bode well for him. Sill he held his peace, merely staying where he was and making the tea until the sight of a lavender head of hair poked around the door, Anko for once looking semi-alert,

"You eaten yet?" Naruto shook his head,

"No sensei, just boilin' water for the tea"; the Snake-Mistress gave a viperish grin that made a cold sweat prickle down the boy's back, such unease only deepening as she beckoned forwards with a single finger,

"Well leave that for a minute; follow me gaki", despite his trepidation he knew better than to disobey; without a word Naruto hopped off his stool and dogged his teachers' heels into the lounge, taking in the sight of what the chunin had done to his living space with a surprised blink.

The settee had been pushed firmly into one corner with the chair thrown haphazardly on top of it, probably accounting for the strange shifting noises he'd heard earlier. Even more unusual than this however was the sight of Anko's camp-bed neatly packed away and rolled up against the side of the moved settee; this immediately sent klaxons blaring inside Naruto's danger senses, already relatively prodigious for a child his age – in all the time he'd been accommodating his older house-guest one of the things he'd quickly become aware of was her inherent messiness. Though he was no angel in the matter he was at least kind of tidy; Anko on the other hand seemed not to care about how she left her bed-spaces; more than once Naruto had been driven to action by the sight of her rumpled covers and haphazardly discarded clothing, some of which he _really_ didn't want to think about too much, strewn across his lounge floor. This apparent outbreak of good housekeeping therefore only heightened his sense of foreboding; if there was one other thing he'd learnt about the at least half-crazy chunin over the week she'd been teaching him it was that Anko never did something that might have been classed as a good deed unless she had an ulterior motive.

"I have to say Anko-sensei", she looked over her shoulder at him as his curiosity broke through the dam of his caution, though he was careful to disguise his question within a jokey compliment as he knew she, like most ninja he assumed, never answered a straight question, "if you ever give up on being a ninja, I don't think you'd do well at this interior dec-or-a-tion thing. What's all this for?" A predatory gleam appeared in the chunin's eye as she sized up her pupil,

"Sacred brat?" At his nod Anko laughed, much to his relief though he didn't dare drop his guard just in case, "Good, that's called paranoia; make friends with it because one day it'll save your life. Anyway, because I'm feeling generous I'll answer your question; the reason I've been trying my hand at interior decoration is because we need a bit of space for taijutsu training".

It was a close-run thing but he just about managed it; he'd been desperate to learn taijutsu ever since he'd seen Gai-san demolish a block of solid wood in less time than it took him to blink but even so he knew he had to hold back on a sudden yell of excitement. Anko-sensei was serious about ninja training in any form regardless of her seemingly-wild antics and she didn't suffer fools gladly; _in fact_; a phantom pain pulsed through the side of his ear, helping to still the excitement surging through his body and blood;_ she doesn't tend to suffer them at all_. Because of that knowledge and a very healthy respect for the Snake Mistress's temper and the fists said temper controlled, he managed to stifle his explosion of joy into a discrete cough and a strange sort of bunny-hop, neither of which Anko missed or was about to let go without a comment,

"Strange", she had to hide a smirk of her own behind a facade of innocence, unable to resist giving this particular button another slight nudge, "I thought you'd be bouncing off the walls to learn how to fight; hmm, maybe I was wrong, tell you what, we'll just go back to masking up for..."

"No!" _Knew he'd crack_; admittedly his self-control was a little bit better than it had been when she'd started there was just something inherently satisfying in breaking his resolve; _especially as it means I've got an excuse for..._; as he rushed forwards shaking his head in denial she had absolutely no qualms about ghosting to the side and sweeping his legs out from under him and leaving him to eat carpet; _...that_. As her now-groggy student pulled himself upright Anko reappeared behind him and rapped him sharply on the top of his head,

"Ow! What was dat – okay, I deserved that one", he admitted ruefully after the second strike clipped the side of his head for his language before his blue eyes hardened again, "but what was the first one for?"

"Two reasons; first off never _ever_ rush in against an opponent you've got no idea about", Anko's eyes narrowed dangerously; Naruto had by this point deduced that brown must have been their natural shade as the pupils, hard to see unless you looked closely, flared when she made expressions like this; and her voice lowered to the guttural threatening tone, "if you're stupid enough to try that sort of stunt against me again the last thing you ever see will be the tips of my fingers heading towards your eyes at high speed, got it?" Wincing at the thought of being blinded by his teacher Naruto immediately nodded his head submissively, the gesture immediately destroying Anko's anger and replacing it with a happy grin,

"Good, knew you used your brain as something other than fertiliser for your hair", she commented breezily before turning a shade more serious, "anyway, second reason is to increase your awareness; kiddy-gloves are coming off now gaki, you've been doing this long enough for me to kick it up a gear. If you're going to be a ninja you need to be sharp as a knife all the time; I'll be lashing out randomly every so often and if you get hit", she shrugged carelessly, "your problem not mine".

"Great", he sighed, inwardly wondering if there was going to be anything left of his head save one massive bruise by the time three weeks was up, "just what I needed, another excuse for you to give me a concu...conc...", he tried to think of the word but it continued to elude him, "...conk..."

"Concussion", Anko filled in for him before speaking up, "right, well regarding taijutsu there are all kinds of styles and, regardless of what the Hyuuga or Uchiha might say, no style is intrinsically better than any other; all that matters is how good someone is at using them. A good example would be the walking string-bean", it took Naruto a second to realise she meant Gai-san, "though his taijutsu is actually relatively simple to learn the insane amount of training he does means he's an absolute killing machine if he really gets going; most Hyuuga wouldn't fight Gai seriously regardless of how good they say their Jyuuken is".

"Jyuuken?"

"Their taijutsu style, relies on pushing chakra into someone to block their chakra flow", Anko explained quickly before getting back on topic, "so, first point of taijutsu is that there's no such thing as the 'best' style, it's all down to who strikes fastest, hardest and in the right place; for that reason always remember to strike hard, strike fast and if you can strike first. Got that?"

"Hard, fast and first", Naruto parroted before giving a huge grin, "okay sensei, got it".

"Good; now, second thing about taijutsu – in an ideal world where you were a perfect ninja, Kami help us if you were ever considered perfect, you'd never have to use it. Before you say anything", Naruto wisely shut his mouth at that point as Anko held up a hand, "I'll explain. There are five basic types of ninja mission more or less – okay there are exceptions but the basic five are usually remembered as SADIE. That's short for Sabotage, speaks for itself; Assassination, which is in-kill-out before anyone realises you're there; Demolition, again, pretty obvious what that one's all about; Infiltration, get into a country and start sending info back for Konoha any which way you can, including seduction if you have to; Escort's kind of the odd one of the bunch as it depends on your client, but apart from that one what can you tell me the other four mission types have in common?"

It wasn't a question he'd been expecting at all but after a week with Anko that wasn't all that surprising; chin in his hand he tried to puzzle through the question piece by piece; _okay, they're all basically the same, go somewhere and do something for Konoha, depending on what the client wants and has paid for. I would say you've got to leave no trace but that'd be impossible with demolition work, is it something about...yikes!_ His train of thought came to an abrupt halt as he forced to leapt backwards out of range of one of Anko's lethal legs, the kunoichi having gotten bored with standing there watching him,

"Hurry it up brat, no enemy's going to let you stand there and think of something; learn to think on your feet or don't bother trying. Anyway, as I've got places to be later tonight you can have this one as a freebee; the fact is if you do the mission properly you should never have to fight someone hand-to-hand; in fact is you do it usually means the mission's either failed outright or compromised at best". _But that doesn't make sense_; Naruto's first reaction was to remember that in all the books he'd ever read ninja were warriors, striking down their opponents without mercy or pause in battle; _how can you do that if you don't fight anyone?_;

"You need to learn to hide when you're thinking", the sound of his sensei's voice made Naruto look up, seeing Anko looking down on him with a sardonic smirk, "a damn genin could read your mind through your eyes without even trying hard. Use your brain gaki; the main point of most missions is to never get caught; if the enemy doesn't know you're there he can't fight you so you never need to use taijutsu. A good ninja can out-fight an opponent, a great ninja can out-think them; the best ninja though, and only the very best ninja, can ensure they never have to fight an opponent – they think so many steps ahead the enemy's dead before they realise there's anyone there to fight". Her words made a switch flick on somewhere in Naruto's mind and he snapped his fingers suddenly,

"You're talking about fighting filthy aren't you?" Anko blinked at this,

"Huh?"

"Fight filthy; look at Gai-san. I'd never touch him in a fight but that wouldn't matter if I shoved a knife in his spine while he's asleep – that way I don't have to fight him because I out-thought him. Taijutsu's useless unless you can get close enough to use it – fight filthy an' you'll never have to fight hand-to-hand". A slow smile seeped over the Snake Mistress's face, culminating in her giving a brief snicker of laughter as she placed her hands on her hips,

"Nice gaki, now you're thinking – plan and do a mission well and you'll never have to fight once you get above chunin. Believe it or not the time you do most of your fighting should be when you're a genin; the jounin-sensei's are expected to give the kiddies a bit of battle experience so they tend to go a little out their way to provoke a fight with bandits and things like that to make sure the kids don't freeze when it counts. Most ninja battles above genin rank are ended with one jutsu, one technique or one stab, everything before that just puts the enemy in position for that attack; when he gets the chance any competent ninja will always go for the kill and if his opponent happens to be eating, with his family or hell, sleeping with a random hooker off the street when you take that opportunity, well that just makes your life easier".

Naruto went quiet for a minute and Anko braced herself internally, knowing by dint of experience that a question was coming; _just go with it_; seeing him look up the kunoichi took in a slight breath; _you'll be able to kick his ass again soon as he comes out with another dumb comment_;

"What's a hooker?" Catching her breath as she realised she might have given a little too much away with her last annotation Anko was forced to run rapid damage control,

"Never mind", she told him sharply before gesturing him forwards, hoping to avoid him dwelling too much on that topic as she carried on, "so, taijutsu should be unnecessary but, as the fact I'm here teaching your sorry ass tells us emphatically, this is far from a perfect world. Because of that we, all ninja that is, need to learn taijutsu to some degree, even genjutsu-types and med-nins; like all ninja skills taijutsu is based around deception and control – you want to make or force your opponent to move where you want him and control how he moves, preferably by beating or grappling him from a dominant position. With me so far?"

"Hai".

"Good; well as I said there's all kinds of taijutsu styles out there of varying degrees of difficulty to learn, one of which is the style I practice, the Hebi-style. I'm not going to have enough time in a month to show you anything other than the basics but that's one of the hidden strengths of this style; it's a very free-form. Know what I mean by that?" Naruto screwed up his face for a second,

"I think so", he answered carefully, explaining himself further at Anko's nod, "do you mean it's not, er...oh wha's the words, rigid; you don't always follow up a punch with a kick like you would with a kata. You kinda make it up as you go along?"

"Close enough"; _not a bad way of putting it either_; "Hebi-style works by being spontaneous and very hard to predict; even the red-eyed SOB's; don't even ask what that means unless you really want me to demonstrate what this style can really do; can't see it coming easily. There's very few actual strikes in the form, it's all about using proper movement to make sure you hit the enemy where it hurts; for this you have to learn the most fundamental truth of the Hebi-style", the grin she suddenly favoured him with was downright chilling and Naruto felt a cold shiver run down his back as the chunin gazed at him levelly,

"You have to learn to pluck out your eyes".

To her slight disappointment his only reaction was a brief shudder, not the outright cringe she'd been expecting – hiding her slight dismay with the ease of very long practice, the kunoichi instead paced to the other end of the almost-empty room and gestured to Naruto to stay put,

"Right, don't move gaki; keep your eyes on me and you'll see what I mean". Preparing himself for a trick of some kind Naruto shifted into what he thought might have been a stance that would let him spring away at a seconds' notice before locking his gaze onto his sensei's face, as ready as he could make himself at such short notice. He didn't even dare to blink, keeping his eyes fixed firmly on Anko at all time, not even moving so much as a muscle as he waited for her to make her move.

Unfortunately all that tension managed was to make sure he leapt over his own head-height when she suddenly flicked him on the forehead.

"Wahh", as he finally managed to swallow his heart back down into his chest from where it had leapt into his throat Naruto looked at where Anko was stood trying to hold in a laugh, then looked past here to where she had been standing and finally looked back before asking the obvious question that came to him mind,

"How'd you do that – you were over dere, then you got here; how'd you move so fast?"

"I didn't", was her simple reply, the chunin shrugged as she walked backwards towards her starting point, "watch again, this time look at my feet and my eyes, flick between the two; tell me when you figure it out". Forewarned this time, Naruto once more entered his sloppy stance and watched the taller figure, his eyes on hers before he suddenly darted his gaze downwards; _okay, she's not moving, she's not done anything_; he looked up again but Anko's face was unusually placid, perhaps even calm as she met his gaze stonily; _nope, nothing going on there – when's she going to...hey_; his eyes had dropped again and to him amazement she'd somehow crossed a third of the distance and was still moving,

"How'd you do...?" He never finished the question, instead throwing himself prone to the floor and rolling to the side just as the heel of a well-worn sandal crashed into the floorboards by the side of his head, shattering his nerves even further, Anko's voice in his ears even as he tried to scrabble to his feet,

"Eyes on the enemy at all times gaki – lose sight one second, lose your life the next. Good job dodging the attack though", sparing with praise as she was Anko would give credit where it was due and she had been expecting to clip her student with that last move, "still, you saw, I hope, what I mean by plucking out the eyes?" Overcoming his shock with admirable haste as after nearly a full weeks' exposure he was kind of getting used to some of his teachers eccentricities and borderline psychosis, the jinchuuriki nodded,

"You were moving without me seeing it, because I was looking at your face?"

"Close", Anko mentioned before explaining, "Hebi-style is basically a deception; most ninja, and most other fighters now I think about it, try to read what an opponent's going to do by looking for clues in the eyes. Hebi-style, as you just saw, turns that trick against itself because you dissociate your eyes from your body; here, try this", there was a blur of movement and Naruto was left fumbling as he just about managed to catch a pair of kunai Anko had tossed towards him negligently, "throw one at me, then as soon as you see me dodge, throw the second one where I'm going to land, got it?"

Naruto nodded and prepared himself, trying to reassure himself that he was only holding training kunai and wouldn't hurt his sensei even if she somehow made a mess of it, and even then it was highly unlikely she'd ever get tagged by his throwing regardless of how much training he did with Tenten-chan. Taking a breath, Naruto suddenly whipped his arm forwards, there was a flash of movement from in front of him and his second knife flashed outwards, exactly the opposite direction to which Anko's body had moved. Blinking stupidly for a second Naruto tried to recollect himself before the chunin could, thinking through what he'd been told and what he now knew about the Hebi-style; _pluck out your eyes, it's all a deception – I saw her head move left, threw the knife and she went right, did she read my movement before I threw? No she couldn't have, she must have been moving out the way of the first kunai before she could fake me out – she deceived me, made me think she was going one way..._; with an almost-electric jolt the connection was made in his head and to his surprise as much as hers, he managed to get his words in first,

"You moved your head one way and your body the other", as the Snake-Mistress was stunned into silence for a minute he carried on, "I saw your head move, thought you were going to jump dat way and threw, bu' you never meant to go left, you were always going right".

Once more she found herself a little surprised by his perception – it seemed he'd had another little burst of inspiration from somewhere and figured out one of the secrets of her style after such a simple exercise. _This bears thinking about_; perhaps she could push him just a little harder than she'd been expecting; it seemed he worked best when confronted with problems to actively solve rather than theory to study; _good, that means we get to dodging practice even earlier_. Just about masking her inner glee at the thought Anko glanced across at her charge and gave a brief nod,

"Nicely put gaki; like I said it's all based on deception – show them one thing with your eyes and body-language and do another with your body. So, that's how the professional does it, let's see if we can't get the amateur off on the right foot", casually retrieving the loose kunai Anko stood back at her starting point with an expression that made Naruto feel very nervous, "your task gaki is to move like I did towards me; eyes on me at all time, don't look at your feet. This is the most basic move of the Hebi-style, walking in a straight line without the enemy realising you're actually approaching him because he can't see your eyes move down to take in the ground".

"But", an immediate problem presented itself, "wouldn't that mean I'd trip over?"

"Only if you were exceptionally clumsy; the other things the Hebi-style develops is peripheral vision and a photographic memory", Anko explained, holding up a finger and spinning a kunai around the end of it by the ring, "one of the reasons I'm an effective spy, one glance at an area is all I need to know where my footing is and where it's safe to be. This is called the Deceitful Step, the first and most important skill the Hebi-style uses but, sad to say for you, one of the hardest to learn correctly; still", she gave a casual shrug, "no harm in trying, and it'll let you practice dodging as well; if I catch your eyes wavering I'll throw these kunai like you did, one at you and one where I think you'll land; unless you like bruises you'd better learn how to fake me out properly. Your job is to get over here without getting perforated; every time you get spotted by me you go back to the start regardless of whether you dodge or not; don't look so nervous", somehow the Snake Mistress managed to sound reassuring and sinister at the same time as she belatedly noticed the sudden tremors running through her student, "they're blunt and won't cut you, well, not unless your completely incompetent that is".

"An' a great reassurance tha' is t'moooffff!"

"Language gaki, and remember to pluck out your eyes", Anko tsked, retrieving two kunai she'd thrown as the second had tracked the young boy's leap to the side as though it'd been connected to him by a wire, the impact to his sternum having left Naruto struggling to breathe for a minute, "look one way and go another, I don't care if you look left and go right or look up and duck or whatever, just make sure you get it right or this will hurt you a lot more than it'll hurt me". There was a gasp of disbelief from the floor, Naruto greedily sucking down oxygen as he heaved himself up to his knees,

"Hurt you?" He panted, disbelief etched in his face, "This won't hurt you, you...you freak. You're enjoying it!"

"Hey it's a dead town, you gotta make your own entertainment somehow", Anko countered smoothly, deftly making a kunai dance along the back of her fingers, "now, you going to kneel there like a ten-ryo alley-girl or you gonna try to come over here?" Heaving himself to his feet Naruto tried to make his expression as blank as he remembered Anko-sensei's being before the first part of her question repeated itself in his head and confusion masked his face,

"Sensei, why would a girl be in an alley and what's ten ryo...?"

"Never mind", Anko cut him off sharply, once more internally wincing as at her error before another distraction tactic occurred to her, "just keep reading that book Aoba gave you, it'll be in there somewhere. Now little mouseling", his eyes instinctively darted downwards and she drew her arm back for the throw, "dance!"

"Oof!"

XXX

_I feel a headache coming on_;

"Just a second Anko-chan, let me get this straight in my head", the other chunin grinned through lips smeared red with her favourite sweet-bean soup as Kurenai kneaded her slim fingertips through against her forehead as though she could massage the news through to her brain, "you're teaching him Hebi-style?"

"Only how to dodge", the other chunin answered dismissively through a mouthful of dango, "it's not all that difficult to pick up once you're used to it but getting there is a long, painful process; long for me, painful for him". Sighing in annoyance the crimson-eyed kunoichi took another sip of her tea and shook her head, her magnificent raven mane trailing over her shoulders as she put the cup back down and regarded her friend again,

"Just tell me there wasn't any blood?"

"Nah, well not too much, and it wasn't my fault", Anko defended herself as Kurenai's eyes suddenly hardened to bloodstones, boring into her long-time friend and silently demanding the explanation the Snake Mistress duly coughed up, "I threw a kunai at him and he jumped into the wall to dodge it. Just a little bruise, nothing serious".

"I should hope not; you're already in enough hot water with Sarutobi-sama as it is", Kurenai countered, though her face softened as she realised that despite sounding barbaric, Anko's methods were relatively common in Konoha; heck even the Academy sometimes used kunai-dodging in its practical examinations on some of the more advanced students such as Hyuuga who wished to further master their bloodline, "just as long as he wasn't seriously hurt".

"On the contrary", the other kunoichi grinned, the genjutsu specialist perking up to pay closer attention, "he was ecstatic; it was the first one he'd managed to dodge all day. I left him practising the movements before I came here – he'll master it I'm sure, if only so he can piss me off by asking me to teach him something else". Interested despite herself Kurenai probed for a little more intelligence; though she joked with the others and even Anko herself about the horrors the Snake Mistress would unleash if Sarutobi was ever insane enough to assign her a team of genin, she couldn't help but feel a little curious about how Anko was actually adapting to having a student in her life, least of all one as green as Naruto,

"So", she tried to sound casual as she fished for information, though as usual Anko was too busy mopping up the last of her soup to seem to notice, "apart from the fact that walls are more solid than he is what other little pearls of wisdom have you bestowed on your pupil? And what have you got planned for the future?"

"Oh I don't know", Anko hefted her teacup negligently in one hand as she craned her neck to look at the ceiling, "drink an ocean of sake, eat a mountain of dango, skin my sensei alive and chuck him down a salt-mine before he bleeds out, have a couple of steamy nights after tracking down a shinobi with a katana-length pork-swooohhh, you meant with the gaki?" Only dint of long exposure kept Kurenai's face neutral and expectant until Anko cracked and grinned sheepishly,

"In all honesty 'Nai-chan, I'm kind of flying blind on this one", she admitted, a little shame-faced as the genjutsu exponent softened her expression and tried to think if there was any way she could help her friend out, "before I nearly got the kid served up as a light snack to an opportunistic honey bear the youngest person I ever spoke to on occasion was Itachi, and whatever else the gaki might be he sure ain't Itachi. Just as well too", the memory of the pubescent ANBU operative was enough to give even her the creeps; though she wasn't doubting his prodigious skill in any way there was just something inherently wrong with grown shinobi such as herself potentially taking orders from someone who wasn't yet old enough to shave, "weird kid that one is. Anyway, regardless of the latest Uchiha scion, Naruto's just..." she gazed off into the middle distance for a minute, trying to think of the right word to say before giving up with a huff, looking over the table at her oldest friend she let a curious expression, something between bafflement and humility as she shook her head,

"...how the hell that kid is still sane and wanting to protect this shit-tip is completely beyond me. I know for a fact if it were me in his place there'd have been blood a long time ago and Sarutobi would have been forced to do what my bastard of a sensei wasn't able to and finish me off".

Despite herself Kurenai shuddered; Anko very rarely mentioned her past and the skeletons that were resting unquietly in her closet so for her to unearth them now was a sign something big was eating her,

"That bad?" She queried in a neutral voice, knowing that rushing in to her questioning headlong would be a mistake – this would take tact and delicacy to pull off right and, as she saw Anko snort in bitter laughter, Kurenai realised she'd made the right choice,

"Worse, if not worse than worse", Anko's voice was as dull as the cooking ladle she'd used to bludgeon a samurai general's retainer to death some years ago while spying on the deployment of armies in the land of Tea, "Sandaime's stopped them speaking of it but he can't stop the whispers, he can't make _them_", from the way Anko fixed a terrible glare on the doorway of the dango store Kurenai was almost certain the Snake Mistress would have spat at the word had they been outside, "hating him. I spent a half-day following him 'Nai-chan, more than three hours and I counted two people who even acknowledged he was there – oh they all saw him, who couldn't see him in that orange getup of his, but no-one acted like he was there, like he'd just fade away if they pretend he doesn't exist. He taught himself to juggle, did you know that", Kurenai shook her head even as she had to force her hand to stay rooted firmly on the tabletop; for the first time in a long time that she could remembered there looked to be a watery film over Anko's eyes, though that could have been a trick of the light, "because it was that bad at the orphanage; no-one would play catch with him, he taught himself that skill by accident".

_It's happened_; seeing her friend looking so uncharacteristically dismayed Kurenai was forced to admit to herself that once more Ebisu-kun's brain had gotten one over on her instincts; _didn't think it would happen quite this quick but she has been with him pretty much all the time – the rest of us just bump into him every now and again_;

"You've gotten attached". Anko's head whipped around so fast it was a miracle her neck didn't snap,

"What!"

"You've gotten attached; don't look so shocked", Kurenai explained after repeating herself, her friends' jaw all but hanging loose by this point as the statement all but blew a fuse in her mind, "Naruto's got a habit of getting in under your skin and lodging there, he's managed it with most of us because of who he is. You said it yourself earlier, about his training, 'he's probably still practicing now'; he's had nothing much in life so when someone gives him or offers him something he latches onto it and won't let go – from what me and the rest of my team can work out the old monkey told him about the idea of his work and he's never stopped it since because it gets him what he's always wanted, what every child needs".

"Attention", Anko finished for her, eyes narrowed in thought, "every lesson he's ever had he pays attention to and tried to master because if he doesn't he's afraid that ninja won't teach him again. Kami-damn it all to hell", all the crockery on the table rattled as Anko's fist crashed onto the table-top at her curse, "this was what I told the Sandaime – if the old man, or the ninja in general for that matter aren't careful we'll lose him to burn-out".

"I know, and so does Hokage-sama", that admission made Anko look up again sharply, Kurenai meeting her astonishment with a rueful smile tugging at her pert lips, "there was a reason he restricted what we could teach Naruto when we met him on the training grounds, least of all jutsu. We all figured it out when the gate guards told us what time he kept leaving the gates; I imagine that was a rude awakening for you". Scowling at her friend's smirk Anko just about resisted the urge to flip the taller woman off and slouched back in her seat,

"That's one way of putting it, least of all when he switched me off the settee; what, you didn't know he'd cut a deal with some brats out the Academy to get the Academy three learnt", the sudden look of shock on the black-haired woman's face answered that question and allowed her to speak on, a little smug as she considered her student's low cunning; _well, he is my student for the next three weeks – no matter what 'Nai-chan says I'm not getting attached to some snot-nosed little gaki_; "well you do now. And it was cold on that floor let me tell you never mind outside". Blinking back her shock Kurenai remembered a little line that had been bouncing around the chunin lounge in the Hokage's tower for a little while now and smiled,

"Ah well, as Kakashi-senpai would say frozen stiff..."

"Stop", Anko half-demanded, half-pleaded even as she made further plans to get back at the jounin for his loose lips, "I swear the next time I meet that porn-reading scarecrow the only stiffness he'll ever get again will be rigor mortis. Anyway enough about him before he lowers the mood too much, what do you think I should do next 'Nai-chan – what the gaki needs is a friend and I might be a lot of things but I'm not a friend, shota-uke maybe but not a friend. Ask Aoba", at the sound of muffled spluttering, though whether of outrage or mirth Anko couldn't tell, "that baka lent him an old joke book full of smut and he's pretty much devoured it. Don't be surprised if you get a couple of rude remarks next time you come across him in the field; he's got a bit of a knack with humour, even caught me good a couple of times".

"Even you?" At Anko's reluctant nod Kurenai gave a brief chuckle, knowing from harsh experience that trying a joke, practical or otherwise, on Mitarashi Anko was usually a recipe for disaster, "I knew he was brave but that takes the biscuit, or I suppose it'd be the cheese in his case. But you're right Anko-chan, he does need friends, or at least friends his own age; heck even a hobby would be a good idea but..."

"...That just throws up the same old brick wall", Anko sighed, second-guessing her words as she absent-mindedly nibbled one of the few remaining dango dumplings, "none of the civilians are going to let him play with their kids and even the clans would be wary as their most of the current heads haven't been out in the field since the Sandaime was re-instated. Even getting the gear for a hobby, an instrument or something like that, would be hard as no-one would want to listen, in fact they'd probably just trash anything he did out of principle. About the best I can do is teach him how to disguise himself and hope that a, he turns that into a game and b, it lets him actually talk to people in his village because they don't know who they're talking to".

Sighing Anko ground a set of knuckles against her forehead, hoping a fresh pair of eyes would be able to see a way around the roadblock thrown in front of her plans; wordlessly turning her own mind to the problem Kurenai thought for a second before speaking again,

"Good idea Anko-chan, disguise as you do it would be a boon to him. What else were you planning for him, apart from taijutsu and how to wear a false face properly?"

"Not too much more than that to be honest", the Snake-Mistress admitted, ticking things off on her fingers, "basic trap detection and trap setting, and I do mean basic on that before you say anything", thus warned Kurenai let the concern clear from her face as she listened to her friend go on, "improving his flexibility, though the Hebi-style will help with that, showing him the ropes of escapology", she added, not able to suppress a wicked grin as her friend recoiled, face screwed up in distaste,

"Bad, bad Anko, that was terrible even for you".

"I try", the shorter woman chuckled before finishing her list off, "and making sure he learns to get up a solid surface on his hands and knees rather than wriggling up it like a slug. I'll admit it was quite impressive for someone his age but it looks ridiculous, and if he does really well I'll show him a jutsu that the Sandaime", her raised voice shouted down Kurenai's fledgling protests before they could gain any momentum, "has already given me permission for. You know I've got him writing up a potential deep-cover mask?" Kurenai chuckled at that, raising an immaculate eyebrow at her friend as she smirked evilly,

"Yeah, that's one of the worst-kept secrets in the Hokage tower; what next Anko, a teacher's uniform? The Academy should be snapping you up any day now if you're that into your bookwork". _Oh really?_; seeing her friend looking a little smug at this Anko decided it was time to seize back the initiative; _okay then little miss Prissy, try this on for size_;

"Oh is that so; funny, last I heard the fact Ebisu finally got around to bursting your cherry was the talk of the tower; at least those were the rumours I heard", she commented innocently, the muffled splutter of protest and sight of Kurenai's face going as red as her eyes allowing Anko to realise she'd made her point, the gabbled denunciations that immediately followed such a statement only cementing her knowledge that Kurenai now knew better than to try to out-sarcasm the Snake Mistress,

"How, how dare you... who told you that! There is _no_ such rumour..."

"Yet; oh come on I was only teasing", Anko tried to laugh it off as Kurenai folded her arms and looked thunderous, "look I'm sure he's a great guy and all that mushy crap but he's a man and all men have needs you know?"

"I'm well aware of that thank you", Kurenai managed to speak without moving her lips, her tone a bass, low growl, "and I certainly don't need you commenting on my love-life Anko". Grinning, the lavender-haired chunin threw back the dregs of her tea and shrugged,

"Rather me than Jiraiya-hentai, he's due back in the village fairly soon. Still, getting back to the gaki, can you see anything else I could do?" Realising that her friend was serious for the moment Kurenai allowed her expression to soften as she answered as best she could,

"You're doing the best you can Anko-chan, and for what it's worth I personally think you must be doing a good job of it, Hokage-sama would have dragged you off of it by now had Naruto said anything. Your idea for disguise is a good one and I'm sure Naruto will stick to it; in fact from what you've been telling me he does have the potential to become a good infiltrator. Apart from that, the jutsu you were going to teach him, was it henge by any chance?"

Anko blinked, the only sign that her friend's clarity had surprised her at all, before she gave a brief snicker and nodded,

"Heh, should have known better than to try and pull a fast one on a genjutsu expert. Yeah, the idea is that once I've gotten his deep-cover mask up to speed I'll teach him that jutsu to let him see what his mask should look like, then hammer home how important it is for us, ninja that is, to know how all disguise works and not just rely on that technique; you know as well as I do it's far from fool-proof". Kurenai nodded before given a chuckle of her own,

"Very true, remember what happened when Hayate coughed just as Asuma-baka was making the seals and he slipped up? I only hope the teacher didn't tell Sarutobi-sama what the resultant version of Enma-sama turned out li...Anko-chan?" Seeing her friend's eyes glaze over for a second the kunoichi leant forwards with concern in her tone,

"Everything all right?"

Anko didn't reply for a moment, instead blinking and giving a little shiver before muttering words under her breath that the genjutsu user only just managed to catch,

"Evil witch, I'd never be that cruel, well, not all the time", suddenly clearing her throat and raising her voice, the Snake Mistress looked over at her friend and looked regretful, "sorry 'Nai-chan but we'll have to leave it there for now – something's come up and I'd better get back to the gaki".

"That desperate to see him again? Okay", the sight of a kunai peeping into view from the edge of the table was enough to make Kurenai raise her hands, "now we're even. What's happened?"

"Clone I left with the gaki just popped – I left him with supervision, can't practice the Hebi-style without it after all".

"Fair point and that was quite responsible Anko-chan; are you sure you're not getting just a little attached to your mark?" Scowling again the shorter of the two friends shucked on her trench coat and stood up, looking at the door,

"Never, well not yet at least", foreseeing the forthcoming question Anko gave a semi-sheepish grin and headed for the exit, "apparently my clone got a bit bored just lobbing kunai his way and decided to shift the programme forwards a little bit, now I've got to go back and unravel the mess she's left behind". With that and a swish of her coat Anko ducked away from the stand and was gone.

_Unravel the mess_; for some reason a little shiver ran down Kurenai's back as she replayed those words over in her head; there was something there that she hadn't seen yet and in all honesty wasn't sure she wanted to; _but it must have been at least semi-serious, she left behind half a pot of tea, no dango though_. Since only something immediately life-threatening would ever drag the Snake Mistress away from uneaten platters of her favourite food the genjutsu user was relatively certain Naruto wasn't in any immediate danger but before she could consider the matter any further the sight of the waiter coming towards her with a small slip of paper in his hand dragged her back to the present and brought a curse to her lips; _damn it Anko, that's another dango treat you owe me_; despite herself a reluctant smile blossomed on her lips as she dug into her pocket for some money to pay the outstanding bill, knowing from long experience that Anko would settle her debt when their paths next crossed;_ and before you even mention it you should know that tips on how to keep Ebisu-kun happy in bed will not suffice!_

XXX

His entire world was pain.

He had aches in places he was certain even places shouldn't be and even breathing was an absolute torture. Every heartbeat thudded in his ears like someone striking a temple bell with a hammer and he didn't like the situation much; in fact he didn't like it at all but couldn't bring himself to move enough to do anything about his current sorry predicament. For how long he remained that way, twisted and wrenched around on the floor of his lounge he couldn't say; even when his front door opened and carried with it the promise of release from his agony, he couldn't even wet his lips enough to call out to for his salvation,

"Gaki, oh gaki", there was a light, teasing edge to the tone that would have made him groan had he the breath or the energy to do so, "oh, so you wanna play hide and seek do you? Well I'm game if you are; if I find you in less than a minute though you'll have to be the uke tonight...oh", a shadow fell over him and with her nerve endings screaming in agony he managed to roll over fractionally onto his right side, the familiar form of his sensei blotting out the light that had been left on every since her clone had laughed so hard it had toppled into the wall and burst into smoke, "well that wasn't much of a challenge gaki. You know if I didn't know any better I'd say you almost let me win – sure you can handle being a seme all the time? Did you want to see how the bottom half lives for a change?"

"I _ache!_" It wasn't much of a comeback to be sure but it was all he could come up with, blinking out the worst of the light to see the taller kunoichi shaking her head at him while looking down, unfolding her arms as she saw the boy curled into the foetal position in front of her,

"Well have you done any stretching off after that flexibility session my clone ran you through; I, or she rather, warned you it'd be intense. So what were you expecting", seeing him shake his head as much as he was able to Anko moved in to a lecturing tone, "you need to stretch off before and after every session or you'll either do yourself a mischief or end up, as you are now, stiff as a plank. Now, kick your left leg up to me". He tried, he really did but the gelatinous mass that was all that was left beneath his waist would not, could not be moved without overwhelming his pain receptors in a haze of excruciating agony; he tried to speak or shake his head again but before he could manage either Anko had taken charge and bent down,

"Now gaki I don't like repeating myself but I'm not totally heartless. I can see you're suffering so", his mouth shot open into an involuntary rictus scream though nothing emerged save a dry croak as the Snake Mistress stood, one small ankle held in each fist as she dragged his legs upwards in spite of his protesting muscles, "let me give you a hand, and a even a foot – aren't you lucky you've got such a generous sensei?"

Before he could even try to consider an answer or even get his head on straight as he finally got over his legs being dragged upwards, Anko had delicately placed the ball of one foot in his crotch to keep him on the floor and then given a sharp pull upwards...

XXX

"AAAAAiiiieeeeeoooowww, _rrrggghhhh_!"

"Oh quit moaning", as she dropped the limbs she held dismissively Anko gave a gruff snort of laughter, "praise Kami it's not the men who have children or humans would have died out decades ago. You brought this on yourself gaki; you were the one who wanted to learn how to do the splits and I told you I never do things by halves – either all of you gets flexible or none of you does, and you've almost learnt how to get those bindings off your wrists now haven't you?" Slowly rotating his shoulders gingerly and grateful that the motion yielded no more than a slight twinge of pain, Naruto looked over at his sensei with gritted teeth,

"Yeah, almost", he repeated her own word back to her as he stretched the last few aches and pains out of his body; _man, a week and a half of this and I still end up as sore as I was on day one!_

That wasn't strictly true of course but it sometimes felt like it; ever since the kage bushin Anko had left to oversee his training had all but turned him inside-out Anko, the real one, had decided it was time to go outside again for some fresh air and suffering. Using his knowledge of the training grounds the Snake Mistress had been spending copious amounts of time setting up basic traps and obstacle courses that her pupil had to run through before certain time limits, dodging the veritable hail of shuriken, senbon and an occasional snake with Hebi-style Deceitful steps. He was doing slightly better at this, now dodging only slightly less often than he was tagged by the projectiles and his body movement improving to the point where Anko was trying to get him to visualise the next step of the Hebi-style, the ability to compartmentalise the body and use its movements to fool and opponent; for example in their mock spars she could, and usually did, twitch her right hand only to bean him in the cheek with her left foot a split-second later, his arm having moved to counter the punch he was certain had been coming. It was a frustrating thing to try and learn, made even worse by the fact Anko made it look so effortless, but he knew better than to voice his irritations out loud; if there was one thing Anko hated more than a foolish ninja it was a bratty one.

To his surprise though he found improvement had come slightly more quickly in the form of the deranged chunin's flexibility training; coming after dodging and taijutsu practice every day, there hadn't been a single night where he'd been able to walk home in a straight line due to the plethora of protests from various squeaking joints in his body. The Snake Mistress, of course, had no such problem tying herself into virtual knots and, he now knew from bitter experience, trying to keep her restrained with anything other than a full-body cast of chakra-draining material was an exercise in tear-inducing frustration. Now she was trying to get the same to happen to him, starting with his shoulders more than anything though, in the interests of fairness she had said, she'd worked on the rest of his body as well to make sure he could share the benefit; _and the pain_. With a final groan and a soft click from his elbow he let his arm drop, shaking it off as he faced his teacher again with a look of tired but not quite fully dimmed enthusiasm.

"Okay sensei, about as good as I'm going to get"; _without ramen at least_; even as the thought crossed his mind he knew better than to voice it as Anko wasn't all that fond of his favourite dish just like he wasn't hers and mentioning it would be just the excuse she needed to deprive him of Kami's gift to man for another night, "what's next? Up the tree again?"

"Nah, you can do that in your own time; just put a cushion under you when you go wall-crawling just in case", the Snake Mistress replied with a slight shake of the head, inwardly a little proud of the fact that after a week's worth of supervised training and some extra practise when she hadn't been around, Naruto could now just about pull himself up nearly any vertical surface using chakra on his hands and knees or, if he was feeling really adventurous and concentrated hard, his hands and feet, "instead, because you managed to finally get something right and I feel like a bit of a laugh, I'm going to teach you a jutsu".

Once more, just as it had been prior to his first taijutsu lesson, the excitement that burned through him was almost impossible to stop completely; only the memory of what had happened to him the last time Anko had shown him a jutsu stopped the celebration completely,

"Yes, thank you sensei, but", not even his gregarious personality could deny a sudden shudder, "just one question; no snakes right?" That made Anko's shoulders shake,

"Aw, what's the matter gaki, I thought you liked my little friends?"

"From a safe distance yes", he replied carefully, his left arm once again tingling from the memory of the six-foot figure wrapped around it and giving a squeeze that was a fair bit harder than strictly platonic, "you said that one was friendly an' she almost hugged my hand off".

"No, I said she wasn't venomous", Anko corrected him, wagging a finger, "anyway she didn't do any damage and she showed you the proper movements of the Hebi-style didn't she; what are you moaning about?" Naruto opened his mouth to answer and then closed it again, realising there was very little chance he was going to come out on top in this one and therefore deciding to quit while he was even; _after all she's right – when a snake moves the eyes never follow the body, they're always set right ahead as the rest of the snake moves like a wave behind it, never fully behind the head so it can move and strike in any direction_.

"Nothing sensei, you're right".

"And don't you forget it", she admonished lightly before turning a shade more serious, "and apart from that you can't summon any of the Hebi techniques like I do without signing their contract and before you ask", she held up a finger at his look of interest, her eyes radiating dead seriousness as they sought to pin him to the floor, "the answer is no, you are not getting anywhere even close to that contract and not just because I know you're not ready for it – there's bad blood between the snakes and Konoha as a whole and the last thing you need is another target between your shoulder-blades. Sound fair enough?" Despite his reputation for being a bit of a loudmouth Naruto had learnt the lesson about when to speak out and when to shut up and nod in the right places, so rather than argue his case he instead gave a slightly rueful smile before answering,

"Hai sensei, I understand – they are cool jutsus though".

"Flattery will get you nowhere gaki, though it never hurts to try", Anko snickered before coughing and standing to her full height, "instead, what I'm going to show you now is to do with this".

With a flourish she drew something from the pocket of her trench coat and as the sheaves of paper fell open Naruto's eyebrows shot upwards,

"Hey, that's my mask", he looked up at her, equally accusing and confused, "I thought you ripped that up". Anko drew the paper to her lips and, blowing out a carefully-weighted stream of air, made a noise like parchment being ripped in half before lowering the written information down again,

"First rule of combat gaki; if you haven't seen the body always assume they're still alive somewhere", she told him before flicking her gaze down to the paper again and skimming over it, "still, this isn't perfect yet but, going by what I've read so far, it should be by the time we're done and it'd be pointless leaving you hanging with information and nothing to practice with. So, without further ado..." She clapped her hands together, a plume of smoke appearing around her that left Naruto coughing for a minute, trying to wave the irritating veil away from him for a minute and peer through the thinning mist, only for his jaw to drop a second later at what he saw waiting for him where his sensei had once stood,

"So then", it was him but couldn't be him because he was him; _but it's my face, hell even my voice_; the doppelganger smirked in a way that almost broke the illusion as it flashed up a peace sign, "let's get started".

After his sensei reappeared with another rush of smoke Naruto found himself feeling like a bit of a pillock; after all he knew what the henge jutsu was and what it was meant to do; Anko alone had mentioned it often enough; but he'd still been fooled by it at least momentarily and that was all it took, far longer than it took in most cases, for a skilled ninja to bury someone. Luckily for him Anko didn't rub it in too much, instead moving swiftly on to what she hoped would be the last lesson of the day before she could call it a night and leave a clone to do all the dirty work while she let her hair down in the evening,

"So then, the henge; pretty simple, cheap and cheerful jutsu that does what it says on the tin. Makes you look like someone or something else but doesn't do anything for the voice or personality; you've gotta come up with those one your own. Well that's the basics of it; you know all about the hand-seals right?" Naruto brightened at the question,

"Yep, Ebisu-san taught me them all an' what they all..."

"Enough", a single word from the taller woman was enough to terminate that ramble as Anko waved a hand, "you say you know, this'll prove it or not to me. The seals are sheep-monkey-snake"; _gather chakra, use chakra to alter something, use chakra to alter something about yourself_; reading between the lines like all good ninja should be able to, Naruto realised the point behind the seals in time to pay attention, "and the chakra should move over your body like a second skin, the clearer the picture the better the henge will be. Well, what are you waiting for", she made a shooing motion with her hand, "give it a go; you've got your mask in your mind, try to turn into him". Naruto nodded, tried to picture the face of Zaki Maumaru in his mind, flicked through the seals, gathered his courage and finally shouted the technique aloud,

"Henge no jutsu!"

It was...less than spectacular.

Anko doubled over as though punched in the stomach, laughing out loud as the smoke cleared and the result could be seen clearly,

"You look", she managed to choke out over the giggles, Naruto looking down at his new body and recoiling, "for the first time you look like something out of that rubbish cartoon show you like so much". Flushing, though it was impossible to see it under his henge, Naruto dispelled his henge and tried to speak over his sensei's blatant sniggers,

"It's not funny", that of course was about as effective as trying to quench a fire by throwing oil on it, Anko all but on her knees as the sight of the kid with one green and one neon blue eye and hair that was half-brown, half-blonde slammed into her mind again, "damn it, let me try again". Reminded by his previous failures with the other jutsu he knew, the jinchuuriki decided to make a slight change with the seals and hoped it'd work as well as it had previously; _ram, monkey, snake_;

"Henge no jutsu!"

As the smoke cleared for the second time Anko managed to wipe the tears from his eyes enough to appraise the form before her with a more neutral expression than a smirk, pacing around the slightly taller form of her transformed student and taking in the details,

"Hmm, not bad gaki, not bad at all; hair's a little too much like yours is normally, skin tone's a little blotchy, especially on the back of your neck and there's a couple of other problems but apart from that a passable second effort, something we can work on at least. So, that's the henge jutsu and it's enough to cover for a poor minute-mask, but be careful where you use it just in case", she drew her hand back, Naruto half-turning around just as she let her palm fly forwards, "something like this happens".

"Ow!" The impact hurt a lot less than the noise, a loud thump that disorientated him for a second, "crazy-snake-woman, what is it with you and hitting my head; you could give me brain-damage or something. Sensei", seeing Anko's face for the first time in his glaring Naruto looked slightly more concerned at her expression, her face frozen in an expression of wonderment and shock, "you okay?"

"Don't move", she whispered before gaining control of her voice again, lashing out and gripping the shoulder of the jumpsuit he was wearing, the garment now slightly too short for the taller figure wearing it, "don't speak, don't do anything; we're going on a little trip".

Realising she was deadly serious this time, a far cry from her usual teasing lilt, Naruto didn't move a muscle as she grabbed on tight and the world disappeared in a blur of wind and leaves.

XXX

It was a little-known fact that the Hokage's office was equipped with a very sensitive and refined array of seals that did, as one of its myriad functions, alert the occupants of the office to any incoming chakra source regardless of how the chakra was arriving. Though it gave a mere second's warning this was more than enough for any kage to be ready to deliver lethal force if necessary; for that reason as the wind died down in his office the Sandaime was quickly able to analyse the situation with the mind that had earned him the moniker of the Professor and quickly asked the pressing question,

"Anko-chan, a pleasure to see you", he spoke dryly, inwardly sighing as her shunshin scattered some of the paperwork he'd been stacking up over the past few hours; _at times like this I could really use Naruto-kun back, if only for a few days_; "what bring you here, and who've you brought with you?" Before Sarutobi could get a clear look at the boy Anko have half-shoved him behind her and looked up at him, all but gasping from the effort of using a shunshin to here from the training ground coupled with the shock she'd just have,

"Hokage-sama", she stated severely, the lack of her usual whimsical tone alerting the Hokage to the fact that something was amiss more than her following words,

"There's been... an incident".

A/N: And what has happened! What hot water has the Mouse landed himself in this time, and can Anko and the Hokage drag him out of it this time? Tune in to find out!


	7. Chapter 7 A Mouse's RoleModel

Chapter 7 – A Mouse's Role-Model.

A/N: Hmm, okay having read the reviews of the last chapter, for all of which I am exceptionally grateful as this is now one of the most well-hit pieces of work I've ever written, I have a couple of things to mention about this story:

On the henge issue – I simply cannot believe that henge, in canon, is a complete shape-shift – if it was it would be the most downright broken technique in existence simply because no-one, unless they were specifically sensing for chakra, would be able to trust that anything they saw or felt wasn't an enemy ninja in disguise. I'm not saying that there aren't techniques that make shape-shifting possible (indeed, see this chapter for my person theory as to how this is achieved) but an E-ranked jutsu simply can't be that powerful. As you'll see below, in my interpretation not even Naruto gets that much of a power-up...

On the story speed – A couple of people said that TMOK has a slow pace; that's because out of all the things in the Naruto manga the one thing I simply cannot stand is when a shinobi, a merciless killer, takes time out from a battle to explain laboriously how a technique works to his enemy – I mean come on, how dumb can you get? I know it has to be done in canon as there aren't enough issues to put all that background training into pictures but that's what I'm hoping to do in this fiction; by focussing on Naruto when he's training and the relationships he develops over time, when the kunai start flying and hell starts breaking loose there's no flashbacks sections later on, another pet peeve of mine. I'm not saying it's a perfect strategy and I'm sure many people will disagree but I always like to make sure people know what's going on rather than throwing them in at the deep end and explaining as I go.

I hope that clears things up for my readers and please, if you disagree for whatever reason don't hesitate to get in touch and make your point; I'm new to writing stories in this fandom (one-offs such as Win Some, Lose Some don't count) so any advice is good advice. Still, I hope you continue to read and enjoy my work as it comes, unfortunate errors, misconceptions and all.

XXX

Blinking as a feeling of distinct déjà-vu fell over him mostly involving the last time this particular chunin had massaged the truth a little, the Sandaime leant forwards in his chair to better look at where Anko had her hands on her knees panting for air and the stranger she'd brought with her gazed around, a little disorientated at being taken for a spin via the shunshin technique.

"Clarify the incident Anko-san, and where's Naruto-kun? Last I heard you were training him, unless this is an attempt to expand your little shota harem?" The glare the lavender-haired chunin shot him should have put the old man in an urn but before she could gain enough breath back to answer, the boy by the side of her put a hand and waved, not happy about being ignored,

"Hey jiji", Sarutobi's pipe clattered to the desk; the face might have changed but the voice certainly hadn't, "it's me; Anko-sensei taught me the henge jutsu but there's something wrong with it, look". Approaching the desk of the village leader, the henged jinchuuriki glanced around for a minute before reaching over and plucking a sheaf of paper for the top of the stack, not a ripple passing over his false skin as he held it in both hands to scan the words before placing it back where he'd found it and facing his jiji again, "it's not dispellin' from me touching things; sensei even hit me in the head and it didn't go down. Then she looked over at me an' told me not to move an' the next thing I know we're both here".

From this succinct summary the Sandaime was able to instantly identify the most important facts about what had happened and directed his first question where it needed him to go,

"You taught him henge?"

"I tried but he did this", the Snake Mistress indicated the form in front of her, the green-eyed, brown haired boy giving a weak smile as the village leader looked him over once more before giving his attention back to the chunin, "instead. I don't have a clue what he's done Hokage-sama; I thought for a minute it was some kind of kanpekina-henge but", defeated by the apparent impossibility of what her student had done the chunin shook her head, "it's not that, and it's also not even close to a genjutsu; I don't have a bloody clue what this brat's done now".

"Hey", affronted the strange boy glared up at her, "I only did what you told me, it's not my fault I ended up this way".

"Oh of course not; it was the magical little kappa that wove a spell on you and made you transform", Anko's voice was sarcastic enough to scour the Hokage monument clear of lichen as she returned his volcanic glare with a subzero one of her own, "if it wasn't you then who the hell did it?"

As visions of that sad, dreadful night for his village flashed before his eyes Sarutobi had cleared his throat almost before he'd realised it, the two squabbling occupants of his office looking over at him as he banished the visions of hellfire and brimstone from behind his eyes and refocused on the conversation,

"Hmm, I see; Naruto-kun, could you please dispel your henge for a moment? Perhaps if we can see the process from the ground up it'll give an idea of what's gone wrong".

"Hai jiji", Naruto, or the boy Sarutobi had been told was Naruto, made to move him hand before a question seemed to occur to him, "umm, dispel?"

"Just think about how you usually look and flare your chakra", Anko filled him in hastily, hoping against hope that the Hokage didn't ask awkward questions about her teaching method of not telling her student how to end a technique before he used it, "and make it snappy, I've got better things to do with my day". The henged jinchuuriki snorted,

"Yeah right, the bars don't open for 'nother hour yet", he commented waspishly, though before the chunin could clip his ears for him there was a puff of smoke and Naruto, for it was unmistakeably the blonde-haired, blue-eyed boy who emerge spluttering from the chakra-laden mist, reappeared, "wow", he coughed, wafting his hand around to disperse the smoke of his technique, "little less chakra next time?"

"You think? Anyway, get one with the seals like I showed you, the Hokage is a busy man. Just make sure you get them right, I don't want you turning into a jellyfish or something – actually", a smirk played about her lips suddenly as she cupped a hand to her cheek, thinking hard, "that would be quite funny..." Emboldened by the presence of his grandfather Naruto stuck his tongue out before the shifting his hands slowly through the required seals; however as his fingers twitched into the snake seal a sudden voice made him stop dead,

"Wait a minute", half-standing Sarutobi peered over his desk, eyes narrowed as he looked over the seals his surrogate grandson had made, "the sheep seal Naruto-kun, it wasn't..."

"Nah, it was ram; every time I tried sheep with kawirimi it never worked so I used ram instead. Watch", quick as a flash he flicked his fingers into the ram seal and with a second puff of smoke replaced himself with Anko, the chunin looking disorientated for a second before straightening up and, out of habit it seemed, cuffing her charge lightly around the head,

"Bit of warning next time?"

"Ah, but that'd ruin the surprise", he shot back cheekily, ducking the return swing as the Hokage quickly masked his surprise; _no bird seal either – has he developed his chakra memory so much already? Even if he only has one jutsu to practice, to come so close to mastering after a mere four to six months would show great promise in a genin, never mind someone Naruto's age_; "anyway, I do the same thing with henge now after the first attempt didn't work and", he made the appropriate seals, called the technique allowed and his new alias appeared, though the voice that spoke was still definitely Naruto's, "this happens. Any idea jiji – far as I'cun tell it just means a punch won't make me change back to me. That's a good thing right?"

Sarutobi didn't answer immediately, instead reminding himself of the seals for a jutsu he had been taught by one of his own students that would suffice for this situation as he stood up, his eyes on Naruto's new form at all time as he stepped out from behind his desk. For their parts Naruto didn't flinch and Anko shuffled back as the venerable God of Shinobi stepped forwards and, with a barely-audible hiss of effort, lowered himself to one knee before the child,

"It appears to be Naruto-kun but as a ninja one must always look underneath the underneath – what appears to be a blessing at first may have aspects that appear to be a curse"; _as I fear you will one day discover Naruto-kun_; forcibly keeping thoughts of the nine-tailed monster the boy held at bay off his wrinkled visage, the Hokage gently patted each of the henged child's legs and arms, confirming them to be solid, "however from what I can see and feel this does appear to be a kanpekina henge of some kind". A now-brown eyebrow squinted down confused,

"What's a perfect henge when it's at home?" Sarutobi opening his mouth to answer but, seeing Anko take half a step forwards, wisely closed it again soundlessly to allow the infiltrator to answer,

"It's a B-ranked jutsu that most nin get taught when they reach chunin; as the name suggests it's a proper transformation of the body, can't be disrupted like henge which relies partially on genjutsu to deceive the senses. Here", after pulling her trench coat tight around her as she knew from past experience this jutsu only changed the users body, not the clothes they were wearing and inadvertently flashing the entire chunin lounge was more than enough indecent exposure for even her for a while, Anko's hands flashed through seals at a speed magnitudes greater than her pupil could have managed, ending on the snake seal before, with a much smaller cloud of chakra smoke, Zaki Maumaru found himself facing a replica Uzumaki Naruto that, horror of horrors, spoke with his voice from within the folds of the coat swaddled around him, "this is kanpekina henge; see", she pinched her own cheek before sticking out her tongue, "no fading or rippling effects; this baby is built to last".

It was a slightly disturbing thing to be looking at another copy of his own face but, as he took in the six whisker marks and bright blue eyes, he realised this really was the real deal,

"Wow", he breathed before a second realisation send tingles of excitement racing around his system, "an' that's a B-rank? I can do a B-ranked jutsu!" Not even he could contain a leap of excitement this time, though to his credit he calmed down upon hearing a chuckle from his jiji, Sarutobi smiling as he held up a hand now flickering with a corona of what looked like pearly white energy,

"Not quite Naruto-kun; I'm not sure what you've done yet but we'll soon see. This", noticing the boy's trepidation as he took in the glowing hand, the aged Professor briefly explained the jutsu he was using, "is a jutsu created by one of my students when she was a chunin, just as she set out on the road to becoming arguably the greatest medical ninja in history. It's a technique that mimics the Byakugan of the Hyuuga clan somewhat and allows the user to feel, rather than see, the chakra pathways of someone they touch; don't worry", he soothed the slight look of panic on the boy's face, no longer striated with the whiskers he knew so well in this unfamiliar form, "I've felt its effects myself many times and felt no ill-effects. Now", he moved his hand forwards, the glow illuminating Naruto's new face in a ghostly opalescence before coming to rest on his shoulder, Sarutobi focussing on his jutsu as he felt the information coming in,

"Let's have a closer look at what you've done to yourself".

Despite her outwards composure Anko was slightly nervous about the outcome of this, so much so that she'd neglected to drop her henge – what if the Hokage blamed her for all this? Somehow she doubted she'd get away with a slap on the wrist this time; more likely to be suspension by the ankles in one of Ibiki's little play-pens if she'd done something bad to the brat, but as the Hokage slowly removed his hand and asked the boy to dispel his henge calmly, she began to feel a little more at ease. _Still_; as she heard the village leaders' request for his charge to assume a larger form, she felt obliged to pitch in a little; _never hurts to slap a bit of grease on the wheels_;

"Henge into me; you'd better get it right though", she warned, though she accepted she didn't look nearly as intimidating as usual in this henge, standing as she did at a height of about three feet something and wearing clothes at least six sizes too big. Fortunately Naruto neglected to comment, instead focussing on his jutsu until, with a plume of smoke, another form appeared before the Hokage.

It was at that point, about four or five seconds after the thought would have been appreciated, that Anko realised there had a been a slight flaw in her plan.

XXX

_Aaahh, tight_; immediately upon assuming the henge Naruto was assailed by constriction in several regions, mostly his lower thighs and just above the elbows, and he couldn't move much to rectify the problem either. There was a strange pressing feeling on his chest and, oddly enough, though there was pressure in his private region, it somehow didn't hurt as much as it should have done, though why that was he wasn't sure he wanted to know. Looking up and across as much as the taut fabric of his jumpsuit would allow he wondered why jiji was now facing away from him and tried to straighten up,

"Ne jiji – huh?" As he'd moved the strange weight on his chest had shifted position, now lolling forwards and making it hard to catch his breath as a pair of relatively soft somethings were being squashed into his chest; _feels like I'm trying to hide two bowls of Teuchi-jiji's ramen in my jumpsuit_; "What the heck are...?"

"Don't touch those!" _Least of all because they're mine_; face suddenly reddening Anko was relieved to say the least when he sudden shout stopped his potential exploration of his new biological assets; _six or otherwise this kid is waaayyy too young for a birds-and-bees speech, least of all from me_; "Quick, change back before you rip your jumpsuit any more"; _or give Hokage-sama a heart attack_.

"Oh, okay", Naruto made to dispel his technique, wincing as a heard a sudden ripping sound from somewhere at the rear of the jumpsuit before he paused, his now-brown eyes rolling down to the shorter form to the side of him and a smirk that Anko knew all too well on feminine lips, "before I go though..."

She could have dodged but for fear of losing her grip on her clothing didn't, instead wincing and shaking her head as she glared up at the taller figure evilly with a childish pout,

"What was that for?"

"Because I'm bigger than you and I can; plus I wanted to have the boot on the other foot for a change", Naruto told her, getting his hands in position to release his technique before pausing again and turning to meet the stern visage of his doppelganger, "'ang on a minute, does this mean I'm the uke now?"

_Man, do I always look that gormless when my jaw drops – hmm, better stop that now every time a ninja shows me a new trick_; even before he finished the thought however, Anko had snapped his jaw shut and made a solemn promise as she made to return to her real body herself,

"You're gonna die kid", Anko swore as twin plumes of smoke appeared and the two of them emerged as their regular selves, though with Naruto's jumpsuit stretched in a few places and Anko's clothing in state of rufflement even as she finished her promise, "slowly, violently and with as much blood as possible, you're gonna die". Once more recalling some words from his new prayer-book, these ones detailing one-liners about ninja living, Naruto merely waved a hand,

"Bah, since you started teachin' me I've had my life flash before my eyes so often I can blink to miss the boring bits", there was an odd noise from somewhere and he looked around before figuring it was probably just jiji stifling a sneeze; _speaking of jiji though_; "so, any ideas?"

Not for the first time Sarutobi had reason to be grateful for his crimson ceremonial robes; when he turned to face the student and teacher once more neither of them noticed the spot of blood that dotted one of the sleeves, an unfortunate by-product of nearly having had his eyes blackened as a result of standing a little too close to the expansion of Anko's impressive, if mightily restrained, womanly charms from his grandson's unique style of transformation. Looking serious, the aged kage instead turned towards the two guests and steepled his fingers before him, looking a little pensive before, to their combined relief, a smile spread over his face,

"Well Naruto-kun, once more you show a talent for surprising me; from what I can tell what you've done is not quite a kanpekina henge, not as it is performed in Konoha anyway, but that's mostly because of the chakra movement of the technique. Anko-chan, why don't you explain", having had the hot potato dropped suddenly into her lap, the kunoichi blinked for a minute before the Sandaime explained his suggestion, "you use this technique a fair bit more than I do nowadays"; _though that's not strictly true, but what no-one knows doesn't hurt them_;

"Uh, right, okay, hai Hokage-sama", Anko gave a brief bow from his waist before turning to her diminutive student, "the kanpekina henge works by altering the shape of your chakra system; you know that everyone's got a chakra system don't you? Good, nice to be reminded that you're not entirely incompetent", she commented before continuing on, "well when you use that henge most normal people reduce or increase the size of their chakra network, which as a result alters their size. Chakra is also used to suffuse the relevant tissues such as hair follicles and the iris of the eye to change colour and length if necessary; however you, being the awkward little sod that you are, have probably done something different – am I right Hokage-sama?" The elderly warrior nodded before looking between the sensei and student,

"You are indeed Anko-chan; from what I could tell from my brief exposure to the jutsu, when Naruto assumed his henge form his chakra network didn't merely rearrange itself", he paused, just for a heartbeat, but it was long enough to ensure they both paid attention to his next words, "it seems to simply...disappear".

As expected there was a great deal of confusion at this; Naruto immediately felt a cold sweat break out on his forehead as he recalled the very simple equation that no chakra basically equated to a painful death, while Anko simply failed to understand what the Sandaime was saying; as far as she knew there had only ever been one ninja in existence who had completely lacked a chakra network and the Nidaime Tsuchikage had been peacefully dead since before she was born,

"What?" Her tone was a blend of disbelief and awe, though thankfully the Sandaime didn't seem to notice as he carried on his explanation, looking to set the young jinchuuriki's mind at ease,

"From what I could feel when you assumed your new form, your chakra network...dissolved, for want of a better word, into all the surrounding tissues, changing your appearance as it did so. When you assumed Anko's form your chakra expanded within the tissues, engorging the size of your own cells and acting as replacement connective tissue to ensure your new body still worked. Compared to the standard kanpekina henge your variant has a very large advantage Naruto-kun", standing to his fully height the village leader looked down at his charge with a grandfatherly smile, "as your chakra is mostly free of your regular coils and subsumed into your tissues while you adopt a henge, or at least a henge larger than your regular form, you don't have a recognisable chakra signature".

At those words Anko felt her heart virtually stop beating; chakra signatures and the myriad ways other ninja and their villages had of detecting those signatures were the bane of infiltration missions the world over – if Naruto, _her_ student, had somehow found a way of completely obliterating his own chakra signature he was virtually untouchable, demon or no demon. _No chakra, a way around about ninety-nine percent of most ninja detection methods_; the thought was enough to make her seriously consider that having a shotacon might not be that bad; _with practice and a little experience in the field he could become the second 'Invisible Man' – Konoha's answer to Iwa's Nidaime_;

"So, not having a chakra signature", Naruto rolled the idea around in his head as much as he rolled the words around his tongue before looking up at his jiji again, "tha's a good thing right?" Anko made to answer that with a shrieked declaration before, this time, the Sandaime beat her to it,

"In some ways Naruto-kun, but remember Kami can never open a door without closing a window", he quoted, his tone gently foreboding as he finished, "while having no chakra signature is a bonus, the fact that your chakra coils have completely dissolved into your tissue means that you don't have any chakra available, no chakra capacity. Because of that it will be at best extremely difficult, probably impossible, for you to perform any kind of jutsu while you are in a henged form; in fact even gathering enough chakra to walk up walls would probably be virtually impossible".

That disadvantage made Ankos' train of excitement hit the buffers and hit them hard; she realised that, with that limitation, Naruto's kind of henge was a perfect infiltration tool but would be no use whatsoever for missions that required chakra use, including most assassination and demolition assignments. The henge to all intents and purposes made him a civilian, completely harmless to even the most basically trained ninja but even then, the gears in her mind began to turn once more as she considered the problem for a different angle, some civilians were potentially more dangerous than others. _After all_; an idea from one of her previous missions flitted to the front of her mind and made her crack a devious little grin as she realised how much more devastating her short-term infiltration could have been had she had access to Naruto's henge; _in a hospital who's going to notice if a few ninja die occasionally? Relapses aren't uncommon and who would suspect one of the food suppliers slipping something a little stronger than a pinch of extra salt into the hospital food – not like anyone would taste it, that gloop's always bad no matter where you end up_; oh yes, this definitely had a lot of potential,

"Aw man, that sucks", of course Naruto didn't quite see it that way, "so dis henge isn't that useful then? Can I still learn the usual one jiji?"

"I doubt it Naruto-kun; you were using all the right hand seals aside from the ram which you also use for your kawirimi technique, so this must just be something about you"; _and unless I'm very much mistake, that something is the size of a warehouse with nine large tails and answers to the name Kyuubi_; "however there are a few other things I'd like to find out about your new little trick", the venerable village leader smiled as he made a few seals and restarted his chakra-sensing jutsu again, "it's not every day I get to see something new after all. Could you please henge something smaller than you are?" Naruto gave a small affirmative and a jaunty salute before a brief laugh broke in on the conversation and both looked over to see Anko snickering with folded arms,

"Are you sure that's possible Hokage-sama? Not sure there's anyone in Konoha smaller than him". Naruto stuck his tongue out again even as Sarutobi indulged the kunoichi with a smile before another puff of smoke signalled the arrival of Naruto's latest transformation; the old man had just enough time to see a small flash of grey nestled in his orange jumpsuit before there was a sudden high-pitched whine and Naruto suddenly reappeared, face white and tottering on unsteady legs.

"Naruto!" The boy tried to look up at his jiji but even as he did the pressure became too much; falling forwards his mouth flopped open of its own accord and the floorboards of the Hokage office, pristine since the Shodaime had used his own jutsu to grow the trees they'd been cut from, were splattered with the remains of his breakfast.

Only Anko's hand fisted into the collar of his jumpsuit saved him from collapsing face-first into the mess he'd just made; in the face of the crippling pain that had speared straight through every inch of his body at the transformation his entire skeleton seemed to have turned from bone to jelly and all the strength had gone from his limbs. Hanging limp with his heartbeat tolling in his ears like a funeral gong Naruto fought down the last of his nausea and tried to focus on the buzzing noise coming from somewhere; looking up through tear-stained vision, he could just about pick out the fractured visage of jiji looking at his collapsed form with distinct alarm, another jutsu, this one surrounding his hand with green chakra, already in place and apparently tracing over his body,

"...seems normal...", it was so hard to hear anything, maybe if he tried a little harder..., "...expecting chakra contraction...no idea...cause of pain..." At that point a sudden shake broke his concentration and, still with the taste of his own gastric juices on his lips, he managed to get his feet underneath him and take some of the pressure off Anko's shoulder,

"Naruto-kun", noticing the movement Sarutobi was in before the jinchuuriki in an instant, the vomit already disposed of by the timely use of some low-level doton and katon jutsu, "what in the Kami's name happened?"

"Hurt jiji", he managed to whisper, even Anko looking on with something that might have been concern; _or, knowing her, the hope she'll get a good laugh out of this_; "soon as I changed everything started hurting, everything inside, like someone had hold of all my insides an' was squeezing; I didn't even mean to dispel the henge, my body reacted on its own an' I wound up big again. Heh", recalling what had happened immediately following his re-emergence, he managed a tepid smile, "sorry 'bout the floor".

_Praise the Kami_; though he hadn't been certain in the heartbeat his ward had adopted the technique his immediate fear had been his prisoner rebelling but, as there was no evidence of a murderous kitsune gearing up to go on another rampage through his village, the Sandaime was content to let sleeping foxes lie and try to determine any other potential causes of Naruto's mishap,

"Never mind that Naruto-kun; one doesn't get to become Hokage without learning a couple of short-cuts", the old man winked conspiratorially as he briefly pointed out the once again pristine floorboards before he became more serious, "but apart from the sensations, can you tell us anything else about what happened? A henge that can only turn you into a bigger form is far from ideal; sometimes those who look for giants can be best toppled by ants". Making a little mental note of the saying Naruto tried to think back to before the pain and spoke again, trying to logically build up a picture for his sensei and jiji to follow,

"Well you asked fo' soemthing small and the only thing that came to mind were the Haimaru; I pictured one of them in my head, really clearly as well, then started forming the seals and added the chakra..."

"Hold up", Anko, having only just released the collar of his jumpsuit, found one of his words was unfamiliar to her; _though I've got a feeling he's mentioned it before_; "who's Haimaru when he's at home?" Naruto looked up at her with an odd expression, hands on hips as though he wasn't sure he was hearing her right,

"Not he, they; the Haimaru triplets, Hana-san's partners. One of them bit me once; well, he was just tracking me down..."

That was as far as he got before two things happened virtually simultaneously; Anko put the pieces together and exploded rather violently and he ended up nursing yet another sore spot on his cranium as she immediately turned her wrath on him,

"Nin-ken; you baka", she screeched, adding another blow for emphasis as her student cradled his abused brain-pan, "you can't use a kanpekina henge to transform in to an animal, not unless you literally know that animal inside-out! Look", realising screaming and shouting wasn't going to help she took a deep breath and explained as best she could, "when you use a henge like that you literally have to change your body to the form you adopt. That means all those little organs, bones, blood vessels and other assorted viscera have to either be shrunk, moved around or otherwise disturbed by your chakra. When doing a human transformation it's simple because it's just a matter of resizing; on the inside pretty much all humans are basically alike in where everything is and how it all works, but with animals it's a whole different bag of kunai. To turn into a nin-ken you'd have to reshape your skeleton, contract and reposition all your major internal organs including the heart and brain, alter your centre of gravity and reformulate most of your senses, regrow teeth and re-route most of your major blood vessels; you trying to do all that without having any idea of canine physiology was like trying to squash a watermelon through a cat-flap. You were lucky you didn't turn yourself inside-out with that stunt!"

Though he knew the chunin was correct Sarutobi had to take this moment to interject; he didn't want to have to clean his office floor again and though he wasn't a med-nin on the scale of his only female student, he was fairly certain that someone with a face turning as green as his would-be grandsons was at the moment would be finding it difficult to keep it all in.

"Be that as it may Anko-chan, at least he managed to correct his mistake in time", the Professor pointed out gently before looking down at Naruto again, the boy still appearing a little peaky but otherwise fine, "however I have a suspicion about something and, if you're feeling up to it Naruto-kun, I'd like a see if I can confirm it or not. What I'd like you to do is use your henge again but this time into a smaller version of yourself, say you where you were about two; as Anko-chan said this should be very easy for you because, let's be honest", the old man chuckled as he waved a hand at the youngster, "no-one knows your body better than you. Before you do so however", Naruto stopped mid-seal as he waited for further instructions, this time paying close attention to what was said as he did not want a repeat of what happened last time, "Anko-chan, would you mind picking him up; I'd do it myself but", he sighed at her dubious look, one hand retreating to the small of his back as he used one of the few advantages age had given him, the ability to appear frail if he needed to, "I'm not as flexible as I used to be". The chunin grinned,

"Why didn't you say so Hokage-sama; there are techniques and tricks I know with these magic fingers of mine that could make all those niggles just disappear", the Hokage didn't answer but his stony visage said it all; without another word Anko paced over to her student and lowered her arms, stooping short just before she grabbed the smaller boy as she spoke sternly,

"Puke on me and you're going out that window, got it?"

"Hai sensei", Naruto replied quickly, lifting up his arms to let the chunin get a firm grip just under them and heft, picking him up to her eye-level before looking over his shoulder at the Hokage; at his nod she put him back down again, not quite sure what her boss was playing at but playing along just in case. The old man for his part said nothing for a moment before he looked at the smaller of the two figures,

"Very well Naruto-kun, please use your henge". The boy nodded, moulded his chakra and, as the smoke cleared, all that could be seen was the collapsed form of his jumpsuit, a small bump from somewhere in the middle of it wriggling around and trying to find a convenient exit hole.

"Would you mind Anko-chan?" With a sigh the Snake Mistress stooped down, plunged her hand into the neck of the jumpsuit and, after a minute of fishing around, snagged her catch. Dragging the now-tiny figure into the open Anko had to suppress a laugh; obviously the boxers Naruto was wearing had never been designed for a child so young and he had to use both hands to hold them up around his diaphragm. _Man he's heavy for a kid_; with a grunt of effort she shifted his position to hold him in both hands; _still, I guess all that ramen had to go somewhere_;

"Cute", she snorted dismissively, not reacting as the child in her hands suddenly flashed a giant grin and, after clamping his legs together, brought up one hand in a peace sign, "guess you were a bouncing baby; hmm", her eyes flickered downwards, his beaming grin suddenly matched by her evil one, "there's a thought; how well would a baby like you actually bounce?" There was suddenly panic in those blue eyes before an older, sterner voice broke in to ruin her fun,

"Forgive an old man his foibles Anko-chan but I've already had to clean this office once and blood stains wood rather worse than vomit does", Sarutobi explained gently before continuing, "put him down, gently".

"Awww", she pouted but, seeing the Hokage would not be swayed, she complied with a huff of annoyance, putting the now-tiny jinchuuriki down by her feet, Naruto tottering unsteadily for a second as she removed her hands and stood up.

In all honesty, she would eventually admit to herself _years_ after the event, it was a mistake to let her guard down so easily; Naruto might have looked like a two-year old in his current state but behind those innocent blue eyes was the budding mind of a future legendary prankster who didn't take kindly to threats against his person. As a result of this Anko almost jumped in shock when she felt a sudden tight grip clamp around her left shin, a pressure on her knee that, as she looked down, realised was being caused by her student's fluffy little head being rested against it. Overwhelmed and almost physically sickened by the sensation of being glomped by a toddler Anko was helpless to react as that massive grin turned up towards her,

"Ma-mee!"

There was a second snort that echoed around the office, though luckily for the one who'd inadvertently initiated it the Snake Mistress was in no fit state to take action. Instead her face was white, hair all but stood up on end as the sheer _horror_ of that word struck outright revulsion deep within her soul; visions of her being forced to abandon her missions, her lifestyle, Kami damn it all her _life_ as she knew it to look after some gurgling little speck of humanity that wouldn't even be able to hold a kunai for several years were enough to make her go a green as Naruto had been minutes before. She was so caught up in the grip of a nightmare, strong enough to make even Itachi raise a complimentary eyebrow, that it was only when the Hokage cleared his throat that she managed to shake herself free and realise the purveyor of such a perversion against the natural order of things; _me, a mother – yeah and Oroichi-teme might win Citizen of the Year_; was still clinging to her thigh like a leech,

"Let. Go. Or. Die". She spoke without moving her lips, the toddler's grin falling off his face for a moment before he burst into noisy tears, backing away as he moved towards the Hokage with a complaint on his lips,

"Meanie ma-mee, meanie ma-mee!" Only decades of experience kept the smirk off the Hokage's face as he looked down at the tiny figure before pointing to his jumpsuit,

"I know Naruto-kun; however before this all ends in tears please transform back and get changed".

"Okies", the child toddled over to his abandoned clothing and, after identifying the head hole of his jumpsuit, crawled inside it; even before the smoke cleared this time however there was a rush of movement and Naruto, now back to his regular size, was left to flail around uselessly with all four limbs as a sudden crushing pressure on the back of his head mashed his nose against the floorboards. Ignoring the muffled squawking from her student the Snake Mistress had an expression as black as thunder as she used the heel of her left foot to try and see if she could grind a new hole through the floor of the Hokage's office with his face.

"Squish, squish you bas..."

"Anko", the shout from the Hokage made her look up but didn't lift the pressure of her foot off Naruto's skull, "I can't apologise for Naruto-kun's humour but please don't damage him".

"He'll heal", she assured him with a kindly smile which was betrayed only by the repeated yelling of Naruto loudening as the boy managed to twist his head to the side, the sole of her sandal now crushing one ear against the floor, "and this is just what he needs to sharpen his senses; when I'm through with him he'll be hearing bugs farting the in Aburame hives". Though he was all for a laugh and a joke when the situation allowed it Sarutobi realised he was a little pressed for time at the minute and couldn't stand for too much more time-wasting, however amusing it might have been to watch,

"Mitarashi Anko, desist or I will slap a three-hundred percent tax hike on all imported sake greater than thirty percent proof!"

The response was immediate and electric; Anko was bolt upright at attention, every inch the perfect ninja as Naruto groggily hauled himself upright,

"Ow", he shook his head like a bear waking up after winter and shot his sensei a nasty look, "temper like a snake wi' toothache, insane cravings for dango and occasional outbursts of hurtin' people; you sure you're not gonna be a mum any time soon?"

"Naruto-kun", once more the Hokage seized the reins, though this time it was as much for Naruto's safety as his sense of good time-keeping; he'd seen that look in Anko's eyes a few times before and each one had resulted in someone getting hurt, "a wise man once said never step on a sleeping adder; keep that in mind over the next few minutes. That aside, I believe now my earlier guesses were correct regarding your, unique use of the henge jutsu". As expected this brought Naruto snapping to attention beside his teacher and, with one eye still on the time, the Sandaime decided to make this brief,

"As far as I can tell your henge is, and please don't use this word in the future Naruto-kun, a bastardised cross between the henge and the kanpekina henge; by that", he moved to explain as the boy looked perplexed by his vocabulary, "I mean it has similarities to both those techniques but is in fact unique. It uses almost the same hand-seals for henge but the result is similar to the kanpekina; from Anko-chan's expressions I could tell you weigh the same regardless of your form, you were as heavy in the small form as you are now due to the compression of your tissues. Added to that though, you've replaced the oni of the kanpekina technique, still having a ninja's chakra signature, with the akuma of not having any usable chakra at all. It's an odd case, not one even I've ever heard of before, so I must leave it the hands of both you and your teacher to see the limits of your new technique – Anko-chan I want a report from you first thing tomorrow. For now though I'm afraid you'll both have to depart", stooping over his desk the Hokage began shuffling the paper he'd need for the impending council meeting, "I have business with the elders and I'm already running late. I'll see if I can catch up with you for a bowl of ramen or two sometime next week Naruto-kun, a celebration for a month's hard work". As always ecstatic with the lure of his favourite dish, the jinchuuriki smiled and raised a hand in farewell,

"Fine by me jiji, look forwards to it. Okay mummykins"; _I know this is going to hurt_; the expression on Anko's face, to say nothing of her grip on a convenient kunai handle that was leaving fingerprints in the steel, was enough to assure him of that fact; _but she was going to get even with me for hugging her – in for an A-rank in for an S I guess_; "let's go home". The Snake Mistress said nothing, merely lashed out and grabbed part of his jumpsuit shoulder and then vanished, dragging her apprentice off to a training session that Sarutobi was quite grateful he wasn't going to accidentally oversee in his scrying orb; he was getting on about a bit after all and seeing Anko-chan in full flow against his favourite village orphan might have put a bit of a strain on his heart.

Straightening up and reaching for his ceremonial headdress, the Hokage glanced upwards out of habit more than anything else; unknown to most, the office was actually studded with a large number of almost unnoticeable reflective surfaces, each of which allowed at least one of the hidden ANBU posts to be seen if you knew where to look. This had mostly been a precaution that had fallen out of favour with advances in fuuinjutsu; the Yondaime in particular had made the entire Hokage tower virtually impregnable to all but the most awe-inspiring of jutsu with his skill in the craft, but the Sandaime had never quite had the heart to pull the mirrors down – after all, those who wouldn't look at and learn from the lessons of the past were surely doomed to repeat them. As it was, this action allowed the village leader to see someone was trying to get his attention and, after squinting for a minute and deciphering the mirror-image signals the ANBU operative was signing him, he bit back a chuckle and spoke almost conversationally to thin air,

"I hope I don't need to say that everything that was said in this office goes no further than these four sacred walls?" After watching some more frantic signing he shook his head, sighing wistfully as the Hokage hat swayed on his head, "I know, tragic that such humour must go forever unrecorded, and at Anko's expense as well, something I hear the little Mouse has a bit of a knack for, but...now that's just sad".

Sad it might have been but the sight of an ANBU operative, a trained killer through and through, on his knees and wringing his hands in the air, desperate for permission to unearth these priceless nuggets of hilarity to the rest of his corps was enough to move even the God of Shinobi to a slight snicker as he finally sorted out the paperwork he needed and stood to his full height.

"Well, I have to admit that pride is a deadly sin and perhaps the Snake Mistress could do with a few kunai in her bubble of contentment. No mention of Naruto-kun or his unusual technique however, that remains private".

The ANBU straightened up so quickly even the Sandaime almost missed it, though as the old man left his office there was no mistaking the grin that started to spread over a face concealed by two masks, one of them painted into the loose form of an Inu.

XXX

Even before the smoke cleared Naruto had ripped himself away from his teacher a fraction before she was ready for it, the jinchuuriki bounding and rolling away just as she gripped empty air hard enough to crack a few knuckles,

"I regret nothing!"

"Yet", she snarled back out of reflex, snatching some senbon out of her equipment pouch before remembering who her opponent was and reining her temper in with a visible effort, "but believe me before we leave this field tonight you'll be regretting a lot of things!" The blonde gaki wisely stayed on edge, eyes flicking between his sensei's evil expression and the thin weapons she was twirling between her fingers though his panicked state seemed to fade somewhat as, dragging down a very deep breath, she closed her eyes for a moment before, reluctantly, slipping the senbon back into her weapon pouch and looking at him directly,

"Right, well much as I'd like to there's one reason I'm not going to gut you like a fish..."

"Apart from th' fact jiji'd get mad?" Luckily for Naruto, his rapidly-evolving danger sense took that moment to chime out a warning and he ducked before the launched senbon shot through his tongue, a bead of sweat rolling off his brow as he felt the missile leave a trail through his hair; _what was it jiji said about not stepping on snakes again?_;

"...Not even that; I know ways to hide that even the Sandaime would be hard-pressed to follow; if I wanted to I could leave you a bloody mess in this training field and be out of Fire Country before he was any the wiser. No", before Naruto could go too pale however, Anko had offered up her reason with a sly smirk, "the reason I'm letting you leave this place alive is because I'm interested, very interested in what this henge of yours can do. Do you know what we were talking about when we were on about chakra signature?"

"Uhhh", jiji might have mentioned it at some stage in the past but he couldn't for the life of him recall it, "no' perfectly".

"Of course", Anko muttered to herself; _that would make my life easy, something Kami seems hell-bent on preventing at the minute_; "well clean your ears out and listen up; I'm saying this once and once only. A chakra signature is one of the downsides of being a ninja; due to our training and use of jutsus, seals and all that fun stuff that goes boom a ninja's chakra coils are much larger than a random persons; because this size is unusual it means it can be picked up on by other ninja. As you can imagine, this can be a serious problem if you're deep in enemy territory and a random shinobi walks into the bar you're waitressing in and starts clocking onto the fact you've got chakra coils that could fire off more ninjutsu than he could even dream about doing himself. So, the fact your henge completely discounts this problem could potentially be a very big bonus in the future; ever heard of the Nidaime Tsuchikage?"

"No".

"Well read up on him", Anko commanded before turning slightly more serious, "until I say otherwise he's now your idol; I want you to see what he did, how he was able to do it and figure out if you can do the same as him with your henge, got it?"

"But", even as part of his brain filed that information away the other half of what jiji had said made itself known in Naruto's mind, "bu' I can't do any jutsu when I'm henged. Wouldn't that mean I can't do any ninja mission unless I drop th' henge?" The Snake Mistress shrugged dismissively, hand in her kunai pocket again, fishing for some senbon,

"Doesn't matter if your target's a genin or a kage, a kunai to the throat still kills and you don't need chakra to wield one of them. Apart from that not all targets for assassination are ninja; diamyos and other officials seem to love having their own little political empires to rule over – off one of his trusted bodyguards, henge into him and stab the target when he's in bed or something. No chakra signature, no telling it was you who did the deed and then afterwards you just henge into someone else to slip away – a potentially perfect assassination, very pretty, very neat".

The example, even as hasty as it was, was enough to make Naruto sweat a little before her next words really brought the perspiration out in a drenching sheen over his body; if there was one thing he'd learnt in the two and something weeks he'd been studying under the Snake Mistress, it was that her laughter was usually something to be feared than joined in with,

"Kami damn it, the higher kingdoms must be having a secret joke at my expense", she spoke mostly to herself as she calmed down, Naruto not daring to move a muscle or say a word as she carried on, "get busted into teaching some orphaned punk only for him to turn out to be a potential infiltration and assassination expert. Right, apart from that Naruto", her demeanour immediately flipped completely around; where once there was flippancy and jest now only business and killing intent remained, the aforementioned orphaned punk springing to attention as she impaled him with a forceful stare, "because of this new information there's been a change of plan in your teaching schedule. The nature of your henge is as of this second a secret that only you, I and Sandaime-sama know; until you are given explicit permission otherwise that is to remain the case, am I clear?"

"Err, hai – why though?"

"Read up on Mu, that's the Nidaime Tsuchikage; when you've read his background and why he was so damned dangerous you'll understand", Anko assured him before moving on, the killing edge taken off her formerly sharp voice as she carried on, "apart from that though because of your henge and the fact it's virtually undetectable I'm going to use whatever time I have left with you to train you in espionage, demolitions and, though you're young, assassination as well. I won't mess around here brat, that henge is something I've never heard of and because of that it's a surprise for most ninja – what do surprises mean in shinobi terms?"

"Death", Naruto answered instinctively, having heard enough speeches and lessons on shinobi fighting to last him a lifetime; _but because I'd be a surprise, that would mean..._; "I'd sneak in and kill people before they knew I was there. Tha's what you're wantin' me to learn to do isn't it?" Anko nodded, no apology in her eyes even as she did so,

"Yep; this is what it means to be a ninja for Konoha kid – you can and will use every trick in your book to complete any mission you're tasked with and, unfortunately for you, because of that little trick of yours I can see you're going to become very popular for assassination-type missions. I won't lie, I've done them before and they're not glamorous, they're not pretty but they're what keeps the world ticking rather than just blowing up and taking us with it – the dagger in the dark is worth a dozen swords at dawn, remember that Naruto. Because of that I'm going to change what I was planning to teach you – don't worry, I'll put in a good word with the Sandaime to make sure that when you start trading scrap again the others on the field will run you through how to set and detect traps and live out there, but to train an assassin takes an assassin and as luck would have it you've got me".

_Assassin?_; there was a kind of dark glamour to the word, a slinky, dangerous feel that simultaneously excited and terrified the child – what Anko was describing sounded dark and disturbing but also oddly seductive; a ninja who no-one had seen but everyone had heard of, a nameless terror talked about in hushed whispers everywhere, from taverns to the courts of the Fire Diamyo. Never caught, never seen, the shadow with a razor edge who's knife was ever...even as his mind was preoccupied with his daydream his body responded and almost got him out the way of the senbon, though the flare of pain from his shoulder told him that he'd been hit and his free left hand immediately clasped his right shoulder, the senbon protruding even as he glared at his teacher,

"Not bad, you almost made it; then again in the field almost usually means you're bleeding out rather than immediately dead", Anko told him, her underlying message of not getting distracted not lost on her pupil even as he gingerly tugged the senbon out of his shoulder, "so, here's the deal, early day for you kid. I'm going to get a few things of my own but before I get back this evening I want you to have information on the Nidaime Tsuchikage, the village library might not have much but it's a start".

"But Anko-sensei", seeing a flaw in this plan, Naruto had to point something out, "I don't have a library card, they won't loan to...hey, what was that...?"

"Are you completely stupid?" Having thrown the kunai he'd just leapt aside from Anko reminded herself that he was young, dumb and therefore had an excuse to be this annoyingly dense, "What have I spent the last two weeks teaching you? Everyone in Konoha hates your guts so turn into someone else you moron – Kami damn it, what did I do to deserve this?"

_Oops_; the sight of his teacher's obvious frustration made a cold worm of contrition thrash around slowly in Naruto's gut and he mentally berated himself for opening his mouth before thinking – of course he could just disguise himself to get what he wanted, though since he didn't have a library card he'd probably have to take a pen and paper to take notes.

"Sorry sensei", it sounded hollow and heavy even to his own ears but it was all he could manage by way of apology, "wasn't thinkin'".

"That's obvious", she shot back acerbically, still looking disgruntled as she hooked out a kunai before turning back to him, still looking slightly disgusted at her student's apparent lack of brains, "right, just for that display of idiocy I'm carrying out my mission now – get henged gaki, the Sandaime wants to know exactly what your screwed-up little stunt is capable of and I owe you one for the cracks you took in his office. Start running sweet little child of mine", her smile could have made the legendary Kyuubi itself run a mile and certainly got Naruto moving; with a terrified squeak he henged into his deep-cover mask and a split-second after that Zaki Maumaru was hurtling all over the clearing pell-mell, inches ahead of the deranged lavender-haired chunin taking leisurely swipes with her weapon as she sang out threateningly,

"We've got all morning to practice and this'll help your dodging ability; just remember to dodge occasionally though, I don't want to get too much blood on my uniform".

XXX

Wincing as he sat back down and cursing Mitarashi Anko to the deepest pits of Makai for the thousandth time as it appeared bruises and cuts did not disappear when he dropped or adopted a henge, the jinchuuriki had to admit that she had been right in one regard. From what he'd been able to read up on him so far, having snuck into the library after returning home and throwing on a minute-mask of a random civilian boy and telling the librarian he was reading up on a history project, the Nidaime Tsuchikage had been a very dangerous, extremely talented shinobi.

Mu, even his second name was unknown in Konoha, had gone by many aliases, the Non-person and the Invisible Nin chief amongst them, and was famous for two abilities. According to the information he'd had some kind of bloodline that allowed him to utterly obliterate his opponents with nothing more than a touch, the secrets of which had apparently died with him though there were rumours that his successor, the Tsuchikage who ruled Iwa even to this day, also possessed a similar ability. However it was his second ability, on paper nowhere near as devastating as the first, that had caught Naruto's eye and made him see what Anko was driving at, why she wanted him to see an Iwa-nin as a potential paradigm to aspire to.

The Nidaime had been born without a chakra system, a unique ninja in this regard – originally written off by the Iwa military because of this, Mu had shocked them all by still being able to produce and mould chakra, though how he was able to do so was unknown. Much like Naruto's henge he had no chakra signature due to this anomaly, though the fact he had access to chakra at all times made him thousands of times more dangerous than the jinchuuriki's henge. According to the scrolls the librarian, much kinder to his false face than she'd ever been to Naruto he noticed with a well-hidden scowl, Mu was still acknowledged by the shinobi world as the most successful infiltrator to have ever existed; his ability to completely obscure himself and, at the opportune moment, turn his enemy to dust with a touch had granted him the nickname of the Skulking Ghost by the man who had eventually killed him, the Nidaime Mizukage, after Mu had sneaked into Kiri and assassinated two of the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist without them even being able to draw their blades in self-defence.

Quickly making notes on a pad he had brought with him Naruto once more found his thoughts clouded as they had been before a certain chunin with a kunai had intruded on them rather violently; _an assassin, like this man_; he read over what he'd written and checked the time, realising he'd better wrap this up and beat Anko back to the apartment – she was in a foul enough mood as it was, no need to antagonise her further; _could I really do that, if it meant becoming Hokage like Mu-san became Tsuchikage? _

The question still occupied his mind as he carefully replaced the scrolls where the librarian had taken him from, the woman favouring him with a smile that he just about remembered to return as he was still wearing his mask when all he wanted to do was pull off the wig he was wearing and ask her, outright ask her why she was so nice to the other kids but threw him out on sight; _no, not yet – just accept people like this face and live with it._ With that thought in his head he exited the library, took a deep breath and headed for his home, slipping inside his apartment block only when he was certain no-one was looking – it wouldn't do for Konoha in general to spot a procession of people going into the lair of the infamous Demon Brat and not come out again.

Luckily he did manage to beat Anko back by a good fifteen minutes, the Snake Mistress throwing a scroll onto the floor of the lounge where he was reading his notes and nodding,

"Right, from that I assume you now know about the Nidaime and why I think he's a role-model for you?" Naruto nodded,

"Hai, he was a virtu'ly perfect assassin 'cause he had no chakra signature, but I don't get it sensei", this was the crux of the issue he couldn't overcome at the minute, "he could kill with a touch an' still mould chakra. I can't do that when I'm in a henge, any kind of henge, so I can understand fishin' for information and esp-e-o-nage, but how'm I supposed to assassinate someone an' get away afterwards?" His question seemed to throw the older woman somewhat before, to his slight surprise, a smile spread over her face and she pointed to the scrolls she'd brought with her,

"Good, very good; a lot of people trip up by just thinking about the assassination rather than the whole picture; no point completing a mission unless you can get out afterwards, unless you're from Kiri of course; those crazy SOB's don't care if they live or die usually as long as they get the job done. Still you have raised an important point and one that, as your smart and sultry sensei, I might have solved for you as long as there's no repeats of the stupidity I saw this morning – the library won't loan to me, well boohoo, get on with it. You want to be a ninja don't you?"

"Okay, okay", the worm of guilt thrashed around again and Naruto held up his hands in surrender, "I know that was stupid bu' I had almost nearly died 'cause I tried to turn into a nin-ken". Anko sniffed and shook her head,

"Near-death experiences are no excuse gaki; you just grit your teeth, say a prayer to Kami that you're still alive and get on with it. Anyway, this scroll contains what we're going to be covering over the next week or so; what's the first thing you can tell me about the plan?" Eagerly unrolling the scroll Naruto looked over its contents avidly only to furrow his brow and look up,

"Uhh, it's all sealed up, I can't see..."

"Yep, storage seals first", Anko overrode him, not letting him speak as she explained her decision, "you've got a tolerable handle on disguise and now that I've seen your deep-cover mask I'm expecting you to carry on you at all times enough props to come up with not only that mask but at least three separate minute-masks as well. Obviously this would be impracticable as well as downright suspicious if you suddenly started carrying around more cosmetics than a house of geisha, people might start asking all sorts of questions, so you need to know how to draw and seal equipment into scrolls. Also with your henge you may well have the options in the future to have two separate masks on, get where I'm coming from?"

"A disguise on top of a henge? Cool", the idea hadn't in all honesty occurred to Naruto but he was grateful that it had been pointed out, "that way I can drop one while keeping the other, they'll never know what I really look like".

"Exactly, now for the rest of it", Anko reached over and swiped a thumb over the seals in the scroll, releasing its contents of several different other scrolls, each tightly bound and secured, and what looked to be a very large poster of a human body in various stages of skinlessness, from bare bones to fully-formed, "looks boring I know but everyone has to start somewhere. Basic biology", she elaborated, flicking open the binding of the first scroll and unrolling it to let Naruto see the heading; _Main Organ Systems of Humans, Senju Tsu..._; he missed the last part of the name as Anko dropped the scroll to carry on her explanation, "Sarutobi-sama himself said that you can't use jutsu while henged and I'll take his word for it, so that just means you'll have to learn a different way of killing. Believe it or not I do have med-nin training, one of the reasons I'm so good at what I do; some of that training it what I'm going to be passing down to you".

"What?" Naruto looked down disbelievingly at all the scrolls, there had to be over twenty of them, "all of this?"

"And more", Anko assured him with a smirk, "but don't worry, there's some practical element to all this as well, it's not all reading and scroll-work. Here's the deal; you read all this and tell me what makes someone tick and then, regardless of whether you're using a blade, a senbon, your bare hands, if you want blood, no blood or whatever..."

Her foot moved, flicking the tall poster upwards just as her hand became a blur – even before Naruto had turned around the anatomy poster had struck the back all, pinned there by a quartet of senbon with accuracy that made him cringe slightly and reminded him just how lethal his sensei could be if provoked, though she did a good job of hiding it as she casually smiled and flicked a last senbon, impaling the fully-skinned figure of the poster in an area that immediately made Naruto cringe and clamp his thighs together,

"...I'll show you how to make the ticking stop. Oh yes", she gave a smile, eyes delighted as she watched the last senbon slowly stop quivering where it had embedded itself in the wall, "you need to learn assassination, concealment and espionage like 'Nai-chan needs to get laid; by the end of next week I'll have laid the groundwork for this kind of training and get the word out on the training fields to you up to speed on the rest of it. Any questions?"

"Wha's getting laid – Kurenai-san's not sick is she?"

"No she's not, and never mind; look, just get ready to read a lot and work even more because by the end of next week if you can look at me without screaming in fear or flying into a violent rage, I'm not doing my job right!"

XXX

Though perhaps understandable due to his age and, despite his unfortunate circumstances in being generally disliked by pretty much everyone in his home village, it had never really occurred to Naruto until he started reading up on even basic anatomy just how complicated and integrated his body actually was. Everything from cellular structure to neural impulses had to work together in seamless synchronicity for him just to breathe and stay alive; when it came to walking and talking, never mind fighting, it appeared to him to be a minor miracle that he was even able to function at all without devoting extraordinary brainpower just to keep his heart beating and his lungs inflating, the basic things his body needed to keep itself ticking over. He'd never known, never even considered just how amazing every human body was and how many different parts it was made up of until Anko-sensei had introduced him to the elementary medical-ninja training scrolls.

Unfortunately he also hadn't given much thought to the myriad ways there were of making such a marvel of biochemical ingenuity stop working; luckily for him though Anko-sensei took her time to point at least some of these ways out to him. Personally.

"Yeeooowww! I need dat wrriiiiieeeeeooouucchhh!"

"See", the chunin spoke calmly over the row of her flailing student, the palm of one hand locking his elbow straight while the other had hold of the back of his hand and appeared to be attempting to twist it around like a corkscrew, with a reasonable amount of success if the volume of the shrieking was anything to go by, "twist the wrist both ways, doesn't matter in which order, to break it properly and stop them using that hand again unless they can get seen by a competent doctor, but if they're a lot stronger than you go for the fiddly bits", she dropped his hand like a puppy nin-ken fetching its owners slipper before seizing hold of her student's thumb, "dislocation of the thumb for instance, stops most hand-seals right off the bat". Grateful he couldn't see her vindictive smirk she gave a gentle tug on the captive digit, Naruto immediately screaming and swearing up a storm as she did so; _such is the way of the world brat – you call me mummy one day, I make you scream uncle the next_;

"Gaaahhh, I give I give", Naruto squealed, doing a great impression of a worm on a hook as he attempted to squirm his way out of his sensei's tenacious grasp, "I bet Mu-san neva had to go through this!" The complaint made Anko have to bite down on a sudden chuckle as she finally dropped the six-year olds arm, standing up and brushing her skirt down as Naruto immediately hugged his abused arm, moaning and gasping broken thanks that it was still attached to the rest of him,

"I'd bet he didn't but that's probably because he was competent rather than a snot-nosed little bug like you", Anko informed him, eyes crinkling in mirth as Naruto flopped onto his back and shot an evil glare up at her, "besides look on the bright side; at least because of this you're getting exercises in suppleness at the same time as learning the textbooks. You can dislocate your index fingers now can't you?"

"Only 'cause _you_ pulled them out their sockets!" Never one to let facts take the shine off a stroke of good fortune Anko merely shrugged, wafting the point away like a cloud of midges,

"Can you blame me for having a sneezing attack at just the wrong moment – besides it happened, you snapped them back in; everyone's happy, get over it". Wincing as he gingerly rotated his wrist a touch and wiggled his fingers individually, the jinchuuriki slowly stood up from where he'd been thrown onto his side in his living room and faced down his sensei once more,

"This is about wha' happened in the Sandaime's office isn't it? I said sorry; hell even you said it was a good line!"

"True but take it from me there's nothing worse than a student with a huge ego; what happens in the Hokage office stays in the Hokage office but I thought it prudent to remind my student, i.e. you, of a basic truth in life", she favoured him with a smile as she ran a calloused hand through his tangled hair, ignoring his shout of protest at the gesture of rough affection, "she who laughs last and loudest is usually your sensei".

Naruto opened his mouth to argue the toss before closing it again, realising it probably wasn't worth the aggravation and, though he wouldn't admit it out loud, she was probably right; his apartment block was deserted so there was no-one to hear his screams of pain or pleas for mercy. These past few days had taught him much and, with only one week to go until Liberation day, as Anko had dubbed the day when her month of tutoring was over, he found himself oddly looking forwards to learning even more about the best way to slice a throat to make sure no blood sprayed on your clothes, or how to cripple an enemy ninja without killing him so he could be interrogated earlier. Even more of Anko-sensei's dreaded flexibility training wasn't quite as scary as it once had been, though this might have been due to the fact he had a high pain threshold and his joints were, according to Anko, rather more supple than she'd been expecting, something he guessed he had to be grateful to Guy-san for. _Still_; he winced as another twinge shot through his shoulders – try as he might he couldn't do the handcuff trick with them just yet though he was close; another week should more than do it and ensure even as a 'civilian' he should be able to slip out of normal police restraints; _after this even I could use an early night – oh come on_; the sight of a second sensei appearing in his lounge was enough to make his body start protesting in aches and pains all over again; _this is so not fair_;

"Don't worry brat", reading his face like an open book, though to his meagre credit such an action was a little harder than it had been in the past, Anko decided to spread her good mood as her shadow clone eyed the pre-genin before her with an almost hungry gleam in her eye, "she'll be on her best behaviour. An hour or so of Hebi-style sparring then you can either hit the books or go to bed".

"Careful though", the shadow clone piped up with a grin, eyes widening as she tried to look fragile, an idea that made Naruto simultaneously smile and shudder, "I bruise easily. Pop me and that's it, no more training for you".

"And I will be less than happy", the real Snake Mistress shot over her shoulder, having shucked on her trench coat and started heading for the door, "anyway, I'm out for the night and you're not coming; I'll be in late and up later; wake me up at your peril tomorrow".

"Hai, hai", he waved a hand, almost immune to her casual threats on his life, "don't do anythin' I wouldn't do". At that little quip Anko snorted and looked over her shoulder,

"You really have taken that book to heart haven't you?" At his proud nod the Snake Mistress snorted again, shaking her head and heading for her favourite bar, "Good; when you finally get to the ninja Academy give them hell from me; someone's gotta knock the starch out of those stuffy instructors".

"Will do sensei, it'll be a pleasure if they're anything like Ten-chan says they are".

"Take it from me they're worse", Anko informed him, waving over her shoulder as she left the lounge, the slam form the front door a second later lost on him as he leapt back from the shadow clone's first attack,

"Eyes front minion", the bushin barked, Naruto immediately assuming his own stance, slightly different to her as the Hebi-style allowed such free-form rather than rigidity, "you're on touch contact only unless you want me to pop but if I can hit you you'll know about it – right then", she swung forwards, eyes as blank and showing as much as a doll's eyes as she plucked them out and let her body move on its own, "dance brat, dance!"

XXX

One and a half gut-bursting hours later Naruto was still feeling the effect of the spar, unable to conclusively beat even a clone of his teacher as he knew even one of her attacks landing home would have either crippled of possibly killed him outright. Hebi-style was based around the principle of killing with a single strike, or as close to a single strike as possible; because of this it used mostly single-finger hits to vital points on the opponent's body, usually nerve clusters or where veins and arteries were present near the surface of the body, though occasionally bursts of chakra could be sent through the enemy's body to rupture vulnerable organs such as the spleen. That made sparring with the style all at once easy but painful; easy for Anko and her clones as all he could do at the minute was poke them lightly as he wasn't quite accurate (or tall) enough to hit the pressure points of a moving target – about the worst he'd been able to do so far was make her recoil backwards laughing as he gave her a dig in the side or the ribs. However when the boot was on the other foot Anko seemed to regard mercy as a word in a dictionary – Naruto now knew exactly how it felt to try and fight with a numb arm or hobble on a deadened leg; indeed he was counting his blessings she hadn't yet hit any of the serious pain-centres of the body; _well, not more than once or twice anyway_.

Shuddering as phantom agony ghosted up and down his arms again Naruto looked over as the kettle boiled, heating up the water for an evening snack as he browsed through another medical book on his kitchen table, this one detailing the formation of bones, ligaments and tendons. _Ah, so that's why Anko-sensei kept going for the crook of the elbow_; looking over the diagram of that particular joint he saw a few things start to make sense; _nice target area that one – hit the outside you can jar the joint or even dislocate the elbow itself, hit the inside you can rupture the tendons or the blood vessels and cause stiffness of the joint. And cause pain of course, can't forget the pain_; Anko-sensei certainly didn't and took a great deal of time and effort explaining exactly how pain could be caused and used as a friend to distract or destroy an enemy. Having heard the kettle boil he decided it was time to take a break and had just pulled the foil flap of his instant ramen cup back to add the hot water when a sudden crash from the front door made him jump upwards, a few stray flakes of ramen scattering over the kitchen floor as he hastily dumped his beloved food on the counter top and ran into the hall, taking one look at the shape that had stumbled inside the front door and was now half-slumped against the opposite wall,

"Anko-sensei!"

It was indeed the Snake Mistress, though she looked like she'd seen better days; the chunin was hunched over against the wall, holding her left side and breathing heavily, an air of exhaustion about her as she raised her head wearily at his panicked shout, just about summoning the energy to smile at her worried student,

"Heh, if you think I look bad you should see the other guy; no", with a grunt and a heave she pushed herself upright on unsteady legs, her free hand catching on the opposite wall even as she swayed and slurred out almost drunkenly, "the day I'm too weak to walk is the day they finally bury me". Taking in her appearance and letting out a low sigh as he realised that it looked worse than it was in that Anko appeared to be more exhausted than actually hurt or, even worse, drunk, Naruto found himself agreeing with her assessment,

"An' I'll be the first to pour sake on your grave, as long as you don't mind it going through my kidneys first; come on", he tentatively took a step forwards and held out a hand, "I've just boiled the kettle, there should be enough f'you to get a cup of tea". More grateful for the offer than she let on Anko smirked and forced herself fully upright, ignoring his hand as she stepped forwards slowly,

"You know brat, you've really got a knack for a sharp line when you can – I'll be keeping an eye out for you when you gate-crash the Academy. If you can drive at least one of your instructors into early retirement you've got my vote for chunin".

"I'll keep it in mind sensei", Naruto assured her diplomatically as he led the way into the kitchen, fishing for a cup as the Snake Mistress slumped into a seat and curled up on the table, groaning again and closing her eyes as her tired legs finally started to relax; _good job boys, you got me back here – now you can just fall off and leave me in peace before the cramps start_.

There was a clink of china from just underneath her nose a moment later and she perked up in time to inhale a deep lungful of aromatic tea, something she herself had brought after the first few days of apartment-sharing with the Uzumaki brat as she was fairly certain the Hokage would have taken a very dim view of her turning the home of a six-year old into a convenient stash for her sake. Gratefully picking up and throwing back a massive gulp of the scalding liquid, Anko smacked her lips and belched loudly in satisfaction,

"Ahh, that's the stuff; you're a long way from holding a tea ceremony kid but you're not actually that bad at making the stuff".

"Shame you're a pig when it comes to enjoying it", Naruto countered, cleaning the echoes out of his ear with his pinkie as he stirred the cup of instant ramen with the chopsticks in his free hand, belligerence softening as he looked over to the woman again, "bu' what happened out dere sensei?" Anko's eyes narrowed and her nostrils flared; for a second she considered taking out her righteous vengeance on the one before her; after all it was ultimately his fault why her night had gone so disastrously wrong; but caution and the aches from over her body were just enough to dissuade her from violence and let her tongue do the explaining rather than her fists,

"What happened is that someone opened their big mouth and because of that", she shuddered, the idea that had plagued her earlier in the day returned with a vengeance and, even worse, now firmly rooted in the minds of some of her closest friends, planting poisonous seeds in their expectations until she was able to tear them out and purge them with fire, "several people now think I'm now something even worse than just your uke..."

XXX

She knew, call it feminine intuition, call it gut instinct or whatever, but she just knew the second she walked into one of her regular haunts and saw a smile slide greasily onto the face of someone who was usually too bowel-looseningly terrified of her reputation to even look in her direction that some kind of fix was in,

"Okay 'Nai-chan", ignoring her best friends' significant other and moving onto the easier of the two targets, the chunin took her regular order and did her best to look around the rest of the assembled surreptitiously, "your boyfriend's smiling at me and you're not slapping him upside the head; this worries me".

"It worries me even more that you, you of all people let me down like that", the genjutsu mistress snapped back, though even as Anko recoiled at her friend's unusually harsh words she didn't miss the slightly teasing lilt that flavoured her tone; _okay upgrading 'worried' to 'panicked' – Nai-chan never teases anyone_; "the one time, the only time I decided to put my money where my mouth is about you and it all goes so horribly wrong".

"You put a bet on me? Fair enough, doubt there isn't a ninja in Konoha who hasn't", even though most of them lost when she was involved Anko was never going to stop them – the old proverb regarding money and fools had kept her coffers full even when missions were lean, "and judging by the smile on your jug-eared mug I take it you won?" Seeing the Snake Mistress's eyes on him, the older chunin snapped to attention, his dark glasses almost slipping off his nose as he did so,

"Hai Mitarashi-san, though I confess the manner of my victory was, somewhat unexpected. I, in fact we all misjudged your emotions in this matter - to use common parlance", dropping the teacher-speak as Anko had dubbed it, Ebisu smiled and bowed shallowly to the shorter figure, "you really came through good for me and I owe you one".

"Not a problem; just let me sit in on the lap-dance Nai-chan gives you – that _was_ the wager wasn't it?" Seeing both partners suddenly crimson, Kurenai almost choking on her drink, Anko once more found herself groaning at their ineptitude, "Oh for Kami's sake just stop dancing around each other and do the horizontal dance – a good lay for the pair of you's about the only thing I haven't tried to loosen you both up, you especially Nai-chan". Spluttering and coughing as she swallowed fresh air, Anko's brazenness once more catching even her on the fly, the red-eyed woman looked over at her friend as though she'd just crawled out from under a rock and started sunbathing nude,

"You are", she began, flames of outrage fanning around her raven mane of hair as the tirade went on, "the most obnoxious, self-absorbed, sadistic nymphomaniac I have ever had the displeasure to cross paths with – how Mouse-chan is going to survive when that paperwork goes through I have no idea! He'll be going out the training grounds just to stay sane after about a month with you!"

"You give her too much credit Kurenai-chan", as she felt a strong, if somewhat thin, arm wrap around her shoulders the woman let the frustration steam out on her breath, Anko as always trying to pull herself together from the sniggers of hearing her friends' condemnations; _damn it, every time, every time she manages to wind me up enough to get me to snap! Sometimes I think the only reason I got those Ice-Maiden nicknames was so there was a big tempting target nailed to my forehead so Anko would leave everyone else alone_; "I give the poor rodent a fortnight tops before he starts pitching a tent in the Forest of Death".

Oh don't you flatter me too much", Anko grinned, miming coyness before the second part of both speeches caught up with her and her expression morphed into quizzicalness, "wait, what's the gaki got to do with this – don't tell me you bet on him too?"

"He was part of it", Ebisu admitted, rather perceptively taking half a step back in case Anko truly blew her top as, friend of Nai-chan's or otherwise, the Snake Mistress outright terrified him at times, "the wager was to see if he could even without trying force you to get attached to him, though I must say I never expected things to go quite this smoothly, or this far". Seeing where this was going Anko unusually decided it was too nice a night to ruin by getting irritated and instead simply shrugged, slipping into a seat just along from the bar as she perused the drinks list,

"Give the brat his due he's got a way of getting the best out of a situation, and making situations work for him", she commented off-handedly, her mind resetting itself slightly to the sudden shock of feeling contact under her hand where she'd expected there to be nothing but air and chakra, Naruto's deep-cover alter-ego starting back at her affronted as he rubbed the bruise on his head, "hell it's got to the stage now where I'm sure I wouldn't tie him up and leave him in the Forest of Death as a bear snack unless he did something stupid like try to smile near me".

"Nice try Anko-chan"; _eh?_; she'd expected that to be the end of the matter as she'd virtually admitted she had grown a little closer to her temporary student over the month she'd been with him but obviously Kurenai had different ideas if the grin on her full red lips was anything to go by, "you say those things but you don't mean them, I know you better than that. Besides", the grin only increased in length as Anko felt the nape of her neck start to itch, a sure sign in her book that something she was not going to like was lurking just around the corner waiting for her to walk into it, "the Sandaime will never sign off the paperwork with that kind of attitude".

"Paperwork?" The Snake Mistress parroted, fighting off the urge to reach for a kunai, "What are you going on about...?"

"Oh for Kami's sake stop being so stubborn", the itching only intensified as a bite of impatience entered Kurenai's voice, "I know you've got the whole loner-who-doesn't-give-a-damn act but you of all people should be able to drop a mask. You just don't want to admit that Naruto broke you down, got his hooks in you and made you put your sign on the dotted line". _What?_;

"Okay, now officially confused here", contrary to popular opinion Anko could keep her temper when she could see getting angry wouldn't help the situation, "what the hell was I supposed to have signed this time; if I can't remember it it's because I was drunk and therefore any contract is null and void".

For the first time her words seemed to throw her friends off, Ebisu and Kurenai sharing a glance before, apparently being elected as spokesperson, Ebisu spoke a little more delicately,

"According to, ah, reasonably reliable sources, you were observed with your, charge in the Hokage's office earlier today; according to these sources the reason for this visit was to..." He immediately clammed up and started perspiring hard as Anko suddenly slammed her fist down onto the bar and glared around at him, expression murderous as she saw, or at least thought she saw, exactly where this was going,

"If you, either of you, so much as imply that I asked the Hokage to marry my so-called shotacon only one of us will be leaving this bar alive in the future and I swear it won't be either of you two. Speak Ebisu", she requested, not giving the other chunin a chance to sneak his way out of this, "what did your so-called source say went on in the office, where there were only the three of us there?"

"Well", once more Ebisu was forced to screw up his courage as much as he was able to and, with a rush, got it all out in the open, "he said that you were there to request guardianship of Uzumaki-san".

The temperature of the bar dropped so quickly the glasses-wearing chunin was half-tempted to check if the Snake Mistress was using a Hyoton jutsu of some kind; she was so angry she actually looked calm, the paled face and blank expression belied by the raw intent to maim someone or something in the very immediate future that was boiling beneath her calm veneer, a school of blood-maddened piranha thrashing just below the surface of a tranquil lake. She took a deep breath, then another, both her fellow chunin looking on with trepidation, ready to hurdle the table and use it for cover at the sight of the first flicker of fire on the Snake Mistress's breath,

"Which person", her voice was frozen malice, eyes snapping open and glaring with a force that could have put a weak-hearted man in his grave, "which soon-to-be rotting _corpse_ put about the rumour that I would ever want to a, adopt", even the word made her skin crawl, "and how the hell did...?"

The eyes had it; the second Kurenai's eyes had moved Anko had followed them and a streak of silver flickered across the room; as always dodging without apparently meaning to, Kakashi glanced up at the shuriken quivering in the wall by the side of his head before eye-smiling over the top of his book at the now furious chunin,

"Evening Anko-chan", apparently immune to the killing intent that had suffused the atmosphere the Copy-ninja returned to his book, "anything you were after?"

"Your testicles, on a skewer", the Snake Mistress hissed back, plucking more shuriken out her equipment pouch and readying them for the fight that was about to happen, "what the hell did you say, and who did you say it to?"

"Oh just a few people, here and there", he shrugged carelessly, unconcerned about the death that was stalking him across the bar room floor, "what, I thought you'd be grateful – he's already calling you his mother and I'm sure you can get dango for a baby-shower", he swatted a brace of kunai out the air with the spine of his Icha Icha, taking in Anko's now brilliantly red face and bared-fang snarl with a second eye-smile, "I thought it looked rather cute myself".

"You, me, Forest of Death, right now". His plan having come to fruition, the jounin snapped his book closed and replaced it away in his pocket, gesturing towards the door,

"As you command Anko-chan, though it pains me to say this will just have to be a spar, nothing more", just before he disappeared into a cloud of smoke he gave his final cutting line, "I'm not looking to be a family man just yet".

Just as Anko screamed in rage and activated her own technique to arrive in the place she considered her second home, Kurenai finally let go of her laughter and, ordering another drink, turned to her boyfriend and immediately offered him a double or quits on their previous wager as to what state the two combatants would be in by the end of the night.

XXX

The memory of that spar, fun as it had been, was now etched into the aches of her skin and bones as she slumped at the kitchen table, drinking cooling tea as her explanation finished and she sat back with a sigh, feeling her chakra slowly replenishing itself as she'd burn through most of it in her training. Kakashi was a true professional and never held back in a spar – like most ANBU, his philosophy was 'train hard and fight easy' – and he'd been a jounin almost since before she'd joined the Academy.

"But, but how did Kakashi-senpai know we were with jiji?"

"He's in ANBU kid", she replied as she stretched her legs out and groaned as the stressed muscles pinged in pain, "he must have been in the Hokage office when you pulled that little stunt of yours; remind me I need to kick your ass for that tomorrow". Trying to avoid the cold sweat that broke out over his forehead at those words Naruto tried to steer the conversation into safer waters,

"So, did you get 'im?"

"I can dream; I tagged him a couple of times but if Kakashi was being serious I'd be dead ten times over before I got close", the Snake Mistress grudgingly admitted, stretching off her neck and arms, "he's one of our best for a reason, one of the reasons I'm always trying to cadge training off him".

"By throwing kunai at him?"

"Best way to do it", she assured him breezily, "though sometimes a snake for variety works wonders as well; a ninja never teaches you more than when he's out for your blood. Also helps that Kakashi's mask has an allure all of its own – there's a standing reward for the kunoichi who manages to pull it off his face at last". Thinking on this, Naruto decided to ask,

"Any idea why he wears that mask?" Anko shrugged,

"None whatsoever; he's worn it ever since I've known him and before that as well as far as I know. Still he grew up in war, right out on the front line and it's changed him a lot, made him a damn good ninja though". Seeing his teacher sit back on her seat with a slightly distracted air about her Naruto decided he could see the similarities between her and Ebisu, on this occasion at least; because of that similarity he took a breath and crossed his fingers before asking the question that could see him enlightened if he was lucky and quite messily deceased if he wasn't,

"Umm, Anko-sensei", she looked over just as he managed to dredge up a sickly-looking smile from somewhere, "do you, like Shar-ing-han Kakashi?"

The look she gave him was somewhere between amazement and disgust and he had his fingers squeezed together very tightly to pray that the former outweighed the latter; the two of them existed in an billowing, uncomfortable silence until, to his obvious relief, she chuckled and shook her head,

"Nah, not in the way you're thinking about at least; it's not easy to explain a relationship brat, least of all relationships between ninja, but Kakashi and I, we sort of understand each other", the post-exercise buzz was in full flow, the rush of endorphins dulling the pain and, as a result, loosening her tongue somewhat as she made an effort to clue him in, "we've both been through pain in our lives and we don't show it to the world, Kakashi with his mask, me by just being...well, me I guess. Because of that we get on, we certainly don't love each other least of all after that little stunt he just pulled, but we get on, that's about all I could ask for really, least of all with a ninja like Hatake Kakashi".

"Hatake?" The unfamiliar name confused Naruto somewhat, "I thought his name was..."

"You thought wrong; Sharingan is his nickname, something to do with a gift from an old friend, his real name's Hatake Kakashi. But to answer your question no, I do not like Kakashi in the same way Nai-chan likes her teacher-kun...hmm", a sudden devil of mischief popped up on Anko's shoulder and began whispering instructions into her interested ear, "actually that's a thought. Ebisu wants to be a teacher, what else would he want other than a naughty schoolgirl of his own – I should still have a uniform somewhere I could loan her. Ah", remembering her audience, Anko glanced over at where Naruto was by this point doing his best not to look too confused, "not a word of that to anyone; its adult stuff you wouldn't understand".

"Oh, okay", Naruto knew when to argue and when to give it up as a lost cause, though Anko obviously must have caught something of a guilty look on his face as she suddenly swallowed what was left of her tea and spoke again,

"Spit it out brat".

"Huh?"

"You're not fooling anyone, least of all me", she glanced at him from the corner of her eye, "you're thinking about something other than ramen, a minor miracle as far as you're concerned, so spit it out; brat", seeing Naruto still shying away from speaking his mind the chunin eased off the kid gloves, a hint of steel in her formerly soft gaze, "unless you can pull a Kakashi and figure out a way to beat half-a-dozen of my favourite summons and me simultaneously I suggest you spill your guts".

"Promise not to hit me?" The question made her raise an eyebrow but she eventually nodded, now curious despite herself,

"Okay I won't hit you"; _unless it's really embarrassing or I get bored_; Naruto bit his lip for a second before, screwing up his courage with one hand and taking his life in the other, he let his suspicions out in a rush,

"I think you'd make a great mother".

In all honesty it hadn't quite been the last thing she'd been inspecting but, being just above the admission that he didn't want to be a ninja any more, it was right down there at the bottom of the list. If she'd still been holding her tea cup she'd have dropped it to smash on the floor as her jaw dropped, head moving towards him without her neck moving as he gabbled his reasons desperately,

"I mean you're a real strong kunoichi an' you can beat pretty much anyone, 'specially me. You act hard bu' you must care about some people, like Kurenai-san, or Kakashi-san – if they was in trouble you'd walk through Makai to get to them. Your kid would be brought up hard, but you'd be fair with him an' that's the best way to be surely, he'd never be spoilt but he'd never go..."

"Enough", truthfully she'd not heard more than a buzzing in her her ears since his first bombshell proclamation but she got the gist of what he was trying to say; she just couldn't believe he'd had the balls to come out and say it, and in a way she couldn't just laugh it off easily either, "did that story of Kakashi-bakas' get your hopes up or something? Sorry if it did but there's no way I'm ever going to consider adopting you, if only because I'd have throttled you in your sleep after the first week or so of your business starting up again". Naruto's look showed nothing but disbelief of her claim until he eventually shrugged, muttering,

"Didn't want you as a mother, more like a nee-chan", that was a bit of a step down but, if pushed, Anko decided she could live with that; _after all, not like he doesn't think of most of the other chunin, and maybe the ramen girl and Panda-chan as his nee-chans_; "or my favourite uke".

"And you were doing so well", the Snake Mistress sighed dramatically, realising with a deep sense of relief that he'd made his point as was now back to the familiar joke territory both of them liked to explore so much, "now I'm afraid I have to kill you".

"You and what army 'kaa-san'?" _Uh oh_; he knew that look and, as Anko bit her thumb enough for a tiny little bead of blood to show, bright red and liquid against her skin, he realised he'd said something very, very silly indeed,

"Word to the wise my beloved little sochi", the sarcasm dripped off the word like the blood dripped off her thumb; one explosion of smoke later and Naruto found himself vaulting onto the table as the floor of his kitchen suddenly started wriggling, every inch covered by a serpent of some sort gazing up at him hungrily, "never ask a ninja with a summoning contract that question. Especially when their summons", she smirked evilly, a stark contrast to Naruto's shriek of horror as the living tide of snakes slowly began to crawl their way up the legs of his table, "consider mice a light snack!"

Even years after that night's activities eventually ended, it would be a long, long time before Naruto could even look at anything even resembling a snake without shrieking in fear or throwing the nearest sharp object at it. Needless to say, this caused a fair few issues during his first few D-rank missions; kunai and hose-pipes tend not to mix very well.

XXX

"I laughed when I heard of his dream to become Hokage", as she began her debrief she felt a sense of déjà-vu sweep over her as Sarutobi listened to her words without judgement, without comment, "I'm not laughing now. You said he'd one day sit on that vaunted seat; I just hope I'm there to see it, if only so I can hide an explosive tag under the cushion".

"He does have that effect on people Anko-chan, you more than most from what I hear", the Sandaime agreed with a slight chuckle before he began slightly more serious, "so what have you taught young Naruto-kun, how has he progressed, recommendations for the future and any other information you find relevant?" Anko nodded and began,

"SAID", her first word, itself an acronym of the rarest type of ninja was enough even to make the old man's eyes widen; _Sabotage, Assassination, Infiltration and Demolition – he must have made quite the impression on you_; "took the kid two weeks, maybe three to pick up how to come up with and put together a minute-mask – okay it still needs work but he'll do that in his own time. Chakra control's nothing to write home about but he is getting slightly better..."

"That may be due to his tenant", Sarutobi broke in, not wanting the youngster to take the blame for something he had no control over, "his reserves are much larger than they should be, making it hard for him to control them". Anko nodded,

"Yeah I heard from Nai-chan's team – well, he'll get it down through pig-headed stubbornness to give in if nothing else. Apart from that though his henge", she tailed off, shaking her head as even now she couldn't quite believe what she'd seen, "it might have been a bit of a bad influence but I had him read up on Mu, the Nidaime Tsuchikage – he might have a new idol now".

"And not a bad one to have if truth be told – I saw similar promise through the eyes of the student's jutsu. Still, recommendations?"

"For the most part let him get on with it"; _interesting_; "I gave him the absolute bare-bones of Hebi-style and he's figuring the rest out himself, then over the past week to compliment his chakra-less henges I've had him running on how to hide a chakra signature. Also because he couldn't do a genjutsu to save his life because of his chakra control, I spoke about how a ninja can escape genjutsu – wuss was too scared to go through the pain option, so I explained how to flare his chakra. Three guesses what he did next Hokage-sama?"

"He mastered them already, or", natural caution reared its head, "he has a tolerable skill in both?" Anko shook her head,

"No, not yet; his chakra's too large for him to compress or explode easily, at least it is with his current level of control. No, what he's doing now is combining the two techniques; he shrinks his chakra down then releases it, then shrinks it down again, trying to get faster each time – he calls it the heartbeat method. He's got a handle on biology, human biology that is and I'm confident that, if he had to, he could hit and kill someone, though of course", she hastily amended her last words as the Sandaime raised an eyebrow, "I'm certain he won't put those lessons into practice until he's at least passed out of the Academy".

"I should hope not", the venerable man replied before continuing, "however I'm pleased to hear you committing to your responsibilities; I stand by what I said a month or so ago, you are one of Konoha's finest chunins regardless of your faults".

Despite herself Anko couldn't help but feel pride glow from her core at the praise, though as she remembered something else she needed to say she motioned for permission to speak and, at Sarutobi's nod, continued,

"My thanks Hokage-sama but apart from that, one thing I would recommend for when the Mouse is back on his training fields and uprooting old scrap to trade with. Any taijutsu training should rely on his accuracy, rather than strength at this stage though some speed-work may help – worst come to worst send him out for morning runs with the string-bean, if that doesn't cure him of getting up early nothing will", the thought of getting up when it was still dark with only Gai's booming voice and impassioned speeches of youth was enough to make even the Snake Mistress shiver before she regained her composure, "apart from that though I said I'd get the word out about showing him trap making, setting and detection so that's that job done, and as long as it's taught in a way where he can have fun with it, he'll make his own entertainment".

"I, ah", taken slightly aback by the last sentence of her explanation, Sarutobi looked to gain further insight into her thought, "I don't quite follow Anko-chan".

"I was worried at first we'd lose him to burn-out", she began to explain, "then it hit me that the brat doesn't train because that's all he can do, it's partly because it's what he _wants_ to do. He's one of these ninja that does best when someone shows him something, pats him on the head and then just lets him go nuts with it; I can virtually guarantee that after someone shows him how to set a basic snare, if you give him permission to go wild with it he'd be sending ninja flying left, right and centre over the training grounds. It's hard to see him coming, hell because of the ninja rules he got taught first off he's virtually always thinking of how he can get the best out of a situation and believe me Hokage-sama", she cupped a hand over the left side of her abdomen, recalling when Naruto, capitalising on a slight slip of hers, had shocked her with a finger-poke imbued with chakra to what would have been a debilitating nerve point had she not twisted in time, "fighting fair to that nin is what bathwater is to an Inuzuka's nin-ken".

The analogy gave them both a chuckle before the Hokage nodded his head and bade her stand down,

"My thanks for your time Anko-chan; you have helped set an old man's mind at ease", he told her sincerely before an idea seemed to occur to him, "as thanks how about a dinner at Ichirakus on my tab? Just yourself, me and your student who, I hope, may one day blossom from your seme into something a little more permanent – as Hokage I do have the power to marry people you know?" _Do not assassinate the boss, do not assassinate the boss_;

"If there was ever any doubt in my mind you trained Jiraiya the Legendary Lecher, that doubt is now scrubbed from my mind Sandaime-sama", Anko told him, fighting to keep a lid on her blush, "and before you say anything I'm not going to be the little sod's mother either. Still I'm never one to pass up a free buffet so I'll be there, so will he if it's ramen in the offering".

XXX

True to her prediction Naruto virtually dragged her to the ramen shack for diner, greeting both his jijis and Ayame-chan with equal enthusiasm before guzzling down several bowls of his favourite dish, the Sandiame and Anko making polite conversation as they were both sat to his left, the Hokage in the middle,

"So then Anko-chan, liberation at last?"

"And not a day too soon", the chunin assured him, blowing on a choice morsel of her beef ramen before popping it into her mouth, "any longer and I might well have cracked and unleashed my own brand of pest-control all over Konoha".

"Hey", having drained his latest bowl and passed it back for a refill, Naruto defended his good name, "I'm not a pest!"

"Wanna bet?"

"Yeah I do; until midnight tonight you're still my teacher Anko-_sensei_", Naruto reminded her, the last few syllables drawled out as he plotted his next move and went for it, " it's not like you did all tha' much teachin' either, I didn't get most of the things you were saying. Maybe you'd know jiji", the Hokage looked across as Anko suddenly felt suspicious, only for her blood to turn to ice a second later at his next question, "a lot of the time Anko-sensei was telling me to not ask or never mind, maybe you know what she meant?"

The Hokage would forever be grateful he was faced away from the aforementioned chunin; he could virtually feel the frost that had sprung up around her in shock and could only guess at the frantic 'shut up' signs she was making behind his back even as he played along,

"Well Naruto-kun I'm not the Professor for nothing", his voice betrayed nothing but mild curiosity as he peered at his grandson again, "What terms did you not understand?" Naruto took just a second, just one, to savour the sight of Anko simultaneously pleading and threatening grievous bodily harm unless he kept his trap shut without saying a word before he relented and graciously let her off the hook,

"Well it was about ninja techniques; I know about things like futon, that's wind and katon's fire, bu' what's yoton when it's at home?"

"Oh, yoton", Sarutobi was caught slightly by surprise by this until he heard the undisguised sigh of relief from behind him and smiled slightly; _ah, now I see – Naruto-kun truly has taken to humour like a duck to water_; "well that's a dual-element, lava relief. It's usually made by combining earth and fire chakra, often by a bloodline and it's most common in Iwa, where the majority of doton users are found. Does that help Naruto-kun?"

"Perfect thanks jiji – see sensei", the boy looked over the old mans' shoulder at where Anko was trying not to look too relieved, "why can't you be a helpful as that?" The chunin winced at the hit, promised herself she would flay the brat to within an inch of his life the second the Sandaime wasn't around and quickly polished off her last meal – there was just one more thing she had to do prior to the evening rolling around,

"Because I'm not here to spoon-feed you anything, except maybe a healthy dose of poison", she told him in no uncertain terms before his attention was distracted by yet another bowl being set down before him, "and speaking of which, finish that off then listen in; I've got one last job for you once Hokage-sama's safely ensconced back in his tower".

That unfortunate fate happened not too long afterwards, Naruto waving his jiji goodbye as the Sandiame was unable to be away from his office too long at any one time lest the paperwork started getting over-amorous and began duplicating itself. The second the ornate hat was lost in the crowd Anko whipped around to the treacherous student who had nearly landed her in hot water once again only to see him neatly twitch his fingers in mid-air and though catching something,

"Another kunai I've taken for you sensei", he smirked, Anko's wrath deserting her as she realised that in a way he was right; the Hokage wouldn't have charged her but she would have bet three S-ranked missions he'd not have let it go unremembered that she'd introduced his grandson to a few of the fruitier terms ninja used in jest, "can we make it another week?"

"Over my dead body", the chunin assured him before flopping onto he seat next to him and, on a whim, ruffling his hair again, "come and see me when you graduate and then maybe, 'til then just try and keep out of trouble as best you can. Anyway, one last thing before the day is over and I wash my hands of you", even with his mouth full of noodles Naruto made an attempt to look interested as Anko leant across to him silkily, an evil purr on her lips as her hand rested on his shoulder and she whispered into his closest ear,

"How'd you fancy helping your dear old sensei pull the wool over the most famous eye in Konoha?"

XXX

"By the Kami, a miracle", Kakashi looked up from his book as the door was opened to reveal Mitarashi Anko in all her faux fish-netted glory, the chunin carrying on her oration as she theatrically checked her watch, "only an hour and a half late, will wonders never cease today?"

"Well I do my best not to keep a young lady waiting", the off-duty ANBU eye-smiled as he took in the little bag she held in one hand, "mau, are you sure a kunoichi such as yourself couldn't manage such a little thing on your own?"

"Ha", her laugh was more of a bark but as always that teasing quality was still there – the masked shinobi was only grateful she wasn't walking her fingers up his front yet, "after the hammering you gave me a week ago I'm still sore now; wasn't able to walk right for days – we need to do it again sometime".

"Hai, sometime", Kakashi agreed amiably as he reached for the bag – it wasn't that he was attracted to the kunoichi before him, though he would admit she was very good-looking in her own right, but he did like her as a sparring partner both in the physical and mental sense, something he wasn't looking to complicate with the excess emotional baggage of a relationship, "so then, where is your new place?"

"Oh hang on, it's..." she fished through the pockets of her trench coat before pulling out a grubby, creased piece of paper; after smoothing it out and squinting, she found the address, "...oh yeah, east side; I'd shunshin but don't know the place well enough; knowing my luck I'd end up halfway into a wall and my doton jutsu's are a little rusty".

"Ah, rusty earth, a nasty complaint to have; maybe a few remedial sessions with Tsume-san would help?"

"Only if you're volunteering to dig me up when she was finished with me; sometime I swear tha' woman's half-mole rather than half-wolf".

"Perhaps not then", the Copy-nin genteelly shot down his own suggestion before turning to lead her out of the apartment block she'd stayed in for just over a month, "so then, lead on Anko-chan".

XXX

Unknown to the jounin, as he left on the mission Anko had requested at the end of their impromptu spar a week ago, another figure had arrived at their destination and, having identified their target, immediately broke into a huge grin, summoned a clone and got down to business.

XXX

"Well then, home sweet home", Anko stated, looking around as she let herself in with the key she'd picked up earlier that morning, "just drop in the lounge somewhere Kakashi-kun, I'll deal with it later".

"You wish is my command Anko-chan", taking his order literally the jounin threw the bags carelessly into the middle of the room and dusted off his hands, "so then, jobs done and..." The sound of what was unmistakably a trench coat hitting the floor behind him was not altogether unexpected but it did pose a complication; Kakashi had a reputation as a ninja it was impossible to pin down and he had no intentions of losing it here to Mitarashi Anko; _so then, try letting her down gently at first, if that doesn't work drop her off a cliff_; "...ah, Anko-chan much as I'd like to help you get properly settled into this place I fear Guy-san challenged me to a duel at midday and I'm already running late so I will have to decline".

"Fine by me"; _eh?_; it was so unexpected that the jounin barely caught himself from opening his mouth with a rejoinder that was no longer necessary, "I mean it's embarrassing enough being a shotacon but a shota confused as a lolicon, that's gotta be the pits".

Kakashi span on his heel just in time for a cloud of smoke to disperse and Uzumaki Naruto to appear, bedecked in one of his sensei's spare shirts and chafing to redness because of it, his customary jumpsuit sealed in a scroll he'd taken out of one of the pockets of Anko's trench coat,

"Praise the Kami to be rid of that thing", he muttered, stepping out of the uncomfortable garment and kicking it away before activating his scroll and a second later stepping into the comforting embrace of his usual attire, Kakashi looking absolutely stunned by this transformation and hastily trying to reorientate himself before a sudden thought made itself very clear in his mind – regardless of how he'd been duped, all that mattered was that because he had been caught unawares Anko was who-knew-where and undoubtedly up to some kind of mayhem and mischief, and he only had a single lead to go on,

"I assume you are Uzumaki Naruto then; Mouse-san as you're sometimes known?"

"Yeah, that's me, and before you ask", he held up a hand as the single eye hardened, "I didn't have a choice; do you know what that woman can do with four small snakes, a pair of chopsticks and an empty tea cup?" _No but I can take a guess it's not pleasant_; seeing Kakashi shake his head the ninja-in-training gave another shiver and looked up seriously,

"Do yourself a favour and hope you never find out – brr", he shook himself down and looked up again, "all I know is she roped me into this project and said it's good for my henge training as long as you didn't use your Sha-ring-an – I have no idea where she is..."

The rest of his sentence was lost as Kakashi suddenly erupted in smoke and vanished, leaving Naruto coughing and wiping his streaming eyes; _but I guess you do. Oh well, not my problem_; with that thought in his mind the jinchuuriki looked around, saw everything was in order, walked out the door and locked it, dropped the keys through the letter ox and took off for home before the irked jounin came looking for him.

XXX

It had been a long time since Hatake Kakashi had known fear but now, now as he saw the bare, empty stretch of wooden shelf before him and held his head in despair as he realised Anko had struck like a snake into his most vulnerable point, he felt that sensation sweeping over him in great, all-smothering waves. He saw the note on his bed of course but was afraid of the contents; what if the devious hellion had smeared the precious pages, or even ripped...he shut off that thought with a conscious effort, he couldn't bear to think about such a thing now when his last remaining vice was in the hands of the enemy. Instead he steeled himself, reached down and flicked the letter open, trying to keep his killing intent down to levels that would only paralyse rather than kill any nearby civilians as he read,

_Dear Kashi-kun,_

_Maa, these books are sooooo boring – I could have given you a better read when I was fourteen! Still there must be something about them you love, so come and find me – if you make it fast enough you might be able to save them before I get bored and break out the colouring pens._

_See you in a while._

_The one who puts all Icha Icha to shame,_

_Mitarashi Anko_

Though at the moment he would have quite happily tossed the woman to Kyuubi and bidden the bijuu bon appétit the jounin couldn't help but grudgingly admit she had one thing right; the attached photo, showing Anko in all her naked splendour save for a couple of strategically-placed mint gold-edition Icha Icha volumes truly made her someone who would not have looked out of place in the hallowed pages of the premier literature. Not that such a thing was going to save her of course Kakashi reasoned to himself, already having caught her scent and moving to follow it with extreme prejudice; the second he caught up to that devious little harridan the first thing he'd be testing was the old legend that a snake could regrow a head if it was cut off. _And cut off it will be_; he promised as he flew across the city, little more than a blur against the skyline; _slowly and with a very rusty, very dull kunai if I have any say in the matter!_

A/N: Hmm, something else Naruto and Anko have in common; an unerring ability to get up the noses of those in authority. Still, that's the end of this little arc and Naruto has at least a grounding in the ninja arts – where does the little mouse go from here...?


	8. Chapter 8 More than a Mouse

Chapter 8 – More than A Mouse

A/N: Okay, time to say two things and bury some ideas some reviewers have said thus far; firstly, regardless of content I am very grateful to receive any reviews I get mostly because I don't actually know the world of Naruto very well; I've never watched it and only read the earlier mangas once or twice. Because of that I don't (or didn't) know bushin was a ninjutsu; however, don't despair because in this story Naruto is young and thus he doesn't know either! As he grows, he'll learn the proper ways things are done and how ninja techniques work; such learning however, takes time.

That brings me to the second point; Naruto won't be graduating, or even getting to the ninja Academy any time soon; I've got a lot of ideas for him to fulfil before he gets that far so bear with me on this one – in this story, the Academy begins at nine and ends at thirteen; I think that's a year later than canon but I could see Sarutobi wanting genin to be a bit older before they graduate now the Leaf's no longer at war. Don't worry, he'll meet the rest of the rookies when they're younger, but that will come in time – hope to see you there in a little while.

Until then, on with the story!

XXX

They may have parted acrimoniously but now, when something more important than either of the two of them was in jeopardy and neither of them could help, the Sarutobi clan was united once more in worry and determination.

Though he said nothing as he sat comfortably in the hospital seat and tried to meditate to clear his mind and settled his nerves, Sarutobi was grateful that his youngest child had returned at his summons, resigning his position as one of the guardians of the Fire Diamyo temporarily to be here in time for the birth of his nephew or niece. Asuma had been the one who had burst into his office, bowling over several of the guardian ANBU en route in his haste and bellowed that his elder sister had gone prematurely into labour and he was needed at the hospital, damn his position as Hokage. The elder Sarutobi had beaten him there, panic and steely determination galvanising his ancient bones and sinews as he arrived at the hospital and was swiftly escorted to the delivery suite where he immediately took up residence; he wasn't going to be there for the birth itself – Biwako-hime had never let him live down the fact he'd passed out like a Nara faced with a day full of D-ranked missions when little Buwika-chan had entered the world.

Asuma had arrived moments later and hadn't stopped moving since then, continually moving around, pacing, restless and lighting one cigarette from another; it was a habit the Sandiame had hoped he'd break over time but right now, missing his pipe, Sarutobi was hard-pressed to resist asking for a loan. The Professor hated this feeling of helplessness, knowing that of all the myriad of jutsu he knew there was nothing he could personally do to help the situation, had hated it ever since he'd had to watch his sensei and predecessor sacrifice his own life to safeguard the lives of his original squad right after bequeathing the title of Hokage to him. What made it worse was this it was his daughter, the little girl he had once held in his hands and sworn to protect to the detriment of all else, even his own life should the situation call for it; she was suffering and there was nothing he could do. _At times like these_; desperate for anything to take his mind of the ceaseless worry and the gnawing little sensation in the back of his mind that was imploring him to recall something important he'd either forgotten to do or had missed, the Sandiame let his head fall a little lower in reverence and regret as he recalled the charismatic shinobi who he had proudly promoted and then agonisingly replaced for his position; _I truly marvel at your fortitude and mourn your loss Minato-kun. To love Konoha enough to sacrifice your very soul and risk your son to misplaced wrath was something I don't know I'd have had the strength to do, even in my prime_.

Questions and doubts such as those were his only companion as the minutes and hours snailed by; occasionally a nurse or medical ninja would scurry past, sometimes even into or out of the delivery room and, though it often necessitated sitting on his hands Sarutobi let them be, reasoning it would do no good for him to interrupt their, and possibly his daughter's, labours. Asuma however couldn't quite control himself as well, asking snappy questions to all and sundry who ventured too close and never satisfied with the answers though the patriarch of the family couldn't find it within himself to ask his son to stop. There was enough bad blood between himself and Asuma-kun, blood that had festered between them since the tragic night of the Kyuubi attack where dear Biwako had lost her life, leaving her children motherless and him with a hole in his heart that would never truly heal. It was the Sandaime's fondest wish that his youngest son would return to Konoha, the village of his birth and serve her as the ninja he was, one of the twelve trusted guardians of the Diamyo; _and if Kami smiles over this foolish old monkey, perhaps the birth of his nephew will allow the old wounds to heal and scars to fade_.

The thought drew a smile to the venerable mans' face, quite fortuitously as a moment late another medical ninja appeared having come from the room where Buwika-chan lay, looking tired but relatively pleased at something. Instincts of a father, long dormant now his children had grown but never fully gone, reared up and the Sandaime stood just as his youngest son pushed himself off the wall, his obvious nerves making him look edgy and more dangerous than even his prodigious height and stature did normally as the kunoichi bowed deeply to her village leader before straightening up with a pleased, professional grin,

"Congratulations Hokage-sama, a healthy baby boy".

_Praise the ancestors_; just like that the dead weight of worry and nervousness was lifted off his chest and blew away into smoke much like one of Minato-kun's Ransengan techniques after the Yondaime had let it disperse on the wind, the lethal ball of chakra rendered completely harmless by its master's will,

"Asuma-kun", the much taller man looked up, rather surprised as his father gestured him to proceed, "look after your sister; I'll be along in just a minute".

"But, pop"; _he's the family head, surely he should go first – hell he's got to name the kid since sis didn't want to finger who the father was. Probably just as well for him_; though she was older than him, Asuma had always had a very soft spot for his sister and, after hearing about her falling in the family way in the line of duty, had been pretty much set to go on a one-man rampage through Kiri to strangle the stupid son of a bitch who'd curtailed Buwika-chan's career until the other guardians had talked him out of it, "surely you...?"

"I've been sitting in this damned seat too long"; _go to her son_; the cranky old man his father had become answered, making a show at trying to stand up as his ancient bones creaked in protest, "beware the ravages of age my sochi, assuming you don't get your fool head cut off before you get the chance"; _you've earned this by coming back to us_;

"Pfff, I'll make it there you senile old ape"; _thanks pop_; despite himself it was harder to act hard having realised what the Sandaime was offering him, to be the first one to see the new Sarutobi, hold him in his arms, "if only because Buwika-chan will need some help feeding you mashed bananas when you go through your second childhood – it'll be hard enough having one kid in the house never mind two"; _I will find a way to repay you for this_. The dig at his age ruffled the older Sarutobi's feathers, the Hokage waving a hand at his son as though threatening to clip and ear her could barely reach any more,

"Hah, you're a fine one to talk about apes; perhaps a few remedial sessions with Enma-dono would see you right again?" Asuma didn't answer save to roll his eyes and disappear through the door to where his sister lay convalescent after the trauma of her labour, not quite able to keep the smile off his face as he turned away from his father and was lost from the older man's sight.

He gave them three minutes before he allowed himself to approach, moving with the great caution and care one would expect from an old man but still retained a hint of his dignity and pride in his skills, the slow, graceful but slightly stiff walk of an ancient silverback slightly past his prime. The procession continued, the Hokage nodding left and right as worker and, on occasion, patients of the hospital out for walking and some exercise bowed to their leader as much as they were able to until, at last, he came to the right room number. He took a peek in through the plastic sheet at the top of the door but was unable to see anything beyond a vague smear so, taking a deep breath, he pushed the door open gently and stepped inside, allowing it to swing soundlessly closed beside him.

Never before had he seen his eldest child so exhausted and spent but, as he beheld the tiny figure Asuma had just handed back to her arms as the Fire Guardian brushed a tear from his eye, never before had she looked more radiant. Stepping over quickly the Sandaime had to bite back a sob in his throat as he placed one hand on her bedstead and leant down to kiss her softly but tenderly on the cheek, the young woman closing her eyes to avoid his scraggly beard accidently getting caught into them,

"Buwika-chan", he breathed softly as he withdrew back to his full height, beaming down at her with a glow of fatherly affection surrounding him, "I cannot tell you how proud I am to be here now; your mother will look down on this day and smile; I am only sorry she's not here with us now". Despite her fatigue and the after-effects of the pain that still tingled around her system, the former kunoichi smiled even as she rocked her newborn son, his gurgles melting through her former shielded heart,

"Me too, if only to see her whack you upside that oversized hat of yours for going off into wise-old-man mode again", Asuma looked away with a grin while the father of the two siblings merely held up a hand in acknowledgement of his flaws; _but it's not my fault – I am old damn it, that means I get to sound vague and mysterious once in a while, especially at a time like..._; "anyway, guess it's certainly true now – after today you really are a jiji".

Because of those words the Sandiames' thoughts were never completed and both Buwika and Asuma (along with the newest member of their family, though he was much too interesting in trying to put his thumb in his mouth to pay the monumental event much heed) were treated to one of the rarest sights in Konoha; the sight of the Hokage, the legendary God of Shinobi, suddenly slapping a hand to his suddenly ashen face, transfixed into a horrified expression as he finally remembered exactly what that little voice in the back of his head had been trying to tell him he'd forgotten in his rush to be present at the birth of his grandson.

XXX

Seeing the smoky figure before him pop and disperse like a burst balloon Kotetsu simply shook his head and frowned,

"Sorry Chibi", he shrugged as the youngster looked up at him, expression torn between frustration and hopelessness as he looked up at one of his two temporary teachers, "you've got the right seals, the right speed – I can't see a single thing you're doing wrong".

"And neither of us is perfect at this jutsu anyway", his brother chipped in, having looked up from the book he was reading with one hand while scribbling down notes on with the other, making a start on his homework now that the Academy had ended for the day, "half the time mine ends up looking worse than yours do. Soon as I know what's causing it I'll let you know". Dropping his hands and flexing his slightly stiff fingers, Naruto sighed as he picked up his discarded rucksack,

"Thanks", he said shortly, smarting that while henge and kawarimi had come to him almost naturally after repeated practice, even if his henges were still sometimes a little off, usually by having one eye a different colour to the other or the hint of his whisker marks still present, the last of the basic three was still beyond him for now, "just have to practice more I think. Still, cheers for staying out here after weapon drills; I know you'd both rather be in the village, especially 'cause you could tease the nin-ken on the way back". The jinchuuriki's face was brightened by a smile for a minute before the expression curdled somewhat, the expression echoed on the faces of the other two as they jointly recalled exactly why, to complete their end of the bargain they'd made with the scavenging pre-Academy student, both Izumo and Kotetsu could only meet him on the training fields; the one time they'd sought to introduce him to their combined families had ended in unequivocal disaster.

XXX

Naruto had long known that the two Fukumiwarai-Kyodai, as Hana had insisted she would refer to them for as long as she was greeted with the monikers dog-girl or she-wolf; _which, knowing how hard-headed the three of them are, will probably be forever_; were not biologically related, though seeing as how the pair seemed to be virtually joined at the hip most of the time, the average civilian in the street would have been hard-pressed to realise that. The story Naruto had heard as he'd walked back with them from the training rounds one day was quite an interesting one, if a little tragic in that, as like so many recent stories involving families from Konoha, it sprang from the natural disaster that had been the Kyuubi's attack. The Hagane and Kamizuki families had always been close, something to do with a partnership between their original businesses of farming wheat and brewing, and those ties like so many others had been tested and grown ever stronger in the days following the bijuu's attack on the village and the Yondaime's sacrifice.

Both families had suffered grievous loss; Izumo's father, the first shinobi in the family, had never been found in the aftermath, the lack of a body and any definite proof that her husband was gone also having a drastic effect on the young boy's mother, who had never truly emerged from the depression that had swallowed her after the black-edged letter had been delivered by a grim-faced ANBU. By contrast Kotetsu's family had been made homeless by the monster's rampage, all their land and assets flattened and by sheer foul luck his mother injured in the frenzied evacuation, a simple slip resulting in the woman being trampled so badly by a pressing mob desperate to escape that she'd lost all feeling in her right leg and had the fingers of her left hand so badly broken they'd never worked since. The elder Hagane, having fought to get his son clear of the melee, had run back into the village after leaving Kotetsu safe in the evacuation bunkers within the Hokage mountain, literally fighting his way back to the village to rescue his beloved wife and drag her to safety, assisted by a few other men and women who had been slow to get away and who both Izumo and Kotetsu now knew and respected as trusted friends of their family, almost aunts and uncles as friendships had thrived under the great adversity of Kyuubi's unholy wrath.

Even when the battle was over, the Yondaime's greatest masterpiece and sacrifice enough to kill the beast forever (as far as the three of them knew at least), it had been a despairing victory; one family had been left with nothing save scorched earth to live on while the other had lost its chief breadwinner and, for Izumo, the father he'd looked up to and admired. There was little to be gained by tears however; as they dried their eyes and dissected the problems before them, it occurred to both families that perhaps the way to make their burdens lighter was to combine them and walk together; for that reason and since that day, the families of Hagane and Kamizuki had shared the same home, the same food, the same money and the same everyday problems. The main problem was lack of money; with Kotetsu's mother crippled and Izumo's only living older relative unable to hold steady work due to her recurrent periods of weeping and lethargy, a shameful thing that Izumo tried to sweep under the carpet as her being in a black mood, the joint families subsisted only on what Kotetsu's father could bring in with his brewing, though the two boys helped out now as much as they were able to by shifting hops and barley to negate the need to pay for D-ranked missions.

Lack of family funds, Naruto now knew, was one of the main reasons the pair wanted to be ninja in the first place and it was one he'd been oddly humbled by once Izumo had shrugged and mentioned it when the rest of the class were gone, pausing in demonstrating the seals for the bushin techniques at the Mouse's innocuous question. Neither of them cared much for glory, for advancement; as far as both Kotetsu and Izumo were concerned that could all go hang in favour of a quiet administrative post somewhere with a reasonably steady income, enough to see their parents comfortably through their twilight years at the same time as let them both build for the future. It was a humble dream but it was what they both wanted and felt they needed, so for that Naruto wouldn't begrudge them a technique like the bushin; they were doing their best to help him learn the damned thing, the least he could do was attempt to support their desires for a peaceful existence as much as he could; _even if that means lessons out here in the middle of nowhere_.

In truth even Naruto felt a little shame-faced about the scenario that had driven the trio out here; he of all people should have know that just because the three students accepted him, as did the Uchiha girl Mila to a lesser extent when her clan weren't around, not everyone was quite so charitable towards him. The paranoia that Anko-sensei had tried to drill into his head had let him down and the only warning he'd had of the fact had been a ear-splitting scream of equal parts horror and hatred – as he'd leapt backwards with Slim in his hands Izumo had thrown himself between the Mouse and his mother's blind charge, the woman quite distraught and hopelessly lost in the past as she saw her husbands' bloodstained ghost standing in the shadow of the demon vessel and sought to take vengeance. At Kotetsu's urging he'd quickly made himself scarce, the shame and fear pounding in his ears as the woman's' shrieks faded away though the pain didn't lessen so quickly; he was unwelcome there, he would never be fully accepted. Though Izumo had all but prostrated himself before Naruto's feet in apology the next time the two had hooked up and explained that his mother suffered fevers in her mind that could never be blamed on him, Naruto still could sometimes close his eyes and see the pained, pale face that pinned him to the ground with accusing eyes and the immutable message behind them; _you're not welcome, you are not one of us._

XXX

It was a message that Naruto still had trouble banishing even now; though he now took pains to keep out the way of both sides of the Kamizuki and Hagane families, as much for the traumatised woman's sake as his own, the scars of such abandonment by the villagers he hoped to one day protect still ached feebly from time to time. _Still, no time to mope now_; with a determined effort he thrust that skeleton back into the closet of his mind and locked the door with an almost audible click; _there's work to be done and these two need to get home_;

"Yeah, all I gotta do is keep working at it", he assured them breezily, slipping his rucksack over his shoulders again as he looked towards the gates of Konoha, just visible in the fading twilight, "still, getting late an' there's a bowl of ramen just calling my name right now". Izumo chuckled, falling into step slightly behind him as Kotetsu picked up his own school things and hurried after them,

"Maa, it's a shame you're not in our class at the Academy; I need something to keep me awake during the lectures and you'd probably be questioning the senseis every chance you got – if nothing else that'd keep me up".

"You can never do too much trainin'", Naruto said seriously before a cheeky grin split his lips, "but if you're having trouble stayin' up why don't you ask Hana-san f'one of her Haimaru? They'd keep you awake". The older boy shuddered,

"Yeah but I kind of like having all my toes and fingers where they are; those dogs nip you know, I swear she tells them to take chunks out of me on purpose".

"Obviously nothing to do with the fact you keep trying to tie ribbons around their necks or slip goats-cheese into their owners bentos", his brother commented drolly, goats-cheese being well-known as a major irritant to most Inuzuka due to its pungent aroma, "you're both as bad as each other; I fully expect the two of you to be ma-aarrgggh!"

He was cut off by a heavy sandal impacting on his left big toe, Naruto left to do his best to hide his snickering laughter as Kotetsu hobbled around like a drunken duck, swearing profusely under his breath as his brother shook his fist with a vindicated expression,

"Do not even go there Ko – I'd rather stick kibble down my shorts and let the Haimaru go nuts, or even go _for_ the nuts", only Naruto's hand stopped him laughing out loud at that image as sudden visions of the Kamizuki scion speaking in a high, squeaky voice for the rest of his life bloomed up in his mind, "than invite that wolf in girl's clothing over to meet and greet the family". Straightening up with tears of agony glimmering in his eyes as he glared at his brother, Ko eventually straightened his leg and began to walk without too much of a limp as the trio plodded towards home. As had become customary, Naruto lagged behind just in case anyone was waiting to meet them at the gates, only moving into the village properly after the two had been lost from his sight for several minutes, mind made up on his plan for the rest of the night as he looked regretfully towards the Hokage tower for a moment; _well, I don't like doing it_; that much was true – since his time with Mitarashi Anko had finished he'd taken a kind of pride in his ability to think and puzzle his way through most problems, only asking for help as an absolutely last resort; _so sorry jiji, I think I'm going to have to keep you in the tower a little longer than you might have hoped for tonight_.

XXX

As he'd dismissed his latest secretary, one he hadn't quite got the name of yet as the chunin had just rotated up to manning the front desk by his office, early for the day so he could concentrate on the upcoming tasks ahead of him, the first warning Sarutobi had of his unexpected guest had been the seals on his desk burning a faint red, indicating a chakra presence was incoming. Quickly stashing a few of his items away the Hokage straightened his hat and was half-stood from his desk when he heard a quiet knock on his office door, a slight smile spreading over his face as he immediately recognised his visitor,

"Come in Naruto-kun; I must admit this is a pleasant surprise to see you in the office so late". As the door to the large office opened at the second time of asking, Naruto still having to stretch to reach it properly, it swung open to reveal the jinchuuriki in all his diminutive glory, recently glutted upon the heavenly bounty the was Ichiraku ramen and with a bag of prawn crackers in his hand, something he knew his jiji was quite partial to,

"How'd you know it was me jiji? Were you usin' that crystal ball of yours again?" The Hokage chuckled and shook his head, gesturing for the boy to take a seat as he finished standing from his own,

"No Naruto-kun, nothing as technical as that; I merely recognised your knock at the door – much as you're improving you don't have the strength of a full-grown genin so it was much quieter", the boy looked from the old man to the door and back again, eyebrows raised as Sarutobi had to bite back on a second smile; _oh to be young and so easily amazed again_; "observation and rational thought Naruto-kun, a skill more precious than any jutsu taught in Konoha, especially if applied correctly in battle. Now then, what brings you here at this hour; is the business still going well?"

At that Naruto did smile widely; he'd been afraid that his time away from the fields would have diluted his old customer base but, to his surprise and relief it seemed as healthy as ever. Indeed his week-long absence appeared to have let the training grounds grow a new crop of iron for him to harvest and Muruda-san had never been more pleased. Also his training had, though not decreased at all, had become slightly more specified and a little more physical; _and I've got the bruises to prove it_;

"Yeah, it's all good, the nin were glad to see me again and the training's going well, trappin's great fun and one of the Inuzuka said they'd teach me how to skin and cook rabbits next time we traded", the boy broke off from his reminiscing for a moment to fix the Hokage with a direct gaze, "but I get th' feeling you had something to do with that jiji? And where is everyone?"

"Naruto-kun", for his part the aged kage did his best to look affronted while hoping to avoid answering the second question as he just knew any answer he gave would just unleash a further torrent of queries, "would I abuse my position and power, brief the ninja I command to do such a thing?"

"Yes", the answer came back without hesitation, making Sarutobi hide a chuckle; _Anko-chan was right – I fear Aoba-kun was unaware what a monster he was unleashing when he gave Naruto-kun that book_; "an' I'm sure if it wasn't for the council you'd do a lot more as well – why'd you let them boss you around jiji? You're Hokage, the strongest ninja we've got..."

"Yes Naruto-kun, but strength doesn't always mean wisdom; one of the lessons you can only learn with experience and age", the grizzled veteran spoke sagely, a pang of regret in his lined face as he was reminded once more of what it had cost him to learn such lessons, how many good men and women had to die so that others would wise up and become better ninja for it, "the council advises me in my position as they have their own experiences and knowledge I myself might lack. Only by discussion and reasoned judgement can the best decisions be made for all Konoha – to believe and act otherwise would be to betray the Will of Fire that makes us all strong, that forges the bonds between us, our village and the people we serve stronger than even the steel Muruda-san crafts in his forge".

As always Naruto was a little silent at the semi-speech, having heard of the Will of Fire and grasped its basic concept early on once he'd realised it wasn't the same as the fire that Teuchi-jiji used to cook his ramen. Standing in the doorway as he was Sarutobi had to bite back a sigh; _so much like his father, if a lot more active than Minato-kun ever was. If there was ever any doubt he was your son Kushina-chan it has long gone in my mind_; he was so lost with him memories for a moment that he had only caught the tail-end of Naruto's question before he blinked himself back to wakefulness,

"Sorry Naruto-kun, what was that?"

"I said", the boy repeated, refraining from rolling his eyes with great difficulty as he reminded himself that he needed the old man's help and making fun of his senior moment was probably not going to get him in to Sarutobi's good books, "that I'm having trouble with the bushin – the Fukumiwarai-Kyodai showed me the seals an' what to try but it never comes out right. I was hoping you could help me jiji, I've had no luck in three weeks".

"Bushin jutsu hmm?" Though he was set against Naruto learning jutsu prior to his enrolment into Konoha's ninja Academy the Hokage had decided against breaking the jinchuuriki's deal with the members of the class about to graduate; having overseen a few of the unusual training sessions remotely via his scrying orb he was satisfied the trio mean the boy no harm and, in truth, it was a shrewd bit of negotiating Naruto had done to wrangle the Academy three for himself that Sarutobi had a fair bit of admiration for; _and what kind of leader would I be if I crushed such an enterprising spirit out of the next generation?_

"Well I may be able to help you Naruto-kun, but would you mind if I made a start on this lot first", he wafted a hand at the paperwork accrued on his desk, his increased time away from the office as his eldest child neared the end of her first pregnancy giving his mortal enemy time to regroup and rebuild its numbers, "I fear I made the crucial error of turning my back for a second and it appeared there from nowhere".

"Ooohh, fatal", Naruto shook his head sadly, looking over at the piles of parchment with something like loathing on his face, "give it an inch and it takes a mile, right jiji? No worries though, I got stuff here t'keep me busy", he reached back and patted his rucksack as the Sandaime nodded and opened one of his desk drawers, pulling out a scroll and tossing it over,

"Very well then Naruto-kun, we both have our paperwork demons to conquer; good luck and may the best men win the battles ahead", as the old man saluted with his official stamp Naruto, having caught the flying scroll, quickly set it up off to one side of the room and unrolled it, recognising the basic storage seals Anko-sensei had taught him and casually unsealing the items he needed from its insides; with a small flare of chakra and a puff of smoke, a small chair, a writing desk and various sketching and writing implements appeared. Casually thumping his bag down by the side of his desk Naruto settled himself down for a long haul, unzipping the top of his rucksack and pulling out a few of the textbooks Ayame-chan had given him, looking very grateful to be rid of the damned things forever; _not that I can blame her, these things weigh a ton_. Still, complaining would get him nowhere but bored and frustrated; flipping the maths book over to where the page marker was stuck out the top of it like a little flag, the blonde picked up a pen and began glancing over the diagrams before him while his free hand picked up a rough sheaf of note paper; _find angle x – well isn't it obvious genius, you've drawn it on the bloody page so you should know where it is! Honestly_; holding in a sigh Naruto found himself once again grateful that he didn't have to listen to someone actually talk about this boring stuff in a staid box of bricks and mortar; _if they're asking questions like this and expecting kids to actually use mathematics rather than their brains, I'm grateful I don't go to school_.

Griping aside and once more making a mental note that once he went into the ninja Academy he was going to fulfil his pledge to Anko-sensei and drive at least one of his teachers up the wall using both fair means and foul, Naruto nevertheless looked up the relevant theories and equations to puzzle out what the theory was and how it could be applied both to practical life and a ninja battle. Though he didn't like maths the book did offer examples of angles and trigonometry using thrown shuriken and how rapid calculation of angles would let a ninja figure out how to throw their own weapons to deflect or ricochet correctly off their enemy's tools. With this in mind and half-formed imaginations of being able to stand in front of Ten-chan, casually blocking her thrown weapons while the panda-hime bristled with barely-controlled frustrations motivating him, he ploughed on diligently as his jiji made headway in his own work, looking for all the world like a grandson carrying out homework in his grandfathers' study, a scene re-enacted in countless homes across Konoha and in this instance only broken when, without warning, tidings arrived of the imminent arrival of Sarutobi's first biological grandchild.

Even the seals had barely enough time to glow and heat up in warning before the door was all but ripped off its hinges; even as Sarutobi leapt to his feet with a jutsu on his lips he realised the portal was being filled by the hulking profile of his youngest child, Asuma looking almost wild and completely lacking his normal cigarette as he saw his father and all but shouted his news,

"Pop, hospital now! Buwika-chan, gone into labour!"

At those words Sarutobi forgot the importance of the task he had just begun, forgot he was the most powerful ninja in all of Fire country, in fact in those mad moments he all but forgot about Konoha period; at once he was Sarutobi, a proud father whose child was now in danger, probably scared and likely to be in a great deal of pain. With that in mind he stood and was at his son's side in less time than it took a jounin to blink, gripping Asuma's massive bicep in one hand and pushing him roughly over the threshold of his office, flaring his chakra and vanishing in a shunshin that overcame the residual resistance of the Yondaime's chakra-dampening seals and still had enough power to blind any sensor-nin in Konoha that happened to be looking in the direction of the Hokage's tower at that precise moment.

It was such an awe-inspiring display of force that it wasn't until several minutes after the event that a blonde-haired head dared to cautiously peek upwards over the sprawled form of the chair it had sought refuge behind and look around to see if it was safe to come out yet.

XXX

_Wow, jiji's really scary when he's mad_; as always when he saw the Hokage work his ninja magic Naruto was left awed and humbled by the power such a deceivingly-frail old man possessed – if nothing else moments like those, though rare, always strove to remind Naruto just how far he had to go to make his dream of succeeding Sarutobi a reality. Slowly standing up and carefully picking up all the articles that had been scattered as he'd jumped up and fallen off his seat as the tall man had shouted at jiji about someone going into labour, whatever that meant, he felt a question pop up in his mind; _why would jiji care if someone's going to start hard work?_

Unable to answer his own curiosity over the strange choice of words, he put the query on the back-burner for a moment as he stood up, replacing the seat where it should have been as he shook himself off and replayed the events of the last few minutes; he vaguely knew the tall man who'd shouted at the Hokage though the name eluded him completely. All Naruto could remember was that the giant, and even for a six-year old who considered pretty much all adults giants there was no doubt in Naruto's mind that the bearded man who always smelt like he'd been stood too near a barbeque or forest fire _was_ a literal behemoth, was the son of the Sandaime and a ninja of great skill, though he didn't live in Konoha for reasons that jiji had never told him. _And he only came back recently as well_; trying to bash the pieces he could see together Naruto thought hard, wondering what had been so vital that his jiji would just rush out like that; _guess that labour thing must have been really important – jiji must know the person Beardy-san sai..._;

It was at that point that all other thoughts in Uzumaki Naruto's head vanished in an instant as, rather than the past, he focused for a second on the present and was very quickly made aware of several very important facts in very quick succession.

He was in the Hokage's office...

He was alone...

Jiji hadn't left any supervision that he could see...

_...Yippee!_

The time it took between him reaching this conclusion and being sat on the Hokage chair with a smug smile on his face and the Hokage hat balanced precariously on his head was measurable in less than seconds; in truth it wasn't the first time he'd been in this position, in fact he still had a photo from a very similar treat the Hokage had given him on his fifth birthday, but that didn't matter, he was here now and he was going to enjoy it! Clapping his hands and rubbing them together gleefully despite the fact he had to stand up to see over the desk properly, Naruto looked over his new domain as his imagination helpfully filled in the blanks; one day he'd be here properly and everyone in Konoha would have to listen to and admire him, he'd be the one the council had to advise and he'd be able to make sure every single one of his precious people, like Teuchi-jiji and Ayame-chan, all the Hasuwadas and even Sarutobi-jiji as well, were properly looked after and cared for by both him and the whole ninja force of Konoha; _though they'd probably stop me passing a law that made it illegal not to eat ramen at least once a day. And if I tried to ban dango_; perhaps mercifully his mind broke off at that point – somehow he doubted the visions of a ticked-off Anko-sensei would ever get less bladder-looseningly terrifying, no matter how high in the ranks he advanced.

Still, thoughts of his half-insane former sensei aside, he took a few minutes to enjoy the idea of being the Hokage, directing legions of imaginary ninja to strike down his foes with theatrical twirls of his arms and fingers, putting on his most important voice as he made decisions to ensure the prosperity of his nation, instruct the ninja of his village and occasionally order someone to fetch takeout from Ichirakus. However like all make-believe games to children over a certain age, the magic ran out fairly quickly, the illusions fading away to nothing and leaving him alone, sighing on his jiji's chair as he pushed the hat up out of his eyes and looked around.

_It's kind of lonely up here – no wonder jiji keeps those masked guys around but why are they always so quiet – surely he'd want someone to talk to?_; the question occupied his young mind as he tentatively tested each draw of the Hokage's desk, almost all of them locked save the upper right one. After a cautious peek, the young jinchuuriki carefully edged the wooden receptacle open inch by inch until its contents were revealed and he let out a sudden gasp of delight. He'd seen jiji use the scrying orb before and thought it a working miracle; as he slowly lifted the little glass ball and the luxurious cushion it was sat on up as though holding a priceless treasure in his hands, Naruto realised right now it was his working miracle. Carefully setting it down on the table, Naruto tried to stop his hands from shaking with excitement as he waved his hands over the ball and waited for a picture to take shape.

XXX

_Hmm_; he'd tried waving over it, using all the hand-seals he knew and even, once he'd plucked his courage up, dared to give it a tentative prod with his pinkie – now out of options and inspiration, Naruto was forced to admit defeat; _must be some kind of super-secret, Hokage-only trick. Damn it, I really wanted to see where jiji was_; still, moaning and complaining were never going to help things get better and often only made them worse – with that in mind the Uzumaki carefully picked up the ball on its little cushion and moved it gently back towards the draw he'd sequestered it from. What happened next probably wasn't entirely Naruto's fault; he was shorter than Sarutobi by a clear two and a half feet at least and was forced to half-stand in the chair to even reach the desk; because of that lack of height and arm-span, it wasn't that surprising when one corner of the cushion caught on the lip of the drawer without him noticing – that only became apparent when he made to let go and the corner snagged, tipping the ball off its platform and into the drawer with a dull thunk.

For the briefest second, before he realised with a flood of relief that the glass sphere had actually not smashed into a million pieces all over the wooden desk, Uzumaki Naruto didn't so much see his own funeral as attend it in person, the visions of his jiji raisin all kinds of havoc and hellfire on his defenceless self in retribution for his broken viewing orb enough to make even him break out in a freezing sweat. Panting harshly as colour finally began filtering back into his face, the young jinchuuriki let out an unrestrained sigh of relief as he saw the light overhead winking from the nearest surface of the small reflective ball as he carefully unhooked the trapped corner of the cushion before placing it gently back into the desk drawer. Trying hard not to quite literally get his fingerprints all over the crime, Naruto carefully tried to guide the orb back onto its platform; it was a difficult job as the seeing stone had an irksome tendency to roll away from the incline of the cushion, especially as he was using only the tips of his fingers to guide it, but eventually he was able to claw it upwards enough to leave it resting where he'd found it. Letting out another sigh of relief Naruto casually pushed the drawer shut and looked to resume his hunt for entertainment before a muffled thump came from the section of wood he'd just shut and his temper flared up,

"Kami damn it!" With an ill-tempered fit of pique the drawer was wrenched back open and, as he'd been expected, the orb was glinting up at him insouciantly from where it had rolled off the front of the cushion this time, "You're really gettin' up my nose!"

With a lot less delicacy than he'd used previously Naruto grabbed the ball roughly, not caring as it almost slipped as he made to pick it up due to the fact it was a lot larger than his hand, and slapped it back down on the cushion with an air of vindictive satisfaction; _no way you're rolling off of that one_. With that in mind Naruto looked over the drawer again and reached in to tug the cushion back a touch – he didn't want run the risk of jiji realising he'd actually taken the seeing orb out its box if he could help it after all and for that it had to be put back as close as he could remember it being to the original; as his knuckles scraped the wood of the back of the desk though he had a sudden realisation, tapping the bottom of the desk once more for confirmation; _that's strange_. Once more he tapped the back and the front of the drawer, nodding as he realised beyond a doubt he was right; _it sounds different at the back as it does at the front, the front gives a more hollow thunking noise, like there's something underneath it_; the idea of finding a secret in the Hokage's desk was an irresistible lure to a child recently introduced to and determined to follow in the footsteps of the greatest infiltrator ever known to the ninja world; _wonder what jiji's trying to hide?_

Even with his nimble fingers and creative imagination, even going to far as to carefully remove the whole drawer as far as he was able to and look underneath it to realise that there was no irregularity on the bottom of the smooth wood, it took nearly quarter of an hour before the secret was revealed. The hidden compartment, overall not really that well hidden by ninja standards he realised, deflating his excitement at finding something really worth talking about in his jiji's desk, was a duel-spring hidden trapdoor; only if the two front corners of the drawer were pressed down and released simultaneously would the hidden bracket be pushed upwards, the small book lying within revealed to Naruto's expectant eyes. _Hey_; recognising the front cover of the brightly-coloured manual cemented the certainty in the Uzumaki's mind that most of the strong ninja in Konoha must have read this novel; that couldn't have been coincidence, there must be something in it they were all drawn to like moths to flame; _and I'm going to be the best Hokage someday – wonder if it's a tradition or something? Maybe that means Kakashi's going to be Hokage soon because he's always reading this book?_ Ignoring the warning on the front page as something that didn't apply to him in the same way that the rule about no civilians on the training grounds didn't, Naruto put the Icha Icha volume on the desk and flipped open the front page, ready to read.

By page two he was blushing furiously, steam was all but coming out of his ears by the time he got through page three and he only caught the merest edge of page four before he slammed the book shut again, his inner worship of the strongest ninja in Konoha irrevocably tarnished for the all time.

"Ero-jiji", Naruto whispered under his breath, almost shaking as he reviewed the Icha Icha volume as though it was one of Anko-sensei's more dangerous and short-tempered snake summons, "and Ero-Kakashi-san as well; in fact", with the force of a sledgehammer he remembered with crystal clarity the first time he'd been introduced to this what he now knew was little more than smut captured by ink and parchment, "no wonder Ebisu-san asked me not t'tell Kurenai-san about him readin' it. Hmm", for a few seconds a sly smirk crossed Naruto's face, a metaphorical pair of devil horns sprouting from his forehead before he chuckled and shook himself down; it was in the past, Ebisu-san seemed to be very happy with Kurenai-san – what would dredging up that unsavoury episode do apart from possibly get Ebisu-san grief from his girlfriend and him in trouble with both of them?

_It's in the past, and actually, compared to some of the ninja out there_; visions of Anko-sensei and her insatiable appetite for dango, or the Aburame clan and where they had to keep their insects was enough to make him shiver – was reading a little book like this really that bad? Every ninja had a vice after all and much as he didn't know much about Sarutobi's personal life, he did know that the Sandaime's wife had been unfortunately passed away for a good number of years, and it was lonely in the office as he himself had decided earlier – who was he to judge that what the Hokage was doing was wrong? _Well, I could, as long it was obvious I'm making a joke – most of the guys on the fields call me shorty or squirt every time I see them, heck even Hana-san and the baka-brothers do_; such reasoning and knowledge mitigating his earlier instinctive revulsion as the sight of the pornography, Naruto looked down at the cover and chuckled dryly to himself as he tapped the warning on the cover, remembering he'd have to actually take notice of age restrictions on books in the future, before picking it up to put it back where he'd found it.

Unfortunately the springs on the trapdoor were a little stiffer going down than they were going up; because of that, Naruto had to half-stand and put some of his bodyweight down onto the trapdoor to get it to shut.

Because of that and the rocking motion he made to get the secret compartment closed, the jinchuuriki made the chair he was stood on shift from side to side minutely.

Due to that movement, the scroll that had been leant up by the right side of the Hokage's chair was dislodged and fell to the floor with a thump that made Naruto look over, concerned that he'd done something wrong by accidentally breaking something else.

XXX

Though the jinchuuriki had no way of knowing it, the scroll he was currently picking up and trying to examine for signs of damage was the reason the Hokage's tower was all but deserted; since the time of the Shodaime, one of the principles of Konoha had always been that knowledge was power and should be guarded as such. As the village that contained the Uchiha clan, masters of breaking down and learning nin and genjutsu techniques, it was agreed by both the Senju and the Uchiha during Konoha's founding that any jutsu created or stolen in such a manner was the sole property of the jutsu inventor or acquirer, except in cases where an Uchiha had stolen a jutsu created by a Konoha nin, which the first Hokage ruled as being illegal unless written permission for the copying was obtained either prior to or, in the event of an accidental copying in the event of a battle, post the Sharingan observing the technique. As a result of this provision in the law, the ninja of Konoha were amongst the most inventive in all of Fire country; as each jutsu created was property, it could and usually was sold to the village as a whole at a handsome profit for the jutsu creator; it was well-known throughout Konoha that selling the jutsu their active ninja acquired throughout the course of their duties was one of the main reasons the Uchiha could afford to maintain their separate district within the villages' walls.

However not even kages were immune to the law of unintended consequences; though the Shodaime's system for obtaining new jutsu for the village was very effective and surprised even him with its yield of techniques, the downside was that each new jutsu had to be catalogued, classified and above all else guarded correctly by the Hokage himself. Though simple on paper, this was actually one of the hardest roles of the post due to the delicate balancing act between ensuring the security for each level of jutsu was strong enough that there was a minimal risk of it falling into the wrong hands but not so paranoid that the scrolls of jutsu would prove impossible to open or decipher should the Hokage die without naming a successor or educating him in how to open each type of scroll. It was a conundrum that each of Sarutobi's predecessors had wrestled with, the Yondaime sadly not being in the job long enough to grasp the intricacies of such in-depth skills much to Sarutobi's annoyance, as he was certain the fuuinjutsu master would have been more than capable of keeping such delicate scales balanced with ease due to his craft, but now the duty was back with the venerable Third Hokage.

Upon his reinstatement, Sarutobi had kept the system he had found worked for him during his earlier stint in the post, a series of seal-linked theoretical problems that varied in number and complexity depending on the skill needed to remove them from storage and unseal them. Most genin-level scrolls, usually the master copies from which the scrolls in the Academy library were updated, where often guarded by scenarios any competent Academy student should have been able to solve over a few days' hard work, while the Scroll of Forbidden Techniques could only be broken by someone possessing the raw brains of Nara Shikaku and the experience of Sarutobi himself, that most precious of scrolls being the only one in Konoha's arsenal kept locked away by a problem devised by such a potent mental combination of ninja. It was a fine system, even strengthened now as he often took the liberty of running his problems through the Nara clan and either accepting or altering them depending on how long it took the shadow-using clan of geniuses to break his codes, but it did have a slight drawback in that the seal and ink used to draw the problems on the scroll did eventually degrade over time, usually over five or so years. True to his title of Professor, Sarutobi thought this a boon as it meant that even if he should die unexpectedly none of Konoha's documented knowledge would be lost with him as the sacred jutsu scrolls would eventually unseal themselves over time; until that point however, he had a rota in his mind of which scrolls needed updating and when, his timetable and a reliable secretary always ensuring he had absolute privacy when reapplying the relevant protection to the jutsu scrolls that were coming to the end of their life.

Naruto, for all his dreams and talk of becoming Hokage, had no idea that this intricate system existed and was balanced by his jiji alone, nor that the only reason he was able to unseal and unroll a scroll designed to teach newly-promoted ANBU all the new jutsu they were meant to at least have a working knowledge of was due to the fact that the security problem Sarutobi had inked on it had faded to the point where it took little more than a sharp tug to pull the seal off completely. Instead his eyes flicked across the top of the page, noticed the first jutsu title and he let out an exclamation of delight,

"Cool, a bushin jutsu!" Hopping off the desk he unrolled the scroll across the floor a little way, enough to read the whole of the jutsu description, "Maybe this'll show me how to get the stupid technique down".

He craned his neck to read before a pang of conscience struck him, gnawing like a tick-bite at the back of his neck – should he really be reading this? He'd found it by accident after all, and he was sure jiji had said before he didn't want him learning any jutsu before he started the Academy; _and it's B-ranked, that means high-chunin, low-jounin level_; that much Anko-sensei had taught him, though as always there was some degree of overlap between each ranking and the equivalent ninja ranks. So it was a high-ranking technique, one that jiji probably wouldn't want him to know so the question was, should he read what was written and try to learn this, he glanced at the scroll again; _kage bushin no jutsu?_ He sat back on his haunches for a minute, turning the facts over in his head until, after some thought, he came up with a couple of relevant facts.

Firstly he'd made a slight error in his earlier thinking; if he remembered rightly jiji had actually said he didn't want anyone to _teach_ him any jutsus before he reached the Academy – since he was learning this jutsu from a scroll, surely that didn't count as teaching as he was doing it by himself? Such a conclusion was irrefutable by the logical processes of a six-year old and Naruto felt the pangs of his conscience easing as he came to a second conclusion; technically the kanpekina henge was a B-ranked jutsu and he could already do that, or at least a version of it, naturally, so maybe this jutsu would work just as well if he was lucky and the Kami smiled on him? _And it's only the bushin jutsu I'm having trouble with – if it wasn't a bushin I wouldn't learn it. In fact_; with a nod the decision was made and the compromise completed, Naruto shifting to read over the jutsu instructions as he finished the thought in his head; _this is the only jutsu off the scroll I'll try and learn, though seeing this_; as he tilted his head at the kanji written on the parchment that he couldn't decipher, he realised he was missing something he needed to make anything from this opportunity; _I'm probably going to have to take notes..._

XXX

_Honestly, what is it with some people and big words?_; Naruto mentally questioned the world in general as he carefully rolled up the scroll and positioned it back where it had fallen from – he'd been tempted to try and sneak a peek at the next jutsu in the list after scribbling down a brief but relevant explanation of the kage bushin but, after forcibly reminding himself of his earlier promise that he'd only read up on this one because he was having trouble with bushin, he resolutely rolled up the parchment and resealed it. He knew for a fact jiji would notice it had been tampered with but he had a plan, or at least the edge of a plan, of how to deal with that – it would probably need some polishing before the old man returned and started asking awkward questions.

Right now though, as he leant the thin film of paper he'd cribbed off against the side of his jiji's chair, he had more important work to be getting on with, starting with scanning the notes he'd made on the technique. With that in mind the jinchuuriki finished cleaning up the scene of the crime and put the dictionary he'd been forced to unseal from his scroll of school supplies back on his desk; even though his vocabulary had improves somewhat, a lot of the words in the jutsu's description had been beyond him. Because of this lack of understanding Naruto had simply fallen back on one of his favourite ninja training sayings, told to him by a chunin explaining the best way to prepare and set up traps in the field; _KISS – Keep It Simple, Stupid – well if nothing else_; he snorted a little as he looked down at the notes he'd translated from the scroll and re-written into language he could understand; _this is simple enough for even me to understand_:

_Kage Bushin no jutsu – B-rank._

_Makes solid clones from chakra – each clone made gets equal amount of user's chakra (e.g. you make one clone, you and clone get half-charka, make three and you each get a quarter etc. Good for training chakra control; Anko-sensei said I had too much?)_

_One hand-sign (see sketch below); force chakra through this seal? – Have to practice this._

_When clone 'dies' user gets clones memories?_

Below these hastily-scribbled and often-corrected instructions was a crude drawing of the cross-fingers seal used in this technique; that had been one of the things that had made Naruto open his eyes about the Shadow clone jutsu. As far as he could tell it should work well for him for a number of reasons; everyone he'd ever bumped into on the training fields had said he had too much chakra, so if this jutsu was able to split the amount he had down into smaller parts, surely that would make chakra control training easier right? Not only that but he was intrigued about the notes on the sharing of memories; though he had no idea at all about how this would work in principle, he was keen to test the theory;_ though not tonight_; heeding caution, he knew he'd been pushing the boat out to get this far and he'd have bet ryo to ramen noodles that trying to practise his new jutsu now in the Hokage's office would get him caught and in front of a very irate old man quicker than he could blink.

_Konoha wasn't built in a day_; the thought consoled him as he carefully folded up the paper and tucked it into a secure pocket on the inside of his jumpsuit; _I've got time and I'd better take this slowly anyway – the scroll said it's possible to die from this jutsu if you try to make too many clones at once_. Yes, slow and steady was definitely the way to go with this one; with that in mind, regardless of his excitement and eagerness to tackle a new jutsu, he decided instead to retake his seat and get started on a few extra maths problems. Even as he tried to wrap his mind around trigonometry and, later, the history of the Elemental nations however, he couldn't quite stop his mind from wandering back to the proverbial sheaf of gold leaf nestled securely in his pocket.

XXX

"...ke up..." There was something in his ear, a fly buzzing maybe; pressure on his shoulder, a hand gripping him; _huh, really realistic dre..._; the thought hadn't even finished before he found himself suddenly shaken back to wakefulness, peering around blearily and trying to make sense of the large blob of darkness in the shadow around him,

"Wake up", he scrunched his eyes up and opened them again, feebly swatting away the grip that swallowed most of his shoulder as he sat up, groaning as his back protested at the motion, having been draped over his little desk after his tiredness had overwhelmed him due to the late hour,

"Umm wha...?" Understandably quite confused by the rude awakening Naruto noticed the face peering down at him and his tongue acted before his brain could control it, putting a name to the distinctive hair style, "Beardy-san?"

The giant man snorted, standing back to his full, formidable height as the child his father had sent him to retrieve slowly came too, obviously passed out after having been left alone in the office for too long and no doubt dreaming of the history books he'd used as an impromptu pillow,

"Yeah, I get that a lot; name's Asuma kid, Sarutobi Asuma", the Fire Guardian informed him, the jinchuuriki half-stifling a yawn as he rolled an eye up and nodded to show he'd heard the name, "you didn't half give my old man a scare just now – sorry about leaving you here but, well", Asuma looked away, as always itching for a smoke to ease the tension and guilt that he and the Hokage had pretty much abandoned Konoha's jinchuuriki to his fate in their mad stampede to be at Buwika-chan's side in the hospital, "something came up; you'll see when we get home". Rubbing his hands over his face and whiskers, Naruto stood up and made to move before apparently remembering something and looking down at his desk,

"Jus' better tidy this up", he explained, Asuma giving no comment as he casually shuffled paper around on the desk and; _hang on_;

"Was that a seal kid?" As a second item, a thick hardback book this time, disappeared in a puff of smoke, Naruto looked up and nodded casually,

"Yeah, Anko-sensei taught me how t'draw basic storing seals; can't do weapons yet though"; _Anko-sensei?_; obviously there was a story here he hadn't heard yet but before he could think about the implications of the special jounin teaching too much the jinchuuriki had carried on, "keeps ripping the scroll as soon as I throw the chakra into the matrix. Right", standing up from the desk he cast a professional eye about and nodded, mostly to himself, "that should do it; jiji always said messy paperwork breeds faster that the neat stuff – oh, paper", a sudden jolt ran through the boy, disturbing Asuma's thoughts and craving for another nicotine fix as Naruto turned a suddenly guilt-stricken expression his way; _yeah, this should work – might be easier to fool someone who doesn't know me rather than the old man who does_; it was a calculated gamble but one he was definitely going to take here and now, he might not get another chance, "ummm, I suppose I'd better say this now but it was an accident – I was playing on jiji's chair and, there was a scroll there..."

"Really?" Raising an eyebrow, the Hokage's son paced around the desk in three strides and immediately saw what had happened, looking over at the boy with sternness grafted onto his visage, "Naruto, did you open this scroll?"

"Hai, I knocked it over an' it unrolled a bit", the jinchuuriki admitted meekly, making Asuma regret his harsh tone a little as he carried on, "I tried to get it to stick back together but nothing I could do worked, and I didn't want to use glue 'cause I didn't know what the scroll was. Don't tell jiji, it was an accident".

"Well", Asuma placed a finger on his chin, rubbing through his prickly beard as he flicked his eyes between jinchuuriki and scroll, "I really should report this to Pop; he should know if anything happens to the scrolls from Konoha's library", unfortunately for the big man even years in a diamyo's court didn't prepare him for the force of the jinchuurikis' puppy-eyes unleashed at full strength, instantly breaking through his supposed tough-guy act like a fist through a rice cracker, "but, I guess it was our fault for leaving you here in the first place, so I reckon what the Hokage doesn't know won't hurt him until I've had a chance to explain what happened". The look of relief on Naruto's face was enough to convince Asuma that he'd made the right decision, though as the boy beckoned towards him, he felt his curiosity piqued,

"Thanks Asuma-san, bu' look at what else I found while I was here", ambling over, the taller man watched on as he pulled the drawer out and clambered onto his father's seat; pressing down the twin release catches, Naruto spoke the second part of the escape strategy he'd come up with to take his jiji's mind off the opened scroll, "see, I duno wha' the book's supposed to be, but why's jiji hi...huh?"

Only half in surprise, he looked around to see Asuma hunched over, one hand on his thigh and the other clamped over his mouth as he took in the title of the Icha Icha volume and immediately put two and two together; _perfect, oh this is just too good – I knew you couldn't be whiter than white all the time Dad! Now I know this, you better believe me_; mischievous light caught fire in the jounin's eyes, assimilating this knowledge and with myriad plots already in place to make his father regret this secret coming to light; _get ready to feel the burn!_

"Naruto", the named child let out a squeak as Asuma's brawny arm descended around his neck and gently plucked him off the seat, his other hand ruffling through his hair in a gentle knuckle-scrub, "I think you just became my new best friend. Come on", letting him back down the floor and shutting the drawer that kept his father's dirty little secret safe; _for now_; Asuma led the jinchuuriki out of the office and into the corridor, pulling the door shut and, trying hard to keep the smirk off his face, activate his own shunshin to deliver his new partner to where both the new mother and grandfather were waiting.

XXX

"This isn't my apartment".

"No, it's mine", Asuma explained to his companion, lighting up a cigarette almost before the shunshin had finished whipping the air around the pair of them, "this is the Sarutobi clan grounds, Pop told me to bring you here when I tracked you down. Oh, about the old man", shifting the cigarette to one side of his lips with the ease of long practice, the jounin looked down at the jinchuuriki, "don't mention that book he had stashed away, the shock might finally push him over the edge and I've already been in the hospital long enough for one day. And don't try to get a copy yourself either", he cautioned, releasing a plume of smoke into the air that made Naruto wrinkle his nose, not liking the smell, "last thing you need at your age are bad habits like that"; _besides, that little secret is for me and me alone to speak of, at the right time of course_; caught up in his musings and the enjoyment of his pet vice, Asuma almost missed his diminutive partner's answer,

"No problem Asuma-san, I was hopin' it'd be something like a super-secret jutsu, or a weapon like the Nidaime's Raijin, not a silly little book like that", the boy pouted, folding his arms as Asuma once more struggled to stop the grin on his face; _ah, the innocence of the young – one day young Uzumaki, you'll realise the discovery of that book is worth more than its weight in gold_;

"Fair point I guess", the big man shrugged, plucking his cigarette from between his lips and exhaling once more, "go on inside, Pop's waiting for you, I'm going to finish this up". Taking the man at his word, the jinchuuriki nodded, bobbed his head respectfully and stepped up the path towards the ajar front door of the Sarutobi clan house.

Finding Sarutobi actually wasn't that difficult; all he had to do was follow the lights. Lanterns had been lit through the clan house, marking out only a single road he could go down – following it at a brisk clip, he eventually turned into what he suspected was the main living room, speaking as he immediately recognised one of the people sat down in the room,

"Jiji!" The old man, looking so much smaller than usual without his bulky robes and hat on, stood smoothly and spoke quietly to the child that had entered the room, bowing from the waist with apology in his voice as he spoke,

"Naruto-kun, firstly my apologies", he offered, voice thick with contrition as he tried to explain as best he could, "I had no right to abandon you in the tower no matter how dire the news; I completely forgot I had removed the ANBU for the night. However", Sarutobi gestured slightly, the other, slightly taller and more lithe figure came to her feet and looked around slowly, both arms folded over her chest as she smiled kindly at the blonde boy as his surrogate grandfather finished his explanation, "I trust you'll agree with me when I say there were mitigating circumstances for my sudden rush of blood to the head".

Naruto's immediate thought, after wondering for a second what mitigating meant, was to ask who the woman was; the query died in his throat, however, when she turned around and gave him a kindly smile, his eyes bulging as he took in what she was carrying across her body. Arms trembling and jaw almost on the floor, he switched his gaze frantically between the woman and Sarutobi, panting as he tried to stitch a coherent sentence together,

"Is...that...tha's a..."

"Sarutobi Konohamaru", Buwika stated proudly before flicking her eyes across to her father, slight annoyance marring her features as she pursed her lips for a second, "I knew I should have asked Asuma-kun to pick a name – trust you to name your grandson after the village of all things". Despite wilting a little at his daughter's lack of gratitude, the Hokage's answer still came in a strong voice, heavy with wisdom and age,

"It's a fine name, one every ninja and villager is proud to uphold", he explained, half to Buwika and half to Naruto, who was still staring at the baby slack-jawed, though Konohamaru was fast asleep by this time, "but this is the reason I was forced to dash off Naruto-kun; my son Asuma burst in to tell me Buwika-chan was giving birth and, well, it all went from there. Thankfully he was delivered without a problem, it just took a little longer than any of us were expecting".

"Well excuse me for not being able to hurry along a natural miracle", his daughter snorted, though there was no malice in her tone as, free from the hospital she'd spent the past twelve or so hours in, she decided against antagonising her father just this once; _instead_; seeing the boy in front of her still barely able to comprehend what he was seeing, she moved to loosen one of the straps on her shoulder that now held the most precious thing in her life to her chest; _let's see if I can't explain a few things to the prospective future Hokage_;

"Naruto-kun", finally able to tear his eyes away from the tiny form before him, Naruto looked upwards in time to see the brown eyes of the mother crinkle in a smile as she unbuckled the front strap of the baby carrier and held her son in her arms, "you want to hold him for a minute?"

For a brief second she was afraid the offer had made him black out; certainly he staggered backwards and his eyes took on that glazed look that suggested the room was spinning around him, though fortunately he seemed to come back to himself in time to prevent her father having to step in and catch him before he keeled over. Catching his breath, the jinchuuriki swallowed hard before finally daring to speak,

"Me? But he's..." he waved a hand at the small body, suddenly not able to meet her eye completely, "...what if I...?"

"You won't", Buwika assured him, having had the same worries run through her own mind scant hours earlier until her maternal instinct had finally overridden her first-time nerves, "he sleeps like my brother – it'd take an exploding tag in each ear-hole to get him to wake up now". After a long, long minute of indecision Naruto glanced across at the man he considered his grandfather and, at Sarutobi's nod, he tremulously stretched out his arms, barely breathing and all but freezing in panic as he felt a small, warm something being slowly placed into them,

"There you go, no issue there; just support his head a little...there", his arms moved without direction from his brain; in all honesty it was all he could do to keep breathing and standing upright as Buwika stepped back a little, regarding the scene before her with a secret kind of smile as even Sarutobi found his fingers suddenly itching for a camera to capture the scene; _probably the first and last time I'll ever see the Mouse look quite so scared_;

"So", desperate to keep his mind off the fact that there was a _baby_ in his arms, a real live baby who he was responsible for and couldn't bring himself to do more than glance at from the corner of his eyes, deathly afraid that even looking would break Konohamaru's slumber, he tried to strike up something like a conversation, "so how, uh, I mean when...?" Buwika sniggered a little, raising an eyebrow in greeting as she saw her younger sibling slip into the room from the front door, the odour giving him away like a blaring noise,

"The usual way; there weren't any smoking fish descending from the clouds to present him to me – ah", a sudden thought occurred to the woman and she hastily explained before Naruto could process her words and start asking questions, "you'll find out what the usual way is when you enter the Academy; don't go asking anyone about that just yet, you're way to young. As to when, well he arrived not too long ago, one of the reasons I'm going to bed very soon, but before that I, ah..." She glanced across but Sarutobi, having foreseen her question, was already nodding, allowing her to explain the situation to the young boy as long as she gave away no mission data, "...well I was a kunoichi, running deep cover and happily married in another country, but unfortunately or fortunately depending on which way you look at it, that last mission left me with a permanent reminder".

At that point Buwika gently stopped speaking after taking in the scene before her; despite all that she'd said, she would have wagered, perhaps not her son's life, but certainly her brothers', that Naruto had heard at most two words she'd just said, having never once taken his wide, thunderstruck eyes from the baby he was now holding.

XXX

_He's so...small_; a hundred other words flitted through his mind but that was the only he could conclusively pin down and catch, the world around him fading to grey as he continued to watch the rhythmic movement of Konohamaru's miniature chest as the newborn slumbered on, apparently heedless that its mother no longer held him, had passed him on to another. He was surprisingly warm, and surprisingly heavy for his small size but that didn't matter; Naruto stood still as stone until his fear began to drain away slightly, his breathing evening out as he was finally able to look at the minute person in his grip; oddly enough, once he looked he found he had the opposite problem of a moment ago, unable to tear his gaze away as he watched the infant sleep, even the voice that came from behind him barely able to make him glance upwards, Asuma approaching noiselessly for such a large man,

"Heh, got me too kid, first time I held my nephew", the bearded giant informed the jinchuuriki, stooping down to slowly prize the babe away from the older boy, Konohamaru so small that Asuma could hold him snugly into the palm of one hand, "reminded me of why it was worth it to wear this metal plate", his free hand tapped his forehead protector as Naruto watched, drinking in his words, "Pop told you about the will of fire right?" Naruto nodded, not trusting himself through a suddenly tight throat; fortunately seeing this, the eldest Sarutobi carried on where his son had left off,

"This is what it means Naruto-kun; a shinobi of the Leaf is never stronger than when he fights to protect what is dearest to him. The ninja, all ninja, of Konoha that I command consider themselves and their own lives worth nothing when compared to their team mates and the villagers of this village; I have heard of and witnessed heroism, unseen in the shadows and unsung by all, of ninja who gave their lives when all seemed lost to ensure their friends lived to fight another day".

A sudden ghost of a memory walked in Naruto's mind again, tears prickling the corner of his eyes as he recalled that he too had heard of such a thing once; _exemplary suicide – she took her own life but, because of that, she helped save a lot of people from slavery and misery. Was that her will of fire, flaring out in one last explosion rather than guttering to nothingness because her squad was dead?_; even as his mind was occupied, Naruto heard his jiji speak again and, with a great effort, reeled his mind back in enough to listen,

"It is for this reason, this will of fire, that Konoha had endured as it has through these turbulent times or war and peace; even now we are considered the strongest of the hidden villages not because of the techniques we know or the bloodlines we possess, but because of our strength when we stand together. Alone a ninja may die when faced with a stronger opponent but together, even genin can topple a kage – remember that Naruto-kun", the boy blinked, looking up at the old man as the kage finished his pseudo-lecture, seeing that the moment of closeness between the jinchuuriki and his newly-born grandson had resonated deeply with a youngster who had never known a family of his own; _Minato-kun forgive me – I should have fought harder to have taken him in myself years ago_; banishing such thoughts as he ended his lesson,

"United a tree will stand until the end of days, divided", the old man shook his head sadly, "it will fall within a day".

It was another lesson Naruto would never forget; even as he allowed Buwika to take back her son as Konohamaru began to mumble nonsensically and thrash about a bit in his arms and he allowed himself to be led away to one of the Sarutobi compounds' guest bedrooms, his mind lingered on what jiji had said. As he drew the covers up around himself and bade Asuma a good night, before sleep claimed him he thought hard to himself; _the Leaf is only as strong as its shinobi, as it's Hokage – the Hokage is only as strong as the other shinobi around him_; reflexively his right hand moved up to press into the jacket pocket that contained his earlier notes; as he heard the parchment crinkle softly under his fingers he felt new steel forge itself into the core of his being; _when I become Hokage I'll need good ninjas with me, I'll need to look after little ones like Konohamaru – I'd be useless if I didn't or couldn't protect them. I'll need to be as strong as I can be to take jiji's place, though with a bit of luck_; he gave a final press and allowed himself a gleeful smile as he heard the paper crunch softly one more time before his eyes drifted shut and he allowed himself to fall into slumber;_ this'll help me get there double-quick, believe it!_

XXX

Because of those words still ringing in his ears and the will of fire they had ignited within him, the desire to train and better himself not for himself, but for the rest of the Leaf, some nine weeks later three Academy students found themselves doing swift double-takes when they heard their unofficial student give a call and, as the cloud of smoke dispersed, found themselves looking at two mice where before there was only one,

"Huh", obviously this development had taken Naruto as much by surprise as it had them if the way the boy was gawking at his doppelganger was anything to go by, "hey, a bushin, I did it! Didya see, I can do it, I did bush...aww, rats!" His celebration had been, while not premature, at least a little too exuberant; with all his mad capering he had accidentally landed squarely on one of the bushin's feet and the impact had burst the chakra construct to smoke, leaving the all-but seven year old to fume as he folded his arms,

"An' I had it right as well".

"You did", Ko told him in no uncertain terms; while the bushin hadn't existed long enough for him to get a good look at he was almost certain it had been passable, even for Mizune-sensei and he was a harsh taskmaster even at the best of times, "so then, that's your three off of us; damn", he swore softly, looking over at his two companions as he broke into a crooked, slightly abashed smile, "I just realised; pretty much everyone in our class has just been owned by someone who's not even in the Academy yet".

"Ah but he's got pretty much the whole ninja corps on his side", Izumo pointed out, breaking off from his glaring contest with one of the Haimaru as their owner gave a disdainful sniff at his reasoning, "can't get much better tutors than all of them put together – rate he's going I doubt he'll even go to the Academy; Sarutobi-sama will probably just plonk the hat on his head as soon as he's old enough".

"Rather him than anyone else I could mention or name", Hana cut in frostily, matching Izumo's glare with her own as she continued to speak, "at least the Mouse has some manners and a decent head on his shoulders".

"And how would you know that she-beast? What are you comparing him against, the rest of your clan – everyone known they're all combat-nutters at the best of times; there's a reason people don't go into the woods on a full moon you know?" The Inuzuka scion snarled, baring her teeth at the insult to her family as she stood to her full height and took a menacing step forwards,

"Rather that than someone who's so full of hot air he'd pop the second he took a kunai to the skull; I always thought my mother was being a little harsh when she said Academy standards for entry were too lax but having spent three years with _you_", it took a skill not granted to everyone to make that word sound like a curse rather than a statement as she lasered Izumo with her most heated glare, "I'm beginning to think she might have a point".

As he watched his brother spring to his feet, face mottled red and what little chakra he could mould flaring to life in a weak display of killing intent, Ko just about refrained from slapping a hand over his face as he sighed; _every damned time, what I wouldn't give for just one day of peace and qui..._;

"Urgh, you two", a new voice cut in over the squabbling duo, Naruto remembering something Anko-sensei had once called out to Kurenai-san and her partner that, though he didn't quite understand it fully, seemed appropriate for the situation, "for Kami's sake just get a room, start swapping spit and get it over with".

_Oh Kami_; tempted though he was to laugh Ko knew, as he saw both Hana and Izumo whiten before turning their heads to regard the Mouse more fully, the Inuzuka recovering slightly faster and starting to flush in rage, that he had seconds at best to stop this turning into a bloodbath; _perhaps I should be careful what I wish for in the future_;

"Naruto", he whispered, seeing both the other students ready to pounce even as the youngster seemed to belatedly notice the danger he was in and step back a pace, "run!"

His warning came not a split-second too soon; hurling himself to the side Ko watched the two taller figures sprint after the diminutive one, screaming all kinds of curses and promises of bloody murder as Naruto seemed to hare away cackling at his joke. Sighing once more the Hagane picked himself up and moved to learn against a nearby tree, knowing it'd be a fools' errand to try and outrun an Inuzuka out for blood like Hana was, even if she didn't have her nin-ken with her.

"Guess that makes us the smart one, right boys?" He asked the Haimaru aloud, reaching down to offer a hand to the closest of the triplets as they too watched their mistress fade into the distance, "Though if those two were to get together...how long would you give them before it all ended in tears?"

Seeing the three puppies whine and rub their chins into the floor once and for all proved to Kotetsu that, despite what others might have claimed, there were at least some nin-ken who were smarter than most humans,

"Yep", he agreed amicably, stroking the closest grey-haired head between the ears, "that's what I thought".

XXX

_Perfect_; smiling as much as he could with the mother of all stitched pinging in his side and at least two of his friends on his tail and out for revenge, Naruto reviewed his plan and found it had come up roses; _forget the bushin, I'll use kage bushin from now on. Just as well I got it to dispel so quickly, they never noticed the difference – right then_; realising where he was by dint of long practice in the training areas, Naruto suddenly veered left and hopped over a tree root, a sudden thump and curse from behind him telling him at least one of his pursuers hadn't been so vigilant in watching their footing; _all that's left now is to ditch these two and I'll away free as a mouse down his hole._

A/N: Sorry it's a little overdue but work's been piling up recently, not much writing time. Still, hope you enjoy and don't mind the AUish variations used in this fic (Konohamaru's mother for instance, I don't think she gets a mention in canon – did you like her character by the way?) Until next time, ja ne!


	9. Chapter 9 The Mouse Will Play

Chapter 9 – The Mouse Will Play

A/N: Sorry this took a little while; I was busy with my other fiction and had to take a little break after the last work I did (see Chapter 18 of Win Some Lose Some to see why such a break was needed) and Easter didn't help, but I'm back, I'm bad and I'm up for a bit more Mousey-mayhem! Naruto has his signature jutsu – what will he do with it? Will Konoha be overrun with little blonde would-be ninjas? Would the Hokage ever recover from the resultant heart attack? What else can he do now there's more than one of him?

Let us see...

XXX

It took Uzumaki Naruto nearly five and a half weeks of solid practice, at least an hour and a half every night as he slightly neglected his other training, even going so far as to occasionally slip away from the Ichiraku's early, to finally complete the Shadow Clone jutsu for the first time and generate fully-formed bunshin that didn't appear as pale and sickly as ghosts.

It took him just less than five and a half seconds after that happy event to determine once and for all that Kage Bunshin was the all time greatest jutsu in the world! _ Ever!_

Blowing as he made to clear away the smoke Naruto found he couldn't wait this time; he had finally, finally had an epiphany after nights of ceaseless toil just earlier this week, ironically enough when he'd actually seen himself practicing the hand-seal for the jutsu in front of his bathroom mirror. Immediately after this of course he'd had to almost physically stop himself slamming his head into the sink for being to bone-headedly blinkered and dumb – it was a ninja technique, of _course_ they weren't going to write down exactly how to do it on paper! _Look underneath the underneath – when whoever wrote the scroll talked about focussing chakra through the seal he didn't mean it literally through the seal, he meant through the shape the seal makes – that was the answer, and it was in front of me the whole time! I just didn't see it_; still the blonde couldn't believe it had taken him so long to crack the code after nights of simply sitting there, trying to force the jutsu to work as he threw attempt after attempt at the wall fruitlessly, saying the words with his hands in the right place, only to be met with smoke or, more recently, ethereal-looking sickly things that might have been clones but looked more like diseased ghosts that, perhaps, mercifully, dispersed into vapour at the merest edge of wind.

Last night though, last night had been different; after his sudden sight into the problem and understanding how the seal, unique to the jutsu as far as he could see, was so crucial to getting it right simply due to the crude caricature it made, the clones had become more solid, more like him and what he guessed a real regular bunshin should look like. However even as the clones looked more healthy, the opposite was true of him; the scroll had warned this jutsu drained chakra and he could now well believe it, exhausted worse than a session with the green-shouty man; _no, Gai-san, his name is Gai-san – you can't get away with calling people nicknames like that any more, except Panda-chan and jiji of course_; after a mere fifteen attempts. So today he'd decided he wasn't holding anything back, it was all or nothing on his first go; grabbing hold of as much chakra as he could feel within his compact frame, Naruto had roughly guided it as best he could through his hand-seal and called aloud the jutsu name,

"Kage bunshin no jutsu!"

The smoke the attempt had kicked up was an encouraging sign for a beginner; though Naruto knew most jounin and higher ninja could do almost all their jutsu repertoire without even a hint of tell-tale chakra smoke, itself generated by using too much chakra in the jutsu and the body venting the excess, he figured he'd deal with that issue when he had the basics down – pointless learning to run before he could even crawl in this case. Instead he wafted the silvery substance aside impatiently, peering through the mist and feeling his heartbeat quicken and he saw something loom out of the shade, a silhouette of a person, or at least, what might be a person; _oh no, come on, did I do something wrong, this guy looks nothing like..._;

Though his thought was indeed correct; the shape didn't appear to match up to anything like the jinchuuriki's own, the reason why became immediately apparent when the remainder of the smoke cleared and Naruto blinked, the gesture reciprocated in two more pairs of periwinkle blue eyes as the new duo of blondes beheld their creator with the same sort of awed stupefaction he bestowed on them. Subconsciously stepping apart, the two newly-created bunshin formed into a sort of equidistant triangle with their creator, all three blonde figure staring between each other before the original, noticing the building silence, made a brave stab at conversation,

"Wow, so", he almost stuttered to a halt as the two clones looked over at him but he forced himself to carry on regardless, "so you guys, you're real?" The other two clones swapped a look before tentatively the one on his left nodded,

"Uh, yeah, I think so", the bunshin began as it brought up a finger and pressed the end of its own nose lightly; _his_ nose, Naruto realised as he beheld the odd gesture, "so, you're the original right?"

"Yep", the real Naruto stated proudly, hands on his hips before his triumphant grin faded slightly and he faced the two clones again, "but don't worry, I read of that scroll that you guys are completely free of me; y'can do what you want, even make your own jutsus if you want to..."

"Really?" The other clone perked up at this information; just as Naruto opened his mouth to explain he was forced to close it again amid the agonising sensation of cold on his teeth that had come about from the clones' sudden, excited kawarimi; as he sucked his tongue to try and get the spit back in his mouth, the original turned on the spot and glared at the clone as it leapt about in jubilant celebration, "Cool!"

"You baka!" Fortunately the clone on the right was able to carry on where the original had left off, rushing forwards and slapping his counterpart around the head softly, much like Anko-sensei had but without the force, "Don't do too much of it or you'll pop – once you run out of chakra that's it, unlike him over there who can just go back to bed or eat a cup of ramen to perk back up again". A little disgruntled by the clone's dismissive tone, Naruto finally got his tongue back in working order and stood up for himself, against himself,

Hey, teme", the pointing clone whipped to face him, looking insulted, "don't point to me in that tone of voice; I created you with my jutsu – you're only here because of me". Somewhat incensed by this reasoning the clone drew in a breath to answer before his companion, now recovered from the cuff to the ear, placed a hand on his shoulder and shook his head as the irate bunshin glanced at him before speaking to his progenitor,

"Uhh, Boss; how could he look at you with his voice?" Even as Naruto tried to rewind his memory at the odd question the clone had done it for him, "You should have said 'don't point, it's rude', or 'mind your tone with me baka' – that would have made more sense". Wincing as he realised the clone was right and pride stinging from being beaten in an argument with what was essentially another version of him, the original jinchuuriki merely waved a fist for a second before dropping it and hauling the conversation back on track,

"Don't get smart; anyway", he took a step forwards towards the two clones he'd made, long-overdue excitement bubbling through him as he realised he'd finally cracked it, a big step forwards on the road to becoming Hokage, "le's not fight about it, we should be celebratin'! This is a B-ranked jutsu; with this an' the special henge I can do, that makes two of them!" The clone he'd recently reprimanded smiled at the thought but the other merely looked surly, folding his arms with a huff,

"Whoop-de-do, great; you got the jutsu right and made us, so what happens when the jutsu ends and we go pop? I like being me; I don't want it to end just because I can't gather chakra like you can". Caught slightly on the back foot by the sudden question and painful reminder of the immanent end of his newly-created clones, Naruto reached back and scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, thinking of something to say; _umm, don't think this one was covered in the training grounds – what do you say to a clone when you both know it's going to run out of juice eventually?_;

"Well, ah, I don't actually know what'll happen when you burst", he admitted shamefacedly, the clone merely scoffing and turning away even as he tried to make light of the situation, "hey, I didn't make the jutsu, I was just trying it out to make sure I could get it to work. And anyway", he pointed at the clone, "you _are _me, so what are you mad at?"

That made the clone look around again, this time shock and something like disbelief on his face as he beheld his creator and fought to keep from snorting in contempt,

"I'm you, that's...oh get real; that's like sayin' he", he complained, jerking a thumb at his companion clone, "is me. We're separate beings..."

"But we both came from him", the other clone pointed out, quavering but not backing down from the expression of betrayal the other bunshin shot his way, "we're made of his chakra, an' when we pop, as you put it, our memories should go back t'the original. So, if you think about it, you don't act'lly pop and die like a normal person, you and me will just merge back..."

"Whose side are you on?" The first clone snapped back, waving a fist in his doppelganger's face, "That baka over there's gettin' the best deal outta all this an' what are we getting, nothing but a last hurrah and smoky death. Doesn't seem fair to me, we should..."

Quite what the two clones should do was never quite revealed as Naruto, pushed beyond the limits of his patience, darted across the room and lashed out with his fist, the two-finger jab into the clone's neck enough to break the bunshin's shell and disperse the clone. Blinking as he felt the vague memory of existence from another point of view infiltrate his head, the jinchuuriki blinked the chakra wisps from his eyes and stood up, shaking his head,

"Whoa, that was weird", he glanced at his remaining bunshin who was, he was grateful to notice, looking slightly perturbed but not altogether perturbed by his brethren's untimely demise, "heh, well I think the memory transfer works from this technique at least. Sorry you had to see that though". After a second's thought the bunshin shook its head, wafting a hand towards where his creator stood,

"No need, he had it coming; he should have known that moaning about how unfair life is jus' doesn't slice it in the ninja world", a smirk slipped over the face Naruto knew so well, "we, or actually you, can really be a whiny brat at times you know?" Naruto blinked for a minute before firing up at the unfair accusation,

"Hey, don't go lumping me in wi'that..."

"But you said he was you, though don't worry, I'm a part of you as well and I thought he was annoying too", the clone pointed out succinctly, neatly trumping the jinchuuriki's ace and pressing his advantage before Naruto could recover, "but apart from that, we now know the memory-thing the scroll mentioned seems to work, so what should we work on next Boss?" The title seemed to spark Naruto's interest, the jinchuuriki stroking his chin with one hand as he considered for a brief moment the idea of a whole squad of clones looking to him with that one word on their lips,

"Boss?" He repeated dreamily, "Yeah I could live with that – oh, but apart from all that", he quickly dispersed such dreams of acclaim as he realised his sole remaining clone was looking impatient and, beyond that, might not have all that much time remaining before he too popped like his predecessor, "still no' convinced on the memory thing yet; I was here all the time you two were so tha' guy can't be counted as solid proof; bu' before we do anything else, I say we get on with some more experiments". At this the clone brightened,

"Want to see if the idea for climbing the walls is easier with two of us; half the chakra and all that?" Tempting though the idea of that was Naruto forcibly restrained himself; _remember, patience and strategy go further than all the rushing in the world. This technique's a lot more in-depth than even my henge, I don't want to run the risk of getting it wrong, least of all because jiji might find out if I do_;

"No, not at first", he steeled himself as his clone's face fell and made to explain his reasoning, "we'd better start off on somethin' less taxing, like how long you can stay here for a start. And what happens if you eat or drink something; does it just go right through? And I still wanna see if the memory-transfer thing works – if it does, I've got a few ideas that might make this jutsu the best thing since Ayame-chan talked her father into havin' that special Hokage-sized ramen bowl made for me..."

After a little further convincing Naruto went to bed a little later than he'd anticipated, though he found sleep hard to come by as he tossed and turned through the balmy Saturday night as he looked back over the evening with pride and excitement; _an hour and a quarter, give or take_. That long, a priceless, golden time for him to have another person in his life, someone who while not a friend in the strictest sense of the world, was nevertheless a helping hand in both his work and home life, someone to talk to even if he was in effect talking to himself. Wrapping himself up in his covers, the Mouse looked out to the moon he could see through a crack in his curtains and fought hard to stop a smile emerging; _I did it, I really did it all on my own! Because of that I can start doing all kinds of things, things I could never dream of doing when it was just me – I can't wait until tomorrow!_

As impatient as he was for the next day to dawn however, not even jinchuuriki were immune to the soft, insistent caress of sleep and, eventually, even Naruto was lulled away, though even as his eyelids fluttered closed for the last time that night, nothing would wipe the gleeful smile from his face.

XXX

The next morning was, to the majority of Konoha, a complete and utter wash-out; thick black clouds had let droplets of water like shiny coins fall to the dusty streets in a glittering rain and swiftly turn them to miniature rivers. The summer thunderstorm, unexpected in violence if not timing as the last few weeks had been dry, arid and balmy, perfect conditions for cooking up a storm such as this threatening to overwhelm the village's storm drainage systems at times; only the swift action of a nearby (and very soggy) ANBU unit with a member affiliated with suiton chakra was able to stop the contents of several shops in the lower end of town quite literally floating away down the river. It was a day when people stayed inside, children huffed that Kami had stopped them enjoying the day off school in the great outdoors and every ninja on the patrol roster cursed their bad luck at having to be outside right in the thick of it.

For one particular resident of the village however, already marked apart as much by his impact on many of the villagers' minds as well as the six marks on his cheeks, the rain streaking down his window and thunder booming overhead were quite welcome, in fact almost soothing, as he sat at his table and scribbled another thing down on the list he'd spent most of the morning writing.

There was just something soothing about candlelight that Naruto had never really been able to explain, even to himself – having had a bad experience in his first year of owning his own apartment in a storm similar to this, when the power had gone out due to a lightning strike in the mountains at Konoha's back and left him at home suddenly in the dark, he now always kept a well-hidden stock of thick white wax candles under the kitchen sink, with one or two stashed in other odd locations in case unexpected 'visitors' showed up to crash the party and smash anything he owned. Having woken later than usual to hear thunder growling above him, the Uzumaki had quickly rolled out of bed and darted into the kitchen, flashing a glance out his bedroom window and seeing the spots of rain present allowing him to determine he had about an hour at most before it really starting coming down and he'd have to sit in the dark to avoid the risk of his lights blowing out. He'd quickly boiled enough water for several cups of his cheapest ramen, gulped them down quickly then systematically gone around his home and unplugged everything that could feasibly be damaged by an untimely thunderbolt before settling himself back on the kitchen table with a block of paper and striking a match to light his first candle.

It was a harder struggle than he'd though it would be; yes could go on and send several copies of him running amok in his apartment but, at the same time, he knew that the Hokage might well be watching him in the near future just like he always had and if the old man discovered he had somehow got his hands on a kinjutsu of all things he'd be in for at best a round of awkward questions; _and at worst, he might not let me see Buwika-chan and Konohamaru again_. The thought of that happening, though he hadn't seen the Sandaime's eldest daughter for a few weeks recently due to his study of the Kage Bunshin jutsu amongst other things, was enough to make him shiver and hastily fight down the urge to go wild with his new toy – instead he picked up his pen and carefully wrote a title to his new self-imposed list of ideas of what to do with his potential new friends:

Clones – Things to do:

_Not particularly original but it does the job – remember the KISS principle _; not one to forget a lesson easily, well, at least not one that had been punctuated by sharp words and blows to the head at any rate, Naruto nodded at his work and put the pen down for a minute, trying to clear his thoughts as his eyes rolled languidly between the candle flickering on the table and the darkness of the sky outside, wondering if he had time to put the kettle on for another cup of ramen to feed both his stomach and his muse. _Right, so I know I can do it, I made two bunshin last night but two is too many – ideally I only want one for the time being because, if I read the scroll right, it should have half my chakra and therefore last longer than one that only had a third_; that point was common sense and quite bluntly the first thing any decent ninja should do when he learnt anything new – picking up his pen, Naruto scratched down his first goal with a wry smile on his lips, hoping that it wouldn't take him as long to refine the jutsu as it had to learn it:

1. Practice! – (Want only 1 at a time)

So, that was the first thing; the second was equally as obvious but harder to put into words; he knew what kage bunshin were thanks in no small part to Anko-sensei and knew a little bit about what they were capable of – the problem was since Anko-sensei was a much better ninja than he was ever going to be for at least the next decade or so, he had no concrete evidence as to what _his_ shadow clones were going to be like. He knew they'd pop if he punched them, had proved it last night in fact, so obviously taijutsu training was out the window unless he either held back ridiculously or wore so much padding it would have made the spar pointless anyway, anathema for someone who'd been taught as he had to hit hard, fast and first. _So, can't hit them, or cut them open either for that matter_; the sudden realisation made him grimace – bang went his idea of studying human anatomy in more depth if he couldn't have a bunshin or two lay down its ethereal life in the name of science; _so, what can they do for me? Throw stuff – yeah, that'd work – I don't pop, I bruise instead. What else – the crawl up the wall trick? Maybe, after I've done some more str...aha, brilliant!_ As always finding comfort in his routine, he hastily scribbled down the second and third items on the list:

2. Use for dodging practice and stretching

3. Crawl up the wall.

4. Can they use disguise?

The fourth point popped into his head almost as though it had been there all along and had just waited for his hand to start moving before slipping in unnoticed. Staring down at the words he'd written the jinchuuriki felt a slow smile spread over his face, sitting back in his seat and looking up at the ceiling, blocking out the rain, the thunder and the occasional flash of lightning, mind already racing away down the paths that lay before him now he'd shoved the mental boulder that had been blocking them off away into the slippery slope that led to the oblivion of being forgotten entirely.

That was it, just like the actual technique itself had been; so simple he almost hadn't seen it when it was all but biting him on the nose to be noticed. Why hadn't he thought of it before – his main worry about this technique in the first place had been someone, most likely the Sandaime, wondering why he was seeing a lot more of his surrogate grandson than he was used to, putting two and two together and coming up with one blonde too many, but the old man would have a hard job if his clones didn't even look like him and appeared to be completely different people. It was perfect, almost _too_ perfect; he knew he woke up before pretty much anyone else in Konoha who wasn't obsessed with youth and spandex...he had to suddenly bite back a shudder; _somehow that just sounded so very, very wrong – urgh! No, come on, remembers the mission here – no getting distracted by the green...Gai-san, get his name right!_

Unfortunately it seemed the image of the eccentric ninja was as boisterous and hard to ignore as the real thing; it took a long minute of concentrated mental thought and doodling on the corner of the page to banish the unwanted figment from his imagination, and even when he thought the battle was won he could almost swear he heard a faint cry of 'yosh!' from somewhere in the distance. _Is he really out there training now?_; he'd have like to think that even Gai-san had enough sense to stay indoors on a day like this but it was unlikely that even a downpour this torrential was enough to dampen the Green Beast's youthful flames of eternal youth; _oh no, they've infected me! The energy, the youthfulness, the insanity – I can feel them burning, make it stop, make it stooooppp!_

It was worse than he'd thought; only the last-ditch resort of a cup of his top-of-the-range ramen selection and a cup of very fresh milk, brought over to him by the Sandaime the last time the Hokage had visited was enough to finally quash the influence on his young, fragile, impressionable mind before too much damage was done; _I hope – quick, finish the broth before it rekindles...ah, that's the stuff_. Replete as the taste of his one true love washed over his tongue and down his throat, the jinchuuriki relaxed and breathed out slowly – that had been a close shave and no mistake. Chucking the empty carton casually towards the sink, the youngster settled back down in his seat and re-read what he'd written, casting a critical eye over it and scribbling down a fifth point, deciding that would be his next task to have a crack at when he was done with this idea. After that he quickly thought about it, thought some more and decided that with all the hard work out of the way, he smirked mischievously and rounded his list off to a nice round half-dozen points:

6. Learn skills, meet interesting people and have fun!

_An essential ingredient for all young children to have, regardless of whether they want to be Hokage or not_; Naruto nodded sagely as he heard Buwika say those words at the same time as dangle a gaudy blue toy over the table Konohamaru was laid on, the six-week old child gurgling happily as he tried to catch the waving plastic toy with his short, podgy arms; _and we'll start that one_; with his typical foxy smirk back in place, he turned the page and started the engine on his already over-active imagination, putting realistic names to unfamiliar faces just as Anko-sensei had taught him; _by coming up with a few extra masks for my bunshin to wear while they'll out and about. Hmm, how does Totoro sound...?_

XXX

Deftly tucking the latest novel back on the shelf it had come from and tucking her long hair back behind her ear, Shiho sighed with a touch of annoyance as she placed her hands at the small of her back and pushed hard, wincing at the sudden popping noise. She'd never been the most athletic kunoichi to graduate from the ninja Academy, nor one of the most gifted academically come to that, but what she did have was a good, firm head on her shoulders, a logical and ordered mind, diligence, patience and above all else, a knack for remembering all the tiny little things that most other people tended to dismiss as unimportant. The latter of these she was convinced came from her father's side of the family, the man having been a librarian for the better part of the fifty years he'd been blessed with on Kami-sama's earth with a solitary mention of serving above and beyond the call of duty during the Kyuubi assault, where he'd risked his life staying in the library and checking the seals that held the precious ninjutsu scrolls weren't damaged by the malevolent chakra that radiated from the beast like warmth from a fire, his only distinction for all those years of toil. Shiho had been helping him in the quiet, dusty place almost since before she could remember and was now convinced her talent for noticing patterns in blocks of texts and cipher streams had stemmed for the necessity of memorising the layout the library and being able to identify and replace a scroll in its proper location years before she'd even set foot in the civilian school.

Those qualities more than anything else had gotten her to the status of genin and, thanks to her jounin-sensei pulling a couple of strings with the T&I department and an interview with its former head that all seemed to be a bit of blur to her now; _probably on purpose knowing how secretive they all are all the time_; a probationary period as a chunin within the code-breaking division of the department. She'd been as surprised as anyone when she'd actually tested high enough to even attend the shinobi Academy, absolutely shocked when she somehow scraped through both the genin exams and, though her team had failed the past two Chunin exams as the first and second phases respectively, her modest talents had been noticed by someone higher up the food chain and because of that she'd been uprooted out of this musty old tomb of scrolls and parchment and replaced in a slightly newer, more expensive-looking building surrounded by ciphers and code. _Still, my new grade's not confirmed yet and won't be for the foreseeable future_; rubbing her eyes underneath her glasses the temporary chunin sighed – even though she liked the old library and remembered many fond years of playing hide-and-seek with her father between the teetering piles of books, it wasn't the first place she'd run to when she'd been granted a day off by her superiors; _and knowing how tight-lipped they are it could be months before they give me that vest, and probably months after that before they remember to tell me about it. Still, can't deny the pay's good, enough to tempt dad out of the office and into a nice restaurant with mum occasionally._

The memory of that event, throwing a roll of bills onto the table and then having to help both her father and her mother pick something half-decent to wear that night, was enough to make her grin and have to stifle a chuckle, just about regaining her composure and smoothing out her expression as a tiny chime sounded from the library entrance. A customer, at this time of day; that was relatively unusual – curious, Shiho jogged lightly back to the entrance of the library and poked her head around the end of a bookshelf, raisin a delicate blonde eyebrow at the sight before her as the customer, seemingly bemused by the sight of so many books in the general library, waited patiently by the front desk, looking at the bell in front of him and apparently in two minds as to whether he should ring it or not. Deciding to make the decision for him and since she couldn't sense anything like a threat from him despite the fact he was broader in the shoulder than both her and her father stood side by side, Shiho cleared her throat and as he turned to face her, lightly slipped behind the counter, peering over it with a polite smile on her lips as the tall man swung ponderously around to regard her,

"Hello sir, welcome to the Konoha general library; anything in particular you're looking for?" There was silence for a minute though Shiho didn't press the issue; he appeared to be trying to say something and it looked like hard work,

"Card", he eventually managed to mumble, his voice quite surprisingly soft for such a big man, "kaa-san said I needed a card t'take the pi'tures out". _Pictures? Oh_; the sudden realisation forced her to stifle a sudden gasp; _that's what he means_;

"Well your kaa-san's right, you'll need a library card to remove books from the library; luckily", she reached under the counter and fished around for a minute for the right form, "if you fill this out you'll be able to take up to three books out at any one time. You won't be able to take out any ninja scrolls though", she warned him in her gentlest tone, knowing without even having to look that this hulk of a man wasn't a shinobi, "but that's probably just as well, they're really boring, no pictures or anything – even I get bored reading them". She chuckled at her own lame joke, a little relieved to see him smile as well, the expression awkward and shy on his moon-like face as he looked down at the small square of paper in front of her and cocked his head, apparently trying to read it upside down,

"Uhh", he squinted, much like she did when a particular kanji in a cipher sequence was giving her trouble she realised; _oh, this must be a struggle for him_; "my writing's no good, an' some of the pretty patterns don't make sense".

"Don't worry, I can help you fill it out", Shiho's kind heart had gotten her and her team into more than a few scrapes over the years but she'd never been able to bury it completely no matter how many times she recanted the laws of the shinobi to herself – it was at times like this, able to reach out aid a less-fortunate human being, she was eternally grateful that that organ had been able to make it through her ninja career thus far without shattering completely, "now, what's your name?"

"Toroto, Ootoko Toroto"; Shiho's pen paused inches from the form and she looked up with a quizzical expression, not sure if he wasn't playing a joke on her or not,

"Really? Your name is 'big-man'?"

"S'wat I'm called on fields", he looked out of the doorway, out towards the fields of Konoha where Shiho realised he probably worked; _probably the reason he's here as well – after the storm we had at the weekend it's too wet to plough or sow. Anyway, I've heard stranger, and I can't deny it fits him_;

"Okay Ootoko-san", she said pleasantly, filling in the first line of the form at the same time as idly wondering if this was Kami-sama hearing her desire for something to do and getting his jollies out of granting her wish in such an obstinate way, "where do you live? Is it in Konoha?" Seeing him shake his head slowly, she bit back a groan – this was going to be a long day...

She wasn't wrong; it did take a long time to complete what should have been a two minute job; but as she watched the sight of a man who could have broken her in half as easily as she snapped a dry rice-cracker sat contentedly on one of the library benches with a small comic book in his hand, reading at his own pace and occasionally laughing quietly at something drawn in the cartoons, she realised with a quiet sigh it was worth it. Ootoko-san was a gentle giant, a man who must have known on some instinctual level that he wasn't quite the same as everyone else but didn't want, or seem able to, complain about his circumstances_. I can't decide if he's blessed or cursed_; Shiho thought to herself as she folded his request for a library card into a neat envelope to be posted to the civilian administration; she'd already stamped it for validation – all that was needed now was for the actual card to be printed; _yes he's not intelligent, but because of that he's also not vengeful, or greedy, or anything else really – he's just a man who wants to look at pictures. Actually_; a sudden thought occurred to her; _if he likes them so much..._;

"Ootoko-san", the farmer, or farm-hand, looked up at his name, watching but not reacting as the slight librarian came slid onto the bench opposite him, "you like looking at the cartoons don't you?" Encouraged by his slow, languid nod, Shiho crossed her fingers under the table and went on,

"Well, not far from here there's a place with pictures a lot like these but much bigger, if you want to see them. I can't remember exactly where it is, you'd have to ask for directions, but I thought it might be something you'd like to know about".

His massive face brightened and he leant forwards, as eager to hear as a puppy was for a chocolate drop and Shiho, after fighting down the sudden irrational urge to pat him on the head, a thick thatch of brown hair covering the crown of the mighty skull, spoke again, giving the outline of directions towards the painting and art suppliers some seven or eight streets away. A few minutes later when this was done, she could quite happily say, as she bowed the massive worker out of her and her father's domain after reminding him that his library card would be available from the next week or so, that she'd done her good deed for the day. Perhaps fortunately for that little illusion, Shiho was unable to see through walls like the Hyuuga were able to and therefore missed the sight of Ootoko Toroto ducking down into a side alley that ran down the side of the library and re-emerging the other side wearing a completely new and separate mask, the small child-like form clapping its hands in glee as it made to explore an option that had never occurred to it or its creator.

_Arts huh – well nothing ventured nothing gained, and while I'm under cover if I say my mask has some hobbies he should at least be sort-of good at them_; the bunshin mused as it lingered in the mouth of the alleyway for a minute, grateful that the street was mostly deserted as the skies above still threatened rain as it mused on the issue and wondered idly if its creator was having as much luck on the fields as he was in the village – getting hold of the library card Naruto had declared as being his first major goal as 'knowledge is power' had gone relatively smoothly; you never know, I could be a wandering artist, just moving into town to set up store and, on the side, start feeding information back to the Leaf. Possibly a bit far-fetched but I've heard worse, or at least, sensei told me about worse. Now then; decision made and problem solved, the bunshin started to think as it meandered down the street, Shiho's directions clear in its mind as it started to clamber over the next mental wall in its path; what's my name this time?

Later that night, when Naruto returned with a big, triumphant grin on his face as he realised and proved without a shadow-clone of a doubt that he would remember everything his clones did; why else would he have suddenly received a memory of someone filling out a form for him in Konoha while he was half-way up a tree in training ground seventeen otherwise; he was completely unsurprised to see that on his kitchen table, the notepad of his masks had been turned over one page, hiding Ootoko Toroto from view and showing the bare bones of another character, a new mask one of his bunshin had used to hold a conversation with the artists of the Ink Swirl store.

_Just like she said_; Naruto saw his clones' work, read it and smiled as he realised that, with this, life in Konoha had just gotten a whole lot easier for him; people might not like him, hell they might outright hate him in several cases, but as long as they never knew it was him they were talking to then he was just another face in the crowd, something a lot more priceless than standing aloof and alone for whatever reason; _I can teach Uzumaki Naruto to be someone else. Well you did just that and I'll be forever grateful to you for it - thanks Anko-sensei_.

XXX

Seeing the unusual sight before her, Naruto actually twirling his chopsticks in the ramen rather than scarfing the tasty broth down, Ayame felt it pertinent to ask the pressing question,

"Naruto-kun", he looked up at his name, "is anything the matter, you're very quiet tonight?" He tried to hold it in, she could see that, but nothing got past her trained eye and she kept her gaze at just the right level, mostly the sympathetic curiosity that he was so denied by virtually everyone else in the village but backed up by just a hint of insistent steel, that eventually he had to give way. With a little sigh the Uzumaki put his chopsticks inside his bowl and lent forwards on the bar, chin on his fist and something big on his mind before he seemed to make his mind up about something; rolling his eyes up at his adoptive nee-chan, Naruto let out a second sigh and come out with the request he'd been mulling over in his head all night,

"Ayame-neechan, can you and Teuchi-jiji teach me how to cook?"

That was a bolt from the blue and no mistake; blinking, the serving girl stood back up behind her bar and looked down at the younger child she considered her sibling in all but blood as she cocked her head and made to shed a little more light on the situation,

"Cooking Naru-chan? You wanted to be a ninja didn't you – what's changed?"

"Oh no Ayame-chan, I wanna be a ninja still but one of my senseis said a ninja should have loads of skills, like if I was in an enemy country I could pretend to be a chef 'til I could get outta there"; _I never thought of that_; though she could only vaguely remember the woman, a chunin if she remembered right, who had been around the young would-be ninja some months ago, from what she could remember that sort of thing sounded like something she'd say, "and jiji said he didn't want me to learn any jutsu until I was in the Academy, so I thought I could learn some other skills like cooking. I already started, got a library card 'bout three weeks ago, tried drawing but wasn't much good at it, but I'm getting better, oh", he brightened even more as remembered something else that had brought him crashing to a halt out in the fields only a week ago, the disguised clone he had sent out with little more than a shopping list and a couple of ryo notes had dispelled and left him with the memories of coming home with a new obligation every Thursday night and a new mask to write up in his book of alter egos,

"An' I found someone to teach me how to play a few instruments; only tried a few so far but I like the koto best".

That threw her for a loop and no mistake; no matter how much she railed against it and cursed her own spinelessness every time she heard someone bad-mouthing the little blonde and forced herself to serve them with a smile on her face, Ayame knew enough about the facts of life and market forces that kept her father's ramen bar alive to know that the number of people in the village who'd have given Naruto the time of day were probably few enough to count on both her hands. The idea that someone, anyone, would willing want to teach him an in-depth skill such as that...

"How – I mean", she hastily caught herself, not realising she'd been speaking out loud until she saw her customer's curious gaze, "that's great Naruto-kun, but who's teaching you"; _and why?_ _Believe me_;unseen by the boy, Ayame's hand clenched under the bar of her stall; _if they're teaching you wrong all the demons in Makai won't stop me beating a path to their door and then beating them into next week!_;

"Oh, I learn at the music shop about four or five streets that way", he explained freely, wafting a hand over his shoulder in a vague display of directions as he went on, "down a little back street, called Bells and Whistles – imaginative huh?" Ayame duly failed to wrestle down a smirk and, emboldened, Naruto went on,

"But yeah, the old guy who runs it's a bit cranky, kept rapping my fingers every time I played a wrong note, but he's good an' I'm learning a lot from him. Before you say anything I'm pretty sure he doesn't like me; well, he glared when I walked past anyway, but", he looked around furtively before beckoning her closer, Ayame leaning over the bar to listen as he whispered the last words of his explanation, "when I go for lessons, I make sure he doesn't know it's me he's teaching".

_Eh?_; the confusion must have shown on her face because before she could even ask Naruto had begun his explanation, glancing over his shoulder towards the street as he spoke with a strange, almost regretful voice that appeared far too old for a child his age to speak with,

"It's like Anko-sensei said Ayame-chan; people don't like me an' I don't know why but there's nothin' I can do about it until I become Hokage and they all have to respect me", there was the determination she knew so well, the azure fire in his eyes that would burn through all obstacles until he reached his dream, though that will diminished slightly as he let out a slight sigh, "until then though, the only thing I can do is pretend t'be someone else, a different person or a mask, so they'll treat me normally; why would they act funny around me if they don't know it's me they're talking to? Like the old man at the shop, Utazuka-san if I'm remembering right", he just about recalled the name of the gruff old musician before the more familiar knowledge of that particular mask came back to him and he reeled off the false persona his bunshin had scribbled down some weeks previously and he had refined since then, "he thinks he's teaching Burakkuu-eru Hashi, a higher student at the civilian Academy who just failed shinobi selection and wants to impress his parents because he feels guilty about it, to play the koto and his 'student' is paying him using some of his pocket money". Reasoning this through with wide eyes and a nearly slack jaw, Ayame rationalised the situation against her own moral code and found one immediate flaw in her little nii-chan's logic,

"But Naru-chan, that's deceitful!"

"Yep", to her horror he even looked a little smug as he nodded and took a long draught of the cooled ramen broth before continuing, his massive grin only increasing in size as he went on, "tha's what being a ninja's all about – sensei said something like the way of the shinobi is to lie, or be de-seat, des...that word you just said, so I'm just getting the practice in when I can. And if I learn something else out of the bargain that's just a bonus; if I was in an enemy country I'd be learning a lot more than how to pluck a few strings t'play a tune I can tell you".

Ayame opened her mouth to answer this, then closed it again as she thought hard for a minute; overall, was Naruto doing anything really wrong in the grand scheme of things? Yes he was lying after a fashion and pretending to be someone who didn't really exist, but overall was that any worse than what the vast majority of the villagers put him through; _no – in fact in a lot of cases what he's doing is nothing compared to some of the stories I've heard, and they're just the ones dad told me about_. Though she knew some of Naruto's plight Ayame was aware that her father sought to protect her from as much of it as he could, his body the shield between her and the unpleasant face of Konoha as a whole but he couldn't hide the full scale of the truth – more than once Teuchi had shifted his entire supply chain despite the costs of the ingredients rising and Ayame would have staked her apron that such a dramatic shift in policy had come from stories the chef had heard about how those stores he had abandoned had treated Naruto in the past. Realising she had a pair of curious blue eyes on her the waitress broke off her introspection and smiled, leaning over the counter to ruffle the boy's sunshine hair,

"Well then you just carry on; it's a neat way of thumbing your nose at those old sticks-in-the-mud who can't see you like me and tou-san do. Just promise me one thing Naru-chan".

"Hai?" Ayame giggled at his sudden expression of what he must have thought was complete seriousness; no matter how hard he tried, there was no way any face he made was every going to be anything other than cute in her eyes; _even when he's pouting I still want to hug him to death_;

"Promise me you'll never try to use a fake face around here", Naruto all but reeling in shock as his older nee-chan went on, "tou-san and I know you all too well for that Naru-chan; you'll never have to wear a mask around us, got it?"

It took him a moment to reply, trying hard to swallow down the lump in his throat as he couldn't quite meet Ayame's chocolate eyes before, somehow dredging up a smile that hopefully dazzled her into missing just quite how much her words actually meant, he scratched the back of his neck and beamed,

"Yeah, I know Ayame-chan, you and jiji have always been good to me. Anyway", he sniffed as though trying to track down his next bowl of ramen by scent alone, quite by coincidence making sure his nose wasn't going to run with sudden unshed tears as he looked around, "mind if I talk to jiji 'bout learning to cook?" _Thanks nee-chan – when you say that I know it's not a lie_.

"Sure", the waitress laughed as she cleared her customer's bowl out from under him before heading to the back of the stand, speaking over her shoulder as she did so, "wait there Naru-chan, I'll go get the old man and see what he's got to say about the whole thing". _No need to thank me nii-san – it's nothing but the truth_.

XXX

"So then", up to his elbows in soapy water Naruto looked over as best he could, seeing Teuchi lifting some of his ingredient tins up to the top shelves of the cramped backroom of the ramen store, the ones he couldn't even reach unless he stood on the counter top, something that neither of the Ichiraku's wanted in case he fell and did himself a mischief, "what's this my little girl tells me about you wanting to cut up vegetables rather than enemy ninja Naruto-kun?" Huffing a sigh of annoyance as Ayame merely smirked slightly under his sardonic eye, the jinchuuriki answered slowly as he pulled another scuffed pot into the sink he was working at,

"Not like that jiji; I jus' want you to show me how to cook things, not anything fancy or pricy, just things I can live on when I can't get ramen". Nascent proximity alarm bells starting pinging in his mind and he ducked just in time to avoid his nee-chan swiping her hand gently through his thick blonde hair, Ayame chuckling as she flipped her wash cloth over her shoulder and started to dry the well-scrubbed pots he had piling on the side of the sink and wash board,

"You little blonde kappa; you'd live on ramen if you had the chance wouldn't you?" Naruto didn't even miss a beat,

"Of course; wouldn't everyone?" Recognising he was a truly hopeless case the chef's daughter simply sighed and shook her head, letting her father take over as Teuchi finished cataloguing everything and realised all the stock was present and accounted for; _just as well, last thing I felt like doing after a rushed day like today was running to the late night markets – Kami-sama must have been tipping me a wink today when Naru-chan showed up for pot cleaning duty_;

"Well as glad as my business is to hear that Naruto, I'm afraid I can't teach you how to make ramen; it's an old recipe", he explained hastily as the boy looked over, thunderstruck at this announcement, "one that's been in the family a very long time and, let's face it Naruto-kun, it's all that keeps this old shack from falling down around me and Ayame-chan's ears, and even then only just".

"Only 'cause you're too stingy to pay for proper repairs and keep doing it yourself", Ayame muttered under her breath, once more reliving the worry she always felt when she saw her father taking his life in his hands and clambering around on the restaurant roof trying to track down and fix another minor leak before it flooded them out again. Fortunately not hearing his daughter's grumbles, Teuchi carried on his explanation,

"So I'm afraid I can't part with that little secret Naruto-kun but don't worry, there's lots of other things I can make that taste just as good as ramen".

Naruto swirled this idea around in his head for a moment, much like his hands made eddies in the dishwater still present in the sink as he pondered the matter; overall it made a lot of sense really – Teuchi-jiji teaching him how to make his signature dish would be like Sandaime-jiji handing over the Hokage's hat to him now and bidding him good luck in the post; _yeah he could do it, but if he did and I started making my own ramen, he'd lose money because I might not come here as often_. One of the benefits of his little business and its associated training, itself only begun due to the sage advice of the ramen chef some years ago he remembered with a start, was that he was a lot more perceptive to the impact of decisions on all parties concerned – give something to get something was a lesson even he could relate to and, in all honesty, what did he have that Teuchi-jiji would want enough to part with his secret ramen recipes? _Nothing, in fact even when I become Hokage I bet I won't have anything that would make him change his mind – oh well, never mind, at least Ichiraku ramen's not going anywhere for when I get peckish_;

"No problem jiji, I can understand that", he nodded as he reached the conclusion in his mind and carried on with the washing, "besides, I wouldn't make a very convincin' spy-chef if all I could make was ramen would I? You won't have to buy any 'grediants either, I got enough saved up for lessons".

"Is that so?" Teuchi mused, one eye still on the back of the smallest person in the back room of his stand as he considered the matter; Naruto had grown up so much, even in some ways growing old before his time, that he wasn't all that surprised he'd so quickly gotten over the disappointment of not being able to learn how to make his favourite meal; _but to offer to pay for it all..._; "Just as long as you're not selling yourself short Naruto-kun – it'd be pointless for you to learn how to cook if you can't afford to feed yourself afterwards wouldn't it?" The question made the youngster giggle for a second before he shook his head,

"No worries there Teuchi-jiji; the old man'll look out for me if I run short as long as I tell him it's for ninja training. In fact, if I start cooking things for him maybe he'll increase my allowance – he doesn't always get a chance to get out his office for lunch"; _now that would be interesting – another way to get some more cash perhaps, if my clone does the cooking will I'm out in the fields..._; putting that thought onto the back burner for a minute, Naruto reeled his mind back in to catch the only the tail end of what Ayame was saying,

"Sorry nee-chan, didn't get that".

"I said", the girl repeated herself, hands on hips and with a slightly exaggerated frown of her face as she, like most young ladies her age, wasn't fond of being ignored, "if that doesn't work you could always come up with new recipes and sell them to the Akimichi clan. If it tastes good they'll buy how to make it off you".

"Really?"

"Yep", Ayame assured him, giving a knowledgeable nod as her father had let her sit in on the last time a representative of the rotund clan had petitioned the ramen chef to part with his recipes for a very respectable price; Teuchi had politely refused of course, but offered the Akimichi a discount should they ever request his services at a function or clan gathering, a bonus that sweetened the pot for the large man who departed with a respectful bow and the rent money Teuchi owed on the stand, "they love their food do the Akimichi, even more than you do your ramen"; _impossible_; the jinchuuriki thought but decided not to speak, instead hearing his older sister-figure out, "so if you cook something that impresses them they'll buy the recipe and add it to their clan cookbook; if it's really good they might give you a yearly stipend to keep it".

"Really?" Naruto repeated himself, fantastical imaginations of him sitting on a pile of money coins as he stirred a pot full of delicious treats that the Akimichi were stampeding over each other to get hold of, "Wow, okay then; let's get crackin' on that an' make some money!"

Chortling at his enthusiasm, Teuchi took one last look around as his daughter swabbed down the sink Naruto had just emptied and decided that all he saw was good; _excellent, time to go home and put my feet up after a long old day_;

"Hold your horses Naruto-kun; glad as I am that you're raring to go you can't just jump into cookery feet-first and hope for the best, not unless you want to end up scraping soot and tar off the bottom of your cooking woks at least", he advised, holding up a finger as Ayame locked the back door of their stand; unlike the Hasuwadas who lived above their property, the Ichiraku father and daughter merely rented their stand and lived about a ten minute walk from it, in one of the less-expensive but still comfortable regions of Konoha's residential areas, "I'll try and come up with a timetable or something like that but it'll be likely to change and chances are you'll have to do most of your cooking at the weekend; that all right for you?"

"No problem Teuchi-jiji", Naruto assured him with a crisp salute, the gesture forcing Ayame to hold back on her sisterly glomping instincts due to its inherent cuteness, "I don't do much at weekends anyway, 'cept maybe some work out of Ayame-chans' old work books; anything else is a welcome break from them".

"Very true Naru-chan", the waitress assured him with a shudder as she too remembered the long hours of drudgery that homework represented before brightening up, "still, while you're slipping away from them we'll be able get you initiated in the holy order of ordained ninja-chefs; you won't have any trouble shopping for ingredients right?"

That question made Naruto have to hide a sudden smirk; while originally it had been a problem, he now found slipping on a minute-mask before he went outside as easy and as natural as a normal person did pulling on a pair of shoes; with this in mind he looked his adoptive sister square in the face with his wide, guileless eyes and shook his head appealingly,

"Nope, not an issue for me Ayame-chan"; _they'll never see me coming_.

That assurance and confidence, together with the victory symbol he flashed up in time with his brilliant grin, was enough to break through the ramen girls' self-control and in an eye-blink Naruto found himself caught in the most dreaded technique of the school of ramen-fu, the inescapable Feminine Glomp of Doom. The sight of the little Mouse flailing around in Ayame's arms as he clawed desperately at the air in his thrashings to be free was enough to make Teuchi roar with laughter, his mirth seeming only to tighten his daughter's hold as she nuzzled her cheek into the younger child's hair,

"You are _soooo_ cute; we could grate you up and use you as the sprinkles they put on ice-cream, it'd be a best-seller and we'd make a fortune. How much do you reckon he'd be worth dad?" Just about smothering his mirth, Teuchi managed to shake his head and place his finger on his chin, looking serious as he gave a measured answer,

"Alive or dead?" Seeing his daughter's raised eyebrow he nodded at where Naruto's struggles for freedom were noticeably slackening off due to her constricting grip; Ayame leapt back with a gasp as Naruto heaved down a breath of sorely needed air and stood up, panting after coming so close to being crushed by kindness,

"Ordained, ninja chef", he managed to rasp as Ayame looked at the floor abashed; _but I can't help it, he's too adorable when he makes a face like that_; feeling his ribs start to expand back to their normal position he gave a shaky thumbs-up and smiled again, the ramen waitress brightening as she realised he didn't hold the hug against her, "well if, that's the sort of, thing I'll be learning", he stood to his full height and stretched off, just about holding off a wince as he slipped an arm around his adopted sister's shoulders and gave her father a victory pose, "bring on my first lesson in shinobi cooking and the art of ramen-fu!"

XXX

It was true what Anko-sensei had said, he realised as he struggled vainly against the sudden vice-grip that had seized him around the middle and made sure he couldn't get away; in the field, almost making it out the way of an attack usually meant that you were simply bleeding out rather than immediately dead.

Not that the situation here was quite this serious, luckily for him; his suspicions had been aroused by the slight look of expectation on Muruda's face after the weapon smith had gestured for him to go upstairs, had only gotten stronger as he'd realised he couldn't hear the rhythmic thunks of steel against wood that would have indicated Tenten-chan being outside practicing with her beloved weapons and had blown into full life just as he'd stepped into the Hasuwada's apartment above their shop and heard the quick, light patter of feet running towards him from the back. He'd leapt to the side out of instinct but not fast enough; Tenten had been able to get half a grip on his closest arm and from there, due to him being off-balance, had yanked him into a constrictive grip that she didn't look to be releasing any time soon, instead looking over his shoulder at where Kishi was regarding the pair of children with amusement,

"Look kaa-san, I caught a mouse", the girl stated proudly before carrying on, "now I can take him to school tomorrow and chop 'im to bits!" Rather unsurprisingly, this idea didn't find much favour with the aforementioned mouse as Naruto redoubled his efforts to break her hold,

"I don't wanna be chopped to bits", he declared, grabbing both her hands with his own and trying to prise them apart at the same time as pleading for Kishi's help with his eyes, "I like all my bits where they are, I wanna keep them all attached to me!"

"Sorry Mouse, sensei's ordahhh!" Finally giving up on breaking her strong grip, Naruto instead fell back on his old standby of fighting filthy and a second later Tenten stumbled backwards, giggling from where he'd reached over his shoulder and tickled the sides of her neck, the only place on her body that attack affected her apart from her feet. As she reeled, Naruto managed to wrestle down a breath of air and recollect himself enough to ask the burgeoning question,

"Now I'm out of range for the imminent dicing", he favoured his former orphan with a nasty glare, though true to form Tenten merely stuck her tongue out at him, able to act like a bit more of a brat than her eight years would have had people believe as the younger child being present was a convenient excuse for such immature behaviour, "why's your sensei got against mice?"

"We're doing a die-section tomorrow", the bun-haired girl replied with a knowing smile, Kishi looking up from setting the table and recalling that part of her own school days with a slight smirk; _oh what Muruda-kun wouldn't give to take back that day – he had to be excused from the lesson for crying after tapping his mouse on the back of the head. Then again, he's always loved animals_; "so sensei's bringing in loadsa mice an' we get to chop them up".

"Eww", thinking of this for a minute made Naruto feel slightly queasy, "why'd you want to do that?" Tenten opened her mouth to answer, then closed it as she realised she didn't have an immediately-convincing reason before, thankfully, her father came to the rescue,

"Two reasons Naruto", the thick-set smith grated heavily as he pushed the door shut behind him at the same time as ruffle Tenten's hair buns with his free hand; though she was a little too big for him to pick up as easily as he had in earlier years, nothing he said or would ever want to say would stop her greeting him with a hug every time his working day was done, "firstly it's important to see how different things are in real life compared to what you read in books, and second", the former ninja caught himself for a minute before, after seeing his wife's permissive nod, he sighed and walked over to the settee. Both children followed him with intense curiosity in their gaze, Tenten jumping onto her father's knee as the older man sat down heavily and smiled at her, slipping an arm around his daughter's shoulder,

"Well the second reason is one you're not supposed to know until after you try out for the ninja Academy, but since I know you're both going to end up there anyway it can't hurt to tip you off a little", he assured them with a cheerful smile, Naruto nodding as he knew that his friend would be eligible for selection next year while he himself would have to wait until the year after that; _still, at least I get three or so years with Panda-chan in the Academy before she passes out_; "this little exercise, as well as lots of others the teachers will spring on you Ten-chan, is designed to see if you're got what it takes to be a ninja. I've never sugar-coated it for you hime, or you either Naruto-kun, however much I've wanted to; ninja kill, it's the main, or one of the main tenants of the job you sign up for when you put on that head band. What'll happen tomorrow will probably be your first exposure to death or, if not, certainly your first in killing a living thing; the sensei will give you live mice, it's up to you to pinch the life out of them before you start carving them up".

As he'd expected, a little silence fell over the two assembled children after this admission, Naruto in particular looking pensive as Tenten looked up at him, brown, expressive eyes worried as she chewed her lip before speaking,

"But, we don't have to hurt the mice do we daddy?"

"No, in fact it's best if you don't", Muruda assured her gently, trying to coax her around for her unofficial test tomorrow, "just a small squeeze on the back of the neck, they won't feel a thing. It's not nice but it is one of those things you have to get used to Panda-hime", he suddenly grinned, Tenten squeaking in mock-dismay as he suddenly pulled her down and blew a raspberry though the material of her shirt covering her stomach, "'specially if you want to be a top kunoichi like Tsunade of the Sannin".

"Stoppit! No, daddy", the girl pleaded, beating on the back of his head with a pair of tiny fists, "help, Ruto!" Smirking, the named child merely folded his arms and looked away, ignoring his friend's tormented squealing,

"Sorry Ten-hime, you were gonna chop me up earlier". As her father sat back up and gave his daughter some air the girl turned a flushed, angry face his way but ultimately couldn't hold the expression, instead snickering as she pulled herself upright using Muruda's broad shoulder for leverage and slipped back to the floor,

"I wouldn't chop you up Ruto-kun", she assured him sweetly, Naruto risking a peek over his shoulder before turning back around, apparently unconvinced, "aww, don't be a meanie Mouse; I have to know what a mouse looks like inside-out or I'll fail the test at the end of the summer; we've only got a few months left to practice an' I know Suliki-sensei's goin' to question us about anatomy".

Unusually, to Tenten at least, Naruto didn't turn around at her wheedling explanations; the sudden, prickly idea that she might have actually hurt him with her jest about cutting him to pieces was slowly creeping over her like a stifling blanket in the middle of a thunderstorm as she slowly inched closer. Such a suspicion however, was a long way from the truth; instead the reason Naruto had frozen so still was because of her last works rather than her first ones; _from the inside-out! That's just what..._; a sudden hand on his shoulder derailed his train of thought and he looked around to see the concerned and slightly hurt face of his oldest friend regarding him with close concern and, possibly, a little shame etched into her expression,

"Huh, Ten-chan, what's wrong?"

"You ah", she began, twisting her fingers in the material of her shirt the same way she always had when she'd been apprehensive about something during their stint together in the orphanage, "you're not, upset are you Naruto-kun – you know I was joking when I said about taking you into school and..."

"Ne Panda-chan", at that cheeky benediction and the smile that spread over his face like a sunrise the Hasuwada scion felt her spirits lift in relief as she realised he hadn't taken her words to heart at all, "you know me, I don't get upset 'bout little things like that. I was jus' thinking..."

"No wonder it went quiet", Kishi chipped in from the sidelines, only snickering softly at Naruto sticking his tongue out in response before turning back to her daughter and carrying on,

"I was just thinking about tomorrow – if that die-section thing was a ninja test like you said Muruda-san, I need t'be there and take if I'm gonna be the next Hokage! But", both his head and his expression dropped as he scratched the back of his head ruefully, "I don't go to school, so how'm I gonna sneak in to get there?"; _and if I'm right I really need to get in there tomorrow – once I know what I'm doing it'll be easier but I need someone to show me what to do before I just run in and have a bash at it_.

Unknown to the introspective jinchuuriki, his question had caused the two adults of the household to look up simultaneously and share a meaningful glance; having been married for a good number of years Kishi could read her husbands' mind at times like this as easily as a Sharingan could predict the taijutsu of an Academy student and, as Muruda stood up and soundlessly excused himself, she took matters into her own hands to distract the two children so she could determine exactly where his train of thought was leading,

"Well never mind that now Whiskers; both of you get sat down or you'll miss your show". Jolting with shock s they both saw the time from the old clock that hung from the solid wood beam that acted as a marker between the living room and the kitchen of the apartment, the duo jumped onto the settee as soon as Naruto flicked on the switch that, after a minute of humming, allowed the ancient television set to crackle into life and let both Tenten and her jinchuuriki friend breath out a sigh of relief; _lucky – we only missed the opening credits_;

"Wonder what the Nekos will be up against dis week", Naruto whispered, arranging the cushions at his back into a more comfortable pattern as he curled up on the end of the settee, "hope it's not that white-haired monkey-guy, he always reminds me of jiji too much". Tenten tried and failed to hold in a giggle at this idea, going so far as to slap him softly on the shoulder for his cheek,

"Ruto, you shouldn't talk about Sandaime-sama like that, even if his clan does have a contract with the monkeys".

"They do?" Tenten somehow managed to give him a look that spoke volumes of shock at the same time as keeping her eyes glued to the screen in front of her,

"Yeah, they told us about that in school; Sandaime-sama fights with his partner the Monkey King Enma a lot; didn't he ever tell you that?" Naruto shook his head, feeling a bit disappointed with his older guardian before a sudden thought and the reason behind such omissions came to him,

"No, we don't talk about him much an' I don't see him as often as I used to", he admitted before looking more pensive, "I suppose he doesn't like talkin' about it really – I know he was called the God of Shinobi when he was fightin', but I guess he just wants to forget about that kind of thing now he's older an' running the village". Tenten mulled this over for a minute before nodding, dismissing the concern,

"Well, that makes some sense; he must be really busy trying to look after all of Konoha on his own"; _you have no idea Panda-hime_; remembering a few instances where he'd been drafted in to help unearth the Sandaime from beneath the resident paperwork mountain that appeared to have half-buried him behind his ornate desk made Naruto smile and shake with laughter, though fortunately Tenten didn't see it as she went on, "but no insulting him – he's gonna be our boss someday!"

"Only until I take the hat off him", Naruto muttered darkly, though fortunately Tenten didn't hear him as the episode of their weekly show began in earnest and the two children were mesmerised for a priceless half-hour, more than long enough for the two elder Hasuwadas to hold a hushed conversation in the kitchen, plotting a plan of attack for tomorrow and picking the perfect time to present it to the other two who were to play the pivotal roles in it.

The perfect time arrived, quite serendipitously, just as Naruto was gearing up to leave; the Mouse already had a few plates in his hands and looked to be moving towards the sink when he was stopped, rather surprisingly in his opinion, by Muruda himself,

"No need Naruto-kun; I'll handle this tonight"; _something's up_; alarm bells started trilling as Naruto knew for a fact that Muruda was as fond of washing up as he was of algebra, "Kishi-koi has something she needs to speak to you and Panda about"; _ah, that explains it_. Letting out a silent breath of relief as he realised he wasn't in trouble at all, the jinchuuriki allowed the smith to take away the plates he'd collected and sat back down at the table, as always swinging his legs and eagerly awaiting the day when he'd be tall enough to sit in one of the chairs Muruda-san's own father had carved and have his feet still touching the floor. Taking her cue, Kishi stood to her full, if slightly petite height and addressed both her daughter and her guest,

"Okay Naruto-kun, Ten-chan we, your daddy and I that is", Kishi favoured her adopted daughter with a graceful motherly smile as the budding weapon master beamed in gratitude, "had a bit of a head-to-head while you two were watching your little cartoons. And what we decided was this; Naruto-kun, your idea that you shouldn't miss tomorrow's little experiment just because you don't attend the Academy is very true, so luckily for you I have some family in a little village towards the borders of the Land of Fire, and their middle son is about your age and wanted to be a ninja at one time", a semi-devious smirk flitted across Kishi's lips as Naruto, having leapt to a slight guess about what was coming next due to his training with the ninja of Konoha felt his eyes bulge in astonishment; _no way, they'd never..._;

"I think I was overdue a visit from my little nephew, and it simply wouldn't do for him to miss school at all – run home and get enough things to tide you over a night Ruto-kun; Ten-chan, you're having a sleep-over".

A few seconds after this bombshell announcement was dropped and detonated, the fallout was easily seen in the form of two hyper-actively excited youngsters all but bouncing off the walls and each other in unadulterated glee. Smile almost bisecting her head Tenten managed to recollect herself enough to reach out and snag her smaller friend the same way she had at the start of the afternoon, clinging on like a nin-ken on a bone as Naruto's momentum all but span the pair of the off their feet,

"Naruto this is the best", she shrieked – she'd wanted a sleep-over for agers having heard what one was off some of the other girls from her class, for her mother to make one up on the spot just proved beyond a doubt that she was the best mother in the world, "we're gonna have so much fun, an' even school in the morning's not so much of a hassle now".

"I sure hope not Panda-hime", such was his ecstatic vindication in one of his schemes coming up trumps not only without a hitch, but also with an added bonus for once, was enough to make him forget the taboo and address Tenten by the pet name she hated above all others, "jus' wait there a second, I gotta run home an' get a few things..."

"Including", Kishi had to raise her voice to make sure she was heard, both children looking over as she held up an instructive finger, "some clothes for tomorrow that aren't bright orange. I know you're good at dressing up like you do Naruto-kun but for this you might need a little help, so Muruda-kun will go along with you to make sure you get the right things won't you koi?"

"Hai", the disembodied answer floated back from the kitchen, "just as soon as I've beaten these dirty dishes into the sink – back, back I say; into the hot water with you!"

As Tenten broke down into snickers at the sounds of her father, usually strong and unbending as the iron he forged, almost being upstaged by unclean crockery (Naruto, remembering past experiences in both the back of Ichiraku ramen and, more recently, helping clear up in the aftermath of his first few cooking experiments, was slightly more sympathetic to Muruda's plight) there followed from the kitchen a heavy splash, the sound of something fragile coming into rapid contact with the hard floor and a plethora of words the jinchuuriki knew were ten-a-ryo on the training ground but, judging by the look on Kishi's face, was fairly certain she hadn't wanted Tenten to hear just yet. _Probably just as well Muruda-san's getting out the house for a while_; the Mouse reasoned as he watched the matriarch of the Hasuwada household roll up her sleeves, eyes fixed on the kitchen door; _I doubt he'd find this sleep-over as much fun when he's the one sleeping down in his forge_.

XXX

True to her benevolent nature, especially when her little girl was involved, Kishi allowed both her young charges to stay up slightly later than usual and even indulge in a little late-night snack (Muruda, on the other hand, was denied any tasty treats and exiled to bed early in disgrace for breaking yet another dish out of her rapidly-dwindling china set, much to the muffled sniggering of his both his daughter and his guest). However all times, even the most fun ones, must come to an end and to that end, just before the clock struck nine and Naruto had demonstrated his nightly stretching regime to both Tenten and her mother, both children were scrubbed clean with teeth brushed, pyjamas on and, in Naruto's case, cute little sleeping cap pressing down his unruly hair and presented with a final problem.

Only one futon.

"Uhhh", knowing how awkward this might be, Naruto took a careful step backwards from the door that led to Tenten's little bedroom, "if it helps I can sleep..."

"Nonsense", Kishi swept his rambling arguments away with the broom of common sense, "this is quite large enough for the two of you, you'll just have to top-and-tail. Now", stepping past the children she casually pulled the blanket out from where it was tucked under the bottom of the futon and in the same moment grabbed one of the pillows Tenten used and placed it at the foot of the bed, beckoning Naruto forwards as she did so, "see, this is where you sleep and Ten-chan, you're in the top. It's perfectly safe, as long as you two _behave _yourselves, okay?"

"Hai"; neither child missed the underlying order in that sentence and chorused the appropriate response, Naruto sliding himself under the covers as Tenten slipped into place at the top, her feet level with Naruto's knees as the bed was slightly too short to keep the two of them fully apart. Seeing the two of them settled in, Kishi smiled and paced to the head of the bed, Tenten snuggling down in her covers and scrunching up her face as she felt her mother's lips brush her forehead,

"Night kaa-san".

"Goodnight Ten-chan; get plenty of sleep, you have school in the morning". Naruto nodded at this, already feeling tendrils of sleep coiling around his mind as he'd stayed up later than usual and, combined with his early mornings, was finding himself lulled easily to slumber. A shadow overhead blocked out the light suddenly, made him open his eyes and squint; he froze, paralysed in shock as he felt Kishi do to him what she had just done to her daughter, the scent of her faint perfume heavy in his nose as he heard her murmured words just before she turned out the light,

"Same to you Mouse-chan, have sweet dreams and be ready for the morning". He didn't answer, or nod, or even blink; his rictus paralysis was unbroken as the contact of her lips, completely alien to him, replayed over and over again in his mind, each repeat stirring up a hot, wet, sloshing feeling in the pit of his stomach as he relived, just for the briefest, most glorious of instants, what it must have felt like to have a mother's love.

It was a sensation so overwhelmingly powerful, so basically required by all functioning human beings, that it nearly drove him to tears and broke him as no amount of hate or disrespect had ever been able to.

In the darkness Tenten hadn't been able to see the expressions that were writ large on her younger friends' face, nor the fact he was having to swallow hard to keep his unpleasant tummy-flutterings below the oesophagus and out of his eyes. She was concerned, however, that he hadn't spoken immediately after her mother had left; usually he was a complete chatter-box who had to be gagged to stop himself talking when he had the chance as far as she knew, so this silence in the dark room was quite disturbing for her. Wetting dry lips, she decided to venture forth into the unknown and have a stab at conversation herself,

"Ruto? What's up Whiskers?" There was silence for a moment and she began to believe he'd drifted off to sleep almost immediately before, in a voice that sounded almost tremulous to her, she heard him speak,

"You know", he swallowed thickly, unable to carry on without a brief pause, "you're really lucky Tenten-chan, you know that?" Knowing what he was driving at and feeling a sudden cold bite of guilt from deep inside her because of it, Tenten answered as best she could at the same time as making the offer that she had before in the past more than once,

"Hai, I know I'm real lucky; but, you see this place isn't that small Whiskers, an' you could stay in my room 'til..."

"No", his voice wasn't hurried, or a shriek of denial but it was a lot flatter than she remembered and for some reason that hurt just as much as outright denial, "I'm grateful for you askin' but I can't say yes – there's not enough room up here Ten-chan, Muruda-san and Kishi-obaasan couldn't look after me _and_ you at the same time".

"I know, and that really bites", Tenten pouted, not quite knowing what the word meant but having heard it on the playground a few days before and feeling it somehow fitted into this situation quite nicely, "still, you're here now an' don't you forget it", wriggling around, she hunched her body up and pressed down at where she guessed the right spot was, feeling a jolt at contact as the soles of her feet pressed into Naruto's making the boy shiver, "we gotta get some sleep and be ready for the morning".

"Oh I'll be ready Panda-chan", Naruto teased slightly, forcing back his confusion and slight discomfort as the unfamiliar sensations of having an adult who cared for him, rather than instructed him as a ninja would, receded slightly, "I get up real early every day". There was a huff from the other end of the covers,

"Well you better not get me up in the morning; I need my beauty sleep". Presented with a gift like that, Naruto just couldn't help himself,

"You're telling me – ooof!" A soft, squashy something beaned him full in the face and he hastily rolled over and grabbed for his own weapon and Tenten, having sat up and swung with all the might her eight-year old frame possessed, recocked her makeshift missile for a second swing,

"Oooohhh, you asked for it Mouse", she hissed venomously, lashing out again at where she guessed the smaller form was now cowering under the covers using his own pillow for protection against her clubbing blows,

"Pillow fight!"

XXX

It was quite astonishing to watch in a way, Tenten mused as she watched her supposed 'cousin' hand in the slip her kaa-san had drafted to their class tutor; Naruto's performance had been all but flawless as far as any of her family could see.

Had she not seen him enter the bathroom looking like Naruto she might have attacked Masashi when he strolled out of there some fifteen minutes later, disguise in place and almost able to see eye-to-eye with her due to the special shoes Naruto had brought with him sealed in his scroll. He hadn't so much absorbed the titbits of information her mother had told him about the boy Tenten could only vaguely remember being introduced to as her cousin over a year ago as devoured them alive, spitting out the bits he needed as and when he needed to repeat them. Even now, as he shot a cheerful wave and beaming smile at the teacher who looked after Tenten's class she couldn't help but marvel at both his seamless transition into a new person, and his bottle for even trying to pull the stunt he was making happen with her assistance; _I'd never be able to pull this off – I'd have been a giggling mess before I even stepped through the classroom door_;

"Very well class", the firm tones of the middle-aged woman, herself a former chunin who liked to occasionally pepper up a boring lesson by doing ninja-type things such as throw a flash tag onto the floor and give lines to any students who didn't hit the deck quickly enough, "Higuri Masashi will be joining us for today and today only; make sure you treat him with the respect he's due as a guest of Konoha". A chorus of desultory 'hais' rang out along with a few curious glances towards the newcomer before, with a clap of her hands, the sensei focussed their attention back on her,

"Well, now the excitement's over, bad news I'm afraid kiddiwinks; Durso-sensei's off ill so your taijutsu lessons are put off until tomorrow, so you've got me all day", she declared with a cheerful wink, the sight of their little faces falling to the floor enough to invoke hilarity and pride equally; _sensei always said if you can make them hate you more than they hate the enemy you're halfway to having a decent team – ah, how the Will of Fire spreads_; "so, apart from the little treat we've got coming up for you this afternoon, this morning will be a revision class to get you up to speed for next months' final exam. And if any of you lot have forgotten anything from my classes", using the barest hint of killing intent Suliki made sure her class sat up straight and gave her their full attention as she favoured them with a smile that may have made even the Shinigami think about coming back at a more opportune time, "Kami-sama spread his mercy on you, for I have none and, even if I did, wouldn't anyway".

Contrary to his original believe Naruto actually found the school environment relatively interesting, though he guessed a lot of that was due to the novelty value and he could feel some of that wearing away as the morning wore on. Most of the other children around him were concentrating on their own studies as the sensei wrote down problems on the board for them to solve, most of them he could grapple with given enough time to concentrate on recalling the information that had been written down in Ayame's textbooks and, seeing as he had been seated next to Tenten and was at the end of the row, there was no-one sat next to him he could really talk to other than the Hasuwada girl; _just as well really – otherwise this would get really boring_;

"Ruto-kun", Tenten whispered out the corner of her mouth, hidden by her writing hand as she crouched low in her seat, pretending to scrutinise her paper, "you okay? You can do all these problems right?"

"Yeah, I think so", he whispered back in kind, careful not to move his head just like Anko-sensei had taught him, "a few problems but I don't think she'll mark me". Tenten nodded minutely before she, along with the rest of the class and Naruto, sat upright as another sudden clap from their teacher,

"Right, ten minutes until we break for lunch and I'm bored of watching you little monkeys scribbling; pop quiz time", there was another collective groan from the class that merely seemed to spur on the sensei on, leading to her rubbing her hands in badly-disguised glee, "so then, you", she pointed out a girl from the front of the calls, all her friends immediately backing away as though told she was carrying something extremely disgusting and contagious as the long nail on Suliki's finger speared her with the question of truth, "give me the name of the first Hokage, what clan he belonged to and what abilities he had that made him famous?"

This round of rapid-fire question and answer piqued Naruto's interest far more than the dry, dusty sounds of a couple of dozen pens scratching on parchment; he smiled a little as he watched the sensei pick out people at random as targets for her questions, each one retiring relieved or disappointed as they gave correct or false information. This continued for a time until, to his sudden horror, he found himself firmly in the firing line, eye to light green eye with Suliki and Tenten wincing at the side of him,

"And how about a word from our guest just before we break to eat? Masashi, ninja missions are graded in the following order; D, C, B, A and S, any idea why this is?"

"Uuuhh", was his less than intelligent answer to this for the first part as he scrambled for a solution; _damn it, this mask doesn't want to be a ninja any more so I can't make it look too obvious – aha, that'll do_; going with the old advice of if it's too late to be serious, be playful he sat up straighter in his seat and answered, "is to do with how cool the mission is – does it go Dull, Cool, Brill, Awesome and... Stylish?"

He would have used another S-word Anko-sensei had inadvertently taught him but doubted it would have gone down quite so well, not with so many virgin ears present; Suliki for her part looked slightly stunned for a minute before, to the surprise of most of the class, she broke out in a wide smile, just about teetering on the edge of a laugh for a moment as she regarded the boy before her with new, somewhat appraising eyes,

"Not quite Masashi-san but damn, from what I remember about being on ops it might as well be just that. Kishi-san said you weren't training to be a ninja – that true?"

"Yep, 'fraid so", the black-haired child assured her with a nod; _well, Masashi might not be but me, no way I'm missing out_;

"Shame", Suliki commented before being cut off by the bell and almost stampeded by a horde of pre-ninja Academy students desperate for freedom and fresh air. Retreating to her desk, the sensei kept an eye on the temporary child, watching as he headed to the bright sunshine with his cousin; _pity about that – if nothing else he'd be amusing for any jounin-sensei to send into the mission room – 'I want a new assignment pronto and make it Stylish' – I can just imagine how well that would that go down!_

XXX

Coming back into the cooler classroom having quickly eaten the bento he had helped Kishi make for him in the morning; admittedly he hadn't done much more than season the salad she used but it was better than nothing; Naruto felt a sensation similar to the one that had assailed him last night as he saw the sets of tools laid out neatly on the desks and a see-through box of what looked like white mice present on the sensei's desk, the little creatures within all running over each other in a vain attempt to escape. For some reason it was a bit of a struggle to walk up the steps to retake his seat but he managed it, his trepidation easing as he realised he wasn't the only one feeling the heat. Almost all the rest of the class, some of whom he'd had a lot of fun with over the break kicking a small ball around the dusty playground, were looking at between the surgical tools on their tables and the mice running around on their sensei's desk with expressions somewhere between disgust, solemn determination and, in a few cases that made him shiver involuntarily, enthusiasm.

"Okay you lot, settle down and I'll explain", Suliki called above the clamour, every bottom finding its seat as she carried on, "as you know this is the dissection lesson; after a demonstration by me, I will call your names in alphabetical order and you will come to the desk, pick up a mouse, kill it and take it back to your desk. Watch and I will demonstrate the best way to do this; it is unpleasant and if it distresses you I'm on hand to carry out the deed but it's best to carry it out yourself. Now, if you take the mouse like so", reaching into the box she deftly caught a small, furry body with ease, the mouse wriggling frantically before Suliki's sharp fingers whipped up and pressed the back of its neck, causing its little jet-black eyes to bulge slightly before it fell limp and ceased moving. Standing up and looking more sombre now, the sensei addressed her class,

"Not nice, not particularly pretty but a necessary evil", she intoned in a severe voice, looking at each of the students in her class as she did so, apparently singling a few of them out as she continued, "for those of you who wish to become shinobi, killing something as small as this mouse is merely the first step, the very first, of a long and dark path that you should never seek to follow to the end; killing, all killing, whether the victim is animal or human, is something that must be done but should never be relished or enjoyed. A ninja who follows the path of the shinobi that far can no longer be called a shinobi, or even a human being; he's just a murderous beast that needs to be put down for the good of us all. Most of you are too young to even being to understand what I'm saying", she sighed, a shadow of regret crossing her face as she realised that it was true and that by the blood of these little test specimens she was staining the souls of her class, not even into double-digit age, with the first few drops of blood that many would shed in the name of Konoha, "and I'm hoping that will remain the case for a long time. Until then though, make sure you have eyes on me while I go through dissecting this one, then come and get your own".

As the class leant forwards to observe, Suliki banished the last of her own concerns and cleared her mind, laying the flaccid corpse out on the small tile before her before reaching for a scalpel and explaining what the children should do as she made the first incision.

XXX

_Was that always the way?_; seeing the slightly haggard expressions on the faces, one real, one a fake composed of make-up and putty, of both children she knew Kishi had to fight back a sigh; _Does every mother see her child, and all the others, grow up so fast and wonder where all the time went?_ It appeared that she wasn't alone in this duty as several of the other mothers assembled outside the school gates, especially those whom she knew had older children who'd already graduated, seemed to be making an extra fuss of their progeny as they left the Academy grounds. Kishi was slightly more reserved, not out of frigidity like the Hyuuga she could see standing a little apart from the rest of the parental scrum, as though afraid their pristine white clothing would be contaminated by associating with the commoners, but because she hadn't been blind to what had happened the previous night and didn't want to run the risk of embarrassing or scaring Naruto again, least of all in a public place when he was using his quite considerable talents in disguise to hide in plain sight,

"Hi kaa-san", as she'd expected Tenten's voice was slightly more subdued than usual, as she'd been expecting, "it wasn't as...I didn't like it much".

"Good", Kishi replied, surprising not just her daughter but also, from the way he jumped slightly, Naruto as well, "Muruda-koi told me that his sensei once said the day killing is easy is the day a shinobi should hand in his headband and call it a day. It's a lesson I hope neither of you ever have to learn", she smiled serenely at her daughter, who was starting to brighten up in the aftermath of the dissection, though she was still a little upset that she had a small smear of mouse blood on a corner of her workbook that simply wouldn't come out, "N-Masashi-kun, what about you?"

"Hmm?" Apparently caught slightly on the hop by the question, the disguised jinchuuriki glanced around at his best friends' mother before cottoning on to what she was asking, "Oh, well I agree with Ten-chan; it was interesting, but I didn't like, you know, putting the mouse down. The teacher was right though, best not to look at it, or try to think about it too..."

He tailed off, suddenly looking past both Kishi and Tenten with eyes that both could feel burning even through the coloured glass he wore to mask their distinctive shade; even as they turned to see what had both caught his attention and sparked his ire, Naruto had stalked past them with his intent focussed on the injustice he could see and was determined to put right,

"Oi!"

Obviously none of the gaggle of girls had thought he was addressing them; it was only after he'd stormed forwards, grabbed the ringleader roughly by her shoulder and spun her around to face him that he finally engaged their attention,

"Ow! That hurt, why...?" The other child, about the same age Naruto was himself but, for the purposes of his mask, a year younger, whined petulantly before yelping in shock as the taller body stuck his face very close to hers and hissed a venomous breath directly into her eyes,

"What in Makai's name do you think you're doing?" Completely unused to such forthrightness both the girl and her pair of flanking cronies seemed taken aback, stuttering and stammering as Naruto merely took another step forwards, sending them scuttling backwards away from the kneeling figure behind them,

"Looks to me", he said slowly, menace permeating every word as he kept up his pacing; _slow, steady, don't break eye contact – show them no fear and they'll usually back down even if they outnumber you_; thankful for that little snippet of psychology a ninja with blonde hair, a... Yamanara, if he remembered rightly, had slipped him on the training grounds, Naruto continued his implacable advance, "like you were having a bit of 'fun'", the sarcasm rolling off his tongue was all but tangible, "with that girl there – I might try it myself, with you three".

"But...we..." The girl before him tried to rally, looking right and left for the support of her friends and, seeing they were still there if not actively backing up her up, drew a sliver of comfort from them, "...would you hit a lady you, you brute?"

"You're no lady", Naruto shook his head, cold and deliberate ice in his voice as he darted forwards a pace and almost sending her toppling to the floor in shock as she stumbled over her own feet, "you're a bully, a coward and you need to take your bratty little friends out of here before I lose my temper. And no, I wouldn't hit you; you're not worth my time; but the longer I look at you the more tempted I am to take you over my knee and do something you kaa-san should have done a long time ago".

"And if he doesn't I will", a new voice said from behind him, Tenten standing up tall and glaring at the delinquent trio, warlike expression easily backed up by her imposing height, "get lost!" The ringleader of the group looked like she wanted to open her mouth to argue more but the sight of an adult, one who she knew was on at least speaking terms with her own mother, looming up behind the two interlopers like the aspect of the Shinigami and fixing her with a piercing glare knocked the last nail into the coffin of her ideas and made her stare at the floor as Kishi went on,

"I suggest you do just that Ami-san", the girl flinched – time had been when the Hasuwada had called her –chan; it looked like that wouldn't be happening for the foreseeable future, "and I shall be having words with your parents when I see them next mark my words".

With that promise swirling around in her ears Ami had no choice; with the other two girls who'd said they'd help her get her own back on the stupid brat whose bag she'd tripped over at lunch, making her spill her home-made rice balls, she ducked her head submissively and departed as silently as she could, feeling a trio of hard eyes on her back all the way until she was lost from sight. As the last of the three shorter figures disappeared out of the Academy gates Naruto let out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding, grateful that none of the three bullies had taken him up on his offer – despite his talk, he wasn't sure that he could have followed up on his boasts that he could have hit a girl, even an obnoxious one like that Ami had been,

"Well, that's that then". A hand touched him on the shoulder and he looked around to see Tenten smiling at him,

"Yeah, way to tell 'em cousin", she exclaimed enthusiastically, having gotten into the habit of calling the disguised boy her cousin rather than his adopted name in case she forgot it, "that was a good thing you did".

"Maybe, but there's no reason it should've got that far", as a victim of negligence Naruto was loathe to see it in displayed to other people; _in fact, how is...?_; with that question in mind he turned on his heel to see Kishi helping the harried child pick up her scattered things, "are you okay?"

The girl flinched, a sight that made Naruto's heart contract painfully before she mustered the courage to glance up and look into his camouflaged eyes; green eyes peeking out from a curtain of unusual pink hair, the smaller girl managed to meet his gaze and give a shy sort of smile,

"Hai, thank you senpai". Heart clenching again, though not out of pain this time, Naruto had to fight the urge to scratch at the back of his neck, instead shrugging awkwardly as Kishi, noticing the rising tension as Naruto was unused to positive attention of any description simply smiled at the girl as she answered the Uzumaki's question,

"I think she'll ne right as rain, you spotted them early enough – good eyes Masashi-kun, I'll tell your mother you might well make a ninja yet".

"I'd like that, but", getting back into character as he still looked at the girl he'd saved, slighter taller than he would have been had he not been wearing heeled shoes, he gave a slight shrug, "dad needs me to take over the merchant caravans when he wants to step down as family head and it'd be a struggle for even a kage to juggle ninja missions and plot a course to Suna at the same time as haggling a decent price for tea leaves out of the land of Tea. Still", smile back in place as he realised that this time someone saw him as the good guy rather than something unpleasant they'd just trodden in, Naruto decided he was going to take the chance to play this for all it was worth, "it's nice to rescue a pretty princess once in a while".

The supposedly-younger child he'd rescued promptly turned as pink as her hair, trying to hide her expression behind her recently-recovered rucksack; fortunately to spare her blushes before they ventured any further down the colour chart of human cheeks, a loud voice carried over to the foursome and a woman arrived on the scene, looking a little out of breath as the kimono she wore was spattered with dust and dirt,

"Oh, gomen", she bowed in apology, the shade of her hair telling al present that this was without doubt a close relation, most likely the mother of the girl Naruto had spotted, "the markets were very busy today and I couldn't get away; I hope Sakura-chan wasn't any bother". Seizing the reins of the conversation Kishi merely bowed back and smiled,

"None at all; in fact she was just getting acquainted with these two; Tenten, Masashi-kun", both bowed as their older 'relative' pointed them out before giving a slightly regretful sigh, "though unfortunately Masashi will have to be leaving shortly, this was his only real day out in Konoha".

His repeated practise on the training fields coming into play, Naruto noticed that Sakura, as he now knew the pink-haired student was called, looked slightly crest-fallen at the thought of him leaving; seeing this and not liking seeing someone who'd given him thanks, of all things, left down in the dumps, he took steps to rectify it. Striding forwards as bold as brass, it was harder to say if Sakura or her mother were more shocked when he threw an arm around her neck and drew her close, grinning broadly and speaking to the world at large,

"Don't worry Sakura-chan, you'll see me again I'm sure", he then dropped his voice to whisper out the corner of his mouth, "and if those brats try anything like that again, you just tell them Higuri Masashi will find out where they live and has a very heavy smacking hand, okay?" There was a shiver to the side of him that sent a tingle right through his body and he heard Sakura stifle a giggle before giving a soft,

"Hai – thank you again"; then all he knew was discomfort as someone grabbed his ear in a firm but not painful grip and slowly prised him away from his new best friend; from the corner of his eye he saw Kishi's face marred with an expression somewhere between humour and exasperation,

"Masashi desist; every time I see you you act more like your father".

"Really? Thanks oba-chan".

"That's not a good thing", Kishi groaned, massaging her eyes with her hand as she released the boy before making a shooing motion with her hand, "Ten-chan, just take him home before he makes any more of a scene". Chuckling slightly at the sight of the jinchuuriki deflating somewhat Tenten eagerly joined in the game, hooking her arm through her friends as she began half-leading, half-dragging him away as Kishi began talking to the unfamiliar woman, her daughter's eyes not leaving the departing form on Masashi, reviewing the last few minutes as she saw how he had browbeaten the three girls with little more than a threatening posture and a dirty look.

_And he doesn't want to even be a ninja_; Sakura hadn't given much thought about what she was going to do after school much like most other children her age but she was smarter than most, knowing she was an only child and likely to remain one, that didn't leave her many options for the future, most likely either marry someone who could keep both her and her family in comfort or find a job that could support them all on her own, and there was only one real occupation that could do that. Being backed into a corner like that by Ami, someone who was stronger than her if she was honest with herself, was not an auspicious start to that particular career branch; _so what can I do about it? I know there are a few people in my class who belong to ninja clans, could one of them help me at all? What about that blonde girl, with the long hair – is she a ninja-child – I'll have to ask about that...maybe she'll know what being a ninja's all about...?_;

"Hey", a sudden indignant voice was heard just outside the Academy grounds, the girl her saviour had left with piping up at a thought, "what do you mean you don't like saving pretty princesses? What about me?"

"Well, two things Ten-chan – first you don't often need rescuing, you look after yourself", Masashi's answer made her feel even worse about herself before the second part made her chuckle to herself, "an' I rescue princesses, not pand-ahhh-ah-ah, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that".

"Too right you shouldn't; now mush, you're carrying me home and if you drop me once I'll make sure you'll be able to tell if my dad or yours has a harder hand".

"Meanie; I thought pandas were meant to be to be soft and cuddly – ow!"

"Not this one baka – this one's got paws of steel and her father's forge-worth of weapons to back her up – now lead on peasant, this princess wants to go home to dinner".

XXX

"Okay, this time I'm definitely getting up this wall – believe it!"

Looking up from where he was carefully bundling up the latest mouse carcass in the stained newspaper he'd scavenged from a bin near his apartment and wondering just how much the local pet-shop had taken from his accrued funds over the past six weeks as he purchased a steady supply of dissection subjects through a variety of aliases, Naruto sighed – despite it being necessary, he still didn't find it any easier to actually euthanize the mice he brought prior to repeating the lesson he'd had at the Academy so month and a half ago. Due to his talk with the Sandaime and Anko-sensei, to say nothing of his own experimental transformation and its painful results, he knew that this gruesome method was the only safe way he would ever be able to use his henge to its full potential; _just as well I don't have the same problems with humans as I do animals_. Suppressing a shiver at the macabre thought, the real Naruto looked down at the result of his work, getting slowly more confident that he could at some point in the near future attempt the transformation and actually become his namesake; _after all, takes a Mouse to become a mouse – even if it's risky, no-one ever got to be Hokage without taking a few gambles_.

With that in mind and knowing he'd done all he could with this particular mouse, his experience with the creatures now so great that he could almost visualise what he was going to see before he started cutting with his improvised tools, in this case a sheared kunai and a few broken or malformed senbon needles, Naruto made to place the little ball of paper into his bin when yet another soft thump issued from the living room and his voice echoed through to him,

"Right, this time for sure!" Shaking his head, the original raised his voice and called out some advice to his hard-headed creation,

"For Kami's sake, just use your hands and knees – too many falls and you'll pop".

"No way", the clone argued back, fighting its corner, "I'm going up this wall on my hands and feet if it's the last thing I ever do".

"You carry on like that and it will be the last thing you ever do", Naruto reasoned, pushing the embalmed mouse body to the bottom of the bin and standing up to wash his hands, "and if you break a leg falling off that wall don't come running to me!"

The clone didn't answer, something Naruto was quite grateful for as he flicked on the switch for his kettle, ready for some tea; in the length of time he'd had his new jutsu, almost a third of a year as Konohamaru as nearing four months old now, the oblivious jinchuuriki was certain that due to one of its unforeseen side-effects, there was no-one in his village with more experience than him in arguing with himself.

The basic reason for this experience was that, though every clone he produced looked exactly like him physically, each one seemed to have a slightly different personality, and that personality was influenced by whatever emotions he'd been feeling at the exact moment he made the clone. That was the reason the first duo of clones he'd ever made had turned out so radically different – one had inherited his fear at trying the technique, the other his excitement at hopefully getting it right this time. So far he'd had angry clones (a memory of a villager spitting at him just as he got home), happy clones (just got back from Ichiraku's – yum!), depressed clones (raining too much to go onto the training fields – jiji never liked it if he went out in a storm) and, as the soft thumps from the lounge continued and were punctuated by repeated declarations of his intent to succeed, the most common type, the hard-headed clone, usually created due to his excitement at using a jutsu that should have been far beyond him.

_Though, truth be told, if these guys are the most common mood I'm in that's not a bad thing_; and really it wasn't overall – okay the clones that inherited this particular mindset were loud and had a tendency to dive right in rather than trying to think something through, but on the other hand they either did what they were determined to do or dispelled themselves trying. Unless he was actively using them for some purpose or other, often his flexibility training or to double-check his disguise was up to par prior to slipping out for the day, Naruto generally just let them get on with what they wanted to do; _as long as_; seeing another blonde head poke itself around the door and sniff deeply, the original growled softly as he curled an arm protectively around the item he'd just added the boiled water to; _they're not wanting to eat my ramen_;

"Something smells good".

"Yes it does, and it's mine", Naruto assured his clone forcibly, turning the other cheek to its miffed pout and folded arms, "you can't eat it anyway; when you dispel it'll just land on the floor in a squidgy mess"; _and last time that happened it took me hours to get the stains out the settee cushions_;

"I can still taste it though", the clone pointed out before noticing the still-uncleaned dissection tools on the table, "urgh, shouldn't you have washed up first?"

"I was hungry", the creator shrugged, stirring the noodles around in their cup before shrugging, "still, I'll get them washed as soon as I've had this". Not able to stomach the sight of someone else, even it was in reality him, scoffing down precious ramen he himself was forbidden from, the clone looked away as Naruto sat down and snapped a pair of chopsticks, ready to eat,

"So", trying to block out the smell of the heavenly ramen, the clone tried a different conversation track, "got any further with that transformation-thingy yet or are you going to have to do a bit more slicing first?"

"One or two more", Naruto answered, the poking the ramen broth and waiting for it to cool slightly before he took his first bite, "I'm pretty sure I've got as close an idea as I can manage in what I'm supposed to be turning into, inside as well as out, but I need a couple of extras before I really feel a hundred-percent confident". As he'd half-expected, the confident clone merely pooh-poohed his concerned,

"Ah, you should just go for it".

"And turn myself inside out if it goes wrong?" Naruto shook his head and shivered simultaneously, the image almost enough to put him off his ramen; _almost_; "No thanks, I'll need all my limbs attached and in the right place to be Hokage". The clone stuck its tongue out,

"Wimp", Naruto looked up sharply at this before falling quiet as a sudden gleam flashed in the clones' eye, "watch this!"

Even before his doppelganger's hand started moving Naruto knew what was going to happen and made a desperate attempt to stop it,

"No wait, don't...!" In his heart of hearts he'd known it was already too late to stop even before he spoke but he had to at least try; even as the smoke exploded from the henge attempt Naruto closed his eyes and tried to brace himself for what he was expecting to see when he opened them again; fighting down his rising nausea and panic he dared sneak a peek in time to see the white chakra smoke disperse and reveal what looked to be a bare kitchen; _well, that's not as bad as I was expecting – no blood or guts to scrub away anyway_; something skittered onto the floor and he leant over in his seat to see what was making the noise.

It was as close as Uzumaki Naruto had ever come to dropping a cup of priceless ramen as his jaw dropped and his eye bulged at the tiny rodent in front of him; mouse and boy regarded one-another for a moment before, with a second explosion of smoke, the clone reappeared, one hand on his head and appearing to shake himself down as he regained his bearings,

"Whoa, that was weird; hey, boss?" Belatedly noticing his creator's slack lips and vacant expression, the clone cocked his head as he tried to spark some life into the flesh and blood version of himself, "Boss – what's up? Pretty kick-ass henge don't you think?"

"You", the answer was a ghostly whisper the clone had to strain to hear, "you're a clone".

"Uhh, yeah", only a vast effort of will held back the sweat-drop threatening to erupt from the back of the bunshin's head, "what, you didn't think I'd stay as a mouse forever did you?"

"You're a clone", Naruto repeated, feeling his eyes squeeze shut as once more he found himself battered in the face with a fact that should have been obvious, "you're a clone; baka, baka I'm a moron! You're made of chakra; that means you don't have bones, you don't have organs, nothing to rearrange – of _course_ you can use henge easier than I can, there's nothing for you to have to think about reforming when you're in the mouse form! Dear Kami-sama, this is it, this is what I need", suddenly frenetic, Naruto all but leapt from his table to grab the startled bunshin by the shoulders, "quick, I need you to dispel – I need to know what the transformation actually felt like for you, what was it like at that height. Anko-sensei said the kanpekina henge was easier with practice, the first few times were always the hardest but I don't have the luxury of messing it up – if it's not right first time I turn into a puddle of goo. This could be it – I can't transform but if you guys do and I get you memories of doing it..."

"The technique should be easy", the clone finished for him, excitement to match his own gleaming in its eyes before it snapped to attention with a salute, "right boss, I'm on it – good luck".

With that and a puff of smoke it dispelled itself, Naruto staggering as the memories of the world shrinking around him and falling away at a rapid rate of knots confused his brain for a second before he managed to disambiguate the memories and recall them effectively. _Right, so that's the felling – I'll need a few more clones to try it before I even try, but for now it'll do. So, my clones can do henge as well and they can henge into anything, any living thing?_; every answer, it seemed, just brought about more questions, questions that solidified in Naruto's mind exactly why Kage Bunshin was the greatest technique in the world; _But either way, the possibilities – henged mice running around, infiltrating buildings without people even knowing I was there, then when the moment's right, pop! 'Hi I'm Uzumaki Naruto, now here's my best friend Mr Fist and his pal Madame Black-eye'. Or notes, explosive tags, hidden in the walls by mice, or cockroaches_; by this point it was probably just as well that Naruto didn't have many house-guests as glazed eyes and virtual salivation was not terribly good manners, but right now he just didn't care, mind rushing a mile a minute as he considered the possibilities; _can they use other ninja techniques, or will they be invisible, like jiji said I was in a henge? How much do they weigh – I've never tried to pick up a shadow clone – could I use them as weapons in a pinch if they henge right, I'd always have available weapons! Oh my Kami-sama_; only the kitchen wall stopped his falling to his knees as this sank in, the enormity of his potential discovery, brought about by the actions of a particularly stubborn piece of his mind given enough chakra to do what it wanted and a chance to show off;_ this is going to be huge!_

XXX

The last thing he wanted to do was upset anyone but, by the same token, he'd had this date in his diary for quite some time and wasn't going to miss it for anything; however as none of his three targets knew what to look for should he try to disguise himself, this was a delicate situation and what he was doing now was about the best compromise he could come up with. Because of that and the long-held Academy tradition that most ninja graduates got the latter half of the day off to celebrate with family or their new team mates prior to being assigned to their squads, Naruto was reasonably confident that his taking a day away from the training grounds would be worth the hassle and, as he saw one of the targets he was after emerge from the gates, he knew he'd make the right decision; _least of all as none of her clan look like they're around – mind you, all Inuzukas are independent I guess_;

"Hana-san", the voice came just before a concerto of whines from her partners, though before she could question why the Haimaru appeared to be mugging a kid she'd never seen before she caught a whiff of his scent herself and felt her eyebrows rise, "nice going".

Seeing his eyes flash up to her new headband, proud insignia gleaming in the metal plate, Hana felt herself flush slightly as she saw her partners, now grown slightly and entering the 'leggy' stage of their puppyhood, crowding around the henged Uzumaki, the boy himself fussing the three nin-ken and apparently unconcerned as he was covered in shed fur. Chuckling slightly as one of the trio leapt up, elongated limbs now enough to enable the Haimaru to put his paws on Naruto's shoulders had the boy been henged to his correct height, Hana called them off with a soft whistle,

"Okay, playtime's over"; _and who looks more disappointed, him or the nin-ken?_; "thanks for the support Naruto-chan, but graduation was yesterday".

"I know but there was a big crowd then, and some of the others on the fields told me that you guys only got a half-day when you were put into teams so I thought I'd be best off seeing you three. So, who was...?"

He tailed off, hardly daring to believe what he was seeing on the Inuzuka's face; as far as he knew Hana only ever looked down like that with a frown pulling down on her cheek tattoos when one, or at most two, other people were involved,

"They didn't?" He breathed, starting to grin despite himself as her scowl only deepened, "The Fukumiwarai...?"

"Yes, both of them", she hissed venomously, the Haimaru also whimpering as they caught onto their mistress's depression, "why me, what did I do to offend the Kami enough to be lumbered with that pair?"

"We could be asking the same thing", another voice cut in from behind her, Ko emerging from the school looking disgruntled as he scratched behind his headband, his brother just behind him waving off another girl who looked to have also graduated and was receiving a congratulatory hug from the new genin, "you weren't our first pick either". Hana scowled but before she could speak it was actually Izumo, hurrying to catch up, who made the next point, even if he looked bewildered as he said it,

"Apparently the teachers said we had excellent teamwork, proof is any were needed that they don't take their job seriously; good teamwork", he scoffed even as he raised a hand in greeting to Naruto, recognising the disguised boy as in all honesty who else did Hana know that age who wasn't her brother, while the other hand, apparently without him realising it, went down to fuss the closest nin-ken behind the ears, "the closest we've ever come to teamwork was being in detention together, usually because of something _you _did".

"Oh of course, blame me for everything baka..."

"Yeah, saves time overall". Hana snarled at this before a sudden call from Naruto made both quarrelsome teens look over,

"Well it looks to me like he instructors had it bang on the money; you three have perfect teamwork, don't you boys? Yes you do", as always the Haimaru all but fell into his hands, whining softly as Naruto simultaneously fussed them and grinned at their owner. Hana attempted to look disappointed in their abject capitulation but, seeing the contentment on her partner's faces, simply couldn't hold it, instead giving a gruff snort as she turned to her new team mates and, reluctantly, spoke again,

"Where do you want to eat?"

"Huh?" Sighing in disgust at this less-than-intellectual answer, Hana produced a roll of bills from one of her pockets as she elaborated,

"Old Inuzuka tradition; a new pack always comes together over a meal – I don't particularly like either of you but I'll be damned before I break tradition. So, where are we eating?"

Apparently taken quite aback by this forthright display of trust, Naruto had to conceal a snicker as he watched his two older male friends look at each other; it was quite funny really, seeing how this slight change to their normal pattern of fall-out, argue and make up somewhat threw two-thirds of the trio completely for a loop. He was half-afraid Hana wouldn't get an answer, a fear she seemed to share as well as after a few seconds she dropped her arm and made to put the money away before Izumo, seizing the initiative and not wanting to let a free meal slip away, blurted out,

"Sushi; uhh", recollecting himself, he tried to sound casual, "I mean, I'm partial to sushi every now and then, and it's raw so you can't complain too much, carnivore". Hana glowered at the insult but, seeing as there hadn't been any real malice behind it, instead shrugged and nodded,

"Fine, not really tried it myself but I'll give anything a go once; you know...?"

"The perfect place", Kotetsu intervened; _why did he say that – he knows I hate most sushi but, it's for the team I guess_; ready for once to simply put up and shut up for the sake of preserving both team unity and his sanity, he made to lead on, "it's a small place by the guy there's like an uncle to us, likes animals as well now I think about it. You in Mo...you in kid?"

Naruto was tempted to say yes but, seeing the three before him and realising this was a chance for them to get to know each other better and get used to being in a squad together, he gently shook his head, a faint voice in his ears as he spoke; _protect the pack kid – that must mean all packs, even those who've only just started out_;

"Sorry, can't – love to but can't; jiji needs to see me about something an' I don't want to be late. He might ban me from going to the training grounds – where else am I going to find a new lot of gullible Academy students to mug for simple jutsu if he does that?"

"Bah, get out of here you little rat", never one to enjoy being needled on his former follies, Izumo swatted at the younger childs' hair though Naruto easily skipped out of range, "I'd even take being on a team with Hana-chan if it means I never have to see your ugly little face again".

"Who are you trying to kid, you'd want to be with her anyway", Naruto's words were tossed over his shoulder as he ran away, his last move released before Izumo could counter-attack, "why else would you call her Hana-chan?" With that and a last fleeting snicker, he vanished around a corner and was gone.

_Oh crap, I did not just say that_; he dared sneak a glance from the corner of his eye and, judging by the looks he saw on both faces there, he was forced to swallow a bitter pill; _ah, guess I must have done. Right, damage control, play it cool and never mention this ever happened ever again_. Plan set and in motion, the Kamizuki scion merely stood up and brushed himself down before turning to his new team mates and acting as though nothing had happened,

"Pesky little, pest; he only says things to wind people up I'm sure", he muttered before slapping on a friendly grin and pointing down the road, "so then, we were getting sushi right?"

Receiving the required nods Izumo took the lead and set off, trailed by the others and silently grateful that Hana hadn't mentioned anything about or taken offence at his slip of the tongue at the same time as wonder why the Inuzuka had remained silent about such things.

XXX

_Oh man_; rushing over yet another small clearing and plunging into the trees Naruto cast half a glance behind him and shuddered; if anything the blackened sky seemed to be spreading faster than spilt oil, the thunderheads that made up the mighty storm that was coming already rumbling out a warning to all that stood in their path; _if I'm not back in the village before that lot breaks I'm gonna be a drowned mouse!_

In all honesty it was his fault he was in this predicament; having been tipped off by Kurenai-sensei that the preliminary training sessions for jounin selection were being carried out on training ground twenty-nine over the whole of this week the last time he'd crossed paths with the red-eyed genjutsu mistress, Naruto had let the trials continue and resolved to plunder the assorted scrap from the place on the Friday of that week. It had worked up to a point; there was so much scrap in his backpack that he was almost certain Muruda-san could outfit half of Konoha's shinobi force; but the downside of finding himself ankle-deep in such a treasure-trove was that he'd not kept an eye on the sky and therefore had been caught out when the few grey clouds he'd seen in the morning had turned ominous and black towards the mid-afternoon. Even then he'd stayed as long as he'd dared, not wanting to run the risk of losing anything that might rust in a storm and sealing away what he could, before turning on his heels and tearing back to the village, cutting across other training areas and cursing that he didn't know this section of the training grounds as well as he did the others, least of all when he was running through them pell-mell as he was now.

Naruto knew, had been briefed by the gate guards in fact, that all training ground eventually led to Konoha; no matter which direction a ninja took in any of them, he was eventually bound to stumble across one of the dirt paths that linked them all and could easily follow that back to Konoha if he read the signs present along the path. Though not obvious to the naked eye, the signs could be read by any ninja (or would-be ninja) native to Konoha, and Naruto was making the most of them, sprinting as fast as he could back to the village to try and outrun the wind and the rain. _Go, just keep going_; even as sweat, warm, irritating and itchy, clung to his scalp and his breath came in fits and pants, he forced his legs to work harder; _I can nearly, in fact no I can, I can see that walls_; the sight of the massive wooden monoliths made his heart soar and seemed to drop ten stone from his legs, allowing him another burst of speed; _that's in, nearly home! Worst come to worst just crawl up the damn thing and apologise to the ANBU at the top!_

This was a good plan in theory, and had he had slightly better chakra control and more time it would have worked; as things stood however, due to his rush to claw his way to safety, only the fortuitous arrival of a curious ANBU who casually tossed him over a shoulder and ran up the solid oak beams with no issue saved him from a potential soaking. After thanking the ninja elite with a smile, a salute and promise for free trading any time, Naruto turned on the wall and made to move against the wind that was now howling in from the west before something caught his eye from his elevated perch. Delaying for just a minute, the jinchuuriki squinted and watched as the light flickered, disappeared and then came back on; _looks like someone's sending a signal, but from inside the village? Who'd see it – whoa_; an exceptionally powerful gust almost launched him off the parapet and he quickly dashed down the stairs, his eyes still on the erratic light until he was sure he had a decent fix on it, all the time making up his mind.

On the one hand it was unusual, and in a ninja village unusual meant a potential risk that should be checked out – on the other it was going to bucket down with rain pretty soon and he wanted to avoid getting wet if he could help it, so he could just let it slide. Weighing things up in his mind as the air around him became ever more oppressive with the autumn storm threatening to break and sky ever more murky, Naruto muttered a quiet curse word to himself, made his mind up and, unknowingly, took another step along the path that might one day lead to his ultimate goal being realised.

XXX

"Aha, perfect", the sudden shout made the ninja team look up in time to see a particularly disgruntled looking Mouse heading there way, prompting one of them to chuckle slightly,

"Well, this is a surprise; looks like the mice are invading our fair village from the training grounds – hope the infestation won't get too serious".

"Yeah yeah, laugh it up", Naruto told the snickering trio before slipping his pack off his shoulders, for once grateful that he'd popped in to see the Hokage in the morning rather than waiting until he finished hunting scrap for the day – good luck had dropped these three right into his hands and surely one of them would have what he needed, "listen, once in a lifetime deal here – pick of the lot, anything you want for all three of you, I just need one thing from the lot of you..."

A few minutes later all three ninja, a pair of chunin with a jounin mentor attached to try and prepare them for the jounin exam they'd both signed up for, had full pouches courtesy of Naruto's recent jaunt into training ground twenty-nine and the jounin was handing the requested item over to the pre-genin with a stern warning,

"Now I'm giving you this and expecting you to be careful with it", he said in a severe tone of voice, Naruto doing his best to look attentive as his eyes all but devoured his prize, "use no more than a single one of these in a day and no extra food if you do, okay?"

"Hai, I'll remember"; satisfied, the jounin placed the little pellet in the trader's hand and stood up tall, making to depart with a final warning,

"Good, Hokage-sama will hear of it if you don't". Naruto merely nodded and bowed as the team left, though inside he was grinning like a fool as he held up the little parcel in his palm before storing it securely in his palm; _oh yes, I'll be careful all right_; memories of the indignity he'd gone through just a few nights ago had been enough to plant seeds of revenge in his mind and this little gem was the key to make it all happen; _I have all the information and, with this, all the pieces I need – bite my head off and make me walk home in the rain would you? Well then_; he straightened, casting a vicious grin over his shoulder to one particular section of Konoha before heading out for his daily rounds; _best you prepare yourselves – this Mouse bites back!_

A/N: And who might have gotten the Mouse in such a tizzy? What was the mysterious item he traded for and what will he do with it? Will Konoha ever be the same again when he's through? Until the next time – ja ne!


	10. Chapter 10 A Mouse of Tiles

Chapter 10 – A Mouse of Tiles

A/N: So then, the answer to the question – who felt the wrath of the Mouse's bite? Read below to see what it means to incur the wrath of a legendary prankster and future Hokage!

As he knocked on the door and settled back in a way that avoided the slight creak of the wooden decking beneath his feet, Chouza glanced around at the sturdy but plain wooden door before him and wondered if it would look more authentic with a pair of antlers or two adorning it before he straightened up, hearing faint footsteps approaching. As warm light spilled onto the standing area, the head of the Akimichi clan bowed deeply and held both hands out before him, the gift he had brought for the occasion nestled snugly within them as he spoke the time-honoured greeting,

"Nara-san, it is an honour to be invited to your clan house".

"It is a pleasure to receive you Akimichi-san", the tall, dark-haired woman answered with a formal bow before, as both straightened up, they simultaneously smiled and she stepped forwards into the large man's compassionate embrace, "it's good to see you again Chouza-kun – how is Chime-chan these days?"

"Ah, hanging on, hanging on Yoshino-chan; just under two years to go and she's already counting the days until little Chouji-kun can attend the Academy", the gentle giant chuckled, releasing the matriarch of the Nara clan from his brawny arms and looked her up and down, snickering slightly at her shuddering expression, "I trust you've not been bitten by the same bug". Yoshino groaned again,

"Oh but of course", she lamented, looking up at the shaking Akimichi and trying unsuccessfully to cut off his mirth with a dirty look, "about two years from now I'll be tipping Shika out of bed to attend the Shinobi Academy rather than the civilian one – you have no idea how embarrassing parents evenings are when all the senseis have to say is 'he could do better if he actually tried'". Chouza merely chuckled again, waving the smaller woman before him back into the warmth of her house rather than force her to suffer the bitter wind that was swirling through Konoha as a whole; though the teeth of winter had yet to bite, it wouldn't be long until the first true snows fell on the Leaf,

"Ah, but as my old grandfather used to say, the day a Nara, or at least a Nara man", he corrected himself at the last minute, still slightly fearful of the temper than had earned the woman who had become Yoshino Nara a reputation second only to the Hot-Blooded Haberano during their combined stints at the Academy together, "actually tries at anything is the day Kami-sama descends from the Higher Kingdom to pass judgement on us all. You bear a great burden Yoshino-chan; only your effort at whipping them all into shape stops the end of days dawning on us all".

"Flatterer", the Nara woman accused, though there was no denying the slight edge of a smirk that quirked her lips at his praise as she turned to escort him to the main play room, "anyone who wonders why the Akimichi always end up with the most beautiful of women as their brides has obviously never heard your silver tongues speak".

"Either that or they haven't figured out what else our silver tongues are skilled at", Chouza commented mildly, somehow keeping his expression as blank as it would be for the majority of the rest of the night as Yoshino froze and turned slowly towards her guest, a look of outraged shock mingled with embarrassment on her face as her quick mind easily dissected the double-meaning in his words – Chouza timed it to perfection, just waiting for her to draw breath to speak before finishing, "our skills in the kitchen are only made possible by such a refined sense of taste. Why Yoshino-chan", not even he could keep his face straight that long, not at the sight of the Nara matriarch's face slowly mottling to puce as she realised she'd been taken for a ride by the deceptively quick-witted Akimichi, "you're looking quite flushed; a little too much coal on the fire this evening?"

Try as she might to take offense at her husband's former team mate Yoshino found she could do little more than launch a soft punch into his shoulder, an attack about as effective as a mayfly bull-rushing one of her clans' deer. Chouza for his part merely chuckled again before holding up one hand and inclining his head in apology, the jilted woman eventually capitulating after making him sweat for a few seconds more,

"Bah, any more remarks like that it'll be _you_ on that fire Akimichi Chouza and no-one in your clan would condemn me, Chime-chan least of all"; _no, she wouldn't – in fact if anything she'd probably give you a hand_; thinking about his own dearly-beloved wife, left alone for the evening with his son and the other youngsters of the clan while he attended the most importantly monthly gathering of the six noble clans of Konoha, a soft, slow smile of fondness crept over the huge mans' face as he looked up again and almost super-imposed the image of his own Chime-hime over the woman who had claimed Shikaku Nara as her own; _and despite how much he might curse you as a troublesome woman, Inoichi and I both know he'd walk barefoot through Makai if it would make you smile_.

"True, but don't you go giving her any ideas now Yoshino-hime; she's already looking for ways to cut down on our heating costs and the last thing I need is her trying to find out if it's possible to literally burn calories", Chouza warned half-jokingly, "still, am I the last one to arrive? If so I'm sorry but some important clan business came up – re-negotiating some of the licences for our stall stands took a lot longer than I was expecting". Yoshino nodded at this, a world-weary sigh escaping her lips as she stepped into the alcove of a nearby doorway, allowing the rotund ninja to pass by unimpeded on his way to the meeting room,

"Hai, it's always the way – I think Shikaku was up for all of, oooh, three extra minutes trying to wrangle a decent sum out of the hospital for our deer antlers. Lazy baka", she swore gently under her breath, fixing the corridor Chouza was walking down with a firm grim stare as though her eyes alone could lacerate her slothful husband even at this distance, "if it weren't for the fact I need his brains to keep our clan in the black I'd have tied one of his legs to one of Maito Gai's and asked the Green Beast to set a three-legged speed record a long time ago".

Such a thought, and such a mental image, made the Akimichi patriarch snort out loud in mirth, stopping in the hallway and sniggering helplessly; _priceless, oh that was a classic – Morino Ibiki himself could learn new tricks from you Yoshino-chan_. Bowing once more to excuse himself, Chouza headed down hallways that he remembered from his Academy days, brought over when Shikaku had invited his friends over to do typical kid's stuff such as watch clouds, stay up later than their parents knew and, when they'd gotten a little older, sneak glances at unseemly magazines they'd conned (or Inoichi had possessed) older people to buy for them. _Good days, some of them at least_; like most ninja Chouza had regrets and had lost many friends – of his year in the Academy, the vast majority who still drew breath were behind the door he could see just up ahead of him, bright light filtering out from its underside and muted snatches of conversation filtering into his ears as banished the memories of long-deceased friends and focussed himself on happier times, the times such as tonight when he pushed the door to the Nara guest room open and, seeing the other five pairs of eyes swivel to fix on him, raised both hand and voice in greeting,

"Evening all; sorry I'm late but if it hadn't been for Chime-hime using her dainty size fours I'd probably still be hibernating now".

XXX

As Inoichi, who was closest to the door, met his old comrade with a firm handshake at the same time as relieve him of the bottle of fine-quality matured mead the Akimichi clan head had brought with him to the gathering, it fell to the only female member of the six clan heads present to break the silence with a gruff laugh, balancing her chair on its rear two legs as she leant backwards to see the new arrival upside-down,

"Hah, I knew Chime was tough but I didn't know she was that strong", seeing the Akimichi's face darken as he realised what was likely coming next, the leader of the House of Dogs shot him a perpendicular wink before she finished, "she'd need legs like Gamabunta-sama for you to notice her kicking". Snorting dismissively, Chouza casually cuffed the smaller woman on the back of her head as he moved past her to his designated seat, taking care not to tread on her nin-ken partner as he did so as he doubted the slumbering form of Kuromaru would react kindly to having his tail accidentally flattened by an Akimichi sandal,

"And unless you want to find out what it feels like to be kicked by a leg the size of Gamabunta-samas I'd keep those jaws of yours locked", he reminded her, sitting down in his seat and shooting her a nasty glare before giving a smirk, "know your place Puppy-chan".

As expected that little comment made the Inuzuka's lip curl into a disgruntled snarl, but she resisted the urge to feed the little glass jar by the side of her with some of her hard-earned ryo – out of all the clan heads Tsume was well-known as the one with the worst mouth and, as Yoshino had a very low tolerance for swearing, always had to make sure she brought a well-stocked money pouch for the swear-jar the Nara leader's wife thoughtfully provided to cover her inevitable slip-ups as the night wore on. It wasn't her fault she was the youngest of the clan heads, being about two years younger than the next baby of the group Inoichi; she hadn't even been part of their Academy year but as there was no-one her own age Tsume could really connect to she had sort of been adopted into the circle of the others, first as the unofficial little sister figure then, as war had broken out and she and her nin-ken had thrown themselves bodily into the thick of the fighting and baptised themselves in blood and fire as had the rest of her friends, as a peer who was known and respected as being as hard-drinking and hard-swearing as the rest of the clan heads; _though can I lose the Puppy label? Can I hell_;

"If you're not careful my place will be on top of your cooling corpse, teeth in your throat and kunai running red", the Inuzuka groused, ducking out the way as the Akimichi chuckled at her pseudo-threat and leant forwards, seeking to ruffle her already-wild hair, "ah quit it; I want to at least start the game before I have to feed Yoshino's ryo-eating monster". That comment brought a chuckle from the other end of the table, Inoichi looking over as he helped his former team mate bring a thin green cloth to the table,

"Heh, bad news for you then Tsume-chan; I think Kunisa-koi might be taking a leaf out of Yoshino-chan's book sometime soon; hands". Even as she leant back to allow the Yamanaka clan head to throw the playing cloth over the table Tsume found herself groaning,

"Oh Kami-sama that's all I need, another clan trying to suck the last dregs of my clan's reserves out the coffers", she fixed the grinning Yamanaka with a piercing eye, "is it too much to ask that at least one of you could stand up to your better half once in a while? I could understand the human sloth over there", Shikaku merely inclined his head at the pseudo-insulting nickname as Tsume went on, "but I thought you had a bit more of a spine than that, Pansy-chan". The Yamanaka clan head winced, face flushing as a smattering of snickers at his expense filtered throughout the room before he faced his accuser and looked her dead in the eye,

"Unless", Inoichi ground out through clenched teeth, reminded once more of his own hated nickname from their school days; _why – it wasn't my fault my clan own a flower shop chain! What was I supposed to do – it's hard enough to be a macho teenager when you come into school every day quite literally smelling of roses_; "you want to spend the next twenty-four hours trapped in your own mind with me recounting every single D-ranked mission you've ever been on with perfect recall and an emphasis on the embarrassing bits, I'd leave that particular name in the greenhouse if I were you Tsume-chan". The Inuzuka held her hand up, deciding against needling the Yamanaka clan head just in case she needed an ally as the night wore on,

"Hai, hai, no offence meant Ino-kun", memory of the Yamanaka's other nickname brought another, safer avenue of conversation to Tsume's mind, "speaking of which how is that little blonde harridan of yours? Still raising the dead at all hours of the morning or has she grown out of that phase yet; I'm only lucky I've got Hana-chan to thrash Kiba-kun around if he wants a bit of exercise". Chuckling, Inoichi nodded gratefully,

"She has, praise the Kami", he sighed, shaking his head as he remembered the apple of his eye, now hopefully wrapped up in a bundle of nice warm blankets at home with her mother before looking across and casting an envious glance at their host for the evening, "something I doubt you've ever had a problem with Shika". The elder Nara nodded, opening the drawer at the side of the table he was sat at,

"True, one thing Yoshino-hime's grateful for is that the children in this household don't tend to wake up early"; _well, not the Nara children at least_; stifling that line of thought before anyone could see it being drawn on his face and give away the plans he had for later in the night, Shikaku moved on, "we were more likely to be worried that Shikamaru had passed away in his sleep rather than being woken up by him demanding to watch the early-morning cartoons". That made Chouza snort with mirth, the Akimichi turning in his seat to regard the other two guests to the evening's events,

"Very true, little Chouji is getting rather partial to a weekend breakfast in front of the television set; what about you Shibi-san, any luck with that electrical problems you were having?" Dark glasses flashing as he turned in his seat, the Aburame clan head merely shook his head before speaking in his quiet but still forceful voice,

"No, there has been no progress; the electromagnetic field generated by the device is uncomfortable for the kikaichu and it is therefore not possible for members of my clan to abide prolonged exposure to such devices. For that reason our shinobi children will never know the power of this new technology", there was the slightest hint of a pause, a movement so delicate none but an Aburame could have made it and still remained innocuous as Shibi shifted the entire axis of the conversation to the man sat one seat to his right, "much like your own will not, am I correct Hiashi-san?"

The Hyuuga lord for his part merely nodded slightly, the enlarged veins around his eyes glittering slightly in the overhead light as he skilfully poured fine rice wine from a crystal decanter into a selection of half a dozen dishes,

"They will not, the elders and I will not permit it", the most traditional and straight-laced of the clan heads intoned, as always so serious and mature that it was virtually impossible for most of his peers to remember that he was younger than both Shibi and Chouza, though only by a few months, "there is nothing on this new medium that can't be taught from scrolls and ink, added to the fact that to install more electrical supplies to the entire Hyuuga compound would be a serious expense that would take months to recoup. For once I am in agreement with the elder advisors", having finally ensured that each of the saucers were filled with precisely identical amounts of alcohol, Hiashi stood and reached over the table to distribute them over the table with little respect for correct decorum, this being the singular night a month where he, perhaps more so than the other clan heads, was able to shuck off the responsibilities of his household and wear a friendlier face than the one he was usually forced to don around Konoha, "there's little point and anyway, we couldn't really afford it if we wanted to". As if by magic Shikaku's eyes were drawn to the face of Hiashi's long-term sparring partner and the fraction of his mind not involved in contemplating how best to bring up the most important piece of business he had to discuss with his friends this evening simultaneously chuckled and braced itself; _three, two, one..._;

"Ah, that you could you cheapskate old waxwork", even in the face of the trademarked Byakugan stare of disdain Tsume merely flashed her fangs toothily as she knocked back a generous measure of the saki he'd poured, "just get your clan to go without washing their hair for a day or, Kami-sama forbid it, two on the trot. The saving in water alone would be enough to install a telly in every house in Konoha; heck, add to that how much you'd save in cosmetics and you could probably hire a full kabuki show any time you felt like it".

Bristling at the shot to his clans' collective pride (and with more than a few choice words about the Inuzuka's rumoured bathing habits already on his lips), Hiashi studiously ignored the sight of most of the other clan heads suppressing smirks at Tsumes' jibe and opened his mouth to deliver a cutting riposte before he was cut off by the kitchen door opening. Glancing up, he saw Yoshino enter the main room and stand to the side with her head bowed, he glimpsed the figure appearing in the doorway behind her and, even before the traditional requirement was halfway out of the Nara woman's mouth, he and the rest of the ninja present had stood to attention in the presence of their leader,

"All rise for Hokage-sama".

XXX

Glancing around the table before him as he pulled the ornate hat off his head Sarutobi didn't even try to stop the smile that wormed its way over his face; _I see you all here now, and in you do I see your fathers and mothers, and their fathers and mothers too in some cases. Truly age is the double-edged sword that cuts all ninja – even as our bodies wither our memories remain, Kami-sama willing, to nourish us in our twilight years_; quitting his thought before he could get too deep into his contemplations and ruin the atmosphere, Sarutobi merely inclined his head politely at his escort, held in his mirth at the small blush that appeared on Yoshino's cheeks; _still got it – there's life in this old monkey yet_; and beckoned to the other half-dozen ninja at the table, favouring them with an expression of almost grandfatherly affection,

"My thanks; please, be seated", he waited until they had all done so before bowing to Shikaku, grateful for the entry into his clan house, "my apologies to drop in like this uninvited Shikaku-kun but I couldn't get a message sent at any time – paperwork, you know how it is?" Nodding even as he stood to provide easy access to the seventh chair at the table, Shikaku answered the village's leader,

"Very true Hokage-sama, nothing could be worse than..."

"...Than getting your wife to write it all down while you dictate", Yoshino finished for him, her expression almost toxically sweet as she smirked at her husband at the same time as air one of his baskets of dirty laundry in front of his friends, "there I am hunched over by candle light scribbling like a possessed librarian while you're up on the roof with a glass of deer's milk in your hand, watching the clouds and shouting down the figures to me". There was a smattering of general hilarity at this admission, even the scars on the side of the Nara patriarch's face going crimson as he cringed under the harsh reminder and put a mental note in his diary that his beloved wife was owed some pampering the next time he had some time free in his diary. Sarutobi for his part merely shook his head while smiling, remembering Yoshino from when she'd been an Academy student and grateful to see that marriage to the laid-back Nara hadn't dampened her Will of Fire at all as he settled at the table seat, graciously accepted a saucer of sake from Hiashi and turned to look over the other six players of the game tonight.

How the monthly meeting of the clan heads quite came about no-one was really that sure; even Sarutobi, with his long memory, would never have been able to quite put his finger on the date the first meeting was called with any degree of certainty. All that was known now, even by the venerable Hokage himself, was that this night, held in rotation throughout the six of the seven major clan houses throughout Konoha, served two very important purposes; it allowed free discussion of strictly-ninja or clan-affiliated business without any civilians around to overhear what could be sensitive information and, perhaps more importantly, it was night where the clan heads could, as much as they were able to, let off a bit of steam, remember old comrades and friends and generally have a small celebration over a few rounds of whatever game they all felt like playing and several cups of sake. Of course, like all ninja meetings and habits, the attendance role had waxed and waned over the years as clans rose or fell in prominence and even Konoha herself had been called to war, negating the hosting of such potentially frivolous and high-priority target events while battles raged far from the home front, but for the past few years the standard six clan heads had mostly heeded the call, helped by the fact that all had known, fought and bled alongside each other in the trenched; heck three of the current clan heads together made up one of Konoha's most successful three-man teams.

Regardless that only six usually attended however, there was always an extra chair put out at the table; this tradition Sarutobi did remember the start of, both he and the other two members of his genin squad reduced to tears of laughter at the mental image of their sensei, the great Nidaime Hokage, sitting on a large upturned flower-pot in the Yamanaka clan house until a more suitable alternative could be found after he dropped in unexpectedly and the mind-walking clan found themselves caught uncomfortably short for seating. The peripheral seventh chair was therefore always present around the table primarily in case any unexpected guests showed up for the night, but also as a show of, if not solidarity, then at least acceptance that the one noble clan who never graced the meeting was present in spirit if not in body.

The Uchiha clan, as decreed by the tenets laid down during the formation of Konoha itself, lived by their own volition alone and isolated within their compound and not a single one of their clan heads had ever attended an informal meeting such as this one, preferring instead to state their business officially in the time-tabled council meetings. The official reason for such isolationism, according to the Sharingan wielders, was that as they ran Konoha's police force they had to appear incorruptible at all times and, though no offence was meant in any way to the other clans, potentially rolling out of a fellow ninja's clan house three sheets to the wind at some ungodly hour of the morning may have put a few doubts in the minds of those they were supposed to protect about their supposed unimpeachability. The unofficial reason, voiced by Akimichi Chouza's father when he'd had a good few tankards of mead in his belly, was that the Uchiha clan 'had so much wood up their collective backside that Shodaime-sama could have grown a second Konoha if they all bent over at once'.

Needless to say, though much less tactful, the second of these explanations was often considered to be the more accurate of the two.

However right now such things were far removed from everyone's mind – if the Uchiha wanted to be sticks in the mud who was anyone here to tell them otherwise? No, better to forget the clan of red-eyed egotists for the night and shuffle the mah-jong tiles for the first game – though slightly old-fashioned, this game had always been popular with the Nara clan for the simple reason it was impossible for the members of the deer-breeding clan to cheat by counting cards; not that they ever would at all, thinking it too troublesome to bother; but the lack of options made everyone else feel slightly more at ease as Shikaku, after some fifteen minutes of general banter, greeting and soft leg-pulling between the reunited shinobi, stood and almost reverently removed an old but sturdy wooden box from the top of the kitchen shelves, the material as polished and glossy as it had been the day it had been made, a gift for the former head of his clan created by the Shodaime in thanks for the Nara lending their strength and brains to Konoha in its infancy.

The top of the Mokuton box was held shut by a relatively simple little sliding puzzle that every Nara child, as a rite of passage within the clan, had to break without aid to access the carved puzzle pieces within. Shikaku himself could recall sitting at the puzzle for no more than half an hour before it confessed its secrets to him, the feat noted with interest amongst the then-elders, now ancestors of his clan; _though I doubt Shikamaru would take even that long, least of all if he had some outside help with his new best friend_. Doing his best to forget that horrible night in its entirety, Shikaku turned back to the table and set the box down, fingers flicking through the correct sequence of the puzzle without him even needing to look at it as one of the other clan heads, seeing this as his last chance, stood up to excuse himself for a minute to the traditional round of cat-calls,

"Well, just before this all kicks off", Inoichi claimed as he came to his feet, looking towards the door, "let me go and get the biological necessities out of the way". Even Hiashi couldn't quite hold in is smile at that one; as much as blonde hair and pale blue eyes were part of the Yamanaka heritage, so too did it appear that low bladder tolerance was a clan trait,

"Hah, and you're supposed to be an infiltration specialist?" Tsume nettled the retreating clan head as she pulled her chair in to let him move past, "No wonder your clan came up with those fancy mind-invading techniques; living in someone elses' body for a while would be the only way you'd sit through a meeting in an enemy country without that shrivelled pea of yours bursting". Despite himself Inoichi smirked at her ribald humour, looking over his shoulder as he put his hand on the door,

"I'll remind you of that when the play reaches a critical point and you're there with a bellyful of sake and water – mind you, I suppose desperate times are the only times you ever cross your legs like a proper lady Tsume-chan". Grinning at her grimace and rude gesture, the head of the Yamanaka clan pulled the kitchen door open and made to find his way to the nearest lavatory, the same pattern that had repeated itself for several years at a variety of clan houses throughout the years, a relatively comfortable, rhythmic pattern that represented an anchor of stability for the eldest and most powerful of the jounin in Konoha in the turbulent world that all shinobi lived in.

However, as Inoichi pulled the door open and a fluffy blonde head suddenly thrust itself into his eyeline from above with a very loud, boisterous greeting of,

"Boo!" The anchor was shifted violently and the resultant turbulence sparked a chain of events that would still be talked about by the clan heads years down the line.

Inoichi let out a noise that he would insist to his dying day was a 'manly shout of alarm' (as opposed to the 'girly shriek of terror' everyone else seemed to remember) and backpedalled frantically from the grinning apparition, palming for a kunai as he did so. However, in his quite understandable haste to get away from the source of the fright, he failed to show the same care and attention to detail his former team mate had and accidentally brought his foot down squarely on the tip of Kuromaru's tail.

The nin-ken for his part had been dozing quietly under the table, taking the opportunity away from the Inuzuka kennels to catch up on his sleep away from his pack. Such a slumber, however, was rapidly disturbed by Inoichi's shoe and as a result the nin-ken leapt up to defend himself with an ear-splitting yelp; however due to a discrepancy between the height of the table and the height of Kuromaru, the nin-ken ended up virtually concussing himself on the underside of the hard wooden beams.

The impact of the leaping dog made the entire table jump; unfortunately for Hiashi, who had been taking a sip of sake at the time, the sudden movement of the table jarred his elbow. As a result of this half the sake in his saucer shot straight up his nose, the rest ruined a pristine kimono beyond repair and only the sudden thump on the back from the Hokage managed to stop the Hyuuga clan head choking to death on his beverage.

Inoichi was already off-balance and stumbling; the fact that Kuromaru pulled the rug from under his feet as he whipped his tail back to himself was the final straw for his balance. Fortunately Chouza had been half-stood in reaction to his friends' shout of alarm and was able to field the falling form of the Yamanaka clan head, though the impact of his friend into his stomach knocked them both down into Chouza's seat.

Finally, at the epicentre of this maelstrom, a single figure remained mostly unruffled by the bedlam that had erupted all around him; the host of the evening let out a long sigh, muttered a quick 'troublesome' under his breath and, eventually, steeled himself to look up at the child now clinging to the ceiling of his clan home,

"Hello Naruto", the Nara patriarch sighed, watching as the jinchuuriki's grin only widened, "you're a little late you know – you were supposed to arrive with Hokage-sama weren't you?" The blonde-haired child looked to be about to answer when another, much sharper voice cut in and made everyone at the table cringe,

"Uzumaki Naruto", flames of maternal concern suddenly cast Yoshino Nara into a hellish silhouette as she glared at the interloper, the jinchuuriki for his part trying his hardest to meld into the ceiling and look innocent as the elder Nara fixed him with a piercing gaze and pointed hard at the floor, "what did I tell you about that trick of yours? I won't have you worming your way up the walls unless your feet are closest to the floor and the ceiling is completely out of bounds – what would happen if you fell and landed on your head?"

"I'd dent the floor", he didn't even miss a beat with either his answer or his grin but, seeing the womans' stony face, folded arms and tapping foot, decided to err on the side of caution and ducked his head back meekly, maximising the amount of his body in contact with the ceiling of the hallway from where he'd reared up like a cobra ready to strike, "hai Yoshino-san, won't happen again but I needed to make an impact and... you know", he suddenly spoke again after breaking off for a minute and looking past the hostess for the evening to see part of the organic wreckage his impact had left in its wake, "you guys might have been part of a team once and I can unnerstand you're close because of that, but even so that looks _really _disturbin' from up here".

At the sudden reminder of their position and the fact that everyone turned to see what the brat had seen, Inoichi and Chouza sprang apart so fast it appeared they'd never even come together in the first place; despite their speed however, it wasn't quite quick enough to prevent the Hokage from being forced to mask a sudden smirk as he caught a glimpse of the back of the Yamanaka's head being cupped softly by Chouza's massive hands, supported by the Akimichi's lap. As the two clan heads brushed themselves down and Inoichi tried to get some colour back in his cheeks after his sudden shock, the burning question on everyone's mind was skilfully delayed for a moment as the second Naruto's sandal hit the floor, he found the upper arm of his jumpsuit gripped firmly but not unkindly by Yoshino, the woman already talking as she began to pull him away towards the back of the kitchen, towards where one of the Nara pantries lay,

"Can't you do anything quietly for once?" Recognising a loaded question when he heard it Naruto wisely remained quiet and followed as the taller shinobi dropped her grip and looked down at him with an expression of almost fondness in her gaze, something that shocked all the other ninja present and made the Hokage raise an eyebrow; _now this should be a story to hear and no mistake_;

"Well, what's done is done, and you're here now if a little on the late side – luckily I managed to save some of those butter muffins my aunt makes before Shikamaru got his mitts on them. Get yourself a plate made up while Shikaku and I fill the others in on your offer". Licking his lips with anticipation for the feast to come, Naruto didn't even bother trying to argue; instead he merely inclined his head politely towards the flabbergasted audience of senior ninja, darted ahead to the open doorway Yoshino had pointed down and disappeared from sight.

XXX

_Everything that boy does is troublesome_; the gazes that were being turned his way were so strong and so demanding he couldn't just feel them, he could virtually _see_ them – not for the first time since the Uzumaki had literally turned up on his doorstep uninvited and thrown his previously ordered schedules into almost complete disarray, Shikaku felt a headache building even if the comforting presence of his wife helped dissipate the pressure somewhat. Taking a last deep breath and letting it out in a sigh, the Nara leader looked up at his peers and superior and started to speak,

"Before you say anything, I would just say that Naruto is here on, well", the black-haired man let out a gruff snort of laughter as he shrugged, "actually he is here on his own behalf but he has my permission for such an act".

"What act?" Hiashi, having finally recovered from his coughing fit and with eyes still watering from the impact of the potent rice wine into his nasal cavities, rounded on his friend, only just able to suppress the urge to flare his bloodline limit as he went on, gesturing across the table and then at himself to emphasise his point, "Aside from scaring Inoichi-san half to death, knocking Tsume's nin-ken into next week and ruining a perfectly good kimono, to say nothing of half-drowning me, what has that boy achieved?"

"Nothing, yet", Shikaku conceded, though there was an inflection to his voice that made his former team mates pay close attention to his words as he went on; a lifetime of working with the relaxed ninja had given them an almost prenatural ability to understand when he was being serious and this was definitely one of those times, "but both Yoshino-chan and I both thought that some months back and he surprised both us and the clan as a whole, as I believe he will you. You remember that storm, the really bad one at the back end of this summer – it blew down one of our deer enclosures and, I think, riled up your kikaichu something chronic Shibi-san?" The Aburame nodded,

"Hai, that storm was unusually fierce, but I fail to see the relevance of a natural weather event and the presence of Uzumaki Naruto at the gathering of clans". Shikaku gave an embarrassed, sheepish sort of grin as he remembered the first time he'd heard about the interloper in the Nara clan grounds,

"It matters because, to the shame of our clan, we were the reason Naruto-kun ended up right in the middle of it".

XXX

"Dad", the fact his son was actually shouting loudly enough to be heard was reason enough to realise something was wrong, "I found the burglar".

There was precious little in Konoha as a whole that could be guaranteed to get Nara Shikaku up and moving at anything even approaching high speed but the potential of a threat to his family was most certainly one of them; everyone in the clan had been on high alert since the chakra-detecting seal matrix placed on the outer fence of the clan compound had been activated, though due to the inclement weather that was rushing in to meet them, no-one was going to rush out there to check without further proof. Now however, as Shikaku rushed towards the sound of his son's voice, he cursed that someone perhaps should have paid a little more attention; with a few other members of his clan and the sight of Diashi, an uncle of his noted in Kiri's Bingo book as being almost equal to one of their Seven Swordsmen with his skill in the kusuri-gama, giving him confidence in the situation, the head of the shadow-manipulating clan burst into the first-floor hallway area of the west wing of the clan house and almost immediately stuttered to a stop, the remaining Nara on his heels just about pulling up in time to avoid running him over. Black eyes darted from the slouching form of his son to the window he was looking out of and, beyond that, the small, bright orange figure that was balanced precariously on the thin window ledge,

"Ah, hi", the would-be thief managed with a nervous chuckle and a slight wave as he clung on against the battering wind, "believe it or not I can explain everything..."

Such an explanation happened not a minute later; having hoiked the trespasser in through the opened window and pushed him into the nearest sitting room, Shikaku had sent for his wife while the child, who he had belatedly recognised as the Kyuubi jinchuuriki, was left under the watchful eye of Diashi, hardly daring to even breathe too loudly in case the chain-wielding ninja took offence. While they waited for Yoshino to arrive Shikaku slumped into his favourite chair and fixed his most fearsome, half-lidded glare towards the stranger stood opposite him, smiling thinly as he watched the boy squirm,

"So", he began slowly, already finding this too troublesome to carry on for long, "Uzumaki Naruto, that is you isn't it?"

"Hai, I was..."

"Good", Shikaku overrode him, carrying on without breaking stride, "well in that case tell me – how do you think the Hokage would react if I reported to him that his favourite orphan was developing a case of sticky fingers and had been caught red-handed trying to sneak into the home of one of Konoha's seven noble clans? I'm not a hundred percent on the laws of Konoha as they stand now but in my day they tended to execute people for that sort of thing". As he'd expected Naruto's eyes grew huge at that sort of threat and he drew in a hasty breath to explain himself but Shikaku wasn't quite done yet, still impaling the jinchuuriki with his cold stare,

"That, of course, is just the public punishment; as a ninja and an owner of property in the village of Konoha I am quite within my rights to punish any trespassers as I see fit", the Nara informed him casually, holding in his smile as he realised he was getting through to the captured party; _so with any luck he won't be doing this again_; "so, convince me why I shouldn't beat you to within an inch of your life. You have five minutes – go".

Of those five minutes, as he'd expected, Naruto lost the first fifteen or so seconds fighting down hyperventilation and gabbling sentences desperately before, after a calming tap between the ears from Diashi, he seemed to recollect himself and looked up to meet the more experienced ninja's eye, wary respect and obeisance, if not outright grovelling, present in those blue orbs,

"Right, well first off I'm not a thief", he claimed challengingly, almost daring anyone present to gainsay him before, realising their silence, he continued, "I was on the training fields and runnin' back to try and get out the way of the clouds overhead, got lucky and had an ANBU pitch me over the wall and I was set to get home when I saw something, a light flashing on and off. I had no idea what it meant but thought someone should check it out – I tried lookin' for another ninja on my way here but couldn't find any of them, not even the ANBU, and I ran here to your compound. You caught me just when I saw what the light was; that window I was climbing towards, the shutter was blowing completely loose and it was banging open and shut. I thought someone was tryin' to send a signal or something, I couldn't just leave it until I knew nothing was up". At this explanation Shikaku blinked for a moment, lost so deep in thought that it was actually Diashi who spoke first,

"You broke into our clan compound because you saw a light?"

"Yeah; well, I didn't want to break in but I couldn't find anyone around; I tried shouting but it's howlin' a gale out there, I don't think anyone heard me and no-one was sorting out the loose shutter and I couldn't see if the window was shut. I'm no genius but even I can figure out that a storm like that through an open window wouldn't be good for any property; so the only thing I could do was try to get over the gate and sort the problem out myself". Shikaku mulled this over before shrugging,

"Fair point, I can understand that", the clan had accepted that logic before moving on to the meat of the issue, "so though, from there how did you get into the compound? We were tipped off by the seal array that chakra had been used on the wall, that was you I assume, climbing over it?"

"Uhh, yeah, that must have been it", Naruto confirmed with a nod, "I'd tried shoutin' over the wall but no-one heard me – you had the gate guards brought in because of the weather right?"

"Correct – I'm not cruel enough to force some of my clansmen to stand out by the gate when it's threatening a monsoon outside", Shikaku informed him, leaning forwards in his chair and fixing his eyes on the jinchuuriki in front of him, "so then, you got to the window where the light was coming from and tried to close it?" Naruto started bobbing his head rapidly before the lazy Nara's next question brought him up short,

"And it didn't occur to you to just knock and let us know about the issue?"

_No, I guess it didn't_; seeing the expression of dumb incomprehension plastered onto the Uzumaki's face the shadow manipulator just about bit back a sigh of exasperation – the words he had meant to speak next, however, were lost for all time as with a thunder of feet his wife arrived with their son in tow, Shikamaru for his part looking disgruntled and trying half-heartedly to pull his way out of Yoshino's iron grip as the incensed woman glared around before her eyes locked onto Naruto like a bowsight,

"You", she proclaimed damningly, her son once more shouting for his freedom and demanding liberation from the troublesome woman as Naruto for his part swallowed hard and nodded, "were you the one who scared my sweet Shikamaru-kun by trying to sneak in?"

"H, Hai, but it wasn't my fa-ahhhaahaoww! Leggo!" Unfortunately Yoshino, having crossed the room faster than a heartbeat and seized the jinchuuriki by the ear with a grip as hard as Muruda's smithing tongs, was all but breathing fire at the orange miscreant and in no mood for excuses. She began dragging Naruto upright before giving a hearty shake, was feeling too bloody-minded to care for his suffering,

"I'll let go young man, the second you're outside – I don't care if this was a prank, a dare or anything else as ridiculous, I'll teach you to invade our home! Shikaku", the Nara patriarch, knowing full well it was a fool's errand to try and argue with his wife when she was in this kind of mood, sprang to attention and promptly began nodding in the right places, "stop looking ornamental and make sure Shika-kun drinks his deer's milk with dinner, I'll deal with this delinquent".

With that she let go of her own flesh and blood and only tightened her grip on the stranger child, Naruto all but clawing at her hand to try and alleviate the pressure on his trapped appendage,

"Ahh, oohya, let go you crazy bit...!" He was cut off by a resounding slap to the back of his head, dazing him before he was forced to try and catch up as the Nara woman stormed off, dragging him away to Kami-knows-where, a running commentary being muttered venomously from under her breath,

"...these days, my Shika would never be so rude as to try and barge in like that. And what were you thinking, climbing up a wall like that?" Through a film of tears Naruto saw the raven-maned hellion glare down at him but before he could get so much as a word in edgeways they were off again as a fast clip, leaving him stumbling to try and keep up, "You might have slipped and broken your neck, and if Shika had screamed or you'd fallen in one of the ninja of this clan might have attacked or even killed you without realising you were a child. I don't know what you were thinking but mark my words you won't be thinking it again after this". She came to a halt in front of what Naruto dully recognised as the front door before throwing it open, the sudden rush of cold wind mercifully cool on his burning ear as she let go and pushed him none too kindly forwards, transfixing him with a penetrating stare as he glared up at her, outrage building that his would-be good deed had been spurned in such a painful manner,

"We won't report you to the Hokage or the Uchiha police but this is your only warning; you won't be so lucky second time around. Now go home", Yoshino pointed down the path, the gates of her clan ground just about visible through the darkening gloom and the first few spots of rain dotting the ground around them, "you got in, you can get out the same way".

"But it's gonna lash down in a minute", Naruto pointed out, feeling out from under the porch with a hand and shivering as he felt his hand and the sleeve of his jumpsuit were deluged with raindrops, "have a heart Nara-san, I was just..."

"None of your excuses", Yoshino was generally relatively even-tempered for a kunoichi but when something threatened someone dear to her, as she'd heard this orange little sneak had done by staring into the window and startling her son, she was as dangerous and merciless as a tigress defending her cubs, "this'll learn you to respect other people's property and not go traipsing onto clan grounds. If you're quick you should miss the worst of it". With that she stepped back and shut the door in his face, shaking herself down and muttering under her breath at the youth of today while her former unwelcome guest was left staring at the door that been slammed in front of him.

_What was that for?_; brain slightly confused by the situation that had spiralled completely out of control and landed him out here, facing a soaking, Naruto was left to ask the obvious question; _I was just trying to help and they threw me out on my ear. If anything they should be thanking me_; a rebellious fire of indignation was lit in his mind as he replayed what had happened and how, if he'd been so inclined, he could have struck a very serious blow against the so-called noble clan; _I gave that boy a shock – if I'd been an enemy I'd have done a lot worse! And I will_; as heavy drops of rain, round and shiny as glittering pennies, started falling around him around him and began churning the ground to mud, Naruto gave the locked portal before him a last petulant kick before hoisting his jumpsuit jacket over his head and making a dash from the Nara clan gate, hoping to retrieve his precious rucksack from where he'd hidden it in a bush prior to starting this ill-fated adventure before any of his stock succumbed to rust, thoughts of revenge now spinning and crystallising in his irked, betrayed mind; _soon as I figure out how, I'll get the Nara for this..._

XXX

"I will admit", Yoshino said regretfully to the assembly before her all, the clan heads looking half-amazed, half-amused by the situation thus far even if one or two of them were trying to put together how this related to the presence of the Uzumaki this evening at a clan meeting, "I misjudged him, badly; it was only when Shika-kun told me what had actually happened that I realised I'd been a little hasty and punished someone who'd done us a favour. I did ask the rest of the clan to keep an eye out for him on the training grounds to offer an apology but he seemed to be avoiding us completely; no-one in the clan saw him for two months after I threw him out. We thought he was avoiding us, in fact I was on the verge of coming to you Hokage-sama, to find out where he lived and apologise in person; thankfully however", she turned around just as Naruto reappeared from the pantry, a large bread-board in one hand and a packet of butter and a knife in the other, grinning as he'd heard everything thus far and was looking forwards to the next bit as Yoshino tried to lance him with a basilisk glare but couldn't quite hold it, instead looking away with something like slightly fond annoyance in her voice as she finished, "due to his...talents, he was able to rectify the situation before it got too far out of hand and bruised more than our clan's pride". Curious despite the sinking feeling in his stomach, Sarutobi looked between the Nara and the Uzumaki, who had pushed himself up onto one of the kitchen work surfaces and was slathering one of the cut-open bread buns in butter, and felt the curiosity curdle to trepidation in his gut as he asked the thousand-ryo question,

"Do I dare ask how you managed this Naruto-kun? And if the answer is going to involve a lot of tedious paperwork then something tells me I'd be better off not knowing". Butter muffin halfway to his mouth, Naruto froze and lowered the tasty treat, regarding his adopted grandfather with something approaching hurt in his face,

"Jiji, I'm shocked", the jinchuuriki faux-moaned, hamming up the act of being betrayed by the aged Hokage, "you know I hate that stuff as much as you do. Anyway, I didn't do anythin' too bad..."

"Apart from shocking some three or four years off my remaining natural life-span", Shikaku grumbled, gazing at the child sidelong from his seat; Naruto for his part merely grinned and scratched the back of his neck sheepishly,

"Well, this was revenge and besides", he shrugged carelessly, not even Shikaku quite able to keep his face completely stony under the effect of the megawatt grin as he went on, "what's a minor heart attack or two between friends?"

XXX

In all honesty he should have known, or at least suspected, something strange was afoot; after all, no Nara in history had ever, after being put to bed with brushed teeth and a kiss from his mother on the forehead, _ever_ gotten back up and confronted his parents with the words that Shikamaru had spoken, words that had almost resulted in his mother dropping an armful of crockery and his old man fainting dead away in the kitchen,

"Tou-san, kaa-san; I'm not tired".

_And he wasn't at all_; recalling for the first time in his life the horrible memories of being forced to chase around the house after his suddenly hyper son, the smaller Nara using his whipcord-thin body and newly-found reflexes to evade every lunge, grab and tackle Shikaku made until he was forced to resort to the Kage Mane to keep him in one place long enough to catch properly; _in fact, I think a light Neck Bind would probably have been easier that settling him down the hard way. Not that I'd ever let Yoshino-hime know that_; the thought of what his wife would do to him if she knew, or even had a suspicion, that he'd use a potentially lethal technique on his own flesh and blood in exchange for a quiet life was enough even to make a war veteran such as him shiver in his sandals.

"Get him bedded down for the night Shika-kun?" He looked over fondly at where Yoshino was already in bed and reading from a book as she waited for him; for his part, he groaned as he sat down and reached for the buttons of his jounin vest,

"Hai, though Kami-sama alone knows he must have had an imp of some kind possess him for a moment – I can't explain it any other way. He's a true Nara, never goes out of his way to play around especially at night; I have no idea what must have gotten into him to act like that..."

"Well I could give you a hint, but it'll cost you".

Nara Shikaku froze, absolutely stock-still as the unfamiliar voice echoed around his bedroom; feeling his head turn without moving his neck, his horrified visage met that of his wife, as white in the face as a corpse as she too realised there was a stranger in there with them. A sudden flare of chakra broke the spell; even before the pulse receded Yoshino had sprung to her husband's side and the Nara clan head had his hands flashing though seals, ready to unleash the shadows at his unseen enemy, though as the silence was broken by the sound of sudden, unstoppable laughter, much too high-pitched to be a potential assassin, the Nara clan head felt his fear drain away to be replaced by something else, something even rarer for him to feel.

Anger.

"Whoever you are", his tone was completely neutral even if his face spoke murder as he located his target in a split-second, the helpless giggling emanating from under his bed, "come out slowly and I may make your death painless".

"Do, don't", the unseen lurker managed to choke out, his obvious mirth at the life-or-death situation almost straining Shikaku's temper enough to go in for the kill and pin-cushion the underside of the bed with shadows anyway, "l, listen, I'm no, nohohohot here to do anything; let me out and let's ta-tahahaha-ahem, let's talk face to face".

"Come out, slowly", Shikaku repeated, tone betraying nothing even as his fingers remained in the Rat seal; however as the first arm of the figure emerge, slightly grimy but still clad in an instantly-recognisable ensemble, it was all he could do not to let his arms follow his jaw and drop open helplessly,

"You!" Yoshino breathed like a dragon by his side; recognising the voice, Naruto immediately leapt back and slapped both hands over his ears,

"Hold it, crazy deer lady", the jinchuuriki demanded, waiting for a long second to make sure she wasn't going to move before slowly lowering his hands, "going for the ears is strikin' below the belt".

"You, you", Shikaku stuttered, not quite able to believe the sudden absurdity of this situation, "what in Kami-sama's holiest name are you doing in my bedroom?"; _and no matter what the Hokage says, if you were here to see my wife undress I'll kill you_;

"I think a better question would be 'how in Kami-sama's holiest name did you get into my bedroom'", Naruto pointed out mildly before his face became more serious and he stood to his full, if diminutive height, "and it's a question only I know the answer to Nara-san. I know you're smart so listen up, hear the offer I've got for you and let's see if we can't be reason'ble and do business here, rather than scream and shout at each other 'til the cows, or the deer in your case, come home".

XXX

"So we did just that", Naruto shrugged, breaking the spell of his story as he went on, "we talked, I did some explainin' and Shikaku-san made me a deal after we decided honour was even following me being chucked out. Good deal it was too; same one I'm here t'offer the rest of you".

The response to this was similar to what he'd expected; not all the clan head were convinced this wasn't some sort of convoluted joke Shikaku was trying to pull on them but one or two, the Yamanaka especially, seemed to be looking a little deeper into the situation. Even as he looked around however, a deep, bass voice rose up to speak for the assembled clan leaders, Akimichi Chouza looking out for his former team mate,

"Naruto-san, you say you infiltrated the clan holdings of the Nara, not once but twice", he rumbled, normally smiling face stern as he regarded the child as he would an untriggered exploding tag; a potential threat, but not dangerous at the moment, "the first I can understand, but why the second? If you had wanted an apology or damages, why not speak to the clan directly or, if you were afraid of that, go to Hokage-sama?" The jinchuuriki shrugged,

"I could've done that, but it was personal pride I guess; they'd called me a thief, the least I could do was actu'lly act like one. But 'part from that I did what I did because one, I did a lot of thinkin' over the two months I was stewing for a way to get back at Shikaku-san and his clan after they slandered my good name an' came up with a potential bonus for me out of getting my own back, and two", his sharp eyes darted to the side for a minute and a wicked smirk graced his whiskered cheeks before he finished, "it gave me the opportun'ty to answer a question that had stumped med-nins for generations".

Shikaku seemed to shiver for a minute before lacing his fingers in front of his face and, seeing the question writ large on the faces of his peers, muttered evilly,

"He poisoned Shikamaru".

"I did _not_ poison Shikamaru", Naruto argued before the killing intent could rise too high, "that was a medical exper'ment to see if Nara laziness could be countered by 'ppropriate medical stimulation, an' as we now know it actu'lly can".

"You spiked his bedtime glass of deer's milk with a crushed solider pill you conned some ninja, who will be wishing he'd never been born the second I find out who he is and get my hands and shadow on him, into giving you", Shikaku half-snapped before groaning, reliving a particularly vivid nightmare as he recalled how infuriatingly energetic (and hard to catch) the ninja stimulant had made his son at the worst time of the day, "I was up half the night trying to scrape him off the ceiling".

"An' you were asleep half the morning after, so no loss there", Naruto countered skilfully before another voice broke into the conversation,

"Soldier pill?" Chouza repeated, trying hard not to look too amused as he pictured the skinny Nara scion under the effect of the medicine and failing spectacularly; before he could break down too badly, he faced the Uzumaki again and asked his final question, "Well, either way Naruto I must ask; the first I can almost understand, what with the storm and all, but how did you managed to get into this compound the second time?"

"Oh, you know", the jinchuuriki tried to look innocent but wasn;t quite able to meet the big man's gaze as he answered and simultaneously crossed his fingers, "bit of trickery, lots of background readin' and questioning, a pinch of chakra an' about three feet of pure brass neck – all-in-all, pretty much the same way I got into yours".

XXX

As he'd been expecting that admission simultaneously thickened and froze the atmosphere around the table; before anyone else could speak however, Yoshino was the one to seize the initiative and begin the explanation,

"We, or actually Shika really, determined the scale of the threat after Naruto-kun explained his infiltration method", seeing the jinchuuriki nod from the corner of her eye, the Nara woman went on, "and on paper it was so simple we were both kicking ourselves that we hadn't thought about it more. All, or at least the vast majority of the security of this house, and your own houses as well, are reliant on chakra to some degree; whether it's the seals that dot the walls, the traps that are triggered by alien chakras or even your own eyes Hyuuga-san", Hiashi nodded at this, conceding the point as she went on, "the ninja dwellings of Konoha are virtually impregnable by conventional ninja means. However, in this case", she cast a side-long look at the youngest person in the room, who was trying and failing to look belatedly innocent as he prepared himself for the clinching evidence in the picture, the final nail in the coffin of the doubters he could see all around him, "Naruto-kun was able to infiltrate us by the simple fact that, as he told us, when he goes somewhere quietly, he doesn't use any chakra to do so".

"An' because of that", Naruto continued, taking a big bite from his latest muffin before putting his hands on his knees and gazing down from his eerie on the Nara worktop, "I dodged all the traps an' the ninja; they didn't see me in here an' they also didn't see me when I made a few, ah, 'Mouse-calls' earlier..."

At this point Hiashi could hold it in no longer and he stood to his feet, arms folded and glaring at the speaker impassively as his deep voice intoned solemnly,

"I have heard quite enough from you Uzumaki; you say you have infiltrated the clan homes of each noble clan of Konoha gathered here; that is a fanciful story, nothing more. You are a child – a jounin ninja, perhaps even Uchiha Itachi could not perform such a feat". Naruto for his part merely shrugged,

"Yeah bu' I'm not Itachi, whoever he is; still", he fumbled around in his pocket for a minute before pulling something, or actually a group of somethings, out with a hiss of triumph, arranging them neatly by the side of himself as he faced down the Hyuuga head, blue eyes meeting pearl ones and not backing down as he spoke again, "I had a feelin' no-one would believe me, so I decided t'get a bit of proof before I turned up here for the night; knew I'd need somethin' a bit special to expand my cliennn, uh, k-lie-ent...", Naruto's face screwed up in concentration as he tried to form the elusive word, "clit..."

"Clientele", Shikaku supplied smoothly, noticing Tsume's raised eyebrow and deciding to step in before the jinchuuriki accidentally offended anyone; in that endeavour, however, he appeared to be too late as, if anything, Hiashi's face had become even more wintry as he folded his arms and declared loudly,

"Now you say you stole from us all", he orated, gesturing to his fellow clan heads even as Shikaku glanced behind him, recognised the devious expression that had flitted across that whiskered face and began mentally imploring the Hyuuga to stop digging the hole he was in before Naruto stepped in and comprehensively buried him, "it appears that Nara-san was right – either you are a thief, or you are a liar and a fool".

Silence fell over the kitchen, the denunciation ringing off the walls as the clan heads and Sarutobi all held their breath, Shikaku silently prayed that whatever Naruto had planned wouldn't castigate the Hyuuga's pride too much and Naruto for his part simply froze, not looking down, not looking away, still continuing to meet the flinty gaze of the veteran ninja as, slowly, he reconnected his tongue to his brain and repeated the accusation that had been left at his door,

"A thief, a liar or a fool", he stated quietly, glancing for a second to his right and plucking something, a sealing scroll, for the worktop, holding it negligently in one hand as he faced the Hyuuga head down again, "well I prefer t'call myself a future Hokage so I guess tha' puts me two categories, a thief and a liar; no offence jiji", Sarutobi, recognising the language and how it related to all ninja, merely nodded and allowed his potential successor to carry on unimpeded as he unfurled the scroll somewhat, "as for the fool part, well I act'ally think I'm more of a prankster..."

There was a puff of smoke, something unsealed from the scroll and the collective room drew in a sharp gasp as Naruto seized his prize and brandished it aloft, a cutting edge on his mile-wide grin as he flipped it around to taunt its owner,

"...Dis look famil'ar?"

To his credit Hiashi barely reacted, one of the reasons he seldom left a card table poorer than he'd joined it; despite the cover of the gaudy publication, to say nothing of the fact that sudden pangs of nervousness were racing around his body as the thought of what would happen to his clans' reputation if the merest idea that its leader read such gutter-level smut as Icha Icha Paradise was to become common knowledge, his reaction was restricted to little more than a disdainful sniff and slight shrug of the shoulders,

"That proves nothing Uzumaki-san; you could have picked that out of any low-brow book-keeper in..."

"'Dear Hiashi-kun'", the boy's words stopped him cold, the sight of Naruto reading from the inside front cover with a tone of pure mischief in his voice sounding as dolorous as a funeral gong to his last few hopes of riding out this storm with pride intact; no matter that the only reason he ever received such a copy of the perverted literature was that the Hyuuga clan as a whole had a major stake in the printers that published it, or that he had repeatedly informed the Gama Sannin, with varying degrees of politeness, that his 'tokens of appreciation' were really not necessary – the consequences of this night, Hiashi knew, were going to be held over his head for a very, _very_ long time as Naruto finished reading the personalised message Jiraiya always made sure adorned that particular spot of his personal copy, "'as ever my thanks for your help in making this great work happen. Still wish I had your eyes but alas, the ultimate peeping doe-jutsu will be forever out of my reach – all I can do is try to illum'nate to less fortunate men the wonders only the Hyuuga are per-mitted to see. As ever your faithful servant, the holy toad master who is known to all women, Jiraiya'. Hmmm", snapping the book closed and passing it over to a goggle-eyed Yoshino, the Nara woman looking absolutely torn between rage and hilarity at the revelation before her, the triumphant child merely smirked smugly at his now-decimated former opponent, "I think dat's pretty conclusive, don't you?"

Silence, punctuated only by barely-repressed sniggers or gasps of alarm, fell; Hiashi flopped back into his seat with his face as bloodless as his eyes appeared to be, numb with disbelief and unable to stop himself cringing as he watched the book, the hated paperback that had just dragged his name through the mud like an anchor, was passed around the table, each of the assembled clan heads scarcely able to believe their eyes as they opened it and read the exact words Naruto had recanted. Well, all but one; even as he saw her all but straining across the table to snatch the publication from Chouza, Hiashi could only braced himself for the absolute worst as Tsume virtually ripped the book open, took the meanest glance at the inked words and promptly shattered the silence with her raucous laughter,

"At, at last", she managed to choke out as she flopped half-over the table, stomach starting to ache as she howled with mirth, "proof that Hyuuga Hiashi is a man; no-one with ice-water in their veins could keep something like this so close at hand". Fortunately for the Hyuuga lord, who was by this point actively wondering if it was feasible to use a broken sake dish to commit seppuku and, if so, how he could get away with it while everyone else was all but breaking down in helpless hysterics, Tsume's laughter a sore test for everyone's self-restraint, it appeared that his former nemesis had a change of heart and had donned the attire of a saviour as he raised his voice above the hubbub and shouted them all down, levelling his eyes at the one sniggering loudest of all,

"True, true", he was tempted to point out the other person in the room who he knew for a fact wasn't as pure as the driven snow when it came to such less than salubrious reading habits but resisted, realising that he was probably going to annoy several very important people here tonight and as such, would need all the help he could get staying in one piece should it all go the shape of the pear; _and a ticked-off jiji probably wouldn't be all that much help in pulling them off my battered body – if anything he might just stick the boot in himself a few times_; "but 'member what I said In'zuka-san, I paid a Mouse-call to all your homes, so", the laughter seemed to die away and be replaced by prickling unease as he reached for another of the small scrolls to his side, "I wouldn't be laughin' too much at Hyuuga-san. After all, Confucius say"; _oh Kami-sama_; despite himself Sarutobi shuddered, recalling a few previous incidences where Naruto had mentioned that particular name – they had never seemed to end well for his intended target; _anyone but him_; "woman who live in glass house should get changed in wine cellar – least of all", as a second plume of smoke issued from the countertop Naruto was sat on, Sarutobi had a heartbeat to feel his heart stop beating as he leapt to a guess about where this was going and braced himself to shield his surrogate godson from the result of his folly; an enraged Inuzuka, least of all Tsume, was never good to anyone's health, "when she's gettin' changed into something like this!"

At first it didn't seemed too bad; the small section of brown material didn't appear to be too much, perhaps only a pillowcase – then Naruto twisted his hands, the ensemble fell forwards in front of him and all present found themselves getting an eyeful of one part of their female friends' wardrobe that she'd have much rather preferred to stay in the closet.

XXX

Tsume froze, so utterly and hopelessly gobsmacked that a newborn pup could have taken her out and been named alpha as a result; before her shocked and appalled eyes the Uzumaki was flaunting one of the last reminders she had of her husband, the grin plastered over Shippo-kun's face as clear now as it had been when she'd first unwrapped the present he'd brought her after her first S-ranked mission had been deemed a success. Though she wore it now in his memory, it was much to her chagrin that she recalled eventually been sweet-talked into wearing the garment, a thigh-skimming, bust-revealing and impractically-ruffled one-piece evening nightgown the same shade of brown as her eyes, while he'd been alive, though it had cost Shippo the grin off his face, a black eye and the ability to walk in a straight line for a week after she was through with him for the joke gift; _but this time, the joke's on me_;

"Very fetching", Naruto commented dryly, poking his head forwards and folding the shoulder straps of the nightgown over it, letting the whole thing hang off his ears, "still warm too".

That last comment was enough to galvanise her back to life; face as molten red as her embarrassment, Tsume sprang from one side of the table to the other without hitting the floor once, clawed hand whipping out and snagging the pilfered clothing, virtually wrenching Naruto's ears from his head as she yanked it back,

"Give me that", she hissed venomously, not caring at his wince as he rubbed his ears, sorely longing to get a good grip of his neck-scruff and shake him until he pleaded for mercy; this desire only increased when, rather than cowering, he met her blazing eyes the same way he'd faced down Hiashi's frigid ones,

"Help yourself", he shrugged before smirking, "I don' think the frilly bits suit me".

Tsume snarled at the comment; it was either that or lose herself to an almighty cringe as she hastily tried to stuff the gown up her sleeve and out of sight, knowing even as she did so it was far too late. A quick glance around the table all but confirmed it; Inoichi had both hands clamped firmly over his mouth and his face scrunched up to try and keep his reaction inside, all she could see of Chouza was a patch of red hair as he'd ducked under the table to try and hold it in – heck even Shibi's collar was rippling slightly, outright hysteria as far as an Aburame was concerned. Belatedly turning maroon in mortification as she realised that, much like Hiashi's pride, her former hard-assed image was now little more than a broken effigy lying littered in the dirt, least of all as she realised the ruffles at the bottom of the gown were still poking out her sleeve and try as she might she couldn't stuff them back out of sight, Tsume turned back around to rend the one responsible limb from limb before she realised he was offering something out to her, a small, white something,

"Here, put it away in this", he suggested, holding out his storage scroll; swiping it from his hands and determined not to say thank-you, Tsume nevertheless complied and barely held back a huff of relief as the incriminating evidence vanished into the parchment and out of mind; _so, one less thing to worry about. Now to make sure no-one else ever hears of this and it never happens again, starting by silencing the little brat who infiltrated...hey, wait a minute..._; as a creeping suspicion began to crawl up Tsume's spine like a spider carved from ice, she thrust her face forwards and glared death at the Uzumaki, breath all but smoking from her lips as she spoke her next question as a demand to be answered,

"Okay brat, one question and unless you want to die horribly, answer it right – there's only one place in the Inuzuka clan house this is kept, how did you know where it was?"

His eyes were the giveaway; despite being, both she and Hiashi would be forced to grudgingly admit, a fair infiltrator, he wasn't experienced enough yet to keep his face neutral and as a result inadvertently sold his partner down the river, leaving Tsume open to spear him with the finger of outrage,

"_You...!_"

"I", Shikaku seemed unperturbed, parrying the bludgeon of her temper with the rapier of his cool logic, "merely gave him a few schematics and some points about where to go when he got in; he did the rest himself".

"Includin' deciding what to nab", Naruto chipped it, "I saw plenty of stuff there but it had t'be somethin' that was definitely yours. I was thinkin' about a few bottles of your lipstick before I flipped over your pillows an' found dat". The Inuzuka's hands bunched into fists, more than ready to clean this cheeky brat's clock just out of principle; no-one could expect to break into a lady's bedroom and expect to escape unscathed after all; before he snatched up one of the three remaining parchments and winked over the table, next victim in mind and, inadvertently, mollifying Tsume a little in the process; _after all, if everyone's getting the same treatment not even Hokage-sama could stop us all if we went in swinging_;

"Don' be too hasty In'zuka-san, you're all in dis together don't forget – Akimichi-san", he called in a sing-song voice, forcing Chouza to straighten up and glare as best he could as he tried to keep a lid on his laughter and adopt a warlike expression,

"I'll warn you now Uzumaki", the large man threatened, shaking a ham-sized fist, "if anything to do with my or, Kami-sama forbid, my dear wife's nightwear pops out of that scroll I will personally punt you over Konoha's walls".

"They wouldn't fit in the scroll", Naruto shrugged back, apparently unaware that he was skating on very thin ice at the backhanded insult to the Akimichi waistline – before Chouza's expression could blacken too much, however, a third plume of smoke cleared as he found himself facing down something he knew very well indeed, "lucky this did though".

"Aye, and lucky you didn't damage it either", the Akimichi warned, checking the side of the apron he could see for any damage as the gold-thread letters still shone brightly, their simple message of 'Shefu no Kisu' still as bright then as they had been the day his father had presented it to him, "that apron of mine has lived through a ninja war and is much older than you are".

"Very true", Shikaku agreed, looking over his shoulder to see what rabbit his most recent pseudo-employee had pulled from his hat this time, "but I thought you'd gotten rid of it Chouza?" The Akimichi chuckled, shaking his head as he raised a single, massive palm,

"No, in fact I use it every day", he told them all, looking on as Naruto re-sealed his ill-gotten gains and passed the scroll to Shikaku, allowing it to pass through the merry-go-round of the gaming table, "I wake up next to Chime-hime, give her a kiss, don my apron and start cooking breakfast. When she wakes up she returns the favour and we eat together; it's been that way since we were married and I've never had a reason to change it. Though I may have had, had you not come here tonight Uzumaki", once more Chouza's face was shadowed, Naruto for the first time looking slightly intimidated by the sight of the monster of a man staring him down; unlike his previous two victims, Akimichi Chouza simply looked threatening just by virtue of his size and obvious power, "had you not returned it and I learned of the theft later, your head would have had pride of place on a platter at my clans' next great feast". Self-consciously rubbing his neck at the threat, Naruto decided it would probably be for the best to move on and shifted on his seat to appraise the man he decided was, in the nicest possible way, the weirdest person in the room,

"Ano, Aburame-san", Shibi inclined his head a fraction and, after a second of silence, Naruto realised this was the best he was going to get and ploughed on, "well yours was th'worst one to get into, almost got caught a few times gettin' in an' even more gettin' out. Still, I got dis", the characteristic pop and white smoke appeared, fading to show a small, compact something sitting in the jinchuuriki's grip, the sight of which made Tsume snort with ill-tempered humour,

"Oh, right, so the Aburame gets his glasses case nicked while I get virtually panty-raided by Konoha's newest pervert – all we need now is sightings of this little lecher at the hot springs and that's it, I'm packing up my clan and we're leaving for Iwa".

"You jest Tsume-san", Shibi, as always a voice of reason, accepted the return of his stolen goods with a small but respectful bow, "and if it is any consolation this case is as valuable to me as your...negligee is to you; it was my fathers". Cringing once more at the reminder of the indignity that had been heaped on her scant minutes earlier, Tsume just about choked off a growl as Inoichi, realising he was the only one left to take the plunge, made a last-ditch plea to get his head off the potential chopping block,

"Ah, Uzumaki-san", just about to draw his thumb across the scroll and release his chakra in a theatrical flourish, the jinchuuriki looked up as the Yamanaka clan head made his bargain, "I think you've made your point – I'm more than willing to take it on faith that whatever's in their belongs to me and you liberated it from my clan house..."

"And you'd be right Yamanaka-san, but sorry", he gave a helpless shrug as he indicated the others around the room, "I think these guys would lynch me if I welched you out the deal, though if it's any cons'lation, I dunno what this is..."

Inoichi would quite freely admit after the event that this ignorance was an unfortunate thing as, had Naruto known what he was dealing with, even he might have been reluctant to pull his last ace from his sleeve; as it was, however, and the smoke cleared for the fifth and final time, the small leather roll that dangled between Naruto's knees, to say nothing of the varied and quite shockingly painful-looking blades it held within it, was enough to draw every eye to the suddenly-squirming Yamanaka,

"Much as I know how much of an annoyance a daughter can be at times Inoichi-san", Hiashi began in a tone as close to snidely humorous as he ever got, "don't you think those are a little excessive?"

"Poor Kunisa-chan", Chouza muttered with a low whistle as he turned to regard his younger friend, who was currently doing his best to imitate a Kusa Lotus flower in full bloom, "I never thought you'd be into that sort of thing Inoichi, but I guess it's always the one you least suspect..."

"I was looking after them for Ibiki-san", the former interrogator snapped, standing up forcefully and marching around to snatch the roll of prototype interrogation devices back from the stunned Naruto, who'd rather been left behind by the twist of the conversation, "he didn't want Anko-san to start playing with them before they'd been officially sanctioned by Hokage-sama – it'd raise a lot of awkward questions if a prisoner died suddenly due to the interrogator not being skilled with the implements given to her".

"Oh", belatedly recognising a name he knew, Naruto was all smiles as he looked up at the Yamanaka clan head, nothing but honesty shining from his suddenly guileless eyes, "you know Anko-sensei, Yamanaka-san?"

_What did I say?_; wondering why it had all gone so suddenly quiet in the kitchen (save the Hokage, who was trying hard to fight back a smirk and fit of the giggles), Naruto was just about to ask if he'd done something wrong before Inoichi, looking slightly pale but with a weak sort of smile on his face, glanced back at him and spoke with a tremulous voice,

"Anko-sensei?" At the jinchuuriki's cautious nod, the former leader of the interrogation and torture department of Konoha shook his head and gave a half-weary, half-worried laugh, "you know, somehow that explains so very, very much..."

XXX

Though a billowing kind of silence had shuffled forwards over the Nara kitchen-stroke-gaming area in the aftermath of these revelations; all the assembled clan heads were hastily hiding their former treasures and trying hard not to catch each others' eyes as they sought to secrete their secrets. However only a few minutes later order appeared to be restored; the seven assembled shinobi assembled around a table that now resembled a council of war rather than a stress-free gaming area and, as the person who'd been least burned by the machinations of the Mouse, Shibi was elected as spokesperson,

"Uzumaki-san, you have proven both our doubts and Hiashi-san's accusations wholly wrong", Hiashi looked like he wanted to interject at this point but, perhaps reminded of the weight of the Icha Icha Paradise now weighing down his kunai pouch, he thought better of it and let the Aburame continue unhindered, "you have infiltrated the clan houses of six of the seven noble clans of Konoha. Because of this two questions now remain", dark glasses flashing in the electric lighting as he looked across the table to where Naruto sat seriously now, his plate of food set to the side for a moment as he made to move from pleasure (to him – though he wasn't as sadistic as his former teacher, there was no denying it was fun to see other people, especially adults, cringing before him) to business as the Aburame finished,

"How and why?"

To a barely-noticeable sigh of relief from around the table the jinchuuriki appeared to be willing to speak freely as he clasped both hands of his knee and started to rock back and forwards slightly, pouting slightly as he tried hard to think,

"Well, I can answer the first question first; the way I got in was a two-step thing". There was a brief pause before, unable to bear the tension, Chouza was first to snap,

"Yes?"

"Yes what?" Naruto blinked in confusion for a minute before the ryo dropped, "Oh, you wanna actually know the two steps? Hmm – nope", as the mass sweat-drop he merely shrugged and grinned cheerfully, "a ninja's gotta keep his secrets".

"Right, that's it", temper already ground away to the thinness of a rice biscuit, Tsume shot to her feet and made to stalk around the table, glaring a dreadful promise as she advanced, "secrets be damned; unless you want me to tan your hide until your ancestors can't sit down for a month, I suggest spilling it!"

"Sorry Tsume-chan", the honorific, to say nothing of the fact that he was all but laughing in the face of her threat, reminded the Inuzuka once more that she wasn't dealing with an ordinary boy as he landed yet another thumping blow on her pride, "might be me being greedy bu' in relationships I'm always the seme. Anyway, 'part from that", he hastily changed tack as Tsume stumbled to a halt, not quite able to believe he'd trumped her threat so easily and glaring around at whoever had snorted so loudly with laughter, though virtually everyone at the table looked like they could have been guilty as a result of Naruto's last line, "best check with jiji if it's okay – you know part of it jiji", Sarutobi merely narrowed his eyes at this, recalling both what Naruto had said earlier and Yoshino had unwittingly given away in her part of the explanation, "d'you think I should give the game away?"

"I see no harm in it Naruto-kun", the aged Hokage replied after a short time spent thinking on the matter, "if anything it may prove to be a boon to them in the long run – you may well end up serving with one or more of their children when the time comes for you to graduate the Shinobi Academy".

Though his voice was perfectly neutral and nothing showed on his wrinkled face, Sarutobi wouldn't have been able to call himself human if he hadn't felt a hint of internal glee at the expression that crossed the faces of most of the clan heads present; heck even Hiashi had given a shudder as the thought of his little princess being corrupted by someone like the jinchuuriki during their schooldays and beyond. Naruto however seemed oblivious to this and instead nodded, treating the words from his surrogate grandfather's mouth like a decree from Kami-sama himself as he faced the table at large again,

"Hai jiji, well in dat case, all you need to know is that my henge, when I use it, is very..."

"Your henge", Tsume cut across him, the Inuzuka still challenging everything unfamiliar to her as was the nature of her clan, "you know that technique?"

"Hai, but..." He tried to ward off the second question he could see coming with a raised hand but it was all in vain as she snorted, shaking her head,

"And let me guess, you just walked into my clan house with a false face on and walked out the same way – do me a favour kid, the nin-ken would have ripped you apart before you'd gone five steps if you'd been bone-headed enough to try it. Now spill the real reason".

"That is the real reason", Naruto wasn't by nature all that argumentative but he definitely didn't like being accused of lying or, worse still, breaking his word, something that Tsume was perilously close to doing right now, "bu' my henge isn't the same as yours. Hyuuga-san", stirred from his introspection, Hiashi looked over just as Naruto began making hand-seals, "keep your eyes on me an' tell the others what you see". With that, he glanced at his target one last time; _think I don't know henge Inuzuka-san?_; clapped his hands together and called out his technique,

"Henge!" _Try this on for size!_

As the chakra smoke cleared from where the boy had been sat everyone strained to see through it until, as it drifted away, all eyes lowered to the floor in embarrassment save the two that widened in both horror and rage as a second form of Inuzuka Tsume was revealed, grinning widely as she reclined in a copy of her formerly-flaunted negligee; with a teasing lilt in her tone she leant forwards, the motion doing interesting things to both the ruffles across the garment's bustle and the cleavage it was struggling to contain,

"Like what you see Hiashi-_kuuunnn?_"

XXX

_Huh, why are they all looking down like that?_; through eyes that weren't his own Naruto saw the reactions to his prank and tried to work out why it hadn't gone as he'd thought it would; _I thought they'd laugh seeing her dressed like this – do all men react like this when they see a woman wearing something skimpy – is that why Anko-sensei dresses like she does? That could be useful to know..._' Filing the question away for future reference, Naruto was jerked away from his introspection by the sudden noise of a chair clattering to the floor coupled with sharp nails on the tiles as both Tsume and her partner broke the lock of paralysis that had fallen over them and surged to their feet,

"I'll kill him I swear I will", all but frothing at the mouth and throwing around killing intent like there was no tomorrow, the embarrassed alpha of the Inuzuka clan was only prevented from throwing herself bodily over the table at the form of her doppelganger by Shikaku's quick reactions; Kuromaru, on the other hand, rushed under the table and was able to get within sniffing distance of the closest leg of his fake-mistress before the Kage Mane caught and held him steady as well,

"Desist", the Hokage's sudden thundering voice brought all, even the rage of the animalistic shinobi, to a halt, Sarutobi half-standing as he glared between both Tsume and her body-double before, with his eyes still lowered, he addressed the disguised jinchuuriki, "Naruto, get out of that henge now! It's unseemly and a grave insult against Tsume-san!"

"And so was her incinerating that I couldn't do henge", the false-Tsume retorted, folding her arms under its chest with a motion that made most of the men present avert their eyes once more as they all subconsciously realised the mistake in the Uzumaki's speech, "an' I'll swap back soon as Hyuuga-san's seen what I need him to see".

"My apologies Uzumaki-san, but there is little in that henge I would like to see, and I think you meant 'insinuating'", Hiashi pointed out mildly, twisting the knife of embarrassment that had lodged in Tsume's flesh and grateful for the disgruntled growl that met his announcement. Naruto, on the other hand, seemed ignorant of the Inuzuka's discomfort and instead leant forwards again, a sly smirk now adorning the face of his most recent mask, making the fake Tsume look almost sultry as she spoke her last request,

"Look harder then".

It took a second for the Hyuuga to realise exactly what he was driving at and with less than a gesture he activated his bloodline legacy; as soon as he'd done so his head shot up, heedless of the potential risk of unseemly behaviour as his vein-rimmed eyes quite literally stared through the henged child,

"Impossible!" The Hyuuga lord declared before speaking aloud to the others, "Everyone, sense for him – that henge has no chakra network!"

"What?" Inoichi was the first to respond, flaring his chakra and as shocked as Hiashi when he realised his friend was correct; _I can't sense it at all_; "I can't feel a thing".

"Oh don't", the false Tsume shrank backwards coyly, bringing a hand delicately to her mouth in a gesture everyone knew the real Inuzuka scion would have rather bitten her own fingers off than performed, "so many hunky men looking at little old me – you're making me blush. Hey", she suddenly slapped at something tiny and black that flew easily out of reach of her hand, "ruddy flies – oh, sorry". If he was offended by the attempted murder of his kikaichu Shibi gave no sign, instead extending a finger and allowing the returning bug to settle on his digit and falling silent for a minute before speaking again,

"It is confirmed, the henge has chakra levels present well below those of even a civilian. I would propose that this would make the henge almost impossible for any but the most well-trained of sensor-ninja to detect, assuming they had prior exposure to Uzumaki-san's chakra. This alone, I believe, would prove Yoshino-san's words earlier; as Uzumaki-san's infiltration method does not require chakra, it would circumvent most conventional detection and defence methods utilised by Konoha, including the kikaichu", the darkened glasses turned towards the disguised jinchuuriki, "I assume this, unusual henge is the method by which you gained entry to our clan houses?"

"Partly; it was half of the method", the disguised Inuzuka clan head sank 'her' chin onto 'her' fist and looked forwards, leaning forwards onto her thighs and ensuring nothing was going to be seen by an unfortunate peek from the tabletop audience, "the other half, the real killer if y'like, was one particular henge".

The jinchuuriki clapped his transformed hands and vanished with a slight bang; a second bang occurred as the child transformed again though, as the smoke cleared, the counter he had been sat upon appeared bare. Byakugan still active and alert to any potential trick it was Hiashi who saw the new form first, though before he could utter a syllable of warning Naruto had abandoned his hiding place and scuttled into plain sight.

From behind one of the butter muffins still on his former plate, a small blonde-furred mouse skittered across the polished wood of the Nara kitchen top, boosted itself up onto its hind legs and, as much as it was able to, gave a clumsy, shallow bow to its audience.

XXX

"So then, Naruto", having been briefed about his young charges' unscheduled one-day sojourn into the realms of structured education following visiting the Hasuwadas and enquiring about how Naruto's business was doing, Sarutobi was the first to overcome his shock and eye up the tiny creature before him, "you have...adopted that henge of yours into this form then? Quite ironic given your nickname, I must admit, but how did you manage this while making sure you wouldn't have another accident like last time?" The mouse for its part didn't, and in fact couldn't answer; instead it crept to the top of the counter and peered over it to the floor, whiskers twitching as the human mind driving it sized up the new environment and, after second summing things up, darted over the edge, scuttling quickly down the wooden front of the cupboard and onto the floor. Yoshino stepped back a little too hastily to be entirely casual as Naruto's henged form disappeared in smoke for a second, the jinchuuriki himself waving away the chakra vapours with a slightly regretful expression on his face,

"Sorry jiji what was that? I'm getting better but I can't hear other people very well in that form, the mouse ears are really sensitive; s'like tryin' to listen to a thunderclap". As Sarutobi raised an eyebrow at this and repeated his question, the other ninja assembled around the table, having seen the second half of Naruto's infiltration technique, realised just how potentially powerful the idea of a completely innocuous mouse morphing into a shinobi, least of all a jinchuuriki of all things, and simultaneous shivers of both fear and intrigue rippled around the table. Having heard the old man's question, Naruto scratched the back of his neck and shrugged a little,

"Wasn't that hard really; I 'memebered what Anko-sensei said 'bout visualising the form you wanted to henge into, insides and all, and 'cause of that most of the pet-shop owners in Konoha now think dere's an epidemic of children keepin' snakes and buying mice to feed them. I brought a load, die-sected them all and figured it out from there, though I did have my fingers crossed first time I tried it".

"I can imagine", the Sandaime drawled dryly before noticing the attention of his subordinates converging on the jinchuuriki again and decided to take the initiative, "as you've all seen Naruto-kun's henge is somewhat unique, an apparent combination of henge and the kanpekina variant. He can transform into any human form and, apparently, a mouse body as well at the cost of his ability to access and mould chakra; a formidable espionage technique as you are now doubtless aware", several of the assembled ninja cringed once more while the others, especially Chouza, merely smirked wryly, "as to why this is, I have no idea".

Naruto was the only one in the room who missed the slight inflection of the Hokage's voice simply due to his lack of experience and world-weariness; the rest of the clan heads accepted the unspoken explanation without further comment, Chouza speaking for them as he reappraised the jinchuuriki with something akin to respect in his eyes,

"So the, the Mouse truly is a mouse now, and a potentially lethal one at that", the Akimichi summarised before recalling what his former team mate had said at the very start of this whole debacle, "so, aside from teaching all present a lesson in humility, what was the bargain Shikaku mentioned earlier?"

"The same one he has with us now", Yoshino answered for the jinchuuriki, Naruto taking advantage of the Nara woman's forthrightness to take a bite out of one of the three remaining butter muffins, "Naruto-chan used a charka pill and his voice to give my husband a heart attack", she allowed them a second, just one, to start to smile at the memory before saying words she knew, she was sure in fact, would shock them as deeply as it had her,

"But if he'd used a poison and a knife, he'd have ripped my husband's heart in two and gutted our clan in the process".

"Yep", Naruto nodded at this as he polished off the last remnants of his meal and sat looking at the other assembled clan leaders, "I didn't actu'lly think of that until Yoshino-san pointed it out, bu' she's right. I got into the Nara clan an' could've done damage by killin' the clan heir, so dat got all of us thinking; could I do the same to everyone else and, at the same time, what could they, or you, collectively", he pointed out the half-dozen assembled ninja before him, "do to stop it happening? Like you said, your clan homes are almost impervious to normal ninja gettin' in, but 'cause of my henge I'm not a normal ninja, or would-be ninja. So here's the deal". Despite themselves the crowd leant in slightly, still not quite sure what to make of the jinchuuriki even after all his revelations so far and curious as to what he had to say next,

"I henge into a civilian; gets rid of my chakra so nothing you've got can sense for it; an' try breakin' in to your clan houses – I won't use mouse-form 'til you want me to, feels too much like cheatin' because it's so small. Still, I keep trying to get in until you've all got enough measures in place t'see and stop me; while your home's getting Mouse-proofed you'll be teachin' me stuff for my troubles".

Now normally the idea of a mere civilian trying to gain entry to one of the noble clan houses of Konoha was so unlikely it was laughable; who in their right mind would be insane enough to even try to steal from an entire clan compromising a majority of highly armed and trained killers without so much as a single D-ranked technique to call their own? However, having had the answer and the consequences of said answer given, and in some cases literally paraded, in front of them, it was an offer every one of the veterans found themselves considered with a great deal of thought; in fact so deep was their contemplations that it was the oldest ninja present who spotted a potential loophole in the bargain and made to close it before anyone stuck their head through and got themselves accidentally strangled,

"Teaching Naruto-kun?" At the sound of his grandfather's voice the jinchuuriki looked up, seeing Sarutobi raise an eyebrow as he went on, "Much as I am an admirer of the idea of night classes, I think it best I have at least an idea of what you'd be learning?"

"Oh don't worry jiji; know you don' want me learnin' ninja things 'til I'm in th' 'Cademy", Naruto put the old man's mind at ease with a smile as he pointed to the two Nara present, "Shikaku-san's showing me how t'play shougi an' Yoshino-san's teachin' me how t'knit. Little things like that, that's all I'm after". Mollified by this and inwardly grateful that the child wasn't actively biting off more than he could reasonably chew, Sarutobi gave a nod of acquiescence before a slight laugh broke the silence, Chouza looking across at the seated demon-vessel,

"Knitting? You don't look like the type kid".

"Neither does the little old lady in the house across the way", Naruto answered, one of the missions Anko-sensei had regaled him with coming back to the forefront of his mind and helping to emphasise the point he made about learning non-ninja skills, "just a harmless old woman who kept cats and knitted scarves and socks for some of the village children. Just rocking her chair on her porch all day, watching the world and the village ninja come and go – who'd ever suspect she was able to throw a kunai so quickly, or hit an A-rank ninja in the neck at fifty paces in the dead of night? Certainly not the village guard an' police force, so no-one ever guessed who carried out the assassination, or why Konoha's Leaf ninja were able to unmask a potential sleeper agent in their ranks before he was activated and started making life difficult".

Unsurprisingly there was a bit of a pause at this story until Inoichi, who'd sat in on the debrief for that particular mission and actually written up Anko's commendation for such a flawless execution and discovering information above and beyond the mission parameters, gave credit where it was due at the same time as seek answers for one particular niggle that had been in the back of his mind for a while now,

"Well Naruto-san, when you put it like that, I have to say knitting doesn't sound too bad..."

"Course not; Yoshino-san's teaching me, it can't be bad", he butted in, making the Nara woman shoot him a sidelong look even as a slight smile twitched her lips,

"Flattery will get you nowhere Naruto – you get points for trying though. It'll help your finger dexterity too, one of the reasons I learnt from my mother". Seeing Naruto nod and wanting to get back on track to have his question answered, Inoichi casually used a quick psychological trick to ease things along; _find common ground with the subject, then go from there_;

"Better than flower-arranging at any rate; don't ask", as he'd expected, that comment had piqued Naruto's interest but Inoichi warded his curious gaze away with a raised hand; _not like the others won't fill him in when they get a chance anyway_; "apart from that though, I'm impressed with how you've pulled this trick on all of us", he had nothing to lose by admitting that sliver of admiration and besides, it was true, "but there's one piece of this little puzzle I can't get to fit".

Just as the first hint of doubt was beginning to slide of the Uzumaki's face Inoichi went on, half an eye on the jinchuuriki's face and casually dissecting his reactions to paint a clearer picture of what was going on and cut through any lies Naruto might have employed to cover his tracks,

"I know that you had to have carried out most, if not all, of these thefts today; I would have noticed had those interrogation implements been missing more than a single day and I imagine Tsume-chan would have been in the same boat", only a lifetime's experience of mastering his own psyche kept the smirk off his face as the Inuzuka growled from the corner she was stewing in, "but, if you hit all of us in the same day, and Hokage-sama, you said he was helping out in the office earlier?"

"Well I didn't say it exactly but he did help out; that was one of the reasons I was able to come here tonight in fact, something I'm sure you two planned between you", he favoured both Shikaku and Naruto with a stern but not unkind eye, making them both squirm like delinquent schoolchildren under the eye of a schoolmaster, before the Hokage turned his eye back to the Yamanaka, "what of it Inoichi-kun?" Hearing this made a glimmer of both triumph and trepidation to glint in the shinobi's sky-blue eyes; _after all, with what he'd already done tonight, what else could he have up his sleeve?_;

"What I mean is that Naruto-san must have had help in his work; there's just no way he could get all over Konoha in that amount of time straight after breaking you out of that tomb of parchment you call an office Hokage-sama? Unless sticky-fingers over there has mastered a way of being in two places at once of course".

Inoichi really had meant that last line as a throwaway comment and had even chuckled weakly at his own joke; then he caught sight of the sudden guilty look on the jinchuuriki's face as the laughter abruptly dried up. And not only from him either,

"Naruto", suddenly looking very stern, the Hokage half-stood and fixed his surrogate grandson with a piercing gaze, "Inoichi-kun has raised a very good point and I know that look of yours far too well. How did you do it?"

It was a loaded question and not one he was going to dodge either; the problem was that, unlike with Anko who'd probably have laughed, rubbed his head and tried to find another inventive way of pushing him to the threshold of death and terror, Naruto had no way of knowing how jiji would react to the actual answer. He stalled for as long as he could reasonably push for before, seeing the patience of some of the clan heads start to wane, Naruto instead decided he had no chance but to come clean, cross his fingers, hope for the best and, if all else failed, blurt out about Sarutobi being as bad as the Hyuuga with regards to his reading materials and then dive out the nearest window,

"Okay, you got me; Mouse out the bag", he held up both hands, doing his best to look confident even if he was shaking in his sandals, "I didn't have help, well, not exactly; I've always got all the help I need now with this. Sorry jiji but it wasn't me in the office helping you out, it was only half of me".

At that moment before the most powerful ninja of the village of Konoha, the boy who would strive to become its next Hokage raised both hands in a familiar seal and intoned a quartet of words that would one day become his trademark, a blessing to even his most embattled friends and a curse most dire against every enemy that stood in his way,

"Kage bunshin no jutsu!"

XXX

"You have _got_ to be shitting me!"

Unusually Yoshino didn't take this opportunity to swipe a handful of ryo from her friends' pocket as she was too busy, as was everyone else, gawking at the spectacle of a perfect replica of the jinchuuriki appearing on the floor next to the counter, looking around nervously before giving a grin and exploding into smoke,

"Hey", Naruto had suspected the clone would inherit a good portion of his nervousness but hadn't expected the doppelganger to make a run for it so quickly off the bat, "you coward!" Even as he speared the dissipating smoke cloud with an affronted finger, however, he felt an aura of oppressive doom sweep over him like a tsunami and wondered if it was in any way possible for him to vanish the same way. The Hokage was so incensed he appeared calm, though as he stood up slowly Naruto wouldn't have been surprised to see storm clouds billowing out from under his robe as a low, grating voice addressed two of the most likely culprits of this latest crime,

"Nara..."

"Nothing to do with me, us", Shikaku hastily corrected himself, holding up both hands as he felt the killing intent levelled on him like a crossbow bolt, "I'm as shocked as you are". Sarutobi held his eye for a long, long time and it was with a deep breath of relief that Shikaku realised he was off the hook as the Hokage blinked first, seeing no lie in his eyes,

"In that case who", he demanded of the room in general before homing in on the only person who could answer that question, "Naruto-kun, which abysmally foolish"; _and soon to be deceased_; "ninja was suicidal enough to teach you a kinjutsu that powerful? And how in the name of the Kami did you manage to make it work?"

"Uhh, loadsa practice", the jinchuuriki managed to stutter before mastering his sudden fear of his grandfather and speaking again, "an' don't take this the wrong way jiji, but in a way you taught me it".

The ire in the room was immediately sucked away to be replaced by shock; Sarutobi shook his head as though he'd been physically hit before he managed to reconnect brain to tongue and speak,

"Me? But I've never..."; _but I have, or at least I might as well have_; the same brain, the organ that had made him the Professor and such a legend on the battlefield, supplied the answer, the only opportunity that Naruto could have used to gain access to such a technique; _one night he had to get the scroll, and Asuma and I wouldn't have thought to frisk him for notes he'd taken_; "...since then, since _Konohamaru_ was born!" Afraid his jiji was going to get angry again, Naruto nodded and crossed his fingers, hoping for the best,

"Hai, I couldn't do the bunshin no matter what I did, and it was the only technique I looked out because it was a bunshin technique. I was careful, took me six weeks to get it right, and I can only make about half-a-dozen a day even now".

"Half-a-dozen", for once Chouza was grateful he didn't have anything to chew on as he was certain he'd have choked to death by now, "kid there are some chunin who can't do that jutsu to that level!"

"Really?" The revelation seemed to come as a surprise before the jinchuuriki smiled widely and clapped his hands in celebration, "Heh, I'm awesome!" He was interrupted by a sudden groan as someone around the table made everyone look over,

"And a complete pain in the tail-bone, knowing my luck", massaging her eyes, Tsume glowered across the table at her new nemesis, "can those clones of yours use your henge as well?"

The sight of the jinchuuriki nodding at this question made eight people shiver simultaneously, the mood summed up by the dog-nin herself as she rested her forehead on the table in front of her,

"Great, as if one Mouse wasn't bad enough now we've got a plague of them; and he's six..."

"Seven", Naruto muttered under his breath, having celebrated his birthday a fortnight ago; the number was caught only by Yoshino and Shikaku as their feral friend went on,

"...so it's only going to get worse from here. Mum was right – no such thing as a single mouse, they all come married with families! Okay kid, anything else we should know about – a summoning contract? Bloodline limit – right now I'm about willing to believe anything you tell me". Seeing the weary half-chuckle on the Inuzuka's face Naruto replied in kind and rubbed the back of his neck,

"Uh, actually the clones can use henge easier than I can; they don't have organs so they can't get hurt when they change shape like I do. They also don't weigh much, so they can go anywhere because when I change my weight stays the same, so I can't run over squeaky floors or narrow tree-branches safely, and I can't fly either. It's six of one, half-dozen of the other; takes me a long time to learn a henge 'cause I have to actually see and work out how to change into anything other than a person while my clones can do it right off the bat, but on the other hand my clones can still pop after time or if they get hit".

_Oh my Kami_; the idea of that was enough to tempt even a mind as jaded and experienced as the Sandaime's; _if Naruto learns what the original purpose of Kage Bunshin was and can use his clones like he says he can, we have a future spymaster right under our noses. And he wishes to learn infiltration – actually, if the clans agree, we can use this to cut his teeth on getting in and out unnoticed..._; deciding to postpone that line of thinking for a moment, the Hokage instead looked around the table and, seeing all present almost reeling from the shock of the image that had assailed him, decided to put an end to the night's revelations,

"Well Naruto-kun, you appear to have given us a lot to think over; however the night is getting on a little and I wouldn't want your clones' work to go to waste; I will see you in the morning to discuss exactly what you've been up to", the unspoken 'and you'd better not leave anything out' went without saying as Naruto nodded and his jiji went on, "and the clan heads will get back to you in their own time".

"Or I'll jus' drop in an' say hi", the boy commented casually, grinning at the shudder this statement called before he suddenly perked up as though remembering something and pointed at the table, "bu' why do I have to go? In fact, consider this th'first bit of teachin' – I gave all your stuff back so..." He hopped off the counter and pushed carefully between Shikaku and Shibi, the Aburame looking down inscrutably at the tuft of blonde hair that had popped up by their side of him as the jinchuuriki, stood on tip-toe so he could see over the table, pointed at the box of tiles and declared loudly,

"...deal me in".

"Uhh, unfortunately Uzumaki-san", it was Hiashi who took it upon himself to break the news to the would-be player, "this is a gathering of clan heads and you are, sadly, ineligible to play".

"Why? Dere's no other Uzumaki in Konoha so that makes me a clan head by default". Chouza grinned,

"Nice try kid but we've had this before; sorry but you can't be a clan of one, you have to have at least three generation of serving ninja to apply for clan status and, last time I looked, you hadn't gone through the Academy yet".

"Ah, that's no bother", Naruto waved the concern off like a cloud of mosquitoes, his eyes not wavering as Shikaku flipped the box open and began shuffling the tiles, "when I become Hokage I'll retrospectively change that law and make it legal". The Akimichi opened his mouth to argue, closed it again as he thought about it then, defeated, looked to his leader,

"Can he do that?"

"I'm not a hundred percent sure", Sarutobi responded, simultaneously wondering if it was an Uzumaki trait to make everything in his life difficult at the same time as try not to snicker at the absurd situation of a child trying to gate-crash an esteemed clan gathering as an excuse to learn how to play mah-jongg, "I'd like to say no but there is a chance he could be right".

"If that is the case I would recommend giving Uzumaki-san the benefit of the doubt", all eyes immediately snapped to Shibi but, unperturbed as always, the Aburame carried on, "it is unwise to isolate and ostracise someone who has demonstrated an aptitude for discovering hidden items within secure locations".

Having never been one to speak in fancy language Naruto was about to ask why the tall man in the dark glasses had suddenly started speaking a foreign language when he was put out of his misery by Tsume, who had once been in his shoes and only by dint of long exposure had managed to understand her Aburame counterpart to any degree of competency,

"He said it'd be best for us to keep you close because you know or can find out where all the bodies are buried", the Inuzuka instructed him, half-standing to stretch off her legs, "pull up a chair brat, let's see if you can handle political pressure as well as you can creep along a wall". Naruto let out a cheer and started bouncing around until a rap to the top of the head courtesy of Yoshino brought his excitement to an end and he hopped into the chair she had brought for him, looking over the table expectantly,

"So then, how'd you play dis then?"

XXX

He made a valiant effort but, in the end, not even Naruto could triumph over a child's greatest adversary; just before he toppled face-first into his mah-jongg tiles, he found his shoulder caught by Sarutobi, the old Hokage smiling down at the youngest player and half-pulling him to his feet,

"I think that's enough Naruto-kun; let's get you off to your own home, it's been a busy day and a late night for you".

"Hai jiji", the jinchuuriki managed to murmur, stumbling back from the table with a huge yawn, "wish'way's home?" Stifling a soft chuckle Sarutobi began to lead the jinchuuriki towards the Nara front door, the rest of the clan heads watching them both go and pausing the game as their leader departed.

The cold air of the night seemed to perk Naruto up somewhat as Sarutobi let himself out of the clan compound, though there was no way he'd ever make it home in one piece tonight and the Hokage didn't want to run the risk of his curling up in a convenient bush somewhere along the way; _plenty of time for that when he's older and Anko-chan can legal challenge him to drinking games. For now though_; with a gesture Sarutobi had an ANBU appear after a few seconds, allowing the Hokage to hand the virtually-slumbering child off to the masked ninja with a set of simple instructions,

"Please see that Naruto-kun gets home and settled in for the night", the ANBU nodded and made to disappear, hoisting the jinchuuriki into his arms and grateful for the mask hiding his smile as he heard the village leader speak again, mostly to himself, "thanks to him I have some bruised egos to soothe before tonight is over".

A few minutes later, having let himself back in and retaken his seat, Sarutobi looked around the table and shrugged quietly, amused despite himself as the air cleared with the removal of the only pair of innocent ears from the table; _this ought to be rich_;

"So then", needing no further encouragement Sarutobi struck the match and threw it on the tinder-dry atmosphere, "Uzumaki Naruto – what can you say about him?"

The explosion was coming, brewing like a katon jutsu in an Uchiha's lungs as every one of the clan heads present looked like they all had something they wanted to say (or scream, in some cases) but hadn't quite found the words to say them, before three words echoed in the air, spoken by the quietest member of the clan gathering. Three words of grudging respect that blew away the explosive quality of the atmosphere around the table and centred conversation where it needed to be rather than on pointless interruption and embarrassed recrimination,

"He's her son".

As Kuromaru climbed to his feet and shook himself off after being laid on the floor for so long, his partner found herself recalling the woman who, she was certain, would have been stood right behind Naruto and cheering him on every step of the way; _when she wasn't actively giving him a hand at least_; had it not been for the tragedy of the same attack that had taken her husband from her,

"You got that right Kuro-kun", Tsume said softly, scratching the broad muzzle of her nin-ken as she recalled the red-headed woman who had been all at once one of her closest friends and fiercest rival, "Kushina-chan must have been laughing herself sick up there in the light place when her boy caught us all out like that. Bloody Uzumaki – even from beyond the grave she still gets the last laugh on the lot of us".

"Some more than others", Hiashi, usually, found himself agreeing with the Inuzuka as a few choice memories of the red-haired and even redder-tempered Uzumaki girl forced themselves to the forefront of his mind; _mostly those involving finding out that Jyuuken, for all its power, is absolutely no use when your enemy had tackled you to the floor and is throttling you at the same time as making an imprint in the ground with the back of your head_; "and I see too much of her in Naruto to feel completely safe, least of all as he seems able to circumvent the eyes of our clan". At this Inoichi looked over, expression puzzled,

"How? I thought you could see chakra even if it wasn't focussed, or in a network – your clan can see seals after all?"

"Correct but the less structured the chakra the less impression there is to see", the Hyuuga lord explained, nodding towards where the Uzumaki had been sitting, "when I saw him in your form Tsume it was like seeing a very faint ghost, barely an outline with a chakra shadow filling it. I would guess it may be easier to see a smaller henge as the chakra is more concentrated but still, I wouldn't like to chance it if the safety of my clan is at stake".

With that proclamation the unspoken elephant wandered back into the room and sat there, forcing all present to divert attention towards it; Naruto was at once a potential goldmine of future potential and already prodigiously skilled with his infiltration method, aided by his unusual henge, but at the same time was a massive security risk – he could, if captured, deserted or gone rogue, highlight to enemies how to best attack and cripple Konoha's main clans from the inside-out. Hiashi especially was sensitive to this risk, having lost his brother and almost his daughter to a botched kidnapping some years earlier that had earnt Kumo the undying bitter enmity of the entire Hyuuga clan and he would easily snuff out a potential threat that might repeat that evil day prior to it occurring. Luckily however at this point Sarutobi roused himself from his own memories of both the Uzumaki mother and son enough to quash that worry,

"Naruto-kun is as loyal to Konoha as I am Hiashi-kun, there is no need to worry", the reassurance of the Third seemed to mollify all present as Sarutobi went on, "I have seen that boy grow from a baby and I have to say he surprises even me continuously, though tonight was extreme even by his own standards. Though he has you to thank for that I'm sure Shika-kun?" The Nara held his hands up in admission of his crime,

"True but what I said was true; I gave him some hints about where to go and he did the rest off his own bat; if I were to hazard a guess I'd say he's been planning this for about two months prior to tonight; no, think about it", seeing disbelief creeping over several faces he made to explain his reasoning, "even with his advantages, hitting six separate targets on his own in a what, at best twelve hour time period? Distance lone would have been an issue, to say nothing of actually getting in and finding what he needed to take; no, this was a long-term, well-planned and well-executed mission that he did solo, just to get some more people who'd be willing to teach him things or, more importantly, just talk to him when he shows up".

That succinct summary was enough to make Inoichi, something of an expert in this field due to his clan jutsu and personal reading on the subject, steeple his fingers and add his ten ryo's worth,

"Hai, Naruto-san seems to just be lonely at some level; you saw how he wanted to join in our game?" As the others nodded Inoichi mimicked them, glad he didn't have to explain it to them all, "To me that looked like the very first time he'd ever been able to join in a game of anything, or at least a game with more than two players. I know he works, for want of a better word, with ninja – I guess he felt he should go one better and play with them as well – let's face it, he got off to a good start with Anko from what Ibiki was telling me and if he can get the Snake Mistress to warm up to him", the Yamanaka snorted with rough laughter, glancing over at the seat Naruto had been warming until a few minutes previously, "I think every ninja in Konoha is in danger of unofficially adopting a little brother".

"Assuming they haven't already done so", his former team mate chipped in, all listening to the scarred shinobi as Shikaku went on, "most of the clan that meet him on the training grounds like him, even look for him in some cases".

"Effort from a Nara; must be serious", Chouza chortled before sweeping up the majority of the mah-jongg tiles in a single meaty hand, "well, I'll be taking him up on the offer – a good few recipes and, when he's a bit older, a visit to a few of our butcheries and abattoirs should help with his henges, small beans really to stop someone sneaking in when they feel like it. Actually, the more I think about it, the luckier I think we've been".

"That's a matter of opinion", Tsume snarled lowly, though her fierce expression softened somewhat as she was forced to grudgingly concede the point, "but you're right Chou; up until now it's only respect for us and the thought of being messily ripped apart that's stopped villagers wandering onto our clan lands – ninja on the other hand, wouldn't have that fear. I can't believe we missed something that basic – all that work on stopping every technique the Uchiha could steal and there's nothing in the way of the enemy walking through the damn front gate".

"Nothing yet Tsume-san, though there will be for all of us soon", Shibi corrected her, already thinking of potential insect breeds that could be used or integrated in the Aburame hives to forestall all intruders, not just those who had a supply of activated chakra, "I am in agreement with Chouza-san; it is illogical to refuse such a generous bargain". At this point Inoichi, who had been silently considering a different matter, felt it time to interject,

"I don't doubt we'll all take him up on it more or less, but this does raise some other interesting issues as well", before continuing, the Yamanaka clan head looked to his superior for permission to stray into potentially treasonous territory, "such as the nature of Naruto-san's henge, and what other, avenues this training of his could eventually lead down".

Seeing where this was going Sarutobi considered putting the moment off until a few years down the line but dismissed such concerns quickly; here and now with only the shinobi and no civilians to distract from business, this was likely to be the best chance the Hokage ever had to explain both his ideas for Naruto's eventual future and, more importantly, the reasons behind them,

"The nature of the henge is, as you've probably guessed, something to do with Naruto's tenant", the old shinobi began, feeling older with each word he spoke as he once again cursed Minato for being such a damned hero and condemning his son to life as a jinchuuriki, "Kyuubi are known to be shape-shifters and tricksters, this may be an element of that nature expressing itself through Naruto's character. I can't prove it of course, but I believe that both this and his somewhat...flamboyant nature are at least influenced by the demon he holds, though I'd stake my hat on his temperament being inherited from his mother".

"I'd throw my apron on such a wager as well Hokage-sama, as well as Hiashi's Icha Icha", Chouza commented slyly, the twitch of the Hyuuga's jaw a sight well-worth seeing in his eyes as the Akimichi took a whip to his solemn friend's pride. Sarutobi smiled at this before beginning again, his voice this time more distant than before as re relived every decision he'd ever made concerning the container of the nine-tailed fox,

"True, though that spark, his personality and drive to make people see him as himself, a future Hokage, rather than a monster such as the bijuu, will become the will of fire that saves him from the fate that befalls so many jinchuuriki".

Though some of the assembled ninja present had encountered jinchuuriki before , or at least jinchuuriki used by enemy countries, they were in the minority; as a result all listened rather than spoke as Sarutobi went on, describing the fate he had tried to shield his adoptive grandson from,

"From what I have seen and read from Harashima-sensei's personal journals, no human can ever understand the pain most jinchuuriki feel in their lives; as those who contain demons, they are often, in fact usually feared, shunned and hated. Their training can be barbaric, breaking their minds and spirits until nothing is left but a callous, murderous psychopath, more demon than man but utterly loyal to the village and Kage. I saw this could happen here, in this very place my sensei built and I swore upon my own Will of Fire that it would not be so, I would not destroy a child, a hero of this village, just to allow Konoha access to a weapon that, with the will of Kami-sama, we would never have cause to use and I believe tonight has vindicated that decision. Naruto-kun, alone and without even being aware of his burden, has done what no other jinchuuriki could ever hope to do – he has stepped down the path of being a shinobi, rather than just a mere weapon".

"I, ah, sorry Hokage-sama", Yoshino managed a slightly abashed smile as she shrugged, "I don't quite follow – I understand about how being around people should stop him feeling too embittered because some idiots can't see past the end of their own noses, but the shinobi and weapon I don't get". Sarutobi considered this, thinking of the best way to explain before, after a long pause, he drew in a breath and spoke again,

"Much as I detest this mentality, think of all ninja, every ninja in the world, regardless of age, rank or clan, as a weapon; in this example, most ninja would be something akin to a kunai, or a ninjato; sharp, multi-functional, can do virtually any job required of them. Everyone understand so far?" Seeing the sextuplet of nods, the Hokage carried on,

"In this example therefore, an average jinchuuriki would not be one of these weapons; if anything they'd have to be classed as something like a tetsubo war-club. Jinchuuriki are not ninja; they contain living forces of nature and are trained to use that power to smash past or through any barrier or enemy in their way. A tetsubo is a devastating weapon but only if wielded correctly and against the right target; jinchuuriki can and have wiped out entire battle squadrons of ninja and wipe small villages off the face of the Elemental Nations, but by the same token many have also gone rogue from their home nations, driven out by hatred. Also jinchuuriki can be assassinated just like anyone else; a dagger to the throat in the dead of night will kill anyone, even a demon vessel. Naruto-kun, on the other hand, has not been trained like a normal jinchuuriki; in fact he hasn't been trained apart from the instruction he has earned himself, and be honest", a cunning smile, the one a gambler might wear when he held a winning hand and with an ace stashed up his sleeve for good luck, wormed it's way onto Sarutobi's face as he leant forwards and finished his example,

"Does what he did tonight against your clan houses look like the work of a tetsubo?"

The wisdom of the Hokage was enough to persuade all others present even without the tangible effects of the jinchuuriki's handiwork, one hand still patting down his weapon pouch to make sure the incriminating book wasn't getting away from him, Hiashi was the first to speak,

"No Hokage-sama; if anything, using your example, the work of Uzumaki-san appears to mimic the action of a senbon, or the blade your wife uses Akimichi-san", having seen Chime practice in the clan dojo several times in the past Chouza was more than prepared to nod at this as the Hyuuga went on, "a single, clean strike, straight through to the heart of the target. The way all ninja should fight".

"Hai, most jinchuuriki would by now be working on drawing on and trying to master their tenant's chakra", the older man replied, "many, in fact, are taught nothing of or very little ninjutsu unless their tenant gives them techniques or a bloodline limit of a sort. Those that they do learn are almost always widespread area destruction techniques, nothing subtle like Naruto-kun has used".

"And just as well", Tsume snorted, the reminder of her former childhood nemesis enough to rekindle former flames of contest that she thought had been snuffed with Kushina-chan's untimely passing, "the thought of another one of him running around somewhere in the Elemental Nations would be enough to make every woman fear for their privacy. If Jiraiya-hentai ever gets hold of him and that henge of his we might as well all walk round naked and save him the bother of peeking".

"Tsume-chan, it's not nice to tease the elderly with visions of paradise before they're nailing down the coffin lid", Yoshino teased slightly, the dog-nin making an obscene gesture but not a uttering a peep as the Nara went on, "besides, it's nothing Hiashi-kun hasn't already seen..."

"The Byakugan does not allow clothing to be seen through", the Hyuuga lord stated firmly, inwardly cringing as he knew this would never wash, "much as Jiraiya-sama might wish it was it is not the ultimate peeping doujutsu".

"Just as well, or I'd be forced to claw your eyes out after staring at my body like that", the Inuzuka riposted, grateful that this time she wasn't the one on the receiving end of the banter, "for shame Hiashi".

"As I said earlier", he responded frostily, not wanting to give her the satisfaction or baiting him into an argument, "I have no reason to look at such a disgusting spectacle..."

"Are you calling me ugly?" At this point someone around the table simply couldn't help himself and leant over the table to stage-whisper to his friend,

"I find these pre-mating rituals rather baffling, and potentially violent", all conversation stilling, both duelling parties glared over at the Aburame as Shibi finished his suggestion to the table at large, "should we retire to a safe distance?"

"Aburame-san", Hiashi's voice was deceptively soft and laden with promises of pain, "what did you mean by those rituals of yours".

"Could just be me but I think he means Tsume-chan should be slipping into something more comfortable", Inoichi knew he should be keeping quiet but hell, bruises healed and it was a rare day to catch out both Hiashi and Tsume in a single night, "and if it helps, you can borrow those toys of mine as long as I get them all ba-acckkkk!"

Not even Shikaku could react fast enough as, pushed beyond the limits of tolerance, Tsume roared out a battle cry, pounced on his former team mate, wrapped an arm around his neck in bar choke and started to squeeze.

A/N: Oh dear, poor Inoichi; but Naruto has played his hand and the cards are on the table – what could happen now he's been introduced to the heads of the majority of Konoha's clans? Who could he meet as he starts turning into a house-mouse? Will he take his job seriously, or will it end up in a mouse-hunt of epic proportions? Until next time – ja ne!


	11. Chapter 11 Mouse in the House

Chapter 11 – Mouse in the House

A/N: So the Mouse has struck a bargain with some of the clans of Konoha but they won't just sit there and let him come for them...who will take the first strike in this new game of wits? What weapons will be used by either side and how far will the clans go to keep the Mouse out?

On a more personal note, thanks for all the support for this story so far and I hope you all enjoy this latest chapter.

Watch out, you can never tell when this Mouse will show up...

XXX

If one was to ask any Academy child, even one still studying in the civilian Academy, who Konoha's most famous ninja team was it was a bet even Senju Tsunade would have had trouble losing that the answer would have been the Detsu no Sannin, the legendary three ninja who had faced down and won the grudging respect of Hanzo the Salamander, one of the greatest and most powerful ninja of his generation. However as with all things ninja-related, the smallest deviation in the query would have resulted in a completely skewed answer; if one was to ask the name of the most _competent_ three-man cell the village hidden in the Leaves had ever produced, the combination of Oroichimaru, Jiraiya and Tsunade; one a traitor, one a sage and one a deserter; would not have garnered all that many votes. Instead that title would have gone, had no choice but to be gifted to Konoha's Winning Hand, the original Ino-Shika-Chou formation who, even as clan heads and officially retired from active service, were still feared throughout the Elemental Nations and had a mention in virtually every Bingo book of note.

On paper the reason for the teams' success was simple; quite aside from being good friends who would lay down their lives for each other, the trio of shinobi had skills that complimented each other and made a whole much greater than the sum of its parts. Far too many times for the enemy countries to count had one of their ninja been so focussed on dodging the shadows of the Nara that they walked literally into an overlarge fist or other limb, or were stabbed in the back by an inattentive comrade as the Yamanaka worked his mind-manipulating magic. The real truth behind their team-working genius and high success rate however, as with all things relating to ninja as a whole and the shinobi world in general, was that Ino-Shika-Chou were virtually peerless in a field that all ninja knew of but very few, very few indeed, took the time to master.

Under the guidance of their former sensei, a man who freely admitted each of the trio had surpassed him by the time they reached chunin, Akimichi Chouza, Yamanaka Inoichi and Nara Shikaku had buried both themselves and their true abilities in layer upon layer of carefully-crafted deception.

Even their reputation, usually something quite detrimental to a ninja as it may provide enemies with clues as to how they fought, had been honed into just another weapon in their arsenal; the enemy knew they were the Winning Hand, knew that of _course_ the Akimichi was the most skilled in hand to hand combat and the Yamanaka was weakest against it, so if they could only attack the blonde shinobi all would be well and they would be heroes in their own land. The few that actually survived long enough to even get that far in their plan without getting snared by Shikaku's shadow or crushed by Chouza's fists were therefore very unpleasantly, and quite often fatally, surprised to learn the hard way that contrary to their opinions Inoichi was far from an effeminate fop and was in fact viciously proficient in the martial arts, especially when he attacked with his mind at the same time as his fists to keep knocking his opponents off balance.

The same worked true in reverse of course; more than one fortress who had warning of their coming had sealed down all walls and windows, lit every room so that not even a trace of darkness remained and had sentries on hand with orders to kill any animal within a country mile of their stronghold, fearing it might be a harbinger of a Yamanaka's mind. They did all this, too so many precautions, and then completely ignored the fact that the last merchant they allowed to hurry in through their sealed gates was a little on the portly side; only when the emergency was long over and all had been restored to calm normality did they realise something was missing, they had been trumped by the Winning Hand and, worst of all, had been left with no idea as to how the dreaded threesome had pulled the trick off.

It was such a simple routine that it worked even in their home village; everyone knew the stereotypical Akimichi was large, slow and had about as much hope of sneaking in somewhere quietly as Maito Guy did in winning a fashion parade, so when a few of Konoha's citizen noticed Akimichi Chouza entering one particular apartment block in the downtown area of Konoha, they immediately assumed that he had business with one of the patrons, or he was merely running some kind of errand that required him to visit such an irrelevant building.

Because he was an Akimichi and therefore a front-line fighter who protected the brains of his team, the idea that he might be going in there to do a little snooping simply never occurred to them.

Fingers, even Chouza's chubby fingers, were still trained as all ninja hands were and therefore were able to pick the simple lock with little more than a minute's effort, a few well-applied and twisted metal rods and a dash of the universal lubricant, mild profanity, granting him access. Pushing open the door of the jinchuuriki's apartment, Chouza looked around before letting himself in, making sure Naruto wasn't paranoid enough to set minor traps such as hiding cereal flaked under the door mat that would get him caught. _No, not yet at least_; as the door swung shut behind him the Akimichi thought about putting a word in the youngster's ear next time their paths crossed but, overall, shook his head and thought better of it; _and perhaps that's for the best – he needs some semblance of normality in his life rather than living like a ninja the whole time. Now then, let's see what else this Mouse has got stashed in this little hole of his_. Though he knew he was technically breaking the law he didn't think there would be a jury in Konoha that would convict him; after all Naruto had broken into his home, it was only right he repaid the favour, and he wouldn't be stealing anything while he was at it either. Pacing through the small place with a deceptively light tread for such a big man, the Akimichi clan head ducked around to see not just how Naruto was living, but also if there was anything he could potentially offer the jinchuuriki for the services he was offering.

Chouza was a long way from stupid but then again, being on a team with Nara Shikaku could make anyone look a dunce; the way he saw it his clan, perhaps more than any other, were vulnerable from an external attack such as the one the Mouse had demonstrated for two reasons; not only did they have no way of actively picking up such a potential infiltration such as the Inuzuka's nin-ken or the Byakugen, but also as they imported and exported a lot more food and the products needed to create such visceral finery they had a lot more potential loopholes; _or mouse holes, as the case may be_; for a crafty ninja to run through and strike at the clan. To get these particular holes closed off as soon as possible, the Akimichi needed a top-rate service and, to get that, he needed to pay a top rate to the scurrying jinchuuriki; to make sure he could offer Naruto something he truly wanted and therefore come first in the Uzumaki's little list, Chouza felt his little bending of the rules was well-justified to keep his family and clan safe. To that end he was here on a hunt of his own and, as his well-seasoned nose led him to the most important room of the apartment, he found himself entering the kitchen of the apartment and gazing around him with a veteran's eye for what should and should not be present.

In all honesty he was slightly surprised; he knew as all the clans did that Konoha's jinchuuriki lived alone and was a boy only seven years of age – far from the pigsty he was therefore expecting the room, in fact the whole apartment was relatively clean. Though today's breakfast implements were still soaking in the sink and there were a few crumbs on the countertops nothing was too messy and, his connoisseurs' eyebrow rose in appreciation, the foodstuffs in the cupboards were stocked and the items neatly arranged, easy for even a child of Naruto's height to grab with the aid of a chair. _You can tell a lot about a man from his kitchen_; it was an old Akimichi proverb that Chouza had taken to heart and it hadn't led him astray yet; _and from this..._; opening the cupboards and, after looking past the stacked ramen cups, took in the varied and, in some cases, rather exotic ingredients held within them, he made his first assessment; _...I would say that Naruto-san enjoys good cuisine. I wonder why, and how – would his stipend cover this much? Ah, maybe this..._; the small red-bound book he located in one of the kitchen drawers under a roll of cling-film had such a distinctive aroma around it he didn't even have to open it to know what it was; _...will shed a little light on the situation_.

With that, Akimichi Chouza flipped open the first page of the fledgling cookbook Uzumaki Naruto was drafting under the experienced eye of Ichiraku Teuchi and gathered an idea of what his newest informal employee already knew about his clan's most sacred art.

It was an interesting little flick-through if he was honest with himself, though once or twice the Akimichi head chef had to steal himself away from adding a few suggestions for certain dishes into the margin of the book as he read it. From what he could see Naruto was learning to cook, a big plus in his book, and had obviously been pointed in the right direction by an as-yet unknown figure; the jinchuuriki wasn't being stupid and diving in at the deep end trying to create something amazing from scratch, an idea that he knew from bitter experience had a remote possibility of working but more often than no led to nothing but a foul-tasting mess and tears of frustration for the soot-blackened cook. Instead it looked like the orange-clad would-be shinobi had been given a few relatively simple but flexible recipes and was adding his own twists to them as he went along; the first dish in his collection for example, something as simple as boiled rice, was a meal about as easy to make as possible but could easily be peppered up by some of the ingredients and suggestions scribbled in at the bottom of the recipe. Replacing the hand-written ledger exactly as he'd found it and a little happier in himself now that he had a chip he could use for bartering with the new infiltrator, the big-boned clan head made to leave only for a second flash of colour from the kitchen table to catch his eye and, ducking to make sure he couldn't be seen out the window by any curious passers-by, he found himself a second later glancing at a similar book to the one he'd just put down, though the title gave him pause for a moment; _the Book of Faces? What does he mean by that – are these people he knows, from his training ground walks for instance?_ Curiosity peaked, the Akimichi opened to the first page and read the entry:

_Name - Burakkuu-eru Hashi_

_Face – Shoulder length light brown hair, small, v. dark brown eyes – looks like a mole when he squints._

_Occupation – Senior Civilian Academy Student (eleven just going on twelve in November)_

_Synopsis – Just failed ninja selection and feels bad for letting his parents down – wants to surprise them by learning to play an instrument, something his mother was interested in but, due to young marriage and family, never had a chance to really go for. Mostly happy-go-lucky but determined when he starts trying to learn – sometimes tries too hard._

_Job – Koto lessons at Bells and Whistles music store, Wed pm 17:00 – 18:30. Cost 120ryo per session._

A low rumbling noise, something between a laugh and a gasp of astonishment, rose up through Chouza's stomach as he flipped through the rest of the book to see other such characters, each one as varied and different as the first person and each, it seemed, with their own part to play in the opera that appeared to be Uzumaki Naruto's life. _Masks, every single one of these is an individual mask_; how often could he have actually walked past the Mouse in the street, even bumped in to one of these individual false personas and just not realised it? It was a sobering experience to physically see a suspicion confirmed; glancing at the book on last time before closing it, Chouza shook himself down and made a mental note not to underestimate the jinchuuriki again – for all that the Uzumaki appeared to be nothing more than a cocky little kid with an unusual henge and a knack for worming his way into places he shouldn't have been this book, the information in it and, more than that, the possibilities this information merely hinted at were enough to tell him that this perception was as false and potentially dangerous as the idea that his former team was simply a collection of a brain, a mind-walker and a meat-shield.

_This child, he's been if not raised then at least honed by shinobi – I knew he called Anko-san a sensei and this looks like her work_; unlike Inoichi who had worked with her in the past, Chouza knew of the Snake Mistress only by reputation but this looked like it had her fingerprints all over it – for however long he'd been her student, Naruto had picked up at least the basics of deception and looked to be applying them to the village as a whole. Through these false faces people didn't see him, didn't know it was the hated 'fox-brat' they were speaking to and therefore simply treated him like one of their own, providing him with services they'd have rather cut their own arms off than give to the jinchuuriki as long as he could pay for them. _The cunning little bugger_; despite himself Chouza was somewhat impressed; _even in the teeth of the villages' scorn, which as far as I can see he doesn't deserve, he's learning and growing. Playing the koto eh?_; with another gruff chortle the large ninja once more left all as he'd found it and made to depart; _Well that might be something else we've got to put on the table, if Chime-hime could find her old hand-bells again and Naruto doesn't open his mouth like he did with Tsume-chan. Actually..._; he had been about to leave but the memory of what had happened some three nights previously, a sight in his mind that still made him laugh and blush slightly even now as there was no denying Inuzuka Tsume was an attractive woman in her own rough-and-tumble way, made him pause and, with a slow smile seeping across his face, retrace his steps towards the one room in the house he hadn't had a peek into yet.

Just a glance into the jinchuuriki's bedroom, the lair of the mouse as it were, was enough to let the Akimichi know in no uncertain terms exactly how he'd managed to trip the much-older but woefully-underprepared clan heads some three days ago. _Lines Sharp as Kunai, Wicked Wit and Saucy Contemplations, The Ultimate Shinobi Jokebook – A KO Punchline to go with every KO Punch – well, this explains a lot_; even from where he was stood in the doorway Chouza could see all the jokebooks, as well as something that looked like a picture novel of human anatomy, appeared relatively new but had been already well-thumbed. Having been on the receiving end of the Uzumaki's wit himself, though thankfully not to the same extent as Inoichi, Hiashi and especially Tsume had been skewered, the sight of so many potential one-liners and jokes that Naruto had doubtless memorised made Chouza shiver and make a mental note to once more pre-warn his wife prior to the Uzumaki showing up unexpectedly as he had at Inoichi's place earlier in the week.

Not that Chime-hime didn't have a sense of humour of course, but from what he'd heard the Yamanaka was still trying in vain to grease his way into back into his wife's good books following the second recent scare Naruto had given him and, more importantly, someone close to him. _And better than anyone else_; phantom pains tingling in various parts of his well-proportioned anatomy, Chouza realised he'd seen enough and left the apartment as soundlessly as he'd arrived, not leaving a single trace of him ever having been there as he ducked back into the street and went back about his business; _I know how much a blade as sharp as Chime-hime's to the vulnerable bits can hurt!_

XXX

What was officially the worst week of Yamanaka Inoichi's life had begun following the exposure of several experimental interrogation tools that had been stored in his bedroom to all his friends, leaving to them drawing their own completely erroneous but hilarious (for them) conclusions. Luckily damage control had been run and, fortunately, it had become an unspoken law between the clan heads that what had happened in the Nara kitchen would stay in the Nara kitchen; everyone had hidden what the Mouse had stolen and solemnly resolved never to speak of what they had seen again, meaning that there was very little chance of his Kunisa-koi finding out about his supposed 'perversions'. _Just as well_; though the woman he had taken as his wife was a civilian rather than a kunoichi there was no doubt who's temper their Ino-hime had inherited; _if she'd caught a hint of what the guys were insinuating we got up to, Ibiki would have been getting those tools of his back covered in blood if I'd been lucky! Now then_; having finally shifted the last few bags of compost around in the back of his clans' flower shop, the blonde patriarch stood up tall and pulled off the bandanna he'd been wearing to keep the hair and sweat out of his face as he worked; _that should be it – just ring up the cash register and check the totals tally before Kunisa-chan gets home and we're all..._;

At that point a piercing scream echoed throughout the entire clan house and Inoichi felt his blood congeal to ice, draining from his face as he recognised without a shadow of a doubt where that noise had originated from.

No more than a micro-second after that Inoichi had sprinted away, tearing through his house with a kunai in his hand and anger, pure murderous rage coursing through his veins as he pelted pell-mell towards his daughters' room.

Inoichi knew that like all men he had flaws but the flaw he was picked up on and teased most relentlessly by the other clan heads for was actually one he had inherited from his wife; despite her outward appearance and calm demeanour Yamanaka Kunisa was an absolute lioness when it came to the subject of her daughter in any way, shape or form, mostly due to a family background that even most of Inoichi's own clan were in the dark about; because of this fierce maternal drive to ensure her precious princess never had to want for anything Inoichi would, if pressed, be forced to hold his hands up and admit that maybe his little Ino-chan was a mite spoiled at times. However at times like these that flaw didn't matter, in fact wouldn't have mattered even if Ino had been the worst-behaved brat in Konoha – she was his daughter, his heir and he'd be damned to all the torments Makai had for him to endure before anyone got close enough to so much as pluck a hair from her head. Almost barging a door off its hinges and hurling himself up the stairs two at a time, the Yamanaka's keen ears heard the sound of muffled sobbing nearby and instantly redoubled his speed, the sight of his daughter with her face buried in the midriff of his youngest niece Ninota inflaming his rage even further as he saw the older and much taller Yamanaka girl staring into his daughter's room, the door swinging shut from where Ino must have slammed it open to get away from whatever dead-man had attacked her. Hearing the warning shout of Ninota as little more than a muted buzzing in his ears Inoichi hurled himself in front of the door, body on the line to protect both women if needed, he brought his kunai forwards and his blazing eyes swept the room...

...just in time to widen in dumbstruck disbelief at the sight of a very familiar small figure glaring up at him reproachfully with both hands clamped to the side of his head,

"Dear Kami", the unfortunately-familiar boy swore softly as he lowered his fingers and looked past him to the trembling back of the girl he'd accidentally shocked, "she's got some lungs on her".

He blinked, blinked again and finally shook his head, trying to convince himself that Uzumaki Naruto was currently _not_ stood in his daughter's bedroom and apparently trying to recover his hearing following exposure to her deafening scream of terror. As the Mouse continued to paw at his ears for a moment Inoichi tried his best to speak, he really did, but between the dryness of his throat and the sudden balloon of shock that had somehow jumped up and lodged in his voice box he couldn't muster so much as a squeak of protest as Naruto, feeling the atmosphere turn quickly sour, swung his arms nonchalantly and made a brave stab at conversation,

"So", he glanced around appreciatively, "nice place you got here; might have a couple of cracked windows after that shriek through – never knew girls could scream so loud. Though, seein' who her dad is", the blue eyes suddenly turned sly and faintly mocking as Naruto glanced up at the taller blonde man askance, "maybe I shouldn't be tha' surprised – runs in the family I guess..." Face mottling as the fear drained away and was replaced by mingled fury and embarrassment Inoichi was seriously considering, if not actual murder, then at least grievous bodily harm to the last Uzumaki when his niece's voice broke in and disrupted his mental process; _probably just as well for him – the pros were far outweighing the cons._

"There there Ino-chan, you're safe now", she murmured into the ear of her still-trembling cousin before setting a pair of very hard eyes on the boy before her, "your daddy will take the trash out from here". Naruto merely smiled,

"I don't think so; I'm here on business..."

"I don't recall taking you up on your offer Uzumaki", Inoichi snapped, belatedly getting his temper under control as he stiffly forced his kunai back into its hidden sheath, "as things stand this is trespass!" There was no fear in the jinchuuriki's eye had blue irises rolled up to meet those of a paler shade, a gruff laugh in Naruto's voice as he jerked his head towards the window,

"I'd have thought the fact I'm here now was a good 'nough reason for you to take my offer; wide open windows, not even any thorns along the wall of your clan house – come on, were you _asking_ for someone to sneak in? I climbed that wall just through the vines that were growin' on it, an' even if I couldn't have gotten in, the way the light is in here any ninja worth his salt could've taken her head off with a well-aimed shuriken. And the worst thing was I didn't even come prepared", the jinchuuriki snorted, shaking his head as Inoichi's eyes flicked between his daughter's dresser and the window the interloper had snuck through, "I jus' came off the training grounds and realised where I was, thought I had nothin' to lose and gave it a go; if you believe nothing else I ever say believe me now when I tell you you need some help securing this place up".

_Over the wall and in – he didn't even use his henge to do it_; the idea that Naruto, a child no older than his own Ino-hime, was able to simply avoid the seals that liberally adorned the walls of the clan house and outer perimeter, cunningly concealed behind the strategically-grown vines and creeps; _in all the years I've lived here I never even thought someone could just climb up the damned thing! Dear Kami-sama_; his team mates' words suddenly echoed in his mind, making a cool sweat break out of his forehead;_ is this how vulnerable we've really been so far?_;

"Who're you?" Before he could regather his thoughts to speak another voice, higher and sharper than his own, broke into the conversation; now her fear had been beaten back by the reassurance her father and cousin provided by being there, the youngest Yamanaka in the vicinity regained her normal imperious personality and glared at the figure that had suddenly appeared in her bedroom and had virtually bumped into her after she'd finished tidying up her walk-in wardrobe, "What are you doing in my room and why'd you come in through _my _window?"

Now at this point, Naruto knew, the sensible thing to do would have been to give his name and tell the girl he was in a business deal with her father, thereby leaving himself in the clear and dumping the whole explanation for this fiasco squarely on Inoichi's shoulders where it belonged,

"Why isn't it obvious; I'm your long-lost ototo", with an angelic smile he stepped forwards with his arms spread wide, somehow keeping a straight face and the charade up, "come on ane, gimme a hug!"

Let it never be said Uzumaki Naruto was an advocate of doing the sensible thing.

Least of all when there was an opportunity for mischief in the air.

Despite his worry both for his daughter's safety and his annoyance that the Uzumaki had made his good name mud for the second time in the space of a week, Inoichi found himself having to stifle a sudden laugh at the way his daughter's face collapsed from ire to outright horrified stupefaction at those words. Staring straight through the boy before her, expression an absolute picture, Ino pressed herself backwards as though he was advancing on her with an outstretched katana, a single finger thrust forwards and trembling as she tried to make sense of a situation gone mad,

"N,no, you're not my ototo, you're _not_!" She shrieked, trying desperately to discount the fact that there might have been a bit of a resemblance in the shade of the boy's hair and eyes. The words seemed to have the desired effect – he stopped coming forwards at least and his arms fell to his side; before she could say another word however his eyes grew huge and watery and, before she could react properly, Ninota found a second blonde head of hair pressed into her stomach,

"Waaahhh! Kaa-san, my nee-chan hates me!"

"Uhhh..." Completely bamboozled by this the younger mind-walker looked to the clan head for guidance and, recognising he had to seize the reins before the Mouse got too carried away and sent this whole thing completely off the rails, Inoichi came to the fore by clearing his throat and scragging the back of the jinchuuriki's orange jacket, gently prising him out of Ninotas' midriff,

"Naruto, enough", the boy looked ready to argue for a minute but, seeing the look on Inoichi's face, seemed to decide better of it and merely stood quiescent as he the taller man let go and stood up, looking back to the other two clan members and inwardly grateful that no-one else was around; _one of the bonuses of having a smaller clan – if this had been the Hyuuga I doubt Hiashi would ever live it down_;

"Right, now we've all calmed down, two things – firstly that is my niece, not my wife Naruto..."

"I thought so; she's too young and pretty for you", the boy broke in, looking Ninota up and down with an appraising eye and a finger on his chin as Ninota for her part tried not to look too flattered, "unless you had a thing for lolicons on stilts of course, which goin' by what we all saw last week..."

"Thank you", that was a can of worms Inoichi wasn't going to pop open with a ten-foot pole, least of all with his daughter around and luckily his words, backed up with a soft cuff to the side of the head, was enough to forestall Naruto expanding on the point any further, "but apart from that; Ino this is _Uzumaki_ Naruto, nothing to do with our clan at all, and Naruto, this is my daughter Yamanaka Ino".

"Ino?" Deep blue eyes flickered between father and daughter, "You're a cruel parent; she looks nothing like a pig". Temper flaring at the hated reminder and only spurred on as she heard her cousin start to snigger in the background, Ino stormed forwards and shoved her fist in the now-named Naruto's face, shaking it threateningly as Inoichi stepped back, interested to see how this one was going to play out; _I don't think any of us really put the ball in his court that night – well then Naruto, let's see how you deal with the flames of feminine outrage when Hokage-sama isn't here to back you up_;

"You better watch your mouth", the mind-walker scion threatened, Naruto backing away from her sudden outburst at what he'd considered a compliment, "it's a tradition 'cause I'm going to be part of the second Winning Hand, the Ino-Shika-Chou trio!"

"Ino-Shika-Chou; oh of course", a vague memory of some of the Konoha teams of history flitted back across his mind in time for him to recognise and recall what her father had been famous for; _ah, that also explains why Shikaku wants his son to be a ninja, though I'm sure Shika would rather just sit around looking at clouds all day, he's even lazier than his dad_; "well if that's the case and you're going to be a ninja", he made a show of looking her up and down as well as he could with her hand about an inch from his nose, "there's only one thing I can say to that..." Ino preened, as always happy to be the centre of attention as people acknowledged how much of a great ninja she was going to be; just like her mother always told her, she was destined to be something really special,

"...poor Shika and Chou".

The words she heard were so different from her expected answer that she didn't compute them until a good three or four seconds after he'd spoken. When the message had sunk in, however, Ino's immediate reaction as one that would have made her mother proud as she clenched her fist, gritted her teeth and prepared to go in swinging,

"Why you...!"

"Oh give over hime, I was just teasing"; _impossible_; as he saw Ino's rush to beat the insulting boy to paste suddenly falter and die away to nothing Inoichi was stunned; _if that had been Shikamaru, or even Kiba they'd have been pounded flat. This kid's got the luck of a devil as well as the chakra of one_; "I'm sure you'll be a great ninja when you start trainin' – of course I'm still gonna be Hokage but I'll make sure you get the good missions when I'm wearing the big hat". Ino blinked at this declaration, sizing up the boy with the awful clothes in front of her and then, to the mortification of her father who was trying to instil some proper manners into the daughter his wife was content to ruin, laughed right in his face,

"You, Hokage? Hah, the only thing you've got in common with Sandaime-sama is your clothes colour! He's the Kami no Shinobi, the most powerful ninja in the village – you're just a brat who's too big for his boots an-ah!"

The contact of skin on skin made Ino jump but when she came back down the side of Naruto's hand was still there, at the side of her neck; looking forwards with rage blazing Ino found her fire quenched by the sudden appearance of a hint of malice in the smaller childs' eyes, lurking beneath the playfulness of his expression like a shark cruising beneath clear blue water.

"Big boots didn't stop me slipping a dagger under your guard", he told her, still smiling as he withdrew his hand, Ino reaching up to feel the side of her neck gingerly as she wondered just how he'd managed to move up to her so fast without her seeing it, "an' they didn't trip me up when I got into your room in the first place. I scared you into screaming; if I'd been an enemy ninja I'd have killed or, worse, kidnapped you before you made a sound – you've gotta keep your windows shut when you can or people might come in".

"He's right you know", despite loving his daughter almost to the exclusion of all others Inoichi was a fair-minded man and maybe this little shock would be enough to get Ino to listen to the endless warnings he'd given her about keeping doors and windows shut behind her, rather than tearing through the house like a miniature typhoon, "now Naruto-san works for me I'm sure he'll be trying to sneak in and out whenever he can", he glanced over his daughter's shoulder to see the jinchuuriki nod and, emboldened slightly by this, sought to hammer home the point in the best way he knew how, "and if people are making life easy for him I, as clan head, may have to make their lives difficult; loss of clan privileges, or pocket money for instance..."

"No!" Threatening her precious supply of income was hitting below the belt as far as Ino was concerned and she took immediate steps to make sure her money was safe, waving her fist in the intruder's face once more, "If you come in here again Naruto-baka I'll beat you an old rug 'til you're black and blue!"

"Hai, hai", recalling the old adage of picking fights you could win and deciding this girl was too stubborn to deal with right now, least of all as he'd left his rucksack at the base of the Yamanaka wall and therefore at risk of going walkabout if someone took an interest in its contents, Naruto merely waved a hand dismissively and backtracked towards the window – before he could make too much progress towards it though a sudden call broke through to him,

"Naruto, we do have a front door you know? You don't need to go leaping out the window every chance you get".

"I do when I want to get my stuff quick as possible", the jinchuuriki answered over his shoulder, one leg already slung over the windowsill, "well you got my report Inoichi-san; successful infiltration and you need serious help. Okay, gotta go – see you later Inoichi-san, buta-hime".

Before Ino could say a word Naruto had flipped himself out of the window and disappeared down the wall like a rabbit down a hole; through trial and error (mostly the latter, but luckily clones didn't come with pain receptors) the jinchuuriki had discovered that for short drops using chakra wasn't necessary; as long as he had a surface near to him he could slow his descent to manageable levels by tapping the surface with his hands and knees lightly but consistently all the way down. Inoichi, having had nightmare visions of an irate Sandaime knocking on his door wanting answers as to why his adoptive grandson had been found lying in the Yamanaka grounds with a broken leg, had pelted to the window and breathed out a slow hiss of relief as he watched the bright orange form scamper away from the wall beneath his daughter's window and start to clamber up the main wall, agile as one of the monkeys the Sandaime summoned as he took in handfuls of the vines Kunisa-chan had planted there because they had such spectacular blossoms. _But they don't have thorns, or toxic blooms_; the thought made Inoichi sigh again as he realised he'd have to try to talk the idea past his wife; _well, as long as I can catch her in a good mood, worry about Ino-chan's safety should push her sense of aesthetics back into second place. Actually, speaking of my little darling_;

"Daddy", her voice was trembling with the effort of keeping her tone steady as she turned those beautiful sky-blue eyes onto her father, "I want you to make me strong enough to beat that boy in case he tries to sneak in here again. Give me a scare will he, well the only time he'll catch me screaming from now on is when I'm beating him to death!"

"Well Ino-chan, it can be done", despite himself Inoichi was slightly proud that his daughter was looking into training of a sort, regardless of the reasons why, "it'll be a lot of hard work though, sure you can do it?" The girl snorted, tossing back her hair in a gesture that she'd doubtless copied off her mother,

"You bet I can – I'll get that Naruto for scaring me like that or my name's not Yamanaka Ino". Chuckling quietly, Inoichi gently patted his daughter's head and glanced out the window just in time to see a flash of orange vanish over the outer wall like a short-lived miniature sunset,

"Well I'm glad to hear it Ino-chan; now then, let's just wait for Kunisa-hime to come home, have some dinner and then we'll see what we can do to turn you into a rough, tough fighting ninja". Ino scowled up at her father until his fingers snaked down to her side and fluttered over her ribs, making her break out in a fit of the giggles until he realised he had one last loose end left to tie up and hastily made to repair the damage before it could spiral out of control. Standing to his full height, the patriarch of the Yamanaka clan spoke quickly to his daughter with one eye on the door to her room, now conspicuous by one particular absence,

"Ino-chan, get washed up for dinner; won't be long until your mother's home", squeaking excitedly at the thought of seeing her mother once more Ino immediately rushed into her wardrobe with her former anger forgotten while Inoichi strode out her room and immediately started down his errant niece.

_The worst thing_; Inoichi thought to himself as he hunted high and low for Ninota; _about our clan specialising in the ninja branch that it does is that digging around in other people's heads means virtually all Yamanakas' turn into incurable gossips._ Though he knew he was hardly pure as the driven snow in this regard Inoichi was usually able to curb the worst of his family's excesses, usually to their disappointment, so this time he was going to make sure he was on top of his game to make sure the youngster he could see wasn't going to bubble him to his missus and land him in all sorts of marital disharmony,

"Ah, Ninota-chan", the younger Yamanaka turned around with an innocent expression that made Inoichi repress a shudder; _that look reminds me far too much of Naruto_; "a word about, what just happened?"

"Sure oji-san, what about? He seemed quite an..." she grasped for a suitable word before reminded of the warmth of the young jinchuuriki's face in her stomach, "...affectionate tyke".

"Yes, well about that", Inoichi stumbled but carried on, idly wondering that if scaring his daughter half to death was Naruto being affectionate, what would the boy consider a gesture of true love; _probably bumping her off via heart attack knowing him_; "as you now know Naruto-san works, in a way, for us and will be trying to break in. I'll need you and the rest of the clan to keep an eye out for him; don't hurt him of course, but if you catch him make sure he knows it and find out how he got as far as he did. Understand?"

"Hai oji-san; anything else?"

"As a matter of fact yes"; _you know that I know I need to speak to you Ninota_; much as he knew what the other Yamanaka was angling for there was nothing he could do legally to prove it, least of all in the face of her butter-wouldn't-melt expression, "unfortunately I haven't had a suitable opportunity to, raise the issue of Naruto-san's employment by the clan so he's rather jumped the start somewhat and scared Ino doing it. Would you mind keeping his, actions on the low-down until I've had a chance to clear up any confusion with SWMBO?"

"You can rely on me oji-san", Ninota assured him, recognising the abbreviation as one the Yamanaka had adopted from his Nara team mate, short for She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed, "I definitely won't tell Kunisa-obaachan about Ino's little shock earlier; you know what they say, life's no fun without getting hair-whiteningly scared once in a while". The admission was enough to make the elder mind-walker let out a virtually silent sigh of relief, the feeling coursing through him sweet as the honey the Aburame clan produced and that he was quite partial to,

"Thanks Ninota-chan, that might have pulled my fat right out the fi..."

It was at that point that he tuned in to his relatively-rusty ninja senses and belatedly heard them clanging away like temple bells at daybreak. Feeling the air around him chill as though winter had come early Inoichi swallowed, shot his niece a look that he hoped promised all kinds of agony and double-shifts in the clan flower shop in the near future and, as she smirked and made to turn away, turned around slowly to face his fate.

Yamanaka Kunisa was not and had never been a kunoichi but, like all women, had somehow developed the ability to project something similar to killing intent that only affected her husband; therefore as she advanced down the hallway Inoichi, jounin of Konoha and arguably the most efficient mind-walker in Konoha's history shrank backwards, forced down a sudden urge to dive into the deepest, darkest hole he could find and managed a wobbly kind of grin,

"H, er, hello koi; have a good day?"

"Until now", her voice was a monotone, cold as a razor and twice as sharp as she continued her merciless advance, "what's this about our Ino-hime; I swear if you or one of the other shinobi of this clan tried to push her towards training before she thought she was ready so help me I'll..."

"No, nothing like that hime..."

"Hime? Funny, I thought SWMBO was my current title"; _ouch_; Inoichi winced as his wife, a woman who barely came up to his chin, finally came to a halt and placed her hands on her shapely hips, "anyway, I suppose that's a blessing in disguise as I can do things like this – Inoichi", despite himself the shinobi braced up as though at attention as his wife went on, waving one majestic finger as though it were a swagger stick, "tell me exactly what happened to our daughter, why it happened and what role you had to play in it. Tell me everything and don't leave anything out". Biting his lip in a desperate attempt to look appealing and hopefully worm his way out of further punishment (somehow it always worked for Ino when Kunisa was angry), Inoichi managed one last plea,

"Everything?"

"Oh yes", obviously Kunisa was all out of mercy as her honey-brown eyes bored a hole through her husband's head, "absolutely everything".

_Bloody snitching nieces_; as he raged against the unfairness of life in general and his life in particular, Inoichi began dreaming up various gruesome ways of getting even with Ninota at the same time as shift something hard and lumpy that felt suspiciously like a trowel out from under the bottom of his temporary lodgings; _bloody daughters, bloody wife, bloody Uzumaki, bloody kids, bloody clan! If I'd known how much of a hassle this was going to be I'd have worked on inventing some kind of elixir of life when dad was still alive!_ Huffing both to relieve some frustration and blow an errant spider from where it had been drifting towards his forehead, the retired ninja channelled some chakra to his ears as he heard a movement in the kitchen, the closest room of the main house to where he was currently exiled,

"Mummy?"

"Hai sweetie?"

"Why is daddy camping out in the greenhouse again?" _Ah the innocence of youth_; ignoring the reference to one of the up-and-coming chunin of the current generation Inoichi had to chuckle at Ino's question; _if nothing else she has the mind of a Yamanaka – inquisitive to a fault_;

"Because daddy is a very silly man who forgot to tell mummy something very important and because of that you got a nasty shock. Still, I have to agree with him, much as it pains me; now that this boy, Nuruto or whoever he is, has shown everyone how easy it is to get over our walls we'll have to get rid of some of the flower to put in some less...visitor friendly varieties. Anything else honey?"

"Nope", Inoichi stifled a smirk at this and mentally counted down,

"Mummy?" _Right on cue_; Ino took after him a little in this regard – always remembering a query a few seconds after people asked was an unfortunate quirk of habit that she'd hopefully soon grow out of. For now though he could just picture her at the kitchen table, beautiful blue eyes wide and guileless as she regarded her mother who dutifully played her part,

"Yes Ino-hime?"

"What's a lolly-con? Can you eat it?"

"_Inoichi!_"

A few seconds later Yamanaka Kunisa threw open the doors to the largest of the clan greenhouses in time to see the curious spectacle of her husband trying to cower under his covers at the same time as laugh himself helplessly sick from overhearing his daughter's innocent question.

XXX

_Damn it_; looking down for the briefest instant Naruto sighed to himself and sat down where he was, knowing the game was up; _and it was going so well – I've almost gotten down where the moving plates are but I'm not exactly sure yet. And that's assuming the clan can't shift them around when they feel like it._ The thought made the henged jinchuuriki sigh again, glancing at the issue that had ruined his infiltration attempt and not reacting as the shiny black beetle continued to sit on the tip of his left thumb.

He could have shooed it off of course but that would have only compounded the problem; one of the issues that made the Aburame such a devil of a clan to try and infiltrate was that once one of them knew you were here, pretty soon they all did. Even squashing the offending insect wouldn't do much more than tick off the kikaichu's human symbiote, something not even the Mouse was brave enough to try as he sat down on the carved wooden structure he had climbed up and waited for the pick-up, blowing on his fingers as the cold wind bit through his gloves. He'd managed to get a bit higher than last time and there was something in that, probably due to the cold making the patrolling kikaichu sluggish, but he had yet to find a way of truly avoiding the small, roving insects the Aburame now had roaming freely over the roof of their clan home in the light of his first and only successful infiltration of the place.

Naruto knew now that the kikaichu were attracted to chakra after one on the insect-using clan had let him in on the secret; it was, after all, what they fed on and one of the reasons the Aburame had a reputation for being experts in taking enemy alive, making the best of them dangerous hunter-nin. To a henged form of Naruto this shouldn't have been a problem as he had nothing to tempt them in; the kikaichu sensed chakra like he could smell Ichiraku ramen at fifty paces and his henge locked even his formidable reserves up to the point where the insects couldn't detect it. However the Aburame were cunning and subtle – what they had done in the aftermath of Naruto's success at getting into their hive was to either breed or train (Naruto didn't know which and hadn't yet been brave enough to ask) a group of kikaichu that wandered around on their own, rather than in a swarm. Though individually harmless, once these bugs got attached to something they didn't recognise such as himself, they somehow started to call for reinforcements through something called fear-o-mones. This attracted the attention of not just other kikaichu in the vicinity, as even in the darkness Naruto could see a few small forms pattering over the hewn wood to get to him, moonlight winking off their shiny black carapaces, but also any passing Aburame who happened to be nearby, the clan sensitive to the secretions of their symbiotic partners. _Or at least I hope they are_; the jinchuuriki muttered, blowing on his fingers and not reacting as several more kikaichu joined their comrade on his body, no doubt enjoying the warmth from his body; _I'm freezing my butt off up here. Ah, right on schedule – ask and Kami-sama may provide_; hearing the noise he'd been waiting for the would-be infiltrator glanced over in time to see one of the wooden panels about five feet to his left lift upwards and a collared, overcoat-cloaked form emerge onto the roof,

"Uzumaki Naruto?" The jinchuuriki nodded, coming to his feet carefully to ensure he wasn't going to accidentally squash any unwary kikaichu who might have been nearby,

"Yep, that's me; tried getting in but out of all the houses I'm going at this is the hardest one to try and get through. If I could get up there though", he gestured towards where a series of tall funnel-like structures loomed up in the darkness, "might be a different matter".

"Entering that area would be unwise", the Aburame advised as stoically as the rest of his clan, gesturing with a hand and drawing all the kikaichu on Naruto's body onto his own, allowing them to feed on his chakra prior to them resuming their patrols, "it is difficult to scale on both the interior and exterior".

"Ah that's okay, I love a challenge", Naruto commented off-handedly as he followed the Aburame into the darkness of the clan house, trying to remember exactly where this panel was on the roof so he could try and worm his way through it next time he was around.

The Aburame clan house was unusual even in Konoha; however as Naruto now knew unusual for a shinobi meant dangerous and the odd layout of the place was certainly that if you were an enemy. Rather than a clan wall, the compound was ring-fenced by a large number of tall wooden structures made out of a combination of identical wooden hexagons and pentagons, fitted together to make a roughly hemispeherical shape. A set of gates between two of this mighty structures allowed access to anyone wanting to visit the clan while any unfriendly guests who wanted to smash their way in would quickly find themselves on the receiving end of a very nasty surprise once they tried battering their way thought the deceptively fragile-looking wooden spheres. Not only was the wood reinforced with seal-work, the structures housed a large number of the Aburame's insect collection, least of all huge swarms of the kikaichu themselves; any idiot dumb enough to try and break through would therefore immediately find himself on the receiving end of a swarm of irate and hungry chakra-draining beetles. The only weak point of the spheres, if you could actually call it a weak point, was that one or two of the panels of each sphere could be slightly tilted to let in air and light; while this was done most easily from the inside, if necessary the panel could be coaxed into moving from the outside; _as long as you can remember which ones actually move that is_. Following his new escort, the jinchuuriki allowed himself to be led onto a high gantry, a thin walkway that led up to some of the panels of the sphere he'd been trying to clamber over and overlooked a lot of the interior and with a puff of smoke dropped his henge.

The response was immediate; from the darkness of the sphere's inner sanctum a low, muted buzz arose and a few minutes later Naruto had to close both his eyes, hold his breath and place a hand on the back of his Aburame escort to make sure he got off the gantry without breaking his neck. Unlike kikaichu colonies that had been fused with a ninja host, these wild kikaichu would instinctively seek out any source of chakra that came close enough to them, draining it to feed their hive. Most Aburame were immune to this potential mobbing as their own kikaichu not only drained their chakra to a level the feral colonies couldn't easily detect, but also produced chemicals that warned the other colonies away; needless to say, that wasn't a luxury Naruto had and, with his chakra reserves, him going anywhere near a kikaichu colony without a henge was tantamount to walking into the Inuzuka kennels wrapped up in a ton of prime beef and hoping not to get bitten.

He didn't mind though, in fact he was rather fond of the insects, though of course he couldn't identify individuals colonies the way the Aburame could; as he'd told Shibi on one of the few occasions he'd seen the elder Aburame, having the swarms flitting around his head to drain miniscule amounts of his chakra was proof that at least something in the village liked him the way he was. After being led through the remainder of the kikaichu breeding ground and feeling the cooler night air rush over him Naruto re-opened his eyes, took a deep breath as he felt a slight strain from the attention of the destruction beetles and glanced around the interior of the Aburame clan grounds.

_And this is why I love this clan – quiet as a mouse but just as deadly_; and it was a very true thought – Naruto had heard through a variety of disguises that most villagers, and even some other ninja, either avoided the Aburame as they thought they were weird or looked down on them as just 'another ninja clan'. Every time he heard this, regardless of what henge he was in, it took all Naruto had not to come to a halt and give such slanderous people a piece of his mind and the truth respectively; so the Aburame didn't have many flashy techniques or an obvious bloodline – so the hell what? If anything that just made the collared clan more dangerous in Naruto's eyes as underestimating an enemy was about the worst mistake a ninja could make, but the Aburame made making such a mistake so easy by their quiet demeanours and odd dress. Even now, in their home, an enemy would probably just look around, see nothing special, advance and most likely end up incapacitated or worse before he got nine paces – in fact Naruto himself had almost done the same and was still in possession of both his feet only by the charity of one of the clan informing him that the insect he was about to stand on, a tiny little beetle about the size of his pinky fingernail, was a rare breed from Kusa that tended to explode, for what of a better word, rather violently when upset by predators or, in his case, an unwary shoe descending from on high.

For that reason Naruto followed the footsteps of his guide perfectly, both wanting to be polite and to make sure he wasn't going to blunder onto anything dangerous. Though the short, neatly-kept lawn, multiple bushes and several well-pruned trees looked eerily lifeless and swaying the gentle night breeze, Naruto knew that they were actually alive with life, a multitude of insects feeding off the plants and each other, watched over by their Aburame wardens. While surprisingly few of the insects were actually poisonous to humans directly, they had other characteristics that the arthropod-breeding clan hoped to integrate into their kikaichu; the mighty Titanus beetle, for instance, the largest insect in the world and the size of a nin-ken puppy, was also surprisingly hot to the touch and strong enough to batter and bite its way through anything short of sheet steel, a nasty skill for a destruction bug to have. Naruto watched one such specimen scuttle through the grass some distance away, glad he wasn't in front of it as he'd been told such beetles didn't like taking detours and weren't opposed to taking rather a large chunk out of anything that happened to get in their way. Following his guide, Naruto was expecting to be ushered into one of the guest rooms to debrief one of the elder Aburame, perhaps even Shibi-san himself if he could recognise the clan head against the backdrop of the rest of his clan, the ninja contingent of which all wore the same form of coat and eyewear, presumably to throw off their opponents by all looking the same, when the ninja in front of him stopped,

"With respect Uzumaki-san, would you mind adopting a henge before entry?"

"Sure", if he was phased by the odd request he did his best not to show it, instead making the seals for his transformation and looking up at his host through now-green eyes, "any reason?"

"Hai, some of the younger elements of our clan are attempting further synchronisation with their colonies", the Aburame explained, opening the door before him and stepping through, "excess chakra from an external source may have hindered these attempts".

_Translation_; much like anyone who had a working relationship with the Aburame, Naruto had begun to learn how to break down the long, logical words they had a tendency to use into common language he could understand; _some kids are training with their bugs and you being there will probably throw any attempts completely out the window as the kikaichu will home in on you. Okay, I can live with that – oh, hang on_;

"Is Shino-san there?" His guide paused fractionally, considering the answer,

"I am unsure, but I would predict so". Beaming at the answer, Naruto let himself in and looked down the corridor, seeking out the elusive Aburame clan heir,

"Cool, tried to catch up with him last time he was here but Shibi-san had him going out on another bug-hunt", if the informal mention of one of the most important Aburame traditions upset him in any way the elder Aburame gave no sign, allowing the jinchuuriki to carry on unhindered, "so, let's see if he managed to catch anything worth having this time".

If Naruto had learnt nothing else throughout his few months interacting with the ninja clans on their own turf, he knew now without a doubt that it was virtually impossible for anyone, even someone with no chakra signature, to sneak up or surprise a ninja unless they themselves had ninja training and were better at using it than their target. That logic went double for ninja that worked as part of a team, either with other ninja or with non-human partners; therefore, though the figure in the room had his back to the henged jinchuuriki, Naruto was under no illusion that Shino knew he was there as he poked his head around the door and whispered softly,

"Hey, Shino".

"Uzumaki-san". The reply came back a second later, causing the disguised ninja trainee to roll his eyes,

"Shino we've been through this; Naruto, my name is Naruto, not Uzumaki-san – unless you want me to start calling you bug-boy remember it, okay?"

"As you wish, Uzumaki-san". _ Humour, sarcasm or seriousness – with these guys you just can't tell_; as always Naruto decided to give Shino the benefit of the doubt and gloss over the introductions, instead walking over to peer around the taller boy,

"What'cha doing?"

"Utilising my colony to create ice from water", the Aburame scion informed him, concentration never wavering as he directed small, precise amounts of his chakra into the vessel before him, feeling the temperature drop as the beetles of his colony roved over the vessel and removed the chakra he forced into it, "as the kikaichu feed they remove chakra and, by extension, excess heat from the liquid, lowering the vessel temperature and freezing its contents. This can then be sold for profit to the clan, fine-tunes my chakra control and, as an additional bonus, increases the resistance of the kikaichu to colder environments".

"Cool", as always Shino was mildly intrigued by the Uzumaki's ability to reduce such a complex technique and its applications to such simple, if honest, language, "sounds like a chakra technique even I could manage; the more chakra the easier the ice is made right?" Shino nodded, feeling the slight strain as his reserves reached their limit but perceiving for the moment, determined to have at least semi-clear ice in the vessel when he was finished,

"Correct, to a degree, but excess chakra will increase the rate the kikaichu feed upon the water and, by extension, the speed at which it freezes. This excess freezing rate has a negative impact on the quality of the ice produced by this technique".

"Quality of ice?" Naruto parroted, scratching his head as he mulled the words over in his mind, "But ice is just ice isn't it? It's frozen water – you can't get much simpler than that can you?"

It was a lead question, one he knew Shino wouldn't be able to resist; though they appeared and indeed did their best to remain emotionless, Naruto knew that if you got an Aburame talking on a subject close to his heart, it was as hard as dragging Anko-sensei out of a dango shack to shut him up again,

"Chemically no; however the method and time taken during the formation of ice will give the resultant solid different characteristics and aesthetic appeal", the Aburame continued, monotone still unwavering as he breathed slightly heavier, "ice created quickly by this method, as I am certain you would be able to do were the clan to loan you some of our symbiotes, is very flawed and opaque; it is known as crushed ice and has low value unless sold in bulk. The formation of tiny air bubbles during the freezing refracts light that passes through the ice, distorting the image and making the ice opaque; the slower the ice is formed and, by extension, the more refined one's chakra control is, the fewer bubbles are formed and the clearer and more valuable the produced ice is".

"Wow", Naruto gave a low whistle of appreciation after thinking through the explanation for a minute, "never thought about that. So the slower you can do this, the more money you make?"

"In theory", Shino finally dropped his arms before he suffered the effect of chakra exhaustion, "only a select few kunoichi of my clan have the reserves and the chakra control to create what is known as flawless ice, completely clear with no visible imperfections. This ice is highly-prized by sculptors and high-class eating establishments as it has a very long shelf-life; at this time however, the ability to create even medium-quality ice is beyond my limitations".

"Ah, don't do yourself down", Naruto agreed genially, only just remembering not to clap the Aburame on the shoulder due to the fact he was still wearing his climbing gloves, "I'll bet I couldn't make that either, though for the opposite reason to you".

Shino nodded at this, pushing his glasses further up his nose as the last of his colony returned to him; though Aburame children generally activated their chakra at a much younger age than most, the downside to having the kikaichu was that their continual feasting on the chakra of their host was that most Aburame had chakra pools that were downright pitiful – only their clan techniques revolving around the parasitic beetles themselves enabled the clan to become ninja. Naruto, as Shino had discovered immediately upon being introduced to the usually blonde-haired child and almost losing control of his colony as they attempted to swarm towards the chakra supernova he represented, had no issue with chakra capacity but his control was lacking; the Aburame heir was under no illusion that, if given the chance, Naruto would have been able to craft industrial quantities of crushed ice but absolutely nothing of any greater quality than that. He turned to face the clan intruder when his attention was diverted slightly by the presence of an alien kikaichu on his skin; focussing for a second, he swiftly divined its originator and as a result inclined his head towards the door of the training room,

"Father".

"Son", the clan head nodded to his offspring before turning to his guest, "Uzumaki-san". Having all but given up on trying to correct Shibi and only crossing his fingers he could knock Shino off the rails of absolutely correct decorum before it was too late, Naruto's henged form nodded and, enlightened, Shibi continued,

"You were found atop one of the breeding chambers?"

"Yep, can't get through them yet; I told the, uh, the one that found me", it was always best to use gender-neutral words when describing an Aburame, just in case, "this was the hardest clan house of all to get in to and I wasn't lying. Oh, one thing I wanted to know though – on those chambers, can you change which of the panels open, you know the ones you use to get air into the place?" Shibi was silent for a minute; _nothing new there then_; before shaking his head,

"Not to my knowledge".

"Well I think you might want to look into that – it's not likely I'll admit but I could eventually learn where the moving panels are and get through them. If you can move them, so different panels are open over all the spheres at different times, no way anyone's getting through there without some serious brute force and a lot of angry bugs going after them".

"I doubt kikaichu feel emotion in the same manner humans do", the clan head commented dryly; _proof at last that these guys do have a sense of humour, just that it's drier than Suna in a heat wave_; "however, a personal request Uzumaki-san – I notice the gloves you are wearing, were they purchased or constructed?"

"Oh, these?" Naruto held up his hands, Shino just behind him raising an eyebrow slightly at the sight of so many short, sharp bits of metal poked haphazardly through the leather palm; _that is logical, the traction of the...nails, and is that a fishing hook? Regardless, the traction would facilitate the scaling of vertical surfaces_; "Yeah, I made them; two pairs of leather gloves, one on top of the other; glue the nails and what-have-you onto the bottom pair and poke them through the top one. Why, you want a set?"

"That is unnecessary", Shibi informed him, leaning over slightly as though to impart a secret truth, "I am merely grateful that you have increased our clan's income through their use".

"Income?" Naruto looked down at his hands and then back up at Shibi, changed face screwed up in confusion, "How the heck do these things help your clan?"

"The forceful application of those gloves to surfaces such as wood creates distinct patterns not unlike those formed by several species of wood-boring insect", it was as close as Naruto had ever come to seeing the Aburame smirk, "several clans, especially the Hyuuga, have repeatedly hired members of our clan to treat their clan walls for infestations of woodworm since you began working for them; I have not had the heart to inform them that such markings are the work of mice rather than insects".

It was a general rule that members of the Aburame as a whole never laughed but, at the mental image of several ninja cut from the same cloth as Hiashi tut-tutting at the sight of small holes in their clan fence and muttering that they needed 'those bug-users' to clear the problem, Naruto definitely did enough for both himself, Shino and Shibi over the following few minutes.

XXX

It was coming, it was going to happen and nothing short of an intervention of the Kami was going to stop it,

"Achoo!"

Looking over her shoulder at where her friend was doubled ore with an attack of the sneezes Tenten smirked under the bandanna she'd pulled down over her nose to keep the dust out,

"Bless you, but you should have asked mum to loan you one of these", her eyes crinkled to show a smile the sloth covered, "you out of all people know how important a mask is". Wiping his watering eyes the blonde stood to his full height and tried to awkwardly prop up the item, some kind of long pole with a blunted blade on the end of it, that he'd knocked against and sent a plume of choking dust into the air, at the same time as answer his friend,

"Tha's true", the younger child gasped before coughing the dust from his lungs and carrying on, "but I couldn't mess up one of Kishi-san's neckerchiefs. And apart from that I didn't think it'd be quite this bad!" _Too right_; the storage room, an old shed at the very back of the Hasuwada premises, was crammed fit to bursting with old weapons, scrap metal, the corpses of old spiders and insects and what felt like enough dust to rival the amount of sand in Wind country; HaHH

_if I'd know or even suspected it'd be this dusty, I'd have put Konohamaru's present on hold and knitted my own dust-mask!_;

"Yeah but mum must've done; that's why she got us to do it rather than her – devious old woman", Tenten cursed under her breath, carefully levering up what looked like a small plate of pitted, corroded metal and shuddering as a small colony of earwigs wriggled away, perturbed at their home being uprooted so suddenly, "just think about next week – it'll all be worth it if we get this done right".

That thought and reminder was enough to perk them both up though for slightly different reasons; as far as Tenten knew a visit to one of the bi-annual visits of one of Fire country's great carnivals was something both her parents enjoyed and, since her introduction into the family, she too had come to look forwards to eagerly. Muruda had confided in her that seeing the tricks of the knife-throwers and fire-jugglers, even if some of it was smoke and mirrors that put no-one at risk, was one of the inspirations for him joining the shinobi corps and Tenten in her own way understood that – the performers were all very skilled people even if they had hopefully never killed anyone like a shinobi would. Naruto, having never had the opportunity to go to anything like a circus never mind anyone who had ever actually wanted to go with him as the Hasuwadas did, was also looking forwards to the date pencilled in on Kishi's calendar for all the same reasons as his older friend; _though, as well as a great day out, I'll have half my mind on getting a few new layers on my first-ever mask as well. Before that can happen though_; blinking the last of the dust from his eyes Naruto squared his shoulders and moved up to an old shelf, trying to work out if what was on there was salvageable or merely scrap metal,

"Hey Ten-chan", defeated, he sought the advice of the future weapons expert, "what's this?"

"That's a", she squinted across the dusty room, "looks like an old halberd but the tip of the top blade's snapped clean off and there's too much rust on the edge – wouldn't cut mustard as dad would say".

"Scrap pile then?"

"You bet", there was a clang as Naruto casually indulged his childish destructive urges and hurled the useless halberd out the open door of the storage area and onto a rapidly-expanding pile of rubbish, "along with this and, oh dear Kami-sama that smells like three-week old socks!"

The two toiled for most of the morning, diligently holding up their end of the deal that would ensure a day out for the pair of them sometime in the early spring when the big top was pitched and there would be games to play, performers to see and unhealthy amounts of candy to wolf down. However it was when they came to the back end of the shed, and even getting that far had taken them the better part of two hours, that Naruto came across something that stumped even his friend as to what it was; holding up the collapsed cardboard that had fallen over it, the Uzumaki gritted his teeth to stop the structure collapsing as Tenten peered down at the bizarre contraption, trying to puzzle out what the wires, wood and metal bits all meant and did,

"Uhh, I dunno", she admitted after a long minute, stepping back and letting Naruto drop the cover again with a sigh of relief, "better not throw it out though; it could be important and I don't want to get rid of something I don't know about without dad seeing it first".

"Sounds like a plan", gingerly reaching down, Naruto carefully tugged the odd contraption out into the open and set it down in one of the spaces the two of them had cleared, knocked the worst of the dust off of it, turned around and once more began burrowing in the remaining piles of detritus that still infested the Hasuwada storage areas.

It was such an exhausting job that Naruto had almost forgotten his unusual find until Tenten pointed it out and her father, with a laugh of fondness and exclamation that he'd forgotten he'd actually stocked these weapons at one time, carefully twiddled with a few of the dials on the top and side of the weapon and sighted it down towards one of the targets at the far end of the yard. As a musical twang sounded through the air and a shaft of steel slammed a finger-length deep into the pitted wood, Naruto whipped his eyes back to the weapon and saw, not a long-ranged slaying machine for such a thing would be extremely unlikely to hit an unengaged ninja; _though, perhaps for taking down a civilian target..._; due to the slight noise it made, but something that would be even more invaluable to him if he could make a few adjustments to it. He made these intentions known, much to the disbelief of Muruda who told him that he'd be able to throw kunai about as far as it could shoot by the time he left the Academy, but he persevered and persuaded the smith to part with the antiquated weapon, saying he could pick it up next week after he'd had a chance to go over the weapon and knock off any rust. Happy with his prize and the knowledge that the Hasuwadas would be showing him both how to use and look after his newest toy, to say nothing of the night out the carnival that was coming in the month or so, Naruto left the weapon smiths for a well-deserved bath and to figure out a way to garner the help of the next person he needed to makes sure his next endeavour would succeed and put a new tool in his arsenal as he waged war against Konoha's internal security forces.

It was because of this plan that about ten days later, the Mouse had a deviation to his normal routine; rather than head out for the training fields at an early hour (though not quite as early as in his younger years – most of his nights were now spent prowling through Konoha, meaning he tended to stay up and rise later than before) he instead decided to pay jiji a visit, a scroll containing his latest toy burning a hole in his pocket as he nodded politely to the Sandaimes' secretary and let himself in to the village leaders' office,

"Hey jiji", the old man looked up, a benign smile on his face as he recalled the look of outright joy that had lit up his daughter's face when, after Asuma had gingerly tested the small, loosely-bound package that had been left on the doorstep of the Sarutobi compound a few nights ago and addressed to her son for traps and seals, she had unwrapped it from a safe distance using ninja wire and almost immediately gone into raptures of joy seeing what was inside it,

"Ah, Naruto-kun; a pleasure to see you – my daughter has been quite, er, insistent you come around again sometime soon". The reminder of Buwika and Konohamaru was enough to make the aspiring Hokage smile a little and shrug,

"I'll see what I can do but I'm a busy man these days jiji, same as you", he pointed out the piles of paperwork that had once more flourished on the Hokage's desk, "lucky though, there's a paper-chewing Mouse on the loose in your tower today".

"I am glad to hear it Naruto-kun; you spoil this old man and his family". Squirming a little at the praise, the jinchuuriki scratched the back of his neck awkwardly,

"It was just a scarf". Sarutobi chuckled,

"It would be a brave man who told Buwika-chan that Naruto; as far as she's concerned a strand of hair from Kami-sama's own head would pale in comparison to your 'just a scarf'. Yoshino-chan has worked wonders with your knitting skills it seems; a shame she never considered the career of an Academy instructor". As visions of the whip-cracking Nara matriarch who was, Naruto recalled, a reservist chunin, standing like an akuma over a class of cowed and broken Academy students loomed large in his mind, the Mouse shivered,

"Probably just as well for the Academy drop-out rate jiji – Yoshino-san might be a nice person in a good mood but when she's trying to get something done she's a slave-driver! I still don't know how she and Shikaku-san either got together or are _still_ together – every time I see them I keep thinking one of them's going to strangle the other in their sleep one of these days, not that it'd be difficult for seeing how Shikaku-san's snoring most of the time".

"Love works in mysterious ways Naruto-kun, a lesson you'll learn when you're older", the elder man counselled sagely before stamping yet another form that had appeared on his desk, "for now though, would you mind just running these piles to their relevant departments and seeing if there's anything else to pick up?"

Snapping to attention with a jaunty salute Naruto nodded, grabbed the nearest stack of paper, quickly skimmed over the top of it to see where in the tower it needed to be delivered to and followed his mental map of the tower to his new destination.

Some two hours or so later the Sandaime sat back in his sumptuous seat and had to fight down the childish urge to kick his feet onto the suddenly clear desktop, instead fumbling for his pipe and lighting it with a click of his fingers. _Ahh, that's so much better – I must make a note to try and get a replacement for Naruto when he's not around. Even if it's just to use the 'Denied' stamp, it saves so much time overall – oh, speak of the little devil and he is bound to appear_;

"Once more you have my thanks Naruto-kun"; blushing slightly at the old man's praise and taking in the scent of burning tobacco from the doorway, the blonde took a step into the Hokage's room and unzipped the top pocket of his jumpsuit,

"No problem jiji, not much going on in the training grounds at the minute, though I think they'll be field-testing the jounin candidates soon – plenty of scrap around then", he rubbed his hands together for a minute before seemingly remembering why he was there and pulling a small scroll from the pocket, "but apart from that, I was wondering if you could help me with something. You know about fun-in-jutsu right?"

"If by that you mean fuuinjutsu, the sealing arts, then yes I have some knowledge in the area, though my own student Jiraiya has far surpassed my own skills in the subject".

"Okay, but since you're the only one here you'll have to do; I need you to have a look at this..."

With that, he unrolled the scroll on the cleared desk and channelled his chakra into it.

A brief second later, having seen the weapon now resting in front of him, Sarutobi felt compelled to ask a few pertinent questions regarding his adoptive grandson's new toy,

"Much as I admire your resolve in ensuring available weapons Naruto-kun, why exactly are you carrying around this old crossbow? And where did you get it from?"

"Found it in Muruda-san'a old storage area, he said I could keep it once he showed me how to use and look after it – the bolts will cost extra though when I learn to shoot", the child explained, patting the stock of the ballistic weapon with fondness as he recalled the first time he'd tried to fire it and how long it had taken the bruise in his shoulder to fade – the kick was quite unbelievable for the unprepared, "I was thinking of using it for my deal with the clans..."

"I doubt very much", the Sandaime broke in, slightly alarmed but hiding it well, "that the nature of your business with the clans could stretch to cover attempted murder Naruto-kun, even if any ninja worth his salt should be able to duck out the way of a shot from this bow".

"I know that jiji; I'm not going to actually shoot this at anyone", the jinchuuriki explained, pointing at the various moving parts of the crossbow's bolt assembly and winch, "what I need is a way to make sure it's silent when it fires; that way I can fire it into a wall or building with a rope attached and use it to climb higher than I can reach normally. Most of the clans are learning I tend to come in from the ground because I can't get all the way up a tree yet so they'll get a real shock when I suddenly start tapping on the windows rather than the doors. Can fuuinjutsu do that?"

_Climbing up...well normally a ninja would use a grapple, or a kunai in a pinch_; the veteran shinobi mulled things over in his mind, glancing between boy, bow and back wall in succession as he contemplated this new idea; _but Naruto-kun can't throw very high yet, not with any degree of accuracy at any rate. Yes, this would work as a stop-gap until he grows old enough I suppose, if Muruda-san could fashion grapple-like bolts instead of straight steel ones_. Mind made up, the Professor half-stood and scooped the weapon into his hands; it was a little lighter than he remembered, the mechanism slightly stiff but repeated use and oiling would hopefully ease off the last of the rust and ensure the smooth working of the contraption,

"Well Naruto-kun to answer your question yes, a basic privacy seal would suffice to make your idea work; however I'm afraid I'll be unable to place such seals until tomorrow at the earliest". Naruto's formerly-beaming face fell a little at this,

"Huh? Why's that jiji?"

"Because I need all the chakra I can to survive the rest of the day and the rest of me will, I'm sure, be exhausted by the time I've seen Asuma-kun off to the country capital – impetuous brat, challenge his old man to a spar would he? Well he might have improved a lot but there's still no hope of him walking away from the battlefield without a few new dents in that thick skull of his". If anything this explanation made Naruto even more confused,

"What, but you're here; how can you be with Asuma-san as well?"

"Oh come now Naruto-kun", the venerable kage chuckled, reaching for his ornamental robe as he glanced out of the window and saw it was time to go for his mid-morning stroll, "you surely didn't think you were the only one who knew the Kage Bunshin no jutsu did you?"

It took a few seconds for this to sink in, a few seconds that Sarutobi would always remember with fondness as the rampant confusion written on his surrogate grandson's face was far too cute to be recalled any other way, before the jinchuuriki's eyes widened and he shot an accusing finger at the Hokage,

"You're a clone!"

"Indeed I am".

"But, but you're the Hokage! You have to be in the office, looking after the village..."

"And I am Naruto-kun, but with this jutsu I can also be in the private Hokage training area putting my son through his paces before he rejoins the twelve Guardians of Fire, though hopefully his term of service will be at an end in the next two years or so"; _and he can come home for good, the Kami be willing_; Sarutobi added privately before refocusing the conversation back on the jinchuuriki, who was still gaping at this masterful piece of skulduggery, "though if it's any consolation I'm usually here about ninety percent of the time, just in case of any emergency cropping up". Naruto gaped for a long, long moment, enough for the kage to rise to his feet and stretch off a little before glancing over as he heard the child suddenly give a breathy, raucous laugh,

"Jiji you're a sneaky old..." he would have used another word Anko-sensei had taught him without meaning to before his cautious side, much developed since his forays into 'enemy' territory had begun, chimed in and pointed out that for someone who wanted to be a ninja but who wasn't even wearing his headband yet to call the God of Shinobi _that_ was probably a very bad career move, "...goat".

"Of course I am; they didn't give me this hat for my looks you know?" Sarutobi's doppelganger chortled as he placed his headdress on and made for the door of his office, the jinchuuriki trailing in his wake and shaking his head at the deviousness of his would-be grandfather, "Deception is the life-blood of a ninja Naruto-kun, and the older the ninja the chances are the better they are at it. Always assume your enemy is thinking two moves ahead, that way you get used to thinking three steps ahead of him and, as a consequence, winning the battle. Old advice maybe, but I've found it's a truth that doesn't change no matter how old you get!"

XXX

It was a strange day indeed that a member of the clans he was now working for heard Naruto before they caught sight of him but, as he appeared in the doorway half-dragging the person who'd let him into the large clan building, he stood up to his full height in front of the entire clan gathering for the second month in a row and pointed up at the taller figure by the side of him,

"Right, please someone tell me if this is true", his finger didn't quiver, even if the woman by the side of him was obviously shaking with laughter and doing her best not to snort out loud as her miniature interrogator asked the killer question, "is this Akimichi Chime and, if so, does she have a younger sister I can get in contact with?"

The palpable disbelief that had erupted around the table was promptly earthed at the question, Chouza most of all chuckling away merrily as he beckoned his wife to come and join them, realising there was only Hiashi left to arrive and having prior knowledge that the Hyuuga would be unable to attend this meeting due to clan business; _either that or he had a hunch someone might turn up and embarrass him again. Actually, speaking of which..._;

"Yes Naruto-san, this is the beautiful Akimichi Chime, apple of the eye of her ever-thankful husband", he proclaimed loudly, wrapping an arm loosely around the taller woman's waist as she stood beside his seat, Chime for her part shaking her head and doing her best not to blush too badly, "and for the second part yes she does have a sister but last I heard she was happily married and a little too far away for you to bother with easily. That is still right isn't it my dear?"

"Hai, Shuniki-chan is still with that man-mountain she calls a husband, though how is beyond me. The guest bedroom of their home is in a separate wing to theirs and his snoring was _still_ keeping me awake; how she puts up with it I have no idea".

"Good quality ear-plugs would be my guess", Chouza commented sagely as Naruto, seeing he was under the radar for the time being, sidled up to the table and surreptitiously slid into a seat, noticing as he did so that the empty one he'd gone for was between Tsume and Shikaku; _that's not too bad, it could have been worse – I think Inoichi-san's still got it in for me after I ended up scaring Ino. But I did say I was sorry_; he reminded himself mentally, noticing out the corner of his eye that the Yamanaka was still fixing him with the evil eye as he sat down,

"So what are you doing here pup? Get caught breaking in?"

"Nah, not like that", Naruto shook his head, "Shikaku-san told me the where the next meet was going to be held earlier this week and I showed up; well", he made to defend himself as the Inuzuka opened her mouth to argue, "can you say I'm not the Uzumaki clan head yet?" Just as Chouza had the previous month Tsume found her argument choked off before it could begin; gritting her pointed teeth, the leader of the House of Dogs instead shook her head, ignoring the snicker from the nin-ken by the side of her as Kuromaru reminded himself of a question his partner had failed to ask the venerable monkey-leader during one of the meetings of Konoha.

"Not yet but give it time", she assured him before looking over at their host for the evening and tutting, Chouza with Chime on his knee and hugging her tightly, "how that old bear survived for a month with her gone I'll never know; Kami-sama forbid she ever gets delayed by the weather, he'd be howling loud enough to drown out my kennels pining for her".

"Or storing it all up for when she got back", Naruto's whispered comment made her glance down with a raised eyebrow and expectant smirk; despite their rocky introduction Tsume had been able to look back on that infamous night and eventually laugh, rationalising both that at least other people had been got as badly as her and that the Mouse had a good sense of humour as he glanced at the Akimichi's prodigious girth, "bet she could get a hell of a bounce off _that_ trampoline". Scrunching up her face in an effort not to snigger, the dog-nin added her two-ryo's worth,

"Just as long as he didn't roll over suddenly"; Naruto winced,

"Splat, or, then again", he rolled an eye up towards her, a curious half-smile on his face as he cocked his head slightly, "that could be the precursor to the longest pair of splits she'll ever do..."

Tsume had no hope at that one, though she was quickly able to disguise her outright snort of laughter into a hastily-stifled attack of the sneezes before anyone became too suspicious,

"Coho, burgh", she gave a sniff before settling back in her seat, glancing around the table apologetically, "sorry about that, however just before we get started someone please tell me they worked out a way we can legally throw this little brat out on his ear. Oh come on", as everyone else around the table swapped uneasy glances with each other Tsume didn't dare look around; she could almost taste the smugness blossoming on the jinchuurikis' face, "at least _one_ of you must have thought to read the rulebook!"

"Well Hiashi might have, but he's not here", Shikaku pointed out reasonably, helping himself to another handful of the nibbles scattered liberally around the table – the Akimichi were always the most generous of hosts, "innocent until proven guilty I'm afraid Tsume-chan".

"Innocent, ha", she muttered, favouring the victorious chibi with a filthy expression before taking a handful of treats herself, "I'm pretty sure they had a pair of handcuffs and an ANBU waiting for him as he was coming out his mother's womb; even then", she went on, remembering belatedly that Naruto was an orphan and not wanting to tear the head of that scar by bringing it up, "I'm sure he'd have given them the slip".

"I'd have tried, and jiji would have probably got me off on a technicality", the Uzumaki sighed, fighting down the pang in his heart as he was reminded of his non-existent family, "though knowing my luck he'd have used the insanity defence and ended up getting me accidentally sectioned doing it".

"Nothing accidental about it Naruto; all ninja are at least a little crazy, you're just getting a head start", Shikaku chipped in, stretching off as his team mate finally released his wife and stood up, casting some of the table into shadow as he fixed the unexpected player with a beady eye,

"So then, once more we are all here, plus one, save one exception", with that declaration the big man scooped up a nearby saucer of sake and raised it aloft, the gesture echoed by everyone else save Naruto who, bamboozled a bit by this, stayed quiet in his seat and merely observed the proceedings as Chouza went on, "to absent friends".

"Absent friends", the echo went around the table as all five clan heads threw back the fiery brew, grimacing at the after-taste before, with a shake of his head, Inoichi dragged the conversation back to brighter ground,

"So then, that's the depressing stuff out the way; keep the seat warm for me Chime-hime, I'll be back in a moment"; the table as a whole chuckled quietly as the Yamanaka clan head excused himself, Naruto especially shaking his head as memories of the first time he'd come literally face to face with the leader of the mind-walking clan came back to the forefront of his mind, before he became aware of a presence to his side. Looking around and up, he found Chime looking down at him, scrutinising his short frame through her thick, black lashes and steel-grey eyes,

"So then, now you know who I am, I'm going to assume you are the Uzumaki Naruto Chouza-kun's told me so much about?"

"Hai, that's me", the jinchuuriki state proudly, nodding in his seat, "I'm glad Chouza-san mentioned me, funny thing was he didn't seem to mention you much". A thin eyebrow rose as a curious smile quirked the corner of Chime's lips,

"Really? He usually talks about me quite a lot, much to my embarrassment usually".

"Oh he said about you, but never said you were, well, _you_", he exclaimed, looking her up and down and taking in her tall stature, ramrod-straight black hair and fair complexion, "you're not, quite what I was expecting". Chime rolled her eyes,

"Let me guess, you were expecting a fat, frumpy, apple-cheeked woman in an apron", despite himself Naruto nodded and immediately regretted it, rubbing his sore ear as Chime's hand moved almost too fast to see in a lightning-fast cuff, "well let that be a lesson to you – never assume anything about someone you don't know. I am Akimichi Chime but before that I was Kurosawa Chime, proud member of one of the most prestigious samurai clans of the Land of Iron and, as my husband will duly attest", Chouza nodded sagely as she met Naruto's eye and gave a wide, slightly sinister smile before finishing, "my skills with a blade haven't dulled through marriage or motherhood".

The idea that one of the heads of the noble Konoha clans had a samurai bride took a while to percolate Naruto's mind; as far as he knew samurai were warriors like but at the same time completely different to ninja. While ninja prowled in the darkness and fought for victory at all costs in the name of the Hokage, samurai answered to the daimyo and lived by a strict code of personal honour and ethics, though they were formidable swordsmen; _and women, apparently_; and not someone a ninja would want to come up against in a straight fight. Naruto wisely stayed quiet for a moment as he totted up the sum of what he knew and, finding himself short-changed in a few areas, sought to get a few extra snippets of information,

"So, you're a samurai..." Chime held up a finger,

"No, the correct term for a battle-trained woman from a samurai clan is onna-bugeisha", she explained, fixing him with a stern but not unkind eyes, "might only be a little difference but an important one, especially in the Land of Iron".

"Okay, sorry for any offence, but what I don't get is if you're from the Land of Iron, how did you meet Chouza-san – I'm not that great at geography but even I know it's a long way to walk to Iron from here".

"And you'd be right Naruto-san", Chouza answered with a fond smile on his face as he recalled his younger days, "luckily though, it was in the aftermath of the Third War that I was invited by my father, the former clan head, to accompany him to Iron for trading talks. I met Chime-hime there at these talks as my clan were planning to excavate and sift for metal ore in some of their clan lands using our doton jutsus, and from her I learnt the importance of several samurai lessons, including", he fixed his wife with a semi-fierce glare as he once more felt the shame that had burnt through his entire being as he realised that not only had he been tricked by his future fiancée's last request prior to engagement but he'd also dragged his closest friends into that madcap escapade as well, "never trust the tongue of a devious woman".

"Do, ah", seeing the soft glares the two Akimichi were sending each other, it took Naruto a second to regain his composure enough to ask, "do I dare to ask?" Chime broke her gaze from Chouza enough to ask,

"Don't worry Naruto-kun, it wasn't anything life-threatening; what happened was that after Chouza-kun and my father..." She was interrupted by a pair of groans from the table, Inoichi speaking up for the other two cards in the Winning Hand as he dreaded this old story being rehashed again to a new audience; _as if he doesn't have enough to go on about us all already_;

"Do you have to? It's embarrassing..."

"Oh hush", Chime shot his fledgling protest down before it could truly get off the ground, "I'm sure you'll be regaling him with stories of how you wooed Kunisa-chan first chance you get when she's about – pay no attention to him Naruto, he's just sore because he was made to look a bit of a fool".

"Not for the first time; hey", Naruto held up his hand in defence as the paler blonde glared death at him, "not my fault; I might have shocked you but the scream was entirely your idea". Chime raised an eyebrow; _interesting...but for later_;

"Well, either way what happened was this; on the ancestral lands of the Kurosawa clan stands the largest mountain in the Iron Country and, a long time ago, the head of my family declared that the largest jewel in his possession should be dragged to its summit and left there – an eye, he declared, that the ancestors could use to watch over us all from Heaven. When Chouza's father and my own sat down and drew up the marriage contract I made a request that, before we were wed, Chouza-kun would climb the Spire of Iron and take a small piece of my ancestors' treasure that my clan could fashion into a wedding band. Of course Chouza being the impetuous brat he was back in the day..."

"I was ready to go by the next morning", the tall man took over the story, trying to contain his flushing cheeks as his pride was stung by this story once more, "and to my eternal shame I dragged my team headlong into this mess".

"Your team? But what were they...?"

"Officially we were there to witness the marriage contract", Shikaku explained with a weary sigh and a yawn, as always indifferent to the retelling of this particular episode of his youth, "but once Chouza was challenged like that nothing short of the fist of Kami-sama himself was going to stop him getting up that mountain and, well", the Nara shrugged, "someone had to keep an eye on him". A sudden snort made him peel open a half-closed eye in time to see Inoichi scoff at his retelling,

"Yeah, someone did", the Yamanaka shook his head, "and that someone would have been me on my lonesome had Chouza not threatened to lash you to the back of his luggage by your ankle and drag you the whole way there".

"Too right; we were still a team at that stage Shika so if the two of us were going to be suffering with cold, damp and frozen-solid trail rations I was going to make damned sure you were as well", the great bear himself glowered before shaking his head and shooting a nasty glance at his wife, "still, off we go us three intrepid mountaineers and let me tell you this Naruto-kun, never ever assume that you can ever conquer a mountain easily no matter how good you are with doton jutsus. If it wasn't the cold it was the wind, and if it wasn't that it would be dropping something not secured to our packs and having to go down and get the damned thing. Five nights we were up there, five of the coldest and most miserable nights of my life and believe me that's saying something, but in the end we all made it, more or less; we heaved ourselves to the top of that mountain and saw the prize. Chime-hime didn't lie, the largest crystal any of us had ever seen, big as a horse-drawn cart, clear as the finest Aburame ice...", the thought of such riches made Naruto's eyes bulge; _how much ramen would that buy?_; before the Akimichi's finishing words made his jaw drop,

"...and worth less than the two-hundred ryo I had in my pocket".

"But", Naruto managed to stutter after a moment of ensuring in his own mind he had heard the large man right, "but how's that possible? You said it was huge, how could it be so cheap?"

"Because of what it was made of Naruto; it was a massive salt crystal", Inoichi sighed, once more feeling the sting to his pride not unlike a small part of the aforementioned crystal being ground into his wounds, "there was a small plaque in front of it, written by the head of the Kurosawa clan, saying how the journey to riches was always worth more than the riches itself or something like that, I can't really remember. So there we were, three wallies who'd walked up a mountain and been left hanging out on a limb because some crazy old samurai had played a massive hoax on the world in general – what could we do? We all carved our names in the crystal, there was a small list on one side from other people who'd made the trek before us; someone had written a nice poem there if I remember rightly, though what it was escapes me; threw a pinch each over our shoulders for luck, that great lummox picked up the small pebbles-worth he needed and we all set off back down again. Akimichi Chime", the Yamanaka's voice was half-curse, half-grudging commendation, "about the only person in history to trump Konoha's Winning Hand; more good men have been lost to the wiles of women than to war, famine, disease and disaster – remember that Naruto, it might save your life someday".

"I'll pass those comments on to Kunisa-san then shall I?" Inoichi spluttered at the sudden thought and shook his head wildly, glancing almost frenetically at his third team mate as Shikaku gave a sardonic smirk, "Apart from some very exceptional exemptions though, I have to agree with him Naruto – girls in general are usually too troublesome to bother with". There was a sudden very audible, very theatrical sniff as Tsume looked away hurriedly, feigning wounded pride,

"And there I was thinking we had something special Shika", the Inuzuka mourned faux-tearfully, wiping her eyes on her sleeve, "how could you be so cruel, stringing me along like that after all I've given you?"

"From my recollections the only things you have ever given Nara-san are bruises and fl..." Tsumes' arm whipped down, exposing her bared fangs and flared nostrils as she stared death across the table at Shibi, silently daring him to finish that sentence, "...flying lessons, usually as a result of utilising him as a practice dummy for your clan jutsus". Satisfied that the Aburame had done a decent enough job of dodging the kunai, Tsume merely shook her head and chuckled,

"What can I say; I needed a new chew-toy and he was just lying there so I thought, why not?"

"And my pain and suffering didn't even enter your mind at all?" Tsume rolled her eyes at the Nara,

"That coming from the man who was dating Yoshino-chan at the time, I'm not sure if that complaint's tragic or funny", she deadpanned before giving a wicked grin, "besides I don't remember you complaining when she saw what had happened in that sparring session and the two of you got to play med-nin together".

"Well, med-nin and training dummy at least", Chouza's deep voice chipped in, smiling over at his friend as Shikaku's face struggled to keep its neutral expression; call him a lazy-ass, a dreamer and all the other names under the sun and he wouldn't bat an eyelid but there were only so many insults to his clan and especially his other half that he would take, "knowing Shika it would be too troublesome to raise his arms so Yoshino-chan could put the bandages on".

"Knowing Shika everything beyond breathing's too troublesome to be bothered with", Tsume agreed with a toothy smile at her shadow-wielding counterpart, "the Nara clan, put on this earth by Kami-sama as a legal alternative for necrophiliacs".

As expected there was a general recoil from this line, Tsume grinning secretly to herself as Inoichi, first to overcome the gag reflex, shot a hand up and waved it away,

"No, just...no Tsume", he traced his finger across the table top before reaching over it and tapping the wood further away, explaining as he repeated the motion, "you, line, you, line; bad Puppy-chan, that was uncalled for". Tsume merely beamed all the more brightly before the butt of her joke spoke up, immediately putting her hackles up as she realised he had no reason whatsoever to put a good word in on her behalf,

"Very true but at the same time there are worse urges to have", he didn't even have time to roll his eye down to where Kuromaru was prone on the floor before the Inuzuka mistress's growl reached his ears,

"And if you look over here saying that I'll black your eyes for you", she promised threateningly, "contrary to popular belief the Inuzuka clan aren't werewolves..."

"With those legs", a voice from between the quarrelling shinobi piped up, both having made the fatal mistake of ignoring the jinchuuriki between them and Tsume bearing the brunt of the punishment for such a failing, "could've fooled me".

"And what's wrong with my legs brat? If you're not carefully you'll be on the end of one of them in a minute"; Naruto winced,

"Nothing wrong with them, in fact they're perfect ninja tools", he commented, not daring to look as he knew that while Tsume would be the last kunoichi in the Leaf to play the pervert card, she'd instead find some other way of punishing him for a blatant peek, "that stubble could probably count as a weapon in its own right – getting hit by those shins'd be like being belted in the face with a cheese-grater".

Despite the sniggers around her the Inuzuka kept a tight grip on her temper, knowing that blowing her top now would only come around and bite her on the rear at some stage in the future; instead she glared down at the Uzumaki and bared her pointed teeth in a chilling smile,

"And what would you know about feminine fashions and beauty routines brat? Been using that henge of yours to sneak into other young ladies bedrooms and get a good eyeful have you – for shame". Naruto shook his head slowly, grasping for a comeback and stalling before luckily his quick mind seized upon a line in one of the jokebooks he now owned and twisted it enough to suit his purpose,

"Nah, the shock I got in yours was enough to kill off any inner peeping tom I had", he gave a theatrical shudder as Chime raised an eyebrow at this, looking across at her husband and nodding as he silently assured her he'd let her know the full story later, "as soon as I crawled out of there I swore to myself I'd never make an uke out of any woman who could grow a better moustache than me".

"Bad news for you then Blondie", Tsume crowed in triumph, messing up his hair before pinching the side of his face enough to stretch out his whisker marks, "even if you do somehow drop a pair big enough to let you grow facial hair, we won't be able to see it because of its colour – sorry to say it but if that's the way your basing your love-life in the future the Uzumaki really will be a clan of one".

"And if that dress of yours was the yardstick for your love-life I'm amazed you only ended up with two kids", Naruto riposted, Tsume choking off an ingrained response as she recognised the back-handed compliment at the last minute, "if the Leaf's shinobi population ever starts to dwindle I'm petitioning jiji for an A-ranked mission to get hold of that little number for use as a template; one of those in every home in Konoha, the birth-rate would be sent through the roof and I'd be a hero for saving us all".

"Assuming you can get to it that is", all Inuzukas were by nature possessive and territorial and Tsume was no exception; the fact that this upstart pup was challenging her in this method had made everything else grey out around her; she didn't see the strangled laughs on the faces of the other players, the fact that Chime had been forced to excuse herself and was now tottering around her clan home trying desperately to find a room to vent the laughter threatening to burst her without her Inuzuka friend overhearing her – all she saw was her latest opponent, "I'll warn you now that I catch sight or scent of you in that room or any other of my clan house and I won't be held responsible for the consequences". Naruto merely laughed and pointed at her partner,

"Ah well, I'll just have to send Patches over there in first, I'm sure he'd take the kunai for...what?" Belatedly realising the rumbling growl reverberating from the floor was meant for him, Naruto looked down again and explained himself to the irked nin-ken, "You're a big black dog with white _patches_ in your fur and you wear an eye-_patch_; what else was I going to call you?"

"Name's Kuromaru", the alpha of the Inuzuka pack rumbled as he came to his feet, so tall at the shoulder that even sat on his seat Naruto was still eye-to-eye with the massive canine, "remember that".

"Sorry, I already know too many marus", Naruto stubbornly affirmed, ticking them off on his fingers, "Shikamaru, Haimaru, Konohamaru – nope, sorry, no room for any more. You'll just have to stay as Patches, or Patch I guess would work just as well".

"I'll remind you of that next time the pack goes hunting you, nezumi", Naruto scowled at that; _it's Mouse, not rat – mice are cuter and don't live in sewers_;

"Oh yeah, is that as fact? Well reminder for you Patch, you need to have both eyes open to have a chance of catching me". The nin-ken smiled as much as he was able to,

"I'll manage with just the one".

"Really? Okay then", Naruto seemed to mull something over for a minute before coming to a decision, "tomorrow night, my sneaking skills against your nose and eyes, umm, eye. No Mouse-henge from me, none of the rest of the pack from you. You catch me you win and I'll call you by your name, I get to one of the clan houses you don't and you stay as Patches – deal?"

_You've got nuts kid_; having come back into the room just in time to hear the youngster make such a bold statement to Kuromaru, a nin-ken she knew was a match for most ninja on his own without Tsume backing him up, was enough to convince Chime that at least some of the stories Chouza had told her about this child before her must have been true. Oddly enough she and the ninja in the rooms didn't step in when the massive dog brought a paw that covered half the Uzumaki's thigh down on the jinchuuriki's closest leg to seal the bet, his fangs displayed in a canine smirk as his rough, rumbling voice issued forth again,

"You have courage nezumi; no brain but courage".

"Say that to my face after you catch me Patches", the boy retorted, heaving at the massive foot that was starting to cut off the circulation in his leg and give him pins-and-needles, "come on now, off". Kuromaru reluctantly relented, settling back down on his belly and sending one last comment up towards the table before planning for the hunt he had to deal with tomorrow,

"I'll do just that nezumi", Kuromaru assured him, already recalling the best routes around a territory that had been his from his birth to the present day, "right after I've dragged you before the pack by your tail and forced you to call me alpha".

"You keep dreaming"; _for now I will_; the dog agreed, closing his eyes as he heard the game above him start; _but tomorrow, my dream will come true and your nightmare will begin_.

XXX

The eye had had been closed in slumber the night before was now alight with triumph as the body it was connected to bounded over low scrub and around thick tree-trunks, scanning the dark boughs above with a frightening zeal as predator instinct sang through Kuromaru's veins. That side of him, the feral, animal side that he had been born with and that had kept him alive and mostly intact through the bloodiest war of the shinobi era, was roaring in his ears, pounding in time with his heartbeat; he had the scent of his prey and would follow it, and the Uzumaki would know the folly of challenging a nin-ken on his home territory.

The other half, on the other hand, the one that had been born following his introduction to the small human pup who would one day become the Inuzuka clan head and had been moulded and developing since then, had a slightly different viewpoint; only by luck and the fact the half-full moon had drawn his eye to the thin, vine-like shape that had almost bisected it in his monovision had he been warned of where to look and the fact his prey was now above him rather than on the ground. How Naruto had been able to throw a rope so high and so far when even Tsume's youngest pup wasn't able to hurl a kunai so it would hit a stationary target with any degree of accuracy was beyond him, but at that point it hadn't mattered; all that had mattered was that because of the dangling rope he knew where the Mouse had entered the clan grounds and, having caught his scent from the thick twine, was following it relentlessly, though the trailer was slightly fainter than he'd been expecting. Still despite his quarry's ingenuity with hiding in the trees, it appeared he had done nothing about the scent that followed him like a blaring noise, the trail that Kuromaru was following like an arrow, getting closer to his quarry all the time. The trail thickened in his nose, curdled and his great head came up, a breath of still, crisp night air reached his remaining ear and brought with it the sound of scrabbling, leaves being disturbed; _there!_; and sweet vindication rushed around the nin-ken's frame as he saw the prey for the first time,

"Nezumi", due to his vocal chords not being properly attuned to speak the human tongue Kuromaru couldn't shout but in such a quiet environment that didn't really count for much, even with his limited knowledge of human movements and reactions eh could tell from the way the boy suddenly froze against the tree-trunk he'd just moved towards that Naruto had heard him, "come down".

With great reluctance the jinchuuriki did so, though as he slowly inched his way down the trunk of the tree Kuromaru had to look twice to check it really was the same pup who had so unwisely challenged him the previous evening. Without his trademark orange Naruto really didn't look like Naruto; instead, dressed as he was in dark and dull grey ninja slacks and vest, to say nothing of the black dye that had been used to obscure his eye-catching hair, he really did look like a potentially dangerous intruder. Even his birthmarks had been smeared with thick mud, probably from just outside the Inuzuka clan grounds if the smell was any indication, the clay-like substance breaking up the outline of his face and making him harder to see; _though thankfully not harder to smell_;

"Oof", dropping the last few feet, Naruto tottered for a minute before righting himself and looking back up the tree, "that was higher than it looked – I'd have made it if I was a bit closer to the floor and able to jump from tree to tree without being afraid of breaking my neck".

"Sour grapes never taste nice nezumi", Kuromaru quoted with a gruff chuckle before thrusting his nose into the smaller figures' chest gently, "but you were caught; I have won". He could see the child trying to argue his way out of the snare he'd stuck his foot in, it was actually quite funny to see how many expressions a human could make in so short a time but, as he'd known the child must, eventually Naruto folded his arms and gave a sigh,

"Well you got it half-right Kuromaru-san"; _progress at least – I feel it may take several nips before he remembers the lesson fully though_; "you well caught me, I can't go anywhere without having a lot of angry dog landing on me – that is assuming you're not planning on letting me off the hook? Didn't think so", he shrugged as Kuromaru shook his head slowly from side to side, "it was worth a try though".

"True; now", the nin-ken swung away, brushing his prey's shoulder with a thick tail, "come; the pack will see you; they will know not to rend you if they catch you in our lands once they have your scent".

"Ah yeah, about that", the jinchuuriki cringed for a minute, Kuromaru looking over his shoulder as the boy no doubt realised the fate that might have awaited him had he been hunted by less human-friendly members of the Inuzuka family, two-legged as well as four, "any chance you could hand over my scent second-hand? I need to get going in a minute".

Those words did make Kuromaru spin around, a touch of his temper rising as he made to cut through the Mouse's delaying tactics; as an off-shoot of pack loyalty, honour to a word ran through an Inuzuka's veins and Naruto was coming perilously close to breaking the bargain he'd made less than a day ago,

"You will not", the scarred dog growled, glaring at the impudence of the child through his sole remaining eye, "you will follow me or you will be cast forever from the pack grounds – the Inuzuka will hold no sympathy for a liar".

"But Kuromaru-san, I'm not lying; I said you got it half-right earlier and that was the truth", even as he replayed the conversation back through his head, the nin-ken found it explained to him, "you _have _caught me, dead to rights; I'm your prisoner, your scent-marker, anything else you want me to be, but I'm also something else as well".

"What?" The grin that could simultaneously light up a room and strike fear into the heart of a war veteran flashed through the clearing as Naruto brought his hands together,

"I'm a decoy".

A split-second later Naruto found himself pausing in his descent from the bows of a different tree, smirking at the memory of the dumbstruck expression that had clouded the nin-ken pack leaders' scarred muzzle, before shivering and making better speed to his destination as a frustrated howl issued moonward from somewhere far too close for his liking.

_Oh that's not good_; Naruto was far from fluent in the canine tongue but he was certain that howl was not meant as a compliment to his skulduggery skills; _Patches is going to be pissed after chasing those clones up a tree_. _Better get moving_; with that the house-breaker hopped down to the floor, ignored the stab of pain up from his heel as he half-stumbled over an old tree root and bolted full-pelt towards the outside of the wall he could see. Even though it only lasted five or six seconds it was a tense run; all around him phantoms of the irked pack leader raced alongside with hot breath pouring from their throats and single, crimson eyes ablaze with vengeance for the sake of their wounded pride – the feeling of solid, hardened wood against his shoulder was euphoria itself – it was over, he had won. By hook and by crook, as using a jutsu that not even most chunin should have been able to do probably counted as cheating in any civilians' book; _so it's just as well I'm a ninja and can't cheat, and besides he knew I could do that jutsu, he should have been expecting more than one of me. No such thing as a single Mouse after all_; but he was here, at his objective and, as he ducked down and fished in his pocket for something, with a hopefully-easy way in if the Kami favoured him.

It was far from ideal but it was all he could do at the minute; having been surprised at the Yamanaka not so long back by the sound of a sudden clattering noise waking half the household up as he tried to jimmy a window open (a fact that had kept Ino laughing for days and a smug grin hovering around Inoichi's lips for a lot longer, he recalled with a wince on behalf of his bruised pride), he'd been forced to come up with a method of checking for tripwires in the near-dark. The lighter he clicked into life was far from ideal in that it produced light and the smoke from its flame wasn't quite opaque enough to curl around any potential booby-traps; _I have got to come up with something better that this soon though, using a lighter of all things is...yep_; with a sigh he let the light sputter out as he saw the window suddenly fill with light from the inside; _right on schedule_;

"Just me", he commented idly, raising a hand in greeting as someone above him shoved the window open and looked outside; his sudden declaration for just below their eyeline was almost enough to make them leap into the window they'd just opened but luckily for the clans' pride the kunoichi, for it was definitely a kunoichi who peered down at him with thick hair spilling over her shoulders and a brace of shuriken in her hands, "checking for tripwires; no need for alarm".

"There would have been, if you'd dropped that bloody lighter", the Inuzuka grunted, replacing her weapons, "that was a stupid move – we're trained to sniff out fire from birth. If anything goes up on the clan grounds it's all hands and mouths to the buckets before it gets too big to contain; trying to smoke the traps out were you?"

"Hai; gotta find something to replace this though", Naruto shook his head as he put the lighter back in his pocket, the Inuzuka nodding as she rested her elbows on the rough-hewn wood of her windowsill,

"True, and the sooner the better if you ask me. Still, no point hanging around out there; go around the front, come in and wait by the main entrance, someone wants to talk to you".

_Really?_; that was quite surprising – after all he'd spoken to both Tsume and her partner, who else in the clan would want to talk to him unless, as this kunoichi was it was mission related? Still, it wouldn't do to be an impatient guest; with a nod he raised a hand in farewell, stood to his full height and made his way around towards the front of the Inuzuka home, the ninja watching him go with a quirky smile on her face and already planning a way of twisting this story into one where she captured the Mouse that had slipped through even Kuromaru's guard even as she slid her window shut.

He was expecting Tsume, if only so the matriarch of the clan could actually confirm he'd tricked her partner fair and square; the sight of a stranger coming into the hallway opposite him was therefore completely unexpected. Taking a slight step back, Naruto sized up the other person and realised with a start that, far from the teenager he'd originally tagged him as, the lines and slight scars on the face before him spoke of someone with a face far older than the deceptively short frame it was perched upon,

"So you beat old One-Eye then?" The man asked rhetorically before nodding his head, taking another step forwards and looking over Naruto just as the jinchuuriki was looking over him; the man was muscular and stocky, only just taller than a dwarf if he was any judge, "Nicely done".

"More luck than judgement", the jinchuuriki countered, scratching the back of his neck as he usually did when receiving praise, "it could have been me he went after rather than the decoy".

"Doesn't matter", the man shook his head and Naruto noticed that rather than red fangs, this Inuzuka had what looked to be orange squares tattooed onto his cheeks; _okay I'm liking this guy already – he likes orange and he's short!_; "long as you get the job done nothing else matters, well", he paused before correcting himself slightly, "that and getting out alive afterwards. Anyway, I'm not here to discuss the shinobi creed – Inuzuka Rimaru, called the Flea by some". He extended a hand and, after a moment, Naruto shook and immediately regretted it; just like his body, Rimaru's hand was large and he had a grip that would have been the envy of one of Anko-sensei's larger summons,

"Uzumaki Naruto", to his credit there was barely a warble of pain evident in the jinchuuriki's answer even as his crushed fingers throbbed, "called the Mouse by, er, a fair few. So, what did you need me for?" With a smile that seemed curiously absent of the standard Inuzuka dental plan of sharpened canines, the slightly taller figure stepped back and beckoned, drawing the jinchuuriki into the hallway as he spoke a septuplet of words that immediately caught Naruto's attention as surely as the whisper of dango was sure to get his former sensei to drop anything and get there running,

"Got some business to discuss with you..."

A/N: So who if the mysterious Rimaru and what does he want with our chibi hero? Having been pranked by the Mouse Kuromaru's guard will be even higher than ever, and that's to say nothing of what Ino might do if she catches him breaking in again...will Konoha ever be safe for our budding house-mouse again? Until the next time, ja ne!


	12. Chapter 12 MayhemMaking Mouse

Chapter 12 – Mouse Making Mayhem

A/N: Sorry it's been a little while but I hope this makes up for it; glad to see so many people are still enjoying this fic (I think with this and Win Some, Lose Some each I've gotten more reviews than all my other fanfiction put together – cheers guys!) and you continue to do so. Apart from that though, I'm sure you're all dying to know; who is Inuzuka Rimaru and what does he need Naruto for?

Read on my dear reader; the answer you seek along with much else I hope you find enjoyable is written below

XXX

For as long as she could remember, checking and re-checking the equipment in her ninja pouches was a way Kurenai had used to disguise last-minute nerves prior to a mission beginning. She knew it was a bit of a bad habit but one she didn't actually want to break – as far as she was concerned there was no such thing as being too prepared – but as she heard the first few laughs and cat-calls coming up the line of the assembled she managed to tear her eyes away from the assorted shuriken and ninja-wire and as a result she wasn't so shocked when the other chunin to the side of her nudged her shoulder and whispered,

"Here Nai-chan, you've had run-ins with the Mouse right?"

"Yes, but why's that imp..."

The rest of the question went unasked as Kurenai saw the small blob of luminous orange that was traipsing down the loose line of assembled chunin without a care in the world, apparently immune to the growing hubbub of noise he was generating in his wake even as the genjutsu mistress tried hard to rationally explain why Naruto of all people was here and now; _unless he'd got permission to scavenge as the exam's going on, but that's so dangerous. And the Sandaime would never allow him to go for selection so young, not even Kakashi-sempai was his age when he tested out first_;

"Hey kid", someone about halfway down the line called out after screwing up his nerves, "I know you like to pick up scrap but could you at least wait until _after_ we've thrown our weapons before you claim them as yours?"

"I can't see why he'd bother in your case Fushi-baka, your tools are scrap at the best of times", a strident female tone cut down the first words like the edge of a katana onto an exposed neck before moving on, "anyway, be nice to the little guy – he's probably here as team mascot".

"Cheerleader, I'd say"; there were a few guffaws of laughter at this one before a third voice piped up,

"Or if we get really desperate, spare rations", there were a few groans at this as even Kurenai was forced to hold in a slight smile at the idea of the Uzumaki following them around waving pom-poms throughout the next three or four days, before all conversation stilled as a sudden plume of smoke erupted from behind where the child was stood almost opposite the assembled chunin. As the fog cleared Kurenai, as well as everyone else around her, snapped to attention as a squat figure loomed forwards towards them like a shadow of the Shinigami's dark hand, ready to reach out and claim them all,

"Judging by the sight of some of you here, I'd say the young Uzumaki was squad-leader material", oddly enough no-one laughed at this as the Inuzuka prowled forwards, his gimlet eyes tracking down the line of students and though judging them all; Kurenai for her part stood up straight and didn't flinch as those chips of coloured glass met her own face and lingered for a second before moving on, "still, ignore him for the moment and listen to me".

Simultaneously everyone did just that and, seeing that he had a captive audience, the adoptive scion of the greatest tracking clan Konoha had ever been able to call its own stepped forwards and clapped his hands,

"I am Inuzuka Rimaru and you ninja in front of me are all here because of one thing; by hook or by crook you've convinced people in high places that you've got the guts to be potential jounin candidates. Because of that favour, those who survive the next few days and, more importantly, make what I deem to be the cut will be sent forwards and onto the true jounin exams. Those that don't; the vast majority of you; will be briefed on your areas of weakness at the end of the exercise and will be free to petition for the next jounin selection. I see some familiar faces", he paused, nodding his tattooed face at a few ninja present in the line though they had the restraint not to return the gesture as Rimaru went on, "and some new blood; good because right now Konoha needs all the ambition, guts and gristle it can get".

Stepping forwards, the Inuzuka brought his hands out in front of him and inspected them, seeing the faded scars that lined the knuckles and rubbing them with a fond caress before dropping them and looking forwards, towards the lines of poor, dumb ninja who didn't, couldn't really, know what they were letting themselves in for,

"You all want to become jounin; the reasons for this are immaterial – you want to make your family-stroke-clan proud? You want to serve the village at the highest capacity? You want to become ANBU? You want the money? The prestige? The ability to become a jounin-sensei", an almost invisible flinch raced over Kurenai's face, "all good reasons, all credible in one way or another, and all the reasons of fools".

At that declaration every eye, including Naruto's though Rimaru couldn't see him as he was now stood in front of the boy, was fixed on the Inuzuka as he snorted and went on,

"You do not know what it means to be a jounin; it is not glorious, it is not prestigious and it is certainly not anything to be proud of. It is a life of blood, pain and constantly looking over your shoulder and sleeping with one eye open to make sure you can see where the next knife is coming from. As a chunin you are virtually invisible, another faceless ninja in a village like Konoha; as a jounin you don't have that security, you lose the most basic protection most other ninja enjoy – as a jounin you are known. As a jounin the enemy villages take an interest in you, they study your abilities, dissect your techniques, put you in their Bingo books and brief their shinobi on the best ways to kill you because make no bones about it, killing an enemy jounin is a big feather in the cap of any bastard who manages it. Almost everything a ninja could wish for he could do without attaining jounin rank; you want to make your clan proud, you can become high-up or even head of most departments as chunin if you put the work in. There's a large proportion, in fact almost a majority of ANBU who are still chunin or special jounin – in that organisation you don't have a rank, you are simply ANBU. Almost anyone can earn enough to raise a family as a chunin and if you're still swallowing the crap about 'proving your clan superior to all others' at this stage of the game, well", he gave a brief, unpleasant laugh as he picked out one or two clan ninja from the crowd before him, his flinty stare hard and deliberately challenging as he went on, "you might as well get out now because I don't give a toss who you are here – as a potential jounin I just want to know two things, how quickly you'll kill and how slowly you'll die".

_I think they're getting the point now_; Rimaru wasn't telling them this to scare them, or trying to rattle the chunin prior to the test starting, he was telling the truth as he knew and had experienced it and, judging by the uncomfortable expressions he was seeing opposite him now, they were starting to believe that his words were real and a form of the truth; _so, let's see if we can't save a couple of them prior to this whole mess kicking off_;

"As a jounin, a marked ninja, you will become paranoid, you will be at the bleeding edge of combat more often than not and you will drench yourself in blood so many times killing may well become second-nature, as easy as swatting flies – you will most likely develop personality dysfunctions, lose all forms of social and possibly family life outside ninja service and probably face being eventually forcibly retired to prevent your mind completely disintegrating under the pressure. And then, then Kami forbid they might make you a sensei; could you imagine that, trained killers used to racing themselves into life-or-death situations without a second thought and with virtual monsters in their heads, being forced to look out for children who could most likely be killed without a second glance by most semi-competent ninja, their blood on your hands and loss of your team a black mark on your record? You will be expected to live, breath, eat and sleep the ninja life in the service of Konoha, put your body, mind and soul on the line in service to the Great Tree before anything and everything else; jounin rank is something to be proud of? No", he shook his head, soft sincerity lacing his tone as he faced his audience one last time,

"To be a jounin is a sacrifice, is to be ready to sacrifice anything, and I mean _anything_, to serve Konoha and the Hokage. Every jounin knows loss and pain; I lost my daughter, taken in battle during the Third War while I was away opening throats deep behind the Iwa front; so I ask you all now, do you have anything or anyone you could not bear to be without? Is there anyone who you would, or might, disobey orders for – I know of the belief that abandoning friends is the worst thing a Konoha ninja can do, but in a situation if it was your closest friend or lover, could you make the impossible choice and abandon them to perform a mission that could save the Leaf itself? If you do, even if you think you do, I advise that you leave now", he stepped back slightly and to the side, one arm sweeping away towards where the walls of Konoha were just about visible, a faint smudge in the distance as Rimaru went on, "because whatever you think the jounin rank is, I will tell you now from experience that it isn't worth that most precious thing, or having to be the one to order a fellow ninja to abandon that most precious thing and suffering their hatred for the rest of your life".

No chill wind blew through the training area though, had it done so, it would probably have been almost welcome as well as cinematic; Rimaru's proclamation hadn't been shouted or demanded, wasn't a challenge to the pride of the chunin before him, instead it was a weary request, almost a plea in some ways and not one that was completely ignored. One by one, or in small groups, some of the potential jounin hopefuls stepped back from the line, each one looking agonised by the choice but slowly, jerkily walking away, heads low and eyes on the ground. Naruto was completely out of his depth, had no idea what he was doing watching this happen but still rooted to the spot, so he along with the instructor and the rest of the so-called jounin class watched as their erstwhile colleagues turned their backs and departed noiselessly. No-one spoke, the procession wasn't interrupted until the last shambling back was lost to sight and Rimaru let out a sigh, shaking his head at the remaining chunin,

"Remember those that have gone, remember that they were the smart ones because they backed out before it was too late – they put the life of someone else above their own life as a ninja and there's nothing to be ashamed of in that, it's something they should all take pride in. For the rest of you fools though, well I've got a few days left to show you exactly why the jounin rank isn't worth the price you'll have to pay to both achieve and maintain it. As of now, the test has begun", at that declaration all the chunin tensed, some even drawing weapons and glancing around for targets as Rimaru smirked cruelly before going on, "your task is to remain here for sixty minutes, no more and no less, then come after me. I or one of my associates will be carrying something of value; your task is to get it back from me and guard it correctly until the end of the test – if you get 'killed' you fail the test, if you fail to guard the object correctly you fail the test, if I can think of a reason to give you the chop you will leave and do it with a smile on your face. Any questions?"

He could see it, the obvious query was writ large on every face present and he was thinly amusing himself by trying to see who would be the one to throw their toe over the line for information. He had a few ideas but was unfortunately undone by the fact the chunin who did call out didn't raise his hand while doing so,

"Rimaru-sama, what's the object we're to retrieve and guard?" _That's my cue_;

"Well, isn't it obvious", pushing aside everything he'd heard and seen from the past few minutes as Rimaru had briefed him, Naruto stepped forwards and scowled majestically as several of the chunin gawked at him, "what did you think I was here for, decoration? For this exercise you'll be hunting and looking after me as though I were the Fire Diamyo himself and, because I pay your wages, I won't be signing any pay-checks for the foreseeable future while I'm kidnapped will I?"

Very true, 'Diamyo-sama' speaks wisdom", Rimaru nodded sagely before hoisting the boy over one shoulder and making seals with his free hand, "so then, you have your mission; the time starts now!"

With that, he finished his technique, leaves scattered around him in a shunshin and both he and Naruto were gone, leaving the would-be jounin to enjoy the last hour of planning and peace they were likely to have in the forthcoming week.

XXX

For three years, give or take, Naruto had patrolled the training grounds of Konoha and cut his teeth on cleaning up after and being taught by the ninja there; in those three years he'd been under no illusions that his clients had been treating him with kid-gloves, but even so he'd have stood up before any jury and claimed with a decent amount of sincerity that he had a better than average (for a seven year old) appreciation of how ninja worked and did what they did for a living.

How false a perception that was was hammered home in no uncertain terms when Naruto found he learnt more in the first three hours of the training exercise Rimaru had set up for the would-be jounin than he had in the previous three years.

_No wonder the scrap harvest was so good_; with so much going on, so many technique pinging off one-another, ninja appearing out of the mist, out of the earth, out of _thin air,_ and him being passed around the group of 'kidnappers' Rimaru had assembled like a badly-wrapped parcel at a childrens' game, Naruto found he could only snatch glimpses of what was going on and even they terrified him somewhat despite the Inuzuka's assurances he was in no danger. Everywhere he looked things were happening, explosions were going off, they (or at least, he and the person carrying him) were on the move constantly, meeting with others, splitting up, fighting, snatching rapid, rasping breaths or a quick gulp of water until, as the shadows lengthened and the night drew in, he felt himself let down roughly to the floor and stood upright, wincing as he rubbed his stomach; _aching like hell as I've had a shoulder stuffed into it for most of the day_;

"So then", he gasped at the one of the group of four or five who'd been drafted to help run this exercise who'd been carrying him for the past who-knew-how long, "this is _pre-selection_ for jounin?"

"Oh yeah", one of the figures chuckled slightly, one or two others; _or are they his clones?_; doing something to the ground nearby that Naruto couldn't see in the gloom, "the actual training's a lot tougher than this". The jinchuuriki winced,

"Ouch, sounds like a lot".

"It is and for good reason; what Inchy said back there was mostly true", the masked jounin explained, "fact is we are the elite; not boasting, it's the truth – every jounin in every hidden village has sweated blood and tears and, yes, has made a lot of sacrifices to get where they are. We are the best Konoha has to offer and because of that we're wanted men; virtually all jounin, even the rookies, get mentions in the Bingo books and okay it might start out as peanuts, but eventually it goes up and people start taking note. And they're not the nice sort of people either Mouse; they're the kind of people who'd drown your wife, steal your children and kick your puppy without a second thought if they knew it'd get a rise out of you, make you reckless and easy to take down, same way we would them if we had the chance. It's not for everyone kid – most ninja get to chunin and stick there not because they don't have the skills for jounin but because they don't have the mindset you need for it. Let's face it; you've got to be some kind of crazy to do what we all do for a living".

"Shikaku said most ninja were nuts", Naruto muttered before realising belatedly he'd been speaking out loud; to cover up his slip he hastily let out a low cough and carried on with his second point, "and who's Inchy?"

One of the figures by what Naruto could now see was a fire shivered suddenly, trying to hold in a laugh just as its creator was as he beckoned the jinchuuriki forwards, dropping his voice even lower,

"Inchy-zuka Rimaru, either that or Flea; so-called 'cause he's missing a few off the top like you are squirt", Naruto scowled at the reminder and once more took comfort from the inspiration that was the adopted Inuzuka; _proof that you don't have to be a giant to be a great ninja!_; "don't tell him that though or he'll knock you down 'til your shorter than he is. Mean son of a bitch that guy is, one of the best hunter-nins Konoha's ever seen".

"Really?"

"Oh yeah; he's retired from the front line but he's still a vicious bastard when he has to be", the jounin told him, not concerned about his language as much as he'd heard the kid was supposed to be in tight with the Inuzuka and he knew how filthy their language could be, "damn good instructor too, but for the love of Heaven if you ever get on his bad side hit the dirt and grovel like a worm until he tells you to stop. He said he lost his little girl right, in the briefing", remembering the speech the squat former hunter had made prior to kicking off the day's activities Naruto nodded, causing the jounin to nod in tandem and carry on, "well when he found out what had happened he damn near went rogue, left Konoha when he was supposed to be on compulsory down-time and ran to the joint Iwa-Kumo front. Because of what happened there, the number of lives he took as he slipped through their lines and went into their camps, he's still in the Bingo Books even now; the Subtle Fang of Konoha", hearing this made Naruto's blood run cold but he couldn't look away, couldn't stop himself becoming engrossed in the story even as a tiny part of him swallowed hard and realised that this could one day be him if he continued his self-imposed quest to become Hokage, the one person who had to sacrifice more than anyone else to the village as a whole even as the jounin wrapped up his tale, "after that though, when the Yondaime did his light show and white flags went up credit to him, he came straight back home and hasn't touched a kunai since – handed in his headband soon as he got through the gates. He still hates Kumo though, will until the day he dies, but he's never made an aggressive move towards them".

"How come – if you said...?"

"Because the Hokage at the time had sued for peace and he obeyed his leader because he's as loyal as they come", the jounin told him with a bit of bite in his voice, though it softened as Naruto recoiled a little from the unexpectedly harsh rebuke, "sorry boy but what you insinuated there was close to calling Inchy a potential missing-nin and take it from me, there's nothing a ninja hates more than one of their own who goes rogue. Call a ninja, any ninja, a traitor or even a potential traitor without hard evidence and you're looking down the barrel of a one-sided beating – there's been virtual clan-wars called for less than that". Naruto shuddered,

"Oops, sorry".

"Don't worry too much", the masked jounin assured him, momentary impatience gone as though it had never existed, "you're still new to this whole thing even with what you do on the training grounds and in Konoha. Thanks for the memories though", the older ninja chuckled grimly before settling back and looking at the sky with a lusty sigh, "hearing about what you did with Inuzuka Tsume made a lot of men very happy indeed, and there's a fair few in the corps who'd have given their eye-teeth to trade places with you under that bed when Nara-san's wife was getting changed for the night".

"Hey, I had my eyes shut", Naruto defended himself, ears reddening as he remembered curling up into a ball to avoid giving the Nara patriarch a reason to violently do away with him by peeking on Yoshino-san accidentally, "and how did you know about that – it was supposed to be a secret". The jounin chuckled again,

"Funny thing about a ninja village Mouse, secrets tend to be bit of a rare commodity and secrets that are successfully kept are almost unheard of"; _as I'm sure you'll one day find out_; he would sooner cut off his own arm than breach the Sandaime's law but even so, the idea that the truth was being kept from the jinchuuriki in front of him rankled the jounin's sense of fair play, "still, you know about the rest of the plan?" The blonde grinned and nodded,

"Yeah, you're giving me up tonight at some stage, then you'll be probing the rest of the rookies with attacks to try and get me back".

"Yep, Inchy reckons they'll spring sometime around midnight so we're holing up here and waiting for re-inforcements. Eat up and if you have to get some sleep", the jounin advised, one of the clones or possibly his squad-mates handing a bowl of steaming rice towards both him and its creator/team mate, "it's going to be noisy for the next three days and chances are you won't get much chance to catch much shut-eye".

Naruto nodded, hastily spooning down great gulps of the bland dish and pretending it was ramen until the plate was clean; as soon as he was done he put the bowl onto the floor and looked forwards, trying to think of the right way to phrase his next question as he accepted a bottle of water from the jounin,

"Thanks, umm, one thing though, actually two things", the ninja cocked his head, showing he was listening, "first, why'd you pick me to help out for this? Don't get me wrong", he waved a hand in front of him in an attempt to dispel any surprise from his query, "I'm grateful to be here and it's a real eye-opener to see you guys all work, but why'd Rimaru-san ask me to join?"

"Not sure, you'd have to ask him when all this is over", the jounin admitted, his skill at concealing the truth easily out-foxing the seven year old, "next question?"

"Yeah, it's about that guy you failed earlier..."

"Which one? Last time I counted there were five, no sorry, six; that kunoichi I knocked out counted as a killing blow no matter that her team mates saved her".

"The one who got me but you got his team mate", Naruto explained, remembering the shock that had flooded him when for the first time hands other than those belonging to Rimaru's squad had been laid on him and he'd looked back only to see his place changed with another, his former guardian with a kunai to the neck of a kneeling chunin and a harsh demand to hand the rescued Naruto back to his captor, "you said he had to let me go or you'd kill his team mate, so he did after making sure you'd do the same but then you said he failed anyway".

"Yep, he lost the mission objective".

"But", struggling to comprehend this, the idea that someone else could be more important than your friend, Naruto looked up with eyes full of confusion, "but why'd he fail – okay he didn't have me but he had his whole squad back and they could try again..."

"Oh, and would your enemy just wait around and let you get another chance then? First rule of the ninja kid, hit hard, hit fast and hit first – if you lose the element of surprise you might as well just bug out, call it a day and head back to the village because trying to take on someone who know we're coming is not what Konoha shinobi do, it usually turns into a bloodbath. In this case what happened was about the best a chunin could hope for; he extracted his team whole and retreated in the face of a superior foe". _But that doesn't make any sense..._;

"So why did you fail him?" The older man chuckled,

"Because we're looking for jounin here Mouse, and that's the difference – that ninja did things by the book, bargained for his friend's life and got out of there. A jounin, or even a potential jounin, should have been looking to save his friend _and_ achieve the mission, in this case escaping with you, at the same time. Being jounin's more than just knowing powerful jutsu or fancy taijutsu moves; it's about using this", the ninja tapped his forehead, indicating his brain, "to trick, trap or simply think ahead of your enemies to make sure everyone gets home safe and the mission gets done. You can't always do it; hell I can't count the number of times one of my plans has been shot down by the captain, or something's gone wrong that meant I had to make some last-minute changes or just plain wing it; but a jounin will always be looking ahead, planning three moves in advance as well as focussing on the here and now. It's hard to explain..."

"No, not really"; _is that so?_; a little surprised at being cut off like that the examiner simply sat back and took a careful chew of his own meal as Naruto rested his cheek on a fist, thinking hard, "someone told me once that a good ninja beats his enemy but a great ninja out-thinks him so much he never has to beat him, that's what you want the chunin to do".

"Or try to do at least"; _very nice, very elegant way of putting it – whoever told you that is a person I want to find out about_; masking his thoughts as well as his curiosity the ninja carried on, "it's a skill that takes a long time to learn and a lifetime to even come close to mastering, but we're trying to see if the potential is there in these candidates. Most of them don't have it yet, hell I can count on both hands the number of chunin who pass this exam first time around, and I can count the number of ninja who pass full jounin selection first time on one hand with fingers and a thumb to spare, but it'll come in some of them, it'll come. Now", he clapped his hands softly, all business and Naruto had to fight the urge to spring to attention, "go to sleep; chances are you'll be up very late tonight".

Recognising this as an order and wanting to make a good impression, Naruto immediately curled up on the blanket he was sitting on and pulled it over him, grateful that the winter gripping the village was relatively benign this year as he slipped his eyes shut and allowed himself to drift away, as always out like a light when darkness fell as his regular excursions and early mornings usually combined to tire him out enough to make sure he could nod off easily.

His slumber was not so deep, however, that he didn't jolt awake as he felt sudden hands upon him and lashed out instinctively, forcing his captors to cover his mouth with a sweaty hand to ensure a scream didn't break the silence. Finally controlling his racing heartbeat as he remembered where he was and why, the jinchuuriki slowly allowed himself to go limp as the would-be jounin carried him away as the first of many explosions and voices were raised to call out techniques and jutsus to cover their comrades' retreat from the danger zone. The familiar sensations of being jostled around over someone's shoulder could have lasted for minutes or hours, but, when he was finally set down again, he found himself asleep again almost without realising it.

It was a pattern of rude awakenings followed by the short, intense bursts of motion, movement and all-around bowel-loosening terror, rather than the more famous misadventure he was to partake in during the following year, that Naruto was always consider his true induction into the real life of a shinobi; though he was too young to understand it at the time, it was to be another step along the winding, narrow track that led to his dream of surpassing the only man in the village he truly considered family.

XXX

Staggering forwards as though the bags under his eyes were weighing him down like sacks of potatoes, the jinchuuriki turned his bleary vision upon the rough-looking trestle table that had been set up on the edge of the training area some four days later, the squat from sat on the side of it glancing up and smirking as it beheld the listless form of the child approaching him,

"So you want to be Hokage then do you kid?" Rimaru chuckled genially, glancing around as the rest of his squad dispersed around the training area to start repairing the damage the exercise had done, "Well first rule about being a ninja – doesn't matter if you've not slept in a week, you've got half your life-blood pooling around your feet and your wife's at home giving birth, you don't move from the big man's office until the debrief's done". Stifling a yawn as he looked up at the small pile of hated paperwork, Naruto let an eyebrow rise before glancing over and smiling tiredly,

"Which big man? When you're my height everyone's a giant", the Uzumaki groused before glancing up at the amused Inuzuka, "something I hear you've had in the past". Orange squares on his cheeks creasing in a grin, Rimaru snorted with laughter before nodding,

"True enough, though just remember that people might laugh at you when they see your head's level with their chest, but when you point out that means your fists are level with their groin they soon change their tune. Usually to soprano", he chuckled again, remembering some memorable times when this had proven to be true; _yes, the Sharingan was your 'ultimate bloodline with no flaws' wasn't it Hoshina – hard to see anything through a veil of tears though wasn't it? Hard to think we ended up as drinking buddies after that second sparring session_; hastily tearing his mind away from the past, the Inuzuka shook his head and carried on, "still, enough of that. You've done your part Naruto, go back to your home and rest up for a few days; you remember where I said to meet for your payment?"

"Hai, six days from now, I remember".

"Good", Rimaru said shortly, a clear sign of dismissal as he turned back to his paperwork; Naruto, however, didn't move, instead plucking up his courage to speak as he watched the head of the training exercise pick the first sheaf of paper off his little stack,

"Umm, Rimaru-san?" The retired ninja looked over the top of the paper, clearly expecting the boy to have cleared off by now,

"Hai?"

"One of the chunin who tested, her name's Kurenai-something; did she make it through?" Keeping his crossed fingers discreetly out of view Naruto said nothing more as Rimaru steepled his hands in front of his chin, glancing up as he tried to recall one of the many who'd come to this test. He considered for a minute before quickly leafing through the papers by the side of him before alighting on a particular name after muttering under his breath about the need to get a decent filing system sorted out in his head,

"Yuuhi Kurenai?" He questioned as he came upon a likely name; as Naruto nodded quickly he sighed and shook his head, "She was knocked out on the morning of the third day, fractured wrist", he informed the young chunin's small admirer, a slight flicker of admiration in his mind as he saw the kid's face fall; _if nothing else he's got his bar set high, especially if from what I heard she's still attached to Ebasi's kid_; "she'll be back though I'm sure, she's got the fire in her belly. Apart from that though, anything else?"

At this Naruto shook his head and found himself summarily dismissed as Rimaru turned back to his papers; as he walked back towards the village though he recalled some of the desperate snatches of ninja fighting he'd seen earlier in the exercise and rationalised that, for a new chunin on their first go, lasting two days outright was a pretty impressive milestone for his former teacher to make; _though I'm gonna have to do much better than that if I want to be Hokage. It's gonna be really tough to do but I can make it, and Rimaru-san will help me later on this week! That's something to look forwards to, right after I get a get-well card for Kurenai-sensei and find out where Ebisu was when his girlfriend was taking this exam._

XXX

Naruto's sleepiness lasted a little less than two days, by the time he was leaning on a corner of the Inuzuka compound outer wall it had been extinguished so much that he was able to hear the door opening and position himself to play a trick on his soon-to-be sensei. Hastily scaling a little way up the wall he made a clumsy kind of turning manoeuvre to allow himself to look down on his quarry and, as Rimaru passed underneath him, he dropped to the ground beside the small shinobi with his most fearsome roar.

The thought that this person might not actually be Rimaru came the second after he landed and realised the person not two feet from him was actually too short to be mistaken as even the vertically-challenged Inuzuka from this distance.

The fact the other child leapt up about six feet in the air with a yell that rivalled one of Inos in terms of loudness and duration simply confirmed the jinchuuriki's suspicions of mistaken identity.

"Oops, sorry", Naruto offered contritely, scratching the back of his head as the other child landed and whipped around to face him, glaring through a pair of brown eyes that reminded him of one kunoichi in particular when her two baka-brother team mates had been irritating her, "thought you were someone else Inuzuka-san".

"Well I'm not, I'm Kiba, future head of Konoha's tracking division", the clan child shot back crossly before something under the bulky coat he was wearing suddenly started wriggling in a manner that both caught Naruto's attention and made him feel slightly ill, "and this", there was a sudden relieved yip as a fluffy white head poked itself out the zip of the jacket and turned to regard the stranger that had jarred it from its recent slumber, "is Akamaru, the world's strongest nin-ken puppy".

"Right", determined to make a better impression on the young Inuzuka than he had the Yamanaka heiress, Naruto slowly brought a hand forwards and allowed the puppy to sniff him, the motion noticed and encouraged as Kiba leant forwards, bringing his nin-ken's nose closer to the encroaching hand, "well I'm Naruto, I think Rimaru-san might have mentioned there'd be someone else..."

"Naruto", the other child interrupted, his chin in his hand as though trying to remember something though before Naruto could ask what it was his eyes opened wide and his fingers dropped from his face, instead pointing out towards the jinchuuriki, "wait, Naruto, you're the Mouse! My sister told me all about you, you're the one who beat her and her partners at finding stuff in the Academy, oh and what did you do to kaa-san a few months ago? She was spitting tacks after that clan meeting, and Kuromaru-san wouldn't stop laughing for days, but then they said you beat him as well. You must be some kind of awesome ninja", having come to such a conclusion that was completely irrefutable by the rigours of childish logic, the Inuzuka stood to his full height and half-demanded, half-asked politely, "teach me your moves, show me what you can do".

_Now this is new_; in his short life Uzumaki Naruto had been subjected to a wide variety of human interaction and reaction, the vast majority of that experience having come from the unfortunately negative aspect of the spectrum, so unsurprisingly he reacted rather awkwardly to his first exposure to such potential hero-worship. It was such an unexpected request that it was only when Akamaru barked that he was able to blink himself back to full awareness and try to answer Kiba's expectant but suddenly suspicious face,

"Uuuhh, well I might be able to pass on a thing or two Kiba-chan, but you should ask your kaa-san first, and anyway I'm sure Rimaru-san can teach a lot more than I could". Kiba seemed to consider this for a moment before nodding, one hand coming up to cradle the puppy that was nestled in his jacket, protected from the cold,

"I guess so, everyone in the clan says Flea-obasan's the best...wait", the Inuzuka suddenly tailed off as something in the Uzumaki's previous words erupted back to the forefront of his mind and he reared up to his full height, towering over the blonde by several inches, "what do you mean –chan? I'm a _boy_ you baka!"

"Huh? Oh, gomen", never one to not admit when he'd put a foot wrong Naruto bowed apologetically, "couldn't tell with the jacket, not when you've got your hood up". Seemingly mollified by this the Inuzuka scion nodded and knocked his hood down, revealing a mop of shaggy brown hair that Naruto definitely thought he recognised, especially when coupled with the twin fangs that appeared to be newly tattooed on the future ninja's cheeks, "your kaa-san, Tsume-san by any chance? I knew she had another kid but I've only ever met Hana – you must be her son". Kiba grinned, revealing the traditional fangs of his family,

"Yep, I'm the second-in-line to be clan head, Kami forbid that should ever happen", the youngster shivered and glanced upwards as though making a silent plea before speaking on, "but yeah that's how I know you – Hana-neechan said you were okay and kaa-san", he paused for a minute, biting his lips before leaning forwards conspiratorially, "well I'd never say this to her face but anyone who could put that big a flea in her and Kuromaru's ear has to be someone worth knowing, if only for the entertainment value".

Naruto did his best to hold in a chuckle at that admission but couldn't hold it completely, his shaking shoulders accompanied by a snort of mirth that was echoed a minute later by a softer laugh that made both boys straighten up and look around, just in time to see the shadow of Inuzuka Rimaru detach itself from the wall of the compound and step towards them,

"I'd be careful who you admit that to Kiba – I'd put better than even money on you ending up a lot less of a boy than you think you are if Tsume-chan were to hear you saying things like that". The younger Inuzuka went pale as milk,

"You wouldn't...would you oba-san?"

"I might, unless you drop the oba-san right now and start calling me sensei", Rimaru warned him before walking past to stand in front of the two boys, "while I'm teaching you two how to survive out there for the next few days you'll address me as sensei, understood? Good", he nodded to himself briefly as both Kiba and Naruto nodded, "now, if there are no other questions...go on". Lowering his hand Naruto grinned sheepishly and pawed at the back of his neck,

"Heh, sorry but this just came up and I really have to know", he spun around to regard the boy beside him, eyes fixed on the small head peeking out of the thick jacket, "_Aka_ – maru?"

"Yeah, well", Kiba shrugged, a wheedling tone in his voice as he sought to explain, "Shiro was already taken, and nee-chan's got the Haimaru, so Akamaru was the best name we could find for him. And anyway", the larger child rubbed his dog's head affectionately, causing the puppy to whine and nuzzle the warm skin, "he wouldn't answer to anything else now even if I wanted to change it".

"Fair enough; now then", curiosity assuaged, the unassuming jinchuuriki looked back towards his teacher, the older man waiting for the childish questions to die down rather more patiently than might be expected of an Inuzuka, "let's get going, got a lot of ground to cover". Rimaru merely chuckled, turning to lead the two boys away,

"Very true, ground to cover, beds to dig, streams to wade through and tress to climb as well; it's going to be a rough three days – I hope you came prepared".

For the first time, but certainly not the last, the marked cheeks of both Inuzuka Kiba and Uzumaki Naruto creased into a pair of wide, challenging smiles.

A few days later, also in an action that was to be repeated several times over the years, one lucky pet-shop owner in the more upmarket district of Konoha found himself unexpectedly thanking his ancestors for a lucky sale as a young family, under the enthusiastic directions of what he assumed was their youngest son, selected and purchased a large, relatively expensive glass tank from his wares and instructed the team of genin they'd hired to transport it back to their home, all at no extra cost to himself.

XXX

Once more as he shifted position seamlessly from sitting at perfect attention to standing as the first of the large carts came into view, Neji once more buried the scowl as he watched the sad, shambling little creature that his father had been murdered to save stumble forwards, completely lacking the natural Hyuuga grace as she carefully rummaged through one of the large carts containing the recently-returned Hyuuga laundry and fished out her own clothing. _Pathetic, and arrogant_; as always it was a hard struggle to stop his lips twisting into a sneer; _not only is the heiress weak, she feels her clothing too good to be sullied by lesser hands – once more the Main house shows its true colours_. Even as the younger girl thanked the two older Branch members that were sharing this shift with him and even sent a smile his way, a gesture he didn't reciprocate, he turned towards his task, hoping to get this chore out of the way so he could go back to the training dojo, hoping to strengthen his eyes to prove his superiority over the pampered children of the man who had sacrificed his father; though he couldn't fight the hand of Fate, in an oblique way he felt this would be his way of illuminating to the world one truth, that even those spurned by Fate's hand in station could still be considered a genius and that Fate would never allow a failure like the Main Branch heir to defeat a genius.

He took several cleansing breaths as he watched Hinata-sama; _and as always those words taste like acid on my lips_; depart, her clothing folded haphazardly over her arm as she tottered away; only when he was certain she was gone did he reach for the first of the small carts filled with clothes and, with a grunt of effort, start to wrestle it onto the small tracks that led to the soakage pit,

"You all right there Neji-boy?" _Give me strength_; much as he loved his family, or at least, his branch of the family, sometimes the familiarity they all showed for him could be a bit much,

"Hai Zurashi-san, I am well"; the older Hyuuga simply chuckled, the band around his forehead keeping his long, dark locks of hair from his eyes as much as it covered the unsightly green scar that disfigured the brows of all three Hyuuga present,

"No need to be so formal with us Neji-boy, the heiress is gone now", he pointed out, hefting his stirring pole at the door Hinata had exited through, "and truth be told she did us a favour; even one less set of kimono to rinse through is a bonus". Neji felt his hackles rise at the mention of the cousin who'd been too weak to protect herself and as a result had cost his father his life, but before he could mention this the last one of the three Hyuuga present, a woman some years older than Zurashi with a few streaks of iron in her formerly-midnight hair, looked over and through the plume of steam that had just started rising from the lip of the shallow pool in the middle of the modified onsen,

"Are you two lolly-gaggers about done? I want to get back to my niece before the night's over and her kaa-san's had another panic-attack about her having a coughing fit. Honestly, the parents of today and their phobias; children are just children, if they ever get seriously ill they'll let you know".

"I have no doubt of that Uryah-san", Zurashi spoke for the pair of them, as always careful to use the correct suffix when the older woman was in this kind of a mood before lowering his vice just as he heard the tell-tale clink of the metal wheels of the trolleys being set onto the runners that led to the soaking pit, "okay Neji-boy, ready? Now!"

The rituals of the Hyuuga clan were many and myriad, half a result of the action and decisions of ancestors centuries dead and half derived from a need to adapt and survive in a relatively new area of stability such as the village of Konoha. Much was made and said (usually out of jealousy or jest) of the way the Hyuuga lived their lives within their compound, though as with all true ninja half of what was said was misdirected and the other half wholly false, or at best concealing only a tiny fraction of the truth. What was going on now was one such example of clan-wide deception; everyone, or at least, the vast majority of Konoha thought that the Hyuuga were so uptight that even though they sent their washing to external laundry processors, they always washed them again when they came back to ensure their clothes hadn't been touched by other people's hands. That, however, would have been not only a waste of time and money, but also a grave insult to the families the Hyuuga clan knew and trusted with their clothing and paid a handsome wage to re-inforce such trust; instead what happened was that the dirty linen, all white as dictated by the Hyuuga standards for purity and innocence, as well as the fact it matched their legendary eyes, was sent outside the compound to be washed and, when it came back, was given only a cursory soaking in hot water to ensure all the washing products used by the cleaners were removed from the clothing prior to be being re-dried, pressed and worn. It was quick, efficient, less time-consuming and expensive for the contractors the clan hired and in some cases necessary for the Hyuuga – the last thing the noble clan needed was some of its members, especially the elders, being unable to set foot outside the compound due to red, itchy lesions on their sensitive skin.

For that reason both Neji and the Zurashi pushed the cart of linen towards the onsen, the water within it gathered by their companion using a suiton jutsu and heated from beneath by a large but smokeless fire. As the cart hit the end of the track both Hyuuga leapt away as the cart flipped upright and over, the clothing inside it spilling over and into the water, its journey aided by the long pole of the three Branch members. This chore was one of several usually handled by the Branch members of the Hyuuga, though it was true the occasional member of the Main house sometimes appeared to pitch in as hefting around the heavy wet clothes on the end of wooden poles was actually a good way of improving upper body strength, especially for the older clan members who were less inclined or able to walk far.

_And it's been happening a little more often than before, that would never have happened in Huyari's day_; Zurashi was so long used to readying up the linen carts he didn't even need to think about it, instead recalling how, ever so slowly, the Hyuuga clan appeared to be drifting slightly closer together following the death of Hizashi's father and the deceased man's twin claiming leadership of the clan; _the death of his brother must have really affected Hiashi in some way, a shame the price was so high though. A lot higher for some than others_; he rolled his pupil-less eyes to the shorter figure who was straining by the side of him, Neji with his face as blank as ever as he helped push the third-to-last cart towards the onsen, and bit back a sigh; _such a shame he never let go, though seeing his father die like that must have been a terrible burden on one so young. Perhaps even one as great as little Hinata-chan bears_; like most Branch members Zurashi thought words he would never say and, also like most of the branded Hyuuga, he had a bit of a soft spot for the stuttering little child who'd been forced by happenstance of birth to wear a heavy cross about her neck – leadership of such a cold clan as the Hyuuga was never going to be easy for a soul as gentle as Hinatas'. Putting it from his mind, he gave a last heave and hopped back as the cart toppled, one hand already around the stirring pole as Neji flipped the cart back onto the track and gave it a gentle shove to push it back towards where the other empties lay, pole already thrust forwards into the damp morass of cotton.

"Soon be done Neji-kun", Zurashi commented idly, rolling one arm forwards before he lowered his own blunt lance, not noticing the sudden thrashing from just under the surface of the water, "maybe I can help you with your Jyuuken after we're done here?"

"That would be, agreeable", the child answered in the voice of an older man, one who had known loss far too early, before his brow suddenly creased and he looked forwards, "huh, what's...?"

It was a question he never had the chance to ask as the tight bundle his stirring pole had hit suddenly seemed to develop a life of its own; before the Hyuuga knew what was going on something had seized the wooden rod in a tight grip and given a hard yank forwards. Off-balance and too shocked to even think about letting go Neji was jerked forwards, had a second to admire the effect of the bright sunlight dazzling on the surface of the water beneath him, then he completely shattered the beautiful scene with a picture-perfect face-plant. Gasping as the lukewarm liquid drenched his clothing, Neji floundered for a second before getting his feet underneath him and looking up, just in time to see a second figure arise from the depths, whip forwards a single arm and throw off the kimono that had covered its head,

"You know", it said semi-conversationally, fixing the stupefied Hyuuga in front of it with a baleful glare, rubbing some of the water off its face, "a quick whap on the head would have worked just as well!"

Neji gawked, stared and then gawked some more as he came eye to Byakugen eye with the stranger who had, by some miracle of dark magic, somehow appeared in the Hyuuga clan onsen while he was helping rinse through the clan laundry. The shock was so intense, and the glare of the other child so disconcerting, that the spell was only broken when a thin brown something snaked into Neji's eyeline and caught the other figure on the shoulder,

"Ow!" The stranger looked over to his right and glared venomously, "Crazy-geisha-lady, I'm awake already! Ouch!"

"What do you mean geisha?" Uryah demanded as she raised the pole away from the other boy's attempt to catch it, "Get out of there, your dye's starting to run and you'll ruin the clothes".

"Huh? Ah nuts", finally seeing the spots of darker water running down from his hair as he touched his face Naruto quickly made to wade towards the edge of the pool, shoving past Neji as he did so in an effort to get out before he lost too much of his disguise; though mostly water-proof, hot water was more effective than cold at rinsing it out, and the residue of cleaning liquid the Hyuuga had wrung from previous clothing bundles wasn't helping matters. The contact seemed to jar the sopping Hyuuga out of his funk as well as Neji blinked before following in the jinchuuriki's wake, both children quickly dragged clear of the water and brushed off of any clothes they might have inadvertently dragged out with them, Naruto receiving this treatment with a little more haste and indecency than Neji did. When he was finally free of the slapping and brushing hands, the sneak-thief in training simply looked around and noticed where he was with a casual shrug,

"Not too bad; I was hoping to get a bit further in but..." he tailed off, a sheepish sort of smile on his lips as he realised exactly where he'd gone wrong this time, "...nah, not too bad".

"Ingenious", Uryah was the first of the Hyuuga to react, looking up and down at the bedraggled specimen before her as Neji stood up with his bloodline, already well advanced for his age, blazing in full, terrible glory as he stared at the commoner who'd dared invade his home and personally embarrass him, "you are who we've all been warned about I assume?"

"I assume so, if you've been warned about a small rodent that had a tendency to go squeak", the boy answered obliquely, "so then, where's the big cheese of yours – have to let him know..."

"You'll do no such thing", Zurashi cut him off, a hand on Neji's shoulder as he gave an expression that showed the youngster he'd explain everything later, "Hiashi-sama would forbid you an audience and flay us alive if you appeared before him in such a state, and besides you've ruined all those clothes", he pointed behind him as where some of the linen was obviously stained with the remnants of Naruto's disguise, "so you're not leaving until they're as white as they were before you crawled in underneath them".

"Beneath them?" Neji parroted, not moving to look at his fellow Branch member as he took in the older man's words before, unable to make sense of them, he turned to the one who had caused all the confusion and, at the same time, landed him in a soaking just for good measure, "who are you and why are you in the clan grounds of the Hyuuga?"

"That's a question we'll answer later Neji-kun", Uryah spoke quietly before raising her voice and dismissing his look of frustrated curiosity, "go and get changed, then inform Hiashi-sama of our...inquisitive guest, that should be enough to let him know what has happened. You, on the other hand", standing to her full height the eldest Hyuuga present fixed her matriarchal eyes on the disguised Uzumaki and had to hide a grin as he flinched; _still got it_; "you will wait right here and help Zurashi-kun and I clean up all the clothes you've befouled. You will not leave this place until every spot of that dye is gone, are we clear on that?" For a long moment it appeared Naruto was ready to argue but, perhaps seeing a slight resemblance between this woman and the imposing visage of one particular woman of the Nara clan, thought better of it, merely standing where he was and hiding a guilty smirk as he watched Neji turn on his heel and, with as much dignity as he could muster while completely sodden and in a state of considerable disgruntlement, squish his way across the grounds towards the main compound.

After the juvenile Hyuuga was gone Naruto turned around again, fully expecting to feel a bucket of soap powder thrust into his hands with some clipped directions as to how to use them; the sight of the two bloodline-wielders having to wrestle down smirks and holding themselves upright via use of the poles they'd been prodding the clothes down with was therefore a sight that had him scratching his head in confusion. Mastering herself slightly before Zurashi could pull himself together, Uryah looked down at the interloper and, to his amazement, smiled,

"I stand by what I said earlier – ingenious", she stated simply, nodding towards the now-empty cart that had been filled with linen, "how long have you been planning this?"

"A few weeks; figured it out when I tailed one of you clan with a suspiciously large scroll to one of the outfitters you use", as always when he adopted his sneaking persona, the Mouse was very direct and to the point, "at first I thought it was a bust because of the sealing until I realised that the civilians can't use fuuinjutsu at all, not even sealing scrolls. So they had to deliver the clean laundry back the old-fashioned way, and they weren't even all that watchful; a quick diversion and it was easy to dive into one of the carts. Weird being carried in one of them though, those things aren't like merchant caravans, no suspension", he complained, stretching out his back to emphasise the point as Zurashi, finally fully under control, stood up and looked over,

"I see, so you didn't so much sneak in as get delivered; I have to agree with Uryah-san, an ingenious way of doing things. But", he had half an idea but wanted to hear the answer direct from the Mouse's mouth, "why did you stay in there? You have plenty of opportunities to make a break for it and got deeper into the clan compound".

At this Naruto, or at least the boy Naruto was henged into, a relatively non-descript child with a lean, lanky build and sallow skin tone, looked down at the ground, mumbling under his breath; Uryah looked like she was about to open her mouth to ask for him to raise his voice before Naruto managed to glance up and, with cheeks slightly reddening, mutter a few words of explanation,

"I fell asleep; look", he made a lame attempt to justify himself as Zurashi ducked down again, trying to contain his laughter, "it was really warm and whatever conditioner those guys use really works, makes the linen soft as anything; I didn't even know I'd gone under until you lot literally threw me under. Look at this", he pointed down at his still-dripping clothing, "how am I going to get home dripping?"

"Well that bit's easy", Zurashi managed to choke out as he overcame his second laughing fit, "working out around here should be enough to dry you off, especially if we've got to redo all the clothes you dyed. While you're doing that, tell Uryah-san and I about what happened to get Hiashi-sama to sign up to this idea of yours".

"Huh, I thought you already..."

"We knew? Ha, the innocence of the young", Uryah chuckled as she started trying to fish the damaged clothing out the pool, "the only thing we know was that you did something that forced all the clans in Konoha to pay attention to you, and knowing Hiashi-sama as we do short of walking up to him in the street and chucking a custard pie in his face none of us can figure out how you did it; there have been virtual wars fought where he raised little more than an eyebrow". Naruto considered this for a minute before smiling slightly,

"Well I can't tell you that, not least because I don't want to mysteriously disappear one dark night and turn up mangled beyond recognition three months later, but I can give you a couple of hints I guess", Naruto wheedled, trying to work out if there was a way he could somehow walk this tight tightrope without slipping and risking his most essential assets at the hands of Hiashi's wounded pride, "just for the love of Kami don't tell anyone how you know or the next time you see me, the Mouse is going to be squeaking in a much higher voice than before!"

XXX

Blood pounding in his ears, Sarutobi raced up the stairs of the apartment block at a speed what would have been the envy of a ninja a third of his age; vaulting up to the landing and taking a hard right, the venerable Hokage comforted himself that at least this time he hadn't been able to smell any smoke and the potential fire therefore wasn't as serious as he'd first feared; _just as well, or Buwika-chan and I'd be starting a few blazes of her own to try and catch whoever may have tried to burn my older grandson alive!_

Having been able to take the luxury of a slightly longer lunch than usual by happy coincidence of a council meeting going completely smoothly and with no interruptions, the Sandaime had decided to have a leisurely walk through the village that was his responsibility and, as a side bonus, have a chance to drop in and, if he was lucky, catch up with Naruto or, if he wasn't, at least see that the boy was living well. It was a crisp day, not particularly cold but not particularly warm either, though as he hurtled up to the floor where Naruto's apartment lay Sarutobi could feel cold sweat running in rivulets under his robes, terrified that something had caught light in the young child's apartment. Hitting the door and trying the handle without noticeably slowing down, the Third Hokage was simultaneously relieved and wary that it opened without the need for forcing the lock; relieved because it meant Naruto was in and therefore more likely to have the situation under control, and wary because if there was a fire it was likely that foul play was afoot; _after all, Naruto's quite fond of this place so why would be burn it down?_;

"Naruto", the Sandaime called, glancing left and right down the hallway and trying to sniff out the source of the smoke, "Naru, answer me".

"Jiji?" _Praise the ancestors_; not for the first time when dealing with the blonde maelstrom the Hokage had reason to give a sigh of relief as he heard the answering voice, "Oh sorry, I'm in the lounge – hold on a sec". Not waiting despite that being the polite thing to do, the Sandiame crossed the hallway in three fast strides and wrenched the door open, seeing the sight before him just as his legendary brain finally managed to puzzle out what was wrong with the scenario in front of him.

The smoke looked real from a distance but, this close, it had absolutely no smell; it was also too light and grey for it to be wood smoke and far too light to have come from a charcoal-based fuel, so that left only a single explanation that came easily to mind, barring genjutsu which Sarutobi knew Naruto was likely never going to have any aptitude in due to his tenant. Placing his hands on his hips as he controlled his formally spiralling heartbeat, the God of Shinobi looked around and wafted the air in front of him as the last lingering wisps of chakra smoke vanished into nothingness to leave their creator and a clone sitting in the floor in front of him, beaming brilliantly,

"Hi jiji, what brings you here?"

"Apart from the fact I was under the illusion that one of the residential blocks of my village was about to go up in flames?" Naruto looked quizzical at this before, having followed his grandfathers' eyes to the window and worked out what must have ruffled the old man's feather, promptly slapped his own forehead,

"Oops, sorry", he apologised, standing up and trying to ignore the smug told-you-so look his clone was giving him, "should've pulled the curtain shut".

"Indeed, but what exactly where you doing Naruto-kun?"

"Well, it's something to help me when I'm trying to be sneaky", the Uzumaki explained, realising the best way to let his grandfather know what he'd been up to this time was to start at the beginning and work his way up from there, "I've been trying to smoke out traps, you know, like people putting tripwires on windows, put smoke under them and you'll see it curl around the wire? Problem was, when I was using a lighter it was really obvious because it smelt as well as looked bright, so I was trying to think of how else I could do it when I realised something, I've always got smoke handy if I need it..."

"...Because we tend to go pop a lot", the clone butted in, rolling up a scroll dotted with what the Hokage realised were small storage seals, "chakra smoke was perfect; nice and light, doesn't smell and disappears easily, problem was how could I get it to the clan grounds to use it. The Boss can't pop out a clone very time he needs to check a window after all, so he started sealing the smoke from us expired clones into these seals and cutting them up, just enough to use when he needs to..."

"Until I got this jutsu down right", the original Naruto took back over, Sarutobi just about familiar with the jinchuuriki's habit, mostly unnoticed by Naruto himself, to chop and change who was speaking in his conversations with a convenient clone if one was corporeal at the time, "I can blow smoke now, but I keep making too much, like you just saw jiji. So until I can finalise it I'm just breathing on the scroll while Muggins over there", the clone stuck his tongue out but said nothing as Naruto wrapped up the explanation, "seals in a few seconds' worth of smoke".

_Interesting_; even since his own genin days, one of the few things guaranteed to garner Sarutobi's full and undivided attention was a novel jutsu; not so much the practical demonstration of the technique, but more the theory behind it and how the jutsu actually worked. Even now he continually spent a lot of his free time, what little there was of it, perusing old scrolls and tweaking the techniques recorded on them; more than a few hundred of the fabled thousand techniques he knew weren't so much his own inventions, but more a subtle improvement on an original template. What Naruto was suggesting was something new, at least to him; a jutsu that did nothing but simply create chakra smoke, something most ninja regarded as simply a waste of chakra and the sign of a shoddy technique; _though, as always, to the mind of a child nothing can be wasted_.

"I see Naruto-kun", leaning against a nearby wall the Hokage cast a critical eye over his younger charge, feeling the warm sensation flowing through his old bones as he realised that he was again to see something new even after a lifetime of ninja service, "would you mind showing me this technique, both as Hokage and your oji-san?"

"Sure thing jiji – okay, it goes like this", standing up as the clone scooted off to one side with the scroll of filled seals, Naruto spoke as he carefully moulded his chakra through the painstaking handseals, "ram, or sheep I guess other people would use, to get chakra, then hold for a second to focus it, then saru for transformation, deep breath and..."

Naruto exhaled and a rush of chakra smoke erupted into the room, looking like a katon technique but with a stream of grey smoke instead of the traditional flickering fire as Naruto choked off his technique and gasped down another deep breath, coughing slightly as he recovered from the technique. Wafting the worst of the smoke away, Sarutobi blinked as he looked around as the rest of the smoke dissipated after a moment or two and digested what he'd seen – so far it all seemed to make sense to him; _as usual due to his reserves and tenant, he's powering a lot of chakra into the jutsu. It gives results but, in this case_; he noticed the last few lingering wisps of the smoke flitting in the light, making the room appear opaque; _rather defeating the object – he's trying to determine if traps are present in a room, not smoke out the occupants_.

"Hmm, well looking at the technique I can see nothing wrong; however I would recommend adding a bird seal, probably into the middle of the sequence. This may reduce the quantity of smoke produced to more manageable levels, but apart from that the only advice I can offer is practice", he gave a resigned sort of shrug as the boy grimaced, the thought of yet more work in his future making him sigh, "however, when it's down to a more focussed jutsu that you're happy with, come and see me again and we'll see about having it properly documented and work out the payment you're due".

"Payment? What for, I just..." Naruto's confusion melted away suddenly as the Hokage raised an eyebrow towards him and he recalled some of the work he'd done to help keep the Sandaime's desk clear of the paperwork that infested it, "...I just made a jutsu! This is mine now isn't it jiji – no-one else has ever created a smoke jutsu have they?"

"Not that works in the same manner at this one; as far as I can tell it's unique in that regard, and certainly novel even to me", the Hokage admitted freely, watching on amused as his jinchuuriki charge capered around madly in excitement, "calm down you little kappa, you're making me feel dizzy".

"Sorry jiji", Naruto managed, coming to a screeching halt, "just got a bit head-over-heels there".

"It's to be expected", the old man pointed out affably, standing to the side and indicating the door as Naruto fell into step with him, "not many children your age come up with jutsus on their own Naruto, most are barely even learning any clan techniques they might have. However, as I'm now well aware you're not most children Naru-kun, so how about some ramen to celebrate".

Sarutobi didn't have to offer twice and, the next time he smelt smoke, it was at the bar of the Ichiraku ramen stand, mixed in with the scent of salty noodles and the tang of other ingredients and half-drowned by the chatter of Naruto and the Ichirakus informing him animatedly of his recent cookery lessons and the dishes that had resulted of such endeavours. Eating his own order as he listened, the Sandiame couldn't help but feel slightly pleased with himself as he saw, as well as future Hokage, a happy young child smiling at him from the stool adjacent to his own; _Minato, you might recoil at what the village has done to your son, but even your heart would swell with pride if you could see what he's made of himself despite that_.

XXX

About a week later Naruto's face was once more wreathed in a fog of his own creation, though this time rather than cough and splutter he inhaled deeply, letting a sigh of contentment pass his lips as he turned to his instructor,

"Smells good".

"It does indeed; half the battle won", the Akimichi agreed, having leant over to catch a whiff himself, "the majority of a person's appetite is governed by scent, most of the rest by sight, so the aim of a chef is to create a meal that both smells and looks appealing to the target audience. Taste is actually only a very small part, though an important one, of food, and even then the major tasting organ is the nose, not the tongue".

"Get away", Naruto snorted, knocking the over door shut with his elbow as his mitt-covered hands slowly lowered the cooling bread to the heat-resistance surface of the work-top, "it has to be the tongue, that's what the food lands on when you chew".

"True, but you've only got four different taste-buds, one of which tastes bitter foods", the jinchuuriki's compatriot from the chubby clan continued, warming to his theme, "those ones are there to detect natural poisons, most of which have a bitter aftertaste, such a deadly nightshade. The tongue only gives a very rough idea of the actual taste of a food, what fine-tunes this picture is the action of the nose; as you swallow, air from the mouth is dragged up into the sinuses and hits the nasal receptors, which transmit the smell as taste to the brain. It's the same reason your mouth starts watering when you smell something delicious – your brain is anticipating a good meal". Blown away by succinct explanation by someone who's knowledge of the subject utterly eclipsed his own, Naruto merely blinked before nodding his head deferentially,

"Wow Chouji, you really know your stuff". With a gruff chuckle, the heir to the house of the Akimichi nodded and looked over the bread loaf Naruto had baked under his watchful eye,

"Of course – when dad feels the time's right, it's going to be up to me to make sure the honour of the Akimichi clan is kept spotless; no man who enters these hallowed halls will ever leave behind an unclean platter while I'm in charge of these kitchens".

That promise, as well as the pose the rotund would-be ninja took as he held his spreading knife aloft and adopted a serious look, was enough to drive Naruto into helpless splutters of laughter though there was no malice or mischief in it, instead an honest belief that Chouji would be able to do exactly that should he be given the opportunity. Much as the Akimichi as a whole were the epitome of gentle giants unless provoked, once in the kitchen they all morphed into stern taskmasters who overlooked every action any would-be chef took in their domain with a hard, critical eye – as far as Naruto could tell, cooking in the eyes of the Akimichi was something like a cross between an art-form, a hobby and a competition that they were the undisputed masters at. Since he'd begun his unofficial studentship in this most sacred art under the guidance of none other than the clan head's son himself, Naruto had been taking tiny, shuffling little baby-steps towards becoming, in Chouza's words, almost semi-competent in the kitchen. It wasn't like learning with the Ichirakus, where Teuchi-jiji and Ayame-neechan were focussing on teaching him how to come up with quick, easy and cheap meals that were also enough to sustain him even on his most strenuous days; instead toiling with the Akimichi was a whole different animal.

After being meticulously quizzed on each and every ingredient he was to use, its properties, value and uses, he'd spent hours, literally hours, learning exactly how to properly blend bread mixtures using a variety of utensils, from wooden spoons to common forks (though as an added bonus, some of the ninja of the clan had given him useful tips of how those same implements could be used as improvised weapons in the right circumstance – the image of Chouza casually swiping a butter knife imbued with his chakra through a leftover pork thighbone was one he wasn't going to forget in a hurry). Now he was putting it into practice under Chouji's watchful guidance, the Akimichi helping him put together the first cookbook any Akimichi was supposed to have learnt by age six and Naruto, though forbidden from using his shadow clones, was now working overtime to master and make up for lost time; _especially as the next book gets into preparing vegetables instead of just breads and pastries – if I can get this first book down before I turn eight, I'll only be one volume behind Chouji-kun – he has to wait before he joins the Academy before the clan lets him in on the meat and fish recipes._

For now though he'd done all he could; all that was left was to wait for the bread to cool and then, after Chouji gently prodded the top of the loaf with a mammoth but still sensitive digit and nodded, take a small knife and reverentially peel away a sliver of the top of the loaf,

"Huuummm", Naruto mused as he swirled the morsel around his mouth, considering before swallowing, "I see what you mean, you can really taste the egg and the glaze actually gives it a bit of a crunch".

"Yeah, important that last layer's slathered on nice and thick", Chouji informed him, handing him a larger, thin-bladed knife that the jinchuuriki slid down the sides of the tin, separating the loaf so it could be turned out, "anyway, let's get it turned out and sliced off; all's well and good down here but we'll leave it to the rest of the clan to see if this one can be ticked off your list".

As always at the Akimichi dining table, the general air in the place was something akin to a relatively relaxed rugby scrum; the pace could be frenetic and at times appear violent to outsiders, but overall there was only a relatively small chance of someone getting hurt. Ducking out the training kitchen and into the hubbub of noise, Chouji avoided a few seats as they came backwards to allow their occupants to stand up before beckoning Naruto, the Mouse following with careful steps and a watchful eye, ready to spring aside should anyone stand up suddenly and place both him and the new bread he carried at risk. It was slow, stately progress towards the top of the table where Chouza himself held court, the Akimichi patriarch ruler of all he surveyed from the top of the main table and smiling benignly as he looked out over his clan and the guests of the day, though he wasn't so caught in his musings that he didn't glance down at the touch to his elbow,

"Ah, Chouji-kun", the great man's face creased into a smile, "you've finished for the day in there? And Naruto-kun too", he added, belatedly recognising the small orange figure trailing in his son's wake,

"Hai tou-san, we've cleaned up as well", Chouji assured him, as always never wanting to be accused of the cardinal sin of leaving an untidy kitchen in his wake, "still, Naruto-kun needs to know if his latest work is up to scratch or if it needs a bit of extra polish before we can add it to his resume".

"Is that so?" The elder Akimichi glanced over and Naruto stepped forwards, lifting the covered tray onto the table at Chouza's right hand; as the leader and, by default, head chef of the Akimichi, it was ultimately up to him to decide if any recipe had passed or failed his own personal inspection, "Well then, let's dig into this loaf and see – egg-bread, am I right?"

"As always Chouza-san", Naruto nodded, realising the Akimichi's nose would be potent enough to determine the dish even with the cloth covering it, "hopefully baked for long enough, and with enough slices to mop up even the biggest of dog-bowls".

That comment made both Chouza and his son chuckle a little; though a little archaic now, that saying had never truly gone out of fashion for the calorie-consuming clan. Naruto had been told the story while sitting in through his lectures on the correct way to sift ingredients together; apparently during the formation of Konoha, it had been decided by mutual agreement that, though each of the clans would have separate living accommodation (the Uchiha, due to the terms of their joining the village and equal status to the founding Senju, slightly more separate than most) but the clan grounds themselves would be relatively close together to allow for mutual protection between the different ninja and the civilians who lived between them. However not even the Shodaime was immune to the law of unintended consequences and, though by and large the whole construction of Konoha had gone off without a hitch, it became apparent fairly soon afterwards that it had been a mistake to site the clan that had been granted a genius touch in the kitchen right next to those with the most sensitive olfactory senses in Konoha.

As Chouji had said, appetite was determined mostly by scent and in those olden times the delicious odours wafting out the Akimichi cookhouses had been a virtually irresistible lure to the Inuzuka clan, who'd been drawn in their dozens almost against their will to the Akimichi table. Then as now, the rotund clan had a reputation for generosity with their meals and easily cooked enough to keep both clans fed, though the situation was far from ideal for either clan; the Inuzuka because it was dulling their hunting instincts at the same time as making their clan grounds a virtual no-go area for any Inuzuka who was feeling even remotely peckish, while the Akimichi, though they'd never admit to such a thing, were eventually becoming slightly resentful of having to feed a second clan, a practice that would lead to the Akimichi constantly oversizing the food portions they produced just in case unexpected guests turned up and became known as 'filling the dog-bowl'. In the end, by mutual consent and a great deal of equal parts laughter and apologising on either side, the Inuzuka swapped positions with the Nara clan at the opposite end of the village, both clans having relatively similar requirements in terms of space but, crucially, the Nara laziness preventing the deer-breeding clan from consistently migrating towards the Akimichi clan house every time the dinner bell rang.

Since that movement the situation of having to feed so many people had never quite gotten as bad as before, though it was tradition for the Akimichi to constantly produce extra rations, both to help their ninja fuel their clan jutsus and, as was more often the case than not, in case unexpected guests showed up. Chouza's great-great-grandfather himself had coined the phrase that 'none who enter my house with empty hands shall leave my house without a full belly', and it was a saying his descendents adhered to religiously. Anyone from the Leaf, be they ninja or civilian, was welcomed at the Akimichi table and many did attend, usually shinobi returning from mission who'd been living off field rations for a prolonged period of time and were desperate to forget the taste. The Akimichi allowed them all in and all ate without charge, though it was considered usual for the recipients of such generosity to show their appreciation by, as soon as they were able, leaving a generous tip at the next Akimichi-owned or rented stall they ate in. It was a system that had worked for as long as Konoha had been a going concern and, as he watched the current head of the clan cut off a generous slice of the end of the bread loaf and, after inspecting it briefly, moved onto to the acid test, speaking in between long, thoughtful chews,

"Good consistency", Chouza began, running the masticated mixture across his tongue, "possibly a little dry but perfectly acceptable, and the top layer is nice and crispy, well made. All in all", he finished the last of the end piece and nodded his thanks towards his current guest, "a deferred pass Naruto-kun; I'd like to see another to make sure you've got it cracked but, if it's as good as that one, you can easily add it to your book".

_About as good as I could have hoped for_; though in earlier days Naruto may have railed at this seemingly harsh judgement, he now knew better just how seriously the Akimichi took their food and, having tasted the difference after Chouji had offered a comparison between his first effort at a loaf and one the heir himself had baked, was smart enough to take it on faith that Chouza knew what he was talking about. Instead he beamed proudly and bowed slightly from the waist,

"Thanks Chouza-san, an honour it is to use these famous kitchens for my own stumbling efforts in your clan's domains". The Akimichi laughed and made a shooing motion with his hand,

"Ah, be away with you – you'd make me blush given too much more of that and Chime-hime would never let me live it down", he declared quietly, his wife thankfully absent at the moment due to a prior engagement with the Yamanaka clan, "enjoy the meal Naruto-kun, but remember to come back and take the last slice for yourself". Nodding at the reminder, the jinchuuriki leapt at the chance to ask something that had been bugging him for a while,

"Why is that? Don't get me wrong, I can understand the chef always eating the first bite, shows the food isn't poisoned, but why the last as well?"

"Hmm, good question", Chouza conceded before glancing over to his son, "go on Chouji-kun, why is that?" Recognising his chance to flaunt a bit of knowledge, not something an Akimichi got to indulge in often, the clan heir prepared himself,

"It's a token of appreciation; it's not so easy to see with the things you've been making, but with dishes based around meat or seafood the last bite has stewed in the juices for the longest time, giving it the most flavour. By granting this to the one who cooked it, the diners show their appreciation for a well-prepared and presented meal while the chef only samples what he's made, important for someone who might be cooking for a long time and preparing a lot of meals because that way he tastes them all but won't get full up on any one of them".

Naruto digested this for a minute before, realising the sense of the idea and reasoning through how it both could and would be useful; _especially to a chef working in a hot kitchen – last thing you'd want to be feeling back there is bloated_; before nodding, thanking both Chouza and Chouji for their help and offering to race the Akimichi heir to the spring roll plate, a contest he didn't have a hope of winning as spring rolls were Chouji all-time favourite food. Chouza watched them go, smiling as he saw the Mouse dart along in his son's wake, Chouji bulldozing people aside in his rush to stake his claim on the remaining rolls; _hah, Kuromaru was right in one thing if nothing else – he must be Kushina's son_; turning back to his own meal as the children were lost from sight, the clan head recollected one of his own memories of the woman who surely must have been the last Uzumaki's mother; _she had the best sense of taste out of our year, short of myself of course. And judging by how her son turned out_; he glanced down the table as Naruto just about managed to snaffle a single spring roll of the plate before Chouji could scoop them all up; _her taste could only have got better when it came to men, whoever his father is!_

XXX

Had she not gone for a glass of water in the night, Ino might never have heard the whispers and, had she not been a true Yamanaka with gossip in her blood, she would almost certainly never have followed them to the door of her parents' bedroom, listening intently before hearing something she really didn't agree with and taking action to make her point of view known.

Had it not been for the prima donna in her of course, she'd probably have done this by more subtle means than simply throwing the door open and striding inside.

Inoichi and Kunisa hurled themselves apart, Inoichi with the kunai he habitually kept hidden between the mattress and the head of the bed already in his hand, before they saw who had burst in on their formerly private conversation and relaxed slightly, at least until Ino opened her mouth,

"And what's wrong with me training to be a ninja mummy?" She demanded crossly, hands on hips, "Someone's got to kick that lazybones Nara into gear, and it's the only way I'll be able to keep beating Naruto-baka".

"What's wrong, Ino-chan, is that, well look at you", Kunisa demanded in a tone similar to her daughter, not quite able to meet her recently-blackened eye, "there are plenty of things you could want to be apart from a ninja. I'm sure you'd be a perfect flower girl, or anything else you wanted to be, so why a ninja?"

"Because", Ino began before stumbling to a halt, the question lodging in her mind and fouling her mental gears, "well, uhhh, I'm doing well at it at school?"

"You're doing well at a lot of things at school", Kunisa pressed her advantage, Inoichi by the side of her letting her say her piece for now as he knew that if his daughter really was serious about following in his footsteps, though in truth he was proud that she had been applying herself in the lessons he'd been teaching her, this was the time she had to prove it, "your teachers have nothing but good things to say about you when I talk to them hime; you passing into the Shinobi Academy is little more than a paperwork exercise so they say. So why do you want to be a kunoichi in the first place; I admit that I've never been one and can only go off what I've heard or seen from your father, but it seems like a dangerous, ugly job and it looks like you've got off to a nasty start with what that little beast did to you earlier".

"What? Oh, you mean Mouse-baka", Ino joined the dots after a minute, "well that was my fault he got me because I should have blocked him, but I got him better. He's got a pair of fat lips and a thick ear; goes with his thick head; and I made him say it as well".

Flushed with her triumph and with glee shining from both her eyes, even the black one, Inoichi couldn't help but feel a little proud of Ino's progress, though he'd have preferred it somewhat if Naruto hadn't been her preferred punching bag when it came to practicing the sparring and taijutsu techniques he'd taught her. Not that the little rodent didn't deserve the occasional thrashing mind, but the fact of the matter was that despite having no formal taijutsu training the last Uzumaki apparently had a vicious streak as long as his arm in a fight and had absolutely no compunctions about fighting in the gutter to prove a point and pull out a win. More than once while he'd been supervising the two pre-genin sparring following the Mouse being stopped in his tracks trying to break in, Ino had looked to be on the verge of a win before Naruto had pulled some trick to turn the tide; from a vicious hair-pull to throwing a cloud of dirt in her eyes, there appeared to be no low the younger and smaller blonde wouldn't stoop to.

_Good practice_; the elder mind-walker kept his mouth shut and face neutral even as he mentally complimented his daughter's sparring partner; _you learn more in a battle with a ninja who fights pulling out all the stops than you can in a hundred hours of sparring. Ino-chan's not stupid, she's learning well in these fights – Naruto's last attempt to blind her didn't work, and she now knows she has to keep her eyes on his hands as well as his face in a fight to see what he's planning. Now all I have to do is nudge her into finding a few tricks of her own and she'll be well-set for the future, Naruto as well when I get time to drill him in basic stances and techniques_. Realising there appeared to be a temporary truce between mother and daughter, the clan head took a chance to clear his throat and raise his voice as the two most important ladies in his life looked over at him,

"Well Ino-hime, as always it's your decision in the end", Kunisa shot him a nasty look but, ultimately, she couldn't disagree with that statement, "until you get around to make it though, I'm giving you two minutes, no more than a hundred and twenty seconds, to get what you need and then get back to bed, lest you face the wrath of..." he paused for dramatic effect as Ino leapt three feet backwards, "...the Pocket-Money Monster!"

There was a squeak of fright followed by the sounds of footsteps rapidly receding away down the hallway that brought a guilty grin to Inoichi's face; take after her mother as she might do, threaten her ability to buy that new to die for dress and Ino would fall into line as meek as you please.

"You're a cruel parent", Kusina's mock-accusation made him chuckle as she curled up against his chest, "but you're right koi, it will be her choice much as I wish I could make it for her".

"As do I hime; if it was up to me neither she nor Naruto would need to sign up for that kind of life. Still, this is the world we live in, all we can do is try to protect them as long as we can and make sure they're as well-prepared as possible for when we can't look after them any more", Inoichi told her sagely, wrapping the closest arm around his wife's shoulder and hugging her close, "and, curse as we might about it, there's no denying Naruto's one of the best kids around Ino's age to teach her a few life lessons".

That made Kunisa sit up, staring at her husband as Inoichi did his best not to chuckle at her expression,

"Yes I know he caught her in the face but he didn't exactly mean to, but the fact remains that he's teaching her lessons from the school of hard knocks and there's no finer place for a ninja to learn. He's got no formal education in fighting and, okay in the end he lost against her superior skill, but he made her work for it and he made her work hard. And you know as well as I do hime", he wrapped his arm around the smaller figure of his wife, pulling her on top of him and grateful for the feeling of her warm body atop his as he breathed in her heady perfume before tasting her lips, "nothing's more satisfying than something you really have to work for to get".

Kunisa did answer this he was sure, but as to what that answer was exactly he had no idea and, as his lips drifted further down her sensuous body, he shortly afterwards found he didn't much care either.

XXX

There was something oddly endearing, Yoshino decided as she watched on, at the sight of a child who would cling to the ceiling of her house like a spider or swing from a thin rope anchored only by a bolt he'd fired from his flimsy crossbow without a care in the world looking up at the ambling figure she'd led into the sunlight behind her and then turning to her with an expression that expressed profound doubt that what she was suggesting was entirely sane,

"Are you _sure_ this is safe?"

She laughed, didn't have a choice really as she patted the tall horse by the side of her on the neck, affection in her tone as she straightened and regarded the soft brown eye she could see with tenderness,

"Ah you couldn't get safer than with this old crow-bait; he's called the hangover horse for a reason", she explained, remembering the few times she'd seen her husband in the saddle after he'd been one over the eight the previous evening and stifling a second chuckle, "anyway, daylight's burning and I'm sure you want to give your arms a bit of a rest after today?"

"Yeah, and get a bath as well", the jinchuuriki groused, once more wondering exactly what he'd been thinking when he'd been suckered in by the manipulative Nara's request for a little extra help for the rest of the day and if he couldn't be a dear and keep his diary clear; _well, at least now I know why Shika was smirking his head off when I said I'd do it! Lazy-ass baka, next time I sneak in it won't just be soldier pills that get into his deer milk!_; "how many horses do you keep in there?"

"Only a half-dozen, though sometimes we have to use the spare stables for sick deer".

"Wow", looking slightly past Yoshino to the sizeable dung-pile the two of them (as well as a few extra unwilling helpers from the matriarch's clan who'd sloped off as soon as they had the chance) had added to while mucking out the stable throughout the day, Naruto felt obliged to make a comment, "you wouldn't think that judging by the size of the crap-mountain over there".

"Language", Yoshino warned him sternly before softening her tone, "anyway I said I'd show you something special if you helped out and, much like you in a way, I'm as good as my word – so with that in mind, welcome to the Nara riding school Naruto-chan".

It struck Naruto as slightly odd that a clan such as the Nara, who generally detested hard work with the same fervour that Hana, Kotetsu and Izumo reserved for one particular cat they'd told him about, would shelter animals as troublesome as horses; even if riding meant they wouldn't have to walk anywhere, there was a lot of work involved in keeping the animals fed, watered and cleaned out as Naruto had just found out. The questions were in his mind as he watched Yoshino disappear into the stables and emerge carrying a few pieces of heavy-looking equipment, though he held onto them for now as he darted in and helped her steady a few,

"Right then, first things first", she explained, throwing something over the back of the horse beside her though animal barely flinched at the contact, "this is the saddle, the bit that makes riding even someone as docile as Gashi-kun here possible. Tighten it up around his belly Naruto, but don't do it too tight and try not to go underneath him, he won't like that". Nodding at the advice, Naruto reached underneath the tall horse and, after a bit of fumbling and ducking down to try and see what he was doing, managed to get the saddle attached,

"Very good, now this", she held up something else that Naruto for the life of him couldn't make head nor tail of, "is the bridle; you're a bit too short to put this on at the minute, so watch how I do it. Over his head", Yoshino worked as she explained, Gashi once more remaining completely docile as she did so and even opening his mouth for the next stage of the process, "this bit, which is actually called the bit, between his teeth and flip the reins up so you'll be able to hold them, okay, ready to go as soon as we've got the stirrups set up so your little legs can actually reach them". Bending down to a knee, the Nara woman cupped her hands and looked over expectantly to where Naruto was once again considering exactly how good an idea this actually was,

"Right, you'll need a boost to get up there but when you do, grab the saddle-horn, that bit at the front of the saddle, and swing your leg over; when you're comfortable with that grab the reins and we'll try walking you out from there, okay?"

Knowing from experience (or, at least, Shikamaru's advice) that arguing was not only pointless but possibly a danger to one's health, the blonde simply nodded, placed his foot in the cradle of the taller woman's hands and, as he was propelled upwards, made a quick grab at the target he'd been directed towards and braced himself.

_Thank the Kami for Anko-sensei's flexibility training_; not for the first time and certainly not for the last, Naruto had cause to thanks the Snake Mistress for her excellent, if somewhat barbaric training regimen. Sitting atop Gashi's broad back was like trying to hold a continual half-split and the jostling motions weren't helping any as he was bounced around in the saddle; had it not been for his heeding Yoshino's advice about sitting back in the saddle he'd have doubtless been mourning a pair of crushed nuts as the day went on. Still it wasn't so bad and, as he continued to he led around in a circle by the rope the Nara held, he found himself slightly more at ease with the world as Gashi clip-clopped along in his very slow, stately way,

"So, this is the walk", Yoshino called over, rotating slowly on the spot to keep tension on the guiding rein, "not much to it, but remember you control how fast the horse goes by your legs; squeeze the saddle with your thighs and he'll speed up, relax and he slows down. That's why horsey-people have such strong legs". Never one to miss an opportunity when it was presented to him on a platter like that, Naruto simply grinned and shot back his answer,

"Guess that comes in handy for kicking the rest of your lot into gear", Yoshino gave a small smile before his next words made her look up fiercely and fight down a blush, "though I bet Shikaku-san doesn't mind or complain about how strong your legs get – I don't think he'd dare".

"Not if he knew what was good for him", the wife of the clan head grumbled before raising her voice, "less of the innuendo you cheeky gaki; you're not on the training grounds now".

"Fair enough", knowing better than to poke the sleeping dragon that was Nara Yoshino too often, the Mouse relented and fell back quiet in his seat before asking the hundred-ryo question, "so, why is it the Nara actually own any horses, you clan don't look like the type. You do but the rest of the clan doesn't".

"Believe it or not they've always had them; not many but always a handful", Yoshino told him, casting a glance at the sky and starting to reel in her rein; _after all Gashi's getting on a bit, not good to exercise him too much_; "there's a tradition of horsemanship in the clan, comes from having to round up deer in the olden times and trust me that's really tricky unless you can either move faster than the deer can or you know a trick or two to stop them from moving".

"The shadow techniques", Naruto could fill in the blanks himself, "I thought there'd be some labour-saving reason behind the clan developing them, catching deer seems like as good a one as any. I should have known my ace was developed by your clan; who else would create a jutsu that only uses one hand-seal? It'd probably be too troublesome to have to do any more than that".

"Not that it helped the baka who came up with it escaping his wife", Yoshino chuckled, remembering the story as Shikaku had told her, "he only invented it so he could sleep in while the clone placated his wife but didn't realise it was completely autonomous; it bubbled where he was to his wife and she tracked him down – the men still talk about what she did to him in hushed tones".

"I can imagine; never piss off a Nara woman, I learnt that lesson within about the first ten seconds of meeting you", Naruto reminded his temporary teacher, ear throbbing in phantom pain as he remembered just how hard a pinch the woman before him had, "still, I guess it was my fault, I could have handled that better. Still, what got you involved in the equine pursuits?" Yoshino laughed,

"I've always been involved with horses; my parents were travelling merchants until the Second War forced them to go to ground in Konoha; I grew up in the saddle until I put down roots here and found I couldn't cut them off when the storm blew over. The Nara clan pretty much adopted me when we, my parents and I that is, realised they were pretty much the only clan who kept horses in the village and I've been here ever since; eventually Shika-kun woke up for long enough to pop the question and for my sins I became part of the clan as more than just a lodger; worst mistake of my life saying yes to that question turned out to be". At this point Naruto felt compelled o stand up for the absent clan head's honour,

"Don't talk like that; you must love him".

"Only very sparingly".

"The fact you've got Shikamaru kind of disproves that statement"; a second later something heavy clunked off his borrowed riding helmet and Yoshino waved a warning finger,

"And don't you talk about that; the love-life and relationship of a woman is a very complicated and private thing", the advised before checking the sky again and wrapping another length of rope around her arm, "still, enough of that, bring him to a halt and help me get him away for the night Naruto-kun, then we best get you away. Look on the bright side though", she smirked as she lent an arm to allow the boy to slip off the saddle without tumbling to the floor, "at least you won't have any trouble getting home tonight; take it from me nothing works better at clearing a path through a crowd than a perfume derived from old stables!"

XXX

"That is a rather... personal question Naruto-san".

_Huh, how come?_; his confusion must have shown on his face as the eldest of the other players set down his hand and, after having the veins on the side of his face expand for a second, speaking again,

"You have heard, have you not, of the distinction between the members of our clan, traditionally referred to as the Main and the Branch houses?"

"Yeah, but I thought that was just a clan thing", the jinchuuriki admitted, stretching up as it appeared the game had paused while this new explanation came out into the open, "I didn't know there was actually a difference between the two houses; I just thought you wore those headbands to keep your hair out your eyes while you worked; hell that's what I do and my hair isn't even as long as yours".

It was a fair point; since striking his clan bargain (and, incidentally, becoming something of a cross between an embarrassment and an icon of almost hero worship amongst the Hyuuga clan as titbits of how he'd managed it and simultaneously ground the pride of their leader into the dirt filtered down to the common clansmen) Naruto had found his work a lot harder than in the beginning. Rather than almost waltzing in as he felt like it, he was having now to contend with overlapping guard patrols, liberal use of the Byakugan and an almost clandestine language used in private between members of Konoha's most august clan, a language he wasn't privy to and was occasionally caught out by. It was a challenge, one he relished but now failed more often than he passed; however not even that was a bad thing overall as Hiashi had been as good as his word and he was learning important lessons from the Hyuuga; _though I have a sneaking suspicion that he made his decree of 'bottom-up' infiltration just so he could get me skivvying for his clan_.

If that had been the case though, in all honesty he wasn't that bothered by it as, quite apart from learning exactly how a servant to someone important such as a feudal lord or daimyo would be expected to behave and press clothes, wash, service and iron other linen and equipment or serve food to their lord, the crash-course in basic servitude had gotten the unaware jinchuuriki into contact with the majority of the Branch house Hyuuga. Sharing labours with them in the depths of the Hyuuga mansion had been an eye-opener for him, least of all as it had become quickly apparent that contrary to their usual cool demeanour, most Hyuuga were actually relatively approachable, perhaps even affable in the most extreme cases, when you got to know them. However Naruto for all his progress didn't know all there was to know about the many mysteries of the clan and, with his innocuous question about why all the other participants in his game were wearing embroidered clothes around their foreheads, it looked like he'd just blundered into another barrier that separated him from the ways and customs of one of his employers.

Having finished ironing the last of the kimonos to have creases in the sleeves that could cut hard cheese (or, if appropriate, an enemy throat), he and the quartet of Branch Hyuuga that had cleared some space around one of the workbenches and broken out the cards; in contrary to the common perception of the clan, most Hyuuga had a fondness for games of chance. As a result of this addiction Naruto had been given an eye-opening education in several card games and, due to his uncommonly good luck, was becoming quite an accomplished player in many of them; having asked about why they didn't remove their headgear, however, as enough to freeze the atmosphere of comradely that had settled over the playing quintet until, slowly, the eldest Hyuuga present, for where there was a conflict in the clan the typical response for the Hyuuga was to look to the oldest Hyuuga present, either Main or Branch house, for guidance, answered the jinchuuriki's question,

"These bindings are partially for that reason", he conceded, once more questioning the reason behind the clan decree that all hair should be grown long as such long, flowing locks could be a hindrance both to ninja and civilian alike, "but they also mask from outside eyes the main distinction between the Main and Branch house Hyuuga".

"Oh, okay", if his time amongst other people had taught him nothing else it was when he was treading on dangerously thin ice and, as a result of that, when to hold his hands up and back away slowly, "sorry about that, I won't pry".

"No need to apologise", the woman off to his left spoke, picking up her hand and scanning through it again, "you weren't aware of the issue. Under these headbands lies a seal, which we will not reveal to you, known as the Caged Bird seal. The purpose of this seal is to safeguard our bloodline limit; on the event of the death of the bearer of this seal, it will activate and destroy the Byakugan, preventing its theft; it is a relic from the time before Konoha, where families possessing doujutsu such as the Hyuuga were targeted by rival clans who sought to steal our eyes for themselves or, worse, steal our bodies to produce new Hyuuga recruits". The idea made Naruto feel ill,

"They would really...you know?"

"Yes, even in these relatively safe time kidnapping attempts are not unknown"; _most recently the one which has earnt Kumo our ire and cost our leader his life_; mastering his emotion as he remembered the bright young child who had been cut down in his prime in service to his clan and for the love of his brother, the former spokesperson carried on, "and to control this the second aspect of the seal was crafted. If activated, the seal can cause pain or, if necessary, death to those who possess it. It is the presence or absence of this seal that determines a Hyuuga's place within the clan; those who bear the Caged Bird seal make up the Branch house, the remainder are the Main house".

"But", trying to wrap his brain around this Naruto, someone who had never known a family, drew a blank; _so the Main branch, they pretty much control the Branch house because of that seal – that's awful!_; "but that's not fair..."

To his surprise, rather than agreement, the Hyuuga simply chortled at his conclusion, though he was reasonably sure he wasn't the target of the mirth; as he was left scratching his head in confusion, it fell to the only woman in the gathering to master herself and favour him with a smile,

"Ah to be a child again and see things so simply; don't be alarmed Naruto-san, we don't mean any malice to you when we laugh – at one time we all thought as you did. However with age and experience comes a different point of view; though the seal can be used to cause the Branch house pain, what do you think would happen if the Main house used it liberally, hurting anyone in the Branch house any time they felt like it?" Naruto thought for a minute this was a trick question before, deciding he couldn't see any skulduggery in their expressions, he decided to go with his gut on this one,

"Well I don't know about you but I'd get really upset, try to find a way around the seal and make sure it couldn't happen again".

"Very true and I am reasonably sure this would be the result if the Main branch were the ogres some people think they are", the eldest Hyuuga spoke, a trace of a smile on his face, "the Branch house outnumbers those in the Main at least three-to-one; if we were to leave or, worst come to worst, be culled by the seal the clan would cease to exist as a power within Konoha. The Main branch know this as well as we do and police themselves in the seal's use; as far as I can remember the seal is only now used for training the youngest Main branch members in how to activate it should it be necessary in the field to prevent the loss of the Byakugan".

"So, it's not used at all?"

"Nowhere near as much as in the past", the Hyuuga woman answered with a nod, "indeed, in Konoha I sometimes wonder if the Main branch don't bear the heaviest burdens despite being free birds. They provide the majority of the Hyuuga jounin, those who are most at risk, and due to internal and external politics, they are the one bound into contracts and often left to rail against fate due to unfortunate marriages or dowdries to be paid. We are an old, honourable clan Naruto-san; sadly the price of such honour comes at the cost of personal happiness – children of the Main branch, even those of the clan head such as Hinata-sama, are often used as little more than gambling chips in village or even national power games, given as brides or grooms into childless, and often loveless, marriages. Compared to that", she shook her head, "the seal seems a minor burden".

"Childless marriages? All of them – is that to make sure the Byakugan...?"

"Never leaves the clan", the eldest Branch member spoke once more, "unlike most other doujutsu the Byakugan is a dominant trait, so most of the children born to even one Hyuuga parent will be born with the All-Seeing Eye. It would be unseemly, and potentially a great insult, for our clan to threaten branding children of noble families with our Caged Bird seal following their birth; much neater to ensure the wedded child is for want of a better word gelded, quite painlessly, prior to the marriage to prevent the bloodline spreading. For us though, well, who of any importance would want to marry a 'lesser' Hyuuga; almost all Branch house marriages happen for love, and strong love at that".

"That's certainly true Naruto-boy", content to let the others speak up to now, Zurashi felt compelled to chip in his two-ryo's worth at this point, "I never managed it but my sister did; her husband walked into the union with eyes wide open, knowing any children from the union who possessed the Byakugan would be sealed, and he married her anyway because he loved and still loves her that much. I've got two nieces now because of that, both members of the Branch house and both a bit too young to think like you do, but when they're the right age I or one of the other Branch members will be on hand to explain to you exactly what we've just said to you. I believe it's fate's way of having a laugh on us all; we who are often considered slaves by outsiders are often happier than our so-called masters, simply because we are less bound by rules and dictation of tradition. Remember that on your infiltrations Naruto-boy", he advised with a second chuckle at the same time as weigh up his options in the game, the jinchuuriki paying his rapt attention as he drank in the situation as he turned the problem over in his own mind and saw that, odd as it might appear, the Branch members were speaking sense; _unless some fours come up I'm bowing out of this hand_; "compared to the chains of the past, shackles of iron or fuuinjutu can appear to be made of less than grass"; _ a good lesson, one that I pray some_; a vision of one particular Branch member in particular, one who's skill at the Gentle Fist was advancing at such an alarming rate that even the upper echelons of the Main house were starting to pay attention, sprang up in his mind as he finished his melancholy thought; _will open their ears to before they become too consumed in following a path he is certain Fate has dictated for him to the exclusion of all others._

XXX

_If I'm right I'm about seventy feet from the outer circle of homes, where most of the jounin are bunked_;creeping through the undergrowth Naruto ducked behind a nearby bush and took in a slow breath, the air warm enough not to give him away by a puff of smoky breath; _missed most of the nin-ken so far so I'm going okay now, just a little further and we'll see if I can't rub it in Patches' face that his pack's got my number now._

It was certainly true that throughout the warming spring and balmy summer all the clans Naruto had worked for had all improved when it came to trying to stop him, so much so that even his much-vaunted mouse henge was now having trouble bypassing the Aburame defences, but there were still loopholes he could wriggle through if he were careful and, even if there weren't he couldn't have called himself a ninja in training if he didn't at least give it a go trying to get to his objective. Hence why, after butting heads with the leader of Inuzuka pack yet again following the last time they'd met, he was once more inching his way towards the grand prize of the Inuzuka clan homes and yet more bragging rights over the grizzled old wolf. Having strained his ears for a minute and heard nothing, Naruto took down a last breath and cautiously crept out from behind his cover and made his way forwards, hugging the shadows and hopping around to break up any scent trail he may have been leaving, though hopefully the mud he had smeared liberally all over his body and grass all over his jumpsuit should have blunted his natural odour to the point where juvenile nin-ken wouldn't be able to pick him out easily. Reviewing where he was, r at least where he thought he was, he consulted his mental map and made his way towards his target home; _okay, break up the trail – they'll probably be expecting me to go direct or even back off a bit, but I doubt they'll think I'll get closer here and then go through...oh nuts!_

Cursing mentally Naruto froze, still as a statue as his night-vision adapted eyes belatedly picked out the still form lying concealed in the bushes just before him, the nin-ken obvious having pre-empted him and lying in a wait that had definitely proven fruitful this time. Realising there was absolutely no way he was going to outrun a nin-ken from this range Naruto merely huffed and folded his arms, waiting for the dog to approach and gently nip him, symbolic capture of the Mouse; after a long minute though, Naruto began to wonder if the nin-ken was actually asleep or something as it hadn't yet moved; _unless it actually wants me to get through_; he grinned at the thought of one of his long-term strategies paying dividends – win or lose at his nightly escapades, Naruto always made a point of making a massive fuss of any Inuzuka partner he could, up to and including sneaking in tasty treats for them to snack on when the two-legged members of the clan were otherwise engaged; _poor Tsume and Patches, wondering why I keep dodging their patrols when it's the nin-ken letting me through, hoping I'll spoil them rotten later. Still though_; his sense of fair play kicked in and he realised this time he had to hold his hands up and admit he was had;_ this time I got collared, no two ways ab..._;

That train of thought crashed into the buffers, going completely off the rails as Naruto felt his entire body freeze, a fear he had felt only once before in his life rising up in a great, smothering wave as the slight breeze shifted suddenly and he caught a scent on the wind he would never forget or misplace. More hurriedly now the boy approached the dog, not fully believing what he was seeing was real until, with a low moan of horror, he came too close and saw too late the precise wound left in the dog's neck, the small pool of congealing blood that was feeding the forest floor.

The nin-ken hadn't moved not because it was asleep, or that it wanted him to succeed in its mission; it hadn't moved for the simple reason it was dead.

_No, not dead_; wrestling down his mounting panic by biting the inside of his lip, drowning the fear in pain until he could think straight again, hands moving without him really thinking about it as he activated his usual defence in case he was ever surprised during infiltration; _that's a stab wound – someone murdered this dog. Think, for Kami's sake think – this is just like with the honey bear, you have to clear your mind, think for a minute, work out what's going on and make sure people are let..._

A howl echoed moonward from a distance away, an angry, fearful howl that threatened nothing but death and bloody dismemberment for the target of its ire; before answering calls broke out around the forest Naruto heard someone far too close to him, no more than twenty feet away through a thick patch of forest, let out a frantic curse and start to move towards him, he recalled with numbing dread one of the first lessons Flea himself had taught both him and Kiba; when a ninja enters enemy territory, ninety-nine times out of a hundred the route out will be exactly the same as the way in.

Whoever had committed murder on the Inuzuka grounds and infiltrated the clan for whatever purpose was now leaving in a hurry, heading right towards him with most likely a pack of hunters on his heels and a kunai in his hand. One he had already shown he was able and willing to use.

Naruto didn't have a minute to think.

He barely even had time to act before the intruder burst into the clearing, saw him there, spat a second curse and hurled a kunai with lethal accuracy right into his chest.

A/N: Who is it? Who would dare attack a harmless child in the dead of night, who would be so suicidal as to attempt to steal something from the Inuzuka? Is this it, the end of the Mouse? You'll have to wait until next time to find out so, until then, ja ne!


	13. Chapter 13 Missing the Mouse

Chapter 13 – Missing the Mouse

A/N: I'm sure you're desperate to read through from last chapter's cliffhanger so I'll keep it brief; glad you're still here and hope you're enjoying what I'm writing.

XXX

As expected in the Land of Fire, even the season of winter was much milder than in other climates; it was a rare time when any more than a light dusting of snow would cover the ground, though the relative flatness of the land meant that wind-chill often enhanced the bite of the season to a bitter cold. This year, however, many in the village looked out of their windows and saw the gloom of the early darkness enhanced, the world appearing a little greyer and more threatening than usual as the events of the past four months had rocked Konoha back to its foundations. As the leader of the clan most associated with emotions none were more painfully aware of this than Yamanaka Inoichi, the tall straw-haired man letting out a sigh as he looked out the greenhouse window and shuddered a little as the chill crept in even in this place, the room that housed his happiest memories save his bedroom. Watching with dispassionate interest as his exhalation fogged up the glass overhead, Inoichi worked on autopilot repotting a few of the bulbs of his clan ready for the spring; even as he pressed down the soft loam around the hard, knobbly nodes that would one day grow into beautiful flowers, he had to bite back a bitter laugh as the analogy jarred him into unintentional reminders of just how many people in this village of his would now never have the chance to do grow and bloom as these flowers would.

Despite having been retired for several years Inoichi still felt the cloying hand of guilt close tight around his chest as even by proxy he felt the blood of the entire Uchiha clan on his hands; had he still been overseeing the psyche evaluations of the serving ANBU, would he have been able to see the madness hidden by Uchiha Itachi's porcelain mask and dispassionate demeanour? Despite the teachings of the Will of Fire traitors and betrayers from Konoha were not unknown but they were rare; few, however, had ever written their names in infamy with as much blood at the Sharingan-wielding prodigy; _his entire clan, his whole family – dead, to the last man, woman and child, save one_. Even now, a month after the event, he could scarcely believe that the Uchiha were truly gone; okay he had never exactly seen eye-to-eye with several of the clan (least of all literally and certainly never during a sparring match) but he respected them for being powerful ninja and possessing unparalleled skill with fire ninjutsu and strengthening Konoha by stealing the techniques of the other villages, just as they had grudgingly respected his clan for having a brand of ninjutsu that circumvented their bloodline simply because it affected the mind, rather than the eyes.

Even now, some five weeks after the attack, Sasuke still wasn't waking up from whatever hellish attack his brother had put him through that night; despite not delving into the boy's mind for fear of what he might find there without some confirmation from the last Uchiha himself about what had happened, Inoichi was relatively sure that the treacherous ANBU must have inflicted some kind of genjutsu-based attack on Sasuke, the strength of it only reinforced by a fully-mature Sharingan and, against the impressionable psyche of a seven-year old who'd just walked into the scene of utter horror with his family dead all around him, the Yamanaka clan head could only shudder at the thought of what would be awaiting his clan when the Hokage cleared them to try and heal the trauma the child had gone through; _and as if that wasn't enough to be getting on with..._;

Finally finishing with the last of the seeds the tall man rested his head on the fingers of his right hand for a minute, massaging his forehead and uncaring of the smudges of soil he left there as a result of such ministrations; the feeling of brief relief from a headache that seemed to have last for weeks well-worth the hassle of washing his face for a minute. The removal of the Uchiha clan in such a barbaric fashion hadn't just cut Konoha's military forces to a level worryingly close to the aftermath of the Kyuubi attack; it had also completely removed most of the command structure of the civilian police force. Admittedly this was not as great a setback as it could have been; only the most cold-blooded and callous of calculated minds could have even thought of considering it a good thing; as the vast majority of the Uchiha clan ninja played a role in this force and therefore the pool of ninja available for missions hadn't noticeably shrunk, but at the same time the loss of that force meant the other clans had to pick up the slack and the Hokage had to oversee it all to ensure no internal politicking fouled up the recovery too much. Retired and inactivated ninja from all clans, his own included, had been drafted in to shore up the public morale and put a brave face on things – heck last he had heard Shikaku was about ready to rip his hair out at the amount of running around he was having to do covering for the late and, to his credit, rather lamented Uchiha Fugaku abdicating his responsibilities as chief of police by jumping on the point of his eldest son's ninjato.

_Now that's not nice_; despite himself he fought down a smirk as he recalled the aloof clan head, never satisfied with his lot in life and pushing for all sorts of concessions during council meetings; _just because he put a whole new meaning on the phrase 'impaled on his own sword' doesn't mean you should laugh about it – if Itachi was feeling pressured there's no reason he couldn't have gone to anyone, even outside his clan, for help and a..._; his internal monologue was cut off but a sharp tap on the greenhouse door,

"Huh? Kunisa-chan, what – oh", even the blurry picture granted through the greenhouse door was enough to let Inoichi know it wasn't his wife trying to get his attention; sliding the door open after brushing the worst of the mud from his face, he nodded as the ANBU bowed and turned an otter mask towards him,

"Yamanaka-san, Hokage-sama calls council, vermillion level". _Vermillion?_; taken temporarily aback by this, Inoichi gaped for a second before shaking his head and regaining control, regarding the masked ninja seriously,

"Regarding?"

"Unknown".

"Hai, I'll be there as soon as I've cleared up".

The ANBU nodded and disappeared in a swirl of leaves while Inoichi breathed in and out slowly, wondering what could have ruffled Sarutobi's feathers this much and fighting down a rising tide of excitement as one thing immediately sprang to mind; _vermillion – council to be recalled immediately and convene as soon as possible, surpassed only by albus where the nearest capable Yamanaka will be used as a conduit to engage the other council members in telepathic communion, something that's only happened once in the history of Konoha_; once more Inoichi was both profoundly grateful and wretchedly ashamed that the Yamanaka in question hadn't been him – his father had never fully recovered from the mental trauma of having so many voices in his head on that dark night eight years ago, something that he was certain had played a part in the older man's death at the young age of fifty-seven. Shoving all other considerations to the side Inoichi swiftly cross the yard to the outside tap, roughly washed water over his hands and face after gasping at the icy bite of the freezing liquid, dried himself off with his sleeve and hastily walked up the side of his clan house, jumping to the next roof towards the distant spire of the Hokage tower, where Sarutobi had convened the ninja council.

He did not arrive alone, though had the moon not peeked through a slight gap in the cloud to silhouette the ninja who'd slowed down enough to let him catch up, he might never had recognised his companion until he bumped into her; like most of her clan, without the familiar four-legged figure by the side of her Tsume simply didn't look like Tsume. Catching up with the dog-nin, Inoichi asked the most pressing question first and promptly ducked the retaliatory fist it provoked,

"Where's the flea-bag?"

"Kuro-kun", Tsume snarled before softening her tone as she realised what the Yamanaka was doing, "is at the clan house settling the pack down, he'll catch up as soon as he can". A silence fell between them for a moment before, crossing his fingers out of her eyeline, Inoichi took a deep breath, his life in his hands and spoke again softly,

"How is she?"

To her credit the only visible reaction Tsume had to this was the slightest of stumbles in her stride, one that she recovered almost instantly before ploughing on; for a moment the Yamanaka clan head was sure she wasn't going to answer before, in a tone so quiet he'd have missed it had it not been the late evening and the traffic of the street so muted, the answer came back to him,

"Heartbroken", there was a quaver in the Inuzuka's voice that he'd heard there only a handful of times before, the most recent one he could remember following the death of her husband, "one piece of her soul got ripped away from her and she hasn't recovered from it, I doubt she ever will really – it's like a scar that won't stop itching. I'm only grateful she's got such a good team", there was a gruff snort of laughter that quickly curdled into a choking cough, "those two bakas – she said they were stupid but kicking down her bedroom door was crazy even by my standards". Despite himself Inoichi chuckled,

"Yeah, I heard; what was it the two of them said to get her moving? Last I heard it was something along the lines of 'we passed our test by teamwork and we can't work as a team if you're not there - now are you coming out or are we going to have to come in there and be brutally savaged?'"

"Something like that, and they did – I'll be forever grateful to them for that", for the first time in what felt like a long time Tsume chuckled, recalling racing into the hallway of her clan home in time at the sound of splintering wood in time to see one of her daughters' two team mates slam a second side kick into the structure and break it apart completely, sending the sundered lock spinning into the room as the door banged open. No sooner had this happened, in fact while the sawdust was still in the air a furious, frenzied brown/black blur had boiled forwards from the darkness within and pounced on the closest of them, dragging him to the floor. Hana had been beyond words, beyond everything but raw, unbridled fury; she had hammered at the prone boy with her fists, screaming in her rage as the unlucky victim, Izumo if she remembered right, could only curl up and try to defend himself as best he could before catching the Inuzuka as her rage deserted her and she fell forwards, a marionette with cut strings as she clutched at her victim and howled into his shoulder, grieving for her missing partner in the arms of her team mates as Kotetsu knelt by the side of the entwined duo and rubbed her back comfortingly, his brother underneath her whispering words of comfort and condolence as the remaining two Haimaru came to the doorway and whined in time with their mistress.

The intrusion and subsequent abduction from the Inuzuka clan grounds, coming as it had no more than six weeks before the Uchiha massacre, was the first in the combination of punches that had rocked Konoha over the past third of a year; even though the investigation had had to be cut short following Itachi's genocidal episode, the theft of over half-a-dozen nin-ken, including one of the three triplets belonging to the heiress of the clan, had been a bitter, stinging blow. None knew how the thief had been able to penetrate the Inuzuka ground so deeply and leave behind not a trace of scent or a trail, but either way the end result had been a high tally for the dog-breeding clan to bear. Eight nin-ken taken and all young at that, the eldest being the Haimaru at mere four years old, three killed either on the way in or way out and, Inoichi knew, though most of Konoha did not, a third loss that Tsume, though blameless for the cruel hand fate had dealt out, was still castigating herself and her clan's failure to track the abductor for.

It had been bad luck, nothing more and nothing less than that, but it had cost Konoha dearly both in terms of potential military might and current village stability; when one of the nin-ken tracking the thief had suddenly gone rigid after catching a very familiar scent around the body of one of its murdered pack mates and growled out a warning its human partner had quickly spread the word and the search redoubled, the Inuzuka mobilising en masse to hunt down any route that could have led them to the disappeared dogs and missing Mouse. Fire country had been inundated by hunter-nin squads, sent out by a Hokage who had never appeared to be more formidable or mighty, though at the same time so hollow and weary within, and instructed to leave no stone unturned in their hunt for the jinchuuriki, the few voices who whispered that it might have been the boy who committed the crime swiftly silenced by harsh glares or, if necessary, harsh beatings from ninja who knew better. Every day since he had been made aware of the loss following a council meeting on the morning after the theft was discovered Inoichi had been silently praying for a safe return for Naruto but as the days had rolled into weeks and even longer, it appeared the deities weren't listening and they had all been forced to face the truth, that it was likely he was never coming back. There had been no blood, no body and no sign of a struggle and therefore it was likely the boy was still alive but, as to where he was now, none could say; _though wherever he is_; Inoichi felt a familiar cold, unpleasant knot of sloshing cold roll around in his belly as he thought of the absent child; _I hope he's happy there, and that he knows we all miss him_.

It was strange, in a way, just how true that last point actually was; it had been Shikaku who as always had seen the potential danger and pulled the other clan heads apart from Tsume, who'd had enough on her plate to deal with at the time, aside after the council meeting that had informed them of the thievery that had gone on. From a purely military point of view Naruto being taken was an unmitigated disaster curtailed only by the fact that he himself didn't have the faintest idea that he contained the most powerful being to ever stalk the Elemental Nations, but if someone ever got a good look at his stomach and figured it out there was a very good possibility that Konoha would be receiving an astronomical ransom note or, more likely, one of the Leaf villages' many enemies would have a very powerful weapon delivered to their doorstep and, regardless of how strong his will and love for both Konoha and the people in it was, Naruto was still a child who could be broken, remoulded and reforged into a weapon more terrible than Kyuubi had ever been. However, the loss Shikaku had taken into consideration was more personal and, as a result of that, potentially even harder to cover up from those that had no business knowing it; because of the quick details the five of them had thrashed out over five minutes and told Tsume about later, all the clan children the Mouse had been introduced to knew about the situation was that because of rumours of surviving family being reported on the borders of Fire country Naruto was out of Konoha for a little while, possibly forever if he was adopted by his remaining kin. It was a lie, and a blatant one, but having been faced with a lie or the thought of telling his little princess the truth and risking not only Sarutobi's wrath but her tears as well, Inoichi had once more found himself grateful for the Nara genius's quick thinking.

_Not that it was easier for us without him there_; that much was certainly true – though he'd never realised it, in fact none of them had really, Naruto seemed to have made things fun in the Leaf village and kept the clans on their toes. He was a breath of fresh air who'd thrown a little chaos into the nice, steady, orderly and boring lives of the clan heads and the clans, and this had never been more apparent than during the monthly gathering that had occurred between the kidnap and the Uchiha massacre. No-one had said a word as Chime, grim-faced and fighting back tears with a steely resolve, had symbolically laid out a second empty chair at the gaming table and a mood of gloom had settled over the assembly, one that no amount of cheer or vittles or even the news from Tsume that Hana was starting to recover from the loss of one of her partners, again taken by nothing more than bad luck as she had let them all run with the pack on the Inuzuka grounds for just that night, and was starting to attend team training again, had been able to banish it. The atmosphere had been best summed up by Chouza towards the end of the night, the Akimichi strangely off his food as he nibbled at a pork-ball and kept darting his eyes to where the larger-than-life orange-clad future Hokage should have been sitting before tutting and speaking his mind,

"Damn kid was like your virginity", he'd said aloud to the table in general, explaining after Shikaku had stopped spluttering in shock as he'd been halfway through a pint of beer at the time, "hate it like hell when it's there, miss it like hell when you lose it".

_And it was true – he might have been a royal pain in the neck who caused me more marital strife than the Third war and the rest of the clan combined, but he was who he was and he wasn't afraid to make sure people knew it_; that much had certainly been true and as he stepped to the side to allow Tsume to enter the Hokage tower first, he once more had to check his excitement in case it led to more disappointment; _and right now, I'm just hoping he's made it known to whoever's taken him and we catch wind of him doing it, because the second we do_; Inoichi clenched a fist, a kind of protective instinct settling over him that he thought he'd never feel for the jailor of the great beast that had nearly levelled his home;_ Konoha goes to war!_

XXX

Strangely enough Inoichi found that both he and Tsume had been beaten to the tower by the laziest ninja currently serving Konoha's forces, at least until his son graduated the Academy. Seeing the bags under his team mates' eyes the Yamanaka thought better of making a comment about this, instead sliding into his council seat after bowing to the Hokage and waiting for the old man to bow back and gesture for them both to be seated. It was a process Sarutobi repeated several times as the shinobi council appeared on the scene, including the advisors and former teammates to the Hokage himself with the scarred, scowling form of Danzo turning up like a bad smell as always and forcing Inoichi to fight hard to avoid curling his lip in distaste. There was little love lost between the Yamanaka clan and the former commander of the Root, the shadowy organisation that had mirrored ANBU and been made up, in Inoichi's opinion, of little more than brainwashed child soldiers stolen from their cribs and raised to heed only their masters' commands; _the Kiri way of doing things, an abomination that should never have been considered in the land of Fire. One of Sarutobi's few mistakes was rubber-stamping Danzo's idea to create that division, though he made up for it by repealing it after the Third war._ Still, that was history and old news now – the fact of the matter was that Danzo, as well as the other two ancient figures who now sat flanking the venerable Hokage like angelic pages sat before the throne of the God of Shinobi, were all vastly experienced shinobi who knew what they were talking about and had, on occasion, provided sage instruction to not just Sarutobi, but also the rest of the clans as well – though he was unsure of the details, Inoichi had a sneaking suspicion that Chouza would never have made such a fine clan head had he not had Koharu in his corner when he first inherited the post.

Some seven or so minutes later the council was convened, all six remaining clan heads completed as Shibi arrived last, the Aburame as always hard to contact when he was away from the rest of his clan. As soon as the leader of the kikaichu-wielding clan was seated Sarutobi, his face inscrutable, spoke to the council as a whole, not looking at anyone as his tone was colourless,

"I have received news", he began and despite himself Inoichi felt his excitement rise; could this be the news they'd all been waiting for? "regarding one of our long-standing adversaries – new intelligence has come to light"; _no, obviously not_; the hope was once more crushed in the cold, iron grip of reality and Inoichi had to force himself to pay attention to the rest of his leader's words, "the source of this intelligence is the reason I have called you all here. When we have heard all he has to say, I will require your advise on the next steps to be taken", the council members all swapped glances before nodding in concerted silence and, seemingly happy with this, the Hokage made a signal with his hand. There was the slightest rush of displaced air as an unseen ANBU disappeared until, a couple of seconds later, the main door to the council chamber opened and the so-called information source appeared, flanked by an solitary ANBU wearing a frog mask.

_Information source?_; seeing the thin face that was currently roving around the council halls and picking out the adults facing him with sharp-looking eyes the colour of a lime, Inoichi found himself slightly confused; _he's just a kid, in fact if he's a teenager I'd be surprised_. That was as far as he got in his initial inspection before those very same green eyes widened dramatically and the boy suddenly dived behind his escort with a yell,

"Ahhh!" A single finger shot out as though impaling one of the council members, the justification for such a fearful reaction being declared a second later, "Mumm-Ra!"

_What the...?_; not that he'd fault the boy for being wary of Danzo just on principle but the curse he'd spat upon the bandaged shinobi veteran was completely alien to the Yamanaka though not, he realised as he heard movement to the side of him and glanced over to see Tsumes' shoulders shaking with mirth, to all present. Noticing his scrutiny, the Inuzuka leant over slightly as she mastered herself and whispered out the corner of her mouth,

"You need kids of a certain age to understand Ino-kun, probably boys", she elaborated after realising her son and Inoichi's daughter were the same age give or take a few month. Deciding this was one of things he'd have to ask about later Inoichi left it alone for the moment, settling back in his seat as Sarutobi, recovering himself from his own smirk at seeing his long-term rival wrong-footed so unexpectedly, took charge again,

"Forgive me informer-san but that is Shimura Danzo, one of my advisors and, despite the resemblance, not related to your cartoon evil-doer", Tsume was once more afflicted by shaking shoulders and had to hide her quivering lips with her hand even as Sarutobi became more serious, regarding the child before him with a stern, serious eye, "however this is not a place for frivolity; you have come before this council saying you have news of the utmost importance for us all to hear; we of the council will now hear what you have to say and judge for ourselves the validity of your claims. I hope I don't need to say this but", a modicum of killing intent seeped forwards as the Hokage leant forwards in his seat, the child before him paling slightly before pulling himself together with a shiver, "the penalty for wasting the time of a kage and his attendant clan council is...severe".

"I, ah", the voice was quite deep for a child but his eyes were still slightly nervous as he fought to keep them on the suddenly ominous figure of the Hokage before him; _not that I can blame him for that, an angry kage of any kind is enough to make a grown man cry never mind a teenaged kid, if he even is that old_; "I got it Hokage-sama".

"Good", Sarutobi settled back down in his seat and nodded, his killing intent dispersing like smoke as he reverted to his usual, more kindly nature, "now then, please tell us you..."

The venerable shinobi was cut off by a strange scraping noise that had the supposed informant looking around in confusion, though no-one else so much as twitched; due to the clan traditions and the techniques they involved, the door to the council room in the village of the Leaf was likely unique in the Elemental Nations insofar as that it could be opened with a paw or, if necessary, a mob of kikaichu working together,

"Enter", Sarutobi called out, inclining his head a moment later as Kuromaru nosed his way inside and performed the canine equivalent of a bow in apology for his lateness. After taking in the situation with a glance from his single eye, the nin-ken began slinking his way towards the foot of his partners' seat around the edge of the council room as Sarutobi faced the child before him and made to speak again. Once more ill fortune played its hand; though he saw the nin-ken freeze in place for a moment, the necessity to stifle a sudden sneeze forced Inoichi to look away from the scene and, when he forced his suddenly-bleary vision forwards again in response to the rising gasps and shouts of alarm, he found himself joining in at the scene before him. Kuromaru was a moving shadow, darkness with teeth as he sprang, hitting his target full-force and driving it straight to the floor – in less than a second the so-called informant had been tackled and pinned prone, the nin-ken staring down at him with every fang bared, the surprise and execution of his jump so perfect the chair he'd leapt over to take his prey hadn't even wobbled and the ANBU supposedly guarding the boy hadn't had enough time to blink.

As expected a quiet pandemonium erupted as most of the assembled ninja leapt to their feet, each demanding Kuromaru explain himself and Tsume to get her partner under control; the Inuzuka herself was growling in the canine tongue even as Inoichi, forcing himself under control, noticed the child's lips move and caught a glimpse of a pained smirk on his lips. He was just fast enough, channelling chakra to his ears in time to listen in,

"My what...large teeth you have..." _What?_; before he could question exactly why someone looking down the teeth of a hacked-off ninja dog had a reason to be, if not cheerful, at least sarcastic, he found himself half-deafened as Kuromaru, ignoring the growing demands around him, slashed his gravelly voice through the chaotic atmosphere like a kunai through butter,

"Change", he demanded, single eye flaring as he pressed more of his weight onto the prone child's chest, bringing them virtually nose to nose and making his prey wheeze and turn his head to the side, face screwed up in disgust as he tried to answer,

"Okay, okay just stop breathing on me", the child croaked, desperate to be away from the foul odour and heaving futilely on pair of paws pinning him, "off, get off, you're squeezing my lungs though my back". After leaning on his prone opponent for a second longer Kuromaru pushed himself off and the would-be informant heaved down a deep breath, coughing harshly as he half-sat up and stared a hole through the glaring ninja hound, apparently not noticing as someone else saw through his deception and slammed a hand on the table before him, teeth gritted so hard it was impossible for him to articulate the truth his eyes had seen before the disguised child spoke again and ruptured the illusion completely,

"Bloody hell Patches, you weigh a ton".

At those words, even before the plume of smoke emerged to shroud the figure, true bedlam broke out as the clan heads belatedly berated themselves for not checking the form before them for the tell-tale chakra signature or, in this case, the lack of one – once more they had underestimated the boy who appeared as the smoke wisps dispersed, wearing clothes slightly too large for him but with a big, beaming grin on his face and it had cost them. Even as the jinchuuriki coughed a little more and struggled up to a sitting position, still not fully recovered from Kuromaru's crushing him into the floor, the council found its voice in the form of Chouza, the Akimichi asking the burning, white-hot question by dint of drowning out the competition with his impressive lungs,

"Naruto", much like the other shinobi around him Chouza's voice was torn exactly down the middle between relief and rage as he saw the one who had given them all so many sleepless nights quite literally reappear in front of them, "where the bloody hell have you _been?_" At this demand the jinchuuriki's expression faltered to a wan, exhausted smile as he rasped out a breathy reply, his hand slipping out of view into one of the pockets that had made up the disguise that had served him so well for nearly three months,

"Good question", he gasped before finally recovering himself and evening out his breathing, "tell you what, here", he withdrew something from his pocket and tossed it towards the seething Akimichi, Chouza catching it in one meaty hand, "you tell me". Looking along the table Inoichi wasn't able to get much of a look-in but, in the silence that fell over the chamber as his larger friend spoke again, his tone more subdued and, was that awe in the Akimichi's voice?

"Allow me to rephrase that question", the red-haired giant demanded blackly, not breaking eye-contact with the returned jinchuuriki as he slammed something down on the table before him, the seal that was on top of the packet visible for all to see and bringing several gasps out of the assembly, least of all from Inoichi himself, "what in the name of the darkest pits of Makai were you doing in _Kumo?_"

"Oh, you know, this and that; met interesting people, made a couple of friends, had some really crazy adventures and watched a sister of mine get married, put the fear of Kami into her husband as well. Don't worry though", retaking his seat Naruto grinned once more, fishing in a different pocket for something else; _like any good showman, reel them in, give them a titbit or two..._; "I brought some souvenirs; here Hiashi-san", his hand whipped forwards and Inoichi had enough time to see a flash of gold twinkle in the light as it flew towards the table, "thought you might like this one".

It was simplicity itself for the Hyuuga, sitting one over on Inoichi's right just next to Koharu, to pluck the object out of the air; what it was though the Yamanaka couldn't see as Hiashi suddenly went very still, a statue carved from alabaster as he regarded whatever Naruto had tossed to him. Any colour the Hyuuga had ever had in his cheeks was gone, leaving him looking paler than ever as he slowly tore his eyes away from the trinket to the boy who had delivered in and, after wetting his lips for a second, spoke as though the words were being unwillingly torn from him,

"I ask because I have to Naruto", the fact that Hyuuga Hiashi of all people had forgotten his P's and Q's gave them an idea of how serious the situation was as the clan head went on, "this is no joke?" The child in question looked for a second like he was about to get affronted but seemed to think better of it, a solemn expression on his face as he shook his head,

"On my word as a future Hokage, no joke Hiashi-sama". The Hyuuga lord nodded, just once, before doing something that every member of the council present that night would remember until the end of their lives.

Forcing himself upright, Hiashi stood up straight before, after meeting the jinchuuriki eye to eye, he bent himself forwards at the waist in a formal bow, a gesture of absolute respect towards the village orphan.

_What in the name of every ancestor...?_; Inoichi's mind was completely blank, jaw open and virtually unhinged as he watched the virtual royalty of Konoha abase itself before someone the vast majority of the uneducated masses considered to be worth less than the dirt of their shoes. A sense of palpable disbelief rang throughout the chamber, an emotion that affected everyone, even the one the gesture was aimed towards as Naruto appeared to be as paralysed as everyone else, eyes wide and unseeing as he gaped along with everyone else. For how long Hiashi remained in that position none could say, in fact it fell to the one who usually had the least to say to resolve the situation as Shibi turned his collared face towards the bowing Hyuuga,

"Hiashi-san, may I ask what...?"

"It is something I have seen only once before", equally unusually Hiashi cut off his fellow clan head as he stood upright, brushing the sleeve of his robes over what looked like suspiciously damp eyes as he opened his hand and showed a small gold circlet, one edge flattened, sitting in his palm, "once, and I have never forgotten it. I have researched where the mark that signed the death-warrant of my brother came from and I would recognise this ring anywhere – it is the only one of its kind in existence and a family heirloom of one of the most noble houses of Kumo", he placed the ring of the table, his Byakugan eyes never wavering as he picked out the coiling dragon wrapped around the mountain, a seal that had been the cause of such strife and grief in his clan as he once more pictured the man who had worn such an item, a hundred questions as to how Naruto had come to possess it flowing in his mind even as he finished the introduction of the dreaded article,

"It is the family ring of the Sandaime Raikage".

Thunderstruck, that was the only way Inoichi could describe himself and the council at large at this revelation; even to a shinobi who had lived his life on the sharp edge of combat far too many times to remember the idea that Naruto, even if he was the Mouse of Leaf village and going into what to him would count as virgin territory, could have infiltrated one of the most military villages in the Elemental Nations and swipe a treasured heirloom from the very finger of its leader truly boggled a mind even as prodigious as his. Naruto for his part only smiled again, a little more sheepishly as he scratched the back of his neck, not used to being the centre of attention in circumstances like this as Sarutobi; _he must be in on this_; Inoichi decided this in an instant after seeing the Hokage's face and the equal parts proud and sly expression it was wearing; _if he wasn't he'd probably be in the emergency room fighting off a heart attack by now_; leant forwards and spoke again,

"You have expensive tastes Naruto-kun", he admitted breezily before steepling his fingers, already anticipating the reaction that was sure to come next and looking forwards to it for more than one reason, "so, leaving aside the explanation of how you managed to pull this heist off, I'm sure there had to be a reason for you heading into the land of Lightning apart from wanting some new jewellery".

"Oh yeah, that", Naruto shrugged before his face became more serious, unbuttoning the top button of his too-large shirt and pulling out a slip of paper, regarding it before facing the council again, "well it wasn't a planned trip put it that way, but in the end I'm glad it happened – turned out I, and above that Konoha as a whole, had a fair few reasons to go to the mountains this time".

One of Anko-sensei's lessons came back to him and he was never more grateful than he was at that moment that he'd been able to learn, if not master it; despite locking eyes with Hiashi still his ability to compartmentalise his body meant he threw the second-to-last piece of dynamite he held towards its target, Tsume taken aback but not so shocked that she couldn't catch the fluttering slip and unfurl the small scroll he'd tossed her way. Surreptitiously glancing over the dog-nin's shoulder, Inoichi saw the small but intimately familiar symbol of a traditional storage seal before Tsume swiped her thumb over it and it was destroyed, replaced with a puff of smoke as something larger clattered to the council table. _Another scroll?_; a few memories of the time in the Academy involving practical jokes, as well as a few traditional party games for ninja children in which scrolls sealed in scrolls sealed in scrolls featured prominently flashed through his mind as he watched Tsume unfold the much larger sheet of paper, revealing another, slightly more ornate design. That was as much as he was able to see before the paper it was on started to shake and he glanced to the side of him,

"Tsume?" When she gave no reaction to his voice he steeled himself before reaching over carefully and gently touching her closest arm, the shock pervading her entire body easily visible to even a villager – if Hiashi had gone pale, the dog-nin was _bloodless_, "Tsume-chan, what...?"

He never finished, instead half-standing as his fellow clan head appeared to slump sideways off her seat, landing on her knees as she pushed the scroll open, the pristine white paper covering the floor until it was completely unravelled, a number of the same storage seal designs visible on the parchment. He was about to ask the question he could hear rising from the other members of the council who hadn't had such a good view of what had gone on but, as Tsume seemed to look upwards slightly from her kneeling position, perhaps mouthing a silent prayer to Kami and the ancestors, Inoichi's observational skills finally reasserted themselves and he realised something about the seals laid out before him. _Eight_; the number echoed around his head like a thunderclap; _there are eight seals – surely it's not..._;

It was a question he never had time to even finish formalising Tsumes' clawed hand hit the parchment, her chakra flaring through the reactive inks atop it, shredding the painted chakra constructs and disgorging the cargo they'd carried all the way from Kumo back into the council chambers in an explosion of smoke and fur, quickly accompanied by delighted yelps and the noise of the remainder of the council members' jaws dropping as Tsume, fierce tears of relief in her eyes, simply wrapped her arms around the closest four-legged form to her and felt her heart pound like a drum as her nose told her a wealth of what had happened in the time her pack had been so badly fractured prior to this unexpected but oh-so welcome reunion.

XXX

It had been a hard struggle, almost three and a half solid months of constant worry and living behind skin that wasn't his own but, as he watched the most powerful ninja in the village swap their gazes between himself and where one of their number was being virtually buried beneath the nin-ken he'd, perhaps foolishly, risked everything to go after, Naruto wouldn't have been able to call himself human if he hadn't felt a warm glow of pride suffuse himself as a single sentence, a mere two words, replayed themselves over in his mind, each time sounding more glorious than the one before; _mission accomplished_.

"Naruto", there was no mistaking the awe in Chouza's voice this time as he looked between the returned ninja hounds and the one who'd returned them, "you...the nin-ken...you brought them home?" Such was his almost-euphoric joy Naruto couldn't even deliver a snappy comeback to this blunt statement of fact,

"Yeah, more by luck than judgement, but I was the only one who could when I realised what was going on; lucky I did actually", he opened his eyes before looking across at the Akimichi, a hint of seriousness slipping across his formerly triumph-filled eyes, "if I'd been any slower I'd have ended up as a mouse-kebab rather than just a mouse". At this point one of the voices from the council, rather less aware of Naruto's unique circumstances than the clan heads and the Hokage, spoke up as they regarded the boy before them through thick spectacles with wary respect in his tone,

"I don't presume to understand what has happened here Uzumaki-san", as with everyone in the Hidden Leaf Homaru knew who Naruto was even without having spoken a single word to the boy since he'd been alive, "but I believe some manner of explanation is due as to how you have... procured not only the missing nin-ken but also the ring of a rival kage". Sarutobi glanced over at his former companion, a twinkle back in his eyes that had so recently been so cold and crushed by the losses his village had endured,

"Very true Homaru-kun but I believe such an explanation can wait until all present are ready to hear it", he counselled, inclining his head towards where Tsume was still knelt, embracing her pack and with tears of joy flowing freely down her face and over her fanged tattoos, the salty liquid lapped up by many ecstatic tongues as the eight ninja dogs spoke in their own language to their alphas, Kuromaru tasting their scents as he met each of them nose to nose. However hearing her kage speak in such a manner pierced Tsume's euphoria and, much as she loathed to leave the pack behind after they'd been separated for so long and she had so many questions left to ask them, she forced herself to stand up and dry her eyes,

"No, this is enough; we have to know; Kuro-kun", she murmured the first part half to herself before her eyes snapped open and she looked down at her partner, the one-eyed wolf glancing up from where he was rubbing his neck against the youngest nin-ken present, marking the pup with the scent of his rightful clan and pack once more, "take them home; I'll fill you in later".

She said far more than that of course but in a language no-one else at the gathering save one could understand at all, and even the one who could only had a rudimentary, pidgin grasp of the bestial speech as Kuromaru nodded and barked out a few commands, the rest of the nin-ken reluctantly falling into line after giving one last lick to their two-legged alpha. When all were assembled the grizzled veteran led them to the exit of the council room before pausing momentarily to swing his head around and set his solitary eye on Naruto; boy and nin-ken met gazes for a long moment before, with the canine equivalent of a nod, Kuromaru looked away, hitting the door before him with his shoulder as it hadn't swung properly closed when he'd entered the room what felt like a lifetime ago and leading his family back out the corridor towards the streets of Konoha and, beyond them, to their home.

As he watched the nin-ken leave and heard the tell-tale noises of claws on stonework receding away Naruto once more settled himself down in his seat and faced the council trying hard not to blush or squirm too much as he found himself at the epicentre of attention once more; _though this time_; he recalled the few times this had happened before and realised with a slight jolt that there was a difference between this and pretty much every other time; _they're staring because I helped them out, not because I freaked them out or embarrassed them._

"Naruto-kun", as always jiji's voice simultaneously calmed him down and made him look over, the old man's face once again radiating the same look of both pride and thankfulness that he'd seen there the first time he'd told the Sandaime his story upon re-entered his village late the previous night, "you have the gratitude of the village and the thanks of its kage for the actions you have taken to safeguard its people, either four or two-legged", before anyone, even the ever-watchful, ever-taciturn Shikaku could puzzle this last comment out, Sarutobi had carried on, "though as my advisors have said this council will require an explanation as to both where you've been and how you managed to return bearing not one, but two items no-one in this building was expecting to recover. Would you assuage our curiosity and explain both the actions surrounding your disappearance and your movements these past three or so months?"

"Not to mention how you managed to tweak the dragon's tail like this", Chouza rumbled, still glancing at the ring in front of Hiashi as though expecting it to wink out existence at any moment, "I've no love for the mountain village but I respect them on the battlefield if nowhere else; Kumo is an unforgiving land and its ninja and village are among the most paranoid in the world – at best you shouldn't have got within bow-shot of the walls without being stopped by their patrols". Naruto nodded as he heard this, taking Chouza's words and comparing them to the

"Very true, the Kumo nin I met were highly skilled, not that I saw a lot of them directly", he silently thanked Kami that this was the case, especially on the last frantic dash back to the land of fire with his priceless cargo and partner in tow, "but apart from that I guess I'd better start at the start or you'll all get lost. So then", he clapped his hands before breaking into the first act of the play that had been the last quarter of a year of his life, "it was an Inuzuka night, I'd gotten in and dodged a couple of nin-ken..."

"Sorry Uzumaki-san", the first of several interruptions brought him juddering to a halt but, as the lady who asked the question looked to ask a question rather than demand an answer, he didn't react other than to cock his head questioningly at her words, "what do you mean when you say an 'Inuzuka night?'"

"I'll handle this Naru-kun", Sarutobi took the reins before Naruto had even opened his mouth, turning to his former team mate and explaining the bare bones of the situation glibly; _after all, I can't stop Danzo becoming aware of the situation if he isn't already, but I can at least control how much he knows of Naruto's little business_; "he has an agreement with the clans by which he is allowed on their lands at certain times, though the details of what transpires there are matters of a clan nature and I haven't delved into them too deeply. Obviously on the night the Inuzuka were attacked it was merely luck that Naruto-kun happened to be present, though what happened beyond that I know as much as you do - carry on Naruto". Knowing a command when one was issued the jinchuuriki did just that while the men who Sarutobi had been talking to once more felt a glimmer of respect towards his oldest adversary despite nothing showing on his face; _very clever Sarutobi, clan business indeed_;

"Right, well I was in the grounds and heading towards the outer clan structures when I thought I'd been spotted, a nin-ken was in the grass near a tree just looking towards me; at first I thought it was going to let me go and hope to get a bit of extra bacon out of it when I...ah, oops"; _baka, way to go giving up one of your strategies_; he mentally berated himself at the same time as kicking his own rear end, "...never mind. Anyway, I was about to hand myself in and give myself up as caught when I realised, the dog", even now, over a quarter of a year after the event, Naruto couldn't quite hold back the quaver from his voice as he relived that first horrible time he had seen something larger than a mouse or a rabbit recently dead before him, "it was... he'd already, stabbed it".

"Who had?"

"I don't know, never knew", Naruto shook his head at the same time as wiping his eyes, "I heard him when one of the nin-ken in the compound howled and he swore, I only had time to prepare one jutsu to keep by butt in one piece..."

XXX

Duruzaki Atoru was a proud shinobi of Lightning but that didn't mean he was a heartless man; he'd thrown the kunai before he'd got a good look at what he was aiming at and, as he saw the huge eyes of the terrified child before him, he'd have given anything to be able to snatch the kunai out the air and back to him. As it was though he could do nothing beyond observe, a helpless spectator as he saw the lethal blade arc towards the target; in dreadful slowness he saw the tip of the hurtling projectile first pucker and then pierce the vulnerable flesh, the child's eyes almost mimicking those of the dog he'd snuck up on during his infiltration and the face of the dying child turning towards him...

...before it burst into smoke.

_What?_; caught completely out by this sudden disappearance Atoru lost precious seconds before he remembered where he was and what he was carrying on his back; if the Wolves of Konoha caught him now carrying what was held in the thick hempen sack on his back he knew he would never leave these grounds in pieces larger than his littlest fingernail. Now more than ever before the need to extricate himself from this mission was paramount; for the sake of a brighter future for his country he had to get away but at the same time he had to ensure there was absolutely no trace of Kumo's involvement in this mess; _and if that means I have to find the damned kunai I just lost taking out that clone then so be it. And that was a shadow clone as well_; there was no doubt about that, he recognised the clone popping into chakra smoke rather than decomposing into its base element, a tell-tale characteristic of that Konoha kinjutsu; _so if the information we have on that jutsu is accurate, that means whoever made that clone might know where I am_; that was a chilling thought and not for the first time Atoru found himself devoutly hoping Kumo's intelligence division had got it wrong on this one – they only speculated the shadow clone allowed the creator to see through the eyes of the clone to a limited degree based on observing Konoha ninja in the field and how they appeared to have some idea of potential ambushes or traps after those clones had been used to spring them, though they had no hard proof as of yet; _and I'm not sticking around to prove a damned theory._

Letting the sack that contained his prize and Kumo's future glory slip off his shoulder to the floor and keeping his tread light, the Kumo shinobi quickly crossed the ground and followed the path of the kunai, obscured as it had been through the smoke. Urgency leant him speed as he quickly but carefully grubbed around in the undergrowth until, relieved, he picked out a silver gleam in the moonlight and hastily stashed the kunai back in his pouch, never once dropping the jutsu he had developed that made him the perfect choice for this S-ranked mission, assigned to him by the Raikage himself. As a newly-minted jounin this was a great honour and Atoru had been rigidly at attention as he stood before the great mans' desk until the Sandaime himself had all but ordered him to relax. As the Sandaime had explained Kumo still lacked many of the bloodlines enjoyed by their competitors and Atoru was in a perfect position to help rectify that imbalance with the jutsu that instantly gave him an edge in infiltration.

Atoru, like many in Kumo, had been born with an elemental affinity to lightning; however unlike many of his fellow shinobi, rather than invest this chakra in highly visible jutsu of mass destruction, he followed a different route and, quite by accident, developed what was now his signature technique. By using precise but constant amounts of lightning chakra emitted mere millimetres from the entire skin surface, anyone using this jutsu would instantly ionise any organic matter than entered or, more importantly, exited his personal space; as the hunter-nin who'd trained him had grudgingly admitted, his jutsu meant that he shed no skin, lost no hair and, most essentially, left no scent trail behind him while using what was, in essence, a low C-rank technique at most, but one only a ninja with a small chakra reserve and very refined chakra control could use effectively.

_Hence why I got this mission – not even the Hounds of Night can track what they can't smell_; the Kumo ninja thought as he replaced his weapon and reached for the sack he'd abandoned; for all the things the Kumo war machine had, one thing they were lacking was a seal that allowed them to transport living creatures in scrolls; _so until then I'm stuck dragging these furry carcasses around like a bundle of old washing. Bloody hell_; he had to bite down a swearword as he had to pull the sack upwards quite a lot harder than he'd anticipated; _is it just me or did these guys turn to rock all of a sudden? I must be more nervous than I thought..._

XXX

As soon as he burst back to his regular size following jiji explaining to those not in the know what his henge actually did and asking for a demonstration, Naruto picked up where he left off,

"It's a habit Aburame-san helped me get into", Naruto explained, nodding towards Shibi before carrying on, "when I get caught, henge into mouse-form and use the smoke and confusion to try and get away"; _actually, it was a bit more than that – his actual advice was to make a shadow clone then use the mouse henge to make sure I'd have a chance to escape while the bad guy was going for the clone_; true as this was Naruto wasn't stupid enough to say it out loud with unfamiliar ears listening into the conversation, "and this time, luckily, it worked. The kunai the guy threw missed me by a hair and, when I got my bearings, he must have assumed I was some sort of distraction or diversion. I was about ready to get away, try and run for it when I heard him drop something heavy and felt a shadow move over me; while he was busy doing whatever I ran towards whatever he'd dropped – that's when I figured this whole thing out".

"How?" Naruto tapped the side of his nose,

"Been onto Inuzuka lands for the past nine months or so I know what nin-ken smell like, and in mouse-form my sense of smell is even keener than normal", he admitted, shrugging to disguise the memory of worry and shock that had gnawed at his belly as he'd scrambled over bracken and underbrush in the dark, following his memory and then his nose towards where the sack had been dropped and feeling his guts churn as he realised in a flash what was inside the container, "but when I realised he must have been the one who killed the nin-ken I also figured out he must have been trying to steal the nin-ken. I didn't really think, I don't remember what was going through my mind all that well; I must have nibbled through the bag at a corner and squeezed inside; next thing I knew he must have come back and picked us all up; there I was at the bottom of a sack covered in knocked out ninja-dogs – believe me I've had more comfortable rides, but at the time I was just grateful he didn't notice the weight difference". There was a sniff from the table and he looked over as the old lady sat next to jiji pushed her glasses back up her nose and regarded him,

"I doubt any ninja, no matter how expert, would notice the weight of a single mouse in a sackful of nin-ken, least of all when in a desperate hurry".

"Huh? But he should've...oh, sorry", he scratched the back of his neck again sheepishly, "should have explained the henge a bit better; when I change I keep my original weight, so he should've noticed something as heavy as me weighing the sack down. I was just lucky he didn't".

"And so were we all; what eludes me though", Shikaku spoke, as he always did, in a slow, drawling tone that suggested his lips were engaging in a constant struggle just to move enough to let the words out, much as his eyelids always seemed to have to strain to stay hovering above being fully shut, "is how the Inuzuka managed to get a scent off you but failed to follow the, I assume, Kumo shinobi's trail".

"I don't know, I never knew", Naruto shook his head, holding up his hands, "I didn't see anything else for I-don't-know how long; all I remember was being jostled around in the bag, continually getting fallen on by the nin-ken and generally feeling like half the Hyuuga clan were stirring me around in their clothes-pit", Hiashi managed to keep his face completely straight at this mental image though he did sit up straighter, wondering exactly what the Uzumaki was going to come up with next, "I don't even know where we went or who we were with, I still can't hear things properly when I'm henged into a mouse. I think we, or the sack I was in at least, were in a wagon at least some of the time but every time they opened the sack they only took out one dog at a time, must have been feeding, watering and drugging them because none of them woke up during the entire journey, so I was able to run around and stay hidden under them. I heard and smelt people around but what they were saying was a mystery; all I could do was try to put up with it all until I could find out where they were taking us".

"So that was how you managed it; you basically piggy-backed into Kumo on the back of one of their own ninja?"

"No, and I was lucky I got out before we got through the gates, it gave me time to prepare", Naruto answered Chouza's assumption with an answer of his own, now sounding more serious as he recalled the Dragon village, so called because of its affinity with the lightning element, "knowing what I know now I can safely say that going into that village like that would have been a death-sentence; the second I went into my regular form I'd have been found out and caught before I could've gotten my bearings. No, I waited until...well, I'm not sure exactly where we ended up but I could smell wood-smoke from nearby, heard crackling and assumed whoever was carrying us was making a fire, must have stopped for the night. I wriggled through the nin-ken and out the hole I'd made earlier after checking as best I could it was safe; luckily I came out in the shadow of the bag, facing away from the fire. Because of that I was able to glance around without people seeing me and one of the ninja in the squad was sat some feet away from me, just the right distance and lit up by the fire. Mouse-eyes aren't as good as a person's at range, least of all against things that are higher up than they are, but luckily this guy wore his head-band on his arm and I could see the pattern picked out in the fire light. The two joined rectangle-like thingies and a small circle; for a minute I thought it was Iwa but then remembered theirs looks like mountains, so I realised it had to be Kumo".

At this point a very slow grinding noise rent the atmosphere as Tsume's claws involuntarily scratched the surface of the desk in front of her; though she had known the perpetrators of the crime against her clan as soon as Chouza had shown the symbol on the pilfered soldier pill packet, to have it confirmed like this was a white-hot iron rod to both her pride and her yearning for vengeance. Doing her best not to let a growl slip into her tone, the Inuzuka turned to look up the table,

"Hokage-sama", she somehow spoke without moving her lips, the muscles in her face as rigid and unyielding as those in her hands, "this is too far; once could be excused as ignorance but this, this is proof of Kumo's treachery and policies of bloodline abduction – there can be no diplomacy now! I ask you Sarutobi, release us", there was a hellish light in her eyes, the fire of a predator that has been wounded and now hunts for vengeance rather than prey or sport, "let the pack go and the rivers of Lightning will run red with blood and tears within a month!" The Sandaime was on his feet so quickly most in the chamber completely missed it,

"Stand down Tsume", he two shinobi locked eyes and, though she held the gaze of the God of Shinobi for many long seconds, eventually the will behind those steely irises brought her passion for revenge to heel and the head of the House of Dogs dropped her gaze, "this is not the time or the place to discuss our next move; we must have all the information before we can plan again. I promise you this though, I agree with you on one thing", there was flint in his gaze as he looked forwards and gestured towards his adopted godson, "this is too far – carry on though please Naruto-kun".

The jinchuuriki blinked a little at the speed in which the old man cowed one of his most volatile council members before turning to and addressing him like the grandfather Naruto knew, but he quickly recovered and picked up his story where he left off,

"Okay, well once I realised that I also knew I was in a bit of a tight spot; I had no idea where I was, how long it had been since the nin-ken had been taken or anything like that – on top of that there were shinobi, at least two of them, between me and the nin-ken and I know I'm nowhere near good enough to take on a genin yet in a fight, and these two weren't genin. Instead I decided the best thing to do was stay low and get information; I couldn't get back in the bag because if I did there was a risk I'd have been carried into Kumo village itself and they'd have seen me as soon as they tipped the nin-ken out the bag. It was quite easy to slip away and there were a few trees around, the camp-site was quite secluded; I ducked under a raised tree-root and stayed there until the morning".

"You were awake all night?"

"Yeah, managed to sleep in the bag a bit, and it was cold that night so sleeping would have been hard anyway", he explained to the other advisor, the man with the large square glasses that regarded him solemnly from the Hokage's flank, "but when morning came the ninja packed up and moved out; I waited, don't know how long for, before I dropped my henge. Mistake that turned out to be; took me fifteen minutes to stretch off the cramps afterwards".

"I can imagine", Sarutobi stated dryly; _very true, even in my youth I wouldn't have wanted to stay in a kanpekina henge of something so small for so long, never mind at this stage of my life_; "what did you do after that?" The jinchuuriki's expression was as deadpan as his voice,

"I located and utilised a convenient tree".

XXX

Though nothing would or could ever come close to mimicking the satisfaction of a well-made bowl of Ichiraku ramen, after Kami-knew-how long wrapped up in a sack with nothing remotely even close to privacy or even room to answer nature's call, Naruto was inclined to believe that the sheer bliss of relieving a painfully-fully bladder ran a close second.

_Ahhhh_; the euphoric expression on his face for long, glorious moments as he covered the hole he'd made the way he'd been shown; _if I ever get back to Konoha I need to remind myself I really owe Flea for showing me that jutsu – Kage Bunshin's the best but Chikyu Kawa no jutsu comes a close second. Now_; he decided as he placed back the blanket of grass the E-ranked doton had pulled back from the ground over the results of long-postponed natural necessities; _next job – get a wash, get masked up and after that, get my bearings!_

Time was essential; though the camp site the Kumo nin had abandoned appeared deserted Naruto knew enough about looking beneath the beneath to know better than to assume it would stay that way. Right now he was a lone child in enemy territory, he stank like he'd been living in a kennel most of his life and he was covered in flaky camouflage paint – not a good situation to try and talk his way out of should he come unstuck and end up apprehended. Luckily even his mouse eyes and nose had seen and smelt steam earlier as the ninja had cooked breakfast before departing so there was water nearby; summoning a single clone to keep watch and taking several breaths after he'd done so to make sure he wasn't going to feel any ill-effects from doing so due to his past few rough nights, Naruto quickly withdrew a scroll from within the pocket of his infiltration uniform and scanned through the contents, unsealing what he'd need for the next few minutes and handing the most important item to the clone with a clipped, curt instruction,

"Read it, memorise it and I'll do the same when I get back – two heads and all that?"

"Right, go; I'll pop if anyone's coming". The original nodded and then left at speed towards the noise of running water he could hear off to the left.

The iciness of the shallow, fast-flowing stream made him gasp; if it had been any colder he'd have sworn there would have been chunks of ice in the water, a legacy of the glacier the stream must have originated from. Stripping off quickly Naruto scooped up handfuls of water and washed fast, scrubbing away the mud he'd streaked on his face to help infiltrate the Inuzuka grounds and washing off the canine odour before donning his new clothes, unsealed from within the scroll and brought with him for just this event. They were too big for him, much too big but in a minute that wouldn't matter as he mentally recanted the same two words over and over in his mind, the memory crystallising into clearer and clearer focus each time. With his breathing evening out he looked into the water and watched his own reflection closely, the two words still in his mind as he brought his hands together, the seals formed slowly but without conscious thought as Uzumaki Naruto closed his eyes and felt the technique take hold...

...then found himself looking into the clear, cold water straight into the eyes of a very familiar stranger.

XXX

The new figure that sat where Naruto had once sat, the same one Kuromaru had seen through and intercepted, smiled across the chamber at the council before making a motion as though doffing his cap,

"Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week and all donations are welcome; tell your friends, tell your family, the _Kyaraban-ko_ Maumaru Zaki is in town until further notice. One lesson I'll always be grateful to Anko-sensei for", the child, much taller and rangier than the Naruto all present knew, admitted with an expression of fond remembrance, "always carry at least three masks on you at all times".

"Anko? As in Mitarashi Anko?"

"That's the one and, thankfully, the only", the now-named Zaki admitted to a stunned-looking Koharu before hastily checking over his shoulder as though scared the Snake Mistress was going to come slithering malevolently out of the stonework to get him for his harsh words, "she taught me all I know about masking up and writing out a decent alias – hell she helped me put Maumaru Zaki together in the first place. Took a long time but seeing how this mask kept me alive and in one piece since the day I put it on I'd say she's a damn fine teacher".

"Indeed", Danzo mused, the first word Naruto had heard him speak and one that sent a shiver running unchecked down his spine, "you had the material necessary for this, Zaki character sealed on you".

"Always do and from now on, always will have a deep-cover mask with me all the time; it's saved not just my butt but a, fair few others as you saw earlier"; _and will again in a minute, though gently does it, don't ruin the surprise now, though how she's resisting the temptation is beyond me_; "so I got dressed, got back to the camp and re-read the back-story of the mask; there were a few gaps to do with what I was doing in Kumo but I was planning to do a bit of digging to get the information I needed. As far as I could tell though, I was ready; I burnt all the clothes I'd had on in the sack as well as the back-story of the mask and any sealed items I had on me I couldn't easily explain, and then set off towards where I hoped there was some kind of civilisation".

"But why", Chouza glanced around as his voice cut across the Uzumaki's though it was hard to picture the wry, worldly-wise teens' face being the same wide-eyed, blonde-haired child he was so familiar with, "why didn't you try to come straight back home, back to Konoha?"

"Because I didn't know where I was exactly; my original aim was to get to somewhere, even a village, and catch up on the gossip; if I could figure out where I was I could plan my next move and, let's face it, you'd expect a _Kyaraban-ko_ to home in on the word on the street like a fly to the Nara stables". Rationalising this story over in his mind, Sarutobi felt his eyes narrow for a moment,

"And just how did you become so familiar with the, ah, work of the _Kyaraban-ko_? In fact more to the point how do you even know who they are in the first place?"

"Remember the carnival that came to town, in fact both the most recent one and the one before that?" As the Hokage nodded, so did Naruto just before explaining, "Well those were the first two I went to, both times I was with the Hasuwada family and both times we had a whale of a night out. However what they didn't know was that when I got the chance, as in when I could sneak away from Ten-chan for a minute, I was asking the caravan workers and performers about themselves – where they came from, how they got involved in the travelling life and all that kind of thing – all to help with the mask of Maumaru Zaki. From them, after they told all the old jokes about kids not being allowed to run away and join the circus, I found out about the _Kyaraban-ko_ and realised it was perfect, or at least, an almost perfect cover for a mask; as soon as I was able to I jotted down what I'd heard and integrated parts of the story into the history, if you like, of Zaki".

"But, excuse my ignorance", Hiashi inclined his head, fingers still clutched tight around the small band of gold Naruto had thrown to him, a representation and, if fate were to favour him, perhaps a way to reconcile with his brothers' kin in the Branch house, "what actually is or are the _Kyaraban-ko_?" Naruto, or at least the face he now wore, turned to the Hyuuga lord with a crafty smile,

"They're the caravan-children, born to travelling groups; of course your standard carnival, circus or kabuki group can't really cope with too many youngsters at once – it's too easy for them to get in the way, get hurt or simply be forgotten about and accidentally left behind when the show moves on. Instead most of these children are left behind in special homes, a lot like orphanages, run by old carnival workers who're too old to stay on the road any more, mostly retired ringmasters or former lead performers of kabuki groups. There's a whole network of these homes, runs throughout the Elemental Nations and funded by the carnivals themselves, though how the system works exactly I don't know; all I was able to learn was that the children in these homes don't tend to have the best reputations, often thought of as little more than camped vagabonds, and that when they get old enough, unless claimed by their birth parents, most _Kyaraban-ko_ go wandering down the roads of the world, working or, if they have to, thieving as they go until they meet a travelling show they can become apprenticed in; it sounded unfair to me but, when I thought about it and especially as I lived it, I realised it was like that because it had to be – life on the road teaches these kids a lot of the tricks of the trade they'll use in the ring, tricks that might make even a shinobi wonder how they'd done it".

After taking a second to process this, least of all the idea of a jinchuuriki of all things calling the lives of other people inherently unfair, Hiashi nodded and allowed Naruto, or 'Zaki' as he appeared to be now, to continue his tale,

"So, there I was, out in the middle of nowhere with nothing in my pocket save a few battered-looking jars of make-up, a couple of ryo and an old crossbow – perfect, no-one would have even looked at me twice had they seen me, except maybe to check I wasn't going to shoot at them. The campsite was off a road a few miles, I followed the way I'd seen the ninja go and came to it in an hour or so; travelling down that way was easy enough, I came to a hamlet after a few hours of walking and, okay I got a few odd looks, but their local bar served me food and a glass of cold water as long as I left the bow behind the bar. I ate there, realised where I was and picked up a few other things while I was eating; these two pan-handles", he touched his ears, henged to be slightly larger than average, "most precious tool a _Kyaraban-ko_ can have, teach you all sorts of things on the road. After I'd eaten and had heard enough to be getting on with, I had to get the last thing I needed off the barman..."

XXX

Looking up from his glasses, the brawny man casually counted the coins slapped down onto his bar by the smaller, leaner figure with a practiced eye and noticed, with some surprise, a slight tip amongst the copper; _strange, he didn't look like the type_;

"Thanks", he muttered gruffly, placing the cleaned jars under the bar, "the crossbow right?"

"Unless you've got something better under there you could give me?" The reply was sharp and enough to tempt a slight snicker from the barman as he stooped to locate the weapon he'd confiscated from his customer,

"No such luck; only shinobi and samurai go armed with high-grade weapons in this land and I've not seen one of them for some time, not that they'd have any reason to stay in a spit of humanity like this".

"Bit hard on yourself and your fellow men aren't you? I've not seen anything to put me off so far".

"Then be grateful you're not staying here long", despite his tough demeanour the tattooed figure was observant enough to know a traveller when he spied one and had scoped the child; _if you could still call him that – Kami alone knows what goes on with these children after their so-called masters get through with them_; out from the second he'd entered the bar, "I'd have laid better than even odds that by the time night fell you'd have been going out of your mind looking for someone who could even get a joke, let alone tell one". Green eyes crinkled in mirth,

"Perhaps, but I'm sure a man like yourself would have saved me from going completely insane, you seem sharp enough"; _flattery will get you nowhere_; even as he folded his arms however, the barman couldn't quite stop the hint of a smug smirk creeping over his face from the compliment; _though points for trying_; "anyway, you seem like a man who knows where the roads from here go – I'm looking for Kumo, which way do I go from here?"

At that the barman gave a low whistle and for a moment Naruto feared the worst, that he'd made a mistake that would see him thrown in jail until ninja came to collect him for snooping, but luckily the taller figure didn't notice as he went on,

"You're brave; not many try to cut their teeth in the Cloud village".

"Ah but as the old saying goes a faint heart never won a fair lady; not that I'm looking for any trouble-and-strife at the minute but I'd settle for a minor role in any caravan with the mettle to set up shop in the maw of the Dragon village". A second gruff chuckle followed and Naruto, known now and for the foreseeable future as Zaki until he could return to the land of Fire, breathed again,

"Hah, and if you can survive there for long enough to get picked up by one you deserve it", one well-muscled and hairy arm pointed towards the door of the bar, its owner speaking up, "it's two days walking but, if you hang around, there might be a merchant travelling that way; if not, turn right, follow the road until it forks and follow the left path; it'll take about half a day but don't turn off and you should come to signs for Kumo from there, I think the first sign in right next to a tree hit by lightning, black and scorched as a Kirian's heart". Zaki shivered,

"Ouch, don't speak to loud or Kami might think you're giving lighting a bad name. So then", shouldering his crossbow, the teenager dipped his head and made to leave, "it's a good day, the sun's out despite the cold and I reckon I could make it in a day and half – if I come back this way I'll tell you about it".

"You do that, as long as you pay from your food and drink while you do it". As he reached for and started polishing a fresh glass, the barman heard the door to his premises open and close, the youngster departing without another word and leaving him alone with his regulars.

As it turned out it took Zaki a lot less than half a day to reach the first sign to Kumo thanks to a fast bit of bartering to earn passage on the back of a farmer's cart, sitting atop bales of hay and keeping his balance with his crossbow in his lap, keeping a weather eye out for bandits that even the farmer and his son admitted were unlikely to appear this close to the ninja village, Kumo being positioned quite close to the border between the lands of Lightning and Frost for the exact reason of protecting the Daimyo's trade routes. Hopping down from the back of the wagon and thanking the bidding the land workers good luck for the rest of their journey, Zaki read the signposts hammered into the soft loam and, following the arrow, squared his shoulders and set off towards his destiny.

He was actually expecting to be stopped well in advance of the gates of the ninja village but to his amazement, just as the sun was vanishing behind one of the banks of mountains that lined the vertiginous land, he crested a slight rise in the ground, wiped a little sweat off his brow and blinked as he saw both the gates before him and the sigil carved into the bare rock flanking them; _Kumo's sign – this is it, this is the village of Lightning! I made it, well, I got the feeling I was being watched a lot of the time, but since they didn't stop me I guess they thought I was no threat, so that much worked at least_. Breathing out slowly, not just due to nerves but also because the roads he'd walked up and down were not the flat, smooth paths he was used to but rather more winding over hills and dales, Zaki approached the main gates, squinting as he thought he saw movement at the base as he came closer. This was borne out as a ninja appeared from what must have been a concealed gatehouse, built into the rock of the path and, under the gaze of the villages' defender, Zaki made sure his crossbow was well-slung over his back, completely inoffensive as there was no way he could have drawn, loaded and aimed it before the shinobi, or kunoichi he realised as he came close enough to pick out more detail of the waiting ninja, could use the fine blade at her side to kill him,

"Good evening ninja-san", he greeted breezily, raising a hand with a wide smile on his face, "I've been walking and riding all day to get here; any chance of a pillow and a blanket for the night?"

"That depends", she replied through eyes that were as blank and inexpressive as the bank of rock surrounding them, "who are you and what's your business in Kumo?"

"Me, ah I'm the Daimyo of Frost country, here for a visit – no?" He did his best to look innocent and disappointed as the kunoichi merely narrowed her eyes, "I was hoping that'd get a rise out of you, you must have ice in your veins even for shinobi. Anyway, Maumaru Zaki, here looking for enough work to tide me over until a decent travelling show comes in and offers me an apprenticeship in their performances".

"Travelling show", she repeated her words like an Akimichi rolling a new, faintly unpleasant tasting treat in her mouth, expression changing for the first time to a raised eyebrow as she made the connection, "you're one of those canvas-brats?"

"Guilty as charged; _Kyaraban-ko_, canvas-brat, road-grubber, heard most of them and been called them all", Zaki admitted breezily before becoming slightly more serious, "though contrary to a lot of opinions we're not all pick-pockets and cut-purses, so no need to check your change while I'm around – I kind of need both hands attached to my body to practice my craft. Ah there we go, I knew you could smile if you tried hard enough". Despite herself a bare quarter of said expression had peeped onto the kunoichi's lips and even as she ironed it flat there was no hope of her hiding it in time; instead she rapped the blade hanging in the scabbard at her side before speaking again,

"Good, I'd hate to have to blunt my blade on your scrawny bones", she almost-smiled again as Zaki did his best to look exaggeratedly innocent, "but why here? You'd have more luck in Fire, or even the civilian cities rather than here, not many shows ever pitch up here".

"Very true, that's what our old kaa-san told us all before I set off to seek my fortune", he admitted before shrugging, "but she also said only the best shows can cut their teeth in Kumo, you've got the highest standards – if I can get picked up by a ringmaster plying his trade around there I've got it made, I'll get the best leg-up and hopefully be able to become a ringmaster myself some day. So then", he clapped his hands, rubbing them together as though in glee, "any chance of getting in?"

"Maybe tomorrow; too late to try and process you now - even the paper-pushers have to sleep occasionally", the kunoichi admitted with a slight shrug, "got some lodgings down here for people like you who get in late. We'll send you up to the village tomorrow at first light". As she turned away, obviously expecting him to follow, Zaki simply fell into line and glanced around as he was led through a side-gate cut into the main structure and pointed to a long, low-ceiling building cut into the rock,

"Looks better than some of the lodgings I've been in since the spring", he muttered, just loud enough for her to overhear before, seeing a couple of new Kumo-nin step out from what he assumed to be the guardhouse of the holding area and the large, flat penned in field next to it; _ah, that must be for the horses and wagons in case they get a trading convoy through, or a big delivery_; "so then, where do I have to sign and where can I get my head down?"

Bright and early the next day Zaki gave one of the overseeing Kumo guards a bit of a shock by almost bumping into him in the main corridor of the centre,

"Wah! Oh, it's you, Zaki-san right?"

"If I say yes to that will you put the knife away?"

"Oops, sorry about that", replacing his kunai and recovering his professional appearance, the chunin spoke again, "wasn't expecting you to be up and about so early; I know Duru's squad told you about first thing in the morning but I didn't think you'd pay attention to it". Zaki grinned, having lost his trepidation now that the shinobi was no longer holding the sharp bit of metal that seemed to have sprung into his hand as though alive,

"Ah, but as our old tou-san used to tell us early to bed and early to rise is good for what ails you; also means you're first in the queue for breakfast and get a good meal rather than ending up fighting your way through the other ankle-biters for it". The ninja chuckled before, to Zaki's surprise, offering his hand,

"I guess so, though I'm an only child so I couldn't say from experience; Shizi, by the way, no need to bother with any of that clan stuff". Gripping and shaking, the _Kyaraban-ko_ nodded before replying,

"In that case just call me Zaki; I don't even know who my parents were so couldn't tell you my real clan name even if I wanted to – kaa-san just called me Maumaru because I used to be as quick as one when I was crawling away, or at least that's what she told me. Tricky one she was though, always had to believe half of what she said when she said it, and chances were you was always ended up heeding the wrong half".

"Sounds like me during my Academy days, though it was more like listening to a quarter of what was said", Shizi admitted before beckoning the younger child through, "anyway since you're up we might as well take you up with us, you're the only waif who was blown in during the night. Second on the left, the chef'll treat you to the 'delights' of breakfast", Shizi shuddered before carrying on, "and from there it's a half-hour hike to Kumo. Hope you've got your walking boots on you?"

"Born on the road Shizi-san; I've got soles like cured leather and twice as tough; if it weren't for that fancy plate of metal you're wearing I'd be worried about leaving you behind". Reaching up and tapping his engraved headband plate with deep respect and affection, the Kumo nin nodded,

"Not while this is still around my neck Zaki-san; I've sweated blood and tears to earn and keep this and take it from me, compared to that a quick run up this hill is nothing more than light exercise!"

XXX

"So that was it?" Once more it seemed Danzo was determined to bring everything back down to earth with a bump, "You just walked straight into Kumo, one of if not the most military of the five great hidden villages, without a care in the world in just a henge?"

"Uhh, I guess so", the jinchuuriki offered weakly, rubbing the back of his neck, "I just played the character as best I could – Anko-sensei always said over half of infiltration is about the preparation to bring your mask to life, the rest's all confidence. Don't wear a mask, _become_ the mask was the way she described it and I tried to do that the best I could, though it took me a long time to be confident in this face. While I'm Zaki, Uzumaki Naruto is just someone I know, a person I've heard of but nothing more than that vague memory", he admitted before someone else seemed to step in to lend a hand against Danzo's scepticism,

"Added to that the fact that Kumo had no reason whatsoever to expect Konoha to suspect them for the Inuzuka's loss or, even if they did, to react so fast and in such an oblique manner", Shikaku pointed out logically, once more his sharp mind picking holes in the warhawks' logic, "a single ninja against a village with no back-up; it would be suicide, a mission with risks so great no kage would ever stamp it legal – small wonder they never suspected a thing as this Maumaru Zaki walked up to their village".

"And on top of that", Inoichi spoke up as well, his experience and knowledge of what made different people tick aiding him as he looked over at the henged child and gave his opinion, "I think all the clan heads present here tonight would agree that Naruto-kun, despite rumours to the contrary, can plan quite complex strategies almost as well as he can fly by the seat of his pants. If I were to guess I'd say he's been working on Zaki for years now to get that confident in a form that's not his, and he was carrying all the extra paraphernalia he'd need to make his henge seem believable on him – make no mistake Danzo-sama", he used the honorific in the loosest sense possible but there was no sense in ruffling the old buzzard's feathers if he didn't have to, "this was not some child playing make-believe; this was a child who's been rehearsing his lines for years in case an occasion such as this cropped up and, when the time came, gave the performance of his life".

"Aww don't, you'll make me go red", the aforementioned boy admitted, fishing in his pocket for something, "but Inoichi-san's right, I did work hard to get this comfortable in this skin. I watched the performers on carnival nights, as well as the teenagers in the village to see how they acted, how they moved; taught myself to try and tumble in this form – wouldn't be much use saying I was going to be a clown if I couldn't walk in a straight line because I wasn't used to walking around like this", there was a flash of copper as Zaki withdrew his hand from his pocket and sent a coin dancing across his knuckles, "even taught myself a couple of cantrips, little magic tricks", the coin vanished into his palm before, opening his hand, he revealed it was empty before leaning back in his seat and appearing to pull it out of a fold in the attendant ANBU's robe, "nothing major, just enough to make it look like I'd had some practice in the carnival arts".

"Practice that was well-justified Naruto-kun, if the way you magicked what you have out the land of Lightning is anything to go by", the Sandaime smiled again as Naruto put the currency away, "still, ignoring the history of this Maumaru-mask for a moment, what happened when you entered Kumo proper?" At this the henged _Kyaraban-ko_ leant back in his chair again, folding his hands behind his head while grinning widely in fond remembrance,

"I got sent to processing; while they judged I wasn't a threat there was no way they were going to let me wander around aimlessly. Shizi and his squad took me to the Raikage tower to get a temporary working permit and, believe me now if you believe nothing else I ever say Shikaku-san", the Nara glanced over as Zaki looked over at him once more, an eyebrow cocked teasingly, "no matter how much you complain about Yoshino-obachan being a nag, take it from me if you'd been born in Kumo you could've ended up with someone a lot, lot worse..."

XXX

Taking in the scene before him, Zaki let out an appreciative whistle,

"Wow, now there's a sight you don't see every day", turning to the shinobi who'd accompanied him on the trek up to the plateau Kumo was built upon, the _Kyaraban-ko_ inclined his head towards the Raikage tower before them, "so you actually carved that building from the mountain itself?"

"Well the Shodaime Raikage did, though how is still a mystery", the Kumo chunin filled him in before stepped back slightly, "still, we have to report in now so this is where we part ways; go in there and ask for the permit department, they'll see you right; just make sure you keep that permit on you at all times in Kumo or you'll be arrested by the Bolts".

"Bolts?"

"Internal security – they're shinobi but they wear armbands with a lightning bolt stitched into them, you can't miss them".

"Ah, the nuts division – nuts and bolts, get it?" Shizi looked confused for a second before the penny dropped and he chortled, clapping the smaller figure on the shoulder,

"I think we're going to get on like a downtown bar-brawl Zaki; look out for me once they find a place for you to stay". With that Shizi and his section moved away, leaving towards a building slightly aside from the Raikage tower and Zaki, after taking a breath and composing himself, headed into the stone-crafted tower, hopped up the steps and, after testing the door was open, let himself in.

_Typical_; upon seeing the scene before him he could do nothing more than fold his arms and huff; _all that trouble to get here early and no-one's about!_ Seeing the empty seats in front of him Zaki resigned himself to a bit of a wait as he slouched towards one of the chairs in the hall, though no sooner had he made to sit down a strident voice broke into his thoughts and made him leap back up,

"And you are?"

"Currently trying to avoid a panic attack and you ain't helping lady", he complained towards the straight-laced, matronly figure he could see just emerged from one of the doorways leading off from the main reception area, regarding him with a judgemental but not exactly unkind eye, "anyway, since you asked I'm Maumaru Zaki, you?"

"Zaki, ah yes", ignoring his question the woman appeared to be struck by an epiphany, "they said about that last night – waiting for processing? Follow me in that case", without waiting for a reply she walked away up the stairs, Zaki hurrying to catch up, "I'll process you in my office, shouldn't take long".

"Processing? Never heard it called that before", as the kimonoed form turned to look over her shoulder with a raised eyebrow Zaki gave a salacious smirk and glanced at his wrist as though checking a watch, "reckon we've got time before the rest come into work?" To his surprise she simply sniffed before turning back around, making sure he never caught the slight smile on her face,

"Sorry to break your heart gaki but I'm very happily married and a kunoichi to boot; try anything on me and I'll leave you in so many pieces the entire tracking division won't be able to find them all. Besides, you're a little too young for my tastes".

"You said that not me".

"You want your permit or you want to get thrown out the gates?"

"I'll be good".

A few moments later Zaki found himself ushered into a quite comfortable office with a great view overlooking the whole of Kumo; while he was admiring the view, the woman who he assumed was a secretary of some kind, though no doubt quite a high-ranking one, sat behind her desk and started rummaging through the drawers of her desk.

"Hmm, just let me get the right forms...ah, there we go", a hefty layer of parchment thumped onto the desk, "so then, let's get this done quick; what's your name?"

"Maumaru Zaki". She looked up at him slightly askance but, seeing no lie in his face, she carried on,

"Age and date of birth?"

"Uhhmm, that I can't answer, I don't know exactly; I think I'm just over twelve but, since I'm on the road now, I'm considered an adult among the carnival-folk". She glanced up before, after ticking her pen in front of her like a metronome for a few seconds, she scribbled something down,

"I'll say thirteen, you look about that age – you're not the first one of your type that's come this way, though most of them move on to the other cities after a few weeks. Any idea how long you'll be here?"

"How long until the next show's in town?"

"Just our luck at least a few months", she sighed, "so then, on to the interesting bits, what...ah, incoming boss arriving in five...four...three..."

Zaki was just about to ask what she meant by that before he didn't so much hear the heavy tread outside the office as feel it; good sense taking over, he scuttled to a side of the room as, just as the kunoichi sat at her desk finished the countdown, the door to the office was thrown open and a figure marched in, the very mountain itself seeming to tremble at his footfalls.

Even without the robes and hat he was wearing Zaki would have known without needing to be told that the man, if such a term could be applied to the shaved gorilla that had to step through the door sideways to avoid ripping the frame out the wall, before him was the Raikage. Much like jiji could sometimes, the huge man appeared to radiate a sense of power and danger that no-one, least of all an inexperienced _Kyaraban-ko_ could afford to ignore,

"Morning Maba-chan", the voice was even deeper than Akimichi Chouza's, the sound a landslide might make just before swallowing a village whole, "how's the family?"

"Not too bad Raikage-sama; quiet", the now-named Maba answered with a shrug, though the Raikage smiled evilly as he stepped forwards, Zaki pressing himself into the wall and trying to disappear as he moved past,

"Your little girl still not forgiven you for handing out her first D-rank mission?" Maba scowled,

"That was your fault Raikage-sama; I can't prove it but I know you held back the worst one possible for her team".

"Oh come on, would I?"

"Yes", her answer came without missing a beat and made the Raikage throw his head back, roaring with laughter; however the motion of laughing at his subordinate's misfortune meant that he caught a glimpse of the unfamiliar figure out the corner of his eye; next second Zaki found himself face to navel with the hulking figure and immediately bowed deeply, not raising his eyes as he heard the village leader speak,

"Maba-chan, who is this?"

"Maumaru Zaki, traveller who came to the gate yesterday and was shuffled up here first thing; just looking for work and a place to stay until some of his kin roll in and take him off our hands".

"I see, so then...stand up boy, no need to bow for quite that long". Gradually straightening up, Zaki swallowed softly and silently prayed to any Kami that might have been listening that the two shinobi in the room put the beads of sweat on his brow down to just being in the presence of the Raikage rather than any other, more suspicious reason,

"Sorry Raikage-dono, just remembering old tou-san's naruto principle there", before anyone could ask he'd answered their question, "never run the risk of ticking off anyone who looks like they could pound you flat as one, and you definitely tick that box". There was a rumble within that barrel chest that might have been anything from a growl to the beginning of a laugh as the Raikage quirked an eyebrow and ran a hand down his short beard,

"Indeed; smart man", he leant in slightly and only the wall stopped Zaki skidding several yards backwards, "steal anything while you're in my village I'll rip your arms off and beat you to death with them, clear?"

"C, crystal", he managed to squeak before letting out a deep sigh of relief as, obviously satisfied he'd made his point, the monster of a man turned and nodded to the kunoichi who must have been his secretary,

"Good; Maba-chan, give me half an hour then send the paperwork in – I need a good light workout and a shedload of coffee before I start slaying the ink-dragon this morning". She snorted,

"Just as long as I don't catch you slacking Raikage-sama, I will be checking in on you", she called over her shoulder in warning as he disappeared through the ornate doors at the back of her office and was gone.

_I shouldn't laugh_; even as the thought ran through her mind Maba had to fold her lips over her teeth to avoid sniggering at the whitened face and terrified expression of the youngster in front of her; _but at the same time it's great to know the boss can cow even a road-grubber into good behaviour_;

"So", the thin, reedy voice forced her to look away, trying to hide the amusement writ large on her shapely face, "that's your boss?"

"Yes, the Sandaime Raikage", the kunoichi stated, proud in her village and the man who lead it, "a great shinobi and a good man at heart".

"Man? That's not a man Maba-chan, it's a mountain with feet", Zaki exclaimed, this time succeeding in making the kunoichi snort with mirth, "the performing bears in the shows that visited our old walking-school would run screaming from him".

"Proof if any were needed that bears are smart beasts", she commented caustically before tapping her pen against the paper on her desk, "anyway, let's get this done before the rest of the village wakes up. This ought to be rich – previous occupations?"

As she'd sort of been expecting, Zaki simply clapped his hands together and put on an expression of deep thought as he started ticking things off on his fingers,

"Did loads of odd-jobs around the home, washing clothes, washing pots, bit of cooking now and then; you know the kind of thing? Well apart from that I picked up a few other cantrips to do with the showman's life – some minor magic, mostly tumbling and clowning around, sharp lines as well as you may have already guessed", Maba gave a wry smile at this but nodded to allow the youngster to carry on, "did a bit of work with animals but not much; got riding down pretty much but I'm a long way from trying tricks on horses yet; dogs seem to like me for some reason but I've not had a chance to practice with anything more exotic, so not much chance of me becoming a lion-tamer. Once I left I went into Rice to help with the harvest there; that was mucky work but I got a decent wage out of it; then from there went into the land of Hot Water and caught the tail-end of the summer season and, after that, remembered what my old kaa-san said and decided what the hell, I was closest to you and Frost was easy to get through, why not head into the mountains? So", he clapped one last time, shrugged as Maba picked out the relevant bits of his concise summary of his recent past, "here I am, hungry for work and a decent breakfast; I don't know what the chef down at the guardroom was working with but I've seen more appetising things on the floors of elephant cages". That did make Maba smile, half in mirth and half in agreement with his blunt assessment – nutritious ninja rations may be, appealing they were not,

"Sharp talking eh? Nice to know not all your education went to waste", she pointed out sardonically before scribbling something down on her paper, "well despite your varied work I'll have to put you down as unskilled labour – you don't have a specific trade as such so that's the best I can do for you. Apart from that I think I've got a few ideas for your lodgings – you don't mind animals you say?" Zaki shrugged, hiding rising excitement; _come on, give me something about the nin-ken you stole_;

"Nah, in fact since a few people tend to treat us, that is, _Kyaraban-ko_ in general, as no better than beasts I get on better with most animals than I do with a lot of humans – why, got a job going as a kennel-sweeper?" _Say yes to this and I'll burn incense in your name every day for the rest of my life_;

"Something like that", Maba conceded, keeping a slight aura of mystery about her before stamping the form with a pad on her desk, "now I'm sure you don't know but as a shinobi village, Kumo operates a policy of supervision; any civilian who enters the village who hasn't lived here for five sequential years must be bunked with a civilian or retired ninja who has; this keeps an eye on you, makes sure you don't get lost and eases pressure on the Bolt forces who'd otherwise have to check up on everyone. With me so far?"

"Mostly; what's 'sequential' mean?"

"Five years on the trot", Maba explained, moving on in her explanation as Zaki gave a soft 'oh' in understanding, "now obviously this won't affect you as you'll only be here a few months, but for that few months we'll have to make sure you're living with someone who fits the relevant criteria. Luckily we have a few places open..."

"What would happen if you didn't; I mean", he amended hastily as Maba looked up, annoyed at being interrupted, "you wouldn't just sling me out would you?"

"No but you'd have to live in Bolt-observed accommodation until a place opened up; much more intrusive and less pleasant I assure you. However while living with your sponsor, the person who's taking you on, your behaviour reflects on both them and you – you screw up you both get in trouble, got it?"

"Hai, hai, best behaviour and all that – you heard the big man say what would happen if my fingers got sticky in his village didn't you? He looked like he'd do it too". Maba smirked,

"And he would, takes his word very seriously the Sandaime does", she warned him before standing up, wafting the paper forwards like a charm to ward off evil, "right, this is filled out and stamped; wait here while I go and get the permit printed for you. If the boss calls through just tell him I'll be back in five minutes; with a bit of luck I'll be able to get someone to fetch the person who I think could put you up for long enough for a caravan to come through".

"Not to mention put up with me long enough", the _Kyaraban-ko_ muttered before holding out a hand, "just out of interest, got a coin I can borrow – need to keep my fingers supple but I'm completely dry at the minute". _Nice try but you're about ten years to early too catch a shinobi out with lines like that_;

"I didn't come in with the milk Zaki-san". The teenager held up his hands, a smirk on his lips that filled the kunoichi with a sudden trepidation that she'd put a foot wrong,

"Once again I'll point out you said it, not me – oww!" He wound up rubbing his head and looking up sorely as Maba strolled past, a vindicated expression on her face,

"Life lesson Zaki-san", she called over her shoulder as she pulled the door shut behind her, locking her temporary charge in the office to ensure he couldn't get into too much mischief while she was gone, "no matter how fast your tongue is, there's always someone with hands that are just as quick".

XXX

Hearing of Naruto's coming face to face with the Sandaime Raikage, someone even Sarutobi would have not wanted to face in battle despite having beaten the man once before in his youth, was miracle enough but, as they saw the face of Maumaru Zaki twist into a smile and he kicked back in his seat to fold his hands behind his head, Inoichi for one felt a sudden tingling in the air, a change in the non-existent wind that, he hoped, boded nothing ill,

"So that was a bit of luck, meeting Maba-chan like that – she reminded me a lot of Yoshino-obachan when I thought about it. Strict and got things done but real heart of gold when you got to know her, and I owe her one for fetching me the biggest slice of luck I had while I was in Kumo; getting out of there would have been impossible, or almost impossible, if she'd not come back into the office with the news she had next. Apparently", he went on before anyone could ask, "she'd asked a Bolt ninja to retrieve the person she had in mind; lucky for me and Konoha in general, the person who showed up was a seed".

All eyes swivelled towards the Sandaime; as the overall controller of all military in Konoha, he was the final authority of which operatives were there save, possibly, some of his last loyal students' spy network, which was a lot more loose-knit and unofficial than the seeds, code for undercover operatives, that Konoha scattered across the Elemental Nations. To have uncovered one and have it bear such profitable fruit was a boon indeed and, after a moment of seemingly weighing up the pros and cons of knowledge verses the need to keep secrets, looked directly at the boy and spoke again,

"I am unaware of any Konoha forces operating in the land of Lightning Naruto-kun; without giving too much away, could you give the council more information of your, accomplice in this mission?"

"Simple really, she was the best kind of seed in the world, one who didn't even know she was one until I told her about it", now Inoichi knew something was up; Naruto, even through Zaki's face, was smiling far too widely not to have something up his sleeve and the Yamanaka felt a strange, electric mixture of worry and excitement swirl into his stomach, "quite ironic really; eight nin-ken went into Kumo but, thanks to a bit of ingenuity and a lot of luck", he paused for just a second, his eyes darted and all present were left to gawp as the _Kyaraban-ko_ ducked hastily,

"Nine came home".

The duck was well-advised as a split-second after that statement his nut-brown hair was ruffled by the wind of a slapping hand, the ANBU by the side of him glaring down before turning the expressionless face of the frog mask towards the council and, after a moment, knocking down the hood that concealed their head. Even before any could speak the two hands moved and unhooked the covering plate and lowered it slowly, the woman behind her shaking her hair out as every eye in the council chamber, including the two remaining mismatched ones of both her former teammates just before they rolled up in their sockets and the body her were housed in succumbed to the bliss of shocked unconsciousness, widened at the sight of someone who the Leaf village had believed to be dead for nearly fifteen years turned to the woman with cheeks marked in a similar pattern to her own and raised a hand in greeting,

"Hi oba-chan!"

A/N: Hopefully not as cruel a cliffhanger as last time; now we're moving into slight AU territory but never fear, most of the canon events will still take place; the Uchiha massacre, for example, has already happened; and some other people have been introduced (with varying degrees of politeness – if you didn't get the reference to Danzo's apparent nickname remember the name of the cartoon Naruto and Tenten always try to watch in this fic; if necessary run it through a translator and you should get it).

Just one last thing – for all those people who don't think a child could do what Naruto's done, remember your own distant childhoods and ask yourself this – was I better or worse at telling a lie and playing pretend when I was a kid than I am now?


	14. Chapter 14 Mouse in the Cloud

Chapter 14 – Mouse in the Cloud

A/N: See I told you that cliffhanger wasn't as bad as the previous one! Now because I don't want people hunting me down and beating me with big sticks, I got this chapter up and running as soon as I could – for those of you who also read my other Naruto fic (Win Some, Lose Some) rest assured you haven't been forgotten but I want to finish this little 'Kumo arc' before trying anything else in the short story. Believe me though I have a lot of ideas yet to try in that department...

Until then, enjoy the next act of this little show!

XXX

The silence that had shuffled forwards like worshippers before an alter was broken suddenly by a soft thud that made everyone present look over in time to see one of the formerly hidden ANBU guards of the chamber sprawled out ungainly on the floor, completely away with the fairies behind his Inu mask. Incomprehension seemed to war with disbelief for a long moment before, with a long, low chuckle that for the newly-revealed former genin boded nothing but ill, Zaki looked up to his partner and quirked an eyebrow,

"Wow Rin-chan, that's gotta be something to put in the Bingo book; your face can drop an ANBU at twenty paces. Totally worth it", he declared a second later as she didn't miss a second time, the liberated kunoichi rubbing the knuckles she'd just bruised against his scalp with a vindicated expression, grateful that the purple patches on her cheeks hid at least some of her embarrassed blush,

"I did _not_ drop an ANBU you disrespectful little brat! He's probably just...", she tailed off lamely, taking in the limp form before her and trying hard to ignore the very obvious smirk that the gaki she'd been forced to spend the past four months, nearly a _third_ of a year, in close proximity to was sporting; _even by a torturer's standards, surely that would have to class as cruel and unusual punishment_; "...tired".

Luckily for Rin's sense of self-worth and Zaki's immediate health, before either of them could say anything else they were interrupted by the arrival of a third party; having been sat next to her Inoichi would be the first to admit that, had Tsume not been on the end of the council chamber table and therefore able to skip around the edge of it so easily, with the mindset she was in at the moment following the apparent resurrection of another of her clan she'd probably have run straight through it. Rin didn't even have a chance to squeak before she found herself caught in an embrace only marginally less tight (and painful) than the one Zaki had been subject to at the paws of Kuromaru towards the start of the evening,

"Rin, little Rin-chan"; _I am not little_; a small, peeved part of the returned Inuzuka's mind sniped sourly, realising that even after returning from over a decade in the wilderness she was still stuck with that old label – this part of her mindset was firmly in the minority however, the rest of her emotions in a whirl and she fought to stop tears leaking from her eyes, hugging her clan leader just as hard as she was being hugged, "this...you..." The matriarch stopped and Zaki swallowed softly despite himself as Tsume whipped her head to the side to stare a hole right through him without letting go of her younger clan member; from the flames that had sprung up behind her eyes, the henged jinchuuriki couldn't tell if she wanted to hug him, hit him or eat him; _and judging by the way Rin-chan looks like she's about to turn blue, I don't know which would be less painful_;

"..._you!_"

"Tsume-chan, let go before you crush the poor girl", it took a few seconds for the message to sink in but, eventually, the clan leader obeyed, still casting wondering looks back to the girl with purple tattoos on her cheeks every few seconds as though afraid she'd disappear at any given moment as the Sandiame went on, "well, this is a reunion tonight it seems; the ninth nin-ken indeed". Rin growled low in her throat and tossed her companion a filthy glare, though as usual this just bounced off his thick skin and dazzling smile as someone else broke into the conversation,

"Inuzuka Rin", even Shikaku's eyes were wide this time, shock banishing even his legendary lethargy at least temporarily, "as I live and breathe, I don't, I can barely believe... we all thought you were dead! We'd have turned the Elemental Nations over looking for you if we hadn't"; _very true – one of the last remaining links to the Fourth Hokage, hidden in Kumo all this time. Wait_; his suspicions were immediately rekindled and yet another reason to hate the village of the mountains added to his mental chalkboard as he was forced to ask the loaded question, "why were you in Kumo in the first place?" Getting her breath back from where Tsume's pythonesque grip had made her ribs creak, the former kunoichi spoke in a tone somewhere between defiance and regret,

"You probably won't believe me", she began, taking the seat Zaki had stepped away from as her leg started to act up again, throbbing with faint vestiges of pain almost as though sympathising with the village that had been at the same time her destroyer, her saviour, her prison and her home, "but I was forced to stay there because you, Hokage-sama, declared peace at just the wrong time".

Even as the council started to mutter at this and cast suspicious glances at the Inuzuka before them; Rin, after all, wouldn't have been the first ninja who'd been captured and fallen prey to some kind of manipulation that made them loyal to the place that had taken them; the grown woman who had once been the girl on the squad of the passed out ANBU on the floor took a breath and started to tell her tale.

XXX

The last thing she could remember was a bright, impossibly bright white light.

And pain, of course, immense amounts of blinding agony.

Slowly, slowly she felt herself start to come to, consciousness filtering back into her aching body from the top down; there was a pounding in her head, dizziness almost overwhelming her despite the fact she couldn't force her apparently lead-lined eyelids up to see even a hazy picture of the world around her. Her neck felt almost pitifully thin, nowhere near enough to support the crushing weight of her throbbing skull and each breath sent tiny starbursts of fresh troubles rushing through her body, each one a fresh drop in the lake of aches she appeared to be drowning in. Letting out a low, wheezing groan and bracing herself against the nausea the action caused, Rin tried to command her body to move a little, wriggling upwards to try an alleviate a knot of tension in the back of her neck,

"Easy", a voice, low but soft next to her, spoke, a slight twinge high up her left leg as something warm pinched it slightly, "you're hurt kunoichi-san, try not to move; I'm not a medic and I don't want to run the risk of making things worse than they are". She tried to answer, she really did but her tongue wouldn't obey her commands and her mouth felt as dry as the deserts of Suna; with nothing else to do and no feasible way of making things better, she fell back into sweet oblivion.

Next time she came around was a little better; the aches had lessened but there was the same pressure still on her thigh, everything below that was numb and this, more than anything else, made her finally screw up the courage to blink her eyes open and try to take in the picture around her.

It was dark, not pitch black but comfortingly dim, and she was in what appeared to be a low-walled room, though whether she was above or below ground she couldn't tell. Her ears and nose worked in tandem to realise there was another person very close to her, the odour of the body telling her both that he was a man and he hadn't had a chance to shower for a few days, though as soon as she glanced over and realised where his hand was with a cold spike of dread, she feebly tried to kick her way free.

"Easy", he said again, the hand he had held on her thigh clamping down and stopping her from moving at all, "stop struggling, you'll hurt yourself – oh Kami-damn it all..." He twitched his hand slightly and Rin found herself gasping as agony the like she'd never thought possible rushed like a crimson tide up her entire body and surged into her brain with unrelenting ferocity. As she struggled to hold on to consciousness and fight away the red stars exploding in front of her eyes, the man spoke again,

"Now are you going to listen?" She said nothing but, unable to see much beyond a smear through the film of pain-induced tears in her eyes, Rin managed a nod at this question, allowing the man to sigh, "Okay, first things first you're in no danger here apart from the damage to your leg; what I'm doing is pumping a small amount of raiton chakra into the nerves above the injury to keep it numb – you just felt what would happen if I didn't. Just stay still – this is a pain in my ass as it is, you kicking and yelling just makes it harder, alright?" Wetting her dry lips with the tip of a tongue Rin nodded again and managed to answer, wincing at the rasping croak that issued from her vocal chords,

"Hai – what happened?"

"You took a kunai about midway up the left thigh and, just after that, a few thousand volts through the wire that was wrapped around it. I would've stopped the technique a lot earlier had I been able to see you but I didn't know you were a girl, or even that you were as young as you are, until you screamed and for that", he turned a mop of reddish-brown hair and an abashed face, surprisingly young and speckled with equal parts freckles and spots, towards her and smiled, the expression both tired and apologetic, "I'm sorry".

Cold slush and lots of it slopped into the Inuzuka's stomach as she beheld the symbol carved into the forehead protector that faced her and she realised with mounting dread what must have happened, what this man actually was. She was no fool, she'd heard the stories about what happened to kunoichi who were captured by opposition forces – those who died quickly were the lucky ones. Like all mortal beings suddenly confronted by forces beyond their control, Rin felt horribly unprepared for the uncertain future and something of this fear and trepidation must have shown in her face; the shinobi's smile slipped from his face and he looked away, concentrating on his task as he spoke again,

"It's probably a wasted effort to tell you this but don't worry, you're safe here; the only girl I've got worth fighting for is waiting back home in Kumo and any one of the kunoichi here would have my balls for breakfast for even thinking about what you're worried I'd do, and they'd do the same to anyone else who thought that way as well. Unfortunately we're a little low on the basics at the minute, including the services of any medics, so I'm afraid you're stuck with me for the time being until you leg heals to the point when I can cut the technique out and you'll be able to live with it, understand?" Still justifiably terrified by the knowledge that she was in the hands of the enemy, Rin did nothing but nod and, satisfied with this, the Kumo shinobi turned back to his jutsu, working to keep the young girls' body unaware of just how badly one of its legs had been damaged.

Though it took a long time for the icy fear to thaw out of her heart and jaw, eventually Rin stopped jumping at every footstep and got used to at least some of the faces that swam into view in between the long periods of unconsciousness that dogged her tired but healing body. As far as she could tell the Kumo ninja who had seized her following an ambush that had broken up her escort squad; though as far as she could tell she'd been the only capture and casualty, praise the Kami for small mercies; were at a small fall-back station, set close to the front lines of battle, a place like several of the ones of the Konoha front Rin had visited and served in. It was a simple structure, hastily scooped out the earth by shinobi using doton jutsus and concealed by a combination of genjutsu and several low-power seals and secure enough to allow the Kumo patrols that came in to grab a bite to eat, get their heads down for a decent nights' sleep and, if they were lucky and a suiton user was close by, even have a shower or bath to scrub off the worst of the battle debris. It was not, however, well-designed to accommodate prisoners; to make space for Rin they'd stripped out one of the storage closets and jammed a bed in there, just large enough to hold both her and a visitor, and to her surprise there had been a steady stream of faces pass through. Some, she was sure, were there simply to gawp at the captured Konoha ninja, some seemed curious to speak to her and some looked like they'd been all but forced into the room at kunai-point, but as long as they kept the ration-induced anaesthetic flowing into her injured leg she wasn't going to complain.

Her injury was not pretty; even as a ninja trained in the medical arts and by default exposed to several of the nasty ways ninja had of messing up both their own and other people's bodies, the first time the kunoichi who'd just relieved her friend from pain-relieving duties had grudgingly agreed to her request and slowly peeled back some of the bandages that hid the wound, it had taken all that she had to stop herself blacking out at the sight. The incision the kunai had made was a mottled, angry red, like it had been boiled from the inside-out, the white-hot lightning chakra flashing-cooking the fluids in her thigh muscle and reducing roughly half of the outside of her left thigh to meat, the skin around it inflamed and looking like it wasn't healing well. Small white shapes wriggled blindly in the open sore, forcing Rin to clamp down hard on her nausea as she recognised the battlefield first aid; _maggots in a wound just eat the dead flesh, reducing the risk of infection from other debris. And they've been keeping it covered, and the bandages are hot when they're put on from what I can tell_; more than once she'd awoken just in time to see steam arise from the off-white wrappings, though due to the complete lack of sensation she felt in her leg she was unable to tell why they were steaming.

The most galling thing of all was that she couldn't do anything to help her own situation; she daren't tell any of the Kumo-nin anything about herself, who she was, what clan she was from and especially who her sensei had been, but at the same time the chakra-draining cuffs that held her ankles and one arm in place stopped her from using the medical ninjutsu she knew to better her own situation and potentially take a problem off her hands. Though battlefield doctrine stated that under no circumstances should any information be divulged when in captivity, even under the strictest interrogation or more dire torture, Rin was seriously considering the pros and cons of admitting her speciality before there was a sudden rush from outside, the door banged open and a jolt of pain splashed up her leg as the kunoichi's concentration wavered for a second,

"Taicho, one-one-three"; _one-one...catastrophic bleed_; even through her own pain Rin recognised the code, drilled into her head by red-eyed, sleep-deprived medical ninja and she fought to heed the rest of the rushed conversation, "Isharhi-san, explosive tag hidden on a rock, caught him full-on..."

"Shit!" The kunoichi rose to her feet, Rin gritting her teeth as the pain relief stopped and she felt the burn of her injury, thankfully much-reduced, flood her mind once more, "I promised his mother I'd bring him home and I'm sure as hell not doing it in a damned body-bag! Where the hell's the medic?"

"On patrol with squad green, not back for at least six hours, they've just gone out".

"Shit!" The kunoichi cursed again before successfully grabbing hold of her temper and forcing herself to think, "Okay, get anyone and I mean anyone who knows more about medicine than which end of the syringe is the sharp bit..."

"Bring him here", even before the other two ninja looked over Rin ploughed on, blocking the abominable ache from her wound with sheer force of her bloody-minded will, drilled into her by her clan, teacher and team mates, "I'm a med-nin, battlefield-trained; get these cuffs off and someone on my leg and I'll do what I can". The kunoichi who had been numbing the pain glared around at her charge, apparently not believing the offer,

"You, but why..." she suddenly cut herself off before standing tall and calling to the nin present, "do as she says, get him here; I don't care if you have to knock the bloody wall down just do it".

"But taicho, she's..."

"On the vest", the kunoichi clashed one forearm across her chest, slapping the badge of her higher rank as an impromptu guarantee, "unless you can magic some medical chakra out your ass she's the best chance we've got".

To his credit the mud-streaked shinobi didn't miss a beat, nodding once before vanishing and calling orders down the corridor, bawling for things to happen as the kunoichi moved like quicksilver, unsnapping the cuffs from her prisoner's limbs and speaking out the corner of her mouth as she did so,

"I'm taking a big risk for you girly – mess up and you'll wish Isharhi-kun had finished you off when he had the chance". Well-used to death-threats due to the rough affection of her clan, Rin merely nodded while massaging her wrist and preparing herself; _chakra reserves aren't full but they'll have to do, got both arms free so as long as they can hold him..._; she broke off her thoughts in time to see a shinobi, or at least the back of a shinobi, wrestling his way into the tiny cupboard, his front splashed with dark red blood and manhandling a limp body over the threshold, one of his team mates grabbing the unresponsive figure by the feet as the leader of the squad took a seat by Rin's waist and barked orders,

"Hold him above her, don't let him drop; okay Rin", she turned to look at the girl she was now treating and who was about to treat one of her subordinates, a wild but controlled anger smouldering in her eyes, "this is it – if I see or suspect anything wrong I'll kill you before you can blink". The Inuzuka snorted, eyes already on the patient as his two carriers heaved him over the foot of her bed,

"And if you're through with the death-threats get me some boiling water, the closest thing you've got to forceps and as many blood and soldier pills as you can get your hands on", she shot back, noticing the hair and face, now almost pathetically small and white in the gloom of the small room compared to the vitae that caked the body of the shinobi who'd captured and wounded her, of her patient before thrusting personal feelings to the side; _this is a faceless person, a slab of meat. It doesn't matter if they're your parent, sister, lover or most hated enemy you're a med-nin, you patch them up all the same – thanks for the memories Chosi-sensei_. Before she could get lost down memory lane Rin had a diagnostic jutsu playing around her fingers as she waited for the hot water to arrive; much as she'd like to go diving in, to do so into wounds this serious with unwashed hands would be little more than a delayed death-sentence for the Kumo-nin,

"Damn it – blast injuries, shrapnel wounds puncturing the ileum, duodenum and possibly colon, liver perforated but hepatic veins and arteries intact", Rin recited as much to remind herself of what to do next as to keep the Kumo ninja near her in the know, "stomach's untouched thank the Kami, second-degree burns and mass contusions to the abdominal walls and several fragments of rock still in the injury site; where the hell is that hot water? You, lift his legs higher to get more blood to the internal organs so he doesn't go into cardiac shock and you", she flashed a glance sideways, meeting the eyes of the kunoichi who's hand had clenched around her own injury as soothing green medicinal chakra swirled into being around her fingertips, ready to be used as soon as her hands were clean, "make sure I don't get distracted because of my damn leg!"

What happened next happened like a blur, but a horrible one where she could see and hear almost everything about it; she remembered the stickiness that began to coagulate around her waist as the life-blood of the shinobi; _but he looks so young, he must be at most the same age as me. Had we been born to different parents would we have served side-by-side instead of on opposing forces? No, enough, he's the patient, he must be saved_; saturated her blanket, biting down on and swallowing the grainy, gritty powder of soldier pill after soldier pill to try and keep enough chakra in her techniques to force Isharhi's soul to stay tethered to his mortal coil, her orders going from yells to low, growled commands to murmurs as fatigue and chakra exhaustion took hold, the background greying out and her vision tunnelling to a smaller and smaller field showing only the injuries she could only stem the flow of not heal and, at the very last, hearing a low shout before the tunnel caved in upon her and she passed gratefully into the blackness of the void that rushed up to claim her.

_Is this heaven?_

It was certainly warm and comfortable enough, just the right temperature for her and whatever she lay upon felt as light and airy as a cloud, but she was still so sleepy she just couldn't bring herself to shatter the illusion by forcing her eyes to peel back their lead-lined lids. The scent around her was slightly odd though – Kami must have known she'd grown to detest cleaning chemicals in her life, so why did this place smell like bleach – and surely if she had passed into paradise why did her body still throb and ache so much, though admittedly nowhere near as much as she remembered it doing while she'd been alive? Having formed a few half-baked conclusions in her own mind Rin knew what she had to do to prove them outright and cursed in advance for doing it, but after a long battle of wills and efforts at negotiations, she forced her body to reluctantly peel its eyes open and take in the scene around her; _and, as I suspected, I'm in a hospital – nowhere else I know has ceilings that awful shade of white_.

So she wasn't dead – that was a good thing overall she decided, and someone had obviously gone through the hassle of arranging her proper medical treatment and keeping her alive through what she could only guess, as she felt for her chakra reserves and winced as she realised she still couldn't feel them in the slightest, was or had been a near-fatal case of chakra exhaustion. She had no idea how long she'd been out but judging by how weak her arms felt and the level of muscle atrophy she could roughly judge from the look of the one she wriggled free of the blanket she was tucked under it must have been a while; realising there was only one way she could possibly get her answers, the Inuzuka reached up to above her head, groped around for a minute before locating the button she was searching for and, after a second of mentally reciting a very brief prayer, stabbed down on it with her thumb.

Obviously no-one up in the higher kingdoms was paying her any attention; as soon as the door to the hospital opened up as she was met by the curious face of a nurse that very quickly blossomed into a bright smile it was all Rin could do to mirror the expression with a sickly grimace of her own – as far as she was aware, no-one in Konoha had skin tones that dark,

"Oh you poor thing; the doctor said there was a chance you'd wake up today", she immediately bustled over, checking the bed and patient over with an easy, well-practiced eye before reaching down, Rin leaning forwards as much as she was able to allow the taller woman to fluff up her pillow, "I was just about to start my rounds as well".

"Wh..." to the med-nin's relief and surprise, her voice was actually relatively intact following her coma once the nurse poured a glass of cold water from the container at the side and helped her to drink, "what was wrong with me?"

"Chakra exhaustion mostly, one of the worst cases I personally have ever seen, though I've not actually been here that long", the nurse admitted, leaning against a nearby wall, "though apart from that the shock injury to your leg was quite severe, you had a few operations to clear the worst of the damage but I'm afraid there will always be some scarring there and it'll take physiotherapy for you to get full muscle control back".

"Could've been worse", Rin admitted more to herself than anything else; _too right, with a wound that severe I was afraid I'd lose it completely_; now she was out of the woods and at no risk of becoming an amputee, the Inuzuka could focus on her next few problems, like what Kumo had planned for her now she was recovered, "so, what happens now?" To her slight surprise, the nurse was forced to stifle a quick chuckle and brought a hand to her lips before answering,

"Now", she began before fighting off a second grin, "I have to go and inform someone who wants to speak to you; no, don't worry", seeing the sudden flash of fear across the girl's face the older woman held up a hand to soothe her worries, "of course, you wouldn't know, there's no war anymore; Raikage-sama signed the peace treaty about two weeks before you were brought in".

That news and the realisation that it brought hit Rin worse than the lightning jutsu that had incapacitated her; it was over, the Third War had finished; _and I, I survived it! Not unscathed but who cares, I did it, I lived through a World War!_ It was a liberating feeling but, as always, the cold hand of reality swiftly fell and smothered the sudden good cheer – she was on her own, isolated in the hands of an enemy nation that, unless they had actually won the war, were likely to be in a bitter, vengeful mood and none-too-picky about who they took their temper out on, so an injured Konoha ninja was likely to be very high on the list for vengeance, assuming she wasn't just parcelled off to the T&I department as soon as they were made aware of the situation. Before she could sink too far into pessimism however, she was distracted by the sound of shoes on a well-polished floor, the nurse answering her question even as her mind formed it,

"Don't worry, I'll be back soon; someone high up said they wanted to be made aware as soon as you regained consciousness", she explained gently, smiling once more as she paused halfway out the door, "obviously they couldn't just drop in and deliver a card, but I'll tell you now for nothing that whatever you did to put you in that state made you a lot of friends in the ninja corps, so don't look so worried. Or pout", she advised with a laugh as Rin folded her arms, trying to deny the butterflies she was feeling in her stomach at the idea of potential interrogation, "I promise, you're in no danger here. Your notes say you're a med-nin so you should know the code all medical staff work under – as long as you're here with no ill-intentions, you're in no risk of danger".

It was true after a fashion – whether military or civilian, medical staff of any description were, or at least should have been, afforded slightly more protection and leeway from enemy forces when healing the combatants of either side; however, shinobi wars being what they were, the lines of combat were often blurred enough that mistakes were made and med-nin were taken out in battle. This had been the case with Rin herself – technically she shouldn't have been targeted with a potentially lethal ration jutsu but as med-nin looked identical to other serving shinobi on the basis that standing out made you an easier target, it had been an easy mistake to make and she'd been hit and captured. Also, she mulled it over in her mind as the door wafted shut behind the departing nurse, as the war was over, surely there'd be no point interrogating her now, a recently-promoted chunin, especially after a long convalescent period? Everything she knew back then would be virtually worthless now so the T&I department wouldn't be able to get anything valid out of her; overall, more because of these practical values rather than the vague idea of protection due to her medical status, Rin felt slightly more secure of her future prospects as she lay back in her hospital bed and fought to stop herself dozing off.

She was expecting, well, she wasn't a hundred percent sure what she'd been expecting to walk through her door next; her imagination, thankfully not that vivid even at the best of times, couldn't get much beyond a head doctor, some kind of jounin or, at worst, a torture specialist coming in for a nice cup of tea, a brief chat and a lot of screaming on her part. It was very safe to say, however, that about the last thing Rin had been expecting to see when her door swung open again was the solid, blocky form of the leader of the village she was currently a guest of looming in like a shadow of the Shinigami, the Raikage briefly inclining his head towards the bed-ridden chunin as she fought down the urge to dive under her covers and tremble until he went away,

"Your name is Rin, am I right?" She nodded, could do nothing else but that as the stern-faced giant looked towards her, terror jamming her throat closed as she fought hard to breathe in the presence of such a huge, ominously powerful figure, "Well in that case Rin-san, you have my thanks".

_What?_; obviously the confusion must have shown on her face as even before she asked the Raikage went on, not deigning to sit down as he spoke and enlightened her of the situation,

"I was debriefed by Noiri-chan, the jounin in temporary command of the forward base where you were being held, when you were transported back here following this whole damn charade ending and all the kages putting their ink on the parchment for peace", the bear of a man growled, recalling the pride he'd been forced to swallow as he'd realised that, due to Iwa's blunder in deploying the vast majority of their forces where Konoha's new most potent weapon could be deployed to devastating effect and the Yellow Flash subsequently eliminating the majority of Earth country's shinobi strength in one fell swoop, his villages' own position in the war had become untenable and suing for peace was the only valid option in the face of being the next to feel the wrath of Fire country; _and if what A and Bee said about the Flash was true when they encountered him, even though that damned jutsu he used was incomplete, everyone I've got under jounin rank would have been wiped out to a man trying to stop him_; "and I owe you my thanks. You drove yourself to the very edge of death trying to save one of my shinobi, the one who injured you at that, so for that you are to be both commended and respected; not many med-nin would have even attempted what you tried to do".

Whatever she'd been expecting this wasn't it – such was the genuine respect in the much older shinobi's voice that Rin found herself having to consciously force herself to stop squirming, a tinge of pink flavouring her cheeks as she forced herself to meet the black eyes of the granite-hewn figure before her,

"It, uh, it was... well he was hurt, oh", memories, or at least those few fragments of the memories she could recall floated back to her and she gasped, now animated again at last, "that shinobi, Isha...oh, something like that, did he...damn". She cursed both herself and the world in general as the Raikage lowered his eyes before she saw the sorrow in them; shinobi or civilian, friend or foe, no med-nin ever liked hearing about a patient who didn't pull through,

"No, Isharhi died in transit to Kumo, though according to the head medic who examined his body if it hadn't been for someone, to use his words, 'pulling medical miracles out of thin air', he'd never have lasted long enough to even attempt the journey". Despite herself Rin gave a slight snicker,

"He sounds like an excitable man; it was just basic medical jutsu, as much of it as I could remember".

"Oh really?" The man quirked an eyebrow as a slight smile played about his lips, the expression reminding Rin somewhat of the strange old man that Minato-sensei had introduced to his team and then spent the next few hours convincing Obito that yes, it really _was_ Jiraiya of the Legendary Three he was talking to, "I believe he mentioned then name 'Tsunade' and 'comparable to' a few times during that debriefing". At that Rin truly did blush properly,

"I'm not that good, nowhere near; Tsunade-sama is a medical genius, I'm barely a chunin trained on the battleground at holding things together with spit, string and swearwords". It was the Raikage's turn to snigger a little at this,

"Excitable or not I have to respect the opinion of the one man in Kumo who could restrain my sons for long enough to give them their shots – they both hate needles", the older man groused, shaking his head at the thought that, amongst other things, both A and Bee had inherited one of his childhood phobias; _I can only hope they grow out of it – it was funny when they were barely able to crawl but if it gets to the point where they start running through the hospital walls to get away from the sharp bit then it might be time to sit them down for a bit of a talking-to_; "still because of your efforts on the behalf of the Kumo shinobi corps and the fact there is now peace between our states, you have unfortunately landed on my lap as a potentially very serious problem".

The Sandaime Raikage had never been a man to mince words and, seeing the look on the girl's face darken from consternation and head towards the twilight of fear, he folded his arms and spoke the matter to her plainly,

"If what the medics are telling me is correct you've been in a coma for nearly three months, you were booked into this hospital about two and a half months ago and the prisoner exchange between Kumo and Konoha was overseen and took place about seven, maybe six weeks after that. The problem is, and please don't judge her for this, that Noiri-chan must have started to think of you as one of 'hers' after you all but killed yourself trying to save her godson, so when she came to fill in your details on the hospital paperwork she didn't tick the boxes that showed you were actually a prisoner of Kumo; she thought you were better than that and deserved the best treatment we could provide. However, the road to Makai being paved with good intentions as it always is, because of this decision you've been treated in the Kumo section of hospital, out-of-bounds to the Konoha party overseeing the prisoner exchange and, quite simply, you were missed out. It wasn't until Noiri-chan, who's been calling in to this room pretty much every chance she's had over the past six weeks, asked one of the nurses why you were still here after the Konoha party had departed that she realised her mistake and by then it was too late – she's been beating herself up over it ever since".

"But", trying to digest this information after such a long period away from the land of the living was big ask but, after a minute's thought, Rin thought she had a handle on what was going on, "but, if that's the case and I'm here by mistake, why can't...?" She tailed off as the Kumo leader raised a single hand the size of a baked ham,

"The answer to your question is politics Rin-san", he said quietly, once more not pulling his punches as he gave her the whole truth; _after all, she's earned that much by doing so much for Noiri's squad – even if Isharhi didn't make it in the end, the fact he was still alive when he left the base stopped his death playing on their minds during the last two weeks or so of hostilities and might have kept some of them alive, Noiri more than most_; "the peace between the Elemental Nations is fragile at best at the moment; a single action, one movement out of place could shatter it completely and restart the whole war-machine again. No-one in Kumo, hell no-one who's anyone _anywhere_ in the Nations wants to be the one who hits that dead-man's trigger, and the idea of us going up to Konoha saying the political equivalent of 'sorry, we missed one' with your leg looking like it does is going to be asking for trouble"; _and Kumo can simply not afford the attentions of the Yellow Flash now, and Konoha knows it – I doubt they'd actually attack but I can't gamble with the safety of the village in these times_;

"So", blinking slowly, Rin tried to come to terms with this new news – there was peace but, according to the huge man before her, she was still cut adrift and lost to her homeland, "so that's it, I'm stuck here, in Kumo?" Grimacing slightly the Raikage could only cross his fingers and hope for the best; grizzled and grim a shinobi he might be but he still absolutely hated to see or, worse still, make a girl or woman cry,

"Our hands, both mine and those of the council, are tied; we can't risk the Third War re-igniting, no country as we know it would survive. We have only two options, or at least, two valid options when dealing with you; execution, which I and the ninja who serve under me will _not_ allow to happen", he assured her and, seeing him stood so tall and defiant as he made that declaration, Rin believed him without further question, "or, repatriation".

"What, live here?" Rin blinked and looked around herself, the walls around her seemed to press in suffocatingly, a prison rather than a place of rest, "Stay in Kumo, for how long? The rest of my life?"

"Yes, unless there is a situation in the future where a prisoner exchange is possible", the Sandaime affirmed sagely, seeming to deflate for a moment before carrying on, "on the positive side though, we have the most advanced facilities in the Elemental Nations for dealing with injuries like those you've sustained due to our signature jutsus and there would be no shortage of people willing to take you in. It's not what you want to hear and it's not what I want to tell you, but it's all we can do for the moment; I'll give you some time".

With that, before the situation could go too far downhill, the Raikage bowed once more and retreated from the room, the nurse who had led him here slipping in after his departure but not quick enough, not quite, for him to avoid hearing the first sniffles of Inuzuka Rin's tears as she realised, fully realised, that though the war was over, she was never going home.

XXX

"Wait, wait", Tsume's voice echoed through the council hall, seemingly split somewhere between disbelieving humour and outright ire, "are you telling me that those mountain-rat bastards held you in that pit of theirs all this time under the pretence of some paperwork cock-up?"

"Afraid so", Rin shrugged, apparently not seeing her pseudo-aunt's face rapidly turning murderous as she flexed her claws, ready to lead the hunt into the land of Lightning herself at any given moment, "but after I saw Noiri-san the next day I realised it was an honest mistake..."

"A likely story", Tsume scoffed, though as the younger Inuzuka turned a gaze that would have stripped paint her way she fought to defend herself, "Kumo's policy of bloodline theft is well-known and, though our clan techniques aren't bloodlines as such, the fact they had you and then stole our nin-ken just proves this was a long-term plan to usurp part of our pack to the mountains".

"Well if it was a long-term plan it was one Noiri-san had no idea about oba-chan; I don't know about you but when someone offers you the position of second at their seppuku ceremony to make amends for their mistake and, when you turn that down and have to virtually beg them not to kill themself, they extend their shinobi career for another five years to put a roof over your head without so much as another word on the matter, I'd say they were being pretty damned serious about feeling guilty over the whole thing. And anyway, apart from that, who told them I was an Inuzuka anyway?"

That did put the purple-cheeked Inuzuka back in the spotlight; even as the council cocked their heads and looked at her askance, she carried on,

"As the Sandaime told me as soon as I was booked out of the hospital and had my chakra sealed up, Kumo doesn't interrogate its citizens; they asked me my name, rank and former shinobi number and that was it. They already knew I was called Rin, so when I said I'd never known my family name they took me at my word, not like I'd be the first orphan or bastard child to become a ninja is it? And it was true – as far as I knew I've always been part of the pack, never knew what my original family name was so, in that respect, they could never have pinned anything on me if it came to light later and, let's face it, I don't look much like an Inuzuka – not a word you". Suitably chastised, Zaki closed the mouth he'd just opened and sat quiescent as someone else turned his attention to Rin's story,

"A most elegant and cunning ploy to deny the enemy information Inuzuka-san", Danzo spoke softly after a moment of ruminating on the subject, "but why did you let it fall to that point? You were held in a Kumo base with several high-priority targets around you, guard lowered as you treated their comrade – why did you not...?"

"You know perfectly well why not; it was war Danzo", surprisingly, especially for those who dealt with him on a regular basis, it was Homura who half-stood and shot his old squad mate down in flames, glaring over the table across the Sandaime and meeting the steely, one-eyed gaze without flinching as he continued, "and you better than most should know what that means".

It was a point the grizzled veteran couldn't call the other advisor on; in truth only four of the shinobi sat at the table could have truly known the answer to Homaru's point despite the remainder being clan head, ANBU and a former prisoner of war. Unlike wars started by Daimyos shinobi wars, even the world wars, were silent affairs fought in the shadows with the vast majority of the civilian population unaware of the conflict that was raging around them – very few attacks by shinobi were designed to go after traditional military targets such as towns and cities. To a shinobi such things were virtually meaningless; more important was information on the enemy, hence why so many shinobi techniques had been developed to capture rather than kill a target. Because of this need to take the enemy alive and get any information they may have carried within them, large portions of the entire shinobi code of ethics had evolved into a largely unwritten but mostly well-followed code of rough conduct for wartime actions. It was this code that all present were considering at the time, either to redeem or attempt to damn the newly-returned Inuzuka for her actions, and as he sat upon his seat and swept his eyes over the figure of Rin, standing with Tsume's hand still on her shoulder and the matriarch meeting any who dared try to challenge her eye to eye with a look that spoke protective maternal instinct, the Sandaime found he could feel nothing but pride in her actions.

Sarutobi knew the reason for Homaru's impassioned defence of the kunoichi for he had been there when his now-advisor had truly had his closest brush with the Shinigami's knife and been saved by the actions of someone who should have been an enemy. By necessity as well as tradition most shinobi bases were built underground but, on the borders of Kiri, this had proven to be a flaw in Konoha's battle-plan and there had been several cave-ins due to the incessant rain making the ground unstable. One such cave-in had happened as Sarutobi's squad had been resting after being on patrol for two weeks solid – several of the rehabilitation rooms had been completely submerged and only by diving under the sturdy bunk he'd been sleeping in had Homaru avoided instant death as the ceiling above him collapsed with crushing force. It had appeared that he had swapped one death for another, more lingering one and, as the small hole that had formed around him began filling with muddy, filthy water the shinobi had made his peace with the Kami and started reaching for a kunai to put himself out of his misery before the rising tide could claim him before, to his amazement, he found it to be unnecessary. Before his spectacled eyes the water retreated, racing away and reducing the entombing mud to dust that he quickly tunnelled through, grateful to be pulled out the morass by his team mate to the sounds of riotous celebrations and, more personally gratifying, a relieved kiss from his very attractive kunoichi team mate.

_And he was saved only because of Kiri_; the Sandiame recalled, glancing across at the older man from the corner of his eye; _two captured jounin who drained the water away and saved several of our shinobi in exchange for reduced interrogation and reduced ransom for their capture – textbook use of the wartime code_. It had been a deal, much like Rin had done, that had worked out for all sides as all such bargains made in wartime between prisoners and captors should have been; though the shinobi code stated that a captured ninja should do nothing but hinder his captors and attempt to escape, when said ninja was actually in manacles and a confined space with his chakra locked away that code went right out the window. It was generally accepted that, as long as a captured shinobi didn't betray his state or his team, any actions he took to reduce the potential for interrogation and, therefore, decrease the risk of giving away information to the opposition, were valid and above-board; a jounin, who could potentially know classified secrets up to just below kage level, saving a few enemy lives in order to safeguard intelligence that could have put his entire country at risk was seen as a fair trade.

This rough use of honour between enemies also extended to interrogation itself; it was hardly necessary, or indeed humane, to interrogate a genin who'd know virtually nothing beyond their own team, to the same extent as a member of a village's special force division, so different combatants were treated differently as much to prevent manpower wastage and crack high-priority target first as anything else – it was an irony, though not a particularly pleasant one, that a villages' most debilitating and painful interrogation methods were used against its own ninja, missing-nin were considered beyond all hopes of redemption unless extenuating circumstances could be proved. This simple system of give-and-take coupled with shinobi's experiences of life was also the reason the crime all kunoichi (and, if possessing a bloodline, some shinobi) feared above all others was actually quite rare between villages – most shinobi knew, served alongside and in some cases had relationships with kunoichi, knew their generally low and occasionally murderous opinions of rapists and behaved themselves both because of it and the fact that, if knowledge of the crime should leak out, the villages' image would suffer, business would be lost and their personal prestige would be wiped away in a stroke.

_Though of course_; the Sandaime mused, closing his eyes briefly as he mulled over his Kumo counterparts' actions and found he could find no flaw with them; _such knowledge and the lengths gone to protect it can be as dangerous as it being discovered. Had the Raikage come forwards with Rin in the first place both I and Minato-kun would have welcomed him with open arms and many thanks, but he had no way to know that – because of that he was forced to hide one of Minato-kun's students from us for all this time because he couldn't risk the wrath of the Yellow Flash visiting his village. Curse this world of secrets we all live in!_

All these thoughts flashed across the memory of the God of Shinobi in an instant; he knew and could quote several other examples where wheeling and dealing had played a part in the history of shinobi wars, but for now those could be locked away in his mind to focus on the matter at hand as Danzo lowered his head slightly at Homaru's ire,

"My apologies Homaru-san, and you too Inuzuka-san; long years of peace have dulled memories of war", of course no-one who knew of the warhawk even by reputation believed that for a second but, luckily, the next words shattered the building tension as Rin inclined her head towards the bandaged veteran, her tone disrespectful but not quite insubordinate as she spoke,

"No need to apologise Danzo-sama; indeed, had I known then what was waiting for me nearly a decade down the line", she gave a very pointed glance towards the figure beside her who stood up and beckoned for her to take a seat, knowing that she'd been stood for a long time and that had a tendency to make her old scars ache,

"I'd have taken execution like a shot".

XXX

Not enough that she'd had a brand new problem, or to be more accurate eight separate furry problems, dropped onto her completely unsuspecting shoulders from a great height, each of which were angry and upset at being uprooted from their home and dropped into this brave new world, but now the Raikages' assistant needed to see her? For a long, horrible moment Rin was convinced that someone, somehow had connected her to her former clan, one she'd not seen in the past decade, but then she ironed her face blank, remembered that was in the past, used what little of the beast-speech she'd been able to dimly recall to try and reassure the newly-arrived dogs that she was a friend and they were safe as much as she was able to before answering the summons. Nodding her way inside the Raikage tower, the former Inuzuka stepped forwards into the room and smiled at the woman she'd come to know first as a contact in the tower and then, more closely, as a loose sort of friend,

"Good morning Maba-chan, you wanted to see me?" The Raikage's assistant smiled back but before she could say anything another voice piped up and both women looked over, Rin narrowing her eyes as she beheld the figure inspecting her,

"So this is your so-called dog-person? Well I have to say this much, she's got the look for it". Formerly narrowed eyes widened in shock before Rin reasserted control, strode forwards without so much as a limp and soundly cuffed the cheeky brat across the head, not noticing Maba close her eyes resignedly as she did so,

"Let me tell you something that'll get you far in this life child", Rin began, hand still raised as the boy before her glanced up at her through watering eyes, "respect your elders and betters and you'll live a lot longer, especially in a ninja village".

"Okay I apologise, got that wrong", the kid relented, physically beaten but not browbeaten as he glanced up with his ears ringing, "you've got the looks and the temper for it. Still, can't complain too much when it nets me a bit of cash on the side now can I?" Even before Rin's jaw had finished dropping Zaki had held his hand out and, after a moment of disgruntled muttering and shuffling around in her desk drawers, the secretary forked over a small sheaf of crisp ryo notes before glancing over and making eyes at Rin,

"Thanks for that Rin-chan; I was hoping you'd hold your temper better than that but obviously not".

"You", she had to gape for a minute before her brain chimed in with a timely reminder about the importance of breathing in maintaining everyday life, "you put a _bet_ on me?"

"No I lost a bet on you, but anyway, enough of that", getting through to the heart of the matter Maba went on, pointing to the boy who was putting his ill-gotten gains in a grubby pocket with her pen, "Rin this is Maumaru Zaki, a _Kyaraban-ko _who's staying in Kumo until the next festival rolls around and needs a place to stay. I know you..."

"Oh no", Rin shook her head, already knowing where this was going, "no, no, no don't do this to me Maba-chan; I've just had too much work dumped on my plate, a road-grubber like this eating me out of house and home is just the naruto on the ramen I don't need right now".

"Heh, sounds like I'd be just what you need Rin-chan; I like dogs, get on well with them and with you looking like you do that's probably just as well; still", he clapped his hands softly as Rin started to turn a mottled shade of puce while Maba tried her hardest to suppress a laugh, "let's get the paperwork signed and get out of here; I'm desperate to get something decent to eat and get my head down".

"No, no I refuse...!"

"Do that and you'll just be turfing me out your kennels every night until you say yes". Rin glowered before smirking darkly,

"I'll just let the dogs eat you, assuming they don't mind snacking on road-kill. Besides they're probably not going to be friendly to strangers at the minute so I can't take him for that reason Maba-chan – for his own safety find someone else".

"Hah, my safety? Lady I like you, you're the first person who's ever paid attention to the health of a _Kyaraban-ko_; anyway the puppies put up with you don't they – how much stranger than that could I be?"

"His own safety Maba-chan", Rin repeated, counting backwards for a million in threes to try and keep a lid on her temper as the secretary tried hard not to laugh out loud at the brewing fight; _this simply has to happen – they're already fighting like siblings_; "if the dogs don't kill him I sure as Kami will!"

"You could try, but then again how would you get the chance if I'm living with someone else?" Zaki pointed out, neatly tripping his opponent over her own line of reasoning at the same time as internally praising Aoba-san to the highest circle of heaven – if he hadn't been on hand to introduce him to his first humour book all those years ago he was certain he'd never be able to come up with so many quick-fire quip so quickly. In the face of this Rin stumbled slightly to a halt, visibly weighing this up in her mind as she kept her gaze on the boy in front of her – Zaki smiled brightly but did nothing more than that as he bore her scrutiny well. The impromptu stare down was broken abruptly as the older of the participants finally whipped her head around to where Maba sat quiescently awaiting her decision and kept an admirably straight face as her friend growled out tonelessly,

"Give me the damn forms".

Half an hour later, having left Maba to laugh herself sick in peace, the duo were walking down one of the main streets of Kumo with the smaller and younger of the two chatting away amiably and the second of the pair, teeth still gritted, trying her hardest to ignore the newest addition to her menagerie now skipping around her feet.

XXX

Stretching her legs out in front of her and wincing at a twinge from her old battle wound, Rin spared enough of a glance to the side of her to puncture Zaki's air of innocence with a sharp glance,

"So yes, there it was, hate at first sight as soon as you opened your big mouth..."

"Hey", the _Kyaraban-ko_ fought his corner like a weasel in a drainpipe, "not liked you helped in any way; the second we got to your pit you threw the door open and pushed me inside with the words, I quote, 'dinner time boys and girls, enjoy'. I was just lucky the Haimaru recognised my smell before the others ripped me apart and had me for lunch!"

"I'd have pulled them off before that happened, probably", the Inuzuka allayed his fears somewhat, the corner of her lips still turned upwards with a slight smirk as she rolled her eyes down to see him out the corner of them, "I was just amazed they didn't actually go for you; they were nin-ken in a strange place, away from the pack and only just having thrown off the drugs they were on to keep them under. I just thought you really were a dog-person, it was the only thing I could think of at the time as to how you got out of there without puncture wounds". At that admission Zaki gave a gruff snort of laughter, raising a hand with a smile of his own,

"Well that was luck on my part; when the Haimaru jumped up it took me a minute to recognise him, but when I did I managed to whisper something along the lines of 'don't tell anyone it's me', or something like that. And they didn't, just as well as at the time I didn't know I was bunking with an Inuzuka and thought Rin-chan was another Kumonian and someone I'd have to get away from to get home and let people know where the nin-ken were".

"And until that point I was stuck looking after a disobedient, smart-mouthed, irritating little dirt-walker until the next carnival could get rid of him for me", Rin pointed out, glowering at Zaki as she recalled several of the times this particular mask had been a complete thorn in her side and punctured her pride, personal friendships and position within the community on multiple occasions, "at the time I was calling Maba-chan all the names under the sun for putting such a stomach-on-legs in my house..."

"Not for long though", Zaki chipped in with a cunning grin on his lips, "I helped out with the running of the household apart from walking the nin-ken did I not?"

_Oh you wouldn't_; even as she squeezed her eyes closed to try and deny the truth Rin knew that yes, yes he would – for some reason the boy who had masqueraded as Maumaru Zaki for so long seemed to revel in recalling the most embarrassing incidents from the past and somehow twisting them so that most of the resultant embarrassment cascaded off his back like water from a ships' bow,

"Very noble of you Naruto-kun", the Sandiame admitted, smiling thinly as he saw the smirk playing over the boy's features at the same time as Rin's expression darkened slightly, "what exactly did you contribute though, and how? I hope you didn't go getting light-fingered around the mountain village".

"No way, after what the Raikage told me I believed him; that guy scared me just by looking at me", the jinchuuriki admitted, shuddering at the thought of having that shinobi coming after his blood, " but what I did was simple really jiji", the _Kyaraban-ko_ shrugged, "Rin's place wasn't that bad, small and a bit cramped but had a lot of land out the back, plenty of places for the nin-ken to run and play, but it definitely needed...no actually it already _had _a man of the house", he ducked once more as Rin swatted at him almost as a reflex, the purple-cheeked Inuzuka growling at her former housemate as he yet again make a less than complimentary comment on her appearance and manners, "but I guessed another guy pulling his weight and adding a few ryo to the coffers wouldn't go amiss, and let's face it, if the _Kyaraban-ko _ know one thing it's how to scrounge a living".

"You got a job then?" Shikaku had immediately puzzled through the jinchuuriki's riddling words without so much as a mental block tripping him up and was rewarded as the mop of brown hair bobbed up and down, "Doing what?"

"Ehhh, bit of a funny story there actually..."

XXX

After a week of having a house of more than one person for the first time in years, ever since her last potential partner and her had parted ways quite amicably due to them wanting different things in life and her inability to conceive, a legacy of the damage that had eventually ended up with her staying in Kumo for the rest of her life, Rin was eventually coming around to the idea of actually having someone a lot younger than her in the house.

Almost up to the point where she was only threatening him with being staked out in the garden for the nin-ken about a dozen times a day, rather than every second breath as had originally been the case.

Zaki was a first-class pain in the tail area; he was obnoxious, he was cheeky, he had absolutely no sense of shame and, most infuriatingly of all, had an innate ability to somehow drive her completely to distraction where over half-a-dozen nin-ken all whining in concert and pining for home barely caused her to stir; more than once she'd devolved into such a furious state of rage by his continued taunts and innuendos that she'd been reduced to tearing through the house after him, hurdling furniture and shrieking death-threats at the top of her lungs as he sprinted ahead of her, lithe as his namesake as he dodged away from her feminine fury. Yet for all that he was also kind, sympathetic towards her injury and subsequent limitations and was, quite surprisingly for her, not afraid to get his hands dirty by pitching in; for every taunt and teasing comment he made about her facial tattoos and rather mannish mannerism, mostly due to her being gelded by lightning at fourteen and therefore not fully developing from girl to woman properly, there had been a genuine compliment towards her for overcoming the obstacles she faced. For every laugh he had about the limp she developed following prolonged movement or standing, there would follow some kind of present or other such token of appreciation that did, though she'd never admit it, both help her out and make her feel more at ease with the brat who now shared her home.

It hadn't been all that easy at first though; having arrived with little more than the clothes on his back and whatever ryo he'd managed to win off Maba-chan (due to a clever bet that he'd won by making Rin's first words towards him a threat rather than a greeting, much to her chagrin), she'd had to shell out more than she'd meant to by feeding him and putting fresh and half-decent kit on him. It hadn't been particularly expensive, especially as anyone who sheltered a would-be citizen drew a small stipend from the state to tide them over, but still it had made a difference to her bank account and now, striding as she was towards the main market district of the village of the Dragon, things were about to get even more pricy; feeding nin-ken didn't come cheap. _Though none of these dogs they swiped will be nin-ken_; ever since she'd reported to the vets office where she worked at the Raikages' request and seen with shock the eight comatose forms splayed out before her, she'd known with ashes in her heart that her clan had been targeted by the forces of Lightning, the next stage of the Sandaime's desire for more strength for his village; _only one of them was ever a ninja dog and he's already imprinted onto someone, that much even I can tell. I can only hope they're recovering well from the loss, though if they were young enough they might have time to claim another partner and still serve Konoha as a ninja. Still, it's up to me to make sure the next generation, even if they get friendly with Cloud people and ninja, never develop into workable nin-ken, and come up with a plausible explanation as to how it happened without them becoming suspicious of me..._

She was so lost in her thoughts that it was only when she looked around to see where her future dog food barrel-roller was standing that she realised he wasn't there; glancing around as a slight spike of panic as she feared he might have gotten lost as he didn't know Kumo village all that well yet, Rin let out a low whistle of relief when she realised he'd simply paused some yards back and was gazing into a shop window, expression somewhere between curiosity and disbelief. Turning around and heading back towards him, grateful that she couldn't feel any pain from her leg yet, the former Inuzuka game abreast of the _Kyaraban-ko_ and snapped off her first question,

"Hey, what are you doing standing around gawking – there's work to do! And", she peered through the window herself, recognising some of the instruments inside as she tried to follow his gaze, "what are you looking at anyway?"

"I'm not sure", he replied slowly, extending a finger slowly to point something out as he finished, "but if I were to hazard a guess I'd say it was something like the bastard love-child of a set of forge bellows, a table-cloth and an explosion in a pipe factory". Glancing through the window and seeing the implement he'd pointed out the Inuzuka stifled a snort in laughter and nodded briskly in agreement,

"And you might well be right but that's either here nor there; you've got a lot to do to keep those tails wagging at home".

"Yeah yeah, I know and I'll be right..." He tailed off slightly, looking past her and across the street though Rin, always a fast learner even at the worst of times, waited a good few seconds before glancing over her shoulder – even in the scant few days they'd shared the same roof, the message of never turning your back on Zaki was one that had already engraved itself on her brain,

"...I'll be right behind you as soon as I've done the gentlemanly thing".

Before she could even think about stopping him the _Kyaraban-ko_ had nipped past her and crossed the track, approaching a figure who appeared to be struggling slightly with what looked like a very large and unwieldy bundle of something. Luckily as Zaki approached she, for it was a girl, Rin realised as she saw the delicate features and traces of make-up as the woman, or growing girl as the former kunoichi couldn't gauge her age accurately at this range, turned at the call of her lodger. The two held a brief and hushed conversation, Rin amusing herself and smiling thinly as she watched the _Kyaraban-ko_ made his new partner's expression morph from amusement to curiosity, to startled amazement and consideration to, finally, a reluctant kind of acquiescence that the former Inuzuka was already depressingly familiar with; _if nothing else he taught me this life-lesson, never let a Kyaraban-ko talk – he could sell water to Ame if you let him open his mouth_.

"Rin-chan", she was jerked back to reality by his shout, "I'll catch you at the place later, just gotta do my civic duty and help this beautiful princess home". Just about holding in a smile as the taller girl flushed slightly at the compliment, the older woman cupped a hand to her mouth and calling back,

"Okay brat, if you're not at the surgery in half an hour I'll send out a four-legged search party". Zaki merely sketched out a half-mocking bow and, gathering the bundle in his arms, tottered off following the lead of the girl he'd spent the last five minutes wheedling around to his point of view as Rin was left to shake her head and inwardly pray to Kami that sometime next year there wasn't going to be some poor woman left raising another future _Kyaraban-ko_ as his father had hit the open road again.

Luckily, though he was fifteen minutes late to the surgery where she was picking up the barrels of dried dog kibble for the puppies, she didn't think even he'd had enough time to get to know much more than the girl's name and where she lived. However, upon looking a little closer as seeing his slightly flushed features and eyes that appeared to deviate between breaching the barrier of full alertness and sinking into the morass of glazed recollection Rin inwardly shuddered; _please don't tell me he found out her favourite drink as well and, if he did, it really was just tea she invited him in for..._;

"Where have you been?" As always Rin's voice didn't betray any of her gnawing inner concerns, "Get lost again did you – well I shouldn't be surprised, even alley-rats take time to find their way around a new city". Unusually Zaki didn't have a quick-fire quip ready, instead glancing up at her and giving a quirky kind of grin as he raised one hand to rub the back of his neck,

"Well no, I didn't get lost really; I helped the girl, Risu-chan, back to her...place, she showed me where to put the laundry and was just about to bow me out the room when one of the other girls rushed in shouting that her kaa-san needed to see her. She must have forgotten about me, or assumed I'd just leave either way, because Risu-chan just bowed to me and ran off like the fiends of Makai were at her heels, leaving me in the lurch".

"So what? Why'd it take you so long to get here, unless she lives on the other side of the village?"

"Oh no, it's just that I didn't leave straight away", Zaki explained with a casual shrug, "far as I could see there was a lot of clean laundry just dumped on a side, a pressing board close by and a pretty girl who'd be left having to get her hands scalded when her kaa-san was finished with her, so I just did as I've been taught and started ironing. Must have done a half-decent job of it as well; when she, Risu-chan that is, came back about ten minutes later I thought she was going to pass out, seeing me there with a small pile of folded laundry to the side, though before I could say anything she raced off, calling for the kaa-san. Next thing I know there's an older woman coming towards me and believe me Rin-chan, if anyone was ever unsure why Kumo was called the Dragon village seeing that old battleaxe for even a few minutes would be enough to clear up any confusion, brr! So we talk for a bit, she asks what I'm doing here, what my intentions are blah blah blah, I give her the spiel about being a good _Kyaraban-ko_ and the fact that even if I did have any ungentlemanly ideas I could never afford any of her nee-chan anyway – anyway, long story short I've got some good and bad news".

At this declaration Rin had to resist the urge to roll her eyes up and shudder; as far as she knew Zaki, the term 'bad news' could be anything from the water he'd been making tea with accidently boiling over to, as had happened once before, the bag he'd been using on the routine morning 'poop patrol' had split open all over the pair of her shoes he'd borrowed to get around the dewy garden,

"Do I dare ask? Okay get it over with, bad news first".

"Well the bad news is that the kaa-san isn't actually Risu-chan's kaa-san – she's the proprietor of a very respectable and well patroned business in the south-west side..."

"And what", feeling a massive chasm split open in her chest and drag her spirit screaming down into the very bottom of her shoes Rin had no choice, much as she wished she did, to ask the question and get her suspicions confirmed, "was the name of this very respectable and well-patroned business?"

"Ah, the _Budding Blossoms_, but it's all okay Rin-chan", he reassured her quickly as the former Inuzuka left her head fall into her hands and silently despaired, "after I helped out Risu-chan they're going to help us".

"And just how", the former kunoichi growled through lips ironed flatter than the kimonos Zaki had been pressing earlier, "are people from _that line_ of work going to help us?" Zaki simply beamed a grin that could have made even one of the two bijuu Rin knew counted Kumo as their ancestral stomping ground back down and shiver,

"The kaa-san was so impressed with my ironing and the fact I didn't care the nee-chan were nee-chan she said I could keep the position if I didn't mind working late", he exclaimed excitedly, Rin for her part simply doing her best not to outright gape as the idea took root in her brain, "it won't pay all that well but it should be enough to cover bed, board and lodging, just don't say anything bad about the nee-chan and it'll all turn out fine".

XXX

"The _Budding Blossoms_?" Shikaku rolled the words around in his mouth as though it were a flavour he hadn't yet decided he liked or not; his tone likewise seemed to suggest he wasn't sure if he should be offended, amused, impressed or irked, "You got a job in a Kumo flophouse?"

"Yep, but I'll tell you all what I told she-beast over there", he didn't break stride even as Rin flicked his closest ear for the jibe, "don't say anything bad about the nee-chan. I met them all and got to know most of them while I was there and they're still people, just like you and me; they've got their own dreams and desires, most of which revolve around making sure their own children don't end up in their line of business, so no-one, least of all shinobi should judge them based on what they have to do for a living".

This much was true, especially to one shinobi in the gathering more than any others; though the women usually known as, at best, the sisters or the nee-chan were often considered scum and worth little more than dirt by some of the more 'upstanding' citizens of anywhere in the world, they still played a part, and a vital one, in the Elemental nations. Without them there would be far fewer places for shinobi, samurai and powerful men to relieve the stresses of their tenuous, life-or-death positions, nothing at all for some children who were brought into the world in desperate or forgotten circumstances to aspire towards – a nee-chan was one who sold her body but the nee-chan were a small, select sisterhood that looked out for and after its own. _A lot like the Kyaraban-ko, when I thought about it_; Zaki mused as he recalled the first serious job he'd ever had in his life with a wry smile; _similar but very different I'd image – about the only way I could think of to get a Kyaraban-ko who didn't have somewhere to be out of bed in the morning would be to get a nee-chan to sashay her way into his room_;

"Sounds fair enough Naruto-kun", the Sandiame admitted genially, having gradually accepted the idea of his grandson staking up such a position for the sake of his self-imposed mission, "good to know that your stints of labour in the Hyuuga clan were good for something at least", he added, glancing across just in time to see Hiashi slowly close his eyes at the reminder and realised exactly what his ad-hoc training had resulted in. Zaki simply chuckled and shrugged,

"Yeah well, it worked fine and I got to enjoy the work really; okay I was embarrassed for a few weeks but there's only so many times you can walk past someone a lot older than you who's half-naked or worse before you get used to it – by the time I left I was actually helping the nee-chan get changed without batting an eyelid. And before you randy old buggers say anything", the henged form raked the table with his eyes, a sniggering glimmer of mirth in his eyes, "all I was there for was to change the flowers, boil water for the tea, wash and iron the nee-chans' clothes and the, ah, bedding, air the rooms out and generally act as a gopher for the kaa-san, I didn't even try to muscle in on their line of work".

"Just as well – that'd being a whole new meaning to the phrase 'selling yourself short'"; _ooohh, that's it – his clan suffers as soon as I start prowling again_; as the shinobi who knew his night-working persona started chuckled slightly at Chouza's insinuation Naruto made the furious promise in his head as the large ninja went on, "besides I reckon it would kind of defeat the object of the _Budding Blossoms_ if the kaa-san was having to pay the patrons to get one of her employees laid".

"Har-de-har-har", the _Kyaraban-ko_ replied acerbically, folding his arms, "like you'd have done any better as patrons; the kaa-san would have turfed you dirty old men out on the street as soon as you showed up knocking on the door and looking hopeful", he declared before glancing to the side of him again, "but yeah, that was a bit of a bonus – the fact I had a job made it a lot easier to just blend in, especially as I was working late, usually 'til midnight, every day except the weekend so had a legitimate excuse to keep sleeping in, though the look on Maba-chan's face when she heard what I was doing for a living was an absolute peach. It was also quite handy because, without Kumo being quite as paranoid as it is", Rin huffed and folded her arms as he leant on the side of her chair, patting her shoulder with his closest hand, "I might never have figured out I was actually living with someone who could help get me and the nin-ken out of there..."

XXX

"Remind me again why we're going to the Raikage tower later?"

"Because", Rin sighed long-sufferingly, wiping her hands as she finished washing the last of the used dog bowls and cast a glance at the multiple dog leads that hung suspended from the pegs near the back door like miniature, colourful tassels, "it's Kumo policy that anyone who's resettled in Kumo for less than six months reports there once a week, usually at the weekend as that's when the tower's quietest and not many civilians are working. If, Kami-sama forbid, you're still lurking under my roof after six months and I haven't buried you under the back yard by then, the time period increases to once every two weeks". Zaki considered this as he reached for the last of the sud-covered bowls, a damp dish-rag in his hands before he rephrased his original question,

"No I know why _I_ have to go to the tower, I was asking why _we_ have to – you that desperate to see your Maba-chan again? I thought there was something going on there..."

"The only thing that's ever been between myself and Maba-chan is her desk", Rin assured his forcefully, biting her cheek to keep her temper in check as she knew that getting angry was about the worst thing she could do when speaking with Zaki, "in case you weren't aware of it she's got a husband and a daughter who's just made genin". The _Kyaraban-ko_'s smirk merely widened,

"Then her husband is a very lucky man – one very attractive woman as his wife and her occasional play-mate who's... well, as long as he kept the lights turned off he'd never have to see it was you". He hastily ducked as a Rin threw one of the leads at him, glaring harshly before jerking a thumb over her shoulder,

"Next time that gets wrapped around your neck until you start turning interesting colours; now stop messing about", Zaki was tempted to point out that she was the one to bring violence into the equation but wisely thought better of it, instead moving out the back door and stepping over one of the younger nin-ken, a pup with a fleck of white on her ears and a serious craving for attention that simply radiated cute, with the ease of long practice, "we've got a slot for late this morning and I know Raikage-sama and his staff like to leave early on a weekend if they can. As to why I'm going, first and foremost it's to make sure you behave yourself", she favoured him with an evil eye as he tried to look belatedly innocent, "but apart from that I have to report there myself".

"You? What for?"

"Because, baka, I'm not from Kumo either". That caught the _Kyaraban-ko_'s attention; looking at her directly, the child cocked his head,

"You're not? I thought you were carved from these mountains, well, bits of you at any rate; that right hand of yours would make even the Raikage think twice if you clocked him around the head with it".

"Yes, the first thought being 'did she actually have the nerve to do that?' and the second being 'Maba-chan's going to kill me for getting blood in the office'; now get a move on, we're going to be late otherwise".

Luckily the actual reporting was little more than a brief synopsis of his first week in Kumo, though Maba-chan had all but passed away when, having complimented Zaki for finding his feet so soon, she then found out exactly what it was he was doing to support himself, a couple of brief questions about his and Rin's movements and a quick signature on a piece of paper; it was on the trip back to their shared house when aches from Rin's old wound necessitated a stop at a small dango store, that Zaki decided to go fishing,

"So, you have to do that every fortnight as well?"

"Every month", the former kunoichi sighed back, blowing steam off the top of her tea, "been here that long they count me as part of the furniture – one word I dare you".

"No kidding", the _Kyaraban-ko_ mused before taking a sip of his own drink, "so where'd you fall from originally, and what made you move here?"

"Nothing made me move here, I didn't have much of a choice", Rin answered tonelessly, memories flickering behind her dark brown eyes that Zaki knew he shouldn't try to probe too deeply, "but I was born in Fire country".

"Fire?" _Crap, too loud_; though he'd been excited by this revelation he inwardly cursed himself for exclaiming it so loud and, as the purple-cheeked woman glanced over curiously, he scrambled to cover for his mistake, "That was about the last place on my list, I'd have said Mist if anywhere, or maybe even Snow or Frost, certainly not Fire". The adopted Inuzuka grinned,

"Well shouldn't that just tell you not to judge a book by its cover, not that you'd be caught dead trying to actually read anything", her lodger gave a scowl but didn't push his luck as she went on, knowing it was the truth that he couldn't actually read all that well, "but no, Fire was my birth-place and, since I'm not a native, I'm looked after like you are. Any kids I might have had", to her credit there was little more than the slightest hitch in her breathing to show her regret at being unable to bring life of her own into the world, "wouldn't have that issue, but as it stands it's an excuse to get outside once a month or so".

"Not that we need any more now since the eight little horrors arrived", Zaki pointed out, swallowing the last of his drink, "speaking of which, you speak to that friend of yours, regarding the 'humanising' visit?" He prodded her memory before, with a slight start, Rin remembered what he was going on about,

"Oh that, yeah at the weekend, once you've had your customary three-hour sleep in we should be okay to go. And while we're there please behave yourself", she half-demanded, half-begged, looking her lodger square in the eye, "I've known Sema-san almost since I ended up here and I get on well with her family so please don't do anything stupid or embarrassing while we're there".

"Would I?" The _Kyaraban-ko_ wheedled, a faux-mortified tone in his voice that made even the jaded former kunoichi chuckle a little before she tuned in to listen to his next question, "So, from Fire to Lightning then – what brought that change about?" _Hmm, not sure she wants to go there yet_; seeing the uncomfortable expression on the Inuzuka's face made Zaki decided to back off at this point and not press any further, at least not yet as he heard her answer,

"I, didn't really have too much of a choice; circumstances beyond my control mean it's almost impossible to go home and, let's face it, after so long here I'd bet I couldn't settle back down there"; _so that means she's likely to be a runaway or an outcast_; seeing these as her most likely reasons for leaving his home country Zaki inwardly groaned – it that was the case Rin was going to be another obstacle, and a big one, in trying to rescue any of the ninja hounds present within the Dragon village; _though, having said that, I wonder..._; it was a gamble he was taking, but a calculated one that, if it went wrong, he felt he could safely ascribe to misplaced curiosity as he opened his mouth once more,

"Strange, my old kaa-san said Fire was the best of the nations to settle in if you could manage it, and I only came here on the back of a coin toss", he mused before looking across the table at her, "wouldn't you even like to go back just to visit, assuming you could at some stage?" Rin cocked her head at the unusually-blunt question but, after a moment, merely snickered as she swallowed the last of her drink,

"Nosey little maggot aren't you? Problem is I won't get to visit, not now and probably not ever – even the farthest-flung leaf can return to the tree on the back of the gentlest breeze, but that old saying doesn't apply to me I'm afraid, buried under too many boulders up here – what are you doing?" She questioned, watching with curiosity as Zaki pawed at his face before glancing across at her,

"That, that was beautiful", he sniffled, wiping his eyes with a convenient sleeve, "the whole thing about the wind and the leaf; who taught you that?"

Memories, and painful ones, of the man who had won a war and achieved his lifelong goal only to have it cut agonisingly short danced through the back of the former kunoichi's eyes; she had wept, in private and away from the eyes of Kumo, for many a lonely night when the news of her former sensei's death had been relayed to the land of Lightning, though out of respect for the dead the Sandaime Raikage had forbidden any celebration of the Konoha Yondaime's death by the citizens of his village who still blamed him as the focal point that tipped the balance of the Third Shinobi War. Rin, however, remembered not the Minato the Hokage; she remembered Minato her first crush, Minato her jounin-sensei and great team leader, Minato who had mourned with both her and Kakashi when her beloved team mate Obito had passed on and in death granted Kakashi his greatest gift. The man who became the Yondaime was her teacher, one of her idols and a personal loss almost as great and gaping as that of her clan, and those words had been ones she had remembered through the first, hardest years of her integration into Kumo's society,

"A great person, one of my teachers", she admitted after a long pause, meeting the eyes of the younger boy as she finished and reached into her pocket for some change to pay for the snack, "but he's gone now, passed away, and no good comes from dwelling on what has been". She made to flick her coins onto the serving plate only to stop at the last minute, hearing the musical clink of metal on metal as Zaki beat her to the draw, speaking as he stood up,

"It's on me, you could use some cheering up and it was me who put you down", he explained before rolling to his feet and reaching down to offer a hand, "anyway, come on hop-along, the pups'll start whining if we're not back soon".

She clasped his hand just long enough to heave herself to her feet; just after that was accomplished she clasped his ear with her fingers and gave a savage twist, his pained yelp music to her ears as she took revenge for his jokey nickname for her injury,

"Less of the jibes or you'll be the one hopping for days; when I give a dead-leg it stays dead", she threatened ominously as Zaki, rather wisely, took her at her word and kept silent on the whole journey home.

XXX

"So, Kumo wanted the nin-ken to boost the power of their tracking division", Koharu surmised gravely, looking concerned, "this is a very serious situation; the land of Lightning is still trying to over-reach its military might to attain an edge over its competitors via illegal means". Rin nodded at this before smiling darkly,

"So it would seem, but there were flaws in their thinking; firstly they never knew I was an Inuzuka so I could speak to the nin-ken and let them know what was going on, and secondly they didn't know enough about the clan in the first place. The dogs they stole were either already imprinted on a partner so wouldn't recognise another, least of all from the state that had taken them, or they simply weren't nin-ken material at all – of course a few generations down the line that might have changed but, until then", she shrugged, her short crop of coffee-coloured hair bouncing with the movement, "no ninja-dogs for them".

"Just as well; Hi no Kuni cannot afford to have its military power further eroded away", Danzo stated solemnly, though his face still betrayed nothing as he sized up the recently-returned Inuzuka, "there must be repercussions for this".

"And there will be Danzo, but that is a conversation for another day", the Sandaime assured both his rival and the clan head of the bestial ninja, Tsume's expression darkening to thunder as she was again reminded of what Kumo had tried to take from her family, "however I would hazard a guess that your plan was to thwart their attempts to, pardon my crudeness, breed nin-ken from the pups they passed on to you?"

"That was the eventual goal", the lilac-cheeked woman admitted, resting her chin on her fist, "I'd have to do it subtly of course, couldn't let them know I was tipping the nin-ken off at all or they'd have stripped them off me and done who-knows-what to get what they wanted. Their first step of the plan was to try and get them familiarised with both Kumo and the people in it, which was left up to me – I couldn't just lock them away much as I wanted to, so I had to take the nin-ken out around the town and to the houses of prominent Kumo families, especially those who might one day be able to work with partners. That, however", she lasered Zaki with a basilisk glare, "led to one of the most humiliating nights of my life so far – if there's one thing I'll ever teach my clan in the future it's that you simply can't take a _Kyaraban-ko_ anywhere".

"Oh come on, we all had a laugh about it afterwards", Zaki deflected her ire with a fond recollection, "and besides, neither of the two I was working on was complaining when you guys walked in. First time we met was quite good fun though, even if the eldest of those siblings broke a cardinal rule when I'm about", even as he went on Sarutobi was forced to hold in a groan; he knew through long and hard experience that one tested and, even worse, broke one of Naruto's cardinal rules without severe consequences, "she openly declared she hated something I'm very partial to and after that", the _Kyaraban-ko_ shook his head solemnly, "revenge simply had to be mine".

XXX

Zaki had often heard of the term to 'click' with someone, though back home in Konoha when he wasn't wearing a mask the likelihood of that happening and a friendship being maintained over time was about as likely as Gai-san wearing black and turning into a goth. It therefore came a very great surprise when, as the door Rin had hammered on was opened by someone about a year older than his false age and, as he saw the dancing eyes and wide smile, there was an almost audible cracking noise that echoed around his mind,

"Hey, Rin-obasan", the boy smirked as he stepped back and beckoned them inside, stooping down to examine one of the small grey shapes the woman he recognised had brought with her, "yeah, kaa-san said you'd be bringing along some...hey", he snatched back the hand he'd been slowly moving towards the dog's nose as it backed up and growled at him, "what was that for, I wasn't doing anything wrong".

"No you weren't", Zaki interjected, bending over to give the cantankerous nin-ken and swift, sharp poke in the hindquarters, "be nice", he told the animal in a semi-warning tone as it jumped up and softly yelped at the assault from an unexpected quarter, "sorry about that – you can see the need to socialise them right?"

"I can after that little grumble", the boy chuckled before brazenly thrusting forwards a hand, "Atsui, at your service".

"Maumaru Zaki, at yours", the other boy declared, gripping and shaking with a firm grip even as the nin-ken who's lead he had hold of slunk behind him, still not trusting of this stranger who smelt so unlike one of his pack. Seeing the two of them getting on so well Rin decided to seize the initiative and, before Zaki was quite sure what was going on, she'd thrust the second lead into his hand and addressed Atsui, hands on hips and looking like little short of a brick wall would stop her asking her next question,

"So then, I'll leave you two to it; Zaki look after the animals and while you're at it try to take care of yourself. Where's everyone else?" Rolling his eyes up for a minute, the slightly older of the two boys tried to remember,

"Uhh, tou-san is out and will be for some time, kaa-san should be in the garden; as always you're quite early oba-chan", he pointed out, a slight teasing lilt in his tone until Rin folded her arms and he went on hurriedly, recognising the glint in her eye, "Samui-chan's over at her friend, Kari I think it is, or something like that, the other one's catching up on her beauty sleep and I'm left here holding the fort".

"Which, considering you've just unbarred the front gate, you've done a spectacularly poor job of", the former kunoichi cut back caustically, making Atsui frown at her before stepping aside to let them both in, Zaki taking a minute to wipe his feet and gain control of the two nin-ken he was now responsible for, "I'll leave you two to enjoy each other's company and get the dogs sorted out; if you need me I'll be in the garden talking to your mother".

With that Rin swept past and left the two of them, along with the pair of hopefully-future nin-ken, in the hallway together; both watched her go until she disappeared around a corner and then looked at each other, a silence building between them until Atsui, wrestling down his nerves and making a brave stab at conversation, started the ball rolling,

"So, uh", he pointed the same way Rin had gone, "drink?"

Fortunately the tension melted away quickly after that; after noticing that a dog-bowl had already been set up on a spread-out newspaper in a corner of the kitchen Naruto had reached down and unclipped the pups, who had hastily made their way over and quenched their thirst. While the two, who Rin had selected for this jaunt on the grounds of them being amongst the youngest and therefore least likely of the nin-ken to attack any strangers (the stolen Haimaru, at the opposite end of the spectrum, hadn't even been let out of Rin's back garden yet for fear he would bolt or fly at someone) were gambolling around and exploring the strange new scents of the house, Atsui made polite and pleasant conversation with his new guest and Zaki reciprocated. Of course, both being young teenage boys this veneer of civility lasted all of a few minutes as Zaki began quoting some of his varied adventures on the road, Atsui responded with some of his anecdotes about life in the Kumo shinobi Academy and by the time it came to wash up the glasses they were using the pair of them were laughing and joking like life-long friends, a habit that continued throughout the impromptu tour of the household,

"And then, ping!" Zaki ended his tale, one he'd come up with after Naruto had heard how Teuchi-jiji had earnt a cut on his face following a string holding a bundle of chopsticks together had snapped and whipped him across the face, "The bloody thing snapped like an old bootlace and, of course it had to be winched tight when it happened, it whipped right around and across my ass! Don't laugh", he muttered as Atsui hunched over, half-collapsing against the nearest wall as he pictured the scene in his mind, "I couldn't sit down for a week afterwards, and crossbow strings cost a packet to buy even when you can find somewhere that stocks them". Mastering himself eventually, the youngest of the Mae siblings stood upright and breathed out,

"Oho, that sounded like what happened to Harani's butt when our home-room teachers found out who started that massive food-fight in the dining hall three weeks ago – poor kind, I'm sure it wasn't actually him who kicked it all off, just his bad luck he beaned the josie no kocho in the shoulder with a thrown cup. Poor bugger couldn't walk in a straight line afterwards, and our sensei's got a sadistic sense of humour at the best of times – Harani's never been any good at stealth and that afternoon he gave us a game of hide-and-hunt with the promise of a kick up the backside to anyone he caught – they probably heard the scream in Iwa when that sandal connected". Zaki winced,

"Remind me to never introduce your sensei to my old kaa-san", he mentioned, memories, even if they were false ones, of the stern matriarch of the fictional _Kyaraban_ home he had lived in through his infancy foremost in his mind, "but yeah, I know a crossbow's old-fashioned but it looks mean and imposing, usually makes a pack of bandits think twice because they know I'll get two, maybe three shots off at them before they get close enough to take me down and none of them want to be the two or three I..." he tailed off, looking at something across the room before pointing at it and turning to Atsui, confusion written on his face,

"...what's that?"

In all honesty he knew what it was but for the sake of his mask he plastered on a confused expression as the Kumo Academy student blinked, looked between Zaki and the object his finger had highlighted, and asked a careful question, as though not sure if his friend was playing a joke on him or not,

"You really don't know?"

"I've got a shrewd idea but no, I'm not a hundred percent sure".

"It's a television, it...well it shows things, that's about the best way I can describe it", Atsui shrugged, hunting for the remote control, "here, press this", he hit the 'on' button on the front of the monitor before hearing his mother's faint voice calling for something and decided he'd better make this last bit quick, "and then just choose a channel with this while I run like the devil before kaa-san comes hunting me".

"Go for it", Zaki raised a hand in farewell as he stepped aside and let the taller figure zip past him, calling down the corridor as he did so, "I know what it's like to have an angry kaa-san breathing down your neck!"

_True as well_; and it was – one of the first lessons that had been drilled into his skull following accepting the offer of the _Budding Blossoms_ was that the kaa-san's word was law. Zaki didn't even know her real name, just that he was to call her 'kaa-san' at all times, unlike the nee-chan who he was starting to easily identify and could speak to as long as they weren't busy getting ready to attend clients; _still, good excuse as any to stay up late and get up later, and the pay's not half-bad either_. That much was certainly a bonus; though he'd only been there a fortnight, the fact he got a weekly pay-packet meant he had enough to cover virtually all the household bills while Rin's money was enough to keep them fed and watered, even to the point where the scarred old grizzly (as he'd once called her first thing in the morning when she was shaking him awake –that had been a mistake he wouldn't be repeating again) was better off with him being there than without.

Still, he had today off and wouldn't be back at work until tomorrow night, enough time to play the awestruck yokel as he fiddled with the controller and was rewarded as the screen sparked into life; _wow, this is in colour! I'd heard of these but the Hasawadas haven't found one cheap enough to buy yet – neat. I'll have to tell Ten-chan about this when I get back_; the thought of the bun-haired Panda-chan was enough to make his chest pang for a second before his idle channel-flipping was brought to a sudden, crashing halt; _oh no way! Some up there_; he rolled his eyes heavenwards at the same time as appearing to be magnetically drawn towards the neat settee, eyes not leaving the screen in front of him; _really, really likes me at the minute!_

He heard Atsui reappear before he saw him, even over the crashing noises from the small box in front of him,

"Hey man, I think I got it to work don't ask me how though; from what I can tell it looks like sorcery that even Masidi the Magnificent couldn't manage".

"Nah, it's not that technical, all I know you press a button and the light show starts, probably not like you Masahhhh, okay", the way the other blonde tailed off made Zaki look around and over the back of the settee in time to quirk an eyebrow at his friends' sudden expression of discomfort, "err, not to sound like I'm ordering a guest around but would you mind", Atsui waved a hand at the screen, not really looking at the large, black cat-head symbol being thrust into the sky, "would you mind turning it over?"

"Huh"; _what's got him so nervous?_; though he was no Yamanaka, Zaki was sure his friend was looking worried by something and kept his eyes on him as he jerkily approached the settee, "sure, what's the big deal?"

"The big deal..."

The voice that broke in on their conversation was one that made both the _Kyaraban-ko _and the prankster of his family both stop dead and pray to Kami for deliverance; the actual voice itself was loud but still feminine and actually rather pleasant; the tone, on the other hand, was one that sent a fleet of icy spiders dancing down Zaki's spine. It was a tone all men, even orphans such as himself, instinctively knew, feared and rolled over upon hearing – it was the tone of a Pissed-Off Woman and because of it Zaki offered zero resistance when he felt the remote tugged out of his hand and heard the television fade to black as the person who'd leant over the settee to relieve him of it finished her words,

"...is that I _hate_ that show!"

When he finally mustered up the courage to peek upwards to see the owner of said pissed-off tone, he found himself looking at the upside-down vision of a woman who, he guessed, was probably about the same age as Hana-chan, maybe a year or two older. From what he could see from this angle, she had a long mane of ash-blonde hair that she hadn't yet had time to brush or comb if the way it was sticking up and around was anything to go by, two black, oddly-slanted eyes that were rimmed with flaking sleep and, most importantly, a plate of gleaming steel tied around her forehead,

"Ah, good afternoon shino-no, umm, kun-oichi-san?" He ventured, as though not sure of the proper greeting and breathing out a massive sigh of relief when he got it right, the woman standing up and rubbing her eyes as she dropped the remote back into his lap,

"Yeah, morning to you as well; you're the one kaa-san mentioned Rin was bringing around with those new pups she inherited?"

"Yep, 'fraid so – I think Rin's out with your mother in the garden, the dogs are too come to that. Anyway, let's stop being so rude and do this properly, Maumaru Zaki, a please to meet you..."

"Yugito, Nii Yugito", the taller woman replied, moving towards the kitchen after nodding at her brother, "I'll catch up with you two when I've had a chance to wake up and feel, human again". Too busy following her departing form with his eyes, Zaki missed the twitch that rushed across Atsui's face and was gone by the time his guest swung around to face him again,

"Nii? I thought your name was Mae?"

"I'm her half-brother", Atsui explained, "Yugito, Samui and I have the same kaa-san but she remarried after Yugito-chan was born and her father died; only Samui-chan and I are full-blooded brother and sister, not that it matters", despite falling far short of his eldest sibling in terms of virtually all ninja skills Atsui nevertheless stood tall and proud as he made his next declaration, "Yugito-chan's my sister and I'll look after her if she needs me to no matter what those losers out there think".

Despite not showing much in his expression; not that the other boy would have noticed it in the middle of thrusting his hand into the air as he made his declaration, Zaki was rather intrigued by his words – it sounded like something he might once have said in defence of a certain trench coat wearing special jounin who had a bad reputation in Konoha – was it possible Yugito had the same, or at least, had some kind of bad reputation in the village? _Too early to tell – you can't be Hokage in a day, just enjoy the rest and sniff out what you can later_;

"Good way to be Atsui-san, just like the _Kyaraban-ko_; family have to stick together to make sure they make it", he advised sagely before pointing at the now-dead television screen with the remote, "just out of interest though, why does your nee-san not like that...that, what's the word...?"

"Show?"

"Yeah, that'll do".

"Long story short she's, not all that fond of cats in general".

"Really? Suits me then, I've always been a doggy-type guy myself". The waggling eyebrows and suggestive tone immediately set off Atsui's protective measures,

"Are you hitting on my sister?"

"I wasn't planning anything, but now that you mention it..."

"Try and die!"

"I'd die happy".

"...Dammit, give me a minute and I'll have a comeback, just you wait!"

XXX

"So that was it mostly, for the first few months at least", Zaki went on, the council in front of him enmeshed in the tale he and Rin together were weaving, "the pups were socialised more with different people, I was bringing home the bacon and Rin-chan... actually, good point, what were you doing while all this was going on?"

"Running a household, holding down my own job and trying to cling on to whatever shreds of sanity you were kind enough to leave me at the end of each day", the Inuzuka semi-snarled back, muttering under her breath for a second before addressing one of the issues she could see bubbling under some of the calm facades in the council before her, "but apart from that I was trying to make sure Kumo could never start a pack of its own; had I known Zaki's true identity from the start I, or we more to the point, might have got here earlier but it took time for us to actually work out who the other actually was".

"I was afraid she might have gone Kumo completely", the disguised jinchuuriki chipped in as an explanation, "couldn't tell her everything right off the bat even if she said she was born in Fire country".

"Very wise Uzumaki-san", Homaru complimented dryly before moving on, "but I assume you did eventually confide your plans in Inuzuka Rin and she helped you achieve them?"

"You got that right; I might be okay at sneaking around but I don't think anyone except the Nidaime Tsuchikage could've walked out of the middle of Kumo village with eight nin-ken; Rin-chan's the only reason we all made it back", Zaki admitted breezily, inadvertently making the Inuzuka squirm at the praise, "even if the circumstances under which we managed to confide, as Homaru-san put it, in each other were, slightly unorthodox and allowed me to get that sweet, sweet revenge over the _Kaminari-Nekos_-hating kunoichi".

As the council chambers watched Inuzuka Rin squirm once more all of them, even Hiashi and Tsume who were still, still not quite believing the gifts that had been dropped into their laps, a single thought ran through their collective minds.

_This ought to be good..._

A/N: And with a little luck it will be; hope to see you all in the next chapter for the continuing adventures of a Mouse in a strange land!


	15. Chapter 15 Cat and Mouse

Chapter 15 – Cat and Mouse

A/N: Okay, long chapter but please bear with it – this one will be the last one detailing what went on in Kumo; I do hope you enjoy it. I'll keep the AN brief and say I'm grateful to everyone who reads my work and look forwards to delivering a new chapter sometime in the near future. Until then, enjoy the continuation of the central act of the Mouse's show...

XXX

Though all were aware of the importance of obtaining this hard-earned information in the face of what, if they were unlucky, may prove to be harsh Kumo retaliations for the infiltration of their land and theft of a priceless artefact none present in the council, despite their own curiosity and need to know exactly how Naruto had managed to speak clearly to the person who's help he needed to bring his targets home to Konoha, none of them could find it in themselves to break the boy out of the momentary trance that had fallen over him. Naruto for his part merely went silent, the present fading away as his mind tumbled back to the past, back through memories that were both important to his home and those that were not, hearing voices that he would likely never hear again and seeing sights that would never leave him; even as he pictured how exactly to phrase the exact plan that had baled both himself and Rin out of the mountain village, a small part of his mind was detached from the past and merely tracing backwards over the less important but still treasured things.

Remembering what was important to him...

XXX

"Gah", with a cry of frustration that was met with naught but a smattering of giggles Zaki threw his hand onto the crate and despaired, "I can't prove it but now I'm certain you nee-chan must have marked the deck!" The giggles gave way to a succession of shocked gasps until Isoko, sloe-eyed and with skin the colour of the newly-fallen dusk, managed to speak up,

"Myuu, Zaki-kun", like all nee-chan Isoko was never above using a little emotional blackmail to twist the situation to her favour and the way she nervously nibbled her lower lip; coupled with just a hint of nervous worry mixed with daring defiance in her eyes this was more than enough to pierce straight through the _Kyaraban-ko_'s faux-outrage as he lost yet more of his rapidly dwindling supply of buttons, "how could you impugn our honour with such harsh words? Have we not been nice to you in the time you've been here?" Suddenly well-aware of Isoko's sister nee-chan subtly pressing up against him from either side, Zaki decided to quickly retreat before their attentions reduced him, yet again, to a quivering puddle of goo and laughing stock; _damn it, does the kaa-san teach them how to be this damned devious? I swear when I become a ninja I'll never, ever underestimate a woman, even if she's not a kunoichi and even if I become Hokage!_

As any man with life experience, least of all the ones he saw daily as part of his work in the trade he'd suddenly been employed by, would have told him without a second thought, it was a smart strategy; though he was slowly learning how to ignore the nee-chan's subtle charms and ability to bend him to their point of view, he was under no illusions that should any one of the girls of the _Budding Blossoms_ make anything even close to a concerted effort on him he'd end up doing anything they asked. He knew this simply by experience; only by dint of the kaa-san reigning in the girls who worked under her had Zaki ever finished the chores she'd set him without being distracted by the seemingly-innocent requests of the nee-chan to do 'just a little thing' for them while they were getting ready,

"Never, of course not", he gabbled hastily, hoping he'd worm his way out of this mess with the loss of just a few extra buttons rather than, as he feared, another half-a-dozen things he'd have to do before the kaa-san lit the red lantern though, judging by the teasing, calculating look on Isoko's shapely face, he had a sinking feeling he wasn't going to be that lucky,

"Haha, the boy learns"; _saved by the mad old man_; despite his wariness of Zanchu, as having seen the old man add up a night's takings with little more than half a glance he knew for a fact that the husband of the _Budding Blossom_'s kaa-san was nowhere near as stupid as his gap-toothed, broken-nosed face would have one believe, as the nee-chan immediately leapt up in fright and then began admonishing the newcomer for startling them, Zaki had cause to be grateful for the old buzzard as he waved off the attention of the pretty girls and took the heat off of his slip-up, "hai, hai, forgive an old man his joke. It is just good for old Zanchu to know he can ruffle the feathers of such beautiful young things when he has a mind to".

"Bah", as the oldest of the nee-chan present Isoko had seniority and therefore answered the older man, "you ruffle our feathers only as we all fly away from you; how kaa-san can bear your ugly face Kami only knows", at his gap-toothed smile and knowing that all comments about his lack of looks simply rolled of him like water from a ducks back the nee-chan simply shook her head, "have you come to take our Zaki-kun away?"

"Hai, and not only me; come now girls", Zanchu folded his arms and shook his head as to a woman the nee-chan all sidled closer to the seated _Kyaraban-ko_ as though protecting him, Zaki for his part going rigid as the lithesome bodies closed in around him before slowly forcing himself to relax and resigning himself that the card game, for him at least, was over, "he must earn his keep and besides, 'tis bad manners to keep him to yourselves all night".

As he'd been expecting the nee-chan all lamented at this loss but, the more experienced man noted, the boy himself was much quicker to react properly to the command, standing up and gently brushing away the delicate hands that tried to hold him down in his seat, quite unlike the first night where Zanchu had been all but forced to go in mob-handed and heft the boy away as in the face of so much pleasurable company he'd simply frozen up like a genin exposed to killing intent. _He learns the game, and he learns it well_; a flicker of respect lit up in the man's mind as Zaki quickly tip-toed his way through the crowd to his side after splitting up his remaining buttons to the remaining players in the card game, thanking the nee-chan and assuring them he'd see them all again soon before straightening up to his employer,

"What's the job Zanchu-san?"

"Restock the kitchens and light the fires firstly, then speak to the kaa-san", the man ticked off on his fingers as he led the smaller figure away, Zaki giving a last wave to the nee-chan before turning to face his employer, "she'll have a few other things I'm sure. Oh, before I forget", bidding him wait where he was, Zaki only watched as he re-opened the door he'd just slid shut and poked his head around it, "Isoko-chan we've had word that your favourite will be here tonight; tell Zaki-kun of his orders when the time comes".

Hearing the excited gasps and sudden rush of low conversation from the nee-chan before it was cut off as Zanchu shut the door again the _Kyaraban-ko_ could only wonder what that was about before he put it from his mind and preceded the part-owner of the _Budding Blossoms_ towards the small store-rooms, speaking over his should as he did so,

"You've got my thanks for coming in when you did ji-san", though within rights Zanchu could have demanded all within his business called him tou-san he never did, saying he found the title too formal and that man such as him could never hope to have such beauties as his daughters, "another minute and you'd have found me without a button to my name". The man chuckled, clapping the newest worker on the shoulder as he did so,

"Zaki-kun, you remind me so much of me in my youth..."

"Come to places like this often did you Zanchu-san? For shame".

"No shame at all, it led me to finding my beloved, at a price", he probed the gap where one of his front teeth used to be with his tongue for a second before carrying on where he'd left off, "anyway if you've a grain of sense between your ears you'll remember that behind those innocent eyes and charming smiles any nee-chan worth her salt knows more tricks with cards than half the circuses in the Elemental Nations put together!"

That was enough to force a laugh from Zaki's lips as he preceded the owner of the house into the small cellar where the foodstuffs of the _Budding Blossoms _was kept, along with the less well-used musical instruments that were dusted off and used on grand occasions. The old man had once more rapped the nail right between the ears; the vast majority of people knew that nee-chan were women who sold their bodies for coin and therefore proved the old adage that the vast majority of people were idiots – even after a few weeks amongst them Zaki had come to see that the nee-chan were also expert courtesans, dancers, singers, instrumentalists, musicians, actresses, seamstresses and gatherers of gossip and secrets. Many a man would have his tongue loosened when in the arms of his favourite woman, often spilling secrets that might have got him his throat opened had the wrong ears heard them, sometimes even by the kaa-san of the nee-chan he was sleeping with. Stately and solemn though she might have appeared, Zaki knew that the woman he worked for was far more skilled in the martial arts than most, least of all a drunken sot who threatened harm to her or one of her girls, would have assumed, and the long hairpins that made up her ornate kanzashi were not there solely for decoration – more than one heavy-handed fool had left the _Budding Blossoms _with far more than just his conscience pricked. _Still_; the boy thought had he heaved up a small box of flour and blew away a little white dust to check that it was the right grade; _if they're stupid enough to try and hurt the nee-chan here they deserve everything that comes to them, and if they think the kaa-san's bad they haven't seen anything I can do yet!_

Luckily, as he handled more of the laundry side of things, Zaki didn't have to help out much in the small, cramped kitchen of the house; Zanchu was skilled enough to handle things in there and didn't need anyone else getting underfoot though, if the night was expected to be very busy, he would always put a night's work out to tender by word of mouth and then select the best candidate from the queue of youngsters that showed up during the day. These volunteers, Zaki had heard, were the children of the red lights, the akasenko; born to nee-chan by accident and an unfortunately permanent side-effect of the job, they were as much a part of a secular society held away from the prying eyes of the main stream as he himself was as a _Kyaraban-ko_. Raised in the rears of the houses of pleasure they grew up immersed in the trade, the boys often adopted into a more wholesome occupation by one of their many potential fathers who either took a shine to them or heeded the honey poured into their ears by the nee-chan and kaa-san, the girls more often than not becoming the next generation of nee-chan. They were far from faultless, as Zaki was already beginning to suspect that many akasenko, especially the boys, often absconded into the ranks of the criminal fraternities and yakuza though, due to the shinobi presence, this was virtually unheard of in Kumo or the other shinobi villages. However as a member of a group often considered to be little more than organised beggars and vagrants, he had a more open mind about the situation than most – no-one was blameless of crime and those who stated they were only committed the gravest sin of all in his mind, rank hypocrisy the one thing guaranteed to get on his goat,

"There, that's the lot", banishing his thinking for a moment, he looked up at the gap-toothed maw of his employer as he quickly stood up from the fire he'd just lit, closing the grate as he felt the heat wash over his legs, "need anything else brought up?"

"Maybe some more rice-balls later in the night, heed me if I holler for you", the old chef began, already washing his hands and casting an eye at his beloved pots and pans, "go see kaa-san or, if you can't find her, the elder sister and help them as best you can".

"Alright you old pot-clanger; just call if you need help; if your back goes out while you're trying to lift something too heavy I reserve the right to point and laugh". Zanchu grinned,

"Be away with you", he declared wafting a hand towards the _Kyaraban-ko_'s retreating form, "I'm still in my prime".

"Prime? If you were beef you'd be considered well-aged at best", Zaki delivered as a parting shot before darting out the kitchen and heading towards the back rooms of the _Budding Blossoms_ and his lovingly-pressed ironing piles.

He bumped into the kaa-san en-route to his destination and nodded his head deferentially, not quite meeting the woman's steely eyes as he answered her unspoken question with alacrity,

"Fixing the linen kaa-san; won't take two minutes".

"Good, take time to get it right Zaki, first impressions are all-important", he nodded again and stepped aside as she swept past, waiting until she was gone before carrying on from where he'd left off; though not inapproachable, the kaa-san had to control all that went on in her domain with an iron hand to prevent anything rocking the boat. Like most kaa-san she was a former nee-chan who had grown into the role and taken over from the previous kaa-san; true to form she was currently grooming a successor in the form of Kisisi, the Ichiban or 'eldest sister', who would take over the kaa-san's duty when the current incumbent felt her abilities slipping away and stepped down into well-deserved retirement. As he entered his private domain and took down a selection of laundry he could use as a patch-job until he had a clearer idea of what each room needed, the _Kyaraban-ko _remembered the exact circumstances that had led to Zanchu-jiji actually claiming the hand of the kaa-san when she'd still been a nee-chan. She had been his favourite and, when he saw her being given trouble in a less-than-reputable area of town when she was on an errand from her kaa-san, he had immediately stepped in to help; the result of this, and being dragged into a brawl involving low-chunin level ninja, Zanchu had earnt himself his missing tooth, a nose that had been smeared across the side of his face and a new wife. _Typical love story of the red lights_; Zaki thought with a smile as he folded another pillow case over his arm; _and the kaa-san even gave him a discount on her price for his chivalry_.

Darting across the upper rooms the _Kyaraban-ko_ paused at each door, his knuckles rapping out five quick taps, rat-tat-tat, like a frantic woodpecker hunting for grubs in a tree after he'd cocked his ear and made sure there were no intimate noises coming from within. It was a rough code of sorts and, having delivered the message, he began to count slowly under his breath; if he reached eight, a lucky number, without a reply he moved on as the nee-chan within was busy; this time he reached about three and a half before he received his response,

"Come in...Zaki-kun".

"Isoko-chan", he replied to the greeting, averting his eyes as he saw the naked back of the nee-chan stood before her mirror, hands in her hair as she arranged it into a design of plaits, "anything to be changed?"

"Pillowcases to be silver", she spoke around the pins in her mouth, "fresh lilacs for flowers and massage oil on the chest over there".

"And how long before it goes from that chest to yours?" The nee-chan looked over her shoulder with mischief in her eyes,

"For shame Zaki-kun", she admonished before looking at herself in the mirror once more, adjusting her bust, "though I'm sure these are part of the reason Hishiro-kun considers me his favourite". Zaki chuckled as he hastily stripped the white pillow-cases from the luxurious pillows at the head of the bed and hastily stuffed the down-filled linen bags into crisp, fresh silver cases with a trim of red flowers at the corners,

"Those I'm sure came later; your other skills must first have entranced him nee-chan, there are none who perform the ceremony of the tea so well". Isoko chuckled as she fully turned around, folding a kimono around herself in a manner that would, Zaki noticed, make it much easier than normal for a man not completely confident with feminine clothing to remove,

"You could charm the birds from trees little road-walker; please". She offered a small pot of blusher forwards and Zaki dipped in a finger, acknowledged as being a bit of a dab-hand at painting on the slap as the _Kyaraban-ko_ called it. Delicately tracing a small amount of the cosmetics onto the cheeks of the taller woman as she took a knee to compensate his lack of height, Zaki took a second to survey his work before deciding that the rosy blush effect he's given rise to on the woman's cheeks was exactly what had been required and stepped back nodding, placing his finger in his mouth to suck off the residue of the make-up and prevent it staining the laundry he still carried,

"That should do it nee-chan"; after checking for herself by looking into the mirror over her shoulder Isoko nodded and smiled down at him,

"Perfect, many thanks Zaki-kun".

"No problem; I'll finish my rounds and get the oil you need. Just a question though", she prompted him to go on with her eyes as he faltered for a minute before gesturing at the table by the side of her bed, "do I dare ask what this Hishiro subjects you to that needs those cords and oil?" Isoko considered this for a minute before she gave a teasing smirk, raising an eyebrow as she stood to her full height,

"Listen in if you can on your rounds and ask me again when the lantern's snuffed", she suggested, a tone in her voice that he couldn't quite place, "until then be away quickly, before kaa-san or Ichiban catches you loitering".

Before the lantern was lit Zaki's main job was to iron the clothes and bedding and prepare the rooms the nee-chan would be using before the night began; when the patrons were coming in, Zanchu's kitchen was fired up baking small, complimentary treats and tea for the guests and the sake was flowing, his job was to be for the most part as invisible as possible. This suited him just fine; it was what he'd trained himself to do after all; but his main role was to keep an eye on the rooms and as soon as the patrons left he was to go in, strip and replace the bedding, air the place out and then be out of there as swiftly as possible. Usually such haste meant that he was stripping the room at the same time the nee-chan within was washing herself after entertaining a client; the result of this was that Zaki very quickly lost his sense of embarrassment when confronted with the feminine form – it was purely business, there was no time for play during work time and the neechan were too busy to tease him. Though he had been caught staring the first few times he quickly shook off such feelings, ignored his blushing cheeks and got back to work to the point now where seeing one of the nee-chan coming out of her shower with next to nothing on was barely enough to raise an eyebrow.

It was quite exhausting work but he was more or less used to the late nights, though as always it was when the kaa-san snuffed the light that it all caught up with him and made the last round the worst; _I'm just grateful the nee-chan have this gear washed every time I come in – if I had to take it to the cleaners as well it'd be the end of me_. His exhaustion as such that he could barely raise his hand to bid the nee-chan in the room farewell, though he did have to gently decline her offer to let him wash her back and deflect her disappointed pout as she stoked up the bubbles in her bath. At the end of the night was about the only time the nee-chan had to enjoy a proper bath save if their clients were that way inclined and Zaki had often helped Zanchu wrestle barrels of hot water from his old kitchen stove up the stairs to the nee-chan's waiting bathtubs, a nice luxury for the girls after a hard nights' work. Tottering from the room towards the latest one, he knocked his traditional five raps and, after being invited in, perked up as he recognised the voice,

"Hi Isoko-chan", the nee-chan smiled over as she laced a plain dressing gown over her body, "nice bath?"

"Just what the med-nin ordered", she replied breezily, still giggly from the actions of the past hour as she pointed towards the ceramic ladle clipped onto the side of the bath, "I'll strip, you empty, fair?"

"Sure thing nee-chan"; with that the _Kyaraban-ko_ pushed the window open, slowly dragged the bath as close to the window as he could manage and cracked it open, pouring the water out of the bath and into the exposed guttering one ladleful at a time until the bath was light enough for him to lift wholesale as Isoko casually pulled the covers off the bed, ready for the last change of sheets the bed would have that night. Being close to the window also had the benefit of airing the room out and replacing the musk of post-coital ecstasy with cold, crisp air; it was a scent Zaki was already well used to and aware of, as well as the actions that generated it, part and parcel of the trade he worked with for the moment. _That should do it_; after testing the weight of the remaining water in the bath he carefully lifted it up to the window and poured the remaining suds out, wiping around the metal tin with an absorbent cloth to ensure the tin wouldn't rust before it was used again as he put it back down and looked around at the pile of used laundry Isoko had left in the centre of the room,

"Thanks Isoko-chan", he nodded in appreciation as the nee-chan smiled, though a sudden memory made him pause halfway through stooping down to sweep up the discarded linen, "though, just before I go, remember the question I asked earlier regarding your favourite? Was he here tonight?"

"Hai, he's been stationed in Kumo now"; _stationed – part of the military then, samurai most likely_; Zaki slowly digested that information while listening as Isoko went on, "rotating deployment or so he says. He always visits when he can though, he says I'm his only one and, though he wouldn't be the first to say that, for Hishiro-kun I believe him".

"I should hope so too; I thought I heard screaming from in here when I was doing the rounds earlier; what horrors was he subjecting a poor nee-chan to?" Isoko reddened slightly, not quite meeting the _Kyaraban-ko_'s eyes as she answered,

"It is what he does to drown out the sounds of the mourning flutes he's heard so often; he replaces such a sad noise with laughter and forgets the battles he's seen for a moment. He tickles me Zaki-kun, says I'm all that keeps him sane after putting down bandit groups and small peasant uprisings; the daimyo is a hard ruler, there is little mercy shown to those who rebel against his taxes and plans. Hishiro-kun's had to baptise his blade in the blood of his countrymen more often than invaders, a hard burden for anyone to try and bear and if a little suffering of mine can help him", despite herself Isoko gave a fond smile as she recalled the activities of earlier in the night as her lover; she refused to think of Hishiro as a client, it was more than that now; drove her to delirium as his fingers traced over her bare, sensitive skin before taking her to ecstasy shortly afterwards, "then I will not, cannot deny him".

"I can imagine", was all Zaki managed at first before recovering his professional open mind, "poor nee-chan, and her Hishiro-kun as well – such a shame the world is so far from perfect, especially now I know a nee-chan's weakness". At the sudden playfulness of his voice Isoko glanced up sharply and recoiled as she saw two fingers extend from his fists, the malicious grin of his face enough to make even a confident nee-chan back up a few paces,

"You will not Zaki-kun, I couldn't stand it", she declaring, holding up a hand to forestall his advance and, seeing the seriousness in her expression, the _Kyaraban-ko_ came to a halt and dropped his hands,

"Forgive this little brat his joke nee-chan, but one last question; do you know what Hishiro-san means when he says mournful flute – I've never heard of that expression before". Isoko's expression grew, if anything, sadder than before,

"I asked Hishiro-kun that same question and to this day I wish I hadn't; apparently, according to the samurai, the last breath a man takes should make a sound like a mournful flute when it leaves his lifeless body if the killing blow was made perfectly". Zaki shuddered, not wanting to dwell on this too deeply, and impulsively stepped forwards again, Isoko starting slightly as the smaller figure gently placed his arms around her and spoke,

"I'm sorry Isoko-chan, I didn't mean to bring up bad memories; Hishiro-san must be a wise man to forget such horrors for a pretty nee-chan like you".

"Flatterer", she accused but still returned his soft hug with one of her own for a second before stepping back, "still, you'd best be off before the kaa-san comes to check we're asleep for the night, then you can go home".

"True, and we all need our sleep after tonight, I wasn't expecting it to be so busy", the _Kyaraban-ko_ admitted as he scooped up the pile of laundry, "still, goodnight nee-chan, sleep well".

"I will", she assured him, dreams of her Hishiro-kun already in her mind as she turned towards the recently-remade bed, "you as well Zaki-kun". _Yeah, once I've swept out the fire, been dismissed by the kaa-san and stumbled home at least_; keeping such thoughts to himself, Zaki bowed himself out the room and closed the door behind him as Isoko began tugging at her dressing-gown knot, ready to fall into bed and be lost once more in a peaceful rest before the next working night dawned.

XXX

Watching as the woman before him stamped on the paper form before him, Zaki coughed slightly to get her attention and launched into his conversation,

"So Maba-chan", the secretary glanced up, pen paused halfway towards the weekly report she was to sign on behalf of the _Kyaraban-ko_, "how long have you known Kumo's oldest tomboy?"

"If by that description you mean Rin-chan", the dark-skinned woman sighed, wondering if the animosity between her friend and the child she was sponsoring for about another two months was ever going to improve to the point where they wouldn't engage in profuse name-calling every time she saw them, "I've known her for about five or six years. Why?"

"Just curious really", he admitted off-handedly, "I've tried to ask a bit about herself really but I get the impression she doesn't like to talk about the past much; I know she was born in Fire but if I had to hazard a guess I'd have to say something terrible happened that drove her out of there, like she was exiled or something". Maba's head whipped up so fast he leapt six feet backwards before, with an effort, the kunoichi controlled herself and answered,

"Please do not assume such things about Rin; her past is her own but I'll tell you this much, she was never driven out of Fire and, even if she had been, many shinobi here past and present have a lot of respect for her, so don't stick your nose in where it's likely to get broken, understand?"

"Hai, hai, I got it"; _and I think I do – she can't be an exile because if she was and people knew it no-one would give her the time of day. I know she wants to go home on some level so I doubt she's here willingly, at least at first, and she's been injured for a long time...of course_; the pieces came together with an almost audible click in the back of his mind but even as a fierce rush of excitement coursed through him he fought to keep his face blank and carry on his conversation as though he'd hit nothing more than a slight snag in his mental plan, "so, that's everything then?" Maba opened her mouth to answer before, with a sudden crackle of static, she was beaten to it by a disembodied voice that spoke from the desk,

"Maba-chan, could I see you a moment? An article of state has been...unfortunately mislaid and..." Biting back a sigh and resetting her mental calendar back to zero after three days of good behaviour, the kunoichi stabbed a finger onto a button on her desk and spoke into the intercom while Zaki looked on amazed,

"Raikage-sama, you are useless; wait there and don't move". There was a disgruntled 'hai' from the other end of the line and Maba stood up from behind her desk and headed towards her boss while Zaki, having nothing better to do and not having been told to stay where he was, quietly dogged her heels into the Sandaimes' office.

_So this is what the Raikage's office looks like?_; he hadn't been entirely sure what he'd been expecting but, seeing the relatively open-plan of the office broken up only by a very large, heavy-built and imposing desk, several tall bookshelves weighed down with scrolls and reports and, his eyebrows rose in consternation, a whole pile of what looked like solid lead training weights that made him feel exhausted just by looking at them. The village leader himself didn't spare the _Kyaraban-ko_ a glance, too busy fending off the insistent questions of the reinforcements he'd called upon for this scouting mission,

"Where was it last?"

"Uhh, think I put it on the corner of the desk..."

"When?" The huge man sank his granite chin onto a fist that could, and had, cut the chakra tails off a bijuu,

"'Bout half an hour ago, just before I started my mid-morning workout; reckon I must have knocked the table or something because I can't find it anywhere. Would you mind...?"

From where he was standing it appeared to Zaki that Maba merely sighed before concentrating for a second; she then walked around to one of the bookshelves and stooping down into its shadow, standing back up with a small shiny something in her hand that made the Raikage beam,

"Ahh Maba-chan, where would I be without you?"

"No idea about you but Kumo would probably be in a state of paralysis because you couldn't get any missions signed off", she retorted, offering the trinket forwards and, as her leader took it, slapping him softly on the shoulder, an action that almost made Zaki's jaw drop at her nerve, "why can't you use a stamp like everyone else?"

"But you know I tried that Maba-chan, they never last long enough; the most recent one wasn't too bad but it deformed after three weeks".

"It was solid steel edged with that silver-steel we imported from Iron country", the secretary reminded him, fighting off the urge to slap her face with her palm with admirable tenacity, "if you wouldn't slam them so hard they'd last longer".

"Aw hell no; everything's training Maba-chan – how do you think I got my Hammer-hand techniques so fearsome? It wasn't by wimping out and tapping this desk", he informed her with a nod, slipping the thing that Zaki now realised was a ring that would probably have swallowed any three of his fingers whole with room to spare onto his middle finger and dipping it into the inkwell at the side of him, "if you want to get ahead in this world..."

The blow that followed was so fast Zaki couldn't even see it; he heard it though, heard and felt it as the Raikage slammed his fist onto the desk so hard it made everything on it jump and sent tremors running through his sandals. Just about swallowing his heart back down into his chest after it had leapt up into his throat, Zaki realised what had happened and felt his mind boggle; _jiji just uses that seal of his - of all the ways to stamp a paper whacking it with an inky ring must take the cake_;

"...You've got to be prepared to bring the hammer down a bit". The formidable warrior grinned at his subordinate though the expression faltered slightly as he took in her cool, if not exactly frosty demeanour,

"Just as long as you remember where you tossed your hammer last Raikage-sama", she commented acidly, though at the sight of a proverbial rain-cloud springing up around her boss's head she relented slightly, "or have someone close to you who does at least".

"Hai, hai", the older ninja conceded, readying himself to sign another parchment, "well thanks for your help; now if you get the hired hand out the way we can both get back to work - I want to have dinner with the family tonight if I can manage it". Maba merely bowed before the village leader before the turning towards the door and, without even being told, Zaki zipped out the office ahead of the kunoichi, waiting for her to reappear and sit back down behind her desk,

"I've seen brave people Maba-chan; some of them swing from trapezes, some stick their heads in a lion's mouth but that really takes the cake", he shook his head as the kunoichi regarded him with a thinly-amused smile, "even the carnival-folk would have to say that cuffing someone with that many muscles in that many places is absolutely mad".

"I'm a ninja, madness comes with the job".

"Still doesn't explain why you're still here rather than a greasy little pulp on the floor; I'd bet if I did that and he swung at me I'd probably land somewhere in the land of Hot Water".

"Probably but then again you're not as vital to Kumo as I am; as long as there's been a Raikage in that office bellowing the orders there's been a Roketa in this one making sure they get heard", Maba explained, for once taking pride in her unique position in the villages' hierarchy, "love him though I assuredly do the sad fact is that that old ox would lose his knuckled head if it wasn't welded onto that thick neck of his".

"He can't be that bad, surely?" Maba merely raised an eyebrow,

"That ring has been in his family for seven generations and is arguably one of the most recognisable things in Kumo; its worth is probably sentimental but regardless there's a lot of emotional baggage with it and you saw how easily it went missing when he had hold of it".

"True but I also saw how easily you sniffed it out", Zaki pointed out, "you must have really sharp eyes to find something that small so quickly".

"Not so much sharp eyes as a quick mind, and enough knowledge to place a tracking seal on the damned thing; about every week he loses it, usually on a Saturday as that's when he does more work-outs in his office", Maba shook her head, huffing in equal parts fondness and exasperation for the kage who laboured in his office at the back, "he's hopeless I swear he is - I can only pray his sons picked up their mothers' tidiness though I'm not holding out much hope for that one".

"Ah well, hope springs eternal and all that", Zaki commiserated before pointing to the side of him, highlighting what looked like a small black box that was perched above one of the windows of her office like a spider waiting to pounce, "though before that thing springs on an unsuspecting victim, can you let me know what it is?" Following his finger the kunoichi bit back a smirk, quite proud of herself in wrangling a contract for obtaining that piece of technology from the recalcitrant land of Snow,

"Something that's helped the Bolts out like you wouldn't believe; invisible eyes", she explained, a hint of mystery infiltrating her voice as she went on, "not sure exactly how they work but if you trip them they activate alarms that we can pick up on. Because of that we don't need Bolts in the Raikage tower any more so there's more out on ops or patrolling the village".

"Really? Wow", filing that titbit of information away for the future Zaki looked up at the featureless black thing with new respect in his eyes, "powerful bit of kit, but aren't you worried they'll replace you in the end?" Maba snorted, jerking a thumb over her shoulder,

"Oh yeah, like they'll ever come up with a machine that can put up with that meat-head and his short-term memory problems".

"You do realise the intercom is still on right?"

"What? Oh Kami, I'm sorry Rai... you're a bastard"; completely unashamed Zaki grinned and bowed low as Maba fought both to get her heart rate down from the rapid tattoo it had started hammering before she'd realised the _Kyaraban-ko_ had been pulling her leg and to stop herself flushing too much at the idea that she, a fully-fledged chunin kunoichi, had been caught out by a civilian,

"Probably, never knew who my parents were but seeing as they were circus-folk it's a fairly safe bet", he admitted breezily, "still, you said it gets boring in the office sometimes – have to provide the entertainment when I can".

"The sooner the carnival rolls in the better", Maba sniffed before turning back to her work, "then you'll be gone and we can all get back to normality".

"Normality's overrated", he shot back without missing a beat, "anyway, see you later Maba-chan, I'll let the she-beast know you miss her". He ducked out of her office just in time to avoid having his ear pierced by a well-aimed pencil and gave a grin, partly because he'd gotten yet another rise from the cool-natured secretary of the Raikage but also, and more importantly, because he now knew a lot more about his house-mate than he had a few minutes ago, and if he was right it was information more priceless than gold.

_She was injured, she came to Kumo over ten years ago and she's not an exile or a disgrace from the land of Fire – she was a ninja, had to be. Ten years or so was the time of the last war; is she a prisoner here? No_; though that had been his first though it didn't quite fit; _too well-treated for that, and I don't think she's a collaborator either because she's hinted she'd like to go home but feels for some reason she can't any more – could that be because of the nin-ken? Does that mean she knows what they are – if she's from Konoha and is, or was, a kunoichi, surely she'd know about the Inuzuka and their hounds_; the picture was still slightly smeared but had been a lot clearer than he'd ever seen it before, and if he could smudge a few more details into place it might yet paint a portrait he could use to full advantage; _but not yet. I've still got time, just need a few more days, maybe a week, to get the last few details I need and come up with a way to present the facts to her that won't give me away if she is in thrall to the Dragon. That last bit will be tricky, but I only need one chance..._

XXX

One of the benefits of his relatively unusual working day was that, for an hour or so, his schedule neatly overlapped with that of the few Kumo children he'd had a chance to meet; for that reason it wasn't unusual to see him, once he'd finished walking the future nin-ken (as well as reassuring them through the Haimaru, who he was sure could understand him on some level and had taken over the position of alpha in the estranged pack as the eldest male present, that he was still on their side and working on a way to get them all home safe) and chewing his way through the rest of the little list Rin scribbled for him to follow while she went to work, heading over to the park closest to the Kumo shinobi Academy to hang out with a few of the students after classes had finished for the day.

This was one such a day but while it started out normal and, after the standard greetings, devolved into a kick-about with Atsui and a few of his friends, it quickly flipped on its head; following one of the older boys giving the ball an almighty hoof out of the playing area, play came to a screeching halt when all present realised exactly who it had come within a whisker of hitting. As the livid girl stalked forwards Zaki was at first unconcerned until she suddenly swerved from her course towards him; it was only when he looked around that he realised every other player, Atsui included, had mysteriously vanished and now appeared to be cowering behind one of the goal area with expressions somewhere between fear and commiseration, leaving him the only target for her rage,

"Hey", before he could puzzle through why Atsui, who would face down his elder sisters at times when he was feeling particularly brave or had a reason to fight his corner, had run like a rabbit he found himself subject to the verbal equivalent of a hairdryer being blasted into his face as the dark-skinned girl stomped up to him and all but thrust the ball up his nose, "this yours?"

"Uh, not exactly", the _Kyaraban-ko_ began, jerking backwards away from the waving ball thrust towards his face, "I was playing with it but it's not mine".

"Well pay attention where you're kicking it next time", she demanded, dropping the toy at his feet and glaring at him with eyes of the strangest colour, almost a golden sheen in her irises as she finished her declaration, "or I'll be the one who starts doing the kicking".

"Hey, no need to be nasty, it was an accident"; this was apparently the wrong thing to say and he fell back a pace as she flared up and stepped forwards menacingly with fists clenched and teeth gritted,

"An accident could get people killed in the field baka – if you were in the Academy you'd know that".

"Yeah but if I were in the Academy I'd have to put up with a loud hawk-eyed bitch like you"; _okay this is either going to work or I'm going to get hurt – heh_; even as he tried to fight down the traditional fight-or-flight response and get ready to react if this prickly girl actually did decided to go in swinging, he found himself superimposing another loud, prickly girl with blue eyes and pale blonde hair over the top of this one; _no matter where you end up you'll always find a troublesome woman or girl somewhere_;

"What did you say?"

"What, you're deaf as well as loud – that figures; whoa", he leapt back just in time to avoid getting his nose pasted as flat as Zanchu's as the student before him swung with a loud yell of rage, "don't push me".

"Why not?" His new enemy retorted, stepping forwards with her guard raised high, ready to go again at a second's notice, "You and your pissant friends nearly hit me, you didn't apologise and you made fun of my eyes, what's to stop me taking my pound of flesh?" Zaki grimaced and dropped into a low crouch, hands high but open as he answered,

"Because I was ready to apologise before you threatened me and my friends, and apart from that if you do attack I'll have no choice but to use the ultimate attack of my clan". Despite herself the Academy student raised an eyebrow, framing that glowing gold iris with a thin, curving line of hair,

"Ultimate attack? Okay then road-creeper; yeah I know who you are, Samui-chan described you often enough – you're that caravan-brat that crawled through the gate six weeks ago; give me your best shot. I'm top of the Academy in my year for taijutsu, I'll introduce you to the floor".

"Not if I introduce you to my best friends Pain and Humiliation first", he pointed out, fingers tracing through complex patterns in the air as he spoke again, "_Kyaraban-ko_ secret technique...", quick as a whip he span on his heel and took off, tearing away as he called back over his shoulder,

"...run like buggery!"

Even as he ran he kept his pace just slow enough that she'd still be tempted to chase him but not so sluggishly that he'd be immediately caught; as he'd suspected it worked like a charm as after a second of stupefied inaction his latest enemy let out a war cry and sprinted after him, fists raised and golden eyes flashing,

"Come back here you coward", she roared, insults flying from her lips like bullets towards the retreating back of the figure she was slowly catching up to, "you can't run forever; I'll hunt you down and kick your a,aaahhh!"

Her defiant shout morphed into a slight scream as her prey suddenly stopped dead and threw himself to the ground in a tight ball, an obstacle that despite a desperate last-ditch attempt to slam on the anchors she had no way to dodge; she felt her foot catch on something soft and the world tilted crazily as she went flying base over apex, landing with a thud in the soft earth and stunned by the impact. The inaction cost her dearly; though his ribs were aching following her inadvertent kick, a price to make sure the feigned flight and drop routine he'd perfected against Ino worked in a foreign land, the boy who was wearing the mask of Maumaru Zaki pounced on the back of the prone girl, stopping her standing back up by wrapping both his legs around hers and winding them up like an octopus. He just had time to cross his ankles over, trapping the girls' lower thighs between his own and laying her out prostrate on her front just as she began to come to and struggle,

"Damn it", she cursed, wriggling frantically from side to side to try and free herself, "let me go and fight fair".

"Against someone who could rip me apart given ten minutes, do me a favour", the _Kyaraban-ko_ declared, gritting his teeth as he consolidated his position of strength, sitting upright and scooting in closer to her hips and knees, "now, are you going to say sorry?"

"Screw you! The second I get up from here I'm going to beat you to death!"

"Well if that's your attitude give me a reason why I should ever let you up?"

"Because if you don't my dad will find out what you've done and kick your ass".

"Well that's big, start a fight then hide behind daddy when it goes wrong; ah, no, nice try", he'd seen her left hand, the closest one to him and the only one she could really catch him with, try to snake down and grab his vulnerable thigh or, worse still, the even more vulnerable bits the thigh guarded, "sorry but you're all out of options", he pointed out, pinning her hand down with one of his own and leaning on it to stop her moving at all, now holding three of her limbs down with three of his but having his spare hand where it could have an effect on this battle if the belligerent woman he had trapped wouldn't relent, "now say sorry, I'll let you up and we'll go our separate ways, okay?"

"No, it was your fault", still she struggled, not giving up and unable to see the actions her opponent was about to undertake to break the stalemate they were in, "you and your idiot friends almost hit me, you should've sa..."

She tailed off as a loud slapping noise hit her ears with almost physical force; for a fraction of a second she heard the noise and had no idea what was happening, then the slow, burning, agonising sting crept up to her brain like a fire and she bellowed in pain,

"OOOoowww!" With her golden eyes aflame with fury and shame both she looked over her shoulder as much as she could to see, with mounting dread, her opponent drawing back his hand for another strike, "What the hell are you doing?"

"Something your kaa-san should've done a long time ago", the boy retorted, brandishing his palm threatening, "now swallow your pride and say sorry or this just gets worse from here on out!"

In the end it took half-a-dozen blows for the quarrel to be settled in a manner that Zaki felt was admirable, and another three on top of that to extract the grudging promise from her lips that she wouldn't hit or kick him when he let her up (something Zaki was quite grateful for – his arm was starting to tire). However even mad hawk-eyed girls apparently had breaking points and therefore the _Kyaraban-ko_ was eventually able to release his constrictive grip on the girl's legs, ready to roll away and run at a second's notice. Luckily this wasn't necessary; his opponent, whoever she was, eventually stood up straight and wiped a small smudge of blood from where it had welled up from a cut on her lip, glaring back at him as he too came to his feet – both regarded the other with mutual loathing and grudging respect before, pride stinging worse than her chastised behind, the girl muttered blackly under her breath,

"That was a cheap trick".

"True but it worked; anyway", he surprised both her and himself by giving a sharp jerk forwards from the waist, "I'm sorry we almost hit you with the ball, we'll be more careful next time".

"Oh. Oh, well, good", the unexpected apology seemed to catch her off-guard and she returned his gesture of respect with one of her own almost without realising it, "pay attention next time; I'm tough enough to shrug it off but not everyone is. And next time I see you out here I'm gonna kick your ass!" Zaki merely smirked,

"As long as I don't paddle yours first – maybe next time you'll know when to turn the other cheek", he pointed out, the insult making the would-be kunoichi go rigid for a minute before with a visible effort she uncurled her fists and stalked away, pushing past him roughly as she left and muttering under her breath the whole way, Zaki watching her go and shaking his head as she was lost from his sight.

_Weird girl_; once more the comparison to someone he knew and had a similar love-hate relationship with back in Konoha sparked up in the back of his mind; _still, maybe next time we won't be tearing at each other's throat straight away. Or, knowing her, we probably will – man Shika was right, girls, especially pretty girls are really troublesome_; he wasn't so blind that he couldn't tell when a member of the opposite gender wasn't blessed with attractive features and personally he found the unusual eyes that had sworn vociferously at him throughout that encounter quite exotic – if she'd been a nee-chan she'd have commanded a very high price for such looks. The sound of footsteps from behind him made him look over his shoulder and, seeing the awed expressions on the faces around him, ham up his performance gleefully,

"There there oh brave future shinobi, it's all right now – I've scared off the big, bad onna-bugeisha, she can't get you any more". Oddly enough no-one seemed ready to dispute or take offence to this, indeed it appeared to be quite the opposite as one of the upperclassmen of the Academy, stepping forwards with something akin to awe in his voice, spoke with complete seriousness and in a perfect deadpan,

"You are my new god".

_Eh?_; his confusion must have shown on his face as the other boy went on, becoming more excited and animated as he elaborated on the situation,

"Don't you know who that was? That was Karui; she's, like, one of the contenders for top kunoichi this year in the Academy. I think she's lost twice, no sorry, three times before in the taijutsu spars of her class, and one of those times was because she had a bad cold – and you called her hawk-eye and managed to beat her? Kami must really be looking over your shoulder to get away with that".

"Not to mention there's not one of us in the Academy who wouldn't chop off his left hand if it meant we had a chance to do what you just did with your right", another voice piped up from the back, "she's gorgeous but she hates anyone telling her that almost as much as she hates people making fun of her eyes".

"But I wasn't making fun of them", Zaki protested, pleading his innocence, "they do make her look like a hawk but that's not a bad thing – hawks and other hunting birds are awesome".

"Not to Karui", Atsui advised, finally muscling his way to the front of the group and looking his friend up and down, "runs in the family and she hates it – people think she's got a bloodline because of them but she doesn't. She's pretty tight with my sister so I see her around a bit but she scares me; she's got a really bad temper at times, especially when Omoi-san's not around – friend of her who she likes to whale on because he's always over-thinking things and drawing all the wrong conclusions". The boy who'd spoken first had to suddenly bite back a snicker as he was reminded of the lollipop-loving member of his class and what he'd have made of the situation,

"Yeah, like if he were here now he'd be worrying that Karui would tell her father what you did, he'd petition the Raikage to have you executed, it'd be a public show and because of that no circuses would ever come to the land of Lightning again and trade would dry up, end of the world and we're all screwed – that kind of thing". Feeling a sudden cold sweat down the back of his neck at the talk of execution Zaki merely gave his best, if slightly sickly grin and tried to laugh it off,

"Just as well he's not about then; oh crap, and I'd better not be around here anymore either", he swore, glancing at the sky and seeing with a jolt the position of the sun, "the boss'll have my hide if I'm late – sorry guys, gotta go". With that he raced away from the gathering into the centre of the village, luckily knowing where he had to go and determining how to get there before the kaa-san and nee-chan became worried for him, all thoughts of what had just happened flown from his head as he raced against the clock to try and prepare for his tasks for the night.

Said thoughts returned with a vengeance, however, when about a quarter of a hour before the lantern was lit Zaki found himself called to the back entrance of the _Budding Blossoms _by the kaa-san and felt his stomach give an unpleasant lurch; standing there with her arms folded and looking thoroughly disgruntled was the girl from earlier, Karui if he remembered rightly, and beside her was a man who could only have been her father; _Atsui was right, those eyes do run in the family_. Still, no point worrying about what was coming; he had a reputation as a hard, diligent worker to maintain,

"Hai kaa-san?"

"This gentleman wishes to speak to you about his daughter"; _oh Kami – I'm either dead or_; the alternative was almost worse and he felt a very important part of him tingle with both nerves and excitement; _about to lose my favourite friend – or be sold_; before he could think too far along that line of thought it was cut across by the kaa-san's voice, "I will leave you in private, call for me should you need assistance", she nodded at the youngest member of her workforce, the words 'in negotiating a fair price' going unspoken but nevertheless heard by two of the trio remaining if the shaking shoulders of the man stood beside but slightly behind Karui was any indication. Just for once Zaki found even his sharp wit blunted and his mouth dry; ideally he should have been face-down on the ground begging forgiveness and mercy but, right now, he was paralysed with indecision and doubt, the only saving grace being that the girl he'd spanked (quite justifiably in his opinion, though that opinion counted for nothing right now) seemed to be as tongue-tied as he was. In fact the stalemate was so complete that it was only broken when Karui's father cleared his throat and nudged his daughter gently in the shoulder,

"Karui-chan, you have something to say?"

"Huh – oh yeah", with a scowl on her face and exceeding ill-grace the Academy student bowed forwards in a manner depicting full apology and repentance as she managed to speak without moving her lips, "I'm sorry for threatening you earlier in the park; my actions were unbecoming as a future shinobi of Kumo".

That was quite unexpected, in fact it was so unexpected that Zaki was paralysed for a few seconds before he remember his manners and returned the bow with one of his own,

"Ah, it's nothing Karui-san", though his traditional response would have involved an affectionate suffix, he thought it would have been unwise to try that trick with the girls' tou-san so close at hand, "we should have been paying more attention; you didn't have to come here".

"She did, I made sure of it when she told her kaa-san and I what had happened", the man, a full shinobi Zaki realised with a thrill of dread shooting through his suddenly shaking spine, "she threatened you with my attention for teaching her some manners, this is not something I'll tolerate; stand on your own two feet or learn to take it lying down". Despite the circumstances it was all Zaki could do to keep a grin off his face; _if I wasn't in fear of my life you would have so many innuendoes coming your way right now..._;

"There is truth in that to a degree", Zaki conceded, drowning out the small, suicidal part of his psyche that was screaming at him to put in a filthy comment or two after the peach of the leading line the taller man had granted him, "however, though I've heard many things about your daughter's prowess in sparring, she's never had the misfortune to come up against a _Kyaraban-ko_ and our underhanded ways".

"No finer way to learn than hard, if non-fatal but chastising, experience", the shinobi agreed, his daughter by the side of his muttering mutinously and glowering, "however, I would respectfully ask that you don't mention our eyes too often; unfortunate quirk of the family and not one we're too proud of having".

"I can understand that and can only plead ignorance as a defence for earlier; it will not happen again", he reassured the father and daughter duo before offering his own opinion, "however, just as a personal point of view, I think they really make one stand out – when I said hawk-eye I meant no offence. Hawks are creatures of beauty and grace but are deadly predators, their eyes sharp and fierce and often the last thing their prey ever sees; quite fitting for such a future kunoichi".

That comment more than any other seemed to chip away at the harsh exterior of the girl who'd nearly flattened him in the park; Karui seemed to have to swallow hard for a second before her father, controlling his mirth and half-aware of where they were and that there might have been a chance, however remote, of what the _Kyaraban-ko_ was angling for, stepped in and made the save,

"Your compliments are a credit to you and your...family", he commented dryly before placing a hand on his daughter's shoulder, "still, we've taken enough of your time; my thanks for your time Maumaru-san". He nodded, a gesture Zaki returned before the taller man ushered his daughter out of the back garden area of the _Budding Blossoms_ and was lost to sight; Zaki watched them go before shrugging and smirking to himself, grateful he was still fully intact after coming so close to a Kumo shinobi who had no reason to leave him alive after he'd molested his daughter. Stepping back indoors, the _Kyaraban-ko_ took a minute to relive the sensation of what he'd done to the slightly older girl for a moment before shaking his head clear and looking for the kaa-san to give him his next job.

It was a few days later, when he was hanging off Samui's fist and trying desperately to force air back into the lungs she'd just emptied via gratuitous use of force, that Karui crossed his mind again; through the dull buzzing in his ears and the sound of Rin cracking up helplessly at his comeuppance, he heard the middle of the Mae siblings telling him in the same calm, detached tone she always used that Karui was one of her best friends, knew her family was friends with the woman the _Kyaraban-ko_ was being sponsored by and therefore calling out a hit on him via her best friend using a bribe of the chocolate she was most partial to was a perfectly valid shinobi tactic.

This proved, Samui concluded as she withdrew her strike and let Zaki flop to his knees wheezing and clutching his aching stomach, that shinobi were capable of fighting just as dirty as road-grubbers; unable to muster much of a protest at this, Zaki could only nod weakly and then let his body get back to the important business of hurting lots.

XXX

_Something must be up_; he realised blearily as the room began swimming into focus; _Rin knows I don't get up early_;

"Yeah?" He managed to slur through a yawn, checking the time and grimacing as he realised it was about eight o'clock and therefore he'd been in bed for no more than six hours; _damn this would never have washed had I been back home a year or two ago – dear Kami I'm way too young to be feeling tired at this hour!_ He rolled towards the edge of the covers and made to look for his sandals as Rin cracked the door open and spoke around it,

"Zaki, someone from your work's at the door". He sat up, all tiredness forgotten,

"Really?" Throwing back the covers he rolled out of bed and pulled on a loose-fitting shirt, the clothing long enough to fall midway to his knees and cover his modesty as he pulled the door open, seeing Rin fully dressed and looking like she'd been halfway out the door to go to work when the knock had come,

"She's at the front", the former Konoha nin told him and he didn't need telling twice; skipping past his sponsor he darted to the front door to see,

"Risu-chan", the youngest nee-chan of the _Budding Blossoms_ almost jumped at her name, not expecting a response so fast, "what's wrong? Is everyone alright?"

"H,hai, hai", she gabbled before reasserting herself somewhat, "you must come quickly Zaki-kun; it's Isoko-chan", for a moment his heart stopped dead in his chest before her next words sent it racing fit to burst, "one of her clients, her favourite, he met with the kaa-san early this morning; he's matched her price Zaki! She'll be wed in a few hours – oh come quickly, there'll be a celebration at the _Blossom_ as soon as the ceremony is finished – we need you there to help get ready!"

"I'll be there in a minute", he exulted, Risu giving an alarmed squeak as the _Kyaraban-ko_ swept her up as much as he was able to and began to dance a mad two-person jig, former tiredness forgotten as the news sank in, "this is perfect; Isoko-chan was right – he really did mean it when he said she was his favourite!"

_Just as well for him – if he'd been leading her along I'd have been having words_; the thought lingered in his mind for mere seconds as he finally let go of the nee-chan in his arms and, as Risu got her breath back and stood up tall again, he simply beamed at Isoko's good fortune, and that of the _Blossoms_ as a whole. The money from Isoko's price would be enough to get a few minor repairs done around the place and generally redecorate when the situation presented itself, but more than that it ensured both that Isoko had achieved the dream of all nee-chan and was going to live the rest of her life with a husband who obviously considered her more important than gold or money. As he had matched her price, the amount of money a kaa-san would request before allowing one of the nee-chan to go from under her eaves, Hishiro must have wanted his favourite as a bride enough to impress the kaa-san that his intentions were life-long and true – as much as it was a kind of dowry that compensated a kaa-san for the loss of her nee-chan's work, it also allowed a kaa-san a surprisingly accurate picture of the man who was trying to claim one of her workers as a bride. A good kaa-san who did her work properly and kept her eyes open would have a rough idea of, aside from how often he visited the woman he was trying to buy and how he treated her within the establishment, how much the man earnt in a year and would accordingly tailor her price to suit but still press him a little, throw him slightly out of his comfort zone; though always relatively expensive, how hard the man would haggle and press for a better bargain would show a measure of the man's mentality; if he accepted too easily she may become suspicious that he wasn't entirely honest of his profession and therefore the manner in which he could keep her nee-chan, while if he drove too hard to lower the price it was a warning that he was perhaps mean and cared more for coin than family, not something any kaa-san wanted for her younger children.

The art of crafting and sticking to a price was another game the nee-chan played, though it was one that was usually mastered only by the kaa-sans of the pleasure houses and they utilised it to both ensure they received a decent price for their hard work in grooming the nee-chan to find suitable husbands and make sure in their own minds that the potential husband was a man who would put his bride first in all things, even over money. It was a game as old as the trade itself and had brought many nee-chan's their husbands, had allowed old Zanchu to claim the kaa-san of the _Budding Blossoms _as his wife (though his previous good conduct and the fact he'd had to meet her kaa-san with half a roll of paper up his nose to shore up the break had doubtless helped convince her that he was willing to almost die for the woman he wanted as a bride and lowered the price a bit), and now, more than that, winning it had allowed Hishiro to claim as his future wife, one of the nee-chan of the _Budding Blossoms_.

It was this thought that put wings on the feet of Zaki as he tore around his room, throwing the rest of his kit on in a typhoon of energy as his previous tiredness was blown straight out his head, Risu-chan led into the kitchen and entertained by Rin for a few minutes while he got ready. As soon as he'd pulled on and tightened up his last sandal he bounded to his feet, darted to pick up Risu-chan, shot a less-than-complimentary goodbye at Rin and dodged the spoon that was thrown his way in retaliation before shooting out the front door, Risu on his heels and trying hard not to laugh as she witnessed first-hand the dysfunctional relationship the _Kyaraban-ko_ had with the woman sponsoring him and remembering fondly the young pups that had crowded around her ankles and jumped up, small paws on her knees and thighs as the little noses sniffed inquiringly at her palms as the older woman pouring a small cup of tea gently admonished them for leaping up at a guest and explained quickly that they were still getting used to people and hadn't quite broken bad habits like this. Out in the street he drew in a deep breath and turned to Risu, snickering slightly as he watched her trying to brush off the worst of the hair the nin-ken had shed all over them,

"Sorry about that, it's moulting season for them".

"Oh it's no bother", the girl stood up, having disposed of the worst of the grey and black fur, "we're all getting changed anyway while 'Soko-chan gets married". Zaki groaned,

"Perfect, the ironing pile's going to be up to the roof", he pointed out, rubbing his eyes as the nee-chan smirked and chuckled, shoving his shoulder gently,

"Hey, look on the bright side; you don't have to lug all the way to the washing station".

"Just as well – on top of everything else I have to do to keep your shack held together that would probably crush me, literally as well as figurally".

"You mean figuratively?"

"Yeah, that one; anyway, we can't stand here nattering like old women", a sudden buzz of excitement rushing through his body the _Kyaraban-ko_ grabbed her hand softly and raced away towards their workplace, "it's Isoko-chan's big day, we've gotta be there!"

Once she'd overcome her shock Risu was able to easily keep pace with her slightly younger friend; as the youngest nee-chan of the _Budding Blossoms_ she was the only one who did not fully work as the others did. She was still considered too young to entertain a man completely so was instead learning the softer part of her profession, mastering the ceremony of the tea, the arts of music and dance as well as the less intimate ways women could please men; to ensure she earned her keep however the kaa-san generally considered her more of a runabout than the other nee-chan – up until Zaki had joined up following almost bumping into her in the street, Risu had been tasked with most of the more menial chores and errands that needed to be run outside the _Blossoms_ itself. The upside of this was that she knew the streets of Kumo like the back of her hand and was able to guide the boy through some of the back ways to the silent house; letting herself and him in with the key the kaa-san had had made for her on accepting her services as a future nee-chan, she cocked her head slightly and quickly tracked down where most of her companions were with her ears,

"Come on Zaki-kun, they're up here". Following her lead the _Kyaraban-ko_ dashed up the stairs in her wake and, stamping his feet impatiently as she rapped on the door, he forced himself to wait until the answer came through before holding the door open for Risu and following her into the room.

The nee-chan were everywhere, talking amongst themselves in hushed tone as they congregated around a single figure dressed in white, the bulk of the dress part of her bride-price had been used to purchase hiding Isoko's normal figure behind a veil of white. A few faces turned their way and whispered greetings as the two children entered, both looking at the elder nee-chan as she slowly came about and pirouetted on the spot to face the two newcomers.

"'Soko-chan", Risu was overcome for a moment and rushed forwards a few steps before remembering herself with a few sharp-glanced reminders, coming to a halt and stepping forwards slowly in a controlled measure until she was able to gently embrace her big sister, "I can't believe you're leaving".

"I know Risu-chan, I can't either", the soon-to-be wed woman murmured, squatting down awkwardly in her dress; though it wasn't particularly big or ornate, it was slightly more confining than the clothes she was used to wearing; and placing a hand on her shoulder, "don't cry imouto, not like the rest of this lot", Risu hastily stifled a smile as several of the other nee-chan hissed and glared faux-death at their companion, "I'm sure one day you and everyone here will be stood where I am".

"I, I hope so", Risu stepped back and pawed at her eyes, trying to deny her tears as it finally collapsed in on her that this was real and it was really going to happen – Isoko was going to leave the _Budding Blossoms_ and it was very likely that they'd never see her again, "you look beautiful Isoko-chan".

The older woman smiled slightly, leaning forwards to softly brush her lips against the girl's forehead and whisper a soft but sincere thanks for her compliment and confidence before standing tall – for a moment Zaki was about to step forwards, thinking she was looking across at him before realising he was now cast in shadow and looking behind him; as soon as he did so he scooted hastily to the side and allowed Isoko to approach the matriarch of what had been her home for many years unimpeded, giving only a low comment of 'go knock him dead nee-chan' as the kaa-san spread her arms wide and stepped out to meet her departing charge,

"My child".

"Kaa-san", Isoko half-stepped, half-fell into the older woman's embrace; the two were united for a long, long period of seconds before the kaa-san stepped back, as unwillingly as a true mother letting her daughter go as she looked Isoko up and down, finally nodding her assent to the work her sisters had done on her face and her ceremonial robes, offering a few last words as she tucked a small strand of hair back behind one of her crystal-blue hair clips,

"Be proud and strong Isoko-chan; you will make a fine wife for your favourite, just never be ashamed of where you came from".

Though Zaki couldn't see her face he saw the back of her head bob as she nodded at the wise words and then stepped away, through the door as the kaa-san stepped to the side to allow her to pass – as expected in a ceremony such as this, only the kaa-san would accompany Isoko to the temple and oversee the wedding itself. Glancing over his shoulder at the other nee-chan as they watched their contemporary leave he saw what he'd half-been expecting to see – they were all pleased, ecstatic even for their compatriot and excited for the celebration to come but even so, none of them could quite quash the sense of jealousy that smouldered within them; _still, it's not like I can't understand it – I always felt the same when I saw someone get adopted even if I was smiling at the time. Isoko-chan's done what they all aspire to do so it's natural to feel a bit cheated, but as long as they don't do anything to ruin the night it's not a bad thing, in fact it might inspire them to try harder to impress a potential favourite, especially amongst the samurai coming here tonight._

"Watch her well my precious little beauties", the voice almost made him jump; up until the broken-faced man had spoken the _Kyaraban-ko_ hadn't even realised Zanchu was in the room, the trade veteran speaking from the heart as he heard the front door close softly behind the departing duo, "she was smiled upon by Kami-sama to find a favourite so early but don't begrudge her today of all days; she will never forget you and all that you've done for her so, enough moping around", he clapped his hands sharply and made everyone, Zaki included, jump a foot in the air as his tone became more authoritarian, "we have a celebration to get ready for. Zaki get the fire lit and then see me, Risu-chan put the word on the street that I'll need a hand in the kitchen tonight then start wiping down those old instruments in the lower store room and the rest of you start getting changed – with any luck the last thing Isoko-chan will do for you is help you find a husband of your own!"

Some hours later Zaki saw the chance he'd been waiting for and went for it; though most of the time he spent as little time as possible close to the clients today was a special, busy occasion when it was all hands to the pumps; all of the nee-chan were entertaining, taking turns between dancing, playing a variety of instruments and serving the squadron of samurai who had followed Hishiro into the _Budding Blossoms_ at the end of his wedding. There was a broad brush-stroke of the daimyo's warriors present, the eldest being a hoary old veteran with his top-knot looped around his shoulder while the youngest, currently doing his best to try and hold a conversation with the nee-chan serving him without stuttering and fumbling like a fool, looked barely older than Risu-chan and was obviously experiencing his first time in a pleasure house. Sticking to the edge of the room under the guise of collecting empty sake bottles and dishes, Zaki carefully crept around where Isoko was speaking to her husband and nodding softly, pouring him a saucer of sake as he stood up carefully and edged towards the outside, the tips of his fingers lingering on the back of the woman's hand throughout the motion. Zaki smiled fondly at the motion before carefully depositing all the empties he'd found in a semi-concealed recess in the wall he was skirting around, walked behind where Shala-chan was sat next to one of Hishiro's comrades and skilfully running her fingers along a konghou, a small angled harp that sang in accordance with her movements, and finally followed the now-married man outside to the rear of the _Budding Blossoms_.

Here he paused slightly, regarding the back of the man who'd wed one of his nee-chan; while Kumo had quite a large samurai presence, the same wasn't true of Konoha and therefore it was a chance for the future shinobi to see one of the daimyo's troops up close. Though he'd be the first to admit he knew little about this elite cadre of fighting men, the cutting edge of a feudal lords' blade, he did know that they lived their lives according to a code they called bushido – far more than just the art of fighting he'd originally taken it for, he now knew it was an entire way of living a life in preparation for an honourable death; _rather a morbid idea but then again these guys do fight on the front lines, so I guess it makes sense to pave the way to the afterlife as best they can_.

By the light shed from the nearby lantern and the gibbous moon that bloomed in a crisp, cloudless sky, the _Kyaraban-ko_ could pick out a few distinctive features of the warrior before him; unlike all other clients of the _Blossoms_, samurai were not required to leave their weapons at the door as to do so would insult their honour – however that same honour prevented them from raising those same weapons against people who had no way to defend themselves such as innocent nee-chan and for a samurai to even threaten to do such a thing would be considered a dishonour redeemable only by seppuku. Hishiro's topknot, long enough to reach just below his ear but not quite to his shoulder, was another custom of the samurai but why this was Zaki didn't know; what he did know and had been made clear to him by the nee-chan who consorted with these warriors was that samurai were considered honoured clients who always treated the nee-chan with respect and paid generously for their services, and that they considered ninja to be honourless dogs who were, nevertheless, good at what they did and mean as hell in a fight.

In most cases, so he'd heard, shinobi and samurai rarely had anything to do with each other but in Kumo the situation was slightly different; apparently the daimyo liked to remind the incumbent Raikage exactly where the true power lay in the land of Lightning and therefore always had a section of his troops bivouacked in Kumo proper; _not that it would help the poor saps if the shinobi decided to revolt, but a statement of intent nonetheless_. Because of this there had been a small amount of overlap between the different branches of the military; a large proportion of the shinobi of Kumo were well-versed in kenjutsu and many samurai, who's bushido encouraged meditation and perception of the world in general, learned to sense chakra to a degree that often came as a nasty surprise to an enemy shinobi who was sneaking up on them expecting an easy kill. For this reason the samurai of Lightning were often considered the finest in their trade save those of the frigid land of Iron, truly professional samurai who were trained in chakra techniques and therefore fulfilled the dual roles of ninja and samurai for their country; even now, with his back to him, Zaki was under no illusion that Hishiro knew exactly where he was and before the tall man became suspicious, he stepped forwards and cleared his throat,

"Uh, sorry if this is the wrong way to go about doing it", he began, the samurai he was addressing glancing over his shoulder as he filled up a long-stemmed pipe with tobacco, not even looking having performed the same movements for most of his adult life, "but it needs to be said – hurt Isoko-chan in any way, shape or form and I don't care how much stronger than me you are, I'll find a way to make you pay for it".

Man and boy both regarded each other for a long moment before, to Zaki's well-hidden relief, the samurai gave a gruff snort of mirth and nodded, having tamped his pipe contents down enough and reaching for a match,

"Hum, and what would you consider my Isoko-hime to be to you?" Thrown off a bit by this question, the _Kyaraban-ko_ thought for a minute and, trying hard not to shake and keep his voice clear, he responded as bravely as he was able to under the circumstances,

"She, and all the other nee-chan in there, are all precious people to me", growing in confidence, he swallowed down the last of his fear and met the samurai dead in the eye, "and I won't let anyone hurt them, no matter what". Hishiro chuckled once more, his face cast into orange relief from the match he struck and then lowered into his pipe,

"Good, it takes a strong man to raise a blade on behalf of someone weaker than themselves, and a brave one to stand up to someone stronger than they are knowing their most likely option is to die doing it – that is the way of bushido. Isoko-hime has mentioned you before Maumaru Zaki", the samurai commented, idly taking a deep drag from his pipe and releasing a smoky breath before carrying on, "should the travelling life not agree with you, you'd do worse than enlisting in a daimyo's legions, though not", though insult to one's liege ran contrary to his code of honour, Hishiro felt a little friendly advice wouldn't go amiss, "our particular daimyo at the moment, we're slightly over-subscribed".

"So I've heard", Zaki commented before reaching to clear the few outside tables in the area, "still, thanks for the offer but I've got road-dust in my blood, can't deny it I don't think. Anyway, I know Isoko-chan thinks the world of you and your bushido wouldn't have let you marry her had you not intended to keep your word and cherish her – I just thought I'd better do the brotherly-thing since there's no-one else who could and old Zanchu's busy in the kitchen". The mention of the tou-san of the _Budding Blossoms_ made Hishiro chuckle, the embers of his pipe flaring in response,

"Another brave man who could have easily earned his topknot; still, I assure you Zaki-san, the day I insult or raise my hand to Isoko-hime will be the day I cut off my topknot, break my sword over my knee, slit my throat with the broken shards and pass into the afterlife as honourless as a ninja, a shame for my entire family to bear forever".

Those words alone convinced Zaki of the man's sincerity; samurai lived their lives by honour so a pledge to cast his away for his wife was as serious as him giving up dreams of becoming Hokage someday. With this in mind Zaki immediately relaxed and gathered up the rest of the empties, chuckling as he did so,

"Zanchu was right it seems; Kami-sama did smile upon Isoko-chan when he sent you into Kumo", he admitted, respect lacing his tone as he pulled up the last few empties; Hishiro for his part chuckled gruffly before straightening, looking over the head of the _Kyaraban-ko_ and inkling his head,

"And he smiled upon me when I entered this house and saw an angel in human form descend to the mortal rein and set her lovely eyes upon me, isn't that right my tenshi?"

"You flatterer", Isoko accused, stepping into the cool night air after wondering where her husband had gone, "I just wondered where you'd got to – what are you up to here Zaki-kun?"

"He was doing his part as a brother Isoko-hime", Hishiro spoke before Zaki could put his thoughts in order, "the usual warning of treating you well or suffering the consequences". Isoko gasped and rounded on the _Kyaraban-ko_,

"Zaki-kun", she breathed reproachfully, sidling up to her husband as she continued her gentle chastisement of the child, "Hishi-kun is an absolute gentleman, you should know that – it's a bad habit to think so ill of a man who's just gotten married".

"Ah, I'm a child of the road 'Soko-chan; bad habits run in my veins". At this Hishiro raised an eyebrow and smirked slightly,

"Is that so? Well then", he twisted his fingers skilfully and offered his pipe forwards, "I doubt one more would hurt you – no my hime", his smile disarmed Isoko's fledgling protest before it could really get off the ground, "better he learns this now rather than later when he might get a taste for it".

Shifting all the empty cups and dishes into a tray in his left hand, Zaki gingerly took the pipe in his right and inspected it, his nose twitching as he caught the odour drifting up from the burning leaves in the bowl of the clay pipe. Brief inspection completed and having seen how Hishiro had partaken of the vice before him, not to mention the number of times he'd seen jiji smoking in the office, Zaki gently drew the stem of the pipe between his lips and drew a small breath in.

The tobacco hit his lungs like a thrown kunai; eyes suddenly streaming, the _Kyaraban-ko_ coughed and spluttered desperately, just about keeping a grip on the pipe as he almost doubled over, trying to expel the harsh gas from out of his chest. Wheezing, Zaki thrust the pipe towards the fuzzy outline of the samurai he could see before him, Hishiro chortling as he accepted his returned pipe and took a draft himself,

"Kami...damn", he started, just about managing to himself back under control, "how do you survive that poison in your lungs?"

"Poison?" Hishiro questioned, expelling the smoke through his nose in a plume of dragon-smoke, "In my eyes there's nothing more mouth-watering than a decent pipeful of tobacco".

"But in my mouth there's nothing more eye-watering", Zaki riposted, glancing across at the former nee-chan, "and you kiss this guy?"

"Yes I do, and if you don't mind", entwining her fingers around those of her husband Isoko nestled her head into his muscled shoulder, rolling her eyes around to see the _Kyaraban-ko_ out of the corner of them, "I'd like to do so again".

"Hai, hai, I'll leave you to it"; with that he picked up the glasses and retreated back inside, leaving the two newly-weds to each other under the light of the silver moon and the red lantern.

Several hours later, when the reception had finally wound down and all the samurai had bowed themselves off the premises, Hishiro was the last to leave; bending down and sweeping his new bride off her feet, he carried her out over the threshold of the _Budding Blossoms_, symbolically removing her from her life as a nee-chan and into her new world as the wife of a samurai. Watching from the doorway with most of the other nee-chan, several of them with tears in their eyes, Zaki saw the nee-chan held in her new husband's arms, looking lovingly into his face before breaking contact for a moment to glance over his shoulder; in that instant Isoko looked back to her sisters, her mother and her father and mouthed a single, heartfelt word that summed up her ambivalent feelings, her joy at her new husband weighed against the loss of her former family.

The word she spoke was a word Zaki would grow to understand and loathe bitterly throughout his later life as very few times he heard it did it bode anything other than ill,

"Goodbye..."

XXX

"Right"; _how exactly did I not see that this woman was once a ninja?_; since he'd cracked that code a couple of weeks back it had only become more obvious as Rin had a tendency to plan things, especially things she deemed important, with precision that would have shamed a squad of ANBU, "we are visiting the Mae family tonight as they have invited me out for a meal with some friends of theirs. Me attending this meal means I won't be around to keep an eye on you, hence they've employed their younger daughter and their son for that...pleasure", she broke off her monologue to fix the lounging _Kyaraban-ko_ with her beadiest eye as she made her most pertinent point,

"Last time I checked the Mae family home was in an excellent condition; I expect it to still be in that same condition when we all get back tonight. Are we clear on this point Zaki?"

"Hai, I know the drill", the youngster waved off her concerns, clearing out his ear with a convenient pinkie, "sit down, sit quietly and say a prayer for the poor sap the Mae's are trying to set up with you during this dinner". Rin disguised her own discomfort with a snort, already knowing this was more likely than not exactly what her friends were up to; love them as she assuredly did, the day they both finally got the message that she really didn't need or want a man in her life couldn't come too soon,

"Maybe, maybe not", she shot over her shoulder, opening the back door and giving a whistle to bring all the nin-ken back in from where they'd been roaming the back garden, necessary as they'd be spending most of this Saturday night indoors while their carers both went out, "just behave yourself while I'm not there".

"Alright, I will, just don't chew my ears off"; luckily Rin was turned around as he said this and therefore missed the evil grin that slipped over his face as the nefarious little gears in his mind started spinning into overdrive; _after all_; he subconsciously rubbed his stomach, memories of the punch the eldest of the Mae siblings had pile-drivered into it still fresh and rankling in his mind; _I said I'd behave, but I never said I wouldn't behave badly. Oh yes_; he'd had the plan in his mind for a while and now it was time to get his own back; _time for some future kunoichi to learn that when people mess with the road-grubbers, they have a nasty tendency of getting run over!_

Of course no plan survives contact with an enemy unscathed and the first wrinkle was thrown into the mix by the presence of Yugito in the house, the chunin having finished her recent escort mission surprisingly early after the client had pointed out a shortcut he knew that, while impassable for a small caravan, a small squad of shinobi could use with impunity. Still this wasn't too much of a problem, in fact it would almost be a bonus as he hadn't forgotten her harsh dismissal of a show that brought back many fond memories of times in the Hasuwada household and he was reasonably sure he could get them both with the same trick.

A slightly more intractable issue with his grand scheme came in trying to convince his would-be accomplice that the successful completion of a prank of this magnitude was well-worth the virtual certainty of being messily ripped limb from limb in the aftermath by the aggrieved parties.

Atsui shook his head slowly from side to side, having heard his friend's plan for the third time and still not believing what he was hearing,

"No. No, never and absolutely no way on Kami's good green earth, there's nothing you could say or do that would ever convince me to go along with this hell no!"

"Wuss", Zaki accused from where he was lying down on the youngest Mae sibling's bedroom floor, having been reading a brightly-coloured comic book before dropping the bombshell that had left his friend reeling, "come on, you have to admit it's a good plan; what's the problem?"

"How long a list do you need?" Fisting his hands in his hair Atsui fought off the idea that was certain to damn his friend to the hell of his sisters' wrath and was threatening to drag him along for the ride, "First off Yugi-chan's a ninja, she'll see through this like a shuriken through tissue paper; even after that one or other of them will probably not agree and if I try anything with one of them still in the picture I'm history! Just no Zaki, don't do this", at his friends' folded arms and wry smile the youngest of the Mae siblings was forced to carry on explaining himself, "just let it go, it's not worth the risk; this plan is mad, idiotic and virtually suicidal..."

It was at that point that the inevitable happened and Zaki was forced to stifle a breakdown into chuckles as his friend dropped his hands and hung his head low, almost in tears as he finished his words,

"...so if the plan's all those things and more, what does that make someone who's going to have to help carry it out like me?"

"That's it Atsui-kun, come to the mad side", mastering his mirth the _Kyaraban-ko_ attempted to sound consoling as he beckoned with one hand, "we have all the biscuits and red-chocolate you could wish for". Atsui's shoulders shook, though whether this was from laughter or a suppressed sob he couldn't tell, until the other boy raised his head and looked his friend in the face, a weary half-smile on his face that was equal parts resigned and cautious about his future survival,

"Okay, let's get this done before I actually have an outbreak of common sense and change my mind; what do I have to do again?" With a smirk, the _Kyaraban-ko_ leant in and whispered his scheme to his reluctant but interested disciple.

It was under these directions that Atsui took the item Zaki handed him, he watched and said nothing as the _Kyaraban-ko_ sat with his sisters and made idle conversation throughout the television shows they were both partial to and watching (and he hated, but for the sake of the plan he held his peace this once), could only marvel as Zaki timed it to perfection to make his move, his offer gently persuading first Yugito, who was still sore from her forced march through the mountains to get back to Kumo, then Samui who was forced to accept out of politeness and followed meekly as the road-walker led them into Yugito's room, the only bedroom on the ground floor. When they were gone and after five minutes, with a mere quarter of an hour until his ever-punctual parents were due home, Atsui quickly and soundlessly travelled to the one part of the house he usually avoided like the plague and retrieved a few items necessary to cast the illusion that would snare everyone and, after sitting in silence until he could bear the tension no longer, headed outside and nervously paced around, waiting to fulfil his final act.

Fortunately, as he heard a babble of amiable chatter grow steadily louder in the distance and, shortly afterwards, the front gate open, he didn't have to wait all that long; just as he heard the main door to the house open, he dived into position and quickly stuck his head over the parapet for a split-second, enough to make sure Zaki had the message and, as he heard the sudden groans of his sisters get louder, he did his best to block them out and held the talisman the _Kyaraban-ko_ had given him close to his chest, a small, devious smile seeping over his face as he realised belatedly that yes, if this went according to plan it quite probably would be worth what his sisters would do to him in the aftermath.

XXX

On the contrary to their son, the first inkling the elders of the Mae family had that all was not as it should be was when they opened their front door and immediately came to a juddering halt, the sight of what looked like a badly-crumpled shirt haphazardly discarded in the side of their hallway crashing their mental processes for a moment. Rin, having followed on behind and run into the back of her friends, looked over their shoulder and felt her blood simultaneously freeze and boil as she saw the garment and put two and two together; _oh no, not even he would..._; but as the trail of discarded clothes became ever clearer and more risqué, prompting a low moan of horror from the proud mother of the clan as the horrifying truth dawned on her, it appeared he had; _...please tell me that's not a br..._

Before she could say anything more the final curtain was torn apart forever as a low, happy-sounding sigh issued from the nearest bedroom door,

"Ahh, lower, just there, oooohhhhhhh..."

XXX

He'd seen just a flash of Atsui's characteristic hair for just a second but it was enough; luckily neither of the two girls he was currently entertaining could see the evil smile on his face as he realised the hour of reckoning was at hand. Shifting his attention from the elder to the middle sibling, Zaki reached down to the expanse of skin below him and hit some of the sweet spots the nee-chan had shown him, grinning like a fool as he heard the blonde-haired girl under him gasp and writhe in response to his touch,

"Ahh, lower, just there, oooohhhhhhh..."

He would have said something to this, in fact he had his mouth open to do just that, but before he could react there was a thunder of feet from outside, the bedroom door was hurled open and several things happened at once.

The words that had been on the lips of the mother of the two girls died on her whitened lips as she took in the scene before them.

Yugito and Samui both let out yells of sudden fear as they threw themselves as upright as possible, rolling over on the bed they were sharing and crossing their arms over their partially-uncovered chests as Zaki, his work done, bounded to the other side of the room and snickered, trying desperately to contain his laughter at a prank well done.

All in the room were suddenly blinded by a white flash of light; as they blinked the spots out of their eyes, they were confronted by the sight of Atsui stood at the window, camera still in his hand, pointing into the room and declaring dramatically,

"Caught in the act!"

It was just after this as Zaki, about the only one who managed to keep his wits through all this, ran to the window, wrenched it as high up as it would go and all but dived outside to join his friend, the two of them cackling madly as they hared away from the scene of the crime, that the first few grains of sense filtered into a situation gone completely to the dogs.

With the sudden departure of the two victorious boys all that was left was silence, an awkward, billowing silence that ended only when Rin, face on fire as she suddenly leapt to a guess about what had just happened and mentally swore a furious, bloody revenge against her sponsored child, cleared her throat and broached the topic at hand as genteelly as possible,

"Uhh, would you mind putting your things back on girls – I think you, and we, have all been had". Suddenly reminded about their states of partial undress the blushes of both blondes redoubled, Yugito recovering slightly the faster, reattaching her undergarments correctly and reaching for the shirt she'd discarded, moving in front of her sister as she did so to hide the younger girls' shame,

"Had how – Zaki told us the place where he worked had started teaching him massage and I'm not sure how he did it but he talked us into being test-dummies for us. What's Atsui done...?"

She didn't finish, she couldn't as she saw her stepfather, hiding a grin behind one hand as he saw what his son and friend had done and it tickled his funny-bone no end, step to the side and reveal the carnage on the other side of the hall, the sight of one of her favourite T-shirts lying in a crumpled heap by the door stunning her to silence; _but, how – I never put that there, it was in the airing cupboard! How did it...oh he didn't, they didn't..._; even as she realised that yes, yes they both must have there was a creak of bedsprings behind her and, just as she looked over her shoulder, she saw her sister losing her grip on her legendary cool and bellowing out of the window at the rapidly-retreating backs of the boys,

"You're both dead", Samui shrieked, not hearing as both her sister and her kaa-san let their furiously-flushing faces fall into their hands, her tou-san erupting into full-blown laughter and Rin retreating into a quiet corner and silently praying for the floor to split asunder and swallow her whole, "you hear me, _dead!_"

XXX

_Good times_; and indeed they were, so good that he didn't realise he was being called until Rin snapped her fingers in front of his eyes, jerking him back to the present; _huh, what – oh yeah, I'm back in Konoha now – no more Kumo_;

"Naruto-kun", reeling his concentration back in, the unaware jinchuuriki forced himself to tune in to the Hokage's question, "did you hear Inoichi-san?"

"Uhh, no, sorry jiji", he offered abashed before turning to the Yamanaka clan head, "what did you say Yamanaka-san?"

"Would you mind dropping that henge of yours Naruto", Inoichi repeated himself, explaining his reasoning as the unfamiliar boy furrowed his brow at the request, "the sooner you stop acting as a mask the easier it'll be to discard it completely; it's not healthy for someone, least of all someone as young as you, being masked up for too long".

"Oh, okay", there was a characteristic clap of hands and explosion of smoke as Naruto reappeared, Maumaru Zaki banished forever as the younger child blinked from where he was stood next to Rin on her seat, "there, that better?"

"Much", Tsume assured him, glancing between him and the woman on his right, "so when did you break the ice in the end; you must have worked together to get out of there, I assume he didn't kidnap you?" Rin gave a harsh laugh,

"Yeah right oba-chan; even with no chakra and one leg screwed up I could still take this runt on with one hand behind my back", she assured her pack leader, missing Naruto's nasty glare following the jibe at his height, "still we, or actually he, came clean in about the nick of time; had he left it too much later before confiding in me it'd have been too late to plan our way out of there..."

XXX

In the immediate aftermath of the prank-that-would-never-be-spoken-of-again, following both boys sidling cautiously back up to the house under a flag of truce made up of Atsui's shirt wrapped around a convenient twig they'd found lying about and showing both aggrieved girls that there was and, according to Zaki, had never been any film actually in the camera, Rin and her delinquent lodger had returned home in expedient circumstances. During the whole trip not once had the Inuzuka loosened her death-grip hold on the _Kyaraban-ko_'s upper arm or stopped a nearly-silent stream of vicious vitriol from boiling out from between her teeth, and by the same token neither had Zaki said a word in protest or let his victorious smirk slip from his lips. Throwing open her front door with one hand and Zaki inside with the other, Rin stepped inside, slammed her door behind her and finally took off the volume controls,

"Never, in all the twenty-one years of my life", like all women Rin wasn't above a little creative accounting when it came to her age, "have I ever been so embarrassed and humiliated as I was tonight! My good name is now mud because of you; I've half a mind to go to Maba-chan in the morning and get you exiled for that stunt you just pulled, and I've no doubt Raikage-sama would agree due to the fact Yugito-chan's a ward of his clan! Well, what have you got to say for yourself", folding her arms and scowling majestically, the taller woman made her demand, "come on, I'll all ears; what pearl of wisdom could you dispense that could possibly explain the mess you've landed us both in today?"

"You're just jealous I got more action that you did"; the response came after a minute of thought on Zaki's part and stunned even her, who by this point had had almost two months of exposure to a _Kyaraban-ko_'s humour, to mortified silence, "though if you're interested I've probably got one more massage left in these magic fingers of mine tonight – what do you say?"

As he found out a second later, running just ahead of the surrogate parent behind him who was bellowing like a rogue elephant and chasing him, the answer to that question was nothing repeatable.

Half an hour later however Rin was wondering, in the same part of her mind that wasn't still upset with the younger boy for both upsetting her relationship with the Mae family and for driving her, yet again, to blatant fury shortly afterwards, if the offer was still open – racing around like that had aggravated her old scar and her leg was now aching abominably, stretched out in front of her as rigid as a board even as she glared down at it for failing her so miserably. Such introspection was broken, however, after a moment as she smelt something worth paying attention to coming closer; without so much as a glance she held her hand out and wordlessly accepted the mug of hot liquid that was pressed into her palm. As she sipped the warm tea she didn't so much as acknowledge the sight of Zaki moving past her, settling down in a seat of his own as one of the nin-ken, the oldest one she recognised dully, padded after him and placed his head on the boy's knee, grateful for the fingers that rubbed behind his pointed ears; _just my luck – sometimes I swear even the nin-ken like him more than they like me_;

"Oh come on, don't just sit there looking like a wet weekend", Zaki's voice intruded on her introspection, "it wasn't that bad, I heard someone laughing from the bedroom".

"Yes, and lucky for you Atsui-kun inherited his sense of humour from his father", Rin shot back waspishly, "had that been my father he'd have hunted you to the ends of the earth to get his pound of flesh back".

"Or to get me to sign the marriage contract he'd spent so long drafting; look", Zaki continued in a gentler tone, knowing family was a sore subject for Rin at the minute; _though if all goes well in the next few minutes_; he wrestled down last minute nerves, recognising the point of no return was fast approaching; _hopefully not for that much longer_; "I know you don't believe me when I say it but I can tell a few things about people just by looking at them".

"Really?" Rin looked dubious at this so, emboldened, the _Kyaraban-ko_ went on,

"Yep, like tonight for instance; I could tell Yugito-chan was tired and sore after her mission so she'd be interested in what I was offering, and Samui-chan thinks the world of her sister so she was more likely to fall into line if Yugito said yes. More than that though they both needed to let their hair down a bit; Samui-chan's as serious as a heart attack most of the time and Yugito", he paused for a second as he thought how to phrase his findings on the one remaining Nii of the family, "I'm not a hundred percent sure but she looked like she's never had her leg pulled in her life so", he shrugged affably, seeing with concealed amusement the trace of a smile starting to creep across Rin's face, "that's what I'm here for".

"That and dropping me into an absolute world of crap from a very great height", Rin cut back without any real malice in her tone as, though she'd never admit it, he was rather close to the mark with his assessment from what she knew of the family, "let me guess, another part of the _Kyaraban-ko_ history is how to know about someone as soon as you look at them?"

"Yep, I can get a decent feel most of the time, works on animals too; take this guy here for instance", the dog he was fussing rolled over to look up at him as he carried on, taking the plunge with only the barest hint of a pause for his nerves, "I could tell you he's about four, male and one of three brothers, identical triplets called the Haimaru. All three of them are bound as partners to Inuzuka Hana", his eyes never wavered, a sudden gaze almost impaling the woman opposite him as he saw the truth start to dawn on her, the questions racing across her face and answered by her own intelligence almost as soon as she'd asked them, "and she is the eldest child of the current clan head of the Inuzuka, Inuzuka Tsume. Hana's the first kunoichi from the clan to ever have three partners even as her younger brother, Kiba, just bound to a white puppy with floppy ears which he calls, believe it or not, Akamaru", his eyes had never moved from the face of the former kunoichi before him and seeing the pallor drain from her countenance, felt a fierce rush of relief course through his body as he realised his earlier guesses were all right up to this point,

"That tell you all you need to know, or shall I say more?"

To her credit Rin didn't scream, faint or do anything so immediately stupid; instead she looked hard at the dog he was scratching and uttered a soft whining noise; _wait, that sounds like...something I've heard before – where was that, and what is it?_; so deep was Zaki's sudden trip down memory lane that he missed the Haimaru's answering whine. By the time he came back to himself he found Rin staring directly across at him, an expression on her face he'd never seen there before – it was intense, penetrating but, apart from that, was there also a hint of hope behind the stony facade?

"Who are you?"

"I am a breeze", his answer was pre-planned and solemn, not once did he break eye-contact with the former Konoha kunoichi as he went on, seeing the seed of hope he'd planted blossom and bloom as his words fed it vociferously, "and right now I'm trying to find a way to carry nine lost leaves back to the tree they fell from, without causing an avalanche in the process".

"And", she had to take another rapid gulp of tea to wet her suddenly dry lips, "and have you seen a way to do this yet?" He shook his head,

"Not entirely; I've some ideas but they need work and we've only got about what, three and a bit weeks left? If you want to get home with me and bring these nin-ken with us; yeah I know what these are, and what Kumo wants them to be", he rubbed the Haimaru comfortingly on the neck once more before looking up at their current owner, the purple-cheeked Inuzuka stifling a sudden sob in her throat, "I'm going to need your help Rin".

"In that case", putting her cup down hard as the tremors in her hand threatened spillage, Rin tried to keep her voice strong as it finally began to dawn on her that she was stood upon the threshold of something she had believed was beyond her for many years with someone who could make it happen, "tell me what you've thought of so far and I'll see what I can do; I can't use chakra but I remember a few tricks that'll get the nin-ken out without anyone knowing about it".

"You can? Perfect", just the thought of that was a great relief in Zaki's mind as for the longest time he'd been wrestling with the fact that he might have had to leave them behind to get word back to Konoha, a cruel, terrible fate but one that if what Rin was saying was true she could help him avoid, "apart from that though, what do you know about the trash removal in the village...?"

XXX

With a soft snort of amusement Rin glanced across at her companion, the one who had carried through with his promise and delivered not only her but also the nin-ken of her pack back to the land of their birth,

"So once I knew I was all for it; I couldn't and still can't use chakra but luckily there were a few tricks I'd never forgotten from my sensei, the Partner Seal being one of them".

"And a lifesaver that was, as well as the chakra suppression seals; I'll tell you now for nothing I've never been more grateful to see an Inuzuka in my life than when Rin told me what clan she was from", Naruto backed up his partner, recalling how effortless the kunoichi had made tracing the fuuinjutsu seals look even as he nursed the slight cut on his thumb, a few drops of his blood necessary to key the seals to himself and allow his chakra to activate and undo them, necessary because Rin couldn't harness her own energy to do so, "I told her my ideas so far, she helped me flesh them out and, more than that, gave me a way of actually carrying both her and the eight nin-ken on my body at the time. If we agree on nothing else, and usually we don't", he admitted with a sly grin that had Rin rolling her eyes, "we'd both have to say that the Yondaime was a genius; the Partner Seal must be a life-saver for your clan".

"It is; had Yondaime-sama not been an adult in his own right when he presented the seal to us the Inuzuka would have adopted him and had their first ever Hokage when he ascended to the robe", Tsume assured him, memories of the charismatic young jounin pointing out the finer points of his creation before requesting a test-run; for a second she'd been tempted to push Kuromaru forwards as a semi-willing volunteer in the hope of getting to know her fellow jounin slightly better as at that time she hadn't been aware of any romantic attachments the future Fourth may have had, but she'd been pipped to the post by her own mother, who was sealed into the scroll and released a moment later to great celebration by the entire clan, "in one stroke of an ink-stick he solved a problem that had vexed us for years".

"And annoyed me for months", Naruto chipped in, remembering his feelings of relief when Rin had shown him the seal and explained exactly what it did, "Kumo, in fact anyone else really, would have given their eye-teeth for that seal even if it's not perfect to carry people in. The fact it let me seal up the nin-ken almost indefinitely and Rin-chan for at least a few hours meant I had a fighting chance of getting away, and the suppression seals Rin could draw around me allowed me to change out of my henge and use, other techniques", he flashed a guilty look towards the Sandaime, who nodded slowly with a wry smile as he realised exactly which technique the jinchuuriki was talking about, "without lighting up the senses of every sensor-nin within three-hundred yards. So we had our plan, just as well really because by the time we were happy with it the circus was almost in town, and all that was left for me before we put it into action was a small heist, a proposition and a near-death experience..."

XXX

He was walking back home in rather more of a daze than usual, and not just because if all went well it'd be little more than a week until liberation day; though he wasn't quite as innocent as everyone believed (not that someone who worked were he did could be expected to preserve the purity of their eyes or thoughts all that easily) he'd still been caught off-guard by the smirk on Zanchu's face when he'd helped the old man douse the kitchen fire just before being dismissed for the night by the kaa-san. The conversation he'd had with the old man and the information he'd laid bare for the _Kyaraban-ko_ was still echoing around in his head even now, preventing him thinking straight as he meandered aimlessly home:

_Scooping the last of the ashes out of the iron grate, Zaki ran a hand over his face and scowled as he smudged the flecks of grey soot stuck to his cheeks; tipping the ashes into a box, he turned around to see Zanchu hovering over him like a vulture with a crooked beak,_

_ "Right, reckon that's about it", he stated, standing up and knocking some of the dust off his clothes, "unless there's anything else you've got stuffed up those sleeves of yours you old reprobate". For his part the tou-san sucked his teeth for a moment before nodding,_

_ "Nay, nothing left, though before you go", the tone of his voice made Zaki pause and turn back around, "are you aware that Risu-chan has been talking to the kaa-san recently?"_

_ "Risu-chan?" Zaki parroted, wondering if he was in trouble for something, "What about – nothing serious I hope?"_

_ "It might have been, had you been a year or so older", Zanchu smiled slightly, exposing his missing tooth as he enlightened his younger worker to the fate he'd narrowly avoided, "she was asking about the possibility of the kaa-san allowing you to be her first"_.

That knowledge had been enough to almost snap Zaki's mind in two, straight down the middle between relief and frantic, tingling excitement that he might have been able to know Risu-chan as something more than merely a nee-chan. To be a first was considered a great honour or a matter of great expense depending on the nee-chan in question and the idea the Risu was so fond of him that she didn't want him to leave Kumo without having a permanent memory of the _Budding Blossoms_ to take with him wherever he went was at the same time touching and terrifying, not to mention a terrible source of guilt in the knowledge that when he did leave and the illusions all came crashing down, an innocent nee-chan was going to suffer because of his dupliciousness. _But I have to leave and I have to take Rin-chan with me, and I'm only eight years old_; it was a case of how deeply into his mask he'd become that he'd only noticed this when glancing at the Rin's calendar to remind himself when the circus was due to arrive in Kumo and jolted as he realised the tenth of October had come and gone already; _I couldn't be a first, even if my henge is older than I really am – it just wouldn't be right_.

He couldn't deny his curiosity though; what would it be like to be with Risu-chan like that, as a client rather than a friend? The thoughts chased their tails through his mind like gambolling nin-ken, not stopping and leading him in such a merry dance that he didn't even notice the shadow that had dropped noiselessly to the ground in front of him until he almost walked into it – stumbling to a halt, Zaki squinted and recognised there was only likely to be one sort of person out this late and moving that quietly,

"Shinobi-san, how can I...?"

He tailed off, throat going dry as his eyes fell from the shining plate of metal on the forehead to the face underneath it; it was a face he recognised, and a body as well, though the last time he'd seen said body this up close and personal had been as he was undoing the bra the kunoichi had been wearing to get better access to her sore, strained back muscles. Mind gone blank and expression ridged with terror, Maumaru Zaki could do nothing as Nii Yugito stalked forwards, eyes like bottomless black voids as she beheld the child before her and growled out a command,

"Stay where you are"; as she'd expected the youngster didn't move, pinned to the ground like a bug under the weight of even moderate killing intent and unable to move so much as a muscle as she grabbed him roughly by the shoulder, activated her technique and the two of them vanished in a clap of thunder.

They reappeared in the place Yugito called her home-from-home, the ground blackened and burnt by demon-fire, a legacy of the brutal training she'd endured to try and control the Nibi that raged within her, angry that the bargain it had made with her land had been ruptured so prematurely and struggling to adapt to the new, unfamiliar host. Her power was growing but compared to the man who was training her, with his perfect rapport with the more powerful bijuu held within his Iron Seal, she was a candle in sunlight, not strong enough to be considered even jounin-level, something Bee had been when he was a year younger than her. Though her mission record was good the Raikage was loathe to send her out on missions unaccompanied until she could fully master her two-tailed cloak and, beyond that, the full manifestation and her last argument on the topic had been loud and very one-sided; on top of that her temper had been further irked by a late-night run back to Kumo and then after that the final indignity, her and her sister having their honour impugned by some low-life from the gutter who'd humiliated them both in front of their whole family. _Well no longer_; Yugito assured herself, setting a bale gaze on the miscreant who was still shivering as he tried to shake off the after-effect of the lightning shunshin; _Atsui already got what was coming to him and is on airing cupboard duty until Samui-chan graduates from the Academy, now all that's left is this little bastard_;

"I suppose you thought that stunt you pulled was funny?" Still blinking spots out of his eyes, Zaki was caught rather flat-footed by this, hence his less-than-intelligent answer,

"Which one?" Yugito ground her teeth and folded her arms tightly in an effort not to just beat the gaki into a greasy smear and leave it at that,

"How about the one where you tricked everyone into thinking..."

"Oh, yeah, sorry Yugito-chan", the fact he'd cut her off in the first place, to say nothing of the fact he'd used such a term of affection with her name, stunned her to muteness as he went on, "sorry, didn't recognised you for a second there. Yeah, I guess it was pretty funny, and obviously at least two people in your family agreed with me – I haven't seen Atsui laugh so hard since I've met him and I heard someone else cracking up while I was running like hell".

"Well, yes but..." this was not how it was supposed to go – right now he should've been on his knees begging to be allowed to go with all his limbs still attached to the right bits of his body, not throwing off the last few after-images of the raiton chakra and meeting her ire with a slightly guilty grin of his own, "...it wasn't funny to me, or Samui-chan".

"What, so it's illegal for people to pull tricks on shinobi in this village? You get an exemption from all forms of fun as soon as you wrap that cloth around your head – come on Yugito-chan, do me a favour; I know absolutely nothing about you or what you do but I could hazard a guess that if you didn't have a way to blow off steam you'd already be stark raving mad by now. Besides, Atsui and I both apologised and you both accepted"; _admittedly through gritted teeth_; "so what's the problem?" Yugito scowled and narrowed her eyes,

"The problem is that I don't like being laughed at..."

"So that makes it okay to bully and threaten someone who can't defend themselves", Zaki shot back, hands on hips as he sniffed at her threat, "wow, what a strong shinobi you must be; guess the samurai were right about ninja and hon..."

A hand, strong as steel and twice as cold, clamped around his neck and cut off his last words; heart hammering and trying hard to breath, Zaki kicked out frantically but gained nothing save a pain in his toe as Yugito, despite her deceptively slender frame, appeared to be carved from marble, absorbing the flailing punishment without so much as a grunt as she leant forwards and hissed her answer into his face like a poisonous mist,

"Do not question my honour boy", she threatened, for the first time a deeper anger being revealed in her tone as she finally let go, Zaki pulling away coughing and rubbing his throat, "I have and will continue to sweat blood, pain and tears for this village and country, I'll lay down anything, my life if necessary, to make sure Kumo remains and prospers as one of the great five villages. What I won't do", she threatened as Zaki looked up at her, green eyes strangely piercing in the darkness as he heard in the back of his mind a disembodied voice speak to him in a grandfatherly tone; _a ninja must always look underneath the underneath – what's going on with you Yugito, why are you so mad over such a simple prank?_; "is take abuse from anyone, least of all a bastard from the wrong side of the tracks like you, smearing dirt over all the work I've done to try and become counted as a respectable kunoichi".

Zaki said nothing to this, merely continuing to stare for a moment as the sole remaining Nii in Kumo didn't back down following her rant; however just as she was about to demand his reasons for staring, he eventually spoke,

"Leaving aside the comment about my parentage, mostly for the fact it's probably true, what's up?"

"What?" With a sigh Zaki sat down, crossing his legs and motioning for Yugito to follow suit as she just watched on perplexed,

"I'm first to admit I don't know anything about shinobi, or kunoichi, or what it is you guys actually do; what I do know is that in your family you've got a bona-fide joke-cracker in your brother but for some reason he's never so much as looked at you sideways. He and Samui-chan are both very respectful to you – if I didn't know you so well I'd say they were afraid of you", the wince that raced around the kunoichi's body was a definite tell that he could see even in the moonlight, "but why? You're a kunoichi, and a good one – fine I wouldn't mess with you, but why not Atsui-kun, even if it's something silly like pulling your pony-tail out once or twice he should've done it; you'd never beat him up would you?"

Due to the darkness of the night Zaki would never know just how close to the quick that question had cut; to her credit Yugito gave away nothing more than a soft swallow as she relived her earlier nightmares, thoughts of the force of nature sealed into her belly breaking free and destroying the last remaining family she had; _bad enough that tou-san died while they were trying to seal the monster, I'd rather die than let it take kaa-san and the rest as well._ For that reason, their protection, she had kept herself aloof from her family, what few friends she had – hell, virtually everyone was kept at arm's-length in case she wasn't strong enough to hold the Nibi and through her it lashed out at them; but, if what Zaki was saying was right, had that intent been misrepresented, misinterpreted as standoffishness even by her own family?

It was a question she had asked herself but repeatedly punted into the long grass, insisting if there was any confusion she'd clear it up once she could fully control her tenants' chakra even if it hurt to shy away from everyone – she wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do but it was the best option she could see to keep all the important people in her life safe from the power she had but couldn't wield perfectly yet. Even as she tried to process all this and reason through her old argument, a soft drumming noise made her glance over and raise an eyebrow at the sight of Zaki patting the ground next to him,

"Sit down; come on, I don't bite", he coaxed gently, explaining his point of view as Yugito took a step forwards, "the nee-chan tell me I'm a good listener – you don't have to tell me everything but I'm going to be out of here in a week and a bit you'll probably never see me again, so if there's anything you want to get, out in the open", he corrected himself at the last minute, sensibly realising that the phrase 'off your chest' probably wouldn't go down all that well due to his earlier risqué comments, "I'm here".

After a long moment of mulling this over Yugito took a half-step forwards, hesitated, made another shuffle in the _Kyaraban-ko_'s direction before seating herself opposite him and starting, haltingly and with a few embarrassed pauses, to talk about herself.

_The art of conversation_; Zaki remembered the wise words of Shikaku in the back of his mind as he interjected here and there with snippets of his own memories or examples of his own to spice up the kunoichi's story; _is one part listening, one part speaking and many, many parts of knowing when to keep your mouth shut, smile and nod in agreement. Right now though_; having assured Yugito he could empathise with her to a certain degree as, while she'd lost her father, he had never actually know his, he decided to see if he couldn't cut through to the core of matter; _is the time to ask a question or two_;

"So, sorry if I don't phrase this right, but why do you think your brother and sister don't treat you like what I'd call a normal, or at least as normal as _Kyaraban-ko_ can get, sister? In our little world we were forever hiding things, getting in each others' way and generally doing our best to drive our carers and other siblings into an early grave, why don't Atsui-kun and Samui-chan do the same? I can understand if you've just got back after a mission or something, and Samui-chan's never one to rock the boat anyway, but it looks like they're all hanging back for some reason".

"The reason", Yugito grated after a long pause, not sure exactly how much she wanted to give away without potentially giving away a secret of her state and trying hard not to let the other kid know that, despite it all, she actually was finding it quite relaxing and different to just talk about something other than a mission, training or her bijuu, "is that they, and everyone else for that matter, are smart. I'm not like most people Zaki-san; sometimes I can be dangerous without meaning to be".

"Yeah, some of the older girls at the home were like that", Zaki commented, not able to hide his grin as the kunoichi gaped at his seizing her innocuous words, "usually happened once a month or so for a few days but they never said why". Yugito spluttered for a minute, absolutely agog at his cheek before, almost against her will, she sniggered and squinted across at him,

"Having worked where you have for the better part of three months I trust you've figured it out now?"

"Yeah, one of the first things I figured out there, brr!" He shivered as though remembering bad memories before leaning forwards slightly, "Still you're a kunoichi, you've been literally trained to kill; no wonder people would be nervous around you, especially as you're still young and probably quite a high rank if your jacket's anything to go by".

"There are lots of people higher ranked than me", Yugito sighed dismissively before shaking her head, "but you're right and wrong Zaki; I am dangerous because I'm a ninja but it's, more than that", she admitted, looking down and letting an arm drift over her midriff, shielding the seal that had scarred her since that darkest night when she had been a mere two years old, "there's something inside me, something that makes me a monster at times, even to people I really care for like my family".

Silence fell for a moment before, with a sigh, Zaki shuffled forwards on his rear end, reaching forwards and patting her knee awkwardly, his voice as steady as he could make it as he realised what was going on and exactly why Yugito was afraid of letting her family in too close at the minute,

"I see, I understand that"; _you do?_; Yugito glanced up at such unexpected acceptance to see the _Kyaraban-ko_ gazing at her, his eyes serious but still radiating compassion as he kept his warm hand on her knee, "you're not the first young lady this has happened to but it's okay if you're scared at the minute"; _scared?_; yes the Nibi did scare her at times but mostly she thought of it as an annoyance, so what was Zaki... "but I've seen your family and hell, they love you even if you're a bit of a stuck-up princess at times so I'm sure they won't kick you out for making a little mistake like this; the kaa-san always tells the girls if it happens to them the best thing they can do is tell her as soon as possible so she can start getting the place ready for the baby".

"Baby?" Yugito echoed blankly before her mind put the pieces together and she recoiled, face flushing a boiling scarlet as she sought to correct the _Kyaraban-ko_'s delusion, "I'm not pregnant you prat!"

"You're not?" _Oops, well that's slightly mortifying but_; seeing the expression on the older girls' face swinging like a pendulum between rage and amusement, Zaki decided he could take a hit to his pride just this once; _I think it cleared the air a bit_; "But you were saying..."

"Never mind what I said", Yugito semi-snapped back, huffing out a breath and flipping her ponytail back over her shoulder as she sought to cool her flaming face, "look, long story short I had an accident when I was two and because of it I go off the rails occasionally – I'm getting better but I'm still not perfect and as soon as I'm confident in my own mind I've got it under control I'll start letting people back in, okay?"

"Fine, fine", Zaki backed down, holding up a forestalling hand and waiting until she'd calmed down from her fluster before making a point, "shame though – your kaa-san would probably love a grandchild to spoil rotten". Yugito shivered at the thought and shook her head,

"Well in that case she'll have to wait until Samui-chan's married; it'll be a cold day in Makai before I let myself fall down that road"; _too right_; she knew the tenants of her bijuu's bargain and had already sworn, in fact sworn since the earliest time, that though the demon would blight her life she would never allow it to blight that of a child as well; _I'm not dancing to your tune Nibi – when I'm interred in the earth I'm dragging you down with me_. Oblivious to his partner's reasoning Zaki merely shrugged before standing up,

"Like I said a shame but it's your choice; still, feeling better?"

"A bit", Yugito replied at length, wanted it to not be true just so he wouldn't have bragging rights over her but, despite that, she couldn't deny she hadn't enjoyed a normal conversation just this once, "thanks".

"No worries; still, I'd best be getting home", heaving himself to his feet, Zaki looked around as though hoping to see a signpost, "which way's Kumo from here?" Coming to her feet as well, the last Nii child in the village felt something spring up within her that she hadn't really thought about for years; trying her best to keep her mission face on, Yugito jerked a thumb over her shoulder and spoke in as casual a tone as she could manage,

"About a mile and a half that way – enjoy".

"What? Hey, wait, don't you...!"

It was far too late; even by the time he'd seen the malicious smirk on her face she was done with the hand-seals and he was left to curse vehemently as the kunoichi disappeared in a flash of light, leaving him with an uncomfortably long slog back to the village for the time of night while Yugito, for her part, reappeared in the garden of her family, chuckled briefly for a second as she realised that yes, pulling a juvenile prank such as that really was a lot of fun, took a minute to recompose herself and then let herself in through the back gate.

XXX

_Well this is it, go-time_; he was quite surprised to realise that yes, there were several things in Kumo he was going to miss when the time came but now was definitely not the time to be getting second thoughts – pulling the laden one-man cart behind him and doing his best to keep out the way of the wind that was blowing through it and directing the ferocious reek of its cargo right into his nose, he pulled it up the curb and applied the handbrake, calling across to the Bolt guards standing guard outside the Raikage tower,

"Watch out if the wind changes guys; something got into some of the kibble and by Kami it stinks", the two shinobi were too professional to do anything other than nod at this though, as the short form disappeared into the maw of the tower, though the aforementioned wind did shift direction and blow straight into their faces, they both started breathing shallowly through their mouths and hoping like hell the _Kyaraban-ko_ would get his job in there done quickly to get rid of the rotten dog food.

As always at this time on a weekend he was whisked straight into Maba's office, the Raikage's secretary looking across at him and ignoring the loud thuds, grunts and mechanical clattering noises behind her as the boss finished yet another of his workout breaks,

"So then, the end of the road for you Zaki-san?" He simply sighed and shook his head,

"Everyone's a comedian, but yeah, this is it; the nee-chan were sorry to see me go"; _Risu-chan most of all, though I'm quite glad the kaa-san told her I was still too young to be a potential first for her_; dismissing that thought and recalling the fierce hug he'd shared with the youngest nee-chan of the _Blossoms_ on the night he left even as both of them tried to deny their tears, he looked back up at the secretary with a smile tinged with regret, "though the kaa-san said she'd be grateful she could get some work done now I was gone; she still gave me a tip for my help and Zanchu-san gave me a bite to eat for the journey. The Mae clan came over and saw me off last night and even the old sick-note was resurrected off her death-bed for long enough to croak goodbye this morning; not like she could get rid of the rubbish though so Muggins here took that job on. Speaking of which", he glanced out the window towards where he'd left the small cart Rin owned, "any chance we could hurry this up before you end up with two passed out Bolts guarding the towers; you don't have any invisible noses in here do you?"

"Luckily no, and we also have excellent air conditioning in the building", the Roketa scion informed him as she quickly let her pen dance along the paper that would release the _Kyaraban-ko_ back into the world under the guidance of the carnival he'd managed to impress and get apprenticed to, "so, just get this stamped off and..." there was a thump from nearby that made the ink-well on her desk overflow slightly and, a second later as Maba was glaring down at the mess on her desk, the intercom crackled,

"Ah, hi Maba-chan, please send through the refreshments". Biting back a sigh as she cleared up the mess with a handy piece of blotting paper, the secretary thumbed the button and answered,

"Hai Raikage-sama, be right there; Zaki-san, would you...?"

"Way ahead of you", indeed he was already opening the small fridge that rested next to one of the bookshelves of Maba's office and withdrawing what looked to him like a plate of sandwiches containing half a cow each, "what flavour does he take today?"

"The yellow one; he likes bananas but they're hard to get here so it's a treat for him working hard and getting the paperwork done", she explained, opening the door to the lair of the beast and allowing Zaki in, the large lunch held forwards like a talisman as the Raikage, now towelling himself down behind his desk and with the fan on full-blast to avoid any lingering odours, turned to face them both,

"Ah, excellent timing", the great man rumbled, sitting down on his chair with a thump that made Zaki wince, "so then, you're off?"

"'Fraid so Raikage-sama", the _Kyaraban-ko_ shrugged as he handed the tray over to Maba-chan; though he wasn't exactly scared of the village leader, he was still wary enough to show complete respect for the man and a mere villager approaching the desk of such a powerful shinobi with food they may have had a chance to tamper with would be a mark of grave disrespect, so handing the meal over to a loyal shinobi first was a safer way of going about things for all concerned, "much to the celebration of Maba-chan and several of the Bolts I'm sure". The grizzled kage raised an eyebrow as he nodded at the secretary, draining his carton of banana-flavoured milk with a lusty sigh and smacking of lips before answering,

"Well I'll be sorry to see you go; the memories of you and Maba-chan's conversations will linger for a very long time in my mind; my short-term memory might be shot to hell but there's nothing wrong with the long-term one". Maba cringed at the reminder while Zaki did his best not to splutter with laughter; of the two of them, the kunoichi recovered first,

"Yes Raikage-sama, but unless you'd like to see if that situation could be rectified via cranial trauma with a tea-tray please don't mention it too much in the future". The older warrior raised a hand in mock-supplication, the devious smirk still not leaving his lips as he answered her threat,

"Maa, I'm only teasing Maba-chan – the last thing I need to do right now is anything that'll hack you off, the paperwork's already getting massive enough as it is".

Of course after such a proclamation karma simply had to play its hand; as always after finishing his post-workout drink, the Sandaime slammed the empty carton on the top of his desk to crush it flat enough to fit in his bin correctly. However on this occasion he'd slightly misjudged the hit and one of the heavy bands of iron around his wrist clipped the flat face of his family ring, taken off prior to his workout to avoid breakage or injury. All three occupants of the office could only watch in muted silence as, with a musical ting and a flash of gold light, the ring flipped majestically through the air and landed somewhere in the middle of the Raikage's weight-training equipment; there was a succession of further pings that grew quieter as it ricocheted around the pile of steel, then silence.

_You know, it shouldn't be possible for a man that huge to look that sheepish – mind you_; as he glanced to the side of his and saw the spine-chilling glare that the secretary was sending her boss as well as the grip she'd adopted that was putting a heck of a strain on the tray in her hands he added to his idle observation; _it also shouldn't be possible for a woman that comparably slight to look that threatening. Shika was right again – no matter how strong you are, there's always a woman you'll find troublesome in your life_;

"Zaki-kun, would you mind going and fishing that ring out of the weights over there", she asked in a tone of sweetness and light completely at odds with the bare-fanged snarl she flashed towards the shivering kage before her, "I don't want there to be any witnesses when I attempt to assassinate the Raikage in his own office!" Knowing which side his bread was best buttered the _Kyaraban-ko_ did just that, scurrying off to the pile and gingerly picking his way through it at the same time as doing his best to block out the determined argument he could hear in the background – even when she was upset, it was difficult to imagine Maba-chan having an angry argument with someone, a determined argument maybe, an angry one no. Scouting to and fro amidst the pile of obscenely heavy materials, it didn't take Zaki all that long to find what he was looking for and, as he reached towards it, to notice that only a short distance away from where the ring had landed, in fact just over the next set of haphazardly-set dumbbells, was a small gap between the office floorboards; _why would – oh yeah, Maba-chan said they needed access to make sure this part of the office floor had been properly strengthened. That was lucky, another few feet and we'd have..._;

Most ideas, like the one that was currently ongoing to smuggle the pseudo-Inuzuka clan out of Kumo, were the result of lots of hard brain-work and batting of ideas between a variety of parties; in some cases however, ideas could simply seem to spring from nowhere and catch even the one who had them completely unawares. Huddled over in the weights area Zaki stiffened then swallowed softly, glancing over his shoulder and checking that neither of the two other occupants in the office had a clear line of sight to him; the idea he'd had was madness, surely it was insane to even try but, on the other hand, there were no other ninja here save the two that were currently having-stroke-enduring a one-way conversation on the proper way to treat important articles of state; even those invisible eyes Maba-chan was so proud of and had told him about, they couldn't rat him out straight away like a shinobi could; someone had to actually move past them to trigger them, hence why they were placed around all the windows and doorways rather than in the open.

He had but a second to make his mind up and prepare a story of excessive blagging to get his ass out of Kumo in one piece should this not work but, despite all of that, he forced himself to look relatively calm as he appeared to carry on searching the pile, surreptitiously reached down and rolling the ring over so that he could see the tracking seal stuck on the rear side of the ring's face. Leaning down as though scrutinising the ground and hunting for a trace of the ring, he carefully picked at the seal with his thumb-nail, expecting a shout for him or, worse, a heavy hand on his shoulder at any second but nothing came, even as the seal was carefully peeled away from the metal surface, held on as it had been by a small blob of heavily-squashed white-tac.

With the dynamite now on his finger-tip and sweat prickling his underarms through the shirt he was wearing under his thick winter coat, the _Kyaraban-ko _leant on the dumbbells next to the ring as though trying to look over them, quickly flicking the removed seal towards the hole he could see in the floor – after a heart-stopping panic when it seemed to stick on the lip of the hole for a split-second, he let out a silent breath of relief as he watched the seal disappear into the small void. _Okay, now they can't trace it – so_; with that he stood back up and, after squatting as though trying to peer under some of the taller pieces of kit, he reached down with his left hand and with a flick he'd practiced almost since he'd first come up with the idea of his mask, he scooped the ring up and made it vanish up his sleeve, partially withdrawing his left hand through the sleeve of his coat until it came to an inner pocket; in seconds the item was stashed away and he was left to stand up, shaking his head and looking apologetic as he carefully made his way out of the exercise area,

"Sorry Raikage-sama, Maba-chan", he began, both quarrelling shinobi looking over at him as he pointed towards the metallic wasteland he'd just come out of, "I can't see it or reach it but I could give you a good guess as to where it's gone".

"Oh don't tell me – but of course", Maba groaned in frustration as she sensed for the tracking seal and immediately realised it was slightly below them all; _and there's only one way it could've possibly got there – right, that's it, I've had enough_; "Raikage-sama, I am going to get you a stamp".

"But..."

"No, don't even think about trying to argue with this; come hell, high water or a rogue bijuu attack I am going home early today and nothing is going to stop me least of all your pig-headedness. I am going to get you a stamp, you are going to use said stamp perfectly and with good grace to get every scrap of paperwork on this desk signed off and then dismissing us both or as Kami-sama is my witness the first piece of paper that crosses your desk tomorrow morning will be my resignation letter! Are we absolutely clear on this point?" Battered and blackmailed by this sudden attack and not able to countenance life without the services of his redoubtable secretary, the huge man merely held up his hands just this once,

"Hai, hai, I'll get it done – but surely I could just..."

"If you say you'll move those weights the next place you'll find yourself will be somewhere very high and very cold, I don't care if the chakra exhaustion kills me", Maba threatened, making Zaki hide a smile as he remembered what Maba-chan had confided in him about her special power to move objects from one place to another she visualised at the speed of light, though it was a taxing ability that she couldn't use all that often due to the strain it put on her, "last time you decided to try interior decoration part of the floor gave way and we nearly lost Tsuari-kun, the poor man hasn't been able to set foot in the tower since that weight ploughed a furrow in his desk while he was stretching his legs. We'll get it in the morning and you will be patient up until then, understood?"

"The life of a kage, to be ruled and hen-pecked by two separate women", the Sandaime groused before looking over at the third member of this impromptu office gather, "sometimes I don't wonder if you carnival-people have the right idea – just love and leave them, it makes life so much easier than hanging around". Not expecting the sudden call and with his mind on other, much more treasonous matters, Zaki jumped at the sudden address and looked around before reasserting himself,

"Huh? Who do you, oh, sorry I get it now – heh", he gave a yawn, shaking his head, "hope I've not been infected by whatever lurgy it is that's laid the she-beast low. It'd be just like her to give me her bugs as a parting gift – I preferred the one I got from the _Budding Blossoms_". He gave a salacious a smile as he could manage when he was convinced everyone in the tower should be able to hear his pounding heartbeat, not truly believing it when the Raikage merely chuckled and Maba attempted to look affronted by this comment,

"Ah, I would say you were too young to go looking for the gift that keeps on giving but, knowing you, it'd be a wasted effort", Maba sighed, shaking her head as the boss belatedly tried to regain control of his helpless snickering, "just get going Zaki-san – good luck, safe journey and all that, just tell Rin-chan I'll call on her tomorrow after work to check she's feeling better".

"I'll be gone by then so she should've perked right back up", Zaki pointed out before bowing himself out of the office, eyes averted from the Raikage at all times before saying one last goodbye, turning on his heel and leaving the tower completely.

It was only when he and the refuse he was dragging along was a mere hundred or so yards away from the disposal site that he finally allowed himself to pat the pocket he'd stashed the ring in and flush from the adrenaline that coursed through his body when he felt the hard outline nestled in the material there. _I can't believe that worked_; and he couldn't but still, this was no time to dally around – he'd already known he was going to be a wanted man by tomorrow if he was lucky and running off with an article of state was only going to add to his crime-sheet if anyone in that tower put two and two together and came up with the five sticky fingers he'd used to pilfer the ring. Applying the handbrake to the cart he made to stash his cargo; levering off the lid of one of the barrels of bad food and holding his breath against the stench, he hooked the ring into the palm of his hand, plunged his arm as deep into the barrel as it would go, released the ring, whispered a few words of instruction covered by a loud invective against the foul odour assailing him and then put the lid back on as though nothing had happened, dragging the cart towards its destination as though all was well with the world.

A few minutes later, as he looked over and saw each of the barrels in turn being pitched into the fast-flowing stream before him and gave the brawny workmen heaving the heavy barrels over the bridge into the water, he let out a low whistle of relief as he watched them float away and realised that at least that much of the recently-changed plan had followed the script properly.

XXX

Rushing over the branches and across scrub with his team on his heels, each of them grim-faced and cold as the grave, Kurushi once more set his eyes forwards, following the tracks of the retreating caravan and once more cursing himself for not seeing this, cursed all of Kumo and the fates in general for simply not seeing the viper that had been coiling around them and had now struck a damaging blow that may yet turn fatal should his team fail to track down the fleeing snake and cut off its head.

In his heart of hearts however, he was aware of how unlikely it was for them to find a warm trail – for that and nothing else he complimented the man who was now a deadly enemy of his state. The most galling thing was that he himself had been there, right there in front of the foe; hell the man had even laid a hand on his daughter and he'd done nothing, completely suckered by the false face he'd worn as he'd accepted Karui-chans' apology. _But everyone was fooled, even Raikage-sama_; in fact the only reason they'd even got warning of the full extent of the crimes committed against Kumo had come when, after being directed to the resting place of the Raikage's missing ring by Maba-chan's used of a tracking seal, the crew that had spent most of the morning pain-stakingly clearing the area of the Raikage's training equipment to lever up the floorboard were able to find only the seal itself, the ring long gone. With worry mounting that the ring had been lost deeper within the structure of the tower itself, it was only when the head of the Bolt division asked to review the security tapes that the theft was revealed; in a fury that shook the mountains themselves the Sandaime demanded the sponsor of the false _Kyaraban-ko_ be brought before him to answer his actions. It was only when Maba, as the ninja sent to summon her friend, returned looking whey-faced and ill did the full scale of the crisis become shockingly apparent.

The house was deserted and Rin was gone, and along with her the nin-ken were gone as well; at this news the Raikage had flown into an epoch-ending conniptation of rage, though such a rage was tempered by fear of what the potential ramifications of such a theft could be. If the nin-ken were ever returned to their home, to say nothing of what Rin might say after being held under what was technically illegal arrest for over a decade, Konoha would have valid grounds to go to war with the mountain village, and there was already bad blood following the Hyuuga debacle some years earlier. To prevent this from happening virtually every hunter-nin in Kumo's borders had scattered to try and track down the enemy and Kurushi, Kumo's Fukushu-no-me and right-hand man of the head of the hunter-nin who was forced to stay behind in the village to co-ordinate the chase, was to lead a team to hunt the most likely route of exit and because of that, as he dropped in front of the caravan that had left Kumo's gates not a day before, he put his game face on and spoke with a tone devoid of all warmth,

"Where is Maumaru Zaki?" The driver in the front seat, a swarthy man wearing a patchwork suit, drew the horses to a halt and peered down, meeting the glowing golden eyes of the shinobi with barely a glance,

"Who?"

"Maumaru Zaki", Kurushi repeated, stepping forwards and letting the handle of a kunai peep into view, "the _Kyaraban-ko_ you picked up in Kumo?"

"Oh the new blood; you'd have to ask the ringmaster 'bout that, though he's in a fine old temper today – hey", the driver leant forwards as a woman the ninja assumed was his wife poked her head out from the caravan covers to see what the hold-up was, "you think he might be responsi-hey, where are you going?"

"Which caravan is the ringmaster in?"

"Middle one, seventh, no eighth one down". Nodding his thanks the shinobi moved down the line, unnoticed hand signs telling the rest of his squad to search every caravan for the thief though to be discreet about it while he moved as soundlessly as a shadow towards the ringmaster's caravan.

He emerged not a moment later having got the information he needed; signalling for a meeting, the captain spoke to the rest of his squad,

"He was never here; went to bed in the caravan almost as soon as he joined up claiming illness from the Inuzuka sponsor; when they came to rouse him this morning it was as though the bed had never been slept in. The ringmaster had an hour delay to check nothing was stolen hence why we caught up to them so quickly but nothing's missing; he must have taken his provisions from inside the village".

"Shit", one of the kunoichi in his team swore and lashed out at a nearby tree branch petulantly, cleaving it cleanly in half, "bastard could be anywhere by now!"

"Not necessarily, to get out of Kumo he'd have to go through the border, which would be suicide as Maba-chan's already sent the orders to search everyone who attempts to pass out and our sensors will track him down. He's more likely to go via sea, the further from Kumo the better in his mind to try and avoid our patrols – he doesn't know that due to Maba-chan we can send orders there faster than even he can run. From here we'll split into three teams, one for each of the closest ports and me alone following the road in case he's trying to give us the slip by running ahead of the caravan..."

Even as he planned and broke his squad apart, the second-in-command of Kumo's hunter-nin could not have possibly known that he was working on old information and his quarry had already floated out of the country; some time the previous evening, following the vessel in which he had hidden himself and his clone had delivered to the removal area running aground, a small blonde mouse emerged from a small knothole cut in the top of the lid and shook the damp out of its fur. After checking as much as it was able to that the usual Frost farmers weren't around, the mouse dispersed in a cloud of smoke and a second later a rain of rancid kibble spilled onto the sands as Naruto quickly pried the lid off the barrel and snatched up both the large sealed scroll and the ring his clone had been audacious enough to steal from the very office of the Raikage himself from the stinking innards of the container. Hastily stowing both items inside his borrowed clothes and shaking his head at his doppelgangers' bone-headed stupidity for risking it all like that; _still, as long as an idea works it's not a stupid idea_; he checked the sun and saw with relief that it was late afternoon; he had time to start running through Frost and find somewhere to lay low for the night.

With that thought in his mind the Mouse adopted his signature henge and splashed through a few small puddles to try and wash off the worst of the stink of the rotten kibble he'd been submerged in before running for the tree-line, emerging as a boy once more as soon as he was sure he was out of sight of everyone.

Following releasing Rin that night from the uncomfortable confines of the Partner Seal in the scroll while in the henge of a man just about entering the earliest stage of middle age, one of the two masks he and the Inuzuka had come up with to get them out of hostile territory, they were both ready to go. As the Inuzuka stretched out the cramp as much as she was able to in the small cave he'd found, he unsealed a few cosmetic articles he'd borrowed from the _Budding Blossoms_ as well as some others Rin had brought while she'd been in town to compete the illusion and waved her over to sit down before skilfully applying the disguise to his soon-to-be employer.

Because of that, and after a night spent in a relatively cheap but still decent hotel in the Frost port city of Okan for a hot bath to get rid of the last vestiges of the stink of rubbish Naruto had been forced to reside in to get out of the mountain realm, as the elderly but still sprightly old woman who insisted everyone refer to her as Hina-baachan clambered up the gangplank of a old cargo ship with a few passenger cabins on the next step of her journey to visit every temple and onsen in the Elemental Nations accompanied by her walking stick and faithful man-servant Keitaro-kun, no-one so much as batted an eyelid.

XXX

"You escaped Kumo by floating down the river in a barrel? What, straight into Frost country?"

"Yep, worked like a dream", Naruto said before nudging Rin slightly; _after all, this was mostly her idea even if the fact she didn't know about my mouse-form meant she was trying to build a fake bottom in one of the waste barrels she had_; "actually Rin-chan, you best tell them the next bit 'cause I don't really understand it myself – how did that work exactly?" Catching a glimpse of the kid from the corner of her eye Rin allowed herself the ghost of a smile as he recognised him giving credit where it was due and, seeing the interest in her part of the story, spoke succinctly,

"It worked because, as you all know, it's not easy to grow many crops in Lightning and because of that it imports a lot of food. Frost is one of its biggest suppliers as, despite the name, the climate there's not too bad for rice as long as the soils' well-fertilised; to help with this Lightning has had a system since before there were shinobi to help Frost grow its crops. Most of the rivers of Lightning flow into their neighbour so every village in Lightning has a communal, if you like, waste disposal system whereby anything that could be broken down to compost is sealed in barrels, like the one Naruto-kun hid in, and tossed in a river; once it flows into Frost the farmers there pole the barrels out and take all the waste to be mulched to feed the rice fields. A normal person would never be able to hide in one of these barrels as they're not that big, but with this little gaki", just out of fondness's sake she cuffed her partner again, though much more softly this time and in the manner of Inuzuka affection rather than discipline, "space isn't much of an issue".

"Yep, I sealed all the nin-ken and Rin into the scroll, bunded it up so that it was waterproof and only released Rin when we were safe and free down the river", Naruto took over, leaning an elbow on the back of Rin's seat, "we moved slow until we were sure we were in Frost then used another mask, a slightly crazy old lady and her long-suffering butler, to gain passage on a ship to Fire country. Once there we headed home for here; well", he smirked slightly, making Rin scowl as he ruffled her hair with his free hand, "we did once I snapped SWMBO here out of her trance after I did her a favour".

XXX

Pulling on his sandal, 'Keitaro' stretched up and looked across at the younger woman most people assumed was either his daughter or, some envious voices had whispered, his very young wife, the 'Hina' mask having disappeared as soon as Rin stepped foot in her home nation for the first time in over ten years, though to her credit she held back the tears until her faithful servant managed to find them some lodgings for the evening,

"So then Rin-chan, ready to go? Should be about a week until we get to see those great gates again, excited?" The Inuzuka said nothing for a minute, still not quite believing that after so long away she was home, though if that was the case why did she feel something like homesickness fluttering in her stomach?

"Yeah, though before we move on", she suddenly stood up, a calculating gleam in her eyes as she beheld the taller form before her, "show me what you really look like". Not expecting this, the butler figure turned around,

"Huh?"

"What do you really look like?" Rin repeated herself, looking at him askance, "I just realised I've been living with you for nearly a third of a year and I still don't know anything about you, or at least the real you, so drop the henge and let's see what my knight in shining armour is under the iron". Keitaro for his part scratched the back of his neck for a moment before, with a shrug and awkward smile, he brought his hands together,

"Well, okay then Rin-chan, you might be a bit surprised through"; with that fair warning given, he clapped his hands together and smoke shrouded his figure.

The Inuzuka wasn't sure exactly what to expect when the cloud dispersed but, finding herself having to look down at the shape that emerge, not even she could stop her jaw dropping at what appeared to be a miniature version of her old sensei with a chubbier face and three slashes on each cheek grinning up at her, almost hidden within the voluminous folds of Keitaro's clothes as he spoke,

"So then Rin-chan this is me, name's Uzumaki Naruto".

"Y...you..."

"In the flesh", he assured her, thinly amused by her bulging eyes and swaying state as she tried to comprehend his appearance and the fact he was literally a child, "so, what do you think?"

"...You...you're a...a..."

"Awe-inspiring, amazing, a future Hokage – yeah I know", he waved off the words that appeared to be stuck in the Inuzuka's throat like a bone, "I'm all that and much more".

"...You're a chibi!" Rin managed to thunder, spearing a disbelieving finger towards him as though hoping it would dispel some illusion or other; not impressed by this comment about his vertically-challenged status, Naruto folded his arms as much as the shirt he was in would let him,

"And you're a tattooed lady; we've all got our problems. Anyway", his fingers twitched under the cloth and Keitaro reappeared, Rin by this point being forced to sit down and fight of hyper-ventilation with a distinct lack of success, "we'd best get going; people to see and places to go and all that – would you like help putting on your make-up today m'lady, or do you think you can manage alone?"

XXX

"So yeah, I'm not usually one for being taken by surprise but at the sight of this brat popping up out of nowhere left me absolutely flabbergasted..."

"I'll say; never before has so much flabber been so thoroughly gasted"; fastidiously ignoring the unhelpful comment from the cheap seats even as one or other of the assembled council couldn't disguise a snort of amusement, Rin soldiered on,

"...but apart from that we just went from there, walked or hitch-hiked back to Konoha as best we could. Let the nin-ken out when it was safe to do so but aside from that it was a relatively smooth ride back, except for the bandits that one time", Rin tailed off for a moment, remembering the desperate men that had tried to hold up the small merchant wagon she and Naruto had been hitching a ride on and been beaten back by the caravan owner, his elder two sons and Naruto with her and the youngest daughter chipping in with accurately-thrown sling-stones, "still, I guess nothing says 'welcome to Fire' like an attempted mugging on your doorstep – just like nothing says 'one-way ticket to A&E' like some idiot pulling a pilfered nation's treasure out his sleeve just because he felt like it. I still can't believe you tried that".

"Me neither, but it was worth it and once I got the seal off it couldn't be tracked either", Naruto pointed out nonchalantly, flicking a hand towards the ring still sitting snugly under Hyuuga Hiashi's left hand, the lord of the Byakugan not letting the heirloom out of his sight or even his sense of touch if he could help it, "so yeah, we got back earlier today really, about mid-morning, still in henges. I took Rin-chan to jiji's house, bumped into Buwika-chan almost at the door, proved who I was by pointing out that apart from her, the mid-wife, jiji and Beardy-san I was about the first person to hold her son and then spent the next ten minutes trying to talk her out of just beating me to death for going missing for so long and getting her and everyone else so worried. She got jiji after leaving a clone with me, he showed up, Rin-chan and I dropped our henges and told them both the story you've just heard, he called for a full council and here we all are".

Ending his tale with a clap of his hands Naruto looked around the chamber hall, smiling as he picked out all the different people there and wincing slightly as he saw the unconscious ANBU still splayed out on the floor as flat as a frog hit with a frying pan; _they really ought to move him at some point_; and spread his arms wide, one part of his body reminding him of something rather important that he had yet to fulfil in the twelve or so hours since he'd got back,

"So, who's hungry – I'd kill for a dish of Ichirakus right about now".

Silence fell for a moment as all present tried to absorb, for the first time really take in exactly what the two people, neither of them active shinobi and one merely a child of eight years old, had actually managed to do; most, however, didn't have the luxury to think on it too deeply before the Sandaime rapped the table in front of him smartly and stood up, most of the others in the table mimicking purely out of reflex as he spoke,

"This council is dissolved; until further notice everything discussed here is an A-ranked secret..."

"But, Sandaime-sama..."

"No, Koharu-chan", he said gently but firmly, looking at his old team mate with a stern but not harsh expression, "I will not make a move for reparations from Kumo until I'm certain of all the facts and none here are in the right mind for reason now", he pointed out, gesturing to the two shinobi most affected by the events of the night to emphasise his point, "I will, however, call a war-council for tomorrow, eight-sharp; after a night's sleep and a day thinking about this information I will listen to demands for restitution and present my case to the Raikage as soon as possible", the Sandaime smirked nastily at this, a glimmer of the old God of Shinobi he had once been rising to the surface as he found himself looking forwards to that little confrontation – the Sandaime of Kumo had always come across a posturing, arrogant bully and was long overdue a comeuppance in Sarutobi's book, "should I find his offers unsatisfactory I may well reconsider your demands Tsume-chan". The Inuzuka looked puzzled for a minute before the memory clicked into place and she smiled evilly, displaying her pointed fangs,

"Just give the word Hokage-sama; we'll make what happened at Kusa look like an over-enthusiastic picnic in the woods by the time we're through with Kumo".

"I don't doubt it; still, eight tomorrow and an A-ranked secret..." At this reminder Tsume groaned suddenly and hung her head,

"Damn it, I forgot – sorry Hokage-sama, the secret's already out", as all present whipped their eyes to the Inuzuka mistress she had to fight hard to stop from blushing as she explained what had happened through an abashed expression, "the pups were covered in Naru-chan's scent and they're too young not to tell the pack what happened – it'll be all over the clan by now. I can say it won't go outside the Inuzuka but most of them will already know the truth". Sarutobi frowned at this but, seeing as it was too late to stop the damage from a revealed secret; _and sadly not for the first time in Naruto-kun's case, though this should have a happier ending for him_; merely nodded,

"See that it doesn't Tsume-chan. Until then, all are dismissed".

As all present stood from their chairs Sarutobi stayed where he was for a minute under the pretence of reaching for his pipe; his eyes, however, never strayed from around the table and didn't miss the sudden rise in his adoptive grandson's apparent popularity – even Danzo seemed to be changing his stance ever so slightly from 'mindless weapon' to 'properly-broken killing machine'. He did smile though as Naruto made to leap off to his own lodgings however and was surprised by a sudden hand on his shoulder; Tsume had approached him noiselessly and was looking down at the small jinchuuriki with a great deal of both pride and respect in her eyes as she spoke,

"If you think for one second I'm letting you go back to that flea-pit of yours tonight you're dead wrong Naru-kun; you're an honoured guest of the Inuzuka tonight and I know for a fact there are going to be at least two of my clan who are going to be very anxious to meet the one who restored our broken pack". Rather unsurprisingly for someone who'd never been so much as invited into someone's house (or at least, invited to enter someone's house in a legal manner) Naruto appeared to grow a little flustered, not quite sure how to react and apparently on the verge of shrugging off her hand and offer; _well, offer for the moment – if I know Tsume-chan at all the harder he resists the more she will insist – I just hope it doesn't come done to bare knuckles and ninja wire, I really don't feel like putting down a brawl in my office tonight_; but apparently seemed to think better of it, instead offering his arm to pull Rin to her feet,

"Fair enough then, can we just stop by my place before all this kicks off? I'd like to wear clothes that fit for a change and I need to check if all my pets have eaten each other yet".

"Pets? Didn't know you had any?"

"Well they're not pets exactly, I'll explain on the way", Naruto wheedled as both the Inuzuka flanked him on his way to the council room door, "just remind me to wash this kit before I give it back – Buwika-chan leant it to me, said it belonged to Beardy-san when he was my age. Man, he must have been a real monster even then, it's hanging off me".

"Not difficult for clothes when they're wrapped around a stump rather than a fledgling tree".

"No. More. Comments. About. My. _Shortness!_"

As the two laughing women and irked boy left, the last of the company to depart due to their conversation, Sarutobi was left in piece with his pipe and his memories, his eyes still on the door as he thought back through what he'd just seen and what it meant for the future; _and one thing is immediately obvious to even one as jaded as me – a future Hokage just walked out of that door, one who can unify not just the Leaf but the rest of the Elemental Nations as well through his habits of going to the limit and beyond them for the sake of his friends. Apart from that though, where shall I start_; remembering all Naruto had told the council and a few other details he hadn't (though he was sure those would come to light at the Inuzukas over the course of the night), it was all he could do not to splutter ashes all over the desk in his mirth; _three months in a Kumo pleasure-house, seducing a fellow jinchuuriki one moonlit night, overcoming and taming a fierce Amazon via strength of arms and escorted by two Inuzuka protectors to a victory feast, all in a single mission?_

The more he thought about it the funnier it became, to the point where he was forced to hold his pipe in his free hand as he laughed out loud in the virtually deserted council hall, his only companion being the still unnoticed and still comatose ANBU operative, abandoned by his already-laughing squad who were doubtless already telling the rest of the cadre about his inappropriate nap in the middle of his duties. As he wiped a tear from the corner of his eye, a last whimsical thought crossed his mind and resulted in him virtually having to steal himself away from writing a very saucy and insolent letter to another ninja the Sandaime considered to be something of a son to him, letting him know of his godson's promise in the ways of the Ero-ninja:

_Poor Jiraiya-kun doesn't know what he's missing!_

A/N: Or does he – the Gama-sennin does, after all, host a very large and well-informed spy network. Still, next chapter the fallout from the dramatic escape and, more importantly, a celebration of the Mouse's victory! See you at the party – ja ne!

PS – Yes the characters Hina and Keitaro are for another mange, the very first one I ever read; if you know which one it was, glad to find a fellow fan!


	16. Chapter 16 Mouse Making Merry

Chapter 16 – Mouse Making Merry

A/N: So then, we come to a long-awaited party – sorry for the long wait but I originally wanted to split this chapter in two but couldn't bring myself to do it. As a result I've spawned another big update; hope you all enjoy what you read and, advanced warning, the next chapter may be slightly delayed due to work on another Win Some, Lose Some one-shot; if you're not sure what these are check my other Naruto fiction if you've got a spare moment.

Until then kick back and enjoy this chapter – it's show time at the Inuzuka place!

XXX

"You know", glancing down at the short form that had appeared before both her and her clan head and was currently locking the door it had just stepped through, Rin turned to the older woman and made the comment the situation was just sitting up and begging for, "I really should be more surprised than I am that you'd walk around in something like that".

"Hey", as always when defending one of the very first presents he'd ever been brought, Naruto tucked himself up defensively in the comforting embrace of his favourite jump-suit, still as reassuringly orange as it had been the last time he'd hung it up in his small wardrobe, "don't mess with the orange; this colour of awesome is probably the only thing that's stopped same practising ninja in the training fields taking a little too much off the top when I got too close to them training by accident".

"I can imagine – looking at anything that hideously bright I probably wouldn't be able to throw straight either". Seeing the Mouse bristle at this and knowing that for a reason she wasn't fully privy to he set a great deal of store by his favourite set of clothing, Tsume stepped in to break up the argument before it could truly get off the ground,

"So then, Naruto", her voice was slightly louder than strictly necessary but it was enough to force the two warring parties to focus their attention on her rather than each other, "get everything done in there you needed to?"

"Yep, got the place airing out and fed the few survivors that are still around"; _though that doesn't mean I'll get away with not spending another night on the training ground to replace their numbers, though luckily because it's cold outside it'll be easier for them to track my body heat so I can pick them all up in the morning_; "and I'm finally wearing kit that fits me for a change..."

"And kit that suits you – loud, obnoxious and a complete eye-sore", glowering at Rin as her clan head tried her best to hide her wide smile and smother snickers, Naruto launched a rapid counter-offensive,

"True but none of that was able to tip the Dragon village off – one thing I learnt if nothing else in all the time I've been training on the grounds, the more you want to stay hidden the more you should stand in plain sight".

"Really?" Seeing the scepticism on both women's' faces, the jinchuuriki grinned and nodded,

"You bet – it takes a real ninja to act like someone who's not a ninja after all", even as they tried to get their heads around this circular logic, Naruto put it into context with a rather more earthly expression he'd picked up from one of the Awesome Foursome, "look at it like this – if I was to walk down one of the main streets of Konoha and say out loud 'oh dear Kami-sama I'm going to break wind like a fire-cracker', I could guarantee you everyone would be so busy looking the other way out of politeness or disgust that no-one on that street would remember what I looked like five minutes after I'd gone past".

The reaction of the two Inuzuka to this comment was as typical as Naruto had been expecting; Rin broke in a cringe so deep a med-nin would have been forgiven for mistaking it for a mild palsy of sorts while Tsume, once she managed to calm her shivering shoulders, simply shook her head at his gross but oddly true case in point,

"Well be that as it may you've no need to avoid anyone in our clan tonight Naruto, much as I thought I'd never say those words; anyway, come on", impatiently she seized her younger clan member firmly but not harshly by the jerkin around her shoulder and held out her free hand for Naruto to hold, "the night is still relatively young and the clan should be ready by about now; it's been a while since Kuro-kun had to play herding-dog but even he couldn't lose seven puppies between the Hokage tower and our grounds, least of all with one of the Haimaru backing him up".

"Ready?" Tempting though it was to chuckle at the image of the alpha of the Inuzuka's pack dutifully rounding up strays to loud whistles and shouts of 'come by', Naruto's suspicious mind had latched onto one of the first things Tsume had let slip and wasn't letting go without knowing what the body it was attached to was going to be letting itself in for, "Ready for what exactly?"

At this query Tsume did laugh properly, glancing down at the returned Mouse with benevolence softening her normally stern countenance,

"You honestly thought I, or at least Kuro-kun and I, were going to let you get off the hook that easily after you brought back not just our missing pack members but little Rin-chan as well – for such a streetwise kid you can be really dense at times. When I sent Kuromaru home with the others I told him to get the whole clan ready for a celebration that'll wake people up in Iwa when the guest of honour arrives, though of course before I let it kick off properly I'll have to pass on the Sandaime's message and cobble together some story where you don't play such a big role, but apart from that hold on to your jumpsuit kid", even in the dimming light of the hallway outside of Naruto's apartment door Tsume's pointed fangs gleamed as she smiled wickedly, "no-one in Konoha does a celebration like we do!"

"But", caught slightly on the hop by this Naruto was left floundering for information, "but how did you organise it from the meeting; you were there and you only told Kuro-san to go straight back with the puppies?"

"Listen to what I'm saying".

"Huh? I was and I didn't hear anything".

"Try again, and listen harder"; Naruto did as he was bid and was about to shake his head and declare the Inuzuka was pulling his leg when he actually realised he did hear it – behind the words was a faint, very faint, background of other sounds that seemed to be a cross between a low-pitched whining and outright growls; _but how does that help, I can't – no, of course I can't because I've got two legs instead of four_;

"So it's true then, you really _can_ talk to your nin-ken", he exclaimed before wagging his eyebrows suggestively, "bet that comes in handy; all through those clan head meetings you can be verbally beating Hiashi and Inoichi with a stick while all the while Kuro-kun's whispering sweet nothings into your ear". Rin did her best to hide a sudden smirk as Tsume's demeanour cooled as rapidly as a katon jutsu spat into a lake, her voice now suddenly thick with warning threat,

"You know as well as I do that no Inuzuka has anything other than a purely professional relationship with their nin-ken..."

"What, never heard of friends-with-benefits – ask Rin-chan, it's a Kumo expression", said woman made a mental note to maim the insulting gaki as soon as she was able to keep her giggles completely bottled up as Naruto went on, "besides everyone needs someone special in their life, even if it's just to act as a bed-warmer and show their stuff off to – up until I started work that saucy little nightdress of yours had only ever had an audience of one eye for years and it deserves better".

"Just get over here", on a normal day Tsume might well have taken the jinchuuriki over her knee for words like that but this was far from a normal day – because of the favour he'd done to her clan and, more than that, her immediate family, she limited her response to little more than a huff of long-suffering acceptance and grabbed Naruto's shoulder, "you might be in my good books after that suicidal stunt you pulled somehow worked but watch it".

"I did watch it, as raptly as all those other six older guys did – I could've sworn I saw Chouza's nose bleeding slightly..." Tsume gritted her teeth, pride scoured even further as she heard Rin break down slightly, giggling even as she tried to apologise,

"So, sorry oba-chan", purple cheeks faced red ones as the former medical kunoichi just about managed to master herself, "near enough four months living with him – I feel your pain".

"Not yet you don't", the alpha of the animalistic clan muttered under her breath as she centred herself, preparing her technique as Naruto's apartment building wasn't shielded by seals to prevent shunshin-based techniques, "you'll never be too big for a nin-ken face wash Rin-chan". Fond memories she'd almost forgotten blossoming inside her, Rin wiped her eyes on her sleeve as she felt the older woman gather her chakra,

"Looking forwards to it oba-chan"; _I know, but if you knew what I know_; even as the technique took effect and Tsume felt the wind howl around both her and her passengers, she finished her thought and steeled herself for the next sight she was likely to see; _you'd probably have beaten me home to meet the people who you'll see, bad leg or none_.

XXX

Blinking the smoke out of his eyes and looking around in the darkness, Naruto was relieved to see that it wasn't, as he'd first suspected, pitch-black – though the sun had long since set and the shadows cast by the trees all around them deepened the gloom, the infiltrator was able to reorientate himself a moment or two later at the sight of one particular tree off to his immediate left. This tree was a very old though not particularly large specimen, stooped slightly like an elderly man groping for his walking cane, though what made it stand out from most of those around it was that the bark on the side nearest where the trio had rematerialised was almost worn smooth, virtually bare as a result of countless Inuzuka brushing past it every time they entered their compound. This was one of the clans' scenting trees, acting as rough-and-ready identification markers that told the clan which members were present at any given time; to Naruto, however, they were usually things he avoided like the plague as the scenting trees were often heavily trafficked and could easily lead to him getting caught. Today, however, he was quite sure he'd never been so grateful to see one in his life, least of all as Tsume spoke to him and pointed just behind it,

"Stand over there a minute Naruto-kun; I need to let the pack know the Sandaime's decree before this whole thing kicks off and I could tell you now for nothing that won't happen if they catch sight or scent of you before I'm done speaking. Behind the scenting tree, that should keep you out of mischief while we summon the others". Naruto nodded, deciding not to argue this point as he felt butterflies whirling in his belly at the thought that in mere minutes he'd be in the middle of a clan full of people who didn't outright despise the sight of him, Rin gave a laugh as she watched him fall into line behind the tree,

"Him, out of mischief; that'll be the day. Wait", something else belatedly twigged in her mind and she turned to her alpha, suddenly not liking the devilish gleam in the eyes almost the same colour as her own, "what do you mean we?"

"You remember the calls don't you?"

"Yeah but neither of us have nin-...oh no".

"Oh yes Rin-chan", Tsume chuckled, patting her on the shoulder as the younger woman let her head fall into her hand, "you had a lovely voice from what I can remember, let's see if you've still got it".

"Oba-chan", Rin wheedled, trying to worm her way out of this predicament, "it's embarrassing – it was fun when I was a kid but not now, I'm too old to howl in the dark".

"You're never too old Rin-chan, ironically enough you'll learn that when you're older", Tsume told her with a secretive smile on her lips before her expression melted away into something more serious, a calm in her mind that made the younger woman suddenly pay attention; _in all the time I've known her, even before she was alpha_; at first she'd refused to believe that Tsume of all ninja had ascended to the mantle of Inuzuka alpha – only when Naruto had sworn on his dream of being Hokage with his hand on his heart and his other fingers in plain sight so she could make sure he hadn't crossed them did Rin even consider believing him; _I'm not sure I've ever seen her look so serious_; "but believe me Rin-chan, there's someone in there who would probably trade away what's left of his life to the Shinigami to hear your voice in the night again..."

XXX

Naruto had been hidden mostly from view but was just able to see Tsume bend her head towards her younger relation, though even with his ear cocked he couldn't catch the words she whispered; it obviously meant something to Rin though if the way she stiffened and stood up straight as the alpha moved back was anything to go by. Naruto merely watched on as the two of them stood up and, at some unspoken signal between the two of them, threw back their heads and lit up the night with a simultaneous burst of wolf-song.

In the same way that everyone who considered Konoha more than just a destination on a map Naruto was used to hearing the odd primal scream from the Inuzuka grounds and, as he had a tin ear for the symphony of the night, considered it as little more than a nuisance that thankfully didn't crop up all that often. From this range he could honestly say not much had really changed in his opinion as he couldn't make head nor tail of the message the two women before him were trying to convey to the rest of their clan but it was obviously important to the Inuzuka so he wasn't going to say anything out of turn, merely watching as the echoes of the howling died away and as if by magic, after a few more seconds of waiting, other members of the animalistic clan materialised out of the darkness. Though he was unable to pick out their individual expressions, the returned jinchuuriki was both amused and indulgent enough to give himself another pat on the back as he easily picked up on the sense of both disbelief and grateful awe from the assembled as they slowly stepped forwards as though they couldn't believe the evidence of their eyes, though as the sound of a sudden disturbance caught his ears, he strained himself to listen the source of the ruckus seemed to come closer,

"...the way, out my way!" He could see the movement now though it was partially hidden behind Tsume as the Inuzuka alpha spoke in the guttural tongue of the dogs and, with a suddenness that made Naruto jump, one or two clan members who'd been too slow to get away from the rampaging runner behind them were bodily thrown aside as someone hurled themselves out of the pack and into the circle. Though he couldn't see who it was due to the lack of light, Naruto couldn't miss the quiver than ran through the back of one of the women facing away from him, nor could he fail to see the stumbling run Rin broke into, lurching forwards and half-falling forwards as a pair of thick, strong arms encircled her around...; _around, that low – oh Kami...!_

Naruto blanched, his normally ruddy expression bleached to sallowness as he finally realised exactly who his former sponsor truly was and exactly what Tsume had said to overcome her nerves about shrieking her voice into the stillness of the night. Wide-eyed and barely able to catch his breath, the last Uzumaki swallowed through dry lips as the embracing duo wrestled with each other, clumsily spinning around slowly and allowing him to see beyond doubt the squat form of one of his former teachers with his face buried in his daughter's shoulder, the girl he'd lost returned as a woman who was a stranger to him. Rin had water flooding down her face, the first time he'd ever seen so much as a hint of tears from the hard-bitten old witch in all the time he'd known her; _well, tears like this anyway – tears of frustration were pretty much par for the course when Zaki was on the case. But Flea-san_; it was indeed the grizzled old tracker of the Inuzuka clan who had his arms of steel clamped around his daughter with only marginally less force than a top of the range bear trap, apparently never letting her go again as long as he was alive; _why the hell didn't I think of that – lost Inuzuka, third war and he hates Kumo – so bloody obvious!_

Obvious now it might have been but this time the revelation had come slightly too late; as he watched the father and daughter reuniting the Uzumaki was left trying to brush a tear of his own out of his eye, though fortunately he was able to dash most of his fracturing vision away as he whipped his head up, having heard the tattoo of beating feet crushing through fallen leaves towards him. Sniffing hastily, the Uzumaki had a brief thrill of horror as he was certain for a minute that Flea, who had appeared before him in an instant with his daughter still wrapped up in one meaty arm and crying into his shoulder with relief that he'd lived long enough for them to be reunited, was going to hug him and after surviving and evading Kumo for the better part of four months he was going to meet his end as a red splotch on the tracker's brawny chest, but at least for now he resisted the urge and instead clamped a hand down on the boy's shoulder,

"Come on Naruto", Rimaru's voice was even more gravelly than usual, a hoarse edge to it as he wasn't quite reattached to reality yet – he'd pricked his ears as he'd heard Rin's specific song upon the air and hadn't believed it, convinced she was dead even if the eight nin-ken who had been returned by Tsume-chan's partner had been a harbinger of great things for the entire clan and because of them all clan members present had pitched in on complying with the one-eyed nin-ken's orders. Only when he had sprinted through the crowd of his kinsman and seen her there had he known, even without the benefit of scent, he'd _known_ that the tall, willowy woman who had stood and howled shoulder to shoulder with Tsume and the bouncing little girl his dear departed Kanin-chan had delivered into his hands some twenty or more years ago were one and the same person.

Rin was reunited with him once again and he felt so many things all at once he couldn't tell which was the more dominant emotion – in the midst of this storm however, a single diamond-hard shard of sense forged its way to the forefront of his mind like an iron-clad ship battering through a typhoon; the boy; _no, he is no boy any more – for what he's done for the pack he will forever be a man in our eyes_; who had brought his Rin-hime home was not mounted yet on the pedestal he deserved to be placed upon and that was a travesty he would have to correct. Because of that he kept his grip firm but not restrictive as he slowly eased Naruto out from behind the scenting tree and into full view of the whole clan, though as Naruto froze up he squeezed his upper arm to break his panic and stop him rabbiting from the face of such attention as he spoke,

"Tonight is for you and you alone".

Once more he feared the party child might try to run once more as the entire clan allowed their jubilation to erupt from their throats in a succession of long, loud echoing howls that almost deafened him, though as Rin half-squatted down and wrapped an arm softly around his shoulders, all belligerence drained out of her for once as she faced her rescuer again, he seemed to relax somewhat at her soothing voice,

"It's okay Naru-kun, you've earned this", so close to her father she felt no tiredness enveloping her limbs despite the late hour, nor did any pain from her ancient scar blacken the moment as she dropped her arm lower, around Naruto's waist, and heaved upwards, bodily lifting him upwards despite a squawk of protest as Rimaru caught on with his daughter's idea and dipped his shoulder – in the next minute Naruto was sitting ungainly atop the elder Inuzuka's shoulder and clutching at Rin's arm to avoid sliding off and falling back to earth with a bump. As the odd trio slowly began to pace back towards the remainder of the clan with Tsume bringing up the rear of the procession, shaking her head as she considered not just the night, but the matter of tomorrow morning and the concessions she would expect to extract from the mountain village for the pain her pack had endured at their hands.

With a steadying breath of air that she exhaled in a plume of smoky air Tsume regarded the back of the orange jumpsuit that she could see still held aloft between Flea and Rin-chan, just beginning to become swamped by the majority of the rest of the clan; _I'll need to speak to him again in private some time tomorrow_; even in the mood of riotous celebration she was conscious of the Sandaime's deadline for the war council tomorrow; _but not now though – now is a time_; she whistled softly and saw Kuromaru pad towards her around the flank of the party that was bearing Naruto through the gates of the House of Dogs and towards the foods and sports that had been set up in a hurry for the returning hero, she put all thoughts of tomorrow to the back of her mind and as she fussed her nin-ken's ear, allowed a wild grin to split her lips and darted to latch on to the back of the celebratory procession; _to just kick back, throw caution to the winds and live for the minute!_

XXX

Naruto had been scared, though he'd never admit it, by his original reception by the rambunctious clan and, with his past experiences with people in general and even memories of being chased through the grounds by nin-ken who'd caught his scent, this perhaps wasn't surprising. However like most youngsters he was nothing if not adaptable and, by the time he slipped off Rimaru's shoulder, was getting more into his part as the head of a procession of revelry; grinning widely at all around him and, once more reminded of his lack of recent sustenance by a rumbling belly, clapped his hands and made to follow his nose towards a delicious scent that was wafting out of the open ground,

"Right then", he had to shout to make himself heard simply because the noise of the crowd around him was so great, though it began to still as all around him realised who was speaking, "that's enough of the serious stuff – let's eat!"

This proclamation was met with a roar of approval, the Inuzuka breaking apart into small, splinter groups as they dispersed around the ground, though all headed in the vague direction of the cleared space of the back of the main clan houses – much as the Inuzuka preferred to live wild most of the time, even they realised the importance of having a small domesticated area in case of emergencies, and its use in a time like this was showing the value of such forethought. Right now the area had been cleared of the traditional bric-a-brac such as old gnawed bones and dog chew toys, any holes that inquisitive nin-ken had dug smoothed out by use of doton jutsus and a large number of trestle tables set up and covered with cloth. A fire-pit had been dug and lit, the skewers that were suspended over the crackling flame giving off the delicious aroma that had ensnared the jinchuuriki's inquisitive nose as the meat they held aloft sizzled and spat as the fire cooked it thoroughly. Knowing as he did that seniority wasn't much of a deal with the Inuzuka Naruto made to head towards one of the closest seats as the clan dispersed around the area, either sitting to eat, sprawling out on the grass with the nearby nin-ken or just standing talking to themselves and each other, though before he could get too far a sudden bark made him pause. Looking around, the Uzumaki dropped to a knee and spread his arm wide as he caught sight of a very familiar flash of grey dancing towards him through the forest of legs,

"Hello boy", for a brief second he was afraid the Haimaru would simply plough right into him but luckily the nin-ken was smarter than that; skidding to a halt just in front of him, the dog twisted around virtually under Naruto's chin and looked over its shoulder and up to lick at his face, "eww, slobber attack! Okay, okay", fussing up and down the dog's sides and bearing his four-legged friends' affectionate attention with stoic resolve, Naruto spoke as the Haimaru stood back up, "told you I'd try to bring you home, and just as well I did", as one became three in front of him Naruto had to anchor himself to the ground with his weight to avoid being bowled over as the other two Haimaru siblings came steaming in, twin streaks of charcoal that slammed into his arms in a concerto of whines and thankful, puppy-like yips, "these two would've eaten me if I hadn't; yes, yes I love you pair too – I didn't forget you while I was gone so you can't say I was unfai...uh oh!"

He was just fast enough to simultaneously push himself to his feet and tuck up into the tightest ball he could manage, planting his feet as he just for once forgot the cardinal rule anyone should have abided by when dealing with the Inuzuka; beware of the dog _and_ the owner. Had Hana not been slowing down from her dead sprint as she trailed in the wake of her reunited trio she might well have simply steam-rollered right over the younger boy; as it was her arms simply snapped around him like a vice, hugging him and not letting go as she hefted him bodily off his feet; had he not been so shocked, Naruto would probably have enjoyed the experience a lot more than he actually did. She didn't speak but, held so close, Naruto could hear far more from her harsh, unsteady breathing and the shivers that raced right around her slender frame than the average person might have believed possible, though for his sake as well as Hana's he didn't say anything or try to pull away as it would have been a wasted effort at the minute. Instead he waited for the moment to pass, worming his arms out of the ball he'd curled himself into and trying as best he could to return the kunoichi's hard embrace before, tentatively, speaking,

"Ah, hi Hana-chan; look you might not believe me but I didn't mean for this to happen – I wasn't planning to try and be a hero, I was just in the wrong – uh, Hana..."

It was doubtful she'd heard a word he'd said;_ just as well I guess, it probably sounded like gibberish_; but at some point the Inuzuka heiress had relaxed her hold slightly and stepped back; after rasping down a fresh breath Naruto had tried to speak and explain his point of view on the matter before seeing the expression on her face and falling silent; he'd seen that look before. It had been an expression the nee-chan often adopted around him and had, at first, terrified the living daylights out of him – eventually however he had become adept at seeing the hint of teasing in their eyes as they professed their eternal love and the future attention of their supple bodies and experience of the craft to their 'precious little Zaki-kun'; seeing such a thing on Hana's face, however, was a completely different kettle of fish and he felt those old fears rear up in his mind as a lead weight flopped into his stomach – there was no mischief in Hana's expression, she looked as serious as a katon jutsu at point-blank range. Blood pounding thickly in his ears, Naruto could only watch on as one of his first friends took a step forwards and he made a lurching motion back, away from Hana as she looked down at her, a kind of glaze of her eyes as she began to breathe more quickly, obvious from her body-language and general demeanour where she wanted to go next and, as her almost-unseeing eyes weren't wavering from Naruto's face, it was pretty obvious who she wanted to go there with,

"Hana-chan, uh, are you feeling...?"

"Naruto..." she took another step forwards and reached forwards, though before she could seize her prize someone who had been anticipating this might have happened made her presence felt; battling through the press around her, Tsume grabbed her daughter by the shoulder and shook hard,

"Hana, control yourself", the older woman demanded, recognising the effect of her partner's emotions combining with her own and the two of them combined sending her reactions flying into overdrive – though the empathic bond the Inuzuka shared with their nin-ken was an undoubted boon there were times, such as now, where it could backfire badly. Though the depth of the bond varied from Inuzuka to Inuzuka, with her trio of partners Hana was much more receptive to the sum total of her partners' emotions than, for instance, her brother would be with Akamaru simply because she had three bonds instead of one. This bond between man and nin-ken, an instinctive understanding of each other moods and feeling was the strength of the Inuzuka and allowed both partners to react in battle without thinking, or even having to think, about where the other was; however, in this case where the three Haimaru had been reunited and their emotions were ablaze in a potent whirl of sheer, unstoppable joy, that feedback combined with Hana's own elation at having her missing partner returned to her was more than enough to temporarily overwhelm her higher reasoning, leaving her with little more than instinct and emotion to guide her actions.

It was something she would master with time but right now Hana wasn't experienced enough to ignore her biological urges and, as she was at the age where she was just starting to see boys as potentially something more serious than just close friends and Naruto was the reason for her current state, in her lust-driven eyes he was therefore the most suitable mate present and her body was screaming at her to claim him before anyone else made a move. Luckily Tsume had been aware of the potential risk that both Naruto and Hana could have been exposed to and, experience in the _Budding Blossoms _or not, the Uzumaki was way too young for that sort of introduction to the birds and bees; _least of all from one of my clan. Bit of a shame though_; though her expression was iron-hard as her daughter, still not in control of herself, snarled up at what she perceived to be a challenge for Naruto's hand, and other parts, Tsume smiled in the back of her mind as she thought of her other child and what might have been; _had Kiba been born as Hana's nee-chan who knows what might have been when they both grew up a little – still, such is Kami-sama's will and I can't do anything about it. All I can do is make sure the Mouse gets out of here tomorrow with his chastity preserved and snap Hana back to herself_;

"Don't you growl at me my girl", the alpha challenged, shaking Hana again as the younger woman tried to fight out of her mother's grip, though the struggle subsided as the pain from her mother's fingernails punctured both her mood and the skin of her shoulder, "get a hold of yourself Hana-chan, this isn't like you. Breathe in and out slowly, remember who and where you are", she commanded, noticing the glaze starting to drop from Hana's eyes as the other kunoichi's reasons for being in this kind of a mood drained away, the Haimaru watching on curiosity as they didn't quite understand what was going on with their partner but knew better than to try and stand up to Tsume, instead sitting down close to Naruto and doing nothing to dissuade his stroking of their flanks as they whined in pleasure at the touch.

This calming of the Haimaru helped snap their partner back to reality; slowly at first but with ever-increasing speed Hana's normal mind began to catch up with what had happened and, as her face lit the night up with a blush that rivalled the fire behind her, what she could well have done without her mother stepping in when she did. This excruciating embarrassment immediately made her spin back to Naruto and prostrate herself, not caring about the flare of pain in her shoulder as she slid out of Tsume's grip before the matriarch was quite ready to let go and as a result cutting herself on her sharpened nails,

"Gomen", she spoke into the floor, not able to look Naruto in the eye as she started cursing herself under her breath; _damn it, I should have controlled myself better than that! He saved the Haimaru, now he probably thinks I'm some sort of sexual predator who'll rip his kit off soon as look at him_; unfortunately a propensity to enjoy the baser things in life such as the intimate company of the opposite gender, especially in their earlier lives as their bodies were transforming through puberty, was a label that the Inuzuka had inadvertently picked up and had a fair grounding in reality, mostly due to reasons similar to the one that had sent her over the edge so recently. Hana, however, had spent many years in the Academy and beyond doing her damndest to disprove this rumour where she was concerned; always placing being a kunoichi before being interested in a potential human partner as she reasoned she'd have time for romance when she'd gotten through the most difficult and 'wildest' phase of an Inuzuka's life, it was especially galling to lose it at this stage and especially embarrassing that she'd all but thrown herself at a child who was younger than her own brother. Because of that she kept her face pressed into the floor as she carried on speaking, trying to explain herself,

"S, sorry about that Naruto-sama", she grated, insides still dancing a conga in humiliation as she tried to offer her apologies, "I, your actions, and when the Haimaru told me what you did, and how, I, kind of lost control for a minute. Uh, sorry if I scared you". It sounded lame and babyish even to her own ears but, thankfully, some kami of mercy smiled upon her as she heard leaves crunch underfoot and, a split-second later, Naruto's voice with a measure of its old confidence back as it answered,

"Heh, don't worry too much Hana-chan; I'd be happy if someone found my Gama-chan if I dropped it and I know you love the Haimaru a thousand times more than I do that tatty old wallet. Come on, stand up", she felt a small hand on the top of her right arm and just about hid a long sigh of relief as she felt Naruto heave at it, trying to get her to her feet, "forget about it, no real harm done, just don't call me –sama any more, sounds way too weird – hey, that's new. When'd you have it done?" Daring to peek upwards at her saviour, Hana followed his eyes towards the part of her arm he'd gripped slightly and gave a rueful smile, knocking the leaves off herself as she came to her feet and spoke her gratitude to her mother out the corner of her mouth,

"Yeah, happened about two months ago", she recalled stonily, not even able to remember the bite of the needle as she rubbed her newest tattoo, the three lines clustered around a central point and looking, as Kiba had pointed out, like a tuning fork, "when I thought I'd never see my third partner again. I had it done to show that no matter how far away we were the Haimaru triplets were always in my heart, but thanks to you", she felt a similar spike of emotion towards the child she rolled her eyes down to see but this time, aware of and prepared for it, she fought down the animalistic urge and instead placed her hand on his shoulder, drawing him into her side and squeezing softly, "it's now just another cool tattoo that kaa-san would normally have never let me have".

Tsume quirked an eyebrow at this proclamation before Naruto's sniggering broke through her plots to remove the unsightly design, most of which involved a cheese-grater, copious amounts of ninja wire and, if Hana was lucky, some tranquilisers to numb the pain; the jinchuuriki chuckled at the same time as wrap his own arm loosely around her waist,

"Well I reckon it suits you"; _creep_; Tsume's thought wasn't particularly complimentary but a part of her mind realised that, compared to the last time she'd seen him, Naruto really did appear to have spent an inordinate amount of time around people in the body trade as he'd claimed; _so it looks like Konoha may have a future lady-killer on its hands – note to self, if any future pups in my clan turn out with either bright blonde hair or bright blue eyes, blame and maim Naruto_; "apart from that though, you've got all three of the Haimaru with you again and the rest of the pack around you, so enough with all the apologising and that, let's just get something to eat".

Infected by his own particular brand of humour coupled with a budding charm that would, unknown to all present, serve the jinchuuriki very well indeed as his ninja career progressed, Hana had no choice but to match his grin with one of her own and, impetuously, duck down and press a chaste kiss onto his closest whiskered cheek. Even as Naruto reddened and tried to regain his bearings after being so violently thrown off-track by the Inuzuka scion's uncharacteristic affection, Hana merely smiled softly and gently guided the guest towards one of the head tables, one of her partners disappearing at her soft request to see if someone in the clan would cut a strip off one of the skewers for Naruto to feast upon.

XXX

Contrary to a lot of popular belief the Inuzuka were not a pack of half-feral savages whose preferred method of greeting and celebration was to beat each other to pulp and then share a drink afterwards – though thin at times, there was a veneer of civility between them and their animalistic sides. This, Naruto discovered much to his elation, also extended to the way they threw a party – instead of the staid, stuffy ceremonies the nee-chan had described to him as being part and parcel of life as a high-born noble or temple priestess, such as ceremonies of tea and long periods of introductions where the greatest risk Naruto felt he would have been exposed to was a visit from the sandman during the whole tedious process, the Inuzuka revelry was a much more dynamic environment. Others might have scoffed at their skills in drumming, wood instruments, wild dancing with both human and nin-ken partners and the tricks the nin-ken of the non-ninja members of the clan could perform, but as far as Naruto was concerned as he slumped back into his seat with aching shoulders and wiping his damp fringe out of his eyeline, it was as close to paradise as he wanted to be for a good number of years,

"Wow, you call that dancing?"

"Slam-dancing", his partner corrected him, Kiba reaching forwards and taking a long swig of one of the drinks haphazardly strewn over the table in front of them, "equal parts way of saying hello, working on footwork and endurance training – how are your arms?" Casually flexing them and doing his best to suppress a wince as the forming bruises protested the motion, Naruto shrugged,

"Eh, I've always healed quick".

"I wouldn't say that too loud", Kiba grinned, absent-mindedly reaching down and scooping Akamaru up with one hand as the puppy finished tracking his partner down – not yet a year old, the pup was too young and too small to brave the stomping feet of the dance floor without risk of getting accidentally trodden on, "some people might take it as a challenge".

"Let 'em", Naruto explained, a flash of cavalier challenge in his eyes as he helped himself to a handful of greasy crackling from the table in front of them both, the crispy flesh giving a delicious crunching noise as he bit down on it and swallowed with obvious satisfaction before offering the last bit for Akamaru, who'd been eyeing up the treat with a slowly-wagging tail and angling for a sneaky treat, "I'm pretty sure Rin-chan wouldn't mind someone laying me out – in fact she'd probably do it herself if it weren't for Flea-san holding her attention".

At the mention of the aunt he'd never known Kiba's face softened and he looked over, catching sight of the de-facto teacher of his clan in the ways of tracking and wilderness survival sitting some distance away, opposite to his daughter and from the looks of things holding a stuttering, stilted conversation with her; after the first rush of emotion following them meeting some hours ago the silence had lengthened between them – over a decade of estrangement was not a gap bridged in mere moments. Seeing his uncle with his hand still covering his daughters, the youngest child of the clan head shook his head and turned back to his friend, a slightly more serious expression on his tattooed face,

"I doubt it", he admitted with feeling in his voice, "just like I doubt Flea-oji-san'll let her out of his sight for the rest of his natural life and possibly beyond it, and stop feeding him", Naruto had been listening with half an ear but still jumped slightly as Kiba snatched the piece of crackling he'd been offering forwards to the nin-ken in his lap, Akamaru left to whine piteously as he watched his treat disappear over his master's shoulder, "he'll get fat".

"I know, it's all part of the plan".

"What, you want me to show up at the Academy with a nin-ken that has to waddle to keep up?"

"No but I want him to trust me", Naruto pointed out, rubbing a finger along the chin of the white puppy's jaw and smiling as a rough, wet tongue rasped the cooling grease from his fingertip, "makes it easier to sneak in when the nin-ken know they'll get a treat out of me if they let me get through – oww!"

A sudden nip at the side of his leg made the jinchuuriki leap up in his seat, whipping around with a blazing face to come eye to eye with the leader of the aforementioned nin-ken pack, Kuromaru giving his lazy, sardonic smirk as the child rubbed at the spot he'd pinched with his front teeth and shook a fist in the nin-ken's face,

"What the hell was that for Patch, I didn't do anything wrong!"

"Two things – first you made an insult against my partner and me by proxy", the pack leader pointed out, Naruto thinking about this for a second and the colour in his face receding as he realised the huge hound had a valid mark, "second, for pulling the wool over my eye and trying to usurp the pack against me".

"Usurp the...what does that mean?"

"Means you were in some way making the pack go against what Kuromaru-san and kaa-san wanted them to do", Kiba filled him in after ducking his head in subservience to his mothers' partners, as respectful of the one-eyed dog's harsh growling and battering paws as much as he was his mother's hard right hand, "you probably didn't mean to but it's a problem for our clan; if the packs' not all pulling in the same direction it can be a major issue so going against the alpha's wish is not allowed".

"And since I told the pack to keep you out, I had to rip a few tails off to remind the pack my word is law", the veteran finished, fixing Naruto with a steely glare, "you won't find it so easy to get back in here again Uzumaki".

"Good, I could use a fresh challenge", Naruto riposted before lowering his voice slowly, though as the drummers had just been switched and there were fresh arms hammering the carefully carved and inked percussion instruments, such was a racket around them all it was a virtually unneeded precaution, "how are the rest of the pack? Are they fitting back in okay?"

"Like they were never gone", this question was one that made a smile, or at least the canine equivalent, break out on the nin-ken's muzzle and he pressed forwards with his nose this time, nudging the jinchuuriki's hand in a gesture that meant he gave permission for the non-clan member to stroke him, "we may hunt you when you sneak onto our land Naruto but know now that, if you need us, just call and we will come, even if we have to hunt through all of Makai to find you".

The promise, to say nothing of the sincerity behind the black nin-ken's voice, made Naruto's breath hitch as though he'd just copped a hard, low one from the Sandaime Raikage; much as he'd logically understood he'd done something that had made the clan sit up and take note, to hear such a thing from arguably his staunchest critic in the Inuzuka clan proper was a real emotional haymaker that made him gape for a minute. He hastily shook it off however and Kuromaru had the good grace not to gloat, looking away slightly as the jinchuuriki pulled himself together and stifled a hasty sniffle, hiding his rare outbreak of real emotion behind his usual mask of cheeriness and cheek,

"Heh, and how much beef did Tsume-san have to bribe you with to come over here and say that?" he probed gently, though Kuromaru didn't rise to the bait and instead pushed himself to his full height, stretching off and shaking his head at Naruto's seeming incorrigible needling disposition, "Still, just as long as you've got your eye on the grounds I know I'll have a struggle getting in here – just as well really, if it weren't for me occupying your attention who knows where that eye of yours may end up roving!"

That declaration almost had Kiba drowning in his drink, having been halfway through a mouthful when Naruto had made it – as he simultaneously spluttered, attempted to breathe, tried to show the proper respect to Kuromaru and apologise to his own nin-ken, Akamaru having been half-drenched by his impromptu spitting by dint of being on his lap at the time, all at the same time, the older nin-ken merely rolled his eye and turned to leave, buffeting the brat with his thickly-muscled tail. _He will be back_; the pack leader decided, feeling a small hand grip the fur of his tail and give a slight tug in retaliation for nearly being sent sprawling off his seat; _and it is for the best – the pack will need him to ensure we are never split again. Much as I never believed it possible, sometimes it is true that a nezumi can beat a nin-ken at his own game!_

XXX

The ground was spinning slightly, people were blurring in and out of focus and all he could feel from his left arm was a dull, aching throb but nevertheless he soldiered on; staggering off the rough dance floor after half-bowing to, half collapsing in front of his last dance partner, not even able to tell or remember if the Inuzuka had been a man or a woman due to the exceptional tiredness now eating its way through him. He headed towards one of the refreshment tables with the vague idea of getting something for his parched throat before his exhausted brain finally managed to make a few feeble connections spark and translated the buzzing noise in his ear into a language he could comprehend,

"Whu'? Come 'gain?"

"I said", the Inuzuka repeated himself, making his pronunciation exaggeratedly clear as he saw the sheen of tiredness virtually dragging the jinchuuriki into the dirt – from the look of things it appeared that only his stubborn willpower was keeping him on his feet, "Tsume-chan just told me what happened in the council chambers. Never mind what happened in the land of Lightning, you must have balls like temple bell clappers to say what you did to Danzo's face".

"Danzo?" The image flickered in front of his muggy mind for a few seconds before he could grasp it thoroughly and put a face to the name and realise exactly what the Inuzuka was going on about, memories of his favourite character from his favourite show giving new life to his body and venom to his tongue; _after all, no matter what Ten-chan says it's always fun to cheer on the bad guy sometimes_; "Oh, Mumm-Ra-san; well if you're going to cosplay the role so well you'd better be prepared to take the stick for it. Besides, he looks so old that staples, glue and a bad attitude are probably all that's holding him together; well, alongside sleeping in his sarcophagus as often as he can".

At that proclamation the Inuzuka before him who, Naruto belatedly realised, was showing distinct streaks of grey and even white through their usual shades of brown or chestnut and therefore likely to be a member of the clan's advisory circle, doubled over howling with laughter, thumping his knees as the idea of his one-time nemesis intoning dark prayers to totems of evil tickled his funny bone too much. Emboldened by this and with his neural synapses firing due to the injection of humour, his favourite medium of communication bar none, into the air around him Naruto glanced onto the table and immediately spied what he needed; before the Inuzuka was able to completely haul himself upright he found himself looking up at the sight of Naruto bandaging up one eye with a spare napkin, tying it up around the back of his head. Before he could question why he'd done such a thing, Naruto tucked a hand into the zip of his jumpsuit and hunched over, meeting the Inuzuka eye to eye as the two of them appeared to the outside eye to be a pair of hunchbacks coming together over a pot of piping hot tea,

"You could just picture it couldn't you; on the outside he may appear to be a frail old man but, right in your moment of triumph, when you least expect it", the jinchuuriki adopting a gravelly, decrepit voice as close to the real thing as he could remember, having been unable to watch his beloved show since that first introduction to Yugito what felt like half a life-time ago, "'Ancient Spirits of Evil, transform this decayed form to Dan-zo, the Ever-Living!' Absolutely lethal", the boy shook his head, knocking off his hastily tied-on eye patch as the older pack member lost it completely, almost driven to his knees in hysteria as Naruto sighed, "I imagine the one thing no-one, not even a ninja, suspects is someone who appears to be so close to death the Shinigami's not so much at the door as crossing the threshold and admiring the hat-stand tapping into a force of evil beyond mortal comprehension and laying waste to all and sundry around him. Uh, you okay there?"

His concern was perhaps slightly belated but his heart was in the right place; the person who'd spoken to him at first was all but flat on his back and gasping for precious air, tears glimmering in his eyes as he feebly waved off the jinchuuriki's offering of help, gasping that he'd be fine in a minute. Taking him at his word and knowing that, like the vast majority of his clan, the Inuzuka wouldn't take kindly to pestering for assistance even if he was advancing in years, the Uzumaki decided he was getting a little peckish and started hunting down a snack and perhaps some more of that sweet drink he'd tasted a little while ago; as he left the clan member staggered back to his feet and watched him go, still chuckling spontaneously as he thought back to the youngster's keen wit and how it had lacerated his normally quite reserved manner. _Not for the first time Tsume-pup's picked a winner most of the rest of us had dismissed_; seeing the bright orange speck finally disappear into the rest of the crowd, swept up and probably towards the dancing area by a number of potential partners of both genders, the former clan head who had passed the reins of leadership onto Tsume following the natural loss all Inuzuka who lived beyond a certain age were forced to endure found himself once more agreeing with his successor's earlier decision.

_Even if some of the others might gripe that she only took such a stance because it was Hana-chan's nin-ken that was taken there's no denying he's got something about him even beyond the abilities he's shown as the Mouse – it takes something not a lot of people have got to sway the pack against Kuromaru-san even if it's just a little thing such as letting him past once in a while_; that much was certainly true and worthy of respect. The Inuzuka as a whole were actually governed by a surprisingly stable system consisting primarily of the alpha and, if necessary, a conclave of sorts made up of older pack members that could offer advice; the alpha's word was absolute but, at the same time, any sensible leader wouldn't make a decree that the majority of their advisors didn't agree with, hence there was relatively little strife within the pack as a whole. For Naruto to upset the apple-cart at all was a rather major event and Kuromaru had been absolutely livid in the aftermath of the abduction; blood had been shed across the entirety of the Inuzuka lands as he'd lambasted the other nin-ken for failing in their duty to try and stop him, and by extension all other intruders, from entering their grounds – that failure may have been responsible for the loss of their young and but for the actions of someone who'd been by his own admission in the right place at the right time, could have been a serious blow to both the clan and the pack of nin-ken as a whole.

_Naruto had weakened the pack without meaning to and someone else took advantage_; that argument had been the central theme for those who had spoken out against Tsume's plan for tomorrow night but, quite skilfully by his reckoning, the younger Inuzuka had spun that argument on its head to make the point for her case; _but because of him we discovered that flaw existed and grow stronger – failure's the mother of success and thanks to him we were able to correct a mistake without serious cost, in fact with a bonus to our pack as a whole. You're one to keep an eye on Uzumaki_; taking a drink of his own preferred beverage, the man who had been the leader of the Inuzuka clan before his daughter had grown up and challenged him to take the reins as was the Inuzuka way took a final look at the so-called future Hokage, by now dancing with three or four other Inuzuka about his own age, all of whom seemed slightly overawed to be in the presence of such a new legend in the clans' annals until his own dynamic personality overcame their nerves, and finished his thought; _I look forwards to seeing what you make of tomorrow's ceremony_.

XXX

The first thought that crossed his throbbing mind when he finally levered open his eyes was that at long, long last after years of well-mannered but still less than ideal treatment even the saintly Gashi-kun had lost his temper with the fool trying to ride him and delivered a well-deserved hoof to his face. The second thought of course was that such a thing was ridiculous; much like his Nara owners the stately old gelding was far too docile to even consider raising his feet to anyone, least of all someone who was trying his best and liked to treat him to the occasional carrot on the times he visited the stables.

That certainty in his mind didn't stop him from checking his face for bruises though, just in case.

_Ooooohoooohoooo_; there was a symphony of sledgehammers crashing a crescendo in his head, making his fledgling consciousness shiver in shades of red, black and purple as it slowly infiltrated his sore, aching body; _at what exact point did last night seem like a good idea?_ Not even daring to open his eyes for the minute Naruto simply stayed where his was, clenching his teeth and hissing in pain as he received updates from his formerly comatose body and realised virtually none of it was good news – his head was pounding, his neck complaining like a civilian council member left out of ninja-only discussions, his legs appeared to be weighing up their options when it came to industrial action and his arms were threatening to take the rest of him to the cleaners for every ryo he'd ever thought about. However, by dint of having the loudest voice of all, his stomach told them all in no uncertain terms to take a ticket, join the Kami-damned queue for compensation and start pulling their weight to find something worthwhile eating; because of that basic need Naruto found himself heaving his protesting frame upwards, sitting up in the bed he must have been tossed into and biting down on a wince as he tried to use his nose to track down something edible.

The first thing he discovered was that he wasn't alone in the room; though it was still dark he could both feel and see a second lump under the covers and letting out slow, whistling breaths as they slumbered on; biting down a shudder, the Uzumaki moved his hand slowly towards the source of warmth he could feel at the side of him and, after a minute of wondering exactly what he'd grabbed hold of, realised what had happened; _of course, I must have dragged myself or been dragged here with some of the other kids and left to top-and-tail it for the night. Must just be me and this guy left, well, at least I hope it's a guy – animalistic side or not I'd hate to think there are some women in the clan with legs this hairy_.

Slowly letting go of the ankle he'd located the jinchuuriki eased himself towards the edge of the bed, grateful that the aches seemed to be lessening as he adapted to life once more though the pain in his head refused to lessen – that was probably due to the sweet drink someone in the clan had pressed into his hand the previous night, telling him it was a traditional Inuzuka beverage made with honey the clan purchased from the Aburame; _though it appears they neglected to mention the alcohol content – this must be what a hangover feels like. Hmm, not too bad overall_; he'd had more serious headaches in the past, often as a result of going to bed too late and having to get up too early, but then again he'd only drunk a cup or two of mead over the course of the night that he could remember – any more than that could've been a lot more of an issue. Luckily he'd been put to bed fully clothed and therefore was able to come to his feet easily; after a pause of a minute or two trying to find and then fasten his sandals, Naruto ran his hands down his face, forcibly pushed back the last of his tiredness and made himself human enough to face the world again.

Aside from one little hiccup when opening the bedroom door, where the bright sunlight reflecting off the floor dazzled his unprepared vision and forced him to beat a hasty retreat into the dark recesses of the bedroom until his sight recovered, he was easily able to slouch his way into the closest kitchen and roughly pull out a chair, hearing the sizzling coming from somewhere and content to savour the aroma for a moment; it would take a little time to muster the mental energy necessary to hunt down whatever it was that smelt so good,

"How'd you like your eggs?" A voice that sounded far too cheerful for his current mood caught his attention and he looked over, starting as much as he was able to as he realised he wasn't alone at the table – there was a collection of wincing, groaning souls slumped in their chairs, rubbing bleary eyes and faces or in some cases still asleep as someone else who must have been, Naruto realised after looking into her curious but smiling face with a badly-hidden grimace, one of those truly irritating people who always rose like a lark with the dawn no matter how late or how tired she was feeling the night before, took the orders,

"What, eggs?"

"Yes eggs; you know, those little round white things that come out the back end of a chicken", his waitress-slash-cook huffed with her hands on her hips, "take it from someone who knows, after a night of heavy carousing a nice greasy fry-up will do you the world of good".

"Hear, hear", the half-collapsed figure two seats over who was closest to the two of them managed to burble in agreement as Naruto finally managed to get enough synapses firing to both answer her question and, more importantly, gain revenge for her waspish comments about his early-morning state of mind,

"Fine, eggs – I'd like mine scrambled", he waiting as she nodded, timing the line so he had a legitimate excuse to raise his voice slightly as she turned away, "and yours fertilised".

The Inuzuka sitting down close to him immediately erupted in helpless sniggers as his female counterpart whipped back around, face blazing and mouth sagging as she gaped at his cheek; a second later he was forced to dip his own head as a damp cloth cracked like a whip in the air just above it,

"Watch it you", she demanded as she recocked her weapon threatening, Naruto just about recovering from his cringe at the loud noise, "you might think you're a big dog now with the tricks you pulled but there's not one of us in this pack who couldn't make you squeal like a bitch if we had to. Well", she broke off from trying to impale him with her eyes to flay her chortling clansman alive with a burning glare, "what are you doing sitting there snickering; get up and defend my dignity wouldn't you?"

"W, why?" Sitting up he regarded her through drooping, bloodshot eyes, "What dignity? You've got plenty of indignity at the minute but that all". With a snort the waitress flipped her cloth over her shoulder and made to turn away,

"Remind me why I married you again?"

"You were desperate?"

"Hah, more like I felt sorry for you; worst mistake of my life that stab of pity turned out to be", she riposted before turning her back on the two of them and heading back towards the kitchen. Naruto watched her go and slumped forwards over the table – it was surprisingly comfortable actually, maybe if he just closed his eyes he could... a terrible grating, screeching noise made him grit his teeth and jerk upright, shooting a filthy glance to the source of the disturbance though, as he watched Kiba flump into the seat next to him, softened it slightly – the dog-boy looked like he had enough on his plate at the minute without him adding to his woes,

"You look as rough as I feel". Kiba raised the hand he was using to massage his eyes and, eventually, cracked a tired smile,

"S'probably an improvement over how _I_ feel", the scion of the House of Dogs told him with sincerity, "what time is it?"

"No idea", Naruto admitted before another question rose up in his mind, "any idea what time we finally crashed out?"

"Uh-uh; I think the sky was getting lighter though", Kiba grunted, flinching at the sound of an excited yap from somewhere far too close to his ear for comfort, "urgh, I'm blaming you for me feeling like this you know?"

"Why me – I hardly had a kunai in your back forcing you to carry on did I?"

"No but you left the door open earlier and that let Akamaru in", the puppy barked again at his name, making both Kiba and Naruto wince at the high-pitched noise, "love the little ankle-snapper as I assure you I do, he has yet to grasp the concept of the words 'lie-in'".

"Woke you up did he?"

"Jumping nin-ken puppy to the stomach; yeah, not much going to sleep through the I can tell you", Kiba paused to look up at the sudden smell of delicious fried food, licking his lips at the sight of a feast coming his way and whining as it was set down in front of one of his older clansmen, though he didn't envy the obviously hung-over man the swat to the side of the head he got as part and parcel of the meal. Trying to distract himself from the mouth-watering odour and ignoring the solemn promise from his stomach that, if he didn't put something into it soon, it was going to jump ship and go hunting for sustenance on its own, Kiba rolled his eyes towards the current exalted guest of his clan,

"We eat, then we're going back to sleep right? I'm still wiped".

"Me too", at this point something dimly twigged in the back of Naruto's mind as he glanced across at his friend, "was it your room I was in earlier?"

"Yeah, I could smell you when Akamaru pounced on me", he snarled playfully at the nin-ken who was pawing at his leg and swung a ponderous arm down to fuss his flank, "they must have chucked us both in there when we passed out".

"Fair enough – hopefully I'll be able to get there under my own power after this", hearing as well as seeing the glorious breakfast heading his way Naruto heaved himself upright and looked around for some kind of cutlery before pausing, a sudden suspicion seizing him, "uhh, just out of interest no-one's going to think it's weird if we crash together again".

"Nah, we do it all the time", Kiba waved his concern away as though it were an annoying mosquito, "pack shares the same den, nothing to be ashamed of. Besides what happens with the Inuzuka stays with the Inuzuka".

"Good, because the second after I've finished this", he immediately began assailing the plate of spectacularly unhealthy food that had been delivered in front of him, Kiba watching on with envious eyes as his stomach growled again, "the only place I'm going is straight back to bed".

It was a sentiment Tsume's youngest child agreed with as, no more than half an hour later and with bellies so full they were virtually distended, both boys dragged themselves over the threshold of Kiba's room, collapsed onto the bed and were completely oblivious to the world mere moments later.

XXX

"Is he out?"

"Like a light", turning to Tsume, the Inuzuka housewife who'd been dutifully manning the cooking fires all morning gave a slight bow as she reported on the plan the alpha had told her about the previous night, "if he's up before this time tomorrow morning I'd be amazed".

"I wouldn't; if nothing else Naruto's got a knack for pulling a surprise out of nowhere right when you least expect it", she allowed herself a brief second of introspection, remembering the outright shock that had plunged into her like a kunai carved from ice as she'd felt the parchment crinkle under her fingers and seen with a sick kind of disbelief twisting her innards the design written upon it, everything else forgotten in her mind as she'd rolled the scroll all the way out and even before it had stopped moving counted the Partner Seals inked and realised it was real – at the sound of a clearing throat, however, she shook herself off and remembered where she was and what she had to say next, "uh, sorry. I've got the pack watching out for him waking up – soon as he does and I get back from the council meeting tonight it's on".

"What if Hokage-sama tries to stop us?"

"He can't – on paper yes, we might not be able to have Naruto if he can give me a damn good reason as to why not but", Tsume gave a feral smirk, the emotion mirrored by her slightly older clanswoman as she finished her sentence and longed for the night to come so the pack could consummate the final rites, "not even the Kami no Shinobi can stop the Inuzuka sinking their fangs into someone who's done us a favour like this!"

XXX

Later that day, even as all the clan heads was preparing for the fateful council of war Sarutobi had convened and were reminding themselves of their points of view and their ideas of what reparations should be drawn, kicking, screaming and bloody if necessary, out of Kumo for their trespass and treachery, a confrontation of a different but no less painful sort was being played out in a nondescript apartment in one of the more secluded areas of Konoha.

He'd known this was coming; he was, after all, a genius, how could he _not_ see what was going to happen; but even so he didn't feel ready for it – even if he had a thousand lifetimes to prepare he doubted he'd be able to stand in front of his own front door in any kind of confidence knowing who was inside it. His nose, honed by training with members of his former (but she was former no more; she was back, in Konoha, _alive_...) team mates' clan and his own summons had picked out her scent, no longer disguised behind the heavy cloak she'd worn the previous night and even at this range with his monovision he could pick out the picking work, crude and clumsy but still effective, that had broken through the front door lock. The paper bag holding his groceries crinkled in his grip as he heaved down a shuddering breath, realising that despite his inherent natural cowardice and skill and running _towards_ the enemy and _away_ from the really important things such as the past and its painful memories, this is one time he simply can't run away.

Most people, indeed most ninja, who were insane enough to try breaking into Hatake Kakashi's apartment would doubtless scoff at the absolute lack of traps that guarded his domicile as the rifled the place with impunity and counting their blessings that their target was a lazy, perverted slacker who couldn't be bothered to even try and defend his things, never once suspecting that they were thinking such uncomplimentary things precisely because those things were exactly what Kakashi _wanted_ them to think. They wouldn't know, or have any way of knowing that the last thing he always did before leaving his home was to take a look around the whole place with Obito's last, treasured gift, burning the sight of his house into his retina and memory – if anything was out of place, even the strategically-placed dog hairs he had strewn around the place in specific patterns and maintained religiously every day even if his summons hated the grooming, he would know the instant he let himself in. This time, however, he knew someone had broken in and he knew why – with barely a hitch in his stride, Kakashi moved to his front door and, with only a fractional pause, opened it to let himself in.

He didn't even need the Sharinghan; Rin had obviously seen and deliberately triggered every trap in his apartment despite the fact she'd only gone to one particular area; feeling the weight of failure pressing down ever heavier around his neck like chains around a condemned soul heading for final judgement, the Copy ninja carefully placed his groceries in the hallway before swallowing and pushing open the kitchen door. She was facing slightly away from him, tending something on one of the window ledges and for a brief moment Kakashi could only watch, unable to speak past the lump in his throat; his heartbeat pounded in his ears, ever louder and more desperate as the sight of Rin's back seemed to rob him of the memories of how to breathe before, eventually, he was forced to relief his held breath as a long, drawn-out sigh. This of course was enough to alert her to the fact she had a visitor and she turned around, the sight of her face almost enough to bring a tear to his remaining natural eye.

The two stood where they were, not quite sure what to say at the end of over twelve years separation, a separation that hadn't ended well from what Kakashi could remember of it; in the aftermath of Obito's funeral Rin had quite rightly been possessed by rage and verbally lashed out at the one who, in her eyes, was responsible; only respect for their sensei and the Uchiha's family (those few who bothered to attend the funeral of the 'clan failure' at least) had prevented a coffin-side brawl. Kakashi had endured her scorn and withering words with stoic resolution, not quite able to comprehend much more after the Uchiha's last words had shaken the foundations of his world so badly and unable to absorb any more mental punishment and trauma; Rin's words simply washed off of him like water over a sodden sponge. Though he never had time to confirm his original suspicions, Kakashi had always suspected that Rin had mistaken this shell-shock for him hiding behind his usual facade of indifference and he hadn't heard from her since she stalked away from the graveside, never once speaking to her former team mate though she did promise to speak to Minato-sensei once more after applying for a transfer to the medical corps. By the time the boy who would become the Copy ninja had been able to get his head screwed back on straight and even attempt to reconcile their estrangement it was too late; Rin's name was on the stone he spent virtually every waking hour paying respect to, another ghost haunting his footsteps, another failure in a life seemingly doomed to repeat its mistakes.

Until now, now when he had the chance to put right at least one small, seemingly insignificant part of his black past; it was a chance not often granted to many men and Kakashi would be even further damned than he was already if he squandered it; with that thought in mind he half-swallowed the lump in his throat and managed to give a weak smile of sorts,

"Rin-san".

"Ah, hello Kakashi-san", the Inuzuka stepped to the side, looking over her shoulder at the object she'd been paying attention to before turning back to him with a semi-abashed look on her face, "I can't believe you kept that old shrub". Glancing past her, the jounin gave a slightly wider smile, Rin able to reach the expressions on his masked face even after their long separation,

"I try to keep track of all the presents I'm given". The Inuzuka looked to his headband, the obvious slant concealing what lay beneath it and shuddered for a second, the vision a knife of guilt twisting in Kakashi's mind as she drew on her resolve and managed to speak again,

"I can guess, but unfortunately we don't all have a spare Sharinghan handy at the drop of a hat; this little seedling was the best I could manage at short notice".

"For which I'm glad; despite their insistence on it being the most powerful doujutsu of all I've never envied the Uchiha having this eye and a completely photographic memory while using it – there are several sights I can remember that I'd rather not see"; _your name being carved onto the Hero Stone being one of them_; at this point some mischievous shade of dear Obito-kun's ghost must have seized on his discomfort as his transplanted Sharinghan started to itch; mastering the urge to rub at it, Kakashi let his knees go and collapsed onto his kitchen floor, Rin jumping slightly as the Copy-nin bowed to her with a single word on his lips,

"Gomen".

And he was sorry, sorry for so many things it would take more time than he had left on earth to name them all; inhaling the scent of linoleum from his kitchen floor, Kakashi was half-expecting her to just step over him and walk out, leave him behind as though he was unworthy of her forgiveness or words – he was unworthy of course but it would have been nice to feel something, something like the touch on his shoulder, the sight of Rin's face, kunoichi training still in place as she clamped down on the tears he could see threatening the corner of her eyes, twisted into an expression somewhere between regret and bloody-minded pragmatism as she gripped his shoulder and hauled him upright. Kakashi just about managed to help her, putting one foot on the floor and taking some of his weight off her arms and wounded lower limbs; finally he was stood upright, looking down at the face of the former genin and opening his mouth to speak but, before he could get so much as the edge of a word out, a second lump leapt into his throat and rendered him mute.

And, judging by the force with which Rin's right patella had thundered into his groin, Kakashi was reasonably sure that this blockage compromised at least one or other of his testicles.

As the Copy-ninja slumped back to his knees, cradling his smashed jewels with both hands, Rin finally let her spleen vent – though she might have been absent from her clan for many years, some things from the Inuzuka could never be denied and, as she bent down slightly to deliver a verbal lashing right into Kakashi's vulnerable ears, it appeared that temper was definitely one of them,

"That was for being such a rules-obsessed, stick-in-the-ass teme when we were genin, and chunin", she bellowed, correcting herself at the last minute as she realised neither she nor Obito had never actually known Kakashi as a genin, "if it hadn't been for Kyuubi doing it first you'd have driven Minato-sensei into an early grave – he nearly went hairless trying to get you to lighten up and see there was more to life than the next mission. Obito-kun, Kami rest his soul, was all that kept our team seven sane and in one piece even if he was a complete clown at times and always late, though having said that and spoken to some of my clan I had to laugh when I heard some of your excuses when it comes to not getting to places on time. But going into ANBU, never passing a team as a sensei – what the hell were you _thinking?_ We, the rest of your team, spent years trying to get you to chill out and the second we go missing you just go back down the same old road; Hatake Kakashi you are the most hopeless, irredeemably irresponsible man on the face of the Elemental Nations! Ten years I've been waiting to say that, to point out some home truths in a message I'm sure even you'd be able to understand", that much at least she was sure was true – pain was a universal language and the manner in which Kakashi flopped to the side in the foetal position told her he was now getting a new crash-course in the dialect of agony as she stood up and wiped her forehead, taking in a second deep breath as she visibly calmed down and spoke again in a more measured tone,

"So then, rant over", in the dim part of his mind that wasn't currently moaning in pain and wrestling down nausea Kakashi was grateful for this – it meant less risk of further genital abuse, "that was for Minato-sensei and Obito-kun; this is for me..."

With this Rin dropped to her knees beside the ball Kakashi had hunched himself into and, with eyes tightly shut, ripped off his mask (and the spare underneath it – she could still hear Obito's scream of frustration when he realised that his triumph in managing to de-mask his illustrious team mate had been thwarted by Kakashi's thinking ahead) and slammed her lips against his. The Copy-nin went rigid for a moment before, eventually, relaxing into the kiss and returning it, the unfamiliar sensation displacing the pain in his mind until, far too soon, Rin broke away and leaving behind an ache from both his heart and his nethers,

"That was for me", she repeated, standing up with an expression that suggested she'd just taken a heavy burden off her back, though her eyes stayed closed as she stepped over him, "because I'm a fool but at least I'm an older fool now, one who can do something about her circumstances rather than just wait for it to resolve itself. As soon as you pick yourself up from your pity party come and find me, we've got a lot to talk about", with the last strength in him and stifling a groan as the motion jostled his injury, Kakashi rolled over and watched her form depart, glancing over her shoulder with her eyes still shut but a gleeful smirk on her face, "you never know, as soon as you put your mask back on maybe I'll even have my eyes open next time we meet".

Unable to do much more than lay where he was and whimper, Kakashi simply watched Rin depart and, as he heard the front door swish softly open then slam, he flopped onto his back and finally let himself go; he wasn't sure exactly why a man who had just had his two most important assets shattered by a surgically-placed strike had any reason to laugh but laugh he did, even as water dripped from his uncovered eye as complete ambivalence tore him down the middle; he was happy, ashamed, mortified and vindicated all at once. At the end of his fit he still wasn't sure what he was supposed to do next but, as he heaved himself to his feet with the aid of a nearby chair and set his eye on the item that had caught Rin's attention, he realised that, just this once, he had a good reason to let go of something from his past.

He also knew someone who deserved and would probably look after it, even without knowing exactly where it came from and what it represented.

XXX

"So then, it is decided", coming to his feet with the rest of the council echoing his movement, Sarutobi felt no tiredness in his limbs, only a grim, fatalistic resolve as he looked around each of the assembled faces and was reminded why he'd taken the hat back up following Minato-kun's untimely death; _to protect my village and all those who dwell within its walls – that is the way of the Hokage, the will of fire that illuminates us all and must now burn its way into the maw of the Dragon village_; "I will take these demands to Raikage personally the day after tomorrow; I will spend tomorrow arranging the pre-requisite bodyguards and appointing an interim Hokage. I have little doubt the Raikage will yield to these proposals but, should the unthinkable happen, be prepared to shift the village to a war-footing", he stated solemnly, his eyes roving around the table and lingering almost imperceptibly on the man who'd be taking the reins in his absence, "I should be gone no more than a week; if it's longer and I have sent no word, assume the worst and prepare for hell. Assuming no other business", he waited a few seconds to be sure no-one was going to speak, "this council is dissolved".

He said the words but didn't act on them; instead the venerable Sandaime waited in his chair and watched the clan heads and his advisors file out, just about masking a smile as he realised one of them hanging back slightly; seeing her nerves showing and remembering with a slight smile the last time he'd seen her so ill at ease prior to being put at ease by the no-nonsense manner of his wife who talked her brusquely through the ins and outs of pregnancy and labour; '_yes it hurts like hell at the end and makes you look like a beached whale for the better part of the year but at the end it's worth it' were your exact words, weren't they Buwiko-hime?_; Sarutobi took a little pity on her and spoke first,

"Something on your mind Inuzuka-chan?"

"Uhh, hai Hokage-sama", swallowing her trepidation Tsume began to explain her position only to fall suddenly mute as the aged man held up a hand,

"I know, or at least have a shrewd idea what you're going to ask Tsume and my answer must regrettably be no; my reasons", his raised voice choked off any protest she might have had before she could voice them, "are as much for Naruto's sake as your own". This elliptical logic made Tsume curl her lip,

"So it's a bad thing for him to have a family?" Sarutobi glanced at her askance,

"More so than the one he's already earned himself? Come Tsume-chan, if I was to even try to mediate a settlement for his formal adoption it would turn into a debacle – for a start your clan would probably be at war with the Hyuuga within a week, to say nothing of the impact on the rest of the council. For me to allow a jinchuuriki to be adopted into a major clan, regardless of whatever favours he might have done to said clan, would be a major political statement of favour that could potentially destabilise the whole of Konoha, and that's before the civilian backlash that would occur. Apart from that", he favoured the Inuzuka alpha with a cunning sort of look, one a gambler who'd been dealt a straight flush might wear as he leered across a table full of schmucks, "I have plans of my own for young Naruto-kun which I will discuss with him tomorrow, plans that can only come to fruition as long as he's not a clan member".

Tsume was tempted, sorely tempted, to ask but in the end obeyed her first instincts and merely nodded her grudging ascent,

"Very well Hokage-sama; you've not led us astray so far so I'll follow your lead on this – so formal adoption's out but", reminded by a nudge from Kuromaru, she tried her second avenue of attack, "what about some, certain clan traditions..."

"I can only advise as far as official adoptions Tsume-chan, my power is far from infinite", the Hokage told her blandly, his tone studiously colourless, "outside the tenants of the village laws and common decency I have virtually no say what goes on between consenting village members".

"Hai Hokage-sama", somehow she kept her voice as neutral as his, though there was no hiding the grin on her face as she bowed and sidled towards the door with her nin-ken preceding her, "sorry for taking up your time".

"No need to apologise Tsume-chan"; he didn't get a reply, only the closing of the council room door as the Inuzuka made a rapid exit back towards her clan grounds, leaving the old man to his peace as he reached for his pipe and considered the next day and how he could speak to his surrogate grandson with the news he had for the boy who had, in the kage's eyes, proved himself ready and worthy of several truths Sarutobi had been expecting to sit on for a good number of years yet; _but then, neither of you two were conventional shinobi – typical that your son carries on your ways as both the best and worst of the two of you. He'll have this hat off me yet, I'm just praying to Kami that I'm there to see it_.

XXX

Standing outside his bedroom door and looking down at his nin-ken, Kiba felt himself smirk as he realised that it was true what the elders once said – revenge would be sweet,

"Okay Akamaru, ready for this?" The pup barked, tail wagging ninety to the dozen as Kiba wafted the door slightly, building the anticipation and grinning as the puppy whined and scratched at the door, denied its prize cruelly, "Sure you're ready – okay then", with a flourish he threw the door open, watching as the nin-ken ran towards his target and pounced, "get him boy, find that mouse. Got him – okay, good boy", as an orange-clad arm swatted drunkenly at the nin-ken who was jumping all over the body it was attached to Kiba whistled, calling his partner back, "that'll do then; wake up Naruto".

"Urgh, wha'?"

"Come on, up and at 'em", the young Inuzuka ploughed on relentlessly, stalking into his room and shaking the figure still swaddled in his blanket, "it's getting late – if you're not up soon you'll mess up your sense of night and day".

"Ump, no..." At this denial Kiba played his ace, hefting up his nin-ken with both hands and thrusting him forwards with a light-hearted threat,

"Don't make me use Akamaru again!"

"All right, all right I'm up", with a second groan Naruto sat up and rubbed at his eyes before looking forwards at the vague white smear he could see, "hellish little ball of fluff", he muttered, though that didn't stop him reaching up and running a few fingers down the wriggling puppy's closest ear, "right, which way to the bathroom – I'm overdue a date with a shower".

"Sorry pal no time for that", Kiba had, since he'd woken up, been given an important task and that was to get Naruto to the back of the clan grounds again, "got something you need to do first; remember where the party happened?"

"Kind of, why?"

"Cause the rest of the clan's there waiting for you", the Inuzuka explained, making Naruto look up sharply, "just splash some water on your face and get out there – trust me, you don't want to have my mother coming in here hunting you down. Getting chucked out the window in midwinter is not a fun experience, believe me I know". Falling back into bed with a flopping noise Naruto regarded the hewn wooden ceiling for a minute before stretching out and glancing across at his friend,

"Yeah, okay, give me a minute and I'll meet you out there".

"Cool, I'll tell kaa-san", Kiba stated, far too cheerfully in Naruto's opinion as he deposited his partner on the bed, "Aka-kun, I'm trusting you to make sure he gets moving; if he tried to sleep again bite him 'til he gets going – if that doesn't work howl for me and we'll get right on it okay?" The puppy gave another bark that made Naruto glance at him with a withering look before, after Kiba left, sitting up and throwing the blanket over the puppy and leaving a moving mound in the rumpled sheets as Akamaru tried to find a way out his cloth prison,

"Word to the wise yapper", Naruto pointed out to the nin-ken as he stood up and stretched off, glancing over his shoulder as the pups' white, fluffy head poked out from the corner of the rumpled bedclothes and glanced up at him with those thin little eyes, "never bite off more than you can chew. Now, where are we headed again?"

Lucky the water was crisp enough to shock some life back into his system and Akamaru's directions, though excited and prone to sudden dashes and changes in direction, were easy enough to follow; blinking back the glare of a sudden sunlight; _and it looks like it's going to set in an hour – man, how long was I out?_; he looked forwards towards where Akamaru was running into the grounds before catching a glimpse of what the pup was running towards and promptly freezing solid, now feeling more like a rabbit than he ever had before in the face of what looked like the entire Inuzuka clan and every member of their nin-ken pack they'd ever owned. Before he could react much beyond a sudden jolt of adrenaline however, the clan pre-empted him and Naruto watched in amazement as to a man the entirety of the Inuzuka, one of the founding and noble clans of Konoha, bent their shoulders or, in the case of the nin-ken, lowered their bellies to the ground in front of him.

As she watched the Uzumaki flounder slightly at trying to take in the sight of the bowing clan only one Inuzuka didn't follow suit, as for the alpha to bow would be a sign of submission and Tsume couldn't show that to anyone save the Hokage or a fellow clan head. She did, however, incline her head towards where Naruto appeared to recover slightly from his thunderstruck shock and raised her voice as the entire clan stood back up, speaking aloud from the centre of the rough semi-circle the pack had formed along the back of the cleared area of their grounds,

"See all Inuzuka", she called, Naruto's eyes snapping towards her as soon as he heard her voice, "not since the time of the second Great War has our clan owed such a debt to one person; not since the silent knives of the shinobi were sheathed in the reign of the Nidaime has one person risked so much for the sake of ours and our own and returned in triumph. Uzumaki Naruto", the jinchuuriki jumped at his name, "step forwards if you would".

Despite his own impression of himself as a rather brave sort (no future Hokage could be a coward after all) it took a long, long minute for Naruto to muster up the courage to pace forwards with the weight of so many eyes upon him. Trembling as much as a single one of his nicknames tossed in a lion's den, Naruto finally made it about halfway to the leader of the clan before stumbling to a halt, unable to continue but, judging by Tsume's smile, he'd gotten far enough as she spoke again, addressing the clan as a whole,

"To this man we offer our recognition, our thanks and our fellowship, for him and his line until the pack is no more", she paused, waiting to hear if there would be any dissent to this decree though, as she'd expected no-one, not even the elder who had been sceptical the previous night, spoke out and she was able to continue, "Uzumaki Naruto, who returned to us our stolen children, we of the Inuzuka are a pack, a family, and we see you and all of your blood as part of our pack now and eternally, in thanks of the service you have done for us. You are Pack-Bound by the word of the alpha, and none can put this asunder".

Even as the Inuzuka present bowed once more and their nin-ken howled aloud, a more measured, soulful noise than the raucous howling from the previous night, and Naruto tried to make sense of what he'd been told and quasi-invited into, someone stepped forwards to clear up his confusion as the rest of the pack began to disperse,

"It was my father, the last person who was Pack-Bound Naruto", Rimaru said almost conversationally, a hand on the younger boy's shoulder as he explained the situation, "neither Rin-chan or I are what some clans would call full-blooded Inuzuka but, with us, that doesn't matter; Pack-Binding means that Tsume-chan and our clan have accepted you as part of the pack so as far as we're concerned you're an Inuzuka now".

"What?" The sudden idea of having a family, and not just a family, a clan of all things, send a jolt like lightning straight through him, "But, how can that work; I'm an orphan, does that mean...?"

"Officially no; I'm sorry Naruto", moving over herself as she pushed through the press of her clan Tsume did look apologetic for a moment before the brightening as she remembered the Sandaime's message, "I did try but Sarutobi-sama said he had excellent reasons for you not officially becoming a clan member; you'll have to go and see him tomorrow at midday to find out exactly what those are though. Still, since when have our clan ever really given a damn about what's written on paper; we say you're one of us so we'll all treat you, and any children you might have as well, just like we have Flea and Rin-chan because their father and-stroke-or grandfather was Pack-Bound, as one of us".

"Kami-sama help us", Kuromaru grunted caustically from Tsume's heels, ignoring the harsh looks thrown his way to deliver a promise to the infiltrator, "that still won't stop us tracking you down if you sneak in here".

"Good", Naruto shot back, relishing the challenge as he met the nin-ken's one-eyed gaze, "if it were easy it wouldn't be worth doing".

"All right children, play nicely", Tsume broke up the fledgling argument before settling her attention on Naruto again, trying to explain what his new situation meant in real terms, "so, apart from that as part of our pack you've got the right to seek sanctuary here for as long as you want, you can ask for help from any of us and if we can we'll help you as much as we're able to, though on the flip side of that coin if someone from our clan asks for help you should pitch in if you can; give and take system sort of thing, you know how it works?"

"So I could live here?"

"If you wanted to, though I thought the Hokage had provided you an apartment".

"True, and moving everything would be a real hassle"; _especially as I'd have to ship the stingers along as well – one slip handling them and I'd have half of Konoha in a panic until I could round them all up_; "so then, effectively I'm part of this clan now right?"

"Yep, for better or for worse".

"Most likely worse".

"No-one asked you Patches", Naruto riposted the nin-ken's sour assessment of the situation before glancing up at first Rimaru, then Tsume before asking his next, most important question, "but, if I'm an honorary Inuzuka, does that mean I get the cool tattoos as well?

Despite himself Rimaru snorted at this, recalling dimly a time where he too had asked his own father the same question, while Tsume smirked and raised an eyebrow,

"Thought you'd never ask – that was what I was coming over here to find out. As alpha it's my duty to mark every new pack member when the time comes; you've got the option to decline but, going by that question, you're not going to take it if I offer?"

"No way, they look awesome, but they don't have to be on the face do they? I've already got marks on my cheeks; I don't think they'll go with ink". Tsume smiled and ruffled her hand through his hair at the question,

"Nah – tell you what, give me half an hour then come and find me, I'll set up the kit then and we'll figure out the best way to go for the marks. Just one thing regarding them though, because you don't have a nin-ken they can't be red", she instructed in a stern tone, pointing first to her cheek and then to Kuromaru, "our fangs are red because they're literally bloodied; the ink is mixed with blood from both ourselves and our nin-ken to cement the link between the partners – sounds a little grotesque I know but it's effective". Glancing between the Inuzuka and her partner Naruto raised an eyebrow at this news and nodded in acceptance,

"I'll bet it's effective; if you were to cut me open and use my blood for body-art I'd think twice before getting up to any funny business. Still though, half an hour – good, in that case I've got enough time to get a bite to eat and dive in the shower before you start jabbing me with needles!"

XXX

Luckily the actual process went smoothly and didn't quite hurt as much as Naruto had feared; just Tsume, Rimaru and his daughter and Hana, who as alpha-elect when her mother was forced to step down from the role had to learn how to perform the duty, were present and, after confirming that Naruto couldn't really have his cheeks done, decided on where to place the bite mark. After rejecting the traditional areas such as the first part of the body that had touched a nin-ken (a question that, when asked, provoked a fit of the giggles from Naruto and a mortified, torturous explanation from Hana as she was forced to come clean about the circumstances in which she'd first been introduced to the younger child and because of that exactly _which_ part of the jinchuuriki's anatomy had first been exposed to a nin-ken's teeth), Naruto had a slight epiphany,

"I know; I'll take the traditional design; sorry Rin-chan but I don't think the squares would suit me, though of course they'll have to be orange; but could I have it done on my back?"

"Back? Why?"

"Because that way people won't know I've got it", Naruto explained – despite the fact he'd been gone for several months, one didn't forget several years of dispassionate ignorance and fiery denial from his fellow citizens so quickly, "could you imagine what'd happen if anyone saw them – they'd be hammering on your doors telling you I'd 'stolen' you noble clan markings and demanding you do something about it, then when you didn't there'd be all sorts of trouble and questions – nah, not worth the agro. Under my kit, not able to be seen, sounds more like my style".

Tsume considered this reasoning and made a mental note to address the confusion that flashed over Rin-chan's face, the younger Inuzuka unaware of Naruto's great secret; before she could ask the alpha nodded and clapped her hands,

"Sounds fair enough kid; okay then, kit off and lie down on the bench there, I'll mix up the orange inks we'll need. Trust you to be awkward, that's a sod of a colour to make up; Hana, give us a hand a minute". Shucking off his jacket as the Inuzuka worked, the jinchuuriki chuckled as he lay down on the rough, padded bench that had been set up; he waited a few minutes in idle conversation before stiffening as he heard Tsumes' voice again,

"Right, don't move", despite the feathery sensation that drifted over his shoulder blade areas Naruto kept his body still, trying his hardest to keep his breathing deep and even to avoid the risk of smearing the ink; eventually the sensation left and he started as her felt someone slip their hand into his. Glancing over he saw Hana smile, the Haimaru near her curled around her legs to provide further reassurance as she spoke over the sudden buzzing that sprang out of nowhere,

"Try not to move Naruto-kun; this might hurt a bit but it'll be over soon". He did his best to nod but, feeling an alien stabbing start to punch into his upper left back, could do nothing more than grit his teeth and grip Hana's hand harder, listening to her soft reassurance and the words of both other Pack-Bound present to get him through this pain barrier.

Luckily it didn't last quite as long or hurt quite as much as he'd been fearing; with a flourish Tsume declared she was done and Naruto released his vice-grip on Hana's hand slowly, breathing out in a long sigh as he realised it was done,

"Right, that should do it", Tsume told him as he stood up, slapping his wrist softly as he reached for his jacket, "no, don't wear anything for the rest of the day or it might get inflamed. Just take it easy for now; no showers until tomorrow morning and you should be right as rain by then. Main meal's a few hours from now, just show up to the kitchen then – until that point I'm sure that other rugrat of mine's hanging around somewhere, I'm sure you can get into mischief with him for now but stay off your back, understand?"

"Hai Tsume-san, got it".

"And don't call me -san", she grumbled, irritated, not even looking up from where she was disinfecting the equipment used to mark the latest member of her pack, "you're as close to family as it's possible to get without having been inside me for nine months, formality doesn't enter into the equation now". Naruto nodded, already eyeing up the distance between him and the door and fancying his odds just this once,

"Okay, I'll remember that from now on baa-chan", he was just quick enough, haring to the door and diving through it just as a pot of ointment slammed into the floor just behind his heels as Tsume snarled at his retreated, recently tattooed back before letting out a snort of dismissal,

"Cheeky little bastard, I'm not that old – not a word you". Rimaru protested his innocence,

"I didn't say a thing!"

"You didn't have to, I can read you like a book", the alpha informed him with a sharp look before glancing sidelong at her daughter, a saucy smirk on her lips, "so then Hana-chan, you know his limitations but I'm sure you could find some way of contorting around them if you're still in the mood you were last night?" Grimacing at yet another reminder of the unfortunate slip in her usual behaviour Hana glowered at her mother,

"Are you ever going to let that go?"

"What do you think?" The eldest of Tsume's children groaned, the action mirrored by her partners' tails drooping as she helped her mother put the equipment away; _this is going to be hanging over my head for decades if not the rest of my natural life_. She said nothing, merely nodding as she watched Rin being led away into the clan house by her father, probably to have her mind taken off Naruto's unusual circumstances and why he wouldn't want his new clan affiliation to be known; once the father and daughter duo was gone however, she started at the sound of Tsume's voice again,

"I have to say this though Hana-chan – had he been a few years older, or even a genin, I probably wouldn't have stopped you". That declaration made her blink and blush at the same time, though rather than shout and recoil in disgust Hana instead took a more mature route to the truth and cocked her head slightly,

"Can I ask why?"

"Why? I thought that would have been obvious", Tsume did indeed appear to be generally perplexed by the question as she answered her daughters' question, "if a man's prepared to go to those lengths for a girl he barely knows outside of an acquaintance, imagine what he'd do for a girl who loves him and may one day become his wife! Apart from that it'd have meant I wouldn't have had to Pack-Bind Naruto-kun or petition the Sandaime for his adoption, you'd have had a chance to claim him through marriage, and don't give me that look", the older, more experienced woman shot down the affronted look she was shot with realistic pragmatism, "you might not have been around as long as me Hana but you surely must know as well as I do that one day that kid is going to make some girl, hopefully in Konoha, a very lucky and grateful wife. Just a shame Kiba wasn't born a girl..."

At that declaration, to say nothing of the mental image of Kiba in a skirt, Hana had no choice but to put down her end of the tattooing table and laugh out loud. Even as she did so though, she had no idea that she, or at least, a social structure she was an integral part of, was at the forefront of Naruto's mind; even as the clan dined in the evening he was thinking about it and, the following morning after a night of sleeping on his front in a spare futon and getting up with the help of a hastily-stifled alarm clock, he quickly slipped on his clothes and slipped outside, ready to wait in ambush to see the final vindication of his hard work at the place where Hana met her team in the morning.

XXX

"Reckon it's anything bad?"

"I sure hope not", Izumo answered his brother's concern with a wince and a shift in posture, "I've still got the bruises from the last time we had to venture into the she-monster's lair, I'm in no mood to pay a second visit".

"Don't speak ill of your team-mate", the gruff voice of Tane-sensei cut into their conversation, the bandaged face of the jounin as always muffling his voice slightly but the two genin had more or less learnt to decipher his garbled speech, "I had a message from the Inuzuka clan yesterday morning; Hana's absence was due to important clan business that had just cropped up and her presence as the next clan head was essential. I was, however, assured she will make up for the missed day", the bandages around Tane's face creased in a way that made both boys shudder – they'd seen that expression before and it never boded anything nice, "and of course, as a team that means you get to help her in the remedial work".

"Oh goodie", Izumo groused, folding his arms, "she's going to get a right earful off me when she shows up here – aha, right on time", as the Inuzuka clan holdings were on the opposite side of the village to their training grounds Hana was usually the last of the team to arrive, though none of the genin yet had ever gotten to training ground fourteen before Tane-sensei no matter how early they set their alarms, "man, is it just me or do those mutts of hers get louder every day?"

"Probably going through puberty, do canine voices break?" Kotetsu wondered aloud before watching the charging beast flying towards them, "Hey, he's in a hurry; yes, yes you four-legged annoyance", the Hagane scowled as the nin-ken leapt up at him, though he didn't quite draw up his dangling hand to the point where the nin-ken wouldn't be able to reach it if he jumped up at just the right angle, "we're both here, we're not going anywhere – what has got into you today? Go bug 'Zumo a minute – 'Zumo, bro, what's...?"

As the slightly older of the two genin looked towards his brother, however, it soon became immediately obvious what had captured his attention; both of Kotetsu's arms dropped into licking range for the nin-ken as he beheld Hana striding towards them, a big, beaming grin on her face as the familiar shapes of two other nin-ken loped along at her heels. Both members of the Fukumiwarai-Kyodai looked from them to the dog that was now prancing around in front of them before, after putting their thoughts back together and realising what much have happened, Izumo let out a cry of triumph and stooped down to catch the Haimaru as it hopped up again, holding it half-suspended it as it lapped up at his chin and he rubbed his free hand through its belly fur,

"Ahaha, where have you been boy? Though most of the time your partner does enough talking for the three of you this time I really do wish you could tell us what happened – where have you been then?"

"I'll answer that baka", Hana called back, greeting her team mates with a smile both had been afraid they'd never see again, though of course neither of them would ever admit to such a thing, "but it's a long story – we'd better get the work out the way for the day before I fill you in".

For a moment neither boy answered, frozen in a stationary tableau until, dropping the nin-ken he held, Izumo stepped forwards and, surprising himself as much as he did Hana, he wrapped the Inuzuka up in a tight hug; Hana stiffened, then relaxed in his compassionate embrace, grateful just this once for having been paired up with her classroom antagonists as she slipped her arms around the bottom of his ribs, speaking as he felt a hot, wet lump in her throat as she heard him speak,

"Good to have you back wolf-girl". Hana growled playfully at the nickname, once hated, now more a long-suffering term of endearment between people who had somehow, almost in spite of mutual loathing, had become important to her. Shifting her arm slightly as she felt Kotetsu muscle his way into the fray, all three team mates were together for a long, long moment before Hana eventually pulled away, smiling softly as she looked between the brothers before the expression hardened slightly and she drew herself up to her full height,

"Good to be back baka; now then, since all four of us are back to where we should be there's going to be no sloppiness tolerated on this team any more – I've not been at the races for a few weeks so I'm sure you two have found new and interesting ways to screw things up in that time, so then, give me a minute and then we'll have to go through the long, laborious process of ironing out these many, many flaws".

Observing the scene from his perch in a nearby tree, close enough to see everything that was going on but not so close that he'd be easily seen and his decision had been vindicated as it appeared none of the genin had spotted him, though he was under no illusion that the jounin knew he was there, Naruto looked on as he saw the three genin embrace and nodded to himself at a job well done as his grandfather's voice came back to him; _united a tree will stand to the end of days – divided it falls within a day_. Having heard Hana's last words he chuckled before wincing as he saw the Fukumiwarai-Kyodai nod to each other before pouncing on their team mate, bringing Hana crashing to the ground. Shaking his head, the jinchuuriki left the area with the sounds of his ears full of Hana's shrieks of laugher and desperate curses against her team mates as they took their revenge for her slander and she writhed to be free of their tickling fingers, the excited woofs of the Haimaru as they decided what the two-legs were up to looked like fun and they didn't want to be left out and, very faint but still recognisable, the distinctive slap of palm meeting forehead at high speed as the jounin-sensei of the team beheld the ruck of arms, legs and tails before him and wondered how in the name of Kami he was supposed to make head or tail of the mess in front of him.

XXX

Overall, Naruto decided, it had been a good few days, more than enough to determine that his trip into Kumo had been well worth the effort and sleepless nights; out of it, he'd had a party thrown in his honour, the undying loyalty of one of Konoha's best-known and respected clans and, most importantly of all, he had the closest thing he'd ever had to family in his life. The tattoos on his shoulder blades tingled slightly at the memories before, on his way to the Hokage tower and having about a half-hour to kill before his midday appointment, he recognised where he was and decided to take a slight detour; pushing open a very familiar door, the Uzumaki walked into the shop as though walking on air, looked around with a smile and, seeing someone he instantly recognised, raised a hand in greeting.

In later years he would wonder exactly how Tenten was able to recover from her outright shock and then knock his formerly buoyant mood, to say nothing of the rest of him, absolutely prone without him even being able to see her move.

_Right, I'm going to go way out on a limb here and guess you're upset about something_; not that he could hear anything over the muted buzzing in his ears of course, but judging by the wild gesticulations, warlike expression and ominous cracking of knuckles he was reasonably sure his first guess was relatively accurate, especially as he caught a glimpse of Tenten's face and was amazed to see a slight hint of tears in her eyes. Seeing this and belatedly feeling some sense of responsibility for her sadness Naruto made to stand up and comfort her but for some reason his body felt rather disjointed, as if the brain that had been scrambled by Tenten's right cross still hadn't reconnected all its mental links yet and his responses were dull and unfocussed. He managed to get as far as one knee before the girl, with a strength that belied her slender figure, reached down, grabbed him by the collar and seemingly without any effort at all on her part, hauled him back to his feet,

"Uzumaki Naruto", the jinchuuriki had just about enough sense left to acknowledge his name, nodding as Tenten went on in a deadly, low whisper, "where in the name of the holiest Kami have you been?" His original response to this was to blink as he still tried to shake off the lingering effect of the weapon mistress's first sucker punch before, as the ringing cleared from his ears, he was able to piece together something that vaguely sounded like sense to answer her furious question,

"Long story", and it was – completely untrue of course but, as Tsume had explained to him over the previous evening, most of Konoha was in the dark about the real reason for his absence and, for those that knew of the boy, Shikaku Nara had been instrumental in coming up with a cover story – in fact of all the people in Konoha, only the Inuzuka clan, the clan heads and elders present in the council and the Hokage himself were even aware Naruto had ever set foot out of Fire country. Tenten, however, appeared unimpressed and the younger child had to fight to stop himself turning an interesting shade of blue as the girl's grip tightened,

"I've got time", she told him darkly, and snarling as he frantically shook his head,

"I haven't; jiji needs me – look, long story short someone told the Sandaime about a family of Uzumaki who'd just come back into Fire country, they were travelling merchants, very mobile. I was rushed out; really short notice, couldn't speak to anyone as we had to get to where they were before they moved on; to there to see if they were actually my family but, though I travelled with them for a bit, it didn't quite work out and I was forced to come back, just got home last night. Probably just as well; they were nice people but I couldn't be Hokage and a merchant at the same time; I also don't think I was actually related to them, some of them were pale blonde but none of them had my eyes. Sorry if I made you and your parents worry".

The explanation seemed to have no effect on Tenten's grim countenance and for a second Naruto had a brief thrill of horror that she didn't believe him; before he could act on these fears however she seemed to move again without him seeing it but somehow he went from arms-length to in her arms in the space between heartbeats. As though in a daze the jinchuuriki entwined his arms around her body and listened to her choked words,

"You, could've been adopted, and you never told me"; _oh snap, of course_; she'd been part of the Hasuwada family so long Naruto had all but forgotten Tenten was once an orphan like himself; _no wonder she was worried I'd gone missing – I wouldn't have been the first one of us who'd just mysteriously disappeared one day and never came back_; "you idiot, I was going out of my mind worried and so was kaa-san! You better come over soon and tell us exactly what happened or so help me I'll track you down and use every taijutsu lesson we've ever had in the Academy to beat you to a greasy pulp, you got that Uzumaki!"

"Hai, understood Ten-chan, though it feels like you already did beat me to a greasy pulp; hey, I almost forgot you went to the Academy this year", for an instant he was tempted to ask how her entry exam had gone and if she was enjoying being an pre-genin but the deadline of his meeting with jiji reared its ugly head up and he was forced, reluctantly, to try and back his way out of his oldest friends' arms, explaining as he did so, "you better tell me all about it tomorrow; right now though I've gotta go see jiji, he needs to speak to me and it's never good to keep the boss waiting". Tenten didn't react to this for a moment before, gradually, she let her arms drop slightly and took a step back, glaring at the younger child at the same time as doing her best to hold back tears of relief that he was okay,

"I'll tell kaa- and tou-san you're back safe, but you better be around first thing tomorrow Naruto or I'll send tou-san around to knock on your door with his forge hammer!"

"Okay, okay", Naruto sidled backwards with his hands up in the air, "mean Panda-chan, threatening to set her big bad daddy on me, I forgot how evil you could be".

"You think I'm bad now you just wait until tomorrow Mouse", the bun-haired girl threatened, shaking a fist, "we'll see how much of your throwing skills you've forgotten and I'll show you the new deflection skills tou-san taught me".

"Look forwards to it Ten-chan, see you tomorrow", he just saw his friend nod as he moved towards the exit, jaw still aching from her concussive punch to the face as he scuttled backwards and out of the weapon shop, for the first time breathing out a sigh of relief as the door swung closed behind him and he was able to carry on towards the Hokage tower, now rather more chastised than cheerful due to his harsh lesson at the first of his original first friend; _never leave a girl hanging, it only ever ends in tears, usually mine!_

It was with that thought on his mind and a hand on his throbbing chin that Naruto entered the Hokage tower and, after exchanging a nod with the suddenly-frosty looking secretary and fighting down a sudden pang of disappointment that it wasn't Maba-chan who was sat at the familiar desk for him to banter with, he knocked on the door to his surrogate grandfather's office, waiting for the call to come in before twisting the handle and letting himself in,

"Naruto-kun, good to see you've learnt the lesson of politeness and punctuality so well", the old man greeted before taking a second look at the youngster with a frown furrowing his brow, "what happened to your face?"

"Panda-chan was a bit peeved I ran off without telling anyone", Naruto answered after a second of stretching off his abused jaw, scowling at the Hokage as the old man hid a sudden smile, "still, I'll explain what 'happened' to her and her family tomorrow. So the jiji, what did you need to see me for, and why'd you stop...?"

He stuttered his way to a standstill as Sarutobi whipped up a hand, motioning for silence before making seals in the air before him so fast the Naruto saw nothing but a blur of flesh before him; even as he uncrossed his eyes as the spectacle finished, the Hokage began speaking, sounding far graver and even older than Naruto could ever remember his jiji being before,

"I can guess at your questions Naruto-kun and I will answer them all; however before I do I must say one thing and ask you for another", he paused and waited for the boy, by now regarding him with a slightly confused expression but listening nonetheless, to nod before continuing, "I must ask you for patience Naruto. I have a lot to say, some of it I'm sure will be difficult for you to understand or even believe, but what I will say next is true, I swear it on my own life and the office I hold as Hokage. I was expecting, perhaps even hoping not to have to tell you these things until you were a lot older, probably when you were made chunin or perhaps even higher rank, but your actions over the past three months and even before that have forced my hand somewhat – though perhaps I once could have gotten away with denying requests made about you, with your new-found support from a majority of Konoha's noble clans such a thing is now impossible without my fitness for office and, more than that, perhaps the very stability of Konoha being called into question. Because of these reasons, not to mention the fact you have managed to achieve, successfully achieve as well I might add, a distinction the like of which most ANBU would envy with your mission into Kumo, I don't believe I have a choice", with such gravity in his voice that Naruto felt himself drawn in almost against his will as the old man behind the desk regarded him with a sad, level stare and finished,

"It is time you knew the truth Naruto-kun, about your burden and your family".

Silence fell in the office, a deep, billowing cloud of quiet that seemed to swallow all within it as Naruto reeled, trying to take in the Sandaime's latest words, and Sarutobi steeled himself to deliver the knowledge that he could only pray wouldn't destroy the boy he had come to know and love as much as his own flesh and blood grandson. Naruto's jaw, all pain forgotten, worked a few times before he finally managed to recompose himself enough to latch on what was, to him, to the most important part of the Sandaimes' last speech,

"My, my family? But jiji, you said..."

"I said what I was asked to say by your father Naruto-kun", Sarutobi cut him off gently, a expression of deep regret making the age lines in his face crease even more deeply than normal, "it went against my own personal thoughts on the matter but I have to agree that his desire for secrecy has achieved its aim and kept you safe while you've been growing up. However I will tell you about both your parents later Naruto, there is something else you must know first, a truth I tried to keep from both you and Konoha as a whole but, in the latter of those aims, I failed. It is due to that failure that your life in this village has been so damned uncomfortable and I curse myself for that mistake every day at the same time as take pride in seeing the ninja, and Hokage, you will become in spite of my inadequacies".

"What mistakes? Nothing, nothing's making sense jiji".

"Tell me Naruto", the Sandaime went on, ignoring his wards' confusion as he knew all would be made horribly clear in the next few minutes, "what do you know of the Kyuubi?"

The sudden slew in the conversation made Naruto mentally back-track for a minute, throwing his mind off the thoughts that both he had a family and, more than that, his jiji had known his family, had actually _spoken_ with his father, as he thought back to the stories he'd been told of the monster that had attacked them years ago,

"It was a massive demon, like a kitsune with nine tails; it attacked us for some reason and the Yondaime killed it, though it killed him as well". Sarutobi nodded,

"That is the official story yes Naruto; what actually happened, though, is a slightly more complicated story", standing up slightly as the nerves in the air got even to him for a moment, the venerable Third Hokage paced slightly, trying to think of the best way to phrase the unpalatable fact he had to say next before having a sudden idea and acting on it, "remember when I was telling you about the kawarimi no jutsu Naruto-kun, the laws of chakra – what were they?"

"The first one?"

"Yes".

"Chakra is energy?"

"Yes, and what is unique about energy?"

"It can't be created or destroyed", the jinchuuriki ventured cautiously, parroting the lessons his jiji had taught him, still not sure exactly where this was going as Sarutobi nodded,

"Yes, chakra is energy and, when used by a ninja, converted to the jutsu or technique used to give the desired effect, with excess chakra lost as smoke, heat or noise; however, in the case of the Kyuubi, or any other tailed beast come to that, an unusual case is seen. The bijuu, as we understand them, are simply gigantic masses of sentient or semi-sentient chakra; can you see what that means Naruto-kun, how it relates to the legend of the Yondaime?"

He was hoping, desperately hoping, that Naruto would be able to figure out the point he was trying to make without having to be walked through it all as that would be painful for both of them – he was under no illusion that the jinchuuriki was intelligent, a lot more so than most people tended to realise, and his faith in the boy was rewarded as the fist he had been resting his chin on in a thinking pose dropped away numb as his eyes went wide and shot to the form of his grandfather,

"Kyuubi, it's not dead"; _how can he look so calm – there's a monster out there somewhere and no-one seems to care!_; with panic mounting Naruto's darted all around him and his hands fisted in his hair, "it's chakra, pure energy, it can't die! The Yondaime didn't kill it, he...but, if it isn't dead, why didn't it come back? Surely it should have recovered by now from whatever the Fourth did to it".

"No, and if the fates are kind it never will; Minato-dono was a genius shinobi, the brightest paragon of the Will of Fire I have ever seen – the truth is that he sacrificed his life and, more than that, his afterlife to the Shinigami to perform a technique, possibly the only technique, that could counter the threat of a bijuu as powerful as the nine-tails". Enthralled by the story, Naruto leant in as his panic abated, the knowledge that a giant red avatar of destruction as not going to come crashing out of nowhere helping steady his nerves,

"But what did he do?"

"He sealed it Naruto-kun, condensed all the energy the Kyuubi represented into a fuuinjutsu matrix and, with the power of the god of death himself, sealed it away into the only container strong enough to hold such a powerful force".

"What, where is it? Is it safe?" Sarutobi regarded him with mournful eyes but, before Naruto could question why, the Third had already spoken in a tone of lead,

"He is standing in front of me, a jinchuuriki of the nine-tailed Kyuubi no Kitsune".

Naruto's world stopped moving.

_The fox, the monster_; he had heard of the beast, the destroyer, there wasn't a soul of Konoha who hadn't, and it was inside him? It wasn't possible, it couldn't be – he was Naruto, always had been, surely if he was Kyuubi he'd have a sign of possession, like tails or fox-like habits, or a love of sushi that those possessed by kitsune were reputed to have? He became dimly aware of Sarutobi coming towards him, a shock of physical contact as the old man's hand came down on his shoulder; the touch gave a point for his reeling consciousness to hold on to and, with a great effort, he dragged himself back to the waking world, looking up at jiji with nothing more than blank confusion in his eyes before the old man, no longer looking old but looking like the Hokage, the God of Shinobi who had once bested every other kage in the Elemental Nations, and speaking directly to him,

"You are _not_ the fox Naruto-kun; no matter what you ever hear or are told you are not and will never be that monster. You are a jinchuuriki, a human container of the bijuu, but you still as human as I am, never forget that and never let anyone else tell you anything different – you have as much of a right to exist, live and grow as anyone else in Konoha, and as a result of your previous actions a good deal more right than many".

"But, but, I don't understand", the eight year old stated quietly, his eyes nowhere near as bright as usual as the confusion dulled them, a hammer blow that destroyed his usual mask of cheerful ignorance of the world in general, "why me? Did I...?

"No, you have no say in the matter; you are as much a victim of circumstance as any who were slain by the Kyuubi's attack", Sarutobi stated brusquely, seeking to uproot these potentially poisonous seeds before they could even start to take root in Naruto's fertile imagination, "the Yondaime was forced to use you for two reasons; firstly only a newborn baby could possibly hope to contain the Kyuubi as its undeveloped chakra coils would be able to expand to accommodate the new chakra".

"So, so I was used because of my birthday?"

"Partly, necessity did play a big role in the events of that night, events I pray nightly that Konoha never has to ever go through again", Sarutobi took a second of his own to shiver, not even a man of his age, experience and skills unable to deny the tremor that ran through him at the memory of a night of blood, fire and death as the greatest force in the Elemental Nations battered the walls of his home, "the second reason though, was responsibility", the word, out of place from the rest of the Hokage's speech, made Naruto look up and gave Sarutobi the opportunity he needed to get his second, much more precious point across to the Uzumaki, "you have asked me this question often enough, now I will ask you the same; what must a Hokage be willing to sacrifice for the safety of his village?"

"Anything, his own life if necessary, like the Nidaime did to save you and your team like you told me jiji, or the Yondaime did to..."

He couldn't finish, his speech drying up as he scrutinised the floor as the truth came back to hammer at him; the Yondaime, his hero, had sealed the Kyuubi into him, his own body! He felt dirty, polluted by a beast that had ravaged his village and hurt a lot of people within it, like the Kamizuki and Hagane families – a stab of guilt ripped into Naruto's gut as he remember the genin he'd seen only that morning. Kyuubi was the reason they were forced to live as they did, and it was inside him now – did that make him responsible for the Kyuubi's crimes? He didn't know, doubted he would ever know and it didn't really matter – all that did matter was that he was a prison for the Kyuubi; _and I can't let it out_; that point was set in stone; _if it gets out of me it'll come for Konoha again – it'll destroy the village! I can't let that happen or I'll be the Hokage of a pile of sticks!_

"Yes, the Yondaime was in my eyes the greatest Hokage who has ever been or will ever be – no man sacrificed more than he did to save this village from certain annihilation".

"His life and after-life you mean; how does that work?"

"I'm not sure exactly, I'm not an expert in fuuinjutsu", Sarutobi admitted before regarding Naruto with those sad eyes once more, "but I would like to think that if, Kami forbid, I was forced into Minato-dono's sandals I would also be able to give up my life for Konoha. What else he sacrificed, however, I doubt in my heart of hearts I could bring myself to match what he was forced to give up that night".

"Worse than his life? What else could Kyuubi-teme have possibly taken from him?" Sarutobi's face hardened,

"Nothing yet and as long as I'm alive it never will", he assured the boy in a flinty voice before it softened and he breathed out a long sigh, focussing on Naruto again, "but think for a moment Naru-kun; if you were Hokage what would you consider more important than your own life, perhaps even the entire village as well?"

"Uhhh, I, er...", Naruto seemed to think about this at great length, giving serious consideration to the question before, with a frustrated growl, he shook his head and looked up at the old man again, "I don't know".

"How about your child, a son or heir you might have had with a woman you love?"

"Child, you mean like a baby?" Naruto seemed nonplussed by this but, seeing nothing but complete sincerity in his jiji's eyes, considered it seriously, "Well yeah, if I had a child I'd do anything to look after him or her, but I'm a long way from getting..."

For the second time Naruto fell completely silent, another hammer blow rocking him as he put together the pieces the Sandaime had fed him and came up with a cohesive whole. For a long moment neither of them spoke, in fact Sarutobi was on the verge of shattering the silence himself before he took a better look at the jinchuuriki's face and realised he wasn't actually looking at him, but rather over his shoulder; turning, the Sandaime saw exactly what had captured Naruto's attention and smiled sadly, turning back to his ward and nodding at the unspoken question,

"Yes Naru-kun, when you achieve your dream and surpass all who have come before you in that seat it will be your face up there next to your tou-san, watching over the village forever".

"The Fourth..."

"Hai", Sarutobi said shortly, turning back to his adopted grandson and smiling, "Minato-dono himself wanted to keep news of his child secret; had your mother's pregnancy become widely known there would have been Iwa-nin crawling out the woodwork to try and kill you both. As it happened due to a tragic accident we never fully understood the Kyuubi was released just as or before you were born; as a result Minato-dono had no choice but to use you as the vessel for the sealing because, as Hokage, how could he ask someone to sacrifice a child when he himself would not do the same?"

"Sacrifice a child – is that what a Hokage has to do?"

"If it's necessary and all of Konoha is in peril; it is an impossible choice, one I have never had to make – the life of one over the future of many", Sarutobi admitted stoically, his eyes never leaving Naruto's face as he went on, "come over here Naruto-kun, it's time you should see this". Still not quite back in tune with the rest of the world Naruto stumbled and tottered towards the desk as Sarutobi opened one of the draws, reaching in and then withdrawing a long, thin something that he placed on the desk; half-standing next to, half-falling into the side of the oaken structure, Naruto found himself gazing down at a picture, a relatively small one true but a picture nevertheless, that made the breath catch in his throat.

The Fourth Hokage was there, his infamous hair as wild and free as always, but unlike most of the official picture of Minato, he didn't have his traditional cape on; instead he was stood in close, very close, proximity to someone else, a woman slightly shorter than the Hokage with long red hair the shade of spilt wine and an expression that Naruto knew all too well as she squinted at the camera, face scrunched up into a teasing smirk as her left hand was up in a victory sign. Her other hand however, the one that overlapped with Minato's right as his arm must have snaked around her slim back, was the one that caught his attention, for it lay over her stomach, a stomach much larger than a woman of her dimensions had any natural reasons for it to be. There was only one thing that immediately sprang to Naruto's mind as his brain drank in the scene as, knowing what he knew now about the Fourth Hokage, he felt his vision fracture as he realised exactly who he was looking at.

All was quiet, the silence broken only by small splashes as tears dripped from Naruto's chin to the desk in front of him, his fingers curling up as silent sobs shook his body; before him was the proof, absolute concrete evidence that he had once been part of a family, he didn't just appear out of thin air (or, as some of the caretakers at the orphanage had muttered when they thought he couldn't hear them, crawled out the bowels of hell), he had once had, even if only for a few brief hours, a kaa- and tou-san all of his own. Who they were wasn't as important as what they were; his family, his kin, closer to him than either the Inuzuka were now. How long he was stood there, crying over a picture of his now-dead father and mother, he could not have said...; _wait, kaa-san!_;

"Jiji", he breathed hoarsely, trying to speak and breathe down the gasp of air he needed at the same time, "the woman, my kaa-san, who is she?" At this question Sarutobi chuckled,

"She is the lady who's name you carry on so well, Uzumaki Kushina", Naruto heard the name and his brain hung onto it without fear of ever letting go – he now knew who his mother was, there was nothing more important than that, "all I will say on the matter is that I watched her grow from a little lost girl evacuated from Whirlpool country, a princess from their ruling clan as well, if memory serves me right, into one of Konoha's finest kunoichi and that one of the happiest days of my life was when I married her away to Minato-dono; I was still in office then and had that power, something to remember for the future perhaps Naruto?" His slight joke did make a watery smile break over the jinchuuriki's face before he finished what he was going to say,

"I'll say no more because I know all the clan heads knew Kushina much better than I ever did; you have my full permission to ask them anything you wish about her; most of them, I'm sure, already either knew or suspected you were her son; however, when it comes to your tou-san we must be slightly more circumspect". Wiping his eyes on the sleeve of his jumpsuit, Naruto looked up at the village leader and spoke again, a little more strength in his voice this time,

"Circumspect?"

"Yes; though tensions have cooled with Iwa these days the memory of the Yellow Flash has left deep scars in the minds of the Rock, scars its ninja would gladly expunge with the blood of the son of the man who cost them the Third Shinobi war", Sarutobi said seriously, Naruto swallowing softly as he felt a chill come over him, realising just how much danger he might be thrown into in the future due to his illustrious parentage, "as of now only three people know who you really are Naruto-kun, and two of them are in this very room – the third", the Hokage went on as he caught the intrigued glint in the Uzumaki's eye, "is the man Minato-dono finally managed to convince Kushina into allowing to be named your godfather, a man called Jiraiya. Sadly, due to his position as Konoha's premiere spymaster, his time in the village is limited but, believe me, he has been watching over you ever since you were a baby just as I have. He's never approached you once himself for the same reason – it would look very suspicious for such a powerful shinobi to take any amount of interest in such a 'random' orphan off the streets".

"More secrets huh? More hiding in plain sight", Naruto muttered caustically before sighing, looking at the picture once more before, regretfully, glancing up at Sarutobi once more, "so I can't talk about my father at all?"

"I would recommend not, unless you feel confident in your chances of fending off an Iwa assassination team – did you know one of their bloodlines involves turning a person's chakra into a chain-reacting explosive? I've heard the pieces can be thrown over a mile after a big bang..."

"Okay okay, you made your point", Naruto hastily gabbled, feeling a little queasy at the idea of becoming so liberally spread out over a wide area by a Rock ninja with a grudge and lots of high explosives, "so then, my father's the Fourth Hokage who sealed the Kyuubi no Kitsune into me the day I was born while my mother was a refugee princess from Whirlpool; wasn't that village wiped out though?"

"To Konoha's great shame and mourning yes, though they gave the Kumo bastards a bloody nose they'll never forget", Sarutobi snarled, remembering the angry, liquid fire that had coursed through his veins when the news had belatedly come through of the surprise attack on the Leaf's great ally and the devastation the self-destruction of the Village Hidden in the Tides had wrecked on their attackers, almost halving Kumo's active strength in a single stroke, "a habit you look to be carrying on Naruto-kun?" That comment did make the boy chuckle before it withered on his lips and he groaned,

"So then, I actually do have a family but I can't really talk about it because it's a ninja thing and I contain the most powerful beast in the Elemental Nations – hey, shouldn't I have a seal on me somewhere because of that, you said the Fourth used fuuinjutsu to do it".

"One of the reasons I was actually grateful you took Muruda-san up on his offer of his slightly off-white jumpsuits Naruto-kun; lift up your jacket and channel your chakra", the Sandaime instructed, himself slightly curious as he hadn't seen the design of the Shiki Fuuin in several years, "that should make the seal appear".

With a hint of trepidation Naruto did as he was bid, tucking the hem of his jumpsuit jacket under his chin and rolling his eyes down as he called upon his chakra once more, wincing as he realised that three months without a chance to practice with it at all had set him back sorely; _more hand-prints on the wall it looks like then. Whoa_; his expression morphed into one of awe as he saw thick, spidery lines appear on his stomach, a pattern of fuuinjutsu so far above his head he might as well have been in a bathyscaphe scrawling over his belly like a sundered spiders' web as he cut off the flow of chakra, watching it fade once more to pink skin,

"Wow, so that's what keeps Kyuubi at bay?"

"Yes, for now and hopefully forever". Naruto whipped his head up at that, not liking the use of the word 'hopefully' in that sentence,

"What do you mean just for now – it can't get out right?" Sarutobi made a humming noise in the back of his throat before looking at the jinchuuriki levelly, gravity in his next words,

"Not for now Naruto-kun; the process of sealing the bijuu is traumatic for the beast involved, forcing it into a vegetative state for some time; as the seal your father used on you was quite possibly the strongest in existence, the Kyuubi has been dormant since that day, sleeping off its battle wounds if you like. However there will come a time, though when it'll be I don't know, when it will wake up and may have influence upon you if you allow it to". The thought of the bijuu taking him over, using his body like a puppet of flesh, made Naruto break out in goose bumps as he shuddered and shook his head,

"No way, no way and never; this is my body, the only thing in my stomach that's going to have any effect on me is the ramen I put in there", he declared forcefully, forcing Sarutobi to mask a sudden chuckle as, after a second, Naruto's determined look gave way to one of slight trepidation as he spoke again, "but, how will I know if the fox is trying to do something, and what could it do?"

Sarutobi seemed to mull this question over for a moment, looking off into space until, at length, he returned his eyes to the form of his grandson and spoke once more, a measured calm in his voice as he explained the situation as best he could,

"It is a dual-edged sword Naruto-kun; all jinchuuriki, and yes there have been and are others, have the power to tap into the youkai, demonic chakra, or their bijuu and become much, much stronger than comparable ninja of their age and experience. However there is a risk that such possession can go too far, the ninja loses control and the beast takes over, turning a shinobi into a mindless killing machine. Most of the other villages possessing jinchuuriki train them for use in heavy combat assault roles, ultimate weapons to carry the day on the field of battle; you, on the other hand, and those that came before you, have never been treated as such".

"Those that came...jiji", a sudden suspicion seized Naruto at his grandfather's odd choice of words, making him look up at the Third Hokage with a curious expression, "what do you mean by that – they Kyuubi, I'm not the first person to hold it? Is that what you're saying?"

"It is exactly what I'm saying Naru-kun; this is the last thing I needed to say to you, the final secret that you must know", Sarutobi informed him, replacing the picture back in its drawer for the time being prior to it being re-sealed in the most secure and restricted area of the Hokage tower, "there have been to my knowledge three jinchuurikis of the Kyuubi, the third of which stands before me", he acknowledged his grandson with a nod and a smile before moving on, "the first was the wife of our first Hokage, Mito-sama, the only one who managed to gain anything more than instinctive control over the beast at all while the second, well, the second was the woman who married the Fourth".

"Wait, what – she married... my _mother_ was a jinchuuriki!"

"She was, and the fact that no-one of her age group save Minato ever knew should be a comfort to you that it is possible for jinchuuriki to live normal lives Naruto-kun; you would do much worse than following you kaa-san's example", Sarutobi advised him before carrying on his story, "however, it's at this point the story becomes unclear and, to my eyes at least, darker; the seal of a jinchuuriki weakens when, in the case of a woman, she goes into labour, as the vast majority of her chakra is focussed around the area of labour rather than the seal. We, Konoha as a whole that is, knew there may be a risk to the village from Kushina's pregnancy and drew up plans to prevent risk to the village; you were born outside of Konoha, in a secret location surrounded by one of your fathers' fuuinjutsu barriers, attended only by Minato-dono himself and a few select retainers, my wife amongst them. However, though what happened there will likely never be known", even saying those words made Sarutobi's lip curl as his old suspicions played in his head – it was painful enough that he'd lost his wife, but to lose her and have no-one and nothing to blame for such a loss was a wound that festered even now, "something went wrong".

Recalling what else had happened on the night of his birth Naruto could only shiver and offer his version of what he thought had occurred,

"It didn't work; the Kyuubi broke free and attacked the village even though tou-san was there?"

"Overall yes, but I have a suspicion something else, or even someone else, may have intervened to make that happen Naruto-kun", Sarutobi's voice was hard and with a warning tone as he regarded the jinchuuriki squarely, voicing at last his private suspicions to likely the one person in the Leaf who wouldn't dismiss them outright; _after all, his family as well as mine that was shattered that night_; "Kushina-chan was one of the strongest women I knew and Minato-kun, there was no seal to my knowledge he couldn't master – no, I don't think the Kyuubi could've broken free on its own, something else played a hand to make that happen. I can't prove anything of course; I fear the truth of that night went to the Shinigami with your father; but I haven't got to be as old and grizzled as I am without trusting my instincts and even now I still feel uneasy thinking about that day for too long. If someone did attack on that night Naruto-kun, it must have been someone exceptionally powerful and skilled to defeat not only Minato's barrier but also separate him from Kushina, and should he discover that Kyuubi still lives, I have reason to believe he may attack again".

The thought of that, a shinobi who rivalled even the Yellow Flash in power, was enough to make Naruto quake slightly, though to his credit he kept his composure as best he could and licked dry lips before asking the weighted question,

"You think he might be after Kyuubi?"

"It is a possibility – a remote one I hope, but no ninja ever survived long by trusting just to hope. This fear is one reason I tried, as best I could, to limit knowledge of the Kyuubi's sealing to the masses, though by the time order was restored in the village too many people knew to classify the creation of a new jinchuuriki as a secret – instead, to my shame, I created a law, the only S-ranked law that has ever been passed in Konoha outside of wartime", the look of severity on Sarutobi's face made Naruto almost take a step back as the Hokage recalled once again the bitterest decision he'd ever made, the one he castigated himself for most strenuously as he saw the effect it had had on Naruto himself, "I made it an offence, punishable by death, for anyone who knew of the sealing to tell anyone who did not of it. In doing so I hoped knowledge of the sealing wouldn't pass to the next generation and you would be able to have friends your own age; in this though, I have had relatively little success, in fact you have yourself to thank for your own success".

"Me? You mean people like Panda-chan, Ino-chan and Kiba?"

"Exactly that; though one of the reasons I couldn't allow the Inuzuka to adopt you officially was because of the Kyuubi – no, not like that", Sarutobi held up a hand to forestall Naruto's heartbroken look as he went on, "as a jinchuuriki you represent a potentially very powerful political powerful playing-piece. Though I'm sure Tsume-chan would never stoop to using you in such a crude manner, the very fact I allowed one clan to have you other the others would result in the mother of all administrative nightmares and me being drowned under a tsunami of paperwork – surely you wouldn't wish that on your dear old jiji?" Seeing the exaggerated wheedling face the Third Hokage adopted Naruto couldn't help but splutter slightly as he shrugged slightly and, grudgingly, answered,

"I guess not, but I suppose it doesn't matter – you know I ended up, uh, what's the word – Pack-Bound anyway?"

"Exactly Naruto-kun; that is a very rare honour indeed and you've earned it on your own merit", the Sandaime said proudly, a wide smile wrinkling his face as he went on, "no-one can claim you only managed that because of the fox's power, a ridicule often levelled at jinchuuriki, because you've done what no-one would ever expect anyone, least of all a jinchuuriki to accomplish. The Elemental Nations is used to bijuu containers simply being used as battering rams to blow down the gates and hammer enemy fortifications to dust, so when the Mouse of Konoha came sneaking through the front door Kumo simply never had a chance".

That reminder was enough to take Naruto's attention off the information that was still burdening his brain and focus on the positives he'd achieved; smiling slightly as he remembered back to the previous evening; _wow, was it really less than a day ago? Man, I feel like I've been up here for hours, and all this stuff jiji's told me, just whoa, major head rush_; and the pride he'd taken in looking over his shoulder and seeing the new tattoos that adorned his shoulder blades for the first time. With a sigh he raised a hand to his head and shook it slightly, not quite sure what he was supposed to be thinking at this point – it was all a bit overwhelming for him. Sarutobi seemed to sense this as well and stood up once more, cancelling the privacy seals around his office as he made to use his last technique for the day before getting back to work in finalising the Konoha demands to the Lightning village in recompense for the attempted theft of their nin-ken,

"I can imagine this is a lot to take in Naruto-kun"; _a truer word was never spoken_; he thought words he couldn't say at the minute, settling for a nod as Sarutobi shepherded him towards the office door, "I'll take you back to your apartment for now, have a night to sleep on it, I always find that works for me. However, remember what I have said about your own protection; some things are never to be said in case the wrong people are listening – information on your mother I'm sure people will be glad to tell you, though the Kyuubi is more of a sore area. Even now, years after the event, there are those who feel the pain of the beasts' attack and take it out on you despite my best efforts to stop them".

"It's okay jiji, it's not that bad really", Naruto assured him with a reasonable amount of conviction, actually having trouble remembering the last time he'd been given hassle in the street, it certainly had been a long time ago even without his impromptu hiatus to Kumo, though then again gratuitous use of masked personas might have had something to do with that good record so far, "I just keep out the way when I can, keep my head down and make sure people don't know they're talking to me – hopefully when I'm a ninja and the Hokage I'll be able to do something about it". The aged kage chuckled,

"Well you've already made an excellent start Naruto; not even in the Academy and at least two of our clans already see you as a rising star, and no", seeing the question brewing Sarutobi skilfully headed it off, determining it would be better for Naruto to have a surprise some time in the future after the shock he'd just been forced to listen to, "I won't say who the others are, though I know you're smart so I've no doubt you'll figure it out if you put your mind to it. Now, hold still and we'll get back to your apartment".

Knowing what was going to happen next Naruto merely nodded and closed his eyes against the rush of air as Sarutobi activated his technique and the pair of the shunshined out of the Hokage tower.

XXX

Never before had the flights of stairs to his apartment seemed so long or climbed so high; with so much burdening his mind it felt like he was trying to walk upstairs balancing a boulder on his head. He'd had a family, his mother had been a jinchuuriki, something had happened when he was born that had killed both his parents and the Sandaimes' wife, a lot of people knew about the Kyuubi being sealed in him...

...the Fourth Hokage, known and respected as one of if not the strongest shinobi to ever come out of the land of Fire, was his father.

His thoughts were in such turmoil that he didn't see the small object left on his doorstep until he almost kicked it over; hastily checking his last step, the jinchuuriki cocked his head at the small pot in front of his door and stooped down, picking it up and wondering if this was a prank of some kind – maybe Ino knew he was back in town, her family owned a flower shop after all. It didn't appear to be booby-trapped at all though so he gingerly picked it up, examining the little plant and reading the faded symbols written on the lip of the pot in what looked like a coloured marker,

"U, K...Ukki?" The word made him raise an eyebrow before he shrugged; _weird present, or prank, whatever it is – oh well, guess my apartment could use some colour and greenery_; "Oh well, come on then Ukki-kun", he said conversationally to the shrub, cradling it in one hand as he unlocked his front door and stepped inside, "let's get you something to drink and go from there".

It was as he watered his new friend for the first time and flicked on the kettle switch that he sat down in his kitchen chair and took a deep breath, tired of thinking things through and falling back to the first conclusion he'd really made about the information he knew now – yes it might have been important information to Konoha as a whole but to him, to Uzumaki Naruto, had it really changed anything? He knew about Kyuubi – so what, was that going to magically make the fox wake up and try and take over; _unlikely, but I'd better try and figure out something to do for when it does start moving – jiji said it's pretty much a case of when, not if – wonder who'd be a good go-to guy for problems like that, apart from jiji of course?_ Aside from that he was still technically an orphan, admittedly one who was virtually part of the Inuzuka now, though the fact he knew who his parents were was a comfort to him, especially as one of them at least was an idol of his and the other sounded like someone who was well worth knowing about if the hints Sarutobi had been dropping were anything to go by. Still, as the water boiled and he reached up for a cup of instant ramen, making a mental note to get reacquainted with the Ichirakus sometime tomorrow, probably after Tenten was done beating him black and blue for making her worry so much, a last thought swirled around his head as he let out a final sigh for the time being.

_I'm still me, still Uzumaki Naruto, the little mouse of Konoha who got adopted into the Inuzuka pack, and right now I'm back where I belong_.

XXX

It was just as Sarutobi began clearing his desk that the buzzer sounded and the meeting he'd been looking forwards to all afternoon came to fruition; as he settled himself down in his official chair and tried to look composed, he wouldn't have been able to call himself human if he hadn't felt the hint of a gleeful smile creeping over his face. _After all, I can't deny that previous results have been impressive, and having her in a new environment may aid her re-integration into society – even beyond that, Naruto-kun could use something to take his off what was said earlier..._;

"Yo, Hokage-sama, whose throat did you want opening?"

_...And Kami damn me for being a wicked old sinner but I'm going to enjoy this_;

"Ah, glad you could make it on time; now, I have a permanent reassignment for you on the basis of some quite stunning work I've seen..."

XXX

A heavy thump jarred him from the pad he'd been doodling on idly, not in the mood to come up with new masks or have much of a plan about what to do tomorrow as of yet, instead thinking more about what might have been had at least one of his parents survived; having opened his front door however, he very quickly slammed it shut, feeling not in the least embarrassed about the shriek of terror that erupted out of his throat as he did so.

As far as he was concerned if the sight of a pissed off Mitarashi Anko on your doorstep with a kunai in her hand didn't make your palms sweat there was something very wrong with you.

A second thunderous thump almost had him adhering to the roof as he heard his former sensei's voice come storming through the wood at his back,

"Gaki, do you have any idea what you've done?"

"No but whatever it was I'm sorry", he shouted back over his shoulder; this obviously was the wrong thing to say as another, even more violent thud issued through the closed portal behind him and he winced as he heard a crack of splintering wood,

"Open up you little maggot", Anko demanded, foregoing her normal sneaky entrance in favour of just breaking in prior to breaking heads, "open up or I kick the door in".

"Okay, okay", knowing she would and could do exactly that Naruto yielded, tremulously unlatching the door and stepping quickly to the side as the chunin came storming in, face black and thunder as she wheeled on him and scowled,

"You have some serious explaining to do; I'm starting at eaten alive by hungry summons, let's see if you can talk your way into a more dignified death before I lose my temper". Swallowing hard, Naruto quickly sought to master his fear as he knew Anko could smell that emotion and found nothing sweeter; _well, except maybe dango_;

"Anko-san, what a surprise, I was just boiling some tea", he managed shakily, his wobbly grin enough to give her a moment's pause and allow him to carry on, "please, just go through to the living room and I'll bring it straight in". The snake summoner glowered at him for a moment before, to his great relief, she slowly put the kunai away and nodded curtly,

"Make it so minion", she commanded and he was gone so fast she couldn't help but smile; _still got it. Now, living room, ah that settee brings back memories_; and it did, not many of them nice as she stepped into the darkened room and flicked the light switch on, blinking as her vision adjusted; the room was just as she remembered it, save a new little plant on the window sill and a big glass tank that seemed empty, until her sharp eyes caught something moving and she realised it contained a small number of..

Of...

Naruto was in the kitchen praying for the kettle to boil faster and thanking Kami profusely under his breath that it eventually did when the shout came through,

"Gaki", there was a definite questioning air to Anko's voice as he pricked his ears and listened, "is it just me going crazy or do you actually have a tank of scorpions in your living room?"

"You're already crazy", he reminded her as he poured hot water into the tea pot and set up a tray, "but just for the record yes, I do have a tank of scorpions in my living room".

"Oh okay then", her answer was fainter this time and Naruto took silent pride at shocking even the Snake Mistress of Konoha as he picked the tray up and strode into the living room, silently amused at the sight of his former sensei staring into the tank as though trying to count the number of armoured arachnids in there; _take it from me, not nearly enough_;

"Alright, I'll bite", she said at length as he put the tray down, "aside from the obvious answer that you're just a weird kid with unusual hobbies, why do you have a tank of scorpions in your living room?"

"Well since someone I know wouldn't let me sign the snake contract I had to find a different way of getting rid of the bodies", Naruto offered as he poured for the pair of them, though he saw Anko wasn't buying it despite the slight snort of mirth she gave, "okay, truthful answer is Flea-sensei showed me how to catch and cook them when he took me and Kiba out survival training and I picked up a taste for them; boil them up and they go lovely in a ramen cup". Anko looked from him to the scorpions and back again before, to his relief, she shrugged and sat down, helping herself to a saucer of tea as she did so,

"Can't say fairer than that, I'm not much of a fan myself but to each their own".

"Yeah I know; you prefer men, the fresher the better", Anko glared over the dish she was sipping from before the expression softened slightly and she shrugged,

"Along with the odd woman or two, just for variety", she pointed out, revelling in Naruto's shudder before getting to the meat of the issue she had with him, "anyway, enough trying to worm your way out of this – fact of the matter is I've now been lumbered with a job I know is going to suck and the Hokage told me it was something to do with you and why you've been Kami-knows-where for the past Kami-knows how long. He said to ask you and that, I quote, you should tell me everything before I break out the interrogation kit, so, I'm here, you're here and I've got the branding irons on the heat back in the T and I department", she gave a chilling smirk as Naruto swallowed his last mouthful of tea a little too hastily and started to choke, "you've got about ten minutes before they get to the perfect temperature for working on various bits of the anatomy, specifically the male anatomy – make 'em count gaki!"

Despite her doubts on the matter, even she would have to admit through gritted teeth that he managed to do just that; it took him an hour or so to tell the whole story with her constantly questioning what exactly had happened, rolling on the floor with mirth as he pointed out where he'd ended up working and outright gawping in shock at the mission he'd undertaken. Finally, when he was done, Anko sat back in her chair, whistled and shook her head at him, disbelief warring with pride in her gaze as she looked across at her former student,

"Okay then, assuming this is true and I will be checking gaki, what you've done is probably the reason the old monkey's been looking so happy this past couple of days, and you showing me off as one of the best damn sensei in the business probably helped me go up in his eyes and hopefully land that special jounin jacket I've had my eye on; yep, alright, can't say fairer than that", she clapped her hands as though making her mind up about something, "looks like I won't be burying you today Naruto".

That declaration brought out a deep sigh of relief as he realised his priceless skin was once more still in one piece; it would have been very embarrassing to get out of Kumo only to come a cropper in his home village due to an angry sensei,

"Thanks for that Anko-sensei", he said with heartfelt relief, "I had visions of my life flashing before my eyes again – it's been so long I'd forgotten when to blink".

"Ha ha", the snake summoner deadpanned before standing up and looking for the door, "still, enjoy the rest of your miserable life before I come for you gaki; I said I wouldn't kill you, I didn't say you were off the hook", she beamed malevolently Naruto blanched and the saucer in his hand started shaking, "you'll find out what happened when I'm good and ready to let you know so, for now, enjoy what free time you have left – just don't forget that one day, when you least expect it", she snapped her fingers and Naruto dived behind his chair, sweating shuriken as he heard the Snake Mistress's dark laughter and the rustle of her trench coat as she swept her way out of the room and his apartment, only daring to resurface when he heard the reassuring slam of his front door and once more asking anyone who might be listening in the higher or lower kingdoms exactly what he'd done to have wound up with that crazy lady taking an interest in his affairs.

Some two hours later, after showering and getting changed into his night clothes, Naruto flopped down onto his bed, thought about what had happened over the past two days and allowed himself a brief chuckle as he thought about what he now knew; he was the jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi no Kitsune, he was the son of the bijuu's previous jinchuuriki, he was Pack-Bound to the Inuzuka clan for the rest of his life, his father was the Fourth Hokage and, most importantly of all as far as he could see, staring up at his ceiling as he switched off the light and rolled up in his covers, he was home sweet home.

A/N: And so he is, but what of the world he left behind beyond Konoha's borders? The Hokage plans to visit Lightning – what could the repercussions be? Who'll be running the show while Sarutobi's absent? What about the Hyuuga and the debt they owe Naruto? Will Danzo ever get the Mumm-Ra references (sorry about those but once I saw the similarities I just couldn't resist, hence the _Kamiwari-Nekos_ existing in this fanfic – throughout the entire manga of the Sasuke/Danzo showdown and the warhawk was using Izanagi to jump around all over the place and come back from the dead, all I could hear in the back of my mind was the catchphrase 'where evil exists, Mumm-Ra lives!')

Until the next time, ja ne!


	17. Chapter 17 Mouse Faces the Music

Chapter 17 – Mouse Faces the Music

A/N: Yes I know it's late but, in true Kakashi-style, I have not one but four excuses and, unlike the Copy-nin, all of mine are both valid and true; these reasons are Christmas, New Year, excessive workload and, last but certainly not least, Win Some Lose Some (come on, I wrote the Kumo arc without stopping, my one-shots needed some love as well). Still, the wait is over and the fall-out of Naruto's mission starts here so without further ado I bid you enjoy the latest act in my show!

XXX

Today, Naruto decided, was going to be a good day.

Oh sure, Ayame-neechan would probably use every recorded move and dirty trick in the venerated annals of ramen-fu to take her pound of flesh from the annoying little brat who'd made her and her father worry so much for the past third of a year and Teuchi-san would probably help her out in that regard with his potentially lethal ladle-wielding skills, and that was assuming he managed to drag what was left of his mangled carcass out of the Hasuwada weapons shop once Ten-chan was finished with him, not to mention the lingering presence of Anko-sensei looming over everything else like an aspect of the Shinigami just waiting to swing her knife at him when he least expected it, but aside from all that he was certain it was going to be a good day regardless.

_Got a lot of loose ends to tie up_; the jinchuuriki thought to himself as he stretched out in bed, scratching at the top of his head for a minute before rolling onto his front and pushing against the wall in front of him much like a cat, aiming to get a troublesome kink out of his back. It was true as well, in fact he was certain he had so many loose ends left after this fraying of relations with the rest of his village following his unexpected sojourn into the land of Lightning that he hadn't even found them all yet – still, no time like the present to get on with sorting out what he could and winging it for any he happened to trip over at a later date; _though the fact I can't mention what actually happened could be a pain, though Shikaku-san came up trumps for me with that cover story of his_._ Can't deny he did me a favour there – wonder if that means I shouldn't try to break in and see what happens if you add caffeine concentrate to the deer pen water supplies...nah!_

The thought made him chuckle a little as he recalled one of the first jobs on his little mental list – he'd been gone for a while and was under no illusion that his regular clients would probably have been grateful for the rest but at the same time, all the more reason to check they hadn't been slacking off now he was back. Still though, that idea would take a little while to plan out properly; best to let the clans stew for a little while before mounting another assault on their heads' collective pride and peptic health. So, with that idea on the back burner and as stretched out as much as he could manage, Naruto realised he could hold back the inevitable no longer and, grudgingly, slipped himself out of bed and stood up, scratching his itchy belly as he yawned and contemplated the day ahead; _and for the start of it, it doesn't look good – oh well_; emotions caught somewhere between shuddering terror and blasé indifference, Naruto just about managed to bring himself to pad towards his kitchen and check for life-giving ramen; _let's just get this over with_.

It was as he was just finishing off his last mouthful of ramen that the memory of the previous night hit him and he let out a sigh, his chopsticks falling back into the broth with a small splash as he kneaded his knuckles against his forehead as through trying to grind the facts into his protesting brain. Though jiji had been half-right and he did feel better after sleeping on it for a night, there was still no doubt that finding out he was the hidden son of arguably the most powerful and lethal ninja of the age was a major body-blow that had caught him completely on the fly and between the eyes. _Namikaze Minato_; even the name itself sounded like something for a legend, a mythical warrior who's shadow alone would send most enemies sprinting for cover and praying to whatever god they believed in for deliverance; _and he's my tou-san, but I can't tell anyone because if I do all his enemies, most of whom are probably still alive, will come looking for me and I'm nowhere near powerful enough to stand up to anyone who could make an enemy out of Namikaze Minato_. It was this idea of inheriting his father's enemies, perhaps more than the shock of discovering who his father actually was in the first place, that had Naruto more worried than anything else – even though he'd freely admit to knowing relatively little about how the ninja world worked, one of the few things he did know was that secrets had a nasty habit of being uncovered at particularly inconvenient moments and, if this one got out, it would most likely have highly detrimental effects on his future life expectancy.

_So then_; knowing what he did know was giving him a headache so he tried to do what he always did in these situations; casually bringing the carton of ramen up to his lips and swigging it down, he thought about something else; _tou-san's one case but jiji said I could ask about kaa-san, and she was a kunoichi as well as the previous host of my... inner furry_; he removed the carton from his lips in time to glance uneasily down at his T-shirt clad stomach before shrugging and boarding his train of thought again; _yeah, have to think of something clever to do with him when I get a minute. So apart from my parents and the bijuu they left me to baby-sit, I know one of my next moves has to be to ask the other clan heads about Kushina – jiji said they probably already figured I was her kid so speaking with them shouldn't be a problem. Tsume-baachan should tell me pretty much everything she knows considering she owes me a favour, and Hiashi-san should too now I think about it, but ideally I'd like to bring it up when they're all together – well, that should be easy_; he made a change to his mental diary regarding eating arrangements for the evening before wrapping up his chain of reasoning; _and aside from that, plenty to do for the rest of the day as well. So then, worst things first while I'm in the mood and still in possession of most of my limbs_; biting back a shudder, the jinchuuriki slid off his seat and tossed the empty ramen container towards the kitchen bin, mentally limbering himself up for the showdown that was sure to be coming in the next hour or so; _time to catch up on the old dodging practice with Panda-chan and her dear old tou-san – shouldn't be that hard really. After all I only made them worry about me going missing for a few weeks..._

_...months..._

_...without them having a clue where I was..._

_...and them having an adopted daughter who probably told them all the stories about the 'stealers' – the times some orphans go missing completely at random and are never seen again..._

_...and they've got a whole workshop full of weapons at their beck and call..._

_...and Panda-chan's been at the Academy for almost a whole term now, so they've both got ninja training..._

_..._

_...I wonder, does that Pack-Binding thing extend to the Inuzuka avenging my honourable death in sort-of combat?_

XXX

As things turned out, as they always seem to in these situations, the morning wasn't quite as bad as he'd been fearing in the slow mortuary trudge towards the Hasuwada residence; yes Tenten and her parents had been justifiably livid with him dropping off the face of the Elemental Nations for so long but they seemed to calm down when he explained the reasons behind his sudden vanishing act, Kishi-san even going so far as to offer her condolences when he explained that the 'Uzumakis' the Sandaime had been tipped off about actually weren't his clan or family. Even the new and improved training regime Muruda had introduced both himself and Tenten to, though exhausting and painful, had several upsides that a sunshine-filled soul such as Naruto could easily put a positive spin on – for instance, as he discovered about a split-second after setting foot in entrance to the Ichiraku ramen bar, even the most powerful of ramen-fu constriction holds, Ayame-chan's Feminine Glomp of Doom, could be broken if the luckless individual caught by it happened to be bruised almost beyond endurance and reacted to the sudden explosion of pain-wracked aches from his body with a scream of agony that defied both his gender and apparent lung capacity.

When his eyes stopped watering and he was able to think coherently again Naruto immediately added that particular little trick to his personal repertoire – it might have been an embarrassing way of escaping a grapple hold but he figured out as long as it worked it was worth remembering; _I think I'll call it the Inoichi defence_;

"Naruto-kun what", through a haze of tears he broke off naming his new ability to try and focus on the indistinct blur that appeared to be regarding him in deep concern, "what, what happened, are you hurt? Tou-san, dad...!" A thunder of feet announced Teuchi's arrival, the ramen chef with his trusty ladle in hand and not afraid to use it as he scoured the interior of his shop with a steely glare, looking for both the source of the scream and anything that could threaten either his daughter or his livelihood,

"Ayame-chan are you alright?" He glanced at his child before noticing the figure she was half-crouched by; he squinted before recoiling, almost dropping his precious ladle as he recognised the blonde child, "Naruto, what on earth...?"

"S, sorry jiji", the jinchuuriki managed to gasp, recovering his breath as he turned to his adopted older sister, "an' you Ayame-chan; I'm just a bit beat up from the Hasuwadas earlier and you squeezed one of my bruises too hard".

With that explanation the tension whooshed away from the interior of the stand as both Ichirakus realised their favourite customer wasn't in pain and was, actually, back where he belonged, right in front of their ramen bar and obviously wanting to be served; _though before that happens_; with the forthright manner her father assured her came from the maternal side of her family Ayame made it her business to determine where the blonde had been all this time; _time for you to answer a few questions for me Naru-chan_;

"Dad, go back and start boiling water – Naru-kun looks like he could eat us out of house and home..."

"Is that an offer or a challenge?" Disguising her snort of laughter as a sniff and hiding her grin with her hand (Teuchi didn't both on either count, simply glad to see his favourite customer again after so long away), Ayame carried on as though the now-salivating jinchuuriki hadn't spoken,

"It might not be either Naruto-kun", she said at first, just about lasting long enough to make her words seem a threat before her resistance crumbled in the face of his heartbroken expression, "not unless I get to hear a very good explanation as to where exactly you've been for so long. Dad and I were going mad with worry because of you and no-one, not even Hokage-sama, would tell us anything about what had happened. So then little brother, tell me where you went or no ramen for you at all today".

It was a threat that would, under normal circumstances, have had Naruto on his knees begging for mercy and offering to disembowel Gama-chan of every ryo it had ever contained to make sure it didn't come to pass; to the ramen girls' surprise, however, rather than all but breaking down in histrionics and semi-coherent pleas, the little blonde child instead regarded her with his head slightly cocked, measuring her up silently for a split-second before answering not with a promise, but rather a lusty sigh,

"Well it's a long story Ayame-chan, quite a boring one too I'm afraid and I've already had to tell it to loads of people. My throat's absolutely parched churning out the same old dry words again and again, it'll take at least three or four bowls of miso to get it wet enough to speak again you know". _Is he...he is as well_; the fact that Naruto was actively bargaining with her, and over ramen of all things, was enough to make Ayame's jaw drop open for several seconds before she recollected her scattered wits and centred herself again; though she might have been a waitress she was also the daughter of a merchant, a good one at that, and as such haggling and other nuances of trade were in her blood – hard as he might try and even with the element of surprise, Naruto just wasn't going to beat her in this kind of game,

"You get two bowls and then the whole story or no deal Naru-chan"; once more he held her eye for a moment before, at last, he conceded the point with good grace,

"Aye, fair enough; hear that Teuchi-jiji?"

"Already on it", the disembodied voice floated from the back of the store, coupled with a low hissing as water was brought to the boil, "get ready Ayame-chan these bowls are coming out hot – I want to hear this story as much as you do!"

The first touch of noodles on tongue was heavenly, Naruto's eyes falling shut and eyelids fluttering as the taste once more took his breath away; _how, how did I possibly survive out there without this?_ It was a question he had no answer to – there was no way, no way at all anyone could ever hope to live and survive in this world without the divine succour of ramen to sustain them. He savoured that first bowl, his first for almost a third of a year, as though he were four years old again; chewing every mouthful and letting the hot soup and salty noodles caress every taste-bud on his tongue. When he was certain that not even a single drop of the perfect dish was left in the bottom of that bowl he turned his attention to the second one laid down before him, letting his now-whetted appetite loose a little as he polished it off at a double-quick speed; when he went to reach for the third, however, he was brought back down to earth and let out a yelp as an iron spatula descended on his knuckles. Wincing and trying to remove the agonising ache from his fingers by flexing them, he turned an accusing gaze upwards only for it to bounce off Ayame's folded arms and stern expression,

"Okay Ruto, that's your two", she pointed out, Naruto counting the empties before realising with a scowl that she was right; _damn it, and I can smell Teuchi-jiji making more in the back – it's deliberate I know it is, they're only cooking extra to try and get me to talk more_; and the sad thing was it was probably going to work – his stomach had tasted ramen and, having been reminded of what it had been missing for so long, was now demanding a proper tribute, "now out with it, what possessed you to just up and disappear for months on end? And without telling anyone where you were going as well?"

"Believe it or not there's not actually all that much to say really Ayame-chan", Naruto began, once more reeling off the lies he had told himself so much over the past night and morning that he half-believed them himself, "I was as shocked as you, and everyone else probably, was when jiji..."

"There he is!"

As that shrill exclamation reached his ears Naruto felt another little piece of himself just shrivel up and die from ramen starvation as with a slight thunk his head met the service bar of the ramen stand and the body it was connected to let out a groan,

"Kami, why me?"

"What did you say?" The sudden shout from right next to him made him jerk upright on his stool, looking around frantically until he came eye to blazing, light-green eye with Yamanaka Ino, his fellow blonde glaring at him with her arms folded thunderously; _crap, she must have heard that! Okay, come on, need a...that'll have to do_;

"I said 'that's my three'", Naruto elaborated with his widest grin on his face, explaining more as the woman the Yamanaka scion had temporarily abandoned upon seeing the boy her daddy had said last night was back in the village ducked into the ramen stand and stood beside her daughter, "I already saw Ten-chan this evening, so now I've seen Ayame-chan and you that's the three girls I've got to speak to".

"Hmm", Ino scrutinised his face for a long minute before looking away, thankfully not noticing the relieved breath that whistled silently out of Naruto's lungs as he was certain explaining that little slip-up would have been both embarrassing and painful, the gleeful smirk hovering around Ayame's lips not reassuring him she'd have stepped in to help if it all went the shape of the pear, "I'm sure you said something else but I'll let it slide this time as long as you..."

"...Tell me where I've been right", the brighter blonde second-guessed, trying hard not to look too smug as Ino whipped back around to stare at his new-found powers of deduction, "man, do all girls have this need to know everything that's going on all the time? First thing Ten-chan said to me, not 'how are you doing?' or 'is everything okay Naruto?' – no, it was 'where have you been?' Sometimes I think it'd be easier if I just had a tracker seal tattooed on my forehead, maybe then I wouldn't have to answer that question so often". Ino snickered,

"Nah, I'd still ask it just to annoy you", she stuck her tongue out mischievously as Naruto rolled a baleful glare her way before snorting dismissively,

"You don't need say anything, just being within about fifty feet of you's enough of an annoyance for most people to be getting on with", he replied caustically, causing Ino's expression to curdle into ire before his next words softened it somewhat, "still though it's a fair point and at least I only have to say it once now. Basically I was rushed out of the Leaf village because jiji, the Sandaime that is, caught wind of a group of travellers who'd just entered Fire country with a fair few people answering to the name Uzumaki", there were a pair of gasps from the two younger girls at this while Kunisa, able to contain herself better, merely covered her mouth with one hand as the jinchuuriki went on, "so decided to get me introduced to people who might have been my family and clan before they could move on again and the trail went cold. I knew as much about it as you lot all did for the first couple of days; I came back off the training fields ready to put some ramen in the pot and kick my feet up for the night when some big hairy tracker-nin boots the door down, scares me half to death, throws me over his shoulder and hurls us both through the window – I almost wet myself with the nerves! Lucky they, the hunter-nin and his squad that is, debriefed me en-route and someone else managed to scrape up the few possessions I had that meant anything, so about a week or so later I was learning what it was like to be a merchant and live with a caravan. The nin gave the ptra; that means the chief or the eldest member of the caravan; a rendezvous point some two months in the future where they could drop me off if I didn't belong there and then they set off of their mission".

"They left you with a group of strangers?" Kunisa's mothering side, never far away even when she wasn't with her daughter, immediately shot up a warning flare and her winsome face transmogrified itself into a demon's mask – if that was the case she and Sarutobi were going to be having a little chat next time the Hokage visited the Yamanaka grounds. Seeing the danger, Naruto quickly made to avert the headache he might have inadvertently caused for his jiji before it could bloom into full life,

"No, they left me with a group of strangers and an ultimatum", he corrected her, grinning widely as Kunisa glanced at him askance, "I didn't quite catch all of it but as the ptra was looking a bit pale and shaky by the time the ninja left despite the ryo they'd left, I can guess it was something along the lines of 'look after that kid or else'. So that was me set up for the next however-long I've been gone; I've been living with the Uzumaki part of the caravan, though it was pretty obvious after a few days that I wasn't one of their Uzumaki, and probably just as well as I'd have driven the ptra mad if they'd been forced to adopt me full-time, until we hit the meeting place and the hunter-nin came back for me. It wasn't ideal, for me or for the caravan, but that's the way the ramen boils sometimes – speaking of which Ayame-chan, could you...?"

Even as she mechanically placed the bowl of steaming goodness her brother had asked for on the bar in front of him and watched him attack it ravenously Ayame found herself caught somewhere between relief that Naruto was all right and indignation that the Sandaime of all people had been so cavalier with his safety. _Bad enough he basically gets kidnapped out of his own home without a chance to say goodbye to anyone, especially after that business with the Inuzuka that happened so soon afterwards, but why didn't Hokage-sama tell anyone his plan?_ Even as the thoughts flashed across her mind Ayame could easily see the same questions reflected back at her from the visage of the Yamanaka stood almost opposite on the other side of the bar, though before she could ask the hundred-ryo question Naruto had slurped down his latest mouthful and answered it,

"Jiji didn't want to tell anyone in case it turned out the Uzumaki he'd found weren't my Uzumaki", he told them, hastily spooning down another mouthful of broth before carrying on, "he knew the people that give me a hard time might have been able to put two and two together, realise I was back from meeting my clan and then start saying all sorts of nasty things like they kicked me out, why was Konoha having to look after a clanless reject, all that good stuff. So he just didn't tell anyone", Naruto's shrug was perfectly time, casual enough to convey agreement but with just a hint of discomfort that suggested the village leader's decision chafed him, just a little, "when I got back he told me exactly what he'd done and said it was up to me who I wanted to tell the truth to and, be honest, who apart from people who know me are gonna care where I've been?"

It was a true, if somewhat harsh, statement, one that made even Ino, arguably the staunchest critic Naruto had in the ramen stand at that point, soften a little towards him; Ayame and Kunisa were already sending the Hokage mental apologies as they realised exactly why he ran the village and was able to think so many steps ahead. The mood within the ramen stand deflated somewhat until, with a thump, Teuchi pushed gently past his daughter and dropped another bowl in front of his customer, a smile on his normally placid face,

"Well Naru-kun, remember that everyone here cares about who you are and what trouble you manage to get yourself into", the ramen chef told him in a sincere tone of voice before chuckling slightly, "even if our questions are annoying at least understand our hearts are in the right place".

"I know jiji, and I'm grateful", Naruto replied, respectfully bobbing his head as he poked the surface of the ramen with his chopsticks, "still, a shame it didn't work out really – the ptra might have been adamant his convoy stayed on the road but I'm sure, if we had been the same clan that is, that I could've talked them into settling down in Konoha – a whole clan of Uzumakis in the Leaf", he sighed dreamily, the image he conjured up in his mind making his eyes glitter wickedly as he finished, "I doubt any other clan would sleep safely in their beds at night".

"I know for a fact I wouldn't", Ino pointed out with a shudder that wasn't entirely theatrical – though it had been almost a year since her haphazard introduction to the budding infiltrator she hadn't forgotten the lessons he'd pointed out and the measures her clan had adopted in no uncertain terms; _and they were good measures at that, even if they meant I had to start growing Devil Thorn plants rather than flowers in my window-box_; "one of you's more than bad enough as it is".

"Aww, Kunisa-chan", as Naruto looked up at her with those big blue eyes pleading the elder Yamanaka did her best to look serious and prevent the grin slipping over her lips, "Ino-hime's being mean to me".

"And you deserve it", the girl shot back before her mother could reply, the challenge in her eyes as unmistakeable as ever, "urgh, the thought of more than one of you in the world, never mind the village – it's enough to frighten even a princess like me out of her beauty sleep".

"Beauty sleep? Huh, I'll wake you up next September then shall I? Hey, no need for that", Naruto defended himself even as he scooted as far to the side of his stool as he could without toppling off of it, retreating in the face of Ino's raised fist and flaming eyes as he took an ill-advised swipe at her physical appearance, "look, sad fact of the matter is you might have made a good start but to catch up to the goal you've set yourself", despite herself Kunisa was forced to look away and fight down a blush as all attention was turned in her direction, directed there by Naruto's finger, "you're going to need a lot more than just a few extra forty winks a night or so". _Damn, that was good_; obviously a few of the lessons he'd learnt behind the mask of Maumaru Zaki were still as valid in Konoha as they had been in Kumo; _note to self, charm can be used to deflect feminine fury, and if that doesn't work there's no shame in grovelling until they see someone else they'd rather pound to jelly_;

"Naruto", Ayame's sharp, clipped voice cut through his musing and the slight sense of smugness that had just started blossoming in his chest as he took in Ino's fist dropping, her mouth working silently as she tried and failed to come up with a comeback to his valid point, "no flirting with the customers..."

"Oh, sorry Ayame-chan; were you feeling left out?"

There was a sudden 'snerk' from Teuchi, the chef doubling over as he hastily stifled a snort of laughter, quickly retreating towards the back of his store and leaving his daughter hanging as badly as her jaw currently was, the ramen waitress joining the heir of the Yamanaka clan in being unable to tear her eyes away from the blonde jinchuuriki and his razor wit. The scenario might have remained in place indefinitely as it seemed neither Ayame nor Ino could muster the mental effort needed to move their bulging eyes away from their diminutive friend, though after a spending a moment making sure her own grin wasn't going to be seen and cause the girls further embarrassment Kunisa stepped forward and put her hand gently on her daughter's shoulder,

"Come on Ino-chan, you wanted to ask your friend where he's been and he's told you, now we have to get going or we'll be late home; Naru-kun, don't be a stranger", she pointed out and offered simultaneously. The boy in question nodded and Ino knitted her brows for a moment before her eyes widened in understanding and she nodded, slipping off her stool and dogging her mother's heels towards the exit of the stall before pausing at the threshold and turning to look back at the child now tucking back into his ramen with obvious relish,

"Yeah Naruto-baka, don't take too long to come over", she declared, hands on her hips and looking as challenging as she could make herself as she threw down her gauntlet, "I need to beat something up and work out some stress". The jinchuuriki chuckled slightly and nodded,

"Sure thing Ino-chan; I'll get over to you as soon as I'm done with everything else I've got to do, then I'll help you get rid of all your frustrations".

Fortunately the Yamanaka was slightly too young to understand the innuendo and didn't hear the second outburst of hysterics from the ramen stand kitchen, instead marching away with her head held high and a proud grin of her face. Naruto watched her go with his own, a slightly more sly smirk on his lips until the impact of a dish-cloth on his head broke his concentration and he found himself glancing up at his nee-chan's slightly reddened face,

"Oww, Ayame-chan, what was that for?" He whined, making a show of rubbing his head; the ramen girl, however, was feeling far too bloody-minded to be put off by such a pathetic piece of puppy-dog play acting,

"You know very well what that was for you little horror", the older girl snapped back, brandishing her dishcloth threateningly, "I don't care what those caravan-people taught you while you were gone but as of this minute those lessons stay out on the mat you wiped your feet on to come in here, clear? We've got enough trouble keeping this place in one piece without your lip making a bad situation worse and scaring all the customers away".

"Hai, hai Ayame-chan; even the ptra wouldn't cross you in a bad mood", he griped somewhat sourly until she raised her impromptu weapon again, "I mean, uh, he'd be too in awe of your radiant beauty and kind nature to even dream of saying a word against you". _That looked like it..._; just for a moment he thought he'd got away with it – that was until Teuchi let rip with another splutter of helpless laughter from the back of the store and ruined the foundation of obsequious flattery the jinchuuriki had laid down; _...okay, prepare for pain and if worst comes to worst save the ramen first_. Ayame's face seemed to have frozen in shock but, as the laughter continued and if anything got louder, the ice thawed enough to allow a strange, threatening grimace to appear on her normally happy face,

"Naruto-kun", she spoke without moving her lips, "much as I love you like a brother I'd rather not have any witnesses if they haul me up before a jury for patricide, so please could you help your nee-chan out and disappear for a while?"

"One month or two?"

"What, I...oh no", realisation of what she'd said hit Ayame like a heavy iron skillet to the face and immediately she rushed to apologise, "I didn't mean it like that Naru-chan, I missed..."

"I know Ayame-chan", the whiskered boy smiled, pushing his now-clean last bowl forwards before hopping off his seat, skirting around the edge of the ramen bar and embracing the older girl around the middle, inhaling the scent of flour, hot water and good, honest toil from her apron as he went on, "I might have been upset that those Uzumaki I found weren't my clan or family but, when I got back to Konoha, I realised it didn't matter really; I'm home now and even if Hokage-jiji finds someone else who might be related to me, they'll have to up sticks and move here 'cause I'm not leaving again. Like I said to jiji, can't have a Hokage who doesn't even live in the village – the paperwork would take over in a week!"

As Ayame returned his embrace and nuzzled her cheek against his hair, grateful at the end that regardless of the circumstances Naruto was back where he belonged even if the reunion was overshadowed by her father's inability to hush his appreciation of the jokes the Uzumaki had played at the expense of both his daughter and the offspring of one of the most influential jounin of the village; _because let's face it, if the Yamanaka start gossiping against you your business is already circling the plug-hole_; Naruto was left once more breathe a sigh of relief that not only was he back in the village with his precious people, but also that once more, they believed his untruths and thus kept themselves safe from any potential repercussions from Cloud should the situation with the Inuzuka not blow over as he and the rest of the people in the know were hoping.

_They're all better off not knowing – what they don't know they can't tell anyone else_; Naruto told himself as he left the ramen stand a few moments ago with Ayame's faux-warcry ringing in his ears, the ramen girl stalking into the back of her store to have it out with her father about exactly when and where was an appropriate time to give in to the giggles; _ignorance truly is bliss, or even if it's not it's at least safety. Though, then again_; the hand he had in one of his pockets stopped rolling around the long, thin item one of his clones had brought for him under a minute-mask, the weight of the small stick making slush flop into the pit of his stomach before he swallowed hard and forced it down and away, concentrating on his next destination and the most unpleasant duty he had to fulfil today; _the difference between ignorance and wilfully blinding yourself to anything and everything not to do with you can also be the difference between life and death, and Kami-sama heed this one's useless prayer, I can only hope her death was swift and painless_.

With that melancholic thought in mind, Uzumaki Naruto kept on walking towards the now-deserted Uchiha complex of the village Hidden in the Leaves.

XXX

Naruto had often heard that it was forbidden fruit that tasted sweetest but now, standing here in a place that had always intrigued but been out-of-bounds to him, he could taste nothing but ash and disappointment on his tongue.

The jinchuuriki liked to think of himself as someone who didn't get scared easily; after all, no future Hokage could be a coward; but even he would admit if pressed that something about this place, almost a second village within the village, unnerved him; though the physical evidence of Itachi's crime had long since been cleared away and cleaned up there was something else, something deeper that merely removing the bodies and washing away the bloodstains couldn't remove. The traditional houses of the Uchiha clan were empty of people and devoid of life, no birds sang or nested here as though nature itself knew of the crime that had been committed here and shunned this place; the Uchiha section of Konoha was empty and, more than that, it was hollow, thin and starving for life like a beaten cur but at the same time shunned by all right-thinking people. _But I've got a job to do_; pulling his jumpsuit around himself Naruto fought down a shiver and let his knowledge of duty override his concerns, the little stick of incense in his pocket a tangible reminder of what he had come here for; _and standing here being afraid of ghosts that don't exist isn't going to get it done._ With that in mind Naruto squared his shoulders, cast one last look over his shoulder at the gate he had squirmed into the clan grounds from and then set off, searching for the one place of the Uchiha land that had seen sad work done upon it since the event of the massacre.

He found it towards the back of the grounds and, seeing the newly-formed mounds as well as the vast expansion of what had been the original plot of the clan graveyard, he felt a profound sense of mortality sweep over him; in the ground before him the Uchiha clan, a group of some hundred and more living, breathing people, now lay cold and still, mouldering beneath the earth as the life had been removed from them by a swing of their prodigy's ninjato. So many people reduced to nothing, to lifeless husks, so quickly and without mercy; seeing the expanded graveyard and the fresh-dug graves send another chill through the jinchuuriki before he steeled himself as best he could and, though he really didn't want to, began slowly picking his way thought he macabre place, careful not to put his feet upon any of the disturbed ground for fear of offending anyone in the afterlife, checking the headstones to find the one he needed. He was fortunate as it was on the outskirts of the newer land, the children and youngsters of the now-lost clan buried together in a single section ringed by larger graves that he suspected held parents of the dead children, though before his gorge could rise too much as he contemplated this he saw the headstone he needed and paused before it, tongue suddenly dry as all the words he'd hoped to say dried up on his tongue. He tried to speak once, twice and then gave up, instead lowering himself onto his knees facing the smooth, carved stone and, after fishing it out of his pocket, gently pushing the incense stick he'd brought with him into the earth, lighting it with the lighter he now no longer needed due to his developing a smoke-creating jutsu but carried out of habit.

As the perfumed smoke rose from the stick the odour helped Naruto relax, giving him something to focus on apart from the resting places of the deceased all around him; the scent of the ground filled his nose as he bowed to the grave three times in succession before, at last, finding his tongue once more and speaking on,

"You'll be pleased to know that, thanks entirely to your bad influence, I might well go down in history as the kid who pulled the greatest prank ever played in the Elemental Nations. I mean seriously, you taught me to fool one person and, because of that, I've taken it on and managed to fool an entire enemy village into thinking I was someone else; absolutely priceless. If you really are up there and able to see everything I hope it gave you a decent-enough laugh; I was hoping to say thanks to your face but, with what happened and all and please don't take this the wrong way, I hope that doesn't happen for a good few years yet – I can't die until I become Hokage, though when I do the first order I'm going to give if it hasn't already been done is to hunt down and find the guy who killed you. I promise, Uchiha Itachi will pay for his crimes, but I'm sure you don't want to hear about that..."

In such a manner the rest of the morning passed, Naruto on his knees before the grave talking about things that had happened in the recent past and thanking one of the first friends he'd ever actually made, even if they'd spoken at best only once or twice before, for the lesson she had taught him. The incense stick burned down and finally crumbled before, as the sun reached its zenith, Naruto exhausted his words and thanks and stood up stiffly, brushing down his knees as he gave a final bow towards the grave before slowly exiting the mausoleum of the Uchiha clan, once more taking care not to blunder onto any of the resting places of the dead as, behind him, a playful wind whipped up and scattered the incense ashes across the grave of Uchiha Mila, a girl whose words had inadvertently precipitated the creation of a prankster of legendary repute and the playing of the most powerful and damaging hoax the village Hidden in the Clouds would ever be forced to endure.

Though it would forever unknown save to a few that Naruto invited into his confidence, the role the Uchiha clan had played in the creation of the Mouse of Konoha would never be forgotten or unappreciated by the one who had benefitted the most from a single act of kindness and a few informative words from one of the Sharingan-wielding clan.

XXX

Almost as soon as he was invited over the threshold and starting rubbing his hands in glee at the scents already tickling his sensitive nose he found himself accosted by a sudden shout from just down the hallway,

"Uzumaki Naruto, front and centre", the voice that gave this order had such an inherent tone of command that the aforementioned boy sprung to attention like a piece of elastic, only just able to turn his body enough to see Akimichi Chime come stomping down the corridor like one of her clansmen's jutsu gone out of control. _Man, and I thought Yoshino would be bad enough_; a bead of cold sweat was rolling down the back of his neck and the wait was so painful, so torturous on his nerves that when the blow came it was actually more of a mercy than anything else,

"Oww!" Naruto griped, glaring upwards and rubbing his head, "Am I going to get a thick ear off every woman I know every time they see me from now on? If I'd known what was coming when I got back to this village I'd probably have stayed where I was!"

"You bloody wouldn't, I'd have had the entire clan flattening the Nations until they found you when I'd found out; anyway, that was for running off like you did", in the next moment the taller woman was bend almost double to wrap her arms around his shoulders, speaking into his throbbing ear as she did, "this is for coming back in one piece, you little orange maniac! Only you Naruto, only you would be insane enough to get dragged into half the things you do, and a lot of the time I wonder how even you can survive some of it!"

"You think I haven't asked that question myself?" Naruto asked, slipping out of the Akimichi matriarch's embrace with a fond, if playful, smile on his face, "The only thing I can think of is there's someone up there getting his jollies out of watching the many and varied ways I find of screwing things up, and when I finally get it right he must really get a chuckle because it seems to be going okay so far".

"More than okay if what old Chou-kun was telling me a few nights ago is true", flicking some of her raven hair back behind her ear the former onna-bugeisha smiled down at the smaller form before her, "I look forwards to hearing some of your exploits on the roads of the word – was it true there was almost a brawl between the caravan and the ANBU squad when they turned up to take you away?"

Naruto chuckled at this, partly to applaud Chouza his skill in crafting a lie in the mind of his wife but mostly to keep up appearances as he thought of something clever to say in response to this question out the blue,

"Brawl no, celebration quite possibly; the ptra had been counting down the days 'til he could be rid of me to the point he was notching the door of his caravan every night to tell himself he'd made it through another day", the jinchuuriki admitted, his own breezy nature enough to ensure that, even if implausible, the untruth sounded enough like something that might have happened that Chime questioned it no further, instead standing to her full height and pointing towards the main dining room,

"Can't say that I blame him; I was thinking about notching our front door every time you snuck in to remind us how easily you slipped through not so long ago"; _neat idea, though I can't see it finding much favour in a lot of cases – the Hyuuga have enough issues with privacy without someone starting to carve holes in their screen doors_; even as the idea of this flickered in Naruto's mind and he grinned internally at the carnage that could result, he padded along obediently in Chime's wake as she stepped past him towards the feasting he could hear starting in the most important room of the Akimichi house, "still though, forget about that for now. You know our rules Naruto; the meal is sacrosanct and that means no pests at the dinner table, not even mice".

That did make Naruto chuckle, though as he came into the main dining area and saw the plates piled high with food of all descriptions he scrubbed the humour from his mind in favour of appreciation of the hard work of the Akimichi clan chefs; _how do they do this every night? I've heard of being in love with the job but even so, to cook so much good grub every night without fail, and without complaint..._;

"Ha, Naruto", the sudden boisterous shout made him jump and look over simultaneously, though luckily Chouji stopped short of giving his smaller friend a full Akimichi greeting; instead one hand engulfed half of Naruto's arm while the other clamped onto his shoulder like a biological vice, the rotund child pumping the other boy's arm up and down like a piston as he went on, "tou-san told you'd were back and where you'd been; sorry it didn't work out with those Uzumaki he mentioned but, never mind, at least we're all glad to see you home again. Anyway, forget that time is a-wasting and you're already two courses down; best hurry unless you want to miss out the third as well". _Third? Okay, starters, first cleanser...oh hell no!_;

"No chance", galvanised by the warning and inwardly swearing that nothing, not even the entire shinobi population of Kumo itself, was going to come between him and the fish course, least of all if that spicy seafood soup he'd become quite partial to was in the offering, it was Naruto this time who took the lead, almost dragging Chouji towards the table though, to be fair, the Akimichi wasn't exactly digging his heels in, "three months I've been living on wild berries, mushrooms, whatever small game the caravan could catch and anything else we could beg, borrow, buy or steal – absolutely no way I'm missing out on one of the main reasons I came home. Make room", the jinchuuriki backed up his declaration with judicious use of sharp elbows, clearing himself a place at the table while Chouji, a lot more experienced and nonchalant about the whole experience, simply levered himself up onto an available place; _three...two...one...my place now. Man I'm glad that rule's one of the clan secrets – if anyone else knew about it I doubt anyone in our clan would ever keep a seat around our table due to the people we'd be forced to feed_; "don't come between hungry mice and their vittles 'cause we're not very picky about what we chew through to get to them!"

Some hours later and up to his elbows in soapy water, scrubbing the used pots hard to honour his hosts for the evening for their efforts on his behalf (much as he'd have liked to repay the Akimichi hospitality in a traditional way, even Chouza would have had to admit if pushed that it might have looked a mite too suspicious if the Uzumaki was seen continually going into the clan establishments; regardless of his personal feelings on the matter and his longing to tell anyone who'd voice such a concern to take a running jump off a short pier, the clan needed a lot of money to survive and Naruto being a regular customer might have put off a lot of potential business), Naruto heard someone coming up behind him and looked over his shoulder in time to see Chouza up with another armful of crockery, the Akimichi clan head speaking out the corner of his mouth as he set down the next course of washing up,

"Heh, the conquering hero returns eh?"

"Where?" Naruto made a show of looking around the sink he was working on, "I haven't seen him".

"Heh", Chouza chuckled once more, "modest as well as everything else; you really are a complete package aren't you Mouse?"

"Nah I'm not modest, just honest", Naruto admitted, voicing the truth as he saw it while reaching for another plate and wiping some of the suds away from the hot water he was working in, "if any one of those ninja had even suspected something I'd have been dead quicker than lightning; I'm not a super-nin or anything like that, I'm just a kid with one neat trick and the devil's own luck in being in the right place at the right time. What happened in Kumo, hell everything that happened in Kumo wasn't anything but nerve and Kami smiling on me". Chouza considered this for a moment before, reluctantly, conceding the point somewhat and moving on,

"True but they often say fortune favours the bold..."

"They also say the devil looks after his own" Naruto quipped with his typical razor wit, though fortunately he missed the slight wince his comment elicited before Chouza regathered himself and carried on as though he hadn't been interrupted,

"...so, regardless of all else, I've been informed by my peers to tell you that the usual games night is on this weekend at the Aburame place and you are, for a change, invited to attend rather than gate-crashing as you usually do".

Naruto was forever thankful that at that moment he wasn't holding a dish or a plate or anything valuable in his soap-covered hands as the Akimichi patriarch extended the invitation as about the only person he knew more protective of their crockery than the cookery-loving clan was Hasawada Kishi and he rather doubted that seeing an item of their collection in hundreds of pieces on the floor would endear him to them much. Swallowing hard, Naruto turned on the spot to face the taller man rather than speak to the side of him, his voice uncharacteristically grave,

"You mean it?" Chouza chuckled, in fact he would have laughed had he not been aware of the risk of attracting too much attention to his discrete conversation as he nodded and spoke again in his hushed tone,

"Of course we all mean it you nit; Naruto I don't know if you're aware of this but, after the honourable Hokage declassifies that A-ranked secret regarding your little outing to the mountains, I would stake my clan's larder and everything in it that the story of what you've done and got away with will be one my grandchildrens' grandchildren learn at their mother's knee. You've done something... most of us are still in a state of shock – it rivals anything us clan heads ever managed to achieve while we were serving ninja, and you're not even in double-figure age yet! Aside from that", the big man dipped his head lower after glancing around to check no-one was listening in, dropping his voice to a conspiratorial whisper, "we all know you didn't tell us everything that happened while you were gone; anyone, even a civilian, looking at the way you and Rin sparked off one-another could tell you that; so we want the gory details of what happened in Lightning. We're all covered by the secret so you can tell us everything, and Naruto", Chouza's normally-smiling face suddenly morphed into a ghoulish mask that put the willies up even a normally such a normally iron-willed (or, as the less charitable might have said, iron-headed) boy such as the blonde jinchuuriki,

"You _will_ tell us everything".

Suddenly feeling very small and inadequate; not an unusual occurrence when stood side by side with an Akimichi of Chouza's prodigious proportions it had to be said but unsettling enough to knock Naruto out of his usual comfort zone; it was all the blonde could do to nod meekly in acquiescence, a gesture that made Chouza nod, turn off his frightful appearance and stand back up to his full height, all smiles and affable nature as normal,

"Good, glad to hear you could make it", he said, perhaps a touch too loudly to be completely realistic but no-one else in the rear of the kitchen seemed inclined to take the matter further, instead returning to their own chores as their leader turned and walked away to take inventory of the remaining stock and Naruto turned back to his dishes, still shivering at the sheer presence the big man had put forth at the same time as make yet another note in his rapidly-filling mental diary; _one more thing to do true, but overall_; he held the glasses he'd been working on with a dishrag and hot water up to the light and, after a brief inspection, nodded and placed it on the draining board; _it's been a damn good day_.

XXX

That same thought was in his mind the following morning as he looked out of his window, saw the sun in the sky and, as he stuck his hand out the window to test the tepidity of the air and realised that it seemed reasonably mild, he decided that today was going to be a pretty sweet day out as well.

_With a bit of luck_; loosening the straps of his faithful rucksack as it appeared he'd gone through a bit of a growth spurt in the three months he'd been absent and was already determining which of his work-clothes would suffice for now and which would have to be ceremonially burnt as they were at last declared too small to fit any more, Naruto casually swung his bag onto his back, picked Slim up from where it rested next to his front door and glanced at the wooden staff askance for a moment; _wow, I really must be getting bigger, this thing used to be at my shoulder, now it's chest-high at best. Ah well, never mind, it still does its job well enough – anyway, apart from that it's a nice day, the grounds haven't been gone over for a while so there should be a real harvest of scrap out there just waiting for me to ferret it out and I've got plenty of pots to pick up replacement nibbles tomorrow morning after camping out – yep_; the smile on his face was wide and beaming as he let himself out and locked his front door; _sounds like a good day to me_.

The positive vibes that had buoyed up his mod continued even as he walked through the streets of the village and noticed idly the looks of surprise he was getting, though most of these quickly morphed into expressions of disdain or sneering contempt as their owners realised he'd noticed their attention; _huh, even the rent-a-mob missed me a bit. Oh well, what was it Atsui told me, that quote from the Nidaime Raikage – 'better to live in infamy than to be forgotten in anonymity' – something like that_; so not everything was perfect upon his return but, then again, was that really such a bad thing? The villagers could curse and spit at him all they liked but he, and they more to the point, knew who the top dogs in the village were and Naruto was reasonably sure that should they try to do any more than simply glare harshly in his direction, one or other of the silent guardians of the village would be more than happy to correct their attitudes. _Screw them_; Naruto thought to himself as he merely smiled at the sight of a mother hastily tugging her daughter out of his path, doubtless telling the little girl that he was a dangerous beast who would snap her in half as soon as look at her; _what they think doesn't matter – when I start wearing the big hat around here I'll make things change whatever the civilians want them to or not. And I'm pretty sure the Inuzuka at least would have my back while I'm doing it!_

It was a thought that held Naruto in cheerful fettle as he headed towards the gates once more, nodding at the two chunin guarding the mighty edifice until a sudden call from one of them made his pause and turn around,

"Didn't realise this sink-hole was quite that bad", glancing over his shoulder at the source of the call Naruto turned fully around and cocked his head quizzically as the chunin folded his arms, "not even a week back here and you're already off again?"

"Huh? Oh, haha", the jinchuuriki gave his traditional grin as he caught up with the point the ninja appeared to be making, "nah, not quite that bad yet; give it time though. You know how it is, a mouse's work is never done – lots of scrap out there just waiting to be hunted down and I've got both the nose to hunt it down and a good home for it when I do".

"I don't doubt it pack-rat but you'll have to put the hunt on ice for a bit kid; word from the big man", the chunin explained, Naruto paying rapt attention as he realised exactly who the ninja was referring to, "he passed a message through to us, the gate guards that is, last night, said it was for you and that he needed to see you as soon as your little legs could get you to the tower this morning".

"Oh, right"; _that's odd – usually if jiji wants to see me he comes over to the apartment. Hope it's nothing too serious... hang on a minute – that sly old monkey, how did he...?_; "he told you to tell me that – how'd he know I was going out today? Am I really that predictable?" The chunin did his best to mask a chuckle, though his shaking shoulders gave him away slightly, as his companion on the gate, slumped over the desk and apparently deep in slumber, gave a snore that sounded suspiciously like a snicker before continuing to drone away merrily,

"Only to him kid; the rest of us don't have a clue what you're up to even half the time – Kami half of us only noticed you'd gone about a fortnight after the event, and that was only because some of us had a card-night in the chunin lounge and we got talking about how no-one had seen you around for a while". This news, at least, made the Uzumaki let out a sigh of relief,

"Whew, thank goodness for that; last thing I need to do now is fall into a pattern and let people suss out what I'm going to do next", he said in relief, pushing his pack up his shoulder and retracing his steps towards the Hokage tower in the distance, "ah well, let's go see what the old man wants me for; thanks for the message guys. Free trade next time?" The chunin chuckled again as he waved the child through the gates he'd just walked out of,

"Sounds about fair".

Some fifteen minutes of leisurely strolling and a few flights of stairs later found the business end of Slim being rapped smartly against the Hokage's office door and, upon being granted permission to enter, the owner of said little wooden stick stepped inside with a wide smile that dimmed a little as he saw the office looking a lot less lived-in than he was used to,

"Going somewhere jiji?"

"I am indeed, no thanks to you Naruto-kun", the old man responded, moving around the office with the agility of a man less than half his age as he made a few last checks to make sure all was as it should be, "we, the council and I that is, have thrashed out some of the demands Konoha will make of Kumo for the abduction they planned and you foiled – all that remains now is for me to take them to the Raikage personally".

"What, you're going to Kumo?" Naruto managed to fathom out a minute later, looking at the old man with apprehensive eyes, "Isn't that, you know, kind of dangerous jiji? I mean I doubt they're going to want to see anyone from Konoha straight after, well, what happened last week". Despite himself the Sandaime smiled at the boy's honest assessment of the situation,

"I don't doubt that either Naruto-kun but this time they're going to have to like it or lump it – I'm going there and I'm going to let the Raikage know of both my and village's displeasure following his attempt to kidnap some of my citizens, and yes, under the Konoha charters nin-ken and their pups are classed as Konoha citizens as long as there's an Inuzuka that'll vouch for them"; _wow, didn't know that_; filing that titbit of information away for future reference the jinchuuriki tuned back into the conversation in time to hear and field the Hokage's next question, "but apart from that I'm sure you wanted to know why I wanted to see you before I left?"

"You bet I did jiji – you don't want me to come with you do you?"

"Oh no, nothing like that; much as I think you'd make a fine bodyguard Naruto, that's what I have jounin employed for", the monkey summoner chortled, imaging the scene in his head and wondering just how many Cloud nin would snap their necks double-taking at the sight of the diminutive orange figure walked ahead of the Leaf village leader and announcing his presence to the Kumo council, "and as well as that I wouldn't, in fact couldn't, run the risk of Kumo getting any suspicions whatsoever that you were the one who sprang both Rin-chan and the puppies out of the mountains; you've already got enough targets on your back for the reasons I told you about a few nights ago without adding and Cloud shinobi to the list of people who might be out for your head one day. Speaking of which, how are you, dealing with that news?"

"Eh, it is what it is jiji", Naruto answered after thinking for a minute, "I can't change it, you can't change it and as long as no-one else finds out about it we'll all be cool, though I haven't thought of anything clever to do about the, ah, well, the problem tou-san left me with".

"Don't worry too much about it at the moment Naruto-kun; put it from your mind for now", the old man counselled, "with any luck the fox shouldn't stir until you've passed through the Academy, and even if it does wake up before then I myself know several seals that would hinder its process and even then, I'm far from the most advanced fuuinjutsu user in the village".

"Really?" _Ah to be young and naive once more_; despite himself Sarutobi couldn't help but chuckle a little inside as he realised his confession genuinely had come as a shock to his current guest,

"Oh yes Naruto; every shinobi has his strengths and weaknesses as I'm sure you'll one day discover – I myself happen to be something of a ninjutsu specialist, though I do try to hone the other arts as best I can in the free time I have. For some reason though sealing never truly agreed with me, I don't have the flair for it, but anyway", tempting as it was to reminisce the Hokage realised time was short and that he had some serious business to conclude before he could leave the village with a clean conscience, "getting back to the matter at hand I have a few things to tell and give you before I have to leave. Firstly is a warning; while I am gone there will be an interim Hokage running the village in my absence and I want you to behave while he's around Naruto-kun", the severity in Sarutobi's usually jovial tone made the boy in question sit up and pay attention as the old man finished, "he'll doubtless want to talk to you himself while I'm away and you'll have to mind your manners while he's wearing the hat. He is an old shinobi and one who was at one time my rival for this post, so no running in and ignoring protocol like you usually do and, funny though it might be, comparisons between my temporary replacement and certain cartoon characters are not to be made, or at least not to be made where he can hear them".

It took a few seconds for the jinchuuriki to join the dots before he hastily had to clap both hands over his mouth, biting back on a snicker of laughter as the reminder of the council meeting came back to him and he pictured the bandaged man sat upon his jiji's seat with a giggle,

"You mean Mumm-Ra, uh", he tailed off quickly at the Hokage's sharp look and tried again, "sorry jiji, I forgot his name".

"It'll be Danzo-sama to you I'm afraid Naruto-kun".

"Okay then, Danzo-sama's going to be the interim Hokage? Okay then, nothing I can do about that, but if you come back and find the Hokage tower replaced by a big black pyramid I reserve the right to point and say I told you so". The thought, as well as the reaction Danzo might have had should the old war-horse hear of such casual slander, was enough to make the Sandaime chuckle for a minute before he regained his former composure,

"Be that as it may though Naruto-kun, I'd advise you not to underestimate him", the older man warned before reaching down and picking something off his desk top, "his body may be crippled but I know from experience the mind within is as sharp and dangerous as ever. He'll probably want to talk to you while I'm gone regarding your reward for the ad-hoc mission you sent yourself on".

"Mission? Oh you meant with the nin...wait, reward?"

"Yes my dear boy, you surely didn't think you were going to come back after not only attempting but succeeding in a task that would have half the ANBU cadre green with envy under their masks if I allowed details of it to become common knowledge with a pat on the head and a pair of tattoos on your backs did you? No, a large proportion of the council meeting I was in a few days ago centred on the rewards you were due for the role you had in this whole affair; the council's still ironing out the fine detail so I won't be able to hand them over to you personally but I trust Danzo to do that in my absence. I will, however, be able to give you this".

At this the old man handed over a perfectly ordinary looking scroll, wrapped tightly and affixed with the Hokage's personal seal; not quite sure what was going on Naruto nevertheless took the pro-offered parchment gingerly, though before his pinkie could break the seal and unroll it the Sandaime cut off the motion with a raised hand,

"Don't open it here Naruto-kun; please read it when you've got a peace and quiet", something in the old man's tone twanged the finely-honed pranking sense of the Uzumaki and, as he glanced over the table and saw Sarutobi regarding him with a grin that practically oozed malicious intentions Naruto both knew than he had been right and that he had no choice but to mirror such an expression with one of his own, "on it are details of your newest mission". The scroll almost clattered to the floor as Naruto glanced from it to the village leader frantically, almost not daring to believe what he'd just heard,

"Really? I've got another mission – doing what?"

"It's all in the scroll Naruto-kun, though I'm certain it's a mission you'll enjoy and have a lot of fun with", the mirth in the old man's voice was well hidden but still there as he reached for his hat and placed it upon his brow, looking to his office door, "the actions of the past few months have opened my eyes to a few flaws and I'll need the help of everyone, yourself included, to make sure these flaws are corrected before anything else goes wrong in this village. Still, that's enough of that for now and I am very glad that you're settling back in well and everything I've told you doesn't weigh too heavily on your mind – now then, just before I leave this evening, would you mind accompanying me to a certain ramen stand I happen to know we're both partial to for a little light ramen lunch?" Sucking in a breath as he tucked the scroll away in one of his pockets Naruto shook his head for a minute as though weighing up his options on a knife-edge,

"Ooh, I don't know jiji – places to be and all that, though I suppose it's not nice to leave the old folk without a minder or two in the middle of the day"; _okay, better stop there_; realising that despite his generally genial nature the Sandaime didn't take jibes to his age all that well Naruto immediately reigned in his tongue; _remember that any old man in a ninja village is likely to be an old man who is fully capable of kicking your ass all the way to Kumo, then turning around and kicking it all the way back_; "and ramen is ramen I guess".

"Yes", Sarutobi drawled at the sudden swerve in tone as Naruto tried to slink his way to the door under his stern but not exactly unkind eye, "just as ryo are ryo and I'd like to have a few left in my pocket by the time I get to the Cloud village; no more than three bowls Naruto-kun".

"Awww, that's just cruel, whetting my appetite like that".

"You want more afterwards it's on your tab".

"Stingy".

"I'll remind you of that when you're earning your own wage"; _though hopefully_; the village leader promised him half-jokingly, reaching out to steady the door the jinchuuriki held open for him and quite grateful that Naruto turned away just as his gaze flicked to the orange pocket that contained his latest request for his future successor; _that day will come sooner than either of us might have thought Naruto-kun. Oh_; seeing the boy in front of him suddenly pull up as though remembering something, the Sandaime likewise stopped and waited for a moment; _what's this now?_;

"Jiji", unusually there was a troubled look on the youngster's face as he glanced up at the taller figure, apparently not sure if what he was to say next was the right way to go about things but determined to try anyway, "I'm not looking for a specific answer but, what's going to happen to Kumo now?"

It hadn't been the last thing Sarutobi had considered but it was slightly unusual – obviously Naruto was only now realising the more unfortunate aspects of being a ninja well-versed in subterfuge and infiltration. Many fine operatives in that area had been forced to either retire or be cycled into other departments following the guilt that their false personas lay at their doors, the masks that they had often thought buried and now tainted with the blood their lies and tales had indirectly spilt returning to haunt them. Determined this was not to be the case with Naruto and not just because he considered the boy family; even more so than even Jiraiya perhaps, the jinchuuriki possessed an unerring knack for this line of work that he would be not just foolish but downright negligent not to hone and further encourage; the Sandaime took a moment to think and, eventually gave his answer,

"Well Naruto-kun, the mere fact you ask this question tells me you have your heart in the right place; not many ninja would care about the fates of those they use to complete their missions. However in this case Kumo must pay a penalty for their actions; they attempted not just kidnap but to actually disturb the balance of power across the entire Elemental Nations – this is not something that Konoha can let lie because, well, if they get away with it once they could easily think they may do so again, and again, until they have stolen all our strength and then look to crush us outright. No, Kumo gambled and thanks to you they have lost; now they must lose something important to them or face the risk of being the catalyst for another shinobi war".

"Would they...?"

"I do not believe so and, though I'd never say this to the Raikage himself, I would do all in my power to prevent another war Naruto", such was the sincerity in Sarutobi's voice that the jinchuuriki believed him without further question, the old man appearing flinty and grim as he went on, "I have lived through wars, perhaps too many in fact, to wish that fate on any other generation. I must ask though, why do you want to know what risks the Dragon village now faces – please be honest now, I will hold nothing you say next against you and you have my word that it will be held in the strictest of confidence".

Put on the spot suddenly Naruto had to scratch his head all of a sudden; why had he asked that question, really? He had a vague idea really but at the same time it was hard to put into words. In the end, he was forced to do the best he could to attempt to answer the old man's questions,

"Well, I know they did wrong when they went for the nin-ken, but, but that wasn't down to people like the nee-chan, or the Mae family; heck even the guy who did the stealing was only following orders. I mean, I know the Raikage must have stamped the paper but, but I can't believe he'd actually want to do something like that, Cloud seemed quite okay without a pack, so why would they steal them? And, apart from that, even if it is the Raikage's fault, it's not fair to punish the whole village for him making a mistake, they're just, I don't know..."

"How about 'they're just like us' – was that close to what you wanted to say?" The Sandaime knew he was right; the dropped jaw and bulging eyes kind of gave the game away on that score; and made to explain himself as he stepped forwards through his office door, "It is one of the many burdens of being a kage Naruto-kun, one you'll understand better when you're older; the power of the village against the contentment of the people of the village. The Raikage, if it truly was him who planned and ordered this mission, took a calculated risk to try and increase his villages' strength at the expense of our own and almost, that being the key word here, succeeded; had he done so Kumo may have been able to build up a tracker division to rival our own. However in this ambition he has failed and his village must pay for his mistake, just like Konoha might do if I were to make a similar miscalculation – however, as you pointed out, it seems unfair for our demands to fall upon the civilian population of Cloud who are, just like our own citizens, almost completely unaware of the dealings and missions of the shinobi within the village. Indeed I doubt more than a dozen people in Kumo actually know, or knew, of the mission into Konoha and it is to those dozen that I must speak and make my demands; this is the way of the shinobi Naruto-kun – it is not glorious or noble, it is mostly about deals cut under the table, often at the point of a kunai and heavily slanted towards one party over another, but it is what is necessary to keep the balance of power stable and peace sustained".

At the end of his impromptu speech the Sandaime paused again, waiting for his charge to take in his words and see if he could come up with a response to the points he had made; he wasn't, in all honesty, expecting much of anything for a child as young as Naruto, so when the voice came, slightly doubtful at first but growing in confidence all the time, it was enough to make him jump slightly and glance down at the jinchuuriki who suddenly looked up at him, blue eyes shining with the fervour of someone who has just heard of a challenge and taken up the gauntlet with relish,

"Well then jiji, if that's the way things are I'll just have to change them all when I get the hat", he declared brazenly, the sudden similarity between the Uzumaki and his more illustrious father so acute it made the old man's heart race for a brief moment – once more he heard virtually the same declaration, though a little calmer, from the lips of the man who had become the Fourth Hokage, "I'll find a new way, a better one, so that old people like you won't have to walk such long distances to share hot air". At the sudden jibe about his age Sarutobi choked on air for a second before regaining his composure and sighing,

"And you were doing so well Naruto-kun; down to two bowls for you I'm afraid".

"Meanie; I though jijis were supposed to treat their grandkids?"

"Maybe but we're also meant to teach them to respect their elders, a lesson that unfortunately continues to elude you".

"Ah but if I ever did learn it you'd be sending me straight to T&I convinced I was an imposter and take it from me Anko-sensei's bad enough as an uke; I sure as hell don't want to get to know her on a professional level".

"Naruto-kun that's probably the most sensible thing you've said all day".

"Likewise jiji, likewise".

XXX

Naruto, rather unusually for him, didn't think about the scroll again until the rest of the day was done and he'd unrolled his lightweight sleeping bag out over the top of the little nest he'd built for himself just like Flea-san had taught him. It had been a busy day all around really; after leaving jiji at the exit of Ichirakus (and checking Ayame-chan actually hadn't violently done away with her father for his unfortunate outburst of hysterics the previous day), he'd wasted no more time and plunged headlong into the training grounds, the rough place embracing him like a mother would her wayward son. Scrap, though most of it relatively low-quality and useful only as forge-fodder it had to be admitted, was just there begging to be found and his nose had unearthed plenty of it, so much so that his rucksack was full to capacity unless he wanted to sacrifice the room he'd need to get his captives back to their new home following the hunt tomorrow morning. As he hopped into the opened bag he felt something jab into his thigh and, quite literally pricked by the reminder, he snaked his free hand down to the top flap of his backpack and fumbled around for his head-torch while the other was pre-occupied with pulling the scroll out his pocket, curious about what the old man had meant by his next mission.

_Guess jiji must want to start my ninja career early – heh_; despite his warnings about becoming a big-head Naruto wouldn't have been able to call himself human had he not felt pride swell in his breast as he remembered his recent accomplishments and what they meant to a lot of people; _I'm awesome. Okay then old man_; pulling the head-torch over his forehead, where one day the proud sigil on the Leaf would rest, Naruto twisted the torch bottom around to let a beam of light fly out and onto the scroll itself, watching on as he broke the ink seal, ready to read the instructions he'd been left.

It did not, for the first few lines at first, make palatable reading,

"What?" Such was his profound disbelief that he couldn't stop his exclamation, rearing back in his bed as his eyes went wide, almost unable to comprehend this apparent betrayal by the venerable Hokage, "Why, what's wrong with what I do, why'd you want me to stop jiji? Hmm, this better be worth...oh..._oh_", a few more lines banished the bad feeling and cleared the air perfectly, a grin slowly spreading out and stretching Naruto's cheeks as he read on about what he was supposed to do and realised that, this time, he was onto a good and proper winner, "oh yes, this is _so_ going to happen, so _this_ is why you couldn't let the Inuzuka adopt me, otherwise they'd get the blame for all this! But I won't not when I've got this for permission, and from the big man himself – nothing they do is going to hurt me! I have so got this made – okay, gotta plan, gotta, ah, actually I gotta wait – damn it, you better get back from the Cloud soon old man!"

The reason for such a threat was the last sentence of the short, clipped letter, written in red ink and block capitals to make sure even in his excitement he couldn't miss the message it spelled out:

_Regardless of how excited you must be feeling at this time Naruto-kun, I must insist that you do not commence any plans you might put together to fulfil these orders until I am back running the village (if nothing else I don't think Danzo's heart could cope with the shock and if anyone's going to be nailing that old mummy back in his sarcophagus it's going to be me!)_

The message, topped off with a chibified Sandaime standing on top of a cartoon coffin that had been drawn as though the occupant seemed to have been put inside a little prematurely and was unhappy about this state of affairs, was enough to get the child to chuckle even as he rolled the scroll back up and replaced it in his pocket; insurance, he told himself, for what was going to happen in the near future. With this and a mind now whirling with sudden ideas and madcap schemes, not to mention the vague, insistent itch in the back of his mind that had been there all day due to something someone had said that he should have made a connection with but just couldn't see it at the minute, it was very unsurprising that Naruto had a hard time getting to sleep that night.

Because of this and a later than usual start, it was a mid-morning before a cheerfully-whistling Mouse of Konoha tipped a nod to the gate guards and let himself in to his village, accompanied by a bag full for scrap, some three-dozen scorpions to replace the natural losses his three month absence had led to in his tanks and a big, somewhat malevolent grin on his face that simply refused to go away and left both the chunin who saw it suddenly and unaccountably nervous.

XXX

Almost as soon as the shop bell finished ringing Barazi Utazuka, grey-haired and with a fraying temper following his latest customer disturbing his attempts to finally catalogue his old stock and re-write some of the sheet music that had been damaged by a slight leak in the autumn rains, strode from his private back rooms to behind his counter with an expression on his face that showed in no uncertain terms that he was not happy to have been disturbed. This expression did not improve upon seeing the person who'd actually done the disturbing and a few seconds later a full barrage of the old man's sarcastic humour was flying towards the air towards its helpless target even as the boy who'd entered blinked through his very small eyes as he was left reeling by the opening salvo,

"Bah, I came out here looking for a customer and find nothing but a mole who got lost in the sun; if you're here scrounging for another lesson you're flat out of luck Hashi-baka, I already have another student and told you before I don't suffer fools gladly, or even at all when they're as thick-headed as you are".

"Hai, hai", the youngster spoke, one spade-like hand coming up as though to try and deflect the criticism flying his way, "I was halfway to Kusa when I remembered what I'd forgotten to do and I couldn't exactly ask tou-san to turn the cart around could I? Anyway, never mind that you prickly old buzzard, my fingers have danced to the tune of your swagger stick for the last time", Utazuka snorted, remembering with fondness the little willow switch that had rapped so many clumsy knuckles over the years it was still spoken about in awed tones over half the Elemental nations; _but it was how I learned at my fathers' knee and I turned out all right. Typical moaning kids – first sniff of pain, dedication or hard work and half of them run a mile_; "got the change to pluck a few strings on my travels and the family were so impressed they leant me a few notes. How much for one of those old relics I practiced on?"

Now that piqued the older man's interest and he dropped some of the scorn from his tone, appraising the youngster in a speculative manner as though seeing if he were trying to pull a fast one before, satisfied in his own mind the offer was genuine, he answered the query,

"Twelve-thousand for the cheapest of them but if you want the ones you don't have to tune yourself you'll need to throw about fifteen into the hat". Two thick brown eyebrows rose in disbelief,

"Fifteen thousand? Come on you old miser you know those things are only held together because the woodworm are holding hands and haven't been dusted since the Shodaime was a lad", Hashi argued before taking a step forwards, a statement of intent for these aggressive hagglings, "I'll give you twelve-thousand for the koto, twelve and half if you throw in a few numbers for me to practice on; _Sakura Sakura _gets a bit repetitive after time".

"Thirteen-five".

"Thirteen square".

"Thirteen-three and I won't drop a ryo lower – take it or leave it. You're already robbing me blind as it is"; the merchants' son gave a dismissive snort,

"Ha, the man hasn't yet been born who could argue you down to a reasonable price you tight-pursed crow. Fine, I know even death itself wouldn't get you to make a better offer than that; thirteen-three it is for the koto and three songs".

"Two others".

"Three but one can be _Sakura_". Utazuka considered this for a moment before, reluctantly, nodding his agreement,

"Done; cash now and wait there while I go and get one of the kotos". Hashi, hand halfway to his money pouch, paused, eyes squinted together in the expression that had given him his nickname of moru when he'd been at school,

"What, I don't get a choice?" Utazuka laughed,

"Ha, I barely trust you enough to get home in one piece; you wouldn't know a decent koto from a poor one if it jumped up and bit you on the nose. You'll get what you're given and be grateful for it; a lot of other people would have paid an arm a leg more than your pittance to own an instrument that I've treated with love and care for longer than you've been alive". Hashi snorted again,

"Only because you managed to fool them into thinking you've actually got any love and care to give them; at the price I've paid I should be demanding it come with a year's worth of free lessons and a pretty blue ribbon".

"Boy, you spurn my generosity one more time and I'll give you a blue ribbon all right, wrapped around your neck! And there's not a jury in Konoha who'd convict me either".

"They wouldn't have a chance, my kaa-san would have already beaten you into a well-deserved grave for putting a hand on her precious son", Hashi pointed out proudly before jabbing a pudgy finger over the man's shoulder, "anyway am I getting this koto and out of your hair forever or aren't I?

_Man that old guy's nuts_; some ten minutes later, having finally bidden an ill-tempered farewell to the irritable owner who had, in all fairness, given him a rudimentary skill in playing the traditional instrument that he'd improve in his own time when he wasn't having fun with his latest toy, the boy the owner of the _Bells and Whistles_ music store was convinced went by the name of Burakkuu-eru Hashi staggered back to his own home with his newly-purchased koto balanced across his back; _still, won't need to see him again so that's another mask I can burn out the book. Man, two masks gone in under a week and one of them my deep mask – I'm dropping like flies at the minute!_ The idea made the henged boy chuckled for a moment and, quite fortuitously, his mirth made him look up and over at one of the village sign boards, where one of the brightly-coloured flyers on it caught his eye.

Padding over as quickly as he was able to with his new instrument weighing him down, Hashi squinted at the flyer as it was blown a little by the playful breeze that whistled down the street, freeing one hand enough to hold it flat before his eyes widened as he took in what it was advertising. Reading it hastily and then checking there was another copy present on the notice board, he wasted no time in tearing the green paper down and stuffing it roughly into his pocket, already grinning as he thought of the possibilities for the future – he'd lost his single evening class following his abdication form his music lessons but, with this, he had an instant replacement, and one what would be hopefully just as useful in the future; _well_; he corrected himself, wincing as he realised exactly how anorexic poor Gama-chan was feeling at the minute, having coughed up most of his savings to break bread and make peace with Utazuka after leaving him and the lessons he'd provided in the lurch; _it will do, just as soon as I've got a suitable mask to wear for it and enough cash to pay for it. Not a great issue though, given a week or two – so then, if I was going to take up a career, or even an interest, in a new hobby, why would it be this one...?_

XXX

Despite his bantering relationships with the clan heads Naruto, like most denizens of the Leaf, did respect the grizzled old ninja who ran the major clans, though his respect might have been a bit more hidden than most peoples and, to be honest, seeing what he had regarding the most powerful people in Konoha, it wasn't that surprising that his respect had picked up a hint of tarnish along the way. Nevertheless as the appointed time at the weekend drew nearer and then finally dawned, it was all the jinchuuriki could do not to skip along the corridor in the wake of his guide as, following knocking (or at least the Aburame equivalent of it) and being let into the clan grounds, he diligently followed his escort along to the main dining area of the clan. Though nervous about some of the questions he had to ask this evening, for the most part he was actually proud of himself; as far as he was aware no-one else, not even the clan children, had been actually invited into an informal clan meeting, so this was another first he'd managed; _first on the training areas, first into the Academy, though okay Kiba and the others might have piped me there picking up older relatives, but definitely first into a mission. Yep, no matter which way I look at it I just gotta admit it_; as he rounded the corner and stepped out from behind the Aburame escort with a mile-wide grin on his face, a single thought was on his mind; _I'm damned good_.

That thought lasted precisely a heartbeat, after which he recognised exactly who was present and his brain swiftly substituted 'good' for 'dead' in his mind; the poor, innocent insect-carrying nin had no idea what left with no idea what was going on as Naruto leapt behind him with a yelp of fear, the Aburame acting as a convenient meat-shield against the she-demon that was stalking towards him with murder and rage writ large on her face,

"Uzumaki Naruto", the words were almost smoking as they left her lips, much like her breath as Yoshino fixed a terrifying eye on the quavering bit of blonde fluff she could see peeking out from behind the grey coat in front of her and made an ultimatum, "get out from behind that innocent and face me like a man!"

"No way crazy-deer-lady", the boy shot back, safe behind the comforting form of the Aburame as it appeared the Nara woman's rage had shocked him rigid, "Tsume-baachan didn't raise no fool". Ignoring the sudden snickers coupled with a yell of 'oi!' from behind her, Yoshino's glare became even more volcanic and she tried again,

"Get out of there _now_", she demanded before taking in a deep breath, "come out, and I promise I won't hurt you, much".

"What is it with women and beating me up? Too much more of this and I'm going to be a battered child – go lay the smack down on the old man, it was his idea. Hey", as he suddenly found himself left with nothing between himself and where Yoshino stood glowering with her arms folded Naruto glanced up at the one responsible, "where are you going – get back here and defend the guest of your clan". Readjusting his glasses slightly, the Aburame who had so deftly avoided the laser-beam look the Nara matriarch had been drilling him with answered in the typical rational manner of his clan,

"Unfortunately Uzumaki-san my skills are not sufficient to combat a Nara as distinguished as Yoshino-san; as she is unlikely to seriously wound or cripple you, the only logical option remaining for me is expedious retreat; to remain where I was merely increases the risk of injury in the unresolved situation". After taking a moment to digest this and what it meant for him Naruto merely scowled at the undefeatable logic before glancing up at Yoshino, swallowing hard, squeezing his eyes shut and bracing himself,

"Alright, since the cowardly-custard bug-man has left me in the lurch get it over with".

"Naruto-kun"; _okay, this is bad_; Yoshino's smile was so sweet it could have poisoned the most hardcore of sugar junkies as she leant down to speak to him in a quieter tone, "if you think that just bawling you out is going to be enough you're dead wrong you little baka. Eight-thirty, the Nara clan house – you will be there at that time, on the dot and Kami-sama help you if you're so much as an instant late. Got it?"

"I think pretty much the entire Aburame clan and guests got it Yoshino-chan; from the looks of things it's going to take axle grease and a shoe-horn to prise Inoichi-san out from under his chair this side of midnight..."

"Good, glad to hear it", the reserve chunin overrode him as though he hadn't spoken, stepping past and obviously intent on showing herself out now she'd dropped off the message she had to deliver, "and Naruto-kun, do _not_ be late!" The boy sighed,

"Wouldn't dream of it". He would have said something a little saucier of course but felt that might have been tempting fate a bit too much so instead he held his tongue as the Nara disappeared around the nearest corner and he was left to shake himself down and introduce himself to the table once more.

As expected the eyes of all the clan heads were on him as, after waiting for and getting the nod from Shibi, he took one of the spare seats around the table, sinking down into it with a relieved sigh before appearing to remember something and glaring around the other assembled players at large,

"Oh yeah, thanks for nothing you lot", he grumbled, folding his arms at their abandoning him in his hour of need, "an angry Yoshino Nara, not the first thing I was expecting or wanting to see when I arrived here this evening, and not one of you was willing to step in and help. I swear for a second there I thought I wasn't going to get to this table alive".

"And I'll warn you now pup one more age crack like that and you sure as hell won't be leaving it alive", Tsume cut in with a low, rumbling growl as she glared across at him, "anyway, sit still and shut up a minute, the adults have things to do – Shibi, chuck 'em around would you?"

The Aburame merely nodded at his old team partner and a second later six separate saucers of poured sake were silently moved over the table under the locomotion of a small portion of the Aburame's hive, none of the other clan heads so much as flinching as they each accepted the drink from its living place-mat. Even as the destruction beetles flitted back to their normal resting place under Shibi's sleeves, as host for the evening it fell to him to raise his glass first and make the toast,

"To absent friends". At these words, as the clan heads drank, Naruto felt a sense of melancholy overcome him; reminded of the loss Konoha had suffered brought back memories of kneeling before Mila's grave, his cheerful words nowhere near able to overcome the gloom that descended over the deserted tomb-cum-shrine of the now deceased clan as the former members slept away eternity in the grip of the cold earth. The jinchuuriki breathed in and then let out a sigh, releasing his inner mourning for the time being and turning his attention to happier thoughts and the nervous questions that burned in his mind before he realised something odd was going on – the clan heads had all passed their empty saucers back to Shibi but rather than disposing of them they were being refilled and handed back around again by insectile couriers. Naruto was about to ask what the second drink was for but, before he could quite find a way to phrase the question as a polite but interested query, the master of ceremonies beat him to it as the dark glasses of Shibi turned to him and the Aburame, along with everyone else, raised their cup towards him,

"To new friends".

It hit him hard; as he watched the most powerful ninja in the village drain a solemn toast in his honour Naruto was not ashamed to admit that he had to swallow the lump that appeared in his throat before he was able to give a weak smile and speak again,

"Uhh, thanks but, I just got to say, like I said to the big man over there a while ago", Chouza nodded at the reference but said nothing, allowing the Uzumaki to carry on uninterrupted as he finished, "I didn't do anything on my own, it was Rin-chan who made sure we all got out of there, without that I'd have had to leave the nin-ken in Kumo and run for home alone. I'm just, well, lucky..."

"And if you are lucky then we, and Konoha as a whole, are blessed", Hiashi interjected, his firm but pleasant tone not allowing the jinchuuriki to play down his own achievements, "had it not been for your luck, as you call it, the village as a whole could have been at a great loss, though of course some would have felt the blow harder than others". There wasn't really a lot Naruto could say to this so he said nothing, instead merely shrugging and watching the glasses be set aside for the last time, waiting for his moment as Shibi stood and reverently passed around the playing pieces for the evening's game, a small bag of different-coloured dice for each clan head and, as he opened the bag the small kikaichu swarm laid in front of him, Naruto got his second surprise of the evening,

"Hey, thank you very much Shibi-san", the Aburame merely inclined his head at the jinchuuriki's comment as the blonde lifted up one of his new dice to better examine it in the light; whereas before he'd borrowed the never-used Uchiha dice, which were black with red spots, this new set were orange and their spots were the same shade of blue as his eyes, "heh, does this mean the Uzumaki clan's official from now on?"

"Only on one night a month I fear Naruto-san", the moustached Aburame responded, the gestured backed up by Inoichi chuckling as he casually emptied his own dice, the spots carved to resemble the petals of the flowers his clan was famed for, into the playing cup,

"So if I were you I'd make the most of it kid; you're burning the night as things stand".

The reminder brought everyone back to the game at hand; with a unanimous shaking of dice in cups and a slam as the cups were inverted, covering the numbers rolled, the game began, each player peeking under the cup to see how many of each number had been rolled. It was a game, like all ninja games were, that relied heavily on deception, chance and outright nerve, hence Naruto was quite an accomplished player despite his youth, as evidenced when he managed to con Chouza into losing a pair of his dice in rapid succession when the Akimichi made two knife-edge calls and ended up one or two short each time. As the cups descended for the sixth time, however, the break came that Naruto had been looking for as, after checking off his dice and starting the bidding with a very modest call of five sixes, the largest clan head present sat up in his seat and rolled his eyes to the right,

"Grateful as I am that you remembered what I said earlier", he began, casting a quick glance around the table and checking everyone was listening in, "I hope you didn't forget the other matter we discussed".

"Yeah", Tsume backed up her friend's cryptic remark as she considered Hiashi's bid and internally cursed him for having such an effective poker face, "I've told the cover story to my clan so often I'm starting to believe it myself. Now tell us the truth kid, what _really_ happened with you in Kumo?"

Once more the centre of attention though, perhaps, in a more positive light than in previous times, Naruto hmmed and hawed for a moment, tapping his fingers on the butt of his cup as though weighing something up before appearing to nod and look around the table, meeting each of the clan heads eye to eye for an instant before scrutinising the back of his own hands,

"Fair enough, you all deserve the truth I guess, but before I get onto that there's something you probably don't know yet; after the meeting, and the party", he flicked a grateful smile towards his adopted pack leader before becoming more serious again, "jiji asked to see me again, said he had things I needed to hear. He was right, just like always; because of what he said I know about my heritage, or at least as much of it as the old man knows", feeling as much as seeing the temperature of the room start to cool as the council of clan heads began to understand exactly what he meant, Naruto cut to the chase as quickly as he could, "so yeah, I know about the fox, but more than that I know about someone else as well, someone jiji said to ask all of you about, you knew her better than he did. So this is me, asking all of you now", he glanced up, trying as hard as he could to blink the film of tears from his eyes and overcome the sudden lump that had risen in his throat as he addressed his last question to the table at large,

"Who was Uzumaki Kushina, the woman whose clan I now represent here? Who was my mother?"

He wasn't expecting an immediate answer, after all it was quite a hard question he'd asked; from what he knew Kushina had been dead for at least as long as his father had and since that time all the ninja of her generation had grown up and into different people and time had a way of changing everyone and everything eventually. He sat and waited, on tenterhooks but knowing screaming and pressing for answers would get him nowhere until a sudden pressure on his shoulder made him look up and around to see Akimichi Chouza regarding him with a friendly, almost paternal smile as his huge hand patted the jinchuuriki's shoulder,

"Well Naru-kun, I'm not sure if this is the right or most respectful way to say it but the way that, in my opinion, best sums up the Uzumaki Kushina I remember would be the thought that, if she'd been alive to see the results of your foray into our clan houses, her immediate reactions to what you'd done would have gone something along the lines of 'you stupid gaki, you should have taken photos!'"

Just like that the thunderhead was earthed, the tension eased as though it had never been there and the mood of joviality was rekindled over the table, the pensive expressions that most of the assembled had been wearing banished and replaced by smiles, playfully dirty looks and, in one case, outright chortles as Inoichi backed up his big friend,

"Ha, you got that one right Chou, Uzumaki Kushina was a complete cow; sorry Naruto-kun", realising that hadn't quite come out in the way he'd meant it the Yamanaka explained, "I mean that in the nicest possible way but there's absolutely no denying the fact that when she was in the right mood, or the right temper, your kaa-san could either knock the block off anyone or, worse than that, prank and irritate a temple monk to absolute distraction – I think she almost reduced my tou-san to tears of frustration on the times she was invited over. Bless her", he shook his head in fond remembrance, a slightly more devious smirk on his lips as he went on, he next target blissfully unaware of what was coming as the mind-walked went on, "say what you like about Kushina-chan but you had to admit that every time anyone who was anyone of any importance came within about fifty feet of her, she had the unerring ability to immediately lodge herself right up their nose", like quicksilver he whipped around to spear one of the red-heads' usual targets with a peach the Uzumaki herself would have been proud to call her own,

"Isn't that right Starch?"

Naruto was only grateful he wasn't attempting to eat or drink anything at the time the wince shot through Hiashi as though he'd been skewered by a dart he thought he'd been long safe from; had that been the case he was certain he'd probably have drowned from laughing as some of the rest of the table dissolved into helpless sniggering at the reminder of the childhood nickname Inoichi had unearthed. Trying to remuster his dignity Hiashi didn't respond at first, though this may have been an error in judgement as it allowed someone else to get the first word in, the Yamanaka's team mate not even bothering to hide his shaking shoulders as he made his own admission,

"I'd forgotten that one".

"Oh now that I'm not believing for a minute", Tsume snorted in disbelief, "I know you Shika; the day you let a fact slip your mind is the day the entire Yamanaka clan cuts their hair short and starts acting butch". Inoichi sniffed,

"What take a leaf out the Inuzuka's book you mean?" Tsume merely grinned,

"I says it as I sees it"; fortunately before the argument could spiral too far out of control, Shikaku was able to turn the debate back to its original axis as he shook his head slightly,

"Well, you're right Tsume, I hadn't forgotten – it's just that 'Captain Blink' stuck out in my mind a little more". Once more Hiashi gave an irritated twitch and allowed his voice to rise over the sound of the other clan heads' mirth as he looked towards the Nara who'd nettled him,

"Be that as it may Slim, this childish name-calling isn't going to answer Naruto-san's question", having made that point he turned towards the evenings' host, "Shibi-san, I'm certain you kept photographs of our old school year?"

"I did", the Aburame confirmed with a nod, rising up from the table and excusing himself, "if you will amuse yourselves for a moment I will seek them out".

No-one raised any complaint to this and Shibi departed; before he was even out the door however, talk resumed to fill the void he'd left behind, begun by Chouza once more as the Akimichi reminisced,

"Kushina", he said with a fair note of fondness in his voice, shaking his great head in remembrance, "there's someone who knew how to call down heaven and raise hell at the same time, just like you in a way Naru – it was Kuromaru-san who said it first but we all pretty much had you pegged as her brat the minute we met you". The jinchuuriki's eyes went wide,

"You knew?"

"We suspected", Hiashi corrected him, raising a hand slightly before carrying on, "and Hokage-sama confirmed it later that night; he had plans to tell you even then. We were half-expecting this sooner Naruto-san, hence why we were all polishing up our lines and memories recently, right Pansy-chan?" It was Inoichi's turn to glower as his own nickname came back to haunt him, Naruto not able to hide a snort of laughter before Chouza, wanting to spare his friends' blushes as much as anything else, took back over,

"Anyone who knew her would make the connection; heck after our introduction it would have been virtually impossible for us _not_ to figure it out. I'm afraid I don't know, in fact I'm not sure anyone knows much about her earlier life, she never liked talking about it, but she wasn't born in Konoha; originally she was Uzu-born and bred, though she settled here after the Whirlpool village was destroyed. She was in my class, introduced actually halfway through second year at the Academy; know what the first thing she said was, after hello and her name I mean?" Naruto shook his head and, seeing the curiosity writ large on his face, Chouza smiled and put him out of his misery,

"She declared, in front of an entire room of strangers, that she was going to become the first female Hokage Konoha had ever had".

The memory, shared first-hand with his best friend at the time Nara Shikaku was one that, like most people, Chouza had originally scoffed at; who was this uppity foreigner to try and lay claim to the sacred seat of power in the Leaf village? As time had gone on, however, and Kushina had integrated herself into Konoha society and, later, its ninja ranks as well, the Akimichi had been amongst the first to question whether her dream really was just pie in the sky or if she had a chance of making it happen; the girl who had been the terror of the Academy in a way he was certain her son was going to emulate if not surpass had blossomed into a stunning, and stunningly dangerous, kunoichi, such a whirlwind on the battlefield that even the Bingo books of countries that had traditionally looked down on kunoichi serving on the front lines were forced to give her her due, ranking her as a high A threat. That, however, Naruto could learn later from the history books; what he wanted now wasn't Kushina the ninja, he wanted to hear about his mother the girl, the woman and, more importantly, how much she had affected the lives of those who had served, worked and played with her,

"Wow", the jinchuuriki murmured, eyes blank as he pictured the scene in his mind, "she really said that?"

"Yes, and had it not been for Minato coming along when he did she'd have had as fair a crack of the whip as anyone else who wanted the position", Shikaku cut in, shaking his head as he relived one of his most dreaded and feared memories; the mere notion of him attempting to ascend the seat after Yoshino-chan had asked his opinion had been one that made him break out in a cold sweat as he went on; _just as well Shikamaru started kicking when he did, that at least gave me the opt-out of wanting to be a family man rather than Hokage_; "he was a genius and would have decimated hr just like he did everyone else in a straight fight. However, much like you, Kushina-chan had a knack for making sure any fight, or at least any serious fight she got into was skewed in her favour".

"Tell me about it; gutter-fighting doesn't even start to cover it", Tsume admitted grudgingly as she recalled a few memories of her own – seriously who went into battle with _stink-bombs_ in their weapon pouch? "vicious bitch she was, one of the reasons she's probably laughing in glee as we speak right now".

"Huh? How come?"

"Because Naru-kun, Kushina and I almost literally loathed one-another while we were growing up", Tsume admitted, a slight snarl on her face as visions of the battles they'd had in the schoolyard and beyond them flared up behind her eyes, "as you've probably guessed she made up nicknames for virtually everyone she knew as more than a stranger, well I can tell you now for nothing most of the ones she came up with for me aren't repeatable in present company – I think 'bum-licker' was about the politest", she admitted grudgingly, inwardly plotting a way to wipe that smirk off Hiashi's face as he too recalled some of the legendary spats the two future kunoichi had been involved in growing up, "and now this; you, her son, Pack-Bound to my clan? Yeah, she'd have been laughing for the rest of her life at how all this has played out". Hastily stifling his snickers at Tsume's admission of her old nick-name Naruto thought about this and, after a minute, was compelled to make a comment,

"That bad was it? But, if that's the case, why'd you...?"

"Because", the Inuzuka cut in, pre-empting his question, "you're a different person to your mother, and praise the Kami for small mercies, but apart from that it, well, it's hard to explain but", taking a few seconds to think of how she was going to phrase her next words, Tsume tried to convey the message in the simplest language she knew, "Kushina-unmei and I hated one-another most of the time, fought tooth and nail at the drop of a senbon and spent lots of our private time sticking pins into voodoo dolls of each other, but despite all that if I knew she was in trouble, and I mean real serious trouble, I'd have been the first one there to back her up and she'd have done the same for me, not unlike you and someone else not a million leagues from here", the Inuzuka pointed out craftily, her eyes rolling down just enough to see her nin-ken meet her amused glance with his sardonic one for a moment before the eye shut and he let out a canine huff. _Typical male, can't bring himself to admit he cares – I can't either but that's because I've always been the quiet type when it came to feelings_; Tsume thought to herself before reminding herself of the more recent past and letting an expression of remorse cross her face, a loss as great as many from her clan once more in her mind as she sighed and carried on,

"I howled for half a night in mourning when I heard she didn't make it through the bijuu attack and that I think that goes for everyone here, doesn't it?" There was a mutual glance around the table and a nodding of heads before Inoichi was silently selected to speak and nodded, putting his own words forwards,

"She's right Naruto-kun; though Tsume-chan had a more squabbling relationship with her than most people, I think everyone who ever got to know your kaa-san would have admitted to feeling at least partially that way. In a lot of ways there's a lot of her in you; you respect no-one who doesn't almost literally beat the word into your skull, say what you think and wear your heart on your sleeve a lot of the time, but as well as that however much we all might curse your name whenever you try and break in where we don't want you, and take it from me I've spent a lot of time doing just that in the past while warming one of the greenhouse benches on behest of Kunisa-koi, there's not one of us who wouldn't drop everything and move heaven and earth to try and get to you if we knew you were in over your head. Sandaime-sama had to almost, in fact I think he did have to forbid some of us from sending our clansmen out to find you when you went missing; Kushina-chan could and did do that as well in almost everyone she met. If she'd survived the Kyuubi, and a pox on the monster that took her away from us and you, I think Sarutobi would have had a lot more competition for the hot-seat following his re-instatement".

The idea of seeing his mother's face, as well as that of his father, on the Hokage monument brought a lump to Naruto's throat that left him unable to speak for a minute, though fortunately the rest of the table must have thought this was due to him recalling his mother and didn't press him for answers, instead giving him time to recover at his own pace and carry on as he dictated. Recovering his poise and taking his breathing slowly to avoid further emotional outbursts, the last Uzumaki looked over the table at the Yamanaka scion and enquired softly,

"So, my kaa-san was really like that?"

"Yep, probably a hundred times better and worse than I've described but that's about the gist of it", the mind-walker assured him before glancing across the table with a scathing element in his gaze, "though I blame you for kick-starting that whole nickname thing of hers".

"What, it wasn't my fault", Chouza defended himself, though his cause wasn't helped by the slightly-guilty smile on his face, "she really did look like a tomato!"

"Eh?" Seeing Naruto thrown completely off-track by such a proclamation the Akimichi explained,

"It was the nickname we, okay I; I'll take one for the team this time; gave Kushina right after we met her, you'll see why when Shibi gets back with the pictures. But anyway, she must have thought that since we'd given her a nickname she had the right to do the same and you've already heard some of her chosen titles earlier", Naruto grinned impishly, even if he was cautious enough to know that he couldn't actually use such titles without risk of getting his teeth punched down his throat for his trouble; _still it'd be worth it just that once – hm, wonder what kaa-san called the old man?_; "for my part she called me Dumpling, though only because I was the only one she let use the name Tomato around her – she hated anyone else using it".

"Really? Why you?"

"Because, like most of my honourable and honest clan, when I called her that name I never meant it as an insult, or at least not that often", the large man admitted as, like everyone else, he'd had his ups and downs with the flame-haired and flame-tempered Uzumaki, "I got on with Kushina-chan well, she ate with us a lot of the time, especially when she was settling in to the village and she made a good impression on the clan – tou-san even let her call him Bear occasionally, even my kaa-san couldn't get away with that every time. We actually, ah, dated", he admitted, trying hard not to blush as he saw Naruto's eyes swell to cover most of his face as the idea of talking to someone who'd actually had a romantic interest in his mother began to sink into his brain, "just for a little while – nothing came of it of course but she was always welcome at an Akimichi table".

For a moment Naruto was able to say nothing and Chouza was afraid he'd blown an important fuse or two in his cranial chamber; _ah, maybe I shouldn't have admitted that then? Oh well, he'll bounce back from it, he always does_;

"Nothing came of it", Naruto repeated dully, though life seemed to be roaring back into him at an ever-increasing rate of knots as he looked the Akimichi patron dead in the eyes, "of course something came of it. Ha, how perfect is this, I came here asking for answers about my kaa-san and what do I find, what else comes before me? Tou-san!"

At the sudden outburst, to say nothing of the way that Chouza's face went as white as flour as the miniature jinchuuriki tackled him from his sitting position, was enough to make several of the assembled break out in mirthful laughter; though it was obvious that not even Naruto believed his own words, it still fell to Chouza to supply the proof as to why he couldn't claim Naruto as his son, much as Chouji-kun probably wouldn't have minded a brother and Chime-hime would have liked another little warrior to train in the ways of bushido, as much as those laws could ever apply to a shinobi,

"Ah, much as I wish it were otherwise Naruto-kun, there's no way you're an Akimichi..."

"And why not?" Naruto demanded, standing up tall in his seat and slapping a fist against his belly, the blow dispersed by the jumpsuit he was still wearing, "I have the appetite and I'm working on the heroic girth already". Despite himself Chouza couldn't help but chuckle as he once more saw Kushina's face imposed over her son; _yep, definitely both got it_;

"Heh, good luck with that if you're anything like your mother", Tsume interjected just before Chouza could speak, something like envy in her eyes as she glanced away, "Kushina could eat anything she damned well fancied and never put an ounce of weight on. Bitch", the Inuzuka grumbled, once more reminded of the struggle that she'd once had to control her weight before discovering that training burnt off fat better than any diet or trying to keep up with Kushina ever had. Naruto had to almost bite his lips at this admission, seeing perhaps for an instant the teenager his new baachan could once have been before Chouza's rumble made him listen to the Akimichi once more,

"And it made her the envy of many kunoichi and other women, Tsume-chan included; green eyes don't become you Puppy-chan", the Inuzuka responded to this with a rude gesture before allowing him to carry on uninterrupted, "but aside from that from what I know you were born just a few months before my own Chouji-kun, so for you to be mine would mean I was with Kushina-chan at the same time as being married to Chime-koi, and do you really think I could be unfaithful to my wife?"

"Not unless you had a good head-start and lots of bodies between the two of you no", Naruto admitted before shrugging and re-taking his seat, "ah well, it's still nice to dream isn't it?"

"Very true", said a quiet voice that almost had him clinging on the ceiling in fright; as his heart-rate spiralled down from about three-hundred beats per minute he whipped his head around over his shoulder and gasped at the form who had appeared just behind him,

"Shibi don't _do_ that!" As always the Aburame gave no reaction save a single raised eyebrow though Naruto would bet Gama-chan and everything in him (though, he remembered with a wince, that wasn't very much at the minute) there was a smirk present under that high collar as the leader of the insect-using clan handed him a single book, finger holding two pages apart and clearly intending the Uzumaki to open it there,

"That is the best photograph I possess of Uzumaki Kushina Naruto-san", he informed the boy studiously, though he was as curious as everyone else to see the child's reaction as Naruto almost reverently laid the book on the table and, after a fractional pause, flipped it open to allow the picture to come to the forefront of his vision. Whatever else Shibi might have wanted to say was lost for all time as everything else faded to grey in his mind; regardless of what was going on around him, Uzumaki Naruto cared for nothing more and saw nothing more than the face of his female sire as it stared up towards him from the pages and the old photograph within it.

She had his face, or he had hers, one of the two; that was the first thing that came to mind – the girl who stood facing the camera and glaring at it with a determined air about her had the same chubby features he himself possessed, though her cheeks were clear of his whisker marks. By the same token however, his head was missing the absolute riot of flaming crimson that spilt down past the girls' shoulders towards her waist, arranged in a number of plaits that he could just image would move almost as if they had a life of their own when she was running or playing with the others. _She does look a bit like a tomato_; he gave a laugh that almost bubbled out of him, unaware that he was weeping until the first few drops of his tears fell on the plastic sheet covering the picture. Hastily sniffing, he closed the book before any more damage could be done and offered it back to Shibi, though Aburame surprisingly held up a forestalling hand,

"No need Uzumaki-san, I have other copies; you may keep it for as long as you need it".

"O, Okay", Naruto managed, one sleeve coming up to wipe his wet eyes before he looked at the cover of the book once more and silently reached down, placing it under his seat and out the way for the time being as he squeezed his eyes shut before looking across the table again, "so, that's Uzumaki Kushina, that girl you all called Tomato, and she's my kaa-san?"

"That's about the long and short of it Naru-kun", Shikaku admitted, though before he could say anything further someone else spoke up to ruin the sombre note of the moment,

"Emphasis on short".

"You know I could really go off you really quickly Patches", the jinchuuriki declared, ducking under the table and scowling at the triumphant expression the massive dog was now sporting as he lay by his partners' feet, "over hearth-rug, he'll eat those words someday", Naruto declared half to himself as the other clan heads around the table glanced away from each other to avoid sniggering at his rant, "still, I'll look at those pictures later in the privacy of my own home, away from any snide comments; until then, I think it's the Dumpling's bid is it now? Ow!"

"You're not that much like your mother Naruto; you haven't the right to call me anything like that yet", Chouza pointed out severely, removing his fist from where it had landed squarely between the mouthy childs' ears, "live through a war and treat me to teriyaki a time or two then maybe, until then I'll keep it low to start off with; five-fours".

XXX

Much later that night, in fact some time during the early hours of the morning, Naruto was still in his bed and aware, turning over pages of the photo album Shibi had loaned him and equal parts laughing and wiping his eyes as he saw the antics the now-clan heads had gotten up to in their youth.

_And these are the old farts who tell me not to be such a brat?_; the thought made him chuckle again as he saw the latest snap and could only image exactly how Nara Shikaku, Chouza Akimichi and an Inuzuka he didn't know ended up sharing the same detention, each glaring into the camera with an expression that stated both defiance and pride in equal measure; _chances are they could have given kaa-san a run for her money, they just didn't want to say anything for fear of me spreading it around. Fair enough I guess_; it was a reasonable point to the jinchuuriki's way of thinking and, as he chuckled once more and finally put the album to one side, he flopped face-first into the pillows and breathed deeply, remembering all that had been said about his mother and the past as well as a few other facts even the clan heads themselves were in the dark about – not for the first time, jiji had been right about not telling anyone about the status both he and his mother shared as a container of the Kyuubi.

_She seemed so normal_; if nothing else that was the one lesson he had taken from the discussions throughout the night; _as far as everyone knew she was a refugee who settled into a new village and fought for it – heck if she'd had her way she'd have been the first ever jinchuuriki Hokage of Konoha_; now that was a goal to aim at, one Naruto had been pursuing since before he'd found out who his mother even was or even that he himself caged the rampaging fox. It was a noble and worthy goal, that much was certain, one he was going to achieve through sheer determination alone if any of his other skills let him down, but at the same time he was slightly hamstrung by a problem his kaa-san, who wanted to be Hokage hadn't had – he was already outed as the jinchuuriki of the fox and had a very unfortunate reputation because of it, despite the fact he'd never even seen the creature and, hopefully, wouldn't do so for a good number of years yet. _It's not like it's a massive problem though, some people are already coming around_; that much was certainly true – even if the vast majority of the civilians hated him there was no way the clans, least of all the Inuzuka, who had a reputation as being the most hard-hitting and psychopathic ninja of the lot save for maybe Anko-sensei, were going to let sleeping dogs lie if he was hurt or attacked; _it's all in the mind really. All I have to do is make sure people see I'm me and not the..._

_...the mind..._

_...mind, the fox is in my mind..._

_...that's it!_

Naruto sat bolt upright, trembling as the little voice that had been gnawing at him for days now with a question he hadn't even been sure he was answering correctly finally forged the connections it had needed and bellowed the answer aloud down his ear – now, now at last he had a strategy, a plan to at least approach one of the greatest challenges that would ever bedevil him in his life, not just his ninja career. The Sandaime had started the ball rolling and he'd been right, he should put the fox out of his mind for the time being but, eventually, he was going to have to go in there and deal with it when it eventually woke up – it wouldn't stay asleep forever; _but, if I can get in their quick, I can make sure I at least have an idea of what I'm dealing with before that particular storm breaks. Argh, I'm such an idiot_; to an internal mantra of self-condemnation he began thumping his head softly against the pillow under it, repeatedly castigating himself for not seeing this sooner and doing something about it; _I should have said something tonight, it would have been perfect just as we were all leaving. Damn it, I missed that shot – I'll have to make a point of asking next time Ino-hime's using me as a release for her fru... ah, better not put it like that to the chief flower-planter unless I want to wake up and find my brain's started dribbling out my ears and he's planning to use me for fertiliser. Let's say next time we're sparring I'll put the word in to her tou-san and see what his professional opinion on the matter is..._

A/N: But what does Naruto need the head of the Yamanaka clan for – he's already a pseudo-member of one clan, surely he's not looking to become Ino's otouto for real is he? And while all this is going down in Konoha, what's the situation in the other part of the world he's just left behind – Sarutobi has already left the Leaf and what will happen when the wrath of the Kami no Shinobi is visited on the mountain village? That will be covered in the next chapter so, until then, ja ne!


	18. Chapter 18 A Monkey in the Mountains

Chapter 18 – A Monkey in the Mountains

A/N: I know, I know I'm late but work's cranked up the pressure (seriously, they just don't know that the day is for writing fiction, not carrying out boring paper-shuffling assignments) and on top of that I needed a bit of a break after the last chapter of Win Some, Lose Some turned out to be not so much a one-shot as a whole clip – it was over 20,000 words longer than the Doom crossover I tried! Still, I'm sure you don't need to hear about my trials and tribulations – here's the chapter, I hope you're still enjoying it and I'll get cracking on the next one.

Show's heading north this time; hope you brought your winter woollies!

XXX

As Uzumaki Naruto continued to berate himself for missing what should have been staring him straight in the face, drew up a plan of what to do next and eventually fell asleep clutching tightly onto a book containing priceless photographs of the woman who had given birth to him, on the other side of the Elemental Nations another figure, much more massive than the young jinchuuriki, was burning the midnight oil, staring at the scroll that had arrived a day after the unwelcome news that might had sounded a death-knell for all he had sworn to protect.

His office populated only by shadows and flickering light, the ANBU that Maba-chan had personally selected and drilled mercilessly to stand guard in the main room of Kumo's leader after violently smashing the electric eyes that had promised so much but tragically failed in their duty banished for the evening, the Raikage wiped his tired eyes and focussed on the words before him, written on elaborate parchment in a neat but undeniably hurried hand. The message it spelt out was both terrifying and doom-laden, least of all for a kage with another, potentially even more serious matter on his mind, but at the same time it couldn't be ignored, least of all when, hazy as the idea was at the moment, there might yet be a way of making two wrongs cancel each other out with a bare minimum of sacrifice for his village, if he could seize the chance.

As soon as he'd heard the reports that the kage of Fire was moving he'd known their worst nightmare was being made manifest; the tiger was already wounded following the massacre of one of their most prominent clans and, though the loss of the Uchiha may have weakened Konoha, it also made the Leaf hungry for vengeance. _And what better target_; the huge man ruminated in his mind as he slouched back in his chair and massaged his tired eyes, the conclusion already reached but the fine-tuning still necessary before he could speak to the kage his ninja had wronged; _that one who was unmasked attempting to steal from another of their clans?_

In a small part of his mind the Raikage was actually, in a perverse way, slightly pleased things were likely to turn out the way they would if he could convince Sarutobi to see reason, which was a great deal more positive than they'd looked before the scroll he was still reading and mulling over in his mind had arrived. Following the infiltration and recapture of the nin-ken his ninja had taken and the former Konoha shinobi who had been taking care of them and had, belatedly, been suspected of actually having some connection to the Inuzuka clan itself, the usual rounds of recriminations and finger-pointing had gone on and all sorts of overhauls to security had been demanded and put into place. For his part the village leader had listened to the demands with half an ear, idly signing off that which needed his attention while keeping his eye on the bigger picture – regardless of how it had happened or the exact method by which the infiltrator had stolen into and out of Kumo, the basic fact remained that he knew he had at best a month and more likely a lot less than that to come up with an explanation for the actions of his state that an incensed Hokage, still known for good reason as the Kami no Shinobi, would be willing to listen to before he spelt out his demands to the village.

It was for this reason and this reason alone that he was spending what was likely to be one of the few remaining nights he had left on the Impure world sat in his office rather than with his clan and family, staring at the scroll that promised doom and salvation in equal measure as he sought the best way to balance such scales in a manner that would prevent Konoha cutting too deeply in recompense for the theft of the nin-ken.

At length, after re-reading words that had already soaked into his overburdened brain, the Raikage stood up and stumped over the room towards one of the filing cabinets that stood innocuously near one of the windows, idly drawing blood from one of his thick fingers on a sharpened canine to open the blood seal that held the middle drawer closed. Swiping the bloody digit over the hidden seal on the front of the cabinet, the Raikage stepped to the side as the metal shelf obediently trundled open and he leafed through the correspondence held within, withdrawing a select few documents after examining the contents at length. Slamming the drawer shut, the village leader decided he'd done all he could for the moment, all the preparations he could feasibly muster complete for the moment and all that was left was to see if the Hokage would live up to his reputation as a pacifist and allow him to solve the deeper issues that were even now threatening to tear his beloved country apart at the seams without the pressure of further burdens being pressed upon the shoulders of the one who'd inherit the mantle of Raikage from his shoulders.

With this in mind and with his documents in his mighty fist, the large man stood to his full height and looked around the office he'd held for the past fifteen years with a mixture of fondness and regret that it might all end soon before turning his back upon it, opening the door soundlessly and switching the light off as he left.

XXX

For a brief moment as he'd knocked on the main door before him he'd dared to hope he might get away with it but in his heart of hearts he'd known that hope was forlorn at very best and, as he saw the single figure awaiting him just within the gates of the Nara grounds as one of them was tugged open enough for him to enter, he huffed, shrugged and glanced over at where Yoshino was regarding him with an inscrutable expression,

"Cranial trauma incoming then; okay, get it over with", he sighed in resignation, bracing himself as the matriarch of the shadow clan stalked over, the same liquid grace in her stride that had been there the previous night as she moved to stand in front of him before, to Naruto's quite obvious surprise, she dropped into a half-crouch and embraced him hard enough to make him gasp, feet lifted off the floor as his face was squashed into her shoulder and the scent of her perfume filled his nose,

"You, you are", she spoke in a voice that was almost choked as she set him down, Naruto slightly alarmed to see what looked suspiciously like a film of water over her eyes before she blinked and it was gone, "much as I promised myself I'd never say these words there's nothing else that fits – Uzumaki Naruto you are the single most _troublesome_ child I have ever had the displeasure of crossing paths with! Even without Shikaku-kun telling me what was said last night when he got in I'd have sworn before Kami-sama himself I knew exactly who your mother was – no-one else attracted mischief like she did! Apart from your face that's something else you got off her!" Caught slightly off-guard by the uncharacteristic affection from the usually terrifying Nara, Naruto hastily swallowed a breath of air and looked up at her with wide eyes, scrambled mind latching onto the only thing it could see that made sense in this situation gone mad,

"You knew my mother?"

"Me and the rest of Konoha, except maybe… no, Chime-chan did meet her once or twice", Yoshino affirmed to herself with a nod, "and even if you didn't want to know her she'd introduce herself anyway. Manners like a kunai and twice as direct that one was; some of the spats she used to have with Tsume-chan were downright evil and she even dragged the rest of us into a street-fight once or twice", a sudden memory seemed to make Yoshino smile and she had to bite down on a giggle as she glanced at the remaining Uzumaki from the corner of her eye, "there was this one time just after the Academy final bell the two of them, well, I think Tsume started it but, anyway, that's not important. The end result was that Hiashi got caught up in it somehow and it ended up with him flat on his back with Kushina straddling his waist, both hands around his neck and screaming in his face right in front of all the families picking up their children for the day – it looked like something straight out a theatrical farce! I think Iyabi-san, that was Hiashi's mother, nearly curled up and died on the spot seeing her son being 'ravished' by the Uzu princess, and I never heard Hizashi laugh so hard in his life".

"Hizashi?"

"Hiashi's brother, but that's a sore subject at the minute Naruto", Yoshino's tone suddenly turned colder before she went on, banishing the threatening bad mood, "I wouldn't bring it up around Hiashi-san; it was a bad business he doesn't like to talk about".

"Fair enough", Hiashi was far from the only one who had (or, in Naruto's case, had recently discovered he had) skeletons in the family closet and Naruto was grateful to move on, somewhat relieved that the Hokage monument was at his back due to where the Nara clan grounds were situated in the village so he wouldn't see the very obvious reminder of the parent he wasn't to talk about for a good number of years yet, "but, hey, while we're here", Yoshino paused and allowed him to go on, "why'd you hug me like that?" _Eh?_; the question made the Nara matriarch raise an eyebrow and, seeing this, Naruto elaborated,

"I mean Ten-chan just tried punched my lights out, which I get because I'd have done the same to her if she'd disappeared for months on end without telling anyone, but Ayame-chan hugged the daylights out of me, Chime-san bopped me on the head and then hugged me, Tsume-san did the same then whacked me again when I called her old and now you doing that? I don't get it, why didn't you all do the same thing – women are weird".

Yoshino laughed, she really didn't have any choice in the matter as Naruto once more hit a nail inadvertently on the head; _and in a way that would have about ninety-nine percent of men in the world nodding in agreement, as long as their wives weren't watching at least_;

"True we're all weird but men love us anyway", she commented breezily before smirking at Naruto raised an eyebrow at her unusual proclamation, "it's just how we show we care Naru-kun, especially kunoichi and onna-bugeisha like Chime-chan. Being married to shinobi and raising a clan's a hard job Naruto-kun, don't let any ninja tell you anything different; if you're not up with a colicky baby half the night you're sat up wondering if your husbands' going to come home from his latest mission, and if it's not that it's the youngsters trying to master techniques too soon and half-blowing themselves up or landing at the Shinigami's doorstep with chakra exhaustion. Civilians often don't understand it either – more than one villager's come up and told me that I'm being abusive when I slap Shika awake or rap one of the others around the legs or the ear when they do something stupid, but it's just to let them know I care at the same time tell them I won't put up with any messing around, I can't afford to. Most kunoichi, or any other woman who marries a ninja come to that, are pretty much the same and it doesn't just go for the kids either; the chewing out I gave Shikaku when he was carted back here with those scars on his face the first time…"

"So", Naruto crossed his eyes as he tried to puzzle this through, "so you weren't really angry when you were shouting last night?"

"Oh no, I was bloody furious", the glance she flashed his way was enough to make the hairs on the back of his neck go rigid; even when explaining some of the truths of the ninja world, the terrifying dragon that Nara Yoshino could become was never far beneath her calm veneer, "luckily that Aburame was in the way for long enough to burn off the worst of my temper".

"Lucky? As soon as he could get away with it the bug-man did a runner and left me to face the music!"

"Can you blame him?"

"I, ah… no", Naruto admitted at length, rationalising that if it was a case of him and someone else faced with the wrath of an angry Yoshino it would more than likely be a case of head for the hills and Kami help the hindmost, "so, you all were angry because I went missing and hit-stroke-hugged me to let me know you were happy I came back?"

"Most of us I imagine but you can never tell exactly Naruto; you said it yourself", she pointed out with a slight smirk as she saw the jinchuuriki, in the same way every man who'd come before him had, mentally just give up the ghost and surrender the struggle in attempting to understand the female mind, "women are weird, just accept it and try to deal with it as best you can like every other person on the world with a Y-chromosome. Still, that's for later", with that she clapped sharply, purely business as she regarded her helper for the day, "those horses and deer won't much themselves out and it's a beautiful morning at the minute – if the sky holds we might even be able to get you out for a short hack with a bit of luck".

"Sounds like a plan Yoshino-san", Naruto agreed, feeling the hard outline of a couple of carrots he'd brought from one of the early-opening village stores on the way over with the help of a minute-mask, "so, just give me a moment and I will use some of the magic the caravans taught me to conjure up a helper".

As he'd expected the words made the older Nara pause and, as she glanced at him with an enquiring gaze, he smiled and went on,

"You were a _Kyaraban-ko_, or at least something similar to a _Kyaraban-ko_ once upon a time Yoshino-san; you remember the little cantrips the caravans all know? Nothing fancy, just lighting fires without a match or a jutsu, or how to always find water and get about, navigate without a map, that sort of thing?"

"I did", she admitted at length, not quite sure where he was going with this even as she recalled using some of those cantrips to make her life through the Academy easier than it should have been for someone with a pure water affinity such as herself; _yeah, I don't need no stinking katon jutsu to light my camp fire at night – D-rank jutsu my left foot, I couldn't get it until I became a chunin due to opposite chakra natures, not like anyone knew about them when I was going through school_; "what about them? Pick a few up on you travels did you?"

"Yep and, if you give me a chance, I'll use one of them to get one of your clan to help us out in the stables". In the face of such a proclamation Yoshino's eyebrow duly raised a few degrees,

"You haven't used one of the three B's have you Naruto-kun; bribery, blackmail or threat of a beating", she elaborated at his quizzical expression, reciting the three most common illegal methods of getting someone to lend you a hand when you wanted them to regardless of their personal thoughts on the matter, "that's about the only way I can think of you turfing any Nara other than me out of bed this early, least of all on a weekend".

"How long have you known me Yoshino-san? Stand back a minute", he stated politely, letting himself into the Nara grounds properly as Yoshino stood to the side, curious despite herself about what he was planning this time, "let the Mouse do his magic, sing a little song and bring a helper running".

Still wondering what he was up to and interested if he actually had cracked the problem that had resulted in most Nara women tearing their hair out at one stage or another, Yoshino followed the jinchuuriki to the area in front of the main house, trying to second-guess his plan. In common with most of her clan she held her peace and observed as the blonde pulled a scroll out of his pocket and unrolled it, though as the smoke cleared and whatever he'd summoned was exposed to her eyes she felt her hand drop from where it had been supporting her chin in a thinking pose as she spoke in a disbelieving tone,

"Naruto-chan what on this earth or any other is _that_ thing?"

"What, this?" Naruto's faux-disbelief didn't fool her for a minute and with a chuckle he threw the majority of the contraction that he had once claimed appeared to be the bizarre hybrid of a tablecloth and a pipe factory explosion over his shoulder, one tube still in his hand as he glanced at Yoshino sidelong, "What do you think it is?"

"Apart from some bizarre freak accident involving an octopus and enough guttering to keep my clan house dry in a thunderstorm", she shook her head, still unable to look away from the creation the boy she considered at worst a nephew still held over one shoulder, "I haven't got the foggiest. What is it, and where'd you get it from?"

"Brought it off the caravan; they didn't want it so I got a fair price", he claimed nonchalantly before the edge of a grin peeped into life on his lips and he took a deep breath, "listen and learn Yoshino-san".

With that he placed the end of the pipe he held between his lips and blew hard; next second, as she clapped her hands over her ears at the shrieking, droning wail that emitted from the inflated bladder of cloth draped over Naruto's shoulder, Yoshino was left to wonder exactly what he was doing and how he could call such a terrible noise music. _And it looks like I'm not the only one either_; even in the few seconds the jinchuuriki had been generating such a hellish cacophony Yoshino was easily able to see windows being flung open and several members of her clan blearily peering into the morning sun, trying to shut off the row that had woken them up at such an ungodly hour of the morning. Through her hands were over her ears the Nara matriarch was certain that most of the shouts being directed at the musician were a lot less than complimentary as she couldn't quite lip-read at this range; before she could think too much on the subject however Naruto had stopped the noise his instrument produced, removed the mouthpiece from between his lips and addressed the entire clan without fear as he shouted his demands up to where they were still trying to recollect their bearings after being so violently awakened,

"Until Nara Shikamaru is out here, fully togged up and ready to turn in a hard days' work at the stables…" there was a sudden sinister edge to his smile at he took in the pipe once more, shouting around it as there was a collective intact of breath from his unwilling audience,

"…here I play!"

Yoshino laughed, she honestly didn't have a choice in that matter as she immediately saw exactly what Naruto was doing and how the 'magic' he'd promised was designed to work. It was a great irony that, when faced with a very pressing need to get a job done, the clan that was universally considered the laziest and least ninja-like in all of Fire country could mount the appropriate response with an efficiency and alacrity that would have turned the Aburame green with envy. Because of this collective need to restore the peace and save both their eardrums and chances of a lie-in it came as no surprise to Yoshino when, no more than four minutes after Naruto made his demands, the back door to her clan house was thrust open and the figure of her hastily-dressed son was roughly shoved out of it, stumbling to a halt before turning and directing a bale glare at the wooden portal that had just been slammed behind him. Despite herself Yoshino was forced to bite down on a smile as the taller, skinnier boy stalked towards the two of them, face like thunder as opposed to his normal apathy despite the sleep that still clung to his eyelids,

"My clan is made up of treacherous gits and I hate them all", he stated in a perfect deadpan before his almost-emotionless stare switched targets and sought to nail Naruto to the fence behind him, "and teme, the second I get my hands on the clan scrolls I won't rest until I…"

He was cut off as Naruto erupted, his strange instrument letting out a wheezing gurgle as it slipped off his shoulder to the floor where it began deflating as its owner tried and failed to control his mirth,

"You, you gotta _warn_ someone before you come out with something like that Shika", the Mouse managed to choke out over his helpless laughter, Yoshino herself forced to look away to hide her own grin from her sons' hang-dog expression, "'I won't rest' – priceless, oh that's a classic from a Nara".

"I will strangle you in your sleep Naruto-teme", the clan heir promised, his gaze unusually direct as he stared at the smaller child who crouched over, still chuckling, as he picked up and re-sealed the originator of that terrible noise back up in his scroll, "and I'll stab that thing as well while I'm at it. Where'd you get it and what the hell is it called – I need to give it a name when I mount its carcass on my wall".

"Where I got it's a long story Shika; I'll tell you over a nice steaming hot dung-pile as we're mucking out", the jinchuuriki grinned as his friend grimaced; _great, it's early in the morning and I'm expected to do manual, urgh, labour – sure this is some kind of child abuse_; "and it's called a set of bagpipes. Don't know exactly where they came from"; _never got the name of the store in Kumo that sold them – still, had to spend the money I picked up in the Blossoms on something and I wanted a souvenir for myself_; "but the caravan I was with were grateful to see the back of them".

"Caravan – so while the rest of us have been breaking our backs due to our mothers' nagging you've been gallivanting around the Elemental Nations free as a cloud", Shikamaru scowled before a sixth-sense made him duck just in time to avoid a slap from his mother, Yoshino looking stern as she raised her hand warningly before speaking again,

"You don't know the meaning of breaking your back lazybones – enjoy it while you can because the second you drag your apathetic self over the Academy's threshold that's it, the gloves come off as far as I'm concerned. So, now your friend has given you the opportunity it's time to get some practice in – get moving or I'll have you running laps as well as shovelling manure!"

"Man, what a drag – this is so troublesome", the clan heir complained, though under his mothers' evil eyed gaze some kind of survival instinct flicked back to life and he said nothing more, merely falling into step in front of his mother as Naruto stuffed his musical instrument containing scroll into his pocket and chuckled quietly at the sight; _they only do it because they love you, unless they really hate you – I think I got it right the first time, women are weird._

XXX

The sight before her made her feel sick inside, though under the inscrutable eye of the Hokage that regarded her with an expressionless face Maba did her best to let nothing appear on her face as she listened to her intercom and, when she had the word, she met the kage eye to eye and spoke in a tone that belied her parched lips and constricted throat,

"The Raikage will see you now Hokage-dono, please go straight through".

"My thanks", the aged village leader said curtly before stepping away, the two jounin of is honour guard following him silently through the door, the air of barely-concealed malice billowing around them going with them and allowing her to breathe easily once more. Remembering her village leaders' words the kunoichi immediately began clearing her desk, not wanting to get caught overhearing what might very well considered state secrets by being in the deserted tower while the two kages were meeting together, though even as she moved to leave she couldn't stop her hands trembling slightly as she mouthed a silent prayer to any Kami that might have been listening that whatever price Kumo was forced to pay for the failure of her ninja, it would not cut too deeply or scar for too long the people and reputation of the Dragon village.

Entering into the inner keep of his rivals' fortress Sarutobi was careful to keep his expression colourless save, perhaps, for a tint of smouldering anger. Treachery was never far from the mind of any ninja and, even though he sensed nothing and had seen with his own eyes the Raikage tower appeared to be deserted, he kept his guard raised in case there was a plan to silence him and spark a fourth world war rather than admit to their wrong-doing; _though even if there is and it succeeds, I trust Danzo to at least see to it that Kumo regrets such folly very deeply indeed_. However thus far the signs were promising; aside from the mountainous figure glowering at him from the throne at the far end of the room behind his desk, there appeared to be no-one else around and he could detect no other potential sources of treachery such as seals or poisonous gases. Before he could think too much on the matter there was a rumbling squeak as the Raikage stood up and pushed his chair backwards, inclining his head towards his visitor as protocol demanded,

"Hokage-dono".

"Raikage-dono", Sarutobi repeated the gesture before pacing across the floor someway, though he didn't sit down as the man who, physically at least, dominated him spoke once more,

"I trust you have urgent business to travel so far while bypassing the normal diplomatic protocols?"

"Oh yes Raikage-dono", the question was a lure and one Sarutobi, unusually for him, didn't hesitate in biting upon, giving a verbal tug to remind his opponent exactly who held the cards in this game, "I am here because your state has committed not one but two very grave crimes, one recent the other decades old, against both my village and a clan that resides within it. Because of those crimes I have come here with all haste because I wanted to know if there was a reason, any kind of reason, you could offer that would prevent me caving in to the Inuzuka clan's demands and setting them loose on Kumo!"

The Sandaime's shout echoed around the bare room, a very rare instance of the usually collected kage losing his temper slightly before, with an effort, he caught his breath and locked eyes with the leader of the rival village, speaking only a single sentence that was pregnant with both warning and promise was the meaning behind it not heeded correctly,

"Remember Kusa, Raikage-dono".

A silence followed that statement, as it always would when the name of the Inuzuka was mentioned in conjunction with that nation; much as shinobi were supposed to be agents that prowled in the darkness and slew specific targets with the rest of the world being completely oblivious to their presence if there was ever a clan that failed to conform to that stereotype it was the Inuzuka, superseded only by the Kayuga while the bloodthirsty Kiri clan had still existed. It had been in the dying days of the Third War, following Iwa being knocked out of the war by the emergence of the Yellow Flash, that the animalistic clan had truly cemented their evil reputation and it had been Kusa who had been their target. Sarutobi had ordered the greatest rival in size to the great five villages cowed but not crushed and the Inuzuka had obliged him; even now, a howl in the night would be enough to make most of Grass's civilian population sweat cold in their beds, the ancestral memories of fear kept alive in the tales told by elders to frighten unruly children – if they didn't behave, the Wolves of Konoha would take them in their sleep and devour them by moonlight.

It was a story with a great basis in fact; following their Hokage's order the entire clan had infiltrated the land of Grass, living off the land and avoiding or annihilating the ninja patrols they came across to strike at their target, the cities and towns of the rival village. Shinobi knew no fear but that didn't hold true for those they protected and, when the wolves came not just to the door but over it and into the villages proper, that same population was driven to the edge of incoherent fear and threatened to rise up against the daimyo unless he bowed to the inevitable and surrendered to the Leaf. Aided by select members of the Yamanaka, Kurama and Uchiha clans who both facilitated the infiltrations into the town and help water the seeds of fear the Inuzuka planted in the minds of their enemies, the animalistic clan systematically terrorised virtually the entirety of Kusa's population into submission, a feat never before attempted and unrepeated since.

Scratches gouged into every front door of several town simultaneously, stores raided and cattle mutilated was just the beginning; after sunset the streets became no-go areas and village watches, even those reinforced by professional samurai, became too afraid to set foot outside in groups smaller than a dozen. Children were taken, babes snatched from their beds and wailing parents were left gnashing their teeth with loss and fear as, with traditional Konoha forces camped on their borders, there was no way for Kusa's own ninja to come to the aid of their people and families. The end came when the capital city of Grass awoke one morning to a scene of absolute horror; in the main tree of the daimyo's gardens the tallest tree, a rare Ironwood that sheltered the entire royal family house beneath its boughs, had been transmogrified into a gory sacrament, a grotesque Yule tree strung with the eviscerated corpses of every household pet and beast of burden within the city limits.

Such barbaric horror, along with the warning clawed into the door of the mansion that if Kusa still fought when the sun set once more the tree would be decorated with the remnants of the daimyo's family and guards, was the straw that snapped the proud nations' fighting spirit; in hours Kusa had capitulated and Konoha was triumphant, one of the last dominoes to fall before Kumo too saw sense and ended the Third war entirely. As the sun set for the first day on a Kusa that chafed under the humiliation of surrender, the breaking dawn would see one final surprise passed upon the weary, scared populous, this time a positive one. Once more the Inuzuka came and this time they restored what had been taken – the stolen children were returned to the very beds they had been stolen from, in most cases hungry but very much alive, able to recall nothing of their kidnap. It was this last detail that had been responsible for much of the Inuzuka's mystique and reputations for being part of the land itself, or the incarnation of the vengeful spirit of Fire country that could, once appeased, grant acts of kindness to those that pleased it.

It had been a master-stroke, one that Sarutobi doubted could be done again due to a range of factors, chiefly the loss of the Uchiha and decline of the Kurama clans as without their genjutsu skills the infiltration of Kusa's villages would likely never have happened; _though it's not like the Raikage needs to know that, and even if we could do repeat such a trick with the mood Tsume-chan was in previously I doubt her clan would bother with subtlety, even Rimaru-san_. Still, the Hokage had no reason to inform his opposite number of this little fact and stood resolute, awaiting and answer that wasn't long in coming but came with an unexpected caveat,

"I remember Kusa well Hokage-dono, too well", the Raikage sighed before retaking his seat and gesturing to the two silent jounin who flanked the Hokage of the Leaf, "if you would dismiss your guards Hokage-dono, I have some things to say that I will speak to none but you".

The older man considered this for a moment, a long one as he scrutinised the man before him; however in all the time he'd known the taller man he had to admit that, despite his somewhat overbearing manner and blunt forms of diplomacy, the Raikage was not often a man to attempt genjutsu or other such sleight of hand to weasel his way out of the predicament his expansionist tactics had landed himself and his village in. Because of this he glanced to either side of him and gave the shallowest of nods; if surprised by this his bodyguard didn't show it, instead merely giving quick, shallow bows of respect before disappearing in clouds of chakra smoke. As they left and passed beyond range of both sight and chakra sensing Sarutobi looked forwards to the sight of his nemesis and for the first time show a slight chink in his emotional armour, the sight of the Raikage grinding his knuckles against his forehead as though trying to massage away a bad migraine enough to make even him raise an eyebrow as the much larger man glanced up and wafted a large hand towards the seat opposite him,

"Sit down Sarutobi-dono", there was none, or at least very little of the bombast that usually rolled around in the voice of Kumo's leader like thunder around a mountain top, "I've got a lot to say and not much time to do it in if I want my country to survive the next few months".

_There is something else here_; this wasn't the man, or at least didn't appear to be the man who had demanded the body of Hizashi Hyuuga as a price for avoiding war, a price Sarutobi would have been unwilling to pay save for the wishes of the Hyuuga clan and, more importantly, those of Hizashi himself, who was happy to choose such a fate if it meant his child and many others would grow up untouched by the horror of war. To a politician as experienced as Sarutobi it was obvious that there was some other factor at work here, an overarching background that he hadn't yet seen but that had occupied his mind much on the journey to the Lightning village; however as he saw the Raikage reaching for something, one of the pieces of paper on his desk, he made a careful comment to ensure there was no, or at least no more than usual, trickery afoot,

"So, you do not deny that Kumo has committed these crimes against the Inuzuka?" His opposite number gave a brief but mirthless chuckle,

"I could deny it until the end of the world, it wouldn't be enough to change the truth I'm sure you heard from Rin-san and whoever it was who spirited her away from this place", he pointed out, retrieving one of the parchment scrolls from its resting place on the edge of his desk and giving it a swift once-over with a glance, "Kumo was at fault in this mess; I can't change that; but", seemingly satisfied, he twisted the paper around and pushed it towards the Hokage, gesturing for him to read it, "I hope I can convince you that I am not wholly to blame in this matter".

Sarutobi personally thought that a pipe dream at best but had enough good grace not to mention it, instead reading the offered paper. It seemed to be a mission request, similar to the hundred that crossed his desk every week, but as he read exactly what the scroll entailed and saw the seal that adorned the bottom right-hand corner the Hokage caught his breath as he realised this was no request. Breathing slightly more deeply as he tried to work out exactly what he could do next as it seemed that the Raikage was right in what he said, neither he nor his village were truly to blame for the theft,

"Raikage-dono", Sarutobi said at length, his voice grave as he returned the paper towards the other kage, "this is… very disturbing".

"Indeed", the tan man replied, folding the paper back up and putting it back where it had come from, "it is the proof, the final proof in my eyes, that the daimyo of the land of Lightning has finally given in completely to madness".

The accusation hung heavily in the air, coiling like smoke as though it could signal the shrivelled old man who clung to power in his own country and alert him to the treachery being voiced by his strongest sword. For his part Sarutobi was left reeling slightly; an expansionist kage was a problem but one that could be slapped down easily enough, but a daimyo with an entire country behind him, who had no had no higher authority…

"How long have you suspected this?" The Hokage asked carefully, hoping to buy time to consider this new and violent lurch in the situation; in this he was to be disappointed as, with another mirthless chuckle, a second piece of paper was pushed his way, once more signed by the daimyo's hand and once more ordering the kage of his ninja to order one of his men on a virtually-suicidal mission,

"Years now, since the end of the Third war at least", the taller man answered, standing up and looking out of the window, over his village, "I can't prove it but I did hear rumours that one of his guards during that time had a slightly closer relationship with him than simply protector and client. Her death during the fighting on the Konoha front probably etched a grudge on his mind against your state and you know how samurai are with what they consider to be slights on their honour?"

Having read the order in front of him several times and once more commending Hyuuga Hizashi's soul to the Pure world for the sacrifice he had made and the war he had prevented by complying with the order that had, unknown to Konoha until now, been made and signed off by a daimyo, Sarutobi regarded his opposite number and gave a curt nod. Unlike most of the other Elemental Nations Kumo's government was still based around a pseudo-feudal system where the governors of the districts were samurai lords rather than politicians and, to them, matters of honour and matters of state were often interchangeable; _and dangerous, when they override common sense like this_;

"So, he ordered the attempted theft of the Byakugan…?"

"Against my views and better judgement", the Raikage admitted, shaking his head in annoyance as he recalled the arguments he'd had with the grizzled old warrior who ruled Lightning with a steel fist, "I won't deny I felt we needed more bloodlines following the end of the Third war to replace our losses; many of our clans were virtually wiped out and even now haven't recovered; but even so there would have been easier ways to gain them than marching into the tigers' lair and trying to steal one of its cubs. The jounin who led that ambassador trip was one of my finest men, close to me as my own right hand – ten Hyuuga weren't worth his life. I hoped that with the failure of that mission the old madman would back down but he wouldn't; I managed to placate him for a few years with a few survivors from Kiri but he was adamant that Konoha would suffer for his loss. Eventually I had to no choice but to oblige him".

"So", with this new information Sarutobi had an inkling of the answer but he needed it confirmed anyway, "why the nin-ken? Another delaying tactic?" His answer was a small, darkly humorous smile,

"Yeah; I realised the nin-ken would likely be more trouble than they were worth as it's never been proved the Inuzuka clan even have a bloodline as opposed to a close connection with their partners. I assumed it would be a failed experiment, gain me enough time to work out a permanent solution to the problem at the same time as being able to say mission completed with a straight face. Fortunately though, as of right now he's got a lot more on his plate to worry about than a few ninja puppies going missing".

It was the change in tone rather than the words that made the older man glance up in time to watch his opposite number elaborately lick his thumb and then thump it down on what looked to be the last piece of paper he had arranged on his side of the desk. It clung there for a few seconds before he brushed it off with his other hand, slapping it down on the desk between the two of them as he finished,

"This arrived on my desk no more than thirty-six hours ago, unopened and read by none but me; it's finally happened Sarutobi", there was an undercurrent of equal parts excitement, dread and worry in his voice as he explained exactly how the touch paper had been lit and threatened to consume the land he loved, "he's overstepped the mark at last. Guzura's been militarising the country since the ink was barely dry on the third peace treaty and we've all been suffering ever since. The harvests are down due to conscription, the taxes are hurting everyone and driving away trade, crime has never been higher and the morale of everyone, ninja included, has hit rock bottom and started digging. About the only thing keeping us afloat is the fact Frost still has our back after we defended them in the Third War and has been offering its harvest at a reduced rate for a few years now, but even that goodwill is waning. Everyone is bleeding in Lightning Sarutobi", to his credit the younger kage looked truly sorry as he lamented his lands' pain before he wiped the lamentation from his face and set it in a grim, steely mask, "and I intend to cauterise the wound before it bleeds us completely dry".

"So then", the impact of the words written before him had crashed over his like a tsunami but to his credit Sarutobi was able to look back at his opposite number with only slightly widened eyes as a reaction to the news, "it is rebellion against the daimyo?"

"Not yet, at the minute it's insurrection but this whole damned country's a tinder-box", the Raikage snorted, once more looking out of the window, "insurrection now by a few of the more powerful samurai lords, those who could actually challenge Guzura for his position as head of state, but it'll be rebellion in a week and civil war in two as the word gets out and the lesser lords unite behind one or other competitor to try and oust him completely. It's a bloodbath waiting to happen…"

"Samurai war", Sarutobi finished for him, knowing exactly what fear was plaguing the taller man before him and once more silently thanking the Kami that, though a simpering fop at times, especially where his wife and her damned cat were concerned, the daimyo of Fire was at least content with what he had and saw no reason to try and upset the delicate apple-cart that was the current state of peace in the Elemental Nations, "they'll tear each other apart".

"And the rest of us with them; the militias will be called, they'll be massed desertions, infighting and in the end it may well pull Lightning apart completely. You know your history Sarutobi-dono, hell you were there for a lot of it", the aforementioned ninja scowled at the slight jibe to his age but allowed the younger man to carry on without interruption, "if the samurai clans do go to war it'll make Kiri look like a side-show, they'll be blood-letting, head-taking, salting the earth of rival claimants and everything else that goes with it – at least with the Bloody Mist the Yondaime's smart enough to keep it as a ninja war, I'd wager most of the population doesn't realise their military's killing itself! With this, however", the Raikage shook his head, "Lightning will be finished as a nation; even if a claimant rises from the ashes the vultures will already be circling and he'll have nothing left to consolidate power with save the ninja, and not even we can defeat a rival daimyo who has his sights set on conquest of a broken land". Sighing, the Raikage settled back into his seat with a thump before letting out a second sigh, shaking his head as though bothered by a cloud of midges before glancing up at the opposing kage once more,

"There is, of course, only one way for this to end without Kumo following Kiri into the abyss", he said, a foreshadowing note in his tone as he sat back to his full, imposing height, gesturing to the missive in front of Sarutobi, "daimyo-sama has requested me to send a few of my top men to aid his cause in the first few weeks of the war. He's not stupid, he might be mad but he's not lost his tactical mind; Guzura knows the only feasible way he can remain on the throne is a show of force – if he can utterly decimate the first army that stands against him he might cow the other warlords back into line. To do that he needs us, especially if, as he suspects, all three of his major rivals will be present; the size of the engagement also looks to be fairly minimal, not so much a battle as a mere skirmish, something the daimyo could win on even his worst day".

By this point the hairs on the back of the Hokage's neck began to rise – the leader of Kumo was going somewhere, that much had been obvious, but the casual way he mentioned the battle made him look again at the paper before him and immediately he saw it. Blood running cold, he glanced over where the ink had been smudged by the Raikage's thumb, obscuring the expected number of enemies present, and looked up sharply, only just holding his peace as the other kage carried on,

"Still, he wishes to make a statement about the strength of his rule; what finer statement can there be than the strongest of his shinobi, the Iron Hand of Kumo? I'll answer the summons myself; I will be his sword and his shield – no enemy shall harm the daimyo while I still draw breath".

"You mean to kill him?" Sarutobi had been suspecting this as the outcome but still, to hear it was a very sobering affair. In all the years he'd been alive he had never before heard of a kage who had outright assassinated his country's leader – mostly a tactic of the smaller villages, even there the deposed nobility were often kept alive as puppet rulers for the general populous, ruling the country with none of the common people seeing the twitches of the invisible strings they danced to at the beck and call of the ninja leaders who commanded them,

"This is a very dark road you travel down Raikage-dono".

"True but I won't be travelling it for long, and I won't be walking it alone either", the other village leader grunted, shrugging his massive shoulders, "there's no innocent party here Sarutobi; my leader is insane, I could, probably should have shouted him down when he started banging the drum about bringing the Leaf to heel and strangled this whole catastrophe in its cradle and any one of the other three bastards who're lining up to take Guzura's head just want to replace him with no guarantee they'll stop the pressure on the country when they do. No, the only way out of this mess is to wipe the slate clean, end it all in one blow", everything on the tabletop did a somersault as the Raikage brought his fist down for emphasis before giving his guest a weary but somewhat grudgingly-respectful smile, "my original plan was to bring the four of them, Guzura and the other three warlords, together on the battlefield and then off them all myself, but thanks to your operative and the fact he managed to kick this can of worms open and drag the politics of Konoha into this, that plan's changed somewhat". Mulling the situation over in his mind Sarutobi thought through the options open to the kage in front of him and, after a moment, highlighted the decision he would have been most likely to make,

"You plan to meet with one or other of the would-be daimyo and offer them the death of their enemies in return for help in compensating my village?" The bigger ninjas' answering smile was a sliver of congealed venom as he slowly shook his head,

"Not quite Hokage-dono; now I intend to off all four of those bastards and die doing it".

The silence between the two of them deepened, yawning in the room like a chasm until, at length, Sarutobi spoke in a voice that, though little more than a murmur, still seemed to echo in the void the Raikage's death promise had opened in its wake,

"A life for a life; I believe the Inuzuka will be satisfied with that", he explained calmly, not dropping his gaze from the rival kage, "they will hear no more than your exemplary suicide, as will the Hyuuga. They, however, will be harder to placate; who will take the mantle in your stead?"

"My eldest son, A; he's not fully ready but, perhaps that's for the best", Sarutobi's opposite number shrugged, massive shoulders flexing, "he can grow into the role on his own without feeling my iron hand on his shoulder and work with the new daimyo to put the past behind us all. I can offer the Hyuuga little enough at this time though; as I have said this situation is mostly not of my making and following the end of my plan the new regime will be more interested in shoring up the country than appeasing anyone else for the sins of their fathers. They can keep the ring your infiltrator took, its value is mostly historical and sentimental but it is an heirloom and, as well", he drew a sheaf of blank parchment from a drawer along with a pen, "a life for a life, as you said".

"What is this Raikage-dono?" Sarutobi had an idea of course but felt it polite to ask as the other kage scribbled on the paper, his appearance merely curious as the two bushy eyebrows rose in his direction,

"A debt of honour", the voice was gravelly and sombre, the words seemingly barbed if the way they stuck in his throat were any indication, "I have written this paper with the intention that any member of the Hyuuga clan can ask any service, even death or suicide, of any member or ward of the Yotsuki clan, save my eldest son A as he will be Raikage and my younger son B for reasons you are no doubt aware of. It must be witnessed by at least one other ninja from each state but, once it is, the service must be performed and this document destroyed, honour between the clans satisfied", with nothing like his usual flourish the tall man reached to his side, seizing the stub of the stamp that now replaced his usual method of signing paperwork and applying the seal of his office to the base of the parchment, adding his personal signature onto the paper as well to show it was signed by the Sandaime rather than the Yondaime Raikage.

With visible reluctance he slowly offered the slip forwards, the Hokage for his part scanning it with his eyes before stowing it away with his robes,

"It won't be the easiest of sells but Hiashi, the clan head of the Hyuuga, is a man who lives by personal honour as well as clan prestige – I will see that he accepts this offer and the matter will be settled at last. With any luck and the will of the Kami perhaps your son will allow relationships between our states to thaw; I along with many others have begun to grow accustomed to this peace; it is with your sacrifice that this will be maintained and for that you have both my respect, and my thanks".

Sarutobi meant what he said and, by the resigned grimace that sprouted into being on the moustached face of the Raikage he guessed the younger man recognised his sincerity. Such was the burden of the kage robes; in the name of protecting the village from all harm it was a bitter irony that many of a ninja villages' most dangerous threats came from within rather than without – more than one leader had met his end in obscurity, or even ignominy, taking on the might of their own state rather than those usually considered enemies. The Raikage nodded before sitting back in his seat and, looking at the younger man, Sarutobi realised that this wasn't the place to be at the moment; like most ninja who knew they weren't coming back from their next mission, the Yotsuki clan leader was mentally preparing himself to meet the Shinigami and the last thing he needed now was to spend more of his precious few hours sifting through needless paper-shuffling rather than being at home with his family and village, the reason he was willing to lay down his life in a wasted battle with his own countrymen. Not seeing any further reason to remain as he had what he'd come for, the Hokage stood up and bowed formally, his gesture mirrored by his opposite number,

"All is in order then Raikage-dono; I see no reason to drag this out any longer, I'm sure you have more important matters of state on your mind and I must return to my village as soon as I am able to".

"I can understand that", came his answer in the form of a gruff snort, "I know better than to ask exactly who Sarutobi-dono, but whichever of your ninja it was, assuming he was one of yours?"

"He probably was", ever vigilant for the potential of his adversary, honourable or not, fishing for information, Sarutobi was careful to keep his answers vague just as the Raikage himself would have done had their positions been reversed, "I leave the exact mission designation to my ANBU captains – the details will likely never be known, even to me".

"Still a wily old bastard aren't you – much as the old troll might curse me for saying it I see far too much of Onoki-jisan in you to ever feel truly comfortable Sarutobi", with the meeting truly over the air of seriousness dispersed somewhat, though there was still respect laced into the Raikage's words as he spoke and stood up, "well whoever he was, if you ever do see of debrief him tell him he's got both my respect and, in a strange way, my envy as well. A fair few ninja have killed a kage, a few have even managed to knock off a daimyo as well, but as far as I can remember", there was a glint of professional respect in the kages' eyes as Sarutobi nodded, keeping his face blank as he realised the truth in the younger mans' words, something that hadn't truly struck home until now, "no other ninja in history, not even your Uchiha Madara or Senju Harashima, have had the distinction of engineering a situation which ended with the death of a kage, a daimyo and three samurai lords in a single fell swoop!"

It was a throwaway line, said partly in jest and partly out of mutual respect for what was an ingenious piece of ninja skill, but despite that it was a line that still plagued Sarutobi's mind as he lay awake in the night, staring at the wooden ceiling about him in the guest suite of the hotel his jounin guard had picked out for his entourage and himself during their stay in Kumo. _And a short stay it will be, something of a pleasant surprise and not the first one that has come from this trip northwards_; even as the thought crossed his mind, however, the thought made the Sandaime roll over in his bed, not even his childhood habit of counting the knotholes in the ceiling calming his turbulent mind as he mulled the new news over; _so, the Dragon village will soon have a change of leadership, as will the country as a whole. This could be for good or ill_; such was the life of a kage, to see the worst in all things and attempt to pierce the murk of the political landscape for the betterment of his people; _if the Yondaime perceives Konoha to be the cause of his father's death there may be consequences regardless of the demeanour of the new daimyo. As well as that, if things go truly wrong and depending on how wide his father spreads his confidence regarding his plan, he may also start investigating far more seriously the circumstances that led to the Sandaimes' demise. _

That was one of Sarutobi's greatest fears; despite all the secrecy surrounding his favourite orphans' little excursion outside of Konoha's walls, if anyone were to somehow find out about his role in this whole affair Naruto's already difficult life was likely to turn outright murderous. It was for this reason that Sarutobi had ensured there were absolutely no written records even mentioning the jinchuuriki's involvement in the whole affair and only the council and the Inuzuka clan were even aware he had ever left Konoha (or, to be more accurate, left and returned in the manner he had), as much protection as he could reasonably ensure for the jinchuuriki. Still though, the Raikages' words did chime deep in the Professor's mind; never before had a ninja done what Naruto had been able to pull off albeit mostly unwittingly and entirely ignorant of the wider political spectrum of Lightning – it was the kind of action that could well excite attention to those with their ears close to the ground. It was a remote chance but one with potential consequences so serious Sarutobi couldn't allow them to go unconsidered – Konoha had many enemies as a result of its size and success and many of them, his mistake amongst them he recalled with a pained grimace, were both cunning, patient and intelligent enough to piece together a damning picture from the meanest of scraps.

It was as well that he'd instructed Danzo to lay the false trail and inform Naruto of the circumstances in his absence; if nothing else, one slight bright spot of this whole mess it was that the Root commander was less likely to actively or covertly seek to sway Naruto to his cause. The crippled old man was a veteran of many conflicts and wars and it had taught him as much if not more than it had Sarutobi; he knew how the human mind worked and how different ninja drew their strength from different sources. The Sandaime had a convoluted relationship with the man who had once been his team mate and closest rival for the post he now held; it had been a relationship that had verged between reasonably congenial and borderline murderous but for now the situation appeared to have calmed down in their old age, though this was more due to a various number of complaints of old injuries and back issues forcing them to take life at a slower pace than before as opposed to the cooling of their quarrelling natures.

Sarutobi knew of the Root, the sub-division of the ANBU who had carried out the dirtiest, most dangerous jobs of the lot in times of war and how it had been scaled back but not entirely ripped out following the end of the Third war and allowed it some autonomy under Danzo's command, though for his part he knew the vast majority of what the one-eyed war hawk was up to most of the time. As with all things shinobi he was certain Danzo had some projects he was trying to keep out of his old rivals' sight just as the Hokage for his part had a better idea of what was going on than Danzo gave him credit for due to a judicious use of virtually-invisible listening seals and several infiltrators in areas that manufactured equipment used by the shadowy organisation that protected Konoha from the darkness. Though he didn't personally agree with Danzo's methods he couldn't deny they were effective as long as they were employed on the right kind of person, a kind of person that Naruto wasn't.

Naruto was, to Sarutobi's great relief, almost the exact opposite of the ideal Root recruit; he was loyal to Konoha but he wasn't a fanatic in the manner Danzo was – though he hoped he'd never have to test this theory, Sarutobi was reasonably sure that given the awful choice Naruto would turn his back on a Konoha village in flames in order to lead its dispossessed people to a new, safer land. The jinchuuriki seemed to place the people of Konoha over the ideal of the physical village and unspoken power it possessed, the same way he himself did. He didn't doubt that Danzo wouldn't at least try, one of the reasons he had appointed his old rival as interim Hokage, but he was also almost certain that whatever offer he made would be refused; _and if it isn't I shall certainly be looking into why. Still, that is for the future_; trying to clear his mind and allow himself to sleep in a strange place, though as always he missed the familiar comfort of Biwako by his side even in the single, though still comfortable bed; _for now, all I can do is hope that the Raikage is successful in his missions, no-one digs too deeply into the circumstances surrounding it and Naruto keeps his mouth shut about the whole affair!_

XXX

The boy in question, though completely oblivious to the fact that his actions were likely to inadvertently shift the political and military landscape of the Elemental Nations as tectonically as any earthquake, was not to remain blissfully unaware of the results of his actions for long. Even as his mind was dwelling, as it had over the past few days, on the triad of issues made up of the stories he'd heard about his mother and imagining how she and his father had ever come together and been married, trying to come up with a convenient excuse to visit the Yamanaka clan and somehow corner Inoichi to ask the favour he had in mind without arousing suspicion and tick off ways and methods to fulfil the Sandaime's latest request ready to be put into practice when the old man was back in the hot seat at the top of the Hokage tower, he wasn't so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn't notice the black-clad shape that materialised from a shadowed alleyway off to his left as he headed back towards the training ground,

"Uzumaki Naruto?"

"Hai?"

"Hokage-sama requires your presence", the thought originally made Naruto brighten before he remembered that the Sandaime wasn't there, it was a stranger in the seat and, he realised with a slight prickle of perspiration under his brow, one who may have had a relatively valid reason for being a little upset with him as things stood. Still, doing his best to put a cheerful face on things, the jinchuuriki nodded to the ANBU and altered his course as the operative vanished in smoke, returned to his duties as his message was relayed and the target understood where he was to go next.

_Don't mention the mummy, don't mention the mummy_; a few moments later Naruto was repeating that mantra over and over in his head as a talisman against committing an unforgivable faux-pas; it might only be temporary but at the moment the Danzo-man help ultimate authority in the village and therefore aggravating him was very, very high on the list of things not to do. With this in mind Naruto, for almost the first time he could remember, didn't just brush the secretary off with little more than a casual wave and short comment, instead he took a seat in the small office area until he was announced properly and the Hokage had admitted him access to the office itself. When the summons came Naruto did his best to mimic the ninja he'd seen offering their reports to the old man; back straight and alert, the Uzumaki strode into his leaders' office and met the single eye of the stranger in the seat of power without fear on his face.

For his part Danzo remained silent for a moment, the two staring each other down silently until Naruto, not wanting to be thought of as rude, dropped his eyes and allowed himself a smile, deciding that even though this imposter would be gone in a few weeks, there was nothing to be lost in giving a good impression to the man while he did have his hands on the reins of power,

"Uzumaki Naruto reporting Hokage-sama".

"Indeed", his answer was a low, colourless drawl, the older man shuffling paper on his desk and not missing the sudden widening of the boy's eyes as he noticed one of his physical disabilities, the thoughts written so clearly in his mind that the grizzled veteran fancied he could have read then with his natural eye closed; _yes child, I only have a single arm_; "do you know why you are here Uzumaki-san?"

"Uhh", tearing his eyes away from the empty sleeve where Danzo's arm should have been with an effort, Naruto tried to recall what the ANBU had actually said to him before realising with a visible jolt of shock that he actually didn't know the reason he'd been summoned, "no, sorry Hokage-sama, I don't know".

"There is no reason for concern Uzumaki-san", despite his reputation as a devious shadow and a grey eminence who worked in the background, Danzo was not so hard-hearted that he couldn't see the benefit of not terrorising every child he came across; _excessive fear leads to an increased chance of a negative reaction, or outright refusal to listen to proposals due to the unconscious fight-or-flight response_; "I required your presence for two reasons. The first of these", he said with meaning, pulling forwards a single scroll from the multitude that were strewn around the desk, "is the finalisation of the payment granted by the state of Konoha for services rendered".

It took a few seconds for Naruto to decode what the old man was driving at but, as Danzo reached over the desk and offered him the end of the scroll, Naruto let out a gasp as he took it and read hurriedly, eyes widening at the figure that was on the bottom of the scroll under a lot of small writing he had neither the time or inclination to read at the minute; _wow, zeros. Lots and lots of zeroes..._; it was at that point he realised the Hokage wished to speak again and with an effort, as though attempting to reel his consciousness in from a great distance, he managed to pay attention to Sarutobi's temporary replacement to hear his warning and question,

"I trust, as does Hokage-sama, that you will resist the urge to be reckless", there was a small hint of some emotion in the old man's' tone now, though what it was Naruto couldn't decipher adequately so he instead stayed quiet and listened, "it would raise many eyebrows to see you, an orphan with no known family, to suddenly come into possession of a large amount of money, attention that would undo much of the effort Hokage-sama has put forth in protecting your identity in this entire shambles".

"Pro-tecting?" Naruto ventured in an enquiring but somewhat nervous tone; much as he got away without kowtowing to the Sandaime in a manner most people in the village did, the jinchuuriki wasn't so foolish as to not know when it was time to be serious – when the safety of the village was at stake as it would be if the negotiations with Kumo went sour, the Third was Hokage-sama first, jiji later; _though I'm not sure what this guy would be – any kid calling him jiji would probably be traumatised for life with one look at his injuries_;

"Officially there has been no documented evidence that you ever left Konoha", Danzo went on, his eye fixed on the jinchuuriki before him, probing for any hint of affront that the boy might harbour for having his 'legend' so cruelly erased from history, "all records, and therefore all credit, has been granted to Inuzuka Rin, not just for surviving over a decade in captivity but also in being able to return with the kidnapped nin-ken. Only you, the council and her clan know the truth, a state that will not change without there being... consequences". Though nothing changed in Danzo's tone at the last word Naruto nevertheless felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up and he fought down a gulp before glancing at the paper and feeling himself jarred by a sudden reminder,

"Oh, speaking of which Hokage-sama", Danzo cocked his head marginally as the jinchuuriki went on, jabbing his finger at the scroll he'd rolled up and was holding in his other hand, "Rin-chan, she did get some of this right? The money I mean?"

"She has been adequately compensated", Danzo admitted at length, inwardly somewhat intrigued that the supposed future Hokage appeared to have genuinely not even considered that his mission, one that would have stood him in great stead for arguably the rest of his career, was being struck off the record and leaving him with nothing tangible to back up his claim save the memories of those who were there when it was revealed, "it would have looked suspicious in the extreme if the perpetrator of such a high-risk mission were not rewarded as such".

"Oh, that's good then", Naruto let out a low sigh, casually folding up the scroll in a spare pocket in his jacket and already coming up with a minute-mask of a nondescript shinobi who could cash such a reward at the mission desk without raising too many eyebrows; _or, better yet, just wait for jiji to get back and have him do it for me – yeah, that'd be better, no risk of being caught then_; "I know she hasn't got much left here after she went missing for so long, so at least now she'll have some capital under her feet. Anything else Hokage-sama?"

"Actually Naruto-san, there was".

To his credit, though he felt like rabbiting straight out the door at those words, Naruto stood his ground and swallowed down his apprehension as Danzo stood up behind the desk, coming to his full height slowly and with great care just as Sarutobi used to, though in this case realised that the bandaged shinobi really must have been something else to be able to stand so casually relaxed but ready for anything in so short a space of time. Because of this, the knowledge that he was dealing with someone who could, if he really needed to, kill him before he could even blink to defend himself, the jinchuuriki said nothing as the commander of the Root stretched off his single arm before casing an annoyed glance to the side of him with his single eye,

"Damned uncomfortable seat; sometimes I don't envy you your victory Sarutobi", he muttered grimly under his breath before recovering his poise and addressing the child before him, "you interest me Uzumaki-san". _Oh, that is sooo not good_; once more Naruto was reminded of the stories he'd heard in the orphanage, of the _kodomo-sunatcha_ who whispered false promises of love and family to some of the children before whisking them away forever, never to see the light of day again – once more he risked a glance towards the door of the office, hoping against hope that if he had to make a run for it the ability to move no faster than a shuffling lurch was a trait Danzo shared with his cartoonish alter-ego,

"I, amongst others, have heard that you wish to become Hokage, is that correct?" Grateful that as of yet he appeared not to have been whisked away to a fate best not thought about, Naruto replied with a cautious nod and watched cautiously as Danzo allowed the merest glimmer of a smile to crease his scarred, wrinkled visage,

"If that is the case my first question must be why; I do not need specifics", he held up his single hand in a gesture of appeasement as Naruto recoiled slightly at such a direct query, "I doubt you know them yourself. I ask because I too once sweated blood and tears to try and claim the Hokage's robe; Sarutobi-san, the man you call jiji, was simultaneously my friend, my bitterest rival and, in the end, the man who beat me to the post". That made Naruto look at the shrivelled form before him and subtly reassess his opinion of the man; _jiji said he was someone to watch out for, and if he was strong enough to challenge the old man in his prime he must have been really damned strong_;

"The post of Hokage is not, as you may think, one of glory; I have watched the man considered and rightly feared as the Kami no Shinobi waste and wither away in this seat, losing the instincts and abilities that made him arguably the greatest kage that has ever governed this village. He is old now and, even when he was younger during his first tenure as Hokage, he was forced to watch on helplessly as many of his ninja, most of whom he called comrades and knew on a personal level, were sent on their final mission and never came back, each one signed off by his own hand. He does not mention this of course, none present see his pain, but he feels each of those deaths and it every one makes him bleed inside, cripples his abilities just a little further. Most people think that being Hokage is purely about power", Danzo broke off his monotone explanation to shake his head slowly, as though explaining something to a child, "the right to ascend such a lofty title has not, is not and will never be decided by such a crude measuring stick. So tell me Uzumaki-san, why do you fixate on a goal that is, in effect, a living death-sentence, either through age and inaction or in combat, often against one who may well be your successor – Sarutobi-san was once defeated by Namikaze Minato, the man who succeeded him, did you know that?"

"No", Naruto answered with complete honesty, though thankfully Danzo mistook his wide eyes and shell-shocked expression as a reaction to hearing his beloved jiji had actually been beaten by someone rather than the real reason that was bouncing around the jinchuuriki's brain; _holy Kami, tou-san actually took on jiji and won? I have got such a long way to go…_;

"Trail by combat against the current incumbent is and will always be one of the requirements for any potential successor of the post", Danzo filled him in drolly, a slight smirk on his lips as he remembered being present on the day the Professor was finally outsmarted and toppled in a straight fight; _though, in honesty, Sarutobi probably lasted longer out there than even I would have done, or at least than I would have done as I was then rather than as I am now_; "so, why would you, in fact why would anyone, strive to achieve a position that is one of relentless sacrifice, often mindless toil and, in the end, removal either by death or retirement?"

Though it hadn't been apparent to the child he was addressing, Naruto had been under the scrutiny of Danzo's single eye throughout the entire question and from that Danzo was reasonably sure, in fact almost certain, that he had been stuttering for a valid reply to such a question before something had changed, one word or short snippet f his speech had hit some kind of trigger in the demon-containers' mind, one he doubted Naruto himself was consciously aware of. Interested to see if his theory was correct and if it was what the trigger had been, Danzo allowed the child he had and still wanted as a weapon for his village time to puzzle his response through in his mind before listening as Naruto gave his answer,

"I want to be Hokage because, at first, I wanted respect"; _as expected for an orphan who grew up with little but scorn_; "but, after everything that's happened, I think I'm starting to get that already. I mean, I know the Inuzuka were grateful", just how grateful they'd been was something he wasn't willing to divulge to this stranger as he went on, "and the rest of the clans seem to get on well with me, and people that don't well, I don't have to talk to them or anything so that's okay. Anyway, since I started working on the training grounds I learnt a lot, one of the things I was told and I saw was right is that to be a ninja, any kind of ninja, is a sacrifice".

That was a statement that piqued Danzo's interest and he leaned forward in interest as Naruto explained his statement,

"The jounin selection, I saw a few people who tried out and then realised that, even if they passed, they were going to have to give up a lot to be jounin. They were forever going to be ninja, expected to drop everything at a seconds' notice for a mission that just came in and do whatever it took to get the mission done. It's not an easy job, sure as hell not something anyone should do on a whim or because it's what they think they should do – the way I see it if you're going to be a ninja you better think long and hard about it and decide it really is what _you_ want to do; if your heart's not in it you're going to be a dead man walking and, worse, putting the lives of your squad in danger. And being Hokage; yeah I originally thought it'd be awesome to be the strongest ninja in the village, but I've seen what the honourable Sandaime has to put up with in life, all the moaning the council does and the paperwork he has to sign when I know for a fact he'd much rather be with his daughter and grandson, enjoying the quiet life he's earned after his service. But he can't; because there's no-one else to take the reins he has to sacrifice himself for the good of Konoha – I don't want the post just so I can say 'woohoo, look at me, I'm the boss; bow down and worship me plebeians'", not even Danzo could deny the merest hint of a smile at hearing such a childish declaration, though his sudden good temper didn't mean he missed the tail end of the jinchuuriki's explanation, "that was part of it at first, but now I'm working towards Hokage just because, well, it might as well be me, that way no-one else has to stay locked up in this tower. I've got a long time to think about it though, I won't be able to even think about taking over for years yet", he admitted, a little ruefully as he once more tried to imagine what a battle between the Third and Fourth Hokage must have looked like and shivered, knowing that in a fight of that level he'd have been less use than fins in Suna, "'specially since I'm going to have to beat jiji or whoever takes over from him in a straight fight to do it. Right now I wouldn't fancy my chances against a genin; in fact Ten-chan can still kick my butt if she wants to so I'm no match for an Academy student right now never mind the Kami no Shinobi".

Veteran and greenhorn both fell silent for a moment, digesting what had been said and trying to feel out where the other was coming from; Naruto for his part was somewhat confused in that the bandaged man had been, as far as he could tell, completely honest with him where Sarutobi had warned him about duplicity. The top job of the Leaf was far from easy as Naruto had learned through observation as he'd served as Sarutobi's paperwork-shuffler on occasion and Danzo had all but confirmed his own hypothesis about what his jiji was forced to go through on a daily basis. For his part he couldn't read anything about the older man due to both his bandages and a poker face that would have made Hyuuga Hiashi raise a complimentary eyebrow, in fact he was so intent on trying to casually glean something from his opponents' face that when the temporary Hokage spoke again he was caught unprepared and jumped in fright,

"Very well Uzumaki-san", if he noticed the child's virtual hyper-ventilation and bleached face Danzo was at least polite enough not to call him out on it, instead speaking in his normal dry, colourless tone, "your reasons are your own and I cannot judge you on them; I had my own reasons for attempting to become the Sandaime when I was much younger and more mobile than I am now. However, I have another question for you – have you ever heard of the Sakumo conundrum?"

It wasn't called that usually of course, least of all if there was a risk the name could be heard by the son of the White Fang himself. However, regardless of name or situation, the question was still as valid now as it had been during the conflict when the answer had tragically cost one of Konoha's finest shinobi his life as he attempted to answer it and, to Danzo at least, had come to encapsulate the difference between himself and Sarutobi – the Sandaime had publically stood behind the shamed Sakumo and stated he would have done the same had he been forced into the impossible situation the White Fang had been thrust into, while at the same time Danzo had privately cursed the jounin his weakness, knowing that the mission failure had delayed the end of the conflict by months at the least and made Konoha's victory much less assured than it had been.

Even today ninja and civilian alike were polarised on the opinion on the White Fang, a subject Danzo was certain would remain sore when he was gone and passed from the earth, but for the moment the fate of the Leaf's hero would act as a key with which he could pry into the mind of the jinchuuriki and see how far his would-be weapon had been brought into the fold of the Sandaime's teachings; _it would be impractical to attempt to break him into the Root as I once would have, he has shown potential outside a simple weapon and has too many eyes on him to be taken by such crude force. However, it may not be too late to attempt to… colour his thoughts somewhat and give him a little more to think upon other than the wisdom of the esteemed Sandaime_;

"It is a, I suppose parable would be as good a way as any to describe it, though it is based on an event that befell Konoha in the relatively recent past", Danzo explained, not betraying even a hint of his inner thoughts as he saw Naruto shake his head at the question, "one of our finest jounin at the time led a team to complete a strategically-vital mission. However the entire mission appeared to have been scouted by the enemy and a trap; the jounin was left with a choice, save his team or complete the mission. That is, at the heart of it, the Sakumo conundrum; in such a situation, what would you choose?"

In all honesty it was perhaps a little unfair to ask a child not even in the Academy a question used to make potential jounin candidates question themselves and their motives but Danzo was a paragon of a train of thought that considered fairness a matter for children and fools, not ninja. Also the Uzumaki had shown himself to be intelligent and, rather more pleasingly, somewhat skilled in hiding his intelligence so Danzo was honestly not sure what to expect in answer to his question. Naruto for his part was silent for a moment, doubtless mulling it over in his mind, before he glanced up at the temporary Hokage and spoke again,

"I wouldn't";_ hmm?_; even before he could ask Naruto had answered his question as he carried on, "someone once told me that for a jounin in a situation like that, where your team mate's at risk and so's the mission objective, the jounin should be figuring out a way to do both things at once. Depending on the mission might depend on what you can do, but for a lot of missions you could use clones for the rescue or the pyrotechnics-stroke-assassination while you did the other yourself. Besides, why the hell was the mission a bust in the first place; if the enemy knew he and his team were coming why wasn't the information system turned upside-down following his debrief to find who was leaking information? As long as he tried to do both you can't blame him for failing one, not really; I certainly wouldn't – however as to what I'd choose, that would depend on the mission itself and how important it was, what it entailed, how essential the team mates were to the mission, their own views on the matter which I'd ask ahead of time and a hundred other factors, so I can't answer the conundrum really, not without actually being there and in the poor guys' sandals. What actually happened to him anyway?"

_Ingenious, and unusual_; for the first time in a very long time Danzo found his interest definitely piqued by the Uzumaki's answer; _I had expected him to have been moulded solely by Sarutobi and ninja who share his views, but now I see there are a large number of fingerprints all over this would-be ninja, not all of them from those who would save their team mates' first._ There was certainly promise here; though the jinchuuriki was unlike any of his kind that Danzo had ever seen or heard about, he was certainly not a dreamer and had an idea about the reality of shinobi life superior to most new genin. With this new insight Danzo's course for the future was decided; Uzumaki Naruto would never be Root but, if done carefully, he saw no reason why snippets of his ideology couldn't be taught to the jinchuuriki to make him a more effective weapon in Konoha's arsenal; _now, to get Sarutobi to listen to and respect such a decision…_;

"I'm afraid that information is classified Uzumaki-san", the commander of the most shadowed and nihilistic branch of the Leaf's shinobi answered easily, once more disassociating his mouth and brain without so much as a thought about what he was doing, "still, as you have said there is no right or wrong answer, either choice can be validly justified. That is all the time I can spare for this matter however", he stood to his full height and Naruto stepped back a pace, towards the main door as though straining at the leash to be dismissed and get himself away from the stranger who occupied his adoptive grandfathers' seat, "you are free to go Uzumaki-san, I have delayed you long enough. Remember my warning about your new wealth however".

"Hai, Hokage-sama", Naruto nodded, foregoing his usual salute and giving a low whistle of relief under his breath as he just caught himself before he uttered the forbidden name, "my thanks for your time".

Without a further word the host of the most powerful bijuu known in the Elemental Nations nodded, turned on his heel and left without a further word and with a quite impressive turn of speed, leaving Danzo alone with his thoughts and considerations of what he would and wouldn't report to his superior when the slightly older man returned from the intricacies of the Kumo debacle. _Assuming he does of course_; there was little love lost between him and the current Hokage of course but should the Dragon village commit the unthinkable Danzo would take no small amount of pleasure in crushing Lightning in Sarutobi's memory; _still, the old monkey's been cunning enough to avoid everything else life has thrown at him up to now, including his own student. So then, an interesting piece has appeared on the table_; casually retaking his seat and turning his attention to the papers before him, the one-armed shinobi read through and signed off what he had to, his mind already on the game to be had following the Sandaime's return to the village.

Unlike most times, this game would be played for higher stakes and was not one he was willing to let slip unless he had no other alternatives.

XXX

Coming to a halt several streets away from the tower Naruto allowed himself to slow down and glance back the way he'd came, for the first time since he could remember a shiver running down his spine as he recalled how alien it had felt to see someone else in the Hokage seat his jiji had occupied for so long.

_Whoa, much as I thought I'd never say this I'm glad to be out of there_; for the second time in a week Naruto was left shuddering slightly following his exit from the Hokage tower, not entirely sure what to make of the man who'd just grilled him for the past twenty minutes. Still, he didn't think he'd said anything potentially incriminating about either himself or the Sandaime so that was one load off his mind; better to forget about the whole affair if he could and go from there now. With that in mind the Uzumaki gave himself one last shake off and recalibrated his mental tick-list of things to do; _okay, first thing is to do something about the cash weighing my pocket down. I can't cash a mission check_; that much was certainly true – Naruto might have been surprising but for him to wander into the missions office and slap down a demand for this much money would likely be met with at best a barrage of questions and at worst accusations of forgery; _so, might need to call in a favour off Tsume-baachan, she should be able to get a two-for-one for me and Rin-chan – nah, on second thought, better go with my original choice and wait for jiji, he'll be able to liquidise the funds himself without anyone knowing about it at all._

That was probably the best way forwards, less risk to all involved; with that in mind Naruto decided the best thing he could do at the minute was hide the evidence until he was ready to dispose of it or, in this case, cash it in properly. On his way home he reviewed how the rest of the day was supposed to go and allowed himself a smile; aside from the obligatory combing of the weapons grounds, at least until jiji came back, Naruto had two other important jobs to do today that simply couldn't wait.

He had to visit two men; one about some mice, the other about a fox…

XXX

"Say it".

"Nnnn…no!" Despite her resistance Naruto knew the end was near; employing a tactic similar to the one that had grounded the hawk-eyed Karui some months earlier, he was now virtually sat upon the prostrate form of his usual antagonist, one Yamanaka Ino. The girl for her part was spitting hair out of her mouth and struggling for all she was worth to try and heave herself out of her predicament – as he felt her writhe under him once more and realised she was stronger, albeit marginally stronger, than she'd been the first time they'd been in a position similar to this, Naruto was once more grateful he'd been able to pounce on her so quickly after his trip had taken her down. If he hadn't been able to wrap up her closet arm with one of his own (the other was fully per-occupied with keeping her hair out of his eyes – he'd heard about what ninja could do with their hair if they learnt to channel chakra through it and had no intention of imitating even part of Mumm-Ra's look this early into his ninja career – the fact it gave him extra leverage over the grapple due to judicious tugging was just an added bonus), she might well have bucked him off; _but she didn't, she hasn't and I've won, even if she won't admit it yet_;

"Ino-chan, you know you can't win…"

"There's, no such word as can't", she growled back, once more straining to push the smaller child off of her and denying the pain tearing at her scalp before to her chagrin another voice cut in and made her flop down into the dust, defeated,

"Shousha, Uzumaki Naruto; sorry hime", as his daughter turned a bale glare his way, green eyes glittering with evil intent, Inoichi shrugged in contrition as he explained, "by now Naruto-kun would have either choked you out or slit your throat if this was a real fight, nice trip by the way", the jinchuuriki beamed at the praise before slowly letting go of Ino's trapped arm and pushing himself away from his downed opponent, "now, both of you form the symbol of Harmony and that'll do for the night".

As she slowly pushed herself to her feet and dusted her clothes down as best she could in the circumstances the younger Yamanaka felt humiliation and anger burn through her veins like fiery serpents; it just wasn't fair! She'd had that match won and in the bag but one mistake, one tiny little dart forwards had undone it all; Naruto had ghosted to the side of and stuck out a leg she couldn't avoid – once more and certainly not for the first time, she'd found herself shown up by the orphan who she'd first met almost literally face-to-face as he'd come clambering in through her bedroom window.

In the aftermath of that night she'd asked her father for training, enough to be able to kick the blonde boys' butt for scaring her and, next time he'd been sniffed out within her clan house, she'd been on hand to challenge him to a fight; _or spar, daddy wouldn't let us fight properly. Just as well as things turned out_; that had been a blow to her pride and no mistake – she'd been so sure of herself and what she'd learnt from her father that there had been no way she could lose, and she hadn't. That first spar between the two of them had been considered a draw, a blood-stained and battering draw as Naruto systematically soaked up her high principles of fighting and then dragged both them and her into the gutter; there was no low he wouldn't or couldn't sink to and when she tried to complain to her father in the middle of the bout she almost got her head taken off by one of his wild swings, only a last-second dodge enabling her to retain both her flawless face and her consciousness.

In the aftermath, after Naruto had hobbled home and she had limped into the clan house she had really let rip; why hadn't her father stepped in when Naruto was cheating to win? His answer to that, she could hear it clearly even now; _because unlike you hime he has learnt one very important lesson – ninja have no honour, have no sense of fair play and therefore ninja cannot cheat. If you still want to try and take him on Ino-chan, you're going to have to either learn to make sure he can't cheat like he did then or learn to fight as dirty as he does. I'm getting better_; that much was certainly true, though it didn't help ease her burgeoning chagrin that he'd managed to one-up her once again and was now stood across for her in her own back garden, smiling politely and waiting expectantly to hear the now-traditional declaration for the losing party, one that Ino, with exceeding ill-grace and her hands on her hips, eventually muttered through gritted teeth,

"Uzumaki Naruto is the imouto I've never had".

Such as admission, much like the sparring sessions themselves, had emerged as a result of their first meeting; during one of their training sessions Naruto had jokingly commentated that they did look a little alike if only in hair colour and, true to form, immediately riled his training partner up something chronic. Ino had vehemently denounced such a claim, Naruto had fought his corner and Inoichi, attempting to teach the pair of them basic stances and katas to fulfil both his promise to his daughter and his deal with the jinchuuriki, had abandoned that particular training session in favour of trying not to burst his guts howling with laughter at the pair of them verbally laying into each other hammer and tongs. In the end, when they had both calmed down, they'd reached a mutual deal – they couldn't out-argue each other but they could fight for it, hence why now, if Naruto was to win a spar, Ino would make the admissions he just had while if the reverse happened, the would-be housebreaker had to denounce any potential relation he had to both her and her clan.

It was a game of sorts and it never failed to spur either of them onwards and upwards (or in Naruto's case downwards) to find other tricks and traps to win and hear those words from their adversary. Both were improving; Ino had stances and most of the basic techniques down easily while Naruto, though a slightly slower learner, seemed to have some kind of natural flare and brilliance that her father assured her simply couldn't be taught; against her she had an advantage in a straight fight due to extended reach and more concentrated training in a martial arts style but, at any time during a bout he could try something else, some kind of trick that she couldn't even comprehend attempting and it would force her on the back foot even if it didn't work exactly as he intended.

So she had to guard against that unpredictability as well as the plethora of dirty tricks he employed liberally and she was starting to mimic; because of this she'd already learned by heart some of the lessons her father had attempted to teach her. Originally she'd thought Inoichi was being silly when he told her and explained about the principle of a ninja showing his enemy no fear and no pain; that had been up until she spent the next few sparring sessions running away shrieking from a secret weapon Naruto deployed against her. For a long time she'd been confused as to how he'd found out about that Achilles heel, only to find out later he'd overheard her kaa-san complain about one of her excuses to get out of extra duties in the clan gardens; to paraphrase her father, she'd shown fear and he'd not thought twice about exploiting it mercilessly to win. It was a low-down dirty way of fighting that her father had approved of and told her in no uncertain terms was generous considering the other tactics ninja used to win a battle, though Ino hadn't thought of it that way as she'd been forced to overcome her involuntary flinches and toughen herself up to stand a chance against the cheating Uzumaki.

On the plus side, after such repeated exposure her fear of earthworms was now a thing of the past.

Such thoughts she was careful to keep to herself, not wanting to run the risk of Naruto gleaning another weakness about her as she felt the tips of her extended fingers warmed by his own, the symbol of Harmony complete for an instant before the two children broke apart, the wide smile on Naruto's face mirrored by the disdainful scowl on his partners,

"See, that wasn't so bad was it? I knew you loved me really Ino-chan". The Yamanaka glowered and flicked her eyes towards her father before, noticing he was looking away and not paying too much attention to the two of them at the moment, the two of her fingers that had recently formed the symbol of Harmony whipped up into a much more recognisable and undeniably offensive gesture before being whipped back down to her side so quickly Naruto almost double-took to check she'd actually moved. As the infuriating boy before her faked a mortally-wounded expression she merely snorted, pushing past him gently and not dropping her eyes from their challenging stare-down as she moved towards her clan house and a shower. Naruto watched her go, grateful that he'd won this round but knowing it was far from over, though as the Yamanaka went inside and was lost to view he squared his shoulders, took a deep breath and headed for the real reason he'd come to the mind-walking clan this particular evening.

Inoichi for his part was glancing through one of the nearby greenhouses, checking the crop of tomatoes within were ripening nicely despite the relative youth of the growing season; he had quickly learned that, though the two fractious children behind him were all ears when it came to him training them in sparring techniques, his role was done as soon as he'd declared the victor in the post-training bout. To attempt to intervene in the traditional post-fight spat between his daughter and the pseudo-hired help his taijutsu lessons continued to bring to (and, when no-one caught him sneaking in, beyond) his front door did nothing but put a strain on his temper, ears and ability to keep a straight face simultaneously. He was actually quite grateful that Naruto had offered himself forwards as a living training post for his daughter; _though, perhaps if he weren't such a sneaky, devious little swine, it'd make Kunisa-hime a little more accepting about the whole thing. Oh_; seeing a reflection in the clear glass of the greenhouse, the clan head of the Yamanaka turned around in time to address his guest,

"Yes Naruto, something you needed? You don't generally tend to hang around once you've sparred with my Ino-chan".

"True but this time I needed to talk to you", the Uzumaki admitted, settling his weight onto his back foot and adopting an expression, in Inoichi's professional opinion, that spoke of someone who was about to make either an admission or a confession; _or ask the former head interrogator of Konoha if he can ask his daughter out on a date_; "you know that, after I got back, I had to talk to jiji soon afterwards? You know, about my mother?"

"Yes, what about it?"

"Well", unusually Naruto fell silent for a moment before, after gathering up his courage, he managed to get the crux of the matter out into the open, "he told me about a few, other things I had to know about; you know, like, the big fox..."

_He knows?_; Inoichi was simultaneously relieved that Konoha's jinchuuriki knew of the unfortunately burden that had been bequeathed to him by the Yondaime Hokage and appalled that Sarutobi had told him, though before he could make an utterance of reassurance that he personally didn't think of the Mouse as the Kyuubi, he was forced to listen as Naruto went on,

"I'm not angry, well, not really; the Yondaime did what he had to do and I was just, unlucky I guess, but at the same time I realised, after thinking about it, that this isn't something I can just forget about and hope it goes away. Jiji said there's a possibility that the fox might try to initiate contact with me at some stage and this is where I need your help". The idea made Inoichi almost shiver with nerves even as it aroused his professional curiosity – very few Yamanaka in history had ever had a chance to use their powers on a jinchuuriki before and none of them on one who wasn't actively hostile against their home village,

"You want to know if there's any way I can block the potential for contact?"

"I thought about that but, no", even as Naruto shook his head the taller blonde felt his stomach drop; _if he doesn't want to block it out, that means..._; "that's just the same as running away. I want to see if there's a way I can jump the shuriken and talk to it before it wakes up and talks to me; I don't know if it's possible or how to even try it if it is, so I figured I'd better come to you. Any ideas?"

Inoichi was silent for a minute, then another, finger on his chin as he glanced down at the child before him and thought back over his past experiences; due to his former job he'd seen some awful things it was true but, at the same time, there had been absolutely no time in his life when he'd been as outright overawed as he had by the sight of the lord of the bijuu towering over the village, multiple tails flailing and casting nothing but madness in its shadow. To even risk the reawakening of that evil thing...

"No, none at the moment Naruto", he replied at length, a sombre note in his voice as he held the child with a level gaze, "you must understand that due to the Kyuubi's presence within your mind it is, or could be at least, extremely dangerous of any of our clan techniques to be used on you. If we, any of us, were to miscalculate even fractionally we could materialise within the seal itself, nothing but prey for the bijuu". Naruto winced,

"Ouch".

"Indeed, it's for that reason I'll be telling Ino-chan not to use any of our mind techniques on you during your spars; I won't mention the fox of course", he assured the child smoothly, noticing the sudden flare of panic in the jinchuuriki's eyes, "I'll think of something to keep that secret safe. Anyway, for your question, I'll have to say give me some time on it, I'll research the clan annals and see if there are any clues to be had there. Give me a fortnight Naruto-kun then ask me again; I'll need time to prepare this properly if it is possible – apart from that I can only recommend you relax when you get a chance. I have heard that many of the tailed beast react to the emotions of their hosts so try to keep a lid on your temper if you can; Kyuubi was reputed to be a demon of destruction so, if you can control that urge, you'll have most of it wrapped up from what I can see. Anyway, leave that much with me and I'll get back to you as soon as I can".

"No problem Inoichi-san", Naruto smiled, happy he had a potential solution to the unresolved issue in the back of his mind before holding up his hand in farewell, "still, I've held you long enough. See you later on". Despite himself Inoichi snorted before turning slightly more serious,

"I don't doubt it; and while we're on the subject of you sneaking in here, stop trying to bribe some of my clan into letting you in with promises to buy them shoes".

"Why, bad impression for the clan?"

"No, it's just too bloody effective", the patriarch of the clan chuckled, the sound echoed by the infiltrator before he nodded and was gone, lost in the shadowy twilight as he darted towards the main gate of the clan grounds. Inoichi watched him go for a moment before turning back to his plants, observing them through the greenhouse with a slight air of melancholy around him as he thought about the conversation he'd just had, about the millstone that Naruto now knew hung around his neck; _so much, so young_; though he couldn't quite find it in himself to damn Sarutobi for breaking the silence to Naruto at such a young age, some paternal part of him still railed that the Uzumaki had not been left alone to enjoy what remained of his childhood; _such a burden rests upon his shoulders, but of all the kids in the village, somehow the fact I know it's him dealing with it makes me a feel a lot more reassured than any of the others would._

XXX

"Naruto?" The shout made him look over from the dishes he was drying up in time to see Ayame brush back the curtain that separate the front of Ichiraku ramen from the back, "Have you been up to your old tricks again?"

"Depends what you mean by 'tricks' nee-chan", he replied, carefully placing his latest dry dish on the pile he'd been making before rubbing his hands on the towel, "why, what makes you ask?"

"There's a shinobi out the front asking for you", the ramen waitress informed him, moving to take over the jinchuuriki's chore as his eyes widened slightly; _who'd be looking for me here?_; "I'll freely admit I'm no nin, but from what I know about it being sent for by the Hokage twice in two weeks can't be a good thing". Naruto gave no answer to this other than a slight gulp, rapidly moving past the taller girl on his way to the front of the store in time to see the tell-tale mask of an ANBU waiting for him silently; before he could even get a word out the message was deliver and the man, or woman, was gone with a cloud of smoke,

"Uzumaki Naruto, the Hokage requests your presence".

_Man what does that old creep what this time?_; having bid Ayame a hasty goodbye that she'd pass on to her father when he was done taking stock of the inventory at the back of the store, Naruto was moving through the village again towards the tower in the middle distance. He still wasn't entirely sure where he stood with Danzo and wasn't entirely convinced he wanted to know either, so by the time he knocked on the door to the Hokages' office he was convinced he wasn't going to leave until the wannabe adversary of the _Kaminari-Nekos_ knew his time was very precious and not something to be frittered away on discussions with would-be village leaders. To this end, when the gruff order to come in was given, Naruto wasted to time in throwing the door open and marching inside with a little less respect evident in his pace and bearing,

"Uzumaki Naruto report...jiji?"

It was indeed the old man himself back behind the desk he owned; Naruto felt his former bad mood break like mist in the sunshine and had to hold himself back from throwing himself at his surrogate family member in an affectionate glomp,

"So it would seem Naruto-kun; been keeping out of mischief I hope?"

"More or less", the jinchuuriki managed to reply, mind still somewhat scrambled by the revelation of seeing the Sandaime back in his rightful place after the old man had only been gone a week and a half – from hat he'd heard negotiations between nations and ninja villages could last for months, "you're back fast".

"Very true, though thankfully the matter was resolved peacefully and with a minimum of political name-calling", the Third Hokage joked before pushing forwards a pair of paper slips, "actually, now I am back, would you mind running a little errand for me? Those slips are summons for the heads of the Hyuuga and Inuzuka clans; would you deliver them for me?"

Naruto was desperate, almost burning up inside to know exactly what had happened in the land of Lightning but, despite himself and his concern for the friends he'd made there, he held his tongue. It was unlikely Sarutobi would be able to tell him on the grounds he might become more a security risk than he already was and another target on his back was about the last thing he needed. Instead he reached forward and plucked the slips of the desk, speaking as the paper crinkled in his fingers and triggered a memory,

"Oh, speaking of which jiji, would you mind uh, doing a little banking for me a bit later on?" Catching on to the hidden meaning, the old man smiled,

"Certainly Naruto-kun, it'll be a good excuse to get out this blasted office again. Now would you mind turning those in promptly, ideally I could have this whole matter buried by the end of the day; after that I believe Buwika-chan could use a man about the house if you're interested, Konohamaru's started teething I believe". Naruto winced,

"Ouch, poor little guy; still, bet I can help his mother catch forty winks or so. Also, she's a bit accomplished at seals herself isn't she; wonder if I could talk her into drawing up a few low-level silence seals..."

_Much as my curiosity is pricking me at this point_; even after the door had banged shut behind the departing child, Naruto apparently not realising he was speaking out loud as he discussed his future plans with the world in general; _something tells me I'm probably better off being in the dark about whatever scheme it is he's cooking up this time. Still, hopefully the missives will get through soon_; that was certainly a hope, and one that might very well be realised if the two clan leaders were easily available; _I'd like to spend a bit of time with my grandson myself if I get the chance_. Fortunately for the Hokage and his dreams of family time, it took no more than forty minutes after Naruto had dispatched himself with the summons for first Hiashi, then Tsume to arrive and then be admitted into his office. Both met each other with a wary glance before the realisation dawned and they turned to their leader in time see him activate the privacy seals around his office. Neither of the clan heads spoke as their leader finished making the seals and focussing his chakra until, as he stopped, he looked between the two of them and broke the heart of the matter straight into the open,

"The Sandaime Raikage is dead".

If it had been a reaction he'd been after that declaration had certainly gotten it; Tsume's face almost literally dropped and even Hiashi stumbled slightly from where he'd been standing, about as serious a lack of posture as Sarutobi could remember the Hyuuga clan head showing since the announcement of his engagement to his wife and the other two former genin of his squad literally gate-crashing the Hyuuga estate and dragging him out for a stag party.

The aftermath of said party, incidentally, was still used by some of the wilder inhabitants of the village as a measuring stick of how a proper celebration should be thrown. Sadly, all evidence of the event had mysterious and irrevocably disappeared over the years and the next generation would have to grow up without having physical evidence that, if supplied with the right amount of alcohol, some Hyuuga really could swing from lampposts with as much grace and dexterity as one of the Sandaime's monkey summons.

"What the hell happened in there?" Tsume, unusually, was the first to regather her voice, still looking awestruck as Sarutobi turned a grave expression her way,

"He admitted the involvement of his ninja in the mission against Konoha and took on a mission of exemplary suicide to clear both his own name and that of his village; I would have been back some days ago had I not chosen to wait in Kumo to ensure the mission was complete", neither of the two clan heads were unaware that there was more to it than that but, but the same token, neither of them were unaware that Sarutobi must have had reasons for not giving them the full story, and either way the man ultimately responsible for the mission was dead so what did they care? "In addition, he has released some item in compensation for the losses Kumo has inflicted on us over the years. Tsume-chan, crude as the measure is I can but hope his sacrifice and this", he handed over the document of restitution to the clawed hand of the Inuzuka matriarch, who examined it with a sniff, "is enough to dissuade you from retribution".

She didn't like it, that much he could tell; the Inuzuka was a clan that had always held blood as sacrosanct to petty matters such as honour, iron and money but, he was relieved to see, eventually the wild-haired woman nodded grudgingly and crisply rolled up the short scroll into a single fist,

"Huh, can't say I wouldn't have wanted to rip the bastards' throat out with my teeth before he took the easy way out and croaked but you can never have too much capital I guess, and his people did look after little Rin-chan while she was there. She's thinking of going lone-wolf for a while now, been out of the clan too long to fit back easily, that won't come cheap until she can find a proper place to work again or we get her trained up in the vet trade. Ah screw it, I can't be asked with any more fighting; the Inuzuka accept Kumo's offer and will agree to this peace for as long as they do".

"And you have this old man's gratitude for accepting Tsume-chan", Sarutobi assured her before nodding towards the door, "still, I've no further reason to delay you". Recognising a veiled dismissal when she heard one, the retired jounin nodded and turned on her heel, leaving the room with no further fuss and leaving the Hokage alone with the head of Konoha's oldest clan and, not incidentally, the one to whom matters of pride and honour were held as higher ideals than any other, even life,

"For you, Hiashi-kun, the Raikage was most, apologetic", the old man began, not flinching as the veins around the Hyuuga's Byakugan flared minutely, his bloodline triggered by the reminder of his brothers' death even as the Sandaime offered forwards the Kumo leaders' appeasement policy, "I cannot say the full truth of the matter but I can tell you without doubt that the abduction mission, though signed by his hand, was not written by his heart. However he acknowledges the guilt of his state in the matter and offers this debt of honour in payment, as well as the ring that has come into your possession".

Hiashi said nothing, instead scanning the document pushed over the table towards him with his pupilless eyes; the room descended into silence, tension creeping up ever so slowly as neither man said a word before, still in silence, Hiashi reached forwards and rolled the scroll up with a great deal more reverence than his Inuzuka equivalent had. Still in silence the taller man stood to his full height, bowed respectfully to the Hokage and exited the room soundlessly as his leader returned the gesture with a nod, leaving Sarutobi alone in the tower with his thoughts. The man who had been the Kami no Shinobi but now went by the moniker Professor did, indeed, have a lot on his mind, though not enough to let it show as he retired from his office early for once and spent a very pleasant afternoon and evening with his daughter and fractious grandson, Konohamaru seemingly determined to live up the Sarutobi family reputation of being loud and attention-seeking while going through the terrible twos. Naruto was there when he arrived home and left shortly afterwards, claiming the evening were getting light and cool enough for him to trawl the training grounds for more of his beloved scrap even as Sarutobi raised an eyebrow at the declaration and received a somewhat sly smile in response just before the jinchuuriki bowed himself out of the Sarutobi home.

That, along with the memory he received early in the evening, allowed the old Hokage to rest far more peacefully in his own bed that night than he had ever managed during his trip away, despite Kumo's best attempts at hospitality.

Another person to sleep that night with a mind much more at ease than it had been in years was one of the ninja debriefed by the Hokage himself; though it was not spoken of to outsiders, by the morning of the following day none in the Hyuuga clan were unaware that during the previous evening their leader had asked for and been admitted into a certain bedroom in the Branch house carrying something small and metallic in one hand and two slips of paper in the other. Of what had transpired in that room no-one knew or was telling, it was only certain that, when Hiashi had emerged some hours later, he had seemed far more serene than many in the clan had seen in some time and the front of his kimono was crumpled and wet in patches.

Over the following weeks, the more observant members of the clan would also notice the Neji had taken to wearing a small pouch around his neck that couldn't be penetrated by the Byakugan, the seal array on the otherwise plain bag doubtlessly inked by Hiashi's own hand by those who looked and knew the Hyuuga lords' penmanship. When asked what the crude neckwear contained by any who were curious, the prodigal Branch house member merely smiled and replied politely that the little leather bag held within it both a source of peace for himself, and a promise he would enact at some point in the future.

And from the set of his face as he said these words, those who had questioned felt the urge to do so again wither away to dust.

XXX

Fire country was well-named; apart from the fact it was the largest of the Elemental Nations with arguably the best-trained and largest military to defend its borders, the climate and resultant weather were often the envy of its neighbours. Though occasionally washed out by thunderstorms caused by humidity blown in from Wave, the summer afternoons were generally balmy and placid once the hottest part of the day was past; for this reason it was not unusual for the parks of the village to be frequented by a varied cross-section of Konoha's inhabitants until well into the twilight. From the children who ran around in the grass, scrapped their knees and threw mud at each other just as generations before had to the oldest of living ancestors, sitting quietly in benches enjoying the tranquillity of life or together at two-man tables conversing quietly over a worn old shogi board, life passed on as it should do in the village hidden in the Leaves. Watching the world turn around him and smiling as the sight of a pair of youngsters walked past hand in hand looking familiar enough to remind him of his own courtship, one of the older visitors to this particular park looked across the table to the man sat opposite before returning his attention to the board before them,

"Young love, eh? Remember when we wished to be old and wise, powerful beyond measure – now a lot of people say we're wise and tell the children to listen to our stories but even so I'd give it all in for just one more day of my youth. What do you say to that?" His companion chuckled, slowly sliding a pawn across the board, favouring his left hand,

"I say you were a fool back then and you're a sentimental old fool now", the dark-haired man bit back with a brief chuckle, surveying the board and planning several strategies against any tactic his opponent deployed against his attack, "my youth was too full of bitterness, not knowing where I came from or who I was until sensei taught me better. I earned much and then lost more than I earned; now I am here, alone but for my garden which you, I hasten to add, are keeping me away from".

"Ach, and you say there's no love in your heart you old prune", a knight slid across the table in time with its commanders' chuckling, "your flowers won't wither away in a few hours; they'll be around and growing long after you, and I most probably, are pushing them up from the bottom. Any new seeds sprouted recently?"

"No, though I haven't yet asked the Yamanaka if they have any new varieties come in; Inoichi-san's clan is loath to let a single one of their blossoms leave their garden. However, something interesting did come up earlier this week", the slightly younger player leant forwards a touch after checking the coast was clear and no prying ears were around them, "it was as I suspected, a fox has been nosing around my flowerbeds, I saw him just this week".

"A fox you say", the other player waited for his opponent to nod before sitting back, looking discomforted and making a sign of protection under the table with his hands, "good-for-nothing little beasts, you'd do well to drive him out before he gets too many ideas".

"Ha, and you'd do well to not listen to all the old stories the youngsters tell; I see a fox, nothing more or less, something that could prove useful in discouraging the rabbits from my flowerbeds. I can't tame it, I wouldn't even try", the younger player admitted with an easy smile, raising a hand to forestall the look of shock on his friends' face before carrying on, "he's plump and sleek, obviously either feeding well or being fed by someone else – I might leave the odd titbit for him but he'd never be happy if I tried to cage or hem him in my garden. They can be very destructive, foxes can; just like dogs unless handled well".

"True I suppose, true enough; anyway, enough talk of flowers and foxes, I came here to win back the drink I owe you and by my ancestors", the older mans' face was alight with glee as he pushed forth one of the pieces he'd held in reserve and revelled in the twitch of the opposing player's face; that was a move he hadn't seen, "I intend to do just that!"

The game lasted another half-hour and ended in stalemate, both players almost evenly matched and without flaws for the other to grapple with; once the pieces were swept away and the two old friends had bidden each other farewell, no-one else present in the park paid either of the old men a second glance as they left the playing area. They were so normal, so seemingly normal that no-one in Konoha, a village full of ninja, so much as noticed that at almost the same time, both men simply ceased to exist, a tell-tale cloud of smoke that dispersed in a mere second all that remained in evidence that they had ever been there.

In almost the exact second those two old men 'died' two more old men, friends, rivals, comrades and combatants with each other, knew exactly what had occurred in that park and were left with only a single phrase echoing around their minds in answer to the stalemate, in more ways than one, that had been presented to them, a parable that encapsulated their main feelings towards each other throughout the years.

_Well played_.

XXX

The following morning Uzashi Karatu was up and about early indeed by her standards; a two-year chunin thinking about stretching herself to challenge for jounin, she had been looking to be first in the queue for the mission desk when it was opened and, stepping through the open door to the chunin lounge to wait for the desk to open, she was forced to hide a smile as she saw exactly who had beaten her to the punch,

"Aoba-kun, much as I love your jokes and the tricks you can pull with your crows I hate to say that if your scrawny little ass isn't out of this room inn the next thirty seconds I'll have no choice but to report you to the proper authorities".

The genin for his part looked away from the boiling kettle and, seeing the hint of a teasing smirk on her face, merely shrugged and resumed waiting for the appliance to start whistling,

"And wouldn't you just love to get a hold of my scrawny little ass Uzashi-chan", he drawled back drolly, not entirely happy about being reminded of his genin status even if he was beginning to suspect he was somehow cursed when it came to trying to earn his next vest; _four exams I've missed now, twice through injury, once through a personal matter and once by a mission overrunning. I'm beginning to think the only way I'm going to get that damned rank is by annoying the right people so much they just give me the damned vest to get me out of their hair_; "anyway I just got back from a short patrol, Shuri-chan's squad was down a man so I stepped up; was hoping to bump into one of the other guys before I got my head down for the night, or the day as it is now". Uzashi whistled,

"Wow, not many genin go on border patrol; you're going above your pay-grade again. Can't say I blame you though", like most of the current chunin corps the flaxen-haired woman had a certain measure of sympathy for the sunglasses-sporting genin – it must have been a galling thing to be one of the last genin of your Academy year, even more so when you hadn't even had much of a chance to go for the next rank through no fault of your own, "LS-GC's as good a way as any, especially for unlucky buggers like you. Hell, everyone here knows you're not a genin anymore, Shuri wouldn't have taken you on otherwise".

"Ain't that the truth", Aoba agreed without a second thought, shuddering slightly as he remembered his fire-eating former squad leader and how she'd run them since the early hours of the morning to get to Konoha before daybreak; _and breakfast, in her case_; "if the Akimichi are supposed to get a double-dose of the milk of human kindness when Kami makes them I'm pretty sure there's at least two of her clan who got a third helping when she turned her nose up at it". Uzashi laughed, remembering the Akimichi in question and the last time she'd seen her, just after the last jounin selection trials that hadn't go all that well for Shuri and led her into a mood that could be perhaps generously described as 'ball-busting',

"Ah, she's a bit prickly art the minute, give her a month or so more to calm down and she'll be back to her usual self".

"I, in fact we all can but hope", Aoba grimaced once more, casually stretching off his sore calves and backing into the wall as the kunoichi moved past him towards the now-steaming kettle, "and if you're over there when that battered old tin pot finally boils could you pour me a cup?"

He heard consenting grunt to this question as he went about his stretching; however the next noise that came to his ears wasn't anything like he'd been expecting; a dull, muffled whump, followed by a bit of a splatting, paffing noise, as though something light had fallen to the floor. Glancing around in confusion he found himself immediately gawking and then, as he realised his first thought had been all but right about the noise, hastily stuffing his fist in his mouth to avoid laughing out loud the sight before him. Uzashi had reached up to one of the cupboards above the little refreshment area, no doubt looking for to snag herself a biscuit if there were any to be found; however what had been up there as seemingly turned the table and found her first.

The kunoichi's short, light blonde hair was now stark white, as were her shoulders, face and most of the top of her uniform as she remained frozen where she was, still on tip-toe as she blinked the dust out of her eyes, the bag of flour that had fallen all over her lying limp and mostly empty at her feet. Chest heaving as he tried to keep his laughter bottled up Aoba knew the gentlemanly thing to do would be to offer assistance if he could but, at the minute, the situation was too funny for him to trust himself not to break down if he took his hands from his lips. However it looked like his lack of chivalry might come back to haunt him as Uzashi, suddenly brought back to life and furious, span on her heel and glared at him furiously,

"Was this your idea of a joke?" That question-slash-demand, oddly enough, killed a lot of the humour of the situation as far as Aoba was concerned and he drew himself up to his full height, shaking his head as he did so,

"No, no way; when would I have had time to try a trick like this, I beat you here by a minute or so if that and I've just come back in off patrol, where would I have found a bag of flour?" The genin hadn't had that much experience with women in general but he did know that if accused of anything by a woman it was always better to back up denial with a fact-based defence, a belief that looked likely to save his bacon in this case as Uzashi, after glaring at him for a long minute, eventually looked away and started trying to beat some of the flour out of her hair,

"Huh, I guess not; damn it", half-bent over the sink she thought about reaching for the tap but thought better of it; _only one thing's going to get rid of this and it's not going to be easy or quick_; "there goes my hope of getting a pick of the missions today. If I ever catch the guy who did this, or find out you did it..."

She said nothing else but just the set of her face, even covered as it was in flour, and the gesticulations of her fists and hands were enough of a warning that he made a mental note to stay out of her way until she'd had a chance to calm down; _typical of one of the others this is, set this up just before they leave and then the poor sap who comes in first gets it full in the mush. Wonder who it was – Genma?_; he went though the potential rogue's gallery while absent-mindedly making himself his coffee, having quickly already checked the coast was clear from any other surprises one of his so-called friends might have left behind; _no, not his style, more of a joker than a prankster. Hayate calmed down since his lungs started giving up on him and Yugao got her hooks in, Raido's a possibility, though of course there's always Anko and probably half-a-dozen others I've missed. Oh well_; he replaced the kettle and stirred a spoonful of coffee into the hot water, glancing across at where Uzashi was still attempting to look at least-semi-presentable and hiding a smile; _rather her than me, and rather me than them when she gets her hands on whoever it was..._

Similarly to her genin friend Uzashi was also attempting to pin down a list of suspects for this prank when a strange choking, gagging noise made her look over and start; for a horrid second she was afraid Aoba had been poisoned by the convulsions wracking his face before she saw his throat bob in a swallow and heard his disgusted exclamation,

"Gurgh, that was the second-most unpleasant thing that's ever gone in my mouth", he managed to quip weakly, shill shuddering at the aftertaste as he slowly offered his coffee mug forwards, "tell you what Uzashi-chan, we'll find whoever did this, I'll hold him and you punch; smell that". Cautiously, the kunoichi took the cup from the slightly taller man and regarded the murky brown liquid in it before giving a delicate sniff, brow knitting almost as she did,

"What's meant to be in it?"

"Coffee".

"Doesn't smell like coffee".

"Doesn't taste like it either", Aoba assured her, rinsing his mouth out with a glass of water, "seems our joking friend wasn't happy with just the cupboards, he's mixed stock in the coffee jar, chicken if I'm not mistaken. Tasted foul, and I doubt it's the only surprise we've got waiting for us in here". Uzashi nodded, already looking around the chunin lounge as though it were hostile territory rather than a place to relax,

"Right, I'll take one side you take the other; go careful, for all we know and based off what we've found so far this whole room could be a death-trap!"

The two were so engrossed in the task of rooting out any other pranks that might have been lying around that they were entirely oblivious to a spectator of the spectacle they were making of themselves until he was forced to make a comment about their bizarre behaviour,

"What on earth are you two doing?" As Genma's pair of fellow chunin; _or fellow chunin and should-be chunin at least_; looked up from there they'd both been laid down at the side of the sofa as though trying to peer under it, he felt obliged to offer a comment to his previous question, "And if it involves anything below the neck don't answer that question. What the hell...?"

"We could be asking you the same question, and don't touch the walls", Uzashi retorted, Genma jumping and reflexively obeying her command as she stood up, noticing the way the senbon-chewing chunin's eyes never left her whitened hair except to flick to the dark brown stains Aoba had sneezed all over his uniforms as he attempted to spit the fake coffee out his mouth, "all we know is that someone's simply tried to prank the hell out of us this morning. I got tagged by a flour bag in a cupboard, there was chicken stock mixed in with Aoba's coffee and we just found some of the walls have new paint on them, there were small firecrackers hidden in some of the drawers for the cutlery and now we're checking the floor". Genma tried to take all this in, only to eventually whistle and shake his head,

"Wow, someone's been a busy bee", he admitted before noticing the two glares being sent his way and raising his hands supplicatingly, "hey, I just got here, couldn't have been me".

"Could, if you were the last one out yesterday".

"No, no it couldn't", Aoba's voice made them both glance over as the genin came to his feet, staring at the wall behind Genma, "think about it, the paint's wet; whoever did all this..."

"...did it this morning", Uzashi finished for him before spinning on her heel, "you were the first one here".

"Yeah but I wasn't the first one in; the lounge door was open when I arrived", Aoba shot her down before thinking, "something's really not right here and I don't think it's just the jounin messing us about. Not much we can do for now though, we better keep looking, Gen you too", the chunin nodded and tucked his senbon behind his ear as he took ups the search for the pranks and, more than that, the mysterious assailant who'd left them for the chunin.

The breakthrough came after two or three other chunin had joined the search and one of them examined the back of the lounge door which had been held back almost against the wall by a doorstop. Something at the back caught his eye and, as others attend to where Aoba had had tapped one of the large, comfortable couches that were strewn around the room too hard and had a cloud of itching powder blown across his face and upper back, he reached around the door and unstuck it from where it had been tacked to the wood. He scanned it briefly once before the sudden volume of his vociferous swearing brought everyone running,

"That, that little... he's gone too far this time!" The chunin roared, thrusting the note into the nearest of his comrades and growling, "Hokage-sama will have to hear of this – I'm all for fun and games but this is not, not...!"

He lapsed into outraged silence, watching with blazing eyes as the note was disseminated through the small group of five or six, each new reader greeting it with a gasped curse or foul oath until all stood and obviously felt as he did. Without a further word everyone currently in the lounge squared their shoulders and marched out the door; there was a minutes' delay as a note was left explaining the hazardous nature of what lay within and then they departed, moving to a specific goal with one specific purpose in mind.

XXX

_Well, I have to say I wasn't expecting this on my first day back_; having granted admittance to the sudden knock on his door as he deduced it must be important for someone to come looking for him even before his secretary was in the building, Sarutobi found himself glancing up owlishly at the half-dozen shinobi who had invaded his office; _a mutiny first thing in the morning_;

"Hokage-sama", one of the chunin seemed to have been elected a spokesperson and stepped slightly out of the crowd, though now he was in front of the unblinking eye of his leader his courage seemed to desert him somewhat and he coughed before glancing down, "someone, uh, has, well, one of your charges has, umm, damaged ninja property".

"Damaged? How so?" Sarutobi had a sinking feeling he knew where this was going but for the sake of appearances had to put on a show as he half-stood up, "and how did you know it was one of my charges?"

"Well sir he, uh, he left us a note". With that the chunin offered forwards a small slip of paper that his leader accepted and fell back into line with his colleagues, watching on as the Sandaime read through the calling card that had been left on the chunin lounge door.

And it was, indeed, a card; as he skimmed over the small rectangular shape, the old man was hard-pressed not to let a chuckle slip as he read through the entirety of the short message that had been left for them all:

_YOU HAVE A MOUSE PROBLEM - #001_

_Where: Hokage tower, chunin lounge._

_When: Morning of 05/05/23 (very early!)_

_How: Never trust the caretaker!_

It was perfect; short, sharp, to the point and topped off by the small drawing in the bottom right-hand corner, a caricatured mouse dressed in overalls with a broom over one shoulder, holding a bucket in his free hand and whistling a few notes from his lips. Seeing this and chuckling, Sarutobi looked back up at the ninja before his desk and placed the card on the table before him,

"Well I have to say I didn't expect this quite so soon but I was expecting it; from what I can see the only things Uzumaki Naruto has been here are prompt, professional and", his eyes swept the crowd again, picking out with slight relish the smears of pain on clothing and, in one case, a very odd use for cooking materials, "very successful".

A very cold, clammy feeling of dread was just starting to crawl up the spines of the younger ninja but, before one of them could ask the fateful question, Sarutobi pre-empted them and swung the axe himself,

"In the light of the recent emergencies that have shaken Konoha and the ninja who serve her", he began, the smile on his face growing as he went on, "I have taken steps to improve and tighten our security. I have heard from many reputable sources that Naruto-kun, the one who I'm sure is the reason for your current predicament, seems to have educated himself in the roles of stealth and infiltration, so I approached him and secured his services for a modest fee, though having seen that two of my chunin at least would now be dead if he was out to kill", Uzashi and Aoba both blanched as the realisation began to sink in, cold sweat congealing the flour on the kunoichi's brow into paste as she heard her leader go on, "I wonder if I haven't underpaid him somewhat".

"Hokage-sama", Genma's senbon was quivering rapidly between his lips, a sure sign he was nervous to those who knew him, "does that...?"

"Oh yes Genma-kun, it means exactly that", the old man sat back in his seat, not even bothering to hide his malicious grin as he steepled his fingers before him, "I convinced the Uzumaki to abandon his previous business in favour of this one; the Mouse in now inside the walls and you, _all of you_, regardless of rank, are his targets. He will be attempting to infiltrate our buildings, steal our secrets and 'assassinate' our shinobi where he can; I am relying on you lot to try and stop him. I imagine these Mouse-calls will become more frequent from now on, especially since this card was just the first out of what I assume is a series he's had made, so", by this point the Hokage was practically oozing smug glee as the chunin before him paled as they realised what they were now up against, what the crazy old kage had set against them,

"From this card I'd guess he impersonated one of the early-morning cleaning staff to gain access this time; for the future, however, I'd advise that you warn all your friends to stay on their toes for the next year or so, at least until he's in the Academy".

XXX

"We're doomed", the words from the chunin who'd found the Mouse's card echoed around the shell-shocked evacuees of the Hokage's office as they lurched back towards the dubious sanctity of the chunin lounge, desperate for a place to wrap their heads around the bombshell that had just exploded on them, "so very, very doomed".

"I'm going home", Aoba mewled piteously, the note Sarutobi had handed to him with express instructions to pin it to the chunin lounge notice board, a reminder, the Hokage had said, to do better at sensing Naruto's traps next time, "I'm going to go home, sacrifice a big pile of incense, pray to Kami-sama and wrap myself up in a blanket; maybe when I wake up tomorrow this'll all be just a bad dream". There was a snort from his fellow chunin, the man hefting a training kunai out of his pouch,

"Forget the incense, I think this needs a bigger sacrifice", he stated fatalistically, staring at the blade for a second and sounding doleful, "I love you to death baachan but I must have a big karmic debt to pay..."

"Oh will you guys just get a grip?" Both, in fact the entire mournful procession came to a juddering halt at those words, though Uzashi carried on as though she didn't notice, "Okay I never really had much to do with the kid but you heard the old white ape – he's not even in the Academy yet", she shrugged, hoping her last line sounded flippant she a smile broke through her flour-lined face,

"How bad can he be?"

No-one answered but, at the sight of five faces simultaneously morphing into expressions of frozen horror and disbelief, the kunoichi somehow got the feeling that the answer to that question was either one she was probably better off not knowing or, now that was impossible due to the Sandaime's business sense, one that she and everyone else in Konoha's ninja corps were not going to like.

A/N: And what an answer could it be – Naruto now has free reign throughout Konoha to do almost as he pleases! He's a loose cannon with a mind for trouble and a henge to back it up, so who could his next target be? As well as that the Raikage is dead; what will befall the Dragon village now, and could it be traced back to the Leaf? What of the debt of honour – who has it now, and how will he demand the debt be paid? Has Danzo truly turned his back on wishing to induct Naruto into the Root? Could you find out next time – not sure yet but, until the next chapter, ja ne!


	19. Chapter 19 Mouse Problems

Chapter 19 – Mouse Problems

A/N: So then, after the bombshell Sarutobi dropped on his forces last chapter, what is the fall-out and where has it mostly landed? In addition to that, in the aftermath of the Hokage's visit to Kumo the tectonic plates are still moving as a result of the upheaval the Mouse has left in his wake; how will it all settle down? I know you're all desperate (?) to know so I won't keep you; enjoy the latest chapter!

Oh, for those who were interested, the old men playing shouji last chapter were shadow clones of Sarutobi and Danzo; when Danzo was mentioning his 'garden' he was speaking about the Root (remember that Sarutobi knows Root exists but not everything about it) and how he wanted to add to it over time, and yes, there might have been some foreshadowing about one of the operatives we do know about in the future; remember the man mentioned about bulbs from the Yamanaka…?

Until then, enjoy this chapter of the Naruto show!

XXX

"I can't _take_ it any more!"

Though sounding extreme, the comment that was bellowed out to the unfortunate shinobi who took an interest in the sight of one of his fellows hunched over in a chair in the jounin lounge, rocking back and forwards while staring into the middle distance, was actually not that uncommon. Being a ninja, least of all a jounin, was a highly stressful occupation at the best of times so emotional outbursts were an unavoidable, if unprofessional, side-effect of the job and, as usual, ninja the world over had devised methods to survive such outbursts, adapt to their newly irritable comrades and, eventually, overcome the issue entirely,

"No worries Nanachu-kun", the Hyuuga who had asked the question backed away a step, hands raised in supplication to forestall his comrade from lashing out, "you look like you could use a short break anyway, and you were due one; when are you due out on patrol next, I'll see if I can get the taicho to arrange cover for you". Nanachu for his part merely held the white gaze for a moment before, as suddenly as it had come, the anger dissipated entirely and he gave a slight chuckle, tone tinged with embarrassment as he raised a hand,

"Heh, sorry about that", he apologised to the room in general, most of the ninja assembled merely nodding or glancing away as though the issue was beneath their notice, "no need for the cover, it's not really that serious – I just woke up this morning, kissed the missus, went down for breakfast and then found out I'd been Moused".

Unfortunately this comment too, while relatively new in the vocabulary of the Konoha shinobi, was currently cropping up a lot more frequently than most of the ninja corps would have liked. In the two months or so since the Sandaime had unveiled his new secret weapon in the fight against infiltration of the village infrastructure and slackness in the ninja under his command (or, as the less charitable shinobi were inclined to put it, sold his soul and what was left of his sanity to the devil in order to conjure up of one of the most annoying demons ever conceived in the boundless realms of Makai and turn it loose on an unsuspecting populous), many, many places thought to have been comfortably secure against outside forces had been 'Moused' with something approaching alarming regularity. In the aftermath of the chunin lounge being targeted by the sneaking rodent, Uzumaki Naruto seemed to have made it his personal quest to drive every serving ninja in the Leaf totally and irrevocably insane through a combination of spying, infiltration, crude but improving psychological warfare and one or two ingenious, outrageous pranks.

And most depressingly of all, as in the case of Fuhu Nanachu, it looked like the evil little monster was succeeding.

A brief silence followed his admission before, with a visible effort, the Hyuuga colleague of the wronged man spoke again, a conciliatory tone in his otherwise neutral voice,

"Do I dare ask what the little beast did this time Nanachu-kun?"

"Don't call him that", a gruff voice admonished the younger jounin who, after activating his bloodline limit and recognising the jinchuuriki's defender, immediately dropped his head into a submissive posture; Jyuuken or not, Byakugan or not, honour of the Hyuuga clan or not, none of that mattered in this situation – when Morino Ibiki told you to do something that something got done without question or complaint, "he's given all of us a lot to think about, an awful lot…"

The scarred man lapsed into silence for a second, mind on the four or so new potential information leaks that had been inadvertently turned over since the ninja departments had started to be systematically reorganised in an attempt to plug the holes the Mouse was exploiting; _not that anyone else needs to know about it though. Tell the leaks nothing, keep observing and feeding them false information, make sure they've got enough rope to hang themselves with and, when you've got all the use out of them you can, kick the trapdoor open and watch them dance a gallows jig. Hmm, oh_; finally noticing the odd glances being sent his way as he tailed off mid-speech, the newly-promoted head of the T&I department shook himself off briefly and carried on as though nothing had happened,

"…He's doing a job, a service and most of all a favour to us all – unpleasant as it might be I'd rather suffer a blow to my pride than one to my actual body or, worse, those who work under me", the grizzled torture-survivor pointed out before nodding towards the brightly-coloured object the wronged man had slid out of his weapon pouch, "though that doesn't look like one of his calling cards".

"It's not but it was inside, and out of the two of them I'm not sure what was more shocking", the slightly older jounin chortled, a dull, ugly little noise as his squad-mate accepted the little card proffered by his friend and, having examined the front and message inside with a great expression of shock and disbelief, looked between it and Nanachu, expression in flux between disbelief and happiness before finally solidifying into something that was about equidistant between the two,

"You are… congratulations! She always looked in the blush of health, I never even thought to check – I'd never have guessed your wife was pregnant Nanachu-kun".

"And had that card not dropped through my letterbox this morning neither would I".

That admission also deadened the atmosphere of the lounge, Nanachu himself breaking the ice again as he swiftly retrieved the congratulations card the Uzumaki had thoughtfully posted that had resulted in a somewhat unexpected conversation with his wife over the breakfast table,

"Aiki-chan only went to the hospital last week to get her tests confirmed, he must have broken in since then; she was planning to surprise me but he beat her to it", he sighed, rubbing his eyes as once more the calculations flashed through his mind as they had been all morning; _can we support a third on what I bring in? Well, not like we've got a lot of choice in the matter now but we were trying to be careful – must just be Kami-sama having a joke with me after trying to stop at the first two_; "I know how he got the address though; got a package three weeks ago, just my name on it and the bloody stupid post-nin didn't even think to look inside! Damned thing was full of sliced durian fruit, stank to high heaven; they must have thought it was a joke or something. He must have followed his nose to follow the post-nin, found out where I live and sent the card through after he swiped my wife's medical details – since she's a civilian she's not got the same level of protection I have", the jounin cursed bitterly, massaging his forehead again before sighing as the other jounin present all swapped alarmed glances and prepared measures to propose to the Sandaime to counter this latest avenue of attack, "so now I need to go and yell at the couriers _and_ the med-nins this morning – just the sort of start I was looking forwards to when I woke up!"

As the rest of the room lapsed into brief, stilted conversation, the few jounin that were still frequenting the lounge torn between patting Nanachu on the back and wishing him and his wife well and silently discussing the implications of the Mouse's latest strike, Ibiki stood silent and grim, digesting what he'd just been told and dismembering it with the cold, critical eye of pure logic. _Another loophole to be snapped closed_; his first thought was the most important, as it always was; _we must devise a way to ensure the families of serving ninja are protected as well as the ninja themselves – leaving them open like this could result in blackmail via threatening family members. Mouse sends a card, an enemy would send a kunai, business end first_; the idea made him close his eyes in foreshadowing of the headache this was sure to cause him in the near future – Nanachu was right, shouting at the courier-nin and the medics was never a pleasant task, least of all because since the jinchuuriki had begun his one-child crusade against the sanity of the Konoha ninja forces those departments had been taking the brunt of the blame that had been kicked up as the 'explosions' started and the 'body count' rose.

Ibiki himself had never even met the child personally though he had often seen him around the village and when he was acting as a gopher for the venerable Sandaime throughout the tower, though he'd heard a lot of things through the grapevine since his new employment had begun. At first he, like the majority of the ninja not part of one of the six main clans of Konoha, had scoffed at the idea that a boy could infiltrate lands patrolled and guarded by shinobi and at first had been mildly perturbed by the sighs and weary smiles that had greeted such disbelief; now though, now he and everyone else knew better, realising exactly why such knowing looks and expressions of 'you'll be sorry' had been so commonplace by the clan ninja after the Mouse had begun his campaign of infiltration, espionage and outright assassination.

Luckily, as far as Ibiki knew at least, Naruto hadn't targeted the T&I department simply because it was held underneath the ANBU headquarters and the Uzumaki didn't know where that was located; _just as well or he himself would be a security risk that would require… neutralising_; normal procedure would have been to eliminate a threat of such magnitude, least of all a civilian who had no real way of fighting back in case of attempted kidnap or other such forced removal from the village but Ibiki was experience enough to recognise that this was a special case; _only a fool discards one of his sharpest weapons because the blade gets notched. Better to smooth out the imperfections and make it whole again, a task I'm sure wouldn't be beyond Inoichi-san should the Mouse place his whiskers in an area where even his snout shouldn't go. _

The thought was still on Ibiki's mind as he left the jounin lounge and headed to his own work, more out of habit than anything else as it looked like it was going to be a slow day today – no-one was on the books for interrogation that would require his attention so it looked like today was one for administration, paperwork and listening to Anko's raucous comments that she had made the Uzumaki everything he was today and all of Konoha should be worshipping at her feet for training up such a future legend; _or, at least she said that until someone else in the department pointed out she'll get the chance to train up plenty more when her new detachment starts_. The memory of the Snake Mistress's face falling straight through the floor at that comment as the rest of the department collapsed in gales of laughter, just as they had when the official missive came through, was enough to make even the grim torturer-master chuckle briefly before turning his mind to the matter at hand. The monthly meeting between the heads of Konoha's various departments was scheduled for some time in the near-future and he was reasonably sure that the antics of Konoha's newest trouble-maker was going to be top of the agenda, even more so since Nanachu had added yet another card to the small pile of notices that the Mouse had left at the scenes of his crimes.

The calling cards, all in the same vein as the one left tacked to the back of the chunin lounge door what felt like years ago, differed only by number and the small diagram drawn on the bottom right hand side of the card, each one a hand-drawn doodle of the caricatured mouse up to no good in some fashion or other. Sarutobi had decreed that all department heads were to burn all of the tags after memorising them, helping protect Naruto's identity from those who may have been interested to know who he was exactly. In addition any meetings or conversations involving him were completely off the record, no notes taken or recorded to safeguard the secret of the future of Konoha's spying department, as Ibiki was almost certain Naruto would one day become. The tags, while they did exist, acted as a reference for determining how the successful infiltration had been carried out and to attempt to measure how much progress Konoha's least-favourite orphan was making as the ninja wised up to his methods and began to counter them.

_Not that we've made too much progress on that front_; Ibiki mused somewhat sourly as he considered the basic problem that Naruto had uncovered with his inquisitive probing of Konoha's security; _it takes time to get the wheels of administration moving, least of all to react to a threat like this and especially where civilians are involved. Still, in this case I can only advise and offer my input to the meeting_; that much was true – much as he'd have liked to do more as his department hadn't been struck, there was little Ibiki could meaningfully offer in ways of suggestions to improve the security of the departments that had been targeted, though as he sat down at his usual table for his morning cup of green tea while he started his duties mentally and threw off potential tails before he actually moved out to his place of work, he couldn't help but smile somewhat as he finished his thought; _and, once the meeting's over, petition the Sandaime to instate the Uzumaki as a member of the Intelligence division. If he can cause this much havoc in Konoha, the place that raised him_; the special jounins' sudden smile was dark and dangerous enough to prompt the waitress who had been coming to take his order to find another table for a moment; _I for one would love to see what he could do to our enemies!_

XXX

As he beckoned the assembled to sit and make themselves comfortable in the main meeting room of the Hokage tower, Sarutobi hung his hat on the back of his chair and, mastering his emotions, spoke the words required to call the meeting to order, unaware that the lives of everyone in the room hung on the slenderest of threads as the assassin tasked to take out the most powerful ninja in Konoha slowly, stealthily slipped towards his vantage position,

"I, Hokage Sarutobi", by ancient decree the Sandaime, like the two Senju who had preceded him, had all but given up their forenames when they ascended to the kage robes, being known only as the Hokage first and Sarutobi second, and only then by close friends and associates, "call this meeting of the current heads of Konoha's clans and shinobi departments to order; all are present and correct. First order of business…"

"Vote for execution, exile or general leg-breaking of one Uzumaki Naruto", muttered one of the assembled ninja under his breath, causing those close to him to either stifle sudden smiles or nod in agreement as Sarutobi ignored him and carried on,

"…defence of Konoha from external forces and feedback from live-action tests involving friendly elements tasked with breaching internal security", the old man said officially before taking a breath and glancing around the room, feeling the tension hung around the room and all but striking sparks off the walls, like a thunderhead compressed into a bottle and awaiting violent, pyrotechnic release, "all right, let's get this over with; please just try to keep the language decent".

That last clause, delivered just when the two department heads who had been most burned by Naruto's actions, had opened their mouths to let the invective spew was timed absolutely perfectly, cutting them off just as the first few syllables were moulded, the molten loathing for the Uzumaki choked off before it could burst into the open. Cut off as they were was an invitation for someone to make a comment and, inevitably, one of their companions did,

"Hate to say I told you so", said the second Inuzuka present, sharing a knowing smirk with his clan head as Tsume turned away slightly, hiding her snickers as the slightly older member of her clan, head of Konoha's tracker division, a post she herself had briefly held before she'd been forced to give up the life of an active shinobi to take over the reins of her clan full-time, spoke, "but I did warn you all – he's an absolute sod for it".

"Hear, hear", Chouza rumbled for his part, though there was a slight smile on his face as he recalled the many, many times he or another member of his clan had come face to face with the infiltrator on the way in or, worse, the way out of their clan house, "Uzumaki Naruto's been raised around ninja, traded with ninja when he was out in the field, has made friends with ninja and trains and has trained with a lot of different ninja. He's built himself from the ground up but he's used every trick he's ever learned to make it as far as he has – in effect we've made this blade for our own necks".

"And right now it's been swinging for us for the better part of eight weeks and none of us have been able to block it, or even see it properly", the head of the Konoha hospital snapped irritably, the Yakushi groaning as he massaged his eyes with a free hand, flare of temper dissipating almost as soon as it had appeared, "I will admit I, in fact we all underestimated him and that's been arguably his greatest weapon, but even so no-one, and I mean _none_ of us, could have seen this coming".

_Nor did Kumo and look what happened to them_; pushing that line of thought from his mind even as he reminded himself that the situation he had delicately motioned towards the elder council of his clan was slowly coming to fruition and should be ready in a fortnight or so, three weeks at worst, Hiashi kept his famously neutral face at its blank best and regarded the leaders of the shinobi departments, his voice one of calm and reason as he spoke,

"Before this meeting descends into finger-pointing", he stated clearly, knowing from experience that if the ball starting rolling in that direction that any attempts to rein it in through logical discussion would be about as welcome as someone attempting to put out a fire by pouring oil on it; Naruto, it seemed, had inherited his mother's gift to be able to reduce even the most iron-willed ninja to a incoherent mess of either murderous rage or horrified embarrassment at mere memories of his former actions, "I think it would be prudent for us to all, ah, pool resources to combat this so-called threat. You are all aware now, I hope", he said, a note of steel entering his voice that quelled any thought of rebellion before it had even emerged from the throats of his fellow councillors, "of how woefully underprepared Konoha as a whole is against infiltration by someone who is, in effect, a civilian. It is a lesson we, the clans that is, have already learnt the hard way and are attempting to counter; you, on the other hand, have been thrown into the deep end right with the sharks".

"And the mice, which are far, far worse", the shinobi in charge of the courier-nin stated with a sigh, swapping a look of long-suffering with his counterpart in the hospital, "still, I appreciate the sentiment of Hyuuga-sama, a force united is a force multiplied and against this insidious new foe we need all the force we can get. And if we could somehow arrange for that force to be applied, preferably in a blunt and traumatic manner, to somewhere in the region between Uzumaki Naruto's ears so much the better!"

That outburst allowed all at the table to share a brief smile as there wasn't one of them present who hadn't felt the same way at least once in their life; as friendly and heart-warming as the jinchuuriki could be usually, when he was on duty there was no-one in Konoha more likely to drive someone to tearing their own hair out, especially when he was successful,

"Can't say I wouldn't agree with that sentiment at least some of the time", Inoichi said after mastering his urge to smile somewhat, "but anyway, enough with the dreaming, let's get down to business; Uzumaki Naruto, what have you lot", he gestured towards the leaders of Konoha's departments, "discovered about him and what have you done about it?" The active ninja in the room all swapped glances before, elected as unofficial spokesperson, the courier-nin spoke first,

"He's devious, careful, observant and smart, and worst of all he either knows he is and he knows how to hide it or he doesn't realise it and it just comes naturally to him, which is a thought so damned frightening I'm actively praying it's the former of the two", he said with a slight smile before becoming more serious, "he also knows the henge jutsu at least which makes the jobs of my nin a virtual nightmare. It's almost impossible for us to know or even suspect we're being followed, and that was before some genius in my department got suckered by one of his pretty faces and told him how we deliver to ninja – now he knows he doesn't even need an address to send explosive tags through the mail, just a name and rank! One of our own security protocols turned against us, and more than that when we started checking the post more frequently; our thanks to your clans for help in that, Aburame-san and Hyuuga-san; all that did was encourage him!"

The two clan leaders merely nodded at the note of respect in the ninja's voice, their clans being the main ones contacted by the belaboured postal service to help inspect the internal postage for tampering before the special jounin groaned again, describing the enemy they were now up against,

"Once we started checking what was coming through he must have realised it as his number of hits went down – we thought we'd got him nailed and we were wrong, oh so very wrong. Just two weeks ago we had a package of very ripe goats' cheese sent through to one of the chunin, though at the time he was away on border patrol at the time. None of us thought anything of it until that same chunin kicked the hinges off my office door last week and started roaring about compensation for the fact his apartment now reeked of old cheese and that someone had slid a joke card under his front door".

"He"; _clever little – yeah, even to a normal person some of the things you can buy on the market would blow your nose off at twenty paces_; even as the thought flashed through her head, quickly followed by a memory of her formerly-hated best friend laughing wildly as she chased a then-puppy Kuromaru around the Academy playground with a handful of goats' cheese held ready for use, the future alpha of the Inuzuka pack transforming into a fast-moving ball of black fluff as he whined and yelped aloud for his partner to save him from the mad red-haired two-legs, Tsume found herself hard-pressed to keep a smirk off her lips; _he's more of an Inuzuka than anyone realises. Flea-ojisan's been a bad influence on him_; "he tracked the postal ninja by smell? The cheese in the package?"

"That, and the durian fruit he sent a little while after that until we cottoned on to what he was up to", folding his arms as much to stop himself bending the one of the paperclips he habitually carried everywhere with him into a replica shuriken, a habit he'd picked up as a genin serving in the department sorting office and never lost, especially when he was nervous, excited or enraged (when his first child had been born he'd gone through a whole boxful and earned the eternal enmity of the entire hospital cleaning staff at the same time as he peppered the wall in front of him with his twisted metal creations), the special jounin shook his head, "even now we can't stop him, not completely; he's got us in a tight corner. He's still tracking at least some of the mail he's sending, though where he's getting the names from is anyone's guess – oh, but this one", despite himself a slightly guilty grin flashed onto his face as he reached into the top pouch of his jounin vest, pulling free a now-very familiar card and passing it up the table towards Sarutobi,

"This one really, even after everything I've seen him do so far, this one really takes the cake; remember those joke X-ray glasses you can get, can't see anything except the little roll of tape they come with because the tape's impregnated with that special ink the glasses can see, even through fabric? Well Naruto knows about it; we were wondering why those glasses were getting so popular before this card came through; he was using them and a childish henge to follow the tagged mail in the courier-nin's bags! And since he was using what looked like normal tape to pin down the envelope flaps none of us, not even the Hyuuga, could see how he was doing it until he filled us in on the secret".

Skimming over the card and chuckling slightly at the diagram of the cartoon mouse, Naruto's trademark signature it seemed, looking up at him with a pair over overly large, swirly-eyed goggles replacing its eyes, Sarutobi swiftly reduced the card to ash with a katon jutsu before turning to his venting employee,

"Well he can be very resourceful when the situation calls for it; the existence of Slim proves that if nothing else does", the Hokage pointed out delicately before setting his face in a slightly more serious manner, "but in response to these issues, what have you done to prevent his attacks on both your 'customers' and your own department".

"That's not an easy question to answer really Hokage-sama", the answer came back after a moments' deliberation, "fact is, against someone operating like he does, we can't actually do all that much. We can up security as much as we can but the problem with that is it slows the whole system down and the more we do that the greater risk we run of delaying important requests. It's not an easy situation to try and manage; about the best way we have to attempt to stop him is just keeping our eyes and ears open, though as I mentioned earlier we've been recruiting some of the more senior members of our tracking clans as well as quarantining anything even remotely suspicious and splintering the aviaries throughout the department, rather than having all the messenger birds in one place. At least that way if something explosive does get through we won't lose our ability to communicate with the teams on the front line – aside from that Hokage-sama, not really much else to report yet".

"The same for us", the leader of the hospital chipped in after the village leader had absorbed the report thus far, "as expected the Uzumaki is most dangerous when he can simply blend in to the general populous. Because of this we, as well as the courier-nin and the shinobi police force, are much more at risk than anyone else, the more 'secretive' departments if you like, because even if he knows they exist as a civilian Uzumaki doesn't know and at least should have no idea of where these departments are located, who works there or how materials are moved within them. We, on the other hand, don't have that luxury and because of that we've been hit hard as well; on average, Uzumaki Naruto has been able to either severely impair or completely destroy a major part of my department, usually the main hospital itself or the training areas attached to it, about once every eleven or twelve days. I understand he's had similar effects on the shinobi police, though I'm sure Hikiri-chan will be able to elucidate that point with more details when her schedule allows".

All present in the meeting flicked their eyes towards the empty chair at the table, the head of the fledgling shinobi police force, slowly being rebuilt from the ground up with the loss of the Uchiha clan and made up of a number of various shinobi, both from clan and civilian background, who were there to reassure the populous and deal with low-level crimes. However as with all new departments, the new commanding officer was often rushed off her feet and spent every waking moment (as well as several where she really should have been sleeping) keeping the whole precarious pack of cards balanced; as such Sarutobi had granted her dispensation to be absent from the meeting today. However from what he had heard and extrapolated by guesswork thus far, the Sandaime was more than reasonably sure that a large part of Hikiri's current headache was due at least in part to the actions of the one who was the reason for this council being called,

"So then", the Sandaime spoke with more severity in his tone, "on top of this I am assured that he has not relented in his efforts to gain entry into clan grounds?"

"Ha, we can but dream", Inoichi laughed caustically, a mere glance from the mind-walker offering at least some reassurance to the beleaguered ninja across the table that they weren't alone in the face of the jinchuuriki's attacks, "damn kid's as persistent as knot-weed. Cut off a branch and two more sprout in its place, burn the leaves back and you never notice the roots growing under your feet; at least most of us have got to the point where he's starting to use more underhanded tricks every so often – you are all aware of the unique henge he can use?"

"I haven't seen it yet but I'm prepared to believe it", the lead courier admitted after a minute swapping looks with his compatriots, "if I've learnt nothing else over the next two months it's to never assume anything about him. Though if those rumours are true then I truly fear for any enemy you send him against Hokage-sama – let's be perfectly honest, with the dud tags we've given him alone he has, or at least could have completely destabilised our ability to secure our borders, treat our wounded and a hundred and one other things. Even the threat of him's been enough to completely bugger up our usual operations and that was _after_ being warned he was coming; even now I'm sure that if you were to send him off into any village on the Elemental Nations with a pat on the head and a roll of real explosive tags he could turn it into a hole in the ground given a week or so".

There was no aggrandisement in the special jounin's tone, not much in the way of disbelief either; instead he sounded like he more or less meant exactly what he'd said, and not without good reason either. About three weeks after his presence had been announced to the ninja corps in general, one of his first infiltrations had resulted in a large amount of glitter and paint decorating large swathes of the interior of the Hokage tower. To avoid a repeat of this event the Hokage had quickly smothered the issue as one of Academy high-spirits gone slightly wrong and quickly provided Naruto with a set of about a dozen tags usually used in ANBU training missions. Made up of a seal matrix that superficially resembled a real explosive tag, once triggered the tag would emit nothing more than a loud bang that was more like a pop, a moderate amount of black smoke and a flash of chakra, enough to catch the eye of any ninja nearby; more importantly, however, these tags could also be timed like the higher-end explosive tags could. Though often not much of an issue on the battlefield where what was needed was as big a bang as possible as fast as possible, in the more delicate line of work Naruto was making his own the ability to delay detonation was invaluable – even ten minutes could be enough to get clear of blast zone and disappear while anyone present was busy trying to clear up the mess.

"Be that as it may", a verbal earthquake rumbled into the silence that lapsed between the assembled ninja, Morino Ibiki speaking even if his department had emerged unscathed through the jinchuuriki's efforts, "we would be fools to do so not only because Uzumaki-san is still unprepared for life as an active shinobi; being able to do what we do is not the same thing as being able to cope with it; and to employ him in such a vein would at the very least undermine our reputation as an honourable village".

"I'm afraid I don't quite follow Ibiki-san", the chief medical ninja admitted a few seconds later, prompting the usually mirthless shinobi to give a grim smile as he explained his point,

"You said it yourself Yakushi-san – he's most dangerous when he blends in; so far, from what I have seen, all of his attacks have been made against either departments that have very close contact with the public or, worse still, against the public themselves. If he were to do such a thing against an unsuspecting target the results would likely be very effective but, at the same time, perhaps _too_ effective – Naruto, as he works now, would set a very dangerous precedent in the world of shinobi".

"His attacks are too random, he has no actual target other than creating pure mayhem and he can't control how many innocents his attacks hit; it's all down to chance at the moment", Shikaku finished, looking more focussed than usual as he unpicked the threads of Ibiki's thoughts, "and, with the tools he uses for now, he could take out buildings and structures but there's no way he could account for civilian casualties. I wouldn't trust him to take down a single target undiscovered with any degree of certainty; he'll need years of training before he can hope for that just like anyone else. I won't deny what he has at the moment is effective but, unless the situation in the Nations suddenly and irrevocably changes for the worst, I don't think any of us could consider using his methods against a valid target; having him kill someone by bringing down their apartment building down on top of them might be effective but I can't see it going down all that well with any other our potential employers – too much collateral and too many civilian casualties might spook them".

"Unless he used a silent explosion of course", at the slightly nettling tone the Nara patriarch turned a basilisk glare on his friend, though Chouza didn't notice as he tapped his friends' shoulder, "don't give me that look, you were the one who taught him how to draw a sound-dampening seal".

"Ah, so that was you!" The courier-nin was half-stood in an instant, demanding answers, "What on this earth possessed you to teach him that; he was bad enough before he worked out slapping one of those near an explosive note muffled the bang". Shikaku didn't answer for a moment, instead seeming to do his best to hold back a shudder before, after mastering himself, he deflected the ire being turned his way with a typically deadpan response,

"He made me an offer I couldn't refuse; 'teach me the seal or I'll use your clans' front ground to practice my new bagpipes until you do teach me'. It seemed a small enough sacrifice for some peace and quiet, the least troublesome of all avenues, though I have to say I did toy with Dashi-ojisan's idea of tying all four of his limbs to different horses and cracking the whip a bit…"

"Well if that thought does cross your mind some time in the future at least tell us about it first", the courier-nin answered with a slight grin on his face, picturing the scenario in his mind and liking what he saw, "I know several of my workforce who'd be willing to help with the clean up – I could guarantee they'd never find all the bits". There was a snort from the side of the special jounin's seat, his compatriot from the tracker-nin division raising an eyebrow his way,

"Sounds like a challenge Toro-kun", the Inuzuka cut in before becoming more serious and addressing the table at large, "but you are correct, as he stands at the minute the Mouse is less a shinobi and more of a terror weapon. I don't deny he could cripple an enemy village, even possibly a ninja village, but the manner in which he'd do it would leave far too much blood and too many bodies; at the same time though, I'm sure as hell glad he's on our side. Could you imagine someone else, say Kiri for instance, training shinobi in this vein – you all know as well as I do those bastards don't care if they live or die as long as they get the mission done, but if they harnessed that mindset with his kind of cunning there wouldn't be a shinobi alive who'd sleep soundly at night. At least this way we're getting a heads-up of what could one day happen, we're learning how to at least mitigate the effects this kind of warfare has and, as I'm sure you'll all agree, just because at the moment the situation wouldn't warrant shinobi trained in his kind of espionage attacking our enemies, there's no harm in having that potential string on your bow just in case".

That much was certainly true, though before the idea of his surrogate grandson being moulded into what was little more than a mass-murdering destroyer of villages and all those who dwelt within them could spread too far, Sarutobi spoke as the voice of reason from the head of the table,

"I understand all the concerns raised here and am grateful to see not only the magnitude of the threat is being realised but your concern for Naruto-kun is also genuine", the old kage smiled somewhat fondly at the affronted expressions turned in his direction before, as he'd suspected, they gradually thawed out somewhat to leave grudging acceptance, "and as you have said I would not condone such a modus operandi in the field"; _though I know several people who would_;

"Instead I have spoken to Naruto-kun and have explained the situation as it is; he is still a child but he is intelligent enough to realise that if this was for real he would have by now killed more people than some of Konoha's chunin, especially if he was using biological agents or enhancing the killing power of his explosive tags with aerosolised poisons. Indeed, I pointed out that more often than not someone in Naruto's position can do far more damage to a villages' infrastructure by using non-lethal methods; what do you think would happen if, rather than an explosion, a timed release of hallucinogenic gas or a fast-acting diarrhoeic bacteria-stroke-virus was released inside the Hokage tower, or the courier-nin department or, Kami-sama forbid, the hospital? The panic and 'embuggarance' as you put it earlier, would effectively neutralise the military arm of Konoha until the effect wore off, and it would be a lot harder to control than a mere explosion – people, least of all highly trained people with access to lots of sharp weapons and ninjutsu techniques, tend to be somewhat difficult to restrain safely when not in full control of their mental faculties". The tracker-nin present snorted,

"A complaint several of us levelled against you when we first heard of this exercise, but once more we bow before the knowledge of the Kami no Shinobi", taking advantage of the relatively relaxed atmosphere of the semi-formal meeting, the elder Inuzuka chuckled for a minute in the face of his leader's disgruntled scowl as he was once more reminded of his age before he went on, "so, in summary he's a…"

XXX

At that moment the lingering shadow that had spent a long time getting into the correct position and painstakingly checked the wind direction, size of the target, distance, wind speed and several other factors he knew were important, made his move. With a soft squeeze the missile was released, not even a whisper of sound betraying his position as sharp eyes tracked the flight of the unleashed projectile; a throat was jammed by the heart that leapt into it for a second before a soft sigh escaped; it had clipped the interior of the window-sill but skipped inside, the ricochet had damaged the delivery system but, crucially, not the main body of the weapon. With the smoke suddenly seeping through the open window as his backdrop and a slight bang, little more than a pop at this distance, carried to his ears, he began carefully packing his gear up ready for a speedy getaway, all the time sighing somewhat sadly as he spared the scene before him a glance, thinking about the carnage that was about to happen with no-one, as far as he was aware, being any the wiser.

Death, it seemed, was easier for him to peddle than groceries in the streets of a village who couldn't recognise a mouse in their midst.

XXX

There was only the slightest chink of metal on stone but that was enough to bring every head whipping around at the noise; even as the assembled ninja realised what was going on and recognised the stick that had clipped the inside of the windowsill of their meeting room and had begun pin-wheeling into room proper, something went off with a snap like a firecracker, emitting a large gout of smoke into the room. A swift gust of wind from one of the shinobi present removed most of the blackness from the air before Hiashi, fastest to react with his bloodline, focussed his vision at the offending object and groaned aloud,

"Just out of interest did anyone note down when and where this meeting was scheduled for? If so, congratulations – we've all just been assassinated".

Even through the looks of disbelief and shock being sent his way the Hyuuga lord could only imagine the realisation dawning over the faces of the assembled council and closed his eyes; one issue with the Byakugan was that, once engaged, it completely negated normal sight and replaced it with monochrome shades that meant, while intervening objects weren't an issue, it was impossible to see or gauge facial expressions with any degree of accuracy; _not that it matters in this case, I can see the tenketsus moving_;

"What? But where…?"

"He's stood on top of the Yondaimes' head, waving", Hiashi answered the question before it had even been asked as Inoichi, who'd been closest to the strike, retrieved the bolt that had been shot through the open window and gingerly removed the explosive tag he'd wrapped around it,

"Urgh, hope he's got spares", the Yamanaka admitted, seeing the now smoke-stained strip of paper that was now wrapped around the shaft of the small arrow, the tip broken off to ensure it was safe, "but yeah, definitely his, no-one else I know uses a crossbow. Ah, this might shed some light on things", as a smaller slip, tucked into the rolled up explosive tag, fluttered towards the floor, the former head of the T&I department deftly plucked it from the air and read it quickly, ducking down to look out the window as he did so. It was a distance away but, if he squinted, he could just about pick out a small stick-figure atop the Hokage monument and, seeing one of its arms moving, he raised a hand in its direction before a sudden quartet of smoke plumes blossomed into life in the middle of the village and he stared at them,

"What the…!"

"That was, from what I can see, our main market district going up in smoke", Hiashi's disembodied voice answered solemnly even as Inoichi and the rest of the council whipped around to stare at him, expressions appalled as the veins around his eyes faded and he opened them again, "so, we are all dead, the village is in chaos and the chains of command have been effectively cut off in a single stroke. He's killed us, in more ways than one, just because he knew where and when to strike. So, that just leaves the question of who left the paper-trail for this meeting and where did they leave it?"

There was a cold, clammy sort of silence filling the air before, just about mastering the instinct to shake and shiver under such scrutiny, one of the assembled let his head fall onto the table with a thump,

"I left a note in my diary", the head of the hospital groaned into the solid wood, thumping his forehead into the table repeatedly as he castigated himself for his basic mistake, "must have forgotten to lock the damn thing away once, might have been the same time I was called away to move some of the patient files to more secure locations. He must have snuck into my office and taken a peek; son of a b…lasphemer", he caught himself at the last minute, avoiding compounding his error with an insult to both the head of the tracking division and the Inuzuka clan simultaneously, "he's damn well done it again!"

"Very true, he has", Shikaku drawled in a neutral tone, idly wondering exactly how long it would take for someone to get their wits about them and start hammering on the meeting room door to inform the Hokage and his council of the attacks, "though this does raise another question; virtually everyone in Konoha, or all ninja at least, know who's making their life miserable and why – what's stopping anyone else finding out?"

"A good question", the Hokage himself spoke into the air of expectation that had suddenly been generated by his audience, "one I have anticipated and have taken steps to counter before the news could potentially stretch too far. I won't go in to too many details, not now the news is just starting to trickle into the ninja ranks where I'm sure it'll spread like a wildfire, but I ask you to trust me that the situation is in hand and Naruto's safety is not in jeopardy, in fact with any luck the solution to that particular problem may end up enhancing his reputation in the village somewhat. Now", a bad habit it might have been but Sarutobi hadn't been able to quite quash the instinct to act mysterious and vague at times around his subordinates; _though I suppose it never hurts to act like you've got a spare ace and a kunai up your sleeve, especially when you actually have_; "I'll assume you have a decent handle on what needs to be done to safeguard your departments against our rampaging rodent, so aside form him, the second item on the agenda is the curriculum of the Academy is due for renewal, and the position of Academy senseis are also due for reshuffling…"

XXX

Some hour and a bit later, Sarutobi sat alone in the now-abandoned meeting room, the rest of the shinobi-only council dispersed to get some lunch, some fresh air or escape the forthcoming teasing regarding the embarrassing lapse in information leakage that had gotten them all 'killed'. _Speaking of which_; his old fingers were still nimble enough to whip the broken bolt around in an intricate dance around and between his aged digits, prodigious mind considering the issue as he glanced towards the window the lethal missile had streaked in through,

"Was that actually him or one of yours?"

Though any casual observer might have been forgiven in thinking the old man had finally snapped and was now addressing random figments of his imagination out loud, a brief chuckle would have given up that impression as false, the figure that materialised from the wall a few seconds later only emphasising that fact as the last member of the council that had been called made herself known. The presence of ANBU within the council chambers was nothing unusual but, upon glimpsing the mask that covered the face of this particular individual, it was very quickly apparent to a casual observer that this was no ordinary operative, if there even was such a thing within the ANBU cadre. Every ninja village was known by a particular moniker, usually the ending seal of the techniques that their most common techniques used; hence Iwa was often called the Ox village, Kumo the Dragon and Konoha, famed for katon jutsu and based within the Land of Fire was the Tiger village. To represent the ANBU as the guardians of the will of fire, the soul of Konoha's ethos and creed, the leader of Konohas' ANBU division always wore the Tora mask, proof that the village and her shinobi were one and the same thing. Sarutobi didn't even turn to address arguably the most lethal ninja present within the village other than himself and, possibly, a very few of his most experienced jounin, instead listening with a slight smirk on his lips as he heard the ANBU's answering chuckle,

"Nah, that was definitely him", many would have been surprised by the feminine voice that issued from behind the painted wood but, as Sarutobi had often confided in himself and others who shared his confidence, that merely proved that many people were idiots – Tora had both metaphorically and literally earned her stripes the hard way, clawing her way up the greasy pole using the bodies of slain enemies and comrades as stepping stones the same way every other ninja did regardless of rank and because of that she held the ear of the Hokage and he in turn trusted her to run her department mostly autonomously, "and, at the risk of paraphrasing one Mitarashi Anko and sounding somewhat creepy, I can only say that me want that boy!"

At that Sarutobi did chuckle properly, looking over his shoulder as he stood up slowly and nodding in respect to the masked kunoichi, she in turn inclining her mask and remaining at attention as her leader spoke,

"You wouldn't be the first he's made that impression on", the monkey summoner told her with a note of mirth in his tone before he became serious once again, "still, how is the training going? Is the new department coming online on schedule?"

"Should be ready in three months, give or take a week or so", the ANBU confirmed, nothing betrayed by her ironclad body language, "the main issue has been unlearning the lessons of the ninja, for that reason I've formed the _Nezumi_ division from the newest recruits of the ANBU, training them from scratch rather than having the older hands have to learn something completely new. They're starting, being about as successful as the kid is himself, which pretty much says it all about him rather than them".

"Indeed, though as you say Tora-chan he has taught himself his infiltration method from the bottom up with no other shinobi-esque skills cluttering his mind – the more interesting question in my mind will be seeing how he integrates the more traditional shinobi tactics and operating methods into and around his main strength of going around unseen and unheard. Speaking of which though, how many of his attacks actually got through?"

"In truth? Three or four"; the Hokage raised an eyebrow,

"That many?"

"He's new, even to us he's new", the ANBU commander shrugged, "took a bit of time to see how he works and what makes him tick, but even then shadowing him gave a few insights into how our _Nezumi_ will need to act to function effectively. Apart from that though, from what I'm hearing on the wire he's starting to develop his sixth sense", that made the Hokage prick his ears, leaning in with interest written large on his face and, cottoning on to this, Tora continued, "some of the agents we've had stationed around the tower have said there have been times when he's paused, not for any particular reason apparently; he can't see through our invisibility genjutsus or our concealment techniques but he's looking for them, he can tell when he's being watched sometimes. Okay he can't hide it very well yet and he misses us nine times out of ten, but even so, for someone his age to get the impression he's being spied on…"

"Especially when I know for a fact he's got very little chance at actually eluding the ANBU", though he hadn't said as much to anyone, least of all Naruto himself for fear the knowledge that all bar a handful of his break-ins were successful simply because he'd told the ANBU to monitor but not interfere with his infiltrations would drive him to attempting to sneak past ANBU patrols as well as regular ninja, effectively trying to run before he could walk properly, the Hokage had never expected his adopted grandson to actually make a strike against Konoha without it going undetected by the elite hidden fighting force, "still, for his age I haven't seen a ninja as well versed in subtlety and subterfuge since Jiraiya-kun exploded from the Academy".

"And that man's got the most refined danger-sense I've ever heard of or seen; just as well or he'd have been towel-whipped to death by his 'inspiration' a long time ago", Tora commented, forcing the Sandaime to grimace as he was forced to recall one of his students' less than salubrious activities; _though, compared to what another of them was up to, harmless peeking was simply that, harmless_; "still, as long as he knows what he has to do to keep his head under the parapet, we'll do the rest and get the heat off him".

"Something I doubt he'll have too much of a problem with", the Sandaime commented, idly flicking the broken bolt around his fingers before, with a deft twist, a sudden sooty rectangle of paper appeared between his fingers, "regardless of what other lessons he may have learnt Naruto-kun has certainty taken the maxim of going unknown, unheard and unacknowledged to heart. Even now, he is starting to become a shinobi of note; a single strike, aiming to kill or cripple at all times – had he been serious and better able to avoid your operatives Tora, the entire shinobi council of Konoha might have met its end today".

"I'm sure it'd take more than an explosive tag to take any of your crusty old sods down", the ANBU chuckled from behind her mask before the mirth drained away and was replaced by an almost zealous determination, "but I stand by what I said Hokage-sama; my cadre wants that boy. He's already an annoyance to Konoha; give him to us and we'll make him a terror, a whispering death for the rest of the Elemental Nations. I hope you'll take no offence to this Hokage-sama but I can't see him sat behind a desk at all, not even with the kage robes and hat on him; he's got the potential to be too valuable for that, at least for a good number of years yet".

"No offence taken Tora-chan, I agree with you in fact", the elderly kage admitted, tapping the butt end of the bolt against his teeth, "Naruto-kun, though I doubt he truly realises it even if he has some idea, represents to a large proportion of the ninja corps and most certainly me a ray of hope for our future. Since the Kyuubi our influence in the world has waned somewhat due to lower numbers of ninja bearing the Leaf and the vultures haven't stopped circling since; Kumo would never have been so bold as to launch not one but two attempted thefts had the bijuu not attacked and decimated our forces, and that was before the bloody Uchiha imploded and wiped themselves out. I see war on the horizon Tora", such was the gravity in the old mans' voice that the ANBU looked out of the window almost by reflex as though expecting to see brooding storm clouds amassing on the horizon, "not today, not tomorrow, perhaps not in my lifetime but it is coming and Konoha will need every blade and body it can lay its hands on to survive".

"This village will not fall". It was the certainty rather than the passion in the younger kunoichi's voice that made Sarutobi smile grimly as he nodded,

"I don't doubt it Tora-chan, and with a little luck I may yet be able to convince one of our brightest new talents will do his bit to ensure the next generation live to see such a promise upheld".

The ANBU would have questioned her leader about his cryptic words before she caught a glimpse over his shoulder and realised exactly what he was looking at; as the sight of the cartoon holding and aiming its crossbow tightly, she understood, gave the slightest of nods and, in the privacy of her own mind, whispered a silent prayer for one particular branch of Konoha's military; _because something tells me if the rest of us think he's bad, those poor sensei will be either clinical depressives or raving lunatics by the end of his first term!_

XXX

As she saw the reflection of two figures sat up together at the kitchen table and translated the inverted images, Hasuwada Kishi had to almost bite her lips at the expression of intense, focussed concentration that stood out at her as one of the two children scowled at the book in front of him. Sunny and cheerful he might have been, and a future Hokage into the bargain, but a brilliant academic spark Naruto was most certainly not,

"So, enemy ninja A", he blotched the paper in front of him with an inky pen, much to the silent disapproval of Tenten, who knew she'd have to scrub out his clumsy mauling of one of her easier questions before she handed the assignment in the morning after tomorrow, "is moving at this speed, at this angle, for a period of half a minute, so, thirty seconds then?"

"Yes, so the first question to ask is how far as he moved in that time", the would-be weapon mistress explained patiently, trying to hold onto the answer to the question that was in front of her as it attempted to squirm out of the net of her mental calculations like a demented fish, "after that you can work out how fast he's moving and from there time how long you need to cut the fuse to your explosive tag to take him out if you throw the tag to point B, okay?"

"I guess", Naruto mumbled, though he didn't look convinced as he scowled at the paper, tongue poked out the corner of his mouth as he scribbled the numbers down, "'course you shouldn't be even trying to take him out like this really". Tenten glanced up sharply,

"Huh? But what if he's carrying some secret information, like enemy battle plans – if he gets away everyone could be in trouble!"

"I know Ten-chan, but what I mean is you, or another ninja like you, should have made sure things never got that far. Look", he turned the small book he was working from around, reading form it upside-down and tapping parts of the short explanation of the problem to highlight his point, "says here this guy you're after stole some documents right – how'd he steal them? Why wasn't he stopped then? How did he get away, and if the documents were so important why weren't fakes made and put in their place, misinformation spread? Who leaked information where the documents were – who's the mole? If any one of those questions had been answered, this one", he tapped the workbook page before him again, a rueful smirk on his lips, "would never have been asked".

Silence descended on the small living area as Tenten glanced between the paper and her friends' face, the gears in her mind grinding as though the idea was a twig caught in them before, with an almost visible start, she crunched through the obstacle and blinked,

"Wow Whiskers, when'd you get so smart?" Before Naruto could answer this, however, the conversation was disrupted by the sound of the door to the upstairs apartment opening and Tenten immediately abandoned her seat – a big girl she might have been now, halfway through her first year in Konoha's Academy, but she'd never be too big to give her father a greeting hug as he locked up for the day.

"Ha, hello Panda-chan, hime", Muruda greeted casually , not even grunting as he felt his daughters' fist crash against his muscular side; _ah, still got it – no-one who can tease my daughter like I can, except maybe him_; "ah, Naruto-kun, what brings you here?"

"Helping Ten-chan out with her homework", the aforementioned Mouse beamed, pointing to his messy working-out so far as the blacksmith chuckled,

"So I see", he drawled, pretending to scrutinise the scratchy writing before him as his wife came out of the kitchen and smiled at him warmly, "been a big help has he Ten-chan?"

"Something like that; I prefer him as a weapon-training post though", the youngest Hasuwada griped sourly, still not quite forgiving the blonde for the name that was still tacked onto her even now and had even started to crop up in the Academy despite her attempts to weed it out before it could take root. Naruto for his part merely shuddered; _man, ever since Muruda-san said he'd try to fix Ten-chan up with a weapon for her to really train in she's been going hell-for-leather to find one that really suits her, with yours truly standing in as a convenient practice aid while she decided if that's the one or not. I've still got the bruises from when she was playing around with that blunted kasuri-gama, no way I could defend myself against one of them with just a kunai!_

In that assumption, as he would learn later in his life, he was completely incorrect, but for now he put such matters from his mind as he heard Muruda, the last of his rumbling mirth dying down, answer his daughter with a light pat on her head that, not by accident, half-knocked one of her hair buns loose. As she scowled and stuck her tongue out at him while trying to restore the errant design to its former practicality, the patriarch of the Hasuwada household stepped forwards and embraced his wife for a moment before turning to his guest and inclining his head slightly, a motion Naruto mimicked with a slight bow as the elder man spoke,

"About time you graced this old shack with your presence Mouse; I was beginning to think you'd made another run for it".

"Muruda!"

"Sorry hime", once more Naruto would wonder exactly how a woman who came to her husbands' chin and looked like she weighed about as much as one of his arms was able to cow her husband so effectively, then his treacherous brain superimposed the ghostly faces of two particular Nara and Yamanaka women and he immediately stopped wondering; _women are weird, just keep saying and believing that and it'll all make sense if the end_; "but having heard what our Ten-chan did when he poked his nose out into the air again I couldn't really blame him for attempting to do a runner".

"I would've done a lot worse if he hadn't needed to speak to Hokage-sama", Tenten muttered evilly, the steely glare she drilled into Naruto's eyes letting him know in no uncertain terms that he wasn't yet completely forgiven for his little excursion even if her temper had noticeably cooled after their explosive reintroduction, "still, he got me worried by going missing so it was his fault".

The sheer lack of logic was enough to make Naruto gape outright and in a split-second he had a witty retort ready on his lips before an echo of a piece of advise came back to his mind, given for free by one of Konoha's certified geniuses and, incidentally, something of an expert in the art of avoiding or defusing marital strife; '_there's a difference between logic and feminine logic Naruto, just accept it, there is. Feminine logic may superficially resemble normal logic but, at the same time, it's also more powerful than normal logic simply because it's never, ever wrong – your logic might be able to divert it or distract it for a little while, but sooner or later the feminine logic will always win out. The best thing you can do, spineless as it might sound, is agree with it – without the force of an argument damming it up, feminine logic is like a river, constant but easier to manipulate and divert towards a conclusion you agree with – example, she wants a new set of curtains but you want a say in the colour, so you say 'yes' to the curtains and go shopping with her rather than attempting to deny her outright, having a blazing row, losing and being forced to grit your teeth when you see the new curtains she's brought without your approval put up. Argue and try to hinder the progress of feminine logic and it becomes a tsunami, impossible to halt' – well, I guess Shikaku-san would be the expert there_;

"Well, I can't exactly argue with that Ten-chan"; _wow, that actually worked_; the expression of shock on Tenten's face as he made that admission was so natural and comical that only the fact he let his mouth run away with him stopped him choking up with a sudden bout of the giggles, "but like I said earlier, it was on the Hokage's orders. If you want to moan at someone go make his life miserable, though I wouldn't recommend trying to assault him at all – the ANBU tend not to like that kind of thing and, anyway, I know Kishi-san taught you better than to bash old relics like jiji". The woman in question sighed as she realised that once more her lessons in manners had seemingly failed to percolate into that dense, iron-hard region of Naruto's brain that was concerned with the honourable Sandaime Hokage,

"Naruto-kun much as I know Hokage-sama has a soft spot for you and vice-versa, please don't call him a relic; he's not quite _that _old".

"Yet", Naruto shot back almost without thinking, though once more a quick wit got him out of jail before the Hasuwada woman's sudden glare could slam the door shut on him, "though I'm sure he'll be around for a long time, plenty of years left in him so he can give me the big hat when the time comes". Kishi held his eye for just a moment longer and Naruto had to resist the urge to grin inanely to try and deflect the heat from her expression before, just as he was certain he was going to crack like an egg, she let out a sigh that he quietly mimicked under his breath,

"I suppose I should be grateful you at least have his best interests at heart", she decided with a leaden tone in her voice, "though I do agree with you that the ANBU, from what I've heard of them, would certainly take a very dim view of anyone threatening their leader".

"Heh, I'll take 'em on", Tenten declared, thrusting a fist into the air as she made her bold claim, "once tou-san's got me fully trained up and I find 'the one' weapon for me, I'll be able to take on the world and win". Muruda chuckled at this, patting his daughter on her head once again as he stepped towards the kitchen,

"I don't doubt it Ten-chan but you'll need years and years of training before you even think about calling out an ANBU of any stripe; I never really met any of them when I was under the symbol but I know they're the absolute best we have, even the newcomers will have often completed more missions successfully than 'Ruto-kun's had cups of ramen, though speaking of which", the smith paused and glanced over his shoulder, addressing the jinchuuriki directly, "I heard a few interesting things from a few of my friends who are still in their vests and jackets recently…"

_Okay, it's go time_; Naruto had been expecting this to come ever since the Sandaime had taken his aside and told him about the steps he was taking to both improve the effectiveness of his ANBU forces and, as an added bonus, keep his tail out the fire as well,

"Don't tell me, let me guess; something else I'm getting the blame for that I didn't do", he huffed, folding his arms in a picture of stubborn belligerence. All three of the Hasuwada family present each swapped a glance before, fractionally quicker off the mark, Tenten was the first to speak,

"What do you mean Mouse", a sudden suspicion flared in the back of the bun-haired girls' mind and she gasped, "you haven't been trying to pull tricks on the Hokage have you?"

"No", Naruto all but wailed, throwing his hands in the air, "that wasn't me, none of it was – okay I might have had a bit of a hand in it but jiji had the idea and his ninja are the ones pulling it off. I'm just taking all the abuse because the old man's got a sadistic sense of humour and left me to face the music!"

"What, ah, what do you mean Naru-kun?" Kishi had the impression this was something that had been on Naruto's mind for some time and he was getting some kind of stick for it, however from his somewhat rueful smile and embarrassed chuckle, her feminine instincts were easily able to discern it was nothing immediately life-threatening and therefore she, and by extension her husband who'd glanced over at her and taken in her unspoken signals at a glance, fell quiet and allowed the blonde child to explain the situation that had landed him with yet another reason for a substantial amount of Konoha's population having a good reason for an unfortunate 'accident' occurring should they ever have the good fortune to find him down a deserted alleyway one dark night,

"Well, it, ah, it was like this; I'd been roped in to helping jiji shuffle some of his papers around the tower and was walking down out of his office when I go round a corner and quite literally get flattened by someone who wasn't paying attention to where he was going. So, I end up on the deck with paper flying everywhere and I'm really, really not happy about it – once I get up and the other guy stops hopping around like a startled hare after I give him the kick in the shins he deserves, we get to picking up the remnants of the paper pile jiji burnt the last three hours of his life stamping. At that point, and if I'd known just how much grief this was going to give me in the future I'd have just kept my mouth shut and let it lie, but no, I didn't think of the future for once in my life and it came back later to bite me in the aaahhh…", the glare from Kishi arrived just in time to stop him finishing that sentence and, suitably chastised, Naruto quickly got back on track with his story,

"…well, what I said was something along the lines of it was lucky he wasn't an enemy nin, he could have pilfered important documents from right off of the Hokages' office. Didn't even cross my mind about the possible repercussions, least of all as the guy who's leg I bruised was actually a courier-nin; I didn't even know we had those! But anyway, he must have talked to his boss, who talked to the department head who apparently talked to everyone else, courier-nin are always bad for gossiping like a pair of old Yamanaka women apparently. Next thing I know something's going on in the tower, no idea what it is or who's involved but it's got the nickname _Nezumi_ and was apparently named in my honour. Because of that a lot of nin in the tower have started blaming me for all kinds of things I didn't do; I'm sure a lot of them are joking but even so, you know some mud sticks?"

"Yes, though for some reason the mud on the Academy playing fields seems to be especially gluey", Kishi remarked, her daughter having the good grace to look at least slightly embarrassed by the reminder of how hard she had to work to ensure her school clothes remained presentable despite the scrapes she kept getting into, "so then, you haven't been pulling tricks in the Hokage tower then?" Naruto goggled at her,

"Do you think I'm crazy – in fact, on second thought don't answer that. Look", he made to explain himself even as Tenten was forced to suddenly face the wall, shoulders heaving with restrained laughter, "even if I could get away with it jiji would be hunting me down with a vengeance for dropping more paperwork on his desk; no chance of that if I can help it. It's probably just some of the ninja letting off steam and calling themselves _Nezumi_ to have a laugh and a joke at my expense; everyone seems to be blaming me just because they know I work for the Hokage on occasion. Still, not going to complain – if people think I'm able to get away with the playing jokes in the most heavily defended place in Konoha", the jinchuuriki drew himself up proudly, his usual grin on his face as he placed his hands on his hips and beamed, "well, that's just more reason for jiji to hurry up and pass the big hat on to me".

_Ah well, at least he's keeping himself out of mischief though, or at least if he's not he's not been caught yet_; satisfied both with the answer and his own internal reasoning, Muruda nodded before glancing at the book the younger child had abandoned in his urge to stand up and proclaim his innocence to the charges laid at his door,

"Maybe, maybe not, but future Hokages still need to know exactly how to use explosive tags properly in the field, as do weapon mistresses. Go on, get those problems out the way and I'll run the two of you through some more weapon drills in the evening, though no", almost as soon as the gleam of virtual fanaticism appeared in Tenten's eyes, mirrored by sheer terror blossoming in Narutos, he was forced to throttle the hope in its infancy despite the beseeching expression his daughter attempted to guilt-trip him with, "you've had enough practise for the moment Ten-chan. Naruto-kun needs a chance to practice with the basics as much as you do before he has a chance to specialise, and don't look at me like that", the former chunin waved away the sudden outbreak of attention he was at the epicentre of as both children regarded him with round eyes, "I've had enough scrap off you to power the forge for a year or more Naru-kun, least I can do is help you figure out exactly what weapon suits you best".

"Uhh, thanks", Naruto ventured after a second; we wanted to say more, so much more than merely that but he couldn't with fearing his voice would crack with sudden emotion, "though no more scrap for a while I'm afraid; jiji wanted me to stay in the village a bit more up until I get to the Academy, work out my mind in the library a bit more and make sure I pass the actual exam to get into the place".

"You still have to pass that?" Tenten sounded sceptical at this, "You shouldn't need to sit that thing, you're not dumb Mouse; you just act it very well". The youngest Hasuwada merely smirked at the dirty glance her friend shot her way, though luckily for Naruto she missed the slight hint of a smile on his face; _Ten-chan though you don't know it that's about the nicest thing you could ever say to me – what you don't know won't get you killed for knowing it_;

"Haha Panda-hime, just you remember that mice have long memories" he cautioned before glancing down at the paper in front of him and returning his attention to the maths in front of him, allowing the slightly older girl her moment of triumph before Kishi returned from the kitchen and announced dinner was ready.

The idea that she'd one-upped the blonde was something that made Tenten smile fondly all through the meal, the kunai throwing and sparring that followed it and even past the time when Naruto departed; in fact she was smirking right up until the point at lights-out where she jumped onto her bed and them immediately jumped back off with a yell of shock that brought her parents running, just in time to see their daughters' face turned absolutely thunderous as she flipped the covers back and revealed the small, squashy thing she'd landed on as being a little stack of her own hair ties.

"Ten-chan what…?"

"That, that…" she tried furiously to think of a word that would encapsulate the utter fury consuming her without driving her mother to chastise her for swearing as she pointed an accusing finger at the squashed pile of hair nets, a little note stuck in the middle of pile at a jaunty angle like a flag, "…that horrible little sneak! He must have put them in there when he said he was going to get a fresh pen out of my bag, I almost had a heart attack landing on them – it's not funny!"

Evidently neither her mother or father agreed with that sentiment, though to her credit Kishi was able to hold it in better in the mottled face of Tenten's rage as she ripped up the little note Naruto had left her, the small warning about mice being like elephants and never forgetting an insult heeded but not recorded as she carried on her vengeful tirade,

"Next time I see him I'm going to batter him like an old rug – forget specialising, I'm going to get so good with _every _weapon that I'll be able to cut his tail off with any of them at fifty paces! Dad, I know I have to go to bed now but tomorrow", she finally managed to even out her breathing, sweeping up the displaced hair ornaments as she did so, "tomorrow we're going to make sure the Uzumaki Naruto rues the day he played a prank on Hasuwada Tenten; the mischief of a mouse is nothing, absolutely nothing compared to the wrath of a panda!"

XXX

Winter in Fire country was relatively mild most of the time but characterised by several cold snaps in quick succession; during these snaps snow could fall heavily and leave the village virtually cut-off from outside aid until the snap thawed and the snow melted away. For this reason most of the people in Konoha were sensible enough to buy a little extra to get them through any potential fasting periods that Kami might send their way, and took precautions to avoid excessive exposure to the snow and cold. Despite the slight disruption to everyday life, winter was often a popular time in the land of Fire for a variety of reasons depending on the people and clans asked; the Inuzukas and their nin-ken loved rolling in the snow, the Hyuuga were virtually invisible against the backdrop which only enhanced their reputations as the ghosts of the shinobi world, the Aburame were more easily able to create the ice their clan was famous for.

The Akimichi, however, loved winter for one reason and one reason above all others; when the snows started forwards, that meant one particular food that many in the clan were partial to was on the menu,

"Make sure you keep the rhythm right", Naruto was so focussed on this point that he didn't even wipe the thin sheen of sweat that had gathered on his brow over the fifteen minutes he'd been stirring the miniature cauldron in front of him as his instructor continued his lecture, "constant motion and movement is the secret of properly cooked porridge. Let it lie and the oats at the bottom will burn while those at the top go soggy; nothing worse than soggy porridge".

"I, ah, I'll take your word for it", Naruto gasped back over the heat and the ache in his arms; _no wonder these guys get so damned strong – they probably invented their expansion jutsus just so they could stir pots like this properly_; once more giving credit where it was due and mentally adding another reason for never provoking Chouji into a fight to the list, the jinchuuriki plucked at his apron from where it was sticking to him for a second before returning both hands to his stirring pole and continuing to agitate the simmering oats, "once again, thanks for holding yourself back and waiting for me to catch up".

At this Chouji did laugh, quoting one of his clans' old proverbs as he did so,

"Heh, no true Akimichi would gorge while his friend went hungry", he commented breezily, not catching the slight hitch in both Naruto's stirring rhythm and his breathing; no matter that his star had risen somewhat amongst the village shinobi, there were still very few people who called him a friend, "besides if I ever want to take over from tou-san and run the clan someday I need to make sure I know a lot more recipes than just what's needed to move on. I'm certainly not complaining; this way I can master a fair few more pastries and breads, and anyway the clan doesn't usually like to move on to the fish dishes prior to someone actually starting the Academy so we've got nearly a year".

"Strange that isn't it? I mean", Naruto made to explain himself as the bigger-built boy glanced over his shoulder, "just think about it; this time next year we'll be learning to be ninja. Seems like only yesterday I was picking up my rucksack for the first time and setting off on my first day out on the training fields, and now, pretty soon I'll be taking my first step on the road to becoming Hokage. Time really must fly".

"Stop talking like an old man, you're making me feel ancient", Chouji complained, remembering that in their year he'd probably be one of the oldest children present at the Academy, "but you're right in a way. I couldn't wait to grow up and follow in tou-san's footsteps but now I'm getting there I'm wishing someone would slam on the brakes and let me enjoy a bit more peace before I have to start making sure Shika stays awake through the morning classes. Old clan tradition", the Akimichi explained even as Naruto opened his mouth to ask, "tou-san did it for Shikaku-san when they were passing through together, guess it's up to me to forge another link in the chain between the clans".

"Fair enough", Naruto admitted after a few seconds' thought before he returned his attention to the pot before him, glancing into the stodgy paste before offering a suggestion, "time to add the honey yet?"

"Near enough, I'll go get it", Chouji offered, moving off towards one of the nearest Akimichi larders and leaving Naruto alone to his stirring.

He didn't stop poling the porridge before him of course, though he couldn't have sworn he wasn't tempted to take a little break; it was likely no-one would have known, not even Chouji, but at the same time the Akimichi clan as a whole valued diligence, patience, effort and, above all else, honesty, so for Naruto to break with those values while he was sharing their roof and their food would be a grave insult to the large clan. For this reason the Uzumaki kept up his even, solemn strokes with the pole as Chouji returned, a large earthenware pot held firmly between his mammoth hands,

"Okay Naruto-kun", he instructed, expression serious as he levered off the lid, "this is the most important stage of the whole process; you have to keep the stirring constant or the honey will glob up and not spread properly through the mixture. This is going to take a while so hang in there". Naruto merely nodded and kept jerking the pole around and around as Chouji hefted the jug to the lip of his cauldron and slowly began decanting the pale yellow honey, the semi-opaque liquid slathering over the surface of the cooking porridge like a golden wave before sinking under the surface under the effect of gravity, facilitated by the jinchuuriki's stirring. The Akimichi heir didn't lie; between his concentrated but steady pouring and the size of the honey container it was at least a good twenty, if not thirty minutes before the last vestiges of the honey were scrapped into the porridge and he was able to flash a sidelong glance Chouji's way as the Akimichi banked the fire that was heating the pot from underneath down,

"That it or anything else going in?"

"Just a few nuts and berries; some of the clan swear by diced fruit and yoghurt but they always make it too sweet for me, so I always go for minimalist porridge and let everyone add bits to their own bowls individually", Chouji explained before something caught his eye from the far end of the kitchen and he drew himself up to his full height, waving and explaining his new joy as Naruto glanced over his shoulder, all the time continuing to pole the cooling porridge, "though, with a bit of luck, it looks like we'll be getting a little helper for this last bit".

Just for once Naruto was hoping the clan head would be quick in his assessment; he'd never before eaten porridge himself and, after the first bite he'd had as the chef's prerogative, he was quite looking forwards to a proper helping,

"Hmm, very good, very good indeed; I trust you've got aching arms after this though?" Naruto didn't answer but instead nodded, flexing his fingers as Chouza nodded and turned to his son, "So then, minimalist was it? No extra ingredients?"

"None, unless you count Moegi-chan's fingers", the smaller Akimichi admitted, breaking off to flash an exaggeratedly evil look across at where the aforementioned toddler was sitting in her mothers' lap, laughing hard and tapping the top of the table with the butt of her wooden spoon as she waited for a second bowl of the porridge she'd helped to make; _if you include eating half the ingredients as helping that is_; "didn't know we were having guests this morning, not that we ever really guess of course, we just take it as rote they're going to turn up".

"Good philosophy son, you'll never go far wrong with that sort of head on your shoulders", Chouza told him before gesturing towards the table, "still, go enjoy the fruits of your labours the both of you, you certainly earned them this morning". Chouji nodded at this and turned to Naruto, who was looking relieved that his second attempt at the dish had been met with such a glowing appraisal,

"Suits me down to the ground; okay Naru, let's get something to eat".

"Be right with you Chou, just need to speak to your tou-san a minute".

The request made the Akimichi heir raise an eyebrow but he said nothing more, instead moving towards the table and wrestling his way forwards to attempt to sit somewhere close to the toddler he considered a niece, though as usual his clan was as relaxed as ever around matters of family and the knowledge that Moegi was at best a distant relation of his, her mother born to a woman who married into the clan and then herself married out of it to Moegi's father, didn't deter him from considering her a close relative. Naruto watched him go for a minute before turning to the leader of the Akimichi clan as Chouza, who'd overheard his request for an audience, sat placidly and waited for the jinchuuriki to speak,

"Ah, hi Chouza-san", the Akimichi inclined his head slightly,

"Naruto", he greeted before nodding towards the table, "something troubling you; you're letting your breakfast go cold"; _not to mention mine_; luckily the son of his old flame appeared to notice the fact he was standing between an Akimichi and a fully-laden breakfast table, a sure-fire way to ensure getting sandal-prints on his chest unless he was quick with his request,

"Yeah, don't worry, won't be a second; just realised that, well, you know Chouji-kun's held himself back from moving on to the fish dishes to wait for me to catch up, doing me a favour", of course this was old news to Chouza and, though he hadn't said anything to his son as it had been his decision from start to finish, internally he was pleased that the future head of his clan was taking such excellent steps in cultivating both friends and potential allies for the clan, "well, I figured that since he was helping me out, I ought to do the same and offer him a bit of a favour in return…"

Intrigued by this offer, Chouza temporarily forgot his desire for breakfast and leant forwards in his seat, gesturing for Naruto to go on as the noise from the rest of the clan vigorously tucking into a hearty breakfast muffled the discussion and bartering taking place right under their noses.

XXX

Later on that day, by the early evening in fact, Chouji was feeling somewhat confused by the unusual circumstances that had followed him constantly; not only had he been given only the standard washing, drying and cleaning chores following the evening meal (light duties, as far as an Akimichi was concerned) his mother had also advised him that it would be a good idea to try and catch an early evening repose if he could. That was unusual indeed, often in the evening he'd be either starting to work with his father on his clan taijutsu or helping with the lifting, cataloguing and preparation that was part and parcel of the Akimichi kitchen and, incidentally, a large part of the reason members of his clan had such a good reputation for being able to bring order to primordial chaos itself. For a while he wondered if he was being punished for some crime he hadn't even realised he'd committed, but just as that idea crossed his mind his bedroom door opened and he glanced up from the book he'd been reading to see his father framed in the light of the hall holding out his heavy-duty winter coat and asking him politely to join him on an sedate evening stroll.

That had been about fifteen minutes ago and even now Chouji was no nearer the truth about what was going on; he'd been walking under the darkening sky towards an uncertain destination with his single query about where he and his father were going answered with a knowing smile and a cryptic comment that he'd find out when they got there. Hands fisting in his pockets to keep out the infiltrating chill, Chouji was on the verge of glancing over his shoulder and thinking wistfully about the warm bed waiting for him at home before he felt the presence by the side of him disappear; glancing around at where his father had moved off to, Chouji cocked his head for a second before his vision took in the bigger picture around him and he realised exactly where he was,

"The…tou-san", wiping off his finger from the chill water he'd briefly submerged it in, Chouza glanced over his shoulder to answer his sons' question, "why are we visiting the Aburame now? There weren't any deliveries in the diary today".

"No son there weren't, good eye that you saw that though", the clan head complimented before turning and ushering his son forwards, "no Chou-kun, this isn't strictly clan business that I wanted to drag you along to; as far as I'm concerned there's no point, when you're the leader of the Akimichi you'll find your own feet just like I did regardless of how many lessons in decorum or proper conduct I try to teach you. However a friend of mine made a very generous offer regarding this evening and I saw no harm in accepting; ah, here we are", without a sound, in fact almost without motion the small front gate at the entrance to the Aburame clan grounds opened a fraction and a bespectacled face appeared in the small gap, the expression as always hidden behind a high collar as the clan member recognised his guest and bowed slightly, "Akimichi Chouza plus one, if you please. I trust this has been resolve with Shibi-san?"

"Yes. We have been informed. Both are waiting inside. Please enter".

As with most people who had relatively little contact with one of Konoha's most secretive and insular clans Chouji wasn't exactly comfortable around the Aburame, finding their dispassionate manner and strange dress somewhat off-putting, but at the same time he knew it wasn't a wise move to risk insulting them. Therefore he swallowed his trepidation deep down inside himself and followed his father through the opened door, bobbing his head respectfully to the gate wardens as another member of the clan guided them across the safe paths towards the main clan house. Though he'd never admit it Chouji was always grateful to get out of the Aburame gardens and under shelter on the few times he'd had to visit the fellow clan in the past on the grounds that he always felt like he was a rather large target surrounded by a lot of little things that could potentially kill him, but he managed to hide his sigh of relief as he stepped under the eves of the clan building, conscientiously removing his shoes and changing into a pair of correctly-sized rush slippers as he did so.

This was a quirk of the Aburame, one that they'd never felt the need to explain to anyone else, but somehow after a person visited their grounds for the first time, on every subsequent visit they would be provided with a pair of perfectly-fitting sandals to move around the buildings with. Why this was, and how the symbiotic ninja managed to get such an eerily perfect replica for a persons' feet without asking for such information, were questions that were often asked but the Aburame weren't telling; Chouji didn't much care for the reasons, he just accepted the gift he was given and was grateful the slippers were both comfortable and warm. As he finished pulling them on, he stood to his full height and spoke quietly to his father,

"Okay tou-san, what's the big idea here? We're not here to pick anything up at this time of night are we, surely?" Chouza shook his head, smiling as he clapped a large hand softly on his son's shoulder,

"No son, nothing like that; it's hard to explain so just come this way and I'll show you what's occurring"; _still didn't answer the question_; but, then again, it was only a short walk and they must have been coming to the end now, so without further comment he followed obediently through a couple of hallways to a main area where two people sat waiting for them, one a virtual stranger, the other a lot more familiar,

"Naruto?" Such was Chouji's shock he forgot to greet the much more august Aburame clan head first, though luckily Chouza was able to cover for him as he addressed the other figure sitting at the large table, "What are you doing here?"

"At the moment", the jinchuuriki answered after placing the small saucer he'd lifted to his lips back down on the polished surface, "I'm sampling a particularly piquant vintage of Aburame honeyed water, and very nice it is too. Anyway, enough of that while we wait for everyone else to show up; take a seat over here Chou", the Uzumaki indicated a seat pulled over to the side of him, smiling all the while as his larger friend began to put the pieces together about exactly what was going on, "you're a temporary ward of the Uzumaki clan this evening".

It was that sentence that broke the mental deadlock; Chouji correlated the date with the place and immediately realised where he was, stumbling forwards a pace as he shook his head,

"Wait, if this is… why are you here Naruto-kun? And how can you be a clan of one, I didn't think that could happen?" Naruto merely chuckled as the three adults in the room, Shibi's other half as always responding politely as Chouza bowed towards her and thanked for being a hostess for the night, turned towards them slightly in time to see a smirk blossom on Naruto's face as he replied to this legal point,

"True, it normally isn't, but I cut a deal with the clan heads, your tou-san included, to get a seat at this table".

"What kind of deal?" _Bingo_; if there was ever something Naruto never needed a replica of it was an invitation and that question from his friend was absolutely gilt-edged and golden, as was the sight of the wince it elicited from the Akimichi clan head; _thank you Chouji-kun_;

"The let-me-in-or-the-next-time-you-see-your-underwear-will-be-when-it's-flying-from-the-Hokage-tower kind; ask Tsume-baachan if you don't believe me". Chouji goggled, an involuntary hitch of laughter bubbling up in his chest at the thought before his father's voice overrode his thoughts, burying the images before he could think of them too deeply and end up picturing ungentlemanly thoughts of the Inuzuka clan head,

"Much as I hate to admit it son he's right; this is part of the price we pay to have that little annoyance testing the security of our clans; where'd you find him this evening Shibi-san?"

"The clan grounds", it was a feminine voice than answered him, the wife of the Aburame leader answering as she turned a darkened glare towards the Mouse, who shrank back under its fearsome beam, "he has developed a technique to circumvent some of our patrolling kikaichu, though I trust he will not be repeating it in the future".

"Hey, I got down in one piece didn't I?"

"By the grace of Kami-sama alone", the riposte was faster than one of the kunai Tenten was so fond of lobbing about, "I trust my demonstration of the likely results of either of your anchor points coming loose was enough to dissuade you of the consequences of attempting entry by that method in the future?"

"That and the glare you were flaying me with during that demonstration", Naruto muttered under his breath, though he couldn't deny the sight of the kunoichi's insect clone breaking apart in a fragmented swarm after it had fallen from the line he'd clambered down hadn't sent a cold shiver down his spine; _though, at the same time, it was about the only way I've ever managed to get into the gardens of this place without cheating. One bolt and line into that disused chimney area, a quick scramble up the line and the same on the other side to get down, though I got unlucky and they spotted me against the moon – oh well, can't win them all_.

"As long as the message was delivered, the means are immaterial", the woman justified with the slightest of firm edges in her voice, withdrawing slightly as Naruto held up his hand in a gesture of submission before another attacker joined in the assault on his apparent lack of a suitable sense of fear,

"Heh, that's what we were all telling the shinobi department heads at the last meeting", Chouza chuckled, Naruto sighing and leaving Chouji wondering exactly what was going on as his father carried on, "they were all about ready to break down and cry when someone not a million paces from here managed to slip something unpleasant into the tower water tank; how long did that dye stay in the system exactly?"

"For the love of…that wasn't me! It was the _Nezumi_, who are currently getting him-stroke-her-stroke-themselves very close to the top of my black-list with all the blackening of my name they're doing".

"It was orange dye – that would kind of make it a given that you were the mastermind behind this plot".

"Exactly"; _he didn't even miss a beat_; once more Chouza was left to silently admire the way Naruto dealt with a shuriken from an unexpected quarter, "he or they are trying to frame me! Come on, do you really think I'm going to get into the Hokage tower of all places and poison the water supply without getting caught?"

_No, and for some reason I think you're beginning to realise you're not getting in without being seen either_; as always Chouza kept his expression neutral as his son, obviously trying to make sense of what he was hearing, piped up from his seat,

"Uh, sorry for perhaps being a bit slow here", he faltered for a second as all the attention turned his way before soldiering on, "but what's everyone talking about? I mean, I know this is where tou-san and the other clan heads meet every month and we're both guests, but why are we both here and what's going on with the Hokage tower – you didn't pull a trick there did you, I can't think Hokage-sama would be very happy with that".

"I can't either"; _ and he wasn't happy when he found out about it either, least of all as I'd have wiped out quite a few of our ninja if I'd used a water-based toxin, though I'm sure there was someone watching me the whole time I was in there_; though he couldn't prove it and didn't mention it to the Sandaime for fear of making the old man worry he was becoming prematurely paranoid, Naruto was becoming certain that his excursions into the Hokage tower and other formerly-vulnerable targets around the village were getting picked up a lot more regularly, even if he never saw any of the shadows he swore were dogging his footsteps, "look, here's the basics Chou. I work for the clans, all of them, as you know and because of that they jokingly count me as a separate clan here every month. My job is to try and overcome clan security and break into the compounds, something I'm not too shabby at, but the problem is someone in the ninja corps must have found out about it and started his own bit of business on the side. He or they call themselves _Nezumi_ and what I do to your clan and the others in Konoha they do on a wider scale to the rest of the ninja departments around the village. I think it's just shinobi having fun and messing with each other; fair enough, they're people too and need to have a laugh as much as anyone else; but the thing is the name and a few other things about the way he works is getting people thinking that I'm _Nezumi_", the jinchuuriki gave a brief chuckle at the thought, Chouji digesting what he'd been told and realising exactly what it was the other boy was finding funny just as Naruto explained it, "ha, I can dream. Clan grounds are one thing, getting into the heart of the ninja corps of Konoha is quite another and I'm in no way, shape or form ready for something like that".

"Give it time", another voice cut in to the conversation, Inoichi bowing himself into the room as his guide departed in his wake, "I can see you becoming a rat at some time in the future Naruto-kun, though my daughter seems convinced you're already one. Now why would that be I wonder?"

"Probably because I keep saying no every time she begs me for a date"; Inoichi spluttered to a halt at the quick riposte, his frantic mental denials disrupted further as one of his former team mates burst out laughing in a deep, booming bass,

"Have to say you asked for that one 'Oichi-kun", Chouza chortled, shaking his head as he settled himself down at the table, "any idea what time the others are due?" Finally breaking his glare off of Naruto's gleeful smirk the head of the Yamanaka was able to

"Shika was on my tail a few minutes ago so he should be here as soon as he can work up the energy to move this far, Tsume-chan I've got no idea of, Hiashi might be running late due to his elders raising hell about something and everyone else is here whether we want them to be or not", Naruto was once more favoured with a basilisk glare that he cheerfully dispersed with a smile before the aforementioned Nara slouched into the room and slumped into his seat, as always located nearest to the door to avoid excess effort expenditure by taking unnecessary steps to the centre of the room, "so, hopefully not much longer than a half-hour. Until then; oh, hello Chouji-kun", belatedly realising the interloper at the table from where the younger Akimichi was sat, having at least a vague idea of what was going on and how he had ended up there, Inoichi raised a hand to one of the future shinobi who would likely end up watching his daughters' back, Chouji for his part raising an awkward hand in greeting as he self-consciously once more wondered exactly what he'd done to end up here as Inoichi went on, "until then all we do is wait and catch up – speaking of which, how's Chime-chan getting on with that new blade she had commissioned a few months back…?"

About forty-five minutes later Chouji was beginning to find his feet and relax a little more than previously; it was immediately apparent that, after an impromptu toast had been drunk by the clan heads with sake and Naruto with the honeyed water the Aburame clan were partial to making, there would be precious little standing on ceremony tonight. The clan heads, people he knew of and had met once or twice at least though some such as Inoichi and Shikaku were more familiar to him due to the informal alliance between the clans, were relaxed and sharing comments and jokes in a manner he'd never seen before, a lot like his father did with him, though Naruto was always ready to chip in and give or roll with a verbal blow as conversation and wit dictated. About the only thing that was keeping his nerve somewhat taut was the seating plan; though he'd never admit it he'd always found the partners of the Inuzuka rather more intimidating than the Inuzuka themselves and there was no denying the current alpha of the nin-ken pack was a big, powerful animal, something that would definitely make any sane person think twice about misbehaving anywhere near him.

Therefore, as he heard and cringed at the sight of his friend doing the verbal equivalent of jabbing the giant dog with a sharp stick every chance he got, Chouji found himself once more questioning at exactly what point Uzumaki Naruto had gone off the deep end.

"Aw, don't look at me like that Patches"; _he's dead_; the name, to say nothing of the low growl it provoked that rumbled through the floor as much as it did the air, had Chouji mentally commending Naruto's soul to the afterlife as, apparently oblivious to the monster that his words were stirring into life, he blithely carried on his point, "I think it's great to see there's life in the old dog yet". The growl terminated in a sharp, dismissive snort,

"Carry on and by the end of the night there won't be any life left in the young rat".

"You know you can't eat me Kuro-san; if nothing else I'd choke you on the way down", Naruto pointed out, skilfully using one of Tsume's favourite sayings against her partner, "let's face it, it'd be far from the first time I'd stuck in your craw". Kuromaru blinked his single eye, head twisted to see the Uzumaki in his monovision before, with a shrug, he looked away with a lost comment, hearing his two-legged partner finish shifting the strange squares around in her hands at last,

"Very true", he admitted before Tsume's dealing moved the Uzumaki's attention back to the game, the table silent as each player received their pair of cards and Naruto whispering another question under his breath as he quietly peeked at the duo he'd been dealt; _damn, of all the times to be the blind, has to happen when I get nothing of note – oh well, I can always try to bluff if nothing else_;

"See what's going on now Chou?"

"I, ah, I think so; now shouldn't everyone declare if they want to stay in or not, but we don't have to because we've already paid in as the blind?"

"Yep, got it down, so there's no point for us not staying in, unless someone does that", Naruto huffed as Shikaku pushed a couple of extra coins across the table, doubling the blind stake, "so now that's the price we've got to meet to stay in now".

"Simple in principle", Inoichi chipped in, handing his cards in, "but it does teach you when it's best to cut and run and when to fight your battles. Hope you can shuffle better than the rest of them, I'm still waiting for my first decent hand of the night".

"In that case I'd say wait until you get home", Tsume cut in, eliciting various groans and chuckles around the table as Inoichi winced and inwardly prayed Kunisa wouldn't hear about that particular comment from the dog-nin, "until then I'm in, what about you brat?"

"Not a hope", was his quick response, passing her the cards, "not with that heap of rubbish; so Chou, what's next?"

"The, ah, the three cards come out?"

"After one's discarded, or burnt", Naruto reminded him, "helps keep the deck well-shuffled, from here there's another round of raising, the turn or fourth card, then another round, the last card or river if it's needed and a final round, then if there are still people in their cards get flipped to show who's won. It's easy at the minute because no-one needs to bet big yet or go all-in, but at least this way you get a chance to pick the game up as you go".

"True, tou-san always said a good shinobi can find out all he needs to know by careful observation".

"Observation? You'll be playing in a minute", Naruto told him, chuckling a little as the taller child glanced at him in alarm, "what, I didn't bring you along to play cheerleader you know. Said I owed you one, so now at least you've got an idea of what goes on at these monthly get-togethers without having to feel like you've got the weight of your clan on your shoulders".

"A rather astute observation from you Naruto-san", Hiashi chipped in as he weighed a small plastic disc between his fingers, apparently considering if he should add it to the pot or not, "from experience I know this can be an intimidating arena for some the first time it is entered. Well", he shot a sidelong glance across the table, quite a feat for someone with no pupils to speak of, "for some of us at least; others, I seem to recall, had no hesitation in declaring the whole thing as too troublesome to stay awake for before promptly disturbing the peace with a quite impressive display of snoring".

_You know, somehow I could quite believe it_; fighting quite hard to suppress a laugh as his imagination superimposed the face of the Nara Shikaku he'd seen sharing photographs with his mother into a scene like the one they were in at the moment. The Nara head for his part did nothing but shrug at the reminder, as always too laid-back to rise to the bait but giving his own comment nevertheless,

"True enough but at least now the snoring's a thing of the past".

"What, train yourself out of the habit did you? Or are there operations for that kind of thing these days?"

"No and possibly", Shikaku answered both of Hiashi's questions with a sigh before meeting the Hyuuga lords' gaze over the table, "Yoshino-chan declared she wasn't going to stand for it and kept kicking me awake every time I started, in the end I learnt to sleep on my side. Troublesome woman", he muttered under his breath, making the majority of the table who knew about the strange manners in which the Nara showed affection to each other glance away with smirks on their lips, at least until Shikaku spoke again, "though, going back to Hiashi-san's original point, I have to admit Naruto-kun might have hit upon a valid idea, not for the first time".

At this deduction, especially as it was made by the resident genius of the table, brought an air of seriousness to the proceedings that had been lacking before until, realising he was likely to be the epicentre of what the Sandaimes' chief military strategist had discovered, the jinchuuriki in question took it upon himself to ask the hundred ryo question,

"What, ah, what's this idea I had then – before you say anything I'd swear before any judge and even jiji himself that it was a complete accident and I had nothing to do with it other than come up with it". Shikaku smiled in his drawn-out way before raising his voice slightly,

"Your clan, the Uzumaki that exists one night a month", he explained, extrapolating his proposal as the rest of the clan heads leaned in, intrigued, "it would be a perfect opportunity for the future clan heads of Konoha to experience this council itself, sit in and see how everything works without having the responsibility of inter-clan matters to consider. With your permission of course, we'd be able to entrust them to you to see how all these games work and how they're supposed to relax with them; it would make a pleasant change from seeing them freezing up like a deer in front of a katon jutsu if they were with us", the chronically-tired jounin explained, grateful to see some elements of consideration on the faces of his peers and, more importantly, Naruto himself, "having someone their own age or close to it to see as an example would be quite reassuring, especially in a room full of people who, if not strangers exactly, they've always considered very important".

_Me, an example – oh_; behind his azure eyes a parade of mischiefs suddenly reared up and started cavorting into technicolour life, bringing a grin to his lips; _the possibilities of that happening…_;

"Well", try as he might to sound casual there was no disguising the slight edge of excitement that peeped into his voice, "sounds like a good plan as always Shika-san…"

"I don't know", Tsume cut in with a smirk, glancing at her Pack-Bound clan member with a crafty smile on her deep purple lips, having gone for a slightly different shade of lipstick for the night, "have you tried keeping a Nara awake into the night? Not as easy as you might think Naru-kun".

"Oh, I don't know", he matched her smile with one of his own, eyes flashing towards Shikaku who grimaced at the reminder of his sons' new nemesis, "I might have an ace up my sleeve to help with that job; it certainly works in waking them up in the morning". Shikaku shuddered again,

"You do realise that due entirely to those tricks of yours about half of my clan are pooling their allowances and D-rank money to try and fund an A-rank mission to have every set of bagpipes in the Elemental Nations hunted down and dispatched as messily as possible? I think Shikamaru's starting to develop a pathological hatred for tartan and tablecloths because you keep waking him up with them".

"Well good luck to them; as long as it's getting them out and about I consider those pipes worth their weight in gold", Naruto declared; _especially since they convinced you to teach me to draw a silence seal – you have no idea how useful that's been in my apartment, least of all when I was actually practicing with them_; on that front Naruto was making precious little progress, learning as he was from scratch, but at least he was learning how to take care of and inflate the instrument safely, "but anyway, apart from that, there is something else I was going to ask the clans assembled here".

At this all the clan heads swapped looks that varied from intrigued to wary, though Chouji, who was now watching on as a very interested spectator and found himself equal parts amazed and appalled that Naruto not only knew all the leaders of Konoha's major clans but considered them at worst more than casual acquaintances and at best friends, was glad to see his father's expression was one of curiosity rather than hidden fear.

"What is your proposal Naruto-san?" As host Shibi took it upon himself to ask and, seizing on the invitation, the jinchuuriki simply smiled,

"Easy; I've got no problem helping people like Kiba-kun, Ino-chan and Shino-san dip their toes in this shark-pool just like I have with Chouji, but as you all know I will, with any luck, be joining the Shinobi Academy next summer…"

"There'll be no luck involved with that", Tsume broke in again, this time looking deadly serious as she directed a piercing look his way, "if you don't get in we'll all be asking some pretty searching questions of the test administrators, assuming the old monkey leaves enough of them of us to interrogate that is".

The idea and mental image of the Sandaime kicking in the doors to the Academy and sending the instructors within diving for cover and praying for divine intervention was enough to make Naruto chuckle quietly before blinking and getting back on track, nodding to the Inuzuka clan head to let her know he was grateful for her concern before continuing on,

"I should hope not but, as a wise ninja once said, hope for the best and plan for the worst. Anyway, that's off-topic; fact of the matter is that I'm fairly confident about the whole thing except in one area, one set of skills I've not really had a lot of a chance to practice despite Ino-chan's best efforts", Inoichi opened his mouth to argue this point before his mind, always both quick and prodigious, leapt to a guess as to what the jinchuuriki was on about and quashed the urge to speak, allowing Naruto to finish, "I've never really been able to do much in the way of taijutsu training. I once had an offer to train with a man called Gai-san but I've since found out he's become a jounin and he's one of our best so he's very busy all the time, so I haven't had much of a chance to track him down yet; I will if I get a chance to do so of course but no luck so far. Still, I was thinking about it and then the light-bulb clicked on – why not see if I could get a bit of a taster of the way each clan fights, and before you ask", he held up a hand to forestall Hiashi's fledgling protest, "I know it's pointless to even try learning the Jyuuken, I don't have your eyes. So, how does that idea grab you; I'll look after your kids in this place, you let me train with your kids".

_Train with Naruto?_; despite himself Chouji's original response to this was sheer disbelief – compared to himself the blonde looked like he could be knocked over by the proverbial stiff wind. However he quickly scrubbed that doubt from his mind, remembering not only that often when he heard Naruto's name it was laced with respect by many of the ninja of his clan, and also the advice he'd been given by his father that appearances were deceiving; _actually, wait a minute…_;

"Sorry Naruto", the blonde leant back subtly in his seat at his friends' whisper, "did you just say you've practiced taijutsu with Ino?"

"Hai, as often as possible; we're about even but I think she's got a slight edge because she can practice with her clan when I'm not about". Remembering what he could of the skinny girl who nevertheless had a fiery temper and impressive lungs, Chouji responded to that with the only words that made sense to him,

"You're brave". Naruto merely chuckled for a moment before he heard the sound echoed from across the table and paid attention as Hiashi leant forwards again,

"So a single girl is no longer enough for you then Naruto; this bodes ill for our future kunoichi population I fear", the fact it was Hiashi of all people who made a jibe at his request was the reason Naruto joined the majority of the table in sniggering at the quip; what was next, Shibi staging an impromptu tap-dance, "still, regarding the Academy, I was under the impression that Sandaime-sama would be making, other arrangements for your education in the shinobi arts, or at least your formal education".

"News to me", Naruto replied in a blasé tone before smirking wickedly, "besides, turn down a chance to get my teeth into and corrupt the rest of Konoha's youth – never! You've got a little princess about my age haven't you Hiashi-san – I reckon she'd like her very own pet mouse to spirit her away from her stuffy old clan-house every so often". The man's answering glare would have frozen a bonfire,

"You do and there won't even be a body left to find", he threatened through gritted teeth, fastidiously ignoring the sight of Tsume almost curling up in her seat, lips clamped together in an effort to avoid the dreaded giggles as she watched her long-term antagonist chasing the tail of the quick-tongued mouse, "Hinata-san will be at the Academy and I have given her minders my full authority to use any means necessary to protect her from any and all threats to her health", his brow creased slightly as he leant across the table, the smile of a gambler with a pair of bullets hidden face-down snaking across his usually expressionless face, "do you really want to make a fully-trained Hyuuga your enemy?"

"About as much as you want a copy of your 'special' books to be delivered to the civilian council"; fortunately for all concerned the sound of Tsume completely and utterly cracking up, backed up to a lesser degree by Shikaku and Chouza (Inoichi, on the other hand, was fervently incanting mental prayers to his ancestors that his daughter wasn't already a lost cause to the jinchuuriki's dynamic personality and uncanny ability to make someone simultaneously hate him with every fibre of their being and love him as someone closer to them than their own right arm) broke Chouji's train of thought before he could question exactly what books Naruto was referring to, the Inuzuka leader glancing across at him with sparkling eyes as she mastered her mirth, the sight of Hiashi with the faintest smudge of redness on his cheeks one she was certain she'd savour for a long time to come in the future,

"I swear you have a death-wish and bribery material on the Shinigami that's stopping him granting it brat; anyone else would have been dead a long time ago after some of the stunts you pull. Still, I got no problem with that as an idea, provided you don't mind half the clan using you as a chew-toy". A blonde eyebrow rose,

"That would depend on who's toy I am and which bits of me they're chewing"; _now he's dead, so very dead_; even as he simultaneously laughed and blushed a touch as he belatedly understood the innuendo Chouji was amazed to see Tsume merely raise her eyebrow in response to his cheek before, eventually, shaking her head and looking back at her stack of playing pieces, calculating what her next bet should be as another, much quieter voice filled the silence,

"The proposal is acceptable Naruto-san", Shibi was, as always, a voice of reason as his black glasses flamed briefly in the overhead light, "we do not have a claimed fighting style as such but you are welcome to learn if you wish".

"No claimed fighting style", the jinchuuriki chuckled good-naturedly as he replied to the clan head and nodded politely at his wife at the same time – ever since their introduction he had maintained a cool but very cordial relationship with the matriarch of the symbiotic clan; _though can I get her name from anyone, can I hell?_; "just like you had 'some skill' in tracking and trap-setting and ended up showing me tricks of the trade that Flea-ojisan would give his eye-teeth for. But yeah, thanks; I'm very grateful for the offer but you lot really do have to quit it with the strange and mysterious vibes you keep giving off – have a bit of pride in your skills, you've certainly got them". The high collar twitched a touch, a slight quiver of the moustache that dotted the Aburame's upper lip,

"The mark of shinobi is to be a shadow; the less people know the more likely they are to be surprised when they face you".

"True but there's got to be a limit Shibi; it took most of us a year and a half of the Academy to even find out your first name", somewhat unexpectedly Chouza backed up the Uzumaki's observations a little before offering a mollification, "though you've got a lot better since then it must be said. Apart from that though there might be a few moves we can show you – you wouldn't have any issue with training with Naruto-kun would you Chouji?"

"Err, no, no problem tou-san"; _good_; though his son was a little slow in answering the unexpected question, the answer was certainly the one he was hoping to hear; _though I doubt he could learn too much of the true clan style we at least have some holds and locks he could use, especially if he takes after his mother at all_;

"Excellent, we'll start sorting that out over the next few days; I'm sure Chime-chan would love another student to train in the ways of the blade if I can broach that subject". That nugget of information made both boys listen up and pay closer attention, though Chouji was actually slightly faster off the mark,

"Kaa-san's thinks I'm ready?"

"More or less; as far as I can see the sooner you start learning as many skills as you can the better", Chouza said sagely, several of his peers nodding in time, "besides, if you ever want to follow in your old mans' footsteps and claim an onna-bugeisha bride you'd better start studying the way of the sword as soon as possible – take it from someone who knows taking on the head of a samurai household for the hand of his daughter is not something attempted without lots of prior preparation, a deep understanding of the ways of bushido and a med-nin on standby".

"Not to mention a couple of friends you can blackmail into the position of second", Inoichi broke in, favouring his friend with a disgusted glare, "until the day I die I'll not forgive you that one; if you'd bottled or been cut down in that fight it would have been my neck on the chopping block! Forget honour, masculine pride and your hopeful nuptials, I'd have been face-down in the dirt begging for my life without a second thought".

"But it never came to that did it – besides, Chime-hime said old Chijuki was fond of me so I doubt he'd have killed me even if he decided to get serious and show an amateur his place", Chouza admitted, memories of that fight, the longest three or so minutes of his life as he fought to remember the basics of swordplay he'd learnt in preparation for the duel and keep the glittering steel of the older warriors' blade from his neck, "just as well though. He was using his wakizashi and still nearly carved me up like a sliced ham – if he'd gone with his katana I'd have been several parts shy within the first few seconds".

_You're not kidding_; though he'd never seen them fight Naruto could easily remember the stories the nee-chan had told Maumaru Zaki of the samurai and after his meeting with Isoko's groom he believed the vast majority of them – precious little scared a child who make a game of provoking ninja but the way the samurai had casually spoken of ending his own life, if necessary, in the name of his honour was disconcerting in the extreme. However the reminder of the ancestry of the Akimichi clan heads' wife and the story he'd just heard allowed him to forge a mental link and snap his fingers,

"I didn't know you knew swordplay Chouza-san; every record I've heard of you always has a _jo_ staff in your hands, however large those hands might have been at the time". Smiling at the memory of his favourite ninja weapon, the Akimichi smiled,

"As far as I'm concerned I know nothing of swordplay, a fact Chime-hime reminds me of every time we lock blades. I had a very brief match with her father, necessary to win his approval for our marriage, and to try and prepare I learnt a little in the way of katana drill, though little good it did me in the long run. Still, she's the authority on weapons in our house and I'm sure she wouldn't mind having another student to teach alongside her son".

"I'd be grateful", Naruto told him in no uncertain terms; training in swordsmanship from an onna-bugeisha was not something to be sniffed at; before he turned to face one of the clan heads who had yet to speak his mind on the matter, a more calculating grin on his face this time, "so then Inoichi-san, better let Ino-chan know she'll have to up her game unless she wants to scream to the world she's got a little brother for the whole world to hear". Inoichi matched his smile,

"And if that doesn't get her motivated I don't know what will; I doubt she'd ever admit it and don't tell her I said this but I think she enjoys her spars with you. You push her like no-one else in the clan does save me and her mother, and even then you're a better spur than either of us – she wants to do well to please us, she just wants to beat you because she hates your guts". Naruto chuckled,

"She'll have to hate mine because she doesn't have one of her own", he pointed out, remembering how naturally skinny the Yamanaka heir was and how damned effective the lack of skin made her hard, sharp fists when she used them, "besides we both need the practice if our spars aren't going to devolve into, and I'm quote your niece here, 'a some kind of hybrid between wrestling, bar-brawling and fully-clothed love-making'".

As expected the mental image of his precious flower engaging in such activities was enough to make the elder Yamanaka turn a bright puce before immediately paling and looking ill, the sniggering of the other clan heads around him not helping him through the trauma as he shuddered before speaking in a voice tight with both sage advice and barely-restrained promises of violence,

"Much as I know shinobi are encouraged to make the most of their life and start early, there is a very good reason the Academy virginity rituals were abolished by the Nidaime", he pointed out before locking eyes with the Uzumaki, no trace of fun in his voice as he stared the demon-container down, "I expect them to remain abolished throughout your Academy careers, are we perfectly clear on this point Naruto-kun?"

"Yeah yeah, clear as glass", the boy muttered dismissively before, as though he'd only just noticed them, he looked at the three face-up cards in front of him and started, addressing the table as a whole, "now that's all out the way though, we're burning the candles down here for no reason. Let's pick up the pace people", he asked as the players who were still in the round all rechecked their cards and made to place further bets as the night drew on.

Some hours later, as he watched his sleeping former playing partner slung carefully over his fathers' shoulder, Naruto was forced to suppress both a wince and a yawn simultaneously,

"Sorry about that Chou-san", the older Akimichi merely chuckled and shook his head, making his son's slumbering body sway slightly with the motion,

"Hah, no harm done Naru-kun; my father carried me home from my first few evening nights and I'm sure I'll do the same with Chouji-kun. Sure you don't need an escort home – I know Tsume-chan lives out that way?"

"So do I but I'm sure she'd make better time without me slowing her down; you know it's not good to keep old women up so late" he said in a stage-whisper, immediately ducking down just in time to have the butt end of a kunai pass through the space his head had just occupied as an ill-tempered comment of,

"I heard that", was snarled in his general direction. Chouza merely chuckled again, smiling at the irked Inuzuka as she stalked up to the two of them after bowing herself out of the Aburame clan house and thanking Shibi for being such a generous host,

"Sometimes I see where you come from Tsume-chan; you gamble with the Shinigami more often than you do with us Naruto-kun".

"And one day even your luck with run out brat", Tsume warned him before breaking her frosty demeanour and ruffling his hair, making him immediately duck away complaining that she was messing up his style, "but not today obviously. Come on, let's get you home; I'm not taking no for an answer", she pre-empted his complaints even before Naruto could open his mouth, "let's just get this done so I can get home. See you around Chou; oh, though just out of interest", she faced Naruto directly, "you really don't know about _Nezumi_?"

"Nope", Naruto shook his head, completely honest this time, "all I know is its something to do with a ninja or more; jiji mentioned the name to me and said I should start blaming him for everything – if he even exists or not I have no idea".

"For all our sakes I hope not; we're all having enough problems with a mouse, never mind rats", the Inuzuka sighed before remembering something else, "so then, next month see how long Hana and Kiba can stay up at night – hopefully they won't be an embarrassment but, no guarantees hey?"

"'Fraid so, you'll just have to wait and see", the Akimichi sighed before smirking somewhat, "wonder if we should have a bet on which child can stay up latest when their turn rolls around?" Tsume thought about this for a moment before snickering quietly,

"Sounds like a laugh but I know where the smart money's _not_ going; I doubt Shika's kid would be awake even _before_ the whole thing kicked off", she pointed out, Chouza heaving a mirthful sigh before nodding as he turned towards his clan house, leaving the two pack-members together watching him leave, Chouza still soundly asleep over one shoulder.

A strange pang of pain awoke in Naruto's chest at the sight and, not for the first time since Sarutobi had shared with him the secret of his parentage, he wondered what might have been had his family survived the advent of the demon he now caged; _would tou-san have carried me home like that, and have kaa-san shout at the two of us when we stumbled home?_ It sounded like the kind of thing the Uzumaki Kushina he'd heard about would do, though as a hand fell on his shoulder and he jolted at the touch, he found his eyes darting upwards to meet those of Tsume, the Inuzuka regarding him with an expression that said her voice didn't; out of gratitude for her unvoiced support, Naruto reached over his own shoulder and laid his hand atop hers, the human contact a grounding rod and support for himself as, still in silence, the two of them were joined by Kuromaru and, rather more surprisingly, Inoichi as well who claimed he could use a walk to try and clear his head before facing his wife.

As this odd foursome moved off into the village of Konoha as a whole, Naruto was grateful for the darkness disguising the slight wetness of his eyes – he had lost his family through no fault of his own but, through his own hard work and ever harder head refusing to take no for an answer, he had managed to somehow enmesh himself in something that, if it wasn't a family in the truest sense of the word, was as far as he was concerned, something that was at least as good as one.

XXX

As the previous evening had been interesting, so was the morning afterwards; habitually an early riser as a hangover from his days of combing the training grounds for their iron bounty, it would of course be nothing more than Kami-sama having a joke at his expense that the one day a month he liked to lie in and recover from the previous late night would be the day he got a knock on the door,

"Huuh", he sat up as best he could at the unfamiliar noise, "I'm up, I'm up". Half-falling out of bed, the jinchuuriki slipped his feet into the sandals waiting by his bed and stood to his full height, wiping sleep from his eyes and wondering what on earth had possessed jiji to call so early in the morning. Unlocking the front door, he blinked upwards through blurry vision with the question on his lips, only to feel it fizzle out and die as he took in the stranger who immediately dropped into a respectful bow before him, a single question echoing in his reeling mind; _what the heck's Hiashi-san doing here?_

It wasn't the Hyuuga head of course, Naruto realised a half-second later as the taller figure stood up once more and he caught sight of the spotless wrapping around the Hyuuga's forehead; in fact, as the two met eyes Naruto finally managed to get a few mental synapses firing and finally put a name to the face,

"Zurashi-san? What brings you here?"

"Aside from the amusing sight before me – cute cap Naruto-boy", the jinchuuriki immediately blushed and ripped the sleeping headwear off, exposing his wild bed-hair as the Branch member smirked before ironing his expression as flat as one of the kimono he usually worked on, bending his lower body forwards in a formal bow at the same time as offering forwards a small white something Naruto recognised as an envelope,

"Hyuuga Hiashi-sama sends his greetings to the lord of the Uzumaki clan and bids him consider this invitation; any response may be delivered through the messenger or to the Hyuuga gate guardians at Uzumaki-sama's convenience", he stated formally, straightening up only after Naruto relieved his of the message he was carrying. Flickering his eyes between the letter and the Hyuuga who'd brought it, Naruto carefully unfolded the top of the envelope and removed the invite within it; after scanning it for a second and realising exactly what Hiashi was asking for the jinchuuriki felt his mouth run slightly dry; this was not something he was in any way ready for. Right now, however, he could only swallow down his trepidation and raise a weak smile towards the Branch member of the prestigious clan whose leader had just sent him a personal message, trying to compose a suitable reply on the fly,

"Ah, well, thanks for, uh, passing on the message Zurashi-san, I, um, can I get back to you?"

"Of course, leave a message with any of the clan on the gate and it'll be passed on to me", the elder Branch member assured him, rather more formal manner lost now he had done as he was bidden and delivered the message to the Uzumaki, "I wouldn't leave it too long though Naruto-boy, Hiashi-sama's a patient man but not even he can wait forever".

"No problem Zurashi-san, I'll hopefully get the answer to him by the end of the day", Naruto announced with slightly more confidence than he felt, feeling slightly ill as the Hyuuga, a slight expression of amusement on his normally passive visage, bowed once more and departed almost silently, allowing the jinchuuriki to shut the door behind him and then rest his forehead against it in delayed shock – of all the things he'd been expecting this morning this was about as far out of the bathtub as it was possible to get.

The invitation weighed like lead in his hands, an anchor almost dragging him down as he tried to forge a path through the confusion to clearer, more placid waters; he stayed where he was for a moment, breathing in and out as his mind began to overcome the shock and think more rationally about the situation; _okay, this I really wasn't expecting, but it's not all bad, I can deal with it. Let's just get a shower and something to eat, from there we can figure out what I'm going to say about this that won't result in a clan-feud being declared between the Hyuuga and the Uzumaki. And since they outnumber me by hundreds to one, I don't think an undiplomatic response is an option in this case!_

XXX

"Thank the Kami you're here", the sudden voice, especially as she recognised the voice and correlated it to the strange and, to her, hilarious happening that had occurred in Konoha recently, immediately made her spin around and raise her guard simultaneously; _after all, funny things are only funny when they're not happening to you_;

"Hands where I can see them at all times", the blonde sighed but obligingly dragged his fingers out of the pockets of his jumpsuit, the sight making Mitarashi Anko relax a fraction as she slowly took a seat at the table of her favourite dango stand, eyes never leaving the form of her former student, "so much as try pulling a prank on me and they'll be pulling you out the nearest river a week from now, got it?"

"Hai, hai; now assuming the death-threats are out the way", he paused but, though she appeared tempted Anko resisted the urge to call him out on that and remained quiescent, allowing him to go on uninterrupted, "I've been trying to find you all morning; got something I need to go through with you". For her part the Snake Mistress smirked slightly, the nearby waitress already having brought a pot of tea to the table, having heard the special jounin's order so often she sometimes fancied she knew it better than she did her own husbands' name,

"Sorry gaki, you want more training off me you gotta earn it; 'sides, last time I checked you were busy raising enough hell around the village without my help; two of us would just be overkill".

"Three, if you count whoever _Nezumi_'s supposed to be", Naruto griped sourly before getting back on track, "listen, here's the deal; a little summon told me you're a bit of a fan of, an old tradition shall we say. So, how about this for a deal; get me ready for this", he slipped the envelope that had been passed to him earlier in the day to the now-intrigued special jounin, allowing her to pick it up as he finished, "and I'll let you come along as my plus-one, how's that idea grab you?"

All was silent for a second as Anko digesting the information on the slip of paper in front of her before, slowly lowering the invite, Naruto was able to catch a look at her face and was a little surprised to see her face almost as white as the paper she was reading off of,

"Where did you get this?"

"One of the Hyuuga Branch delivered it this morning; name of Zurashi, really nice guy when you get to know him – damn, keep meaning to ask how his nieces are getting on but every time I see him I forget", the jinchuuriki cursed his faulty memory for a moment before nodding towards the letter held in Anko's trembling grip, "so, how about it?"

In truth what happened next wasn't the first time and because of that Naruto was able to turn his head just in time to avoid risking suffocation in his teacher's chest as she moved like greased lightning, slipping around the table and hefting him from his seat in a hard embrace,

"I, take it that's, a yes", he managed to gasp, heaving down a heavy breath as Anko let go and hunching over to take the pressure off his creaking ribs, "damn, so that's why they call you the Snake Mistress. Temper of a cobra with toothache and grip like an anaconda with a grudge on its victim". Oddly Anko didn't respond with a barbed comment of her own, instead retaking her seat and closing her eyes, breathing steadily for a few minutes before, having apparently mastered herself to her satisfaction, she re-opened them and spoke in a level, calm tone,

"Okay, let's do this logically; do you actually know what you're holding there Naruto – do you have any idea how potentially important it could be?"

"Important in that it's a private invite to a _nodate_, whatever that is, with Hyuuga Hiashi and his immediate family right?"

"Right; gaki there are noble families throughout the Elemental Nations who'd sell their first-born children to get what you have there", Anko told him, absolutely nothing even approaching embellishment in her tone as she sought to get her point across, "the Hyuuga clan are often thought of as the last word in honour and nobility in the shinobi world for a very good reason, they are. They take tradition and civility to the nth degree and, apart from that, are both very wealthy and very well-connected as I'm sure you're aware; because of that there's a lot more riding on that invite than just a casual chat over a cup of tea and some hot rolls".

"Because Hiashi-sans' got a lot of pull in the village, so good impressions and all that? And what is a _nodate_ anyway?"

"A tea ceremony that's being held outdoors; it's more relaxed than a traditional ceremony and therefore only usually held between people who consider themselves familiar with each other; Hiashi must have moved heaven and earth to get this to happen with you of all people without having to present you to his council of elders"; _damn, he really did push the boat out here – that ring must have made a huge bloody impression in Hiashi's mind_; exactly how big an impression that was Anko didn't know or care to know (she was, after all, no stranger to having skeletons in the closet herself); _so we can't afford for Naruto to bugger it up now by not being spot-on with his etiquette, especially if clan head and heirs are present_;

"Okay Naruto, first off I am grateful for this offer and I'd love to take you up on it, but"; _I was expecting that – okay, let's here it_; "this is not something you, in fact either of us can just jump into feet-first and hope for the best. I know what I'm doing in a situation like this but I doubt you'd have a clue and there's no margin for social _faux-pas_ with the Hyuuga – we either do this right or not at all. So, get your wallet ready for a severe case of laryngitis kid…" the suddenly sinful glint in his sensei's eyes made Naruto swallow hard and brace for the worst,

"…training for a formal tea ceremony doesn't come cheap!"

A/N: But do the rewards outweigh the costs? Teacher and student are reunited, but can Anko teach Naruto to act as though he was born with silver spoons in their mouths or will they leave Hiashi and his clan with a nasty taste at the end of the tea ceremony? We'll have to find out next time so, until then, ja ne!


	20. Chapter 20 A Mouse for Tea

Chapter 20 – A Mouse for Tea

A/N: The London 2012 Olympic Games, a once in a lifetime event – all I can say to that is thank the Lord! Since the last time I posted I've had an exam which took me a month and, from there, nothing but endless organising, function attending and now overseeing how my company is helping to advertise and make sure the whole carnival of sport keeps on rolling – i.e. no time to relax and write anything! Sorry to those of you who thought I'd mysteriously passed away but that's the truth; sometimes even life can be stranger than the stories we all write!

Still, the Olympic flame has been doused for another four years and, in honour of your patience, here's a nice long chapter; I promised myself twenty chapters of pre-Academy for this story and no more, so this latest offering ties up a lot of loose ends before the actual school days start for Naruto and his friends. However, before you dive right in, a word of caution; I did quite a lot of research on the long-awaited tea ceremony and have used a large number of Japanese terms in this chapter. To keep it simple I think you can find them all on Wikipedia under the page 'Japanese Tea Ceremony' but there might be one or two phrases I missed so you might have to look them up – but hey, since it's teaching you Japanese you can tell your parents fiction can be educational too with a straight face!

Aside from that, enjoy this latest offering and keep the noise down; the first half of this show is virtually silent...

XXX

At last, after some five or so minutes of moving slowly from position to position, standing and kneeling with as much grace as someone unused to wearing such finery could be, he stood as tall as his diminutive frame would allow and gave his final verdict on the ensemble he was currently donning,

"Well it looks cool and feels amazing, especially after that suit I'm used to, but", he shook his head after looking over his shoulder and appraising the rear view in the mirror behind him, "I'm afraid it's gonna have to go – it makes my butt itch".

_And out of all the rough-and-tumble little boys in this whole damned village_; once more Anko had a reason to roll her eyes heavenwards and implore the divine to end her torment as the comment of her reunited student echoed around the shop, Naruto apparently unable to keep his voice down if his life depended on it; _I have to end up mentoring the one who actually has some idea about taking his time over deciding what he wants to wear rather than grabbing the first thing off the shelf and making the best of it_;

"Thank you for that fascinating insight into your biology", the Snake Mistress growled, though the aggression wasn't exactly aimed at the jinchuuriki as she caught sight of the cashier scowling at her charge, and not for the first time either, "any chance you can hurry this up at all – I've got a plate of dango singing my name and I'm not sure how much longer I can resist the lullaby". Naruto merely snorted, starting to untangle himself from the _hakama_ that he'd slipped over the kimono he'd chosen for himself, the material of the underclothes a dark, pastel blue that accentuated his eyes well,

"Not a chance you blasphemer against the gods of ramen; you shall not indulge the witchcraft of the false dango prophets under the gaze of a true believer", he declared semi-solemnly, Anko merely smirking sardonically until he dropped both his gaze and his _hakama_ simultaneously, "besides, if I've learnt nothing else over the past week and some it's that first impressions count and I know for a fact that me being sat in _seiza_ with a face that suggests I'm being molested by my own underwear is going to make a very dim impression on a man like Hyuuga Hiashi".

At that image Anko did chuckle properly, only respect for the man who must have, after all, sacrificed a large amount of his personal pride to circumvent the normal protocols of his clan stopping her pointing out that if he were to show up wearing that particular garment he'd be in good company as the Hyuuga clan head often sported an expression that suggested something unpleasant was making a concerted assault on his posterior. Instead she merely turned towards the rack to the side of her and swept up the next size up of the garment he was trying on, the shade of charcoal grey remaining the same as she dangled it forwards,

"Fair point, though hopefully I've drilled you enough to avoid getting cramps in your thighs, or at least", her grin became positively ghoulish as Naruto shivered, remembering vividly the rattan cane she used to belabour his aching legs every time he shifted position throughout the gruelling four-hour mock tea ceremonies she'd been holding in his or her apartment whenever she had a spare minute, "to avoid acting on stretching them out. There's no place for impoliteness in a _nodate_, least of all one as important as this".

"As you keep telling me, over and over again", the jinchuuriki groused, wrapping the new skirt of material around himself and tightening it, "okay, this ought to do it…yep", he confirmed a few minutes later, having run through a few of the bows and more difficult movements of the tea ceremony he'd be a part of in few scant days from now, "this is fine, just the right size and floats well, doesn't clash with the socks either".

"There's very little grey doesn't go in men's fashion with in my experience", Anko confirmed, casting a roving eye over the entire store for anything the two of them could have missed, "so then, I think that's everything, thank the ancestors for small mercies, now all you've gotta do is stick your hand in your pocket and pay for it".

"What? But I thought…"

"Wr-ong", Anko cut him off with a sing-song note in her voice, "you'll need to own at least one set of formal wear when you're in the Academy anyway; there are a few classes that deal with how to behave around the posh nobs and having the right kit's a step in the right direction; if nothing else overall it's cheaper to own a set than keep renting them all".

Once again, as always seemed to be the way when the snake summoner used logic rather than violence to point out a solution to a problem, Naruto capitulated far more easily than he might have otherwise done; not for the first time the very recently promoted probationary special jounin wondered if the boy was a closet masochist who liked to argue for arguments' sake or if he really was just that inured to pain that he found it easier to smash through a problem rather than use the brains he obviously had to think of a way around it. She kept such thoughts to herself however as the jinchuuriki finished disrobing, his previous experiences within a house of the red lights rendering him almost immune to embarrassment from being mostly undressed around women and, reciprocally, having women nearly naked or worse around him, and neatly folded the clothes he wished to buy, heading for the counter with Anko in his wake and smiling at the now-rapidly paling cashier,

"Just this lot please", Naruto said with a smile that wasn't recovered, though to his credit the smart-dressed man who was holding his position behind his trusty cash register resisted the urge to scowl as he carefully folded up the equipment the jinchuuriki handed him with a wooden expression. However such an expression bloomed into a picture of shock as the boy suddenly jerked his head to the side and he finished his order with a drizzle of mocking venom in his voice,

"And that kanzashi over there as well too while you're at it".

There was no mistaking which kanzashi the demon-boy was referring to; held in the shop window the hair-pin was obviously a prized piece of craftsmanship that any woman would have been proud to call her own. Tortoise-shell inlaid with gold leaf that spelt out almost-invisible kanji, the meaning of which Naruto couldn't read at the distance, it tapered to a point fine enough for a skilled kunoichi to perform a bloodless assassination should she lance the correct pressure points and was topped off with a large pearl, a true tear of the ocean, set in gold at the large end of the pin. The store owner apparently gawked for a moment before, recovering his composure, he regarded the child before him contemptuously,

"That kanzashi was one of the last pieces made by Kurosawa Degokato, one of Iron country's famous Masters, in his case a Master of Gold; do you know what that means boy?"

"No, should I?"

"It means he wore a Master's torque and was counted as one of the foremost craftsmen of Tetsu", Naruto was seriously concerned for the older man's health by this point; though about as far from being a doctor as he was from being Hokage at the minute, even he could tell that a face purpling that rapidly couldn't be normal or conducive to a long life expectancy, "though his genius often went unremarked by those brutes they call samurai, in the civilised world his crafts are considered amongst the pinnacles of their kind. That kanzashi, for example, a prime example of his skill in blending the gold leaf in the natural depressions of the shell, something that I am privileged to hold in my store; in the five years since I took over in my mothers' stead I could count the number of times I've even rented that kanzashi on both hands with fingers to spare, and you want to buy it?"

"Yeah, that's what I said", already heartily sick of the half-ranted monologue after having taken in the important from the frenzied speech, the Uzumaki twiddled a finger in his ear before going on, "so, how much?" Apparently finally getting the message that his customer wasn't to be dissuaded, the middle-aged citizen of the Leaf folded his arms and snorted gruffly,

"Normally rented for seventeen-hundred ryo a night, so to buy it, no less than thirty-thousand". Naruto whistled, prompting the man to look smug even as the jinchuuriki reached for his wallet,

"Wow, really was made by a master then; so, with that lot", he pointed to the neatly folded clothing on the side of the counter with one hand before reaching into his pocket with the other, more than ready to toss a kunai into the old bag of wind before him, "that'd be, what, say thirty-three thousand all told?"

"Near enough", the cloth merchant answered, apparently ready to say something else before Naruto brought forth his little Gama wallet, clipped open the small mouth of the relatively-slim toad and slowly ran his thumb over the small strip of paper he'd glued along the back of the metal lips, channelling a small amount of chakra as he did so.

XXX

It might just have been the unorthodox way he'd grown up and been introduced to the world of ninja, or it might have been the early setting and acceptance of the limitations of his techniques, specifically those that related to his henge, but in his private moments Uzumaki Naruto couldn't help but feel that the vast majority of ninja were often far too close-minded to really be anything but a combat shinobi. For example, bereft of chakra he was under no illusion that a large number of ninja, even jounin, would be seriously compromised unless they specialised in taijutsu because they were so used to thinking of things in terms of shinobi tactics; to them, it was almost inconceivable that someone who wasn't a ninja could kill a ninja. The jinchuuriki, mostly by accident but more recently on purpose, especially since jiji had come seeking his services, had discovered several ways of doing such a thing and was very keen to discover more, but at the same time he was very much an advocate of using some of his ninja skills in surviving ordinary life without people realising he was doing so – in this regard his best friend was without a shadow of a doubt the humble but ubiquitous storage seal.

It was a simple fact of life that very few people were likely to attempt to pull off a mugging in a village full of highly-skill assassins who might well resent having their toes trodden on in the assault and battery departments and, even amongst the few jackals of the world that would stoop so low, they certainly wouldn't attack a mere child who didn't appear to have much more than the clothes on his back to his name, even if the vast majority of Konoha's populous would likely have turned a blind eye to such a crime. However Naruto wasn't so trusting as to leave what little wealth he had in the world where just anyone could get at it and he was also certain his apartment had been broken into on more than one occasion, so the first thing he'd done following Anko-sensei showing him the sealing matrix was to place several small, innocuous stores around his apartment, each one holding nothing more than a few thousand ryo in a safe location around his home.

This dissemination of his cash reserve ensured about half of his money was safe at any one time while the other half, as he carefully ruptured several of the storage seals just behind Gama-chan's metal lips, was with him should he find himself in a situation where he needed a handy cash reserve. He had originally intended this idea to save his bacon in the event of him being behind enemy lines in a henge and needing to pay for transport back to the land of Fire but, as he grinned up at the owner of the clothing store and watched with amusement as the older man's face went from disgruntled to gobsmacked in the space of heartbeats, it was also a pretty neat party trick that knocked the wind out of an old blowhards' sails.

As several rolls of crisp ryo bills, the legacy of the reward money he'd been informed about by Danzo when the badly-bandaged mummy had been temporary Hokage and granted to him in private by a very proud Sarutobi following the old man returning for Kumo and making a house-call on his favourite orphan, flumped to the varnished wooden desk the last Uzumaki made a show of carefully counting up the money before, satisfied, he started handing them over one at a time to the astounded merchant,

"Well, tell you what, there's thirty-five thousand", he said conversationally, though his eyes betrayed the smug condescension the older man had tried to belittle him with being reflected back to its sender with gratuitous interest, "so make sure make sure you put a nice ribbon on that kanzashi, hey ji-san".

Some few moments later it was a very self-satisfied jinchuuriki that held the door open for his somewhat shocked sensei as she sauntered out of the shop, Naruto following at her heels after sending a last wave towards the still-stunned owner of the fine clothing store. _Ah, it's been a good day – nothing quite like knocking a bigoted git down a few pe…_; his thought process was violently interrupted by the sudden impact of his front against the side of Anko's leg, the special jounin regarding him with an inscrutable expression as she folded her arms and spoke to him quietly,

"Not that he didn't deserve it for not being able to hide the fact he hated your guts without having a valid reason, unlike me who has to put up with you and therefore has a completely valid reason for cursing your immediate ancestors for grinding heels all those years ago, but why'd you waste your money like that brat? You know you can't wear kanzashi, your hair's not long enough for a start".

"I know that, but who said I brought it for me; before you say anything", he was just fast enough – though it had been over a year since he'd last had the Snake Mistress as a sensei one thing he definitely remembered about the tempestuous special jounin was that she hated feeling beholden to anyone, least of all someone who'd just spent the better part of fifty-thousand ryo on what was essentially a trinket to her, "let's just go get some dango, sit down and I'll explain my reasons". Anko looked him up and down before, to his relief, nodding,

"Alright then, I'll hear you out but believe me gaki", despite having faced down the Sandaime Raikage on more than one occasion, albeit from under a face that wasn't his own, Naruto still fell back a pace and felt cold sweat on the back of his neck as his sensei glared and clenched a fist until her knuckles cracked, "if what I hear isn't completely on the level as I see it then come hell or high water I'm dragging your ass back here, trading back that kanzashi and nailing the receipt to your forehead as a reminder not to be so downright stupid again! Now come on", even a cobra wouldn't have seen her hand move as she grabbed her charge by the shoulder of his jumpsuit, "dango-kun awaits!"

Luckily a few plates of the sweet sticky buns were enough to take the edge of Anko's temper and hunger simultaneously, though after a quarter of an hour or so within the eatery her eyes lanced across the table and Naruto knew in no uncertain terms that his grace period had just expired,

"Alright, three reasons", he held up three fingers obligingly, "first off, as you said, he insulted me continually throughout the whole damned time we were in there; I'd be willing to bet everything still left in Gama-chan that if you hadn't been there I'd have been turfed out his shop before I even got a chance to admire a pair of _tabi_. For stopping that happening I'm grateful – can you imagine what would happen if I had to show up to this event with nothing but my jumpsuit on?"

"You wouldn't; even if I had to have a couple of my little friends wrap you up for a few hours and henge a clone of my own into you, you would not have disgraced yourself and me in such a manner", Anko warned him in no uncertain terms before a sudden smirk slit her lips and made her apprentice shiver, "in fact, that's not a bad idea now I think about it. Best you impress me when we get back to mine brat or I might well be leaving you at home come three days time".

"Don't tempt me; if I'd known what I know now about tea ceremony I'd have found or invented a way to decline this invitation, up to and including breaking my own leg", Naruto admitted with vehement feeling before softening his tone and carrying on, "but anyway, reason two; I can't prove it of course but I have a suspicion that the fool in that shop insulted not just samurai in general but, possibly, a former member of a samurai clan I might well know".

"Didn't know there were any, at least not in Konoha", Anko admitted, causing her smaller charge to give a cunning smile,

"Ever met Akimichi Chime, wife and power behind the ample throne of Akimichi Chouza?"

"Not more than once or twice, seen her around the village sort of thing; we've certainly never spoken", the special jounin replied after a moments' thought, "why?"

"Because before Chouza-san put his life on the line crossing blades with her father for her hand she was Kurosawa Chime of Iron country, an onna-bugeisha of a prestigious samurai house. I've seen her work with several swords before, everything from jitte to o-katana, and I know for a fact that if she'd been there to hear that bloated toad spit slander over someone who might well have been an ancestor of hers that shop and family might well be looking for a new head, and not just figuratively either". Thinking back to the earlier conversation Anko was puzzled for a moment before she recalled the vital information and made the link,

"Kurosawa? The same…?"

"I think so, can't prove it though – from what she's told me of samurai the households can be massive if you include all the retainers and such-like, so chances are if Chime were related to that master even she probably wouldn't know about it; still, better to be safe than sorry", the jinchuuriki admitted with a casual shrug, "civilians insulting samurai, even by calling them brutish and uncivilised, generally tends to end only one way and that's messily. Better for someone like me, who has at least a slight inkling of what's going on in the bigger picture, to take that potential death-trap off his hands before it goes horribly wrong and blows up in his face. Ironic really, isn't it", he commented with a rueful smile, "I might very well have saved his life, least of all if Chime-san had recognised that kanzashi and made enquiries, and all it does is encourage him to spit in my face".

Anko mulled this over for a minute, absent-mindedly finishing off another skewer of sweet, succulent dango with a couple of well-practiced motions before giving a short, ugly sort of laugh and commiserating with someone who was, despite their vast differences in personality and outlook on life, something of a kindred spirit to her,

"My advice, harsh as it might sound, would be to get used to it", as Naruto looked across the table at her askance she explained, "rule number one of the ninja is that the client's always right unless his or your life is in danger right? Well rule number two is that most civilians are whiny bitches who do nothing but complain that the ninja in the village ruin their perfect little world. Take it from me on this one I've seen it happen and still see it happen; 'those idiots playing with explosive tags woke my baby up', 'her using senbon to decide what she wants to drink is ruining my menus', 'those genin dropped my washing so I have to do it all again' – I've heard them all and worse. Okay, I might have been responsible for one or two of them", at that admission Naruto couldn't help but raise an eyebrow; _one or two – was that hundred or thousand sensei?_; but regardless of the opportunity to needle the kunoichi, he held his peace as she went on, "but at the first sniff of trouble who do you think they'll dive behind? It's for that reason I sure as hell don't envy Sarutobi-sama and I'd advise you against trying to settle your flaccid buttocks on the hot seat when he leaves it – is the big title and fancy hat really worth listening to the civilian council moaning at you all the hours Kami sends?"

"Not as of yet but you never know, might come as a welcome change of pace when I've been out in the field a few years", Naruto pointed out before shrugging, "besides, me as Hokage is going to be years in the future at the very least; I found out recently that one of the challenges to take the title is to hold your own against the current incumbent in a fight and I'm pretty sure jiji could flatten me with both hands tied behind his back and his hat over his eyes". Anko snickered,

"Don't let that get you down, he could probably do that to most people in the village chunin or under. Anyway, what was your last reason, you said three?"

"Oh that one's easy", Naruto chirped happily, sunny smile back on his face where it belonged, "he kept glaring at you".

That Anko hadn't noticed immediately, having assumed all the evil intent in the store was aimed solely at the container of the demon fox, but as Naruto went on with his explanation the entire thing seemed to make a little more sense,

"Give him credit he was trying to be subtle about it but I saw the looks he was giving the back of your head in the mirror while I was getting changed. For someone who's been such a loyal customer he sure doesn't go out his way to make you feel loved".

"I hadn't noticed", Anko admitted, more to herself than him as once again a glare or harsh comment bounced off the thick layer of skin; _or should that be scales?_; she'd been forced to grow rapidly following her senseis' defection and the immediate aftermath, "so taking that pin off his hands was your way of sticking a couple of fingers up at him?"

"Yep, as far as I'm concerned snobbery's as bad as hypocrisy", Naruto freely commented before smirking and holding up his three fingers again, "so, consider the pin a thanks for making sure I got the kit I need, a spit in the face of someone who hates us. Besides", his casual shrug couldn't disguise his wicked glee as he smirked across the table at her and lowered his last finger, "what kind of seme would I be if I didn't treat my favourite uke every once in a while?"

_Ouch_; luckily Anko was able to keep her internal wince hidden behind an external expression of absolute murder, teeth gritted and fingers making the metal dango skewer she was holding creak in protest as she glared undiluted death at her smirking tormentor,

"Convince me not to use that so-called treat of yours to perform an impromptu medical procedure that would give Konoha's leading proctologist a fit of the vapours; you have three seconds; go!" Naruto wasn't exactly sure what a proctologist was or what he did but he was under no illusion that having Anko-sensei with a point that sharp anywhere near him was generally not going to be good for his health in any way, shape or form, so he hastily kicked his brain up a couple of gears and blurted out the first thing that came to mind that might save his skin in the face of the special jounin's wrath,

"Because we're friends!"

_Wow, that actually worked_; not for the first time Naruto had cause to thank the fact he'd been born under a star of both good and ill omens – having the Kyuubi stuffed into his gut at an age where most infants were reminding the rest of the world and their parents especially that yes, they had been born with lungs and yes, those lungs worked as well as could be expected couldn't be considered as much of a good thing even to a natural optimist such as himself, but at the same time there was no denying the fact that, when the noodles were down, fortune had a funny habit of rolling the dice in his favour. Anko, for the first time ever as far as he could recall, looked absolutely stunned at that admission though he himself was no better off, caught floundering for a reason as to why he'd come up with that idea before a sudden strange noise, somewhere between a cough and a chuckle, made him look over at his sensei as she shook her head slowly, as though in great denial about something,

"No chance", she drawled slowly, as though daring him to contradict her, "absolutely no way in this life or any other – I'd take being your uke over being your friend! When you've dragged me out of whatever hell-hole the Hokage's deigned to send us into, stopped the bleeding, bandaged me up and screwed me senseless for us both surviving then you're a friend; until that point you're at best an acquaintance and at worst the second-most hated person on my list, which believe me would be quite some achievement even for you".

"Aww, now I know you don't mean that Anko-chan", Naruto was like a nin-ken with a bone and, Anko recalled with a sudden sinking feeling, he had no obvious fear of death, quite content to prod the coiled viper until its very thin patience wore away completely, "we've trained together, worked hard together, eaten in the same places several times and, heck, we've even had sleep-overs! And you've roped yourself into coming on this tea-party date with me – if that's not a friend then what is?"

"Something else, _anything_ else", Anko all but screamed back at him, her russet eyes widening in alarm as she watched him slide out from his seat, "stay where you are or I swear I'll break your kneecaps!"

"You don't mean that either", he replied in a sing-song tone, all but biting his tongue to avoid laughing at the sight of the special jounin all but scrambling over her seat as he stepped slowly around the table, "I think somebody needs a hug".

"Only if you don't want to live", repressed memories of the terrible aftermath of the last time she'd let the devious Uzumaki get his mitts on her flooded through Anko's mind like a tsunami of mortification; forgetting any and all sense of decency or restraint in preference of continued mental coherence she dived behind her seat and whipped it aloft, trying to force him back like a lion-tamer locked in a cage with a particularly hungry and aggravated lion, "no, stay away!"

"Aww, but friends are supposed to make each other feel better when they're bent out of shape", she spread his arms wipe, walking forwards like some kind of ghoulish, possessed child from one of the very few horror movies Anko had ever watched, "hugs make everything better!"

"Come any closer and I'll shove this chair so far down your neck you'll be farting sawdust from now until the Godaime is anointed!" Naruto's grin merely widened and he looked like he was about to reply in kind before he was rather unexpectedly cut off,

"Umm…"

The voice from a sudden third party made them both look over to see a rather flustered-looking waitress trying hard to smile at the two of them through a flushed face and twirling a finger through the hem of her apron as she relayed the commands of her higher management,

"…sorry to bother you", she went on, trying to speak fast before her courage deserted her, "but you're, uh, kind of disturbing the other customers". Following her arm as she swept it behind her and taking in several annoyed and borderline-contemptuous glares from the other people currently enjoying the hospitality of the small dango restaurant both jinchuuriki and special jounin dropped back a pace, the slight game between them paused for now as they grudgingly retook their seats and conformed to the norms of society again, at least temporarily. As the same waitress brought their orders over a few minutes later and once more apologised for speaking up, Naruto smiled over the plate of dumplings, flicked his eyes at the retreating back of the serving girl and gave a rather convincing mime of someone hurling themselves in the way of a thrown kunai. Anko scowled at this, ripping into one of the skewers aggressively and mouthing back a wide variety of unpleasant and highly painful suggestions of what she would have done had he laid so much as a finger on her and declaring silently that the girl had therefore saved him rather than her.

The silent argument raged for as long as it took the special jounin to finish her second platter before Anko threw a few notes onto the table, stood up and gestured for Naruto to follow her, the jinchuuriki obeying as he realised the joke was over for now and any further shows of public affection were likely to end painfully for him. As the two of them blinked in the sunlight outside the shack, Anko stretched off before glancing to the side of her,

"You don't know how lucky you are you've got that ticket kid; anyone else had tried to pull a stunt like that they'd be picking up the pieces all over the market district from now until the new year".

"True but then again I've always healed up faster than the average", the Uzumaki pointed out before hefting his bag of new purchases and glancing towards home, "so then, better go get these hung properly".

"Not before I've had a proper look at them", Anko told him sternly, flicking her fingers towards another part of town where, Naruto realised with a slight start, her apartment was located, "we've got at best a few days to go so firstly you need to do as much cramming as you can and secondly I want to check that cloth-trader didn't try to sneak anything unpleasant onto or into those clothes you brought".

"Really?" _Now why didn't I think of that?_; once more Naruto felt himself fall into the trap of being a little too trusting to the good will of his fellow man, relying on the presence of the older kunoichi to dissuade the population from attempting to dampen his day only to find himself reminded yet again that even Anko-sensei wasn't a foolproof guarantee of seamless compliance, "Think he'd even try with you glowering at him?"

"Wouldn't be the first time – technically civilians are protected from ninja attack by the Fire daimyo unless there's a specific contract out on them so officially I couldn't do anything to him. Unofficially however", now there was the smile he knew and remembered, a chilling expression about as foreboding as kissing a black mamba, "for ninja everything's legal as long as you don't get caught". Naruto shivered,

"And in your case legal's a word in a dictionary at the best of times", the Uzumaki muttered to himself, Anko smiling wickedly as she overheard; _ah, the boy learns_; "so then, check them out and work on making sure I can get them put on properly. You don't know how grateful I am I was born a boy; at least my kimono has only five sections to it while yours has what, sixteen?"

"Or more depending on the style and if you class the hair as part of the dress, though that depends on the season and I should be able to get away with a minimalist style this time of year", the special jounin admitted with a careless shrug before grinning down at her charge, "so then, you've got your kit now; know what that means minion?"

"I know what it should mean but", he held up a finger and talked fast to avoid Anko asking awkward questions or, worse still, pouting that he didn't want to be around his favourite teacher any more, "I have, ah, business tonight that I really can't miss".

"I thought it had been a bit quiet recently; heh, about the first fortnight or so of peace the ninja of this village have had since you got hired by the old monkey"; _actually, that's a thought_; never one to let a opportunity slip away Anko devoted the attention of the most devious portions of her brain to examining the facts for a method to get ahead while the rest was occupied with dodging pedestrians and conversing with her student; _since the snake caught the mouse, so to speak, I'm the one responsible for everyone else catching a break. Hmm_; a greasy smile slipped over her lips, the expression making Naruto understandably nervous; _blackmailing the courier-nins – surely there's some sort of poetic irony there_;

"So then", in the space of a heartbeat the smile was gone and Anko was all business again, regarding Naruto seriously, "can you tell me what you've got on this evening or would you have to kill me if you told me? Not that you could kill me of course, unless I died laughing at your pathetic attempts at assassination – I suppose that would count". Naruto shot her an irked glare before shaking his head,

"Nothing much really", he admitted evasively as he swung the bag containing his new kimono around his knees idly, not wanting the countenance the idea of the special jounin finding out about the little green flier on his kitchen table or, even worse, what particular hobby that little flier had gotten him into and how, because of that hobby, he was pulling the wool over the eyes of a kunoichi he knew the Snake Mistress was at least slightly friendly with, "got a few ideas to put into play but I'm not sure if they'll work. Worth a try though – better to find out in Konoha where the ninja aren't likely to kill me than somewhere else in the Nations where they are".

"Give it time gaki; I'm pretty sure there are a couple of branches of our shinobi that'd ensure your sudden and unexplained disappearance if they thought they'd get away with it", Anko told him, a slight note of pride in her tone before she laughed, "okay though, I can't really argue with the Hokage's orders and the village could use a bit of excitement. We'll stop early tonight, just make sure you can actually walk in the kit you've brought without falling base over apex and assume the correct positions; after that we'll go from there…"

"…To the _Taiyonokoesuteban_", Naruto cut in, an impish grin on his face as the taller woman knifed him with a vicious look, "don't flash those eyes at me Anko-sensei, you were the one who left that cupboard under your television open. Now you can't ever complain that _Kaminari-Nekos_ is just for kids – you're as bad as Ten-chan and I for watching cartoons".

"Yes but unlike you and your little girlfriend", she riposted, thinly amused at the sight of Naruto all but reduced to gabbling furious denials at her insinuations – experienced as he might be around the feminine body, he was not so well guarded against accusations of affection for the owner of said body, "the cartoons I watch have a plot, a meaning and some decent animation, unlike yours which seem to revolve around an over-muscled meat-head using an extendible sword and a flashlight to compensate for his own inadequacies. Besides", she shook her head dismissively, "not like I get a chance to watch them much these days. Not only do I have a full-time career to consider, every time I get a minute to breathe I somehow end up with you latched onto my trench-coat tails".

Though Anko sounded nothing but serious as she gave her reasons, like all good ninja she held back at least some of the truth while not being caught out in a lie. Naruto had no reason to know that one of the main reasons she'd kept the old video collection was that it, together with copious amounts of dango that had been the start of a life-long infatuation, had been virtually all that had sustained her at the lowest ebb of her life. Alone and scorned by virtually the entire village, a situation the jinchuuriki wasn't unfamiliar with, following the betrayal of her sensei and her recovery from the land of Sea by the hunter-nin sent to bring the rogue sannin to heel, a then-teenage Anko had introverted herself to such an extent that only by being virtually dragged from her bed by the scarred man who would later become her idol and superior officer had she even bothered to turn up to her compulsory psychiatric sessions, where failure to attend could easily have resulted in her being judged irredeemably unstable and executed. She didn't like to remember such a time now, though in her heart of hearts she couldn't help but remember with fondness the series and character she felt most kinship with at the time and, to that end, had kept half an eye out for videos of the now-old series, though they were few and far between due to the age of the cartoon and the relative novelty of recording media.

She'd had a few isolated successes though and, unfortunately, on virtually the first time she'd been forced to invite her student to her new apartment, the door to the cupboard under the television had been left ajar and the bounty within exposed. Fortunately Naruto had been at least semi-respectful following the discovery as he was smart enough to realise Anko was his only chance of getting the training he needed to make at least a lukewarm impression on arguably the most imposing and demanding man in the village in a formal setting and the two of them had watched an episode or two following the rigour of a false tea-ceremony; _and it looks like this afternoon will probably go the same way. Still, not like I've got much on and he did buy me a present_; that acknowledgement still made her stomach clench uncomfortably but she bore it for now – it wouldn't take her long to figure out a way to even the score with the brat; _I could do with a lazy day for a change_;

"Fair enough sensei; I accept the gist of your arguments but not your words – _Kaminari-Nekos _is not that bad a cartoon", Naruto spoke, deciding not to argue to toss with her criticisms of him due to the fact a clip around the ears often hurt even as he shot her a side-long glance and smirking insinuatingly, "in fact, if that meat-head was to come knocking at your door I'd bet you wouldn't find him inadequate, and it wouldn't be his sword you were interested in either…" Fortunately for him Anko merely laughed at his comment,

"I don't know what's more disturbing; the fact you fantasise about an imaginary man's loincloth so much or the fact you're ignoring your girlfriend to do it – she might be a bit skinny at the minute but even I can tell that Tenten's going to be a knockout when she's older, least of all if she lets her hair down".

"She's a knockout now", Naruto assured the Snake Mistress, Anko whipping her head down to look at him agog before she realised he was fingering his jaw; _ah, wrong kind of knockout – heh, as far as I can see that makes her pretty much a perfect girl_; "mean right cross she's got if she gets wound up. Besides I've known Panda-chan for years, even before she became a Hasawada; I'm no expert but I'm pretty sure that's put us well into 'friend' territory". Anko laughed again,

"Friend territory – how old are you? You've been hanging out with the awesome foursome too much, you know that?" _Them and someone close to one of them – speaking of which, tonight's the night we get re-acquainted…_;

"Yeah, well I had to find out the guard shift patterns for some of the places in Konoha somehow", the infiltrator admitted before chuckling quietly, "besides, how was I supposed to know Aoba-san hated gravy?"

At that reminder there was no hope for the Snake Mistress and the rest of their walk back to the special jounin's apartment was punctuated by her muffled snorts of badly-choked mirth as, somewhere on the other side of town, a recently-promoted chunin in dark glasses wondered why he was struck with a sudden shiver and premonition that some kind of Shinigami of misery and humiliation was hovering just behind his shoulder.

XXX

The invite said midday and because of that decree at ten in the morning of the fatal day two nondescript individuals carrying a bundle of clothes announced themselves to the gate guardians of the Hyuuga and, after a minute or so of quiet conversation, were admitted into the walled compound. As soon as the doors swung shut behind them the two henges dispelled and Naruto, wafting away the smoke, glanced up at his teacher,

"Right, two hours to get this", he lifted the bulky bag containing his kimono ensemble as Anko swung her rucksack-like design off her shoulders, "in a state fit for inspection by Hyuuga Hiashi; can it be done?"

"I'd guess so if their expressions were anything to go by", the Snake Mistress replied, Naruto turning at her nod to see a small collection of white-robed Hyuuga approaching them, led by a woman he recognised and waved to,

"Hi Uryah-san, how's the niece?"

"Much better since her parents stopped worrying about every little cough and sniffle, thank you for asking Uzumaki-san", the elder Branch member greeted before her expression hardened a little and she looked from teacher to student, "Mitarashi-san I know you have experience in tea ceremony so, with your permission, I'll take responsibility to get Uzumaki-san presentable and leave you to change in peace". The special jounin chortled before nodding,

"Peace; finally", Naruto was sent stumbling forwards with a squawk of protest following a shove on his back, turning to glare at the taller woman as she granted him a mocking wave, "I'd almost forgotten what that was while he was around".

"You and the rest of Konoha", a voice from somewhere near the back of the group piped up, though as Uryah whipped around with an accusing glare none met her eyes and let her speak on uninterrupted, holding out a hand for the jinchuuriki to follow,

"Well you'll have it for the next two hours or so; come on Uzumaki-san", knowing better than to argue, Naruto obediently strode forwards and allowed himself to be ushered away as Anko was approached by some of the Branch house who had accompanied the Uryah as the greeting party, "knowing you we'll have Kami-alone-knows how many wrinkled to steam out of that kimono – couldn't you have gotten a professional carry-case for a suit that formal?"

"Not without looking it looking extremely suspicious no; completely unknown kid approaching the Hyuuga clan holdings with what looks like a good-quality suit, wouldn't that set the tongues a-wagging? Anyway", Naruto admitted before glancing at the bag he still carried, tone becoming more serious as he realised what was to come and began drawing on past experience to remember exactly what to do next, "if we've ironing to do just point me to a flat surface and pass the steamer. I'll have this kimono pressed flatter than an Aburame's sex drive in minutes".

"No bad-mouthing the honourable Aburame clan", Uryah admonished him after a second of making sure her own mirth wouldn't be noticed, "they have long been allies of the Hyuuga. Besides, you've met Shibi-sans' son have you not?"

"Who, Shino? Yeah I've met the guy, takes after his dad way too much but I'll loosen him up while we're in the Academy together", the jinchuuriki assured her with a smile as they approached the nearby Branch building, ironing room within already set up and ready to go, "still, enough time-wasting, let's get this done and my kimono up to a standard even your clan elders couldn't moan about".

Even as Uryah turned away slightly so her guest wouldn't see the edge of her smile as it slipped over her face; _the elders forego their moaning – hah, Hiashi-sama could only dream_; Naruto's expression was changing somewhat, though thankfully the Hyuuga missed it. The doleful look remained for but an instant before it was swallowed up by a business-like persona, Naruto forcibly reminding himself that now was no time to be looking backwards when there was such an important occasion looming before him.

With the tea ceremony mere hours away, he could ill-afford to lose himself in memories of his nee-chans and the _Budding Blossoms _where they had all become as a family, even if those memories were amongst the happiest he had accumulated in his life so far.

XXX

As expected, even despite the Hyuuga's critical eye he was done and dressed before Anko simply because his outfit was almost ridiculously simple compared to hers. With the help of Uryah and a few of the younger Hyuuga, he had managed to get the correct length and _kai-no-kuchi_ knot in his _obi_, something he couldn't have done without either assistance or a handy shadow clone; _that jutsu truly is a Kami-sent gift, I'd never be able to practice getting this kit on at home if it wasn't for those bunshin_. Having fastened his _hakama _properly, he was now waiting patiently for his sensei and, for the next few hours at least, his guest to this dance of formalities. Though waiting didn't come naturally to someone who usually had such a full social diary, the Uzumaki knew it would be pointless to complain; much like rain, frost and thawing, there was nothing that mortal man could do to hurry or hasten feminine preparations, least of all to a ceremony as auspicious as this.

Eventually, however, and quite a bit sooner than he was expecting, he became aware of a presence just off to the side of him and, after taking a second to wonder how exactly anyone could move noiselessly in _zori_ sandals, he threw a glance to the side of him and was promptly struck mute. On and off Naruto had known and been a sometime-acquaintance of Mitarashi Anko for give or take four years and a bit; however in all that time he had only ever known her as the Snake Mistress, a trickster and teaser who was as bad if not worse than he was at causing mayhem, just better at getting away with it. She was a sadist, a harsh teacher and a hundred and one other words that could be used to describe both her and her personality, but never before had Naruto even considered that 'tenshi' could be one of those words.

Dressed in a kimono of the _iromuji_ style, meaning it was a formal dress in a single colour, though as he looked some patterns were present in the very light cream ensemble and, was that…? Naruto found himself squinting as he almost swore he could see very faint outlines against or, as he finally realised what he was seeing and started a little, through the outer kimono. Anko must have been wearing a patterned _nagajuban_ under the kimono itself, the patterns of the under-garment bright enough to just peep through the cream of the outer uniform and add a little more depth to the otherwise plain dress. It was a curious and entrancing effect, nothing overwhelming but enough to make a person look twice, a subtle tell to show that despite the serious atmosphere, the special jounin was playing a game with people who might have been tempted to let their eyes linger on her form. Her _obi_, stark white and of the _maru _style to convey the importance of the occasion, was tied in a slightly less-formal _taiko musubi_ to offset its otherwise complete formality. Despite the obvious work that had gone into her quite beautiful ensemble, all that was as to nothing when it was compared to her face and hair.

As with her kimono understatement was the key to creating an almost hauntingly beautiful effect; like most kunoichi Anko had relatively little to do with cosmetics unless they were required for a mission or she knew she was going to be off-duty for some time and that translated even to a formal event such as a tea ceremony. Aside from perhaps the merest tinge of colour on her cheeks and lips she wore nothing on her face and very little in her hair, the focal point being the streak of gold and tortoise-shell that pinned it upwards in a traditional style, a small seasonal garnish of trailing autumnal leaves, the traditional flowers of the month of November, the only other kanzashi the kunoichi had seen fit to employ and making her all the more striking for its elegant simplicity. For a long, long moment they regarded each other, boy and vision, before at last the creation of beauty smiled, broke her effortless illusion and became Mitarashi Anko once more,

"Trying to catch flies brat?" Even her voice, it seemed, was dressed for the occasion as her comment was more teasing that outright nettlingly annoying, "I take it that gormless expression of yours means you approve?"

"Y, yeah", Naruto agreed blindly for a moment before trying frantically to pull himself together; he wasn't unused to seeing beautiful women – working with the nee-chan had seen to that – but the sudden transmogrification of the Snake Mistress to this picture of traditional beauty was a real shock to the system, "uh, wow; I'm first to admit I wasn't sure exactly what to expect but it wasn't this".

"From you I'll take that as a compliment", Anko quipped back before stepping back a touch and regarding her student with a serious expression, "now, got your wallet and _kaishi_ paper for the _wagashi_ course?"

"You bet", with less than a flourish a small, decorative wallet appeared in Naruto's hands, the red pattern a small flame of colour against his otherwise matt dark blue and grey kimono and _hakama_, "I almost stapled it to my hand last night to make sure I wouldn't lose it".

"At your age I'd expect you to have something else in your hand at night, but that's for a later date", rather wisely Anko broke off that point as Naruto furrowed his brows at the comment; _hmm, obviously not quite that old and experienced yet despite how he acts_; filing that titbit away and mentally swearing to be well out of the Fire country on a mission when Naruto got curious about the facts of life, the special jounin went on with her light grilling of the Mouse, "where do you store your _fukusa_ cloths, and what do you use the brocaded one for?"

"It's folded into my _obi_ and it's to be used when handling any of the items the Hyuuga use to make the tea; speaking of which I'm to refer to them all, the Hyuuga present that is, as –sama even if they're younger than me right?"

"Too right; age is no barrier to breeding kid, remember that if you're ever introduced to the Daimyo and his family"; _or his cat_; "so, aside from that, remember what you have to say to examine the _chadogu_?" At this question Naruto's face fell slightly,

"Can't you do that? I mean, I know I'm guest of honour but you know what you're doing, a lot better than I do; those tea-preparation items are going to be antiques and probably worth more money than I'll ever be able to think about earning. What if I fumble it?"

"Chances are neither of us'll be making it out of this compound alive", Anko told him frankly before, after seeing his eyes widen in nerves, she softened her look slightly and stretched out a hand towards him, letting the sleeve of her kimono drape over his shoulder, "look, no-one here is expecting you to be perfect at this, me least of all. If you're not sure what to do just look at me and follow what I'm doing to as best you can, if you think you made a mess of it don't say anything, chances are the Hyuuga will be too stiff to mention it. It's a relatively private affair here so as long as you don't do anything particularly offensive or stupid we should both be okay; now look sharp", realising the kunoichi was now looking over his shoulder and had removed her sleeve from his shoulder, Naruto turned slightly and fought down a minor assault of the jitters as he found himself staring at another face he recognised, though the other boy said nothing as he bowed towards the guests of his clan and then spoke,

"Uzumaki-sama, Mitarashi-sama", he stepped slightly to the side deferentially allowing them to either follow or precede him as they so chose, "Hiashi-sama sends his warmest regards and bids me escort you to the _chashitsu_ as soon as you are ready".

With those words there was really no backing out so Naruto did what he'd always done in these kinds of circumstances when he had a choice in the matter; summoning all the mental fortitude bequeathed to him by his mostly-solitary life, he condensed all the worry and nerves he felt into a big ball that he then swallowed down deep inside himself, hiding it from the rest of the world. With this done and nothing but natural confidence and slight charm on his face, the jinchuuriki stepped forwards, bowed politely to the escort he just couldn't quite put a name to and asked him to lead on.

XXX

As she as admiring the neat, perfectly trimmed verge that made up the path of the _roji_, or tea garden, Anko pricked her ears and cocked her head almost imperceptibly to show she was listening to the whisper that was hissed from around the level of her _obi_,

"Anko-sensei, I thought a _nodate_ meant we'd be drinking outside?"

"Not always", she murmured back just as softly as Naruto spoke, their voices so quiet that even with the potential to literally have eyes in the back of his head, their Branch house escort was completely oblivious to the conversation going on behind him, "in this case it means we'll be taking tea in the _chashitsu_ rather than in one of the main houses, a little more private and less likely to be disturbed. Still, at least you'll have an opportunity to brush up on your _tatami_ etiquette".

"Not hard in this get-up", Naruto muttered mutinously, still not entirely comfortable in his kimono as, unlike his more familiar jumpsuit, it restricted his stride quite considerably, "I know, don't tread on the cracks and shuffle, don't step".

"Too right, now until then take in the _roji_ and try to relax, I think we're almost there", Anko whispered before straightening, taking in the sight of the relatively low, domed building before her that was most likely where Hiashi and his immediate family were waiting for them. Such a prediction was born out when, upon entering the lee of the building, the taller of the two children turned to his guests and bowed once again, hands hidden in his kimono sleeves,

"If it pleases you to wait and refresh yourself in the _mizuya_, I will inform Hiashi-sama of your arrival".

"It does indeed please us", Anko replied, her expression set in an, for her, unnatural expression of frigid politeness, "take as long as is necessary – good manners can never be hurried, much like fine tea". The Branch member bowed once more, not excusing himself until he was certain that both guests had followed his instructions and entered the _chashitsu_; only when this was done did he straighten himself out and depart, his part in the proceedings finished until the ceremony was over and his ward was under his watchful gaze once more.

Hyuuga Hiashi, after all, was not a man who let such matters as important guests arriving slip unseen past his all-seeing gaze.

XXX

Unlike the outside air, which Naruto found rather biting due to the relative lack of insulation from his kimono compared to his normal wear, the inside of the _mizuya_ waiting area was warm but, at the same time, not stuffy or stifling in any way, something he was grateful for as he carefully removed his _zori_ sandals and started reaching down to pull down his _tabi_ socks, ready for the change required before he stepped into the _chashitsu _proper. Though, as he knew after Anko-sensei had told him, some schools of tea ceremony would have had the guests served with some tea at this point prior to entering to an internal _roji_ before being summoned by the host, the Hyuuga did not proscribe to this system, believing a drink at this point may instead spoil the taste of the forthcoming _kaiseki_ meal. Instead both he and Anko were to wait within the _mizuya _until summoned, though this did give plenty of time to change into a clean pair of _tabi_ and admire the hanging scroll that dangled within the waiting areas' _tokonoma_, a small alcove designed for the express purpose of displaying hanging calligraphy scrolls.

In this case the scroll hanging in the little recess displayed the kanji for snow, purity and clarity, set above a simple freehand watercolour of a mountain with a white-capped peak, a simple design that like most articles of a tea ceremony drew its impact from understatement. _Hmm_; though not much of an artist despite the few supplies he'd brought from a selection of unsuspecting merchants during his trips into the village, he had enough experience to give at least a minor critique of the artwork; _perhaps a little heavy with the red for the mountain, and the snow doesn't quite lay the way it did on the other pictures I've seen, but the kanji are flawless_. Whoever drew and painted the scroll was obviously very well-educated and had a steady hand, though before he could put too much thought into the matter a movement to the side of him caught his eye and made him attend to more pressing matters.

As expected at a gathering this formal, Hyuuga Hiashi had an expression that looked more carved from marble than formed from facial muscles. The clan head was wearing a formal _montsuki_ kimono and a _jittoku_ jacket in place of the _hakama_ a tea ceremony novice and orphan such as Naruto would be expected to wear; _jittoku _were a privilege rather than a right, even for a clan head. Despite the presence of the Hyuuga crests on the sleeve of the elder man's kimono, the jinchuuriki now knew enough to realise that the presence of three crests was as informal as Hiashi could allow; if four or, Kami forbid, five had been present, he would have been in real trouble as even the slightest mistake on his part could have been interpreted as a grave insult against the Hyuuga clan as a whole. Still this was not time to be, or at least admit to being scared; instead he returned the silent bow Hiashi sent his way and, releasing a virtually silent sigh to restrain his nerves, followed the clan head through the small door and further into the tea house interior.

As he'd half-expected the first room he and Anko were led into wasn't the _chashitsu_ proper; instead it was a smaller room that was present for only a single purpose, the ritual cleaning at _tsukubai_. As the guest of honour and the only male guest present, it fell to Naruto to perform the necessary ablutions first; an internal _tsukubai_ was unusual but, in a nod towards practicality rather than symbolism, allowed the water to be heated prior to use, ensuring the little stone basin wouldn't freeze in the winter months as it might have done otherwise. Taking the small bamboo ladle he rinsed his mouth and washed his hands exactly as Anko had shown him; then jinchuuriki waited until Anko was finished and had given him a slight nudge in the back before squaring up to the entrance to the _chashitsu_, the small door known as the _nijiri-guchi_ and, eventually, stepping inside.

The first thing that he noticed was the presence of the _tatami_ and immediately he altered his stride into a shuffling walk, necessary to maintain correct posture as much as to avoid falling base over apex due to the lack of grip between the mats and his _tabi_. Shuffling over and being careful to avoid stepping on the joins between the _tatami_ the guest was able to take in other details of the tea ceremony at the same time as remind himself not to step on the central mat where some of the implements for making the tea were laid out. As Hiashi assumed the standard _seiza_ position Naruto was able to see the small hearth sunken into the floor, ready to be laid with charcoal and lit to boil the water for the tea, a second scroll set in the true _tokonoma _of the tea room and, as he too set himself in the correct kneeling position and heard Anko behind him close the _nijiri-guchi_ door with an audible thump, wondered for a brief moment that, if Hiashi was already in the _chashitsu_, who was supposed to be entering as the host to greet the guests?

He had never expected Hiashi himself to make or serve tea of course; though the presence of the _jittoku_ the clan head wore signified he was a master of the formal tea ceremony, it would be beneath him to act as a servant for pretty much anyone other than the Hokage or the daimyo himself. The question, however, was very quickly answered by the opening of a second _nijiri-guchi_ and the entrance of someone Naruto had heard much about but never actually met in person within the Hyuuga clan; a girl he assumed was Hiashi's eldest child and the heir to the noble clan, Hyuuga Hinata. His first impression of the form that shuffled her way across the _tatami_ to the side of her father was one of seamless grace and effortless formality, though as the smaller girl turned to the kneeling form of his sensei, seated first in order of prestige due to her greater experience both as a ninja and student of the _chado_, or Way of Tea, and bowed, Naruto thought he recognised something in her demeanour as a whole. Before he could confirm it however, he found himself having to return his own bow and greeting from the heir of the noble clan,

"Welcome to our home noble Uzumaki-sama".

"Many thanks for allowing me into your home, noble Hyuuga-sama", Naruto spoke the platitudes with half a mind, rather more relieved to see evidence, very well hidden but still present nevertheless, of intense concentration in his peers' virtually-perfect façade; _ah, glad to know it's just me having to work like a mule to get this right_;

"Noble Hyuuga-sama", after Hinata had taken her seat beside her father, Anko was the one who spoke, taking advantage of the small window of opportunity before the _chaji_ truly began to ask a question, "are the scrolls your work?" Strangely enough Hinata almost flinched, not quite able to meet the special jounin's gaze as she apparently mustered her courage enough to answer,

"Hai, I hope my attempts at calligraphy are pleasing to you Mitarashi-sama". Glancing at the scroll Naruto had just enough time to make out the single kanji for 'welcome' dominating the stark white parchment before he heard his sensei answer with a note of reassurance in her usually sarcastic tone,

"You have an artists' hands Hyuuga-sama"; _aww_; despite himself and the severity of the situation he was now in, Naruto couldn't help but smile somewhat as the blue-haired girl blushed very slightly at the compliment; _she's cute when she's flustered_.

However the cuteness was very quickly swallowed by the sense of occasion; smoothing her features even if the faintest tinges of red clung stubbornly to her cheeks, the youngest Hyuuga present laid the charcoal that would boil the water for the tea into the sunken hearth with beautifully practised and precise movements, the first step of the tea ceremony. Naruto remained all but motionless throughout this, merely observing the motions soundlessly and marvelling at the Hyuuga's mastery of movement upon the _tatami_ mats, least of all from the _sieza_ position; though he could knuckle along well enough he still left rucks in the mat and couldn't for the life of him negotiate a junction without ruffling the join between adjacent _tatami_, Hinata moved seamlessly and soundlessly _without even using her hands!_ Either she truly was inherently gifted or she was using some kind of chakra control to cushion herself off the floor, though due to formality he didn't ask as the aroma of freshly-cooked food began emanating from behind the _nijiri-guchi_ Hinata had entered through.

It had struck the jinchuuriki as odd, and he had voiced as much to Anko when he'd had a chance, that the _cha-keiseki_ made up the majority of the formal portion of the tea ceremony as opposed to the actual tea itself. Still he was never one to say no to a free meal and, as Hinata set down his lacquered tray and he bowed in gratitude, he could instinctively tell that this was a meal that the chef had spent a lot of time preparing. Long sessions within the Akimichi kitchens had imparted several hard-taught lessons, one of which being that the actual presentation of a dish was as if not more important than the actual taste. He could tell that the meal was following the traditional dishes, with a miso soup served with a selection of side dishes including what looked like a nice _sashimi_ set in the _mukozuke _position on the tray. Despite his slight hunger Naruto was restrained enough to hold himself in check until the correct stage before digging in with gusto, but correct manners, one eye on Anko at all times to ensure he could keep the correct pace throughout the meal.

The _cha-keiseki_ was set up in several rounds that should have been served with sake; however due to the youth of the children present, there was no alcohol served; instead rounds of cold water were used instead. Several courses came and were consumed, including a sumptuous grilled trout served as the _yakimono_ that left Naruto feeling exceptionally grateful that particular course was self-serving. Every component of the meal, even the blossoms that decorated the plates, were completely edible and eaten in turn, the entire confection rolling past in a virtual blur until, to his shock, Naruto realised the _wagashi _was being served and swiftly removed a roll of _kaishi_ paper from his wallet, wrapping up a serving of the sweet and smiling as serenely as his stomach would allow at the Hyuuga girl serving him, the gesture making her almost imperceptibly avert her eyes in an almost bashful manner. The final course itself was certainly a palette-cleanser, a welcoming mat for the respite that arrived a few moments later as the mid-service break or _nakadaichi_ was called and both he and Anko were escorted back to the waiting room by Hiashi. The Hyuuga clan head bowed to them both, closed the door noiselessly behind him and left the two to their own devices until the _chashitsu_ was prepared for the latter stages of the ceremony and the brewing of the tea itself_._

XXX

Almost as soon as the door into the waiting area was smoothly pulled shut Naruto deflated, collapsing onto one of the benches with a deep-lunged sigh and rolling his eyes up towards his sensei as he sprawled out,

"Please tell me that's the worst of it over?"

"Yeah, the _keiseki_ is the majority of the whole ceremony", the Snake Mistress told him, settling down beside him with a great deal more grace than the jinchuuriki had used, "just as well considering the number of times you'd have had a tea master crying into his _chawan_ by now".

"Hey, I didn't think it went that badly".

"The _yakimono_?"

"Okay, one mistake, or at least one obvious mistake", the Uzumaki conceded, still grateful he'd been able to catch the morsel of grilled trout that had almost slipped from his chopsticks before it landed on his kimono, "if you'd offered me that at the start of this whole shindig I'd have taken it like a thrown shuriken". The special jounin chortled a little,

"You wouldn't have been the only one; hell if someone had offered it to me I'd have been the one throwing the shuriken", she assured him with a smirk, the expression making Naruto shiver before he drew himself up and looked across at her, a slightly more serious bent to his expression at this point,

"So, after this we go back in, look at the _chadogu_, compliment the _chabana_ flower arrangement and then drink the thick tea brewed for us; after that it's all downhill from there right?"

"Should be, just remember that this is the Hyuuga so there might be a bit more to it that that", Anko counselled before leaning back against the wall, glad to take some of the stress off her shapely legs as she stretched them out in front of her, "until then just relax and enjoy the time out".

Never one to spurn good advice Naruto did just that, joining his sensei in resting the back of his head against the wall of the waiting room and examining the scroll once more, the picture and calligraphy soothing to someone who'd had to concentrate very hard for the past few hours or so and helping him get his mind back in the game by the time a sonorous chime rippled through the _mizuya_. He and Anko shared a look before both came to their feet simultaneously and stepped through to the _tsukubai_ room, cleansing themselves once more before stepping through the _nijiri-guchi_ and returning to their previous locations within the inner sanctum of the tea room.

Naruto, though he did his best not to show it, was attempting to take in everything at once and he did notice several differences within the _chashitsu_; the scroll that had hung in the alcove had been changed and now, rather than welcome, contained the kanji for serenity and, Naruto had to almost bite his lips for a minute as a hot, sticky feeling oozed its way up his spine and stomach, gratitude as well; _damn, I didn't know that ring would mean so much to the clan_. There was a wider selection of _chadogu_, the implements needed for making tea, present on the central _tatami_ along with a single flower, present in a tall, upright glass as was usual for the _chabana_ style of flower arranging. Naruto couldn't identify the flower itself by sight but knew it was seasonal as he'd seen plenty hanging, still growing, in the window of the Yamanaka flower shop; _damn, I need to take up Kunisa-san's offer to learn the language of flowers sooner rather than later_. However all these items, though doubtless valuable and conveying a plethora of messages, he spared little more than a glance, instead choosing to focus his attention on the largest change in the room, currently kneeling in a perfect _seiza_ to the side of the man who was obviously her father.

Unlike Hinata (or, at least, the girl Naruto assumed was Hinata), the other, much younger girl was almost a clone of her father; though she looked to be about the same age as Konohamaru she had an expression of severity on her face that made her look at least five years older. Where her older sister was a bluenette, the younger of Hiashi's daughters had inherited her father's hair and slightly more of his facial structure, especially the severe set of her jaw. After giving the pint-sized Hyuuga a once-over raking with his eyes Naruto said nothing as he settled into his own kneeling position, hearing his sensei slam the _nijiri-gucha_ again and, as before, the host entered from her own door, approaching the central mat and settling herself down between her father and younger sister. The Uzumaki said nothing, preparing himself mentally for the request he'd have to make relatively shortly and trying hard not to think about the potential consequences of him messing it up; accepting the silence as permission to begin, the girl he assumed was the Hyuuga clan heir set her pupiless gaze on the _chadogu_ before her and began the ritual cleaning of the implements.

Naruto was vaguely aware of the correct form for the purification of the _chadogu_ but, due to time constraints, Anko had never gone into too much detail of the exact movements or principles in place for the preparation of the _koicha_, the thick tea that was the main purpose of the tea ceremony itself. However, as he watched the flawless dance of hands, sleeves and water play out before him it was all he could do not to gape at the spectacle; he had heard, as everyone in Konoha had heard, stories of enemies of the village dying almost without being able to defend themselves from the attack of a skilled Hyuuga, mesmerised by the beguiling attacks of their opponent until it was too late to raise their weapons to stave off the graceful assassins but only now, as he watched the daughter of the clan head prepare the first course of tea, did he truly begin to believe them.

The seamless transition between movements, how she was able to make the very air ripple as she added a generous scoop of fresh tea leaves to the simmering kettle, the powdered granules shimmering as they descended from the lip of the _chashaku_ and almost dazzling the jinchuuriki's eye, and he couldn't even begin to follow her hand as she made the _chasen_ tea whisk blur into motion, folding the tea powder into the simmering water with swift but smooth kneading motions. Every motion that she made, from the grand sweeping gestures that transferred tea from the _natsume_ caddy to the water to even the most innocuous-looking pluck at the long sleeves of her kimono, was precise and perfect, an intricate step of a dance that she did not miss a step in, and he was so engrossed in the ritual and her flawless, aloof passion that he almost didn't realise it was finished until she presented him with the steamy, aromatic tea held within a hand-fired _chawan _tea bowl.

This was a slight deviation in the normal routine of a tea ceremony but one, he was sure, Hiashi had easily taken into consideration; though officially he was the guest of honour, he had all but forced Anko to take the position of the senior guest simply because she was a lot less likely to make a mistake than he was and the last thing he wanted to do was cause offence to a clan head in the presence of his daughters. Therefore, in this case, the host offered the _chawan _to him first, rather than the more senior Anko; luckily Naruto was just switched on enough not to look too surprised by this, instead exchanging bows with the girl he assumed was Hinata and then Anko before raising the tea bowl in appreciation of not just Hinata but Hiashi as well. Not for the first time, as he raised the bowl to his lips, he was grateful that he'd sought his old sensei for advice in the aftermath of Hyuuga Zurashi appearing on his front doorstep; had he been less well-schooled over the past fortnight, he might have been slightly offended that the tea had been served to him in a defective bowl.

Under Anko's steely guidance, however, he now knew much better; for some reason _chawan_ with obvious defects were highly prized and respected as such, the imperfections often set to act as the front of the utensil. For this Naruto was grateful as the slight bulge just under the lip gave him something to grip onto as he carefully twisted the fired clay pot and took a sip of the _koicha_ within. It was hot, not scalding but certainly warm, and thick, a flavour he couldn't place as he had very rarely drunk or been able to afford tea but certainly not one that immediately offended him. _Hmm_; he certified his original findings with another sip; _very unusual, and very good – I reckon I could be on to a winner here if I could find a way to get noodles and salt into this brew…_;

"This is excellent tea Hyuuga-sama", he commended as he lowered the bowl, smiling as gently as his exuberant manner could manage as Hinata averted her eyes, though whether this was out of manners or bashfulness he couldn't quite tell, "your skill in _chado_ is surpassed only by your grace in following the _temae_".

_Huh, didn't think that was too much_; once more the Hyuuga heir flushed, slightly darker than before, leading Naruto to do a little thinking as Anko played her part in the ceremony, taking the tea bowl and few sips of her own after Naruto had finished wiping it with one of the _fukusa_ cloths tucked into his _obi_; _maybe she's just shy_. He put it from his mind for the moment, instead choosing to ready himself for his big moment as he watched his sensei hand the bowl back to the tea maker with a commendation of her own. Once more there followed an intricate performance from the future leader of the august Hyuuga clan, Hinata taking each implement of the _chadogu_ and making it her partner for a brief while, an integral part of the dance she was choreographing with her hands, fingers and kimono sleeves as she ritually purified the _chadogu_. Once she was finally done cleaning the implements she bowed to her guests and stood up perfectly, leaving the tea room with such delicacy that she appeared to hover over, rather than step upon, the _tatami_ under her feet.

_And thank the Kami_; as he saw the smaller Hyuuga return with a tray containing _higashi _confectionary and a few small bundles of extra charcoal it was all Naruto could do to avoid sighing in relief; _that's the official bit mostly out of the way, well_; he corrected himself as he watched Hinata restock the fire of the sunken hearth and marvelled at the way she performed such a task without so much as dirtying her kimono; _in a few minutes at least_. Though the preparation shift from _koicha_ to _usucha_ signified the end of the most formal portions of the ceremony Naruto wasn't so incautious as to open his mouth without seeing someone else do it first and, after about ten minutes or so of watching his peer complete another sumptuous routine, the movements for making the thinner tea completely different but still as captivating as those she had used previously, his patience was rewarded as after Anko and Hinata exchanged a few formal pleasantries and he bowed to accept his cup of thin tea he was able to speak again as Hiashi's eyes sought him out,

"I am most grateful for your accepting my invitation Uzumaki-sama", the elder Hyuuga spoke, shifting almost imperceptibly on the _tatami _before indicating the girls on either side of him, "may I introduce my eldest child and heir Hyuuga Hinata", the girl who had been serving the tea bowed low, not daring to meet his eyes, "and my youngest daughter Hyuuga Hanabi". In contrast to her sister, the younger Hyuuga kept her eyes up as she bowed though she did not speak, too well-mannered to break her silence even as Naruto returned her bow and spoke to them both warmly,

"I am most grateful to be received in this honourable _chashitsu_, Hyuuga-sama", the jinchuuriki spoke with almost regal poise before allowing that mask to crack slightly as he turned to the younger members of the clan present, "especially in the presence of such future kunoichi of the Leaf; Hinata-sama, Hanabi-sama, Uzumaki Naruto is forever at your service".

Hinata appeared to flinch slightly at the compliment though Hanabi, perhaps due to her youth, was a little stiffer and didn't react. Conversation continued in this vein for a little while, each of the assembled present making idle small talk with the exception of Hanabi, who was a little too young to speak in a gathering such as this due to her tender age of about three years, until all the _higashi_ were eaten and Hinata had cleansed the _chadogu_ for the last time. This was Naruto's big moment, one that as the guest of honour he couldn't afford to botch, so as the host placed down the last implement, in this case the whisk, Naruto swallowed down something to wet his dry throat, took his life in his hands and bit the fatal kunai,

"Honourable Hinata-sama", now that her father had officially introduced her, it was acceptable for him to address the Hyuuga heir by her first rather than her clan name, "would it be possible for this unworthy one to examine the venerable _chadogu_ of the ancient Hyuuga house".

"It would be our honour Naruto-sama", it was the first time he had ever heard her speak and her voice was so soft he almost didn't hear her at all; such was the softness of Hinata's tone the gentle bubbling of the water in the tea urn would have drowned her out, "please, look upon them for as long as you would like to".

In all honesty Naruto wanted to handle them as little as possible because the longer her held them the greater the chance of something going wrong; however for reasons of politeness he couldn't exactly say that. Instead, with great ceremony and almost exaggerated care he unfurled a specially folded and brocaded cloth from the inside of his _obi_, allowing it to act as a shield between his fingers and the instruments he was handling. In proscribed order he looked over each item of the _chadogu_ in turn before handing them over to Anko, the Snake Mistress passing each back with a pertinent question or comment that either Hinata or, occasionally, her father answered effortlessly. When it came to the _chashaku_, however, something in the grain of the bamboo caught Naruto's eyes; at first he thought it merely an imperfection that was therefore looked upon favourably by the clan, but as he looked again he distinctly saw, or thought he saw, a definite pattern in running along the length of the wooden tea scoop.

"Forgive me my ignorance honourable Hinata-sama", he spoke, inkling his head towards the Hyuuga heir as she glanced up fractionally in alarm before swallowing such emotion behind a professional façade, listening as he asked the question on his lips, "but are there kanji ingrained into this _chashaku_?" Hinata cocked her head at this before her eyes darted to her father; for a moment Naruto felt his heart leap upwards as he feared he'd spoken out of turn before, to his relief, the clan head nodded,

"Those are indeed kanji, but it was not a Hyuuga's hand who scribed them; Hinata-sama", he addressed his daughter, though she did not appear to immediately react to his voice, "would you tell our guest the history of this _chashaku_?"

"Hai chichi-ue", she said quietly, facing her inquisitive guest more straight on as she began to speak, "that tea scoop was a gift to my great-grandfather and former clan leader of the Hyuuga from the Shodaime Hokage of Konoha. Senju Hashirama-sama himself grew the wood it was carved from using his mokuton jutsu; it is imbued with his chakra even now. Those kanji he formed within the living wood itself and, to the Byakugan, they read as _'a good friend is comparable to good health, both being overlooked until they are missed_'; it is an important reminder of the friendship the Hyuuga still hold with the Senju clan and the role we had in laying the foundations that support the village of the Leaf even now".

_Wow_; Naruto wasn't quite sure what was more impressive, the fact he was holding a living piece of Konoha's history in his hand or the fact the Hyuuga had been able to recall all that information so effortlessly; _hard to believe this little thing could mean so much, or that they're letting me hold it for that matter. Speaking of which_; now acutely aware of the importance of the item in his hand, Naruto quickly handed it on and didn't ask many more questions, aware of his ears starting to burn as perhaps for the first time he became aware of just how much of a big deal with was, for Hiashi as much as himself; _after all, he got me here and my reputation outside is somewhere is about the level of pond scum, must have taken a lot of pull to even get that invite printed._ Fortunately, after that little history lesson from Hiashi's daughter, everything progressed relatively smoothly until, at last, Hinata placed the last of the items away in the _chabako_ tea box and all present stood up simultaneously. Uncomfortably aware of the six eyes on his back, Naruto led the procession out of the _chashitsu_ and, beyond that, into the _roji_; from there both he and Anko watched as the three Hyuuga bowed from the door of the tea house and then stepped back inside, shutting the door silently behind them and bringing the ceremony to a close.

Almost before they had disappeared Naruto sagged, tired despite the fact he'd done virtually nothing but kneel down for most of the afternoon; _still, jiji always said studying too hard can make your brain exhausted, or something like that – anyway, whatever it is I'm glad it's over now and I'm out of here._ However, almost as though reading his mind, the hand of his teacher descended from on high and landed with deceptive softness on his shoulder,

"No chance you", she smarmed, revelling at his stricken expression for an instant before diverting the killing blow, "take a seat, we're waiting out; Hiashi said he wanted to talk to me and, I assume, you".

"What? When was this, I never heard him say a word".

"And you wouldn't; kimono sleeves are excellent places to hide hand signal brat, remember that in the future", Anko advised, settling herself down on one of the benches of the _roji_, "if I were you though I'd settle down; no idea how long he's going to be".

The answer to that question, however, was nowhere near as long as the special jounin had expected or feared; after no more than about ten minutes of kicking their heels, Anko gently nudged her charge's shoulder and, looking around, Naruto saw the sight of four Hyuuga approaching them – Hiashi, his two daughters and the Branch house member who'd escorted the two of them to the _chashitsu_ what felt like half a lifetime ago. Naruto rocked to his feet alongside his sensei as the clan leader drew level with them in his own stately way before, to his less than well-hidden relief, he smiled and inclined his head gently towards them both,

"Uzumaki-san", now the tea ceremony was over there was no need for such strict formalities, at least from Hiashi, "I would like to speak with Mitarashi-san if I may. May I invite you to explore the _roji_ with my daughters and their watcher?" Recognising a polite dismissal when he heard one, Naruto immediately nodded and, after exchanging pleasantries with the three younger clan members, allowed himself to be led away from the two adults.

XXX

It was a fascinating thing to see and appreciate, Hinata would admit to herself in later years, just how easily Uzumaki Naruto was able to change his skin as adroitly as any chameleon, an idea she would have (politely) dismissed as impossible had she not seen it with her own eyes. During that first meeting away from other influences, the Hyuuga heir fancied she could almost see the formality sloughing away from for her peer as the quiet foursome slowly removed themselves from the zone of influence exerted by the adults who had moved off together – finally, when her father and his erstwhile guest were completely lost to sight, Naruto had stood up, stretched off and become someone a world away from the somewhat uncomfortably stiff figure she had served tea to not a half-hour before,

"Thank Kami-sama that's over", he spoke semi-aloud though mostly to himself, picking and pulling at his kimono to try and make the garment more comfortable for himself, "nothing against your clan and your eyes but I'm never completely comfortable around here – always feel like I'd being watched".

Such an admission, the Uzumaki noticed from the corner of his eye, had a different effect on each of the three Hyuuga present; Hinata didn't seem exactly sure how to react and therefore merely regarded him curiously, the Branch member he recognised but couldn't name glanced away as though to hide a slight smile whilst Hanabi took it upon herself to defend her clan's honour, folding her arms and taking a step forwards to look up at him with a frown on her small face,

"As you should", she demanded, her tone lacking any of the mispronunciation expected in most children her age, "the Byakugan sees all". _Oh does it now?_; Naruto would normally have chomped down on a leading statement like that like a shoal of ravenous piranha on prey but, taking Hanabi's age into consideration, decided to let the officious-sounding Hyuuga off lightly this time,

"True enough, true enough but remember just because you can see something doesn't mean you can always do anything about it Hanabi-chan". The girl's eyes, already slightly larger than average due to her bloodline, widened considerably and her arms fell slack to her sides, mouth falling open slightly as though she literally couldn't believe what she was hearing,

"How dare you; I am..."

"A chibi", Naruto finished for her, leaving the little Hyuuga gaping again as she sought to try and keep pace with both his logic and his lightning tongue as he met her gaze squarely with his own, "you are, however much you might try to disguise it, a child and therefore it would be unseemly for me to refer to you without the appropriate title outside of a formal event now wouldn't it Hanabi-chan?"

He could have twisted the knife a little further but seeing as the pompous little brat was dropping her eyes and conceding defeat with her body language Naruto decided to be merciful and end it there, moving from the younger heir to the elder and smiling much more benevolently as he spoke in a gentler tone,

"And you Hinata-san, what can I say about you? You were..." he paused, somewhat confused by her apparent sudden fascination with her fingers before, realising she wasn't able to meet his eyes the same way her rather more bellicose little sister had and reconciling this with what he'd seen in the tea room, he managed to make a deduction about what was happening; _ah, so she's a bit shy is she? Ah well, nothing a bit of the old Uzumaki charm can't fix, as long as I try and handle it right_; "...well, actually, before I say what you were, could you please stop tapping your fingers together?" As he'd half-expected, the clan heir didn't immediately cotton on to what he was asking and actually had to glance at her own hands to realise what she was doing; her cheeks instantly immolated themselves as she thrust her hands to her sides, scrutinising the floor as she internally castigated herself for such a stupid thing to do – now she'd undone any good work she might have made in the tea ceremony, he was sure to think she was a stuttering, shambling wreck now,

"G, gomen..."

"No need to apologise Hinata-san, hell I used to do a lot worse without realising it"; _eh?_; it wasn't usual for Hinata to hear someone brushing off her failings so quickly and she glanced up immediately, only to fall helplessly headlong into the endless depths of blue that were Uzumaki Naruto's eyes, not able to break away as she had no choice but to listen to the rest of his words, "anyway you were amazing in the _chashitsu_! How on this earth or any other do you move on those _tatami_, I swore you were hovering rather than shuffling over them – you'll have to teach me how you do it sometime. And the way you handled those _chadogu_", he swiftly glanced her up and down, Hinata feeling her blush start to burn again as she almost felt his eyes roam over her, especially the sleeves and arms of her kimono, an _iromuji_ similar to Anko's though, like her sister, it was an even starker white and no hint of a pattern existed upon its flawless silk, "not even a speck of dust on you. You've got a real talent there Hinata-san; it's no wonder people would gnaw their own arms off to get an invite to a Hyuuga _chado_ if they know they're going to be served by someone like you".

_A, amazing, he thought I was..._; she didn't finish that thought, she didn't dare – not only had Uzumaki Naruto, her family's honoured guest for the day, not thought she was blundering, stuttering or cripplingly shy, he thought she did well? That she hadn't made a mistake at all, even if she knew she could and should have done better? Her handling of the tea scoop had been slightly off and when laying out the _chadogu_ the whisk had been placed slightly too near the caddy, but he either didn't mind or was too polite to point out such deficiencies and for that Hinata was grateful,

"You are, are very kind Naruto-san", she began, once more mentally cursing her own tongue as it tripped her up and made her stammer, "I am honoured that you thought so highly of m..."

For the second time in a minute Hinata found herself cut off, and not merely by words this time; as she looked forwards to try and see what was making such an unusual part of her anatomy so warm she suddenly found herself gasping and going bright red yet again as Naruto, apparently not concerned in the slightest that he had his hand on a forbidden fruit, merely sighed slightly and shook his head at her, grinning,

"Now with most people it's three strikes but I'm afraid with me you're just unlucky Hinata-san", he explained, thinly amused at the sight of someone with no pupils attempting to cross her eyes to focus on the tip of the finger that was now resting lightly on a particular part of her face, "from now on every time you tap your fingers I'm going to tap the end of your nose", he did so one last time for emphasis before removing his hand, Hinata recoiling slightly from the unexpected physical contact, "with any luck that'll break the habit in no time".

For a second the tableau remained frozen, Hinata unable to speak coherently through a suddenly terminal stutter while her younger sister apparently start to balloon with ire, mortally offended that this stranger would place his hands on her elder sister and the clan heir so shamelessly. However out of the Hyuuga present it was the only male member of the clan who spoke, unfolding his arms and coming to Hinata's elbow as she attempted to speak at the same time as consciously force her hands to her sides, not wanting to be caught out with the crime her guest had just admonished for,

"Uzumaki-san", the Branch hour member spoke with the merest edge of his threat in his tone though he didn't flare his bloodline limit, "within these walls I am responsible for Hinata-sama's well-being. I must therefore respectfully request that you do not harm or cause offence to her or Hanabi-sama for the duration of your visit to these grounds". Naruto merely cocked his head as though the Hyuuga had been speaking in a foreign language,

"Offence? And harm – look, umm, okay it's been over a year since we last bumped into each other so forgive me if I get this wrong but is it... Naji?"

"Neji", the Branch member supplied before Naruto overrode him, not wanting to let him have a chance to derail his next words,

"Okay then Neji-san; Hinata-san's going to be a kunoichi one day I assume; I do assume right don't I Hinata-san?"

"Uh, yes", the girl managed to speak without stuttering, Naruto raising an eyebrow as he noticed her just stop herself drawing her hands up in front of her before he carried on,

"Well there you go then; when she becomes a kunoichi she won't have you or anyone else there to look after her, she'll be standing on her own two feet and I'm sure she'll be as damn near perfect at that as she was doing _temae_. Besides", he gave a careless shrug, trying to decide if he was pitching his words right to get it through to not just Neji but Hinata as well that offence and harm to both others and themselves was pretty much mandatory in the world of ninja, "if you thought that was offence you really don't know you're born – I've heard and seen worse from the Academy playground every day".

_I think that went rather well overall_; certainly Neji appeared to be regarding him a little less hotly that he had a few moments ago, though given the apparently unbreakable Hyuuga mask of neutrality it was a little more difficult for him to tell than usual; _and at least Hinata-chan's starting to warm up to me a bit. I know I need to call her –sama or –san until we're out of this place and in the Academy together at least, but for now just letting her know I really appreciated what she did in that tea ceremony seems to be breaking down a couple of her walls_. It was a start at least, and Konoha hadn't been built in a day, but as the eldest child present turned his pale eyes upon him once more, he felt he could hear almost a glimmer of respect lacing his otherwise colourless tone,

"Indeed; I must admit that yes, do often hear and see worse in the Academy playground, though", he smiled slightly, a somewhat sinister expression as it never reached his eyes, "I have yet to hear someone insult the heritage and honour of the Hyuuga house twice while within my earshot". Taking a moment to compute this, Naruto teased the most important point of the older boy's sentence out after a short pause and glanced up at Neji in sudden realisation,

"You're in the Academy already?"

"I am indeed".

"Which year?"

"This is still my first year"; _mostly because Hiashi-sama wouldn't sign the paperwork that would allow me to advance_; that thought still rankled in Neji's mind, though considering the boons his uncle had recently granted him, perhaps it was for the best that he heed the clan head's words about forging bonds with students his own age rather than attempting to race up the rankings as quickly as possible; _though why escapes me. I believe it is that, while Hiashi-sama wishes for honour and prestige for the Hyuuga clan, he would prefer it is such honour was won by the Main rather than the Branch house_; that was his personal opinion on the matter, the memory of his denied promotion still jarring even now, though he was ill-qualified to make statements on how the mind of arguably one of the finest leaders the Hyuuga clan had ever known worked or considered the world, least of all when it was taking most of his mental prowess to keep up with the rapid-fire questions of Hiashi-sama's latest guest,

"Really, first year? Awesome, you might know a friend of mine in there – Hasuwada Tenten", the name didn't appear to ring any immediate bells so Naruto added a brief description, "tallish girl, hair's usually in a pair of buns on top of her head, wears trousers and a shirt most of the time instead of a kimono".

"Ah, yes", that last titbit appeared to be the tipping point as Neji nodded, "I do know Hasuwada-san, though we've not really spoken all that much in class".

"Well if I were you I'd do myself a favour and get into her good books sharpish", Naruto chuckled, running a finger along his jaw, "take it from me she might look all sweetness and light but anyone who knows her would tell you old Panda-chan's going to be the kunoichi who puts her idol Senju Tsunade to shame – ah, damn it!" His expression suddenly morphed into a look of mingled horror and fear as he gazed up at Neji imploringly,

"For the love of Kami please, _please_ don't tell her I told you that", he begged, only the fear of dirtying his _hakama_ stopping him sinking to his knees on the path, "she's still not completely fond of that nickname yet so if it suddenly gets out into the Academy it'll be my neck!" Amused but hiding it and filing the reference away for future blackmail use should he require it from the Uzumaki some time in the future, Neji ducked his head obligingly for the moment and carried on as though nothing untoward had been spoken,

"I have very rarely exchanged words with Hasuwada-san, though with such an, ah, astute reference I will endeavour to correct such an oversight". Naruto's eyes crossed slightly for a moment before he managed to decipher the older boy's words; when he did so, however, he shook his head and sighed,

"Man someone really needs to write a dictionary for people to translate what you guys are saying when you open your mouths. Anyway, aside from that", none of the Hyuuga present had time to pull the Uzumaki up on his slight slur on their manners before he was off again, the three relatives of the clan leader almost dragged along in his slipstream as he moved around the _roji_, "there were still a few questions about that _nodate_. Who's was the _chabana_?"

"That was mine Uzumaki-sama".

"It's –san now Hanabi-chan; we're not in the _chashitsu_ now. Still, that was a rare old bloom you had there, does it grow here in the _roji_?"

"Hai, all flowers used in such ceremonies are cult-e-vated here", Hanabi answered brusquely, only the slightest hitch in her pronunciation betraying her youth and tripping up the elocution lessons installed in her by her elders within the Hyuuga clan even at such a young age, "Hinata-sama tends many of the gardens within the clan grounds". Once more those twin cerulean searchlights were placed on her but, this time, she was able keep both her hands by her sides and her cheeks their normal pale colour as Naruto did his best to give an encouraging smile rather than his usual massive grin,

"A graceful gardener as well as a perfect student in the Way of Tea? A young lady of many talents; remind me to introduce you to Ino-chan when we're in the Academy, she'd love to talk to someone else about flowers. So then Hanabi-chan, where did you find that flower in particular...?"

XXX

"You must think me a terribly cruel man, to spring such a surprise on one who had no idea what he was getting into".

The question wasn't so much loaded as buckling at the knees and, true to form, Mitarashi Anko dispensed with powdery words and elaborate language in favour of kicking the door in and tendering the meat of the issue without further delay,

"It wasn't a million leagues from my mind", the kunoichi admitted, fanning herself with a small hand-fan she'd drawn from the back of her _obi_ and glancing sidelong at the man who'd asked her, knowing that lying to the Hyuuga head would likely be a wasted effort even if his bloodline limit was currently inactive, "but I'm sure you had your reasons, and anyway if you really wanted to throw him to the wolves you'd have called for a full ceremony with your entire elder council".

"A fate I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy"; _mostly due to the fact he's already dead_; the memory of old Sarutobi stating the death of his Kumo counterpart was still enough to send warm honey trickling through Hiashi's veins, though the knowledge of the two gifts the old warhorse had gifted to his clan and, more specifically, the most aggrieved member of his clan tempered his glee enough to let bygones be bygones and wish the third Raikage peace in the afterlife, "but, strange as this may sound, I trusted Naruto to do acquit himself well to anything. He is, or will be should I say, Konoha's number one surprising ninja after all will he not?" Seeing the trace of a smile on the older man's face Anko likewise smiled somewhat ruefully, the expression as hidden behind her fan as the memories of the few times she'd fallen for his almost-inexplicable methods of making things work for him were behind her answering expression and semi-wooden tone,

"He will be, assuming he makes it through the Academy without one of the teachers snapping like a dry rice cracker and attempting to massacre him and the rest of his class; oh come on, you know if anyone could do it it'd be him".

"Very true", the Hyuuga acknowledged, easily keeping pace with his guest as they meandered around the _roji_, occasional pulses of his Byakugan ensuring they wouldn't cross paths with the other small party before time had been given a chance to start the work he was hoping the Academy would finish, "but as I said, I trusted him to acquit himself well and, by seeking and inviting you, he succeeded perhaps better than anyone, even I, could have hoped".

"Thanks", Anko had never really been one for flowery language but at the same time she was never one to shoot down a compliment, least of all one from the clan head of the Hyuuga himself, "speaking of which, how well did he do overall?"

"With a little more practice, he could about pass as the third-son of a minor noble".

"First the heir, second the officer, third the spare huh?" Anko mused, remembering the foibles of the noble classes and how their children would be schooled, almost from birth, for their future roles in life; _probably the reason we shinobi are kept so well in employment outside of war_; "Better than I was expecting overall, not that he needs to know it – no need to make his little head swell more than it already does". Hiashi, however, rather than agreeing with her as she was expecting, apparently seemed to stand behind the absent Uzumaki, backing him up a little as he answered the special jounin with a slight note of reproach in his voice,

"For what he has done I believe him due a little praise; as well as that", the change in tone, from affront to regret, was what made Anko look over more than the words themselves, "should he succeed in the task I would engage him with, he would be worth far more than a mere four hours in a tea ceremony".

In that _roji_, dressed in one of her finest kimono, Mitarashi Anko was treated to one of the rarest spectacles in Konoha – in a private place within the heart of the clan home of the Hyuuga, the bearers of the All-Seeing Eye, the clan leader let out a sigh, turned his gaze up slightly to the heavens and let slip his steely mask just a fraction, speaking to a neutral third party as an equal person, rather than just a name and station,

"Hinata-chan has, by the will of the heavens and not my own, had a much more unstable start in her life than most Hyuuga will ever know, least of all myself. The attempted theft of our bloodline by Kumo shattered her nerves when she was little more than a baby, and she has lived every day since then with the thought that her uncle died because she was 'too weak'", Hiashi's eyes hardened as he almost spat the words bandied about liberally in the elder council surrounding his first-born child – though undoubtedly wise, age had hardened the older generation's attitudes and rendered them blind to Hinata's undoubted strengths; they could no longer see underneath the underneath where she was concerned, "to stop herself from being taken. Added to that she lost her mother so young and had a great hand in raising her younger sister", Hiashi shook his head, recalling the bond that did exist between the two sisters, the one that was weakening, almost unnoticed, day by day as Hanabi was subtly bombarded with the message that Hinata simply wasn't good enough to be the clan heir, least of all by her sister herself; _and, even if it kills me, I will stop that message before either of my daughters is lost to it_; "and it has resulted in, issues".

"Guilt", with the bluntness typical of an interrogator Anko had the answer in a split-second after mulling the facts through in her head, not even needing to glance at Hiashi to know she was right, "she feels guilty all the time over the whole Kumo thing and, if I'm any judge, perhaps wants to hate her sister because their mother died but can't because a, Hanabi's her sister and b, how can you hate someone who's nappies you helped to change, so she's trying to ignore that feeling and convince herself what happen to their mother was her fault? Boy", she shook her head with a weary half-chuckle, "that is a right mix of emotions you've got going there Hiashi-san; how's it manifesting?"

Though not exactly comfortable discussing his daughter's health with a virtual stranger Hiashi was in a tight corner even now despite the hole Naruto had inadvertently knocked into the walls pressing down on him. The results of his jaunts into Kumo had given the clan leader the opportunity to firstly introduce someone who he was sure would be a good, if somewhat boisterous, influence in Hinata's life and, perhaps more importantly, give Hiashi himself a chance to consider another option that he'd been toying with recently by giving him the chance to speak to the one who had, inadvertently perhaps, started the whole ball rolling with Uzumaki Naruto,

"Perfectionism".

"I thought that came standard with all Hyuuga; my apologies", even if he tried to hide it, she could see the annoyance and hurt in the glance Hiashi flashed her way, "that was in the poorest of taste". The slightest of nods indicated his letting the insult slide before he continued,

"It was but it is not completely without merit", Anko guessed that was about as close as any Hyuuga would ever come to admitting the clan as a whole had an issue with its ego, "however, returning to the matter at hand, Hinata's feelings on the matters you raised earlier are all but crippling her. Though I am far from an expert in such matters from my own observations I am inclined to believe that my daughter thinks that, because everything that has happened was 'her fault', only if she has no flaws whatsoever will nothing terrible ever happen again. She is setting herself impossible standards and quite naturally failing to attain them; this is feeding a vicious cycle that is rapidly consuming her self-confidence – the harder she tries to attain the perfection she believes she needs, the more conscious she becomes of her own mistakes and the more difficult it becomes for her. Already she has trouble binding or opening up to people for fear any of her mistakes causing them discomfort; the Branch house know and have confided to me that she works almost harder than any of them, shouldering more of the burden of household tasks than is good for one of her age; and fate has not been kind to her either", Hiashi massage his eyes with his forefinger and thumb, an expression of almost human frailty that almost caused Anko to drop her fan; _wow, I never thought I'd see the day a Hyuuga would look so tired, least of all to a clan outsider and least of all the clan leader_; "there are some elements within the clan that look upon her shyness as weakness unfit in a possible future clan leader and, more than that, the traditional Jyuuken is not suited to one such as my Hinata-chan".

That was potentially a very serious problem; though she knew about as much as the next person about the inner workings of one of Konoha's noble clans Anko did know that a Hyuuga without the Gentle Fist would be considered as much of an aberration as an Uchiha would have been without the Sharingan; accepted perhaps but never acclaimed within the clan. It would have been awkward at best for a lay-member of the clan to be so ostracised but, for a potential leader, it was little more than a delayed death-sentence,

"So", as much to fill the silence and stop herself dwelling on the matter than anything else the Snake Mistress spoke, "what can you do? I mean, I doubt finding out that her clan style doesn't fit her is going to do much for your little girls' peace of mind". Hiashi nodded grimly but with an air of potential hope about him,

"The situation is not so hopeless as to be unsalvageable; her mother also had difficulty with the traditional Jyuuken but with practice overcame such problems; in doing so she also developed a separate school of the Gentle Fist, one unique to herself. Hinata-chan may yet have the power to make the same discoveries but, with her own mind holding her back, such a thing can never be. I will not lie to you Anko-san, there is no point; the main reason I invited Uzumaki Naruto to a private _nodate_ had little to do with the business with Kumo and everything to do with him meeting my daughter, in fact both my daughters".

"Because she won't be able to wall up around him, he won't let her", Anko could join the rest of the dots on her own, "you're looking at him to help bring her out of her shell?"

"And to see that being perfect is not necessary to keep everyone you love safe", Hiashi admitted with a slight nod, "Naruto-san is by his own admission far from ideal but, even so, I would wager far from even money on him becoming one of the outstanding ninja of his generation, even claiming the mantle of Hokage if favoured by fortune".

"Kami save the rest of us if that ever happened", Anko muttered, though as far as she was concerned she'd probably either be long-retired or dead before her gaki took over the reins of power so it wasn't going to be her problem, "though I have to admit that the brat was born lucky, first day of his life aside", she added, remembering the events surrounding the night of Naruto's birth and how they had landed him with a life-long burden.

"A conclusions I would be forced to agree with", Hiashi admitted at length before he paused in his slow pacing and faced the special jounin directly, "though, aside from his aid in Hinata's cause, I was also most interested to determine the worth of any he brought with him to such a gathering".

Anko froze in her tracks, fan snapping closed as she span on her heel and faced the Hyuuga leader square on; there was no deception in Hiashi's face, nothing to indicate falsehood towards the idea she thought she had unearthed and, like a viper, she struck to crush that seed completely before it could properly germinate,

"Oh no, absolutely not", she vehemently swore, shooting down his arguments before he could even speak them, "Naruto came, in fact was passed on to me as a virtual blank slate – no clan, no real parents even and absolutely no idea what he was letting himself in for. He survived me and the _only_ reason he survived was because of that ignorance; hell Hiashi some of the things I did in the name of training could have had me up before a jury on a child abuse charge if he'd complained! But he didn't, he took the worst I could throw at him, got knocked down and just kept coming back for more and I respect that", there was nothing but sincerity in her eyes and her voice as she made that admission, Hiashi sinking his weight onto his back foot as the weight of feeling in the Snake Mistress's tone crashed into him, "if nothing else I ever say about him is true, the fact I respect and will probably always respect him for just being who he is and not being afraid of showing it is set in stone. I had a hand in starting him out as the ninja he'll be but that was it, a hand, just like a lot of the ninja force who took kunai, shuriken and wire off a kid in the training grounds and paid him in shinobi lessons – the rest he's done himself".

"But that hand, the starting hand, could be what Hinata-chan requires..?"

"Maybe but not from me", Anko argued, shaking her head with a frown, "she's too, sorry if there's no other way to say this, she's too _stable_ to cope with what I'd do. She's got a big clan and family and preset notions as to how a kunoichi's supposed to behave even if she doesn't know it yet. If I tried to do with her what I did with the brat it'd end in disaster – she wouldn't just break Hiashi she'd shatter, either because I'd push her beyond her limits or the realisation she couldn't keep up with a woman fifteen years older and more experienced would press down too hard on the perfection self-destruct button in her head. I know I'm a vicious bitch at the best of times but it's not in me to beat someone when they're down; if I could help you or her I'd give it a go but right now I'm about the least suitable..." Anko groped for a word that summed up what the Hyuuga heir seemed to need at the minute and for a second was found wanting before a memory of a conversation she'd had a few days ago bubbled to the surface of her mind and she seized upon it for lack of anything else suitable, "..._friend_ you could ask for your daughter".

The truth hurt, that Anko could guess but not prove from the expression or, to be more accurate, lack thereof that Hyuuga Hiashi displayed upon hearing such unwelcome news,

"It was a, remote hope at best", he admitted at length before resuming his walk, Anko left behind for a step before she caught up, careful not to trip over her long kimono, "however I still believe a kunoichi example would aid Hinata-chan in many ways; can you suggest any who may be more receptive to the idea of mentoring and guarding a young Hyuuga clan heir?"

"I can ask around", Anko offered, Hiashi not dropping his sidelong glance until she made a further concession, "there's a few up-and-comers about my age coming through the system, and a teaching position never looks bad on the records after all". The clan head nodded, seemingly mollified even as he took a step closer to the kunoichi, his slight intrusion into her personal space making Anko tense up almost invisibly,

"You have my thanks, as does the one you tutored in the Way of Tea", luckily the Mitarashi was too experienced a ninja to react as she felt something tuck into the rear of her _obi_, just beneath the knot that held it together before Hiashi stepped back as though nothing at all had happened, "a token of my gratitude to you both".

"You are most gracious Hiashi-sama", Anko bowed lightly in respect, though for all she knew the envelope she now had ownership of contained nothing but shredded newspaper, "is there any timeframe required for the, ah, news to go around concerning Hinata-sama's need for a guardian?"

"The sooner the better preferably, but certainly before the start of the Academy next year; that way I can use the idea to sway the elder council to delay selection of the next leader of the Hyuuga clan until both my daughters have passed through the Academy if Hanabi is schooled through traditional Hyuuga means, as opposed to Hinata who will be viewed as an, experiment to expand the skills of the clan". That logic made Anko raise an eyebrow – in a clan as old and steeped in tradition as the Hyuuga, what Hiashi was suggesting could very well amount to a seismic shift in the clan's relationship with the rest of the village,

"I see", reading between the lines Anko decided to risk throwing out a little bait to see what latched on to it, "they've already, ah, question Hinata-san's suitability for the role then?"

The look Hiashi flashed her way would have stripped a wall clear of lichen but, fortunately for Anko's heart rate, it was quickly banished behind his usual mask of aloofness as, almost against his will, he nodded slowly,

"They have raised the issue, once", he admitted, though from the way such an admission was made Anko could easily imagine the reason they hadn't done so again; for all his nobility and haughty demeanour Hiashi was still ranked as a jounin-level ninja and on top of that was a father looking after his children to boot, easily enough to terrify a group of mouldering old relics into submission despite their sagacity, "but the reminder that the Hyuuga should never be one to repeat mistakes was enough to buy ample time to address Hinata's potential problems before they threatened her position as clan heir".

"Mistakes? Can't see that you've made any to be honest, at least", Anko corrected herself with a wry chuckle, hoping against hope her host took no offence to her words, "nothing compared to other clans I might mention; all of you are alive now, that's got to be a bonus right?" Hiashi smiled thinly for a moment before, as though reminded of something, the expression dropped from his face and he was a Hyuuga once more, meeting his guest eye to eye as he shook his head slightly, turning away towards where his bloodline limit had detected his children and the second interloper onto his clan grounds,

"Not all of us", he breathed cryptically, the special jounin wisely remaining quiet and not enquiring further as she trailed along slightly in the Hyuuga's wake, therefore not seeing the remorseful expression that flashed across his face once more; _no, not all live who deserved to live. But I, and hopefully Hinata in my stead when I am gone, will be enough to ensure the travesty that happened when you and I were born will never be repeated again in future generations Hizashi. In death you opened my eyes – leadership cannot come by happenstance of birth alone – and I will bear that message to the rest of the clan in turn, though I may well have joined you in the Pure world before the lesson is learnt fully._

XXX

Distracted as he was by ensuring Hanabi-sama was not reduced to swapping common insults with the infuriating guest that seemed to have made it his mission to drive both him and one of his charges insane at the same time as reduce the other to a babbling, blushing mess, Neji was to his eternal embarrassment unaware of his uncles' presence until he almost walked into the older man. Immediately sinking into a formal, apologetic bow, the Branch member was forced to feel a sudden surge of gratitude towards the Uzumaki for immediately taking the attention off his mistake with what was, as Neji was to the detriment of his inner harmony slowly discovering, a typical remark,

"Uh oh kid; looks like we've been found out", he sighed, shaking his head at Hanabi, who for her part was glowering at him with impotent annoyance, "it's way past your bedtime so no excuses; wash up and then get to sleep". _If she goes for him, I let her do it – in fact I might even hold him down for her_; such were the thoughts of the Hyuuga protector as he fancied he could almost hear his younger cousins grinding her newly-emerged teeth to nubs but, to his mingled relief and disappointment, her sister came to the fore to save the day,

"Ano, Hanabi-san will be fine for, a while yet", Hinata managed, once more keeping away from bad habits as the Uzumaki glanced up at her, smiles wreathing his face once more,

"I really wish I had a sister like you Hinata-san; you're way too nice – hope you realise how lucky you are chibi". Hanabi's temper, much to the apparent amusement of the woman who had been the Uzumaki's escort Neji noticed, snapped with an almost audible ping,

"I not chibi!" She shouted, all but stamping her foot in a tantrum as her father closed his eyes in either embarrassment or amusement as the sight of his youngest foregoing all her elocution lessons and setting up a screaming match with one of the village orphans. Naruto, however, didn't seem to notice, instead merely darting his hand forwards to pat her on the head while speaking with her sister, Hinata completely unsure how to handle someone so completely different from what she would consider to be normal until she entered the Academy; _just as I was – I learnt more on my first day there than hours of practice within the clan dojo could have taught me_;

"Isn't she precious?" Naruto's voice all but oozed patronising charm as Neji was forced to wrap his arm around Hanabi's shoulders to stop her springing at the guest and potentially bringing shame upon the clan, "However, though normally I have nothing but admiration for the standards of you Hyuuga craftsmen, I believe this particular model might have a slight defect in her temper gear. Is she battery powered or clockwork?"

Caught completely off-guard by such an oblique comment Hinata had no idea what she should say in response and, yet again, she was forced to feel her insides squirm as she realised that her father had to step in and cover for her inadequacies,

"I assure you Uzumaki-san, my youngest daughter is not a doll; I was there when she was born after all"; _not to mention when she was made_;

"Hmm", Naruto seemed to muse at this, glancing at the grimacing Hanabi at the same time as putting his finger on his chin in an expression of deep thought, "you sure about that Hiashi-sama, she seems a bit easy to wind up. And you never know", he went on as Hiashi sought to hastily hide his slight smile as he Neji cringed, realising he'd have to explain this to Hanabi when he got a moment and not looking forwards to the likely aftermath of her realising someone had played a joke at her expense, "give it a few more years, especially if she takes after her nee-chan and you'll have a real doll on your hands – you'll be beating the boys off her with a stick".

Neji's cringe redoubled at the same time Anko snorted with mirth and Hinata went bright crimson at the back-handed compliment, reduced to stuttering again as she simply failed to believe someone could even look at her without seeing a pathetic, nervous wreck of a girl, completely unbecoming to a Hyuuga heiress. She was given little time in this introspection however as, not for the first time, a finger relocated itself on the end of her nose and, looking beyond it, she could have wept to see Naruto shaking his head and sighing at her; _I'm such a failure_;

"And you were doing so well Hinata-san, that was a whole half-hour", he lamented gently, removing his finger and gently tapping both of the girls as they were placed in front of her, "Neji-san, Hanabi-chan, I'm looking at you two to make sure Hinata-san breaks that habit – there's no reason for someone as good as her to be so shy".

_As expected_; if nothing else was true about the boy Naruto, at least when he wasn't forcibly holding himself in on a tight leash, was a wrecking ball when it came to formalities and personal boundaries just as Hinata was now discovering; _and, though it may be a shock to her system, I can only pray it brings forward the daughter I know is present but have not yet seen in her_;

"Hmm, such intimacy, and so soon", the Hyuuga head spoke with a dry humour in his voice, slightly amused by the sight of his nephew all but fainting dead away at the idea of his uncle even trying to crack a joke, "should I be worried about drafting a betrothal contract soon in the future Uzumaki-san?" Naruto shrugged before looking across at Hinata again,

"Well as I was always told, usually at great length and with a clip around the ears thrown in for good measure, the lady is always right", he quoted, directing a knowing glance Anko's way as he did, "if Hinata-san believes I'm good enough for her than I will consider myself most blessed and eternally thankful, though hopefully she'll have a few years yet to find someone as special and good as she is".

_As good as me – no good then_; the idea made Hinata want to cry – she knew what she was just as the whole clan knew what she was, and as soon as Naruto saw that as well he'd know he could do much better and leave her behind, just as everyone would be better off doing. For the sake of politeness though, just for now she allowed herself to accept this one glorious moment where someone saw the illusion rather than the truth and she revelled in it, almost walking on air as she somehow managed to smile, give a slight laugh and bow off the Uzumaki's insinuations. She and the rest of her family exchanged a little more small talk with their guests before, to her relief that she was going to get out of this situation having made a good impression on someone for a change, she heard the woman who had accompanied Naruto announce it was time for them to depart. She, along with her father, sister and cousin, walked to the gate of the compound the guests had changed within with her head held high, preparing to see their guests safely into back into the world of the main village again. There they all waited for fifteen or so minutes before the two were ready to depart, though she had to look twice to be sure the boy who came out of the changing area was the same one who had gone in. From the neck down all was different was night and day, only they hair, they laughing eyes and the dazzling smile told the truth; regardless of the clothes he wore, Uzumaki Naruto was himself and happy with himself, something Hinata could only ever dream she could be.

She kept her eyes upon him, feasting at the sight of such contentment, until the doors of the compound boomed shut behind the departing duo and she was once more in the Hyuuga compound, once more the weak, worthless heiress of a clan that deserved so much more than she could ever possibly be...

...once more in her own personal purgatory.

XXX

_Okay then_; having finally been able to ditch the dimwit she called a student after a celebratory round of ramen (he'd been paying so he got to pick where they ate, and it had been cute watching that little waitress all but go completely gaga over the sight of the gaki dressed in nice clothes for a change), Anko was finally back in the privacy of her own apartment and able to divest herself of both her kimono and the itching, irritating secret that had been driving her nuts ever since Hiashi had put it there. Finally undoing the knot of her _obi_ and letting it flutter to the floor, the Snake Mistress was able to finally see the truth as she turned around and scanned the floor, recognising the two envelopes marked with the fluid calligraphy of the Hyuuga clan head with practised ease as they blended in with the whiteness of the ribbon they'd been disguised as,

"Okay then", she breathed to herself, picking it up and noticing it was unsealed, "let's see what you got for me".

Her envelope was a simple affair, a note of personal thanks, congratulations and recommendation for future tea ceremonies, something that would carry a lot of weight in the august circles of _chado_ as the voice of Hyuuga Hiashi would echo strongly even there. _Nice_; that alone was something worth framing and hanging on the wall despite the fact the Hyuuga lord had likely written it during the _nakadaichi_; _so then, kudos for me, and for the ga... what in the seven unholy hells?! There's got to be seventy, no eighty thousand ryo in here!_ Now normal Anko would have known that amount of cash in a wallet by weight alone but the fact the Hyuuga had used ten-thousand ryo notes had thrown her somewhat and she was therefore left open-mouthed by the amount of currency Hiashi had handed over to the jinchuuriki. Mind completely blown by this, Anko plucked the small slip of paper at the front of the envelope out and unfurled it, reading with a mounting sense of disbelief as she went on:

_Naruto-san,_

_You have the gratitude of the Hyuuga clan and the personal thanks of both its leader and its council of elders of the service you have performed for us all and the ghosts you have helped lay to rest. Should you ever have need of our eyes, you need merely to ask._

_Well ain't that a kick in the head_; not only was Naruto now a rich little bugger, he was a rich little bugger with the Hyuuga clan watching his back – slowly whistling as she replaced the note within the envelope, Anko felt the need for a little sit down. Slouching into her bedroom and slumping down on the bed, the special jounin blew out a sigh as she mulled this new information over in her mind; _damn, he is starting to pull a lot of influential strings. And he got me talking with Hyuuga Hiashi, a note of recommendation from the big man himself and, possibly, a new mission to help his little girl. Damn it_; she snarled softly, once more hating the burning sensation that ate its way into her guts; _now I owe him again. Well, if that's your plan gaki, it's not going to work_; standing up tall Anko felt her inner fire rekindle as she slid off her kimono, leaving her stood in just her undergarment as she smirked to herself, already cycling through her mind for a way of knocking the aggravating mouse off her back before he could nibble his way in too far; _I've got just the thing to dig me out of this hole, all I need is a pen, some paper and a second when you're not awake..._

Due to that little planning session Naruto was greeted next morning by something very unusual; a letter slipped under his apartment door. After gingerly sending in a clone to examine it in case it was explosive and shouting down a mouthful of vociferous abuse from the clone that was unhappy about given a potential suicide mission and not afraid to let its feelings on the matter show, the jinchuuriki was left whistling as he beheld the contents and immediately sent his clone off to write up a storage seal for the new money as he read the slips involved. Hiashi's note was not only heartfelt, it was potentially a lot more important than that, while the one from Anko...

_Gaki,_

_Okay listen up; for the kanzashi and the ceremony you got these, consider us square. They're only D and E-ranked but they helped get me through the Academy – don't get caught practicing and don't mention my name if you do!_

_Anko_

_P.S. If you're ever in the mood to treat your uke again, just remember it is an absolute impossibility for a girl to own too much lingerie._

"All right sensei", the blonde shouted aloud as his clone, having been disturbed by the commotion and come back into the kitchen to read the note over his shoulder, ran into the lounge and started hollering in celebration, "you're the best! There's gotta be six, no, seven jutsus here; right, new plan", having not had much of a plan to start with it was easy enough to scrap his ideas for the day and start again, "no need to shop but I do need to check out the library, that new comic should be out now – time for old Ootoko-san to make a comeback and enjoy an hour or so with that librarian girl, assuming she's still in there. After that, assuming you've gone by then", he called slightly aloud to his bunshin who, having finally celebrated enough, grinned and gave a thumbs-up, "I get to practice these new techniques. Today", he declared to the world in general as he made his way to the kitchen table to flip through his Book of Faces and remind himself exactly what made up his Ootoko mask, "is going to be a damned good day!"

XXX

It was strange what team mates would admit to each other over time; though at first she'd have sworn she would have been have happy had the three of them never shared a word until they reached chunin, Hana quickly realised exactly how stupid and shallow that way of thinking was – had it not been for her team mates and sensei, she wasn't even sure she would have been able to carry on being a kunoichi during the time one of her partners had been stolen. Kotetsu and Izumo were both annoying and immature brats but they, along with her, were Tane-sensei's annoying and immature little brats and they were growing into ninja he would be proud to serve alongside rather than merely teach. Despite that, however, there were a few things they disagreed on, one such instance being the brothers' idea of a 'take-back', the ability they'd both like to have to be able to undo something they had done in the past.

For example, Kotetsu had admitted he would forever love to take-back the time he neglected to watch where he was going in the family brewery, ended up slipping over some damp flooring and cart-wheeling head over heels into a heap of old hops; according to Izumo, the smell had hung around him for weeks. Hana had considered this idea but, overall, rejected it; she was an Inuzuka and everything that had happened to her in the past had made her what she was today – cutting out a part of that, no matter how small, wasn't something she would have felt comfortable doing. Unlike in the past where the three of them would have quickly squabbled and fallen out over this, the threesome now simply shrugged, agreed to disagree and moved on, Hana in particular giving the idea no further thought.

Until, that was, right now, right at the point where she would have quite happily cut off her own arm to be able to take-back the last few seconds of life, the seconds where, having stumbled into one of the main meeting areas of her clan on the hunt for some dinner and been questioned about what had happened to rough her up so much, she had pointed to one of her clan-brothers and exclaimed in a loud, exhausted voice,

"He's an _animal_!"

_Why, oh why wouldn't Tane-sensei teach us any suicide jutsu?_; face-down on the table she'd slumped in front of, cheeks so red it wasn't possible to see where tattoo ended and flesh began, Hana was reduced to wishing for the ground to split asunder and swallow her whole and, as usual, that wish wasn't being granted. The entire clan, or at least to her what sounded like the entire clan had been absolutely devastated by her accidental double-entendre, ninja and nin-ken alike falling about howling with laughter and, to put the cherry of chastisement right on top of this perfect mixture of mortification, her mother had of course just walked in at the exact second she'd made such a pronouncement and was now in no fit state to quell the quasi-riot, being too busy gasping for more air to laugh with. In fact about the only person completely unaffected by her remark was the person she'd actually singled out and, to her horror, he merely grinned, threw his arms up and behind his head at the same time as dumping a shed-load of oil on the fire,

"Well I don't mean to boast, buuuut..."

Hana felt like trying to throttle herself; without further thought she buried her head as far into her arms as she could manage; bad enough that she humiliated herself by being reduced to lusting after and almost bedding the last Uzumaki following the reunion with her lost partner, now she was making it sound like she'd actually done just that anyway! _I have a mouth with a death-wish_; the Inuzuka scion mourned, daring to peep out the crook of her elbow and immediately wishing she hadn't bothered, the sight of Kiba sprawled on the floor, dry-heaving for oxygen with a face almost as red as hers a red-hot thorn in her side before there was a sudden rush of blackness in her vision as someone slumped against her and almost knocked her sprawling off her seat,

"W, was the Pack-Binding not enough for you girl?" Someone older than she was all but shouted in her ear, quivering against her as they tried to straighten up after tripping over her brother, "One of, of my old kimono should fit; a quick change, a sip of sake and he's all yours forever – just make sure he gives you plenty of pups before you end up old and toothless like your mother!"

_Death-wish granted_; even now, however, Hana simply couldn't catch a break; even as she tried to glance along the table of something with a sharp edge to end the misery with, with a sudden heave the weight was pulled off her side and straight into the face of a fire-breathing Inuzuka clan head,

"Who're you calling old?" Tsume demanded, glaring concentrated death through the clan member who'd bad-mouthed her until the younger girl, one of Hana's older cousins, cowered and whimpered for mercy. Dispensing pack justice with a rough shove that sent the other girl flying into a nearby wall Tsume drew herself up, grabbed Hana by the arm and, as she hauled her eldest child out of the seat she'd sought refuge in, turned to the other semi-guilty party and barked a quick order,

"Grab him and meet us in there"; seeing the clan head's slitted eyes dart towards a door he didn't recognise Naruto nevertheless nodded to show his understanding and reached down to tug at Kiba's closest arm,

"Come on Kibble", he demanded, heaving the taller boy upright at the same time as checking he wasn't going to tread on Akamaru accidentally, the little puppy currently sniffing around his partner and wondering if the Inuzuka was ill from something that was making his face magenta and preventing him from breathing properly, "damn it, move or the next sparring lesson we'll be getting will come from your mother". That, at last, seemed to sober the Inuzuka up something rapid; hastily shuffling along in his friends' wake, Kiba quickly followed Naruto towards the door he'd seen the leader of the Inuzuka pull her daughter into, the jinchuuriki pushing the door to behind them both and taking a look at the surroundings before licking his lips,

"Umm, tasty", his eyes lingered on a long section of salted meat impaled on a hook set into the roof of the little larder Tsume had led them into, "though I'm guessing we're not here to check on the menu right?"

"Right", the Inuzuka assured him, arms folded as she looked from him to her still-mortified daughter, "you're here to report to me exactly how that sparring lesson went and reassure me I'm not going to have to rip your balls off for doing inappropriate things with my little girl Naru-chan". The Mouse immediately whitened even as Kiba bit onto his hand to try and avoid bursting out in helpless laughter again, the sight of the smaller child who'd joined in his taijutsu training with his sister without so much as a care in the world or worry about getting hurt cowed into submission by his mothers' mere words a sight for him to behold,

"As if I'd dare", Naruto assured the older Inuzuka and, after scrutinising him with a beady eye for a second longer, Tsume nodded, seemingly satisfied with both his answer and his sincerity,

"Good, I want to be a mother-in-law before one of you makes me a grandmother", she told her children, Hana once again wilting in shame as her insides writhed, barely able to even look at her mother as Tsume turned her attention her way, a crafty smirk on her painted lips, "though at the rate you're going I wouldn't wonder if the two came within a few months of each other Hana-chan. What possessed you to say a thing like that – you must have known..."

"I didn't think", the younger woman managed to admit at last, seemingly more sure of herself now she had a corner to fight in, "and I certainly didn't mean it like that!"

"That's obvious", Tsume cut in, needling her daughter again before, at last, taking a modicum of pity on her and asking her next question in a more matter-of-fact tone, "so what did you actually mean?"

At this Hana was finally able to completely regain control of herself, draw in a deep breath and sigh it back out, expelling her earlier woes and worries before meeting the eyes of her alpha and giving her report,

"Naruto-kun's a brawler, plain and simple"; _interesting_; Tsume had guessed as much from what she'd heard from Inoichi but to hear it confirmed from her daughters' own mouth was a boon in itself, "he's got next to no form that I could see, throws his all into everything he does and leaves gaps in his defence you could roll an Akimichi through. He tries to use what I think is the Academy stance but does it so badly I can't even be sure and, even after all that, he beat Kiba three times out of ten and me once, and in all the other matches both of us knew we'd been in a fight even though we won".

"She's right kaa-san", Kiba backed up his sister, "he's a right sod to try and pin down, and he cheuhh", he made to correct himself as he heard both Naruto and Hana tut under their breath, "I mean he fights filthy, as he calls it. I lost one bout because he threw leaves in my eyes, a second because he caught Akamaru and threatened to hurt him if I didn't quit; he's not as strong or fast as me really but even so", he glanced across at the other boy, mutual respect mirrored in the meeting brown and blue eyes, "I wouldn't want to seriously fight him".

"Likewise, glad you're on my side", Naruto admitted, wincing as he felt some of the scratches from the young Inuzukas' claws flare up again, "I've got a lot of work to do to even try to catch up with most of the kids my age; heck even Ino-chan knows how to fight because of her father and she still beats me just over half the time; but I'm not going to give up", azure fire filled his eyes once more and Kiba nodded, recognising a rival who wasn't afraid to get his hands dirty and looking forwards to future spars, especially once his nin-ken would be able to partner up with him, "I'll get there and these lessons are just what I need to help". Tsume smiled,

"Good; Inoichi told us all what you were like in the sparring circle and I'm glad for it – believe it or not I'd bet you'll teach my two at least as much they'll teach you". Naruto knitted his brow at this for a moment before the realisation sank in and he snapped his fingers,

"Oh, you mean because I fight filthy?"

"Too right, only way to fight and not something you'll learn in the Academy I can assure you", Tsume chuckled, remembering with slight rancour exactly how well Naruto was taking after the kunoichi she had both loved and hated ambivalently throughout the time they had grown up together; _fighting filthy eh – Kushina-chan if nothing else your boy's doing you proud in that regard_; "Hana-chan, Kiba-kun, I hope you're taking notes while you're pounding this gaki into the dirt".

"Bit hard when most of that dirt's in your eye", Hana groused, remembering her loss in the first bout she'd had with the Uzumaki and feeling quite ashamed of herself for capitulating in the manner she had; _I underestimated him, thought I couldn't lose and he made me pay for it – oh if the Zo-Ko duo get wind of the fact I got schooled by pre-Academy student my life is over_; more to relieve the thought of such future humiliation than anything else Hana carried on with her words, "but yeah, he'll be an absolute beast when we're done with him; if nothing else his reflexes and speed'll go through the roof".

"Or the floor", the Uzumaki muttered under his breath, one of his ears throbbing as he recalled the sensation of having the older Inuzuka girl stomping on the side of his head before he could tap out and end the bout, "but anyway, about the stances and other things I try to learn them, I really do, but they just don't feel right. I can never remember what I'm supposed to do or how to throw a particular block and counter until it's too late, by that point I'm already flat on my back and seeing stars. I guess that's one of the reasons I needed training with most of the clans", he admitted ruefully, shrugging as Tsume raised an eyebrow and both her children listened in – they had been told that the Inuzuka were not the only ones responsible for their Pack-Brothers' training but had yet to see too many other potential moves in his arsenal as of yet, "I can't find a set of moves that fit me so I'll have to beg, borrow and steal what I can until I come up with something that works".

"I wouldn't worry too much about it Naru-kun", Tsume reassured him with a careless shrug, "truth be told we as a clan don't have much of a traditional style ourselves; outside of our combination techniques with the nin-ken we rely more on speed and reflexes just like you seem to. Still", she turned a sly smirk his way, "the wait for you to actually do something even remotely normal as far as ninja training is concerned still goes on it seems". Naruto merely puffed out his chest and nodded,

"Too right; normality's overrated anyway – besides even if I did manage it I doubt half of you would believe me. I still don't think half of you clan heads really believe I'll actually be in the Academy later this year; I mean, come on; name one thing that I've ever done by the book?"

"Apart from my sister?"

Kiba would forever blame the influence of his blonde friend for that first time he opened mouth and inserted foot without having a clue as to how he was supposed to get away from the aggrieved party in the aftermath; however, though it took him an hour-long shower to rinse the last of the residues from his hair following an infuriated Hana hefting him bodily off the floor and unceremoniously dunking him headfirst in a nearby barrel of flour before stalking off to try and cool down, Kiba would also forever remember the sound of his mother and Pack-Brother folding up in helpless hysterics at his words and privately agree that, to quote Naruto, it had been 'totally worth it'.

XXX

"Shino-kun", ensuring the last of his kikaichu had returned to their hives in his subcutaneous tissues, the Aburame heir glanced over his former sparring partner as the last Uzumaki stretched off his arms, "much as I love how your clan enjoys its whole mystical and mysterious thing, the next time I hear one of you guys claiming you have no recognised taijutsu style or other talents in the ninja arts I'm going to hurt them".

_As usual, blank as a slate of cut shale_; try as he might Naruto had as of yet been unable to bait much of a rise out of the stoic Aburame but, overall, this wasn't necessarily a bad thing; Shino, like much of the Aburame, did have a sense of humour about him, albeit one as dry as Suna, but then again such a subtle, almost unnoticed manner was a sly, tricky beast to both notice and counter, much like the Aburame themselves.

"That would be most disagreeable Naruto-san", that at least he could claim as a victory of sorts; it had taken the better part of a year and a bit but at last he'd finally worn the taller boy down to the point where he would at least refer to him by his first, rather than clan name, "though I would advise improving your abilities in hand to hand combat before attempting such retribution".

"Yeah yeah, laugh it up", Naruto groused after a second of translating the Aburame's abnormal speech and rubbing his aching forearms, "just 'cause you've got arms like anvils doesn't mean mine won't toughen up over time".

"That is true", Shino admitted, taking a small drink of water from a small bottle placed at the side of the sparring ring before offering it to the guest of his clan, "though the presence of the kikaichu nests beneath the dermis of my limbs does grant me a natural advantage". Naruto glanced at his friend's long sleeves as he took a sip of water himself before shrugging,

"So? You've got an advantage, big deal – life's not fair for ninja so you survive, adapt and overcome, that's my motto", he explained before checking his sleeves again, "sure you got them all off?"

Unseen behind his tall collar Shino did smile ever so slightly at this question; Naruto had at first been mildly disconcerted at the fact that, due to the nature of both the Aburame's symbiotic partners, their entire taijutsu style was based around a close-quarter, boxed in fighting style that allowed a large amount of physical contact with their opponents, ensuring they could seed their beetles onto an enemy and start draining their chakra away. Of course Naruto represented nothing less than a feast on two legs for a kikaichu swarm and therefore had been on the receiving end of a dose of his own medicine during his first attempt to spar with an Aburame; the sight and sensation of having his forearm suddenly swarmed by living, writhing beetles one that had driven him to shrieking and forfeiting the match in an attempt to desperately brush them off and stop them getting under his jumpsuit and onto his skin, a sly trick played on the master of fighting in the gutter that had earned Shino the somewhat-dubious honour of the jinchuuriki's respect as a sparring partner.

In the months since then the Uzumaki had become somewhat more resilient to the sensation as he was well aware Shino couldn't actively stop his partners reacting to a food source within such close proximity and had simply learned to put up with them sucking up miniscule amounts of his chakra while he was duelling with their living hive; _though that doesn't mean I have to put up with the idea of them hitching a ride back to my apartment with me – if I get a swarm of these bugs nesting in my apartment I doubt then entire Aburame clan working together would be enough to get them shifted,_

"All my partners are accounted for Naruto-san".

"Good", the smaller boy said flippantly after looking down his sleeves, "though I'll warn you now if I find any on me when I get home they're ending their days as scorpion chow. Speaking of which..."

"Father has your regular order prepared; follow me", not even trying to suppress a hiss of triumph the jinchuuriki followed in his hosts' footsteps, casually adopting a henge as he did so to avoid causing upset in the clan house; though most of the older members of the Aburame could control their kikaichu if he walked past, the same couldn't be said for the children of the clan and, as the sudden sensation of their partners abandoning them would be, for them, akin to him seeing his entire supply of ramen cups growing legs and high-tailing it out his front door, he didn't have the heart to simply walk around in a state that would result in the youngsters undergoing such distress. Dogging Shino's heels and nodding politely to the other Aburame the two of them passed, he came at last to one of the inner chambers of the clan's insect housing facilities, one where prodigious numbers of insects, in this case large, juicy crickets, were bred in industrial quantities. As always Shino alerted his father to his presence by gently lowering the tip of a finger into a water basin set in the wall of the honey-comb shaped structure and, a moment later, the leader of the clan emerged from the depths within, adjusting his sunglasses as he beheld his child,

"Son".

"Father", Shino inclined his head before stepping to the side slightly and indicating Naruto with a sweep of his arm, "Naruto-san and I have completed our taijutsu practice and he requires his usual order".

"As expected", Shibi intoned in his standard monotone, a small cloud of jet-black beetles being disgorged from under one of his sleeves and retreating into the darkness he'd emerged from, "it will be retrieved momentarily".

"Thanks", Naruto nodded with sincerity, glad that one of his food stocks weren't going to go hungry and be forced to resort to cannibalism to survive for a while yet. Ever since he'd discovered that it was the Aburame who supplier the majority of the pet shops in Konoha with prey insects for the more exotic species of insect or arachnid pets kept within the village the first thing he'd done was ensure a steady supply of nutritious crickets, grasshoppers and mealworms for the colony of scorpions he kept at home as an easily-accessible garnish for his cup ramen; _though, truth be told, add a handful of crickets to a stir-fry and you get quite a tasty dish. Not to mention a crunchy one_; disguising his thoughts of dinner, he gratefully reached forwards to accept the small box suspended forwards by the cloud of Shibi's kikaichu, feeling one of two of the insects alight on his fingers before ascending to the air and retreating to their hive once more, bellies no doubt full of his chakra. Hearing the shuffling noises from within Naruto gave a satisfied nod and glanced over at both Aburame present,

"You know, if ever you wanted a few of my scorpions, just in case you wanted to try and breed them into your strains or something, all you have to do is ask. I know their poison isn't particularly strong but it's got to be better than nothing right?"

_And they're off_; as always when he alighted on a topic close to Shino's insect-infested heart, the Aburame was only too willing to forego his traditional silence on most matters and set the record straight,

"Unfortunately that would be an impossibility Naruto-san; scorpions are arachnids and therefore completely incompatible with beetles such as the kikaichu, not to mention the two species more often than not exist in a predator-prey relationship in the natural environment".

"Well that sucks", Naruto summed up his thoughts on the matter a moment later before adding, "at least for the guy winding up as dinner. That is the kikaichu I assume?"

"If isolated from the colony then yes", Shino admitted with what Naruto was surprised to hear was a trace of reluctance in his voice; _hmm, guess he doesn't like admitting one of the weaknesses of his partners – fair enough, I couldn't really see the Inuzuka liking to admit that the best way to stave off a ravening nin-ken is to spray soapy water in its general direction_; "however in swarms they are mostly avoided by predators, including scorpions".

"Power of the many over the might of the few huh? Makes sense to me, I wouldn't tangle with anything that could suck me dry of chakra, least of all a whole swarm of somethings that could do it", the jinchuuriki sagely quoted before immediately brightening and glancing to the box in his hands, "ah well, like I said if you ever want to add to your menagerie just let me know; up until that point I'd better take my leave before the little stingers start snacking on each other again; cleaning up the corpses once they've been fighting or mating is always fun, the number of times I've had my fingers in that little cookie jar and gotten them stung is unreal".

"Well if you will keep venomous arachnids as pets it is to be expected Naruto-san", Shibi spoke in a tone laced with sardonic humour before turning to his smaller cohort, "if you would escort Naruto-san from our compound son?"

"Of course father", and without another word Shino made to move away, Naruto following in his footsteps and doing his best to keep the box in his hands from being jostled too much from his movements, the crickets within making their displeasure at such discomfort known by the sudden vibration of their cardboard prison increasing as they began hopping around. Once outside in the warm evening breeze, the Uzumaki followed Shino as he crossed the lawn of his clan compound without missing a beat, the jinchuuriki careful to tread exactly where the Aburame heir had last placed his feet and nowhere else, breathing a sigh of relief that the trek was over only when he returned Shino's bow and watched the door to the clan compound shroud the taller boy in shadow before closing completely.

Much as he got on well with the Aburame he always felt a little uneasy trekking through their grounds, one of the reasons he always stuck to the higher ground when attempting his infiltrations on their property. It was said that more than one unwary interloper had simply disappeared while trying to navigate the grounds of Konoha's most secretive clan and, having seen what lurked within the lush lawns of the Aburame gardens, Naruto could well believe those rumours were nothing but the truth.

XXX

The countdown to the Academy, something Naruto considered to be the first major hurdle he had to clear in the race to become Hokage, passed thankfully without much incident as far as the jinchuuriki was concerned; he carried on in his line of work claiming both his successes and failures, the latter of which became thankfully much more frequent over time as the infrastructure of Konoha altered significantly to try and thwart his efforts, to be the result of the _Nezumi_, though who or what that was the Sandaime in his infinite wisdom had left Naruto in the dark about. Aside from such pranks-stroke-acts of state-sponsored espionage, the jinchuuriki's diary was well taken up by a full social schedule of training with several of the clan heirs and Tenten, infiltrating the village in general via a succession of minute-masks and, most importantly, drafting up a second long-term false face to replace the late and much lamented Maumaru Zaki, the _Kyaraban-ko_ gone forever but not forgotten in the minds where he had mattered most. In fact, throughout the remaining six months or so between the start of a new year and the actual Academy test that would allow the jinchuuriki entry into the shinobi training programme, only two actual revelations of note really stood out in Naruto's mind.

XXX

The first of these came just as the spring was maturing into summer and the blossoms were just starting to peep open as the cold retreated; having attempted to infiltrate the Yamanaka clan buildings and been stopped in short order by a combination of an ill-timed cough and an observant Yamanaka Ninota, Naruto had filled out his pre-requisite card explaining how he'd gotten over the clan's main wall and was looking forwards to taking on Ino again when, to his equal parts disappointment and shock, he found an unusual kink rumpling up his normal routine,

"What, she's were?"

"At a sleepover with a friend from her school Naru-kun", Inoichi explained with a quirky smile on his face, grateful for the unwitting assistance of the Haruno family and his own forethought to engineer this opportunity to tackle a potentially very thorny area of conversation with the younger blonde, "believe it or not she actually does have friends other than you"; _though sparring partners, not so much_;

"I find, actually I don't find that so hard to believe", Naruto changed tack halfway through his statement, grinning up at Inoichi as he did, "if Ino-chan says she's going to be friends with you you've got two options; smile and say yes or listen to her yak your ears off until you eventually give in and say yes". Inoichi snickered slightly at the reminder of his daughter and how forthright she could be at times; _one of the reasons I think you and she get on so well Naruto_; before he ironed out his expression and regarded the boy levelly,

"That may be Naruto-kun but what I'm about to say now certainly isn't a maybe", he began, Naruto likewise removing himself from his former jokey mode as he noticed the sombre note in the older man's voice, "I'm sorry it's taken so long but I was being as thorough as I could in the matter – one mistake, any mistake when it comes to you could be fatal for not just any member of my clan but for you and, beyond that, Konoha as well. I have scoured as many records as are kept by my clan regarding the bijuu and how our techniques interact with their hosts and, having done so, I needed a chance to speak to you regarding your... tenant".

In all honesty it hadn't been the last thing in Naruto's mind after Ninota had told him her uncle wanted to speak to him but it was a shock nevertheless; since the night the Sandaime had violated his own laws and let loose the secret of what he contained, Naruto hadn't really given much thought to his tenant for the simple reason there didn't seem to be a lot of point in it. He contained the Kyuubi no Kitsune; okay, so what – was he supposed to feed and groom it? Make sure it got plenty of exercise? Take it to Rin-chan, now a veterinarian for her clan despite living outside their grounds, for its routine check-up and shots? As far as he was aware being the host of the demon had had absolutely no effect on him thus far in his life and he was quite content to keep it that way; however, judging by the solemn expression on the mind-walker's face, it appeared that such ignorant bliss was no longer going to be an option,

"You think you can get me face to face with my", almost subconsciously a hand drifted over his stomach, shielding the seal that was hidden behind his jumpsuit, "furry little problem?" Inoichi didn't answer for a solid minute and, when he did, Naruto couldn't so much see as hear the reluctance in his voice as he dredged the answer from deep within him,

"Yes, I believe I can", his own words sounded like a funeral gong in his ears but, as much for Naruto's peace of mind as his own, he tried to hide it as best he could before continuing, "I won't lie to you Naruto, this is not something that I believe has ever been attempted by a Yamanaka before but I am willing to take the risk for two reasons, and on one condition". Face grim, the jinchuuriki nodded once slowly,

"Go on".

"First", like all good diplomats Inoichi stated his reasons first, "from what I have gleaned from my own research and the Sandaime has allowed me to know of the seal used by the Fourth on you; yes, of course he took an interest in you asking questions about the Kyuubi", the Yamanaka explained patiently, a slight smirk on his face as he relished the sight of the surprising child before him on the receiving end of a surprise of his own, "I spoke to him virtually the day after you questioned me about your prisoner, it's not something he can afford to be in the dark about. However from what he has confided in me, I am now convinced that it is better that you get to at least experience the presence of the bijuu now while it's in torpor rather than when, and it will be when rather than if, it awakens. The second point is a safety point for me; should I make a mistake while entering your mind, with any luck the shock of the seal will render the Kyuubi sluggish enough for me to escape from should I encounter it". Naruto nodded at this, not wanting to countenance the idea of Ino's dad being torn asunder by a force of nature in the course of simply trying to help him,

"Sounds fair enough; I know I wasn't really there, or at least old enough to appreciate being there the first time around but I can imagine the fox was a frightening thing to see then; I'm grateful you're willing to risk seeing it now. So, what was the condition you spoke about?"

Luckily Naruto's voice was enough to bring him back, though even for a mind as prodigious and experienced as his it was a challenge to disengage from those memories; all Yamanaka, even those who never stepped on to the bloody path that was a shinobi's way of life, were highly empathic and as much as that could be a boon there were times, such as the dreadful night nine years ago, when a heightened sense of emotion could be a curse of the highest order. Though Inoichi had been able to selectively edit, in effect, his own emotional memories to buffer down the effects of the Kyuubi's presence, not all in the clan had been so lucky; many Yamanaka had been driven so completely into basic fight or flight responses by the sheer overwhelming terror the enraged bijuu had represented that their minds and very sanity had shattered, resulting in individual, suicidal sallies to attack the source of their fear or, worse still, complete mental collapse into incurable catatonia. Even now, years later, sometimes Inoichi would remember or, worse, dream of the red glow on the horizon, the smell of death and fear upon the air, the stoicism of Konoha's defences moving out to combat the nine-tails even if most of them knew they were going to their deaths and, above all, the overwhelming frustration, despair and rage of those left behind by the brave few who had sacrificed themselves so that the rest of the village might live.

It was with the memory of that sacrifice, the supreme act of love between the shinobi and the village that had nurtured them, dancing behind his eyes that Inoichi stared levelly at the jinchuuriki before him and spoke in a tone Naruto had never heard him use before as with a voice even older than jiji's, one of a man aged far beyond his natural years, Inoichi extracted that which he needed to hear from the demon container before him,

"Promise me Naruto", it was all at once a request and a plea because it could be nothing else; _once I had to watch others make that choice, the village or their lives – now, in my own way, I follow in their footsteps to safeguard the next generation_; "promise me that when the beast awakens the first thing you will do is tell me about it. From then on I'll be able to forbid any of my clan using our techniques against you, especially my daughter – one of the reasons I have forbidden Ino-chan from learning our more advanced jutsus of mind transfer was for that very reason. Where she to target you and transfer her mind without any knowledge of what was awaiting her..."

"Don't", Naruto cut the older man off, not able to meet his eye as almost for the first time he cursed his own father in his head; the Yondaime had left him a great power yes, but could the price of such power be the risk to one of his friends from the horror in his head should she attempt to fight him as her clan were taught to fight, "I understand Inoichi; you have my word as Uzumaki Naruto, not a future Hokage or anything as foolish as that", though usually he was the last person to call his own dreams foolish, Naruto could recognise this was not a time to trivialise the clan heads' fears with his usual flippancy, "as soon as it happens you'll be the first to know, just, please don't tell Ino-chan about the fox".

The Yamanaka for his part seemed to gather a second wind at that knowledge, using an old relaxation technique his ancestors had developed to master his own emotional state, damp down his fear and face the world as it was, rather than as his emotions coloured it for him; once more the lord of his own psyche, Inoichi met the uncertain gaze of his guest and smiled as best he could,

"Thank you Naruto, that means more than you know; I believe I know what concerns you with my daughter but, rest assured, by the time all this should become an issue Ino-chan will not be so shallow as to cast away a friend for something he had no control over", he admitted and assured his soon-to-be subject before standing to his full height and nodding, "in that case come with me; this is likely the best chance we'll have to see this done".

"What?" Cold sweat immediately broke out on the back of the Uzumaki's neck as his tongue seemed to suddenly engorge itself with fear, "Now?"

"Yes – Ino-chan is away and her mother, knows she is not to disturb me until you are gone – this is likely to be our best chance at this before you start the Academy and, though I'm no expert, I'm of the opinion that the more physical side of training you'll find there might awaken the fox more easily than the life you lead now".

_So then_: Naruto realised with a sensation in his gut not unlike that of a man who'd just swallowed a brick of solid lead; _this is it, time to literally face the demon_. He was nervous, there was no shame in admitting that fact, least of all when he could easily see that even a shinobi as experienced and dangerous as Inoichi was distinctly uncomfortable even mentioning the bijuu's name, but at the same time he was determined. Kushina, as far as he knew, had been accepted and even loved by her peers without them being any the wiser as to the burden she bore within her belly and, though he lacked the secrecy his mother had been blessed with, his father had sealed the Kyuubi within him because he was his mothers' son – it was up to him to at least imprison and at best control and eventually maybe even master the fox's power. Because of that knowledge and his indomitable will to meet the challenge laid down to him head on and with the hand of history and his own parents upon his shoulders, Naruto said nothing but merely met Inoichi's eye with a steely glint in his own and nodded, just once, following in the mind-walker's footsteps as the taller man returned the nod and beckoned him to follow his footsteps down the corridor behind them both.

XXX

Some fifteen minutes later saw Naruto sat upon a cushion on the floor of a fairly small, austere room in one of the less-often frequented wings of the Yamanaka estate, watching as Inoichi paced around the interior of the room muttering under his breath and sending out tiny pulses of chakra that, Naruto guessed, activated seals he couldn't see. He merely remained where he was on the floor, breathing in and out slowly like the shinobi on the training grounds had taught him to for whenever he got nervous or scared, waiting for the Yamanaka clan head to finish his preparations, a task that required a further five minutes before Inoichi took a seat in front of him, kneeling on his own cushion as he began to explain his way through the plan he'd come up with the previous evening,

"Okay Naruto-kun, first thing's first – how much do you know about meditation?"

"Uhh", the question caught him quite by surprise and left him floundering for a second, "not all that much – I've heard of it but never tried".

"Good", seeing the look of surprise that crossed his guests' face Inoichi explained further, "meditation is an art that teaches inner focus and how to control and calm the mind – though not a bad thing for you to attempt to pick up, the fact you haven't yet means me gaining entry into your head should be a little easier".

"How come?"

"People with greater aptitudes and understanding of their own inner spaces are much more difficult for our clan techniques to work on", the elder Yamanaka explained, "monks of the Fire temple, for example, are highly resistant to our jutsus, in fact I believe the elders of the temple and those who have achieved enlightenment are often able to overpower any of my clan who invade their minds. However that's getting off-topic; for this exercise, all I want you to do Naruto is close your eyes and just focus on your breathing", he waited until the jinchuuriki was done cocking his head in confusion and had obeyed before speaking again, "in and out, cool as it enters the nose, warmer as it leaves. This is the simplest meditation technique; if any other thought enters your mind don't follow it, let it go", Inoichi had fortunately had practice in observing this kind of meditation with his own daughter and therefore easily recognised when Naruto's breathing shifted in a slow, steady rhythm, indicating he was starting to draw back into himself slightly; seeing this, the Yamanaka moved and placed his hand on the child's forehead, speaking all the time as he did so, "forget my hand and its warmth, just your breathing is all that matters. The other thoughts are merely like bubbles in water; they are fleeting and immaterial – only your breathing matters".

Even as his tongue worked to convince the jinchuuriki not to break his own tenuous peace Inoichi moved his chakra as fast as he dared, feathering the very lightest of touches on the outermost regions of Naruto's psyche; if he could manifest his spirit-form there, he would most likely be as far away from where Kyuubi was likely to dwell as possible. Slowly, with motions akin to a swimmer entering the water a toe and a fingertip at a time, Inoichi slid more and more of his influence into the boy's mind before, with a metaphorical deep breath and holding his nose, he closed his eyes and let himself discorporate entirely.

XXX

_No, nothing here, or at least nothing I didn't want to see_; his first instinct upon being in an unfamiliar mind was to check for danger but, seeing no immediate danger, he allowed himself to breathe slightly more easily and perform a better assessment of his surroundings. No two minds were ever the same; an assumption many of the younger members of his clan often made and later regretted so a few seconds' hard observation at the start of a mind-walk may well be the difference between a successful interrogation and the loss of priceless information. Inoichi's personal observation skills coupled with his deftness in the art of manipulating the mind was the reason he was Konoha's top interrogator and now, as ever, those skills served him well; he was safe, in an area that was likely to be as safe as it was going to get within the jinchuuriki's inner space and, because of that, he had no hesitation in reaching out with his mind and, once he had hold of some, starting to draw the threads of Naruto's consciousness towards him.

More than any clan in Konoha except perhaps the late Uchiha, the Yamanaka were often accused of being obstructive or obfuscatory regarding how the actual physical mechanisms behind their unique jutsus and how those jutsus actually worked. Inoichi himself had had this argument with more than one of his friends more than once and his answer to such accusations was the same now as it had been then; he wasn't trying to be shifty in any way, it was just very difficult indeed to explain how a human mind worked to someone who didn't instinctively know how it worked in the way his clan did. One of his older aunts had likened the experience of trying to explain how Yamanaka techniques worked to non-Yamanaka as being 'like trying to explain a kaleidoscope to a blind man'; an eloquent quote he often repeated when defending his views on the subject. Once inside a mind there was little the brute use of chakra could reasonably achieve save shredding someone's higher functions; manipulation of a mind required equal parts instinctive understanding of how a mind worked coupled with very delicate experimentations that allowed the mind-walker to fine-tune his strategy to unlock the mind he was attempting to gain full entry to.

Each mind-walk, therefore, was akin to trying to pick a unique and uniquely fiendish lock and, luckily, over the course of his ninja career Inoichi had accrued quite a collection of mental skeleton keys, little techniques that he would hopefully pass on to his daughter one day that allowed him to quickly adapt his technique to accommodate the individual mind he was inside. In this case he barely had to use them; Naruto was someone who had allowed him entry and therefore had very little mental shielding present other than what a Yamanaka would consider instinctive defences against the intrusion of a foreign chakra source; _and it appears his natural defence is a little lower than normal_; realising this, Inoichi pursed his lips slightly; _that may mean resisting genjutsu might become an issue, I may have to raise that news with Hokage-sama. I can't remember Kushina's natural resistance to genjutsu off the top of my head_; like all things, inherent resistance to the effects of genjutsu was determined a little by genetics and a lot by luck – Inoichi had heard and served with many ninja who had been able to shrug off genjutsu up to C-rank while others fell apart in E-rank illusions until they were trained in what to look out for and how to break the hold of alien chakra in their brain. There were rumours of ninja who were completely immune to that branch of the ninja arts but, as with all rumours, Inoichi thought it unlikely; at that level of inherent mental defence the person who's mind it was would be having trouble hearing his own thoughts let alone anyone else's, making for a particularly slow-minded fighting type of shinobi; _or, as we like to call them in these parts, an Iwa-nin_.

He smiled at his own old joke for a moment before, having mapped out as much of Naruto's natural psyche as he felt he needed to, he threw his entire mind behind the process of forming the jinchuuriki's mental avatar. This was one of those processes that couldn't truly be explained to anyone who hadn't experienced it, but basically Inoichi was using his own mind to gather up the threads that made up Naruto's conscious mind and knot them up within the mindscape he'd delved into, allowing the jinchuuriki to actually perceive his own inner space. It was a tedious and time-consuming process, one of the reasons it was rarely bothered with under normal circumstances, but not for the first time Naruto was able to show just what an unusual case he was when, barely half a minute after he'd started searching for the thoughts that indicated Naruto's higher mental functions, he watched on in astonishment as with a shiver of orange and blonde, a smaller form coalesced in front of him and began glancing around in bemusement,

"That was fast"; at his muttered comment the mental avatar of the smaller blonde stopped glancing around him and focused on Inoichi with a typical smirk of his face,

"Should I be offended by that?"

"Well the next thing I was going to do was check you were actually you and not anything else that might be hitching a ride in your head but, having heard that, I doubt it'd be anyone else", the mind-walker admitted after hiding his smile, "now, first thing to do is find out where exactly we are".

"You mean you don't know?"

"It's your head", Inoichi pointed out reasonably, "every mind is different but, as you're quite young, I'd wager this is somewhere you know quite well, probably even in the village..."

"No, it's just outside it", Naruto had been looking around for something and had cut Inoichi off with a sudden start and jump of excitement as he explained, "this is one of the training grounds, you can tell because of the smooth patches of the branches up there", he pointed to above their heads and, to his surprise, the Yamanaka noticed that indeed some of the bark on the upper branches had indeed been worn smooth by ninja using them as convenient travelling aids, "so, we're here, that means if I'm right..."

He tailed off, wandering away on a path he seemed to know well enough as Inoichi trailed in his wake; _hmm, he really must know these training grounds well to have a little fact like that so firmly ingrained in his mind_; though he had been away from them for a fair few months now the memories of years, least of all childhood years, were not something forgotten so easily. Musing on this, the taller blonde came back to himself in time to hear Naruto's exclamation of triumph as he nodded in satisfaction and pointed at something cut into one of the trees at the edge of the training field,

"Yep, this is definitely field seventeen; I remember this branch well because one of the ninja hung me off of it by my collar for a joke when I was five, lesson in remembering to take the environment into account when fighting", he said with a slightly self-satisfied air before that faded away and he glanced up at Inoichi pensively, "so, what now? Where do we go from here, and if this is Konoha then where the hell's the fox we came to see?"

_And now_; as he'd known was coming Inoichi drew in a mental deep breath and prepared himself; _the same speech I gave my little princess when I brought her into her mindscape for the first time, with a few alterations for the situation of course_;

"Naruto-kun, listen to me a minute", he said firmly but not unkindly, continuing only when he was sure the jinchuuriki was paying close attention, "some people say the mind is a shinobi's most powerful weapon; I happen to believe they're right. Even my clan has barely scratched the surface of what the human brain is capable of achieving and I'm still as in awe of the things I see now as I was twenty or so years ago when I first started my training in the ways of the shinobi and, more specifically, a Yamanaka shinobi. Our techniques are never simple Naruto; even the slightest mistake in our focus or control could be dangerous not only for us but for the ones we are trying to either help or interrogate as well; it's because of that reason that I trusted no-one in my clan but me to enter your mind. Now, as to where we are, we are in a place you are familiar with but one that I could sense, as I penetrated your consciousness, was not close to the epicentre of your mind where I thought the Kyuubi was most likely to be imprisoned; if I'm going to meet that demon again I'll do so on foot, rather than run the risk of landing square in his lap thank you very much". Naruto snickered,

"Not that I'd blame you; Kyuubi's lap's about the last place I'd want to end up too, apart from Ino-chan's bedroom that is". Inoichi quirked an eyebrow,

"And a good thing too; she promised me she'd chuck you out the window if she found you in there again and I'm getting a bit too old to attempt diving catches in the garden these days. Still, that aside", the serious note returned to his voice, "as you've guessed we're in or somewhere close to what your mind perceives Konoha to be. This is something very important for you to understand Naruto; where we are now is not like the real Konoha; a lot of things will be the same but others may be very different, these differences being your mind's way of expressing your memories, dreams, ideas, fears and a hundred and one other things. For example", he nodded down to the side of him, "much as I've heard tales of the scrap you harvested from Konoha's training grounds, I doubt very much you found kunai growing out the ground like that one there is".

_Eh?_; understandable somewhat confused by this Naruto followed Inoichi's gaze and gawked as, sure enough, he saw the unmistakable metal silhouette of a ninja knife slowly pushing its way handle-first through the soft loam of the soil. Utterly amazed by this, Naruto tottered towards the impossible phenomenon and squatted down in front of it, fascinated as the kunai continued to lever its way free of the earth as though someone was underneath it, pushing upwards from the tip,

"That, I imagine, would be how your mind interpreted your scrap finding; in your head, you were quite literally harvesting old weapons the same way I would harvest a crop from our greenhouses", Inoichi said from over his shoulder, Naruto glancing around to regard the older man as he nodded again, "touch it Naruto-kun. I'm sure this memory, or dream if that's what it is, is something positive, so better you find out about this from a nice source than a nasty one". Not quite sure where the former jounin was going with this, Naruto nevertheless trusted him enough to accept that Inoichi knew what he was talking about and therefore, after rolling up his jumpsuit sleeve, he gingerly reached forwards and, after a split-seconds' hesitation, let his fingers close around the pommel of the kunai...

_...and it was now his! All his!_

_His first find, a first ninja lesson as soon as he found someone who'd trade with him. Eagerly inspecting his catch and rubbing off the dirt, he couldn't help but shake his fist to the heavens in triumph as he realised he'd done it, he'd found something worth having! But there was no time to waste, he had to store this one and find more – there were whole training fields just littered with treasures like this; he had to find them all, get all the lessons he could. Better take off his backpack and stash this kunai away as soon as he could – he had to find more..._

_So much more..._

Blinking, Naruto didn't realise he'd fallen onto his rear end until shook his head, recognised Inoichi offering a hand and, accepting it, levering himself back to his feet, glancing from his now-empty hand to where the kunai had been and asking the first question that came into his mind,

"What the hell just happened? Where's the kunai?"

"It was never real Naruto-kun", Inoichi explained as gently as he could, Naruto glancing around warily but listening to the more experienced ninja as he did so, "nothing in your mindscape actually exists, for want of a better word; they are all representations of memories you have, emotions you feel in connection with what the thing you see represents or a host of other possibilities. That kunai, and all the others like it that I'm sure we could find if we looked hard enough, are probably memories of special pieces of scrap you recalled finding, just as anyone we'll see here may represent people you traded with and who taught you. However, much as I'd like to explore this place as much as you no doubt do, I'm afraid we simply haven't got time", the Yamanaka stated, expression slightly more serious as he stood to his full height, "one of the most fundamental dangers of our clan is simple distraction. More than one Yamanaka has gotten so lost in a target's mind they simply never came back, their own body passed away before they returned; strict discipline is essential to ensure both mine and your safety in this place, especially as you've never been here before. So then, we have a fox to find and I doubt he'll be out here; our best bet, as far as I can tell", following the unwritten directions he could read as easily as Naruto could, the veteran mind-walker turned towards the village proper with a stoic expression set grimly upon his face,

"Is that he's most likely to be somewhere in the village proper".

Seeing this, Naruto likewise looked towards the gates he could not see and, after glancing around the training area one last time, set off towards the village proper at a brisk but not impulsively fast pace; Inoichi followed in his footsteps, for now comfortable in letting Naruto dictate how he wished to approach his own inner bijuu, neither of them seeing, as they left the training area, a glint of metal wink into being as, mirroring reality in an impossible manner, another kunai started to rise from the ground to replace the one that had been taken, the memory restored as though it had never been accessed.

XXX

Konoha's gates were there, as they always were but, this time, they simply swung open smoothly even as the gate guard waved them through. Noticing the strangely blank face; _in fact, literally blank face_; of the chunin who should have been watching the gate, Naruto turned to Inoichi and spoke in a worried whisper,

"Inoichi-san, why didn't...?"

"Because, be honest Naruto-kun, how much attention have you ever paid to the people watching the gate?" The jounin answered the question with one of his own that left Naruto scratching his head for a moment before he dropped his hand and looked sheepish,

"Uuuh, probably not enough".

"No probably about it Naru-kun; no-one ever does", the Yamanaka shrugged, "this is quite normal, or at least as normal as it ever gets in matters on the mind; for people you know of or have met once or twice, acquaintances if you will, what your brain can't remember your imagination will fill in the gaps. For instance, I could see very clearly that you remembered the chunin's vest, forehead protector and the common places for his weapons to be stored, but for more intricate details which you simply didn't take in, your imagination simply stepped in with nothing more than shadow and blank space. I don't doubt we'll see other evidence of this as we go through the village; places you don't remember well are more likely to appear fantastical as opposed to other places, such as your own apartment or the clan grounds, which will probably be fairly set in your mind. So then", stepping through the gates, smoothly, Inoichi set foot in an imperfect replica of the village he had lived in all his life, his well-practised eyes immediately picking out half-a-dozen discrepancies compared to the real thing, mistakes brought about by Naruto's quite understandable lack of observation or recall of minor details,

"Let's see what else we can discover about the Konoha you know while we're on our fox-hunt ne, Naruto-kun?"

Later on in his life, when he really could look back on his first mind-walk and laugh at how wide-eyed, slack-jawed and naive he'd been at that tender age, Naruto would still nevertheless admit that walking through the strange, phantasmal village that resided in his mind was one of the most disconcerting experiences of his childhood. Nothing was quite as it seemed to be and the people, where there were people, were silent, solid figurines rather than engaging in the hustle and bustle or ordinary life; even places he should have known well were subtly different in his mind if he looked hard enough. For instance, the sign above the Ichiraku ramen store, which he and Inoichi passed as the mind-walker warned him against trying any of the ramen in there for fear of losing too much time, was writhing as though alive, the ink and paint that made up the patterned wood twisting between the two patterns Naruto remembered, Teuchi having changed his sign a few years ago following rain damage and age taking its toll of the old, faded design. _But, because I remember both, I see it changing between both – man, this is really confusing_; he thought as he absent-mindedly waved at Ayame-chan, or at least his mental picture of her, the waitress almost a picture-perfect replica of the real thing but, at the same time, a little too perfect, her smile a little too wide and welcoming to truly be the youngest Ichiraku.

This was most likely due to his imagination again; he pictured Ayame as his big sister, the girl who'd looked after him since day one and an absolute angel for his hour of need, so his imagination had taken that picture and run away with it, blotting out the ramen girls' flaws and magnifying her many good points to the point where she became unrealistic, a hopelessly too-good caricature of her real self. It was the same reason he'd seen people with glowing eyes in the street, their faces nothing but shadow but their eyes, the same orbits that had haunted and sneered at him until he'd grown a skin thick enough to ignore them, were always there, always staring and glowering at him from bodies that otherwise resembled little more than poorly-sculpted clay figurines rather than people. _But I ignored them then and I'm ignoring them now_; he told himself mentally before a flash of movement from above the top of the Ichiraku stand caught his eye and he followed it, only for his jaw to drop in acute amazement,

"Inoichi-san", he gasped, pointing with a trembling finger, "did, did you see that?"

"Hmm, oh yes", to his consternation the Yamanaka appeared at worst disinterested, at best slightly amused as he watched the outline of a figure framed against the sun take another bounding leap further down the street, its wings flaring once and again to add height and distance to the jump, "oddly enough this isn't the first mind I've seen that happen in; must be that all children explain it the same way".

"Huh? What do you mean, I've never seen a man with wings before, and whose mind did you see it in first anyway?"

"My own", Inoichi admitted, "when my father sat me down and introduced me to my own mindscape just as I'm doing now with you, though I saw it again in Ino-chan's mind as well. However, think back to where you were much younger than you are now Naruto-kun; you saw ninja jumping along the rooftops for what you thought were impossible distances. I know you know they use chakra to make that seemingly-impossible thing happen now but back then, how could you explain how far they were jumping?" Naruto thought about this for a moment before, after giving the matter some consideration, he glanced up at the older man and offered a tremulous suggestion,

"I, thought that they were flying", he admitted cautiously, gaining more courage as Inoichi nodded at him to go on, "and, because I thought that, it's what I'm seeing now sometimes? Ninja with wings?"

"Don't worry Naru-kun, it's perfectly normal and never goes away really; even now I still see them sometimes", the elder blonde admitted with an affable shrug, "as I've said, no-one can truly understand or control their own mind and memories; bad things happen to those that have tried, even in my clan".

"Really?"

"Yes, but I'll tell you that story when we're out of here", Inoichi promised, even now aware that the passage of time might not be as simple a matter within a mind as it was in the real world; more than once he'd run perilously close to missing a deadline in a mind-walk he'd thought had been going rather well, "for now, we still have some chasing to do". At this reminder of their thus-far elusive quarry Naruto let out a huff of frustration and ground the knuckles of one hand against his forehead, trying to figure out why this was so difficult and stating the facts to help clear his mind,

"But that's just it, the Kyuubi was supposed to be a giant fox; how the hell can it hide so well in a village this size? I mean according to the stories about that night it towered over the village wall, surely if it was here we'd have been able to see it by now?"

XXX

This statement, it seemed, was something close to what Inoichi had been waiting for as he stood to his full height and spoke again in an instructor's voice that had Naruto paying very close attention indeed,

"Trying to apply logic to a mindscape is a very tricky proposition Naruto-kun, least of all because more than one facet of the mind occupies the same space; let me explain", he carried on smoothly at the boy's incredulous look, "I believe the Kyuubi is hidden, for want of a better term, because of a perfectly natural and fundamental schism in your mental processes, the difference between the conscious and subconscious mind".

"Uuhh", completely bamboozled by this, Naruto merely shook his head, "sorry you've lost me".

"Think about it like this Naruto; when you wake up in the morning, how do you decide what you're going to do that day?"

"Umm, I, try to remember what I need to do for the day", the jinchuuriki began, gaining slightly more confidence as Inoichi nodded in an encouraging manner, "and, well, depending on what's on the diary, just plan from there really; simple but, hey it's worked so far".

"And while you're planning your day do you have to remind yourself to breathe? That's the real difference Naruto", Inoichi answered his own question with an explanation, "the conscious mind, also called the higher mental functions, represents human intelligence and is able to think; it's because we have this that you can plan and carry out quite complicated plans up to and including getting in the hair of most of the clans of this village, not to mention giving their leaders a collective peptic ulcer", Naruto tried not to look too smug at this back-handed compliment to his so-called conscious mind before paying attention again as the Yamanaka carried on his explanation, "on the other hand the subconscious mind, also called the base instincts, control the bodily functions you have no or limited control over such as your breathing, blinking, gag and choke reflexes and even your heartbeat. However unlike the conscious mind, the subconscious doesn't actually 'think' per se as it doesn't recognise emotional input, that's purely for the conscious mind to deal with. The subconscious merely takes in input from the senses and either follows the instructions from the conscious mind to do something or, for something you have no control over, logically deduces the best course of action and gets your body to do it. Holding your breath in a poisonous atmosphere is a prime example of how the conscious and subconscious work together; the conscious mind can override the subconscious so far with the logic that if you breathe you'll start turning purple until, once you hit a threshold, the subconscious forces your lungs to work because if you don't you'll start passing out due to oxygen starvation anyway and, logically, better to take a chance that you can survive the gas instead of certainly dying from suffocation. With me so far?"

"I think so – I can see that I don't have to think about everything, which is good because knowing me I'd probably forget something important and croak because of it, but how does that explain my, ah, furry problem pulling a disappearing act? You think he's doing something to my, er, subconscious mind?" Inoichi shook his head,

"No, in fact I'd probably guess the opposite; a person's subconscious mind is far more aware, if you like, that most people ever give it credit for. It's the subconscious mind that often provides warnings to the body before your conscious mind can react to and think up a plan to avoid any danger – it's the subconscious that makes you throw up the poison you just swallowed, makes you tense up to roll with or tough out a punch you didn't see coming and makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up to warn of a threat nearby. Everyone is far, far more observant than they even know they are; every time you see something your conscious mind sees only a very limited picture but the subconscious sees a lot more and, most importantly, assumes it to be automatically true. Because of this and the fact your mind actually operates on two separate levels, I would stake virtually my entire clan finances that you, on a subconscious level, have known about the presence of the Kyuubi almost since you were a few hours old, just enough to understand and act upon your base instincts".

That was not something that reacted well with Naruto's emotional health or, as a consequence, the state of his mindscape. From beneath them both a thick grey smog began to billow into being, threatening to choke off the vision of both mental avatars and render them blind to each other; even as he tried to fight his way clear of the smog, Naruto was brought up short by Inoichi's sudden command, the Yamanaka exerting a little of his own mental influence to stop the sudden rebellion of Naruto's subconscious mind against the conclusion it had been shown and was now reacting against, resulting in this manifestation of fear in the mindscape,

"Remember to breathe Naruto-kun", Inoichi reminded him, "in and out, slowly and surely; everything else is merely fleeting and forgettable"; _what, but I'm awake – how can I... no, wait, I am still meditating, or at least my body is. We're both in my head_; even as his conscious mind was fed data from these new stimuli the fog began to thin, Naruto's instinctive fear dying away as his rational thought trumped his instinctive reaction to run and he therefore mastered his fear; _so, I control pretty much whatever happens here. It got foggy because, for some reason, I wanted it to get foggy and dark – that's stupid_; even as Inoichi became perfectly visible again and the last vestiges of the greyness faded away, Naruto finished his other thought; _wonder why I wanted to turn out the light_;

"Sorry about that", he offered as an apology before, seeing Inoichi nod, he offered forwards his own theory on what had just happened, "I take it that smoky stuff was what happens in here when I get scared right?" Inoichi chuckled,

"Nothing to be ashamed of Naruto-kun; never heard of the phrase 'mental fog' before now? It's very common, even in ninja, but it can be resisted and eventually completely negated with experience – good thing too as the last thing anyone wants to do is freeze up in a life-or-death situation".

"Really? How'd you stop that happening then?"

"Subconscious reactions can be most easily trained, if you like, by repetition; it's because of that kind of mental training that most ninja are awake, up and with a kunai in their hand before a civilian could even yawn. Training these good habits into a subconscious is difficult but it can be done; however, that's not what we're here for", interesting as it was to speak a little about his subject of expertise, Inoichi forced himself back to the main matter at hand, "what had happened in your case is quite a rare but not unheard of issue; your subconscious mind has been aware of a fact that you have only just realised with your conscious mind. This is usually a case with repressed or buried memories; you consciously forget a particular event ever happened but the subconscious never forgets, it simply can't. It's the reason people, not just ninja, seem to react strangely and differently to sudden shocks; their subconscious merely locks the bad news, as it were, away in a mental cupboard so the conscious mind isn't bothered with it again – I've seen men fight on and win against impossible odds after having limbs shattered, driven by the power of their subconscious, only to fall over unconscious once the battle was over, when the conscious mind has a chance to catch up and then realise, 'hey, this actually hurts!' Even now I'm surprised at how good is a human mind is at blocking out things too messed up for it to deal with at short notice; the subconscious acts as a defence mechanism for the higher functions, a quite beautiful and complex work of art for someone who deals with the human psyche as my clan does".

Having heard all this the jinchuuriki did his best to compute exactly what Inoichi had told him and correlate this to why they were here in his head and how it directly or indirectly affected him,

"But, right now", Naruto extrapolated the theory he was being offered cautiously after a moment's thought on the matter, "I need to open the cupboard to see what the monster in my mind actually looks like and figure out what I'm going to do with him. I heard jiji and you as well; he's going to wake up and when that happens I'd rather have at least an idea of what I'm dealing with instead of going in completely blind. So, if what you're saying's right and you're by far and away the expert here, the fox hasn't hidden himself, my subconscious mind has actually hidden him from me, or at least, the conscious, thinking part of me?"

Though he was mostly grasping at straws in this new and confusing world, Naruto was able to determine at least that he was on the right track with that answer; Inoichi appeared to be rather impressed with his leap of logic before he recollected himself and moved to build upon the groundwork he'd laid down,

"That'd be my way of thinking about things Naruto-kun, though what has happened since Hokage-sama told you about your burden is that your conscious became aware of something that your subconscious has always been aware of", the Yamanaka held up two separate fists, looking from one to the other as an example of his next words, "when that happened, a link or bridge was made between your conscious mind that's only just discovered the fox exists and your subconscious, which has always been aware of it but never been guided about what to do with the bijuu", slowly pressing his fists together for emphasis, the experienced mind-walker forced his point through Naruto's mind, "so if we find that link..."

"...We find the fox", Naruto finished for him, looking around the area for a while before seeming to realise something and giving up his search in favour of regarding Inoichi again, "though I'm going to assume we're not looking for a real bridge here are we? It's not going to be that simple is it?"

"Unfortunately it never is, and I can't help in the search as much as I usually could because, just as you were unaware of the Kyuubi, there's a chance the Kyuubi might not be aware of me here yet; any action I took runs the risk of tipping him off and making the whole face-to-face part of this journey even more unpleasant", Inoichi agreed affably before painting a silver lining onto the black cloud he'd generated so far, "I can, however, give some idea of the best places to search". Naruto chuckled fatalistically, folding his arms,

"As of right now I'm all ears; I haven't got much of a clue".

"Okay, then first of all, how did you feel when the honourable Sandaime told you about the Kyuubi, the fact he is imprisoned within you?"

Naruto hadn't exactly been expecting that question but, as it was asked and a glimpse of Inoichi's face convinced the boy it was being asked in a serious vein, he closed his eyes and tried to think back to that night what felt like a long time ago, unaware of the subtle alterations of his mindscape as, unbidden, the memories of his emotions rose up from his memory and warped the malleable world around him,

"I was, uh, well actually I was shocked at first"; _that I can believe_; Inoichi kept that thought to himself as he watched the colour drain from the false buildings around him, a common experience in the mindscapes of those who had experienced shock as the mind lost focus on itself in favour of digesting the unpalatable news it had received, "and, well I was scared, won't deny it, but also I was a bit angry as well", the glow from the phantom eyes around them grew brighter, shadows lengthening in response to his slight stab of ire as Inoichi nodded, fully expecting this kind of reaction, "but, mostly I was confused, just scared and confused really". Opening his eyes as he finished his recollection Naruto shrugged, perhaps a little embarrassed that he couldn't remember anything more concrete about that night other than the information he was forbidden to reveal,

"Does that help?" Inoichi pondered for a second before, tentatively, nodding,

"It might; fear is a completely understandable reaction to a being as powerful as the nine-tailed fox Naruto, never be ashamed of feeling that", the Yamanaka warned before returning to the matter at hand, "however, right now we need to think about this as your subconscious mind would, like a completely logical and methodical machine"; _or a Root member, praise the ancestors they're not around any more these days_; "it had been confronted by something that it knows would violently scare the conscious mind, perhaps even break it entirely, but simply can't get rid of it, not only because it can't forget but also because Kyuubi is a separate entity and therefore can't be gotten rid of in such a manner, more's the pity as far as I'm concerned. So it buries or hides it; the only question is where – where in this village, if you were scared of something you couldn't get rid of, would you try to put it to make sure you'd never see it again?"

_Where, where would I put something to make sure it'd never bother me again?_; Naruto's first reaction to this would be his house, in particular under his bed but, even in this place of quasi-fantasy, he couldn't really picture himself kneeling down, flipping back the covers of his futon and coming nose-to-nose with an irked nine-tailed bijuu without sniggering to himself; _no, that's out, but if I'm not sure, and I couldn't go to Ichirakus_; much as he loved the ramen vendors he'd never take anything to their bar that might put them in danger, instead he'd take anything like that, like that old explosive note he'd found on the training grounds, straight to...;_ bingo!_

"The Hokage tower!" Inoichi jumped slightly at the loudness of the jinchuuriki's exclamation before regathering his composure as Naruto nodded to himself in satisfaction, "Jiji always said if there was anything I'm unsure of, take it to see him – that's where the fox must be, it's the most secure and safest place in the village", glancing up and over to the tower that stood out like a beacon for the rest of the village to follow for guidance, the Uzumaki drew himself up tall and nodded, "right Inoichi-san, let's get over there and deal with this damned fox". His guide on this first journey into his mind considered this before nodding, once again letting the jinchuuriki pace how this whole trip was going to go – it was Naruto's mind after all,

"Fair enough Naru-kun, though I recommend, if we do track down the Kyuubi, you at least try to be polite with him", at the youngster's incredulous look Inoichi chuckled and shrugged, "he is a bijuu after all and likely to be exceptionally enraged by being bound within a human host – that's a shouting match I don't think even you can win". Naruto merely chuckled darkly, shrugging as he turned away and not letting Inoichi see his expression as he answered; _bound in a human host – not for the first time hey Fuzzy?_;

"True but since when has not being able to win a fight stopped me starting one? Let's face it, I only put up with the Sandaime sitting on my future seat because I know he's old and doesn't like to move far but if I get up there and find Kyuubi sat there I'll have no hesitation kicking his nine-tailed ass out in the cold where it belongs!"

XXX

Moving in the mindscape, Naruto realised with a jolt, was actually a much different experience than moving in reality; as he began to understand following Inoichi's explanation, rather than move himself to his destination, in his own mind he actually tilted the world until his destination came to him, though because he was so used to walking his mental avatar mimicked the motion his body would make to get him about from place to place. It was a lot different moving around inside someone else's' head but the elder Yamanaka assured him he was used to it; as he couldn't alter the mindscape to anything like the extent Naruto could and wouldn't want to risk it anyway, he was merely anchored by a thin string of chakra to the jinchuuriki and towed along in his wake, the least wearisome type of movement a Yamanaka could hope for in an alien mind.

On the journey towards the tower Naruto, as all children would, experimented with this, trying to make his mental Konoha move slightly towards him but quickly ceased when his amateurish control almost resulted in both him and his Yamanaka escort being catapulted through maw-like front door of the grim, shadow-infested building that mentally represented his view of the main village hospital; he'd never liked that place and, in here, it showed (much to Inoichi's evident amusement). Suitably chastised by the chastening experience and Inoichi's mirth, the duo soon arrived at the doors of the Hokage tower which easily swung open before them, a rush of air that smelt of people, parchment and ink rushing out to greet them both,

"Okay", ascending the small flight of steps and noticing with equal parts curiosity and glee that the chalk drawings he'd once doodled all over the heavy granite steps whilst waiting for jiji to treat him to ramen were still here in his mind despite the Hokage's secretary washing them away with a suiton jutsu several years ago, Naruto drew up a plan of searching, "you said about a bridge, is that exactly what we're looking for here? Could it be anything else?"

"Very easily", Inoichi answered as he stepped over the threshold and glanced around, "however, as a new link between the two halves of your mind, the pathway to the bijuu is likely to be relatively small and, possibly, looking a little out-of-place because it's so recent".

"So, we're looking for something new then?"

"Possibly yes"; _and, judging by your tone of voice I reckon you might well have seen it_; Inoichi said nothing but, as he followed the finger Naruto slowly extended, he felt with a slight thrill of fear himself that his own guess had most certainly been exactly right,

"Well, in that case", the jinchuuriki admitted with a leaden tone, "unless they're had some very recent renovation done, I don't remember there being a door like that behind the main reception desk".

As soon as Inoichi glanced over he realised Naruto was certainly right; no such door existed in the real world and, even if it had, the Sandaime would have ensured it fitted its surroundings much more seamlessly than the jarring sight Naruto had noticed. The cut of the wood was far too new, the staining of the wooden portal was completely out of sorts with the stone that surrounded it; it was as clear a sight of a recent mental link as Inoichi had ever seen and he immediately forced his mind to propel him forwards, moving slightly between the door and where Naruto had started towards it with intent writ large upon his features,

"Naruto", the sharpness of his tone brought the boy up short, "you did well to find this so fast but, before we open this door, I have to give you some words of warning", now he held the jinchuuriki's attention at the mention of potential danger, the mind-walker lowered his tone a fraction and spoke on, "now, as well as the fox, when we pass through here we'll most likely be moving into your subconscious mind. This will most likely be a much different place to your conscious mind because, as I said earlier, it doesn't directly think; because of this and the fact it's been containing the bijuu for so long, don't be too alarmed if we find some of your own mental defences down here". Naruto's eyes widened,

"Mental defences, like what?"

"Who knows? Everyone has a different way of attempting to deny intrusion in the mind Naruto", speaking from experience, Inoichi reeled off a few of the more common ones, "the subconscious has, for years in your case, been running on the programming that the Kyuubi is dangerous and therefore never to be released; because of this it'll try to stop up making it to where the bijuu is contained. Because you're relatively young and have had no training in interrogation resistance I doubt we'll come up against anything particularly dangerous, but on the other hand don't be too alarmed if we run into a couple of unusual things down there – I'll be on the look-out if things start getting a bit too hot for you handle alone". Reassured by this as Naruto knew, mostly from Ino's boasting about how her father was one of the strongest shinobi the Yamanaka had ever boasted within its ranks, he was in good hands, the boy merely nodded and, with a grim expression on his face, stepped past the taller man and put his hand on the shiny, new metal knob of the door before him,

"Thanks for that Inoichi-san", he said, tone laced with sincerity before he took in a deep breath and steadied himself, "still, no time like the present; let's get this done".

He had been expecting a hundred and one things to happen when that door opened; something to spring upon him from the darkness, a stench like an opened grave, the door to creak open like and disgorge a swarm of fluttering bats or something equally as horribly cliché. What actually occurred was almost the exact opposite and left him feeling slightly underwhelmed; the door obediently swung forwards at the slightest tug, yawning open to reveal a portal beyond steeped in darkness. Mustering his courage and grateful that, as he stepped onwards, the shadows dispersed slightly to let him see where he was going, Naruto glanced over his shoulder at Inoichi and, encouraged by the Yamanaka's nod, took the first step over the threshold, towards the lair of the beast in his head.

XXX

The tunnel, if that was truly what it was, descended downwards like a ramp into a vast, underground basement, or even a cave system; the floor was stepped but it was definitely descending, that much Naruto could easily tell. Around him seemed to be walls cut from thick, grey stone, stuck together with little finesse but giving the impression of great strength and age, as though they'd stand forever unless something else brought to bear the forces necessary to crumble them to dust. Despite the darkness Naruto was quite reassured by this as he journeyed further into the blackness, Inoichi as always one step behind and ready to answer when, as he'd expected, Naruto asked his first question,

"Inoichi-san", the jinchuuriki paused for a moment, his voice echoing horribly in the void, "is this, normal-ish?"

"If by that do you mean is your mind strong enough to withstand the Kyuubi I have to say I don't know", the Yamanaka was nothing if not honest, though at Naruto's trepidatious look he laid a hand upon the stone to the side of them as though taking in the cut of the brickwork, "though this structure, if it does indeed house the bijuu, seems to be as sturdy as many things found in a ninja's mind never mind that of a child. It's a good start if nothing else and I'm reasonably sure the Sandaime will engage the services of my clan in the future to ensure you are as ready as you can be for when the fox awakens".

"That's good to hear", the jinchuuriki breathed a bit of a sigh of relief before taking another few paces forwards, speaking a theory as he did so, "is it so dark in here because I've never been here before?" Inoichi gave a half-nod, explaining as he did even as something on the floor before them caught his eye,

"In a way; this place is a part of you but, as this is the first time your thinking, conscious mind has been here it appears to be dingy as you don't have a mental map of the place yet. Because of that I'd recommend we go careful", the Yamanaka smirked slightly, gesturing forwards with a slight smile on his face, "you almost stepped on one of your mental defences there".

Naruto whirled, expecting to be confronted with some kind of huge, many-limbed monster that he'd have to either outrun or outfight before both he and Inoichi could move on and, because of that expectation, completely missed what he was looking for; only when he looked down at the floor was he able to gawk at the familiar shape before him,

"Is that it?"

"It's better than some I've seen", Inoichi told him, chuckling slightly as he stepped forwards, stooped down and carefully picked up the scorpion by its tail, the arachnid flaring its claws but rendered impotent by the Yamanaka's skilful neutralising of its main weapon, "this is a prime example of the difference between the conscious and subconscious minds. You consciously think of a scorpion as something between a pet and a light snack; your subconscious however recognises it as potentially dangerous and therefore models at least some of its own defences upon its shape – I've no doubt that, if I let this go now, it would try to attack both of us".

"So, should we squash it or something?" Inoichi glanced at the jinchuuriki sidelong,

"First rule of the Yamanaka Naru-kun; never destroy anything in someone's mind unless you know for sure it's nothing they're going to miss. Ask Ino-chan about the law of Terechi's Vanity, she'll tell you everything you need to know if she's been doing the studying I asked her to – until now though", moving to the edge of the light the jinchuuriki's avatar cast in this murky underworld, Inoichi stooped again and gently tossed the scorpion a short distance away before returning to Naruto's shoulder, wiping his hands to remove the trace of mental contact with the subconscious defence he'd just diverted from the pair of them, "I suggest we just press on, chances are it'll ignore us if we move out of range of it".

Needing no further encouragement, Naruto set off at a reasonable clip but with both eyes on the floor before him, not wanting another potential surprise to get the drop on him before, realising everything appeared to be in order at the moment, he slowed down enough to ask a question,

"So, what else can mental defences look like? And I know it depends", he pre-empted that answer having heard it several times already, "any ideas what else mine might be?"

"Usually something that your conscious mind would find uncomfortable to be around; in children such as yourself it's usually mice, which I wouldn't expect in your case, or spiders, even earthworms for Ino-chan before you scared that little phobia out of her. However, you being you and simply unusual at the best of times, there could be a lot more terrifying apparitions occurring in your subconscious. In fact", he paused just long enough to ensure he'd be able to get a good glimpse of Naruto's reaction from the corner of his eye as he finished,

"I wouldn't be too surprised if we didn't bump into a Mitarashi Anko or two down here".

Though he'd never admit it, least of all to the jinchuuriki himself, Inoichi would never be able to recall that first mind-walk the two undertook with each other without smirking slightly to himself at the horrified expression and terrified trembling that struck the Uzumaki down at the thought of them bumping into that particular special jounin down this dark alleyway of his mind.

Time became immaterial in the journey; aside from the odd scorpion or very basic trap such as a blatant trip-wire that Inoichi assured him was another, albeit basic, defence of his, nothing much changed until, squinting ahead, Naruto thought he saw something upon the horizon and immediately sought conformation,

"You see that Inoichi-san?"

"Yes", even here, at this distance, it was an effort to keep his own fears at bay; he remembered that dull, deadly tangerine glow far too well from his past, "I believe we're getting to the end of our hunt Naruto-kun. Be careful, it's likely that your last mental defences around the Kyuubi will be the strongest as they've been there for the longest time". Naruto said nothing to this but nodded resolutely, setting off towards the dim glow on the horizon with a single-minded purpose; Inoichi stayed where he was for a moment, recomposing himself until a sudden splashing noise and a frightened curse from Naruto brought him running; regardless of the cost to himself, he could not run the risk of Naruto's conscious mind being damaged and made susceptible to any trickery the Kyuubi may try to use against him,

"Naruto, what was it?"

"Don't worry, I'm fine", at that Inoichi breathed a sigh of relief, such an emotion only emphasised by the sight of the jinchuuriki standing with one foot in the air and trying to squeeze water from his now-damp sandal, "stupid subconscious; who'd put a puddle just there?"

"I, ah, I don't think that's a puddle Naruto", Inoichi commented with a slight note of warning in his voice and, as he looked up and saw along the now waterlogged passageway as far as the light of his own intelligence would let him, the jinchuuriki pushed his foot down with a squish and sighed,

"Terrific; not only am I going fox-hunting I'm going fox-hunting in a bog for good measure", the grumbled before his had snapped up, a sudden suspicions struck deeply onto his face; before Inoichi was able to ask what ailed him, however, the boy had spoken with a second groan, "or at least I hope it's a bloody bog. Just my luck; not enough for me to get lumbered with a Kami-damned bijuu in my gut, I have to end up with the one without any semblance of bladder control! Right, that's it; first things' first if the fox does have that problem I don't care how much more powerful than me he is I will either house-train him or find some other solution to that problem, up to and including tying it in a knot!"

The ludicrous idea of Naruto attempting to wrestle the Kyuubi into a pair of incontinence pants was thrust into Inoichi's head with such crystal clarity that he had no choice; the dark hallway rang with his helpless laughter for a good few minutes before he was able to calm himself down and address the boy again with ethereal tears of mirth sparkling on his cheeks,

"Only you Naruto", the elder mind-walker marvelled, shaking his head at the jinchuuriki's outright fearlessness, "only you'd dare even think something like that so close to one of the most potent forces the Elemental Nations has ever seen".

"Yeah, well, I haven't seen him yet", Naruto pointed out, folding his arms, "and to do that I'm going to have to get my feet wet. Ugh, there better be a way to drain this lake in here later". With that and without bothering to kick off his footwear Naruto merely marched into the black, cold water, screwing up his face against the cold and merely scowling as Inoichi used the mental equivalent of chakra control to hover just above the surface of the water,

"Show-off", the jinchuuriki grumbled before moving forwards, trying to be quiet in his approach but slowed and hindered by the water itself, reduced to sloshing onwards with a scowl on his face as he advanced ever closer to the source of the scarlet light that, Inoichi could see, now awaited them around what looked like the next bend of the underground passageway. This deep in the subconscious mind it felt slightly colder than earlier, not to mention the slight presence Inoichi's finely-honed and attuned senses had ghosted over earlier was stronger, perhaps even concentrated here. _Now I'm sure_; he felt it again, pressing slightly against the mental shields he'd raised in case the Kyuubi had merely been lying low and hoped to spring upon them, a mere gossamer touch against the casual weight of the bijuu's presence and so light even he almost missed it; _there is something, or more likely someone down here. I could turn it away_; and he could, even so close to the bijuu he knew he could merely exert his will and chakra to banish the lingering shade without the Kyuubi or even Naruto himself being any the wiser but, for now, he stayed his hand; _however, no, Naruto-kun needs to be see and understand this, though I doubt he'll accept it straight away_;

"Naruto-kun", the note of caution in his voice stopped the boy's advance just as Inoichi felt the other, darker presence come closer; realising he had seconds left at best before the inevitable confrontation, spoke a calm but hurried warning, "don't be worried but we're not alone down here".

"Huh?" Dropping back a step, Naruto immediately glanced back at Inoichi while his back foot sent up a small wave of spray, his mental avatar immediately dropping back into a defensive stance, "What the hell else lives down here apart from..."

"_Only one who is unbreakable..._"

It was a horrid, cold voice, like a frozen razor-blade being drawn over the ears; teeth set on edge by the grating, rattling drone, Naruto could barely bring himself to look forwards as with a blast of cold wind and unmistakable air of casual malice, the interloper that had dogged their footsteps since they crossed the threshold of Naruto's conscious mind and stepped into its lair prowled into the circle of light its conscious-mind counterpart cast and allowed itself to be seen for the first time, finishing its introduction with a ghastly, rattling sigh,

"..._only I could possibly survive here; one unlike you, who will always be fragile and weak_".

XXX

As the face-off continued Inoichi subtly wafted himself over to the side but in front of Naruto, ready to intervene should things turn violent; though he had no doubt the avatar of Naruto's conscious mind was stronger than the emaciated, gangrel apparition before him, he didn't want to run the risk of the jinchuuriki damaging something that might be an essential feature of his unconscious mind. The silence snailed by in seconds, broken only by the faint sounds of the slight waves made by Naruto's progress through the lake so far had made breaking against the nearby shore until, not taking his eyes from the unblinking ebon stare before him, Naruto enquired slowly,

"Is this some kind of mental defence as well?"

"Not exactly", Inoichi answered, careful with his words as he didn't want to be the one to throw a match into this tinderbox and have the two separate avatars going to war with each other, least of all considering where they both were in relation to the bijuu, "this is, I believe, another aspect of yourself, one that has been quite a bit less fortunate than 'you'".

"You got that right", Naruto muttered, taking in the withered, ugly thing before him with a curled lip, "it looks the wrong side of half-dead now; hey, you", his voice rose slightly and, if he could possibly judge by the way those blank, black spaces where eyes should have been moved towards his voice, it caught the spectre's attention, "two questions; are you me and, if so, what the hell happened to make you as ugly as that?"

"_I am you_", the ethereal figure rattled back in its corpse-like voice, a mere whisper on the still air tinged with unmistakeable malice as its stick-like arms and legs slowly drew up into a position roughly resembling a fighting stance, "_I am the you that should exist_".

"Really?" Naruto's sardonic tone answered as he glanced the ghost up and down again, "You think I should be thin as a rake and with a complexion whiter than Akamaru's fur? Sorry but you're in a minority of one there – it's not happening".

"_Why?!_" His answer for some reason seemed to enrage the wraith, "_You are alone, cast into the darkness. I see their eyes, their dismissive faces, feel their urges to strike and render our dreams to dust! Yet you_", contempt fairly dripped from the word as the shadow aspect turned the patches of shadow that made up its eyes upon it's somewhat brighter counterpart once more, "_you pander to their whims like a broken dog! You smile in the face of their poisoned scowls, listen to their contempt with nothing more than laughter and turn the other cheek at their threats of harm. Even now those in power use us as nothing more than a tool to learn how to defend themselves – what do you think will happen when we can be taught to kill and maim, use our talents to destroy the enemies of the Leaf properly rather than merely amuse them with false games of war without tears? They will use us; their pet little killer, a weapon of terror and death until we're no longer needed, and then they'll cut us loose without a second thought, without a glance, because we will have served our purpose. We are a jinchuuriki_; for the first time the spectre smiled, a look of almost rapturous glee upon its wasted, pinched features as it breathed the word with a soft caress in its otherwise rapier-sharp tone; _a weapon created for war. We should be reminding those in power, those who think they can pull upon our strings, that no weapon can be used without risk – they will never love us, but we can make them fear us_".

_As I expected_; having listened to the angst-fuelled diatribe Inoichi was able to give himself a grim pat on the back as he realised this time he had it exactly right; _not exactly a secondary personality, more a collection of negative emotions that have reached critical mass within Naruto's subconscious and generated a form of semi-sentience. Slightly more powerful than a traumatic recollection, but simply not in the same league as a true split in the psyche – however, it'll be interesting to see how Naruto answers th..._; Inoichi's thoughts were cut off when Naruto delivered his answer and the tunnel they were in rang with a sudden bout of derisive laughter, the avatar of the jinchuuriki's conscious mind pointing a finger at its darker counterpart,

"Wait, let me get this right; yeah I know some people are assholes, but your response to that is to try and start a one-man war against the hidden Leaf in the vain hope everyone will start cowering in terror at the mere mention of my, or our name? Man if I was ever as dumb as that people were right to call me a gaki, or a brat or anything else; are you insane? Yes I'm a jinchuuriki and yes that makes me dangerous; do you really think jiji hasn't thought of that and got at least a dozen plans in mind for what happens if I go off the rails? I might get away with a bit of cheek where he's concerned but that's it – the second he thinks I'm a threat to his village we're both either history or in line of extensive re-education; he might not like it, he'd probably do it with tears in his eyes but the old man's a good enough shinobi to sign my death-warrant if he had to. In a choice between us and Konoha we lose every time, and anyway, not everyone in the village is a jerk, you have to know that even if you are part of my subconscious and can't really think for yourself".

"_In our case a friend is merely an enemy who has yet to reveal himself_", the shadow spoke, the darkness coiling around it as, Naruto noticed, it moved back slightly, a sure sign he was getting under whatever counted as its skin, "_they use us, nothing more – once our usefulness has finished, they will throw us both away_".

"Really? I've got a pair of tattoos on my back that say otherwise", Naruto pointed out, folding his arms as he realised this was getting him nowhere except frustrated, "anyway I'm sick of taking to you already. I made my choice and like it or not you're coming with me; I like how things are going and you're not going to stop them going that way – if people don't like me fine, I don't care. Being a good ninja and even being Hokage isn't a popularity contest, it's about being the one who can best run the village normally and defend the village in a time of crisis and as far as I can tell I'm making a decent case for as things stand. No-one will stop me doing things my way, least of all me", there was blue fire in his eyes, a quiet, concentrated fury that not even the abyssal eye sockets of the shadows' face could swallow entirely as the main avatar of Naruto's mind spoke, "so get out of here, right now you're wasting my time and your breath".

With that the conversation appeared to be over; Naruto knew that, should it come down to a fist-fight he had all the advantages; quite aside from the fact the avatar he had looked to be stronger and physically fitter than the skin-and-bone figure before him, he could actually think tactically whereas the other, if it truly was a facet of his subconscious, didn't have that luxury. However what passed for the ghost part of him's intelligence was enough to stop it actively seeking a fight it couldn't win; because of this the shadow stepped backwards into the darkness, though it never dropped its eyes as it left behind nothing but its lasts words as evidence it had ever been there,

"_As long as you trust others to see past the fox we hold, you will be both weak and a fool_". Even as his doppelganger disappeared, Naruto riposted with his own words,

"Better a weak fool who believes in something than a strong, smart guy who won't fight for anything other than himself".

No rejoinder was made, no response mustered; once more Inoichi and he were alone with naught but the orange glow of the Kyuubi nearby to guide them. Taking down a deep breath (or whatever the mental equivalent was), Naruto turned to the Yamanaka just before him and spoke,

"Was that... normal? Does everyone's subconscious actually hate them on some level?"

"Everyone has self-doubt and negative emotions Naru-kun, some more than others", the leader of the mind-walking clan answered reasonably, "I can't deny Konoha isn't blameless in creating the avatar you just saw there; our treatment of you has been less than stellar; but you handled that very well". Naruto chuckled, one hand on the back of his neck as he shrugged at the compliment,

"Well, it was just the truth; yeah a lot of people don't like me but then again a lot of people don't know I've been pulling the wool over their eyes for years, ever since I learnt how to disguise myself or use the henge technique", his smile became just a little more gleeful as memories of his many faces swam through his mind, the ways they casually removed all the hatred from his path and allowed him access to parts of a normal life that might otherwise have been hopelessly denied to him simply due to the prejudice of imbeciles, "from then life's been a lot easier, even more so since I started working on the inside of the village walls". Inoichi snorted,

"Easier for you maybe; I've been banished to the greenhouse so often since you started some of the others in my clan are questioning if I've picked up a fetish for talking to the plants to help them grow. Aside from that though, do you want to go on now; we can always get down here another time, hopefully one where you won't have met such a hostile reaction in your subconscious?"

"Oh hell no; no bottling it this close to the finish", the Uzumaki demanded, splashing forwards another couple of paces as though to prove his point, "I dealt with that clown without having to go in swinging and the chances are the fox is still K. behind his seal; I don't think there's a better time than this. Speaking of which", the sloshing noises grew quieter as Naruto slowed down, turning to regard Inoichi once more, "what would have happened if I had punched that moron's teeth down his throat?" The mind-walker chuckled before shaking his head,

"I wouldn't like to say but the chances are nothing beneficial for either of you; he is more likely than not one of your potential defences against Kyuubi after all".

"Really – but he sounded really pleased that we were a jinchuuriki..."

"Most likely because of the power in that name Naruto-kun; don't be under any illusion that almost every smart person in the world, even ninja and kage, will treat jinchuuriki with a certain amount of respect – respect brought out of fear of what the demon-container might do perhaps but respect nevertheless. However I'd be willing to guess that your unhappy avatar is aware on some level that most of your life's' woes are due entirely to the Kyuubi being present within you and, since he's a part of your subconscious, he's known about the fox a lot longer and therefore hates it with even more passion than you do". The boy seemed to digest this for a moment before, with a slightly relieved air, he made to carry on his journey,

"Ah well, at least I'll have one friend in my head in case the creature does try to break loose - strange allies and all that. Until then", once more he set off, the chakra string connecting them dragging Inoichi along for the ride as well, "let's see what we came here for and figure out a plan to deal with it when we're done".

It was around the next corner; even as he saw Naruto pause Inoichi prepared himself as much as he was able to and, with his mind ready to defend both himself and the boy next to him as necessary, took the last few fatal steps. The sight before him made him close his eyes again, face forced away from the volcanic glare of the bijuu before him; once before he had seen the monster for a great distance and position of virtual safety, but now with naught but the genius of his former Hokage and the will of a now-nine year old child between him and the Kyuubi's wrath, he was afraid, afraid of the terrible form that he lay sprawled at the far end of the chamber, mercifully facing away from him so that he did not have to see its terrible face, nor it's unholy, murderous eyes that had stared down the entire Leaf village almost a decade ago and found it unworthy. Before the monster that had threatened all he had ever known dear and been halted only at the supreme cost of not just the life, but the very soul of one of his friends, Inoichi was afraid.

"Is that it?"

_Eh?!_; fear, however, was nothing compared to the shock that had his literally staring at the jinchuuriki by the side of him, Naruto scratching the side of his head as he observed the bijuu in his cage, the monstrous flanks of the fox heaving in one slow, cavernous breath after another as the force of nature seemed to slumber on. The Yamanaka was so far beyond speech it took a good few seconds before he could find his tongue again; the second his did so, however, there was only a single blazing, burning question that needed to be asked, Inoichi only just remembering to keep his voice down in time,

"What?!"

"Is that it? I mean", Naruto repeated before pointing, thankfully not noticing his guide apparently undergoing some sort of mental seizure as he realised he hadn't misheard the first time, "from what I heard and read about the Kyuubi was supposed to be massive, much taller than the village gates. Might just be me or my mind not seeing it right but, isn't he a bit, I don't know, smaller than he should be?"

It wasn't a question Inoichi could answer accurately as he too had never actually seen the fox in the flesh but, as he forced himself to regard the slumbering bijuu again, he couldn't help but have a nagging suspicion Naruto was actually right in his assumption. Though it was no doubt a living engine of destruction and the most powerful of all the tailed beasts, the nine-tailed fox appeared to be somewhat short of its supposed magnificence as it dreamed whatever it was sentient masses of chakra dreamed about, completely unaware of its two observers as Inoichi, having seen the cage, the flimsy-looking paper seal that apparently held the beast at bay and, most importantly of all from his point of view, the structures growing out from the cage across the walls and ceiling of this caldera in Naruto's mind, the Yamanaka offered his opinion of the situation,

"I'm not qualified to judge the fox based on his size; in fact out of all the ninja in Konoha the only likely to be able to do such a thing is Sandaime-sama; however I'm no expert in fuuinjutsu so, if anything has happened to Kyuubi since he's been imprisoned here, I would guess it's as a result, intentional or otherwise, of the sealing technique the Fourth Hokage used to lock it away within you. However", he pointed and, following his finger, Naruto started at the sight of what was invading his mind from the fox's lair, "I believe those pipes, or roots if that's what they are, are part of the Yondaime's design as well".

"But", Naruto's tone was thick, as though he was having to drag the questions out of himself as he saw the semi-organic structures burrow into the otherwise solid stonework of his subconscious mind, "what are they doing? The fox can't get through them right?" Inoichi, to Naruto's great relief, shook his head,

"From what I understand of the nature of the Shiki Fuujin seal, at least as Sandaime-sama explained it to me, this was to be expected", he explained, "the seal should siphon off some of the fox's power, mostly purify it and then add it to your own reserves. These roots, if that's what they are, seem to be a representation of that happening so as far as I can tell all is as it should be; however, though the Yondaime's seal does offer a great deal of advantage to you, least of all your exceptional chakra reserves, it has also raised a few issues as well, ones Minato-dono may not have been aware of – nothing to do with Kyuubi", Inoichi hastened to add, seeing the troubled look on the jinchuuriki's face and waiting for it to relax before he went on, "more to do with a few issues for you yourself".

"Do I dare ask?" Naruto stated with a fatalistic air about him as he waited for Inoichi to break the bad news that duly arrived,

"They're not major issues Naruto-kun, nothing you won't be able to solve without a bit of practice", the Yamanaka assured him before raising the two topics he'd noted thus far in his explorations of the jinchuuriki's head, "it's just that your natural resistance to illusions and mental attack such as my clan jutsu seem to be a little bit below average, that's all. Quite common in people with large chakra reserves as it's easier for an enemy genjutsu user to sink their chakra hooks into the right areas of your senses if they've got a bigger chakra system to aim at, but it could be an issue for you, at least until the bijuu awakens".

"What? The fox could make me more resistant to genjutsu?"

"Possibly; like I said I'm no expert but jinchuuriki are said to be difficult to affect with illusions, least of all when using the charka of their tenants", the Yamanaka admitted before glancing at the fox one last time, "still, I suggest we leave it here for now Naruto-kun; I wouldn't like to tempt fate even though the bijuu appears to be still comatose. I'll raise it with the Hokage to see that you're given basic lessons with my clan, at least to teach you how to enter your own mindscape more easily, as more exposure to Kyuubi when he's dormant may make you better able to handle him when he wakes up".

"Long may it be before he actually manages it", Naruto muttered before, satisfied he'd seen what he'd come here to see and reassured slightly that, embodied terror it might be, the Kyuubi was still not quite as scary as the monster he'd heard so many rumours about and been picturing in his mind prior to thinking up a way to dispel those myths with the truth, "you're right though Inoichi-san, let's get out of this dump. Oh, and if you do get the go-ahead for these lessons, mind filling me in on a way to improve this place a bit – the decor doesn't add up to much if you ask me".

With that last comment and Inoichi's slight chortle and declaration that he was definitely still Naruto through and through, the duo turned their backs upon the sleeping monster and started the long trek back to the sunlight surface of Naruto's conscious mind, the elder of the two aware that every step of the way was dogged by blazing black eyes that radiated nothing but contempt at the one who shared its very being, but could do nothing but smoulder in impotent rage as it had been forced to acknowledge the superiority of a much larger, more experienced psyche.

XXX

_Thank the Kami_; he hadn't been sure that Inoichi would respect his request but, after giving a reason that he wanted to explore his own mindscape a little more and a promise he'd be done as soon as he'd scouted out his most familiar places, the Yamanaka's form had shone for a brief second before dispersing completely into petals of light that dissipated to nothingness within seconds. Even while these petals were falling to the earth, however, Naruto was in motion; pausing only to check the doorway to the Kyuubi's cage was wedged tightly shut, he vaulted over the desk in front of him, landed solidly on the floor and began to sprint towards the one place in Konoha he knew better than any other.

_Look for something new, perhaps another doorway there_; even as the stairs flew two at a time under his feet, the Uzumaki's mind racing literally as well as physically within his mindscape, he mentally prepared himself as much as he was able to considering what he was hoping to see, a secret he thankfully hadn't let slip to Inoichi while the Yamanaka had been present within his mind. Only upon reaching his apartment door did he slow down and breathe again, centring his mind as he pushed to door open and stepped inside; his home looked virtually the same as it always did, he couldn't pick anything completely unusual out as he gingerly moved around the place, eyes open for anything that could be a link to what he so desperately wanted to see right now. Though he was aware there would be other times to explore he didn't want that, he wanted to see it now and, as he entered his bedroom and felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up a little, he span around and the sight before him transfixed his vision completely.

There was no doorway; obviously he had been too young for even his subconscious to remember his parents; instead of a gateway down into the depths of his mind, one of the blank walls of his bedroom was now dominated by a single tableau, a picture of such scale and intricate detail that it made his knees buckle and drew tears from his eyes as, for the first time in his life, the Uzumaki orphan saw his own family portrait. The Yondaime was present, Namikaze Minato resplendent in his battle garb and with a tri-pronged kunai in his fist, though his face was strangely blank, as though the painter hadn't quite decided what expression would best suit the former Hokages' face. His wife, however, was a different matter, she was fully formed with an irascible expression, the same one that had been present in the majority of her old school photographs, etched larger than life on her face, the swell of her stomach indicating where the third member of this family was currently hiding, Naruto having never seen a picture of himself as a baby.

All around this massive image were other, smaller captive images, their size and closeness of to the main portrait of his parents seeming to indicate their closeness as part of his family; jiji was of course closest and actually the most detailed, the old man giving a grandfatherly smile from his seat of power, but many others crowded for attention like bees around the queen of a swarm. There were the heads of the clans, gathered around a table that seemed to revolve within its picture frame, allowing each leader to be seen in turn, while elsewhere he could see Ino scowling, smudged with dirt and bruises as she always was after a spar with him, Kiba, Hana and their nin-ken were almost beckoning him to join them and a host of others were there too. Even, his heart clenched a little at the memory, even the nee-chan of the _Budding Blossoms_, Risu-chan at the fore and smiling fondly at the boy she had wanted as her first lover even if she had never seen his real face; nearby and in frames much smaller stood the glowering hawk-eyed girl Karui, Atsui running pell-mell from his usually ice-cold but now half-naked and terrifyingly irate sister while, behind them, their half-sister Yugito glared out of the canvas as though daring him to try pranking her once more. So many people he had seen and who had stuck in his mind either for years or simply moments, as evidenced by the figure in one of the smallest frames, the unnamed kunoichi who had given him his first and most important lesson as a ninja immortalised for all time in his head; he could have stared at them all forever but, reminded of Inoichi's words of caution and the need to be quick, he reluctantly tore his eyes away from the people he cared about and, with infinite care, gently touched the side of the mental picture of his own family.

In the aftermath, as he would later admit, Naruto found it surprisingly easy to move the picture itself; maybe because he had no real mental baggage connected to his parents – after all, what did he know about Minato other than the fact he was an excellent shinobi, the Fourth Hokage and his father? Still, such mental lightness didn't stop Naruto treating it with every care possible as he slowly, slowly detached the largest portrait from the wall and, equally carefully, slid it under his futon, hiding it from anyone who might have been able to peek into his mind. _Especially if like Inoichi says, I'm vulnerable to that_; jiji's words about his father's enemies sounded in his ears – if there was a chance, any chance at all, that his secret could get out he had to do his utmost to counter any risks; _it's not perfect but it'll do for now – at least I can now see my parents any time I want to. So, I'd better get out of here_; once more recalling the Yamanaka's words, Naruto hopped onto his futon and closed his eyes; _right, breathing, that's the key. In and out, just keep focussing on it, if you feel yourself drifting just go with the flow, all that matters is the air. It's cold as it goes in, warmer on the way out – wow, it does feel like I'm drifting, going up – no, focus on the breathing, the air is, actually it's warm, and can I..._

_...smell lavender?_

XXX

Naruto usually woke like a lark at the first hint of sunlight, a relic of his younger years where getting up early meant missing the traffic and getting to the scrap fields early. In this case, however, he actually had to consciously think about what those strange black and red things he was seeing were before his mind kicked in and he recognised them as his own eyelids. Cracking a yawn and heaving them open, he was then forced to stifle a moan of pain as a rash of sensation flushed up both his legs,

"Ah, ah, ah, pins-and-needles", he complained, falling sideways off the cushion he'd been sat on and shaking his legs off vigorously at the same time as throwing a scowl at Inoichi, "yeah, yeah, you can laugh but that's probably the longest I've ever been sat in the same place before".

"Knowing you I wouldn't doubt it; still, that's the first and hopefully highest hurdle over with Naru-kun", the Yamanaka told him with a more business-like air, "as I said I will be reporting what we've seen to the Hokage and recommending further sessions like this to ensure you're as prepared as possible for when Kyuubi overcomes the inertia of the sealing process. Apart from that though, I'd say you did rather well..."

"Thanks".

"...apart from the way you teared up slightly and started slobbering a bit after I returned to wait for you", Inoichi finished, smirk on his face as he raised an eyebrow while Naruto hastily wiped the saliva off with a sleeve of his jumpsuit, "if I was to hazard a guess I'd say I was reasonably sure where you ran off too as soon as I was gone. Really Naruto, is Ichiraku ramen _that_ important to you?"

"What? Of course", he was just quick enough in hiding his look of confusion; _Inoichi doesn't know what I saw after he left – good, let's keep it that way or things could get very awkward very fast_; "it's the best and the memory of it only gets sweeter. Just don't tell anyone about it or I'll be forced to take desperate measures".

"Oh really? Forgive me for not shaking in my shoes against someone who was drooling in front of me not two minutes ago".

"The Aburame clan have several species of insects that could turn your clan garden in a wasteland given a few hours and they as a whole owe me a favour – shaking yet?" Inoichi's smile promptly froze on his face before with an effort he shattered the expression and glowered at the grinning child,

"I'll keep my secrets if you keep yours and don't let those pests within fifty yards of this place; if anything like that does happen I'll be going back into your mind and Kami-sama help you when I get there, least of all if I find anything to pin the crime on you. Now, we'd best call it a night there, it's getting late", Naruto glanced around and realised with a jolt that not only were the shadows lengthening, but also that he himself was strangely fatigued; not tired as though he'd been running all day but a deeper, more obtuse form of lethargy as he heaved himself upright with an effort, "I have no doubt you'll be able to get home in one piece but you'd better leave a calling card regardless – just nothing that's likely to induce a heart attack or a hernia please Naruto-kun", the Yamanaka leader pleaded before the boy's grin could get too wide or fanatically gleeful, "it's been a long day and the last thing I feel like doing now is undergoing an inquisition by someone claiming I let you go without disarming you properly".

As expected Naruto did exactly as he was bid, though unusually in this case it worked out well for Inoichi for a change; for some reason, as memories of a long, cold stay out in the greenhouse brought about entirely by the girl who appeared before him red-faced, fuming and waving one of her slippers under his nose no more than a minute after a yell out outrage echoed around their clan house flickered through his mind, Inoichi couldn't help himself from feeling smug as he merely suggested to his irked niece that she must have caught Naruto on the way out rather than the way in and she should count herself lucky he'd just fired shaving cream rather than anything more dangerous, such as a mousetrap as he himself had once done in his youth, into her favourite pair of slippers.

The memories of Ninota's murderous expression kept him in good cheer for the rest of the night and, when his wife found herself asking exactly what the cause of his good mood was later that evening as they were getting ready for bed, she found herself caught quite unprepared for Inoichi to swing around and smother her question with a lingering kiss. However, Kunisa was nothing if not adaptable and, as she returned the favour and flipped herself dexterously onto her husband, decided not to let this opportunity slip even as she mentally thanked the one responsible for it in the brief few moments her conscious mind had left to run the show before it all went down to very basic instincts.

XXX

The last glorious days of the Fire country summer were fading and Sarutobi was pleased; alone in his office and enjoying the view from the main window, the old man watched the glorious display of colour play out over the village he watched over for a moment before one of his last two appointments for the day arrived. He was looking forwards to it, no denying that; for the first time in a long time the master would have something new to spring on the student, least of all the various new arrangements that had swept through Konoha as a whole for the past six to nine months.

In the face of a lone and dangerous saboteur virtually every major infrastructure of the village had been stripped down, reorganised and put back together to minimise the wriggle-room any future spy or attacker might have had within the official procedure of the system, and even that didn't stop him entirely (though the ANBU, now properly briefed on their target, could have). Nowhere and nothing had been immune; heck even the sewage system had once been nearly paralysed by someone flushing copious amounts of false-explosive notes down the drains at the same time as targeting the main processing plants directly, so now even these formerly low-priority targets were guarded by seal matrices and chunin who had somehow drawn the ire of their superiors. _So much done in so little time – not since the Third War have we tightened up the village so much_; Sarutobi let that sink in for a moment before sighing and reaching for his pipe; _still, not everything has gone as smoothly as it might have done. The office seals, for instance_; glancing once more at the largest window before him, the Third Hokage lit his pipe and took a deep breath to steady his nerves a little as he recalled drafting the fuuinjutsu matrices that were now drawn on every window sill in every ninja building in the village, the chakra ink structures producing invisible barriers of chakra allowing the passage of air through but stopping anything more solid such as hail, rain or arrows tipped with explosive notes; _great idea in principle but so far in my office alone I've had a dozen messenger birds flattening their beaks against it, not to mention given one of Kakashi-kun's summons an even more squashed nose than he had previously..._

At that point a very solid thunking noise rattled around the Hokage's office and the old man sighed; _...and now I have to add a very large Konoha flying frog to that list. Still, I suppose it was a fruitless endeavour to hope that he'd use the door_; thus finished with his mental musings the elderly kage stood up, turned around, took a moment to savour the ludicrous sight of his most loyal student balancing perilously on the thin ledge of the tiny window at his back, massive arms pin-wheeling madly as he sought to prevent himself plummeting helplessly to the ground some seven or eight stories below, before taking a little pity on the sage, stepping forwards, reaching through the seal barrier that was keyed to his chakra and grabbing hold of a handful of the cloth around Jiraiya's waist. With a heave, Sarutobi dragged his student through the seemingly-empty window and dropped him on the floor, stepping back to regard the much taller man as Jiraiya stood to his full height, pinching his bleeding nose,

"You know sensei", the Gama sannin began, voice rather nasal as he waited for the ache from his nose to disperse, "I know you said you'd take action if I didn't stop coming in through the window but I didn't think you'd actually do it. Still", finally removing his fingers from his abused nostrils and grateful he couldn't feel any pain from the front of his face any longer, Jiraiya took on a more professional air as he inspected the fuuinjutsu at his back, "pretty tasty little matrix there sensei; your work I assume?"

"You assume correctly, though I was hoping you'd be inclined to take a look through my notes and determine if there was any way it could be improved at all".

"I'll do what I can, I should be here for a few weeks", the sage shrugged, folding his arms, "want my report now or tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow if you would please Jiraiya-kun, though", half-turning to go, the sage of the Gama clan paused at the note of slight amusement in his old teachers' voice, "don't disappear just yet, I have news that you yourself may be interested in. I have, or at least believe I have, found someone who may one day be able to step into those geta sandals of yours, should you be able to carry on for another six or so years".

That was easily enough to get Jiraiya to prick his ears, though he remained more cautious than optimistic as he swung back to the Hokage and cocked his head slightly,

"Really, a spymaster to rival the great Gallant Jiraiya?" He let out a dismissive snort, "I'll believe that only when I see it". Strangely, however, the smile didn't fade from Sarutobi's face; _damn, the old man's serious about this_;

"Don't be so hasty to dismiss something that sounds impossible Jiraiya-kun, that something might well come back to haunt those disbelievers; despite the warnings from your Academy staff, I was able to turn you into a fine shinobi was I not?" Conscience pricked as he was uncomfortably reminded of what a first class pain in the ass he'd been as a child, Jiraiya winced and then capitulated,

"That's a hit below the belt old man; you haven't lost your touch", he grudgingly admitted before sighing, "fine; I know you've got this poor saps' record, you're too organised not to have. I'll take a look but no promises".

Seemingly satisfied with this, Sarutobi led his student into the office proper, Jiraiya slouching around as his former mentor reached into one of his desk drawers and, after a little rooting around, pulled free a thin file of paper,

"Ah, here we are", he exclaimed, holding it out for the spymaster to take, "as concise a history as we could make, though far from complete", at the raised eyebrow of the younger man Sarutobi let his hat hang heavier over his eyes, conveying an attempt to obfuscate the truth at the same time as hiding his smile, "there is much about this nin we don't yet know, things he hides even from us".

"Hm, guess he is worth a look then if he can hide from you", Jiraiya admitted, turning the file over in his hands before opening it at the first page and beginning to read.

Sarutobi had been looking forwards to this moment for months, ever since he'd received the coded correspondence Jiraiya had sent in his wake stating he was returning to the village for a while; he expected a reaction from the folder alone, though admittedly not as big as the one he was expecting when the curtain finally came down and the truth was revealed at last, and in this at least, he wasn't disappointed. Even in the first few seconds Jiraiya's eyes were bulging in a manner similar to his summons, mouth working for moments before he managed to glance across at his sensei and find the required words,

"He stole underwear from the _Inuzuka_ compound?"

"Actually nightwear, but yes he did".

"And he's still breathing, with a full complement of limbs?"

"It was touch and go for a while but I did, eventually, manage to talk Tsume-chan out of a kill, just as well as things turned out", Sarutobi chuckled, gesturing for the sage to carry on where he'd left off. After a moment of glazed recollection over the current head of the animalistic clan and a perverted chuckle at the seed of an idea the audacious act he'd just read about planted in his mind, Jiraiya returned his eyes to the page and went on, regarding the list of achievements with increasing disbelief until, as his teacher had expected, he reached one particular passage and promptly exploded,

"Kumo! That was him!" Stabbing the page with a thick finger, the Toad Sage faced his teacher with an almost betrayed expression on his face and at a volume that made Sarutobi grateful he'd activated the secrecy seals around his office, "I've had my network in a frenzy for months trying to find out who pulled that off and all the time it was this new prodigy of yours! I had to stop work on my new release for three weeks after I heard about the Sandaime Raikage's final battle and who was taking over as both the head of the country and their ninja village, now this? Okay, I give up, what else have you got stashed up those long sleeves of yours old man – the Uchiha aren't dead, they've just all moved to Frost country for a vacation?" Sarutobi's formerly mirthful eyes narrowed,

"Don't even joke about that subject Jiraiya; that was a tragedy that should have been avoided", realising he'd put a foot wrong the larger man merely nodded deferentially, finishing his reading as the current Hokage went on, "still, as you no doubt realise, this shinobi"; _or at least, future shinobi_; "is one many people in the village are keeping an eye on and for good reason. More than one cadre has shown interest and Tora herself has even staked a claim..."

"Over my dead body", Jiraiya rumbled, snapping the missive shut and tossing it back to his teacher, "if he can dodge past ANBU now, even if it's only one time in a hundred, he'll be unstoppable by the time I'm done with him; Tora simply can't forge someone who can make and maintain a spy rink like I can, it's not strictly a ninja job. This though", he nodded at the document Sarutobi slipped back into his desk, "this is interesting; so, any chance I can meet this man of mystery? If he was able to bring one of Minato-kun's old students he's well worth a look if nothing else".

"I thought that might change your mind", Sarutobi said mildly, doing an admirable job of holding in his smugness as he went on, "I sent the ANBU to retrieve him just as you arrived; make yourself scarce for a moment and we'll see what you make of him..."

XXX

_Okay, show time_; in truth he'd only decided to even try the plan he'd had stewing in the back of his mind for months when the ANBU had knocked on his window and let him know the Hokage needed to speak to him but, on the quick jog to the tower, he'd realised that now, with a mere fortnight to go until the Academy selection test, was going to be as good a time as any. To that end and knowing that what he was trying to pull now was going to be a high-risk move that may nevertheless pay dividends in the long run, he took a few extra seconds to smarten himself up outside the door to jiji's office and, rather than merely bursting in as he might have done, knocked politely and waited for permission to enter before letting himself in,

"Hey old man, need me for something? It wasn't that trip to the hospital again was it – that Yakushi guy hauled me over the coals enough for it surely?" The Sandaime merely chuckled, waving a hand as though wafting away an annoying fly,

"Not, this is nothing about that Naruto-kun, though I have to admit that was rather a morbid method of entering hospital premises".

"It worked, up to a point", the jinchuuriki defended his work with a quick explanation, "my henges have no chakra, at all, so is a ninja actively senses for me I appear dead to them, so all it took was a proper henge, a false chest and bit of false skin around the neck to hide the pulse and a bit of play-acting a heart attack in a crowded street to get me a high-speed ticket into a high priority target".

"A ticket that could have turned one-way had you not been a little luckier Naruto", the Hokage pointed out with a note of warning in his voice, "hopefully you now know that it's standard practice to induct all corpses into the morgue as quickly as possible, and that it's rather cold in there". Naruto merely huffed and folded his arms,

"Yeah, well it should also be standard practice that all unusual noises from the morgue should be investigated quickly; I almost froze in there!"

"You can't blame the mortuary staff for the delay Naruto-kun", the old man chuckled, "they're not used to customers of theirs demanding they 'let me out of this damn freezer you bastards, I ain't dead yet!' I believe some of the younger members were so shocked by you attempting to kick the hinges off your masks' mortuary slot that when they found out it was you they almost formed a mob with the sole intention of putting you back in there permanently. Yakushi-san had quite the struggle to quell the riot from what I understand – but still, that's the past", dispelling the memory with a change of tone, Sarutobi immediately moved on to the meat of the issue, "I just wanted to make sure you were ready for the Academy selection two weeks from now – we've not had much of a chance to catch up over these past few months. In fact, that was the reason I called for you..."

Something in the old man's tone changed and, not being as blind to this as he once had been, Naruto paid closer attention as the Hokage learned over his desk to lay all his cards on the table,

"In truth Naruto, there have been voices from the council, or at least those in the council who know the truth about your abilities, who have questioned whether you should attend the Academy at all; not like that", the old man was quick to quash that line of thought as he saw the boy's face fall, "in fact the opposite. Some of my councillors, Tsume-chan among them if I remember rightly, were all for granting you your forehead protector then and there and I was tempted, sorely tempted, to agree with them. However, before I made a decision either way, I wanted to see how you felt about the idea".

"The idea? What, you mean, be a ninja?" Naruto offered tentatively, eyes widening to huge proportions as, against his expectations, the Sandaime nodded,

"Indeed; for what you have done, both in Kumo and beyond that to safeguard the village, I believe chunin would not be an unfeasible rank, though you'd need extensive training to get your other skills up you par with your evasion, infiltration and sabotage techniques. However having watched you work in the past I've no doubt you could do it; before you decide though", he added, hopefully before Naruto could ask where he needed to sign to be joined up, "I would say that, personally, I believe Konoha would lose far more than it would gain by not having you in the Academy".

Those words and the warning tone they were delivered in pierced Naruto's bubble of contentment enough that he broke off plans for the next step of his career and regarded his grandfather in all but blood curiously; seeing he had the child's attention, the old man spoke on,

"Though I doubt you are aware of this Naruto-kun, Konoha has been in something of a slump these past few years in term of ninja – nothing serious", he was keen to stress this as Naruto suddenly looked very worried, "but enough for concern. A series of events, least of all the Kyuubi attack, severely depleted our forces and, to regain strength quickly, I as Hokage was forced to instigate the Shedding Leaf protocol. Do not be concerned with the ins and outs of that particular policy Naruto-kun"; _translation_; having been working more directly with the ninja forces for almost a year, the jinchuuriki fancied himself a bit of an dab hand at translating ninja messages hidden in normal speech; _need to know basis way above your current pay grade_; "but one of its more unfortunate side-effects was a lowering of quality of the Academy graduate standard".

It took a few seconds for that to sink in and, even when it did, the Uzumaki trod cautiously in case he was fishing in the wrong pond entirely,

"So, you mean the schooling we're, as in my year, is getting isn't quite as good as what you did?"

"Close enough", the old man agreed, neglecting to remind the boy that most of his youth had been spent in warfare and he'd done his learning out at the sharp end of combat, "and, because of that, I was looking at you to be able to reverse that trend somewhat by acting as, and this is a word I hesitate to use around you for fear of what you might be able to mould your fellow classmates into over the next four years, an example to your year group. Let's be honest you already know how to use kunai, shuriken and ninja wire, can perform the Academy three or their equivalent and have reasonable knowledge of the shinobi code"; _or at least how that code actually operates out on the field_; "not to mention a few missions under your belt – as I see it, the Academy needs you far more than you need the Academy". Naruto was quiet for a few seconds before, after some thought, he faced the Hokage fully and asked frankly the question on his mind,

"You think I could do it jiji?"

"No, I think you've already begun to do it Naruto-kun", the old man smiled as he began to tick things off on his fingers, "Inoichi-kun tells me his daughter is never more motivated to train that when she knows she's going to be sparring you, Tsume-chan's children I'm sure would follow you into the very mouth of Jigoku if you led them there and even Shibi-kun favours the friendship you have with his son, something almost unheard of regarding someone not of the Aburame clan. Even the Nara heir, so his father tells me, is putting some effort into, as Shikaku puts it, 'avenging the hours of sleep he's lost to those accursed pipes'; excellent motivational work so far and that is before you consider the implications of the children being shown how to do something by someone their own age; they might expect an experienced, adult shinobi how to perform simple jutsu, but someone their own age..."

"Real shock, and in the ninja world a shock means a kill", Naruto finished for him before chuckling and giving a carefree shrug, "ah well, better keep that protector warm for me a few years jiji – even if I did go for it I'd probably be the youngest chunin in the forces so there'd be no-one for me to talk to, and I'd be leaving the rest of them to the mercies of the teaching chunins. Besides, I don't know enough about a lot of what a ninja's supposed to know yet so the Academy could be useful for that, and if I manage to speak a few nuggets of wisdom the rest of them pick up well, that's what happened to me – be selfish of me not to pass on what I was taught to other people who might benefit from it".

_As I hoped_; unseen or heard by the jinchuuriki, Sarutobi released the breath he'd been holding; _a few more years of his childhood to prepare for the true trials of a shinobi._ That was a weight off his mind and he would not go against the wishes of his grandson over the suggestions of what was still a minority, albeit perhaps a slight one, of his advisory council, so with that business out of the way he gladly moved onto other, less serious topics with a much lighter heart and voice,

"I am glad to hear that Naruto-kun; I'd hate for the Academy chunin to be denied the fate the rest of the village has been exposed to".

"Them and a few others", the Uzumaki's grin became positively devious as he rubbed his hands together, remembering another half-promise he'd made not so long ago, "how am I supposed to corrupt the next heir of the Hyuuga clan if she's in the Academy and I'm not – I told Hiashi-san I'd spoil at least of his daughters if he gave me the chance..." Luckily Sarutobi's cough disguised the slight snort of laughter from somewhere behind his seat and kept the third presence in the room hidden as he replied to the jinchuuriki's self-imposed challenge,

"Well in that I wish you nothing but luck Naruto, though tread carefully and don't get caught – even I wouldn't want to stand between Hyuuga Hiashi and someone who he believes has slighted one of his children. Aside from that though I've no doubt you've got a hundred and one schemes going on in your mind, so how are you – I would have tried to schedule this meeting a bit better but I've been buried under paperwork up until now. Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't make knowledge of the Shadow Clone technique mandatory for any nin wishing to fill the role of being my secretary..."

At this quote Naruto smiled himself; it had been a while since he and the old man had spoken but that wasn't exactly anyone's fault,

"I wouldn't jiji, you'd scare them all of; we've just both been busy I guess? Don't worry though, I'm sure I'll ace any test they throw at me to get into the Academy, even a paper one but, well, there is one thing", Sarutobi duly became more suspicious as his surrogate grandson attempted to look innocent, "you know how I, sort of helped with the idea for the _Nezumi_, whoever he-stroke-they are? Well, I was thinking that it might be a good idea for me to learn a few skills civilians have, you know things like plumbing, building, mining, that kind of thing – now, trouble is me being me means that's not likely because no-one'll teach me, but if we were to grease the wheels a bit..."

Naruto's wheedling inquiry went on for a few more minutes as he explained the pros and cons of his scheme to the Sandaime's inscrutable face; there was then a long, drawn put pause as boy and elder faced each other down before, slowly, the tips of the Sandaime's fingers drew together in front of his face; _hey, just as well he's not Hinata-chan, she'd have got her nose tapped for that_;

"I see the merit of your suggestion Naruto-kun but, and this is not a criticism, how would you possibly fit in learning a trade with the requirements of the shinobi Academy?"

"Oh I'm not looking to fully learn the trade jiji, that'd take a lifetime", Naruto assured him before refining his point, "I just need to know a few of the ins-and-outs, a bit more knowledge for a future mask and also something that might well help with a mission later on. Think about it, big boom takes out a noble in his privy; everyone scrambles looking for the guy who threw the explosive tag, the ninja who's even now getting away while all the time forgetting about the plumber who serviced the loo last and left a delayed tag hidden in the cistern, just waiting for the fatal flush? Perfect assassination, no idea who did it and no trace they were ever there".

It wasn't something he'd said off the cuff; ever since he'd run up quite a large water bill after systematically demolishing the sewers under the village by utilising the conveniences of a large number of Konoha's restaurants, the idea for a U-bend surprise type of kill had been in the back of his mind. Sarutobi seemed a little taken aback by this idea but he swiftly rallied and, in the end, had no choice but to give this one up gracefully as he reached for a small piece of blank parchment and a quill at the side of his desk,

"I sometimes wonder if I didn't make a mistake in starting you off too early down the shinobi's path Naru-kun; that's the kind of thinking I'd be expecting from jounin", he admitted while stamping the brief note he'd just scribbled and offering it across the table to the now-ecstatic boy, "now I'm giving you this because you impressed me but remember I can take it away just as easily. I'm expecting you to treat this potential power with respect Naruto-kun; if I hear of it being misused I'll have no hesitation in ripping this up, understand?"

"Hai jiji", the Uzumaki managed to say sombrely, though on the inside he was dancing with joy and he carefully stashed the note in a pocket of his jumpsuit, Sarutobi's face relaxing as soon as he handed the note over,

"Very well Naruto-kun, that was really all I wanted to say to be honest; we've not really had a chance to catch up and wanted to see exactly how you were faring when you weren't being a, to quote the head of my postal nin, 'Kami of pure mischief unleashed upon this village by a leader who's gone completely off his rocker'", both generations shared a laugh at that quote before, after assuring the old man he was completely fine and ready to take on anything the Academy could throw at him, Naruto bowed and departed the office, pleased with his prize and entirely unaware of what was happening in his absence as Sarutobi restored the privacy seals and spoke to the empty office in general,

"Rather impressive given his age, don't you think?"

It took Jiraiya a few minutes to shimmer back into visibility again, the Toad sage whey-faced and staring at the door, jaw working soundlessly before, at last, he managed to squeak a few words out,

"That, he's the..."

"The Mouse of Konoha", Sarutobi declared, using the unofficial title Naruto seemed to have picked up somewhere along the road of his life, "the future ninja who I hope will one day take both your job and my seat. He's already turning heads, the right kind of heads, in his direction; Pack-Bound to the Inuzuka and responsible for the generation of an entirely new branch of ANBU, and not even in double figure age yet". Jiraiya nodded dumbly at this before seeming to remember something; a wave of killing intent slammed into Sarutobi as the Gama sennin suddenly whirled around with murder writ large upon his face and declared in a voice of thunder,

"He is a _child_! You dare send him, knowing his lineage, out of the village on some forlorn hope mission into the Dragon's maw; only the grace of the Kami got him out of there alive..."

"After its curse put him there in the first place", Sarutobi shouted back, his own chakra flaring to counter his student's misplaced rage; as the two of them calmed down, the Hokage spoke again in a more conciliatory tone, "I know what you have read and heard doesn't tell the full story Jiraiya-kun but rest assured I will. Now, if we can get away from this tower, I believe Buwika-chan is preparing onigiri – my position regarding her, by the way, is unchanged".

"Hai, hai", Jiraiya raised a hand to deflect the paternal glare, "last I heard she'd had a kid; congratulations for your grandson by the way; and anyway, it wouldn't feel right being with the woman who's the daughter of the man I considered a father, too close to what some of the smaller clans try to pull for my tastes. Still though, an exploding bog seat", the very idea made the sannin snigger as he cast an eye over the door his godson had retreated through, "I'm definitely remembering that one for future reference; can't believe no-one's thought of it before".

"Not an uncommon occurrence where Naru-kun is concerned", Sarutobi assured him with a slight chuckle, "you will be watching over the selection exam I assume?"

At that Jiraiya truly did laugh, his barrel chest swelling with the released mirth until, at last, he was able to recapture his breath and shake his head, his great mane of white hair swaying as he looked towards the door his godson had just left by,

"If that kid's involved in it", he assured the older man, already picturing the potential carnage Naruto could unleash within the Academy and evolving the scenarios within to suit a rather more mature audience even as he finished his declaration,

"I wouldn't miss it for the world!"

A/N: And neither, I hope, will you.

Okay, that's both the Olympics and this chapter out the way; the Academy starts next update! Hope you enjoyed the slight divergences from canon (Hinata's still shy but not because her clan hates her and Naruto's mind is more than just a sewer), but I know you've just read a lot so I'll end it here and now. Until next time, ja ne!


	21. Chapter 21 Mettle of the Mouse

Chapter 21 – Mettle of a Mouse

A/N: I know it's been a while but there's a reason for that (basically, I need to work or I starve to death) and an important notice at the end of this chapter; until then enjoy the latest offering of this little fiction of mine.

XXX

In the time he'd been around, which as his daughter saw fit to remind him more and more these days was a fair few more than he'd have liked to admit, Teuchi had seen the vast majority of the comings and goings of the village that civilians such as himself were privy to. Because of such knowledge and experience he was able to set both his internal calendar and the menu of his ramen stand as much to the current social climate as the physical one. It was for this reason that he always started selling dishes with higher contents of filling meat, essential for a growing body, as the first signs of autumn blossomed in the air and children of a certain age, either through their own devices or on the prompting of their parents, threw themselves into their training as whispers of the forthcoming Academy selection exam were birthed in the evening breezes.

It was a good time to be a vendor as those coming off the training areas civilians were allowed access to were often so hungry as to be less picky than normal about where they ate, but now, on the eve of the actual exam itself there was a very definite undercurrent of nervous anticipation in the air as speculation regarding the forthcoming testing and the rumours were at fever pitch. As he laboured at his cooking stove, the older Ichiraku reasoned to himself that most children who were striving to become students in the way of the shinobi were right now throwing themselves into last-minute training, reading up on obscure, last-minute topics that were probably as likely to crop up in the written portion of the exam as he was of being named head of the merchants' guild or trying in vain to catch an early night to be well-rested for the labours of the morning,

"Evening Ayame-chan; three bowls of your finest, one of each meat".

And, not for the first time, Ichiraku Teuchi found himself holding in a slight snicker as he was once more confronted with the knowledge that, whatever his favourite customer might have been, 'most children' was most definitely not one of them.

He was still chuckling slightly when his daughters' face appeared at the doorway into the rear of the store, though before Ayame could speak he heaved the small pot onto the closest side and began to ladle the thick noodles into a series of old but still perfectly serviceable and clean bowls, speaking even as she drew in the breath for words,

"I heard him Aya-chan", he assured his daughter, though he didn't stop her swiping the filled bowls away to feed the no-doubt ravenous mouse currently waiting behind their counter, "I'll be out in a second, I doubt we'll see many more customers tonight what with the nerves flowing around the place". Ayame nodded, skilfully hefting a filled vessel in each hand as her father pinched out the small fire that allowed the water in his cooking urn to boil by dropping the small metal lid back atop the sunken fire pit and then followed her into the front of his bar, a smile creasing his well-worn face as he saw the familiar shock of blonde hair poking over the top of the equally shocking collar of a bright orange jumpsuit,

"Hello there Naru-kun", Teuchi greeted, the last Uzumaki shifting his gaze reluctantly from the virtual hypnosis of the steaming bowl Ayame laid on the counter before him to glance at the older man as he finished, "nervous about tomorrow?"

It was almost flawless but, for those who had known Naruto for almost as long as he'd been alive, there was still the slightest flicker of self-doubt present in his expression before, as always happened, he gave a wide grin that somehow swallowed any trepidation, nerves or fear he may have been feeling and buried it down so deep within himself it was impossible to tell it had ever existed as he began animatedly answering the question posed to him,

"Nah, well, not really", he admitted, though such doubt didn't seem to affect his apparently unshakable inner resolve as he shrugged, "I've had enough training so far and from what Ten-chan and the others I've spoken who've gone through the exam have said I've been working on all the right things, so the only thing that's really got me unsure is the written exam", a memory of years ago drifted across the front of Teuchi's mind, the disembodied voice of the leader of his village echoing in his ears as he beheld the boy before him; _you said it was likely Naruto-kun will never be an ideal student – not for the first time I believe you were correct Hokage-sama_; "though from what I've heard it's not really something you can really prepare for, more about creative thinking, like seeing a way out of a problem than having to know something, so that shouldn't be too bad". Seeing her little brother figure brightening up Ayame smiled engagingly as she reached over and took his first empty bowl away, Naruto having somehow evolved a supernatural ability to simultaneously eat ramen and carry on talking without so much as a hitch in his conversation,

"Feeling confident then Naru-kun?"

"Yep, I should be okay; no-one better than me at thinking outside the box as the clan leaders would say. Besides", the jinchuuriki's smirk suddenly widened in a way that sent a strange shiver of foreboding up and down his pseudo-sister's spine, "I got a little trick-card up my sleeve just in case anyway". Ayame raised an eyebrow,

"I see – can you tell us what this card of yours is or would you have to kill us if you told us?" Naruto chuckled,

"You know I couldn't raise a hand to you or jiji Ayame-chan", he admitted before smirking craftily and tapping his chopsticks to the side of his nose, "but a ninja needs his secrets either way, and what you don't know can't get you in trouble".

"I would hope it also couldn't get you in trouble either Naruto", Teuchi interjected firmly but not unkindly, placing down the Uzumaki's last bowl as he did so, "little as I know about the ins and outs of shinobi life and education I'd be willing to bet that the examiners you'll be up against tomorrow would have a very dim opinion of any tomfoolery you might get up to during your tests". To the ramen chefs' not so great surprise, however, Naruto merely raised an eyebrow and ploughed on with his relentless ramen consumption,

"As jiji would say a plan's only foolish if it doesn't work", the boy pointed out in a sage tone, elaborating as he went on, "I'm still not sure exactly what these tests are likely to involve; they change every year for a reason; so I and everyone else am going to need every advantage we can get our hands on. I know the clan kids like Kiba and the others have been drilled by their parents, especially Shika…"

He broke off for a moment, remembering the expression of betrayed horror and fury that had crossed the Nara scion's face when, as the two of them were up to their elbows in old straw and manure following the latest of their riding lessons finishing and the inevitable clear-up starting, his mother had casually mentioned that his training for the then-three month distant exams was starting in the morning. Shikamaru had inevitably dismissed the whole thing as troublesome until Yoshino, a devious gleam in her eye as she moved to quash such rebellious motions with the ruthlessness typical of a Nara lady, merely diverted her attention from her son to the hired help and began casually bartering for a reasonable price to hire his services as a musician, an implied threat that had Shikamaru rapidly going pale and changing his tune post-haste. Fortunately for the Nara's pride and his own health as contrary to appearances Shika was a surprisingly terrible enemy when actually roused enough to return an insult due to his inherent intelligence allowing him to plan so far into the future, Naruto was able to hold in his laughter until he was out of the sight of Nara stables and the itching sensation on the back of his neck, a result of his friend's burning gaze promising to flay him to within an inch of his life should he even start to offer either his services or his bagpipes to Yoshino's cause, faded; _though that didn't stop me getting a good laugh out of it when I got home. Poor Shika, hopefully the crazy-deer-lady didn't thrash him around too much…, huh, oh_;

"..Naruto!" Finally homing back in on the present the jinchuuriki was able to just about catch his name and, seeing Ayame's somewhat concerned expression, duck his head in apology for getting lost in the past mid-sentence,

"Sorry Ayame-chan, just remembering something funny that happened a while back. Now, where… oh, yeah, as I was saying a lot of the people I'll be tested with have already had either parents or, better still, a whole clan training them for anything up to years. Now I'm not one to complain"; _well, not too much at least_; "they've got clan training but they've also got a clan name to live up to and all that entails, so overall I'm probably no better or worse off than anyone else from a non-ninja family trying to join up. Still", his blue eyes twinkled with a strange, mischievous kind of mirth as he twirled his chopsticks around his fingers, another method of increasing finger dexterity Yoshino had mentioned to him that helped with the speed of forming hand-seals, "since when do ninja ever work on a level playing field? Me and everyone else, if they're smart, will be out to get our hands on every advantage we can find, no matter what it takes, so really, can I help it if I'm a little more… creative, than most?"

At that moment in time, both the Uzumaki's smile and the sudden shadow that had fallen over his eyes, both Ichirakus were given the barest glimpse behind the mask of the child, the merest insight into the beast that had been bedevilling the shinobi corps of the village for the better part of a year and some. It was a rare sight and a somewhat unsettling one; much as Ayame and Teuchi both knew Naruto had hidden depths, neither of them could have possibly guessed just how deep those veiled passageways in his mind ran or how adept he was at using them to befuddle and frustrate those who would place obstacles in his path or find a way around such obstacles rather than battering his way through them as most others would. Confronted with such an unexpected facet of the boy they considered either a second-son or a younger brother, both Ichirakus seemed to simultaneously divert themselves from further talk of the exams themselves and move on to other, rather more stable topics, like how the Sandaime was getting on and if he was still sparring with that young Yamanaka girl,

"Who, buta-hime? Oh yeah", Naruto gave a victorious chuckle as he rubbed the side of his chin as though in remembrance of a previous punch, "and she's really not very happy about it at the minute".

"Why's that?" Even as she asked the question, however, a sudden suspicion flared up in Ayame's mind, "You haven't been going too rough on her have you Naruto-kun; I know you shouldn't go easy on her just because she's a girl but there are still limits in sparring and you should always respect them".

"I know and I do Ayame-chan", the blonde assured his sister figure before carrying on, a gleeful smirk on his lips as he recollected both the bouts he'd fought against Ino in the last month of so and, more importantly, the way her haughty little face had screwed up as though she'd been forced to simultaneously swallow sour milk and spit out bile as she repeatedly made her declaration of lament that her most hated sparring partner hadn't been born into the Yamanaka clan, "but Ino-chan's been getting a nasty shock as of late. Since I started training with the other clans and not just her I've started rolling her over more and more and she hates it; Inoichi's certain she's going to pass the exams tomorrow just so she can follow me into the Academy and try to make my life there a living hell. Hah, as if it was going to be a cake-walk even without her there trying to take a chunk out my hide every chance she gets". Ayame's ears pricked at this and, with the instincts inherent to all older siblings the world over, moved in on the scent of blood with the unerring accuracy of a hunting shark,

"Sounds like somebody not a million miles from here has a little crush going on", she trilled in a sing-song tone, smiling and hearing her father have to stifle a chuckle just behind her as Naruto spluttered into the dregs of his last bowl of ramen for a moment before recovering his composure and retorting in kind,

"Yeah, you're probably right Ayame-chan, but much as I'd like to I don't think I'd survive what Inoichi-san would do to me if I indulged his daughter's begging for a date". Teuchi was forced to look away as Ayame, slightly better at concealing her amusement, leant over the bar slightly and adopted an expression of furtive cunning,

"And what's it worth I don't tell young Ino-san you just said that?"

"About as much as a sparrow's tear", Naruto shot straight back, the typical measure of something worth almost less than nothing catching the younger Ichiraku off-guard; _sparrow tears? Does he really not care…?_; "she already hates my guts so I doubt throwing any more fuel on the fire's going to make the blindest bit of difference". Ayame blinked, thought for a second, then a second longer before eventually conceding defeat and settling her weight back behind the bar as her father, having recovered from his earlier hiccup of laughter, covered her retreat,

"I'd doubt it too Naru-kun but just remember it's likely you'll have to work with this girl, not to mention the rest of your classmates, at some stage in the future if you get through the Academy, so try not to rub too many people up the wrong way when you're going through school together ne?"

"Don't worry jiji, I've got it in hand"; _just like kaa-san did_; memories of the stories the friends of the previous jinchuuriki of the bijuu he held within him bubbled to just below the surface of his mind at the same time as he answered the owner of his favourite ramen store; _she made a habit of tweaking the noses of those in power and seemed to get away with it_; "I'll deal once I get through the tests tomorrow; this time next week I'll be telling you how the first five days at the Academy went".

With that and realising he had places to be later in the evening, Naruto hopped off his stool and headed for home, breathing in the cooling night air and letting the breath out slowly, coalescing his internal thoughts as he did so and putting them into some sort of mental order, ready for the tasks tomorrow. Thus far he was reasonably ready in all the areas he could truly prepare for save the one Ayame-chan had highlighted and, even as he moved away from the ramen shack towards the last place he had to visit prior to turning himself in for the night. As he moved down the streets with the practiced ease of one who knew them by rote and could follow them with his eyes closed the last words of his adoptive sister whispered themselves into his ears and were at the same time overlapped with the declaration of another woman who was something akin to an older sister to him, not that he'd ever let her find that out or admit it for fear of emasculation via snake-bites to the groin.

As much as Ayame-chan might have been concerned that his trick cards might have gotten him in trouble, there was no denying the fact that Anko-sensei had a salient point when she admitted that, for shinobi and even shinobi-in-training, everything was legal as long as you weren't caught.

XXX

Nerves and, more pressingly, feet were everywhere in the strange place; as he stuck close to his partner and pack-alpha, Akamaru nevertheless kept his eyes open to the presence of other, familiar two-legs around him; though no human would ever believe him had he been able to voice the thought, he and a lot of other nin-ken pups were able to recognise a large number of two-legs by differences at ankle-height. Brother-Kiba and older-sister-Hana were there, as were the three-older-brothers that older-sister-Hana was alpha of, but through the crowd of legs the pup's eyes were able to alight on something very bright even in his reduced colour-vision; though the ankles he would otherwise have been looking for were covered in fabric, no other two-legs wore a false-fur of that shade. Alerting the rest of the Pack around him, the nin-ken pup put on a friendly demeanour as he watched the feet he'd detected alter course to move towards himself and, even over the scent of a crowd, a very specific and subtle scent that the three-older-brothers and alpha-Kuromaru had taught him to recognise. As a soft but constricting grip seized him around the middle and the world span away from him, the scent came ever stronger into his sensitive nose and, a moment later, his tongue rasped the salt off human skin as the bearer of such a distinctive perfume introduced himself and scratched his ear dangerously close to that little spot that somehow made him lose control.

He could barely distinguish the human speech, so much more complicated and relying on mere words than more subtle tells of body language and odour that most two-legs were blind to, therefore he didn't know the actual human name of the two-legs who was Pack but at the same time not blood-family. He knew the title used by most of the Pack though, had been told that in no uncertain terms by alpha-Kuromaru and, at first, had thought it was his duty to hate the one who bore the smell of both man and animal; with age, however, had come experience and he now had some inkling of the relationship between the Pack and the estranged member of the Pack. With this new knowledge and having been told to stories of the adventures of one of the three-older-brothers, in the part of his mind that wasn't currently a panorama of complete bliss he was happy that brother-Kiba had a good relationship with brother-Fox.

XXX

Luckily the trip from his place of residence to the Academy wasn't all that long as, to Naruto, it appeared that he had somehow forgotten, or perhaps begun to understand, just how much the general populous of his village passively despised him.

The cold wall of silence and disapproval that seemed to spring up between him and virtually everyone else in Konoha as he approached them seemed a lot more bitter and sharp than he remembered, though as he thought about it and tried to get the Academy with his head held high at the same time as keep a weather eye out that no-one was going to actually try anything to stop him getting there, when had been the last time he'd actually walked around the village in his own skin? His Book of Faces was less an actual book and more a diary of close friends and reinforcements he could call upon at will to make his life easier but, at the same time, using masks as he had seemed to have stripped off some of his formerly thick skin – he doubted he'd have even noticed about the frigid glares lanced into him now from every quarter even a year ago. _Then again_; once more he was buoyed slightly by his natural optimism, enough so that he smiled at the older man staring death at him from over the top of his newspaper, chuckling quietly as the man went paler and thrust his paper upwards to break eye-contact, as though afraid the jinchuuriki's gaze alone could petrify him to stone; _since I started working with ninja I had a lot less of this, and however much the civilians might want to deny it, they know where the real power in Konoha lies. _

Fortunately, as he got closer to the shinobi school buildings, the glares diminished in favour of the parents of the families migrating towards the Academy attempting to soothe the nerves of worried progeny, though the pessimistic side of Naruto's normally sunny personality, somewhat more pronounced following his introduction and repeated exposure to the avatar of his mental defence against possible intrusion from the Kyuubi when the bijuu eventually woke up, a being he usually referred to as _Fuhei_, _Nakigotowoiu hito_ or in the few instances he had cause to be polite to the solemn spectre of misery, _Yami_, he would have been prepared to bet a weeks' worth of scrap that more than one of the children who would be his classmates were getting a less-than-friendly word in their ear about him. Still, there wasn't much he could do about that apart from square his shoulders and soldier on, though as he approached the main thoroughfare that led towards the honoured seat of shinobi learning a sudden yap, almost lost amid the noise and bustle, made him glance around, catch a glimpse of a familiar trio and, with a smile, alter his course to intercept the Inuzuka,

"Hi guys", his voice announced his arrival, one hand raised in greeting as he observed Kiba squat down and scoop his nin-ken up into his arm, not wanting to risk Akamaru getting accidentally stepped on in the crush developing at the gates of the school, "well Kibble, nervous?"

"Huh, no chance", the youngest Inuzuka scion laughed off such a question in a tone that virtually concealed the nerves that were doubtless eating him alive from the inside; as the child of a clan and, worse still, a clan head, Kiba had a pressure to perform that Naruto himself as an orphan was exempt from; _though, if people actually knew I was the son of the Fourth, I somehow doubt that'd be the case for long_; "I'll deal with this no problem".

"I should hope so", his sister chipped in, smiling at Naruto as the jinchuuriki fussed Akamaru with one hand and one of the Haimaru with the other, her partners having crowded around the jinchuuriki after being alerted to his coming by the youngest four-legged member of the pack present, "I told you I'd make sure you'd get into the Academy even if I had to nail your backside to a seat and hot-house you nightly to get the information through that iron head of yours. Don't look at me like that", she demanded as Kiba threw her a filthy look, "you'll thank me when you pass".

"Yeah, thank you by stapling your ears to your pillow", Kiba threatened half-heartedly before turning his attention back to his friend just in time to hear Naruto's apology,

"Oh, sorry Aka-kun", he withdrew his hand from the nin-ken's head, watching with relief as his hind leg stopped kicking, "that didn't hurt did it?" Kiba chuckled, shifting his grip on his partner to hold Akamaru against his jacket with one hand and stroke his head with the other,

"Nah, you just hit a kicky-spot; not sure why but some nin-ken do that if you hit the right places", Kiba explained before placing the puppy on the floor again and straightening up, "anyway, you ready for this?" It was Naruto's turn to chuckle,

"I was born ready", he assured his friend before looking around to see if anyone else he recognised had shown up despite it still being a half-hour early, "I'll just be glad to get started; I hate waiting around more than I do the actual tests"; _ain't that the truth – compared to the background reading, observation and guard-room tracking you have to do, actually infiltrating somewhere's a lot of fun. Still, suppose that's true for every kind of test, oh, hi guys_; spotting someone as easily recognisable as the Inuzuka delegation that he recognised he waved, luckily catching the eye of the quartet of Hyuuga and, a brief moment later, bowing in greeting to the clan head and his immediate family.

_Interesting_; as he'd half-suspected and confirmed with the merest glimpse of his bloodline, Hiashi found himself not for the first time wondering if the Uzumaki actually planned for half the things he set into motion to happen or if the majority of them were simply a happy accident. He didn't even need the Byakugan to see the expressions of the people around him blossoming into shock and, in some cases, disbelief as they realised that the most august clan in the village had at least some knowledge of the village pariah, and the clan head of the Hyuuga himself was not so proud as to refuse to bend his shoulder and reciprocate the bow Naruto sent his way,

"Hyuuga-sama", once more Naruto showed his memorisation of the nuances of manners; though he would have been within his rights to address Hiashi by his first name, the more formal use of the Hyuuga's clan name was a show of deference to a social superior that not everyone, least of all a child with no ostensible breeding or experience, would have been expected to pick up on,

"Uzumaki-san", Hiashi intoned in turn, his greeting not quite as respectful and his bow a lot shallower, as would have been expected by a superior both in terms of social standing and shinobi prowess. Naruto, as always when in public, let this pass without comment, instead choosing to greet the three children Hiashi had brought with him,

"Neji-senpai…"; _Mitarashi-san does excellent work_; behind his opaque eyes Hiashi's thoughts were well-hidden but still positive regarding the jinchuuriki as his nephew returned the bow; _his manners have only improved since the service_; "…Hinata-sama…"; _with some more refinement, he could quite easily pass as a messenger to the Daimyo's court or, should he use his henge, a courtesan in that court – his bows are almost perfectly text-book and his use of suffixes exemplary_;

"…Precious-chan".

_And, as always with dealing with Uzumaki Naruto, I spoke in haste and can now repent at leisure_; holding in a sigh with great difficulty as he watched the ripple of fury race around his youngest daughter's short frame, the clan head treated the blonde to a brief exposure of the Hyuuga's version of a withering glare that, unfortunately, was robbed of most of its effect by the sudden snickers from the clan head the Uzumaki was closest to, Tsume just about mastering her chuckles as she glanced down at the simmering pint-sized Hyuuga,

"He got you with a nick-name too huh? Speak to someone who understands", by her side Kuromaru gave an irritated growl and stepped away from her in disgust as she flicked his remaining ear, though his single eye still roved around to face Hanabi and he inclined his head in a manner that, even without words, seemed to convey his annoyance of the situation, "aside from that though, surprised you brought the little one with you Hiashi-san; seen any of the others yet?"

"We are still before time so I would doubt we will see most of the others for some time, least of all the Nara and their allies", the Hyuuga lord commented, keeping half an eye on where his youngest was inching slowly towards the assembled canines of the Inuzuka clan and resigning himself to picking dog hairs off her kimono before he could leave Hinata and Neji to the Academy for the rest of the day, "and since Hanabi-san is likely to be here some years in the future, I thought it prudent to introduce her to some of the nuances of the shinobi Academy".

"And, hopefully by that time, some of the constants as well", Naruto chipped in, grinning broadly as he raised a hand in Hanabi's direction, causing the youngest Hyuuga present to scowl even as slowly extended a hand towards where one of the Haimaru waited for her with a passive expression on its lean features, "don't worry 'Nabi-chan, if they put me in charge of your class I promise I'll act professional and look past the adorable pouting face to treat you just like the rest of the class".

As the face of the second-heir to the most prestigious clan of the Leaf village dropped at the thought of the insufferable orange buffoon before her even attempting to teach the ways of the shinobi to anyone, it was perhaps fortunate for Hanabi's sense of self-importance that her attention was grabbed and held to ransom by following the almost maternal expression of Tsume-sama's face as her slit-eyed gaze travelled between the Uzumaki and Hanabi herself; better horror at the thought of anyone thinking that the evil blonde-haired idiot was safe to let within fifty feet of the future of Konoha's shinobi force than outright disbelief and betrayal at seeing a similar look flash across the face and shaking shoulders of her father,

"Dear Kami-sama I already feel sorry for any offspring you might spawn", the Inuzuka alpha chuckled, glancing between the glaring Hanabi and Naruto's cheerfully unconcerned expression, "you're going to be an unbearable embarrassment to your kids when you're old enough to have them".

"Well what can I say, I leant from the best", he riposted, Tsume raising an eyebrow as the younger child shrugged and carried on, "then again, that's a long way in the future – I'll deal with earning my headband before I even think about looking for a better half".

"I don't know", over the year or so since he'd really been introduced to the last Uzumaki one of the things that had evolved in Kiba was his ability to irritate those around him in a constructive, non-hurtful manner, a habit he seemed to have picked up from his friend as though by osmosis because Naruto had never outright taught him the skill he now put into practice by shooting a very pointed look towards his sister, "I can think of one person who'd be first in the queue if you asked. No, wait", he immediately cowered as Hana's eyes flashed death in his direction and she stalked towards him with a fist poised threateningly, "I need to pass the exams!"

For a horrible moment it appeared that not even that logic would dissuade Hana from taking the pound of flesh she felt she was owed but, even as Kiba cringed and braced for the pain, he was granted a last-minute reprieve by his mother's words,

"Hana-chan, much as he might deserve it leave off"; _saved_; even as the relieved smile began to spread across his face however, Tsume shot his hopes down in flames, "you can pound him into the floor when he gets home". It was the older of the Inuzuka siblings' turn to grin, Kiba once more wincing in preparation before the matriarch shook her head at the pair of them and rolled her head slightly, wincing at the crack she heard before giving a whistle that all five nin-ken present perked their ears up to,

"Right, assuming you've got everything you need brat, we're done here. Good luck and tell me about it when you get back".

"No problem kaa-san", Kiba assured her, Akamaru also giving a reassuring bark before rubbing noses with the larger members of the pack as they departed, Kuromaru's scarred muzzle the last to brush against the pup before he turned to leave after giving one final comradely sort of look towards Hanabi, the Hyuuga to her credit meeting his one-eyes gaze without flinching too much. Seeing Tsume's idea Hiashi thought for a second before deciding it had a worthwhile merit and, to that end, spoke simultaneously to his daughters and the other children that were left behind,

"Hanabi-san, come", as though attached to her father by an invisible wire the girl retreated to his side, back straight and perfectly erect as was expected of a Hyuuga of the Main house, "it is time for us to take our leave. Hinata-san", to her credit the eldest of his children didn't flinch as she said his name, instead straightening her normally-hunched posture and nodding in silence as he made his decree, "bring honour to our clan".

"Hai chichi-ue", the aspiring kunoichi demurred quietly, watching on with her cousin as her father and younger sister departed and feeling icy tendrils of nervousness crawling over her skin at the sight of their retreating backs. It was all up to her now, the entirety of the Hyuuga name left on her shoulders and she already knew she wasn't going to be able to bring to it the honour that was needed; why was she even here in the first place? She was never going to be much of a kunoichi just like she'd never been much of a clan heir, cousin, sister or daughter – no matter how much that young chunin with the red eyes tried to encourage her there was no point; she would pass the Academy; _oh please Kami let me pass the Academy, there hasn't been a Hyuuga from the Main house yet who failed – my father wouldn't be able to bear the shame if I were the first_; but to be the ninja her clan and village needed her to be, that was a distant dream at…

"Hey, 'Nata-chan – whoa", backpedalling frantically, Naruto just about managed to avoid tripping over his feet as the girl he'd carelessly tapped on the shoulder shot upwards like a bottle-rocket – hastily holding his hands up in a pacifying gesture, he carefully spoke again in response to her startled shock, "easy, cool down Hinata – I know you're nervous but you'll do fine, all of us will. Remember last time we all got together, you did brilliantly then and you'll do the same now I'm sure". At first Naruto wasn't sure reminding the Hyuuga scion of the last time they'd come face to face was having the desired effect as her face grew, if anything, brighter than it had from the kiss of his touch on her shoulder; however just before he was about to speak again it appeared Hinata managed to regain at least some of her composure and answer in her usual, somewhat tremulous fashion,

"Hai, but, but I was very lucky then…"

"And if that's the case I'm sure you'll be even 'luckier' now", Naruto assured her, his experience with the frustratingly shy Hyuuga telling him he had to keep the momentum going and plough through the front door of the fortress she liked to wall herself up in before she could slam the portcullis down, "take it from me forcing Nara Shikaku to forfeit a good pot on just a pair of queens is not something that can be done with just dumb luck and a pretty face".

The memory and back-handed compliment both made Hinata's face burn even as she remembered she hadn't been actively trying to win at the time; the only way she could have been able to bluff the Nara clan leader was simply because he couldn't penetrate the absolute bundle of nerves she'd been wrapped up in since Ko-san had roused her unexpectedly from a suspiciously early retirement for the night. That night had been a torment and more than once Hinata had been certain that one of the assembled clan heads, each of whom must have been able to see right through whatever feeble pretence of strength she managed to portray, was going to say something about it but they all seemed either to be too polite to mention it or felt it not worth their time and effort; by the time she had been dismissed about the only thing that stopped her passing out on her bed from the mental fatigue of trying to act her part as the Hyuuga heir to so many important people for so long in such close confines was the fact that her tiredness knocked her out first.

Here, however, she was out of the clan grounds and that meant that the onus was now completely on her to uphold her clans' image; there was no Ko or even Kurenai to look out for her if she were to besmirch her clans' honour now. Because of this she silently cursed herself in her own mind, tried to force the blush on her face to recede as much as she was able to and managed a wan smile as Naruto, a boy she privately wished had been born into her life as he would have been able to complete her duties so much more effectively than she could, turned towards the other boy she recognised but couldn't put a name to and made to introduce the heirs of the respective, if wildly different, clans,

"Anyway I'm sure you've heard of each other but just to make it official, Hinata this is Inuzuka Kiba, second-heir of the Inuzuka clan and Kiba, this is Hyuuga Hinata, heir of the Hyuuga and her cousin Neji, a Jyuuken user of some repute already and don't give me that look", Neji promptly broke off his light glare as Naruto held up a pacifying hand, "I've heard the rest of the clan speak about you; even the Main house have to give you credit for how quick you pick up the katas".

"True but there is such a thing as keeping your flames hidden under a bushel Naruto-san", Neji pointed out after returning the bow of the Inuzuka scion and returning to his full height again, "I would have thought you of all people would be an exemplar of such manners".

"True but something tells me I'll need to let at least some of that fire burn to get joined up to this place; though I'm pretty sure doing most of your homework for the past nine months will stand me in good stead".

His last words were a shout directed over the heads of the two Hyuuga; as they turned around at the sound of a somewhat dismissive laugh Neji felt his eyebrow rise somewhat as the familiar sight of Hasuwada Tenten filled his vision. The girl in question nodded at his unspoken greeting before setting her sight on the orange form before her, hands on hips as she leered down and responded to his challenge,

"Oh yeah? Listen mush, the amount of money I spent on rubbers and erasing fluid to make sure the sensei's wouldn't see the mess you left on the paper while you were working things out could have brought me my own forge so less of the lip, got it?"

"Which lip?" Naruto rolled his eyes down and pouted in an exaggerated fashion to trying and see them both, voice mangled by trying to speak through such an expression as he went on, "Top or bottom?" Tenten scowled and clenched her fist menacingly,

"Both, unless you want them fattening".

"Mean Ten-hime", Naruto retreated somewhat, turning to Kiba as the Inuzuka tried to size up the newcomer; he'd heard of Tenten of course but the two had never met and because of that he was a little wary of the stranger, despite Naruto's animated and at times lurid explanations as to who the blacksmith's daughter was, "anyway, why are you here so early? Come to wish us luck?" Tenten laughed,

"If I thought you needed it I'd do just that, as it is I'm sure you'll be fine. No", she shook her head, hair held in place as though it were pinned in its buns by nails rather than mere hairclips, "I'm sure you'll all do okay; the exams really aren't as bad as everyone thinks they are". Even as the words left her lips, however, Tenten knew she'd said the wrong thing as her oldest friends' eyes sparkled,

"I guess not; you passed after all"; _ouch, boy did I walk into that one_; doing her best to hide her wince behind a scowl so filthy even a starved cur wouldn't have touched it with a ten-foot pole, the former orphan snorted dismissively and turned her attention to the other person present she recognised,

"Neji", the Hyuuga, having eventually gotten used to the lack of honorifics used by virtually the entire Academy after a solid year of exposure and thus resigned to another day without the comfort of social structure and form, merely nodded at his name and, considering this to mean assent, Tenten soldiered on, "let's leave the kiddies to it and get to class, I've got a few questions for Yakushi-sensei before class starts. You three, when the bells rings just stay in the playground until someone starts shouting at you, they'll sort you out from there, and Naruto if you're not in the underclass below me by the end of the day", the Hasuwada's eyes hardened into stones so sharp and frigid even the jinchuuriki dropped back a pace, "you'll have me to deal with".

With that the taller girl span on her heel and departed, Neji trailing in her wake for a few strides after giving the required farewell to his Main branch cousin and whispering the classroom he was usually in should she need to find him for an emergency during her tests. As he watched the Hyuuga catch up to his classmate and then begin catching up with her, Naruto merely shook his head and grinned as he glanced around and watched his friend regard the now-retreating girl with trepidation in Kiba's case and outright alarm with Hinata's,

"Don't panic, her bark's a lot worse than her bite", he told them, smiling at the retreating back of the Hasuwada girl; Kiba, however, wasn't convinced,

"Really? Sounds like she meant what she said".

"She did, though I have to admit she's got a point – if I don't get in there really is no excuse, not after all the work people did to try and get me up to speed for this. Including you Hinata-chan", the Hyuuga immediately ducked slightly as the spotlight of attention illuminated her, freezing the blood in her veins as she tried to come up with some kind of answer that would at least attempt to make her sound like less of a blithering idiot than she knew she was, "you feeling confident? I know for a fact you've got a strong shout in the showdown on Friday and if you're as light on your feet as you are shuffling cards you're an absolute shoe-in for our class".

_What is it about this girl?_; much as he had learnt enough over even the short time he'd been worldly-wise enough to appreciate both the fairer sex and how much the rules of both Shikamaru's parents applied to them, in as much that their feminine logic overrode everything else and every single one of them was both unique and weird, Hinata still puzzled him despite knowing her for about six months now. She appeared to be a walking contradiction, at the same time incredibly strong but seemingly terrified of her own strength and what other people might think of her if she let that strength show. Try as he might to worm his way in and gently encourage her to open up Hinata remained as much of an enigma now as she had been then, a challenge wrapped up in a puzzle that he could only hope he would someday put together through sheer dumb luck and the help of the rest of the Academy pitching in to try and ease her towards something like a calm state of mind. For now, however, he merely held in a sigh and resigned himself to another failure in the case of the Hyuuga heir, though he couldn't help but give his final warning even as he glanced away to give her some privacy to cool her now-fiery face,

"Don't do it Hina-chan; I'd hate to have to TYN now", even though he was facing away from the slightly smaller girl he fancied he could _see_ the expressions flickering over her face just as they had so often in the past; _surprise, confusion, realisation, shame and determination, most likely in that order – damn it Hinata_; even if he did his best to control it Naruto did sometimes have a suspect temper that was most often irked by the presence of a problem where there should be, to his eyes, no problem at all, and his inability to solve or at least help to solve such problems as they emerged; _you'd be the kunoichi you seem to think you need to be if you'd just give up your fear of trying anything. Chime-sensei was right_; though not officially a sensei of his, Naruto was always careful to address the Akimichi matriarch as such when he was shoulder to shoulder with her son learning the absolute basics of swordplay, though even at this early stage he was beginning to suspect he would never be truly suited for blade-work even if he picked up the etiquette of the samurai rituals easily enough; _failure is the mother of success – if you don't even try anything new you'll never grow_. All he could do was gently threaten her with the TYN, or Tap-Your-Nose, if she resorted to pressing her fingers together, a threat she knew beyond doubt he wouldn't hesitate to use if she fell back into bad habits. Luckily, feeling the atmosphere start to curdle somewhat, Kiba was on-hand to divert attention and make a suggestion to clear the air,

"Hey guys", both Naruto and Hinata glanced his way as he jerked a thumb off to one side, "let's get inside the grounds, we can wait for everyone else there. Least that way we won't be late; hey, no – ah, Akamaru", once more he was left to wonder if the puppy who was supposed to be his partner and soul-mate for life was instead some kind of macabre joke being played on him by a mischievous Kami of some kind; bad enough the pup had 'scent-marked' him within about fifteen seconds of them being introduced, now he was jumping up at a pretty girl who just happened to be the daughter of one of the most powerful men in the village, "sorry Hinata-san, he won't bite. Get down", he barked at the juvenile nin-ken, somewhat relieved when Akamaru actually obeyed him and even more relieved when Hinata didn't seem to take offence; _just as well – I don't think her father would look kindly on washing paw-prints off her kimono and from what I've heard the Jyuuken hurts_.

"Good idea Kiba", seeing nothing better to do Naruto picked up the idea and ran with it, leading the way through the gates he'd previously crossed only twice before, the aftermath of the more recent of those trips still in his mind and somewhat grateful that, from behind him, he heard the first stilted, shy snippets of conversation regarding Kiba's nin-ken between the two clan children that might one day mature into one of the many, many friendships all of them would need to survive in the grim, unpleasant world of the ninja.

XXX

Luckily as time went on before the Academy started properly Naruto was able to catch the attention of the majority of the children his own age he knew and alert them to Tenten's advice; due to this when the loud, tinny noise of the starting bell for the school echoed across the crowded playground the jinchuuriki and his friends were an oasis of sanity in the maelstrom around them, a lot of their potential future classmates running around without a clue of what to do or where they should go until, mercifully, a loud clarion call of a voice cut through the chaos like an explosive tag,

"Okay new people; two lines in front of the main entrance now", as he and everyone else scrambled to obey, Naruto caught a glimpse of the person giving the orders, a kunoichi wearing a chunin vest of the fairly ordinary height and build that was striding towards them with a clear intent in her manner as she beheld the seething squall of children before her, "shorties in front, beanpoles behind. Get moving, I don't have all day".

It took a few minutes for the chaos to settle down but eventually there were a pair of parallel lines facing the woman who the majority of the potential intake were beginning to suspect was likely to be one of their future teachers should they pass all the required exams. Due to this Naruto spent a few seconds scrutinising the kunoichi before him, taking in the seemingly well-worn condition of her vest and deciding she'd likely been a chunin for a few years at most and was either holding a teaching position because it was a requirement prior to attempting promotion to jounin, or she was happy with chunin and had some skill at teaching; _and either way's good. Potential jounin will run us hard to show they can hold a team together but full-time teaching chunin will know what they're doing_; before he could think too much further about either of these potential scenarios however, he and everyone else in the two rows were silenced from their muted chattering as the woman addressed them once more,

"Right, you shower of wannabe shinobi", it was the voice of someone who expected them all to listen and not interrupt and, true to form, none of them did as the kunoichi tracked her eyes across the twin lines in front of her, "I'm one of the chunin who'll be administering the tests you'll be running today to see if you can somehow scrape the grade that might one day make you one of the elite of the village, Kami help the rest of us if that were ever to happen. You will address me as Uzashi-sensei and raise your hand if you have a question; speaking out loud will result in either you putting your foot in your mouth or me doing it for you. I and the rest of the sensei expect professional behaviour at all times today", it could just have been his imagination but Naruto could have sworn Uzashi's eyes lingered on him while that remark echoed in the air; _sounds like she's had a bad experience in the past and has a kunai to grind now. Though, then again when it comes to me and the ninja corps, who amongst them doesn't have a reason to try and kick my rear end?_; "so, no time like the present; follow me kids, nice warm-up jog to start".

With that Uzashi turned on her heel and paced to the end of the two lines, issuing clipped instruction for the two lines to stick as lines during the run and not to try overtaking in case someone slipped and got trampled. Some minutes later the lines got underway and Naruto found himself following in the footsteps of another, slightly taller boy than himself who he didn't recognise; as he had been unceremoniously pushed into the front line of the two as he was one of the shortest children in his year group, the Uzumaki found himself following a pair of heels he'd never seen before and kept up an easy pace as the sensei led them around the Academy grounds and then out of the rear gates, towards the training grounds the Academy maintained and the challenges that awaited the children there.

XXX

_No way, though then again, how long have I been running for in my life?_; not for the first time Naruto had a reason to thank his somewhat unusual and erratic education up to this point – okay chances were he wasn't the sharpest kunai in the pouch in terms of raw brainwork, but on the other hand a quick forty-five minute hike didn't leave him on his knees and gasping for air like it did some of his contemporaries. Uzashi-sensei had led them on a roundabout route but the pace had alternated between, for him, a swift march and a steady jog, the similar sort of things he'd been doing since he was five out on the training ground, least of all when it looked like rain was in the offering and he had to get back to Konoha before the clouds broke. Glancing around at the other children around him he was relieved to see that most of his friends were looking none the worse for wear following the exertion, even Chouji who, despite his obvious size, was a very competent endurance runner (speed, on the other hand, was virtually guaranteed to be out of his reach save in very short bursts the same way it was for all Akimichi), though as his eyes roved he found his gaze suddenly arrested by a very distinctive shock of hair.

_She was, that's her, the girl I met with Ten-chan when I went to school that one day_; luckily memories of the mouse dissection were little more than a repressed memory, one that was no doubt giving Yami yet another reason for being a pain in his ass whenever he delved into his own mind to check if the Kyuubi in his belly was waking up at last, but he'd not forget hair that shade of pink in a while. Realising quickly that the girl wouldn't recognise him, he came up with a fast plan to get an introduction; as a result of this plan Haruno Sakura felt a shadow fall over her and glanced up from where he was stooped, hands on knees, to see a blonde-haired boy with a slightly concerned look on his face offer a small bottle forwards,

"Here, look like you could use some of this", he pointed out, waggling the bottle a little and letting the water inside slosh around; as he'd hoped and expected Sakura grabbed for it but he kept hold, a slightly more warning look on his face as the girl glanced up at him, "sip, don't gulp it or you'll be sick".

"I know that", Sakura snapped back grumpily, though she did take only slow swigs of the water he offered before passing it back and nodding, "thanks, uhh, hey, wait a minute", Naruto raised an eyebrow but otherwise remained passive as the girl scrutinised his face more closely, "who are you? I've never seen you at school before – what are you doing here?"

"I never went to school and I'm here to become a ninja, same as you are", he answered both questions succinctly, ignoring her sudden expression of surprise as she tried to comprehend someone not attending the civilian Academy, "anyway, fair's fair – what's your name?"

"Huh? Oh, Sakura", belatedly the girl remembered her manners and bowed slightly, "Haruno Sakura, and I never got your name".

"Probably because I never gave it", Naruto pointed out before scooting backwards as the girls' green eyes suddenly flashed dangerously: _wow, touchy-touchy – doesn't know how to take or roll with a joke yet_; "Uzumaki Naruto, at your service".

"Naruto", Sakura repeated, rolling the name around with a slightly confused expression before focussing on the boy again, "any idea why your parents called you Fishcake?" Naruto, despite himself, winced,

"It means Maelstrom", he pointed out through slightly gritted teeth, "and I'm hoping it'll be a bloody long time before I get a chance to ask my parents why they decided on that name; I'm an orphan", he explained gently, holding up a hand to forestall the apologies he could see was coming from Sakura's mortified expression, "no, no need for any of that – I'm not the only one in the village, in fact I doubt I'm the only one here".

"Still, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to rake up the past", the girl said meekly before deciding to brazen it out and come completely clean to expunge her sudden guilty conscience, "it was just something I heard Ino-chan say – she always talked, or actually usually moaned about, a boy she called Fishcake and how he was going to try and get to be a ninja here. Is it true you can beat her sparring?" That admission made Naruto pause for a second before a voice from the past whispered in his ear and he understood; _she's got friends other than me right Inoichi, and she's already warned them a little about what I'm about huh? Good_; a small part of his mind smirked and mentally complimented the Yamanaka heir for her pre-emptive work; _I'd hate the Academy to be too easy_;

"Well sometimes I beat her, sometimes she beats me, it's all swings and roundabouts really", he shrugged, understatement as always one of the major planks of his success, "still, we won't be sparring again until the end of the week, hopefully they'll pit us against each other and, well, if that happens all I can say is have the med-nins on standby and stand well back!"

Sakura giggled, the reaction Naruto had been hoping for as it banished memories of her earlier slip-up regarding his parents; realising his eyes were still on her the girl pulled herself together and smiled again,

"Thanks for that, either way thanks for the drink. Why do you carry water on you anyway?"

"You should always carry water", Naruto replied nonplussed, as to him carrying extra supplies was as natural as having a spare kunai and shuriken to hand, "what happens if you get cut off behind enemy lines? Can't just drink out of streams Sakura-chan, you'll go down ill – always have enough food and water to keep you going".

"Really?" _Actually, yeah that makes a lot of sense_; "Thanks, I'll remember that for, uh-oh, sensei's talking"; forewarned by his new friends' pointing finger, the Uzumaki turned around just in time to catch the first words Uzashi-sensei spoke to the new crop of potential graduates,

"Right, that's enough lying about scratching yourselves; you want to be ninja you get used to working like hell with no rest", the chunin called out, once more demanding the kids to line up in front of her as she explained the first of their tasks, "right, first things' first, who doesn't like heights – tough, get used to them or get out", she said dismissively of the few hands that rose to make such an admission; _damn that was sloppy_; Naruto, not for the first time, was pleased for the somewhat-eccentric education he'd managed to secure for himself compared to his peers; _first, no second rule of the ninja, show no fear and show no pain to the enemy_; "see over there, those two trees? Here's the first challenge", she had them in the palm of her hand and, as she whipped a gold-coloured cloth from up her sleeve, Uzashi couldn't help but let a little smirk show on her face – it wasn't her fault it felt so empowering to be able to show off a little in front of an appreciative audience, "we've hung a large number of these in the tree on the left – your job is to get one of these cloths, then run to the tree on your right, climb up it and tie the cloth in its branches. You get points for how high up both trees you go to both get the cloth and tie it, and how quick you are – your scores will be kept by my glamorous assistant over there".

With a flourish Uzashi gestured to a space on the right while tucking the cloth she'd pulled out of thin air into her pocket and, just as the boldest of the class were plucking up the courage to ask the obvious question, there was a blur of black colour and a sound of sudden cawing and another ninja appeared in a shunshin, a clipboard in his hand and picking a pencil from behind his ear, smiling at his fellow tester as he pushed his sunglasses up his nose,

"Ready when you are Uzashi-san".

"Fair enough, no time like the present; we'll go in alphabetical order and don't even think about moaning", she cut off the complaints before they could even get going, "a tiny bloody run like this is nothing for a ninja; when you've had your arm blown off by an enemy jutsu then you've got a cause for complaint. So, from the top, Aburame, get over there and get ready, you go on my shout…"

Having cheered on Chouji and been impressed when the Akimichi had managed what he thought of as a fair time despite his natural disadvantages for a time such as task, Naruto started to sidle sideways slightly to the right, eventually catching up with his quarry as the first of the children with a family name ending with 'D' set off at a sprint towards the tree in the distance,

"So, I have to call you Aoba-sensei now then?" Fortunately not a muscle twitched on the new chunins' face as he replied out the corner of his mouth,

"'Fraid it'll be Yamashiro-sensei Naruto, and that's only if I draw the bloody kunai and end up with you in my class". Naruto's grin became, if anything, wider,

"I'll do what I can sensei – so", he nodded towards the green jacket Aoba was wearing, "do I dare ask how it happened?"

"Oh, the usual; a mission went wrong, high-ranked missing-nin showed up, I pulled it all together and managed to get everyone out safe, got kissed by the princess client and then sworn to secrecy about what happened, so don't tell anyone or you'll get a visit in the middle of the night by the men in black cloaks".

"LS-GC?" _Damn it he didn't even blink, and I thought that was a good story_;

"LS-GC", Aoba confirmed with a somewhat chagrined smile, "finally annoyed them so much they gave me the damned vest to get me out of their hair". Naruto merely chuckled,

"Don't do yourself down; a lot of the clan ninja who've watched me sparring have told me for a fact you've been ready for the rank for months if not years – besides, chances are I'll go up in the world same way you did, the skills I've got really don't lend themselves well to either the exams or pulling off big, high-profile missions. I have to stay hidden if I want to stay alive". This time it was the chunin who chortled slightly at the same time as jot down a few notes on his clipboard,

"You and the rest of the ninja force; still, never look down on anyone who gets his or her vest through Long Service, Good Conduct, and if you go that way make sure you never let anyone look down on you, though I'd give it a few years and couple more feet before you take too much offence to that. For now though", the teacher glanced down enough to see Naruto's semi-threatening glare from the jab at his height, "get back to the others – last thing either of us need are accusations of favouritism".

In the face of such knowledge Naruto could do nothing but nod and retreat back to his previous position, making it back just in time to start shouting encouragement to where Hinata had just set off on her run, sneaking a few furtive glances towards his next mission target and working out the best way he had to get at it and hopefully take a big step into reaching the Academy that would be the first step of his shinobi career.

XXX

_Not bad_; seeing the agile stick-figure before her all but flying up the tree towards the main goal of the exercise Uzashi felt her opinion of the last of the Uchiha clan rise slightly; _he's certainly been putting the work in, though from what we've had access to from his psyche evaluations there's a risk he's overdoing it, and overdoing it for all the wrong reasons. Still though, that's a tick in the box for him, and now_; glancing down at the next name on her list the chunin felt a sudden sensation of apprehension start to swirl around in her belly like milk in a butter-churn; _let's see what the Mouse can do_.

"Uzumaki Naruto", there was a sudden pause in the general, whispered conversation that had spread around the training area as the children who had already gone through this first test either exulted or fretted over their performance glanced over, virtually all of them recognising the name either through first-hand experience or, more likely, from parental warnings to stay away from him as Uzashi herself had heard at the Academy gates even this morning, "you're up; start position now".

"Right, no problem sensei", as always the Uzumaki was, or at least appeared to be full of confidence, moving up to the starting position with a definite swagger in his step, "just give me a…no", he tailed off suddenly, colour draining from his face as his finger lanced forwards in time with his shriek of warning, "he's falling!"

Forgetting everything else for the moment Uzashi span around and made ready to sprint or shunshin even if it was too late; that would be all her career needed after the debacle that had been her first jounin test, losing the last Uchiha on her watch due to a broken neck from falling out a tree. She summed up the situation in an instant and, because of that, stumbled to a halt as the evidence of her ears and eyes contradicted each other for a second; Sasuke was seemingly still clambering down from the top boughs of the tallest tree rather than plummeting to his untimely demise; _but why would…?_

That train of though was abruptly driven off the rails and Uzashi leapt upwards as a sudden hand violated part of her personal space a hand had no right to venture into; face suddenly flaming she whipped around like a scalded tiger but her antagonist must have expected such a thing as all she saw was a blur of orange from the corner of her eye, Naruto running around her the long way to avoid her grab as the chunin had instinctively spun towards the disturbance by the shortest route possible. As he had attacked her left buttock she had spun over her left shoulder and he had therefore run to the right, darting away with a low, evil-sounding cackle as Uzashi was left in his wake, crimson-faced and all but swearing as she realised that in this second experience with the jinchuuriki she'd been left with egg on her face to go with the flour in her hair from the first time their paths had crossed. _That kid is going to wind up dead in a ditch before he hits fifteen the rate he's going_; the kunoichi thought viciously to herself, knifing Aoba with a sidelong glance as her fellow chunin was currently shaking in an effort to stop himself cracking up at the would-be ninja's bare-faced cheek, before she looked again and realised something she hadn't before about the route Naruto had taken; _though, why the hell's he going...?_

The realisation crashed down on her like a bucket of ice water and she felt herself shrivel up internally again as she belatedly recognised what Naruto had done – in all honesty it would probably have been less embarrassing if he'd just groped her backside for luck on his run out. Instead he was now more than likely en-route to setting a new record for this first challenge at the same time nailing her name to another, much less palatable claim to fame, for which chunin in their right mind would want to be the one who had to hold their hand up and admit they'd been completely and utterly one-upped by a child who wasn't even a genin yet?

XXX

Even the smallest of sparks can set a world alight – it was a saying from the annals of his illustrious clans' history that was so old there were no remaining records that hinted at its origins. Sasuke had spent a long time scrutinising the old records remaining in his clan home, pouring over ancient lore to search for secrets that could he could use to avenge the ghosts who would haunt his footsteps until their murderer fell by his hand, though it wasn't until he was a great deal older and wiser than the stormy young man he'd been at the time that he was able to look back at this first meeting with Uzumaki Naruto and place it in context with that particular phrase from history.

"'Ware below!"

The sudden shout just as he was about to drop into the lowest branches of the tree he'd scrambled up was enough to break his concentration; able to take only the merest glimpse downwards it was more by the grace of the Kami than any judgement on his part that Sasuke was able to spread his legs to either side at the same time the child who'd yelled the warning leant back, preventing the collision but as a result bringing both children virtually nose-to-nose. Black eyes locked onto blue for a moment before bewhiskered cheeks creased in a smile and the Uchiha was forced to listen for the first time to a voice that would become depressingly familiar over the next several years,

"Wow, that was lucky", the blonde exclaimed before glancing up to the branch Sasuke had just dropped down from and squatting as though ready to jump, "cheers for the dodge, see you at the bottom".

"See you", Sasuke parroted almost unthinkingly, following the orange form's progress as the smaller child hefted himself upwards before blinking and remembering both where he was and, more importantly, that he had a test to finish. Setting face into a scowl of concentration, Sasuke dropped the last six feet to the floor before setting off at his top speed to the finish line, determined to set the best time and take his first step on the long, blood-stained road to avenging his clan and slaying his own brother for the murders Itachi had committed.

XXX

Quickly tying off the cloth in a fast but serviceable knot Naruto couldn't help but feel a touch of pride as he began his descent, noticing as he did that the Uchiha just crossed the finish line as he jumped downwards a few more feet. _I hate to boast but damn_; the Uzumaki flipped down a few more branches, grateful that he'd learnt to climb throughout his time on the training fields, otherwise this little job would have taken a lot longer than it would have done otherwise; _when I want to be I'm damned good, even if that sensei is probably going to be out to get me from day one now_. Still, that was tomorrows' problem and he'd deal with it tomorrow – right now as his feet hit the floor and he took off like an arrow towards the end of the task he concentrated only on putting one foot in front of the other as quickly as possible, throwing himself across the line with bursting lungs and glancing up hopefully at where Aoba made a note on his clipboard, a suspiciously-wide grin on his lips as he avoided eye-contact with the kid who'd just made his day. He didn't dare look at the other examiner though – she was probably steamed enough at him already and one smart comment or even misplaced-grin might well tip her over the edge; instead he did nothing other than cheer on Ino-chan as the Yamanaka, set off right behind him due to the proximity of their clan names, finished off her own run. Only as he moved over to congratulate his fellow blonde as she pushed herself up to her full height was he brought up short along with the rest of the class as the kunoichi chunin spoke up again,

"Right, first one out the way; next up's the assault course which is this way; when we get there we go in reverse alphabetical order, and Uzumaki", Naruto cringed for a moment before slapping on a beguiling smile and daring to meet the irked kunoichi eye to stony eye, "no short cuts this time – we want an accurate assessment of your physical fitness, not a demonstration on how slick you are at cutting corners and getting away with it, okay?"

"Hai sensei", he sighed wearily before joining the others in their former lines, ready for another run to a separate section of the training grounds and already trying to recall what he'd heard about the most common pieces of equipment used in the assault course and how best to work with them to set a good time.

XXX

Luckily the assault course was pre-set and therefore only needed one chunin to oversee the results; this gave Uzashi the excuse she needed to dump the whole thing in Aoba's lap and get some much-needed respite to clear her head by setting up the last of the three challenges the little kiddies would be taking on in the morning. Mind clearing as she tied down another string of twine and bit off the end, the chunin scowled as, despite herself, she couldn't help but feel a touch impressed by the way the Uzumaki had stormed straight into the record books despite the fact he'd used her as a springboard to do so; _still, my fault for putting one of those cloths in my back pocket. I said they had to get one but I never specified exactly where from_; still, a lesson learnt without blood and pain was one to be treasured as she now knew due to her traumatic experience a few months back that had led to her being sidelined from the main ninja forces for two months while the open fracture of her forearm healed. Now more than ever before Uzashi knew exactly how much more she had to do before even attempting to advance to jounin rank; trying to coast as she had been was not an option, as one of the med-nins who had been there when she'd woken up following the agony of her splintering guard and arm bursting like a thunderclap in her brain had told her sternly.

Hence why she was here now; not only was teaching slightly less physically intense than normal ninja duties and would therefore facilitate her injury rehabilitation but, as an added bonus, her performance would be much more closely scrutinised than it would be on the gate or running missions – perhaps more than any other village, Konoha brooked no dissonance from those who would mould its next generation of ninja. Uzashi had taken and accepted the role of Academy sensei knowing, in fact expecting, that her techniques, teaching methods and personal knowledge would be mercilessly critiqued by everyone from the Hokage down and she'd be expected to improve on any highlighted flaws in her own time and at her own expense. Because of these additional requirements she was reasonably sure that these next two years of her ninja career were going to be very long and grinding, but at the same time would solidify the foundations of her shinobi training enough that some extra chunin missions would be enough for her to qualify for jounin selection once more.

_I wondered why Vashishi-taicho wasn't a hundred percent comfortable with putting my name forwards in the first place_; at the time she'd convinced herself it was because he didn't want to lose a promising member of his chunin squad to the jounin vest – now, a good deal more tempered by experience, she knew why he'd been so reluctant to cave in to her demands for the attempt to advance in rank; _he knew I wasn't ready. Well, I got some sense knocked into me, broken bones and all, so next time I'll get the groundwork done first, rather than trying to build something solid on foundations of sand. Ah_; keen ears picking up the unmistakable sound of many pairs of feet moving in her direction, the chunin finished the knotting up the last of the few thread she had left, plucked one experimentally to hear the bell attached to it start ringing musically before pinching it quiet in time to stand up and adopt a waiting posture just before the first rank of children, led by Aoba, appeared on her corner of the training ground, a number of them by now looking sweaty and worse-for-wear as the exertions of doing two relatively-intense physical challenges in quick succession took its toll,

"You took your time", and as always, the examining chunin took no pity on their plight, instead addressing Aoba as he appeared with the rest of his panting pupils, the other chunin merely shrugging,

"Assault course took a little longer than we expected".

"Plenty of cuts for later then", Uzashi filled in the blanks dismissively, a little psychological weakening to see if any of the prospective class would have their moral fibre dissolved away by the thought of going through all this only to have the fatal commiseration letter dropped through their door in the evening, "any drop-outs so far?"

"One or two, I haven't really been paying attention", Aoba admitted, casually cranking up the pressure further before smiling and his kunoichi counterpart and gesturing to the contraption she'd set up behind her, "anyway, let's not keep the would-be shinobi in suspense; care for the introductions to your baby?" Glancing over her shoulder, Uzashi gave a careless shrug,

"Fair enough, I guess – hey", her sudden snap made the children behind Aoba all jump and cringe as she took a few threatening paces towards them, "who told you lot you could relax? Get back in your lines and focus on me". The few groans at this command were quickly stifled by a harsh glare and the fact she quickly whipped out a kunai and let it dance around her fingers for a moment; when she was satisfied all was as it should be, the chunin spoke once more, a little sadistic glee evident in her voice as she gestured to behind her,

"Come into my web said the spider to the fly; well, this little exercise of mine will see if any of you've got any ability whatsoever to act like a ninja and actually be stealthy, rather than blundering around like a herd of elephants like you have been all morning. As you can see, surrounding the training post over there is the web", she pointed out the thick lattice of almost invisible wires that were attached to and around the red-painted training post, thinner than usual to avoid presenting much of a target to the class as she plucked at one of the strings, hearing the bell on it jingle for a moment, Uzashi flicking a finger as though conducting the noise for a moment before pinching the wire and letting the tinny little instrument fall quiet for a moment, "your job is to get through the web and deliver a killing strike to the post over there. This", a couple of the closest students jumped backwards, one of the girls giving a little shriek Uzashi's kunai buried itself in the loam near their feet, "is all you're getting for the job – it's up to you to sneak in, deliver the strike and then get out without setting the web ringing. Just for a change though, we're going to let you lot decide the order – highest marks for those who put their hands up first".

As expected a couple of either brave or foolhardy souls immediately put themselves forwards as the forlorn hope; it was only with the greatest of difficulty that Uzashi managed to avoid rolling her eyes; _was I really that young and dumb once upon a time? Ah well, you never know, one of them might have a clue, though I know who I'm keeping my eye on this time_; the boy in question, however, wasn't one of those who volunteered to go in first – instead Naruto, like several others, stepped back slightly to observe the first couple of children who squared up to the task, none of them making it to the post but, to their credit, a fair few of them making it further than she'd expected. However, rather unusually, the jinchuuriki didn't seem content to remain in just a single spot, slowly walking around the web slowly, pausing here and there to squat down as though measuring up sizes and gaps in the mess of threads woven around his target; _clever boy_. Not for the first time Uzashi was impressed by his forethought and, if the scribbles she heard from her companion were anything to go by, she wasn't the only one, Aoba once more making notes on the whole performance and grading the children on how well they were able to navigate the course.

XXX

_Okay, reckon this is about it_; though it wasn't as long as he'd have liked to observe and pick holes in what he was up against, he was reasonably sure this was about the best spot could find in the time allotted – he wouldn't put it past the senseis testing them to actually put a few extra points in for the people who did volunteer to be test first; courage, after all, was something all ninja needed to operate out in the field; so he didn't want to be one of the last to put his hands up. Instead he waited somewhat patiently for his opportunity and, following Chouji being gingerly extracted from the web after making his strike but setting the bells off while he'd been turning around to try and make his way back out of the danger zone, he decided to make his move.

"Nice one Chou", the Akimichi glanced over at the shout, somewhat pleased that unlike a lot of the thinner people he was competing against for his spot in the Academy, he'd at least made it to the post, "toss us the kunai would you – better get this over with". Chouji chuckled, flipping the ninja dagger over dexterously in his thick fingers before throwing it over to his Uzumaki friend hilt-first,

"Now this'll be worth seeing", the larger boy rumbled as Naruto confirmed to the chunin with the clipboard that he definitely was going next and preparing himself, though as the orange-clad proto-genin drew back his hand as though to throw the weapon Chouji felt his stomach drop; _no, he can't be hoping to hit it with a throw, surely_.

That had originally been his first thought as well but, even after a few glances, he dismissed it as impossible; though the web had definite gaps at the bottom that even a child as large as he was could squeeze through, higher than about three feet all the threads seemed to come together and start overlapping more into a complete morass that now even a kunai would fit through with any degree of accuracy, to say nothing of the fact the target he was aiming to hit was a lot smaller than a usually training post even if it was only twenty feet from the edge of the web. Besides, the sensei had been specific; only a kill would count and a ricochet would be instant failure, no way the kunai wouldn't set off the web if it deflected off the wood. However Naruto appeared dead-set on what to Chouji looked to be a suicidal course of action, arm drawn back and concentration etched in his face; the whole class appeared to lean in to see if the Uzumaki could do it before, to a succession of gasps, he simply dropped the kunai and to one knee simultaneously, the hand now free of the falling knife whipping down to one of the numerous pockets in his jumpsuit.

Even when the smoke erupted around the Uzumaki's now-knelt frame no-one in the class was sure what was going on other than the fact he'd used a technique of some kind; however as the wisps of grey were banished upon the air Chouji felt a thrill run through him as he recognised the familiar shape now pointed at the floor as its owner worked the crank and seamlessly slipped a bolt into place. _Oh you cunning little…_; not for the first time the heir to the noble Akimichi clan was left cursing and muttering under his breath as his much smaller friend somehow came up trumps again and left him wondering why he hadn't thought of such a thing himself first as, now loaded and cocked, the crossbow came up to Naruto's shoulder as the jinchuuriki rested the elbow of the arm supporting the weight of the weapon on his raised knee. There was a strange kind of half-smile on his face, though it was marred by intense concentration as he sighted down the flight of the bolt and set his stance. Glancing over his shoulder with a warlike expression as he heard the few mutters and calls of complaint and cheating swiftly silenced by both the senseis and others who knew what the Uzumaki was like and wanted to see if he could pull this idea off, Chouji turned back in time to see Naruto breathe in, breathe out slowly and, in the second between exhalation and breathing again, tightened his finger on the trigger and let the bolt go.

It was a marvellous shot, at least to someone who didn't know how to use a bow of any description; Naruto on the other hand was just thankful there hadn't been much of a cross-wind as that would have made any kind of accuracy virtually impossible considering the other constraints he was working under. Not for the first time he was grateful for his relatively short stature as, knelt down, he was lower than most of the others in his age group and that had given him more space between the threads to work with. Because of this he was able to zero his aim while forgetting the existence of the threads that would have been cut through by the wider blade of the kunai – these factors, coupled with a bit of nerve and backed up by hours of solitary practice in the comfort of his own apartment block, meant that the crossbow projectile flew straight and true, hammering into the wooden target with a meaty thud and almost breaking the thing in two due to its thinness. Fortunately though the post held firm, letting Naruto breathe again as he casually resealed his crossbow and placed the scroll away in his pocket, though before he could heave himself to his feet a sudden shout burst in his ears,

"Uzumaki what the hell was that?"

"A bloody good shot sensei", Naruto replied after a second of admiring his handiwork; stifling the smattering of giggles behind him with a harsh glare, Aoba tried again,

"You were given a kunai and told to use it".

"No, I was given a kunai and told that was all I was getting Yamashiro-sensei", Naruto corrected him, a slight smile on his face as the chunin inclined his head minutely; _they must have been waiting for something like this – just as well really, last time I checked the penalty for disobeying orders was quite a stiff one_; "I had something on me that could do the job better and used it".

"So you did – right", the chunin's voice rose as he addressed the remainder of the children left to be tested, "rest of you lot will use the kunai and _only_ the kunai we give you. Uzumaki sit the hell down and be quiet with the rest of them". Though tempted to make a smart comment at this demand the jinchuuriki decided it would be better not to push his luck and simply obeyed, plopping down on the floor and taking the weight off his feet for a moment after tracking back to the rest of his potential class.

_So far so good_; as far as he could work out he'd achieved at least a passing grade on all three of the tests so far and it must have been getting close to lunch time judging by the position of the sun, so if he was right, that meant that all he had to do now was scrape a pass in the written exam this afternoon, hopefully something his brainstorming earlier in the week would help with. Therefore, as Naruto picked himself up with the rest of them after the last of the tests was concluded and Aoba began to disassemble the web, the jinchuuriki allowed himself to decide that, so far, things appeared to be going rather well.

XXX

"Genius", glancing up from his pot of instant ramen, Naruto met Kiba's eye and couldn't help looking at least a little smug as the Inuzuka applauded slowly, coming closer to where the Uzumaki had taken up residence on one of the eating benches, "that was genius".

"I do my best", the Uzumaki admitted modestly, a free hand dropping down towards the scratching sensation he could feel on his calf and rewarded a moment later as he felt fur under his fingers and heard Akamaru's greeting whine, "still, not like the rest of you didn't manage to impress the sensei either".

"Not like you did though, not even close", the Inuzuka admitted with a shake of his head, slumping down beside his pack-brother and opening his bento, "gotta admit you've got a flair for the dramatic".

"Hey, it all worked didn't it?" Naruto defended his methods before he sensed someone moving behind him and raised a hand in greeting as Chouji walked over, the ever-lethargic Shikamaru hovering around almost in his shadow and gratefully collapsing in his seat as soon as he located it,

"Do I even dare ask what you've got cooked up for this afternoon Naruto", the Akimichi inquired politely, bursting a large bag of crisps for his friends to share, "and if you've got a way to get the answers during the test can you please find a way to slip them my way?" Naruto chuckled,

"No, 'fraid not Chou; I'm going in there same as everyone else and I'm getting that exam done soon as possible then breaking out for the day", catching a glimpse of a very familiar face from the corner of his eye the Uzumaki leant back and swept his hands around him, raising his voice as though imparting a grand oration, "and why wouldn't I? It's a perfect day, the sun is shining and there's beauty everywhere I look…"

"Oi, Naruto-baka!"

"…hence why I'm not looking over there"; fortunately for his health his friends all just about managed to clamp down on their sniggering as Ino and her friend approached their table and unceremoniously shoved Shikamaru closer to his Akimichi friend in order to sit down, virtually squashing the Nara scion to pulp as the Yamanaka glared down the table, a faint suspicion she'd just been had in some way percolating through her mind as Naruto went on, "hey Ino-chan, you did okay during those runs today didn't you? You as well Sakura-chan", the girl who had followed the forthright Yamanaka to the table managed a tepid smile before Ino snorted and shook her head, the movement making both her bang and ponytail sway,

"Yeah right, compared to you and Sasuke? None of the rest of us came even close".

"And I didn't come close to Sasuke"; _she must mean the Uchiha_; Naruto had heard of the supposed last member of the once-populous Uchiha clan but had never actually met him, though if that was the boy in question he was certainly speedy enough to have the makings of a good shinobi, "he blitzed that assault course and left the rest of us for dead".

"Just like you did after you pulled that stunt in the first test", Kiba snickered, remembering the expressions that had flooded onto their sensei's face firstly as Naruto made his move and secondly as the realisation of what he'd done crashed over her, "I've never seen you move so fast".

"You've obviously never seen me at work then Kiba-kun; it's an unusual night where I don't have at least one woman chasing after me", his eyes darted down the table knowingly, "or at least one skinny little rake masquerading as a woman, so you soon learn how to high-tail it into the sunset and leave them in the dust. Mau, Ino-chan", he cast a despairing glance down the table as a chopstick bounced off his shoulder, thrown there by the irked Yamanaka who was all too depressingly familiar with his comments about her weight or lack thereof, "so tsundere".

"And what's that supposed to mean baka?" She shot back, snapping open a spare pair of chopsticks with a good deal more force than was strictly necessary, "Not like I need another reason for kicking your ass in front of the whole school come Friday but humour me anyway".

"Ask your parents Ino-chan but trust me it's not an insult"; _at least, I don't think it is – that book I read about it in wasn't exactly a dictionary and I haven't had a chance to look it up since I got my latest joke book_; "anyway, nervous about the written?"

"Huh, no chance; I'm sitting next to Sakura-chan, and stop trying to hide away over there 'wallflower'", the uncomfortable name broke through Sakura's shyness around new people, a remnant of her former bad experiences following people picking on the size of her admittedly slightly larger than average forehead, "you know you're a walking textbook half the time".

"No need to point it out buta", the other girl shot back in a spiky tone, holding her glare for an instant before the two of them seemed to simultaneously call a truce and focussed their attention further up the table, "still, I need a good written to scrape in after those tests this morning – how did the rest of you deal with all that running?"

There was a sudden swapping of glances across the wood before, by unspoken consent, Kiba was elected as spokesman simply because out of all the boys present he was by far and away the most physically active one simply due to his clan,

"Practice; I've been up and walking dogs, mucking out kennels and dealing with the rest of the clan since I could walk", the Inuzuka shrugged before polishing off the rest of his bento and elaborating, "one of those things you just grow up with, though don't panic, you'll soon pick it up here if what Hana-chan told me was anything to go by". Sakura nodded at this, though she still looked a little unsure – seeing this, Naruto chipped in his two ryo,

"Besides, not like they're expecting up to simply fly over these courses or ace the exam", he put in conversationally, shrugging as the attention centred on him for a moment, "as long as the senseis see you putting the effort and carrying on no matter how much it hurts or if you feel like shrivelling up and dying you'll do okay. I didn't see you passing out or anything through those courses and you got through them all, more than I can say for some people".

That seemed to be about the right thing to say – certainly Sakura herself perked up and Naruto felt he earned a mental pat on the back before she seemed to remember exactly who she was looking at and her brow furrowed a little,

"But, sorry if this is going to sound stupid", she apologised simply because she was smart enough to know that even here she was out of her depth somewhat; all the children surrounding her were the children of ninja aside from Naruto, and if rumour and what she'd heard from Ino was right he was arguably the most experienced of them all in terms of how ninja operated, "but, how did you get away with what you did?"

"How do you mean?" _Whew_; she tried her hardest to keep the gratitude off her face as she realised she hadn't immediately been shot down as she'd expected,

"Well, what you did, especially in the first and third test; wasn't that, sort of", she tried to think of a different word but even her large brain ran dry and she was forced to go with her first, most obvious choice, "cheating?"

She knew the second the word left her mouth that she'd said the wrong thing and wanted nothing more than to disappear on the spot; virtually everyone was looking at her sidelong at best or outright staring at worst, even Ino-chan. Blush redoubling as she looked away and squeezed her eyes shut, Sakura once more wished she could suddenly just turn invisible and run away after putting her foot in her mouth like she just had though, before she could act on her desire to rabbit she heard Naruto answer and, to her relief, there was none of the surprise in his words that she'd seen in his face,

"Tell you what Sakura-chan, think about it like this – forget about how I did it, did I or did I not complete the tasks the sensei set for us?"

"Well, yes but…"

"That's it then", Naruto concluded as though he'd won an unassailable point, "I did the job I was told to do and that's all that matters". Sakura tried to follow this convoluted line of thinking and, failing miserably, was about to ask for further clarification before a second, much sleepier voice broke in on the conversation to provide a guide for him,

"What Naruto is trying to say, badly", Shikamaru said, favouring the jinchuuriki with a half-lidded stare before carrying on, "is that as a ninja we will be expected to complete the missions entrusted to us by any means necessary. Because of this obligation there is nothing that we're not allowed to do as long as it justifies completing the mission; in short, it is impossible for a ninja to cheat – what Naruto did was unorthodox but, because it worked, I doubt the invigilators would be able to mark him down at all – if an idea is stupid but it works, it wasn't a stupid idea".

There was a slight pause at this statement, everyone seemingly ruminating on the Nara's pearl of wisdom before, with a deep chuckle, Chouji glanced over and down at his long-time friend with a smirk,

"That's probably the most I've ever heard you say in one time Shika; I'd watch out Sakura-chan", the girl in question wilted slightly under the much larger boys' friendly smile but apart from that stood her ground even if his next words filled her with horror, "I think he likes you". Shikamaru shot him a sharp sidelong glance before settling down in his seat and closing his eyes,

"She looks like she'd be an interesting shougi opponent; now everyone sit down and be quiet – there's fifteen minutes until the end of lunch and I want to enjoy a nap in peace". The sudden reminder struck the rest of them suddenly and they all quickly finished their meals and exchanged a few more minutes' conversation before trooping over to the main door of the Academy and being ushered inside to the largest hall of the shinobi training establishment.

As he was accompanied to his seat by a chunin he didn't recognise and took his place, Naruto felt a little worm of guilt suddenly thrash around in his stomach as he made out a larger silhouette about three ranks down and two columns to his right. It wasn't like he'd actually lied to Chouji outright; he didn't have any way to get the answers during the test itself; but at the same time, could he have slipped his friends a few titbits about what he was almost certain was coming? _I could have, but wouldn't that have looked a little suspicious – I mean_; mulling the situation over in his head as he watched Aoba write the current time on a blackboard at the front of the room with a large piece of chalk, he felt a little more confident in his actions; _we all write the same things down, they'll immediately smell a rat. And, if I'm wrong, though I don't think I am_; having flipped the question paper at the command to start and only just holding in a hiss of triumph as he recognised the first question that stared up at him from the crisp white page, Naruto gave a slow smile and picked up his pen; _at least it's just my neck on the chopping block and not anyone elses'_.

Confidence growing and guilt assuaged by his logical reasoning, Naruto spent the next two and some hours reciting the answers he'd memorised to the question sin front of him, though there was of course the odd infuriating blank in his mind that he had to knuckle down and study a little more seriously. Still he was reasonably confident that he'd done okay as he held up his hand with ten minutes to go, finished and seeing no point in just sitting in that room surrounded by a sea of scribbling pencils; as he sat on a small swing on one corner of the Academy playground waiting for his friends to finish, Naruto did his best to ignore the nerves that were now grating in him – for better or for worse, there was no way of him finding out if he'd done enough until the fateful letter dropped through his apartment door some time this evening.

XXX

The atmosphere had been slowly curdling all evening and, at the sight of the two who entered the premises and slowly sauntered their way through the bar it almost outright solidified; almost every pair of eyes was focussed on the duo but they seemed inured to the pressure, saying nothing as the placed and order and then waited for the drinks to arrive. It was a test of endurance, the wait for the fatal crack to happen and, just as the first measure was sipped into, the might of the many finally overcame the resistance of the few,

"You can all stop looking so worried, the little bugger's in".

There was an almost-universal sigh of relief, punctuated by a rousing cheer from some corners of the room and, recognising some of those who'd sent it up, Aoba led his companion towards their table, elbowing Raido aside a little as he set up chairs for the pair of them. Uzashi flumped down and stretched off her legs gratefully, rolling her neck and massaging her eyes as she did her best to edit the last four hours of her life from her mind; _if I never see another paper test in my life it'll be too damned soon – how do the Academy staff do that every day, more to the point how am I going to cope with it every day?_;

"So then, you survived the Mouses' assault on the Academy?"

"Oh yeah", Aoba chuckled before flicking a glance to the side of him, noticing Uzashi raise the palm of the hand over her eyes to glare at him, "some in better shape than others but we all just about pulled through". The covering hand flipped into a rude gesture as the rest of the Awesome Foursome broke off into chuckles (or coughs in Hayate's case) and Genma simply had to be the one to ask,

"Don't hold out on us; how'd he do?"

"In like a shuriken, right at the tip", Aoba went on after taking a deep draught of his beverage, "set two records in the morning for the physicals and was joint, fourth, maybe, of all time for the afternoon?"

"Fifth", Uzashi corrected him after Aoba took a stab in the dark and then looked to her for confirmation, virtually the entire bar listening in to their loud conversation, "Kami alone knows how he did it though, least of all with some of his answers. This one was a real classic – 'name three animals that, in proportion of height to bodyweight, jump higher than a house?' Normal kids come out with the usual suspects; you know, flea, spring-tail, Jiraiya-hentai after Tsunade-sama's caught him peeping again", there was a smattering of polite chuckles at this before Uzashi moved in with the real killing joke, "Uzumaki Naruto answer – 'any animal, the house can't jump!"

This time there was laughter around the bar as several of the shinobi took the joke at face value, though, as had happened in the invigilating hall, the mirth quickly gave way to introspection and, eventually, someone had to be the one who made the obvious statement,

"Umm, isn't he right though?"

"That was the decision of the _kocho_ as well", Aoba confirmed, remembering the jounin's face as he recalled the older man ruminating over the question and answer for some time before eventually giving the jinchuuriki's paper yet another tick, "according to him the question was badly-worded and because of that they had no way of marking him wrong – he's already cocooned in his office checking the papers and assignments for the rest of Uzumaki's year don't have other loopholes he can wriggle through".

"Heh, he could look from now until the deer come home, Naruto will find a way", a caustic comment cut in from the bar, Nara Dashi finishing his latest saucer of sake with a deep swallow as he recalled the first time he'd met the Uzumaki in person, right after his clan head had pulled the then-six-year old would-be do-gooder in through the window he'd been trying to shut from the outside in a gale, "true maelstrom he is – nothing is ever the same after he's passed over it for a while. Even if the changes are subtle they're still and will likely always be there".

"Here, here", Raido agreed with the older Nara before turning his attention back on his friend, "so then, he set the pages alight, how badly did he rip up the training grounds?"

"Not as badly as I was fearing it must be said, though"; _I'm sorry Uzashi-chan_; he'd promised himself he would try to keep what had happened on the training grounds on the training grounds but, with all three of his childhood friends looking in, he just couldn't help himself, "with a bit of luck the seeds of a future teacher-student relationship have been sown".

_You bastard_; as the weight of sudden anticipation and expectation all but landed on her with a thud the flaxen-haired chunin squeezed her eyes shut for a second and did her best to prevent the mottling of her face before taking a breath and attempting to clear her name before the inevitable rumours started,

"First test had them up the tree", she began, luckily cutting off the first of the questions as they began, "we had the cloths, you know how that one goes? Well I had one; I show them what they're after and then stick the thing in my pocket, don't give it any more thought than that – so the Uchiha's gone and set a decent time and I get the little brat into place; he looks like he's about to give me some back-chat before he clams up and then starts shrieking that Sasuke's about to break his neck on his way down the tree. I didn't even think, I just span around, got a good look at the Uchiha looking fit as normal and the little sod picked my pocket when my back was turned!"

"Her back pocket", Aoba elaborated immediately, ignoring the dig in the ribs, "got himself a little feel-up as well before he set off and broke the record for that challenge". There were a variety of laughs, whistles and saucy comments at the story before Genma, just about managing to control himself, shook his head and polished off the dregs of his latest order before speaking again,

"Hah, and what a wonderful little monster we've all created between us; don't take it too hard Uzashi-san", just before the slightly shorter woman could tear a stripe off him for his unmeant innuendo he hastily explained himself, "they don't call him Uzumaki 'Mitarashi-Anko-is-my-favourite-uke' Naruto for nothing". The female chunin's eyes almost exploded out of their sockets,

"He actually said that? And lived after Anko-chan found out about it?!"

"Apparently so, it was a few years back now; if you catch her in the right mood and survive the beating after asking Anko-chan might almost admit to it now", the senbon spun between Genma's lips as he smiled and spoke again after glancing Uzashi up and down, "still, who can blame him for wanting to get his hands on such a fine example of womanhood as yourself Uzashi-kun? There's not a red-blooded man where who wouldn't have sacrificed a hand to be where Naruto was at that moment; well, no man apart from old paper-lungs over there", Hayate for his part replied with a cough and an insulting gesture that Genma immediately shrugged off, " and only then because Yugao-chan would cut it off for him if he dared".

The reminder of her one-time team mate and friend was enough to simultaneously make Uzashi snicker and silently sigh; she was happy the older kunoichi was attached to someone but, at the same time, a trifle jealous that she hadn't bumped into the right person yet. Still, there was always time while at the Academy and anyway, this was hardly a time to be concerned with such things when there was gossip to be had at the moment, especially as the woman in question wasn't around at present,

"Speaking of which where is Yugao-chan today?"

"Out with her other boyfriend"; such a remark, and especially the off-hand manner it was delivered in, caused Uzashi to skip a beat somewhat before Hayate stepped into rescue the situation after scything Raido down with a venomous look,

"No she is not; she took up a hobby a while back that she's always wanted to do and, anyway, that's on Wednesdays; she on perimeter patrol tonight".

"I see", Uzashi muttered before her curiosity got the better of her, "dare I ask what this hobby is and how this mysterious second man factors into it?"

"She goes dancing", Hayate admitted after a moment's pause and a slight cough, "something that I can't do very well due to a combination of two bad lungs and two left feet. It's taught by a civilian, can't remember his name, but while she was there she was, ah, well I can't say propositioned because that's not...that'll work – she was invited out for a drink by one of the people who turned into a semi-regular there". That made Uzashi's eyebrows rise,

"He was brave; what rank?"

"Civilian", Hayate confirmed, Uzashi nodding as she realised why the man had been so brazen as to make a move on someone everyone in the ninja cadre knew was accounted for – ninja relationships were often held away from the public gaze to prevent gossip reaching the wrong ears, "he was polite enough when she turned him down though, no bad blood or anything like that. I've met him once or twice, seemed like a decent enough guy, certainly no-one who'd faze Yugao-chan if he ever did get uppity".

"There are very few who would faze her, least of all if she had a blade in hand", Genma assured him before accepting a drink from Raido, it having been his round and the queue at the bar quite long, "so then, back to the matter of the Mouse; he broke one record by, uh, under-the-belt-handed means", he hastily ducked a slap from Uzashi and grinned broadly in the face of her ire before carrying on unruffled, "what was the other?"

"The web", Aoba filled him in, "nothing exciting there, just shot through it with his crossbow, the wires weren't tight enough to stop a bolt going through". Raido, the most knowledgeable of the four in terms of projectile weapons, gave an appreciative whistle,

"Damn, must have been a fair shot if you were on the thin pole".

"Hit it clean, I'll give him that much", Uzashi said plainly, "though he was about only twenty-five, thirty feet away at most, the web wasn't that wide. Still, wonder how he got that good with a crossbow". There was a shuffle from a neighbouring table and a blonde head popped up, the Yamanaka who'd overheard her question speaking up with an answer,

"I'll tell you that one; you know he lives alone in his apartment block? Well he put it to good use as a training range; from what I heard off Ninota-chan he sticks a post-it note at one end of the main hallway on the upper floors, stands the other side and aims for it, and when he's not doing that he's practicing on the grounds or with the weapon-smith he's friendly with, Hasa-something or other. I'll agree with you though, he's a fair shot; I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of him if he had time to get into position put it that way". There was a general grunt of assent to this point and Uzashi nodded, mollified, before speaking her mind once again,

"Well, either way, I'm sure he can think of something constructive to do with it come next week; as it is he's in, everyone on the staff sees him tomorrow when the new class show up and get the big speech from the _kocho_, then we all get the last two days of peace we're likely to see until either our deployment finishes, he graduates or we all go insane prior to the big throw down at the end of the week. Who's showing up for that just out of interest?"

As she'd expected there was a near-unanimous show of hands and she wasn't surprised; though the Academy didn't begin live-sparring until the start of the second year, there was one exception to that rule and that, ironically enough, was on the first day of Academy for the new class. Basically a 'welcome to school' kind of celebration for ninja, the names of every student were put into a big hat and lots drawn randomly, the whole school fighting each other in one-on-one tournaments until eventually there was only one left standing, kind of a less bloody initiation ritual than the one used by Kiri as a graduation exam. Officially it was to allow the new students both to gauge their own skills and show them how much they needed to do to pass out; unofficially it showed the new year group exactly where they stood in the pecking orders and punctured any, or at least most, big heads before they could properly inflate. Every shinobi had a story from their first day and, remembering his, Genma once more bit down on a scowl,

"Don't see why I go to be honest; it wasn't my fault I was running late – my bag split open and everything fell out, what was I supposed to do, leave it there?"

"Hey you knew the five-minute rule Gen-kun", Raido pointed out smoothly, recalling the old school rule that meant if any student wasn't at a lesson five minutes after it began it was counted as an automatic failed lesson for that student or, in the case of a spar, a bye for the opponent, "speaking of which, if that still enforced in the present day?" Aoba grinned,

"Oh yeah, with an iron fist", he informed his friend, recalling with a wince just how much of an issue the current leader of the Academy made of punctuality; _probably just as well he's never been introduced to Hatake Kakashi – I think he'd have either killed the man or died trying by the end of the first time they'd had to work together_; "still, all that aside, betting pool for Friday, who are the main players and who's in...?"

XXX

Once more glancing at the form opposite her, the matriarch of the clan flicked a glance towards her husband and, seeing his approval, made to pierce the uncharacteristic cloud of melancholy that seemed to have gathered over her daughter's head,

"Ino-chan", the young Yamanaka looked up from where she had been prodding her congealing soup with her chopsticks and spoon at her name, allowing Kunisa to go on unimpeded, "something the matter? We half-expected you to be bouncing around the house after you got your results through – what's got you down?"

"Nothing kaa-san; well, okay", that was never going to wash for a second and she knew it, "it's just, well, Naruto-baka"; _yes_; not for the first time Kunisa heard the smaller blondes' name leave her daughters' lips and, also not for the first time, she hid a smile; _he seems to be the root of all evil in your little world doesn't he Ino-chan?_; "he called me something during our lunch break today and I just can't get it out of my head".

"Much as I hope it wasn't anything too nasty", Inoichi put in from his position around the table as he poured his wife a second glass of cold water, "you'll have to learn to ignore taunts and other things from your friends and especially your enemies both in the Academy and beyond". Contrary to the elder mind-walkers' expectations, however, rather than swelling up in indignity, his daughter merely sighed,

"I know daddy but, well, it wasn't an insult, or at least I don't think it was, and neither did he come to think of it, I've just never heard the word before and can't find out what it means, it's driving me crazy, just like him! Okay, might as well come clean", mind apparently made up, Ino faced her parents down and asked the question as frankly as she could,

"Do either of you know who or what a tsundere is supposed to be?"

Ino had a feeling that honesty in this case might not have been the best policy as she watched her parents share a glance and then hide a smile in her mothers' case and half-collapse onto the table holding his stomach in her fathers'. She was half-tempted to leave the table at that point before things got any worse but, even as she was turning to leave, Inoichis' half-choked voice stopped her,

"No, no Ino-chahahan", he managed with difficulty before controlling himself, "it's not a bad thing, or an insult, in fact in some ways it is true what he says".

"So", Ino chose both her next words and their tone carefully, "what is it then?"

"Tsundere is, well it's usually a term used in fiction, especially comics; now I know you haven't read many of them", he stifled her forthcoming comment before she could phrase it and, uninterrupted, carried on, "but you should get the idea. Remember in stories there were always some people who started out either not liking or being cold to the main character without being enemies as such? Like, ah, like Prince Arahala, from the Princess Gale films you like; remember he started off calling Princess Gale hopeless and living for nothing more than a dream?"

"Yeah, but then she and her friends helped saved his kingdom and he gave them the key they needed to open the gate to the _niji no michi_", even though it had been a few years since she'd seen that particular instalment in the Princess Gale sage the series was still one of Ino's favourites and she could recite almost all of them by heart, "but, what's that got to do with...?"

"In that case, Prince Arahala was what some people might call a tsundere character", Kunisa explained, sliding into the conversation as smoothly as glass, "it usually means someone who starts off cold and aloof and then gradually softens up towards someone else over time. In that regard, it does sound a lot like you and Nar..."

"Naruto", Ino finished for her, gaze suddenly unfocussed for a minute before the vision returned to her eyes in a sudden hellish blaze of concentrated cold green fire, "he's saying I've gone soft? Uzumaki Naruto-baka thinks _I'm_ going _soft _on him?!"

"Well, considering how you started out threatening to throw him out your bedroom window and now seem to settle for trying to beat him to pulp every time he drops in, I have to say he's got as bit of a po..."

Whatever other responses her parents may have had to either correct or reinforce Ino's slightly wayward conclusions were simply lost in the typhoon of her sudden rage; without even thinking about decorum the youngest Yamanaka leapt down from the table and punched one first into her open hand, ire so obvious in her voice and posture it was amazing it wasn't striking sparks off the walls,

"I'll show him how bloody soft I've gotten; just you wait until Friday you, you...where's Ninota-chan, she's always looking for a chance to get the Mouse, she'd love to train me to kick his tail in front of the whole village..." With these half-formed plans and schemes being muttered in boiling streams under her breath, Ino stalked away and left her parent in peace at the dining table. Both Inoichi and his wife watched her go and then sat in silence for a moment before Kunisa did a curious thing; she reached forwards with her arm, a single finger extended, before curling the finger around and pulling her arm back, all done in silence and with a smile on her face. Inoichi merely snorted with quiet mirth and nodded as his other halfs' actions,

"I know hime; that boy's got hooks in her I doubt he even knows he has", the patriarch of the clan admitted, "though I doubt he'll act on them for a good number of years, he's too young – just as well or I think I'd be second in the line to, ah, dissuade him from attempting to sow wild oats at a young age, least of all with my little girl".

"I see – who'd be first in that queue?"

"Hiashi"; recalling what she knew of the Hyuuga head and how protective he was of his two daughters, Kunisa nodded,

"That I can understand – he really does have a certain charm about him does Naruto-kun, even if I doubt he realises it". Inoichi, despite himself, chuckled,

"Not sure charm's what I'd call it but you're right as always dear – anyone who can slither out a hiding after making Nara Yoshino worried about them has got to have some kind of Kami watching over them", he rode the punch to his shoulder with expert ease, Kunisa being quite friendly with Shikaku's wife, and carried on, "I heard on the grapevine he was in at the Academy; just as well or Hokage-sama would probably have led a witch-hunt trying to find out why he wasn't and I'd have been late home after lending a hand; and something in my waters tells me he's going to go far both while he's there and when he gets out. And if he can help drag his friends, Ino-chan amongst them even though she's too tsundere to admit it", Kunisa couldn't quite hold back a snigger at the term despite her reproachful look at her husbands' grin, "along on his rise, well as far as I can see so much the better".

"Assuming our little Ino-chan doesn't try to throttle him in his sleep if they ever get paired together for survival exercises", Kunisa pointed out with a second slight laugh, "something tells me Ninota-chan's going to have a long night ahead of her considering how fired up our little girl is – if their names come out the hat tomorrow I'd be worried for Naruto-kun's sake". Inoichi merely chuckled and shook his head, wrapping an arm around Kunisa and drawing her in close, entranced as always by the smell of her hair and the feel of her temple on his cheek as she leant into his hug,

"So would I hime, so would I – now, are you feeling brave enough to tell our baby psychopath that by doing what she's doing she's just walked into another trap and all but confirmed Naruto's conclusions about her?"

"Absolutely not right now; give Ninota-chan a few hours to exercise the stress out of her and then we might have enough time for a little chat before bed..."

Ino was as good as her word the following morning; she had her eyes open and the knives out for Naruto and made sure he knew it, barging past him on the way into the Academy itself and pointedly standing away from him in the assembly hall as they were addressed by the jounin captain who ran the Academy and listened to both the speech he gave and the rules he laid out that they would be expected to follow throughout their careers as students of the shinobi arts. She kept flashing him pointed glances throughout the speech though, hoping she made her disgust plain enough through her eyes though he didn't seem to notice, in fact he looked rather bored throughout the whole thing and kept yawning; _huh, bet he stayed up late to celebrate – baka_. He did perk up at one point however, though why that was Ino had no idea as it was at the start of the list of rules Tiruzo-sensei was reeling off and when she looked again he was smothering a yawn with the back of his hand, though for some reason she thought she could still see a vague hint of deeper thought within his still-alert eyes. However he vanished from the training ground before she could corner him and make both her curiosity at any plans he might have had and her displeasure at his earlier insinuations plain but, as far as she was concerned as she went back to her home for a day of helping out in the flower shop, honour was about even between them.

It was perhaps then fortunate that Ino had not yet progressed far enough in her clan techniques to enter or read minds without physical contact for, if she had, there would have been a chance that the plan Naruto had come up with following hearing the rules he was constrained by for the rest of his Academy days could have been strangled in the cradle, rather than allowed to grow and burst forth into a terrible, and terribly embarrassing, reality for the entire Academy.

XXX

The ritual was sacrosanct and almost perfect; she paid for her meal at the till, waited no longer than three minutes for her order, picked up a skewer, dipped and rolled the dumpling in the sweet, sweet sauce to allow it soak and then, without pre-amble, tore into it with her teeth, the succulent morsel devoured without mercy or further thought as she made to repeat the process and paused only to throw the now-empty skewer at a familiar shape lurking with intent at the edge of the door of the dango shack,

"Whatever it is you're after the answer is no".

That, Mitarashi Anko knew with depressing certainty, was never going to be enough to dissuade him in a million years and therefore she simply resigned herself to a lost lunch-break and sought to bottle up her temper as best she could as her some-time student sauntered onto what she considered her holy ground and pulled up a chair for himself, smiling at her across the table,

"Maa, no need to be nasty Anko-san", he knew better than to call her sensei unless she was actually teaching him something; one impromptu flexibility test when he'd slipped up following seeing her in the street after her first Sandaime-instigated stint as his sensei-stroke-friend had been enough to ensure that was a lesson he never forgot, "just wanted to catch up with an old, tea-ceremony attendee", he finished, smirking slightly as Anko stood down having expected him to say the forbidden f-word and wrong-footed due to his last-minute swerve out the way of that shuriken,

"Gaki the day you can catch up with me is the day I either turn in my head-band or start spinning in my grave", the kunoichi cut back caustically, eating another skewer, "look, don't jerk me around Naruto, I've not got time – tell me what you want so I can say no and then get out of here".

"What I want? Well, that's easy at least", he leant across the table slightly, lowering his voice, "I want your help Anko-san".

"And, assuming I go along with whatever stupid stunt you've dreamed up this time, what's in it for me apart from a chance to point and laugh when it all comes crashing down around your ears?" _Well, that's better than I expected_; not one to look a gift horse, or even a gift snake, in the mouth, the jinchuuriki moved on to the second part of his potential sales pitch,

"Kudos, the chance of a fairly substantial cut in any profits made and the satisfaction of helping another Konoha part-time ninja, in my case, carry out his mission". Anko seemed to weigh this up for a moment, not breaking eye contact and inwardly a little impressed that she could only read three or four tells from Naruto's face and body language when she'd be looking for half-a-dozen at least from someone his age, before cautiously carrying on,

"Keep talking, and how much money are we potentially looking at here?"

"As much as you're comfortable with risking, and quite likely a good deal more than that"; _something to do with gambling then, but what...?_; he carried on even before she could complete the question, leaning forwards over the table and dropping his voice conspiratorially, "you know I want to be Hokage someday Anko-san, hell you were there when I first starting making such a dream known to Konoha at large, but to do that I've got to surpass all those that have come before me. What I'm after is a chance to do just that and with a few, ah, items I might need you to procure for me, I'll be able to do just that".

"How?" His smile simultaneously widened and deepened enough to skim the surface of malice at that point, an expression both dangerous and enticing to an interrogation expert such as the Snake Mistress of the Leaf and almost despite herself Anko leaned in slightly,

"Tell me Anko-san, what's one thing none of the previous Hokages, or in fact anyone else for that matter, have managed to do in history; not the White Fang, not the Professor, not even the Yellow Flash managed to blot the history books with the mark I'm planning. I won't say any more here; even the walls might have ears; you wanna hear more, find us a safe spot to talk in and I'll hopefully get you a well-deserved pay-off and a chance to boost your sensei credentials".

Just about mastering the urge to stand up and tell the Uzumaki in no uncertain terms exactly what the last time her teaching credentials coming to light had led to for her Anko stood up, nodded once and beckoned Naruto to follow her; once outside the dango house she stretched off, caught him by the back of his collar with the swiftness of a striking tree snake and a seal-less shunshin landed them both in her apartment. For the remaining twenty minutes of her allotted time away from work she listened to, laughed and helped refine the faintly ludicrous idea fired at her by the shorter would-be shinobi before, with five minutes to go, she unceremoniously booted her now-partner onto the street and watched him scurry away into the distance before giving a brief chuckle and heading off back to the interrogation centre of the ANBU headquarters.

_So then, this could be very interesting_; fingering a key in her trench coat pocket, the apprentice interrogator smirked as she decided exactly which of the myriad potential substances would be the best to abuse to achieve both Naruto's historic achievements and her bumper pay-off; _have to give the little bugger credit, nice idea and if he can pull it off it'll go down in the record books about as fast as Uzashi's face fell after he copped a handful of her ass. If not, at least I don't lose anything and it'll still go down in the record books, even if I have to be there with a camera to make sure of that fact!_

XXX

Considering the somewhat-haphazard nature of their first meeting Uzashi had been understandably somewhat apprehensive when she drew the sizzling exploding tag; the faces of her fellow sensei's had been locked somewhere between sympathetic and gleeful when they'd all been handed their class lists and her eyes had been dragged to the name that all but leapt off the page at her. The Uzumaki was in her class, the same little brat who'd all but obliterated her self-esteem four days ago was going to be sharing a classroom with her for the next year or so; still, much as she felt like going on bended knee to Tizuro-taicho and begging for reassignment she knew it would be both a wasted effort and a black blot on her fledgling Academy career, not something she needed before the first bell on the first day had even started.

Over the course of the morning however, those first-time jitters had gradually given away and allowed her to find her confidence; the Uzumaki appeared to be just the same as any other child enjoying his first day at the shinobi Academy he'd sweated and all but shed blood to get into and hadn't raised anything like the hell she'd been afraid of. In fact he'd even arrived at the Academy very early and had to be let in by the shinobi on keys for the building, seemingly determined to make a good impression and to that end merely sitting politely and paying attention to her morning lessons like everyone else even if, just like them, his attention was elsewhere at the time. Uzashi wasn't so hard-hearted as to not understand this; hell, during her time at the Academy she doubted she could even remember her first morning through the thunder and battle that had marked the afternoon; and because of that she and her contemporaries kept the morning lessons light – no point teaching things that would likely fly straight out of their students' heads at the first sound of combat. It had all gone rather well she'd though, right up until an hour after lunch when a single arm wrapped in bright orange material rose into the air and the whiskered face it belonged to gave a chagrined, if slightly painful, grimace,

"Sorry sensei", Naruto began apologetically after Uzashi had given him the nod to speak, "I really, really gotta go".

"Can't you wait…?"

"Uh, not really sensei", the jinchuuriki said haltingly, hunched up over his desk, "that last cup of ramen just went right through me and I really don't want to be late to this fight. I'll meet the rest of the class out there I swear, just let me outta here before I flood the classroom!"

"Don't be disgusting", Uzashi told him, hiding her amusement at the sight of the suffering of the boy who'd embarrassed her earlier in the week and dragging it out a little longer, "and remember, all of you, that preparedness if nine-tenths of a missions' work – if your compatriot here were on duty he could well compromise his position by answering the call of nature. For now though, get out of here Uzumaki", he didn't hesitate, gone from his desk in a streak of orange and a mutter of thanks as he pelted for the door, "and don't be late out there!"

Lateness was the very last thing on the Uzumaki's mind and, as he came out of the nearest water closet after washing his hands, he saw a gilt-edged opportunity to have a legitimate reason to be where he wanted to be and seized it without a second thought; as he had his arms full at the time, Aoba was forced to look over his shoulder at the sudden voice from behind him,

"Need a hand taking a load of Yamashiro-sensei?"

"Naruto? Why aren't you with the rest of your class?"

"Ah, a combination of nerves and very dilute cup ramen", the blonde child discreetly side-stepped the issue before moving onto his next point, "told Uzashi-sensei I'd see the rest of the class out there, they'll be about a minute behind us at most and to be honest it seems your need is greater than any of theirs". _Fair point, and truth be told I could use an extra pair of hands_; as he'd been put in charge of one of the third year classes Aoba had been able to leave them to their own devices for ten minutes or so while he carted all the equipment needed for the Friday all-Academy tournament outside and began to set it all up; _though I didn't realise there was quite so much of it – I wondered why most of the staffroom was giving me an odd look when I stuck my hand up for this job_;

"Fair enough Naruto-san, grab a few of these poles", without further ado the Uzumaki eased an armful of the four-foot sticks into his arms, the brightly-coloured wooden poles used to demarcate the limits of the rings used for early stages of the battle, "and let's get outside, I'm running slightly late as it is".

"No need to tell me twice sensei"; _you're not the only one_; acutely aware of the time and realising his margin for error was shrinking all the time, Naruto toddled off towards the main door of the Academy, though before Aoba could question his slight limp he cleared up the mystery himself, "think I picked up a pebble in my sandal though – I'll deal with it outside".

"Don't take too long".

"No fear of that", Naruto tossed the comment back over his shoulder as he hobbled towards the sunlight and fresh air, moving to the side to let the teacher past and carefully lowering his armful of wood to the floor as he did so to slide a free finger between his foot and the interior of his footwear, "ahh, there it is, glad to see the back of that – be right with you sensei", he called as Aoba's back retreated from him, though thankfully the taller man didn't glance backwards as Naruto casually knocked the main door shut behind them. This was at the same time a blessing and a curse due to the events of the next few minutes as, if he had thought to look behind him, he might well have called into question the suddenly-evil expression on the small blondes' face, not to mention his reasons behind sliding one of the marker poles between the handles of the Academy door, effectively cutting off the main route of access for the entirety of the remaining Academy population and sealing four years of future Konoha shinobi within a man-made tomb.

As it was, however, overburdened by the weight in his arms and trying to remember what to do with it all, Aoba was content enough to trust his hearing to let him know that the Uzumaki had caught up in a rush and remained blissfully unaware of the danger he had placed both his students and his peers in with his one single moment of inattention.

XXX

Checking his watch again, Chouza shifted in his seat a little and offered a last question before the games truly began,

"So then Shika-kun", the jounin commander of the village glanced across at his friend, "who's the smart money going on this year".

"I don't gamble"; _Yoshino-chan won't let me, though truth be told it was either that or the sake when we were married and I don't think I'd have survived as long as I have with her without alcohol_; though truth be told the Nara leader knew he'd had too many bad habits in his youth and was grateful to his wife for forcing him onto and keeping him on the straight and narrow, there were a few times where he chafed under such oppression, not that Yoshino would ever find out about them, "and it looks to be a even field this year; there's no-one who truly stands head-and-shoulders above the crowd".

"Just as well, gets boring if there's a Kushina every year", Tsume admitted, remembering that last fact with a pang of annoyance as memories of the red typhoon scattering all before her during the Uzumaki's last year in the Academy replayed before her mind, "a few people laughed when she told us all her dream, they were laughing across the other side of their faces when she was through with them that day". Shifting slightly in his seat following the reminder, Inoichi nodded,

"Very true, mean left hook she had; still though, there's be a fair bit of interest in this one, most open field we've had in several years, hence why the old paymaster over there's got an escort with him".

Following the Yamanakas' finger Tsume just about managed to suppress a simultaneous shudder and wince; by dint of both long tradition and the urge of ninja everywhere to have a bit of a harmless flutter on what was essentially a bloodless battle, a gambling detail had been in existence almost as long as the Academy first-fight tradition and had evolved into a prescribed ritual that was followed to the present day. To ensure the validity of the results and check that no unusual betting patterns were emerging in an attempt to cheat fellow ninja, a single chunin who had no stake in the fight, so had no family members fighting and placed no bets on any of the results, was chosen to actually oversee the contests and, to help with this duty and prevent attempted intimidation or other attempts to skew the results, he was accompanied to the Academy by a team of other chunin, special or full jounin with nothing else to do that day. In this case there was a chunin Tsume didn't know who'd drawn the blunt knife and been selected to monitor the contest and was now most likely regretting such luck more than most – not only could he not place a stake on the result, he was also being borderline molested by a particular kunoichi who the entire ninja cadre knew very well indeed,

"Poor guy", the Inuzuka muttered, watching as Mitarashi Anko lounged all over the slightly smaller junior ninja, no doubt whispering lewd suggestions into his ear if the rising blush on his face was anything to go by, "still, even she'll have to behave when it all kicks off, least of all if she's got money in it". Seeing a definite flash of currency pass between the two even if it was disguised by Anko licking the ear of her next victim sensually, Inoichi sighed and shook his head at the wild child of the T&I department,

"Kami bless our dear little Anko-chan; sometimes I think the old monkey only sent her to us because he was terrified what might happen if she was allowed into the village as a whole", he admitted, sending a pointed glare towards the back of the ornate hat that was in their vision a few rows down, the honourable Hokage as always afforded the best view of the action due to his privileged position, "still, been a boon for us nevertheless, she's damn good at what she does". Tsume chuckled,

"What, traumatising the chunin force? Heh, she should have come to me, I'd have given her a few tips".

"Traumatising Puppy-chan, not blunt-force trauma; there is a subtle difference", cut down in her prime the Inuzuka glowered at the man who'd knocked her off-stride, though as always Shikaku seemed oblivious to her ire, "still, with any luck we won't see too much of the latter down there today. Ah, seems their about to get started", along with the rest of their row Tsume had seen the chunin instructor approaching the sparring ground before noticing the much brighter figure at the side and slightly behind him and smiling as she recognised her unofficial third-son figure, "though why does Aoba-san have Nar…"

Shikaku tailed off at about the same time Tsume's smile dropped off her face with a resounding clang; in fact the two of them were so unnerved by the slow, deliberate actions made by the student they were focussing on that it fell to Inoichi, still as pale as either of them but just about able to speak regardless, to sum up their emotions on the matter in his usual, succinct style,

"Ooooh dear hell in a hand-basket…"

XXX

Not for the first time Aoba was grateful for his sunglasses as they hid the sudden movement of his eyes as he became aware of the sudden attention on him; having never been one to seek attention even at a young age, this was a situation where he was usually grateful to have one of his usual friends with him, especially as Genma and Raido were a lot more used to the limelight than he was. _Still, no point trying to dodge this shuriken, and it's not like I'm doing much anyway_; inkling his head slightly in reverence towards the peanut gallery, the Yamashiro scion merely headed off towards where the first of the sparring grounds would have to be set up, remembering where everything needed to go as a result of his briefing by the jounin in charge of the Academy; _shouldn't take a minute, and as soon as the others get here they can take the heat off. Now, actually_; denying his usual desire for anonymity for a moment, Aoba glanced up again at the faces of some of the crowd he'd glimpse, especially faces of ninja he recognised, and was left floundering for a second; _why are they all looking so worr…?_

It was at that point his gaze almost unconsciously followed everyone elses' and he too found the blood draining from his face, sudden fear placing freezing shackles around his limbs as he realised what he saw and almost immediately realised what it potentially represented. As far as Aoba was concerned, you didn't have to have to be an expert in warfare to recognise that the sight of Uzumaki Naruto, the infamous Mouse of Konoha who, according to the Sandaime, seemed to have made the newly-founded _Nezumi_ branch of the ANBU his idols and role models, with a big, malevolent grin on his face and his fingers in his ears was almost certainly a precursor to Very Bad Things occurring in the near future.

And yes, if the rumours he'd heard of what Naruto was capable of, not to mention personal memories of the worst cup of coffee in history he'd ever tasted, were anything even close to true, capital letters were not just justified but positively necessary in this instance.

He'd drawn in breath to demand answers, the words where on the tip of his tongue when a faint noise, like a series of fire-crackers being let off in the distance, sounded from the direction they'd both just come from and with a suddenly lead-lined stomach Aoba realised whatever Naruto had set in motion was too late to stop. Face whitening, he could only stare mutely as the boy before him as the noise went on, lasting into minutes as Naruto blinked, blinked again and then slowly withdrew his digits from his ears before stepping forwards, apparently unconcerned that he'd let off pyrotechnics with the Academy and all the associated trouble such an act could land him in. Aoba tried to speak, he really did, but all he and, if the silence was any guess, the crowd could do was simply gawp at the orange figure who slowly moved past him and dispensed a casual word of advice as he did so,

"Good nin don't look at explosions sensei".

"Naruto", finally sparked back into life, Aoba's vocal chords creaked out the necessary question, "what have you _done?_"

"You'll see in a moment sensei", the boy assured him, dropping the poles he was carrying with a clatter of wood before heading towards one of the trees near the edge of the sparring area, "come on, you didn't think I was at the Academy early for no reason did you? Trust me no-one's been hurt and nothing's on fire or anything; this is just a, well…", he leant back against his chosen perch and slid down the bark of the tree, smiling as he did so in the face of Aoba's shock even as it began maturing into abhorrence and rage,

"…this is just what I do".

XXX

Throughout the entire history of Konoha there had never been a single time when at least one team of ninja and researchers hadn't been looking into new and interesting ways to incapacitate, knock out, cripple or kill those who would threaten the village and its inhabitants. Though not as interested in poisons as, for instance, Suna, which was well known for being a place where anything that wasn't poisonous was venomous instead and the ninja of that baked wasteland took advantage of the fact, a village that had birthed such luminous medical ninja as Senju Tsunade was nevertheless certainly not shy of a few equalising measures for threats that would be difficult to take down by more conventional means. However such power came with a corresponding risk and therefore the use and supply of potentially toxic chemicals was highly restricted; most if not all poisons held in the village were secreted in various checkpoints, mostly guarded by ANBU or clans that were somehow resistant to the venoms they were storing (needless to say, the Aburame clan was often the first port of call due to their symbiotes being able to purge most poisons from their hosts before too much damage could be done). It was a highly regulated and very successful system that had safeguarded generations of Konoha ninja and reduced the number of genin and young chunin hospitalised from accidental intoxications to virtually zero while Suna and Kiri especially had rates five or even ten times higher.

However, though successful, Konoha's poison registrations and use process was still a set of rules and therefore only functioned correctly as long as everyone in the village was prepared to follow them and, as the entire population of the shinobi Academy save two exceptions were now discovering to their cost, Mitarashi Anko had always been one who considered a little temporary discomfort for someone else a small price to pay when she had a chance to make a fast ryo or two.

Least of all when there was a chance for her to get a good laugh out of the whole thing, which she considered nothing less than an added bonus to any pay-off she might have gotten out of the deal.

The plan Naruto had come up with and she had facilitated worked to absolute perfection; after all, as Naruto himself had pointed out following their late-night planning session Tuesday night after her shift at work had finished and he'd laid flesh on top of the bare bones of the idea he'd passed her way at lunchtime, it was unfair that his scheme wouldn't work simply because he didn't have access to the equipment he needed. Anko, on the other hand, didn't have such an issue and because of that, after a few clones experimenting with the seals he used to make his dud exploding tags and replacing the smoke-producing mixture with the chemical Anko had supplied for him, one well below her usual clearance grade, something new had been created, the weapon he would use to make his mark on the history books just as he had promised his longest-surviving sensei he would. The result had been what Sarutobi had often warned his shinobi force about being used against them by figures a lot less friendly than the Mouse; an aerosolised poison-dispensing exploding tag with a fuse set by the amount of chakra put into each of them. It was an insidious, terrifying ninja tool and, when set up properly as Naruto had early in that morning when no-one had been around, the result in an enclosed area was nothing less than utterly devastating.

XXX

Considering the bedlam that had taken over the Academy since the first supposed fire-cracker went off, the phrase regarding madmen administering their own place of residence had seldom seemed more appropriate.

From behind posters stuck to walls both as warning and instruction, from the underside of desks and on top of lighting strips the tags blew off in quick succession in the order Naruto had set them; each contained the same amount of chakra but had been laid down in a set order, starting with those closest to the main entrance. From there the explosions went off in a chain, leaving no classroom, no corridor, not even the caretakers' closet untouched; two days and a night the jinchuuriki had been granted after Anko-sensei had liberated the contraband and virtually every single hour of those free days had been spent laboriously drawing new tags, both loud and with silence seals nearby to muffle the small pop the tag would release when it went off, and incorporating his new toy into them. Naruto's experience in causing panic and disorder placed him in his element; he deliberately used the tags that would make a noise in the main hallways, counting on the bangs to gain attention and cause at least some of the senseis to leave their classes, who were at the time packing up to head for the sparring field, to investigate the disturbance, meaning that when the silent tags he'd hidden in the classroom went off their students would be left without an adult to tell them what to do. The poison itself, the most important element of the whole trap, was nothing particularly special, simply a fairly innocuous compound that, when liberated into the atmosphere as a fume of small solid particles, greatly irritated the respiratory pathways of anyone unfortunate enough to inhale it, and didn't do the eyes all that much good either if it got into them.

Due to these properties of the minor toxin Anko had supplied (and, in the Snake Mistress's favour, it was arguably the least dangerous substance she could have selected considering what she had access to) and both Naruto's fledgling demolition experience and three of his clones giving him a hand to ensure as short a gap as possible between the tag set first and the tag set last detonating, the Academy was currently populated by a horde of swearing, screaming students beset with streaming eyes and noses, dry-retching and fighting to hang out of windows to reach fresh air while the staff, many of them also afflicted by the attack, were trying in vain to calm the pandemonium. There were officially drills for how to evacuate the place in the event of an emergency such as this but, as the vast majority of the teaching chunin, not to mention the students, were new, it was almost impossible for them to be remembered let alone co-ordinated, leading to an almighty mess as each class, led by their chunin teacher, sought and, in some cases, fought to find a way out of the choking, claustrophobic death-trap.

As the obvious exit point it was inevitable that a crush developed at the main door, a horde of youngsters straining in vain to push the suddenly-reticent structures open; only by dint of the _kocho_ himself, a cloth drenched in water over his mouth and nose, running down the ceiling of the main hall and smashing the door open with a chakra-enhanced flying kick did anyone escape that way, the wooden pole fortuitously granted to Naruto that had been barring the way simply splintering in the face of such force and letting the students who had been pushing the door tumble out and breath down deep gasps of glorious fresh air. Tiruzo, on the other hand, after checking none of the kids were hurt and collaring the nearest chunin, who appeared a second later with most of his class in tow, to arrange the survivors in terms of age and what class they belonged to, pulled up his impromptu mask back up and once more plunged into the madness to save his beloved pupils and staff members.

In all it took fifteen minutes to evacuate the entire building and to a man such as Tiruzo, who took a lot of pride in both his efficiency and his forward planning, that was stinging blow to his pride; hindsight being as perfect as it always was, he was already berating both himself and his predecessors for not having the students remorselessly drilled in the Academy evacuation plans on the morning of their first day by the time he stood to the front of the assembled classes, took in the dishevelled appearances of both students and shinobi and addressed them in a firm voice full of menace,

"I don't know what's happened here and right now I don't care; all I do know is that I _will_ find out who's responsible and I will do my level best to ensure that whoever it is…"

"Taicho", the sudden shout broke off his declaration just before the good part; due to that and his frustrations about the calamity that had thrown his perfectly ordered day into complete disarray, it was only by a supreme effort of will that he didn't flatten the chunin who interrupted him with a blast of killing intent, "just done the head-count of my class and we're one short – three guesses which one".

Tiruzo would have been within his rights to fully bite her head off after making such a foolhardy remark in front of the entire school; the last thing anyone needed right now was a potential panic as the students realised one of their friends was missing. Those words of condemnation, however, stuck in his throat when he looked past the puffy red eyes and blotchy face and put a name to the teacher's voice; in that split-second two very important facts became very pronounced in his mind.

The teacher who had spoken was Uzashi-san.

Uzashi-sans' class contained several clan heirs, including the last Uchiha, and also…

…also…

For the long-time Academy staff it was very rare sight indeed to see their taicho's expression go from dumbstruck to outright limb-ripping, bone-cracking furious in the space of heartbeats; more than one of them would have professed to feeling concerned for the older man as a face that red surely couldn't have been good for anyone's health, least of all someone involved in as stressful an occupation as Tiruzo's. However almost as quickly as it had come it had vanished, swallowed by some kind of superhuman self-control as the jounin stood to his full height and addressed the entire Academy student body, save one very obvious; _and, with any luck, soon to be ex-student_; exception,

"Ladies and gentlemen, we will now depart to the training ground at a light jog – the movement will help blow whatever compound was used in this attack off our clothes and into the air where it will be rendered harmless. Seniors in front, juniors behind, everyone else take point on your classes", with order came efficiency and mere moments later, like a vast caterpillar, the future of Konoha's ninja force manoeuvred as one towards their testing grounds.

He saw his next victim and new nemesis the second he arrived but, no matter how much he longed to feel the collar of that obnoxious orange jumpsuit in his fist, business came first; with that in mind he hastily nodded up towards the stands, where most of the clan heads, parents and of course the honourable Hokage himself were seated to watch the proceedings, and split the students according to year and class, properly presenting them to their superiors in the village. Once this was duty was done and the old ritual completed the jounin was free, just before the event truly kicked off, to indulge in a little payback on the one who'd almost derailed the entire spectacle for his own petty amusement,

"_Uzumaki!_"

XXX

_Sounds like my cue_; blinking owlishly upwards at the shout and still aware of Aoba-sensei's eyes on him as they had been since the plan had been set in motion, Naruto pushed himself up to his feet and stretched off in front of the entire school, most of them pointing him out as they noticed him for the first time,

"Yeah; uhh, I mean", he hastily recomposed himself, realising it would do him no good to be impolite to someone who might well have a big say in his future school reports; _and, since they're read by the old man, that means he's a damned important person as far as I'm concerned_; "yes sensei?" If anything though, his attempt at manners only seemed to enrage the jounin further,

"What the bloody hell was that stunt Uzumaki?! Are you trying to set a record for the quickest Academy expulsion in recorded history?"

"No way sensei – I just got here, why the hell would I want to leave?"

"You've just set off a toxic device in Academy grounds you little idiot", the man bellowed back at him, colour rising in his face once more, "that's an immediate suspension for a start! On top of that you've jeopardised the safety of every single person in the Academy, your friends as well as the staff; what possible reason could you have had to cause such havoc on your _first damn day at school?!_"

"Simple really sensei; I wanted to win the tournament today but knew it was never going to happen if I fought for it like a student", somehow the Uzumaki seemed able to shrug off all that ire with a shrug and met the jounin's eye fearlessly, measuring his next words with perfect, deadpan accuracy,

"So I decided to fight like a ninja instead".

Not a sound was heard on the training ground, even the wind died down at that declaration as Naruto's words echoed around the place, every single person forced to try and digest such an unpalatable declaration; no-one else spoke, not a single person able to refute or question his cryptic words until, at last, Tiruzo managed to find his tongue once more,

"Wha, what do you mean, fight like a ninja?"

"I used every advantage I had and, this time, you gave me everything I needed sensei; in fact you said it yourself on Tuesday. The five-minute rule is iron-clad, can't be broken for any reason", now the grin was back in place, triumphant as the jinchuuriki thrust forwards a hand with five fingers spread, "I was the only one here on time; everyone else, apart from Yamashiro-sensei of course, was well over five minutes late, they've broken the five-minute rule and therefore they all automatically forfeit! Because of that rule and a bit of trickery on my part I'm the only one who turned up on time, therefore the only one who can fight and, since I can't exactly fight myself"; _that you know about – I'm not giving away my clone jutsu and Yami doesn't count in this_; "I win this whole thing by default! Hope you kept the engraving prints from the first time sensei", luxuriating in his triumph Naruto merely smiled at the fury rising from his compatriots like smoke from a bonfire, "after all, not the first time an Uzumaki's had their name on that shield is it?"

Not for the first time in his life Uzumaki Naruto managed to completely split opinion straight down the middle; even in the minds of the ninja present (or, at least, the ninja who didn't know what he was like), there was a tussle going on between outright revulsion that he'd won in the manner he had and admiration that he had effectively claimed a title without giving anyone else a chance at the crown, a true ninja victory. Tiruzo for his part was most likely the worst affected as very few of his pupils had ever tangled him up in his own rules so succinctly and certainly never on a scale such as this, though before he could even begin to reason through the contradictory evidence to plan a course of action about what to do next the decision was ripped violently out of his hands. From one of the third year classes a girl sprang forwards with wild fury etched deep on her face despite the dried tears and mucus; with her long brown hair flying free and teeth bared in a feral snarl as she speared a long finger towards the jinchuuriki,

"You! It's your fault we're all in this state!" Naruto glanced around him for a moment before giving a carefree shrug and folding his arms,

"Guilty as charged", he admitted before dispensing another of the lessons he'd learnt throughout his life so far, "remember hime, the ninja you should be most worried about is the one you never fight". Sadly for his Confucius moment, however, the older girl and everyone else backing her up seemed too far gone in anger to appreciate his life-lesson and instead merely acted on the instinctive command shrieked by the jinchuuriki's original questioner, the older girl appearing more wildcat than human as she bellowed her instructions at the top of her lungs,

"_Hurt him!_"

The dam broke and only the most stone-wreathed heart could have blamed the other children present for acting as they did; they'd been spoiling for a fight all day, suddenly blind-sided by a trap they had no idea about and then, when they'd all been extricated from that terrible situation, told that their fight had been denied them by a legal technicality. Even those children who might otherwise have been shy and never said boo to a goose were swept up in the sudden bloodlust of the mob and tore pell-mell towards the last Uzumaki, who wisely turned on the spot and showed the rest of the Academy a clean pair of heels as he sprinted away to safety. The chunin staff simply leapt to the side, realising there was no hope of stopping this riot and that technically they had no right to anyway as a student was dismissed for the day as soon as they were knocked out of the competition – it was just out of curiosity and a desire to see how well their friends got on that most of them hung around to see who the eventual winner was going to be. In fact it seemed that several of the chunin involved in this whole mess were having to almost physically hold themselves back from joining in the chase, though the more sympathetic and observant of their number were moving towards their captain as it seemed Tiruzo was stuck in some kind of shock-induced limbo – never, never before had a student broken one Academy rule and then hidden behind another in order to get ahead of the entire Academy population, and in fact could he even be punished for the rule he'd broken? The first spar was a free-for-all event, nothing was forbidden save the use of weapons, crippling or killing strikes and, despite having the opportunity to do so, Naruto hadn't done any worse than mildly incapacitate his peers; if he argued that his stunt had been done purely for the competition, was there anything that could be done to bring him to book?

Such were the thoughts rushing through the mind of the jounin _kocho_ of the Academy as he watched an orange flash blaze over the fence-line at the rear of the training grounds, followed a few seconds later by the poor fence being virtually flattened by the stampede that followed on his heels. Tizuro's brain was flooded with these new experiences of who he could just instinctively tell was going to be the new problem child of his year, trying to predict patterns, determine counter-strategies and otherwise minimise the threat to the sanctity of the Academy's inner harmony. However, much as he'd liked to have stayed where he was to plan, he was more than professional enough to realise he had a job to do and, after taking a last look at the retreating backs of the splintering student body as they were forced to split up by the trees at the back of the training ground as they made to hunt down their aggressor, he turned and wordlessly dismissed his staff prior to glancing up once more at the viewing gallery and catching one pair of eyes in particular.

Somehow he just knew that Hokage-sama would be very interested in finding out the reasons behind this debacle and, regardless of his previous experience in his role as chief instructor of the Academy, he had a sinking feeling in his belly that Sarutobi was going to gain a perverse enjoyment in dragging him over the coals for his not taking the presumed threat of Naruto's activities seriously enough and earning the entire Konoha schooling system a masticated posterior for such a lack of caution.

XXX

She hadn't even realised she, along with pretty much everyone else invited along to this scrap, had been staring until a sudden sigh and drawling voice from beside her broke the spell and allowed her to blink again,

"This is going to be veerrry troublesome".

Tsume, along with everyone else seated close enough to hear the comment, broke their eyes away from where their children were now systematically tearing the small wooded area where Naruto appeared to have gone to ground apart in their lust to rend the first-year asunder to regard Shikaku, the Nara flumped back in his seat with a hand massaging his eyes tiredly. Apparently aware of the eyes on him without even seeing them, the jounin commander gave his reasons behind such a declaration in his usual, dispassionate voice,

"Naruto-kun, not for the first time, has managed to completely destroy part of Konoha's shinobi infrastructure thought to be near-untouchable to external forces; my initial estimates would place, at an absolute best picture, at least half of our next four years of genin being wiped out in a single stroke, to say nothing of the state of the Academy staff and the potential loss of their teaching experience. So, on top of the fact our forces are still running at a slight deficient, if Naruto-kun had been serious we'd now be trying to cope with a massively-reduced uptake of new genin for the foreseeable future as well as a terrible drop in morale", the Nara paused for a moment to let that sink in and, judging by the slight shivers from the other ninja around him as they realised they could potentially have lost their children had the Uzumaki been an enemy, it soon became apparent that Konoha as a whole had been granted another fortunate reprieve that the Mouse was working for rather than against them, "and a potential civilian uprising as they realise we failed to protect their children even in training. I have no doubt Hokage-sama is even now preparing to call an emergency meeting to discuss this incident and the measures required to make sure it never happens again", almost as though directed by Shikaku's words, the ornate hat that marked Sarutobi's position within the crowd stood erect and suddenly vanished, returned to his eerie at the top of the Hokage tower in a shunshin and leaving his jounin commander in his wake, "and all this done simply because Naruto-kun wanted to make sure he got his name alongside his mothers on the damned shield. I've said it before and I'll say it again, that child was just born to be a troublesome burr under the saddle of the Konoha command structure, and it'll only get worse as he goes up in rank; Kami-sama help the poor bastards in charge of the departments when he actually gets sworn in as Hokage, they'll never have a day's peace as long as he's running the show".

There was a brief moment of silence as all present digested both what had just been said and who had actually mustered the energy to say it, though the silence was broken by Chouza who, having ruminated on his team mates' words for a while, made a simple request,

"Well, since you'll no doubt be in on that meeting as jounin commander, could you at least let the rest of us know how he did it this time?"

"I can tell you how he did some of it; he had help", Inoichi suddenly chipped in, gesturing with his head at where one of the junior members of his department was now leaning with an arm around the shoulder of the chunin paymaster in charge of the bets for the now-abandoned Academy sparring session; though at first glance it all appeared very friendly, a closer look soon revealed that the arm around the shoulder was only just short of a head-lock and Anko had her free hand out in front of the chunin's face as though expecting payment, "something tells me I need to have a little word in Anko-chans' ear that ransacking the ANBU supply cupboard is only done when it is mission-critical to do so, not when she fancies making the life of some Academy students miserable". The sight of the crazy kunoichi once more made Shikaku sigh as he realised her presence at the forthcoming meeting was now virtually a necessity, something guaranteed to universally raise blood-pressures throughout the council chambers; to try and dissuade such troublesome thoughts the Nara stood up and started glancing around at where the majority of the students were still trampling around the training area, becoming noticeably more dispirited as it appeared Naruto resolutely refused to be found despite their best efforts,

"So then, who's use for a quick game of find-the-family in that little lot?"

"No chance", oddly enough out of all of them it was Inoichi who shook his head even as Tsume and Chouji joined the Nara in standing, "Ino-chan's going to be spitting tacks after this; I'm not going anywhere within fifty yards of her until she's had a chance to cool off some".

"Coward", Tsume accused mockingly before giving her usual toothy smile, "can't say I blame you though – beware the righteous feminine fury, a lesson I'm sure Naruto-kun will learn both first-hand and painfully if any of the girls down there cop hold of him!"

With that and a last laugh, the four clan heads bade each other farewell and went their separate ways to either simply return home, track down rogue children or prepare for another late night as a result of their role within the village security.

XXX

"I take it you've seen enough now?"

Sarutobi's question, asked as it was to the thin air of his office, might well have raised a few eyebrows had any of the normal ANBU office guard been at their posts until there was a shimmer in the air and one of the old mans' former students appeared, smiling broadly but with a definite business edge to his grin as he nodded and answered his sensei,

"Tell you this much the kid's sure as hell not his father", the Toad sage admitted, shrugging his massive shoulders, "not his mother either come to that".

"But still effective either way?" _Thought that might get you going_; though nothing showed on his wrinkled face internally the Sandaime smirked as Jiraiya's gaze snapped onto him with the speed of a striking mongoose,

"Effective, try lethal", the sannin growled, rising to his fully and imposing height, "I'm still not completely enamoured with the path you've encouraged him to take even if he's got most of the skills for it, but even I have to admit he's taken to it like a toad to a swamp. Those kids don't know how lucky they are; hell this _village_ doesn't know how lucky it is that Naruto-kun seems like the kind of boy who couldn't hold a grudge in a bucket if he had to – if he'd decided to retaliate for the amount of crap they'd put him through all these years today there'd be a huge number of parents burying their children today". There was brief flash of both annoyance and killing intent from the older of the S-ranked shinobi present,

"Don't mention such things Jiraiya, don't even joke", to his credit the novelist didn't even try to argue, merely nodding and letting his old teacher explain, "Naruto-kun knows, or at least has a inkling of how dangerous he could potentially be and I have impressed upon him the need for moderation and restraint – thus far he hasn't given me any reason to distrust him and, as long as that remains the same, I see no reason to curtail him at all. As well as that, do you truly believe I'm so senile as to give someone not even a genin access to materials that could potentially cripple another person?"

"Not yet but give it time", Jiraiya joked, grateful to see some of the frost thaw from his teachers' expression before moving on, "still, he's got some people who can get him what he needs; little Anko-chan seems quite friendly with him even if she'd rather be boiled alive in oil than admit it if she's anything like I remember her being. Somehow I don't think the cash from cleaning up the bets after Naruto-kun won the contest was her only motivation for her indulging his desire for a bit of trickery, assuming he came up with it in the first place". Sarutobi, almost despite himself, chuckled,

"I would stake my hat on at least the basic plan being his – its too unorthodox to have come from anyone else. I know I may have mentioned that being able to think outside the box was arguably a ninja's most powerful skill but I have to say I didn't expect him to hold to it so fast".

"Outside the box? Sensei this kind of plan is outside the box, out the bathtub and current streaking down the high street; he won a ninja duel without actually fighting anyone because he took every single one of his opponents out before they could even get to the battle ground. That's something a jounin head of intelligence would have wet-dreams about, never mind the plaudits they'd earn if they actually managed to pull it off", Jiraiya goggled before recomposing himself a giving a brief laugh, "still though, apart for standing in awe of his plan and the bottle he had for even thinking it up never mind pulling it off, I'm laying claim to that line of his. 'Good nin don't look at explosions'; classic, that deserves a world-wide audience".

"Just as long as the source of such a line remains anonymous Jiraiya-kun?"

"Ha, who do you take me for sensei? Not been caught out yet and don't intend to break that mould just yet. Still though", looking slightly more serious, the Toad sage brought a small slip of paper out of his sleeve and held it up to the light, regarding it with a more professional eye as he spoke on, "I have to retract at least some of what I said about his parents earlier - what do you make of this?"

Taking the pro-offered slip of paper off his student, the Hokage held it in the palm of one hand while he examined it; he recognised the basic design after a second but, as he examined the squiggles of the partially-exploded seal matrix, there were definite differences between what he was expecting and what he actually saw,

"It appears to be one of the sealing tags I had drawn for Naruto-kun for his espionage missions", Sarutobi admitted slowly before glancing at his pupil, "but it does look somewhat different – you think…?"

"I'd like to say I virtually know but, even now, I'd hate to say for definite", Jiraiya admitted before pointing out the tag itself, specifically the long tail of identical seal sequences that curled down from what had been the main storage seal at the centre of the matrix before it had blown up, "I recognise those though, used them myself to good effect in the past. Most common way of increasing the time-delay on an exploding tag for a seal novice is to take a timing seal of known duration and just duplicate it on the seal, which is exactly what's happened here. I took this from the Academy before I came here sensei, no doubt that this and a lot of other tags like it are what he used to pull this off, so unless he's found his own supplier I'm pretty sure it's a given that he's learnt to at least copy and slightly modify the dud tags you gave him into something a little bit more effective".

"So then, fuuinjutsu", the Hokage murmured slowly before passing the tag back to his student, "not something I'd expected him to take too much of an interest in to be honest, at least not yet, but I see the bloodline has bred at least partially true. I know he uses storage seals quite liberally, I suppose it was only a matter of time before he expanded his knowledge base; I'll have the Academy sensei put on alert though – apart from perhaps you I doubt there's anyone in the village who knows what can happen when novices start to mess about with seals beyond their capabilities". Seeing the knowing look appear in the older mans' eyes Jiraiya did his best to hide a wince,

"Are you ever going to let that one go sensei, it happened nearly thirty years ago!"

"And even after thirty years my old jounin vest still has a whiff of pig manure about it; I had to wash in the pond outside because Biwako-chan wouldn't let me in the house stinking like I did", the Hokage retorted, Jiraiya once again wincing as he too remembered what the outcome of his attempting to use a seal he'd engineered himself to fulfil a D-rank mission back in the mists of the distant past, "just be grateful I pulled Tsu-hime off your carcass before she actually killed you; at the time I was sorely tempted just to let her get on with it and hide the body afterwards".

"Don't remind me, I still get the phantom pains from that even now", the Gama sennin remarked, rubbing along his ribcage ruefully, "it should have worked perfectly, I just tweaked the storage seal slightly counter-clockwise and that made it backfire right after working. Besides, we cleared the pigsty didn't we?"

"Shame about the surrounding environment", Sarutobi muttered under his breath before, banishing the memory, he tuned in again to catch the tail end of his students' question, "sorry, what was that?"

"I asked, what's the plan for the Academy after this", Jiraiya enquired, honestly curious at how his old master was going to handle this potential hurdle in his rein, "they're going to be an almighty stink kicked up, especially because Naru-kun's been a bit of a prat in admitting it was him who did it".

The question rendered Sarutobi quiescent for a moment before, after a moment, he began giving his slow, measured answer,

"The spar will have to be rescheduled of course; though everyone will remember Naruto-kun won this year there's no way a result like that can be allowed to stand officially, it'd look far too suspicious. I'll arrange a council meeting where Naruto-kun can stand up and explain himself and how he actually carried out his attack; I think I'll leave that until Sunday though", a slight smirk graced the wizened Hokages' face, "if I know Tizuro-kun at all he's probably currently in the foetal position under his desk trying to work out where it all went wrong – hopefully by then he'll be back on solid food". Jiraiya snorted,

"Yeah, I remember him; good enough nin but stiff as a first-year genin chucked into a kunoichi hot-tub", the sage suddenly chuckled as a sudden thought crossed his mind, "that'll be an experience for him; Naruto-kun will either get him loosen up or snap him in half. So, apart from that how're you planning to get the heat off our newest potential prodigy?" At that question the Hokage's expression became positively devious,

"Well, considered the amount of money she's just made from an insider tip, I should hope that Anko-chan will be persuaded to take a dive in this instance – she'll be at the council meeting to explain her part in it, I'll brief her beforehand to make sure she appears as the brains behind the operation with Naru-kun as her patsy".

"Bet they'll both love that one".

"Love or loathe it, it will happen", the Hokage assured him, taking off his hat and hanging it on the back of his chair before easing himself down to answer some correspondence that his secretary had placed on his desk, "as you pointed out I won't endanger Naruto-kun despite our anti-corruption and spying measures being tightened up somewhat over the past few years. Call it paranoia in my old age but I refuse to believe the Leaf is as secure as it could be; the business with Kumo proves that we still have much work to do to live up to our reputation as the greatest of the Five Nations; and until I am satisfied I intend to secure Naruto-kun's safety as much as I am able to, and if that means he has to learn to portray himself as an anti-establishment rebel who can occasionally be tempted into borderline-illegal acts then so be it. Better him annoyed at me than dead by the hands of our enemies".

The last declaration swirled around the empty office and Jiraiya was slightly surprised the didn't kick up a cold breeze along the way; with a slightly more serious gleam in his eye the spymaster faced his old mentor fully and bowed slightly,

"The Kami no Shinobi has spoken and this mere mortal will do all he can to spread his gospel"; _still got it_; the irritated glance Sarutobi flicked his way, to say nothing of the pencil that followed it, forced Jiraiya to hide a grin; _he still hates that nickname and I can still bait a rise out of him if I use it properly – nice to know some things never change_; "okay old man, I know when I'm not wanted. I have a few new contacts to check out – I'll report back in a few months to give my report and sign off Naruto-kun's first report card. See ya".

With that the taller man retreated out the window with his usual flourish, leaving the Hokage alone in his office; grateful for the silence as despite his serious role in Konoha's defence and intelligence departments Jiraiya could still be exhausting to deal with sometimes, the old man lit up his pipe and considered the ramifications of the day. _Another hole in the village security, another of my jounin driven almost to distraction and Naruto-kun once more follows in his mothers' footsteps, though this time he's surpassed even her. Kushina-chan managed to upset and alienate her who class and sensei on her first day_; memories of the brash Uzumakis' introduction to the students who would become her acquaintances, friends and, in at least one case, her lovers as well, flitted across the venerable man's mind and he exhaled a plume of smoke as the faces of mother and son superimposed on each other in his mind; _leave it to Naruto-kun to repeat the whole trick on the entire school and teaching staff on his! I dread to think what he's got planned for tomorrow_.

With a last chuckle Sarutobi focussed on the paper in front of him and gave the short, neat text his full attention, putting the issue from his mind until it became relevant once more; in this his timing was as always immaculate as, had he wondered about his adoptive godson's future plans, he might very well have driven himself closer to his eventual retirement by actually finding out what Naruto was up to at the weekend.

XXX

Ojayo Palashiru, known to most of his friends as Pal-kun, was a diligent, honest and hard-working man, three character traits that had stood him in good stead in his preferred trade and, due to both his own nature and a little luck when it mattered, he was now someone in a position of moderate civilian importance in a ninja village, controlling as he did one of the major banks as its manager. It was role he took very seriously as, perhaps more than any other trade than weapon-smithing, the fortunes of his business was dependent on reputation, both of the bank as a whole and his personally. This desire to ensure the boat was never rocked too much was one of the reasons he always arrived at work before the rest of his staff to check all was as it should be before anyone else arrived, and in this instance it appeared that his diligence was well-rewarded. Pursing his lips in disappointment, Pal glanced at the open window and made a mental note to remind all his staff on the importance of locking up properly; just because Konoha was policed and protected by ninja was no excuse to let basic security principles slide; as he entered his key into the back door lock and let himself in, hoping to get a nice saucer of tea before the rest of the staff arrived. Upon entering the back office, however, an obstacle immediately appeared in this path towards an ordinary, ordered morning.

There was a man in the back office.

Pal didn't remember letting anyone else in and was sure no-one else at the bank had a key to this particular door.

He seemed to be dressed like a ninja.

To his great credit the manager didn't scream, try to run or do anything else suicidally stupid; instead, half-remembering words of wisdom granted to him in passing by friends who had shinobi family members, Pal drew himself up to his full height and demanded brusquely,

"Who are you and what are you doing here?" If he was surprised by this resistance the intruder didn't show it, instead pushing himself up from the arm rest of the chair he'd been leant on and looking the older, paunchier man up and down before asking,

"You the boss of this place?"

"The manager; yes, I am".

"Good, you need to tell people not to leave windows open, I was expecting to have a harder time getting in", the man told him in a conversational tone, pointing to the window Pal himself had noticed on the way in, "that wasn't shut properly, let me in easily as a breeze".

"So I see; so, who are you and what do you want here?" The interloper, who looked quite young but was a stranger to the older man, reached down to his pocket and Pal tensed, ready to run or fight even if his efforts were likely to be worse than useless against a ninja like this man obvious one, but rather than a kunai, a small piece of paper was held out towards him between two fingers. Advancing cautiously, the bank manager took the paper and scrutinised it as the other man explained,

"I'm part of a new branch of the police force set up by Hokage-sama; he wants the ninja to be a bit more accessible to the common man so, here I am, making sure your security protocols are up to scratch and learning a bit about how your business, in this case the bank, actually works. So, here I am", he shrugged and gestured towards the door that led to the actual working areas of the back of the bank, "mind showing how you guys shuffle around the money like you do".

Seeing the paper before him and recognising the seal on to bottom of it as being the Hokage's seal, Pal felt a great rush of relief flood through him as he realised the man wasn't a threat. Handing back the slip, the manager nodded at his new guest and spoke in a more professional tone,

"Well then ninja-san, welcome to my little establishment; you have savings with us?"

"Nah – heh, you think I earn enough to have anything worth saving?"

"You're throwing kunai at a split dummy there ninja-san; I take it you don't want to give your name", the shake of the head answered that question and prevented all further lines of enquiry, "four little girls and a son, you know how it is? Well, come through and I'll show you where all the work is done, though I'm afraid I can't open the safe, there must be at least three staff members in the office when that happens, for security you understand?"

"Yeah, makes sense to me", the ninja answered, passing through the door Pal held open for him, "so then, the paperwork all feed in…what in the name of the wart on the Nidaime's stone face is that?"

Following the pointing finger towards the offending article Pal felt a slight trickle of pride warm his veins as he realised that once more his foresight had helped his bank and given them an advantage over their competitors. The ugly-looking large grey box might not have been aesthetically appealing but what contained within, compared to pen and paper, was unimaginable potential,

"Ah yes, that; we had it imported from the Land of Snow not long ago, had it working only a month or so; almost ruinously expensive of course but even in the time we've had it working it's come close to paying for itself".

"How? What exactly does it do?"

"It's called a computer and what it does is consolidate peoples' records", Pal explained, warming to his subject and moving forwards to rouse the slumbering beast, "saves us a fortune in pen and paper, and allows us to move money between customer accounts with virtually no time delay – we can even settle business transactions without going through the hierarchy as we'd have had to go through the head office usually for that kind of thing".

"Sounds like a real bonus", the ninja said appreciatively, watching the formerly-blank screen light up as the power behind it came online, "how does it work?"

"Well, first we wait for it to wake up, then we go through the password; I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to step outside for that step shinobi-san, security and all that – simply can't be too careful these days…"

_Too right you can't_; the thought drifted over the mind of the boy once again hidden beneath a face that wasn't his own as, back in the staff room to give the manager the privacy he needed to operate the computer properly, he retrieved jiji's permission slip from his pocket and examined it casually; _gotta get this right and not get caught – I've got a feeling I'm in enough hot water as it is after yesterday. Still, my idea to even ask for this slip had to have been sent by Kami, I can learn so much with it – I mean, I didn't even know a com-pu-ter existed before today. Besides, thousands of kids dream about breaking into a bank_; an evil smile split the lips of the pretend shinobi, though he was fortunately able to quash the expression as the bank manager called him back in to the main room to see what the computer could actually do; _it was only a matter of time before one of us actually went and pulled it off!_

A/N: Well pull it off Naruto has, though as mentioned in the AN above, there is an announcement here and, sadly, it's not a great one; due to work deciding I'm the perfect man to be dropped off at a very remote location in the ocean somewhere surrounded by highly-sensitive equipment for the next God-only-knows how long, this fic and its sister are going to have to be put on hold until probably the end of next spring. Where I'm going it's not possible to take my laptop due to the equipment we're using (seriously, going in there with a normal computer is about as smart as walking into the middle of an oil refinery and striking a match) and using work machines is right out as they're in a public domain so I can't do any writing while I'm out there – sorry guys, but reality bites and I kind of like earning a wage I'm afraid.

I'm going to spend the rest of the time I've got before I have to catch that plane finishing the next chapter of Win Some, Lose Some (and for those of you who read that one, yes it will be the second and last part of Dog of War). So, sorry for the bad news but I'll be back - hope to hear from you all next year!


End file.
